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TESTIMONIES OF FIFTY CONVERTED ROMAN CATHOLIC PRIESTS

EDITED BY RICHARD BENNETT AND MARTIN BUCKINGHAM
Far from Rome,
Near to God
 Digitized by the Internet Archive
in 2023 with funding from
Kahle/Austin Foundation

https://archive.org/details/farfromromeneart0000unse
Far from Rome,
Near to God
The Testimonies of Fifty
Converted Roman Catholic Priests

Edited by
Richard Bennett and Martin Buckingham

THE BANNER OF TRUTH TRUST

THE BANNER OF TRUTH TRUST
3 Murrayfield Road, Edinburgh EH12 6EL
P.O. Box 621, Carlisle, Pennsylvania 17013, USA
*

© Richard Bennett & Martin Buckingham

First Published 1994
First Banner of Truth Trust Edition 1997
ISBN 0 85151 7331
*

Typeset at The Spartan Press Ltd,

Lymington, Hants
Printed in Finland by WSOY
 Contents

Foreword

Editorial Comment

Acknowledgements

Henry Gregory Adams:

Christ Alone Is the Way

Joseph Tremblay:
A Priest, but a Stranger to God

Bartholomew F. Brewer: 16
Pilgrimage from Rome

Hugh Farrell: cm
From Friar to Freedom in Christ

Robert V. Julien: 45
Saved by the Free Grace of God

Alexander Carson: 51
Free Indeed
Vi Far from Rome, Near to God

Charles Berry: 56
A Priest Asks God for Grace
Bob Bush: 65
Once a Jesuit, Now a Child of God
Cipriano Valdes Jaimes: 19
An Irresistible Call

Dario A. Santamaria: 85
Yesterday, a Priest — Today, a Missionary
Miguel Carvajal: 90
Why I Left the Monastery
Anibal Pereira Dos Reis: 96
If IHad Stayed in Roman Catholicism,
I Would Not Have Found Jesus

Arnaldo Uchoa Cavalcante: 104

Grace and Truth Came to Me by Jesus Christ
Thoufic Khouri: 108
The Gospel of Grace in Jesus Christ
Victor J. Affonso: 120
Following Jesus Without Compromise
Simon Kottoor: 127
There is Power in Christ’s Atoning Blood
José Borras: 132
From the Monastery to the Ministry
Enrique Fernandez: 138
I Discovered the Word of God
Francisco Lacueva: 142
My ‘Damascus Road’
Juan T. Sanz: 149
‘Thou Knowest That I Love Thee’
Contents Vii

Als Celso Muniz: 154

The Professor’s Methods Did Not Work
22: Manuel Garrido Aldama: 158
From Roman Priest to Radio Evangelist
23; José Manuel de Leon: 166
Jesus Saved Even Me

24. Jose A. Fernandez: 171

I Was Blind, Now I See

255 José Rico: 185

Life Begins for a Jesuit Priest
26. Mark Pena: 190
The Lord Became My Righteousness

27. Luis Padrosa: 195

Twenty-Three Years in the Jesuit Order

28. Joseph Zacchello: 199

I Could Not Serve Two Masters

29. Joseph Lulich: 204

The Word of God Came to My Rescue

30. Mariano Rughi: Zi

Living Water — Peace with God

31. John Zanon: 220

I Found Christ the Only Mediator
52: John Preston: 224
From Works to the Light of the Gospel

33; Guido Scalzi: 228

My Encounter with God

34. Benigno Zuniga: 236

Transformed by Christ
Vill Far from Rome, Near to God

SBE Bruno Bottesin: p25)

I Was Not Antagonistic to the Truth

36. Renato di Lorenzo: 243

A Monk for Twenty Years, Then Born Again

Sue Franco Maggiotto: 248

Saved while Officiating at Mass
38. Edoardo Labanchi: 256
I Received Mercy

Syp Anthony Pezzotta: 266

I Found Everything When I Found Christ
40. Salvatore Gargiulo: 271.
I Was a Blind Leader of the Blind

41. Carlo Fumagalli: Dib

From Death to Life

42. Gregor Dalliard: 283

Not Ashamed of Christ
43. Toon Vanhuysse: 289
The Truth Set Me Free
44. Herman Hegger: 296
Light and Life in Christ
45. J. M. A. Hendriksen: 306
From Priest to Preacher
46. Jacob Van der Velden: 313
God’s Grace in New Guinea
47. Charles A. Bolton: 319
My Path into Christ’s Joy
48. Leo Lehmann: 326
The Soul of a Priest
Contents

49. Vincent O’Shaughnessy:

From Dead Religion to New Life in Christ
50. Richard Peter Bennett: 343
From Tradition to Truth

Epilogue Sei)
 Foreword

It has been a great joy and a sadness to read this book. A

joy because we have here, in every chapter, a reminder of
what real Christianity is. The Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians
15:3-4 sets down as fundamental truths of the faith the
death and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ. A
Chnistian, then, is one who understands the meaning of the
death which Christ suffered in his place, but also one who
has entered into the experience of knowing Christ as the
living Saviour. The kingdom of God is not something
which we are to enter at death, but, as Christ teaches in
John 3, the moment we are born again we enter into that
kingdom and we begin for the first time to ‘see’ spiritual
things. This book recounts the testimonies of many men,
most of them unknown to each other and living in different
places, who came by God’s grace into this living knowledge
of Christ. Their concern in making their experience known
in these pages is not to draw others to themselves or to any
organization, or even to any particular church. Their desire
is that Christ himself should be known and that men and
women everywhere should be brought into the same joy
which they have found.
But this is also a sad book, for it is proof that some may
xii Far from Rome, Near to God

believe that they are actually Christians and may even be

engaged as workers in professing churches, and yet all the
time, like Nicodemus in John 3, know nothing of a real
salvation. Here are men who found that the Church of
Rome, far from being a safe guide to Christ, was actually
leading them away from him. When Cardinal Heenan was
dying he declared, ‘The Church has given me everything.’
The testimony of these men will cause readers to ask
whether what the Church of Rome professes to impart to
people is actually true. That is a question that can only be
settled by taking the Bible as a rule and, wherever that is
done with true prayer to God for light and help, the
consequence will be the same as was found in the lives of all
these writers. But we must remember that it is not only in
the Church of Rome that people can be so misled. Any
church which does not teach people to put no confidence in
man, but to put trust in Christ alone, is in equal blindness.
I believe that the testimonies found in these pages will be
used of God to his glory because they are not the words of
those seeking to advance themselves. They simply reflect
the desire of men whose controlling passion has been to
honour Christ and his Word. A Christian is a poor
redeemed sinner for whom Christ has given everything.
May this book be used to increase this testimony in all the
world!

IAIN H. MURRAY
 Editorial Comment

We have endeavoured to select testimonies which reflect

the biblical principles that salvation is by grace alone,
through faith alone, in Christ alone, on the authority of the
Bible alone, so that God alone should have the glory. This
has been done with a pastoral purpose: the salvation of
souls. We have not produced a theological manual, nor is it
the intention of the editors or those who have assisted in
compiling the book to endorse every doctrinal statement
made in the testimonies. We do however truly praise the
Lord for the unity of faith expressed among us.

For further information or assistance please contact:

The Converted Catholic Mission

P.O. Box 515
Leicester
LE3 6GY
UK
Director: Martin Buckingham
XiV Far from Rome, Near to God

Berean Beacon of Oregon

P.O. Box 55353
Portland
OR 97238-5353
USA
Telephone and FAX: (503) 257-5995
E-mail: [email protected]
Director: Richard Bennett

MARTIN BUCKINGHAM
RICHARD BENNETT
 Acknowledgements

The testimonies themselves give thanks and praise to God

for his sovereign grace that made the account of each life
possible.
While thanking the Lord, we wish also to express
heartfelt thanks to his faithful servants who have made this
collection possible. First is Janice Buckingham, Martin’s
wife, who has been the greatest encouragement to Martin
since he initiated the work some years ago. Without her
untiring work we simply would not have a book. The
publishing, business and financial acumen behind the first
edition of the book was that of J.A. Tony Tosti. We truly
appreciate him.
For translations from other languages we are deeply
grateful to Michael and Chris Reynolds of the UK for their
devout and much needed work. In the USA, when the
stack of typewritten material was first transferred to
computer, the Lord provided the devoted and untiring
help of John and Bonnie Tantanella. The dedicated work
of Sylvia Thompson and Denise Hiller was invaluable.
May the Lord truly bless them. Word-by-word proofread-
ing for the first edition was carefully done by Pastor Ed
Bauer, to whom we express deep thanks.
XVi Far from Rome, Near to God

For the testimony of John Preston we wish to thank The

Reformer, a publication of the Protestant Alliance of
Bedford, UK, and the Protestant Truth Society of London.
Henry Gregory Adams was a real blessing to us in giving
us permission to use his testimony and also in making
known to us other testimonies in the magazine The
Convert. We are very grateful to the Metropolitan
Tabernacle, London, for permission to reproduce testi-
monies from their publication How Real Is Your Religion?
We are thankful to Roland Hall and the Italian Mission-
ary Fellowship, London, for communicating with
Salvatore Gargiulo and Edoardo Labanchi for us, and for
obtaining permission for their testimonies and others to be
published.
We extend thanks to the Rev. Donald Maconaghie of
The Conversion Center, Havertown, Pennsylvania, USA,
for permission to use the testimony of Jose A. Fernandez.
Frank Eberhardt and his Gospel Outreach have been
truly a blessing to us. We express deep gratitude to him for
permission to reproduce the testimonies of Charles
Bolton.
It has been a great joy to meet Sandy Carson in person.
We thank him for rewriting his story, Free Indeed, and his
publisher for granting permission to publish it. We also
acknowledge the invaluable help of Herman J. Hegger of
Velp in the Netherlands who supplied several of the
testimonies. Cornelius Bas has been a great joy to us in our
work. His minute care in the translation of the testimonies
of our Dutch brothers has been very valuable.
Our eleventh hour help for the first edition was Mike
Stevens. May the Lord truly reward him, and all who have
toiled from start to finish.
 Henry Gregory Adams

Christ Alone Is the Way

was born of Roman Catholic parents in Wolseley,

Saskatchewan, Canada and brought up strictly in
the Roman Catholic faith. From early youth I was trying
to be good, yet falling progressively into sin. With the
rest of the crowd I was heading to perdition. I was told
that by becoming a monk and priest I could avoid sin and
be more certain of my salvation. Because I was sincerely
seeking salvation, I entered the Basilian Order of
monks, received the long black robe and an adopted
monastic name of ‘Saint Hilarion the Great’ and made
my vows. As a monk-student I was called ‘Brother
Hilarion’ and after ordination ‘Father Hilarion’.
2 Far from Rome, Near to God

I Whip Myself
How eager I was to serve the Lord Jesus Christ! By
leading a monastic life I thought I was doing just that. I
performed all my monastic duties to the last rule. I
whipped myself every Wednesday and Friday evening
till at times my back bled; in penance I often kissed the
floor; often I ate my meagre meal kneeling down on the
floor, or completely deprived myself of food. I did many
forms of penance for I was truly seeking salvation. I was
taught that I could eventually merit heaven. I did not
know that the Word of God says, ‘For by grace are ye
saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the
gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast’
(Eph. 2:8-9).

A Priest at Last

After years of studies and manual labour in the

monastery I was ordained a priest. I served five parishes
in the Lamont, Alberta, area, said Mass every day,
heard confession, recited the rosary to Mary, had
devotions to many saints, recited the breviary of formula
prayers every day, and, as a monk, performed my
penances more fervently than ever. Yet these did not
satisfy my weary soul. I was heading into even deeper
distress of soul than when I was a boy, but Christ was
faithful in his care for me.

God’s Book and My Church

Among the studies for the priesthood we had three
textbooks on the Bible but not the Bible. After I was
ordained a priest, I became acquainted with the Roman
Catholic version of the Bible and in it were striking
Henry Gregory Adams 3

verses that contradicted my very beliefs and practices.

God’s Book said one thing, my Church another. Who
was right, the Roman Church or God? I eventually
believed God’s Word.
The monastic life and the sacraments prescribed by
the Roman Catholic Church did not help me to come to
know Christ personally and find salvation. After twelve
and a half long years I escaped from the monastery, a
lost sinner, without peace in my soul. In me there was
still only the nature of the ‘the old man, which is corrupt
according to the deceitful lusts’. I needed a new nature,
a new heart. Scripture tells me, ‘Be renewed in the spirit
of your mind... put on the new man, which after God
is created in righteousness and true holiness’ (Eph.
4:21-24). That can only be brought about by being born
again of the Spirit of God by faith alone in Jesus Christ,
and not by monotonous repetition of prayers, penances,
sacrifices and good works. ‘Except a man be born again,
he cannot see the kingdom of God’ (John 3:3). ‘Believe
on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and
thy house’ (Acts 16:31).

I Trust Christ Alone

I realized that the man-made sacraments of my Church

and my good works were in vain for salvation. They led
to a false security. Soon afterwards I believed that Christ
died for me because I could not save my soul, and I
trusted him alone for my salvation. When I repented of
my sins and received him into my heart, believing that
on the cross he paid the complete penalty for my
condemnation, I knew that my sins were not only
forgiven but forgotten and that I was justified before
God. ‘For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of
God’ (Rom. 3:23). ‘For the wages of sin is death; but the
4 Far from Rome, Near to God

gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord’

(Rom. 6:23). The blood of Christ cleansed me from all
my sins. ‘The blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us
from all sin’ (J John 1:7). And now I have God’s peace.
‘Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with
God through our Lord Jesus Christ’ (Rom. 5:1).

My Word to You
Friend, if you too are trying to reach heaven on your
own, may I impress upon you that it is ‘not of works, lest
any man should boast’. Heaven can never be earned.
Christ alone is the way and the answer. ‘For there is one
God, and one mediator between God and men, the man
Christ Jesus; who gave himself a ransom for all, to be
testified in due time’ (J Tim. 2:5-6). Come to him now
just as you are, admitting your sins. Ask his pardon and
receive him as your own Saviour and Lord. Begin to rely
on him for your eternal welfare for he bought salvation
for you. He calls you now: ‘Come unto me, all ye that
labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest’
(Matt. 11:28).
Then you too can rejoice with me in your new-found
Saviour, the living Christ.
 Joseph Tremblay

A Priest, but a Stranger to God

was born in Quebec, Canada, in 1924. From

childhood my parents inculcated in me a great
respect for God. I desired intensely to serve him to the
best of my ability and to consecrate myself totally to him
in order to please him, according to the words of the
apostle Paul: ‘I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the
mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living
sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your
reasonable service’ (Rom. 12:1). It was this desire to
please him that motivated my decision to take the holy
orders of the Roman Catholic Church.
6 Far from Rome, Near to God

A Missionary to Bolivia
After several years of study I was ordained a priest in
Rome, Italy. One year later I was sent to Bolivia and
Chile, where I served for more than thirteen years as a
missionary in the Congregation of the Oblate Fathers of
Mary Immaculate. I liked the life very much and tried to
discharge my responsibilities as best I could. I enjoyed
the friendship of all of my co-workers, and even if they
looked with a certain irony upon my taste for the study
of the Bible, their invitations to share with them the
results of my studies evidenced their approval. When
they called me ‘Joe the Bible’, I knew that, in spite of the
sarcastic expression, they envied me. My parishioners
also appreciated the ministry of the Word of God, so
much so that they organized a club for home Bible
studies. I was compelled to give myself to earnest study
of the Bible, as much to prepare myself for the
improvised home meetings as to prepare my Sunday
sermons.

Serious Bible Study

The study of the Bible, which, until that time, had been
just a hobby, quickly became a professional obligation. I
became aware of the clarity with which certain truths
were taught, and on the other hand I discovered that
nothing at all was written about many dogmas that I had
studied. My Bible study revealed that I did not know the
Bible. I suggested to my superiors that I should go for
further studies in the Bible when my turn for vacation
arrived. In the meantime the Jesuits at Antofagasta
invited me to teach the Bible at the Normal School of the
university which they directed. I do not know how they
learned of my interest in the Bible. Notwithstanding my
 Joseph Tremblay 7

lack of preparation, I accepted the invitation, knowing

that this new responsibility would necessitate even more
serious study of the Word of God.

The Gospel via Radio

Many hours, days and nights were consecrated to the
preparation of my classes, my meetings, and my ser-
mons. To maintain a good morale during my readings
and studies I had the habit of listening to music. I had a
little transistor radio on which I could listen to beautiful
background music without the bother of changing
records. One day I became aware that it was religious
songs and hymns that were coming through to me on the
little radio. I heard the word ‘Jesus’ from time to time
while I was reading the Bible or commentaries. Then
followed a short Bible reading. The last verse that was
read caught my attention: ‘For he hath made him to be
sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the
righteousness of God in him’ (2 Cor. 5:21). The sermon
which followed was based on this verse. At first I was
tempted to change the station, because it was too
distracting to listen to someone speaking while trying to
study. In addition, I thought to myself, What could this
ministry add to me, after all? Me, with all my degrees. I
could teach him a thing or two. After a moment’s
hesitation I decided to listen to what the speaker had to
say. And, truly, I learned some of the most wonderful
things concerning the person of Jesus Christ. I was even
filled with shame, knowing without a doubt that I could
not have done as well as the one who had preached. It
had seemed to me that it was Jesus himself who had been
speaking to me, who was there before me. And how
little I knew him, this Jesus, who nevertheless was the
subject of my thoughts, and of my studies. I felt that he
8 Far from Rome, Near to God

was far from me. It was the first time that such a feeling
concerning Jesus Christ had ever presented itself to me.
He seemed to be a stranger. It was as if all of my being
were but emptiness, around which I had erected a
structure of principles and theological dogmas, very
beautiful, well-constructed, well-illustrated, but which
had not touched my soul, which had not changed my
being. I felt as if there were a great emptiness in me. And
even though I continued to study, pray and meditate, this
emptiness became even greater with each day that passed.

I Learn Salvation by Grace

I went on listening to this same radio station, tuning in to
every programme that I could. I learned that the station
was in Quito, Ecuador, and was known as HCJB. I
learned also that it was a radio station consecrated
exclusively to the preaching of the gospel to the whole
world. Sometimes I was very much touched by all that I
heard, and on such occasions I wrote directly to the
station to thank them and to ask for information.
What struck me most in all that I heard was the
insistence with which they spoke of salvation by grace,
that all the credit for the salvation of man was given, not
to the one who was saved, but to the Lord Jesus Christ,
the only Saviour; that man could boast of nothing, that
his works were but filthy rags, that eternal life could be
received within the heart only as a free gift, that it was
not a reward in exchange for merits that had been
acquired but was an unmerited gift given by God to
whoever repents of his sins and receives Jesus Christ into
his heart and life. All of this was new to me. It was
contrary to the theology I had been taught: that heaven
and eternal life are gained by means of one’s merit,
faithfulness, charity and sacrifices. And this is what I had
Joseph Tremblay 9

been working at for so many years. But what was the

result of my efforts?
As I considered this question I said to myself, I’m not
any further ahead. If Icommit a mortal sin, I’ll go to hell
if I die in that state. My theology has taught me that
salvation is by works and sacrifices. I discover in the
Bible a free salvation. My theology gives me no assur-
ance of salvation; the Bible offers me that assurance. I’m
confused. Perhaps I should stop listening to those
evangelical programmes.
My inner battle was taking on alarming proportions. I
suffered in my body and in my heart, with headaches,
insomnia, fear of hell. I had no desire to celebrate Mass
nor to listen to confessions. My soul had greater need of
pardon and consolation than all the other souls with
which I was in contact. I avoided everybody. But God
continued to speak to me in the solitude of my anguished
heart. So many questions came up in my spirit; so many
misgivings smouldered in my heart. The Word of God
came to my rescue, spreading a refreshing balm upon my
fevered emotions. ‘God so loved the world, that he gave
his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him
should not perish, but have everlasting life’ (John 3:16).
‘For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
being justified freely by his grace through the redemp-
tion that is in Christ Jesus’ (Rom. 3:23-24). ‘For the
wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life
through Jesus Christ our Lord’ (Rom. 6:23). Many other
texts came to mind, texts that I now knew because I had
heard them often on the radio over station HCJB.

Holy Mother Church

I decided to talk to my superior. A very wise man and a
real father to everyone, he had already noticed my
10 Far from Rome, Near to God

attitude. I had changed, he commented; something was

wrong. I told him why I had changed. He let me talk. In
concluding my confession I said to him, ‘I would like not
only to read and study the Bible, but also to try to adapt
my life to it, to live according to what is written in it
without impositions of men.’ The reply was very vague.
He did not want to offend me. He counselled me to
continue reading the Bible, but reminded me that I must
maintain my faithfulness to the teachings of Holy
Mother Church, to whom one must submit even in the
things one does not understand. I listened to my
superior with all the respect that I owed him. He was not
himself sure of his salvation. But in my heart I had lost
faith in my Church because it did not teach the assurance
of salvation.
The light dawned in my heart at the moment that I
least expected it. It was my turn to preach in my parish.
For that Sunday I had chosen as my theme ‘Religious
Hypocrisy’ from the text: ‘Not every one that saith unto
me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven;
but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in
heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord,
have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name
have cast out devils? and in thy name done many
wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I
never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity’
(Matt. 7:21-23).

The Holy Spirit Works

As I delivered my message, I was conscious that the
Word of God was coming back to me. Someone else was
speaking in my heart and preaching a sermon to me that
was precisely adapted to my personal needs. I tried to
tell God all that I had done in his service, but the same
 Joseph Tremblay 1]

condemnation rang in my ears, ‘I never knew you:

depart from me’.
I broke down and could not continue my sermon. I
took refuge in my office. There, on my knees, I waited
until calm returned. I could do no more; I was in a state
of complete exhaustion, depressed and discouraged.
This was God’s moment to give me his grace. He
opened my eyes to see the meaning of the death of
Christ. It was here that I understood my error and the
reason for God’s rejection. I had been trying to save
myself by my works. God wanted to save me by grace.
Someone else had already taken care of my sins and of
the judgment attached to them. This someone was
Jesus Christ. It was for this that he died on the cross. It
was for the sins of another that he died, for he himself
had never sinned. For whose sins, then, did he die?
Could it be mine? Yes, mine. I remembered the words
of Jesus: ‘Come unto me, all ye that labour and are
heavy laden, and I will give you rest’ (Matt. 11:28). I
understood that I must go to Jesus if I wanted to have
the assurance of salvation and peace of soul. I re-
membered another word that I had heard: ‘Behold, I
stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice,
and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup
with him, and he with me’ (Rev. 3:20). I hurried to
invite him to enter into my heart, without taking the
time to ask permission of any man. At that moment I
knew that I was freed from the punishment that had
menaced me for such a long time. I was saved, par-
doned. I had eternal life. God had begun his work in
me. Now I understood the word that I had heard so
often and which had become real to me: ‘For he hath
made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we
might be made the righteousness of God in him’ (2 Cor.
5:21).
12 Far from Rome, Near to God

My Struggle to Continue
What happened after that? At first I continued my
priestly service as best I could. But little by little I began
to feel like a stranger in that position. I realized that the
grace that had saved me, that had made me a child of
God, was going to enter into conflict with the ‘works’ of
the position in which I was trying to live. I was happy
because I had the assurance of my salvation. But I was
stifled in a setting in which I was pushed to do good
works to merit my salvation. Salvation I had; therefore
all of these works began to be put aside, one after the
other. All that interested me was Jesus Christ, who he
was and what he had done. I abandoned the subjects
prepared in advance by the liturgical organization of the
diocese, to devote all of my efforts to the person and
work of my beloved Saviour, presenting him as such to
my bewildered parishioners, who were confused but
often edified. I asked to be released from my functions
as a parish priest, since I could no longer preach that
which contradicted the Word of God. My superiors
accepted my resignation, though they could not under-
stand why I wanted to leave. They had, in fact, treated
me very well, indulged me in many ways; as far as they
were concerned I lacked nothing. This was true, as far as
food, clothing, housing and so on were concerned. But
now I had the assurance of my salvation. Christ was now
my Saviour. I had nothing more to do to gain my
salvation. It had been gained by Another.

Christians Visit Me

I returned to Quebec in 1965, for an extended period of

rest. Shortly after, I was visited by evangelical Christians
to whom my name had been given by the personnel of
Joseph Tremblay 13

HCJB. However, even if I found their conversation very

edifying, I did not give myself wholly to them. I did not
want to fall into another theological system, having been
suppressed for years by the system into which I had been
born and in which I had grown up and lived for some
forty years. Nevertheless I prayed to the Lord to find for
me brothers and sisters to whom I could join myself, so
that I would not feel so alone. I knew the experience of
the first Christians, according to the report given in
Acts, “And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’
doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in
prayers’ (Acts 2:42). Was it possible that Christians still
met together in our day to remember the Lord, while
awaiting his return? God, who had provided for the
salvation of my soul, would provide again, in order to
disclose to me the existence of his children.

New Duty
My superiors in Montreal invited me to replace a
professor of theology in a college in Rouyn. The subject
I was given to teach was ‘The Church’. I was given access
to all the books that would be necessary for the
preparation of my classes.
I began my preparations using only the Bible. I
explained to the students what the church is, according
to the Bible. I admit that I had difficulty myself in
understanding what I was teaching. It was such a
contrast to the hierarchical church in which I still found
myself. I very much enjoyed the study of this subject. I
used a little tape recorder to illustrate the lessons,
playing for the students certain interviews that I held
with the general public in different places of the city.
One day I learned from the newspaper that a tele-
vision programme was to be presented having as its
14 Far from Rome, Near to God

subject: ‘The Church’. I recorded the programme in

order to use it in my classes and discovered that the
subject was treated from the point of view of what the
Bible taught. I was so impressed by the similarity
between the presentation by this unknown person,
whom I later learned was an evangelical Christian, and
my own, that I sent a note of thanks to the preacher,
inviting him to come to see me. He came, and I
recognized in him someone who knew the Lord. After
several visits he invited me to his home to spend Sunday
with him and his family. On the occasion of that visit I
attended a service at the church to which he belonged.

God Answers Prayer

I recognized in this service that which was described in 1
Corinthians 11 and realized that God had answered my
prayer, having led me to my brothers and sisters in the
Lord, and having shown me that Christians in our day do
indeed meet together as a local church to remember the
Lord while awaiting his return. ‘For as often as ye eat
this bread, and drink this cup, ye do shew the Lord’s
death till he come’ (J Cor. 11:26).
Shortly afterwards, I wrote to my superiors in
Montreal, announcing to them the news that I had found
my family and requesting that they obtain for me a
dispensation from all the vows I had made to the Roman
Catholic Church, since I no longer considered myself a
member. My life now belonged to the Lord and its
direction was henceforth under his control.

New Life in the Lord

It was thus that the Lord liberated me, not only from my
sins, not only from his condemnation, but also from
Joseph Tremblay 15

every system of man which burdens and suppresses.

‘There is therefore now no condemnation to them which
are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after
the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus
hath made me free from the law of sin and death’ (Rom.
8:1-2).
 Bartholomew F. Brewer

Pilgrimage from Rome

Mac of Roman Catholics are Roman Catholic

by name, by culture, or by inertia. Our family,
however, was Roman Catholic by conviction. We
understood and practised the teachings of our religion.
Our Church we believed to be ‘the one true Church’
founded by Jesus Christ. Because of this we accepted
without question everything our priests taught. In those
days before Vatican II the common belief was that
‘outside the Roman Catholic Church there is no salva-
tion’. This brought us a feeling of security, of being
right. We were somehow safe in the arms of ‘Holy
Mother Church’.
From the time my father died (I was almost ten), my
mother attended daily Mass, not missing even one day

16
Bartholomew F. Brewer 1;

for over twenty-four years. Our family faithfully recited

the rosary every evening. We were encouraged to make
regular visits to the ‘blessed sacrament’. In addition to
the teaching at home, all of our schooling was Roman
Catholic. Monsignor Hubert Cartwright and the other
priests at our home parish, the Cathedral of Saints Peter
and Paul in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, used to say that
our family was more Roman Catholic than Rome.
It was no wonder that as I approached high school
age, I felt called to prepare for the Roman Catholic
priesthood. Rather than the secular priesthood, which
serves parishes, I chose to apply to the Discalced
Carmelites, one of the more strict and ancient monastic
orders.

Motivated by Love
From the first day at Holy Hill, Wisconsin, I loved the
religious life, and this love was the motivation I needed
to get through all the Latin and other studies, which I
found very difficult. The dedication and self-sacrifice of
the priests who taught our classes were a continual
reminder of the value of making any sacrifice to reach
the goal of ordination.
The training I received in four years of the high school
seminary, two years in the novitiate, three years of
philosophy, and four years of theology (the last after
ordination) was thorough. I was sincere in practising the
various mortifications and other disciplines and never
once doubted my calling or anything I was taught.
Taking the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience
represented my lifetime commitment to God. For me
the voice of the Church was the voice of God.
18 Far from Rome, Near to God

Another Christ

My ordination to the Roman Catholic priesthood was at

the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception of Mary in
Washington, D.C., the seventh largest church in the
world. When Bishop John M. McNamara imposed his
hands on my head and repeated the words from Psalm
110:4: ‘Thou art a priest for ever after the order of
Melchizedek’, I was overwhelmed with the belief that I
was now a mediator between God and the people. The
anointing and binding of my hands with special cloths
signified that they were now consecrated to changing
bread and wine into the real (literal) flesh and blood of
Jesus Christ, to perpetuate the sacrifice of Calvary
through the Mass, and to dispense saving grace through
the other Roman Catholic sacraments of baptism,
confession, confirmation, marriage and the last rites. At
ordination a Roman Catholic priest is said to receive an
‘indelible’ mark: to experience an unending interchange
of his personality with that of Christ, that he may
perform his priestly duties as ‘another Christ’ or in the
place of Christ. People actually knelt and kissed our
newly consecrated hands, so sincere was this belief.
After completing the last year of theology, which was
principally a final preparation for preaching and hearing
confession (involving giving absolution or forgiveness of
sin), I was granted my long-expressed desire to be a
missionary priest in the Philippines.

Finding New Freedom in Missionary Life

The change from a regimented, monastic life to the
simplicity and freedom of a missionary life proved a
challenge for which I had not been prepared. I loved
travelling to some of the eighty or more primitive barrios
Bartholomew F. Brewer 19

assigned to our parish and I also cherished teaching my

religion class at the Carmelite high school in our small
town. Until then my life had been almost exclusively
among men. I enjoyed watching the girls as they giggled
and flirted with boys. After a while, though, my
attention was drawn to one of the more diligent
students, who thoroughly captivated my interest. This
young lady was mature beyond her years because of the
responsibilities that had fallen to her after her mother
had died. She was lovely and shyly responded as we stole
moments talking alone after class. This was a new
adventure, and I soon interpreted our newly discovered
affection as love.
It is not surprising that soon the bishop learned of this,
though he was many miles away, and he quickly sent me
back to the States before any serious relationship could
develop. The embarrassment of this discipline was
difficult for both of us, but life always moves on.
After the adventure and freedom of the Philippines, I
had no motivation to return to monastic living, so the
Father Provincial granted permission for me to work as a
Discalced Carmelite parish priest in Arizona. I enjoyed
my responsibilities in that parish, but my next as-
signment was not so fulfilling. Soon I was granted a
dispensation from Rome to leave the Carmelite Order
to serve as a secular (diocesan) priest. While serving a
large parish in San Diego, California, I requested and
was granted permission to enter the United States Navy
as a Roman Catholic chaplain. There new goals, rank
and travel served as an escape from what had gradually
become a sterile parochial life of ritualism and sacra-
mentalism.
My religious life broadened quickly as I mixed with
non-Catholic chaplains. For the first time, I was living out-
side my Roman Catholic culture. Amid the ecumenical
20 Far from Rome, Near to God

atmosphere I gradually became neutralized. Then as

Vatican II opened the windows of rigid tradition to let in
fresh air, I took in a deep and delightfully refreshing
breath. Change was in. Some wanted it to be radical;
others wanted only a little modernization.

Questioning Rome’s Authority

For many, the Roman Catholic faith was failing to give
answers: to common, modern-day problems. Many felt
alienated and misunderstood. This was especially true of
priests. With all the change, the priesthood was losing its
glamour. No longer was the priest’s education consid-
ered far superior to that of the parishioner. No longer
was the priest cultured above the majority of his people.
To experience an identity crisis was more common
among priests than any were willing to acknowledge,
even among the chaplains.
At first I was scandalized to realize that some of the
Roman Catholic chaplains were actually dating. I
listened with interest as some openly discussed the
impractical nature of mandatory celibacy. Soon I also
gained the courage to question the authorities of our
Church who persisted in retaining such traditions,
especially when the law of celibacy was the source of so
many moral problems among priests. For the first time
in my life I doubted the authority of my religion, not
because of intellectual pride, but as a matter of con-
science.
As students for the priesthood we were well informed
regarding the ancient tradition that binds the Roman
Catholic priest to celibacy. We well knew that the few
who are granted permission from the Vatican to marry
may never again function as priests. But times were
changing. Questions never before voiced were being
Bartholomew F. Brewer 2

raised at the Vatican Council in Rome. Many thought

that priests with wives could, like the Protestants, bring
greater sensitivity and understanding to marital and
family issues. Discussions about such things were com-
monplace wherever priests got together, such as when
my fellow priests visited the apartment that mother and I
shared off base.
Mother was not shy in joining the discussions. She was a
well-informed and intelligent person, and I greatly valued
her opinions. I recall how appalled she was that evolution
was being taught in Roman Catholic schools and that
Rome had established dialogue with the Communists. She
had long been disturbed over some of the conflicts she had
observed between principles taught in Scripture and the
lack of principles among many of the religious leaders
of our own Church. Many years before Monsignor
Cartwright had comforted mother with the reminder that
though there were many problems in our Church, Jesus
promised that ‘the gates of hell shall not prevail against it’.
Mother always expressed a tremendous respect for the
Bible. Though she had read it faithfully through the years,
she was now becoming an avid student of Scripture. As I
observed a liberal trend grow among my colleagues,
mother was leaning in another direction. It was a mystery
to me. While others discussed a relaxation and loosening
of traditional rules and rituals, mother expressed her
desire to see a more biblical emphasis in the Church —
more attention to the spiritual aspects of life and a greater
emphasis upon Jesus, even a personal relationship with
him.

Questioning Rome’s Beliefs

At first I did not understand, but gradually I observed a
wonderful change in mother. Her influence helped me
22 Far from Rome, Near to God

realize the importance of the Bible in determining what

we believe. We often discussed subjects such as the
primacy of Peter, papal infallibility, the priesthood,
infant baptism, confession, the Mass, purgatory, the
immaculate conception of Mary, and the bodily assump-
tion of Mary into heaven. In time I realized that not only
are these beliefs not in the Bible, they are actually
contrary to the clear teaching of Scripture. Finally the
barrier against having personal convictions was broken.
There was no doubt in my mind about the biblical view
on these subjects, but what effect would all this have on
my life as a priest?
I truly believed that God had called me to serve him.
An ethical dilemma was staring me in the face. What was
I to do? Yes, there were priests who did not believe all
the dogmas of Rome. Yes, there were priests who
secretly had wives and families. Yes, I could remain a
Roman Catholic chaplain and continue serving without
voicing my disagreements. I could continue receiving
the pay and the privileges of military rank. I could
continue receiving the benefits for my mother. There
were many reasons to stay, both professional and
material, but to do so would have been hypocritical and
unethical. From my youth I always tried to do right, and
that is what I chose to do now.

Breaking Ties with Roman Catholicism

Though my bishop had recently granted approval for me
to pursue twenty years in the military, I resigned after
only four. Mother and I simply and quietly moved near
my brother, Paul, and his wife, in the San Francisco Bay
area. Shortly before we moved, mother cut her ties with
Roman Catholicism by being baptized in a Seventh-Day
Adventist church. I knew she had been studying the
Bartholomew F. Brewer 23

Bible with one of their workers, but she did not tell me
about the baptism until I had already decided to leave
the priesthood.
The decision to leave was anything but easy. Rome’s
claim that there are no objective reasons for leaving ‘the
one true Church’ was something to be considered
carefully. Traditional Catholics would still brand me a
‘Judas priest’, to be damned, excommunicated, and
avoided. Yes, there were many difficulties involved in
leaving the security of the Roman Catholic fold, but I
have found that Jesus never fails.

The Authority of the Bible

After shaking the Roman Catholic dust off my shoes, I
faced a momentous issue: where was ultimate authority
to be found? Through a process of elimination, I
gradually concluded that the Bible is the only authority
that cannot be shaken. Many systems, including Roman
Catholicism, have attempted without success to under-
mine its sufficiency, its efficiency, its perfection, even its
authorship by holy men of God as they were moved by
the Holy Spirit. ‘The prophecy came not in old time by
the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were
moved by the Holy Ghost’ (2 Pet. 1:21). Oh, happy day
when all who name the name of Jesus Christ understand
that the Bible is the only source of authority and that it
does not change. It is the final authority because of its
complete identification with its unchanging Author,
God. Perhaps the reason many regard the Bible as
insufficient is that they have not thoroughly studied it.
My transcripts from thirteen years of formal study in the
Discalced Carmelite Order show that I had only twelve
semester hours of Bible. This alone is evidence that
Scripture is not the basis of Roman Catholic teaching.
24 Far from Rome, Near to God

Premature Decision to Join a Church

After leaving Roman Catholicism I wanted to study the

Bible. After investigating some of the Protestant
churches, I sadly concluded that in their ecumenical
folly they were Rome-ward bound at the expense of
biblical truth. The variety of churches can be discourag-
ing and even dangerous for the former Roman Catholic
in his search for truth.
Mother’s Adventist friends were enthusiastic about
their faith, and their love of the Scriptures echoed my
desire to study the Bible. This resulted in a somewhat
premature decision to join the Seventh-Day Adventist
denomination. The pastor who baptized me arranged
for the Southern California Conference to send me to
seminary at Andrews University for a year.
While making plans for a year of study I met Ruth.
For about a year I had been hoping and praying to find a
wife. From the first time Ruth visited our church I knew
she would be my life companion. We were married
shortly before leaving for the seminary. She was a
convert to Adventism and like everyone else had
assumed that since I wanted to enter the seminary I was
a Christian.

Born of the Spirit

Realizing that I never mentioned anything about being
‘born again’, one day my wife asked me, ‘Bart, when did
you become a Christian?’ My unbelievable reply was, ‘I
was born a Christian.’ In the conversations that foll-
owed, she tried to help me understand that man, being
born in sin, must at some point be born again spiritually
and trust only in Jesus Christ to save him from the
consequences of sin. When I responded that I had
Bartholomew F. Brewer 25

always believed in God, she quoted James 2:19: ‘Thou

believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the
devils also believe, and tremble.’
Through these conversations and through reading the
Epistles to the Romans, Galatians and Hebrews, I
finally understood that I had been relying on my own
righteousness and religious efforts and not upon the
completed and sufficient sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The
Roman Catholic religion had never taught me that our
own righteousness is fleshly and not acceptable to God,
nor that we need to trust in his righteousness alone. He
has already done everything that needs to be done on
behalf of the believer. Then one day during chapel the
Holy Spirit convicted me of my need to repent and
receive the ‘gift’ of God.
During all those years of monastic life I had relied on
the sacraments of Rome to give me grace, to save me,
but now by God’s grace I was born spiritually: I was
saved. Being ignorant of God’s righteousness, like the
Jews of Paul’s day, I had gone about establishing my
own righteousness, not submitting to the righteousness
of God (Rom. 10:2-3).

Some Would Pervert the Gospel of Christ

I was ordained as a Seventh-day Adventist minister, but
not long after IJ heard a lecturer say that the writings of
Ellen G. White (one of the founders of Adventism) were
as inspired as those of the Gospel writers. This so
troubled me that I knew I could not continue as an
Adventist minister. Later, for a time, Ruth and I were
influenced by the charismatic movement but we left it
because of its ecumenical involvement. We are now
members of an evangelical Baptist church.
26 Far from Rome, Near to God

A Mission to Roman Catholics

Prayerfully and deliberately I decided to return to San

Diego, where I had once served as a parish priest.
Aware that Vatican II had brought many Roman
Catholics into confusion and disillusionment, I felt led to
begin a ministry to help them in the transition from the
Roman Catholic Church. Mission to Catholics Interna-
tional was founded and has since distributed millions of
tracts, books and tapes exposing the contradictions
between Roman Catholicism and the Bible and present-
ing biblical salvation. A monthly newsletter is available
to any contributors requesting it. The Lord has allowed
us some radio and television time and we are pleased
that my autobiography Pilgrimage from Rome has been
published and is well received in both English and
Spanish. We have held meetings and taken literature
into many foreign countries, and mail orders are sent out
five days a week from our home office in San Diego.
Meetings keep us busy, as we travel throughout the
USA and other countries. A School of Roman Catholic
Evangelism provides a week or more of intense training
for pastors and key workers who desire to establish
specialized ministries for effectively reaching the Roman
Catholic community through their churches. Missionaries
and ex-Roman Catholics are also encouraged to attend,
especially ex-priests and ex-nuns, so that they may be
prepared to minister in biblical churches.
At Mission to Catholics we are convinced that it is not
love to withhold the truth from those in darkness. Roman
Catholics need to be challenged to think about what they
believe and to study the Bible, comparing their religion
with the truth of Scripture. Only then can they experience
the freedom and light of God’s truth. ‘And ye shall know
the truth, and the truth shall make you free’ (John 8:32).
 Hugh Farrell

From Friar to Freedom in Christ

c here is therefore now no condemnation to them

which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the
flesh, but after the Spirit’ (Rom. 8:1).

Many years ago, when I decided to become a priest in

the Roman Catholic Church, I wanted to walk with
Christ. However, because I was born a Roman Catholic,
I believed that the Roman Catholic Church was the only
true church and that outside of that faith it was almost
impossible to be saved. Popes have repeatedly declared
this dogma. Pope Innocent III, Boniface VIII, Clement
VI, Benedict XIV, Leo XIII, Pius IX and Pius XII
plainly state it thus: ‘By faith it is firmly to be held that
outside of the Apostolic Roman Church none can

27
28 Far from Rome, Near to God

achieve salvation.’ Hence, I never for a moment thought

of looking for salvation elsewhere.
From early boyhood I wanted to be a priest. I was
born on 2 April 1911 in Denver, Colorado, USA.
Our neighbourhood was made up of Irish, Scots and
Slav families, most of whom were Roman Catholic.
Naturally, in such an environment, I could not help
noticing the immense power exercised by the local
priests and the high esteem in which they were held. But
it was not only the power and esteem they enjoyed that
led me to decide to study for the priesthood but the
sacerdotal dignity claimed for them by the Roman
Church which determined my vocation for me.
The priest, according to the teaching of the Roman
Catholic Church, has the power to take ordinary bread
and wine, and, by pronouncing the words of the
consecration prayer in the sacrifice of the Mass, to
change it into the actual body and blood and soul and
divinity of Jesus Christ. Hence, since one cannot
separate the human nature of Christ from his divinity,
the bread and wine, after being changed into the body
and blood of Jesus Christ, are entitled to the worship of
adoration.
Also, Roman Catholics are taught that in the confes-
sional, after the penitents have told their sins to the
priest, the confessor has the power to forgive their sins.
The Council of Trent, which met after the Reformation,
declared in 1545: ‘Whosoever says that the priests are
not the only ministers of absolution (forgiveness), let
him be condemned.’ Since I began to go to confession at
the age of seven years, I soon realized that this power
gave the priests a tremendous hold over the lives of their
people and that it made them superior to any secular
authority on the face of the earth.
However, it was not only the power and dignity of the
Hugh Farrell 29

priesthood that motivated me. It was also a sincere

desire to save my soul. I knew from the teachings of the
priests and nuns that I could not hope to go directly to
heaven after my death. My Roman Catholic catechism
taught me that after death I had to pay for the temporal
punishment due to my sins. The Roman Catholic
Church teaches that ‘the souls of the just which, in the
moment of death, are burdened with venial sins or
temporal punishment due to sins, enter purgatory’. I
therefore realized that since I committed venial sins
daily, and sometimes even mortal sins, I must spend a
very long time in purgatory. Now the Roman Church is
rather vague in its official teaching concerning the pains
of purgatory, but the fertile imagination of the Irish
Roman Catholic priests and nuns helped them to invent
such sufferings and pain that our childish lives were filled
with fear and we would have done anything to avoid
purgatory if possible. Consequently, as a boy, I
reasoned that if a priest had the power through the
offering of the sacrifice of the Mass to obtain the release
of souls from purgatory I would help my own soul by
becoming a priest, for after my death those souls who
had been aided by my Masses would be obligated to pray
for my soul before the throne of the Queen of Heaven
(the Blessed Virgin Mary), and she in turn would
intercede for me before the throne of her Son. This was
the teaching of the Church for it declared that ‘the poor
souls in purgatory can be helped, above all, by the
sacrifice of the Mass which is pleasing to God’, and ‘the
souls in purgatory can intercede for other members of
the Mystical Body (the Church)’. I determined to
become a priest and in due time made known my
decision to the proper authorities.
30 Far from Rome, Near to God

The Role the Bible Played

It would take too long for me to tell you all about the
many years of preparation for the priesthood in the
Roman Catholic Church. It will suffice for me to relate
those incidents that mark the turning points in my life.
For me there was to be no short road to the assurance of
salvation. That road would be beset with many trials and
temptations. Often I am asked if I did not know the
Bible, or if it was forbidden to me. Actually, I had in my
possession a New Testament during all of my years of
preparation and the years spent in the monastery. When
I left for the junior seminary I carried besides my missal
and prayer books three other books: The Glories of
Mary by Alphonse de Liguori, The Imitation of Christ
by Thomas a Kempis, and the Roman Catholic New
Testament. The latter bore the following notation: ‘An
indulgence of three years is granted to all the faithful
who read the Holy Scriptures at least a quarter of an
hour with the veneration due to the Divine Word and as
spiritual reading.” Roman Catholics should be moved to
read the Bible since most are eager to gain indulgences.
However, you will note that the indulgence is granted
only when the Bible is read as spiritual reading and not
for study or interpretation. Since Roman Catholics
know that they can gain indulgences in other, easier
ways, such as making the sign of the cross (seven years
each time that it is made with holy water) etc., most do
not bother with the reading of the Scriptures. Then, too,
many are fearful of interpreting the Word of God
contrary to the teaching of the Roman Church. In my
own case, when, many years later, I left the monastery, I
still had these three books. The Glories of Mary no
longer had a cover — it had worn out. The cover of The
Imitation of Christ hung by several threads. The New
Hugh Farrell 31

Testament, however, was still new. I had only read it

when I wished to compare a translation from the Latin
with the English.

Constant Indoctrination

The routine of the seminary is so arranged that one

seldom has time for real reflection. True, there is a
period each morning set aside for meditation. But points
are read out for consideration, and if the mind is allowed
to wander, one is in danger of committing venial sin.
The daily programme of life is so well thought out by
the Roman Church that individuality is gradually des-
troyed and one’s personality is so shaped that one
conforms to a pattern designed by the Roman Church as
being best for their purpose — the complete renunciation
of self. Despite the great esteem in which a priest is held
by the laity of the Roman Church, the authorities regard
him as a mere cipher in their plan for the Roman
Catholic conquest of the world. Hence, if he is to serve
their purpose, he must be thoroughly brainwashed. This
they achieve much in the same way as the Communists.
In seminary training, they never permit sufficient sleep,
require frequent fasting, and use every means and form
of indoctrination. When a doubt arises concerning any
major doctrine taught by the Roman Church, it must be
rejected immediately because to entertain such a doubt
(willingly) is a sign that God may be removing one’s
priestly vocation and thus jeopardizing one’s eternal
salvation.
Near the end of my minor seminary training I had to
make up my mind whether I wanted to be a secular priest
(under the authority of a bishop as a parish priest or a
chaplain in an institution) or a religious priest (one
who has taken the three vows of poverty, chastity and
BZ Far from Rome, Near to God

obedience and who lives in a monastery or house of a

religious order).

Choosing a Monastic Order

I felt that secular priests had too many temptations and
consequently had a difficult time in obtaining salvation.
I also knew that in past centuries the Roman Catholic
Church had canonized only one secular priest, the Curé
of Ars, John Mary Vianney. Logically, therefore, I
reasoned, if it was so difficult for a person to be saved as
a secular priest, it was safer to become a monk or friar (a
member of a religious order). I therefore spent my final
year in the seminary deciding what order appealed to me
and where I would best fit.
I was well acquainted with the better known Orders,
such as the Benedictines, Dominicans, Servites, Fran-
ciscans, Trappists and the Society of Jesus (Jesuits).
None of these appealed to me. I wanted a very strict
order in which I could find every assurance possible of
obtaining salvation. I thought I had found this in the
Order of our Lady of Mount Carmel, commonly called
Discalced Carmelite Fathers.
The Carmelite Order had been founded by Crusaders
and others in the Holy Land. They remained behind
after the Crusades and occupied the caves of the sons of
the prophets on Mount Carmel. The Patriarch Albert of
Jerusalem gave them a simple rule of life and they
followed it until the middle of the thirteenth century
when they were driven out of the Holy Land by the
Muslims. Some of the exiles settled at Mantua in Italy,
and others in England. The first prior general in England
was a man called Simon Stock. It is claimed that the
Blessed Virgin Mary appeared to him in a vision and
made the famous so-called brown scapular promise, that
Hugh Farrell i)

is, that anyone wearing this scapular should not suffer

eternal fire. The scapular may be made by anyone. All
that is required is brown (or nearly black) woven wool
cloth made into two squares or oblongs of reasonable
size joined by strings. The first scapular worn must be
blessed by a priest authorized to confer such a blessing.

Monastery Routine
My first year as a Discalced Carmelite was spent in the
house of novices in preparation for my simple profession
of vows. It was a year devoted to prayer and meditation.
In addition to the regular daily schedule observed by all
Discalced Carmelite Fathers, novices have extra prayer
time, increased penances and more mortifications. The
silence observed in the novitiate is very strictly obser-
ved. Apart from half an hour of daily recreation the
novices are forbidden to speak to each other, and during
the Lenten and Advent seasons total silence is observed.
In those seasons the novices walk about during recrea-
tion in silence, making rosaries, and disciplines, etc.
The day begins in the novitiate at midnight. The
community is called by the bell-ringer and assembles
in the chapel. At the last stroke of the bell, the divine
office begins. Matins, consisting of nine psalms and
nine lessons from the Old and New Testaments, with
a commentary from one of the early Fathers of the
Church, is sung, or recited, and this is followed by the
five psalms of praise with the Benedictus, which portion
of the office is called Lauds. The monks then retire again
to their beds and await the next rising bell at 4.45 in the
morning.
When I speak of beds do not think of soft feather
beds, or even comfortable beds. The bed of a Carmelite
consists of three planks laid over two trestles and
34 Far from Rome, Near to God

covered by a thin pallet and three blankets. Everything

in the monk’s room is in keeping with the austerity of his
bed. Besides the latter there is a small table and a stool.
No other furnishing is permitted.

Many Hours of Prayer

On rising, the community goes to the chapel and recites
Prime and Terce, each of which consists of three psalms
followed by a short lesson and a short written prayer. At
the conclusion of this portion of the divine office, the
community spends an hour together in silent prayer
upon their knees.
After mental prayer the Masses of the day follow. If a
monk is a priest, he celebrates a private Mass at one of
the many altars in the monastery, usually assisted by
another monk, called the server. If the monk is still
studying for the priesthood, he attends the community
Mass, which is celebrated by the priest assigned for the
week. The lay-brothers who do the manual labour in the
monastery also attend this Mass. All are expected to
receive Holy Communion. These exercises, divine
office, mental prayer and Mass, take about three hours
and so it is usually eight o’clock before the monks have
breakfast. This consists of bread and coffee and must be
taken standing, since in the primitive rule of the order no
allowance is made for breakfast, which is a modern
concession to man’s weakness.
The morning is devoted to study, classes and private
prayer. In the year of novitiate one is not permitted to
study anything but spiritual subjects and, of course, the
rule, customs and discipline of the Carmelite Order.
After profession of vows the monk studies theology
and the other necessary subjects for ordination to the
priesthood.
Hugh Farrell 35

Shortly before noon the community goes to the chapel

where they recite the last two little hours of the morning
office, Sext and None. They, like Prime and Terce,
consist of three psalms each followed by a short lesson
from the Holy Scripture and the prayer of the day. At
the conclusion of the office, the remainder of time until
the Angelus is devoted to the examination of con-
science. During the examination one recalls any sins that
one may have committed since the previous night and
asks God’s forgiveness. However, if one has committed
a mortal sin it is necessary to go to confession at the first
opportunity. For a venial sin it suffices to say the act of
contrition. After the recitation of the Angelus the
monks go to the dining room for the main meal of the
day.

The Monastic Meals

All meals are taken in silence. The only exceptions are at

Easter, Pentecost, the Feast of our Lady of Mount
Carmel, the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary,
the Feast of St Teresa of Avila, the Feast of St John
of the Cross, All Saints, the Immaculate Conception,
Christmas and some other days. However, while the
community eats in silence, one of the monks, assigned
weekly, reads from a spiritual book or from the rule and
customs of the order.
The food is simple and usually consists of soup, fish or
eggs, two vegetables and fruit. The Discalced Carmelite
rule forbids the eating of meat unless a doctor prescribes
it. This rarely occurs as most medical men feel that the
eggs and fish are sufficient. When a monk must eat meat
he is placed in the lower part of the refectory and
shielded from the gaze of the other monks by a screen.
This area is jokingly referred to as ‘hell’.
36 Far from Rome, Near to God

As each monk finishes his meal he looks around to see

if he may be of assistance in the refectory. One will
relieve the reader, others the waiters, so they may eat.
Several more perform public penances and humilia-
tions. These penances consist of standing with the arms
outstretched to form a cross, kissing the sandalled feet of
the monks, receiving a blow upon the face from the
monks, and, at the end of the meal, lying prostrate
before the entrance to the refectory so that the departing
monks ‘must step over one’s body. These, and other
penances, are supposed to gain one merit in heaven and
increase one’s ‘spiritual bank account.’ After the noon
meal, in most monasteries of the Discalced Carmelite
Fathers, the recreational period of the day provides time
for a fraternal exchange of spiritual ideas in order to
encourage one another in the observance of the religious
life. However, it very often becomes a strain and most
uncharitable acts are committed at this time. One
cannot confine twenty or more healthy men in the
unnatural environment of a monastery without resultant
psychological repercussions. It is usually with evident
relief that the monks welcome the end of the daily
recreational period and retire to their cells for the
afternoon rest time.

The Constant Repetition of Psalms

Vespers and Compline follow the afternoon siesta. The
former consists of five psalms, the Magnificat and the
prayer of the day, and the latter three psalms, the Nunc
Dimittis and a closing prayer. This concludes the divine
office of the day. It was divided into seven parts by
the early Benedictine abbeys in keeping with Psalm
119:164: ‘Seven times a day do I praise thee because of
thy righteous judgments.’ Very often I am asked how it
Hugh Farrell 37

is that, in view of our daily recitation or singing of about

thirty psalms (we were supposed to cover the entire
Psalter weekly), we did not thereby come to know of
God’s plan of salvation. The answer is very evident to a
Roman Catholic. Whenever we heard a particular
passage that seemed to be in conflict with the teaching of
the Roman Church, we would decide that we were not
interpreting it properly. For example, in Psalm 18:2:
‘The LORD is my rock’, and in Psalm 62:6: ‘He only is
my rock’, we would either ignore the implication that
Peter was not the Rock, or come to the conclusion that
we did not possess sufficient knowledge of the Scriptures
to understand the passage. It was the same when we
heard passages read from the Old and New Testaments
during the recitation of the Divine Office. As to Romans
5:1, ‘Therefore being justified by faith’, we would
understand it as reading: ‘Therefore being justified by
faith in the Roman Catholic Church.’
The afternoon, after Vespers, is generally spent in
one’s cell. There in the solitude of his chamber the monk
tries to achieve ‘union with God’ through spiritual
reading, private meditation and prayer. The Carmelite
rule stresses this part of the monk’s life and states,
‘Remain in your cell, day and night, meditating on the
law of the Lord.’ Actually, a great deal of time is
frittered away in idleness and boredom.

Mortifying the Flesh

Another hour of silent meditation in the choir, collation
(a simple supper consisting of bread and tea), evening
prayers and the discipline bring to an end the monastic
day.
The discipline is a public scourging. All the monks
return to the dormitory and each friar places himself in
38 Far from Rome, Near to God

front of the door of his cell. At a signal from the superior

the lights are extinguished, and the monks partially
disrobe themselves and proceed to scourge their naked
thighs, while singing Psalm 51 very slowly in Latin. The
scourge, or discipline as it is called, is made of three
lengths of rope passed through a woven handle in such a
fashion as to form a whip of six ends, each about fifteen
inches in length. The tips of the ropes are dipped in
beeswax to-harden them. The application of this scourge
depends, of course, on the fervour of the friar. But the
individual usually draws blood. At the end of the singing
of the psalm, the superior, the Father Prior, recites
several prayers and the monks rearrange their clothing.
When the lights have been turned on, the monks kneel,
each one in his own doorway, and the Father Prior
passes down the corridor, blessing each monk who in
turn kisses the scapular (an apron-like garment which
hangs at the front and back) of the superior. The monks
retire and thus ends the monastic day.

The Profession of Vows

In 1935, at the end of my novitiate, I made my first

profession of vows, and then in 1938, on the Feast of the
Ascension, I made my solemn profession of vows. A
copy of my profession follows so that you may see how
binding the profession is to a Roman Catholic:
‘I, Fr Hugh of St Thérése Margaret, make my profes-
sion of solemn vows, and promise obedience, chastity and
poverty to God, and the most blessed Virgin Mary of
Mount Carmel, and to our Reverend Father, Fr Peter
Thomas of the Virgin of Carmel, Prior General of the
Order of the Discalced Carmelite Brethren, and to his
successors, according to the primitive Rule of the above
mentioned Order even until death.’
Hugh Farrell 39

In 1938, when I made my solemn and final profession

of vows, I was completing my theological studies for my
ordination to the priesthood. I had received tonsure,
minor orders and the sacred order of the subdiaconate
from the hands of Bishop Francis Clement Kelley of
Oklahoma City. As I now recall, I had not really been
bothered by any serious doubts concerning the official
teaching of the Roman Catholic Church. It looked as if I
were set for life. However, God had other plans for me.
‘And we know that all things work together for good to
them that love God, to them who are the called
according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he
also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his
Son’ (Rom. 8:28-29).

Doubting the Power of the Priest

During this period of my training I was practising how to
celebrate Mass. It takes months to learn the rubrics and
ritual of the Mass. Many times while practising I would
ask myself if I believed that after my final ordination to
the priesthood I would have the power to command God
to come down upon the altar. According to the teaching
of the Roman Church the priest, no matter how
unworthy he may personally be, even if he has just made
a pact with the devil for his soul, has the power to change
the elements of bread and wine into the actual body and
blood, soul and divinity, of Jesus Christ. Provided he
pronounces the words of consecration properly and has
the intention of consecrating, God must come down on
the altar and enter and take over the elements. The
more I thought about this power claimed by the Roman
Church for the priests, the less I believed in such a
power. Repeatedly I went to my Father Confessor and
told him about my doubts. His only answer was that I
40 Far from Rome, Near to God

must have patience. He told me that even if I did not

believe in anything that the Roman Church taught, it
would be all right for me to be a priest, provided that I
would faithfully teach what they wanted me to teach. He
said: ‘Your own personal faith has nothing to do with it.
You are merely a tool in the hands of Mother Church for
the propagation of the faith. Be loyal to the Roman
Catholic faith and all will come out well in the end.’
However, that was not to be the case. Daily my doubts
increased. The superiors noticed my attitude and
surmised that I had problems, but did nothing about it.
As a matter of fact, the high superior, the Father
Provincial, hated me. He realized that I knew that he
was not a learned man. He pretended to great learning
and sanctity and possessed neither. He was determined
to break and destroy me, if possible.
Fortunately, the local prior, Father Edward, was my
friend and protected me, even at the cost of incurring the
wrath of the Provincial. Finally, I lost faith completely in
the Roman Church and its invented dogmas. I ceased to
care whether the superiors found out about my loss of
faith or not.
During the months that followed I many times
considered leaving the order. But I knew that if I
stepped out of the Order I would, in conscience, have to
leave the Roman Catholic Church. I knew very little of
the claims of Protestantism. The only books that I had
been allowed to study were those written by Roman
Catholic authors, and these had so perverted and
distorted the teachings of God and the Protestant
theologians as to paint them to be tools of Satan. I did
not know where to turn, but I placed my faith in God. I
knew that he would not desert me in my time of trial.
Hugh Farrell 4]

Decision to Escape
At length, on 2 August 1940, I realized that for a long
time I had not believed in the peculiar doctrines of the
Roman Church such as transubstantiation, auricular
confession (confession to a priest to be forgiven by him
personally), and the infallibility of the Pope (that when
he is speaking in his official capacity concerning faith
and morals he cannot err). I knew that to remain in the
monastery would be impossible. The life is difficult
enough when one believes all that the Roman Church
teaches. When that belief is lost, life as a friar monk
becomes intolerable.
I had completed my theological education and I knew
that I could never again hold the faith of a Roman
Catholic. Therefore, without letting anyone know, I
resolved to leave the monastery and to do it that very
afternoon. I was very careful. The Father Provincial,
my enemy, was visiting the monastery to which I was
attached. I knew that if he became suspicious and
thought that I intended to leave, he would have a
Roman Catholic medical doctor sign commitment
papers and place me in a mental institution under the
control of the Roman Church. This may sound far-
fetched to those who know kindly Roman Catholics, but
I can assure you that in America, Ireland and many
other countries there are hundreds of priests and monks
in mental hospitals who are there simply because they
lost faith in the Pope and the Roman Catholic Church
and wanted to leave.
While the Fathers were taking their afternoon siesta I
quietly slipped out by the back door and fled to the
YMCA in San Antonio for protection. I knew that the
Provincial and his religious associates would not risk
bringing this matter to the Protestant ministers of Texas
42 Far from Rome, Near to God

by trying to seize me. After contacting a number of

ministers and discussing my plight with them, I moved
to Houston, a more Protestant dominated city than
San Antonio, which is about sixty per cent Roman
Catholic.

Entering the Protestant Ministry without Christ

At this time I was not really converted. I considered it to
be enough for one’s spiritual welfare to accept the
theological opinion of the church to which one be-
longed. Consequently, I entered the Protestant ministry
and for the next fifteen years of my life served in various
capacities without being assured of my salvation.
However, God’s grace kept working. ‘It is the
spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing...
Therefore said I unto you, that no man can come unto
me, except it were given to him of my Father’ (John
6:63, 65). Finally the turning point in my spiritual life
came. One trial yet awaited me. I began to believe
that I had made a mistake in leaving the Roman
Church, and so in 1955 I returned. They sent me to a
Trappist monastery for penance. I was quite willing. I
wanted to do anything within my power to bring about
some assurance as to my eternal destiny. I opened my
mind to all they tried to teach me, but it was useless. I
not only found out that I did not believe in the
doctrines of the Roman Church, but I also realized
that they could not have the truth since most of their
doctrines were man-made. Again I left the Roman
Church — of course, without their knowing that I in-
tended to do so. I then set out for the east coast and
prayed that God would show me his will. My prayers
were quickly answered, and in such a fashion that I
could not any longer doubt his will.
Hugh Farrell 43

Steps towards My Conversion

I was speaking before a group of business men on the
political implications of a Roman Catholic for the
presidency when, after the meeting, a large man ap-
proached me and congratulated me on my knowledge of
the Roman Church and its teachings. I, as usual, was
puffed up with pride. Then he said, ‘However, my
friend, I must tell you that you have the lowest spiritual
temperature I have ever taken.’ I was thoroughly
offended and turned from him with as much rudeness as
I could summon. I dismissed him in my mind as being a
‘crack-pot’. However, he was too much of a soul-winner
to let me off his hook so easily. He belonged to that very
dedicated group of ‘Fishermen for Christ’ who do not
cease in their pursuit of souls, no matter how badly they
are rebuffed or even insulted. He kept after me, and
finally the Spirit of God brought me under conviction.
At first I refused his solution to my spiritual problems.
He told me I merely had to receive Christ, place all my
trust in him, ‘believe on him’, and I would have eternal
life. He constantly reminded me of Christ’s words:
‘Verily, verily, I say unto you, he that believeth on me
hath everlasting life’ (John 6:47). It all seemed too easy
to be true. Why, I asked myself, would all of the
teachings of the various faiths be promulgated when it
was as easy as that? But then I realized that it was not
easy. One had to acknowledge humbly that one was a
sinner. ‘For all have sinned, and come short of the glory
of God’ (Rom. 3:23). Furthermore, one was saved by
the blood of Christ shed on Calvary, and not by one’s
own merit. So I acknowledged that I was a sinner, and
said with the psalmist, ‘Behold I was shapen in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.’ Then I received
Christ as my only Saviour, counting on no one else — not
44 Far from Rome, Near to God

even the Blessed Virgin Mary. ‘But to him that worketh

not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his
faith is counted for righteousness’ (Rom. 4:5).

After My Conversion
From that day I have never had any doubts about my
salvation. ‘Whosoever shall confess me before men, him
will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven’
(Matt. 10:32).
When I was first saved by God’s grace, I worked with
an organization which helped priests to understand the
gospel. However, I soon realized that God was calling
me to a unique ministry — that of teaching Christians how
to win Roman Catholics for the Lord. Therefore in 1959
I went out in faith, as we say in the United States of
America, trusting in him to provide for all of my needs.
This he has done. Lack of space prevents me from telling
of all of the great blessings and mercies that I have
enjoyed. I have travelled many times throughout the
USA and Canada and have been on preaching tours
across Europe several times. Everywhere I have
preached with love and authority and have been well
received.
It is not my purpose to sow the seeds of hatred and
bitterness, but rather to show by the gospel how to win
Roman Catholics for Christ. I constantly remind people
of those wonderful words in the first chapter of John
which form part of the last Gospel read at the end of
every Mass in the Roman Catholic Church: ‘He came
unto his own, and his own received him not. But as many
as received him, to them gave he power to become the
sons of God, even to them that believe on his name’
(John 1:11-12). Praise be to that holy Name forever.
Amen.
 Robert V. Julien

Saved by the Free Grace of God

chose to become not only a Roman Catholic priest

but more than that, a Roman Catholic missionary
priest. The reason was that I wanted to do great exploits
for God. I thought that being a missionary in some far-
away land and learning a strange language and strange
customs would indeed be a great adventure, and I even
entertained the thought that perhaps I might be chosen
by God to suffer and die a martyr’s death for the cause of
Christ. Such were my thoughts during the long years of
study in the seminary as I prepared myself to become a
missionary father of the Roman Catholic Foreign Mis-
sions Society of America.

45
46 Far from Rome, Near to God

I Sought a High Grade with God

Looking back upon those years, I can now recognize
the real motive behind it all. What I was really seeking
was God’s approval and an assurance in my heart that
I would make the grade and be worthy to enter God’s
heaven when I died. I had no real peace in my heart
all those years, even during my ten years as a
missionary. priest in Tanzania, East Africa. Just as
Adam hid his nakedness behind fig leaves (Gen. 3:7),
so did I constantly strive to hide my spiritual naked-
ness behind fig leaves of religious and missionary
activities.

A Missionary but Lost

It gives me no pleasure to recall the years of my past. It
was so very shameful. I was such a sinful person and so
hypocritical. Some might say that I did much good for
those African people, building schools for their children,
providing medicines for their sicknesses, and teaching
them religion; but today I know that all those so-
called ‘good deeds’ were but ‘filthy rags’ in God’s sight
(Isa. 64:6). I was a poor, lost sinner in deep need of
God’s salvation, and did not realize it. I thought I was
somehow already saved by the fact that I was a Roman
Catholic, for I truly believed that all Roman Catholics
were saved the moment they received the sacrament of
baptism.

I Thought My Good Deeds Would Get Me to Heaven

How I regret those wasted years, years in which I did not
know the true God, nor his Son, the true Lord and
Robert V. Julien 47

Saviour Jesus Christ! How deceived I was to believe that

I could merit heaven by my good deeds and my priestly
and missionary labours! I was thirty-seven years old
when the God of the Bible revealed himself to me. How
free and how bountiful were his grace and mercy to-
wards me! He pardoned all my sins, and he gave me a
peace in my heart that truly satisfied my every longing.
In a moment of time, I was changed, radically changed,
inside my being. Indeed, I was born anew, born of the
God of heaven himself. ‘Verily, verily, I say unto thee,
except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom
of God’ (John 3:3).

God’s Plan

From all eternity God had chosen me to be his. That

is why he intervened the way he did in my life and put
a stop to my headlong plunge towards hell. Yes, that
is exactly where I was headed, even as a missionary
priest. I was on my way to a fiery hell, forever sep-
arated from a loving God. He showed me what I was
under my pious exterior: I was a vile sinner! ‘For all
have sinned and come short of the glory of God’
(Rom. 3:23).
‘But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love
wherewith he loved us,’ saved me by his grace. ‘For by
grace are ye saved through faith, and that not of
yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any
man should boast’ (Eph. 2:4, 8-9). I was so happy to
discover that God’s salvation is a gift. I thank God
every day for ‘his unspeakable gift’ (2 Cor. 9:15).
In November 1966 I left the Roman Catholic Church
and her priesthood for good. Some have said that I left
because I wanted to get married, but that is absolutely
false. I did not want to get married. I was too proud to
48 Far from Rome, Near to God

think of marriage. Somehow I held marriage in very low

esteem, thinking it was something below my dignity.
Nevertheless, the God who saved me by his grace in due
time made it clear to me that it was his will that I get
married. His Word is plain enough: ‘Marriage is hon-
ourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers
and adulterers God will judge’ (Heb. 13:4). Also,
‘Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have
his own wife, and let every woman have her own
husband... but if they cannot contain, let them marry:
for it is better to marry than to burn’ (J Cor. 7:2, 9). God
did provide me with a Christian wife, one who knows
and loves the Lord Jesus Christ as I do, and at the time of
writing we have recently celebrated our twenty-fifth
wedding anniversary.

God Speaks through His Word

But why did I leave the Roman Catholic Church and her
priesthood? People have asked me that question and I
have answered, ‘Because God told me to leave it.’ I tell
no lie. God did not speak to me in an audible voice. He
spoke to me through his written Word in the book of
Revelation where he says very distinctly ‘Come out of
her, my people’ (Rev. 18:4). The true Christ is calling his
people to come out of Roman Catholicism. Of course,
those who are not of his people, that is, not his sheep,
cannot receive that command. ‘My sheep hear my voice,
and I know them, and they follow me’ (John 10:27).
Before God saved me by his grace, no man could have
persuaded me to come out of Romanism. But when he
saved me and revealed his great love for me, and I heard
his kind, gentle voice for the first time, it was easy for me
to obey his command to come out and to follow him. I
love him so, because he first loved me.
Robert V. Julien 49

At one time I did believe the Church of Rome to be

the one and only true Church of Jesus Christ on earth.
Whenever a Protestant would say to me, ‘Oh, one
religion is as good as another,’ I would answer, ‘Yes, it is
true, one religion may be as good as another, but only
one religion is the true one, and that is the Roman
Catholic religion.’

Believers ‘See’ Christ in the Scriptures

Believers do not need visible signs such as the Mass
and sacraments because their salvation is wrought by
the power of the Holy Spirit as they place their total
trust in Jesus Christ alone as their personal Saviour.
Nor do they require visible successors of the apostles
because they know from the Bible that it is God who
raises up the spiritual leaders he wants, when he wants
them to feed his church with the precious Word of
God. Finally they do not need images or statues to
remind them of God because they see the true image
of Christ in the written Word, the Bible. Besides,
God has condemned both the making and the ven-
eration of images and statues as idolatry (Exod.
20:3-5).

My Present Work
At the present time I am employed, and have been for
the past twenty-three years, in the commercial printing
trade. I teach an adult Bible class in a local evangelical
church. In this church there are a number of former
Roman Catholics who, like myself, have been saved by
God’s amazing grace and know and love the true Jesus
Christ of the Holy Bible.
50 Far from Rome, Near to God

‘And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the
only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent’
(John 17:3).
 Alexander Carson

Free Indeed

was baptized into the Roman Catholic Church as an

infant in 1928. When I was just over a year old my
family moved from New York State to New Milford,
Connecticut, where I was raised in the Roman Catholic
faith. I thoroughly believed in all Roman Catholic
practices and beliefs, and I took my relationship to the
Church, and therefore to God, very seriously. My first
communion and confirmation were important events to
me. After high school I went to Tufts College in Boston
to undertake pre-medical studies, hoping one day to
become a medical doctor like my revered uncle. How-
ever, at the end of two years of study I really desired to
become a priest. I felt it was more important to help
people spiritually than to aid them medically.

51
52 Far from Rome, Near to God

The Seminary
In September 1948, I began studies for the priesthood at
St John’s Seminary, Brighton, Massachusetts. How I
loved the seminary! Everything was so ‘holy’ there.
Nevertheless, at the end of my first year in the seminary,
I withdrew. I felt I could never measure up to being a
priest, being convinced at the time that it was the highest
possible call on a young man’s life. I attended Boston
College (Jesuit) and served Mass almost every morning
at a local Roman Catholic monastery. At this time,
during the fall of 1949, God saved me by his grace (the
only way!) even though I did not know a lot about the
Bible. Jesus saves believing sinners even though they
walk in a measure of confusion and darkness. I had come
to a place where I was uncertain about my relationship
with God, and I wanted to be sure about that above
everything else.

A Confession Absolutely Different

One night I knelt in a confessional booth and confessed
every sin of my life that I could bring to mind. At
confession I always really confessed my sins to God first,
though it was in the presence of the priest who would
give ‘absolution’. ‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful
and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all
unrighteousness’ (J John 1:9). After I expressed my
repentance and while the priest was giving the ritual
‘absolution’, I cried out to God with my heart, saying,
‘God, if you’ll forgive all my sins, I take you as Lord of
my heart and I'll serve you the rest of my life!’ ‘For
whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be
saved’ (Rom. 10:13). Leaving that confessional box and
walking across the transept of the church, I felt a great
Alexander Carson "ap}

peace and ‘Abba, Father!’ rang in my heart. I knew that

I had a relationship with God! This did not happen
because of the presence of a priest and liturgical ab-
solution. It happened because of the presence of Jesus
Christ, our great High Priest who made intercession for
me and who made me the object of his grace, mercy and
compassion. ‘In whom we have redemption through his
blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of
his grace... For by grace are ye saved through faith;
and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of
works, lest any man should boast’ (Eph. 1:7, 2:8-9).
The next year I re-entered the seminary to complete
studies for the priesthood, the best way I knew to serve
God at the time. I was ordained by Bishop Lawrence
Shehan of Bridgeport, Connecticut on 2 February 1955
and began ministry as a diocesan, or secular, priest in the
diocese of Alexandria, Louisiana. The great excitement
and joy I felt about my unique position of service began
to wane after a few years and, try as I might to do
everything right, it became empty, meaningless ritual.

The Bible - A New Standard

In 1971, after several years of crying out to God for
something more meaningful, my great hunger began to
be satisfied. Jesus and the Word of God (the Scriptures)
became very real to me. Because ‘the love of God is shed
abroad in our hearts’ (Rom. 5:5), the Holy Spirit led me
to judge Roman Catholic theology by the standard of
the Bible. Previously, I had always judged the Bible by
Roman Catholic doctrine and theology. It was a reversal
of authority in my life.
On a Sunday night in July 1972, while I was pastor of
Sacred Heart Catholic Church, Rayville, Louisiana, I
began to read the book of Hebrews in the New
54 Far from Rome, Near to God

Testament. This letter exalts Jesus, his priesthood, and

his sacrifice over all the Old Covenant or Testament.
This is some of what I read: ‘Who needeth not daily, as
those high priests, to offer up sacrifice, first for his own
sins, and then for the people’s: for this he did once, when
he offered up himself’ (Heb. 7:27). This startled me, and
I began to feel very uneasy. I understood for the first
time that Jesus’ sacrifice was a one-time sacrificial
offering at Calvary, in itself effectual to reconcile me
and believing penitents of all ages to God. I saw at this
time that the ‘Holy Sacrifice of the Mass’ offered by me
and thousands of other Roman Catholic priests daily
throughout the world was a fallacy and completely
irrelevant. If the ‘sacrifice’ I daily offered as a priest was
meaningless, then my ‘priesthood’ which existed for the
purpose of offering that ‘sacrifice’ was likewise without
meaning. These realizations were soon clearly con-
firmed as I continued to read in Hebrews chapter 10:
‘But this man, (Jesus) after he had offered one sacrifice
for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God;
from henceforth expecting till his enemies be made his
footstool. For by one offering he hath perfected for ever
them that are sanctified’ (verses 12-14). ‘Now where
remission of these is, there is no more offering for sin’
(verse 18).

Saved by God’s Grace Alone

That night the Roman Catholic Church lost credibility
for me, since it had taught as truth what was clearly
contrary to the Scriptures. I then chose the Scriptures as
my standard of truth, no longer accepting the ‘Magister-
ium’, or teaching authority of the Roman Catholic
Church as my standard. Like the Jewish priests of Acts
6:7, I became ‘obedient to the faith’. In my letter of
Alexander Carson 55

resignation from the Roman Catholic Church and

ministry, I stated to the bishop that I was leaving the
priesthood because I could no longer offer the Mass, as
it was contrary to the Word of God and to my
conscience. This was in 1972. It was not long before I
was baptized by immersion, began biblical studies and
was ordained to the gospel ministry. For over twenty
years I have walked in the freedom of which Jesus
spoke: ‘Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on
him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples
indeed; and ye shal! know the truth, and the truth shall
make you free’ (John 8:31-32), and ‘If the Son therefore
shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed’ (John 8:36).
 Charles Berry

A Priest Asks God for Grace

Ss practising Roman Catholics, our family dedicated

half an hour each Sunday to attending Mass, but
religion really played a minor part in our life. As a
teenager I was ashamed of my Roman Catholic beliefs,
avoiding going to church whenever I could. Then
something happened that changed the direction of my
life.

Suffering to Get to Heaven

While baby-sitting for a Protestant neighbour I chanced
to read a booklet on the subject of hell and eternal
punishment. I was convinced, as I am at this moment, of
the terrible reality of hell. Determined that my first

56
Charles Berry Syl

obligation was to find a way of drawing closer to God, I

entered deeply into Roman Catholic practices. I began
attending Mass and saying the rosary every day, wearing
the brown scapular and various medals. I was told that if
I really wanted to find out how to get to heaven I should
read the lives of the Roman Catholic saints and discover
how they managed it. Thus I determined that the surest
way to heaven was to cause myself to suffer. Pain
became my constant companion, yet I was careful never
to betray by my expression how much I was suffering.
Then at the age of nineteen, I entered the Order of
Hermits of St Augustine and for the next seventeen
years lived under the rule of St Augustine, progressing
from postulant to novice, to ‘professed’, and finally to
priest.
During the first ten of those pre-Vatican II years, I did
not even see the inside of a monastery nor have the
opportunity of association or frank discussion with
regular monks or priests. Students for the priesthood
never mixed with their superiors and teachers. The
hardships were many, but were gradually relaxed a little
as we advanced and approached ordination. Few of us
complained if the food was poor, the time for rest
insufficient or the discipline degrading or inhuman,
because we felt that this was the price that we had to pay
to become men of God. Obedience to authority was the
one theme which dominated our lives. Not only did we
surrender the right to our own possessions, ambitions
and private lives, we surrendered even our minds and
intellects and private thoughts. We were told that God
spoke to us directly through the mouths of our superiors
and that any doubt or hesitation in accepting their
complete control was a grave sin against God.
58 Far from Rome, Near to God

‘Be Ye Holy for I Am Holy’

My first assignment as an ordained Roman Catholic
priest was somewhat different from the average. In-
stead of being sent to some monastery to assist in
parochial work or to teach, I was given orders to
continue studying until I achieved a Ph.D. in chemistry,
so that I could teach in a Roman Catholic University.
The new monastery where I was sent was luxuriously
furnished with every convenience, boasting of the finest
foods that money could buy. But I had not sacrificed
for so many years to be able finally to live in luxury, but
rather to become a true man of God, a saint. What was »
disappointing and disillusioning to find upon entering
the inner circles of the clergy was how very un-
important God was to those who were expected to have
extraordinary holiness and love of God. The part of
each day which was concerned with doing the Lord’s
work was regarded as the unpleasant part. I noticed
(not only there but wherever I have been in the world)
that the only clergymen who would get up for services
in the church would be those appointed to conduct
them, and then they would feel sorry for themselves
that it was their turn. After asking to be sent some-
where else, I was delighted to be transferred to the
headquarters of the Augustinian Order in the United
States. But instead of discovering it to be a spiritual
powerhouse I found it to be where many priests were
brought when their lives became so scandalous as to
hurt the reputation of the Church. Where was this
Church which had been described to me, to which I had
given my life because of her purity and beauty? Could
it be, I wondered, that it did not exist in the United
States because of contamination by Protestantism?
Could it be that it only existed in its full purity in
Charles Berry 59

Roman Catholic countries where it had full liberty of

expression and freedom from constraints?
At this time I heard of a Roman Catholic university in
a Roman Catholic country that needed a scientist to
build up its programme in science and engineering.
Eagerly I volunteered and soon became Director of the
School of Chemical Engineering. Needless to say, I did
not find there the Church which I had expected to find.
Any American Roman Catholic who travels to a Roman
Catholic country is embarrassed and shocked by what he
sees. In the United States the Roman Catholic Church is
on its best behaviour, putting its best foot forward
because of its critics and opponents. In a Roman
Catholic country, where it has few opponents or critics,
it is a very different matter. Ignorance and superstition
and idolatry are everywhere, and little effort, if any, is
made to change the situation. Instead of following the
Christianity taught in the Bible the people concentrate
on the worship of statues of their local patron saints.

‘Thou Shalt Not Make Unto Thee Any Graven Image’

For many years I had maintained the idea that Roman
Catholics do not worship idols, but now I saw with my
own eyes that there was no difference between the
Roman Catholics with their images and the pagans with
theirs. When I met in Cuba a genuine pagan who
worshipped idols (a religion transplanted from Africa by
his ancestors), I asked how he could believe that a
plaster idol could help him. He replied that the idol was
not expected to help him; it only represented the power
in heaven which could. What horrified me about his
reply-was that it was almost word-for-word the explana-
tion Roman Catholics give for rendering honour to the
statues of the saints.
60 Far from Rome, Near to God

Works Without Faith

Little by little, I devoted myself to my work at the

university. Under my leadership, we built and equipped
a group of large buildings to house schools of chemical
engineering, mechanical engineering, architecture, phar-
macy and psychology. As each school developed, I
turned it over to a qualified dean, while I became
assistant to the rector in charge of science and a member
of the four-man executive committee governing the
entire university. Probably the most outstanding success
I had was the formation of a Bureau of Quality
Standards, under which industries voluntarily agreed to
accept minimum standards and contracted with our
laboratories so that we might continually test their
products to insure uniform high quality. The most
powerful and wealthy people, from the president down,
showered me with honours and gifts so that I might be
their friend and support their projects and ambitions.
Yet deep in my heart I knew that whatever honour I had
achieved, I had not gained the real goal for which I had
set out. Augustine said it so well centuries ago, ‘Thou
hast made our hearts for thee, O God, and they are
restless until they rest in thee’.
Many doubts assailed me. I knew that so many of the
things which we preached, so many of the glib answers
we gave the people, were hotly disputed among
theologians and laughed at or disregarded by many of
the clergy. I was ashamed of the priests who had for
centuries robbed the people, ignored the poor, sup-
ported rich oppressors and lived scandalous lives.
Determined to rescue the few remaining years of my
life, I decided that as soon as I received my doctorate in
physics and chemistry, I would leave the priesthood and
the Church. I am sure that every priest faces such a
Charles Berry 61

decision some time in his life. The Church had promised

to make us men of God, but sooner or later after
ordination, each one must face his conscience to ‘bal-
ance up the books’. That is when he realizes that he is
worse off than the day he began, in spite of using all the
means which the Church had offered.

The Cost of Leaving the Church

To decide to leave means to be cut off from most, if not
all, of those who have loved, honoured and respected us
and, what is more important, those whom we have loved
and served. Every priest must know several companions
who attempted the break and were forced, for one
reason or another, to return. I did. They told me how
they returned, not out of love for the Church but, among
other reasons, so that they could get ‘three square meals
a day and a decent burial’.
I planned my break carefully, requesting from my
superiors permission to take a vacation in Europe.
Then, after receiving my doctorate degree, I bought a
used car in Miami with the idea of disappearing in some
small town where I was unknown. I felt none of that joy
of liberation and freedom which might have been
expected. Everyone I had ever known was now cut off
from me by their bondage to the Church. I was a
stranger and foreigner to the whole world, and more of a
stranger to God than ever before.
In casting about for somebody who might help me find
employment, I turned to a certain chemist who had
worked for me in the Bureau of Quality Standards, but
who was now living in Mexico. After receiving assurance
that there were friends there who would come to my
assistance, I packed my things and headed south of the
Rio Grande.
62 Far from Rome, Near to God

Martha, a friend, was living with an aunt from Spain.

Both women were very kind to me and, as a close circle
of friendship developed, little did I guess how much each
one would influence my life. Eventually Martha and I
were married. Her aunt then sought to be reunited with
her errant husband, but not long after he returned she
was found dead in bed. There was a great deal of
circumstantial evidence against him, and we became
involved in one of the most sensational murder cases in
the history of Mexico. Because of the resulting publicity,
my name was recognized and several Roman Catholic
reporters of leading newspapers began attacking me as a
renegade priest. Then, fearing for the stability of his
business, my employer fired me.
Facing difficulties all the way, we slowly worked our
way to San Diego. After several months working at
Convair Astronautics, I was informed that they had a
staff position for me with the parent corporation,
General Dynamics. Several weeks were taken up in
conferences and briefings. Naturally I had to give a
detailed account of my life, education and professional
work, as well as references. All this I spelled out in great
detail, omitting only the fact that I had been a Roman
priest. Suddenly, just a day or two before I was to begin
my new work, I received a telegram cancelling all
arrangements.
I never did have any direct evidence of what led to my
dismissal, but after only a few days I received a letter
from Church authorities warning me never to try again
to obtain recommendations from Church-controlled
sources because they would always deny they ever knew
me. Never again did I find a position worthy of my
training and experience.
 Charles Berry 63

The Gift of Salvation

I had been taught all my life to fear and distrust

Protestant pastors. We were told that they greedily
seized upon ex-priests to use them to promote their own
evil ends. In desperation and in spite of these fore-
bodings, I decided to take the risk and thus discovered
that all over the world, since the days of Jesus, there
have been people who can best be called Bible-believing
Christians. Not people who merely believe that the
Bible is divinely inspired, but people who consider it a
personal message from their loving God and therefore
make it the guiding force in their lives.
I borrowed a handbook on Christian teaching from a
pastor and found that all the references were texts from
Scripture, no logic, no tradition. I noticed for the first
time the simple statements of the Bible on how one can
attain heaven and avoid hell. I realized that Scripture is
not to be approached from a scholarly point of view but
from the position of children listening to their father,
accepting and believing every word, recognizing that
God means what he has said and knows how to say what
he means. On page after page of the Bible I saw truths
which I had thirsted for all my life. The teaching
regarding salvation was clear: ‘For by grace are ye saved
through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of
God: not of works, lest any man should boast.’ (Eph.
2:8-9).
Martha and I agreed that I had done more than almost
anyone in the world to obtain salvation, but that there
was one thing I had never done. I had never asked for it
as a gift from God. We decided that we would ask God
for his gift of grace. We got down on our knees and
prayed together for the first time.
In a spirit of humility and contrition we asked God to
64 Far from Rome, Near to God

save us, not because of the good we had done nor the
good we vowed to do, but because of the good which
Jesus did when he made atonement for our sin by his
death on the cross.
Little did we realize it, but we were born again, so
young that we did not even know who we were in Christ.
From that moment on we began noticing changes in our
thinking. We began to love the things of God. In one
way or another since then, the Lord has kept us busy
witnessing and preaching, winning many hundreds of
souls for the Lord Jesus Christ and biblical Christianity.
‘But ye are come unto mount Sion, and unto the city
of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to an
innumerable company of angels, to the general assem-
bly and church of the firstborn, which are written in
heaven, and to God the Judge of all, and to the spirits of
just men made perfect, And to Jesus the mediator of the
new covenant and to the blood of sprinkling, that
speaketh better things than that of Abel’ (Heb. 12:22-
24).
 Bob Bush

Once a Jesuit, Now a Child of God

began my Roman Catholic journey in a little country

town in northern California in the USA. The town
was so small that we did not have Mass every Sunday,
but a priest used to come once a month if possible to hold
Mass in a big public hall.
I have both an older and a younger brother. My father
had been trained at the University of Santa Clara. As a
result my parents thought it would be a good idea for us
to attend a Roman Catholic boarding school. The school
was run by the Jesuits and I was a student there for four
years. Academically it was a very good school, but the
only type of religion to which we were exposed was
Roman Catholic theology and tradition with no em-
phasis on the Bible.

65
66 Far from Rome, Near to God

Desire to Serve God and Mankind

As graduation approached I considered what I should

do with my life. I thought that becoming a Jesuit priest
could be a good way to honour and serve God and help
mankind; that was all I knew. At that time, even when I
left high school, I had a longing and a hunger in my heart
to meet God and to know him. In fact, once when I was a
senior (fourth and final year) in high school, I remember
going out to the football field and just kneeling there in
the dark with my arms up to the sky. I cried out, ‘God,
God, where are you?’ I really had a hunger for God.

Jesuit Seminary
I entered the Jesuit Order in 1953 after graduation from
high school. When I entered the order, the first thing
that happened was that I was told I had to keep all the
rules and regulations, that to do so would be pleasing to
God, and that this was what he wanted for me. We were
taught the motto, ‘Keep the rule and the rule will keep
you.’
We read a lot about the lives of the saints, and right
from the beginning I was trained to look at them as
models to follow, not realizing that they had become
saints because they had served the Roman Catholic
Church. I did seminary studies for a total of thirteen
years, taking course after course and studying one thing
after another. It finally ended in a study of theology,
culminating in ordination in 1966.

Hunger for God but No Peace

I still had a hunger in my heart for God. I had not met the
Lord yet and still did not have peace. In fact, at that time
Bob Bush 67

I used to smoke and I was very nervous. I would pace

back and forth in my room puffing one cigarette after
another because of my inner unrest.
I entered a post-graduate programme in Rome
thinking I would be on top of the mountain, but the
hunger in my heart persisted. I even spoke to a priest
who was in charge of missionaries to Africa, since I
wanted to go there as a missionary. I was aware that if I
went to Africa, however, the only thing I could do
would be to tell people what I had learned about the
Roman Catholic doctrines and what the Roman Cath-
olic Church had to offer, even though it had not
satisfied me. I did not see how it could satisfy them
either.
I studied during the years of Vatican Council II
(1962-5) and was ordained a year after it ended. The
documents from Vatican Council II were coming out
from Rome and [| thought everything would change. It
was a time of discovery. I thought I would get to the rock
bottom truth, and this would change the world. This
idea was the force that drove me. But I was not aware of
any changes, as the same Roman Catholic doctrines
from the Council of Trent were still in place. So I did not
go to Africa but returned to California, where God had a
surprise in store for me.

Leading a Prayer Group

While at a retreat house where I said Mass, a lady asked
me if I would lead a prayer group in her home. I had
never led a prayer meeting in my life and did not know
how it worked, but I thought that as I had been trained
for-all those years I should be qualified to do it and
assented. It was held every Thursday from 10.00 a.m.
until noon. A group of people would gather and read
68 Far from Rome, Near to God

only the Bible, sing praises to the Lord, and pray for one
another’s needs. Early on the morning when the prayer
meeting was due to take place, I paced back and forth
and thought, ‘Oh, why did I say I was going to go there?’
I was not at all enthusiastic about going, but when noon
came, I did not want to leave. The power of the Word of
God was beginning to touch my heart and life.

Surprised by God’s Grace

The great surprise that the Lord had in store for me
happened in this way. One night in August 1970 we went
to a retreat house with a group of people from the home
prayer meeting. The speaker asked at the end of his
address, ‘Now if there is anyone here who is hungry for
God and has not been touched by God and wants God to
touch his life, then come forward and we will pray for
you.’ This was the moment I prayed that God would
change me. I went forward and they laid hands on me
and prayed over me. It was not because of any works
that either they or I did, but it was truly by God’s grace
that I was born again. At that moment God changed my
life. Jesus became real, the Bible became real. ‘Not by
works of righteousness which we have done, but accord-
ing to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of
regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost’ (Titus
a5):

Our High School Prayer Group

We started a prayer group in a high school and it grew so
large we had to move to a gymnasium. Before long we
had eight hundred to one thousand people coming every
Friday night. We were stressing praise and worshipping
and glorifying God. Based in the gymnasium where
Bob Bush 69

there were no statues or any other such thing, we had

one manual, the Bible.
I had a lot to learn. It took me many years to realize
that I was compromising by staying in the Roman
Catholic Church. Throughout all of those years I
continued to stress that salvation is only in the finished
work of Jesus Christ on the cross and not in infant
baptism; that there is only one source of authority which
is the Bible, the Word of God; and that there is no
purgatory but rather that when we die we either go to
heaven or hell.
Here is where the conflict came. Seeing people
depend upon such false and deceiving beliefs for their
salvation was heart-wrenching to me. I felt that maybe
God could use me to change things in the Roman
Catholic Church. I even had prayer sessions with people
who felt. the same way. We prayed that God would
change the Roman Catholic Church so that we could
remain Roman Catholics. But to remain Roman Cath-
olic, I now see, is to be living a compromised life.

Conviction by the Holy Spirit

I finally realized after much conviction of the Holy Spirit
that not giving myself totally to him, one hundred per
cent, was grieving my Lord, as I was sinning a sin of
compromise. I also came to realize that the Roman
Catholic Church cannot change. If it did change, there
would be no Pope, no rosary, no purgatory, no priests,
no Mass, etc. After seventeen years of brainwashing,
my brain was washed and cleansed by the Holy Spirit. In
a word, what was happening to me over this period is
explained in Romans 12:1-2:
‘I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of
God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy,
70 Far from Rome, Near to God

acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye trans-
formed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove
what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of
God’.

Research in India

By this time I had met another priest who has since left
the Church of Rome. He was preaching the same kind of
thing, spending half of the year in India and half in the
United States. Victor Affonso was also a Jesuit, and I
told him I thought it would be wonderful to go to India
and to do some missionary work there.
I went to India in 1986 and spent six months there
doing missionary work. We were also able to spend a
month with a group of people researching Roman
Catholic dogma in the light of the Scriptures. We were
determined to follow what the Bible said; if Roman
Catholic doctrines contradicted that, we would reject
them.
We saw that Jesus said, ‘Come unto me’, and that in
the Gospels we are told to pray to our Father in Jesus’
name, never to a saint or to Mary. The disciples did not
pray to Stephen, who died very early in the Acts of the
Apostles, or to James, who was killed very early. Why
would they do that when they had the resurrected Jesus
with them? He said, ‘For where two or three are
gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of
them’ (Matt. 18:20). They prayed to Jesus; they prayed
to the Father; they had the guidance of the Holy Spirit
and obeyed the commandments of God.
In India we discovered that the Roman Catholic
catechism had changed the Ten Commandments from
the way they were in the Bible. In the Roman Catholic
Bob Bush 71

catechism, the first commandment is as it is in Scripture.

The second commandment in the catechism is: ‘Thou
shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.’
This is a complete change from the Bible. The third
commandment of the Bible has been moved up to the
second. The original second commandment as is found
in Scripture has been dropped. Virtually all of the
catechisms drop the second commandment of the Bible.
For example, the New Baltimore Catechism, question
195, answers, ‘The commandments of God are these
ten: (1) I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have
strange gods before me; (2) Thou shalt not take the
name of the Lord thy God in vain,’ etc.
In the Bible, the second commandment declares,
‘Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or
any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that
is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the
earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor
serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God,
visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto
the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love
me, and keep my commandments’(Exod. 20:4-6). God
forbids us to bow down before these or to serve them,
yet there are pictures of the Pope bowing down and
kissing statues.
We were concerned that this commandment had been
dropped out of the catechism. So now we might well ask,
‘How do we get ten commandments?’ The catechisms
divide the last commandment (formerly the tenth, now
split into the ninth and tenth). ‘Do not covet thy
neighbour’s wife’ is listed as a separate commandment
from that of not coveting his goods. This is quite a
distortion of the Bible. I was discovering dogmas and
doctrines that directly contradicted the Scriptures.
ee Far from Rome, Near to God

Mary and the Mass

We also investigated the doctrine of the Immaculate
Conception. This is defined as ‘the doctrine that Mary
was conceived without sin; at the first moment of
conception there was no sin there.’ This contradicts
Romans 3:23 which says, ‘For all have sinned and come
short of the glory of God.’ Here we had a doctrine, a
tradition that is passed down and solemnly defined as
infallibly true, and it contradicts what is in the Bible.
Then we came to one of the biggest areas of conflict. It
had to do with the sacrifice of the Mass. The official
Roman Catholic position on the sacrifice of the Mass is
that it is a continuation of the sacrifice of Calvary. The
Council of Trent actually defined it this way:
‘And since in this divine sacrifice, which is celebrated
in the Mass, that same Christ is contained and immola-
ted in an unbloody manner, who on the altar of the cross
‘once offered himself’ in a bloody manner (Hebrews
9:27), the holy Synod teaches that this is truly propitiat-
ory... For it is one and the same victim, the same one
now offering by the ministry of the priests as he who then
offered himself on the cross, the manner of offering
alone being different.’
Some people might say the Council of Trent is not
valid any more and that things have changed. But
Cardinal Ratzinger, head of the Congregation for the
Doctrine of the Faith in a book called The Ratzinger
Report said, ‘It is likewise impossible to decide in favour
of Trent and Vatican I, but against Vatican II. Whoever
denies Vatican II denies the authority that upholds the
other two councils and thereby detaches them from their
foundation.’ Catechisms also say that the Mass is the
same sacrifice as that of the cross. For example, the New
Baltimore Catechism says, ‘The Mass is the same
Bob Bush 73

sacrifice as the sacrifice of the cross because in the Mass

the victim is the same, and the principal priest is the
same, Jesus Christ.’ Yet in Hebrews 10:18 it says, ‘Now
where remission of these is, there is no more offering for
sin’. So Scripture makes it very clear. In fact, eight times
in four chapters, beginning in chapter seven of the letter
to the Hebrews, it says ‘once for all’; there was one
offering for sin, once for all.

Finished Sacrifice

Anyone who has attended Mass in the Roman Catholic

Church will remember the prayer said by the priest,
‘Pray, brethren, that our sacrifice may be acceptable to
God, the Almighty Father.’ This is a very serious prayer.
The people respond saying the same thing, asking that
the sacrifice may be acceptable to God. But this is
contrary to the Word of God because the sacrifice has
already been accepted. When Jesus was on the cross, he
said, ‘It is finished’ (John 19:30), and we know that it was
completed because Jesus was accepted by the Father
and rose from the dead and is now at the right hand of
the Father. The good news that we preach is that Jesus
has risen from the dead, that his sacrifice is completed,
and that he has paid for sin. When by God’s grace we
accept his work as the finished sacrifice for our sins, we
are saved and have everlasting life.
A memorial is a remembrance of something that
someone has done for us. Jesus said, ‘This do in
remembrance of me.’ So anyone who is reading this, or
any priest who is saying Mass, must seriously consider
the error of the prayer, ‘Let us pray, my brothers and
sisters, that our sacrifice may be acceptable.’ The
sacrifice has been accepted. We are to have the com-
munion service in memory of what Jesus has done. The
74 Far from Rome, Near to God

sacrifice that Jesus offered on the cross cannot be added

to or re-enacted.

Can the Mass Atone for Sin?

The Roman Catholic Church says that the Mass is a

propitiatory sacrifice effective to take away the sins of
those on earth and those who have died. That is why, to
this very day, even though some people will say that the
Church in some places does not believe in purgatory,
still virtually every Mass that is said is for someone who
has died. It is believed that the Mass will shorten their
time in purgatory. That is why it is said for dead people.
When a person dies, judgment immediately follows, ‘It
is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the
judgment’ (Heb. 9:27). If they are saved, they go
directly to heaven; if they remain in their sins, they go to
hell. There is nothing to change one from hell to heaven.
The Roman Catholic Church believes that the Mass,
being a propitiatory sacrifice, will decrease the time in
purgatory. But all the suffering and all the atonement
that was ever made for sins was accomplished by Jesus
on the cross, and we need to accept this truth. We need
to receive everlasting life and to be born again while we
are still alive. There is no biblical evidence to support
the idea that after death we can experience any kind of
change.

To Be Right before God

We then began to study what the Roman Catholic
Church teaches on salvation. It is a doctrine of the
Roman Catholic Church that we can be saved by being
baptized as infants. Present-day canon law says,
‘Baptism is the gate to the sacraments, necessary for
Bob Bush 75

salvation, in fact, or at least in intention, by which men

and women are freed from their sins, reborn as children
of God, configured to Christ’ (Canon 849). This teaches
that when a baby is baptized, it is saved and _has
everlasting life by virtue of baptism. But that is not true.
Jesus never said anything like that, neither is there a
word in the Bible about anything like that happening.
There is no limbo! Jesus said, ‘Suffer the little children
to come unto me.’ The Bible always says we are saved
when we accept that Christ Jesus totally paid the price of
our sin so that his right standing with God becomes ours.
‘For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin;
that we might be made the righteousness of God in him’
(2 Gor. 5:21);

Christ’s Work or Our Works?

The Roman Catholic Church then goes on to say that in

order to be saved you must keep its laws, rules and
regulations. And if these laws are violated (for example,
laws concerning birth control or fasting or attendance at
Mass every Sunday), then you have committed a sin.
The Roman Catholic Church says in canon law of the
present day that if you commit a serious sin, that sin
must be forgiven by confessing to a priest. ‘Individual
and integral confession and absolution constitute the
only ordinary way by which the faithful person who is
aware of serious sin can be reconciled with God, and
with the Church’ (Canon 9609). The Roman Catholic
Church says that this is the way sins are forgiven, the
ordinary way that sins are forgiven. The Bible says that if
we repent in our heart and believe on Christ’s finished
sacrifice we are saved. We are saved by grace, not by our
works. The Roman Catholic Church adds works, in that
you have to do these specific things in order to be saved,
76 Far from Rome, Near to God

whereas the Bible says in Ephesians 2:8-9 that it is by

grace that we are saved, not by works. The Bible makes
it very clear that we are saved by grace. It is a free gift
given by God, not because of any works we do. ‘For by
grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of
yourselves; it is the gift of God; not of works, lest any
man should boast’ (Eph. 2:8-9). ‘And if by grace then is
it no more of works; otherwise grace is no more grace.
But if it be of works, then is it no more grace; otherwise
work is no more work’ (Rom. 11:6).

I Leave India and the Roman Catholic Church

We examined these and many other doctrines while we

were in India, and as I left, I knew that I could not
represent the Roman Catholic Church any longer. I
began to see that Roman Catholic dogmas which
contradict Scripture are so rooted that they cannot be
changed.
The Roman Catholic Church will always insist that the
Mass is an ongoing continuation of the sacrifice of Jesus.
The Church will not let go of the dogma that babies are
reborn and receive eternal life at baptism, nor of all the
various requirements that are put upon her people.
Now I do sincerely love Roman Catholics and want to
help them. I want to help them find the freedom of
salvation and the life and blessing that comes from
following the Scriptures. And I have nothing against any
Roman Catholic or any priest; it is the dogmas and
doctrines that keep them bound. God himself wants to
loose them. Jesus said, ‘Laying aside the command-
ments of God, ye hold the tradition of men’ (Mark 7:8).
That is the problem we are facing right here. These
traditions destroy the very Word of God because they
contradict its truths.
Bob Bush Li

When I left India and came home, I knew that I was

facing the biggest change of my life. It was a time of great
distress for me because I had totally believed in the
Roman Catholic Church and had served it for so much of
my life. I knew when I came back I was going to have to
leave the Church of Rome.
In 1987 I left the Roman Catholic Church formally by
writing a letter of resignation and then corresponding
with my former superiors. I ended up writing to Rome
before I left. I did it in that manner because I wanted to
witness to all of them and give them reasons why I was
leaving. I wanted to follow the Bible.

My Parents and My Wife

At that time I was experiencing a great deal of suffering.
I came home to my parents, both of whom were over
eighty, and one night we had a serious conversation. I
told them what I was going to do; I told them that I was
saved by God’s grace and I was going to leave the
Roman Catholic Church for doctrinal reasons. There
was a long pause and my father said, speaking very
slowly, ‘Bob, you know, both your mother and I have
been thinking the same thing.’ They went to one more
Mass and came home and said, ‘Do you know that is an
altar in front of the church? An altar is a place of
sacrifice.’ And my father said, ‘I see clearly now that
there is no more sacrifice.’ Both my mother and my
father began reading the Bible and following it. In 1989
my mother died reading the Word of God and with the
peace and assurance that she had everlasting life and was
going to be with the Lord forever. My dad passed away
in 1993 with a prayer on his lips for those he left behind.
He had written his own testimony to the grace of God,
and while quite old had witnessed to others, even in the
78 Far from Rome, Near to God

retirement home. On 6 June 1992 God gave me the

greatest gift he can give a person besides salvation, my
beautiful wife, Joan.

The Present Day

I am now an ordained minister, in fellowship with others
of the biblical faith. I continue to preach the gospel of
God’s grace through the death of the Lord Jesus Christ
alone.
 Cipriano Valdes Jaimes

An Irresistible Call

was born in Michoacan, Mexico, to a devout Roman

Catholic family. I received my primary education
under the watchful eye of those who taught me to
observe frequent confession and daily communion.
When I reached the age of twelve, I entered the diocesan
seminary in Chilapa, in the State of Guerrero. For five
long years I studied the Latin of Cicero and Virgil. For
three years my mind was filled with the philosophy of the
Greek writers. With great care I was given four years of
theology where I learned all the dogmas of Romanism.
Finally, on 18 October 1951, on the Day of St Luke the
Evangelist, I was ordained a priest.

ie
80 Far from Rome, Near to God

Sincerely Deceived
On that day, through the laying on of hands by the
bishop, I was given the incredible, the deceitful, the
false powers which the Roman Catholic Church pre-
tends to give to man to delude others. I was granted
the ability to forgive men’s sins, both inside and outside
the horrible confessional box. On that day I received the
power to sacrifice Christ over again on an altar at my
whim and fancy. I could now release souls from purgat-
ory, a place invented by Rome, through a lying and
lucrative ritual. This is the undeniable teaching of the
Roman Church, that before going to heaven men’s souls
must pass through such a lake of fire. How far from the
truth! What error! Yet that is what I believed as the
result of four years of painstaking, incisive work in
dogmatic and moral theology. So when I was told that I
had power to forgive the sins of my fellow men, I
accepted the fact with all my heart, not realizing that the
forgiving of sins is a divine attribute. It cannot be
delegated to a man. The Scripture says, ‘I, even I, am he
that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake,
and will not remember thy sins’ (/sa. 43:25); ‘Who can
forgive sins but God only?’ (Mark 2:7). For twenty years
in the Roman Catholic priesthood I performed this
ridiculous, shameful, anti-scriptural practice of daily
listening to the frailties of society, including military
men, professionals and politicians. I was the spiritual
director in schools. For one year I held the post of
assistant parish priest, and for nineteen years I was a
parish priest. I had aides and assistant priests who
helped me carry out my absurd duties.
Cipriano Valdes Jaimes 81

Christ Sacrificed Once for All

In order to repeat the bloodless sacrifice of Christ on the
altar, I was given the power to convert the bread into his
body and the wine into his blood through the words of
consecration. With joy and deep respect I accepted this
authority. In my hands would be found the very Creator
of the universe, the eternal God, made man for us. Is it
possible that for twenty years I kept sacrificing Christ?
And I did it up to four times on Sundays. What an awful,
shameful travesty this was for me and for all who took
part in what Rome calls the Mass. Man can never repeat
Christ’s work on the cross. To think he can is an
invention of the devil. The Bible says in Romans 6:9,
‘Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death
hath no more dominion over him.’ How then can a priest
cause him to die a bloodless death? Hebrews 9:22 states
that ‘without shedding of blood is no remission’. So what
does a Mass accomplish? Does it purify and free souls
from purgatory? The Bible states, ‘The blood of Jesus
Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin’ (J John 1:7).

God is a Spirit
Roman Catholic dogma declares that in every particle of
the consecrated bread and in the consecrated wine the
body and the blood of Jesus Christ are fully present. What
falsehood! Christ said, ‘Where two or three are gathered
together in my name, there am I in the midst of them’
(Matt. 18:20). But the sacrilegious lying and deceit reach
their climax when the priest, after the so-called consecra-
tion, raises the bread and the cup while the people bow
and strike their breasts or raise their eyes toward heaven,
and exclaim, ‘My Lord and my God.’ This is idolatry, the
worship of created matter. God is not a piece of bread.
82 Far from Rome, Near to God

‘God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship

him in spirit and in truth’ (John 4:24).

Tradition versus Truth

But I believed, taught, preached and defended the

doctrine of Rome whether or not it agreed with the
Word of God. For me, at that time, the Church with its
councils and its traditions came before the sacred
Scriptures. The voice of the Pope had more authority
than that of the Holy Spirit. Was not the Church of
Rome the only one which men were bound to believe
and obey? For that reason, I, as did Paul, actively
persecuted the Church of God (Gal. 1:13). In their own
places of worship I defied evangelical pastors, Protest-
ants as they were called in official Roman Catholicism. I
insulted them, I humiliated them and I forced them out
of the parishes where I was lord and master. I do not
know how much of their literature I destroyed. I recall a
particularly shameful incident. I, along with some
supposedly devout men, came upon a young Christian
woman surrounded by a group listening intently as she
presented God’s Word to them. I forced myself into the
midst of the crowd and began to ridicule and humiliate
her and the work she was doing as a servant of God. I
threatened the crowd around her by telling them that
they would die without the sacraments of the Holy
Mother Church. I ordered those with me to gather up all
the Bibles that had been given out because they were
false. They did not have the stamp of approval of the
true Church, the nihil obstat, or the imprimatur. They
collected sixty-six Bibles, freshly delivered from the
press, and with my own hands I tore them up and fed
them to the flames. Yet I did it all in ignorance. My
Saviour says, ‘He that rejecteth me, and receiveth not
 Ciprano Valdes Jaimes 83

my words, hath one that judgeth him: the word that I

have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day’
(John 12:48).

Called by God
Like Paul I can say that, when it pleased him, God
‘called me by his grace’ (Gal. 1:15). I heard within me his
voice saying, ‘Cipriano, this is not where you belong.
Leave all of this.’ I simply obeyed and I left. The bishop
summoned me and I returned to my parish, offering
some of the well-worn excuses. However, the Lord’s
voice kept insisting. While I listened to confessions he
said, ‘Don’t listen to the weaknesses of others. You can’t
forgive them anyway.’ When I celebrated Mass or
baptized babies, his voice interrupted me. I left my
position a second time, and the bishop called me back
again. And still God’s irresistible voice would not leave
me alone. At last I could no longer stand it. I went to the
bishop’s office and announced to him that I was going to
leave the Church. He replied, ‘What are you saying?
You are leaving the Church? If you are not happy with
this parish I will get you a better one.’ My answer was,
‘No, what I am trying to tell you is that I want nothing
more to do with the Church.’ The bishop reacted with,
‘What are you going to do? Where will you go?’ And I
simply replied, ‘I don’t know what I'll do, nor where [ll
go. All I know is that I have to leave.’ Irritated, the
bishop stood up and brought me some forms to fill out
requesting my release from Rome. His disgust was not
so much with me personally as with the fact that he was
losing a man with eighteen years of study and twenty
years of experience. I was not expelled from the priest-
hood in the Roman Church; I left because the Lord
called me.
84 Far from Rome, Near to God

Saved by Christ’s Work Alone

One month later I was in the city of Tijuana, Baja
California, Mexico. There the Lord had a missionary,
under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, prepared to show
me Christ as the only Saviour. Finally I was able to
understand the Scripture that says, ‘For God so loved
the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that
whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have
everlasting life’ (John 3:16). I have trusted in Christ; I
have received him as my Saviour and as the Lord of my
life. And because of this I know that I have eternal life.
A man does not enter heaven because of his works or his
sacrifices or his virtues, great as these may be. The only
way to the Father is through the unlimited merits of
Christ. No ceremony, no ritual, no sacrament can save a
man.
I have not proclaimed these truths to offend you or
anyone else. There is love in my heart and my life now
because I am a born-again Christian. Recognize the fact
that you are a sinner and confess your sins directly to
God just as I did. Ask his forgiveness for your sins.
Invite Christ into your heart and life, and he will give
you eternal life. I now preach the gospel in churches, in
public places, in prisons and in private homes.
 10

Dario A. Santamaria

Yesterday, a Priest —
Today, a Missionary

was born in Bello, Antioquia, Colombia, on 22 June

1942. I first went to school in the Institute Manuel
José Caicido, taught by the Christian Brothers, an order
whose work is teaching children. Here I studied for six
years. After this, I studied in the school of the Salesian
Fathers for five years. My last year of high school I
studied in Bogota, the capital of Colombia, with the
Dominican Fathers.

Climbing the Ecclesiastical Ladder

After leaving high school I received the habit of the
Dominican Order and began my novitiate year. I wore

85
86 Far from Rome, Near to God

the white robe and black cape of the novitiate. My head

was shaved, leaving just a fringe of hair. For that year I
was studying the constitutional laws, customs, obliga-
tions and privileges of the religious life in the Roman
Catholic Church.
It was a year of hard work. The restrictive regimen
forbade communication with outsiders. We were never
allowed to eat meat, except on certain holidays. Every
Friday we had to fast. Daily we prayed and sang the psalms
in Latin. Every day we began in silence and remained so,
except for prayer, until 12.30. On Sunday we had to
confess our sins before our classmates and our superiors.
Often offenders were made to lie in the doorway where
brother priests would walk over their prostrate forms.
Then I made a promise to remain in the order for
three years. Immediately I began my philosophical
studies. During three years I spent my time studying
metaphysics, cosmology, psychology, methodology, the
history of philosophy, Greek and Hebrew.
Afterwards I made my solemn vows, then I began my
theological studies. In that year, 1961, I met the most
progressive thinkers of the Roman Catholic Church. At
the end of the year I received my first order, another step
up the ecclesiastical ladder.
In the second year of theological studies, I received two
more orders, or grades, of the Roman Catholic clergy. In
the third year, I studied dogmatics, history and the Trinity,
and I received the first of the major orders, that of sub-
deacon. The last year I studied moral law and pastoral
duties and was ordained as a Roman Catholic priest.

The Living Word of God

But the Lord called me to a new way, and I would like to
tell you something of what happened within me while I
Dario A. Santamaria 87

was preparing these many years. I read a speech by the

Spanish writer Donoso Cortez in which he spoke of the
greatness of the Bible and of its contribution to world
literature. He concluded with a paragraph in which he
spoke of the Bible as the Book of God for men. I
understood then the importance of the Bible as a Book
for salvation.
In our home we had a beautiful Bible in which we
noted marriages, deaths and births, a Bible which was a
silent witness to the activities of our home, and a witness
which never spoke to us because we were never taught to
read it. As I began to read some parts many doubts were
created within me, and I wanted to resolve them. I
believed that I should get closer to those who lived what
the Bible taught. Thus I went to a Protestant Christian
friend from whom I bought a Bible and with whom I had
many discussions. I took their correspondence course
but there were many questions still unresolved.
Once when attending a Protestant young people’s
meeting I was surprised at the knowledge these people
had of the Bible. On my birthday my Protestant friend
gave me a Scripture bookmark with John 3:16 on it, the
text which became the key of my life: ‘For God so loved
the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that
whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have
everlasting life.’
I had gone to the seminary thinking that in this way I
could give myself to the Lord. I had chosen one of the
most noble of the orders of the Church because of its
theologians, preachers and service in the defence of the
Roman Catholic faith (the order of Thomas Aquinas
and also of the Inquisition). But I found no peace in the
seminary.
Always the Lord kept before me this text of John 3:16.
I began to wonder why I was in the monastery if the Lord
88 Far from Rome, Near to God

could completely save me. All the practices of the

monastery and the Church were extra and not needed if
salvation was by faith. I tried to search for the practices
of the Church in the gospels, and one doubt grew into
another doubt.

The Way of Faith

From my second year of study I was accustomed to
reading the New Testament in Greek. Certain transla-
tions in Romans and Galatians seemed very strange to
me. The way of faith seemed to be presented as the
Christian’s security. But when I asked my professor of
exegesis about my doubts he answered me in the
words of St John Chrysostom, ‘The more I read of
Paul, the less do I understand.’ My doubts became so
great that they created night about me. At this time I
did not believe in the resurrection of Jesus because I
had taken the liberal theology of Bultmann as my
guide.
Through further study of the Scriptures I was taken
out of these doubts. A verse in 1 Corinthians (15:14)
held the answer for me: ‘And if Christ be not risen, then
is Our preaching vain, and your faith is also vain.’ The
resurrection of Christ became the greatest historical fact
of my life. Iwas already an evangelical at heart. I did not
believe in the ritual of the Church, although I was still in
it. Then I began to believe that all my life was a lie. I was
living a life in which I did not now believe.
So one afternoon I went to visit an evangelical pastor.
It was during my first vacation at home in seven years.
We studied the Word of God together, especially the
eleventh chapter of Hebrews, the faith chapter. I asked
him, ‘If I believe this, then what do I have to do?’ We
prayed together and I received Jesus Christ as my
Dario A. Santamaria 89

personal and all-sufficient Saviour and Lord. Now I was

anew man.

My Family’s Reaction
After this many problems arose, especially concerning
my family. For a Roman Catholic family to have a priest
in the family is better than to give a golden altar to the
Church. My father said, ‘In two hundred years the
Santamaria family has never had a murderer, a thief, a
prostitute, or a Protestant — you are the first one.’ I had
to give up a precious family of six members for the
gospel’s sake, but I gained a family of thousands, true
believers in Jesus.
The Roman Catholic authorities tried to put me in
jail, but many born-again missionaries and believers
stood with me and the Lord delivered me miraculously. I
had to leave Colombia, but the Lord provided for my
needs and opened the way for me to study his Word at a
Bible seminary.
He has now burdened my heart for the Spanish
people, and I am working as a missionary with The
Conversion Center in the USA, seeking to bring the
light of the gospel to darkened Spanish hearts. I need
your prayers daily that many Spanish people might find
peace in Jesus: ‘Therefore being justified by faith, we
have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ’
(Rom. 5:1).
 He

Miguel Carvajal

Why I Left the Monastery

[' was four o’clock in the morning. I put as much

clothing and other articles as possible into a suitcase.
My decision to leave the monastery had been made. I
carefully opened the door of my room without turning
on a light, because it might be harmful to me personally
if Iwere discovered slipping away from the monastery.
I went to a Roman Catholic church in a small town.
Not knowing what course to take, I entered the church.
The lamp was burning in front of the high altar. I tiptoed
along the aisle, then decided to go through a side door
which led into a silent courtyard. I had no place to go,
and I thought perhaps the privacy afforded here would
give me time to make the next move. I had removed the
Franciscan habit and was now in civilian clothing.

+ 90
Miguel Carvajal 91

The Cold Uncertainty of the Future

It was no easy matter to close the door behind me. Doubts
would arise; the struggle was great, but I must not go back
to the slavery of the Roman Catholic Church. When I left
the courtyard and stepped out into the square of the little
village the cold wind from the volcano Cayambe, six
thousand metres high, nearly paralysed my body. The cold
and fear of the future fell upon me.
Freedom I had found, but where I should go now was
my problem. For the last time I looked towards the small
window of my cell at the monastery, remembering the
doubts, struggles, prayers and study to find peace for my
soul. The walls of the monastery were a witness to my
despair when I was confused and thought that perhaps
God would not forgive my sins. I found that sacrifices
and fasting were not enough; only an experience of the
new birth would do. ‘Jesus answered and said unto him,
Verily, verily, I say unto thee except a man be born
again he cannot see the kingdom of God’ (John 3:3).
I walked across the square of the village, realizing that
the bishop and his priests lived here and that I must not
be seen. Now my thoughts were directed towards the
future, and I travelled rapidly along the empty street. I
was tired, and my breath was coming in short gulps, as I
ascended and descended the hills with my suitcase on my
shoulder. My steps were directed towards my mother’s
home in Quito. I could hear the church bells ringing in
the village I had left. Wearily I sat down and wept. The
temptation to return almost overwhelmed me. The sun
was now rising in the Ecuadorian sky.
I had lived in the monastery for ten years. I thought of »
the students, priests and monks and how I had shared
with them all the problems of life. I had known the bad
and the good monks, their desires, conversations and
92 Far from Rome, Near to God

secrets, and the small amount of food that we shared

together. I longed for some of them to come with me
because the way seemed so lonely. They would, of
course, face the wrath of an angry Church if they did
leave. They would also have to face the struggles of life
and spiritual pressures.

Wounded Family
To leave the Roman Catholic Church one must
encounter the displeasure of family, relatives and
friends and all kinds of criticism and face an uncertain
life without employment. A mountain of trials and
frustrations presents itself before the new believer, but
we have a promise and the Bible for a guide. ‘And ye
shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free’
(John 8:32). I preferred to leave the Church and be
independent. I was tired of hypocrisy and tired of a
religion without spirituality.
I finally came to a small town and found myself
without money and stranded at the railway station.
Because I had been a priest and was now travelling in
civilian clothes, I should not be seen by the public. It
would be very embarrassing for the people to see a priest
who, as they would think, had fallen so low. Therefore I
walked for about two hours to Quito, the capital of
Ecuador, and the home of my mother.

My Mother Cries
My mother cried because I had left the monastery. She
could not know how I had longed to find the Saviour.
Here was another temptation. I decided to remain a
Roman Catholic to please my mother, but not to return
to the monastery.
Miguel Carvajal 03

I had been at the monastery so long that it was hard to

adjust to life on the outside. The customs of the people
and those of the priests are so different. I was indeed
miserable and depressed. I decided to seek pleasure in
the youthful lusts of the world, such as drinking,
smoking, dancing and visiting places of ill reputation. I
did not think this was wrong, because these things were
condoned in the monastery. I found work teaching in a
Roman Catholic school, which lasted for two months. I
desired to further my education, but God knew my heart
and therefore my plans were thwarted.
I had a friend who worked at the HCJB broadcasting
station. He wrote to me and testified of salvation in
Christ. I scorned this and said that the priest knows best
for the people. I had been taught that the Protestant
Church was bad. A priest who was my history teacher in
the monastery sent word that nothing would be said
about my leaving if I returned.

A New Creature in Christ

One day I met some evangelical people. I talked with

one of them for about two hours, discussing the Lord
and the way of salvation. These verses were quoted:
‘For God so loved the world that he gave his only
begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should
not perish but have everlasting life. For God sent not his
Son into the world to condemn the world but that the
world through him might be saved. He that believeth on
him is not condemned but he that believeth not is
condemned already, because he hath not believed in the
name of the only begotten Son of God’ (John 3:16-18);
and ‘These are written that ye might believe that Jesus is
the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might
have life through his name’ (John 20:31).
94 Far from Rome, Near to God

It was at this moment that I received the Lord Jesus

Christ as my Saviour and became a new creature. My
life was changed, and for the first time I experienced
what salvation was. I was thirty-two years old. Since
my conversion I have resumed my real name, Miguel
Carvajal. In the monastery I was known as Friar
Fernando.
I was exceedingly happy. The neighbours began to
ridicule my mother and said that I had lost my mind.
They wanted to force me to return to the Roman
Catholic Church. They did not know that for me all
things had become new.

Temptations to Return
I experienced temptations to return. During the Roman
Catholic celebration of Holy Week in April 1960 the old
life began to bother me. I became confused. I decided to
go to Guayaquil although I had very little money and did
not know anyone there. In Guayaquil I became ill with
malaria. The thought came to my mind to return as a
prodigal son to my mother’s home and to the monastery,
but God sent one of his faithful servants who took me
into his home and cared for me.

I Long that Others Should Believe

When I was better, I worked and began to serve the
Lord. I also studied in a seminary. I am now happy to
preach the salvation of the Lord and serve in the Berean
Church in Ecuador. I desire to read with you the words
of the Lord in John 6:47: ‘Verily, verily, I say unto you,
he that believeth on me hath everlasting life.’ The
meaning is very clear. However, to believe on Christ
alone is very difficult because to do this we must first
Miguel Carvajal 95

renounce all false human and religious traditions and

place our faith exclusively in Jesus. On the basis of his
finished sacrifice, we have eternal life. It is very impor-
tant that a Roman Catholic deals with the gospel as it is
declared in 1 Corinthians 15:34: ‘For I delivered unto
you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ
died for our sins according to the scriptures; And that he
was buried, and that he rose again the third day
according to the scriptures.’ If you truly believe that
Jesus Christ completely paid the price of salvation and in
faith you trust him with all your heart, you are then free
from sin and have everlasting life.
 lb

Anibal Pereira Dos Reis

If IHad Stayed in Roman

Catholicism, IWould Not
Have Found Jesus

was born in S40 Joaquim da Barra, Sao Paulo State,

Brazil, on 9 March 1924, into a family deeply rooted
in Roman Catholicism. My father was Portuguese, and in
order not to be an exception to the common rule aligned
himself with the admirers of the Lady of Fatima, fate and
good wine. My mother was of Italian origin and boasted
about the Pope’s golden throne in the Italian peninsula.
My mother’s father, who was very devoted to relig-
ious practices, used to take me to the solemn Roman
Catholic rites in the Mother Church when I was very
young. Even before I was seven years of age, I regularly
attended parish instruction on the catechism. On one

96
Anibal Pereira Dos Reis 97

occasion a priest spoke to us, full of energy and vivacity,

about hell. He introduced us to the danger, but he did
not give us even a single clue as to how to be saved from
this danger.

First Communion Day

My first communion was on | May 1932. I was moved
with the purest feelings. One incident, though, obscured
the solemn atmosphere of the hour. One of our compan-
ions, as soon as the priest placed the wafer on his tongue,
began to shout, ‘The wafer is stuck, Father.’ The priest
advised the nervous boy to keep quiet and not to take
the wafer out of the ‘heaven of the mouth’ with his
fingers. Touching the wafer with his fingers was sacri-
lege. After leaving the church, the boys and girls turned
to the boy with loud recriminations, saying he had
shown a lack of due respect to the sacred Lord.
In 1936 my family went to live in nearby Orlandia so
that my brothers and I could take the secondary school
course. My father wanted to give his sons the opportun-
ity to study, something that he had never had.
A serious problem remained with me from childhood;
it was the eternal salvation of my soul. I used to think
constantly about it. Shivering with fear, I remembered
the priest’s words when we prepared for my first
communion. He informed us of all the pious acts
recommended by a very strict Spanish priest. A great
desire awoke in me, even as a child, to serve God. Not
knowing any other way I became a priest.

The Seminary and Ordination

I managed to enter a seminary at age seventeen. It was
not a good environment. Never have I come across a
98 Far from Rome, Near to God

place with so much slander. I gave myself intensely to

studying all my subjects. My dissatisfaction, however,
continued.
I was ordained a priest on 8 December 1949 in the city
of Montes Claros, in the north of Minas Gerais. The
diocesan bishop gave me the responsibility of setting up
and leading the workers’ circle. This duty met my
aspirations. I found the practice of social assistance a
relief for my spiritual anxieties. I was intensely active,
gaining sympathy from working people from every
region and a lot of praise from ecclesiastical authority.

A Priest in Social Work

At the beginning of 1952 the bishop of Montes Claros

was transferred by the Pope to Recife as an archbishop. I
was included in this change and was to live in Recife.
In this city, I was given the task of restoring a charity
company, a network of orphanages and Roman Catholic
education centres that had suffered a financial crisis. I
worked hard, aiming to rebuild the public reputation of
the institution. In fact I was weighed down by the heavy
responsibility. After little more than two years of work,
the institution’s financial problems were remedied. The
orphanages and homes received a greater number of
children and old people. The schools made a fresh start.
I was referred to several times in the press.

No Peace with God

But in spite of these human victories and the applause of

admirers, I never felt any peace in my soul. Neither
complete dedication to my duties in the charity company
nor the applause of the ecclesiastical authorities pro-
vided an answer to my spiritual torments. I strongly
Anibal Pereira Dos Reis 99

desired to be sure of my eternal salvation, and nobody

could give me that assurance.
In 1960 I was transferred to Guaratingueta in the
interior of the State of Sao Paulo, a neighbouring
locality of Aparecida do Norte. I rejoiced in this change,
mainly because I would be with the ‘patron saint of
Brazil’. Also it was the first time that I would be involved
in a task relevant to social management. I was very
preoccupied with social work. I was supposed to find in
my duties as a priest an answer for my spiritual anxiety.
But I did not.

Parish Work

I developed a new parish in the district of Pedregulho in

Guaratingueta. I worked very hard. The construction of a
parish home, a parish hall and three churches within only
three years was proof of my dedication. Even up to this
point in my life, with a long list of services rendered to
Roman Catholicism, I was still not certain of my salvation.
In October 1956 my father died of lung cancer. I spent
a whole year praying daily Masses for his soul. My family
also prayed Masses for him. But not even the Mass, with
all its claim to infinite value, gave us assurance of my
father’s salvation.
I used to cry out for this assurance for myself as well.
Not the developing social work, nor the construction of
churches, nor the ceremonies which I conducted, nor
blind subjection to the ecclesiastical authorities, nor
Roman Catholicism, were giving me any answer.

My Hatred of Evangelicals
With my spirit in rigorous subjection to Roman Catholic
doctrines, I was feeling real hatred for the evangelicals,
100 Far from Rome, Near to God

whom I referred to in my preaching as ‘goats’, as

opposed to the Roman Catholics whom I called the
‘lambs of Christ’.
One event demonstrates my anti-Protestantism. On the
occasion of All Souls’ Day, in the cemetery of the district
of Pedregulho, the Bible believers carried out evangelistic
work by distributing tracts and Bible portions. In order to
give ‘Glory to God’ (the Jesuit motto) and to defend ‘Holy
Mother Church’, I resolved to damage their work. I got
the children from my church and divided them into groups
to pray hour after hour inside the cemetery. The idea was
to receive the literature and destroy it on candles burning
behind the mortuary.
However, one evening when I had finished this
merciless destruction of evangelical material, I went into
my library to find a book which would amuse me. By
God’s marvellous grace I came across the Bible in the
translation by Matos Soares.
I opened this inspired volume and read chapter 11 of
John’s Gospel. I felt relief come to my grief. I felt energy
transforming my spiritual depression. I continued to
read with more and more interest. I was constantly
thinking about this chapter.

A Beginning in Bible Study

Gradually I began to sense new horizons in my soul. I
decided to study the Bible free of my preconceptions.
Without anybody’s interference and only through divine
grace I discovered through this study the real plan of
God for our salvation. Amazed, I discovered that we can
even have absolute and constant certainty of going to
heaven if we accept his plan. I resisted, however,
because my soul had conformed to standard Roman
Catholic practice.
 Anibal Pereira Dos Reis 101

A Talk with My Bishop

I went to see my bishop. I wanted to be completely
sincere with him. He became confused with my ques-
tions, and finally told me that I was in Aparecida to take
care of the construction of the new basilica. My preoc-
cupations became the purchase of concrete, bricks and
tools. I prayed to Our Lady of Aparecida.

God’s Turning Point in My Life

The evangelical believers were at this time distributing
leaflets in Guaratingueta. One of them was about
Roman Catholic idolatry and the worship of images. To
answer its many claims, I decided to go into the pulpit to
give an explanation about those doctrines, to tell them
that the worship of images was not forbidden by God. I
took my Bible. I began to explain by reading chapter 20
of Exodus. I skipped over verses 4 and 5 in order not to
give any ‘ammunition to my enemies’. When I came
down from the pulpit I was totally ashamed of myself.
I decided to make a sincere comparison of Roman
Catholic doctrines and the Bible. Then I checked the
infinite abyss that separated the two.

I Begin Using Bible Standards

In January 1963 I received an invitation to be a priest in
the city of Orlandia where I had spent my adolescence. I
was so pleased to go back where I had so many friends.
This pleasure, however, was still not sufficient to drown
my spiritual anxiety. I devoted myself entirely to work in
the Roman Catholic parish, full of all the deficiencies of
an old parish with rusty traditions. In spite of the
opposition of a group of discontented but pious women,
102 Far from Rome, Near to God

I managed to develop a splendid work where everything

fitted in, if possible, with the standards of the Bible. I
cleaned up the church, withdrawing all the idols. My
preaching was biblical. My daily programmes on the
radio consisted simply of a commentary on the Word of
God. Many religious hymns sung in the services were
Christian songs.

My Hatred of Evangelicals Turns to Fear

An interesting thing happened to me. My former hatred
of evangelicals had turned to fear. I wanted to talk witha
pastor but did not have the courage. When I was in
Guaratingueta, I decided to go to Sao Paulo with the
single intention of resolving this situation. On descend-
ing from the bus I went to the post office to send a
telegram. On Post Office Square at that moment an
evangelical was preaching. On seeing my cassock, he
challenged me with a pointed finger, exposing me with
harsh words. He did not know what was going through
my soul and could not imagine the purpose of my visit.
After this I immediately went back home.

A Servant of God Assists Me

In 1964 I came close to the end. I could not continue in

this situation any more. In November I went to Santos. I
had already worked out my plan. Wearing civilian
clothes, I attended the Sunday service at the First
Baptist Church and, incredibly, the Bible text used as
the basis for the sermon was none other than chapter 11
from John’s Gospel.
On the following day I managed to catch sight of
Pastor Eliseu Ximenes. This servant of God responded
to me in a manner which was so gentle that I was soon
Anibal Pereira Dos Reis 103

captivated and was free of all my earlier impressions.

We began to plan my departure from Roman Catholic-
ism. It was hardly a formal departure, because it was
made over a long period of time.

Faith in the All-Sufficient Saviour

On 12 May 1965, with God’s special protection, I

managed to disentangle myself totally from the Roman
Church. On 13 June, in the First Baptist Church of
Santos, testifying publicly of my faith in my only and
all-sufficient Saviour, Jesus Christ, I was baptized.
Besides having brought me into his kingdom, God
placed in my heart the task of preaching his holy Word,
and I entirely dedicated my life to this ministry. He has
recently helped the work of this humble servant through
giving me the joy of seeing hundreds of souls come to
Jesus Christ.
In my sermons I stress God’s plan of salvation through
Jesus Christ alone. Every time I preach I can sense a
more intimate communion with him.
I have never felt such spiritual happiness as I do now. I
have total peace in my heart, because I am certain of my
eternal salvation. My soul has been purified by the
redeeming blood of Jesus Christ, to whom be all the
glory for all eternity.
 ie

Arnaldo Uchoa Cavalcante

Grace and Truth Came to Me

by Jesus Christ

will try to summarize the forty years which led up to

my conversion. I entered the seminary of my own
free will, desiring to serve God as a priest. My family did
not possess the financial resources to bear the cost of my
studies, but fortunately a good friend kindly paid my
expenses.
My twelve years of study included philosophy, theol-
ogy and languages. I applied myself in a special way to a
knowledge of philosophy and the Bible.
Finally on 15 August 1945, in the metropolitan
cathedral of Macei0, Brazil, I received ordination to the
priesthood by the hands of the archbishop. However, I
did not receive what I really needed, the grace that

104
 Arnaldo Uchoa Cavalcante 105

comes from above, the divine power to preach the Word

of God with authority! I was still like Thomas who, not
believing in the resurrection power of the Lord Jesus,
needed to touch the body of his Master to believe. In the
same way I could not believe in the Word that I had read
and studied. I needed a special revelation of the Lord
Jesus.

A Priest, but with No Assurance of Salvation

For nine years, from 1945 to 1954, I exercised the

ministry of a priest in the cities of Maceié and Recife,
administering the ‘sacraments’ and preaching, still with-
out peace, without conviction, and without feeling
salvation in things in which I could not believe. My heart
was aspiring for something greater and better. During
this time I held several high academic and ecclesiastical
positions. Meanwhile, at altars, in the pulpit and in the
cathedral, I could not find what I was looking for. I
resolved to leave the cassock in 1954 and set out in
search of spiritual peace, the certainty of salvation for
my soul, faith in the sacrifice of Christ and in the
teaching of the Bible. Divine Providence is marvellous
and prepared me for coming down to the valley of
blessings, peace and salvation. My God proved that I
was, to him, of more value than the birds and the lilies of
the countryside.

How I Left My Parish

‘ On the day of my liberation from black vestments, I was
performing the réle of factory chaplain in the city of
Maceio. After having planned everything that my
conscience advised me, I left for Recife by plane. I had
bought some clothes that I needed in place of my
106 Far from Rome, Near to God

cassock. I wanted to change my clothes in a hurry before

looking for a hotel. I took a taxi and told the driver that I
wanted to go to a particular district of the city. I warned
him that during the journey I would change my clothes.
When I got out of the car I was different and free. I
found a hotel and spent the night there. On the following
morning, I passed the superior from the Carmelite
monastery on the street. I managed to escape him.
I left immediately for the city of Natal and from there
for other cities. Iwould soon have to find the better way
that I yearned for, but unfortunately I lived dominated
by an unrestrained feeling of intolerance for the evan-
gelicals that I called Protestants. I was like Saul of |
Tarsus, religious but a persecutor of evangelical Christ-
ians. I was certainly not converted to Christ inside, and,
in contrast to Paul, it was only after some delay that I
arrived at my conversion. Three years later I was
married, on 10 May 1958, and in the following year our
first son was born.
In the years that passed up to 1960, my search took me
to Brazilian spiritists and other groups, always avoiding
evangelical churches. However, I continued to feel the
Same emptiness in my soul and a burning thirst for
salvation and peace.

God’s Providence and Grace

In 1960 I went to Belo Horizonte and on to Aguai. In

September I headed for Campinas to look for a better
job and, walking in the streets of the centre, I came
across a building labelled ‘The Church of the Nazarene’.
I looked for the entrance, and peeped inside. At that
moment I was surprised by the pastor of the church. It
was precisely 12 o’clock. The pastor received me as if he
had expected me. And now I understand: he was led by
Arnaldo Uchoa Cavalcante 107

divine Providence. That meeting resulted in precious

blessings for my soul and was decisive, in that I took a
new and surprising path. Days after my family was
brought to Campinas, I got to know how true the
evangelical faith was. I heard the sermons of Pastor
Mosteller. On 18 September 1960 I fully accepted the
genuine gospel of Christ publicly. On this date I really
passed from death unto life — the real Christian life,
having the divine Spirit and the peace of Christ in my
soul.
Today I praise God, I bless Jesus, I preach the
message of the gospel and, although working hard, I
have joy, peace and happiness serving my Saviour,
‘being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of
incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and
abideth for ever’ (J Pet. 1:23).
 14

Thoufic Khouri

The Gospel of Grace in Jesus Christ

was born in Lebanon of Roman Catholic parents and

was enrolled in the register of their Church. In
January 1923 I was baptized by a threefold immersion
ceremony. This is the custom of the Syrian Catholic
Church. Through this act I became a ‘Christian’ and a
member of that Church. When I was three years old my
mother died and I was put in a boarding school at
Jerusalem where [| stayed until I was thirteen. At a
young age I loved the altar, the priests and everything
connected with the priestly service.
The school was controlled by the Sisters of Mercy.
One nun, Sister Germaine, noticing my piety and my
interest in the liturgy, insisted that I become a priest.
(Later on, I wrote twice to this nun and explained to

108
Thoufic Khouri 109

her the way of salvation. After the second letter she did
not reply.)

My Doubts in the Seminary

When I was thirteen years old, I had to choose either to
study at college or to enrol in a seminary as a priest. I
chose a seminary of the Syrian rite. Seminarians are
carefully sifted and many are sent away, leaving only a
few. These are of course not perfect. I did not feel
worthy of the priesthood and asked my prior many times
if I could leave. The answer was always the same: ‘You
are called by God; and if that is not so, then, when it is
clear to us, you may go.’ This continued for a long time.
The last time that I went to the prior with this problem
was just before my ordination as sub-deacon. I felt the
difficulties that the priesthood would bring, particularly
celibacy. When I had undergone this ordination I would
then automatically face the obligation of lifelong celi-
bacy.
I still felt unworthy to serve at the altar. My superiors
ignored my pleas and eventually forced me to be
ordained as a priest. I took the name Vincent after my
patron, St Vincent de Paul.

A Little Piece of Paper by My Heart

After my ordination to the priesthood, the doubts
remained. My superiors called these doubts ‘an angelic
virtue’. There were also difficulties on an intellectual
level. I had these earlier as well when I was studying
philosophy and especially theology. I could not accept
certain things without great difficulty. I wanted to
understand all the dogmas but wondered how they
originated and how important they were. I could not
110 Far from Rome, Near to God

remain in uncertainty about this. My superior once told

me, ‘If you have difficulties of belief don’t be desperate;
imitate your patron, St Vincent de Paul.’ He had written
the Creed on a piece of paper which he rolled up. When
he was attacked by doubts he kissed the paper and
pressed it to his heart saying, ‘Lord, I do not understand,
but I still believe.’ I followed his advice and experienced
a short period of peace. It was not, however, strong
enough to settle me fully in my beliefs.

Diplomacy against a Dictatorship

To be brief, there were disciplinary, intellectual and
ethical difficulties. First I had an aversion to submitting
my will completely to my superiors. The bishop could
really do as he wished with us. The effect was that many
got their own way by using other means. This was
especially so in the case of appointments. If one had a
little cunning and a feeling for diplomacy, then one
could prevent an unwelcome appointment or even alter
it to something a little better. For example, I was
appointed chaplain in a small village away in the
wilderness. I manipulated things so that this appoint-
ment was cancelled and I was appointed instead as a
lecturer in a Seminary.

The Advice of a Franciscan of Gethsemane

This appointment brought its own difficulties. I now had

to try with the utmost effort to be a good example to my
students. I still had to read the Mass in the morning,
alternating with another priest. We were the only two
lecturer-priests at the seminary who belonged to the
Syrian rite. The others were Benedictines. My longing
after perfection of life greatly increased and I sought to
 Thoufic Khouri 111

obtain the power for this through the sacraments. The

sacraments did not give me the power for which I
sought. This disappointment caused a crisis. I began to
doubt the value and the truth of the sacraments. From
that moment on I began to consider resignation from the
priesthood, not that I wanted to leave the Roman
Catholic Church, but I wanted to be relieved of the
burden of my priestly functions. I felt totally unworthy
of this holy way of life. Ispoke with my confessor, an old
Franciscan who lived in the cloister of Gethsemane. He
simply said: ‘Oh, dear boy, even the greatest saints have
had trouble with temptations against their beliefs. There
is no valid reason for resigning. Just carry on peacefully.
It is Satan who does not want you to do things well.’

Pastor in Beirut

After five years I was nominated as priest of a Syrian-rite

parish in Beirut. [ came more in contact with people and
their misery. I got to know the suffering of the poor and
came to love them, but I could never find peace for my
soul nor peace and harmony with my colleague, another
priest.
This priest, a rascally old fellow, loved money very
much. He had the management of a school of which he
retained the gifts as much as possible. He was able to do
this because the Lebanese schools are not under the
control of the government but privately run. Although I
did not have anything to do with him he did not leave me
in peace but continually complained to the bishop about
* me. The bishop loved me and I him, for he had ordained
me as a priest. In the end I had a great aversion for my
fellow priest and for others like him. Still, I did not yet
have a reason to say good-bye to the Church. I dared
not.
fet? Far from Rome, Near to God

The Soul Cannot Be Contented with Money

In the meantime my ethical difficulties continued and
still I performed the sacraments. This again caused
several tensions. In order to perform the Mass one’s
conscience has to have a certain purity and this purity is
obtained by means of confession. Many times I had the
opportunity to confess before the Mass, but I did not
always doso. I then had to satisfy myself with an exercise
of penitence involving a very firm intention to confess
my sin at the next opportunity. It was still very difficult
to adjust myself to this psychological act of penitence,
because I had to do it in love to a perfect God.
Many times I had to satisfy myself with the saying of
this act of penitence and then went on to read the Mass. I
often had the feeling that although I had to do it, I
celebrated a sacrilegious Mass. The necessity to serve in
this condition was a growing burden to me. At last I went
to the papal nuncio with a request to be relieved of my
priestly functions.
Again I was discouraged. The nuncio thought it was
only depression, a passing psychological state. He gave
me some money, about $35, to cheer me up. This was
not the way to help me. My purse was fuller, but my soul
emptier.

Love for Such a Hard Church

I was tired of all the priestly functions and wanted to

leave officially, without any grudges, trouble, discussion
or difficulties with my Church. I did not want to cause
great trouble in leaving, but the Church did not allow me
to leave quietly. I began to feel that I was a slave to that
terrible system. How the Roman Catholic Church
sought to tyrannize my whole life! I wanted to be a
Thoufic Khouri 113

simple layman in the Church. However, I began to

realize that this could never be. I could not escape from
the pressures of the hierarchy. How could I ever have
loved such a Church that was so hard on me? I began to
think of saying farewell to my priesthood at all costs, but
I dared not. I was afraid because I had my religious
beliefs. I believed, for instance, that Rome alone was
the custodian of salvation and outside her there was no
salvation. Certainly, I was afraid that I would be lost if I
died at that moment, but nevertheless I continued to
believe that inside the Church my salvation was secure.

A Priest Who Poisoned Himself

About this time, a priest took his own life by poisoning.

He had been a bad priest who had occupied himself with
all kinds of obscene business. He had been addicted to
gambling. Sometimes he won and sometimes he lost. In
the end he committed suicide. I began to consider
following his example. Before I took my life, I would
surrender myself to the mercy of God and ask him to
awaken in me a perfect act of contrition. I was afraid of
that thought. I felt so helpless and depressed.

The Frightening Image of an Apostate Priest

In spite of the terrible state I was in, I dared not break
with the Roman Catholic Church, as I would then
become an apostate priest. Many times the terrible
image of the renegade priest had been portrayed to us,
but we had been told only about those priests who had
been unfrocked and who had left the Church. I did not
know.that there were many other priests who had left
the Church because the love of Jesus Christ had claimed
them. To leave the Roman Catholic Church meant for
114 Far from Rome, Near to God

me to go the same way as Renan, or as ex-priests De

Lammenais and Loisy. Such priests were portrayed as
monstrous examples of pride or as slaves to animal
instincts. No, I would never want to become one of
them.

I Wanted to Commit Suicide

Still, Iwas in an acute state and needed urgent help. One

day I went to the church of my parish and beat on the
altar and begged, ‘Lord, if you are really here now, help
me, please.’ But I did not get any help, just the opposite.
I suddenly realized that I had committed a new sin_
against my faith because I had said, ‘/f you are really
here now...’. I had expressed doubts concerning the
dogma of the Real Presence and of the transubstantia-
tion of Christ in the host. When one wilfully doubts a
Roman Catholic dogma, it is a mortal sin. I returned to
my room very, very depressed and again contemplated
taking my life and plunging into eternity, but I dared
not.

Suddenly I Had to Pray

Suddenly I had a strong desire to pray, but not the
prayers from my Syrian breviary. I wanted to turn to
God in personal prayer from the depths of my heart. I
knelt down and said, ‘Lord, I do not want to be an
apostate and yet I am still afraid that I will lose all my
faith. Therefore, I pray now let me die while I still have
faith in you, in your Son Jesus Christ and in your Holy
Ghost, in your Holy Church and in everything that she
teaches me.’
Thoufic Khouri 115

From Scripture Jesus Speaks to Me

Very soon after this, I had the impulse to open my New
Testament. I had several kinds of Bibles in Arabic,
Aramaic, Latin and French, but I had never really read
it thoughtfully, that is to say, grasping it with a hungry
heart. I did not have reverence for the Word of God or
respect for this Book of the Lord. I had never had time
or inclination for it because I never had any expectations
for my soul. On that day I opened my Bible and my eyes
fell on Matthew 11:28: ‘Come unto me, all ye that labour
and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.’ It was,
viewed from a human standpoint, accidental, but God
who has everything in his hands and who guides
everything had prepared this text for me. I did not read
those words for the first time. Many times I had read
them from my breviary and in the Mass, but they did not
mean anything to me. On that day those words were a
personal message from Jesus to me. Then I prayed a
second time and said: ‘Lord, I take you at your Word. It
is you who are calling me. Here I am. You promised to
take my burdens away. Well, here are my burdens.
Remove them from me and give me rest from them.’ I
got some rest, but I did not then know Jesus as my
personal Saviour.

A Foolish Plan

I had to return to my routine work as a priest. The

people of the parish demanded my attention, and my sad
and weary life continued One day I reminded myself
that the first time I had received any enlightenment had
been through the Bible. Why should I not go to the Bible
House in Beirut to inquire about a book on comparative
religions? When I think about this I have to smile that I
116 Far from Rome, Near to God

was so naive. I was looking for a book about several

religions so that I could then choose a suitable one.
I tell you this as an illustration of how far a Roman
Catholic priest can wander from the truth. I had never
known a living, personal religion. I was looking for
something difficult. I wanted to choose between
Islam, Buddhism, Confucianism, Hinduism, the Greek
Orthodox Church and Protestantism. For me they all
had the same value. I wanted to choose from these, but it
was clear that I wanted to make only an intellectual
choice.
When I went to the Beirut Bible House in my priestly
garb, I was very conscious that I was visiting ‘heretics’.
I rang the bell and asked for a book on religions. I
received a friendly welcome. They spoke with me,
helped me and above all they prayed for me. That was
the first time I prayed with Protestants. They did not
speak about other religions or about a church but about
Jesus Christ alone. I thank the Lord that he inspired
them to speak about his Son. I was happy to listen. They
gave me a booklet called Towards Assurance. It was
printed in Switzerland and contained some Bible texts
with illustrations and references.

Salvation in Christ Alone

I took this simple booklet to my room and read a little

from it every day. So I began to understand the message
of the gospel. I came to a decision which had been
prepared a long time before by the guidance of God. So
my life had now ripened by reading and meditation from
this booklet and from the Word of God. I knelt down to
trust Jesus only. By God’s grace everything in me was
open to receive him. I closed my eyes and opened only
the eyes of my heart in faith and love, and I said to the
Thoufic Khouri 117

Lord: ‘Jesus, you alone are the Saviour; your name

means Saviour. I receive you as my Saviour, and from
this moment I will not build on anything except you.
Henceforth I will look for my salvation only in you.’
So the miracle happened, that which I needed so
much: a spiritual birth. | became a new creature, a child
of God. Outwardly I was still a Roman Catholic. I still
wore my priestly garb. The books in my room were still
all Roman Catholic. Inwardly, however, I was a Roman
Catholic no longer. Inwardly, I had become a Christian.
Also, in my thinking I was still a Roman Catholic,
because so many years of pseudo-biblical, scholastic
teaching is difficult to discard. Within my spirit, the
Spirit of God witnessed to me that I had become a child
of God. ‘For ye have not received the spirit of bondage
again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of
adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit
itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the
children of God’ (Rom. 8:15-16).

My Departure
When I told my bishop of my desire to leave the
Roman Catholic Church, he told me that my ‘strange
ideas’ were ‘Protestant fallacies’. He wanted me to
have a talk with a Jesuit priest, who asked me if I
prayed to St Vincent de Paul and the Holy Virgin.
When I told him I only prayed to God in the name of
Jesus Christ he said to me, ‘It is very clear to me you
are too much of a Protestant. I cannot speak any longer
with you, I am sorry.’ When the bishop heard of this he
said, ‘I will give you two weeks to think things over.’ I
declared that I would never celebrate another Mass,
hear another confession or pray to any of the saints. He
said, ‘Then do what is necessary so that we are not
118 Far from Rome, Near to God

forced to take the most extreme measure.’ I knew what

that meant. I packed my luggage and departed because I
wanted to avoid being removed from the presbytery by
the police.

Accursed be Pastor Khouri!

I left my Church, but I left it with complete peace of

heart. I could not leave the Roman Church so long as I
was a Roman Catholic. There was a need to meet Jesus,
for a meeting person to person, to complete this step. I
was too afraid to break with my Church and become an
apostate, an excommunicated person, a heretic. In my
spirit I could already see my name added to the list of
excommunicated persons at the back of the churches in
Beirut and of the whole Syrian Catholic world, because
that is the way things are done in our part of the world.
Everyone who is under the ban of the Church is
mentioned on a list which is nailed for at least a year to
this shameful board. I could already hear the people
saying, ‘Pastor Vincent Khouri is excommunicated. He
became a heretic. He is accursed. Let him be Anathema,
he is damned!’
I always had this frightful image before me and this
was the reason I had never dared leave the Church. But
those fears totally disappeared when I came to know
Christ as my personal Saviour. In earlier times I had
prayed to Jesus but never to my Jesus, my Saviour.
Many times the people prayed to God in the name of
Jesus but without knowing Jesus as their own Saviour.
‘If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which
are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.
Set your affection on things above, not on things on the
earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in
God’ (Col. 3:1-3).
Thoufic Khouri 119

A Call to Witness

I cannot end without emphasizing this: I am very sure

that God has given each one a call to become a witness
for Jesus Christ. The preparation may have been
lengthy, but God has freed you to help free others. Be
always aware of this call. But again, a call to tell others of
the joy available, can only be obeyed if we ourselves
possess this joy. Joy is only found in Jesus Christ. Any
human being can experience this joy if he is guided by
the Spirit of God and believes in the written Word and in
the Word become flesh.
I pray that this joy in Jesus Christ will become your
full possession. All over the world my brothers and
sisters and redeemed children of God are praying for
you priests. I tell you this to encourage you during the
time when the dark hours and depressing thoughts
come. What a wonderful thing to know that we are
allowed to be real priests, kingly priests to God. Not
Levitical priests, sighing under a special Church system,
we are now priests by the Holy Spirit’s anointing of our
souls: ‘But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priest-
hood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should
shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of
darkness into his marvellous light’ (J Pet. 2:9).
 15

Victor J. Affonso

Following Jesus
Without Compromise

t the age of twenty-three I was a successful com-

mercial artist on the verge of going abroad where
a job was awaiting me. I was happy at the prospect of
leaving India and thereby also escaping the terrible
anguish caused by seeing the misery of the poor in the
streets of Bombay.
Political saviours like Gandhi and Nehru had failed to
give true freedom and justice to India’s poor majority.
Murder and divisions assailed independent India. All the
work for social improvement was but a few drops of water
in a desert. Yet there was still one solution left. The words
of Jesus kept coming to me during prayer: ‘With God all
things are possible’ (Mark 10:27). They seemed to say to

120
 Victor J. Affonso 121

me, ‘Don’t run away!’ On another day I heard the words,

‘Follow my Son — Jesus!’ These words finally led me to
leave the world and join the Society of Jesus, a missionary
order that promised by its very title, its spiritual exercises
and its constitutions to serve Jesus at any cost and to lead
men to know him, his peace and his justice.

To Give India the Gospel

My desire when I joined was to know Jesus intimately,
to study and obey his Word, to be completely free of
outside encumbrances, even a girl I loved, in order to
follow him uncompromisingly. Like Paul, I wanted to
preach the gospel and bring India to Christ. The misery
of India hurt me, and I hoped that with other fully
committed Christians I could help lead the people of
India to Christ that they might be saved spiritually and
socially and live truly as God’s children. When I studied
communications media and taught at St Xavier’s Coll-
ege, it was for the same purpose: to give India the gospel.

The Mission Factor

During the fourteen years of my studies my Jesuit

superiors and companions also seemed to have ded-
icated their lives to the same goal, to know and to serve
Jesus and to proclaim him to the whole world that men
might become his disciples. I was also one of the rare
privileged Jesuits who was able to travel and to live
abroad for studies and was given freedom to act
responsibly. As a man I felt fulfilled. Yet, something
very important was missing! I could not satisfy the
hunger in my heart to experience Jesus, the risen Lord,
as he was experienced by simple ‘unschooled’ men in the
apostolic church, as described in the Scriptures.
122 Far from Rome, Near to God

In the 1960s and early 1970s I studied in the Philippines,

in many countries of Europe and later in the USA. I
witnessed the exodus from Roman Catholic churches in
Europe in the 1960s while I studied in Spain. Only six per
cent attended Sunday Mass! Later in Los Angeles, USA, I
saw the double standards of the lives of the Sunday
Catholics, including myself and the other priests and nuns.
I questioned my Christianity, imported from the West,
and wondered if Jesus Christ and the Bible were not mere
fables for which I was giving up my life in vain.

The Church Opens to Accept Hindus

I had experienced no church other than the Roman
Catholic Church. I was brainwashed to believe that it was
the one and only true Church, outside which there was no
salvation. Vatican Council II had changed the emphasis a
bit but not too much. The Protestants, though now called
‘brethren’ and their churches called ‘ecclesial communi-
ties’, were still treated as ‘heretics’ and their churches were
imperfect, ‘truncated’. I faithfully remained anti-Protest-
ant and avoided any contact with their heretical teachings
and television programmes. On the other hand, I was
encouraged by the Jesuits in India to be more open with
non-Christians, Hindus and Muslims, even to the extent of
calling them ‘God’s children’, and to study their religions
for ‘dialogue’, which meant engaging only in mutual
appreciation of religions but avoiding any intention of
converting them to Christ.

Professional but Lost

In 1971, while studying in California, I was enveloped
in an atmosphere of hippies, gurus, drugs, divorce,
sexual hedonism and perversion of every kind. All my
 Victor J. Affonso 123

psychological counselling and prayers were not helping

the ‘sinners’ at all. I felt helpless. At that time thousands
of priests and nuns were leaving the Church in western
countries. Others, like myself, were becoming profes-
sional in the media, in psychological counselling, or in
social programmes to justify our priestly vocation and to
save the world by every method except ‘the gospel...
the power of God unto salvation’ (Rom. 1:16).
In my late thirties I had already been a Jesuit for
seventeen years. I was equipped with several university
degrees and a ‘green card’ for permanent residency in the
USA. I considered leaving the powerless and unexciting
priesthood along with the rest. But just in case there was a
heaven and judgment, I would remain a Sunday Catholic
and pay my heavenly insurance. Outwardly I appeared to
be an efficient and ‘happy’ popular priest studying film and
television at the University of California at Los Angeles
and living the ‘yuppie life’ at St Martin of Tours Church in
Brentwood, near Beverley Hills and Hollywood. I ming-
led with my favourite stars at their cocktail parties and
never felt discriminated against by this ‘white’ parish. On
the contrary, I felt loved and materially speaking was very
happy. With a good but deceived conscience I also
believed in horoscopes, taught yoga exercises on the
campus to young Americans, and never knew that the
Bible strictly forbids the occult activities into which I had
delved. I needed help!
Unknown to me, some Christians, whom I had
accused and preached against as being Protestant ‘fun-
damentalists’ were praying for me to be delivered from
my deception. They prayed, and I received the grace to
come to a point of confusion and desperation regarding
my faith and vocation and to cry out to the Lord, ‘O
God, show me if you are true, if Jesus is your Son, and if
the Bible is your true Word.’
124 Far from Rome, Near to God

Turning Point
On Pentecost Sunday 1972 the Lord dramatically saved
me. I had prepared to preach a sermon on the Holy
Spirit, to be repeated at five consecutive Masses in
Brentwood. I had no faith in what I preached.
My back gave out early that morning, for the first time
in my life, and I did not preach. An ambulance hurried
me to St John’s Hospital. A leading orthopaedic surgeon
diagnosed my serious condition as congenital scoliosis of
the spine in need of major surgery. I lay on my back in
traction, in pain and in confusion. The Lord arranged
for Christians to come to my room and to pray for me.
Against my will, they placed their hands on me and
while I patiently suffered their ‘foolishness’, I tried to
forgive these ‘heretics’ who had begun praying. I sighed,
‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.’
But in his own way, the Lord had heard my cry and was
answering it through his servants, the very ones I was
rejecting. The Lord opened my heart from that day on to
know Jesus as my personal Lord and Saviour and
assured me of salvation there and then in a way I had
never experienced before. I then knew the big differ-
ence between experiencing Jesus as my personal Saviour
after being born again and leaving all things to work for
Jesus as a Roman Catholic, religious but still not sure of
my salvation and destination after death. Words cannot
describe this wonderful experience of Jesus my Saviour.

The Lord Opens My Eyes and Heals Me

During that month in the hospital the scales slowly fell
from my eyes. The risen Lord sovereignly removed from
my heart all doubt and confusion about his reality and
about eternal life. The Bible, which I had once laboured
 Victor J. Affonso 125

to study as professional knowledge, now became an

exciting real-life spiritual revelation to me. I could easily
understand the Word, enjoy it and remember it. I was
also given grace to believe I would be healed. With faith
in Jesus I walked out of the hospital refusing surgery,
unafraid of the risk. I was healed of the scoliosis without
surgery, to the amazement of the surgeon. This greatly
strengthened my faith and proclamation of the gospel.
The Lord also convicted me that I had fought against
many people. I had always prided myself on being a
friendly and forgiving priest who loved everybody,
including the Hindus, Muslims, my enemies and sin-
ners, giving my life to convert them to the Roman
Catholic Church for salvation. But now I heard a clear
inner voice of the Holy Spirit convicting me of unloving
ways, wrongly judging many Christians as ‘heretics’.
Years of prejudice dissolved and I suddenly hungered to
meet my long-lost Christian brothers and sisters. It was
as if a dark screen had been drawn from my heart, and
my mind and eye could see the truth plainly. I was so
joyful. Love for Jesus burned within me, with a new zeal
to return to India and a boldness to proclaim the gospel
to the whole world.

My Subsequent Life and Marriage

I launched out into all churches, beginning with some
Protestant ones, and found great love among my
Christian brothers as I witnessed to the risen Lord,
. ‘Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and for
ever’ (Heb. 13:8).
The Roman Catholic hierarchy requested me to stop
teaching because I had publicly stated that some of their
main dogmas and practices were contrary to God’s
Word, the Bible. To the best of my ability I had always
126 Far from Rome, Near to God

respected and obeyed the Roman Catholic Church

leaders as unto the Lord. But now my conscience
convinced me that in remaining under their authority |
would be forced to submit to teachings that were false
and lies coming from the anti-Chnist spint. The false
dogmas have not been changed at all by Vatican Il. This
Council fully supported Trent in totality. In 1988, in
Bombay, India, I resigned from the Roman Catholic
Churchsand the Jesuit Order. It broke my heart to leave
the Roman Catholic people, with all my fnends and
relatives, and not be able to teach them the Bible good
news. May the Lord sovereignly bless them with his
truth and set the prisoners free to follow Jesus without
compromise. In 1993 I married Julie Laschiazza Baden
of Brentwood, Los Angeles, who had ministered with
me in Roman Catholic churches all over India and the
USA. Together we founded Cornerstone International
ministries in India and the USA for discipling believers
to pray and labour by the power of the Holy Spirit and
also to use the mass media for India to come to Jesus
Christ.
 16

Simon Kottoor

There is Power in Christ’s

Atoning Blood

he love of Christ compels me to give testimony to

my conversion from the Roman Catholic priesthood
to the born-again life in Jesus Christ. For twenty-five
years I was a Roman Catholic priest strictly following
the rituals of a system which enveloped me as a huge and
indomitable fortress of darkness and ignorance of the
written Word of God.

The Lord Teaches Me

I baptized many infants, pouring water on their heads. I

officiated at public processions in honour and venera-
tion of dead ‘saints’, holding their wooden images, even

127
128 Far from Rome, Near to God

though the second commandment of God strictly forbids

even the making of graven images. I offered the daily
Mass, which I falsely believed was the repetition of the
sacrifice of Jesus Christ on Calvary, and I believed that the
bread and wine literally became Jesus’ flesh and blood.
Only later, when I had studied and prayed over the words
of Jesus as recorded in the Bible, were my eyes opened.
The Lord taught me that there could neither be a
repetition of the consummated sacrifice on the cross nor
did Jesus literally change bread and wine into his body and
blood when he instituted the Last Supper.
Very seriously, steadfastly and sincerely I sought the
intercession of dead ‘saints’ and prayed for the dead in
purgatory, not knowing the biblical teaching that there is
only ‘one God and one Mediator between God and men,
the man Christ Jesus’ (J Tim. 2:5). He alone died in place
of the believer and paid the full ransom for sin. This being
true, we understand why there is no mention in the Bible
of a place of expiation called purgatory, where souls are
released through suffering and the prayers of those living
on earth. As a sincere Roman Catholic I had great faith in
the veneration of relics and the sacraments to which divine
power is attributed when they are used for spiritual needs.

Only God Can Forgive Sin

While a priest I heard many confessions and ‘absolved’
others from their sins, being ignorant of the biblical
teaching that only God can forgive sin. The Bible says,
‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us
our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness’ (/
John 1:9).
I adhered to these and other beliefs and disciplines not
only because I was born and brought up in that
traditional system, but mainly because I was obliged to
 Simon Kottoor 129

obey, for I believed the lie that ‘outside the Roman

Catholic Church there is no salvation’. The teaching of
the Church, called the magisterium, based on tradition,
was accepted as the final authority, not the written Word
of God, the Bible (which was an unopened book, even
for those studying for the priesthood).

No Peace Apart from God

My education for the Roman Catholic priesthood took
place in Rome. I took my doctorate in theology in 1954
and afterwards did post-graduate studies in economics in
Canada. For eight years I was professor of economics at
BCM College, Kottayam, India. I was also principal of St
Stephen’s College, Uzhavoor, for nine years. These were
high positions which gave me regard in society and
material prosperity. During twenty-five years as a priest, I
did not have spiritual joy or peace of soul even when
performing the various rituals. There was an increasing
sense of darkness and emptiness growing in my soul until I
felt that there was no meaning in infant baptism, confes-
sion of sins, the ‘real presence of Christ’ in the Mass, or in
any of the other rituals. I did not know what to do. I turned
to smoking, drinking, gluttony, theatre attendance and
other secular activities in an effort to gain happiness and
peace. But none of this could give me what my spirit
needed. Those were years of agony and spiritual unrest.
What I needed was eternal salvation.

. Thy Word Is a Light unto My Path

Somehow I began to turn my attention to the Bible.
Certain verses caught my attention. ‘Heaven and earth
shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away’ (Mark
13:31). I realized that this was because ‘All scripture 1s
130 Far from Rome, Near to God

given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine,

for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteous-
ness: that the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly
furnished unto all good works’ (2 Tim. 3:16-17).
I thank God for bringing into my life some born-again
men who helped me in my study. The Word of God
became the ‘lamp unto my feet’ and the ‘light unto my
path’. I became convinced of the reason for my spiritual
aridity and emptiness of soul. ‘Whosoever transgresseth,
and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God.
He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the
Father and the Son’ (2 John 9). Even though I had been
very religious, I was not abiding in the doctrine of Christ.
My eyes were opened to the doctrine of Christ as found in
the Bible, the only ‘power of God unto salvation’.
Matthew 16:26 rang in my ears: ‘For what is a man
profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own
soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?’
Through the Word of God I became convinced that it
takes more than baptism to make a person a Christian.
Infant baptism certainly cannot do it. An infant cannot
believe, experience conviction, confess sin; cannot trust
and accept Jesus Christ as personal Saviour. Soon I
realized my spiritual need and was convicted of my sin
and of Christ’s righteousness.

A New Creature

I praise the Lord for granting me the courage and

strength to leave everything behind and trust Jesus
Christ as my personal Saviour and Lord. The day was 5
April 1980. After I was born again by his Spirit and
baptized in water, the Lord filled me with a divine peace,
a joy of heart, and new meaning in my life. The
emptiness of soul that had plagued me for so long
 Simon Kottoor 131

vanished and I now know what it means to become a new

creature. Old things are passed away; behold, all things
are become new.
Satan, however, has not left me alone. He has been
roaming about like a roaring lion. He began to make use of
his agents to persecute me through physical assaults,
isolation and ostracism, and by false litigation against me. I
have suffered the kinds of persecution described in Psalm
69:4, 8 and 12. Through all this the Lord remained my
comfort and strength. He has never failed nor forsaken
me. His words in Psalm 27:10 and Luke 6:22-23 have
given me added confidence, inspiration and even joy.
The Lord has blessed me with a Christian wife, formerly
a nun for twelve years, and we have been living by faith
and serving the Lord ever since. I have travelled to many
places in India and abroad to preach the truth about the
saving power of Jesus Christ and give the testimony of my
conversion. I have visited many families and individuals in
an effort to bring them to the Lord. It seems miraculous to
realize how the Lord took me and my family from place to
place in India in spite of persecution. Finally, in 1987, he
opened a way for me to take my family to America.
Through Dr Bart Brewer of Mission to Catholics Interna-
tional we were introduced to Pastor Ted Duncan of
Liberty Baptist Church in San Jose, California. I will
always be grateful to these men for their benevolence and
spiritual help. They were indeed good Samaritans. My
wife and I have been blessed with a son and daughter. We
live in San Jose and worship at Liberty Baptist Church.
Reader, look to Jesus Christ. There is power in his
‘ atoning blood to wash away your sins as he did mine. No
one can limit the efficacy of the precious blood of Christ.
Trust on him alone and be ‘justified freely by [God’s]
grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus’
(Rom. 3:24).
 lie)

José Borras

From the Monastery to the Ministry

3]Slams you must start a campaign against the

Protestants. They are growing more and more,’
said Sister Dolores, a nun in a cloister where I went on
Sundays to say Mass and preach.
I was a young priest and teacher in a school in Spain
when the nun asked me Sunday after Sunday to do
something against the Protestants.
‘They are deceiving the simple people, and with
material gifts they are winning many good persons for
their heretical group,’ the nun said.
Willing to defend the gospel of Christ, I decided to
fight against the Protestants. The only thing I knew
about them was that they were bad and their doctrine
was full of errors and heresies.

“Loe
José Borras 138°

A few days later a pupil came to my class with a thick

book in his hands. ‘Father, he said to me, ‘This is a
Protestant Bible. A woman gave it to my mother, but
she is afraid of keeping it because she thinks it would be
a sin to do so. Would you like to burn it?’
‘Oh, yes. I will destroy it,’ was my answer. ‘We must
finish with all the Protestant propaganda.’
_ After I had torn out some of the first pages I changed
my mind, thinking that since I needed to preach against
the Protestants and did not know their errors, I could
read their Bible to find out their main heresies.
I read some portions of the New Testament and
compared the text with my Roman Catholic Bible.
When I discovered that both Bibles were almost the
same, I became very confused and wondered how there
could be such great differences between Roman Cath-
olics and Protestants when they both apparently had the
same Bible. My conclusion was that the Protestants did
not read their Bible or, if they did, surely they did not
practise its teachings.

A Family and a Pastor

Thinking that the best way of knowing who the Protest-
ants were would be to observe their lives and customs, I
went to visit a Protestant family. I told them that I was a
teacher and would like to know their doctrine to teach
my pupils better what Protestantism was.
I was surprised that they were polite with me. I was
astonished to see that they knew the Bible better than I.
I was ashamed when I heard them speaking to me about
Christ with a conviction that I, priest that I was, never
felt.
They answered some of my questions and invited me
to speak with their Baptist pastor. I met him the next
134 Far from Rome, Near to God

day, but my first words were: ‘Do not try to convince me,
because you will waste your time. I believe that the
Roman Catholic Church is the only true one. I would
only like to know why you are not a Roman Catholic.’
He invited me to meet every week and to study the
New Testament, discussing in a friendly way our differ-
ent points of view. We did so.
The pastor answered all my questions with texts from
the New Testament. My arguments were always the
sayings of the popes and the definitions of the councils.
Although I did not accept his arguments externally, in
my own mind I realized that the words of the Gospels
had more value than the decisions of the councils, and
that what Peter and Paul said was of more authority than
the teaching of the popes.
As a result of our conversations I began reading the
New Testament assiduously in order to find some
arguments against the Protestant doctrine. I wanted not
only to show that the pastor was mistaken, but even to
win him for the Roman Catholic Church. But after each
one of our interviews, I came back to my school feeling
that he had defeated me in argument.
For a long time I was very concerned, reading the New
Testament and praying that God would increase my
faith and dispel my doubts so that I should not make a
mistake. But the more I read and prayed the more
confused I became. Could it be possible that the Roman
Catholic Church might not be the Church of Christ?
Could I be wrong in my faith? If so, what had I to do?
I heard that other priests and monks became Protest-
ants by studying the Bible, but I could not imagine myself
doing the same. Be a Protestant? Be a heretic? Be an
apostate from my faith? Never! What would my parents,
my pupils and my friends say? My eleven years of study
would be declared invalid. What would I do for a living?
Jose Borras 135

These thoughts disturbed me greatly. I preferred not

to change my faith. I wished I had never spoken with
that pastor. I tried to convince myself that he was
mistaken. I read the New Testament more and more,
seeking for an answer to confirm my position as a
Roman Catholic priest. As I read more I saw more
clearly my wrong situation, but I was so afraid of leaving
the Roman Catholic Church that I decided to continue
as a priest even though I could no longer believe in
Roman Catholic doctrine.

Light in the Darkness

One Sunday, Sister Dolores said to me, ‘Father, you
didn’t preach against the Protestants as you promised
me to do. They continue growing every day and are
winning many people for their Church.’
‘Sister, I said to her, ‘I have been studying the
Protestant doctrine during all this time, but I have
discovered that they are not as bad as we think. They
base their doctrine on the Bible and we cannot preach
against the Word of God.’
“You are quite mistaken, Father,’ answered the nun.
‘They are very bad. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing.
They are enemies of our country. They hate Mary. They
are undermining our faith in the Pope. We must start a
campaign against them.’
I told her how some priests who wanted to preach
against the Protestants had been converted and had
become Protestants when they studied their doctrine
without prejudice and in the light of the Scriptures.
The nun interrupted me. ‘Don’t tell me this, Father;
they were not converted, but perverted. They went over
to Protestantism either because they were demented or
because they wanted to get married. You can study this
136 Far from Rome, Near to God

doctrine without fear,’ she continued, ‘and I am sure you

will never go to Protestantism, because you are not
demented; neither would you sell Christ for a woman.’
‘I am thinking the same, Sister,’ I replied. ‘I promise
you that I will study this question seriously. If I come to
the conviction that the Protestants are wrong, I will start
a campaign against them. If I discover that they are
right, I shall become one of them.’
‘Don’t worry, Father,’ said the nun, smiling, quite
satisfied with my decision. ‘You will never be a Protest-
ant.’
I read my New Testament again and again, and I
prayed to God with all my heart, asking for wisdom and
guidance to arrive at a clear and right decision. I knew I
would never be happy otherwise.

God’s Grace

Three months later I left the Roman Catholic Church

because I could not go on doing things and pretending to
believe doctrines that deep in my heart I knew were
wrong. I thought of all the possible difficulties, but I
decided to follow Jesus Christ in spite of them.
The most important thing that could have happened
to me was my personal encounter with Jesus Christ,
when I came to know him as a personal Saviour.
It is not enough to be a good Roman Catholic: the
important and necessary thing is to be born again in
Christ. This has been my experience. When I entered
into Christ, I experienced that he not only liberated me
from my sins, but also from the heavy load I had to carry
being in a monastic order. ‘Blessed be the God and
Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us
with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ.
In whom we have redemption through his blood, the
Jose Borras 137,

forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace’

(Epheh3., 7):
Thank God for the many who have sought and found
that grace. The same God who transformed the life of
Saul the persecutor on the way to Damascus, and
transformed the life of Father Borras in the cell of a
monastery, is able to transform your life wherever you
are.
“I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be
joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the
garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe
of righteousness’ (/sa. 61:10).
 18

Enrique Fernandez

I Discovered the Word of God

Bz in Madrid to devout parents in 1929, I studied in

the Metropolitan Seminary of Oviedo for twelve
years. I was ordained on 30 May 1954. I then became a
Roman Catholic chaplain in a convent of nuns in
Navelgas, a tranquil village in Asturias, Spain. In the
evenings I usually visited the village priest, an older man
who was companionable and friendly. One night in 1960
he showed me a pamphlet entitled ‘The Gift’ (an excerpt
from the autobiographical writings of the former Canad-
ian priest, Charles Chiniquy). I asked permission to
borrow it and read it.
The pamphlet created an intense desire to read the
Bible. I wanted to know if there was a real difference
between the Roman Catholic and Protestant Bibles.

138
Enrique Fernandez 139

Withholding my identity, I wrote to the address on the

pamphlet, requesting a Bible or a New Testament.
I began to study the New Testament, especially Acts
and Hebrews. As I did, a conviction grew that the
Roman Catholic Church had deviated from the Bible
and that its priesthood had usurped Christ’s place.
The discovery of the Word of God became a thrilling
adventure for me. As I continued reading, I felt the
cutting reality of Hebrews 4:12: ‘The word of God is
quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged
sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and
spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of
the thoughts and intents of the heart.’

Theology Not the Bible

During my four years of theological studies, I had never
seriously read the Bible. For me, the Holy Scriptures
were only consulted as a reference book in the study of
Roman Catholic dogma. I knew only those parts of the
Bible which were included in the Mass and in the texts of
the Roman breviary.
Salvation, the Roman Catholic Church said, depen-
ded on absolution from sins by a priest, and whoever
refused to confess his mortal sins to a priest was eternally
condemned. But I could not find in Acts or in any other
New Testament book any statement that this was so. All
the sacred writers insisted that man must go directly to
God for forgiveness.
On the other hand, in Hebrews I read very clearly
that Christ had been offered once for all for the
sinner. ‘Then,’ I said, ‘how dared the Council of Trent
declare in 1562 that in the Mass Christ offers himself
by the hands of the priest as a true and real sacrifice to
God?’
140 Far from Rome, Near to God

Faith Alone

I also found that justification was only by faith, and I

asked myself whether, if Ihad not found peace of soul in
the Roman Catholic Church, it could perhaps be
because I had expected to gain it as a reward for my own
efforts? ‘But to him that worketh not, but believeth on
him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for
righteousness’ (Rom. 4:5).
In such a manner, I suddenly understood that Jesus
Christ asked nothing of me, and I relinquished all my
own effort to gain salvation. So Jesus Christ became my
only Lord and Saviour.

Later Developments
Through the Spanish Evangelical Mission in the Nether-
lands, I was put in touch with a former Spanish priest of
the Roman Catholic Church who directed me to the
Dutch foundation ‘Jn de Rechte Straat’ (In Straight
Street). This Christian organization had for several
years been helping priests who left the Roman Catholic
Church to understand the principles of the sixteenth-
century Reformation and return to the doctrines of the
Bible.
On 2 May 1961, I arrived in Brussels. Later I went to
Hilversum, Holland. Then I sent a letter to my arch-
bishop, telling him, ‘I have discovered the Word of God,
and Jesus Christ has presented himself to me as my only
Lord and Saviour. Rome claims that Catholicism is
centred in Christ, but in reality it has turned its back on
him.’
Afterwards I went to San José, Costa Rica, where I
received on 25 November 1963, a Bachelor of Theology
degree in the Latin American Theological Seminary.
Enrique Fernandez 141

Finally, I spent several months in Guatemala in con-

sultation with the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod
before coming to the United States, where I have been
preaching the gospel since 1 June 1964 to the Spanish-
speaking people.
My fervent desire is to serve the Lord Jesus Christ, to
carry the gospel of grace to the people and to tell them
what great things the Lord has done for me. What he has
done for me, he can do for them, and for you.
 EO

Francisco Lacueva

My ‘Damascus Road’

was born of Roman Catholic parents on 28 Septem-

ber 1911 in San Celoni, Barcelona, Spain. My
father died in 1918 at an early age during the influenza
epidemic which visited so many homes in my country. I
was only six and my mother had to work hard from then
on, as we were left very poor.
Two years later a friend obtained a post for my mother
as a servant in a convent of Conceptionist-Franciscan
nuns in Tarazona of Aragon, a small city in the province
of Zaragoza. The nuns accepted her on condition that I
study to be a priest, as they did not want boys in the
porter’s lodge of the convent, unless they were destined
for later entry into the seminary.
Thus, at the age of eight years, I found myself already

142
Francisco Lacueva 143

committed to a future about which I knew less than

nothing. The overbearing influence of the nuns was such
that during my career in the seminary, though I told my
mother several times that I did not feel the vocation for a
life of celibacy, she threatened to send me to the Civil
Guard orphanage, which she proceeded to describe in
very dark colours.

As a Young Priest
When I was ten I entered the seminary of Tarazona to
study for the priesthood. I did not study very hard until
the senior courses, but even so I was able to pass all the
exams with the highest marks. This I felt was some slight
compensation to my pride to counter-balance the attrac-
tions of an ordinary job in which I could have realized
my desires of making a home.
I was ordained a priest on 10 June 1934 in Tarazona by
Dr Goma, archbishop of Toledo. Then passed the
fifteen years of my ministry to the Church, classes in the
seminary and in private, as well as burials, baptisms,
marriages and other religious ceremonies.

Doubts Suppressed
In September 1948 I was promoted by my bishop to the
chair of special dogmatic theology in the diocesan
seminary of Tarazona of Aragon. One year later I was
also appointed as Magister Canon, that is, the official
preacher in the cathedral. Up to that time, I had
managed to suppress all doubts and difficulties which I
had experienced with regard to many of the doctrines of
the Roman Catholic Church which the faithful are
taught and obliged to believe. This had been achieved
partly because of the immediate and unconditional
144 Far from Rome, Near to God

submission which, under pain of excommunication, all

true Romanists render to the Pope.
Then one day I read in a Roman Catholic magazine,
Cultura Biblica, the name of a Spanish evangelical
pastor, Don Samuel Vila. He was attacked for some
remarks he made in his book The Fountain of Christian-
ity, with reference to the brothers of Jesus. I wrote him a
letter describing with utter sincerity my spiritual prob-
lems.

A True Conversion to God

Pastor Vila replied with a letter full of understanding

and unction of the Holy Spirit, in which he explained
many of the fundamental truths of the Word of God.
These amazed me, as they were against everything
which I had believed. Mr Vila did not ask me to become
a Protestant but told me quite candidly that the solution
to my spiritual problem did not lie in changing from one
religious confession to another but in a true conversion
to God. This was my first surprise and it was not to be my
last. He added that my salvation depended on my simple
reception by faith of Jesus as my personal Saviour and
(another great surprise) that I should consider Christian
living as a loving spiritual relationship with God. This
was extraordinary to me. So these were the maligned
Protestants.
I continued my correspondence with him and he sent
me some evangelical literature. I shall always remember
the impression I received from reading his book The
Fountain of Christianity. There I found a reasoned
exposition of the solutions to my personal research,
undertaken against the dogmas of Romanism. Why had
I not seen these things? Simply because I did not possess
the extensive knowledge of the Bible and history which
Francisco Lacueva 145

Don Vila proved to have. It was thus that I devoted

myself to the detailed study of and meditation on the
Word of God, accompanied by much prayer in which I
sought abundant grace of the Holy Spirit to discover the
real sense of the Word, to treasure it in my memory and
heart, to live it out in my life, and to communicate it to
others. In a little over a year I had read the whole Bible
through twice and the New Testament many times. I
also studied the best Romanist and Protestant commen-
taries.

The Word of Truth

I was soon enjoying the fruits of this very pleasant task.

My students were often amazed at the pertinent and
varied biblical references with which I supported my
theological explanations. But above all I saw with
clarity, and for the first time the falsity of many of the
doctrines of the Roman Catholic Church which are the
articles of faith.
Though the light had begun to filter into my soul in
January 1961, I was still not saved, even though I was
convinced of the falseness of Romanism. I was most
encouraged at this stage in my conversion by the first
personal visit I made to Samuel Vila in Tarrasa
(Barcelona) in May of that year. The fervour and
devotion with which he spoke to me and particularly
when he prayed to the Lord with me impressed and
moved me greatly.

The Power of the Grace of God

Following the advice of brother Vila, I put God to the

test in moments of great difficulty for me, and with
wonderful results. At last on 16 October 1961, and in the
146 Far from Rome, Near to God

midst of a trial which hemmed me in like a veritable bull

of Bashan, I raised my eyes and heart to heaven, not
resting on my own strength, but sure of the power of the
grace of God, which harvests its greatest triumphs in the
face of human weakness and impotence. ‘And he said
unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength
is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I
rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ
may rest upon me’ (2 Cor. 12:9). ‘Blessed are they
whose iniquities are forgiven, and whose sins are
covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not
impute sin’ (Rom. 4:7-8).
Since that time I have seen quite clearly that I have
been born into a new life, abandoning my life of sin, and
surrendering unconditionally to Christ, ready to take up
his cross and follow faithfully in his footsteps. Every day
I have prayed that the Holy Spirit might keep me ever on
the alert to obey his slightest wish, and that I might be an
instrument under his almighty guidance. From October
1961 to June 1962, my friends, my pupils, and my closest
companions were able to see the change which had been
wrought in me. My sermons had a fire of conviction
which they never had before. My heart was filled with an
enthusiasm, an inner joy, a wonderful happiness, and
my greatest delight was in prayer and in the continuous
reading and study of the Holy Scriptures. I began to read
methodically; and many were the Bibles and New
Testaments which I gave to my friends on their birthdays
and holidays.

Romanism: Another Gospel

I realized after some time, that it was impossible to
continue in the Roman Catholic Church. On 16 June
1962 I wrote letters to my bishop and to the President of
Francisco Lacueva 147

the Canonical Council of the Cathedral of Tarazona to

which I was attached for thirteen years as Canon
Magister renouncing all my honours and position. I told
them I was leaving the Roman Catholic Church because
I did not wish to fall under the anathema of Galatians
1:8—9, ‘But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach
any Other gospel unto you than that which we have
preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said
before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other
gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be
accursed.’
The same day that I wrote my letter of resignation I
left Spain for England. My friend Mr Luis de Wirtz
received me with open arms at Newhaven.
I would not end without offering a vibrant testimony
of my conversion to Jesus Christ. With great joy I have
renounced the high positions which were mine in the
Roman Catholic Church and the handsome living which
accompanied them. I follow confidently under the
providential guidance of my heavenly Father to the sure
goal of my salvation. Since leaving the Roman Catholic
Church I have seen quite clearly that in order to possess
all things it is necessary first to give up all things.

By Grace
To my former companions in the priesthood, I say with
all my heart, I am very happy in the new life which I have
embraced in Christ and in his gospel; I would that all of
you were touched by this same grace. I shall not forget
you in my prayers, and I trust I have a place in the
prayers of all who seek the truth sincerely and with an
upright heart. Be assured that salvation is a personal
matter between God and each one of you. Salvation
does not lie in membership in a church, nor in pious
148 Far from Rome, Near to God

practices, services, rosaries or messages of Fatima. It is

obviously wrong to believe that one can be saved by
observing the ‘First Fridays’ or the ‘First Sabbaths’.
Only our personal acceptance by faith of the redemption
of Jesus Christ can save our souls. ‘For all have sinned,
and come short of the glory of God; being justified freely
by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ
Jesus: whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation
through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness
for the remission of sins that are past, through the
forbearance of God’ (Rom. 3:23-25).
This is biblical doctrine; it is the doctrine of Paul in
Romans. Study the Scriptures and they will guide you to
the truth. Beware of following a mistaken road. Think
on this today. Tomorrow may be too late.
 20

Juan T. Sanz

‘Thou Knowest That I Love Thee’

was born on 28 April 1930, in Somosiera, Madrid

(Spain), the eighth child in a Roman Catholic
family.
I felt the call to the priesthood when I was thirteen,
while listening to a sermon during the Mass (19 March
1943). For economic reasons | did not enter the minor
seminary of the diocese of Madrid until the academic
year of 1945-6.
During the first five years of my course I studied Latin
and humanities. The following three years I studied
philosophy, theology and ethics. In September 1953 I
began studying theology and ethics as basic subjects.
No seminarian could possess or read a Bible during his
first eight years. On my twenty-first birthday a woman,

149
150 Far from Rome, Near to God

who would later be godmother to my first Mass gave me a

Bible which, to her surprise, she had to take back home
until I was twenty-four years old and started my theolog-
ical studies. So my interest in knowing more about the
Bible would be more of a curiosity than a necessity.

My First Mass
I was ordained a priest on 14 July 1957, and on the 18th
of the same month I celebrated my first Mass in my home
town.
My first parish church was La Horiuela, Madrid. I
took possession on 23 August 1957, and continued there
until 1959, when, due to my parents’ health, I resigned
and was assigned coadjutor to the parish church in the
neighbourhood of Canillejas, Madrid.
I took my parents and my sister with me to this new
post, where both the parish priest and the parishioners
received us with open arms. But after a while my
fellowship with the parish priest gradually began to
deteriorate due to his fundamentalist and conservative
attitude concerning the content of the preaching, the
administration of the sacraments, the liturgy of the
Mass, and devotion to the Virgin Mary and the saints.
Why did I have to preach what the parish priest wanted?
Why did I have to hear the confession of the penitents
before celebrating Mass, as if this were the expiation of
their sins? Why was the specific devotion to Mary and the
saints allowed during the celebration of the Mass? Why
use Latin in the Mass and administration of the sacraments
if the parishioners could not understand it? In my first
parish I had used Spanish in various parts of the Mass, in
funerals and baptisms. This so pleased the vast majority of
parishioners that their attendance and participation in
worship gradually increased.
Juan T. Sanz 151

Reform in the Parish

After two years in my new parish I told my parish priest

about my use of Spanish and the Bible in my previous
work. Later he informed me that, with the bishop’s
permission, we would be using Spanish during much
of the liturgy and sacraments. But the Sunday and
quarterly preaching would have to remain unchanged,
even though | thought that they moralized too much and
consequently were not very biblical. The themes were
chosen by a group of conservative priests with the aim
that all clerical diocesans would preach on the same
theme at a particular Sunday Mass. Even so, I managed
to ‘restyle’ the proposed themes, giving them a new
direction towards Christ. My parish priest came to hear
about this and, to my great surprise, told me that he
would substitute for me in the pulpit whenever he could,
leaving me to officiate at the Mass.
In those difficult days I used the Bible as my bedside
book and searched more and more for its truthful,
profound and eternal message of salvation, for me and
the rest of the world.

The Lord Answers

One day the Lord answered all my questions when he

led me to read and understand chapter 3 of the Gospel of
John. God’s love and promises were now and would
henceforth be for me the only rule, power, authority and
mirror. But had they not always been so for me? They
had: but now they were so in another way, since God
had regenerated me by his Word and Spirit: ‘For God so
loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that
whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have
everlasting life’ (John 3:16). Therefore God was my
152 Far from Rome, Near to God

Father and his Son Jesus Christ was my only and perfect
personal Saviour. This was something completely new
for me. A big change had taken place in my heart.
In the summer of 1964 I asked the Lord to tell me what
to do with my life. Icould no longer continue in the Roman
Catholic Church because its hierarchy forced me to preach
‘another gospel’, different from the message of salvation
by grace and through faith, only to be found in Christ.
But when and how could I leave my priestly ministry?
Who would support my parents and my sister financi-
ally? Would I find understanding and support in the
bishop if I gave up my post for the sake of faith and
conscience? How would the Protestants, to whom I was
thinking of going for advice, receive me?
In the spring of 1965, I heard about the ‘desertion’ of a
priest, also from Madrid and a superior of the seminary,
who, with the help of the pastor of an evangelical church,
had left the Roman Catholic Church and had gone abroad
to study Protestantism in a European Protestant univer-
sity. So my colleague’s attitude and determination were
the answer as to how I could leave the priesthood to know
in a deeper way the gospel of liberty of God’s children.
With this aim I contacted the German Church, La
Iglesia de los Alemanes, in Madrid, and they gave me
Pastor Luis Ruiz Poveda’s telephone number. As soon
as I told him that I was a priest with problems of
conscience and faith, he advised me to stop the conver-
sation and to arrange to meet on a certain day and place,
as his telephone was frequently tapped by the police.
And that is what we did.

Mortal Sin or New Life?

Meanwhile I felt as if my spiritual and psychological life

were collapsing. Under the terms of Roman Catholic
Juan T. Sanz 153

doctrine, I lived constantly in a state of ‘mortal sin’

because I formally doubted my faith; because I did not
search for the pardon of this and other sins in the
sacrament of penitence; because I searched for biblical
truth in Protestantism and not in my bishop and theology
professors; because I rejected the Roman Catholic ecclesi-
astical hierarchy and authority; because I rejected the
doctrinal authority of my Church concerning the Bible;
because it seemed to me that the aural confession of sins
robbed God of the right and power which only he has in his
own person and through the work of his Son Jesus Christ;
because the celebration of the Mass seemed to me to
supplant the merits of Christ on the cross.
Did all these reasons mean a full stop to my pastoral
ministry? The Lord told me by his Word that they did
not. But this brought about a conflict against the Lord’s
will, against my Roman Catholic mentality, and against
my stubborn pride. This inner battle affected my health
and sleep and produced many fears. In the end it
required me to renounce everything for love of Christ
and for my own eternal salvation.

I Respond to the Lord’s Grace

At the end of the tunnel of anguish and fears, the Lord
Jesus invited me to respond to him as the Apostle Peter
had done for the third time near the lake. It was these
words I had already chosen as my motto for life before
being ordained as a priest: ‘Lord, thou knowest all
things; thou knowest that I love thee’ (John 21:17). Thus
the Lord led me out of the shadows of Roman Catholic-
ism into the light of the gospel of grace: ‘For by grace are
ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is
the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast’
(Eph. 2:8-9).
 a|

Celso Muniz

The Professor’s Methods

Did Not Work

Re childhood on I looked restlessly for reality and

certainty. In my youthful opinion it was through the
priesthood that I could best experience truth and
salvation for the soul. A schoolteacher once said to me,
‘It is more difficult for a priest to be lost than for a stone
to float in water.’
I entered seminary for a twelve-year period of study.
There I gave myself completely to a life in accordance
with the regulations of the Roman Catholic Church. I
did all the ascetic exercises and I also taught asceticism
when I was professor of ascetic and mystic theology and
principal of the Metropolitan Seminary at Oviedo in
Spain. (Asceticism is the art of mastering ‘self? and

154
Celso Muniz 155

bringing under control all passions, desires and lusts by

severe self-discipline, abstinence, or inflicting punish-
ments on the body.)
Yet I could never find for myself the self-control,
peace and certainty which I taught other people to
acquire. My inner restlessness, added to the many
disappointments I experienced from the Roman Cath-
olic Church when comparing her teaching with the
Bible, brought about an increasing struggle within me.
While in this spiritual turmoil my attention was caught
by Protestant radio broadcasts from abroad. These
made me hunger for the true message of God, and so the
Bible became light and food for my soul.

The Bible, the Source of Truth

My desire to understand precisely what Jesus had taught

led me to seek contact with a church I had heard of, one
where the Bible was the only source of guidance for their
faith. As I studied the Bible and spoke with these
Christians, I saw Jesus Christ in a completely new way —
as a perfect Saviour who must be approached directly
and personally by faith alone.
As I continued to search the Bible, I recognized more
and more clearly the errors of Roman Catholicism and I
wanted to experience the kind of conversion of which
the Bible spoke. On the other hand, because I was very
tied to my Church, I wanted to have this experience
without leaving Roman Catholicism.
However, I gradually became convinced that the
Roman Catholic Church had pushed Christ aside with
her wrong teaching and her highly complex organiza-
tion. For me this was a most painful conclusion to reach.
156 Far from Rome, Near to God

Jesus Is the Truth and the Way

I can never forget the actual night of my conversion.
Another day of severe inward conflict had ended with
my seeking refuge in the Lord and in his Word, the
Bible. I could not sleep.
It was not so much that I tried to pray, but prayer
suddenly welled up in my heart and I could not hold it
back. More than ever before I felt the burden and weight
of the sins of my past life. I thought, I am completely
sinful. I cannot deliver myself; I am useless and good for
nothing in the sight of God. Never before had I felt so
incapable of doing any good. I thought of how many
times the Lord Jesus Christ in the Bible had invited
those who felt utterly lost to come to him. I felt strongly
drawn towards him, for he offered free and undeserved
forgiveness. Indeed, Christ had been ready to come to
suffer the punishment of men’s sins in their place.
At last, without any further desire to do anything
myself, I threw myself into the arms of God my Father,
who had given Jesus Christ for my salvation. I prayed,
‘Come to me, Lord Jesus, I give myself to you as my
only, personal and all-sufficient Saviour.’ The hours flew
by as minutes. I felt as never before completely at one
with the Lord my God. Deep down within myself I
thought, Thou art mine, O Lord, and I am thine, thy
possession for all eternity. I do not know how it
happened, but it is a fact that all my wavering, doubting
and vacillation disappeared, and my happiness became
complete.
My decision was now made, and standing before the
choice of Jesus Christ or the Roman Catholic Church, I
chose to follow the Lord Jesus Christ whatever the
consequences might be.
I discovered that Christ took over my life and made
Celso Muniz isy7/

me one with himself simply because I trusted my soul to

him. The Lord is not merely a good man who shows us
the way, but he is the way. The Lord is not just a teacher
of truths, but he is himself the truth. The Lord is not a
hero who gave his life for a human cause, but he is the
only Saviour who is life for all who turn to him.
We can never find salvation while part of us trusts in
what Christ has done to take away the punishment of
sin, and another part of us still trusts in sacraments,
indulgences, and our own attempted good works. Real
salvation comes only when we fully trust Jesus Christ.
 ta

Manuel Garrido Aldama

From Roman Priest to

Radio Evangelist

was born of long Basque ancestry in a typical Roman

Catholic family in the north of Spain. The Basques
have the reputation of being the strictest and most
devout of all the Spanish people. We were a family of six
boys and one girl who was the youngest of all. My father,
a lawyer, intended that we should have the best educa-
tion. My mother, a fervent Roman Catholic, took care
of our strict religious life.

For My Mother’s Sake

During his regular pastoral visits to my mother’s home
the priest would remind her that her six boys had been

MSs
Manuel Garrido Aldama 159

given to her by God and it was for her to show her

gratitude by giving at least one of them to serve at the
altar. ‘If you love your children, give them the greatest
honour a mother can give her boys. The greatest honour
is the priesthood,’ he used to say to my mother. It is no
wonder that she, being of such religious tendencies and
so devout, thought that it was really her duty to dedicate
some of her boys to God in the priesthood. My father,
although not anti-religious, paid little heed to the
priest’s advice for he was not of the same opinion. He
wanted to have his boys follow some secular profession.
I would not have been allowed to study for the priest-
hood had not my father died when I was ten years of age.
It did not take my mother long to make the necessary
arrangements to have me accepted in the seminary, and
some months afterwards, when I was scarcely eleven
years of age, I was taken to the minor seminary in
Madrid. I promised my mother that I would do my best,
for I would not have displeased her willingly for
anything on earth. But how could a boy of eleven years
of age understand the meaning of the priesthood? Rome
maintains that ‘once a priest always a priest’, and such a
lot was cast on me at the impressionable age of eleven
years and under the pressure of a loving mother.
Things went quite easily for the first six or seven years
of my training, but they began to change when we came
to the study of the dogmas of the Church. The classes of
theology were conducted in Latin, and at the end of every
class the professor, who had received his Doctorate of
Divinity in Rome, gave the students an opportunity of
presenting questions or putting objections or asking for a
better explanation of some of the points which he had
treated in his lecture.
160 Far from Rome, Near to God

Is God Not Just?

When we came to the dogma of the ‘infallibility’ of the

Pope, I decided to put a question to him, not with the
object of denying anything, but so he might help me to
reconcile the justice of God towards man with the
declaration of this dogma in the Church some years
previously. My argument was that God was making
salvation more and more difficult for man as the years
went by, and this did not seem to me to be very just on the
part of God. Why was it that men could be saved and go to
heaven before the year 1870 without believing this dogma,
while we that were living after that could not be saved if we
did not believe in it? Does it not imply injustice on the part
of God to place additional obstacles before men every few
years in order that they might obtain salvation? God is not
just if to enter heaven I have to overcome greater doctrinal
difficulties than my ancestors.
I could see that the professor did not like my raising
such questions. When on another occasion I sought
further enlightenment, he answered in an irate manner,
‘If you do not refrain from your dangerous ways of
thinking, some day you will be a heretic.’
We often saw one of the professors in the seminary
walking up and down the corridors with his New
Testament, studying and meditating on it. When he
preached he always preached Christ; he never men-
tioned the saints, and in one of his classes he said more
than once, ‘I am afraid we are in the wrong somewhere.
The Christ we know is not the Christ represented to us in
the New Testament, and that may be the reason our
preaching appeals so much to the feminine sentiment,
while the men keep away from us.’ He, no doubt, knew
something of the truth as it is in Christ Jesus, but was
afraid to be outspoken.
Manuel Garrido Aldama 161

The time had arrived for me to be ordained a priest,

and I was not very happy about it, in spite of all the
importance attached to ordination and all the honours I
was supposed to receive. My faith in the Church and
even in God had been on the decline for a long while.

Ordination and My Mother’s Joy

The ceremony of ordination took place in Madrid. My
mother and other members of the family had come for
the unique occasion. My fellow students and I were
ordained with the elaborate ritualism and sumptuous
pomp that Rome’s experts have arranged for such
occasions. Some days after the ordination I said my first
Mass and administered the communion to my own
mother and sister. I could see the tears running down my
mother’s cheeks, and I myself could not help feeling the
extraordinary emotion that such a ceremony was inten-
ded to produce.

Men as Mice

Some months after ordination I secured a post teaching

Spanish literature in one of the colleges in the north of
Spain, in the province of Santander. I was obliged to say
Mass every day and occasionally was invited to hear
confessions. Since, according to the dogma of transub-
stantiation, I had God in my hands every day and since I
saw men and women coming to me for confession, I
began to drift further and further away from God. There
were men as strong as an oak kneeling before me at the
confessional box shaking with fear as if they were little
mice. They did not feel like confessing their sins and
they did not know how to do it, but they feared the
eternal punishment with which they were threatened if
162 Far from Rome, Near to God

they did not come to confession at least once a year.

Labouring men like these did not know how to begin so
they would say, ‘Father, help me by asking me some
questions’, and I had to review the sinful acts that I felt
men of their position might commit. Although I did not
believe in the power of men to forgive sins, I never
refused to pronounce the formula of absolution to any
one who came to me in good faith.

Trapped by Our Position

There were other priests connected with the school in
which I was teaching with whom I naturally came into
close friendship. More than once I asked them, ‘Do you
really believe that because we say of a piece of bread,
“This is my body”, or because we say to a sinner, “I
absolve thee”, the bread is turned into the body of Christ
and the sinner has his sins forgiven?’ I remember one of
them answering, ‘Why do you bother about those
things? We are in this position and cannot help it now.
We can do nothing about it.’ By then I had resolved to
leave the priesthood. I did not have the courage to face
the opposition and consequent ostracism which would
have been my lot had I given up the priesthood in Spain.
I knew that in many places my very life would have been
endangered, so I decided to leave Spain in order to carry
out my convictions. For a time I had another teaching
job in North America. Then on my return to Spain I
found the religious surroundings unbearably narrow and
oppressive.
In London I found circumstances the most favourable
for leaving the Roman Church. I was fairly popular with
the pupils and in no need of the support of the Church.
Therefore I decided to separate there and then. So I
dispatched a notice to the Roman Catholic authorities in
Manuel Garrido Aldama 163

London, advising them of my resolution and asking

them to appoint someone in my place. In this apparently
easy way I realized a desire that had been in my heart for
several years. I thought I had rid myself at last of all
religion. It was not so, however. God had his plan to
draw me unto himself.

Faith in Christ Alone

A minister of the Church of England, a real man of God,

hearing of my spiritual predicament became interested in
me and invited me to converse with him on religious
matters. He endeavoured to show me the truth, not just
because I had given up the Church of Rome, but because I
thought that by doing so I had done away with all religion
in my life, and with God in particular. In our conversations
he would always conclude, ‘In spite of all your studies,
there is one thing you do not know and one thing you lack;
you do not know Christ as your Saviour, and you do not
have him in your heart.’ I could not help admiring the
sincerity of the man as well as his earnestness, and I had to
admit that I had never before heard God’s plan of
salvation as he was now telling me: that Jesus Christ had
paid the price of sin in full and that I needed to know him in
a real way and have heartfelt faith in him.
‘Now to him that worketh is the reward not reckoned
of grace, but of debt. But to him that worketh not, but
believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is
counted for righteousness. Even as David also de-
scribeth the blessedness of the man, unto whom God
imputeth righteousness without works. Saying, Blessed
are they whose iniquities are forgiven and whose sins are
covered’ (Rom. 4:4-7).
The minister repeated God’s plan of salvation to me
many times, until God in his grace gave spiritual light to
164 Far from Rome, Near to God

my spirit. Ibegan to have a new hunger for the things of

God, a hunger given to me by God himself.

Effectual Prayer
One Saturday afternoon the minister invited me to his
home, and after speaking to me on the same subject, took
me into an adjoining room where some members of his
church were meeting for prayer. I was greatly surprised
when I heard them praying for me. Their interest in my
spiritual welfare was quite evident. The pastor had told
them about me, and they had met there solely for my sake.
I felt that Christ was very real to them. They spoke to him
as if he were really present among them. This was a totally
new experience for me. I never thought that men and
women could call on God so fervently and spontaneously
as those people did. For Roman Catholics, even for the
priests, prayer consists almost exclusively in the mechan-
ical recitation of certain formulas written by the Church or
by some person who has tried to put his own feelings
towards God or the saints into writing for the help of those
who might want to use them.

God Gives Me Faith

Deep spiritual conviction came upon me and God gave

me faith in Christ and a heart to repent. I could not help
praying earnestly to God, ‘God, it is true that Jesus
Christ saves and brings peace to the soul; I want him to
draw near and give it to me.’ I did not know exactly what
was happening within me, but the doubts and spiritual
darkness which had troubled me for so long vanished
and I experienced a peace and tranquillity such as I had
never known before. The Lord had accomplished his
purpose. I had ‘passed from death unto life’.
Manuel Garrido Aldama 165

“Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with

God through our Lord Jesus Christ’ (Rom. 5:1). ‘In
whom we have redemption through his blood, the
forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace’
ao adSa 8

It Is Not Good that a Man Should Be Alone

Not long after my conversion I met a lady who later

became my wife. She had been a pupil in one of my
Spanish groups. Later on when I proposed marriage to
her, she refused at first on the ground of the Roman
Catholic saying, “Once a priest, always a priest.’ She was a
Roman Catholic, though no longer in communion with the
Church. Finally she accepted, on condition that I would
never ask her to accept the Protestant faith. ‘I will never go
over to the enemy’s camp,’ she used to tell me. I knew,
however, that if Christ’s grace had been powerful enough
to bring me to him, he would also save her, and he did.
Leading her from the errors of Romanism was not difficult
and the Lord drew her to himself also.

The Need for the Gospel

I began to have a burden from the Lord for Spain and the
Spanish-speaking world. In time the Lord led me as an
evangelist to a radio ministry in South America called
‘The Voice of the Andes’ (HCJB). Quite a number of
Roman Catholics came to Christ through this.
I believe we need to preach the gospel, ‘for it is the
power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth’
(Rom. 1:16), and to utilize every means of doing so, to
meet the spiritual needs of this dying world. ‘So then
faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of
God’ (Rom. 10:17).
 Diy

José Manuel de Leon

Jesus Saved Even Me

I was born in Vizcaya, Spain, on 9 April 1925. At age

eleven I lost my father, a victim of the Spanish Civil
War. Some uncles, sincere yet deceived, set me on the
road to studying for the priesthood. I was ordained a
priest on 24 September 1949. Although for eight years I
had been working in Spain instructing youth, I myself
needed peace. In spite of all the vows of poverty,
chastity and obedience, and interminable prayers and
confessions, I did not manage to resolve the anguish of
my soul.
I observed with qualms of conscience countless rules
and laws; I received sacraments and practised cere-
monies, all without knowing Christ as my Saviour or
even wishing to read the Word of God. Besides, I could

« 166
José Manuel de Leon 167

not teach what I was ignoring. Of course, it had never

occurred to me to think that I was practising a ministry
contrary to the Holy Scriptures.

God in His Mercy Guides Me

Meanwhile I was designated for the parish of ‘Our Lady
of the Remedies’ in Rocha, Uruguay, in the capacity of
Father Curate. I faithfully carried out my mission, yet
did not find the remedy for my troubles.
I had never spoken with evangelical Christians (or
Protestants as they are usually called) nor desired to
become one. However, God in his mercy was guiding
me. In September 1958 I met two evangelical ladies
from Buenos Aires whose conversation left a pleasant
impression in my soul. They prayed to God with con-
fidence and had thorough knowledge of his Word. They
asked me if I was saved. I replied that I was expecting to
be saved by the merits of Christ and my good works.
They replied that we can only have peace with God
through being justified by faith in Jesus Christ and that
‘the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all
sin’ (J John 1:7). I responded, ‘This is understood by the
Church of the Mass in which daily sacrifices are offered
for our sins and for the dead.’ The ladies replied, “The
Roman Church and you priests would say many such
things; however, the Bible assures us: “Now where
remission of these is, there is no more offering for sin”
(Heb. 10:18).’

Reading and Preaching the Word of God

Immediately I wrote to friends from Spain and asked them
to send me two translations of the Bible, the Roman
Catholic one of Nacar-Colunga and the evangelical
168 Far from Rome, Near to God

one of Reina-Valera. As soon as they arrived, I began to

read them avidly at the rate of seven or eight hours a
day. I ascertained that the books were the same, only
differing in some words used by the translators. The
Word of God was revolutionizing my spirit. After three
months in the true ‘school of God’ I travelled to Buenos
Aires desiring to know the evangelicals personally.
Three days, in which I attended services and conversed
with them, were enough to convince me that people who
enjoyed so much peace and happiness, who prayed to
God asking always in the name of the Lord Jesus, could
not be wrong. It was impossible.
On returning to Rocha I could not stop preaching the
Bible to the faithful of my parish. Included in the Mass
of those days were references to the parable of the
sower, the healing of the blind man of Jericho, the
temptation of the Lord in the desert, and so on. The
occasion was favourable to exhorting the parish to
read the Holy Scriptures. I did not attack any Roman
Catholic dogma and in my spirit I held firm the
resolution of not attacking the Roman Catholic Church.
At that time I believed that I was far from being saved.
Besides, I was bound by personal interests.
Therefore my surprise was great when on the an-
niversary of my arrival at Rocha (21 February 1959), the
senior bishop told me that in view of accusations that I
had preached ‘as a Protestant’ I was expelled from the
diocese and had to go back to Spain.
If I had preached against Christian doctrine I would
have willingly recanted publicly. But according to the
Church’s own legislation, notification must be sent to
the accused party before ecclesiastic censure can be
imposed. I was restricted in my duties. Although my
conscience did not accuse me before God, I headed for
Nuncio, asking for a new interview with the bishop. He
José Manuel de Leon 169

was a little more amiable, but I decided that I must leave

Rocha; and after eight days of spiritual retreat I took the
office of priest in Rio Branco.

No Other Foundation than Christ

Those days of retreat helped me to get to know the Bible

better. The more I read, the more convinced I was that
the Roman Church was completely removed from the
spirit of the gospel. In my book Why J Embraced the
Priesthood and Why I Left It I explain the reasons that
induced me to leave the Roman Church. There every-
thing is put in its place: Christ, the fundamental rock of
his Church, not Peter; the Scriptures, not the traditions;
the Virgin Mary as mother of the Saviour, not as mother
of God; the holy men of God, privileged but not
intercessors. I noted that in the Roman Catholic Bible
already cited, in the second commandment that Rome
cut out of the catechism, it was prohibited by God not
only to worship but to make images. ‘Thou shalt not
make unto thee any graven image, nor any likeness of
any thing... thou shalt not bow down thyself to them’
(Exod. 20:4-S).
The Roman Catholic Church teaches that (1) the
priest, called Father, is placed by God to instruct; (2)
that one must confess sins to him for them to be
absolved; and (3) that only through him and through the
Church can one obtain salvation.
God teaches in his Word that: (1) we must call no one
father on earth because he is our Father, that Christ is
our Master, and that the Holy Spirit teaches us and
guides us into all truth (Mart. 23:9-10; John 14:26 and
16:13); (2) that sins must be confessed to the Lord, and
that this is what cleanses us from all unrighteousness (/
John 1:8-10); and (3) that outside Christ who died on
170 Far from Rome, Near to God

the cross for sinners there is no other name given to men

by which we can be saved (Acts 4:12 and 5:31, Heb.
Te):
Consequently, not being able to continue struggling
against God, against his Word and against my own
conscience, I decided to yield myself into his hands and
release myself from the Church of Rome. The Word of
Christ was fulfilled more than once ‘And ye shall know
the truth, and the truth shall make you free’ (John 8:32).
I did nothing more than obey one of the solemn
exhortations which conclude the Bible: ‘Come out of
her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins and
that ye receive not of her plagues’ (Rev. 18:4).
Now, like the apostle Paul, I preach the gospel.
‘Having therefore obtained help of God, I continue unto
this day, witnessing both to small and great’ that it is
Christ that must ‘show light unto the people, and to the
Gentiles’ (Acts 26:22-23).
 24

José A. Fernandez

I Was Blind, Now I See

was born blind, not physically but spiritually, in 1899

in one of the most mountainous and inaccessible
regions of Asturias, rightly called the ‘Spanish Switzer-
land’.
My parents were devout Roman Catholics who be-
lieved implicitly everything that the Roman Catholic
Church taught. They had, indeed, a blind faith, which
they transmitted to their seventeen children. Roman
Catholicism permeated the heart, the mind and even
the body of the individual; the baby was nursed and
nourished with love and devotion to Mary and the
saints; the child was later on impressed with the value of
medals, scapulars, beads and holy pictures; the priest’s
word was law and had to be obeyed.

17]
172 Far from Rome, Near to God

As early as I can remember, I had a strong inclination

towards everything connected with the Church and the
priest, whom we regarded as a super-human being
devoid of ordinary human needs and weaknesses. My
greatest delight was to serve as an altar boy, considering
it a great privilege and honour to rise early in the
morning and walk two miles in the snow through
mountainous terrain to assist the priest at the Mass. At
the age of seven I was able to recite the prayers of the
Mass in Latin.

Blind Faith in the Church

The family devotions, consisting of the recitation of the

rosary and a long litany of prayers to all the patron
saints, were held every night without exception. The
whole family, including the small children, gathered in
the kitchen, which also served as the living room. We
formed quite a congregation! When my father took the
beads from his pocket, it was the signal for all of us to go
down on our knees on the bare stone floor, ready for the
coming ordeal which usually lasted forty minutes.
The recitation of the beads, consisting of the Apost-
les’ Creed, fifty-three ‘Hail Marys’, six repetitions of
‘Glory Be’, five of ‘Our Father,’ the ‘Hail, Holy Queen’
and the Litany of the Blessed Virgin, was trying enough.
Far more so was what followed, a seemingly endless
series of prayers to the different virgins, angels and
saints noted for their special advocacy and protection in
all the circumstances of life.

The Worship of Images

My early religious life was centred on one main event
during the year: the Festival of the Virgin of Dawn,
José A. Fernandez 173

commemorating the assumption of Mary into heaven on

15 August.
The Virgin of Dawn was the patroness of the region.
According to a legend, the virgin appeared to a certain
shepherd on a nearby mountain called ‘Alba’ or ‘Dawn’.
A sanctuary was erected on that spot to honour the
apparition. Every year a religious pageant is enacted,
and the shrine is visited by thousands of pilgrims from
far and near. The statue of the virgin, attired in splendid
regalia, is carried in procession through the mountain-
side, to the acclaim and veneration of the devotees who
come either to pray for a miracle or to thank her for the
miracles already performed. Each region in Spain claims
at least one such miraculous virgin. Fatima is re-
produced hundreds of times!
Although Roman Catholic theology distinguishes
between the statue and the person it represents, that
distinction is theoretical only. There was no doubt in my
mind that both I and those simple mountain people
really worshipped the image. To us, a supernatural
power was attached to the physical part of the figure, for
it was not even a statue in the proper sense of the word.
It consisted of a few sticks arranged so as to provide the
skeleton on which a face was placed. The figure was then
dressed in silk and gold. I was shocked beyond words
when one day I saw the altar ladies undress the statue
and noticed that the virgin of my dreams was only a
dummy. That mental picture has remained with me ever
since.
Having observed my religious inclinations, the parish
priest approached me with the idea of studying for the
priesthood. Guided by the exalted opinion I had of that
profession, I yielded readily to his persuasion, much to
the joy and satisfaction of my deeply religious father and
the consternation of my equally religious mother, who
174 Far from Rome, Near to God

opposed the idea on the grounds of her maternal instinct

and love.

A Friar and Priest

At the age of twelve I left home, father, mother,

brothers and sisters, never to see them again. The glory
of the priestly life, the enchantments of the monastery,
and the salvation of my soul envisaged on the horizon of
my mind overcame the natural sadness that came over
me as I took leave of my family and the scenes of my
childhood.
I was sent to a high school in the province of
Valladolid. The high school was conducted by priests of
the Dominican Order for the purpose of training young
boys already set aside by their parents for the priest-
hood.
During the four years of my stay there, I not only
studied the high school subjects but became proficient in
the Roman Catholic catechism. It was there that Roma-
nism took hold of me body and soul; the seed of
intolerance was sown in my soul, since the catechism
insisted that there was only one true Church of Jesus
Christ outside of which there was no salvation. That
Church was the ‘Holy Roman Catholic Apostolic
Church’. God was presented to my young mind as a
stern judge ready to render to us according to our sins,
an angry God who had to be appeased by good works,
penances and mortifications.
During the first two years of my training, my life was
exemplary in the observance of every rule and in the
assiduity to my studies. I was honoured on several
occasions with special awards.
From this school I was sent to the Dominican Noviti-
ate in Avila, and in the famous monastery of Santo
Jose A. Fernandez 1}

Tomas I was invested with the black and white habit of

the Dominican Order at the age of sixteen.

A Time of Torture

One full year was devoted to the intensive study of the

rule and constitution of the order, the rigid observance
of the same, the chanting of the office of the virgin, and
constant vigilance on the part of the novice master. It
was a year of trial and probation which only the
strongest characters could survive. Fasting was pres-
cribed from 14 September to Easter. The incoming and
outgoing mail was carefully censored by the master. All
contact with the outside world was prohibited. No
conversation or communication could be held between
the priest and the professed members of the monastery.
Auricular confession was obligatory every week, and
this was generally held on Saturday and had to be made
to the same novice master who was at the same time our
superior and constant supervisor.
It is not difficult to imagine the anxiety and mental
torture that such unmerciful practice, since changed by
the canon law of the Church, inflicted on the young
novices, who literally dreaded the approach of Saturday.
But the dream and anticipation of one day becoming a
full-fledged friar provided me with the courage needed
to complete that year of probation and absolute self-
renunciation successfully.
The day of partial liberation came on 8 September
1917, the Feast of the Nativity of the Virgin Mary, when
I made my profession as a member of the Dominican
Order. The next four years were spent in Santo Tomas
College, adjoining the novitiate.
From the time I left home at twelve until I finished
college at twenty-one I had not spoken to a woman.
176 Far from Rome, Near to God

Womanhood was presented to our young minds as

something evil, and on numerous occasions the religious
instructors related to us stories of saints who never
looked at their mothers’ faces, citing this as an example
of chastity to be imitated by us.

Studies in America and Ordination

After four years of college I went to the United States to

study theology and learn English. I spent three years in
the Dominican Theological Seminary in Louisiana and
some time in Notre Dame University.
Soon after my ordination to the priesthood in 1924 I
was sent as assistant pastor to one of the largest
Roman Catholic churches in New Orleans, Louisiana.
I served in that capacity nine years and in 1932 I was
appointed pastor of the same church, at the age of
thirty-two.
For six years I laboured untiringly, zealously and with
great success. The church grew in membership, attend-
ance at religious services, reception of the sacraments,
and even in material goods. When I became pastor, the
parochial school had an enrolment of about 450 pupils;
two years later the enrolment went over the one
thousand mark. I made it possible for hundreds of poor
children to receive free religious education.
The Dominican Order had honoured me with the
office of superior of the Dominican House connected
with the church. My community was composed of five
priests and two lay brothers. I was also the Father
Confessor of several convents of nuns, facts which prove
the high esteem in which I was held by the archbishop,
the congregation, and my religious superiors. I was in
fact a ‘Pharisee of the Pharisees’, who needed a personal
encounter with the living Christ.
José A. Fernandez 177

A Penitent Soul

During the last years of my pastorate I began to doubt

the validity of some of the doctrines of the Roman
Catholic Church. The first thing that I doubted and
rejected was the power of the priest to forgive sins in
confession. Neither could I make myself believe in the
doctrine of transubstantiation, or the real physical
bodily presence of Christ in the host (wafer) and in the
chalice (cup).
My faith in the Roman Catholic Church weakened. I
felt that I could no longer remain a hypocrite. I was
entertaining the idea of leaving the priesthood. God
intervened and provided the occasion by the instrument
of human agents. This time it was the Master General of
the Dominican Order who issued orders from Rome to
the effect that Spanish Dominican priests of Louisiana
should leave their churches and turn them over to the
American Dominicans. Some were ordered to Spain,
others to the Philippines.
I resigned myself to abandon the parish without any
protest, feeling that the hand of God was present in this
new turn of events. But I refused to leave the country of
my adoption which I had learned to love. I left the
priesthood and took the road that leads to the gutter of sin,
but somewhere along that road God took pity on me and
saved me from a disastrous end. For a year and a half a
terrific struggle went on within my soul. I felt tempted to
turn away from God and everything sacred. But then I
would remember the words of Peter: ‘Lord, to whom shall
we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life.’
The world with all its pleasures and allurements could
not fill the vacuum in my soul. After vainly trying to find
happiness in the things of the world, and wishing to save
my soul, I went to a monastery in Florida. It was my
178 Far from Rome, Near to God

purpose to consecrate my life to God in the solitude of

the monastic life, to bury myself in that sacred precinct,
to work for and earn my own salvation. In the seclusion
of a monastery I thought God would surely give me that
assurance of salvation and the happiness of soul that I
was seeking.
That was my purpose but God had other designs for
me. From now on God’s hand leading me was manifest.
It was in the monastery that I became acquainted with
evangelical Christianity.

The Inspired Word of God

For a while I worked in the library of the monastery.
There was in that library a particular cabinet with the
inscription ‘Forbidden Books’. Curiosity got the better
of me. One day I unlocked the cabinet and saw six or
seven books. I read them all one by one. They were
religious books dealing with the evidences against
Roman Catholicism as the true Church of Jesus Christ.
I also began to read the Bible. Until then the Bible did
not mean much to me personally. It was indeed the
inspired Word of God, but I was told that the ordinary
human mind is not able to understand its true meaning.
A superior mind, an infallible authority was necessary, I
believed, to impart the meaning of what was in the mind
of the Holy Spirit when he inspired the sacred writers. I
preferred to read the Word of God as understood by this
infallible authority and as found in the Roman Catholic
missals and prayer books.
Gradually the reading of the Bible became a source of
comfort and inspiration in the solitude of the monastery,
and I began to understand the real meaning of certain
passages of the Bible to which I had not paid particular
attention in the past.
José A. Fernandez 179

I was particularly impressed with the following verses

as I read them in the Bible: ‘For there is one God, and
one mediator between God and men, the man Christ
Jesus; who gave himself a ransom for all, to be testified
in due time’ (J Tim. 2:5-6). ‘Grace be with all them that
love our Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity. Amen’ (Eph.
6:24). ‘Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt
be saved, and thy house’ (Acts 16:31). ‘Now the Spirit
speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall
depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits,
and doctrines of devils; speaking lies in hypocrisy;
having their conscience seared with a hot iron; forbid-
ding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats,
which God hath created to be received with thanksgiv-
ing of them which believe and know the truth. For every
creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it
be received with thanksgiving’ (J Tim. 4:1-3).
The seed of the Word of God was then planted in the
garden of my soul. It is true that I tried to smother it, but
that little seed was to grow and bear fruit in due time.
Teaching church history to the young monks, I
became acquainted with the corruption of the Roman
Catholic Church, both in doctrine and in practice; and in
my heart, I felt a deep admiration for the courageous
leaders of the Reformation.
After two years in the monastery, I had not found the
peace of mind nor the happiness of soul that I was
seeking. What should I do next?

An American Soldier
Not wishing to go on living in those surroundings,
anxious to be useful in some way to humanity, and
knowing that my adopted country was at war, I did the
most honourable thing: enlisted in the US Army as a
private. After my basic training I was sent to the Military
180 Far from Rome, Near to God

Intelligence Training Center at Camp Ritchie, Mary-

land. The men selected to attend this Intelligence School
were highly educated. We had to take orders from
corporals and sergeants who, for the most part, in their
civilian life did nothing, perhaps, but sweep streets or
wash dishes, but who could use strong language, and the
stronger the language the more the stripes. But I thank
God for these men, for they fitted me for my future
Christian ministry as they taught me humility, obedi-
ence, discipline and spiritual democracy.
Furthermore, I was assigned for a while to the chap-
lain’s office. The chaplain, Major Herman J. Kregel,
was a minister of the Dutch Reformed Church, a man
with a brilliant mind and a heart of gold. I loved to
listen to his sermons on Sunday morning, for he was a
fluent and interesting speaker. While my mind was
reacting favourably to his full and lucid explanations
in doctrinal matters, my heart became captivated by
the example of his conduct, his charity, unselfishness,
broad-mindedness and naturalness. For the first time I
realized that a Protestant minister could be happy and
sincere in his faith and work.
In the American army, unlike other places, prosely-
tizing of members of another faith by a chaplain is not
done. The relations between the Protestant chaplain
and myself were cordial in the usual chaplain-soldier
relationship, but no more. He had no objections to my
attending the Protestant services. After all, the right to
worship when and where one pleases is one of the things
that we were fighting for.

Salvation through Faith Alone

One Sunday Major Kregel preached on Paul’s doctrine
of salvation through faith alone. Until then I had clung
José A. Fernandez 181

tenaciously to my belief in salvation by works. After the

service I went to his office to let him know how I felt
about his ‘heretical’ statements. Armed with the text
from James 2:24: ‘Ye see then how that by works a man
is justified, and not by faith only.’ I said to him, ‘If what
you said is right, then James is wrong; if James is right,
you and Paul are wrong. Otherwise you must admit
there is a contradiction in the Bible.’ He replied, ‘José,
there can be no contradictions in the Bible, for the Holy
Spirit is its only author, and the Spirit cannot contradict
himself.’ With that, of course, I fully agreed.
‘Now,’ he continued, ‘when Paul says that salvation is by
faith alone, he speaks from the point of view of God, who
reads our minds and sees our hearts. So far as God is
concerned, we are saved the moment that we believe. But
this belief is a faith of trust and not just a mental assent toa
few doctrinal statements. On the other hand,’ the chaplain
went on, ‘when James states that salvation is by works
also, he speaks from the point of view of men who, being
unable to read our minds or see our hearts, must have
something visible and tangible by which to judge whether
or not we are saved. As far as men are concerned, we are
saved when we produce good works, but good works are
not the root; they are the result of salvation.’
I fully agreed with this explanation. The last mental
barrier had been removed. I became an intellectual
believer and promised the Lord to give my life to the
Protestant ministry. But I was not fit for that ministry
yet. My mind had been converted, but my heart
remained untouched.

A Sinner Saved by Grace

I prayed for light, studied for information, and on my
days off visited the different churches in Maryland and
182 _ Far from Rome, Near to God

Pennsylvania to find out which one appealed to me the

most on biblical grounds.
During one of my visits to Baltimore, I met the one
who was going to be my life partner, a deeply religious
lady of the Baptist communion. She possessed a winning
personality, a delightful sense of humour, and a fine
Christian heart. Our short courtship ended in a most
happy union brought about by a Baptist minister in a
Baptist church. The good lady could not give me
salvation, but the merciful Lord was going to grant it to
me six months after our marriage.
In the fall of 1944, I was assigned as interpreter for
South American officers studying the military science of
mechanized cavalry at Fort Riley, Kansas. While doing
army reconnaissance, I also engaged in spiritual recon-
naissance, searching for the truth.
One Saturday night I attended the Salvation Army
open air service on a street corner of Junction City,
Kansas. At first my attitude towards the meeting was
one of indifference and even scorn. But as the meeting
went on, I was being driven by a supernatural force to
give earnest attention. A young Salvation Army lady
gave a stirring message which ended by appealing
to those standing by to believe on the all-sufficient
sacrifice of Christ. Then she quoted the words of Jesus
as recorded in John 5:24: ‘Verily, verily, I say unto
you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him
that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come
into condemnation; but is passed from death unto
life.’
At that moment I felt myself passing from death to life
under the influence of a supernatural force. I went down
on my knees, confessed Christ as the Lord of my life,
and received him as my Saviour. What happened, how it
happened, I cannot tell; all I can do is to repeat with the
José A, Fernandez 183

blind man of the Gospel, ‘Whereas I was blind, now I

see’ (John 9:25).
In the face of the transformed life, there can be no
denial of the power of the Holy Spirit. Something
happened in my life; I am not the same man. I love the
things that I used to hate and hate the things that I used
to love. For the unregenerate man and woman, this may
seem foolishness because ‘the natural man receiveth not
the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness
unto him: neither can he know them, because they are
spiritually discerned’ (/ Cor. 2:14). My life since then
has been a public testimony to the transforming power
of the Holy Spirit. I am a sinner saved by grace.

Gospel Minister
Soon after our marriage, my wife and I went to live in
Blue Ridge Summit, on the mountain range dividing
Maryland from Pennsylvania. The pastor of the Presby-
terian church was the Rev. C. P. Muyskens, a college
classmate of chaplain Kregel and, like him, a former
minister of the Dutch Reformed denomination. Wor-
shipping regularly in his church, we became acquainted
with his sterling qualities as preacher and _ pastor.
Visiting him at his home, we were impressed with his
Christian family life. He did not leave his religion in the
pulpit but took it with him to the home. In him I found
the inspiration, guidance and encouragement that I
needed during the transition period from soldier to
gospel minister.
On 24 April 1945, while still in the Army, I was ordained
a Presbyterian minister at the Hawley Memorial Presbyte-
rian Church of Blue Ridge Summit. Two months later I
was given the piece of paper I was avidly waiting for, an
honourable discharge from the US Army!
184 Far from Rome, Near to God

That fall I entered Princeton Theological Seminary,

where I worked for and obtained the degree of Master of
Theology. My year there was without doubt the happiest
of my life. There I found spiritual uplift, Christian
fellowship, intellectual growth and deep religious ex-
perience. It was indeed, as in the case of the apostle
Paul, an ‘Arabia’ for me. When I compared conditions
there with those of my early seminary days the differ-
ence was striking. Fear, regimentation, and constant
supervision had given way to love, joy and the freedom
of the children of God.
 25

José Rico

Life Begins for a Jesuit Priest

fter nineteen years of continual threatened ship-

wreck in the Roman Catholic priesthood, on 15
April 1956 I arrived on the tranquil shores of peace with
God through Jesus Christ.
Among the reasons for leaving my native Spain was
the call of South American bishops in the face of the
avalanche of Protestantism in Latin America. There is
something in the soul of a Spaniard that makes him
instinctively react against Protestantism. From the reign
of Charles V and Philip II onward, the history of Spain is
full of religious episodes, battles, decrees of faith and
the Inquisition. Thus when the pope told the Spanish
clergy that Latin America is the mission field for Spanish
priests, it was a clarion call to me. Coupled with this was

185
186 Far from Rome, Near to God

my desire to labour in that part of the world which I

loved, though I had not been there, because it had been
the most precious possession of our empire.
I soon learned that Latin America is a new and
different world in every sense of the word. In Sao Paulo,
Brazil, later in Argentina, and finally in Chile I saw
the Protestant chapel alongside the Roman Catholic
church, claiming right of social recognition. From my
prejudiced viewpoint, this was an intolerable abuse.
Nevertheless, the divine providence was soon to bring
light to my mind on all this.

‘He Which Hath Begun a Good Work .. .’

I arrived in Antofagasta, Chile, where as a priest of the
cathedral I found excellent opportunities to promote my
anti-Protestant ideas. When evangelical literature
began to reach me I was ready to commence my fight. I
read it with disgust. Later I read some Protestant books
that I had dared to place in my private library. Little by
little a current of sympathy began to replace the mortal
hatred that I had up to that time against Protestantism. I
saw clearly that Protestantism is not what it is said to be,
nor what it is taught to be in Roman Catholic halls of
theological learning. The evangelical books were full of
profound teaching drawn from the holy books of the
Bible. Between them and Roman Catholic books there
existed no difference that I could see, other than that
they lacked the imprimi potest of the Roman-approved
books. But when it came to the lives of the evangelical
believers, there was a notable difference between them
and the average Roman Catholic. I would have desired
that my faithful adherents live as morally and correctly
as those hated Protestants.
Unforeseen circumstances took me from Chile to
José Rico 187

Bolivia. A few months later I was appointed to the

honourable position of National Counsellor to the
Roman Catholic student organization called the JEC.
The nomination was made and signed by the archbishop
of La Paz. My heavy responsibilities retarded for a time
the evolution that had commenced in my soul towards
Protestantism. Yet God continued the work that he had
started and I not only had the opportunity to get
acquainted with evangelical books and tracts, but also to
meet some strong evangelicals.

Christ by Himself Purged Our Sins

My Roman Catholic faith and priesthood were close to
irreparable shipwreck. I wanted to make some supreme
effort to save them. Could it not be that all this was a
diabolical temptation like similar cases I had heard of? I
wrote a book called The Priest and the Host which,
though not published, had the official approbation of the
diocese. I went to the Epistle to the Hebrews for
inspiration in writing the book, but I failed to find there
the Roman Catholic priesthood that I was looking for.
The only priest spoken of was Jesus Christ, who ‘once in
the end of the world .. . appeared to put away sin by the
sacrifice of himself’ (Heb. 9:26). Then I read in Hebrews
10:17-18 of the impossibility of another offering for sin.
How is it that from the Roman Catholic pulpits it is
preached that the Mass is the bloodless renewal of the
very sacrifice of the cross if this epistle teaches that there
is no possibility of repeating that which Christ did once
and for all? And of what value is a bloodless sacrifice if
the same writer teaches that ‘without shedding of blood
is no remission’ (Heb. 9:22)? For this reason he says
that, having accomplished eternal redemption, the
eternal High Priest of the new covenant ascended on
188 Far from Rome, Near to God

high where now he intercedes for us in the presence of

God (Heb. 1:3; 7:25).
When I finished studying the Epistle to the Hebrews I
felt that an invisible and omnipotent hand had stripped
me of my vestments and my priestly character. The only
priesthood found was that recorded by St Peter: ‘Ye
also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an
holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, accept-
able to God by Jesus Christ’ (7 Pet. 2:5). It is the same
that is referred to in Hebrews: ‘By him therefore let us
offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is,
the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name’ (Heb.
135):
I then saw the uselessness and falsity of purgatory,
since the same writer says that Jesus Christ accomp-
lished our purgation by offering his life on the cross,
when he ‘by himself purged our sins’ (Heb. 1:3). If
Christ purges our sins, how is it that souls that are saved
now have to go to purgatory to be purified? What kind of
purgatory do the Roman Catholics have that is not once
mentioned in the Bible?

Jesus Is the Only Way

After this there only lacked the opportunity to reach the
goal that with such clarity appeared in the distance. God
intervened by putting me in touch with a young pastor
whose natural intelligence was combined with a pro-
found love for God and an extraordinary knowledge of
the Scriptures. He was the director of the Indian Bible
Institute in La Paz, Samuel Joshua Smith. This was my
first real personal contact with a ‘heretic’. His conversa-
tion illuminated my mind, dispelled my doubts, and
comforted my heart to the point of making it valiant.
The next day I repeated the visit and at its close
Jose Rico 189

Samuel Joshua said, ‘What keeps you from receiving

Christ as your only and sufficient Saviour?’ I felt my
heart melt with a happiness which choked me with
emotion, while tears ran down my cheeks. Nothing
more was needed: I received him with full conviction.
Christ became my ‘only’ Saviour, for none other had
died on the cross for me. He also became my ‘sufficient’
Saviour because his blood is all-powerful to wash my sins
from my soul. How miserably the rites and ceremonies
and human traditions of Romanism had failed to cleanse
my soul for God. It was only then that I understood what
Jesus meant when he said, ‘I am the way, the truth, and
the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me’
(John 14:6). Lasked forgiveness for having wandered for
SO many years in wrong paths and I was determined to
walk by that way which is Christ Jesus.
From that moment I knew myself a new creature in
Christ Jesus (2 Cor. 5:17). I realized at the same time
that God had justified me and lifted the enormous
burden from my heart that until that moment had
mercilessly weighed me down. Yes, I had ‘passed from
death unto life’ (J John 3:14).
I still had to continue my normal activities in Roma-
nism for two months. It was necessary to evaluate all the
details before taking a definite step. Those months were
the darkest days of my life, but God finally broke the
cords that had held me prisoner for so long. One bright
afternoon I arrived at the evangelical church in Mir-
aflores, La Paz. I quickly took off my gown. Dressed in
civilian clothes, I sat down to a cup of tea and entered
into the simple, spiritual, intimate conversation with the
brethren, feeling as though I had always known them.
In this manner the curtain fell that put an end to the
tragedy that had existed throughout my nineteen long
years in the priesthood.
 26

Mark Pefia

The Lord Became

My Righteousness

was born in a little town north of Burgos called

Villamediana de Lomas, Spain. Because I wanted
to be a missionary I decided to enter the novitiate to
became a Roman Catholic priest.
I began the novitiate 24 July 1949. After a year anda
day we had to swear to God before the holy community
to observe for one year the vows of poverty, chastity and
obedience. With this ceremony we began as members of
the congregation of the Oblate Missionaries of Mary the
Immaculate. After this we moved to Madrid to the
larger seminary that the Oblates have in Pozuelo de
Alarcon, where we studied two years of philosophy and
four of theology to be priests.

190
Mark Pena 191

After three years it was necessary to profess for our

entire lives the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience.
Before arriving at ordination, the seminary student has
to climb several steps on his ascent towards the top.
They are called orders, minor orders and major orders.
It begins with the tonsure during the first year of theol-
ogy. Then follow the other orders.
On 17 March 1956, in the church of the seminary of
Madrid at the hands of the bishop of Madrid-Alcala, Dr
Eyjo Garay, I, together with four classmates, received
ordination to the priesthood.

My First Mass and Fireworks

My first Mass took place in the church of the Religiosas
de San Jose de Cluny in Pozuelo de Alarcon the
following day, Sunday 18 March 1956. I sensed great
internal emotion and sublime sentiment for this first
Mass and remember my nervousness that I should not
wrongly perform any of the rites and ceremonies.
The first Mass with the family in our home town was
something humanly great for a little town such as mine.
Everyone lived two days of intense emotion and fiesta
during 8 and 9 July 1956. It was all fireworks, music,
floral displays, games and joy. I was the first priest from
that town and because of that it was a matter of great
pride for all the families.
I taught Spanish literature and music, Latin and
French, but what I liked best was preparing the Sunday
sermon for the 11 o’clock Mass in our church.

Co-Pastor

As the Provincial Patriarch knew of my missionary

desires, he assigned me, together with another Oblate
192 Far from Rome, Near to God

Father, as co-pastor of a poor and miserable parish in

the city of Badajoz. On 14 November 1958 I arrived at
the parish of Our Lady of the Assumption at Badajoz,
composed of a populace of great spiritual and material
misery. It was made up of nine thousand souls. For three
years I worked in this parish to the joy and satisfaction of
the people. Truthfully they felt proud of me, and I loved
them and sought to win them by every means.
Increasingly I felt burdened by my sins and realized
that there was no assurance of forgiveness through
confessions and other Roman Catholic practices. I felt
that I was lost forever. The Mass became meaningless.
Like John Knox, the former Roman Catholic priest
turned Reformer, I could say, ‘The Mass is blasphemy’.
I determined that I must leave the priesthood, go into
the world, obtain secular employment and ‘enjoy life’.

Evangelicals — Rare Insects?

My dissatisfaction with the Mass and the spiritual
emptiness of the Roman Catholic Church increased. I
contacted a Protestant pastor in Madrid, Alberto Arajo
Fernandez. I did not know him but had been told that he
was a prudent man and an earnest Christian. The first
contact with him was very simple and cordial. And to
think that the great majority of Roman Catholics, at
least in Spain, think that evangelical Protestants are
something like rare insects! He let me explain my
problem, and with a wisdom and a love before unknown
to me he counselled me and encouraged me to spend
much time reading the New Testament. We correspon-
ded regularly.
In February 1962 I resolved to take the great step, to
leave the Roman Catholic priesthood. I could not
continue where there was only ritualistic coldness; as it is
Mark Pena 193

written, ‘Having a form of godliness, but denying the

power thereof’ (2 Tim. 3:5). I wrote to Arajo asking him
to look for a place where I could hide, and also to
another pastor in Bilbao, Juan Eizaguirre, asking him
the same thing, because at the first opportunity I was
determined to leave the priesthood.

‘The Lord Our Righteousness’

My superior had arranged for me to preach at the
celebration of the appearances of the Virgin in Fatima. I
chose this as my time to leave the priesthood and my
religious state. I arrived in Madrid on 8 May 1962. Then
I flew immediately to Holland, to get out of Spain before
my superior could learn of my defection and have the
police close the Spanish frontiers to me.
At this time I knew nothing of true biblical salvation,
but in Holland I lived with an evangelical Protestant
family. They read the Bible together and prayed in
family devotions and at meals. They recommended me
to Dr Hegger, a converted priest and director of a work
in Holland which helps priests who want to leave the
Roman system. It is called ‘In de Rechte Straat’ (In
Straight Street), from the reference in Acts 9:11. Dr
Hegger counselled with me and answered many of my
doctrinal questions from the Word of God.
Shortly afterwards I returned to Spain via Portugal
(for safety) to visit my mother, who was sick and
worrying about me. The Lord enabled me to live in
safety with my family for a month and my mother
improved greatly. On my return by train I was reading
the Bible and praising the Lord. In this attitude of
praise, passages of Scripture came to me, emphasizing
that Jesus Christ is a perfect Saviour, the only Saviour,
the all-sufficient Saviour; that he made one perfect,
194 Far from Rome, Near to God

never-to-be-repeated sacrifice on the cross of Calvary

for my sins; that he was my substitute, my sin-bearer;
and that he would impute his righteousness to me and
forgive all my sins if I would but trust him with all my
heart. In one moment, I did so. I gave him my life, my
soul, and received him, trusting him as my Lord and
Saviour forever. The words of God were fulfilled in my
heart and life: ‘To him give all the prophets witness, that
through his name whosoever believeth in him shall
receive remission of sins’ (Acts 10:43). My sins were
forgiven; my soul was saved; heaven became my home;
Christ was mine, and I was his forever.

My Prayer for Roman Catholics

I returned to Holland. From there I contacted The
Conversion Center in Havertown, Pennsylvania, about
coming to America and studying the Word of God. The
Lord enabled me, after some difficulty, to reach the
USA in September 1963, where I commenced studies at
Faith Theological Seminary. I then took some special
courses at Temple University leading to a Master’s
degree in Spanish Literature.
As Paul’s heart went out for the salvation of Israel, so
I pray for my beloved Roman Catholics: ‘Brethren, my
heart’s desire and prayer to God for Israel is that they
might be saved. For I bear them record that they have a
zeal of God, but not according to knowledge. For they
being ignorant of God’s righteousness, and going about
to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted
themselves unto the righteousness of God. For Christ is
the end of the law for righteousness to every one that
believeth’ (Rom. 10:1-4).
 J

Luis Padrosa

Twenty-Three Years in
the Jesuit Order

6 J have found that there is no foundation in the

gospel for the dogmas of the Roman Catholic
Church.’ Such a statement from me, dressed in my
priest’s robes, must have left evangelical pastor Samuel
Vila, whose advice I sought, almost speechless with
astonishment.
I came to talk with Samuel Vila already persuaded by
the force of the truth and constrained by the Spirit of
God, eager to explain what I had discovered in the pages
of the Sacred Scriptures, the Bible.
I had now decided to take the painful and dangerous
step (dangerous especially in Spain) of renouncing my
office and position as lecturer and director of the Loyola

195
196 Far from Rome, Near to God

Institutes of Barcelona and Tarrasa, to be faithful to the

light I had received.

Rome Is Not the True Church

The reasons behind my decision were not one, but

many. After living forty-three years a sincere Roman
Catholic, fifteen of intense ecclesiastical training, ten as
a priest and a popular preacher to great multitudes, and
twenty-three of religious life in the Jesuit Order, I
arrived at the conviction that the Roman Catholic
Church was not the true Church of Jesus Christ.
Thirteen years of intense study of apologetics brought
me to an unbreakable conviction. I know the arguments
on both sides. I have analysed them.
I took the Holy Scriptures and began to search, but
where was the infallibility of the Pope? I could not find it
anywhere. Where was eucharistic fasting, and the Mass?
Where was it all? I could not find it. The more I studied,
the more I came to see that Christianity is one thing and
Roman Catholicism another, completely distinct; the
more I searched the Scriptures, the more convinced I
became of this truth. In Roman Catholicism, Jesus
Christ is presented as a fossil, a corpse, a man nailed toa
cross, but dead, no longer alive. Thus the Church cannot
get a Roman Catholic to love Jesus Christ, and if there is
no love, there is no possibility of salvation, however
many Masses, scapulars, medallions, novenas and
images you have. It is useless unless there is sincere love
and faith, and there cannot be such love unless a man is
convinced that Christ is alive, his sacrifice finished. In
Roman Catholicism your salvation depends on yourself,
on your saying many prayers, on your using many
scapulars, on your devotion to the Virgin, on your
taking communion. From this and from many other
Luis Padrosa 197

things I came to see that Roman Catholic doctrine

cannot be the truth. If you only knew what I was going
through! It was a very serious matter to me.

Torture of Soul

In this position you find yourself up against your lifelong

tradition, your native atmosphere, your family, your
relations, and all your friends. They are all going to say
one of two things (or both at once) because they have no
other argument for one who leaves the Roman Catholic
Church for Christianity: you have gone mad or you have
fallen in love.
Few know the torture of soul that Roman Catholics
suffer. People who go to Mass every day and are
constantly in attendance at the Roman Catholic
churches live in torment of soul, saying to themselves,
‘Shall I be saved or lost? Did I make a good confession or
not?’ They have no peace. Is this the true religion? What
is all this? Where in the Gospels do we find this method
of tormenting the sinner? When did Jesus Christ or his
apostles torment sinners with their questions?
How wonderful to know in our hearts that Jesus
Christ our Lord has redeemed us, that by grace we are
saved! Does not Paul say, ‘I do not frustrate the grace of
God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is
dead in vain’ (Gal. 2:21)? The salvation of men depends
only on Jesus Christ, our divine Redeemer.

Jesus Is the True Way

He is the way. He never said that the way was the
church. ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life’ (John
14:6). On the other hand, the Roman Catholic Church
wants to be the way herself and to be absolute mistress of
198 Far from Rome, Near to God

the truth, so as to modify it at her will. To accomplish

this she has put the clergy in place of Jesus Christ and the
Church in place of the Bible.
I can offer a single word of advice to the one who
wants to possess the truth: read as frequently as you can
the holy Gospels and the epistles contained in the New
Testament. There you will see what it is that one who
desires to be a Christian ought to believe and practice.
Never shall I be able to thank the Lord enough for
bringing me to himself and into the truth. My father and
other relatives feel very sad, thinking that I have
apostatized from the faith. But to follow Jesus and to
read the Word of God in all its purity, free from the
additions and distortions which, in the passing of the
centuries, have been accumulated by Roman Catholic-
ism, is not to apostatize from the Christian religion.
 28

Joseph Zacchello

I Could Not Serve Two Masters

was born in Venice, north Italy, on 22 March 1917.

At the age of ten, I was sent to a Roman Catholic
Seminary in Piacenza, and ordained a priest, after
twelve years of study, on 22 October 1939.
Two months later Cardinal R. Rossi, my superior,
sent me to America as assistant pastor of the new Italian
church of ‘Blessed Mother Cabrini’ in Chicago. For four
years I preached in Chicago, and later in New York. I
never questioned if my sermons or instructions were
against the Bible. My only worry and ambition was to
please the Pope.

199
200 Far from Rome, Near to God

Believe on the Lord

One Sunday in February 1944 I turned on the radio and

accidentally tuned in on a Protestant church pro-
gramme. The pastor was giving his message. I was going
to change the programme because I was not allowed to
listen to Protestant sermons, but I was interested and
kept on listening.
My old theology was shaken by one text from the
Bible I heard over the radio: ‘Believe on the Lord Jesus
Christ, and thou shalt be saved.’ Therefore, it was not a
sin against the Holy Spirit to believe that one was saved.

The Lord Rebukes Me

I was not yet converted, but my mind was full of doubts

about the Roman religion. I was beginning to worry
about the teachings of the Bible more than about
dogmas and decrees of the Pope. Every day poor people
were giving me from five to thirty dollars for twenty
minutes of ceremony called Mass, because I promised
them to free the souls of their relatives from the fires of
purgatory. But every time I looked at the big crucifix
upon the altar, it seemed to me that Christ was rebuking
me, saying, ‘You are stealing money from poor, hard-
working people by false promises. You teach doctrines
against my teaching. Souls of believers do not go to a
place of torment, because I have said, “Blessed are the
dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith
the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and
their works do follow them” (Rev. 14:13). I do not need
a repetition of the sacrifice of the cross, because my
sacrifice was complete. My work of salvation was
perfect, and God has sanctioned it by raising me from
the dead. “For by one offering he hath perfected for ever
Joseph Zacchello 201

them that are sanctified” (Heb. 10:14). If you priests and

the Pope have the power of liberating souls from
purgatory with Masses and indulgences, why do you
wait for an offering? If you see a dog burning in the fire,
you do not wait for the owner to give you five dollars to
take the dog away from it.’
I could no longer face the Christ on the altar. When I
was preaching that the Pope is the vicar of Christ, the
successor Of Peter, the infallible rock upon which
Christ’s church was built, a voice seemed to rebuke me
again: ‘You saw the Pope in Rome: his large, rich
palace, his guards, men kissing his foot. Do you really
believe that he represents me? I came to serve the
people; I washed men’s feet: I had nowhere to lay my
head. Look at me on the cross. Do you really believe
that God has built his Church upon a man? The Bible
clearly says that Christ’s vicar on earth is the Holy
Ghost, and not a man (John 14:26). If the Roman
Catholic Church is built upon a man, then it is not my
Church.’

God’s Word Is Sufficient

I was still preaching that the Bible is not a sufficient rule

of faith but that we need the tradition and dogmas of the
Church to understand the Scriptures. But again a voice
within me was saying, ‘You preach against the Bible
teaching; you preach nonsense. If Christians need the
Pope to understand the Scriptures, what do they need to
understand the Pope? I have condemned tradition
because everyone can understand what is necessary to
know for personal salvation. “But these are written, that
ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God;
and that believing ye might have life through his name”
(John 20:31).
202 Far from Rome, Near to God

Whose Blood Was Shed?

I was teaching my people to go to Mary, to the saints,

instead of going directly to Christ. But a voice within me
was asking, ‘Who has saved you upon the cross? Who
paid your debts by shedding his blood? Was it Mary, the
saints, or I, Jesus? You and many other priests do not
believe in scapulars, novenas, rosaries, statues, candles,
but you continue to keep them in your churches because
you say simple people need simple things to remind
them of God. You keep them in your churches because
they are a good source of income. But I do not want any
merchandizing in my church. My believers should adore
me in spirit and in truth. Destroy these idols; teach your
people to pray, to come to me only.’

Who Forgives Sin?

Where my doubts were really tormenting me was inside
the confessional box. People were coming to me,
kneeling before me, confessing their sins to me. And I,
with a sign of the cross, was promising that I had the
power to forgive their sins. I, a sinner, a man, was taking
God’s place, God’s right, and that terrible voice was
penetrating me, saying, “You are depriving God of his
glory. If sinners want to obtain forgiveness of their sins
they must go to God and not to you. It is God’s law they
have broken. To God, therefore, they must make
confession; to God alone they must pray for forgiveness.
No man can forgive sins, but Jesus can and does forgive
sins.’
These Scripture verses were constantly in my mind:
‘And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his
name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins’
(Matt. 1:21).
Joseph Zacchello 203

‘Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is

none other name under heaven given among men,
whereby we must be saved’ (Acts 4:12).
‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive
us Our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness’
(J John 1:9).
‘My little children, these things write I unto you, that
ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with
the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous’ (J John 2:1).

One Master: The Lord

I could not stay any longer in the Roman Catholic

Church, because I could not continue to serve two
masters, the Pope and Christ. I could not believe two
contradictory teachings, tradition and the Bible. I had to
choose between Christ and the Pope, between tradition
and the Bible; and by God’s grace I have chosen Christ
and the Bible. I left the Roman priesthood and the
Roman religion in 1944, and since I have been led by the
Holy Spirit to evangelize Roman Catholics and urge
Christians to witness to them without fear.
 hs)

Joseph Lulich

The Word of God Came

to My Rescue

am really glad to be able to tell you what the grace of

God has done in my life. I speak to you as one who
has lived most of his life as an ex-Roman Catholic priest,
one who once served faithfully and sincerely the Roman
Church for fourteen years, and who then served as a
missionary used by God to spread his glorious gospel in
one part of our needy world.
I was born on the eastern border of northern Italy,
where I lived during my childhood. I grew up knowing
the horrors of the first World War, and fear of the future
gripped me. At the age of twelve I was taken by my
father to a monastery for my education. I well remember
my farewell to my family. I was so young, but in my heart

204
Joseph Lulich 205

I had a strong desire to find peace in my soul, to become

a priest and so be able to help others in their physical and
spiritual needs. Fifteen years passed by.

A Priest but Disappointed

I had spent all my time in study, prayer and good works,
to become a priest. But when the time came for me to
say my first Mass in my native town, I felt bitterly
disappointed. The peace I had dreamed of was not yet in
my soul. I was technically well-prepared: philosophy,
theology, medical training, languages, ability to endure
physical and spiritual hardships, these were my equip-
ment.
I was ordained a priest, and I was ready to serve the
Roman Catholic Church for the rest of my life. I had
experienced the agony which Martin Luther went
through. I had gone through many months of long
fasting, prayers, etc., but all this did not give me any
assurance of my sins being forgiven. I was afraid of hell
and of purgatory, but the theological teaching of my
church did not allow me any doubts. I had to accept her
infallibility and authority and trust her as the only way of
salvation.
Being in touch with other needy souls who came to me
for a word of comfort, I felt inadequate to speak in the
name of Christ.

World War II
I served my country as a chaplain in the Second World
War. Many times on the battlefield or after a bombard-
ment, I forgot to raise my hand and pronounce the
words, ‘I absolve you’ to the dying soldiers or civilians to
whom I was ministering. I used to remind them of the
206 Far from Rome, Near to God

crucified Christ their Redeemer. Looking back, I see

that maybe I was like the prophet Balaam who spoke
guided by the Spirit, not knowing what he said. In fact,
all this behaviour of mine was in conflict with my
conscience, and I felt guilty of betraying the teaching I
had received. I remember sharing this with another
priest, and he was disappointed because I was not
exercising the authority of mediator which the Church
had given me.

After the War

After the war, I had experience of life in communist

Yugoslavia. I need not tell you the physical suffering I
endured, but the terror of death was with me night after
night. Every night some of my companions were taken to
unknown destinations. I felt that if I were to be killed by
the Communists I would be a martyr of the Roman
Catholic Church, but this did not offer me any light or help
in my uncertainty of having my sins forgiven. I used to
pray, ‘Blessed holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for me
now in the hour of my death’, but the fear of the judgment
of God, hell and purgatory was constantly with me.
Some months later I fled to northern Italy where I
spent three years working with poor people. I organized
a group of one thousand homeless and jobless people. I
had two hundred children under my care, most of them
illegitimate, for whom I provided food, clothing and
schooling. People were bitter against the Pope, bishops
and Church, but they loved me — not as a priest, but as a
good, honest man. They trusted me and listened to me,
whereas they had stoned the bishop of a nearby town
when he tried to visit them. I remember once I was
speaking in an open air Mass, and among those present
were more than twenty women of the red light district, a
Joseph Lulich 207

number of Communists, and many others living in sin. I

read the account of the adulterous woman to whom
Jesus said, ‘Go and sin no more.’ They were touched,
and so was I. I realized that only Christ could forgive
their sins, not I as a priest. I invited them to receive his
forgiveness. I knew that I was guilty against the teaching
of my Church. I could not sleep. But the lives of my
people were changing. Newspapers carried daily reports
of crimes committed by the people I cared for, but then
they stopped. I remember at night the young people
were singing, ‘Let Christ Reign’.

Contact with Protestants

In 1950 I was appointed chaplain on an ocean liner which

took Italians all over the world. I travelled across to
Asia, Africa, Indonesia, Australia. I was still struggling
in my soul, but I thought this struggle the work of the
devil. It was then that I came into contact with Protest-
ants for the first time. I had been taught that branches
cut off from Christ did not bear fruit and that Protestants
were those branches. But I could see many good fruits
among Protestants. I will never forget one Christmas in
the middle of the Indian Ocean. I could not organize a
choir, so five Protestant girls asked me if they could sing
some carols. All the Roman Catholics were so very
much moved, and I more than they. The struggle in my
spirit was stronger and stronger. My faith and trust in the
Roman Catholic Church was undermined. I had to
review my studies.

Truth and Life in Christ Alone

To understand my fears and doubts, you must re-
member that as a Roman Catholic priest I had to have
208 Far from Rome, Near to God

nothing to do with Protestants, and I was afraid I could

be accused and sent into some desert monastery to rot.
The tremendous storms I had experienced on the high
seas of the Atlantic were nothing in comparison with the
storms that had broken out in my soul. I did not believe
any longer in the authority of the Church, but where
could I find any security? The Word of God came to my
rescue, offering me that spiritual source of power and
courage to face the world, when, through some simple
words of Jesus, the Holy Spirit enlightened my soul and
gave me that peace of sins forgiven and that joy which
only God can give in believing that ‘I am the way, the
truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but
by me’ (John 14:6). My trust in Jesus for salvation gave
me direction in my life. Only Christ could offer me truth,
and only in him could I have life, joy, peace and
purpose. I had to leave the officers and crew who loved
me, but they were also disappointed at my decision. I
had to flee from my superiors, relatives and friends.
Having been excommunicated by the Roman Church, I
had no dignity and work, and every door was closed to
me. But I praise God that the peace I had in my soul was
so great that I overcame that stage in my life without
fear.
I went to Canada, where I worked for nine months as
a general labourer in a hospital. It was hard work
compared to the easy life on the ship, where I used to
travel first class and had enjoyed every comfort. I had to
come back to Italy since my visa was not extended. I
lived for a time with my sister, who was a refugee, and I
remember how my family often told me to go back into
the Roman Church or I could not survive. It was then
that I came into contact with two converted priests (and
now evangelical pastors). They could well understand
my position, and they helped me very much. I was given
Joseph Lulich 209

a job as a teacher in an orphanage, and then I was put in

touch with Western Bible College in the United States
where I spent time in Bible studies. That was a time of
growth in my spiritual life, as well as my academic life.
The college put me in touch with some local churches,
since I felt I had to come back to Italy for missionary
service. The Lord has been very good in providing for
me for the last twenty-five years, during which time I
have come back to the States only once.

New Life, New Partner, New Mission

Back in Italy, the Lord provided a faithful partner and

fellow worker in the gospel through all these years, my
wife Agnes. For family reasons we were brought back
into the place where I had served as a Roman Catholic
priest for some time, and the work was very difficult.
The police were checking our moves. The bishop spoke
against us and tried to have us removed. People hated
us. I remember having to wipe spit from the front door
of our little meeting place and paint over the nasty
writings on the walls.
With time we were able to win the people’s confidence
and trust. Four hundred years earlier the last evangelical
family had been forced to flee from Rovigo because of
persecution. Now the Lord gave us the joy of seeing a
church started to his glory in that town. I felt that I was
the least able to be used by God in such an adverse city
because of my past, but God in his mercy has found in
me an instrument for his use.
Our church has many young families, and we continue
to grow in the Lord. When he put into our hearts the
idea-of extension, we had to overcome the indifference
of the people. The Lord opened the way for us to start a
local radio station, which has gone forward in spite of
210 Far from Rome, Near to God

many difficulties. Our equipment was stolen, but the

Lord has been good to us and through it all he has led us
into victory. Many letters show that the radio is listened
to and enjoyed, and we are continuing all the time to try
to improve our quality of service to our fellow men,
those who dwell in the darkness in which we were at one
time. As the name of the radio station suggests, we want
to be a ‘Voice in the Desert’, like John the Baptist, and
to point men and women to the Lamb of God who alone
can take away the sin of the world.
 30

Mariano Rughi

Living Water — Peace with God

y conversion from Romanism to Christ did not

come about in a moment but was the result of a
long and painful process which took several years. It
began during my college days in Assisi, Italy. One day
my professor was dealing in a lecture on church history
with Pope Honorius I (626-38), one of the many popes
who, according to the Church, taught error. Pope
Honorius I became involved in the controversy re-
garding the Monothelite heresy, with which he agreed.
This doctrine taught that Christ had one will, his
own personal will. This was in contrast with the bib-
lical teaching that he has two natures and therefore two
wills, both the human and the divine. The Third Council
of Constantinople (680-1) condemned those who

ZA
Pe, Far from Rome, Near to God

supported the Monothelite heresy and this included

Pope Honorius I.
I was forcibly struck by the fact that even the Church
of Rome recognized that Pope Honorius I accepted
heretical teaching whereas in 1870 the Vatican Council
defined the dogma of papal infallibility which declared
that the Pope of Rome was absolutely inerrant in his
solemn ex cathedra definitions and decrees in matters of
faith and morals. I had also learned how the Fathers of
the 1870 Council explicitly stated that, although the
dogma had only just been defined, its truth had always
existed, thus implying that all the popes from Peter to
Pope Pius IX, who was still alive at the time, were all
infallible. It was claimed that they were all inspired by
God and that their succession was from the same divine
source. I felt impelled to ask my professor how the belief
of Pope Honorius could be contrary to the official
teaching of the Church. My professor replied that Pope
Honorius did teach error but that when he did so he was
not speaking ex cathedra as the Pope but as a private
theologian.

Rome’s Lack of Assurance

In the seminary where I was living we did not follow a

strict monastic life, although we had to perform certain
penances and acts of self-denial which included fasting
and abstinence. We also had to go to the confessional
and practise meditation as well as take part in spiritual
retreats. We were taught that in spite of all this we could
not be certain of our salvation since one of the dogmas of
the Church is that anyone who claims to be sure of his
salvation is certainly lost.
Mariano Rughi PANE)

Doubting Castle
I realized once more that the Church was contradicting
itself but I did not dare say this to anybody for a time,
and so I kept on fighting my doubts single-handedly.
Then one day, being deeply concerned, I felt I must
speak to my Father Confessor. His reply was quick and
blunt, ‘My boy, these thoughts are just temptations of
the devil.’
It was clear to me that he was trying to pervert the
truth in saying that my convictions which I believed were
from the Holy Spirit were the work of the devil. I quoted
John 3:16 to prove that my concern had a solid
foundation, but my boldness merely earned me a terrific
lesson on humility and on blind obedience to the
Church. As you will notice, it was blind obedience to the
Church that I was told to have and not to the Lord Jesus
Christ.

The Confession Box

By this time I had ceased to go to the confessional

regularly. I had never been enthusiastic about the
spoken confessional and when I went I did so more
because of outward compulsion than by inner convic-
tion. At times I found the confessional to be a real
burden and a cruel torturing of the conscience.
I stress this point because one of the arguments
brought by Roman Catholics is that the practice brings a
sense of comfort to the penitent as he pours out his sins
into the ear of the priest, whose absolution removes the
burden of sin and guilt. It is true that a kind of comfort
maybe experienced in this way, but it has no lasting
effect and is nothing more than a passing emotion.
Later on I served five years as a priest in the Roman
214 Far from Rome, Near to God

Church. This may seem a short period, but it was long

enough for me to learn a great deal about confession and
the confessional. I heard the confessions of many
people, some of whom I knew personally. In some of
them there was deep sincerity and a longing to get
deliverance from some besetting sin or vice and yet these
people, much to their own distress, had to come week
after week, confessing the same sins which quite often
were shameful and hated sins. ‘Why don’t I get deliver-
ance?’ was their anxious question. My duty as their
Father Confessor was supposed to bring them peace, but
I could never give them a convincing assurance and
neither could anyone else in my position.

Living Water
Think of that lovely incident when Jesus met the woman
of Samaria at Jacob’s well. There we have the true
answer needed by thirsty souls. However, people who
are deceived by being continually compelled to go to the
priest for the quenching of their spiritual thirst never
find the true answer. ‘Jesus answered and said unto her,
Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again.’ The
Roman confessional is just like the water of Jacob’s well.
It is water that may satisfy but only for a time. Jesus went
on to say, ‘But whosoever drinketh of the water that I
shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall
give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into
everlasting life’ (John 4:13-14).
We see here that the true source of lasting satisfaction
is the Lord Jesus Christ, who knows the secret need of
every sinner and who has the water for each one. Jesus
also said, ‘Come unto me, all ye that labour and are
heavy laden, and I will give you rest’ (Mart. 11:28). This
offer comes from the heart of God, but no priest,
Mariano Rughi 215

bishop, or pope in the Church of Rome can ever give this

peace of heart which they lack themselves. People
remain thirsty, heavy-laden, and helpless until God
himself satisfies them. Then, just as a stream fills a well,
so the gift of God gives blessing after blessing with the
promise of eternal life.

Ordained but Perplexed

In my own search I suddenly came up against a personal
problem. The idea of giving up the vocation to the
priesthood occurred to me, but I at once rejected it as a
heinous temptation. I was doing my last year of theolog-
ical studies and was almost ready to receive ordination. I
also thought about the honour of my family, since in a
Roman Catholic country it is considered a great
privilege and honour to have a priest in the family. I
knew that my parents and friends were all looking
forward to seeing me celebrate the Mass as a priest. I
now realize that these were insignificant considerations,
but as I did not then know the Lord Jesus Christ as my
Saviour and Lord, I felt powerless to follow my convic-
tions. So I went through with my ordination and became
a priest, after which I was sent to a parish as curate-in-
charge. I began my ministry with enthusiasm and even
had some success, which removed some of my old
doubts. In my parish work I was in a new atmosphere
and in different surroundings and I felt I had a certain
freedom which I did not have in my college life. I began
to take the liberty of reading the Bible and other books
which were forbidden by the Church. Later on, as a
parish priest, I entered into religious discussions with
many people.
216 Far from Rome, Near to God

My Doubts Intensify
One day, during an intimate conversation with a Fran-
ciscan monk, I had a revelation that shocked me. I
discovered that he was going through the same painful
experiences regarding the assurance of salvation as
those through which I had gone. I began to ask myself,
‘If the Church of Rome is the true Church of Christ, how
is it that one of its best followers, a man of integrity and a
disciplined life, is uncertain of his salvation and is
suffering intense spiritual perplexity?’ My doubts re-
vived and I found myself in another spiritual crisis, but
one which this time eventually led to my release. The
immediate consequence of this crisis was that the Mass,
the confessional and other priestly duties became a great
burden.

God’s Light
Then for a time I sought release in amusements. I found
I was beginning to lose my sense of duty and, much to my
shame, I found myself falling to worldly standards of
life. My real need was not amusements but cleansing,
not pleasures but spiritual renewal. What I needed was
Jesus Christ. Was the Church able to lead me to the one
who could release me from this terrible situation? No,
Rome could only apply its canonical punishment and so
I was sent for a week to a monastery. The treatment was
not adequate to the disease. I was still fighting alone a
seemingly lost battle. Then one day a flash of divine light
revealed the darkness of my heart. What was I to do? I
decided to leave my parish and my parents and go to
Rome. I had no definite plan in mind and had no friend
in Rome to whom I could turn for help. On my first day’s
search in Rome, however, I discovered an Episcopalian
Mariano Rughi PAN |

Methodist church. I was able to contact its minister, to

whom I opened my heart and told him about my
desperate situation. I soon learned, however, that
leaving the Church of Rome was not as easy as I had
thought.

Rome’s Stated Curse on Converted Priests

The Lateran Treaty of 1929 was a great obstacle. Its fifth

article, paragraph 2 reads: ‘Under no circumstances may
apostate priests or those subjected to censure be ap-
pointed as teachers or allowed to continue as such nor
may they hold office or be employed as clerks where
they are in immediate contact with the public.’ This
meant that I had to choose between retiring from any
kind of public life or leave my country, parents and
everything that was dear to me. The latter was a terrific
sacrifice, but I was given strength to do it and God
opened the door for me in a remarkable way. The
Methodist minister whom I had met introduced me to
Professor E. Buonaiuti, an ex-Roman Catholic priest
who, as a result of the Lateran Treaty, had to give up his
position as a teacher of comparative religions and who
was himself subject to canonical censure. This man
made contact with Protestant societies in Switzerland,
France and Germany for me to find a place to which I
could go for refuge from Rome.

In His Light We See

Weeks and months went by with no prospect in sight,
when God brought into the picture another ex-priest,
the Rev. M. Casella, who was working in a parish in
Northern Ireland. This was indeed a providential hap-
pening. Dr Casella happened to be writing to Prof.
218 Far from Rome, Near to God

Buonaiuti in Rome about a book. In his letter, Dr

Casella mentioned how he had been enabled to leave the
Church of Rome through an evangelical society in
Dublin called the Priests’ Protection Society. In his
reply, Prof. Buonaiuti referred to my case, and through
this contact the final stage of my journey began.
The Priests’ Protection Society came to my aid and
enabled me to get a thorough training in evangelical
Reformed doctrine at Trinity College, Dublin, spon-
sored by the Irish Church Missions. I would like to
express at this time my deep gratitude to the Priests’
Protection Society for enabling me to come out of the
darkness of Rome into the light of the gospel.
Of course it has cost me much to leave my parents, my
friends, and everything that was dear to me in Italy, but
when I decided to obey the voice of God rather than the
voice of the flesh and of the world, all my hardships were
transformed into sweetness, especially since I have
completed my spiritual journey from a sinful life to a
personal knowledge of the living Christ.
I would like to add a word of gratitude to the Irish
Church Missions in whose buildings in Dublin I was
taught to read the Word of God and where my eyes were
opened to the light of the gospel. The prophet Isaiah
taught about true, right standing before God: ‘Surely,
shall one say, in the LORD have I righteousness and
strength’ (/sa. 45:24). The apostle Paul teaches that
God’s righteousness is given to the believer through
faith: ‘But now the righteousness of God without the law
is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the
prophets; even the righteousness of God which is by
faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that
believe: for there is no difference’ (Rom. 3:21-22). The
sinful condition of all men is also clearly detailed by the
apostle Paul, together with the teaching of God’s grace
Mariano Rughi 219

given freely without any human merit: ‘For all have

sinned, and come short of the glory of God; being
justified freely by his grace through the redemption that
is in Christ Jesus’ (Rom. 3:23-24). By grace through
faith a real transaction took place between God and
myself. Like the apostle Paul, I can confidently say, ‘I
count all things but loss for the excellency of the
knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have
suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but
dung, that I may win Christ, and be found in him, not
having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but
that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteous-
ness which is of God by faith’ (Phil. 3:8-9).
 ay)

John Zanon

I Found Christ the Only Mediator

was born in 1910 to poor but devout Roman Catholic

parents in northern Italy. Following my ordination
by Cardinal Rossi, 29 June 1935, I was sent to the United
States.
A few years later I was given a table radio as a
birthday gift. To my surprise and joy I was able to
receive some Protestant programmes. I loved their
messages and songs from the very beginning. The thing
that impressed me most was that they put a great
emphasis on the Bible. It seemed to me these preachers
were really fulfilling Christ’s mandate to ‘preach the
gospel to every creature’ (Mark 16:15). In an attempt to
prove how right I was in being with the Roman Catholic
Church and how wrong those were who were outside of

_ 220
John Zanon IA

it, Ibegan to read the Bible earnestly and prayerfully. The

more I read and the harder I prayed to God, the more
clearly I understood how wrong the Church of Rome was.
In the Gospel of John I read, ‘But as many as received
him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God’
(John 1:12); ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave
his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him
should not perish, but have everlasting life’ (John 3:16).
The Bible could not be more clear in this all-important
matter of our salvation.

Teachings Not in the Bible

Even being a Roman Catholic priest did not assure the
salvation of my soul. I came to realize that my zeal and
good works as a priest could not save me, because I read
in the Bible: ‘For by grace are ye saved through faith;
and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of
works, lest any man should boast’ (Eph. 2:8-9)
This shook my faith in Roman Catholic teachings.
Until now I had blindly accepted all of Rome’s
teachings. A Roman Catholic has no choice: either he
accepts Rome’s doctrines without question, or he is
excommunicated. Because I was beginning to doubt
everything, I started searching the Scriptures more
diligently than ever. I discovered that the sacrifice of
Jesus Christ on the cross was all-sufficient, ‘By the which
will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of
Jesus Christ once for all’ (Heb. 10:10). ‘For by one
offering he hath perfected for ever them that are
sanctified’ (Heb. 10:14). ‘Who needeth not daily, as
those high priests, to offer up sacrifice, first for his own
sins, and then for the people’s: for this he did once, when
he offered up himself’ (Heb. 7:27). There is no need
then of Mass, confession, or purgatory.
222 Far from Rome, Near to God

Go to Jesus, Not to Rome

I began to realize that all these doctrines of the so-called

only true Church were nothing but Roman inventions.
Pursuing my studies further, I learned that devotions to
Mary the mother of our Saviour and the saints were not
even mentioned in the Bible. Mary herself directed the
attendants at the marriage feast of Cana to go to Jesus:
‘Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it’ (John 2:5). Christ
invites us to come directly to him and not through the
saints as the Roman Church teaches: ‘Come unto me, all
ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you
rest’ (Matt. 11:28). ‘Jesus saith unto him, I am the way,
the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father,
but by me’ (John 14:6). ‘If ye shall ask any thing in my
name, I will do it’ (John 14:14). And Paul, divinely
inspired, wrote: ‘For there is one God, and one medi-
ator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus’ (/
Tim. 2:5).
Once again I had to conclude from my Bible study that
the thousand and one devotions to the saints were all
inventions of Rome. For the first time in my life it
became crystal clear that the teachings of the Roman
Catholic Church were wrong. I thanked the Lord for
enlightening my mind. I had no choice but to leave the
Roman Catholic Church. I began formulating my plans,
but the decision frightened me. I knew my parents and
brothers would be hurt and the Roman Catholics would
feel I had disgraced them. It would also cost me many
life-long friends, security, prestige and a comfortable
life. I delayed and prayed. The voice of the Lord came
clear and firm, ‘He that loveth father or mother more
than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or
daughter more than me is not worthy of me’ (Matt.
10:37).
John Zanon 223

To still this divine warning I put aside my Bible and

began to work harder than ever. I recalled the vows
made in seminary and particularly on the day of my
ordination: to be one of the best priests. This gave me a
relative peace of mind for quite a few years.

The Sword of the Word of God

In January 1955, I had a pleasant surprise. Rev. Joseph

Zacchello, the editor of The Convert magazine, came to
visit me while he was in Kansas City, Missouri. I was
startled when he asked me if I was saved. This question
haunted me and I prayed to God again to show me the
way of salvation. The voice of the Lord came clearly and
reproachfully to me: ‘Think not that I am come to send
peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword’
(Matt. 10:34). That sword I used to cut myself off from
everybody near and dear to me.
Today, having believed on the Lord as my personal
Saviour, I am experiencing how right he was when he
said, ‘There is no man that hath left house, or parents, or
brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God’s
sake, who shall not receive manifold more in this present
time, and in the world to come life everlasting’ (Luke
18:29-30).
 oie

John Preston

From Works to the Light

of the Gospel

6" Phe truth shall make you free’ (John 8:32). The
truth of Jesus’ gospel has set millions of people
free from their sins, burdens and worries. This is a clear
proof that the unadulterated gospel of the Holy
Scriptures is still ‘the power of God unto salvation to
everyone that believeth’ (Rom. 1:16). The story of my
liberation from the darkness of Romanism into ‘the
glorious liberty of the children of God’ (Rom. 8:21) is
only another evidence of the same power.
There was nothing striking in my conversion, no
sudden change or miraculous event to compel me to
abandon the Roman Catholic Church and to surrender
to Christ. It was only the quiet and steady working of

224
John Preston 22

God’s grace and the daily realization of the wrongness of

a system that is erroneously called Catholic and Christ-
ian.

Finding No Assurance of Forgiveness

Born in the north of Italy of Roman Catholic parents, I
was baptized and confirmed in the same faith. At the age
of twelve I felt called by God to the priesthood and
entered a seminary, where I spent nine years of intense
and severe training. During these years a deep and
lengthy crisis brought home to me for the first time
the uselessness of auricular confession. My soul was
darkened by sin and my spirit tortured by doubt. I
sought desperately for light and peace. I went to
confession almost every day, thinking to find in it
forgiveness and happiness, but no matter how hard I
tried or how often I confessed my sins to my Father
Confessor, no assurance of forgiveness was ever given to
me, no strength ever flowed into my heart to keep it pure
from more and worse sins.
What a joyous contrast between my past and my
present life! Now I have put all my trust in Christ; now I
know whom I have believed and know that he is able to
keep me ‘until that day’; now I confess my sins directly to
God who has cleansed me and given me a new heart, and
made me a new creature, through the purifying power of
Jesus’ blood.

Seeking Salvation in Works

It was to overcome this inward crisis that I decided to
dedicate myself to a more sacrificial life to be spent
among the African people. Thus, I joined a Missionary
Order, which in Italy boasts the glorious name of “The
226 Far from Rome, Near to God

Sons of the Sacred Heart of Jesus’ and here in England is

known as the ‘Verona Fathers’.
Although I am deeply indebted to the Verona Fathers
for the help they gave me during my last five years of
training, I cannot overlook the way in which they
prepare their candidates for the religious profession and
for the priesthood. The whole preparation is centred in
works, in doing things. Salvation depends entirely on
what we do, not on what Jesus did. We merit our eternal
life or our everlasting damnation. Jesus is no longer “the
author and finisher of our faith’, ‘Alpha and Omega, the
first and the last’. Our actions, our merits, our prayers,
our year’s alms and our penances take us into heaven,
not Jesus. That is why, during my two years of novitiate,
I was invited to flog myself and to kiss the floor of the
dining room or the feet of other novices.

Seeing the Light of the Gospel

At the end of my novitiate I attended a four-year course
of theological training and was ordained in Milan in
1952. After one year of ministry and of missionary
deputation in northern and central Italy, I was sent to
Asmara, in Eritrea, as a missionary and teacher in a big
Roman Catholic college. There I made my first personal
contact with Protestant missionaries and was given some
literature to read. There also I realized more than ever
how tyrannical the Roman Catholic system can be.
Coming to London two years later to improve my
English, I went on studying the biblical faith and praying
to God for light. There I happened to listen now and
then to evangelical speakers at ‘Speakers’ Corner’ in
Hyde Park, and their fearless and bold exposure of
Roman heresies helped me to break away at last from
the Roman Catholic Church. Mr P. Pengilly, senior
John Preston 227

outdoor speaker of the Protestant Alliance, was one that

influenced me.
In conclusion, I would like to assure you that while
writing this testimony I do not bear any grudge against
anybody. On the contrary, it is ‘my heart’s desire and
prayer to God’ (Rom. 10:1) that many Roman Catholic
people might see the light of the gospel as I have seen it
and come to rejoice in the knowledge of Jesus as their
own personal Saviour. It was the great joy of this
spiritual discovery and the desire to communicate it to
others that prompted me to write these lines, trusting
that God will have all the glory.
 B10

Guido Scalzi

My Encounter with God

ur little house at Mesoraca, Italy, was situated in a

hamlet called Filippa which was not very far from
the monastery of the Franciscan Friars, located on top of
a beautiful hill. It was there that I went as a child with my
family to hear Mass.

The Attraction of the Monastery

I remember one particular morning I was moved as I
heard the strains of the church organ. This, with Spring
just awakening, produced in my mind a strange attrac-
tion. I felt it would be wonderful to live the rest of my
days in a monastery in close communion with God and
with nature. I met my mother when she came out of

_ 228
Guido Scalzi 229

church and cried out, ‘Mama, how wonderful it would

be if I could become a priest.’ To say my mother was
happy with my sudden decision would be an understate-
ment. She was happier still when as the days passed I
told her that I was more and more confirmed in what I
sincerely considered to be the call of God for my life.
One day I asked my mother to go to the monastery
with me to speak to the Father Superior. After our
interview he seemed satisfied with the seriousness of my
intentions and told my mother I definitely would be a
priest some day. Eventually I was accepted by the
director of the Franciscan seminary called Seraphic
College. On 28 September 1928 I took leave of my
family and, accompanied by Father Carlo, made my way
by train to the seminary in the province of Cosenza.

First Years in Seminary

During the trip, my thoughts drifted back to those I had
left behind. Often, without letting my companions see
me, I wiped away the tears which dropped silently down
my cheeks. The first days of seminary were character-
ized by a great flurry of activity due to the arrival of new
students, and some confusion, since many of the boys
did not adapt quickly to their new regimented lifestyle,
quite different from the freedom they had previously
enjoyed. As the cold winter approached I suffered from
frostbite, flu and other illnesses. There was no heat at
the college. In the morning when we awoke at the sound
of the alarm, we had to walk through an open terrace to
wash our faces, since there was no running water. The
water would freeze in the basins so that the ice had to be
broken, and we used the ice as though it were soap.
Sometimes two or three days would pass before most of
us would dare wash our faces. It was a hard life. The cold
230 Far from Rome, Near to God

had a debilitating effect on my morale, which sank lower

and lower each day. Though I tried to overcome all these
things, I withdrew into myself more and more. I was
surprised to find myself weeping. During those times, no
one could console me. I remember one time Father
Carlo, annoyed because of the disturbance I was creat-
ing, began slapping, punching and even kicking me. I
must say that those relentless blows achieved the desired
effect. From that moment on I decided to live that
seminary life, even if it was most disagreeable to me.
One thing I learned quickly was that I could confide in
no one and that it was impossible to have a friend. Spies
seemed to be everywhere. Very few memories remain of
these first four years of seminary.

Brother Felice

In September 1932 I left for the monastery, where I

spent my year as a novice. According to the novitiate
rules of the Order of the Minor Friars of St Francis, the
day one is inducted one is given a new name. So from
then on I was known as ‘Brother Felice’ (Brother
Happy). I remember the awful boredom that plagues
novices, boredom coming from a forced idleness and a
false solitude. Even though the novices are supposedly
growing in the ways of God, in reality they are suspicious
of one another and jealous over trifles, which leads to
envy, quarrelling and vulgarity.

Happiness and Disillusionment as a Priest

My year as a novice ended with the ceremony of the
‘simple profession’ on 4 October 1933. On 7 July 1940 I
was ordained to the priesthood. I received congratula-
tions from the bishop, my superiors, and the priests who
 Guido Scalzi Bell

were present. I was very happy. At last I was a priest.

However, my first Mass was a sad disappointment. It
seemed to me to be merely acting out the rdle that I had
been ordained to perform. There was no joy, no
spiritual satisfaction. Where was the presence of God
that I had been promised I would savour in a very real
way? There was nothing but mere empty formality.
After a few years at St Francis of Assisi Convent, where
I taught Italian, history, geography and religion at the
intermediate junior high levels, I went to the monastery at
Bisignane (Cosenza) and then to a monastery in Reggio di
Calabria. It was here that I had my first face-to-face
encounter with evangelical Christians.

A Fountain of Water for the Thirsty

On 15 August 1945, while passing the Evangelical
Baptist Church of Reggio di Calabria, I suddenly felt a
strong desire to see the minister. Finally, I found the
courage to write a letter asking to see him. ‘Come, you
are welcome to meet with me at your convenience’, was
Pastor Salvatore Tortorelli’s response to my note. The
pastor advised me to read the Bible. ‘Read it with
simplicity and without preconceived notions,’ he said.
I returned to the monastery and began to read the
Holy Bible in Italian. To my spirit and soul it was like a
fountain of water for the thirsty and sight for the blind.
Each page brought new surprises and new light, like
opened windows in the walls of a prison. ‘Is it possible?’
I would repeat to myself. ‘Is it possible that I have lived
so many years without ever knowing all of these
marvellous things?’ One day I told Pastor Tortorelli how
I felt. ‘The Lord is calling you out of falsehood. Leave
everything, and be converted to the gospel of Jesus
Christ’, was his response.
232 Far from Rome, Near to God

My Real Fears
There were two obstacles preventing me from leaving
the monastery. First of all there was the shame of being
despised as an infamous person, a defrocked priest.
Secondly, there was the fear of venturing out into the
unknown world without having security or employment
of any kind. This last point was most crucial, since
the fifth article of the Concordat between the Italian gov-
ernment and the Vatican forbade employment of all
ex-priests. With such conditions, I could not muster
enough courage to leave the monastery.

Jesus Wants to Save You

Not long after I was transferred to a monastery at

Staletti. One day in the village a peasant farmer
signalled me to stop. He had heard of me from the
Baptist pastor at Reggio di Calabria and explained that
his own pastor, Domenico Fulginiti, in Gasperini, about
six kilometres away, would like to meet me.
Some nights later I went to the meeting place. The
house was small and very simply furnished, as are most
of the homes of the Calabrian peasant farmers. There
was a table with some chairs, a fireplace, and near it a
dough tray and two sifters for sifting flour for bread.
Near the fireplace, on the wall, hung pots and pans.
Through an open door one could see a bedroom. The
pastor did not make a very good first impression on me.
He wore a very modest suit, without a tie. One could see
he was just a simple peasant. ‘What kind of pastor is
this?’ I thought, as Pastor Domenico Fulginiti was
introduced to me. I thought that at any moment he
would pull out his Bible to witness to me, but instead,
looking at me with great tenderness, he said, ‘By now
Guido Scalzi 233

you know everything there is to know about the Word of

God. What you need now is salvation. Jesus wants to
Save you. He died on the cross to save your soul.’ He
continued speaking to me about the ‘new birth’. He told
me the story of Nicodemus, who went to look for Jesus
by night, and then repeated the words of the Master:
‘Art thou a master of Israel, and knowest not these
things?’ “Born again, if I could only be born again,’ I
thought to myself. To blot out all of my painful past, all
of my errors, all of my delusions, all of my sins, all of the
filth and mire my soul had accumulated, and begin a new
life, a pure life before God and man: if I could only be
born again!

A Real Prayer of Faith

“You must be born again,’ the peasant kindly repeated
to me. I did not know what to say, but I was content to
agree with him, as he continued saying these things with
great conviction. He spoke with simplicity. There was
no trace of superiority in his words. He used no flowery
professorial tones. After a little while he got up and said
to me, ‘If you don’t mind, may we pray before we go our
separate ways?’ ‘Of course we can pray, I answered
him. He knelt and raised his hands toward heaven as he
closed his eyes in prayer. My eyes were wide open. He
began by thanking God for the opportunity that he gave
me to hear the words of salvation. He went on asking
God to purify my heart from all sin and wash my soul in
the precious blood of Jesus, his only begotten Son, who
died on the cross to pay the price to redeem my soul. He
continued that way for a while. I was kneeling also, of
course, with some reluctance, and I followed his prayer
with scepticism, smiling within myself when he alluded
to my sins. What could he know? I kept looking at him;
234 Far from Rome, Near to God

he kept his eyes closed, while his hands reached towards

heaven imploringly. The intensity of his prayer exuded
from his entire being. It was truly a prayer of faith. I
had never heard anyone pray like that in all my life.
Nevertheless, that prayer seemed to be true prayer, fully
corresponding to the teachings of Jesus, who warned
against mechanical repetitions but rather encouraged
prayers according to the need of the moment. What could
have been more urgent than the salvation of my soul?

Eternal Life Is in His Son

Suddenly I closed my eyes and my past life flashed

before me. All of my sins, all of my vices, all of my pride,
my lustfulness, my hypocrisy, my lies and many other
things. I saw myself covered with every type of sin, as a
leper covered with his repulsive sickness. My condition
frightened me. With anguish, I wondered how I could
free myself from this oppressive situation. In that
instant, I remembered certain words mentioned earlier
in the prayer: “The blood of Jesus purifies us from all
sin.’ It was then I understood what it meant to be truly
free. It was then I abandoned myself into the hands of
Jesus, my Saviour, desperately seeking his help. ‘Lord,
have mercy on me, a sinner. Save my soul,’ I cried. I was
going through a great crisis. On one hand I saw my
present life, the pleasures and comfort it offered; I saw
my relatives, friends and all those who respected me for
what I was. On the other hand I saw the unknown, a life
of work and sacrifice; but I also saw Jesus with open
arms, ready to receive me unto himself, ready to give me
a new heart, a new soul, a new life, full of his grace, his
love, and peace. In the words of Scripture, I knew that
‘this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life,
and this life is in his Son’ (J John 5:11).
Guido Scalzi 235

Trusting Jesus Totally

I sensed peace come into my heart. For the first time in
my life, I truly felt the presence of Jesus. He was there
with us in that room. He accepted my repentance. He
received me unto himself and he spoke to me. His voice
was sweet to my ear. He calmed the anxiety of the heart.
Darkness fled from my mind. His presence was so alive I
had the impression that if I extended my hand, I could
touch his garment. It was he, my Lord, my Master,
Jesus.
Brother Fulginiti became aware that something very
important had taken place within me and that the Lord
had answered his prayer. He embraced me and said,
‘The Lord touched your heart; believe on him only; do
‘t. Who | if Tree
invitati The enemy will
always try to hinder you from entering into the way of
salvation. With my eyes full of tears, I replied,
‘Brother, I have decided to serve the Lord for life or
death.’
Since my conversion and departure from Roman
Catholicism, I have had the privilege of working as a
missionary pastor, evangelist and founder and director
of ‘La Voce Della Speranza’ (The Voice of Hope) which
is broadcast from several radio stations in the United
States and Europe. May the Lord continue to fulfil
through us the ministry foretold by Isaiah: ‘To appoint
unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty
for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of
praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be
called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord,
that he might be glorified’ (/sa. 61:3).
 34

Benigno Zuniga

Transformed by Christ

iie I was over fifty years of age I lived in complete

spiritual darkness. Despite having been a priest
for many years, my knowledge about Jesus Christ was
very limited and distorted. In fact, for me, the real
Christ of the Bible had been hidden under a blanket of
complex religious teaching.
I believed that outside the Roman Catholic Church
there was no possibility of salvation and that the Pope,
as Christ’s representative on earth, was infallible. My
loyalty was so great that I would have been willing to
give my life in defence of the Pope.
 Benigno Zuniga ua

The Teaching of the Church

I had been educated by Jesuit Fathers and decided to
become a Jesuit monk at the age of sixteen. I studied in
Peru, Ecuador, Spain and Belgium and was later
ordained a priest. For many years I taught in Roman
Catholic schools, held a position as a professor in a
seminary, served as Vice-Chancellor of the Ecclesiasti-
cal Tribunal in my diocese, held the office of a chaplain
in the army and served as a priest of two of the principal
parishes of my country.
As a parish priest I set myself to opposing the
Protestants in my area. I treated them as heretics, and I
taught my people that they all held the lowest possible
moral standards. As some of these Protestants continu-
ally appealed to the authority of the Bible, I decided to
write a book exposing their error in the light of the
Bible.

The Teaching of God

As I studied the Bible chapter by chapter over a period
of three years, it came as a terrible shock to me to
discover that I was the one in error. Far from being able
to refute these heretics I found myself being refuted by
my own Roman Catholic Bible. I began to see how far
away from the Bible my Roman Catholic beliefs were.
Often as I studied I found myself moved to tears to think
that I had submissively followed human ideas rather
than the teaching of God.
Another effect of reading the Bible chapter by
chapter was that I found my conscience came to life
within me. I saw that personally I was a long way from
God. As a priest I projected an image of holiness, but in
reality I gave way to all kinds of sin and lived a
238 Far from Rome, Near to God

thoroughly worldly life. The black robes which I wore

symbolized the darkness of my heart. No amount of
sacraments, prayers to the saints, penitence, holy water
or confession of sin to a human confessor could give me
the peace which my soul began to long for.

Transformed by Christ
One day, although a priest over fifty years of age, I at last
surrendered my heart to God. I knelt before Christ,
who, though invisible, became real and living to me.
Feeling like a nobody and with sorrow in my heart, I
repented of having offended him by my awful life of sin.
In my imagination I saw the cross, where his precious
blood was shed to save me from the punishment I so
richly deserved. The result of this prayer was that Christ
transformed my life. He called me out of the ‘tomb’ of
spiritual darkness and brought me into a living experi-
ence and knowledge of himself.
The secret of true spiritual reality is to have a personal
meeting with Christ through a sincere and vibrant faith.
When Christ takes over a heart, every other spiritual
blessing is assured.
 oS)

Bruno Bottesin

I Was Not Antagonistic to the Truth

was born in Vicenza, Italy, in 1917. At the age of

eleven I entered the Franciscan College to study for
the priesthood. After my ordination I became the pastor
of a small mountain parish of Castagnaro. In 1954 I was
transferred to a larger parish in the city of Chieti. Then
Bishop Piasentini invited me to teach in the seminary in
Chioggia and also assigned me to a church there.

Unchanged Lives
At last I thought I had found the right place for my
ministry. I was a teacher in the seminary, pastor of a
good parish, and had gained the favour of the bishop. I
organized a very fine Catholic Action group. I worked

Zoo
240 Far from Rome, Near to God

day and night for my people with great zeal, but very soon

catechism and Roman dogma were not able to change the ©

live s
of my people. They came to church every Sunday, to
the sacraments, and even to confession but they refused to
follow the teachings of the gospel of Christ. How could I
continue to give the sacraments to people who did not
want to give up their sins? They pretended to be Christians
but they did the opposite of what Christ told us to do in his
gospel. Most of my people who did not want to sacrifice for
Christ and change their sinful lives began to oppose me
and many of them would say, ‘What foolish things are
being taught. Why should we change our way of life when
we already do what the Roman Catholic Church asks us?
We receive communion, take our children to the priests to
be baptized and confirmed. We were married by the
priest, we abstain from meat on Friday and we go to
church on Sunday. What more does our new pastor want
from us? We are Christians because we belong to the
Roman Church.’

Christ Only
Someone reported me to the bishop. He called me to his
home and told me that I must give up my position as a
teacher and a pastor because I was not following the
teachings and instructions of the Roman Catholic
Church. He said that I was telling people to go to Christ
and depend upon him instead of telling them to depend
upon the saints of the Roman Church, the sacraments
and the priests who had the same power as Christ had to
forgive sins. I tried in vain to convince my bishop that I
was not teaching heresy but only the gospel, that they
could not be forgiven their sins unless they repented
towards God because there is only ‘one Mediator
Bruno Bottesin 241

between God and men, the man Christ Jesus’. The

bishop became very irritated and removed me from my
position as a pastor and teacher. I told him that I was
going to appeal to Rome, to the Pope, and he suggested
that I go ahead.

The Grace of God in a Quiet Room

I left for Rome within a few days after preparing my
argument, and I went to the Vatican to present my case
to Pope Pius XII. For several days I had no answer.
Then I was informed that the Pope had no time to hear
my case, and I would have to appeal to the Sacred
Congregation. At this time I realized that I was left
alone, that even the one who calls himself the vicar of
Christ and the Holy Father had let me down. In short, I
was helpless. I began to realize the difference between
the gospel and a church organization. The gospel is for
the people, but the organization of the Roman Catholic
Church is not set up for the benefit of the individual but
for its political and social leaders.
I left Rome and returned to my people, but when I
returned I had no church or teaching position. I did not
give up but definitely put my trust in the Lord. I
remained in town among my people. A friend gave me a
room, and there in the quietness of this room, after so
many trials and tribulations with the bishop and in
Rome, I started to read the New Testament for comfort.
Never before had I read any book with such interest. To
my surprise, I found the answer to many doubts that I
had about some of the teachings of the Roman Church.
Very soon, by the grace of God, I began to realize that
most of the dogmas and teachings that I as a priest had
been urging my people to believe were not in the gospel
but were man made, even against the Holy Bible. I
242 Far from Rome, Near to God

began to see that for seventeen years I had not been a

servant of Jesus Christ and his priest but the servant of a
powerful organization.

Why Seventeen Years to Discover the Truth?

It may seem surprising that it took so long for me to
discover the truth. But you must remember that a
candidate for the priesthood enters the seminary as just a
boy and is an adult when he completes his full training. As
a result it is not easy to decide against the Roman Catholic
Church. Do you think that all priests believe what they
teach? Many of them do not, but they remain in the
priesthood because they are afraid to break away. Lcould .
n

Christ’s Work — Not Ours

I have chosen Christ and received him as my personal

Saviour. ‘Not by works of righteousness which we have
done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the
washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy
Ghost’ (Titus 3:5). I am now preaching the true gospel
with freedom and without restrictions in the same town
where I was a priest. Persecutions are many but the Lord
is powerful. Several people have been converted.
My dear priests, if you are reading this, do not be
antagonistic to the truth, but seek it in the gospel and
preach the truth from the Bible. You must not adapt the
gospel to your teachings; but you must be changed
according to the gospel. If you do not turn to the gospel
truths there will be no hope or happiness for you but
only darkness, sorrow and sin. As Christ said to the
religious men of his own day, ‘If ye believe not that Iam
he, ye shall die in your sins’ (John 8:24).
 36

Renato di Lorenzo

A Monk for Twenty Years,

Then Born Again

would never have believed that I would leave the

Roman Catholic Church, even less the priesthood.
If someone had predicted it, I would have thought it
impossible.
I entered the Salesian Order at the age of fifteen and
in due time I was ordained to the priesthood. I worked
mainly with young people and enjoyed this work very
much. Then, after nearly ten years as a priest, my Father
Superior imposed a punishment on me, sending me to
Rome for one month to perform spiritual exercises. The
reason was that I had told him that I had experienced an
affection for a young woman. I had broken off the
relationship partly because I was not sure that I was truly

243
244 Far from Rome, Near to God

in love with her, but also because I had consecrated my

life to God and was not prepared to retract my commit-
ment. There was, of course, much pride and selfishness
in my decision. It would have been somewhat humiliat-
ing for me to have to confess that I had been ‘unfaithful’
to my priestly calling. I had asked my superior for a
transfer to another monastery, but instead of receiving a
fatherly talk I was duly served with the letter informing
me of my punishment. I knew that for the rest of my life
this blot would stand against me, and I would always be
viewed with suspicion.

Life under the Law of the Church

During my month in Rome desperate and bitter

thoughts surfaced in my mind. Sometimes I wanted to
escape, it did not matter where. Other times I yearned
for my work in Naples. I passed through moments of
very deep depression. I called upon the Lord in prayer,
but everything in and around me remained silent. I felt
completely alone, as if in a prison, constantly aggrieved
and assured of my innocence.
The monastery was situated on Mount Selie, near old
Rome, and commanded a view over the whole of Rome
and the Colosseum. From it I could watch ordinary life
as it flowed beneath me. I saw how people enjoyed one
another’s company and loved each other, and I asked
myself whether they really offended God in so doing. I
wanted to mix with these people. I longed to discard my
black robes, my cassock — which made me feel like an
unreal person — and to be a genuine person like everyone
else.
I confided in an old Father and explained my feelings
to him. He suggested that I write to my superior, asking
him to give me permission to return to my former work.
Renato di Lorenzo 245

My superior answered that I must bear all these

unpleasant experiences as penance for my sin and
unfaithfulness. However, he did give me permission to
go out in the day.
So I went out. I did not travel about Rome as a pilgrim
as he clearly intended, but as a tourist. I bought gaudy
newspapers and magazines, yet I was not satisfied. I
used the opportunity to ask advice of many other priests.
Their reasoning always ended at the same point: I
should never have put my problem before my superior
but should have kept quiet. My superior had acted in
accordance with church law, even though he had
interpreted it in the strictest manner.
I returned to Naples, not to continue my work there,
but rather to go back to my parents.

Rome’s Teaching Contrary to Scripture

During my time in Rome I had spent some time
retracing my steps through the teaching of the Roman
Catholic Church and comparing it with the teaching of
the Bible. I began to see that the Bible was wrongly and
unfairly quoted merely to substantiate church teaching.
I had been taught to believe in the Roman Catholic
Church on the grounds that I could only find Christ
through the Church. Obedience to Christ, according to
Roman Catholic teaching, meant subjection to Christ’s
substitute on earth, namely the Pope. However, as I read
through the Gospels in my ‘punishment-cell’, I saw that
this teaching was contrary to what was written there.

Searching for Truth

In Rome I frequently consulted the telephone directory
for the address of a Protestant church, although at that
246 Far from Rome, Near to God

point Protestantism did not exactly fill me with con-

fidence. The only reason I was inclined to contact
Protestants was for help in leaving my Church and
beginning a new life. I never thought they could help me
in my struggles of faith.
During my stay with my family in Naples the thought
about contacting Protestants came back to me, and I
began to wonder whether they might be right after all.
During this time I was allowed to fulfil all my priestly
functions, but during a period of seven months I only
read Mass twenty times, heard confession on even fewer
occasions, and never wanted to preach.
One Sunday, I avoided Mass and went for a walk.
During that walk I noticed a building displaying
literature about the Bible. It was the entrance of an
evangelical church. I did not venture in as I thought I
might cause a commotion by going in dressed in my
Roman Catholic clerical garments, so I phoned the
minister and visited him privately to explain my case.
He put me in touch with several ex-Roman Catholic
priests who helped me very much, but I was not yet
willing to leave my Church. I was afraid of making a
decision which might be influenced by my recent punish-
ment. I therefore resumed my duties as a priest and
spiritual leader among young people and, though I
threw myself into all manner of religious work with great
energy, I found that I developed an increasing repugn-
ance for it.
I no longer believed in the Mass, nor in the priestly
hearing of confession. I had several conversations with
my new superior, who was very alarmed at how near I
had drifted to Protestantism. He advised me to pray very
much to Mary, saying that she would help me find my
faith again.
 Renato di Lorenzo 247

“Ye Must Be Born Again’

My departure from the priesthood was now inevitable,
and within a short time I left Naples and made my way to
the well known ‘refuge’ for ex-priests in Velp, Holland.
_In this home, as a result of reading the Bible and praying
to God for forgiveness and help, I came to find Christ in
a personal way. I underwent that experience of conver-
sion which Christ declares as necessary: ‘Ye must be
born again’ (John 3:7). ‘And as Moses lifted up the
serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man
be lifted up: that whosoever believeth in him should not
perish, but have eternal life. For God so loved the
world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that
whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have
everlasting life’ (John 3:14-16).
Every birth involves effort and pain. Twenty years of
monastic life, coupled with my Roman Catholic theo-
logical training and my obstinate character, provided
great hindrances to my seeking and finding God. But
finally I yielded to the Lord in childlike surrender and
said simply, ‘Lord, I believe.’
Since then the Lord has never forsaken me. He has
strengthened my faith through both joy and sorrow and
has truly made himself known to me as a living and
personal Friend and Saviour.
 eve

Franco Maggiotto

Saved while Officiating at Mass

uring my teens I was very active in the Roman

Catholic Church. I was studying for a degree in
philosophy and working in an organization called
Roman Catholic Action. But none of this activity gave
meaning to my life, nor could it suffocate the sense of sin
that I had in my heart. My soul was full of the uselessness
of everything. I was in despair.
I had everything that a young man could have. My
family was well-established, with feet on the ground, as
we say in Italy. They had money, so I had everything
that human power could provide, but I did not have that
which a man must have to live before God.

248
 Franco Maggiotto 249

Reaching for God

So I went to my bishop to tell him this. He said that I was
a very nice boy, but I did not need to have this kind of
problem. Jesus Christ, before going up to heaven, gave
up all his own authority into the hand of Peter, into the
hand of the Pope and the apostles. Therefore I would
find the kingdom of God in the Church. I would learn
how to deal with sin. The Church had all the means to
cleanse souls in the sacraments. I could use the sacraments
to cleanse my soul, to reach through the sacrament a
sure way to meet God. And so I chose, as many young
people do with enthusiasm, the hardest way that the
Roman Catholic Church had to offer, and became a
hermit. I went into a hermitage on a hill near Rome. I
could see Rome from there. I shaved only twice a week
and dressed in one big robe made from wool, the same in
winter and summer. In summer the heat was terrible and
in the winter it was very cold. I was doing all these things
with all my heart to try to destroy my sin through earthly
power, through the human will. I had to reach God and I
was almost killing myself trying to reach him.

Into the Priesthood

After I had been a hermit for almost a year, I had to

leave for medical reasons. I planned to come back later.
However, I decided to go to a seminary to study
theology. I became a priest and was sent into a big parish
with another priest. He was over eighty years old, so I
. had to do everything.
I tried to be very nice to the people even though I was
sad. I enjoyed being a priest but I was not happy in
my soul; and, notwithstanding everything I did, I had
nothing with which to meet God. I did not have any
250 Far from Rome, Near to God

sense of assurance; my sin was still there. When I sought

help about this I was told to read the Gospel of Luke.
One verse was really a stumbling block for me. It was
this sentence: ‘He that heareth you heareth me; and he
that despiseth you despiseth me; and he that despiseth
me despiseth him that sent me’ (Luke 10:16).
My bishop told me that before going up to heaven,
Jesus Christ gave up all his authority to the bishops.
Therefore if someone did not listen to them, he did not
listen to Jesus. If we despised Jesus we despised God,
and so I was even afraid of thinking. I did not need to
think. I just needed to trust my bishop.

What Jesus Commanded

One day, almost in desperation, some young people and

I began to translate the New Testament from the Greek.
It was enjoyable at first, but the more we went on, the
more we saw the gap between the Church’s teaching and
the Bible. The biggest gap I could see was that Jesus
“hai bri cicbnenisiletinokcolnnecl

When we finished the first translation of the Gospel of

Matthew, my parish priest was really upset because I
was teaching the Bible. ‘If they know what we know they
will never come back; they will never come to the
Church,’ he said. But when we came to the end of the
last chapter something became clear. Jesus said to his
apostles, ‘Go ye therefore, and teach all nations,
baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the
Son, and of the Holy Ghost: teaching them to observe all
things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am
with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen’
(Matthew 28:19-20).
So, yes, Jesus Christ did say to his followers, ‘He who
Franco Maggiotto 251

hears you, hears me; he who despises you, despises me.’

But Jesus never told them to teach whatever they liked;
whatever would make them important; whatever would
build a big, powerful, earthly Church; whatever would
make the people happy, and if the people despised them
they despised him. He said, ‘Go and teach whatsoever I
have commanded you, everything I have already said to
you. And, of course, if you go, and if you say whatsoever
I have commanded you, no more and no less, then, if
they despise you they despise me.’ I had to learn more
about this gap between Church and Bible.

Trouble with the Church

So I read the Scriptures more; and the more I read, the

more I discovered. I found myself preaching some things
that were against myself as a Roman Catholic priest. I
was not using my sermon on Sunday mornings to build
up my authority any more, but I was using my sermon
against myself. This brought me into trouble. At first,
they had me conduct Mass at six o’clock in the morning.
There were very few people, just a few ladies saying
their rosaries. I could cry and shout there. But after a
few weeks, the Mass was packed. The authorities knew
that something was going to happen, so the bishop called
me in. He was very upset, and he told me he was going to
send me to another parish. I was promoted to a big
parish of fifty-five thousand people in the town of
Imperia with a new church and a priest under me.
There I found myself in a good position for one so
young. I was a senior priest and I liked to be there with
all the other priests around me listening to me and
saying, ‘Oh, he is so young, he has a good career before
him, what a good looking man.’ When I look back on it
now I am ashamed. But at that time I was unhappy. |
252 Far from Rome, Near to God

tried to find out something from the Scriptures and when

I did that I always drew people. Sometimes the people
were coming by busloads, and again I got into trouble
with the authorities. The cardinal told me that there was
no truth outside the Church, and that when Jesus went
up to heaven he gave up his authority into the hands of
the apostles, so the Christian should seek from the
apostle, which is the Pope, guidance, preaching, teach-
ing, rebuking, and so on.

Salvation in Christ Alone

I told the young people of my parish that in our meetings

we would see what the Lord would say to us through the
Bible. One day I read Galatians 1. When I reached verse
8, I could read no further: ‘But though we, or an angel
from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that
which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed.’
I was shocked. The apostle Paul was saying, ‘If I, or the
other apostles, or even an angel, preach to you any other
gospel than the one we have preached, may a curse rest
on us, because there is no salvation in the apostles.
Salvation is in Christ alone.’

The Holy Spirit is the Teacher

I continued to teach my people. The bishop said, ‘You
are very proud. Who do you think you are? Do you think
that you can understand the Scriptures better than I,
better than the Pope?’ I knew that I had been proud. I
knew that I liked my position, but now I knew where to
look to find the answer — the Scriptures. I knew that I
was a poor sinner and sin was still there to destroy me.
I searched the Old and New Testaments to find where
God had given to the prophets or apostles the power to
Franco Maggiotto 253

interpret Scripture. Nowhere did I find that he had done

so. What I did find were the words of Jesus in John
14:26. Before going up to heaven, he told the apostles,
‘But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the
Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all
things, and bring all things to your remembrance,
whatsoever I have said unto you.’ The Holy Spirit is the
teacher, the interpreter of Scripture.
This gave me a lot of courage. Of course I had trouble.
I was transferred to another parish, an old parish with
nine churches. They thought that going round them all
would take up all my energy and leave no time to study,
but I went and I managed to preach. Still, most of the
time, I was not happy because of my sin. Now I knew
where to find out the truth, but what about my sin? What
about my soul? I was spending nights kneeling in front of
the altar; and, sometimes the caretaker was helping me
in the morning, because I had been kneeling there until
morning. But the Lord had pity on me while I was
conducting the Mass.

The Victory of the Cross

One Sunday I was leading the singing of Mass. Two
priests were with me and the choir was singing beauti-
fully. One of the young men read Hebrews 10:10: “By
the which will we are sanctified through the offering of
the body of Jesus Christ once for all.’ Verse 11 con-
tinues: ‘And every priest standeth daily ministering and
offering oftentimes the same sacrifices, which can never
take away sins’ (Heb. 10:11).
I said to the priests who were with me, ‘Do you hear
him? Look what is written here.’ I was looking at them,
and they were staring at me. ‘His sacrifice is finished.
Our Mass is useless.’
254 Far from Rome, Near to God

I was looking around the big church. The people there

were groaning and crying, and I said, ‘He has finished
the sacrifice. He did the work, we are useless.’ I was so
happy, I was crying. Finally something was clear in my
mind. Once for ever, once for all, he did the work. The
Lord’s sacrifice is all-sufficient and complete.

God Alone Forgives Sin

The people said that I was ill; that all this responsibility
for a young man like me was too much. Anyway, I was so
happy. I told my bishop the same thing when he came to
see me. He did not want me to resign, but I could not say
the Mass any more. He sent me to a college with eight —
hundred young students and teachers. I went but I did
not want to attend the Mass. I tried to teach others, even
the nuns. They were very attentive.
On Saturday evenings the people came to confession.
I asked them, ‘Why are you here?’; ‘To confess my sin,’
they replied. ‘Do you love Jesus?’; ‘Yes.’ ‘Why do you
love him?’; ‘Because he died for my sins.’ ‘So, if he died
for your sins, go and praise him. Why do you come to tell
your sins to me? What have I got to do with your sin?’
And so the confession was very quick. But the nuns went
to the bishop, and finally I saw that they could not
understand what I taught. So I left the Roman Catholic
Church forever, with some people following me. I had
studied in the University of Rome and in England and
Holland. I met many born-again Christians, people of
whom I could say, ‘Thy God is my God, thy people are
my people.’ Now I have plenty of Christian fellowship. |
am in contact with many priests and two years ago I
preached to three thousand priests in Rome. Christian
communities are growing up all over Italy. It is my desire
to lead Roman Catholics to Christ, and if at all possible,
Franco Maggiotto Stars)

to see even the Pope converted. “Therefore being

justified by faith, we have peace with God through our
Lord Jesus Christ’ (Rom. 5:1).
 38

Edoardo Labanchi

I Received Mercy

he only religion of which I had any knowledge was

that of the Roman Catholic Church. So I decided to
become a priest and joined the Jesuit Order. My superiors
seemed to be quite satisfied with me, and I was admitted to
take the vows which are usually taken only after two years
of probation. This gave me a certain satisfaction, I must
admit, but it was only a human satisfaction. I felt that I was
doing something different from other people; and, like the
Pharisee standing in the temple before the altar looking
down at the publican, I felt I was not like the rest. I was in
the Roman Catholic Church and considered as one who
was going to be perfect. Indeed, I was so ambitious that I
asked to be sent as a missionary, feeling that in this way I
might be able to lead an ever higher spiritual life. So it

256
Edoardo Labanchi 257

happened that I was sent from my homeland of Italy to

Ceylon (now called Sri Lanka).

Ceylon
When J arrived in Ceylon, not yet an ordained priest, I
was sent to work in a college before starting my
theological studies. The Jesuits have a long period of
training. Very soon I became greatly disillusioned at the
lack of any zeal on the part of the Roman Catholic
missionaries to convert the heathen. I saw them engaged
in teaching in schools. I saw their elaborate churches,
but I saw very little real ‘evangelism’ as I understood it at
that time. I realized that the atmosphere was quite dead.

India

In due course I was sent to India for my theological

studies and, eventually, was ordained as a priest. During
my studies I came face to face with the heathen religions
of Hinduism, Buddhism and Islam, and I began to be
challenged deeply about my own religion and to ask
myself what, essentially, was the difference between
Christianity and these heathen religions. They had their
holy books and writings. They had high ideals and
commandments and tried to live up to them. A Hindu
would readily put a picture or image of Christ among his
other gods and still remain a devout Hindu. Was there
any basic difference between these religions and Christ-
ianity, or were all religions really the same?

Some Light
It was at this time that I began, little by little, to see the
light, and I must admit that I began to do so in spite of
258 Far from Rome, Near to God

being in the Roman Catholic Church. I was nearing the

end of my theological studies, but it was certainly not
from them that I was getting the light, nor was it from my
professors, nor from my devotions, nor from my obedi-
ence to the Pope. I can assure you of that. The means
that God was using was the reading and the study of the
Bible, of his Word. Even before this, I had felt a certain
attraction to the Bible, to something pure and real that
spoke to the heart and could be understood, something
that was more than merely human. I now continued to
read and study the Bible with close attention, and as I
did so I began to realize that the basic difference
between Christianity and the heathen religions lay, not
principally in commandments or doctrines, but in the
person of Jesus Christ. I began to meditate on what the
Bible said about him and about his redemptive work,
and as I did so he began to become more and more real
to me. Little by little, Christ became like the sun
beginning to rise on the horizon of my life. Although I
still held a great many Roman Catholic doctrines,
something wonderful was happening to me.

After Ordination

In 1964, after my ordination, I was sent to Ceylon again.

Now I went as a priest, and it was at this time that I was
sent to a town in the centre of the island to give a series of
lectures on the Bible to some Roman Catholic cate-
chists, because my superiors knew that I had made a
special study of it. On one occasion I visited the
evangelical church of the town. I had, of course, seen
this small evangelical church before, but always des-
pised it. Nearby was a large, imposing Roman Catholic
church, and I used to think, ‘What do these puny
Protestants think they can do? If the heathen are to be
Edoardo Labanchi 259

converted, it will be through the great Roman Catholic

Church.’ On this particular day, however, I had an
impulse to go inside. Perhaps it was the new ecumen-
ical movement that made me feel that we now had to be
kind and friendly to the ‘separated brethren’. Evidently
they were surprised to see me enter, but they received
me very kindly and gave me some leaflets and
literature. I could not help being impressed by the zeal
and devotion of these people. Some of them were
Swedish missionaries and others were Ceylonese
Christians and workers. They were holding an evangel-
istic campaign, distributing leaflets and invitations in
the streets and even the children among them were
enthusiastically helping in this task. I had not seen such
zeal in the Roman Catholic Church. I also saw that they
were trying to convert me.

Personal Fellowship with Christ?

One of the papers they gave me interested me greatly.
It was a devotional journal called the Herald of His
Coming which is now published in a number of lan-
guages, including an edition in Italian, published in
Rome. The articles in this paper constantly referred to
the new birth, to a personal surrender to Christ, and to
a new life lived in fellowship with him. I already knew
these things in theory, but here they seemed alive, real
and personal. ‘After all, I thought, ‘this is what the
gospel is all about and what it should be.’ I continued to
meet these evangelicals on a number of occasions, and
they gave me other gospel leaflets and booklets, some
published by the Scripture Gift Mission, as well as
subsequent numbers of the Herald of His Coming. This
literature helped to bring me closer to the Lord. I then
returned to India for some months to complete my
260 Far from Rome, Near to God

theological studies, and here, too, I had contact with

other evangelicals.

God Continues to Work

It was at this point in my life that God’s work became
more noticeable than before. Increasingly, I felt that I
ought to go back to Italy. At the same time, another
development took place. The Ceylonese government
decided that all foreign missionaries should gradually be
sent out of the country and, as a start, they refused re-
entry to Ceylon to those who were already outside. I was
also unable to stay in India since my residence permit
allowed me to stay there only until the completion of my
studies. Our superiors therefore decided to send us back
to our own countries and I was told to prepare to return
to Italy. Before leaving, I wrote to the director of the
Italian edition of the Herald of His Coming in Rome,
saying that, although a Roman Catholic priest, in the
spirit of the ecumenical movement, I had read the paper
and liked it very much; and I should like to co-operate
with them when I got back to Italy, as far as might be
possible and compatible with my office and function as a
priest.

A Bible Professor

After about two months in my native city of Naples, my

superiors sent me to Rome to become a specialist in the
Bible. They knew that in India I had been very
interested in the Bible and that I was keen to know still
more about it; and the Roman Catholic authorities
seemed to think that the Bible might form a bridge to the
Protestant churches in the ecumenical movement. I was
accordingly sent to the highest Roman Catholic Biblical
Edoardo Labanchi 261

Institute in Rome. Realizing that this was a great

privilege and honour, I decided when I got to Rome to
have nothing further to do with these evangelicals or
Protestants. I had no further wish to collaborate with
them nor with the Herald of His Coming. I now intended
to devote myself entirely to the study of the Bible and to
prepare myself for my future ministry. I had absolutely
no time to have anything further to do with the
Protestants. Looking back, I can see that I felt deep in
my heart that if I met them I might have to come to a
decision and take a step, the prospect of which made me
afraid.

I Try to Give the Gospel

So I went on with my studies and assisted as a priest ina
church in Rome where I preached on Sundays and holy
days to perhaps a thousand people. I listened to
confessions and did the things a Roman Catholic priest
can do. In my sermons I tried to give the gospel message,
and in the confessional I tried to give real spiritual help
and advice to tell people about the new birth. I felt the
responsibility and importance of these intimate personal
contacts, and I thought that besides speaking to them it
would be a good thing to give them something to take
away and read. It was clear that it would need to be a
small booklet, something in simple Italian. It was also
important that it should be something I could give them
free of charge, so that people could accept it without
any difficulty. My problem was where to obtain such
booklets.
I then thought of the booklets that I had received in
India and Ceylon which were published by the Scripture
Gift Mission and others. Someone told me of an
evangelical book room in Rome. At first I was a little
262 Far from Rome, Near to God

hesitant to go, but I did so, thinking that after all it was
only a book room and that I could go in, do my business,
and come out again quickly. Entering the book room I
was received very kindly by the man in charge. There
was a good range of pamphlets, and I chose those that I
thought would be suitable. While the man was wrapping
them up, we chatted and I mentioned that I had been a
missionary in India and Ceylon. I then noticed that
something strange seemed to be taking place. The man
and his wife were looking first at me and then at one
another. They were exchanging glances and a few
words, and I thought that there must be something
wrong with my black gown. Then he asked me, “By the
way, what is your name?’ I answered, ‘Edoardo
Labanchi.’ ‘Have you ever written a letter to the director
of the Herald of His Coming here in Rome?’ he asked,
and went on, “You see, your letter was sent here. | am
the editor, and I have your letter here.’ Then he actually
showed me the letter and said, ‘Look, you say here that
you would like to collaborate with us.”

God Corners Me

There are, I think, moments in our lives when we feel as

if God is cornering us. In one way it was just a sequence
of human events; but, at that moment, I felt that
something unusual had happened in my life. I felt that
God wanted me to have contact with these people, and
from that day onwards I continued to meet the friends in
the book room which is also the premises of the
Christian Service Centre from which various evangel-
istic activities are carried on. They also invited me, very
kindly, to their meetings held in homes. I attended
regularly and got to know other believers. This greatly
enriched my own spiritual experience but, what is still
Edoardo Labanchi 263

more important, they began to pray for me, and not only
in Italy but also in Britain. They had friends everywhere,
and the news went around that a Roman Catholic priest
was meeting with them in their centre in Rome and that
prayer was asked for him.

Already Founded on the Bible and Christ

By 1966, in my heart and mind, I was already an
evangelical, or rather, Christ was becoming more and
more the foundation of my life. I began to discard all
those Roman Catholic doctrines and practices which
have little or nothing to do with the gospel. At the same
time I was helping to translate articles for the Italian
Herald of His Coming, but I had not yet gone all the way
in my conversion. At that time the Vatican Council was
very much to the fore, and there was more and more talk
about the. ecumenical movement. I thought, ‘Why
should I leave the Roman Catholic Church, because we
are practically all the same now. We shall all get together
and now I can work in the Roman Catholic Church and
help to spread the gospel while still following the Roman
Catholic Church.’ That was my idea, but after a time I
became very disappointed with the Vatican Council and
the ecumenical movement and wondered what to do.
My position, as you will see, was very difficult. I was not
what a Roman Catholic would call an ordinary layman. I
was an ordained priest. I belonged to the greatest order
in the Roman Catholic Church. I had been sent to Rome
for special studies, and, of course, my superiors had a
special eye on me. At the same time I felt in bondage on
account of all the regulations and official doctrines, and I
began to realize that it was impossible for me to remain
in it for very long without revealing what I really thought
in the depths of my heart and without compromise with
264 Far from Rome, Near to God

my conscience. For a time I tried to adapt myself to

circumstances thinking that I could do good by remain-
ing where I was. I used to speak about Christ and
salvation, referring to Mary only as an example to
follow, but my position as a priest compelled me to
compromise with what I knew to be right. I knew the
decision I ought to make but still tried to put it off. Then
the Lord himself made me see that I must act and do so
at once. I remembered what Elijah said to the people in
the Bible, ‘How long halt ye between two opinions?* (/
Kings 18:21). It was in fact at this point that God himself
took control and gave me the strength. Almost in spite
of myself I said to my friends in the book room, ‘I have
decided to leave the Roman Catholic Church, and, if ©
you think I should do so, I would like to help you with
your work here in the centre in Rome.’ They were taken
unawares by my decision and yet had really been
expecting it for some time. Some days later I left the
Jesuit Order.

New Life in Christ

The point I want to emphasize very strongly as my final

word is that the important thing in my story and in the
story of others who have come along a similar path to
mine is not that we have left the Roman Catholic
Church, left an organization, or a religion. The impor-
tant thing is that we have found a new life in Jesus Christ.
I have yet a long way to go and I say with Paul, ‘Not as
though I had already attained, either were already
perfect’ (Phil. 3:12), but I know that at the moment
when I received Christ as my Saviour and Lord, the
Christ who died for my sins, something happened within
me. I became a new creature. Paul desired to be ‘found
in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of
Edoardo Labanchi 265

the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the
righteousness which is of God by faith’ (Phil. 3:9). Ihave
willingly laid aside all the material benefits and honours
I might have had in the Jesuit Order. Any such crowns I
gladly lay at Jesus’ feet, together with my life, my time,
and such talents as I have, that he may use me just as he
wills. I thank Jesus Christ my Lord that, though
formerly I blasphemed, persecuted and insulted him, I
received mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.
 he,

Anthony Pezzotta

I Found Everything When

I Found Christ

was born in northern Italy and entered a Roman

Catholic seminary at the age of eleven. My am-
bition was to become a missionary priest. After
theological studies in England, Germany, Spain and
Rome I was ordained a priest in Rome and went im-
mediately to the Philippines where I taught theology in
Roman Catholic seminaries.
While in England I had begun to have serious doubts
concerning certain doctrines of my Church which I
found difficult to reconcile with Scripture. These
doubts continued to trouble me even after my ordina-
tion, but I endeavoured to smother them by plunging
into my studies and teaching assignments. My schedule

266
 Anthony Pezzotta 267

was so heavy that there was little time for research or

prayer.
After ten years of such hard work I had to return to my
home in Italy for a year of rest and recuperation. But
now my doubts revived and increased in number, as did
my determination to find satisfactory solutions to the
doctrines troubling my spirit. I read incessantly and
pondered deeply the words of our great theologians, but
all my doubts persisted.

From Books to the Book

Upon returning to the Philippines I laid aside all my

books of theology, determined to focus all my attention
on a single Book, the Bible, particularly the New
Testament. The Word of God became my only source of
wisdom for preaching, teaching, meditation and read-
ing. In a relatively short time, my doubts began to
disappear, as one after another they were solved by my
study of the Scriptures.

My Suffering Begins
At the end of January 1974 I was in Santa Cruz, south of
Manila, where an attractive Baptist church had just been
built. I had never been in a Protestant church, so one day I
walked quietly into the sanctuary to look around. Almost
immediately I was greeted by a friendly Christian believer
who introduced me to the pastor, Ernesto Montalegre.
We talked together for a couple of hours; I did all I
_ could to make hima good Roman Catholic, while he was
quietly answering all my questions. Of course I did not
succeed in converting him to Roman Catholicism but
neither did he convert me to Protestantism. Neverthe-
less, many of his answers struck me with great force, so
268 Far from Rome, Near to God

that at the end of two hours I left with multiplied doubts

in my heart. From that day on, a period of suffering
started for me, a time of sleepless nights, agonizing
indecision and a frightening lack of courage to profess
the truth of Scripture. Gradually I began to see what the
truth was, but I did not know what I was to do until the
night of 20 February 1974.

The Night of God’s Grace

That night I was alone in my room and for the first
time in my life I really prayed. I asked Christ to take
over because I did not know what to do. I felt I was
the chief of sinners. You may ask, ‘What kind of
sinner?’ I never smoked, drank strong liquor or broke
my vows of celibacy throughout all the years I was
active in the priesthood. I left no bad record behind
me and in fact was rather proud of my achievements
as a parish priest. Pride was my sin. It was my pride
that tried to stop Christ from coming into my life be-
cause of what my bishop might think or say. I kept
asking myself, ‘If you take Christ as your Saviour,
what will your superiors say? What will your col-
leagues think, or your students? They esteem you;
how can you betray them?’ I lacked the courage to be
honest with these people; the esteem of men meant
more to me than love for the truth. But then, as I was
praying, my eyes fell upon this text in John’s Gospel:
‘Nevertheless among the chief rulers also many be-
lieved on him; but because of the Pharisees they did
not confess him, lest they should be put out of the
synagogue’ (John 12:42).
Those last words penetrated my heart like a sharp
two-edged sword, but they also filled me with strength
and courage. I was set free. That night I slept without the
Anthony Pezzotta 269

pain and agonizing indecision of the previous terrible

weeks. The following morning, as I awoke, the picture
of that kindly Baptist pastor came to my mind. I dressed
hastily and drove to his church where we talked together
for some time and I gladly accepted some tracts and
pamphlets. As we were parting, I asked, ‘In case I leave
my Church, can I come to stay with you? Will you accept
me?’ Smiling he said, ‘We have a room here and the
believers will take care of you.’

Truth Wins

It took five days of prayer and more reading before I

yielded to God’s grace. Then, on 26 February, I received
Christ as my personal Saviour and Lord. I asked him to
take over the direction of my life, as I was leaving
everything behind me: my car, my library, all my
possessions. I wrote my letter of resignation to the
bishop and went to live with my new-found spiritual
friends in Santa Cruz.
On 3 March I publicly confessed my evangelical faith
and was baptized in the Santa Cruz river which flows
behind the church. The important thing is that from the
day I came to know Christ to this very moment I have
not had one single second of remorse, nostalgia or
homesickness for my previous life. I was literally filled
with joy and knew a freedom from doubt beyond all
description. I remember one priest who visited me a few
days later asking, “Tony, how did you dare in just five
days to make such a decision? You have left the Roman
Catholic Church, twenty centuries of culture, popes,
saints, all that you have learned and loved for so long.’ I
gave him the answer which came from my heart, ‘I don’t
thinkI really left anything; rather, I found everything
when I found Christ.’
270 Far from Rome, Near to God

No Longer a Roman Catholic

If you believe that you are saved because of your faith in
Christ, and accept his Word as final authority, you are
not a Roman Catholic but a Protestant, even if you do
not like the word Protestant. Salvation by faith and the
sole authority of Scripture are the very foundation of
biblical faith, as against salvation by works and sacra-
ments and the authority of Roman Catholic tradition.
Many Roman Catholics simply have a sentimental
attachment to their Church, which they were trained to
call ‘Holy Mother Church’. This common expression
reflects their belief that they owe their spiritual life to the
Church, for it made them Christians through baptism,
and keeps them spiritually alive through the other
sacraments. The Bible teaches that it is not the church
that makes us, but believers who make up the church.
And since it is by grace through faith that we become
lively stones of his church, Christ is the true builder. On
the authority of the Bible alone, one must believe only
on him!
 40

Salvatore Gargiulo

I Was a Blind Leader of the Blind

was converted to the gospel of the Lord Jesus in

1977, and I am now serving him in the same place
where I previously followed the calling of a Roman
Catholic priest. My conversion came about slowly, step
by step, over a number of years and it was one of those
great miracles that only God can bring about.
I was ordained as a priest in 1951 and it was my firm
intention to be a devoted son of the Pope all the days
of my life. I was fully convinced that he was the suc-
cessor of Peter, the visible head of the whole church
and the vicar or authoritative representative of Jesus
Christ on earth.

271
Jip Far from Rome, Near to God

Signs and Lying Wonders

The Roman Catholic Church really follows Mary rather
than Christ. I never stopped urging people to recite the
holy rosary (monotonous repetition of prayers to Mary).
I enthusiastically passed on to others the stories about
miracles she is supposed to have performed, which are
nothing but the work of the powers of darkness,
intended to lead millions of souls astray and to prevent
them coming into contact with the truth.
The Apostle Paul foretells the appearance of a
Wicked One, ‘whose coming is after the working of
Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders. And
with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that
perish; because they received not the love of the truth,
that they might be saved. And for this cause God shall
send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:
that they all might be damned who believed not the
truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness’ (2 Thess.
2:9-12). Again he tells us that ‘Satan himself is trans-
formed into an angel of light’ (2 Cor. 11:14).
However, my life had been moulded in this system of
errors and I had only a superficial knowledge of the Holy
Scriptures. I was deceived myself and deceived others (2
Tim. 3:13). In fact my theological studies were really
based on scholastic philosophy and not on the Bible.

Broken Cisterns

In my religious fanaticism and faithfulness to the

provisions of the official code setting out the rights of
priests, I one day burned a ‘Protestant’ Bible because it
did not have the imprimatur of the Roman Catholic
Church which I thought was needed to allow it to be
read.
 Salvatore Gargiulo 213

Nevertheless, all my certainty and faith in the Roman

Catholic institution did not prevent me from being
deeply unsatisfied at heart. I administered the sacra-
ments as my turn came around to do so, but I lacked the
greatest gift that God desires to give to man, that of
knowing that he has been accepted by God because his
sins have been forgiven through Christ’s work at
Calvary. ‘Therefore being justified by faith, we have
peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: by whom
also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we
stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God’ (Rom.
5:1-2). I also had a great fear of death and of the
judgment of God. My religion spurred me on to do
things in order to get merit. I celebrated Mass, observed
the Sacraments, recited the rosary, paid money for
indulgences and practised acts of self-denial, but at heart
I felt that I was lost. Sadly, in spite of having a degree in
theology, I knew nothing of the peace and simplicity
which salvation by grace provides. The broken cisterns
of the sacraments were unable to give me the living
water which my soul so desperately needed.

An Appeal to My Heart
In the 1960s, I became interested in the ecumenical
movement. Naturally my great hope was that this
movement would cause the ‘separated brethren’ to
acknowledge the Roman Catholic Church and accept
that it was the will of Jesus that the Pope should be the
supreme shepherd of all the sheep. In this I thought
God’s desire would be fulfilled that there should be one
‘ flock and one shepherd.
This made it necessary for me to know what Christians
who were separated from Rome actually thought. I
therefore started to listen to evangelical broadcasts on
274 Far from Rome, Near to God

the radio and television. I particularly remember a series

of morning messages given by a German evangelical
Christian, Werner Euchelbach, which were broadcast
by Radio Luxembourg. These never failed to finish with
a heartfelt appeal as he said, ‘What you really need is
Jesus.’ To me he was merely the representative of a sect,
a heretic, but the earnestness in his voice touched me.
The centre of his message was Jesus. ‘Verily, verily, I say
unto you, he that believeth on me hath everlasting life’
(John 6:47).

The Light of Scripture

One day in 1975, as I was walking along a street in
Florence, I was attracted by an evangelical bookshop. I
went in just to look around. I was struck by the title of
one of the books, Roman Catholicism in the Light of
Scripture, and bought a copy. It was not easy to rid my
mind in a moment of all the false doctrines that were so
deeply rooted there, but little by little the Holy Spirit
caused the light of the truth to penetrate my darkened
mind.
Another two years of uncertainty, hesitation and
seeking went by. In the end, it was nothing but the Bible,
which is the real sword of the Spirit, which finally broke
the chains of error which had held me for so many years,
‘for by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of
yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any
man should boast’ (Eph. 2:8-9); ‘Believe on the Lord
Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house’
(Acts 16:30-31); ‘And this is the record, that God hath
given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son’ (7 John
SVP):
 Salvatore Gargiulo pMhs)

Has the Roman Catholic Church Changed?

Some evangelicals think that times have changed and
that it is now possible to hold a dialogue and to
collaborate with the Roman Catholic Church to achieve
Christian unity. This is a deception of Satan. The
doctrines of this ecclesiastical organization have in no
way changed. In fact they are now adding new errors to
the old ones, and in particular they are working towards
bringing in all the other religions. The Vatican Council
II document Nostra Aetate (1965), for example, says in
Paragraph 2:
‘Buddhism in its various forms testifies to the essential
inadequacy of this changing world. It proposes a way of
life by which man can, with confidence and trust, attain a
state of perfect liberation and reach supreme illumina-
tion either through his own efforts or by the aid of divine
help... The Catholic Church rejects nothing of what is
true and holy in these religions.’
It is therefore of the utmost importance for us at the
present time to obey the exhortation of the Word of
God, ‘Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbe-
lievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with
unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with
darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or
what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And
what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for
ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I
will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their
God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out
from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord,
‘ and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive
you, and will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my
sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty’ (2 Cor.
6:14-18).
276 Far from Rome, Near to God

Walk as Children of Light

As I look back over the many years during which I lived
under the power of lies and error, I can only thank my
heavenly Father with deep joy and gratitude that he
delivered me from the power of darkness and brought
me into the kingdom of his beloved Son. ‘For ye were
sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord:
walk as children of light’ (Eph. 5:8).
 4]

Carlo Fumagalli

From Death to Life

y life was tossed about by different opinions and

driven here and there by every wind of doctrine
(Eph. 4:14) until I found Jesus the Rock and Corner-
stone (Matt. 21:42, Acts 4:11, Eph. 2:20, 1 Pet. 2:6-7),
or rather until Jesus, my glorious Lord and Saviour,
found me. I can now say with David, ‘He brought me up
also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set
my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he
hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our
God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the
‘ LORD? (Psa. 40:2-3).

pH)
278 Far from Rome, Near to God

Born in Italy
I was born at Olgate Molgara near Como in 1934. When
I was nine years of age I went into the Archbishop’s
Seminary of Milan at Masnago in the province of
Varese. Five years later I joined the high school of the
Missionaries of the Consolata of Turin, then the noviti-
ate. Afterwards I did a two-year course of philosophy
and four years of theology.
In the Higher Seminary of the Consolata at Turin (as
in every other Roman Catholic seminary and college)
the study was based on Aristotle’s philosophy which,
with theology, was a prerequisite for all the higher
academic grades in Holy Scripture. Roman Catholic
theology is thus built up around pagan philosophy. The
Bible in turn is influenced and pervaded by an adulter-
ated theology. This approach to the Bible is obviously
wrong since the Word of God cannot be linked to or
influenced by any human philosophy or doctrine. Paul
says, ‘Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy
and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the
rudiments of the world, and not after Christ’ (Col. 2:8).

Ordination and the USA

After my ordination as a priest in 1961 I was assigned to

teach in the Seminary of the Consolata of Bevera
(Brianza Castle). In 1966 I was nominated as the
spiritual director of the seminary and I continued in this
office until 1968 when I was offered the opportunity of
going to the United States for further studies. Prior to
doing so, however, I went to London for a few months
where I attended a theological college.
In September 1969 I started to attend the department
of anthropology of the State University of New York in
Carlo Fumagalli 279

Buffalo. Faced with new spheres of study and research

which included customs, cultures, beliefs, social struc-
tures and differing systems of economics, politics and
religion, as well as archaeology and evolution, my
mind became full of fresh questions and problems. My
study of various societies and cultures suggested that the
Roman Catholic sacraments and magic have substanti-
ally the same characteristics. Both of these, by using a
certain rite and formula, guarantee a specific result.

Yoga, Africa and Beyond

Finding it difficult to get into fruitful discussion with
other priests to deal with new questions which arose in
my mind, I began to explore other areas of thought. I
started to attend a course on ‘mind control’. This opened
the door to the fascinating and unexplored world of the
occult which in pseudo-scientific terms is today called
‘parapsychology’. I was at the same time practising yoga
and doing research into oriental religions. In spite of
having many reservations in these areas of study I hoped
to find at least some of the answers to the many
questions in my mind. I followed two academic courses
to get my B.A. and M.A. degrees and then took the
difficult and demanding examinations for my Ph.D., in
which I was successful. I then proposed to do research in
Africa, but before going I spent several months in Italy
where I asked my superiors in Rome for a period of
release from my duties as a priest so that I could have
time for reflection. My superiors tried to convince me
that my present crisis was only a passing one and that
everything would soon be back to normal for me.
It was while I was in this state of mind that I went to
Africa where, in November 1974, I began my research
among the Samburu tribe of northern Kenya. My aim
280 Far from Rome, Near to God

was to carry out complex research into the culture, social

life and economic system of the tribe. At the same time I
studied the history and lifestyle of the area to identify
crucial factors causing social and economic change in
tribal society, as influenced by colonial and national
governments.

Out of Africa and Roman Catholicism

Away from outward pressure and enforced routine I had

time to think about my own problems and to take
account of the disturbance in my own heart, since I was
very dissatisfied with the life I had been living. I knew in
my heart that my only honest decision would be to leave
my religious institute and the priesthood. I decided to do
so early in 1975. I then felt a great peace and a real sense
of liberation. I understood that I had been liberated
from one of the greatest bondages and types of slavery
that exist — that of the Roman Catholic religion and the
institutional Church.
In February 1976 at the close of my research in Africa
I returned to the United States. Having got free from the
yoke of the Roman Catholic Church and all my obliga-
tions to it, I decided to follow my own way, which made
me an agnostic. I planned to become a university
professor.
In September 1977 I received a doctorate in an-
thropology (Ph.D.) and in November of the same year
the Roman Church released me from all my duties as a
priest.

I Study the Occult and the New Testament

I continued my research, especially with regard to the
occult and oriental religions. In my heart I felt, however,
 Carlo Fumagalli 281

a great emptiness that nothing could fill and there was a

great hunger and thirst for truth, love and righteousness
which nothing could satisfy. I had separated myself
almost entirely from every form and practice of tradi-
tional religion. Every day, however, I read a short
passage from the New Testament.
Early in March 1979 I started to read an Italian
translation of The Late Great Planet Earth by Hal
Lindsey which I had bought quite casually a day or two
previously in a shop in Buffalo.
I started to read the book with great scepticism and
with a critical mind. Soon I came face to face with
various Bible prophecies which were being actually
fulfilled before my eyes. In my years at the university I
had learned that not even the greatest scientist in the
world could foresee with certainty what might happen
tomorrow. I suddenly came to the conclusion that the
Bible must be true and that it could have come only from
God. In those few minutes I became convinced that I
was a sinner and that I could never save myself. I
understood vividly that Jesus died on the cross for
sinners and that the only way to be saved was to ask him
definitely to forgive my sins and to be my Lord and
Saviour. This I did.

I Find Life in Christ

Jesus’ response to my cry was immediate and very
wonderful. In that very moment I had the experience of
divine grace purifying me from all my sins, filthiness and
_ wickedness. Weeping for joy I just had to kneel down as
I experienced the power of the love and redemptive
sacrifice of Jesus who had saved so great a sinner as
myself. Ihad become a child of God (John 1:11-13),
born anew into the life of the Spirit (John 3:3-7) by the
282 Far from Rome, Near to God

incorruptible seed of the Word of God (/ Pet. 1:23). I

had received the certainty that I was saved by grace
through faith (Eph. 2:8), and I had a taste of the
wonderful spiritual banquet that Jesus promised to all
who receive him (Rev. 3:20).
The great question I asked myself was, ‘Since the
message of salvation is so easy, how is it that no one has
ever told me about it?’ Nothing of all my years of study,
the sacraments I had taken and confessions I had made
had served in the slightest to save me, but Jesus had
saved me when I recognized that I was a lost sinner and
called on him: ‘And it shall come to pass, that whosoever
shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved’ (Acts
2:24).
From that day I have felt as if a fire were burning
within me and the Lord has given me a great hunger and
thirst for his Word, which I now know to be the only
fountain of truth. Thus the greater part of my time since
has been devoted to studying the Bible.
I started to witness about my salvation to American
friends and to Italian relatives but most of them did not
want to know anything about it. I realized that hence-
forth my only course was to follow Jesus and obey his
Word. I gave up my career as a university professor and
decided to give the whole of my life to the service of the
Lord. Three months later, in obedience to the Word, I
asked to be baptized in water. ‘And he said unto them,
Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every
creature. He that believeth and is baptized shall be
saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned’ (Mark
16:15-16). Early in 1981 the Lord made it clear to me
that I was to go to Italy to take the gospel of salvation,
especially to Roman Catholics and to priests. I therefore
went to Italy in the middle of March 1981.
 42

Gregor Dalliard

Not Ashamed of Christ

was born on 10 November 1947 in the vine-growing

village of Salgesch in Switzerland, the seventh in a
family of twelve children. In most Roman Catholic areas
there was at that time no real alternative to the Roman
Catholic Church and from our early days, from the age
of seven, the priests spared no effort to drive into us that
Roman Catholic teaching was basic truth and that
outside the Roman Catholic Church there was no
salvation. Deeply respecting my religious leaders, I gave
_serious attention to what they taught and made every
effort to obey their instructions and to carry out the
many Roman Catholic practices demanded of us. I
attended the daily Mass and used to repeat the prayers
of the rosary regularly. I attended Vespers and took the

283
284 Far from Rome, Near to God

sacraments and also went on pilgrimages. I faithfully

did all the religious exercises recommended by the
Church, including voluntary sacrifices and penances, nine-
day prayer sessions, and prayers and works that were
awarded indulgences by the Church. By doing all these
things faithfully I hoped I would one day be canonized a
saint by the Church. I also wanted to become a priest.
‘Could anything be better’, I thought, ‘than to be a
mediator between God and man and thus be able to
administer the sacraments without which no one can be
saved?’
My father died in 1967 and my mother, a very devout
woman, in 1973 after a brief illness.

The Charismatic Renewal Movement

From 1972-5 I studied in the theological seminary of the

Benedictine Monastery of the Black Madonna in
Einsiedeln, Switzerland. Then, during my studies in a
theological college in Freiburg, I came to know about
the charismatic renewal movement. This movement,
from which I dissociated myself in 1986, had been
introduced into the Roman Catholic Church by the
Second Vatican Council, held in the years 1962-5. It
created uncertainty in the minds of millions of Pope-
conscious Roman Catholics who felt that the movement
had the smell of Protestant influence.
Everyone brought his Bible to the meetings arranged
by this movement. I personally was sceptical about the
Bible which I regarded as fertile ground for the numer-
ous Protestant sects. The teachings of the Church
prompted me to be cautious but at the same time I
wanted to understand the line that the movement was
following and how it could form an integral part of the
Roman Catholic Church. I did realize that it might serve
Gregor Dalliard 285

as an important bridge for reaching other non-Roman

churches and groups and help to bring them back under
the supreme control of the Pope. The new development
was seen by some as having been foreshadowed in the
eschatological messages given at Fatima in Portugal in
1917. These thoughts produced in me a new fire of
enthusiasm for the Pope and the Church. At the same
time the weekly Bible studies that I was attending awoke
a deep and growing love for the Word of God whereas
previously this had been of no importance whatsoever to
me and in no way binding.

I Disobey the Bishop

The fact of young people reading the Bible began to
disturb other priests and nuns and, under the surface,
opposition began to spread. Indeed sometimes it came
out in the open.
In 1983 the bishop appointed me to be priest in the
parish of Grachen. I was told that for at least a year I was
to go forward quietly and not to start any new Bible
groups. This was contrary to the declared aims of the
Second Vatican Council and of the new canon law of
1983 which stated explicitly that it should be the
foremost duty of a priest to make known the Word of
God. We had experienced how the promises of the Bible
were fulfilled and noted in Acts 4:19-20 that the
apostles, when opposed by the high priests and teachers
of the law, replied, ‘Whether it be right in the sight of
God to hearken unto you more than unto God, judge ye.
For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen
and heard.’ We felt that we must do the same. Only a
few months later evening Bible study and prayer meet-
ings were started.
286 Far from Rome, Near to God

I Query Roman Catholic Doctrines

It was during this period that I became aware of how
many of the Church’s teachings concerning the way of
salvation contradicted the teachings of the Bible. This
led to distressing difficulties. In our Bible study groups
clarity on many basic subjects was sought as never
before. These subjects included the following: What
were the divinity and authority of Jesus? What does the
inspiration of the Holy Scriptures mean and what is the
inspired canon? What does it mean to fear God and what
does our obedience to him involve? What is the signific-
ance of baptism and the sacraments? We also considered
what the Bible teaches about Mary, about prayer to and
the veneration of the saints, and about the place of the
deceased in the Christian life. We also studied the
meaning and purpose of the ecumenical movement in
view of the fact that the Second Vatican Council had
unequivocally declared that it was the Catholic Church
of Christ alone that held the power of salvation and that
all who were in any way part of the people of God must
be fully reintegrated into the Catholic Church (Decree
on Ecumenism, 1964, chapter 1 section 3).

God’s Grace in Salvation

In the summer of 1988 I came to see that according to the

Word of God in 1 Timothy 2:4, God ‘will have all men to
be saved’. I knew by this time that all the practices of the
Roman Catholic Church could not give me salvation but
I saw that the Lord Jesus had paid the price of my sins on
the cross and that he offered me forgiveness and eternal
life if I asked him for them. I therefore asked him to
forgive my sins and to give me new life. This he did.
Then I personally gave my life fully over to him.
 Gregor Dalliard 287

I then saw that Jesus said, ‘For whosoever shall be

ashamed of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of
man be ashamed, when he shall come in his own glory,
and in his Father’s, and of the holy angels’ (Luke 9:26). I
did not want to be ashamed of him and of his words any
longer, nor did I wish to keep them back from others. I
therefore preached his message openly.

I Stand for Truth and Pay the Price

On 15 August 1988, the occasion of the big Roman
Catholic feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin
as declared in the dogma of 1950, I spoke in public and
pointed out the difference between Mary the mother of
the Lord and the classical Queen of Heaven and the
black goddesses. In consequence I was summoned by
the diocesan authorities to appear before the ecclesiasti-
cal court where I was asked to revoke certain statements
I had made: In my response, although I loved the bishop
and my colleagues in the priesthood very much, I could
no longer deny the Lord Jesus and his Word nor the
testimonies of the apostles by revoking what I had said. I
was accordingly excommunicated immediately and
stripped of all my clerical functions. The diocesan
authorities and the clergy then tried to silence me by
making false statements, saying in a circular letter that
according to the Canon Law, Section 1044, paragraph 2,
I was mentally unbalanced and psychologically ill. In a
second letter this charge was withdrawn as being an
error but by then the affirmations made in the first letter
were already on everybody’s lips. About thirty people,
‘ however, some from the local area and others from
further away, decided to be faithful to Scripture and to
take a stand for the Lord and they handed in their
notices of withdrawal from the Church.
288 Far from Rome, Near to God

Nevertheless this campaign of harassment on the part

of the clergy encouraged others to take action against us,
the nature of which we could not predict. There were
threats of death by stabbing and attempts to subject us to
psychological terror, isolation and cursing. Most diffi-
cult were those days for us but the Lord was faithful to
sustain us.

Family Life
Some time later I had a serious illness. Some of the
believers recommended a sister in the Lord, Marianne,
who might be able to give me some help. Eventually we
were married, on 28 October 1989, and now the Lord
has given us three children, Nathanael, Josiah and
Tabea. Since January 1995 my wife and I have been
serving the Lord in fellowship with two organizations:
The Help Line for Seeking Catholics (HISKIA) and the
Information Service about Catholicism (INFOKA).
‘Sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready
always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a
reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear’
(PPet315).
 43
Toon Vanhuysse

The Truth Set Me Free

was born in Zwevegem, Belgium, on 13 October

1940, at the beginning of the war years. My parents
were very pious Roman Catholics. Father was an
extremely strict man, but at the same time very affable.
Despite family problems (there were ten children) and
his daily work, father found time for all kinds of
‘parochial works’. Something I have taken from my
father is his deep feeling for righteousness. He also had a
great heart for sending out development aid.
My dear mother — she died some years ago — was such
‘ a good woman. She was very gentle and quiet. Is not this
the most beautiful ornament with which a woman can
adorn herself? (J Pet. 3:3-4). She was also a zealous
woman and skilful in family ways, supervising the

289
290 Far from Rome, Near to God

running of the household. She was slightly handicapped

and endured much pain in silence. A woman who never
complained and accepted everything that was difficult in
her life, she considered others more, and we benefited
from this.
Mother was not someone who was greatly concerned
about the external practice of being a believer, but she
had a hidden, upright relationship with God.

The Power of Tradition

The Bible was always a forbidden book for my parents,

but God is sovereign and he breaks through much of the
resistance which Roman Catholicism has built into the
thoughts and hearts of men. Therefore I believe my
mother knew the fear of the Lord. So I grew up with a
deep awe of God, an awe that was strongly characterized
by fear of his anger towards sin.
I remember so well going to the confessional for I
failed repeatedly and sinned against God and suffered
remorse. It did not leave me, and peace did not come
until I had received absolution from a priest in the
confessional. The confessional was repeatedly a libera-
tion and a relief for me. We never had any knowledge of
the gospel of grace, of the joyful message that through
believing in Jesus’ work of reconciliation we receive
forgiveness of sins and eternal life. Such is the power of
tradition in the Roman Catholic system.
Look, for example, at confession. The Bible says, ‘To
him give all the prophets witness, that through his name
whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of
sins’ (Acts 10:43). Yet Rome pronounces excommunica-
tion to all those who testify to the Bible. The Council
of Trent declares this, and tradition usually pushes
Scripture aside. We must beware of this. The Word of
 Toon Vanhuysse 291

God warns us of it! People are quicker to accept what the

Church teaches than what the Bible says. This is the
problem with tradition.

A Call to Missions

I began my secondary studies at a college in Waregem.

There I passed a Greek-Latin humanities course. It was
still the time of strong discipline. We obeyed and we also
learned. It was certainly no easy time throughout my
boarding school experience. We could go home for
around two to three weeks each year.
I had a desire to do something for poor people. In my
study time I had read many accounts about great
missionaries, and I felt I had to follow in their footsteps.
So in 1959 or 1960 I entered the Order of Oblatory
Missionary Fathers of Mary in Korbecklo, near Leuven,
where the novitiate of the Order was. It was actually a
trial year, when we were tested and trained for the
cloistered life. It was a difficult time for me.

Spiritual Exercise without Value

Every day we had a prayer meeting. It began early in the
morning with the breviary, meditation, Mass and devo-
tion to Mary. In the course of the day we had our
‘spiritual reading’, the rosary, and a period of Bible
reading. In the afternoon, we usually did handicraft
work in silence. On some Friday afternoons we had a
short time of ‘flogging’. Every novice had his whip and
had to scourge his back. It was as if one could whip out
‘ the uncleanness of the past week.
So we were trained for a year for cloister life. We did
not realize that all those so-called spiritual exercises and
all our efforts to serve God were without any value, as
292 Far from Rome, Near to God

Paul taught in the letter to the Colossians. They only

served to satisfy the flesh! All those so-called ‘holy’
methods chip away at Jesus as Mediator. ‘So then they
that are in the flesh cannot please God’ (Rom. 8:8).
What grace it is to be able to rest in Jesus’ accomplished
work of salvation! I want to say this to every priest and
everyone in a cloister, ‘Repent and believe the gospel!’
I find it so sad that Roman Catholics usually do not
know the difference between truth and lies in regard to
spiritual things. Lies have acquired a strong foothold in
the thoughts and hearts of the people. This is expressed
in so many doctrines of Rome. A lie does not yield
easily. I experience this now when I evangelize door-
to-door, which I am doing with a congregation of
born-again Christians in Munsterbilzen. People have a
deep-rooted aversion to the truth. The truth of the Word
deals with sinful people and shows clearly how wretched
and lost they are. Everybody prefers to listen to the
suggestions of their hearts, which the Bible calls ‘deceit-
ful’ and ‘desperately wicked’: ‘The heart is deceitful
above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know
162 JerA7 9);

A Priest in the Church of Rome

We then moved to the Students’ Centre in Gijzegem, a

village between Aalst and Dendermonde. After two
years of study in philosophy and four years of theology, I
was ordained as a priest on 20 February 1966. It was, of
course, an enormous event for me, the crowning event
of my study and education.
There was not a higher calling. To be a priest in the
Church of Rome! We were chosen to carry out again the
sacrifice of Jesus Christ in the present. We had become
offerers of God’s grace; that was my conviction. We had
 Toon Vanhuysse 293

the coveted pretension of being a kind of ‘maker of

blessings’. How I had diverted from the Scriptures! It is
dishonouring to God to weaken Jesus’ perfect and all-
sufficient sacrifice through the ‘Mass offering’ and to fail
to recognize its depth and eternal saving power. The
letter to the Hebrews is very clear about this.
I had a year’s preparation in the junior seminary of the
Fathers at Waregem, a middle school with the option of
going on to a cloistered life. I was then asked to go to
Antwerp to engage in parochial work with a team of
priests. My assignment was specifically working with
youth.
After a year I had to leave Antwerp-Kiel, because my
Order called me up for a similar assignment, this time to
start a new parish in Houthalen-East. With three
Fathers we formed a team and worked there. I won-
dered about their position and their idealism. It was yet
more human power, a human building not erected on
the rock but on sand. God’s Word was not the basis for
our life, with the result that this self-made structure was
very shaky and its fall was great, as the Bible says. How
we need to accept the Word of God as the steady
foundation for our lives!
After my ten years of priestly service, I was spiritually
extinguished. I could not help seeing my official service
in the Roman Catholic Church as a fiasco, particularly
when I was confronted with fundamental human needs.
To people who were truly sick, I could not give the
comfort of God’s Word. To people with guilty feelings
about wrong steps in their lives, I could not present the
forgiveness or reconciliation found in Jesus Christ. I
‘ myself needed to know God and to receive forgiveness
for my sins. As a result of this fundamental lack, my life
had become a spiritual rubbish heap. The deepest cause
of my failure was not knowing the Lord Jesus Christ or
294 Far from Rome, Near to God

the Scriptures. People ask with astonishment how it is

possible that someone who is a priest does not know the
gospel and lacks the right knowledge of Christ. It is
deeply humiliating to have to admit that this was indeed
the case. Jesus, for us Roman Catholics, was above all
the great example, the example of a moral upright life,
the example of social and economic justice. That was
why I was involved in welfare work, trying to be like him
and somehow achieve salvation.

New Spiritual Birth

But by God’s grace I was led to true spiritual new birth -
in Christ Jesus and to the written Scriptures of God.
This had natural consequences, actually painful conse-
quences. In the light of the truth of the gospel, I have
discovered who I actually am, namely a thoroughly
sinful being, incapable of any good and inclined to evil.
There is nothing good in me! This is the testimony of the
Bible! The Bible itself taught me also that I was excluded
from all hope of salvation and was destined for dreadful
destruction, as Paul clearly writes in the letter to the
Ephesians. God could find nothing good in me! Who
could have thought that, after ten diligent years as a
priest in the Church of Rome? Yet Paul used a word that
describes the value of all the diligence, namely dirt; it is
of no value in the eyes of God (Phil. 3:8). I thought that
my works could be grounds to stand before God in a
good light, but on the contrary, they were harmful. ‘For
I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good
thing’ (Rom. 7:18), Paul exclaims. Outside Jesus Christ,
salvation is impossible. We all need to be pointed to the
grace of God. There is no other way.
The Bible makes no compromise on this point. There
is no middle path between truth and falsehood. It is
Toon Vanhuysse 295

either truth or lie! There is a great temptation to

consider people who are pious and faithfully attending
services as righteous. God has broken in me the deep-
rooted but pernicious inclination to self-redemption,
which runs so deep in a man. We are born with it. I do
not believe that there is a man who wants to live by
‘grace alone’. We hope in secret that there will still
be something good in us. We are too proud to admit
the contrary. The Bible breathes an atmosphere of
sovereign grace. The sinner is justified by grace, through
faith. The co-operation of people is totally excluded. I
am glad that God has revealed this truth to me. ‘And ye
shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free’
(John 8:32).
 ot

Herman Hegger

Light and Life in Christ

|Bess my childhood I often heard it said that one of

the best ways to escape from eternal hell was to
enter a monastery. I decided to follow that advice.

My Efforts in the Monastery

Monastic life is meant to cultivate strong will-power and
make one capable of controlling all passions and lusts. In
my monastery, various forms of bodily torture were
employed to achieve such will-power. We scourged
ourselves several times a week, lashing our naked bodies
with knotted cords. Despite the great pain, we were told
that if we could endure such whipping calmly, we would
receive strength to resist every kind of sensual and

296
 Herman Hegger 297

Sexual urge. We were also told that by scourging

ourselves we could atone for sins we had already
committed and so shorten future punishment in purgat-
ory. Around our waists, thighs and arms we wore
penitence chains on which were spikes which dug into
our flesh. There were also many other kinds of bodily
chastisements.
Along with self-inflicted punishments we had other
kinds of humbling exercises designed to extinguish our
pride and vanity. In one of these routines a priest had to
lie on the floor across a doorway so that other priests
would tread on him as they went by. Whenever I did this
I felt like a worm upon which people trod, but I thought
that God must be very pleased with me for such a
voluntary self-humiliation.
The worst humiliation included licking an area of the
floor clean with our tongues. Doing this made me feel
like an animal, like a pig wallowing in the mire or a dog
sniffing around. Sometimes I even felt like an insect
creeping in the dust.
But however I punished and humiliated myself, I
could not detect any change or improvement in my
character or behaviour. I only discovered that my weak
and sinful nature was very much alive. For example,
when I licked the floor clean with my tongue, it was just
then that the strongest feelings of vanity and pride rose
up in me. What a wonderful chap you are, I would think.
What will-power you must have. You inflict such painful
humiliations upon yourself. How wonderful! I realized
that by these absurd practices I was only inflating myself
with pride. The monastery is a sublime effort that is
. doomed to fail. Why? Because the priest or monk takes
his sinful nature along with him into the cell.
298 Far from Rome, Near to God

My Attempt to Reach God by Mysticism

During the novitiate years, in addition to our attempt to
gain the victory over the body with its passions by means
of asceticism, we also applied ourselves to the practice of
prayer. This was called the cultivation of the spiritual or
inner life. Its purpose was to bring about an increasing
intensity in our uninterrupted contact with God, Jesus
Christ and Mary. Our highest goal was the attainment of
true mysticism.
During my novitiate I never experienced this desired
mysticism. Consequently I thought the practice of prayer
very difficult. We were shown a few methods to pass the
time of meditation well. In the evenings pious reflections
on our Lord’s passion by various authors were read aloud
to us. We were to ask questions such as the following: Who
is suffering? What does he suffer? Why? For whom? The
answers to these questions were intended to induce acts of
repentance for our sins and acts of faith, hope and love, as
we were to make up our minds to lead better lives.
Usually I was prompt with the answers to these ques-
tions, and then my imagination wandered away out of
the chapel. Also I thought the reflections of Roman
Catholic authors upon Christ’s suffering quite poor.
They were thoughts that had been worked out by men
who had coloured and moulded them in conformity to
their own emotional life. They never could hold my
attention for long.
One day in 1940 the idea occurred to me: Why not
take the Bible? In it you will not find the thoughts of
men, but of God himself. Our monastic rules, however,
required us to listen to what was being read to us during
meditations. We were not to read the Bible on those
occasions unless granted permission. That permission
was given me.
 Herman Hegger 299

My Provisional Use of the Bible

From that time everything became quite different.
Meditation no longer caused me mental fatigue as
before. I began to enjoy it; the very thought that I now
had to do with the infallible Word of God made me
happy. I knew I entered holy ground. My imagination
would lovingly rejoice in the biblical text. I would turn it
about again and again, and tremble before the blazing
fire of God’s presence in its sentences. And I would be
profoundly moved by the love of the Father who
revealed himself to me in his words. I preferred above all
else to meditate on the story of the passion. Every
sentence revealed something of the greatness of the
suffering soul of Jesus. He rose before me in his glory,
his mercy, his purity and his peace.
Jesus was no longer a coldly intellectual idea, no
longer the effeminate and characterless doll at which for
so long I had been obliged to look in countless pictures.
There was now a bond between him and me, though I
did not yet know Jesus through the pure gospel as my
personal, perfect and only Saviour.

Obstacles to My Goal of Union with God

There were several hindrances to the personal union I
sought. One was the fear that God would finally reject
me on account of my sins. Another was the Roman
Catholic worship of Mary. I never succeeded in develop-
ing great affection for Mary and this troubled me. I had
been taught that a child of Mary will never be lost. When
. in my meditation I surrendered wholly to the contem-
plation of Jesus Christ, it would suddenly occur to me
that I rarely prayed to Mary. Then turning nervously to
the mediatrix of all grace, I implored her to save me from
300 Far from Rome, Near to God

eternal damnation. And when I thought that I had paid

enough attention to her, I returned at once to Christ, as
he had revealed himself in the holy Word of God.
But my greatest stumbling block was the doctrine
declaring that the pronouncements of the Roman Cath-
olic Church are the highest and the ultimate source of
the knowledge of God’s revelation. Whichever way one
views it, this doctrine reduces the Bible to a second-rate
book in Roman Catholic eyes. No papal admonitions to
believers to read their Bibles often can alter that fact. A
Roman Catholic, therefore, never can devote himself
fully to meditating upon the Bible. The deeper meanings
of the divine Word, which he is convinced he must infer
from it, are always surrounded by a multitude of
questions. If the Church has made some pronounce-
ments on the matter, the Roman Catholic must relin-
quish his own conviction as to what the Scriptures say
and conform to the view of the Church. The Bible never
can have the central and prominent position which it has
with biblical Christians. Who will continue to read a
second-rate book which cannot give absolute certainty,
and do so day after day and year after year? Besides, it is
a book that brings along with it the risk of doubting the
doctrines of one’s own Church, which doubt amounts to
a capital sin and might spell eternal damnation.

My Promotion and Doubts

After seven years as a priest I was promoted to be
professor of philosophy in a Roman Catholic seminary
in Brazil. However, serious doubts had already begun to
assail me. We were forbidden to have any real doubts
about the doctrine of the Church. This absolute prohibi-
tion against doubting or questioning the doctrine of the
Roman Church is the source of her great strength.
Herman Hegger 301

Protestants wonder how it is possible for Roman Catholic

scholars to study the Scriptures without discovering the
pure gospel. The answer lies in the simple fact that the
mind of the Roman Catholic is not free; it is ever under the
threat of fire unquenchable should it deviate from Rome.
The very instant he even considers as a genuine possibility
the idea that the Reformation view of the Bible might be
correct, the abyss of rejection opens at his feet. We were
allowed to have a methodological doubt. Such a doubt was
often indulged for didactic purposes. Thomas Aquinas
makes a systematic use of it in his Summa Theologica. It
consists of positing the correctness of the opposite view for
the time being, to understand it better and afterwards to
refute it more effectively. The same method also is applied
to discussions with non-Roman Catholics. A Roman
Catholic may pretend to believe that his opponent could
be right, but that such an admission might be genuine is
really impossible.
As a priest, the first power given me was the daily
celebration of the Mass, and this occasioned my first
doubt. The doctrine of the magical presence of Christ
after transubstantiation frightened me. I felt as if I were
standing before a fire which seared me, not a glow that
warmed me. There was no question of love. Afterwards
there often remained a sense of frightening emptiness.
My second important function as a priest was to
administer confession, and this occasioned my second
doubt. Confession holds a very important place in the
structure of Rome’s power. To Rome it is a strategic
basis of the highest importance. It emphasizes the
subjection of the layman to the clergy. In the confes-
sional, the priest is sitting in his judgment seat. The
penitent is confessing his weaknesses. He divulges
secrets that he would not reveal to anyone else. And it
depends upon the priest whether or not the penitent will
7
302 Far from Rome, Near to God

be absolved from his sins. The priest decides for him

between heaven and hell. I would only ask: Is this the
‘glorious liberty of the children of God’? Is this the
blissful salvation of which the Bible speaks in rapturous
praise? Is there anything here of the picture of the Good
Shepherd who goes to seek the lost sheep in the
wilderness and carries it on his shoulders back to the
fold? Are not the sheep rather kicked along the path of
auricular confession to the so-called sheepfold with the
threat of eternal death?

I Am Pressed by Truth
At various times I read the Bible and asked myself, ‘Is
my Church really in accord with this book?’ In the Bible
it is clearly stated that the only mediator between God
and man is Jesus Christ, who took away the punishment
of sin on Calvary’s cross. My Church, however, taught
that there were several mediators, especially Mary, the
‘mediatrix of all grace’. I also began to doubt that God
had given to the Pope infallible authority and power to
interpret the Bible and that it was the duty of every
Christian to accept the Pope’s view. Could it be right
that the Pope had absolute authority to overrule and
restate the plain words of the Bible?
Since it is especially through fear that one’s mind is
paralysed and one’s thoughts are blurred, how can the
intellect work properly if, behind it, there is the threat of
deadly sin and hell and if the flames of eternal reproba-
tion force one to a particular conclusion? Critically
speaking, the conclusions of an understanding that is
forced to operate in such a way are manifestly unrelia-
ble. Do what I would, I could not attain to any degree of
certainty about Roman Catholic doctrine. At best, I
could grant the probability of its truth, but nothing
Herman Hegger 303

more. I should be lying to myself were I to assert

anything beyond that. My subconscious could now no
longer succeed in projecting an irrational conviction
upon my intellectual uncertainty. I had observed too
long the workings of the subconscious. I knew that my
conscience would always reproach me with being guilty
of self-deceit. And, holding such a view, I could no
longer be called a Roman Catholic. The doctrine of my
own Church drove me out.
It was a terrible moment when, in all sincerity, I felt
obliged to refuse to submit my mind to the doctrinal
pronouncements of Rome. Until then the Roman
Catholic Church had been my support, the rock on
which I had built my convictions. Now I saw that I had
built my house on sand. The waves of honest self-
analysis had washed away the sand from under its
foundations, the house collapsed, and I was carried
along by the flood of despair. Nowhere could I find a
support on which to lean. Alone I had to push my way
through the undergrowth of many views of life.
With such doubts in my heart I could obviously not
remain a priest in the Roman Catholic Church. For me
the living death of the monastery came to an end. I left
the life of semblances and shadows for a world of
fascinating reality in which I was free to breathe at last. I
surrendered my office as professor and left the Roman
Catholic Church. I laid aside my priestly cassock, which
in tropical Brazil just soaked up the heat, and walked
lightly and free in my shirt sleeves. But deep within I still
carried the burden of my guilt.

Saved by Grace Alone, through Faith

Outwardly I was free, but inwardly I was not at rest, for I
had lost sight of God completely. I received much help
304 Far from Rome, Near to God

from an evangelical church in Rio de Janeiro — a local

church where the congregation based their faith only on
the teachings of the Bible. The sympathy of the people
there helped me very much, for they provided me with
civilian clothing which I had no money to buy, and food
and shelter. I shall always be grateful to them. But most
of all the preaching of their minister gripped me. It was
completely new to me to hear such explanations of the
Bible. But could I be helped by a non-Roman Catholic
preacher?
Certainly in my seminary training and as a priest I had
heard regularly about the alleged false teaching of such
churches, but I had never understood what they taught.
In Rio de Janeiro I heard the minister explain that a man
cannot save himself, or deserve entrance into heaven by
any of his own efforts because he is utterly lost and
hopeless. With all this I could heartily agree, for I had all
too clearly experienced my inability to change myself. In
spite of the greatest efforts and every kind of penitence,
I had not succeeded in becoming a different kind of
person. The preacher went even further and showed
that there is only one way to be set free from sin, and that
is to be given by God a completely free pardon and a new
life. He showed how this experience must be obtained
directly from Jesus Christ, who gives it freely and
unmistakably to all who hand themselves over to him in
complete trust in his perfect sacrifice.

Light and Life

At first I found this difficult to believe. It was like a fairy
story — too good to be true. I could see the beauty of
yielding to Christ. It sounded wonderful, and yet at the
same time it seemed too easy, too cheap. As a Roman
Catholic I believed that salvation was the hardest battle
Herman Hegger 305

in life, a matter of struggling for and deserving God’s

favour. But now I began to understand the true teaching
of the Bible. Yes, salvation is indeed the hardest thing in
the world and must be deserved by perfect obedience to
all the demands of God’s law, in other words, perfect
sinlessness. But the amazing fact is that the Lord Jesus
Christ, God’s Son, has fulfilled all these demands for us
and on our behalf, if we trust him. ‘Being justified freely
by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ
Jesus: whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation
through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness
for the remission of sins that are past, through the
forbearance of God; To declare, I say, at this time his
righteousness: that he might be just, and the justifier of
him which believeth in Jesus’ (Rom. 3:24—26).
At last the wonderful breakthrough came. My soul
opened itself wholly to Christ in complete trust. I could
see that it was not the Jews who had crucified Christ — I
had done it. My sins were taken by him. A blinding flash
of light illuminated the rubbish heap of my former life.
My soul lay like a bombed-out city before me, and I
was filled with anguish at seeing the sin which had
permeated my whole being. But, over the rubbish heap I
realized and knew that Christ had forgiven me and made
me a true Christian. I had become a new creature.
Jesus spoke of the relationship between himself and
true Christians in these words, ‘I am the good shepherd,
and know my sheep, and am known of mine’ (John
10:14). I had begun a new life, with all the feeling of
close fellowship with God which I had never known in all
my days as a Roman Catholic priest. The dead legalism
of the Church of Rome was behind me and the future
was a living personal relationship with our wonderful
God.
 45

J. M. A. Hendriksen

From Priest to Preacher

hile I was a priest in Rotterdam I met a rough

Roman Catholic sailor who joked with me about
eating meat or fish on a Friday. Nearly a year later I was
called to see the same sailor. He was very ill; the doctor
had said that he had incurable cancer. When I saw him,
he asked me, to my surprise, if he were allowed to
confess. Obviously I let him. I was even pleased he
asked me.
Then followed an appalling life-story, one of the worst
I have ever heard. This man had wasted his life. But the
environment in which he had to live during his youth and
later years had been particularly bad and corrupt. When
in the middle of his story he asked me if I did not think
him to be terribly bad, I could only answer, ‘No, for if I

306
J. M. A. Hendriksen 307

had lived in your circumstances, I would have been far

worse.’
In the meantime, I discovered with surprise as well as
with emotion that there was not much left of the devil-
may-care sailor of the previous year. Seeing his sorrow
and repentance was heart-rending. Jesus Christ seem-
ingly laid hold of this rough fellow at the end of his life,
just as he had with the malefactor on the cross.
Because the doctor told me the sick sailor had not
much longer to live, I went to visit him again a few days
later. He was dying. During the conversation I asked
him if perhaps together we would again ask for forgive-
ness for all the wrong he had committed during his life. ‘I
have already done that’, was the response. And when I
sat looking at him quietly awhile, he said: ‘Listen please,
Reverend. If a son who had insulted me asked me for
forgiveness and I had told him all is well, he need not ask
me again after a few days. That is how even I would act,
as a father. And the dear God in heaven is a better
Father than I.’ ‘I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my
soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me
with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with
the robe of righteousness’ (/sa. 61:10).
What a faith! How was it that this tough lump of a fellow
at the end of his life was a true believer with assurance of
salvation? The next day he died in peace. He did not have
a religious funeral; his family did not want it. But I know
for sure that at the end of my life, Iwould much rather be
in the shoes of this sailor than in those of many to whom I
had given a solemn church funeral!

I Leave the Roman Catholic Church

Shortly afterwards, many big changes came into my life.
I was transferred from Rotterdam to Amsterdam. In
308 Far from Rome, Near to God

itself this was a promotion, but in the meantime my

inner conflict with the Roman doctrine and life had
become so great that I felt compelled to leave the
Dominican Order and the Roman Catholic Church. On
top of that, through my almost purely earthbound
philosophy of life, there was not much faith left within
me. For that reason I left in November 1955. For leaving
the order I requested and received ‘dispensation’. Not,
of course, for leaving the Roman Catholic Church!
I went to live in The Hague, where I started a
completely different life. Through the intercession of an
influential man of the world, I became the administrator
of a hotel in Rotterdam. This certainly was different
from being a priest. Mentally and spiritually I felt
completely empty. I wanted to get away from a religious
atmosphere. I tried to free myself completely from the
past and to think about it as little as possible. I nearly
succeeded. But that sailor I could not forget.
My Roman Catholic belief was at a low ebb. I seldom
went to a place of worship. The Roman Catholic Church
had left me disillusioned and Protestant churches left me
often bored by the dull, fixed, dry, uninspiring, tradi-
tional sermons, behind which one could not detect much
personal conviction or enthusiasm. With some excep-
tions, the few Protestant sermons I listened to gave the
impression of being more or less successful as a personal
or theological essay about the gospel, but not one was
charged with conviction and proclamation of the gospel.
Especially the reading from papers and the very style of
the sermon was foreign to me. Besides, on two occasions
the preacher was a modernist whose vague talk put
me off even more quickly. I lost interest in church
altogether. But that sailor I could not forget.
After three years of hotel life, for which I was totally
inadequate, I became a teacher in classical languages at
J. M. A. Hendriksen 309

a couple of high schools. The third and last one of these

was a Christian high school in The Hague. As a matter of
course I had to mix with Christian colleagues. Now I
would not say that they were all examples of a living
Christianity, but there were some who lived their lives
out of a conscious religious conviction and in whom the
freedom and gladness of God’s children were obviously
present. Involuntarily, I began to watch them, and it
became an attractive experience for me.

The Bible Begins to Fascinate Me

I had to begin classes each morning by reading a small
portion of Scripture. To my surprise, I gradually began
to enjoy this. The Word of God began to take hold of me
and to fascinate me as never before, and of my own
accord I began to read far more from the Scriptures than
the small portion I had to read at school. I also read
commentaries by learned men. At times it was enlight-
ening and inspiring, but most of the time I found it dull
and arid. It annoyed me, as I did not feel one needed the
help of scholars to understand the Scriptures. The
Ethiopian eunuch did not learn to understand his
reading from Isaiah through a professor or minister but
through the deacon Philip. ‘Then Philip opened his
mouth, and began at the same scripture, and preached
unto him Jesus’ (Acts 8:35). And Philip preached in such
a way that the man believed, was baptized and went on
his way rejoicing.
After reading some commentaries, I could not poss-
ibly say that I went on my way rejoicing. On the
contrary, very often the joy I had already in the
wonderful message of God’s love and mercy was
dampened and hindered. Therefore, of all the learned
writings about the Scriptures which I read there was not
310 Far from Rome, Near to God

much that remained with me. But that sailor I could not
forget.
The more I read the Scriptures, the more it became
clear to me why I could not forget that sailor. That man
was a true believer. Personally I was not and never really
had been, in spite of the fact that in earlier days I had
accepted a great number of theological theses as ‘relig-
ious truths’ and in spite of the fact that I held a leading
position within the Church.
That is the conclusion to which I came through
reading the Scriptures. At one time I thought that to
believe was to accept the authority of someone else (for
instance, the Church), and to accept with the intellect a
certain number of truths (for example, that God exists,
that there is a heaven and a hell, that there are
sacraments, etc.). The Scriptures, however, taught me
that this is not faith. If that were so, the devil himself
would also be a believer. The devil accepts these truths!
But that is not faith.

Abraham Believed God

According to the Scriptures, believing is the same as

trusting. The Scriptures call Abraham the father of all
believers because he trusted in God and in God’s Word,
even when he did not understand it intellectually. ‘And
he received the sign of circumcision, a seal of the
righteousness of the faith which he had yet being
uncircumcised: that he might be the father of all them
that believe, though they be not circumcised; that
righteousness might be imputed unto them also’ (Rom.
4:11).
When Abraham and his wife were nearly a combined
200 years of age, God said that they would have a child.
Biologically this was completely unbelievable, yet
J. M. A. Hendriksen 311

Abraham trusted that what God had said would come to

pass.
That sailor was like that. He knew no formal theology
at all and had rarely been to church, yet he was a believer
at the end of his life. He knew that God was his Father,
that his sins were forgiven and that he was one of God’s
children. That steadfast trust made him cry from his
death-bed, ‘Abba Father’.

I Believe God

A short time after it had become clear to me through

reading the Scriptures what faith really is, the Bible
became an entirely different book to me. I could do no
other than submit to Scripture and trust in the Lord.
Then I also could, in an unforgettable moment, cry out
with all my heart, ‘Abba Father’. I also now belonged to
the children of God. All that the Holy Scriptures tell
about believers and the promises to believers could be
wholly trusted. I could also have ‘everlasting life’, not
only much later, but now! ‘Verily, verily, I say unto you,
He that believeth on me hath everlasting life’ (John
6:47).

Sorrow and Joy

Feelings of sorrow and repentance over my many
terrible sins surged up and were not to be restrained. But
they were mingled in a wondrous way with the abundant
joy of the sure knowledge that I was saved by the
precious blood of Jesus from eternal rejection and that
now I was forever one of God’s children. It is indescrib-
able what this means to someone who has never known
such certainty before. After that complete spiritual
change in my life, I felt unspeakably happy. And I still
312 Far from Rome, Near to God

feel that way. That is why I would wish nothing less than
that many, many others would experience the same
happiness; for that I pray daily.
‘And you hath he quickened, who were dead in
trespasses and sins’ (Eph. 2:1). The ones sentenced to
eternal death are you, and I! Upon the cross at Golgotha,
where you and I had deserved to hang before our eternal
rejection, Jesus suffered. He took our place and died to
save us from eternal death and to sanctify and bless us
now and forever! This immensely impressive message of
God’s endless love is the heart of the Scripture, that
unique book with its unique contents. To tell without
distortion this wonderful, hopeful message of re-
demption, of deliverance and everlasting life, is why I
became a minister.

Only Christ
For more than fifteen years I was a friar but, however
important that was in the eyes of people, it was
impossible for me to find peace and happiness. I could
not, nor can I, live happily and in peace without knowing
for certain that my sins are forgiven and that I am a child
of God. The Roman Catholic Church has never been
able to give me that assurance, not even when I was a
priest and friar. The Roman Church did not teach me
rightly what is necessary. The Roman Church did not
teach me that only God’s mercy is necessary, and from
the human side, only faith, and the way thereto is only to
be found in the Scriptures.
 46
Jacob Van der Velden

God’s Grace in New Guinea

made the decision to become a priest out of a

deep conviction. I wanted to go as a missionary
to the unexplored islands of New Guinea to bring
them the message of God, the gospel of Jesus Christ. I
thought that I was well-acquainted with all the difficul-
ties which were waiting for me there. With the slogan
‘I go because I must’ I went to that part of New
Guinea which was formerly a Dutch colony, only to
find out after five years that even though I had started
out enthusiastically my mission had become a great
disaster. I became aware of how my fellow-workers
and others completely ignored me. My burden was
heavy because of that. Disappointed, angry and
wounded, I did not want to pray any more. I wanted

313
314 Far from Rome, Near to God

nothing more to do with God. I had to face my utter

failure.

I Learn of My Sinful Nature

Just when my spiritual crisis was at its height, I met a
Reformed missionary. I did not at all desire to talk with
him, but still I did and found out that the man was a truly
joyful Christian. He listened to my story, and that alone
was a comfort and an encouragement to me. He could
understand my disappointments and also my anger. Out
of my conversation with him, it became clear to me that I
had listened to myself and to my own foolish convic-
tions. I had not been listening to the Word of God, or
praying to God or trusting in God. Slowly but surely I
began to see what a useless servant I was as long as I
continued to lean upon my own strength, but that I could
also be a useful instrument in God’s hand if in all things I
would let myself be led by him. It was as if a new world
opened to me. I learned from God’s Word, came to see
the greatness of God and the deep depravity of men
because of sin.
It was humiliating to me to discover two truths. The
first was that I did not know the Scriptures. Those with
whom I discussed spiritual matters would say to me,
‘What you say is unscriptural. The Word of God teaches
differently.’ The second was that men are totally cor-
rupt, unable to do any good thing towards God. I had
believed that the good works of our meritorious lives
brought salvation to us and even to others. I came to see
God as the God of wrath who does not leave sin
unpunished.
Jacob Van der Velden Si

God’s Rich Grace

When God in his infinite mercy had convinced me, I had
no more claims. When his light was thus cast upon me, I
understood the seriousness of Paul’s word: ‘O wretched
man that I am’, and then I could understand Romans
3:9-20. The Lord there held up a mirror in front of me
and I knew it was I. But I have to add this in the same
breath: great was my joy in salvation in Jesus Christ.
Then I was able to taste the richness and depth of that
Scripture verse, ‘For God so loved the world, that he
gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in
him should not perish, but have everlasting life’ (John
3:16).
So I was able to call for help at the throne of the
merciful Father in heaven who, in Jesus Christ, saved
me, made me a new creature by the new birth, and
filled and renewed me with the Holy Spirit. I could now
live a life of thankfulness to my God and my Lord. I
learned to know and to worship the God who calls and
chooses. I was made to understand that one stands
before God with empty hands, letting them be filled by
him alone. And all this has, by God’s grace, whereby I
came to believe, allowed me to go forward in the power
of that belief. Being a hopeless failure, I was unexpect-
edly made able to succeed. God led me in a wonderful
way. It is in his grace that I now openly boast, for he
took me by the hand and I have become joyful in his
service.
Having become his property, re-created according to
his image, I lived in him with a new heart. I was
enabled to love God and my neighbour and to keep his
commandments. I not only felt myself another person,
I really became a completely new creature, renewed in
his image by his Spirit. The new creature only wants to
316 Far from Rome, Near to God

be thankful to him and to praise him who has regarded

our misery and has made us so rich.
When I hear that once in a while a converted Roman
Catholic has returned to the bosom of the ‘Mother
Church’, it makes me reflect in silence on the many
things I have received, being called and seized by the
Lord inescapably. I had to hear innumerable times,
‘What a change, what an enormous transformation,
from a Roman Catholic priest to a Reformed minister!’
Yet it was a change, a transformation I had not brought
to pass — rather quite the contrary! David was still able
to thank God while singing, ‘In my distress I called
upon the Lord, and cried unto my God’ (Psa. 18:6).
Such was my foolishness that I did not call upon the
Lord at that time; no, I did not even ask him for help,
but he simply took what he wanted. He took and
placed the unwilling one where he knew it was good: in
his church, where his Word is soundly preached, his
sacraments are administered faithfully, and his disci-
pline is maintained.

Ecumenism Hurts

It hurts me when Christians witness to Roman Catholics

while at the same time accepting Roman doctrine and
practices. The practice of smoothing over Roman Cath-
olic sinful doctrines and practices should be another
warning to us of the false ecumenical movement which
causes such great damage to the work of the Lord!
I am thankful to be chosen to experience the rich
thoughts which are readily described in the Bible, God’s
own written Word. Through his written Word, we learn
to understand what is our eternal peace. It is by the
sound preaching of the Word through the operation of
the Holy Spirit that the hardest hearts become soft. ‘I
Jacob Van der Velden 317

will praise thee forever, because thou hast done it’ (Psa.
S219
Often while on the mission field in New Guinea I had
to meditate upon this Scripture: ‘So then faith cometh by
hearing, and hearing by the Word of God’ (Rom. 10:17).
In the same way that I had been saved by God’s grace
alone, salvation has come also to others here. Heathen
who did not have the slightest desire for righteousness
have become righteous in Jesus Christ. He, the Lord,
sent us to make the heathen his disciples through the
preaching of his Word.

The Light Shines in the Darkness

God in his love, mercy and forgiveness came into my life
and a miracle happened. A Roman Catholic priest in his
late fifties would never naturally have begun a conversa-
tion with a Reformed missionary. The priest that I was
would surely not! I had never seen a Reformed mission-
ary, had never spoken to one, and yet I somehow did
talk to one. An invisible hand intervened. At first I
resisted, but when the Reformed missionary asked me
to sit next to him by the river, the Spirit of God was at
work. In that first conversation (and in many that
followed) we together found God’s face, and we were
among the most joyful people on earth. His grace was
victorious. My eyes were opened to the light that shineth
in darkness and I found the truth of the Scriptures. By
this truth, I came from being a priest to being saved,
from being a missionary to being a minister, from the
busy do-it-yourself man to a servant who learned to ask
his Lord for obedience to his Word. Since I came to see
that salvation is by grace only (Eph. 2:8-9), I am a
different person, living because of God’s grace in Christ,
a witness that Jesus Christ is the only Saviour. When I
318 Far from Rome, Near to God

look back at my life, I can do nothing else but rejoice as a

thankful, joyful man. I would let the whole world know
that I did not earn this, but God was merciful, and
unexpectedly he saved me by free grace alone.
May the Lord call you in his grace that you may know
Christ and the power of his resurrection (Phil. 3:10). To
God alone be the glory!
 47
Charles A. Bolton

My Path into Christ’s Joy

remember on one occasion working in a hayfield

from morning until evening under a burning sun.
Then, weary and with my skin feeling as if it were on fire,
I went off to a clear blue pool in a shaded woodland to
throw off my sweaty clothes and bathe in the refreshing
waters, which were like a miracle of healing and made
me feel a new man. That is how I have felt after leaving
the Roman Catholic Church, after working like a slave
for her and sweating in her service. Now divested of the
clammy superstitions and false trappings of servility, I
have been cleansed in the living waters of Christ’s love.
Thanks be to God for his saving mercy. I now repeat
with a greater understanding the words which were
printed on the souvenir card of my ordination: ‘Whom

319
320 Far from Rome, Near to God

having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see

him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable
and full of glory’ (7 Per. 1:8).

Priest and Professor

I was born in the county of Lancashire in northern

England and educated there at a Jesuit high school.
Some of my studies were at Oxford University, where I
qualified as Master of Arts and Bachelor of Letters
through historical research. I was also awarded the
Oxford Diploma of Education as a qualified teacher.
As a preparation for the priesthood, I studied at the
Catholic Institute in Paris and at the University of
Louvain in Belgium, a famous Roman Catholic centre of
learning. There I received the degree of Bachelor
of Theology. I was ordained priest by the rector of
Louvain, Bishop Paulinus Ladeuze, on 30 April 1930.
At this time I hoped to be a missionary priest and apostle
of the Roman Catholic Church to the people of Russia,
but this was always a vain hope because the Soviet
government was never willing to admit such missionary
priests.
So it came about that for the next twenty years I was a
professor at St Bede’s College in Manchester, England,
where I became senior history master, although I also
taught some modern languages. I thus became known
over the years to many hundreds of students, and I also
travelled all over the north of England as a special
preacher for charitable causes. Later I was in charge of a
rural parish so that I could pursue my studies. Among
my published works are studies on St Patrick and other
early saints of the British Isles and the official history of
my diocese.
Charles A. Bolton 32

Vain Repetitions
Later my historical research made a deep impression on
my mind and outlook, in particular when I studied the
Jansenist reformers inside the Roman Church during
the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries. I shared their
love for the Bible and for the primitive church, and I
deplored the developments in theology and popular
devotions since the Middle Ages. As a result, when I
preached, I could never extol the power, the primacy
and the infallibility of the popes, which I found had
already been denounced in the third century after Christ
by the great Christian martyr, Cyprian of Carthage. I
was never able to exhort congregations to go through
the monotonous repetitions of the rosary contrary to
Christ’s precept: ‘But when ye pray, use not vain repe-
titions, as the heathen do: for they think that they
shall be heard for their much speaking’ (Matt. 6:7).

Another Gospel
I discovered that several of the fourteen stations of
the cross which are displayed on the walls of Roman
Catholic Churches are not mentioned in the Gospels, for
instance, ‘Veronica wipes the face of Jesus’. Veronica is
a character of fiction, yet is venerated in nearly every
Roman church. I could find no value in indulgences,
which are distributed like an inflated currency. One
short prayer equals so many days or months of penance.
I found that medals, statuettes and scapulars were used
like pagan amulets and totems. The burning of votive
lamps and candles and the sprinkling of holy water
seemed acts without any relation to true religion.
While we treasure communion as instituted by Christ
at the Last Supper as the memorial of his passion and of
B22 Far from Rome, Near to God

his offering of himself on the cross, there is surely no

justification in Scripture or the early church for making
the communion bread into a white wafer to be adored
like an idol, to be incensed and carried in public
processions, as at the Feast of Corpus Christi. Christ
used bread and wine as the sign of his body and blood,
but for centuries the Roman Church has substituted a
piece of dried biscuit which not even a starving man
would recognize as food. Thus does Rome maintain the
tradition of Christ’s institution, the tradition of which
she claims to be the only rightful guardian.

Salvation in Christ Alone

My studies showed me that there is no true authority

for doctrines such as the immaculate conception or the
bodily assumption of Mary into heaven. The Roman
Catholic Church has in recent years been yielding to a
popular craze, fostered greatly by the so-called ap-
pearances at Lourdes and Fatima, which make Mary
more and more into a supreme goddess, ruling heaven
and earth. Many Roman bishops and self-styled Marian
theologians are hoping to promote the doctrine that
Mary redeemed the world - in spite of Paul’s declara-
tion: ‘For there is one God, and one mediator between
God and men, the man Christ Jesus; who gave himself
a ransom for all, to be testified in due time’ (J Tim.
2:5-6). This declaration is also at variance with the
attempt of some debased Roman theology to prove
that all graces must come to us through Mary. The
Scriptures, however, make it abundantly plain that
through Christ alone we have our salvation: ‘Neither is
there salvation in any other: for there is none other
name under heaven given among men, whereby we
must be saved’ (Acts 4:12).
 Charles A. Bolton 323

Roman Catholic Censorship

As a student of the Bible and of the history of the
Church, I saw many things which are ignored by most
Christians and by many Roman Catholic priests. I could
not publish such things because of the Roman laws of
censorship. When you see a book with an imprimatur,
there is no certainty that this represents the original
thought of the author and that it has not been tampered
with by Roman censors, eager to play safe. If any book
escapes the censors, it can be put on the index of
prohibited books by decree of the Inquisition or Holy
Office, against which there is no appeal. The implacable
dictatorship of the Inquisition, which still maintains
supreme power in church government, is only one
example of the totalitarian and eminently un-Christian
methods of Rome. Nobody is safe from its spies, who are
in every diocese, and who are commissioned to den-
ounce anybody suspected of disobedience to Rome.

Abuse of Power

What has turned my soul against Roman abuse of power

is the way in which it has tortured and burned such
people as Joan of Arc, hundreds of the Albigensian
martyrs in France in the twelfth century, the Knights
Templar, John Hus, the Dominicans Savanarola and
Giordano Bruno, and the Anglican bishops, Cranmer,
Ridley and Latimer. The Inquisition has promoted at
least two wholesale massacres, that of thousands of
Protestant Waldensians in northern Italy, and that of
thousands of Protestant Huguenots in France. More
than thirty thousand of the most cultured Protestants of
France were put to the sword on the night of St
Bartholomew, 24 August 1572. At the news, the Pope
324 Far from Rome, Near to God

had cannons fired, proclaimed a jubilee, ordered a Te

Deum of thanksgiving to be sung, and struck a special
medal to commemorate the glorious ‘victory’. For a long
time I observed the Feast of St Bartholomew as a day of
special prayer and intercession for Protestants, as an act
of love and reparation. ‘And I saw the woman drunken
with the blood of the saints, and with the blood of the
martyrs of Jesus: and when I saw her, I wondered with
great admiration’ (Rev. 17:6).

Grace Alone

I thank God for having brought me to read the great

Lutheran teacher Professor F. Heiler, a converted
Roman Catholic priest, who taught me the value of
faith in Jesus and of salvation through his grace alone.
Heiler’s Mysterium Caritatis, a wonderful book of ser-
mons, was the subject of my meditations for many
years before the Spirit gave me the final courage to act
on that teaching for my own salvation. To leave the
Church of one’s birth and of one’s accustomed labour,
to turn away from family and friends, is a hard strug-
gle, only possible through the wonderful grace of
God.
Some of my friends, who had already left the Roman
Catholic priesthood and had found a welcome from
others in the brotherhood of Jesus Christ, had told me
how different is the atmosphere of a Christian church
that does not know intrigues, spying, informing on
others and condemnations as practised under the
Roman Catholic system: ‘Wherefore by their fruits ye
shall know them.’ Rome must bear the responsibility
before the tribunal of history in this world, and before
the judgment seat of God hereafter, for founding,
promoting, and maintaining even today the iniquitous
Charles A. Bolton B25

Holy Inquisition, and later the Jesuits, suppressed once

but, sad to relate, only restored to greater power later.
My path to Christ’s joy has been long and sometimes
difficult, but it has been a pilgrimage well worthwhile. I
must record my gratitude that after teaching in
Washington, D.C. and elsewhere in the USA, I have
been led into the fullness of joy in Christ as my personal
Saviour and everlasting Redeemer, and into the com-
pany of truly Christian friends, ministers of the gospel
and their faithful people both young and old, who have
been a great source of strength, help and understanding.
Among evangelical Christians, born again in Christ’s
redeeming love through his one perfect sacrifice, I have
found charity, joy, peace, patience, meekness, mildness
and mutual trust. I have found that simplicity spoken of
by Jesus Christ: ‘The light of the body is the eye: if
therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be
full of light’ (Mart. 6:22). That light, which is from
Christ, is the gladsome light of truth which fills us, the
redeemed and enlightened, with unspeakable and most
glorious joy.
For all these reasons I have committed myself to Jesus
Christ as my all-sufficient Saviour and through him have
passed from the death of sin to life: ‘Therefore being
justified by faith, we have peace with God through our
Lord Jesus Christ: by whom also we have access by faith
into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of
the glory of God’ (Rom. 5:1-2).
 48

Leo Lehmann

The Soul of a Priest

have seen Roman Catholicism at work on three

continents. I have ridden with cardinals in their
luxurious limousines past the saluting Swiss Guards and
through the Damascus gate of the Vatican, leading to
the Pontiff’s private apartments. I have watched while a
pope died, seen him buried and his successor elected and
crowned. I stood beside the late Pope Pius XI while
Pope Benedict XV made him a cardinal by placing the
quaint pancake hat on his head, I myself holding up the
long crimson train of another newly made cardinal. I
have ministered as a priest not only in magnificent
cathedrals of Europe, but also in Dutch farmhouses on
the wide African veldt and in tumble-down shacks of
churches in the backwoods of Florida.

* 326
Leo Lehmann 327

I was born in 1895 in Dublin. I have no joyous

memories of my boyhood years. A sense of constant fear
overshadowed everything. Fear is bound up with every
act of religion with the priest — whether confession,
attendance at Sunday Mass, what to eat on fast days and
days of abstinence, hell, heaven, purgatory, or death
and the judgment of an angry God.
The Bible was a closed book to us in the classroom, in
church and in the home. We had not the money to buy a
Roman Catholic version, usually high-priced, and did
not have the courage to accept a free Bible from a
Protestant society. It was principally the fear connected
with everything in the Roman Catholic religion that
helped me with my decision to become a priest. I applied
for admission and was accepted into the missionary
college of Mungret, near Limerick.

Doubts

It was during my seminary years in Rome that doubt and

distrust of the papal practice of Christianity first assailed
me. Some of my thoughts at that time were: If Rome be
the only centre of the true faith, how is it that true
religion is so lacking in its own citizens? Why so much
atheism, indecency, lawlessness? Common courtesy was
denied us from the Roman rabble as we passed along the
streets; obscene insults were shouted after us even by
the children of Rome. Also, why was there so much
clamour for priests from Ireland and elsewhere to exile
themselves in China, India and Africa as missionaries of
papal propaganda, when Rome itself swarmed with ten
thousand priests lolling lazily in the Vatican offices and
scarcely finding sufficient altars in its four hundred
churches to say Mass? Again I asked myself why
the boasted three hundred million Roman Catholics
328 Far from Rome, Near to God

throughout the world should be represented in Rome by

a body of cardinals nearly two-thirds of whom are
Italians. Italy’s forty million people were Roman Cath-
olics in name only and not at all religiously minded. But
the twenty million Roman Catholics in the United
States, for instance, were not only faithful Mass-goers
but contributed a lot of money to the coffers of the
Vatican. Yet only three Americans were allowed to be
cardinals — mediocre but loyal servants of Rome, men
who would never venture to express any disagreement
with its dictates. I got to know of the intrigues among the
ecclesiastics in Rome to gain the favour of those in
power at the Vatican, of their greed for papal honours
and advancement to high positions, for we found that
there were bitter factions among high church dignitar-
ies. Daily I passed many landmarks of the subversive
doings of greedy, ambitious warrior popes and their vile
politics. There was a Castel di Sant’Angelo, or Ha-
drian’s Mole, with its walls scarred from the cannon of
one pope in the Vatican fortress bombarding a rival
pope defying his anathemas.
At last the day of my ordination came. It is a long
drawn out ceremony. I was bewildered by the countless
rituals, by the many prayers and endless chantings. My
fingers were consecrated to say Mass and then wrapped
in rich linen cloths. My head was anointed and likewise
wrapped in linen bandages. I was given the golden
chalice to touch. I was given the power to hear confes-
sions and to forgive sin, to anoint the dying and to bury
the dead. For the first time I tasted from the Mass chalice
the wine which, according to Roman Catholic belief, I
had just helped to transubstantiate into Christ’s blood
by the formula of consecration. The ordaining prelate
was Cardinal Basilio Pompilj, and the ceremony took
place in St John Lateran.
Leo Lehmann 329

Repetitious Prayers
Any joy which I experienced on that day was offset by a
sad incident which I witnessed late that night. One of my
companions became affected in his mind; for the strain
of mechanical routine, innumerable petty restrictions,
countless repetitions of prayers and formulas often
unbalances the mind and brings on a species of religious
madness called ‘scrupulosity’.
I remember another incident similar to this one. In
Florida, as a priest, I used to visit an institution for
feeble-minded children outside Gainesville. The doctor
in charge brought me a Roman Catholic girl about
fourteen years old whose species of insanity consisted in
feverishly repeating and counting ‘Hail Marys’. Her
mind was deranged by the idea that she was obliged to
say this prayer a hundred times each day, and to make
sure of having them said on time, she was over a
thousand ahead. Some priest, doubtless, had imposed
the saying of these ‘Hail Marys’ as a penance in
confession.
After three and a half years of working as a priest in
South Africa, I was recalled to Rome to work in the
Vatican. As time went by, doubts kept recurring to me
concerning the origins of the papacy. Growing distrust
of Roman Catholic practice as truly Christian, intimate
knowledge of the wrecked lives of my brother-priests,
and a waning hope of any possibility of Christian church
betterment under papal supremacy had already caused
me grave disquiet. Spiritually, doctrinally, juridically
and personally, the Roman papacy, as the divinely
appointed guardian of Christianity, was rapidly crumbl-
ing to pieces within me. I was faced with the bitter
realization that I must completely break with it if I were
to retain my faith in Christianity.
330 Far from Rome, Near to God

From Rome I was transferred to America. New as I

was in this strange country, I thought to save myself
from total disillusionment by taking a keen interest in
the humble work of ministering to the spiritual needs of
the simple people.

A Boy Condemned to Die

One instance will illustrate the sense of failure which I
experienced. Once I had the sad ordeal of assisting a
young man condemned to die in the electric chair in the
Florida state prison at Raiford, which came within the
confines of my parish in Gainesville. He was from a city
in the east, born and baptized a Roman Catholic and a
product of a Roman Catholic parochial school. In his
youth he was taught all the Roman Catholic practice
deemed essential for a God-fearing life. He was con-
victed in Tampa as accessory to first-degree murder
during the hold-up of a restaurant in which the pro-
prietor was killed. I did all I could to prepare this young
man for the ‘last mile’. Iadministered to him in full every
rite which the Roman Church has ordained and by which
divine grace and strength are said to be poured into
needy souls. Even as he lay limp and dead in the electric
chair the moment after the fatal current had done its
work, I anointed his forehead with oil as prescribed
for the administration of the sacrament of ‘extreme
unction’. Yet I knew I had failed to carry any real
consolation to the sin-scarred soul of that poor lad.
I had visited him in his death-cell during his week of
fearful waiting and signed with him the form of absolu-
tion many times over. On that last morning I was at the
prison gates at dawn, carrying with me all the cumbrous
instruments necessary to celebrate Mass. These I arran-
ged on a table near the double bars of his cage. I donned
Leo Lehmann 331

all my shining Mass vestments and proceeded, with all

the dignity which the ominous atmosphere of a condem-
ned cell would permit, to offer the ‘sacrifice’ of the Mass
in full. The poor lad, in a fever-dread expectation, paced
up and down behind the bars smoking one cigarette after
another. He threw away a cigarette to receive on his
tongue the wafer of holy communion which I passed to
him through the bars of his cell. It produced no effect.
The injection of morphine administered by the doctor
ten minutes before he was led to the chair calmed him
somewhat. It suddenly dawned upon me that the
doctor’s single injection of morphine had brought the
boy more external relief than all my administrations of
the Roman Catholic sacraments, which are believed to
soothe both body and soul. We followed him to the
chair.

The Electric Chair

As the full force of the destructive current went through

the boy’s body, jerking it up violently and holding it
tense and stiffened almost in the air, my hand went up
and down in repeated signs of the cross, accompanied by
the Latin words of absolution, as if I, too, could send a
current of absolving grace through to his departing soul.
His body fell limp and dead when the current had
ceased, and I stepped forward with my vial of oil poised
in my fingers. I requested the warden to remove the iron
cap from the dead boy’s head and smeared his forehead,
damp with the dew of death, with the oil used in the last
rite of the Roman Church. Since none of his relatives
were there, I claimed his body and had it buried with full
Church rites in the Roman Catholic part of the cemetery
— though not without protest on the part of some pious
Roman Catholics in my congregation who objected to a
332 Far from Rome, Near to God

convicted murderer resting among their departed rela-

tives. I had to remind them that Jesus Christ died
between two murderous thieves.
Yet, I confess that in spite of all this elaborate working
of the power of Roman Catholic sacramental rites
through my consecrated fingers, I felt that I had failed
the poor lad in his most needful hour. It might have been
all my fault; I had nothing of any real worth to give him,
it all seemed empty and pathetic. Nevertheless, I had to
accept the praise of Roman Catholic people for having
apparently succeeded in doing a true priest’s work for
the poor condemned boy.
All this ritual has been invented by the Roman
theologians to fit in with their basic teaching that
salvation can only be gained by ‘the works that are
worked’ by a priest. The grace of salvation is taught as
something that can be ‘poured’ into one’s soul through
the specially devised channels of the seven sacraments.
These in turn are supposed to act as conduits from the
great reservoir of grace over which the Pope in Rome
has sole monopoly. This engineering of external unreali-
ties, to act with magical force to produce a spiritual
effect, runs through the entire system of Roman Cath-
olic theology. The works of a priest’s hands must be
accepted both as a matter of belief as well as of
organization and practice. But of such is not the power
of the kingdom of heaven. Paul the apostle declares the
true power of the gospel: ‘For I am not ashamed of the
gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation
to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to
the Greek. For therein is the righteousness of God
revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall
live by faith’ (Rom. 1:16-17).
Along the difficult path from the Church of my
childhood and its priesthood I had to travel alone,
Leo Lehmann 333

without any human guidance or sympathy. Jesus Christ

was my only companion and guide. Resolutely I grasped
his outstretched hand and followed whither he led.
After I broke free from Romanism, the Lord Jesus
revealed himself to me as a personal Saviour, through
reading God’s Word. I saw the many errors of Roman
Catholicism. From my sacerdotal eminence I had to
come tumbling down upon my knees to confess that, like
all other men, I myself was a sinner needing to be saved
by the Lord Jesus Christ.
Over against the fearful conditions arrogantly laid
down by the papacy as essential for salvation, I now
place the sweet, simple invitation of Jesus Christ in
Matthew 11:28-30: ‘Come unto me, all ye that labour
and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my
yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and
lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For
my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’
 49

Vincent O’Shaughnessy

From Dead Religion to New Life

in Christ

was born and raised on a farm in West Limerick,

Ireland, and have happy memories of my child-
hood. The youngest of seven children (three girls and
four boys), I had lots of relatives to visit or to receive as
visitors on Sundays after Mass. No one ever missed Mass
on Sunday in those days in Ireland unless they were
seriously ill. Such a lapse was designated a mortal sin,
meaning deadly sin, deserving of hell should one die
with it unconfessed and unforgiven by a priest. The
priests were revered, even idolized. I decided I would
like to be a priest myself.
As a very small boy I remember rolling out of bed
each morning to my knees to say my morning prayers,

334
 Vincent O’ Shaughnessy 335

beginning with the morning offering which my mother

taught me, together with the Our Father and Hail Mary.
I still remember the morning offering going like this: ‘O
Jesus, through the most pure heart of Mary’, which
meant to me that to get to Jesus I had to go through
Mary. I also have a vivid picture of kneeling in the
kitchen each evening to pray the rosary with the family,
but most of all I remember that the trimmings to the
rosary were longer than the rosary itself. Everyone who
had any problem in the neighbourhood had to be prayed
for with three Hail Marys each time, and all the
deceased relatives likewise.

I Become a Priest

I applied to St Patrick’s College, a missionary college

seminary in Thurles, County Tipperary. I was accepted
and began my six years of studies for the priesthood,
which consisted of two years of philosophy and four
years of dogmatic theology and moral theology, plus
canon law and other subjects. We did no real study of
God’s Word, just an academic smattering about the
Bible, but nothing of any depth or consequence. I often
regret that no one ever told me to study God’s Word
during those six long years. However, without being
born again it probably would not have interested me. I
would have lacked understanding, as the eyes of my
understanding had not been opened up to the Word of
God.
The long-awaited day of ordination finally came on 15
June 1953. It was a memorable occasion with a big
reception for family and friends. The celebration con-
tinued through the next day, the day of the first Mass,
when most of the parish people came for the young
priest’s first blessing.
336 Far from Rome, Near to God

Coming to America
Following three months’ vacation in my homeland, I
set sail for New York with several other recently
ordained priests, destined for various places in the
United States. My first assignment was to the cathedral
in downtown Sacramento, California, one block from
the state capitol. I began my priestly duties with much
zeal and commitment to the work of the ministry; I was
determined to do the very best job that I could do and
to be the very best priest I could be. I was assigned a
room on the third floor of the cathedral rectory which
had just been vacated by a man who had a common
problem among Roman Catholic priests, namely
alcoholism. It took me several trips to the garbage
container in the backyard to get rid of all the empty
bottles I found in drawers and closets. I was grieved
because at this time I was a ‘teetotaller’ and belonged
to an Irish organization called “The Pioneer Total
Abstinence Association’. (We identified ourselves by
wearing a little red heart-shaped pin. When Irish
people saw someone wearing such an emblem, they
would not offer him alcoholic drinks.)

Humblied in the Confessional

At the cathedral I remember spending long hours in the

confessional, not wanting to walk out of the confessional
while people were still waiting in line. However, when
the allocated time was up, walking out of the ‘box’ did
not seem to bother the other priests. The result was that
I used to arrive late for scheduled meals and was made
fun of by the others for my service to the latecomers,
especially the Mexican-Americans. God gave me special
love for these humble, unassuming people who in turn
Vincent O’ Shaughnessy 337

loved their padre as they knelt and kissed my hand. This

experience touched me and humbled me.
From the cathedral, I went to fill a vacancy at another
parish in the suburbs which had an Irish staff. My new
parish priest (in the States we call them ‘pastor’) was a
semi-invalid with three assistants, but I soon found out
that the real acting pastor was the Monsignor’s sister,
who was the housekeeper. She answered all the door
calls and phone calls and routed them to her brother
whether they asked for him or not. The kitchen was out
of bounds and so was the dining room, unless one was
invited by the housekeeper to come in for the meals.
One day she chased one of the assistant priests out of
‘her kitchen’ with a carving knife, causing him to grab a
chair to keep from being stabbed.
I remained in that environment for five years as the
old pastor grew worse in health. This caused me to have
more and more responsibility in running the parish and,
believe it or not, the housekeeper took a liking to me
and we got along well for the rest of my time there.

Heresy of Activism
I soon got caught up in what I call the heresy of activism,
which caused my spiritual life to suffer the consequen-
ces. I still spent time in prayer before and after Mass and
read the breviary (the official prayers for the clergy)
daily. I prepared my sermons on Saturday from the
outline supplied by the diocese. Preaching I enjoyed, as
I had been trained how to appeal to the emotions of the
soul. I had no training and no idea how to minister to the
spirit of the people. I made the people feel good and on
that score I was considered successful.
338 Far from Rome, Near to God

‘Are You Saved?’

When I had been a priest for about five years God spoke
to me through a little child, but I did not pay any
attention to what this child was saying to me. I was
standing in front of the church. I think I may have been
waiting for a funeral to arrive. I had the vestments on for
the funeral Mass. There was nobody around except a
little black boy about three or four years old. He walked
up to me and around me, all the while sizing me up with
his big eyes. Finally he said, ‘Who are you? You a
preacher?’ Then he walked around me again and looked
me right in the eye and said, ‘Are you saved?’ I don’t
remember what my response or my reaction was to him,
perhaps one of pity or prejudice. That little boy had
asked me the all-important question of life and I had no
idea what he was talking about. Obviously, he under-
stood what it meant to be saved and God was using him
to get my attention, but to no avail. If I only knew then
what I found out twelve years later, I would have had to
admit honestly to that little boy that I was not saved. I
was forty-five years old before I knew what the little boy
was saying to me, before I knew what it meant to be
saved, to be a born-again Christian.

The Role of a Priest

I had applied for a transfer and found myself out in a

farming community. Not long after this I welcomed
Sister Yvonne and Sister N. to our parish in August
1968. From the moment we met, there was instant
rapport between Sister Yvonne and me, as though we
had been long-time friends. Our relationship was kept
on a professional level. We both enjoyed conversation
and sharing views on various subjects.
 Vincent O’ Shaughnessy 339

One day, in the midst of a discussion about a book, I

asked Sister Yvonne, ‘Sister, how do you see me
functioning in the priesthood? And I want you to be
brutally honest with me.’ Her response to my question
shook me. She said, ‘Father, I see you doing all the right
things, I hear you saying all the right words from the
pulpit, I see you fulfilling the “réle” of a priest.’ In other
words, she viewed me in the character of a priest.
Although she did not realize the full effect of her words,
it was the turning point in my life. To me it spoke of
role-playing on the stage of life. Shakespeare says, ‘All
the world is a stage.’ I no longer wanted to be a priest
performing on the stage of life; now I wanted to get off
the stage as quickly as possible. Thus began long months
of agonizing.

Sister Yvonne Resigns

In December 1968 Sister Yvonne resigned from the
Sisters of the Holy Family. She offered to stay until her
year’s contract was fulfilled and was reassigned to
Mount Shasta. I was very upset that she would not be
coming back to my parish and finally had to admit to
God and to myself that I was in love with her. Obviously
Yvonne did not want that kind of relationship because of
her high regard for my calling as a priest. She did not
want to be responsible for my leaving the priesthood.

I Leave the Priesthood

I went through a lot of agonizing, crying out to God for
direction in my life. I asked the best missioner that I
knew to come and hold a mission in an effort to bring a
spiritual revival to my life and to the parish. The mission
was held the first week of Lent, but the message rang
340 Far from Rome, Near to God

hollow; it was empty, devoid of a heart for God. It had a

form of godliness, but denied its power, as Paul says in 2
Timothy 3:5. My mind was made up. I must leave the
priesthood.
I wrote to Yvonne to tell her about my final,
irrevocable decision. We had dinner together, and I
convinced her that I was leaving the priesthood whether
or not our relationship developed. She told me I must
know it was God’s will. I wrote to my bishop and told
him of my decision and requested that he apply for a
dispensation to Rome so that we could be married in the
Roman Catholic Church.

Yvonne and I Marry

Yvonne and I were married and moved to the town of
Colusa. The dispensation finally came and our marriage
was blessed by the Roman Catholic Church. I got a job
with the Probation Department and Yvonne became
Director of the Confraternity of Christian Doctrine for the
parish. Please remember that we were committed Roman
Catholics and that is how we were determined to remain.
However, each time we came home from being at Mass,
we felt so dry, so thirsty and hungry for the reality of God,
for some spiritual food to chew on and digest, but it
seemed nowhere to be found. God had given us jobs, a
beautiful home and now a precious daughter, Kelly Ann.
We were happy and filled with gratitude to God for all his
goodness to us, but we were seeking for a deeper and more
meaningful relationship with him.

We Are Born Again

One day we obtained a book about a priest who was
born again by the Holy Spirit. This was all very new to
Vincent O’ Shaughnessy 341

me. The book was a testimony of his life and his meeting
with God. Not long after reading this little book,
Yvonne and I were invited to a meeting where a nun
shared her testimony of God’s power to save, and how
she was born again. I felt the Lord had touched my heart
and was speaking to me. When the altar call or invitation
was given Yvonne and I were the first to go forward. We
prayed that Christ would be Lord of every area of our
lives, and immediately we began to feel different. It was
at this point I believe I was born again and received
assurance of salvation. Our prayer life had a new
meaning and reality. The Bible, the Word of God,
began to come alive and be more meaningful as we
began to read and study it.

Saved by Grace, Not by Works

We started attending a Bible study and dipping into the
Word of God deeper and deeper. As we did so, we
found that many of the things we had been taught as
Roman Catholics did not line up with God’s Word.
Essentially the Roman Catholic Church teaches a gospel
of works (that is, salvation through man’s own efforts to
lead a good life and to do penance for sins, as if Jesus
Christ did not pay for it all with his shed blood on
Calvary’s cross). Ephesians 2:8-9 makes it very clear
that salvation is a free gift of God, received by faith; ‘For
by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of
yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest any
man should boast.’

Jesus Alone Is Saviour

We have come to see the need for Roman Catholics

to separate themselves from the errors of Roman
342 Far from Rome, Near to God

Catholicism, even as we have. The Lord Jesus has really

blessed our lives as we have sought to serve Him. We
have never been so happy. The Lord has blessed us with
two beautiful daughters and has opened many doors to
minister God’s Word and to pray for people. Our prayer
for all who read this testimony is that they may know
Christ and the power of his resurrection. Why not seek
the Lord Jesus with all your heart?
 SO

Richard Peter Bennett

From Tradition to Truth

Bz in Ireland, in a family of eight, my early

childhood was fulfilled and happy. My father was a
colonel in the Irish Army until he retired when I was
about nine. As a family, we loved to play, sing and act,
all within a military camp in Dublin.
We were a typical Irish Roman Catholic family. My
father sometimes knelt down to pray at his bedside in a
solemn manner. My mother would talk to Jesus while
sewing, washing dishes or even smoking a cigarette.
Most evenings we would kneel in the living room to say
the rosary together. No one ever missed Mass on
Sundays unless he was seriously ill. By the time I was
about five or six years of age, Jesus Christ was a very real
person to me, but so also were Mary and the saints. I can

343
344 Far from Rome, Near to God

identify easily with others in traditional Roman Catholic

nations in Europe and with Hispanics and Filipinos who
put Jesus, Mary, Joseph and other saints all on a par with
one another.
The catechism was drilled into me at the Jesuit School
of Belvedere, where I had all my elementary and
secondary education. Like every boy who studies under
the Jesuits, I could recite before the age of ten five
reasons why God existed and why the Pope was head of
the only true Church. Getting souls out of purgatory was
a serious matter. We memorized the words, ‘It is a holy
and a wholesome thought to pray for the dead that they
may be loosed from sins’, even though we did not know
what these words meant. We were told that the Pope as
head of the Church was the most important man on
earth. What he said was law and the Jesuits were his
right-hand men. Even though the Mass was in Latin, I
tried to attend daily because I was intrigued by the deep
sense of mystery which surrounded it. We were told it
was the most important way to please God. Praying to
saints was encouraged, and we had patron saints for
most aspects of life. I did not make a practice of that,
with one exception: I prayed to St Anthony, the patron
of lost objects, since I seemed to lose so many things.
When I was fourteen years old I sensed a call to be a
missionary. This call, however, did not affect the way in
which I conducted my life at that time. The years from
sixteen to eighteen were the most fulfilled and enjoyable
years a youth could have. During this time, I did quite
well both academically and athletically.
I often had to drive my mother to hospital for treat-
ments. While waiting for her, I found quoted in a book
these verses from Mark 10:29-30, ‘And Jesus answered
and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that
hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or
Richard Peter Bennett 345

mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and

the gospel’s, but he shall receive an hundredfold now in
this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and
mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions;
and in the world to come eternal life.’ Not having any
idea of the true salvation message, I decided that I truly
did have a call to be a missionary.

Trying to Earn Salvation

I left my family and friends in 1956 to join the
Dominican Order. I spent eight years studying what it is
to be a monk, the traditions of the Church, philosophy,
the theology of Thomas Aquinas, and some of the Bible
from a Roman Catholic standpoint. Whatever personal
faith I had was institutionalized and ritualized in the
Dominican religious system. Obedience to the law, both
Church and Dominican, was put before me as the means
of sanctification. In addition to becoming ‘holy’ I wanted
to be sure of eternal salvation. I memorized part of the
teaching of Pope Pius XII in which he said, ‘The
salvation of many depends on the prayers and sacrifices
of the mystical body of Christ offered for this intention.’
This idea of gaining salvation through suffering and
prayer is also the basic message of Fatima and Lourdes,
and I sought to win my own salvation as well as the
salvation of others by such suffering and prayer. In the
Dominican monastery in Tallaght, Dublin, I performed
many difficult feats to win souls, such as taking cold
showers in the middle of winter and beating my back
with a small steel chain. The Master of Students,
Ambrose Duffy, knew what I was doing, his own austere
life being part of the inspiration that I had received from
the Pope’s words. With rigour and determination, I
studied, prayed, did penance and tried to keep the Ten
346 Far from Rome, Near to God

Commandments and the multitude of Dominican rules

and traditions.

Outward Pomp - Inner Emptiness

In 1963 at the age of twenty-five I was ordained a Roman
Catholic priest and went on to finish my course of studies
of Thomas Aquinas at the Angelicum University in
Rome. But there I had difficulty with both the outward
pomp and the inner emptiness. Over the years I had
formed, from books, pictures in my mind of the holy see
and the holy city. Could this be the same city? At the
Angelicum University I was also shocked that hundreds
of others who poured into our morning classes seemed
quite uninterested in theology. I noticed Time and
Newsweek magazines being read during classes. Those
who were interested in what was being taught seemed
only to be looking for degrees or positions within the
Roman Catholic Church in their homelands.
One day I went for a walk in the Colosseum so that my
feet might tread the ground where the blood of so many
Christians had been poured out. I walked to the arena in
the forum. I tried to picture in my mind those men and
women who knew Christ so well that they were joyfully
willing to be burned at the stake or devoured alive by
beasts because of his overpowering love. The joy of this
experience was marred, however, for as I went back in
the bus I was insulted by jeering youths shouting words
meaning ‘scum’ or ‘garbage’. I sensed that they were
doing this not because I stood for Christ as the early
Christians did but because they saw in me the Roman
Catholic system. Quickly I put this contrast out of my
mind, yet what I had been taught about the present
glories of Rome now seemed very irrelevant and empty.
One night I prayed for two hours in front of the main
Richard Peter Bennett 347

altar in the church of San Clemente. Remembering my

earlier youthful call to be a missionary and the ‘hundred-
fold’ promise of Mark 10:29-30, I decided not to take
the theological degree that had been my ambition since
beginning study of the theology of Thomas Aquinas.
This was a major decision but after long prayer I was
sure I had decided correctly.
The priest who was to direct my thesis did not want to
accept my decision. In order to make the degree easier
he offered me a thesis written several years earlier. He
said I could use it as my own if only I would do the oral
defence. This turned my stomach. I held to my decision,
finishing at the university at the ordinary academic level,
without the degree. Not long afterwards I received
orders to go to Trinidad, West Indies, as a missionary.

Pride, Fall and a New Hunger

On 1 October 1964 I arrived in Trinidad and for seven
years I was a successful priest, in Roman Catholic terms,
doing all my duties and getting many people to come to
Mass. By 1972 I had become quite involved in the
Roman Catholic Charismatic Movement. At a prayer
meeting in March of that year, I thanked the Lord that I
was such a good priest and requested that if it were his
will he might humble me that I might be even better.
Later that same evening I had a freak accident, splitting
the back of my head and hurting my spine in many
places. Without thus coming close to death, I doubt that
I would ever have got out of my self-satisfied state. Rote,
set prayer showed its emptiness as I cried out to God in
my pain.
In the suffering that I went through in the weeks after
the accident, I began to find some comfort in direct
personal prayer. I stopped saying the breviary (the
348 Far from Rome, Near to God

Church’s official prayer for the use of clergy) and the

rosary and began to pray using parts of the Bible itself.
This was a very slow process. I did not know my way
through the Bible and the little I had learned over the
years had taught me more to distrust it than to trust it.
My training in philosophy and in the theology of Thomas
Aquinas left me helpless, so that coming into the Bible
now to find the Lord was like going into a huge dark
wood without a map.
When assigned to a new parish later that year I found
that I was to work side-by-side with a Dominican priest
who had been a brother to me over the years. For more
than two years we were to work together, seeking God
as best we knew in the parish of Pointe-4-Pierre. We
read, studied, prayed and put into practice what we had
been taught in Church teaching. We built up communi-
ties in several villages. In a Roman Catholic religious
sense we were very successful. Many people attended
Mass. The catechism was taught in many schools,
including government schools. I continued my personal
search into the Bible, but it did not much affect the work
we were doing; rather it showed me how little I really
knew about the Lord and his Word. It was at this time
that Philippians 3:10 became the cry of my heart, ‘That I
may know him, and the power of his resurrection’. I
knew that it could be only through his power that I could
live the Christian life. I posted this text on the dashboard
of my car and in other places. It became the plea that
motivated me, and the Lord who is faithful began to
answer.

The Authority of Scripture

First, I discovered that God’s Word, the Bible, is
absolute and without error. I had been taught that the
Richard Peter Bennett 349

Word is relative and that its truthfulness in many areas is

to be questioned. Now I began to understand that the
Bible could, in fact, be trusted. I discovered that the
Bible teaches clearly that it is from God and is absolute
in what it says. It is true in its history, in the promises
God has made, in its prophecies, in the moral commands
it gives, and in its instructions as to how to live the
Christian life. ‘All scripture is given by inspiration of
God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for
correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the
man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto
all good works’ (2 Tim. 3:16-17).
This discovery was made while I was visiting Van-
couver and Seattle. It was the first time that I had
understood such a truth or talked about it. In a large
parish church in Vancouver, before about four hundred
people, L proclaimed, Bible in hand, that the absolute
and final authority in all matters of faith and morals is
the Bible, God’s own Word.
Three days later, the archbishop of Vancouver, James
Carney, called me to his office and officially forbade
me to preach in his archdiocese. I was told that my
punishment would have been more severe, were it not
for the letter of recommendation I had received from
my own archbishop. Soon afterwards I returned to
Trinidad.

Church-Bible Dilemma

While I was still parish priest of Pointe-a-Pierre, Am-

brose Duffy, the man who had so strictly taught me
while he was Student Master, was asked to assist me.
The tide had turned. After some initial difficulties we
became close friends. I shared with him what I was
discovering. He listened and commented with great
350 Far from Rome, Near to God

interest and wanted to find out what was motivating me.

I saw in him a channel to my Dominican brothers and
even to those in the archbishop’s house. When he died
suddenly of a heart attack, I was stricken with grief. I
had seen Ambrose as the one who could make sense out
of the Church—Bible dilemma with which I so struggled.
I had hoped that he would be able to explain to me and
then to my Dominican brothers the truths with which I
wrestled. I preached at his funeral and my despair was
very deep.
I continued to pray Philippians 3:10, ‘That I may
know him, and the power of his resurrection’, but to
learn more about him, I had first to learn about myself
as a sinner. I saw from the Bible (J Tim. 2:5) that
the role I was playing as a priestly mediator — exactly
what the Roman Catholic Church teaches but exactly
Opposite to what the Bible teaches — was wrong. I
really enjoyed being looked up to by the people and,
in a certain sense, being idolized by them. I rational-
ized my sin by saying that after all, if this is what the
biggest Church in the world teaches, who am I to
question it? Still, I struggled with the conflict within. I
began to see the worship of Mary, the saints and the
priests for the sin that it is. But while I was willing to
renounce Mary and the saints as mediators, I could
not renounce the priesthood, for in that I had invested
my whole life.

Tug-of-War Years
Mary, the saints and the priesthood were just a small
part of the huge struggle with which I was working. Who
was Lord of my life, Jesus Christ in his Word or the
Roman Church? This ultimate question raged inside me
especially during my last six years as parish priest of
Richard Peter Bennett 351

Sangre Grande (1979-85). That the Roman Catholic

Church was supreme in all matters of faith and morals
had been dyed into my brain since I was a child. It
looked impossible ever to change. Rome was not only
supreme but always called ‘Holy Mother’. How could I
ever go against ‘Holy Mother’, all the more so since I
had an official part in dispensing her sacraments and
keeping people faithful to her?
In 1981 I actually rededicated myself to serving the
Roman Catholic Church while attending a parish re-
newal seminar in New Orleans. Yet when I returned to
Trinidad and again became involved in real-life prob-
lems I began to return to the authority of God’s Word.
Finally the tension became like a tug-of-war inside me.
Sometimes I looked to the Roman Church as being
absolute, sometimes to the authority of the Bible as
being final. My stomach suffered much during those
years; my emotions were being torn. I ought to have
known the simple truth that one cannot serve two
masters. My working position was to place the absolute
authority of the Word of God under the supreme
authority of the Roman Church.
This contradiction was symbolized in what I did with
the four statues in the Sangre Grande church. I removed
and broke the statues of St Francis and St Martin
because the second commandment of God’s law dec-
lares in Exodus 20:4, ‘Thou shalt not make unto thee any
graven image’. But when some of the people objected to
my removal of the statues of the Sacred Heart and of
Mary, I left them standing because the higher authority,
that is, the Roman Catholic Church, said in its law
(Canon 1188), ‘The practice of displaying sacred images
in the churches for the veneration of the faithful is to
remain in force.’ I did not see that what I was trying to do
was to make God’s Word subject to man’s word.
352 Far from Rome, Near to God

The Turning Point

In October 1985 God’s grace was greater than the lie
that I was trying to live. I went to Barbados to pray over
the compromise that I was forcing myself to live. I felt
truly trapped. The Word of God is absolute indeed. I
ought to obey it alone; yet to the very same God I had
vowed obedience to the supreme authority of the
Roman Catholic Church. In Barbados I read a book in
which was explained the biblical meaning of the church
as ‘the fellowship of believers’. In the New Testament
there is no hint of a hierarchy; the ‘clergy’ lording it over
the ‘laity’ is unknown. Rather, as the Lord himself
declared, ‘one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are
brethren’ (Mart. 23:8). Now to see and to understand the
meaning of ‘church’ as ‘fellowship’ left me free to let go
of the Roman Catholic Church as supreme authority and
depend on Jesus Christ as Lord. It began to dawn on me
that in biblical terms the bishops I knew in the Roman
Catholic Church were not believers. They were for the
most part pious men taken up with devotion to Mary and
the rosary and loyal to Rome, but not one had any idea
of the finished work of salvation, that Christ’s work is
done, that salvation is personal and complete. They all
preached penance for sin, human suffering, religious
deeds, ‘the way of man’ rather than the gospel of grace.
But by God’s grace I saw that it was not through the
Roman Church nor by any kind of works that one is
saved, ‘For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that
not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest
any man should boast’ (Eph. 2:8-9).

New Birth at Age Forty-Eight

I lett the Roman Catholic Church when I saw that life in
Jesus Christ was not possible while remaining true to
Richard Peter Bennett 353

Roman Catholic doctrine. When I left Trinidad in

November 1985 I only reached neighbouring Barbados.
Staying with an elderly couple I prayed to the Lord for a
suit and necessary money to reach Canada, for I had
only tropical clothing and a few hundred dollars to my
name. Both prayers were answered without my making
my needs known to anyone except the Lord.
From a tropical temperature of ninety degrees I
landed in snow and ice in Canada. After one month in
Vancouver, I came to the United States of America. I
now trusted that the Lord would take care of my many
needs, since I was beginning life anew at forty-eight
years of age, practically penniless, without an alien
resident card, without a driver’s licence, without a
recommendation of any kind, having only the Lord and
his Word.
I spent six months with a Christian couple on a farm in
Washington State. I explained to my hosts that I had left
the Roman Catholic Church and that I had accepted
Jesus Christ and his Word in the Bible as all-sufficient. I
had done this, I said, ‘absolutely, finally, definitively and
resolutely’. Yet, far from being impressed by these four
adverbs, they wanted to know if there was any bitterness
or hurt inside me. In prayer and in great compassion
they ministered to me, for they themselves had made the
transition and knew how easily one can become embit-
tered. Four days after I arrived in their home, by God’s
grace, I began to see in repentance the fruit of salvation.
This meant being able not only to ask the Lord’s pardon
for my many years of compromising but also to accept
his healing where I had been so deeply hurt. Finally, at
age forty-eight, on the authority of God’s Word alone,
by grace alone, I accepted Christ’s substitutionary death
on the cross alone. To him alone be the glory.
Having been refurbished both physically and spiritually
354 Far from Rome, Near to God

by this Christian couple together with their family, I was

given a wife by the Lord, Lynn, born-again in faith,
lovely in manner, intelligent in mind. Together we set
out for Atlanta, Georgia, where we both got jobs.

A Real Missionary with a Real Message

In September 1988 we left Atlanta to go as missionaries
to Asia. It was a year of deep fruitfulness in the Lord that
once I would never have thought was possible. Men and
women came to know the authority of the Bible and the
power of Christ’s death and resurrection. I was amazed
at how easy it is for the Lord’s grace to be effective when
only the Bible is used to present Jesus Christ. This
contrasted with the cobwebs of church tradition that had
so clouded my twenty-one years as a missionary in
Trinidad, twenty-one years without the real message.
To explain the abundant life of which Jesus spoke and
which I now enjoy, no better words could be used than
those of Romans 8:1-2: “There is therefore now no
condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who
walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law
of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free
from the law of sin and death.’ It is not just that I have
been freed from the Roman Catholic system, but that I
have become a new creature in Christ. It is by the grace
of God, and nothing but his grace, that I have gone from
dead works into new life.

The Present Day

My present task, the good work that the Lord has
prepared for me to do, is as an evangelist situated in the
Pacific Northwest of the USA. What Paul said about his
fellow Jews I say about my dearly loved Roman Catholic
Richard Peter Bennett 355

brothers: my heart’s desire and prayer to God for them

is that they may be saved. I can testify about them that
they are zealous for God, but their zeal is based in their
church tradition rather than in the Word of God. If you
understand the devotion and agony that some of our
brothers and sisters in the Philippines and South Amer-
ica have put into their religion, you may understand my
heart’s cry: ‘Lord, give us a compassion to understand
the pain and torment of the search our brothers and
sisters have made to please you. In understanding pain
inside the Roman Catholic hearts, we will have the
desire to show them the good news of Christ’s finished
work on the cross.’
My testimony shows how difficult it was for me as a
Roman Catholic to give up church tradition, but when
the Lord demands it in his Word, we must do it. The
‘form of godliness’ that the Roman Catholic Church has
makes it most difficult for a Roman Catholic to see
where the real problem lies. Everyone must determine
by what authority we know truth. Rome claims that it is
only by her own authority that truth is known. In her
own words (Canon 212, Section 1), “The Christian
faithful, conscious of their own responsibility, are bound
by Christian obedience to follow what the sacred
pastors, as representatives of Christ, declare as teachers
of the faith or determine as leaders of the Church’ (Code
of Canon Law, based on Vatican Council II, pro-
mulgated by Pope John Paul II, 1983). Yet according to
the Bible, it is God’s Word itself which is the authority
by which truth is known. It was man-made traditions
which caused the Reformers to take as their watchword,
‘The Bible alone, faith alone, grace alone, in Christ
alone, and to God alone be the glory.’
The most difficult step for us dyed-in-the-wool Roman
Catholics is repenting from thoughts of ‘meriting’,
356 Far from Rome, Near to God

‘earning’, ‘being good enough’, to accepting simply,

with empty hands, the gift of righteousness in Christ
Jesus. To refuse to accept what God commands is the
same sin as that of the religious Jews of Paul’s time, ‘For
they being ignorant of God’s righteousness, and going
about to establish their own righteousness, have not
submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God’
(Rom. 10:3).
Repent and believe the gospel!
 Epilogue

he testimonies in this book illustrate five principles

of the Reformation of the sixteenth century, also
confirmed in all subsequent heaven-sent revivals. These
are that, under the final authority of the Bible alone
(Sola Scriptura), an individual is saved by grace alone
(Sola Gratia), through faith alone (Sola Fide), in Christ
alone (Solo Christo), and that, in consequence, all glory
and praise belong to God alone (Soli Deo Gloria).
A brief consideration of these principles in relation
to present-day Roman Catholicism will form a fitting
epilogue.

The Final Authority of the Bible Alone (Sola Scriptura)

The Scriptures are full of statements showing that God’s

written Word is the ultimate authority on all matters
with which it deals. From hundreds of references in the
Old Testament we might cite Isaiah 8:20, “To the law
and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this
word, it is because there is no light in them.’ Likewise, in
the New Testament, it is the written Word of God alone
to which the Lord Jesus Christ and his apostles refer as
final authority. ‘The Scripture cannot be broken’ (John
10:35) because it expresses the very mind of God, and

coy
358 Far from Rome, Near to God

therefore ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by

every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God’
(Mait. 4:4).
It is the conflict between the final authority of
Scripture alone and the rival authority represented by
the Roman Catholic Church which gives poignancy to
many of the testimonies in this book. Finding that they
could not serve two masters, the Bible and tradition,
Christ and the Pope, after many struggles the men
concerned chose Christ and his Word.

Salvation by Grace Alone (Sola Gratia)

God’s Word declares that all who believe are justified
freely by God’s grace through the redemption that is in
Christ Jesus (Rom. 3:24). Through the substitutionary
death of Christ, God can be ‘just and the justifier of him
which believeth in Jesus’ (Rom. 3:26). But current
Roman Catholic teaching on grace contradicts biblical
teaching, affirming that ‘Grace is the help God gives us
to respond to our vocation of becoming his adopted
sons.’' By these words, not only is the power of God
unto salvation reduced to a ‘help’, but God’s ‘adoption
of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the
good pleasure of his will’ (EpA. 1:5) is made the result of
man’s response to his own vocation. If this definition of
grace is true, those responding in this way can, with
God's help, justify themselves. If so, then ‘grace is no
more grace’ (Rom. 11:6).
Under the same general heading, ‘Grace and
Justification’, the new Catechism attributes merit to
man’s ‘collaboration’ with the grace of God: ‘Merit is to
be ascribed in the first place to the grace of God, and
‘Catechism of the Catholic Church (Liguori Publications: Liguori,
Mo,, 1994), Para, 2021, p. 489.
Epilogue 359

secondly to man’s collaboration.”* The same false hope

of attaining merit by ‘collaboration’ with the work of
God is held out under the heading ‘Our Participation
in Christ’s Sacrifice’: ‘The possibility of being made
partners, in a way known to God, in the paschal mystery
is offered to all men. . . In fact Jesus desires to associate
with his redeeming sacrifice those who were to be its first
beneficiaries. This is achieved supremely in the case of
his mother, who was associated more intimately than
any mee person in the mystery of his redemptive
suffering. There is no scriptural basis for the idea of
being made partners with Christ in the paschal mystery.
Christ ‘by himself purged our sins’ (Heb. 1:3). The
gospel excludes meritorious works on the part of man:
‘Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but
according to his mercy he saved us’ (Titus 3:5).

Salvation through Faith Alone (Sola Fide)

The Bible teaches clearly that it is through faith alone
that the believer is justified: “Therefore being justified
by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord
Jesus Christ’ (Rom. 5:1). The Reformers held to this
biblical principle over against all concepts of attaining
eventual union with God by mysticism, works or ‘the
treasury of the saints’. According to the new Catechism,
‘This treasury includes... the prayers and good works
of the Blessed Virgin Mary. They are truly immense,
unfathomable, and even pristine in their value before
God. In the treasury, too, are the prayers and good
works of all the saints, all those who have followed in the
footsteps of Christ the Lord and by his grace have made
2Catechism of the Catholic Church (Liguori Publications: Liguori,
Mo., 1994), Para, 2025, p. 490.
*ibid., Para. 618, pp. 160-1.
360 Far from Rome, Near to God

their lives holy and carried out the mission the Father
entrusted to them. In this way they attained their own
salvation and at the same time co-operated in saving their
brothers in the unity of the Mystical Body’.* The Catech-
ism also teaches Roman Catholics to place their faith in the
clergy and substitutes the sacramental system, including
penances and indulgences, for the biblical truth that
Christ’s perfect righteousness is imputed to the believer
through faith alone.” ‘But to him that worketh not, but
believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is
counted for righteousness’ (Rom. 4:5).

Salvation in Christ Alone (Solo Christo)

All the blessings of salvation are in Christ alone. There is

no other mediator, ‘For there is one God, and one mediator
between God and men, the man Christ Jesus’ (J Tim. 2:5).
Nevertheless Rome points to other mediators, especially
Mary and the saints. According to the new Catechism, “The
witnesses who have preceded us into the kingdom, especially
those whom the church recognizes as saints, share in the
living tradition of prayer by the example of their lives, the
transmission of their writings, and their prayer today. They
contemplate God, praise him and constantly care for those
whom they have left on earth... Their intercession is their
most exalted service to God’s plan. We can and should ask
them to intercede for us and for the whole world’. But
Scripture leaves no room for any other heavenly intercessor
than Christ: ‘It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen
again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh
intercession for us’ (Rom. 8:34).
*Catechism of the Catholic Church (Liguori Publications: Liguori,
M., 1994), Para. 1477, p. 371.
*ibid., Para. 976-87, pp. 254-7, and Para. 1434-98, pp. 360-74.
*ibid., Para. 2683, p. 645. |
Epilogue 361

In Roman Catholic teaching, Mary, too, is a mediator,

and the source of holiness: ‘From the Church he [the
baptized Roman Catholic] learns the example of holiness
and recognizes its model and source in the all-holy Virgin
Mary’.’ In the light of Scripture, however, all calling on
Mary and the saints is idolatrous. All the blessings sought
through them, God alone can bestow. Christ, at the right
hand of God, is made to the believer ‘wisdom, and
righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption’ (J Cor.
1:30). ‘Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is
none other name under heaven given among men,
whereby we must be saved’ (Acts 4:12).

To God Alone be the Glory (Soli Deo Gloria)

Because salvation is by grace alone, through faith alone
and in Christ alone, on the sole authority of God’s written
Word, all the glory must be to God alone! This principle
excludes all idolatry and summarizes the content of the
second commandment. The Roman Catholic Church,
however, sanctions the making and use of images. The new
Catechism teaches that the incarnation of Christ brought
in ‘a new economy of images’.* The reason given is that
‘the honour rendered to the images passes on to the
prototype’. This is to elevate human rationalization above
God’s written Word. Any attempt to make a similitude or
likeness of what is divine is expressly forbidden (see
Deuteronomy 4:12-16). Let us also beware of giving any of
the glory of salvation to anyone or anything other than the
triune God: ‘They have no knowledge that set up the wood
of their graven image, and pray unto a god that cannot

7Catechism of the Catholic Church (Liguori Publications: Liguori,

Mo., 1994), Para. 2030, p. 490.
‘ibid., Para. 2131, p.515.
*ibid., Para. 2132, p. 517.
362 Far from Rome, Near to God

save ... there is no God else beside me; a just God and a
Saviour; there is none beside me. Look unto me, and be ye
saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am God, and there is
none else’ (/sa. 45:20-22).
ity
 FARFROMROME |
| NEARTO GOD.
EDITED BY RICHARD BENNETT AND MARTIN BUCKINGHAM
This book contains the moving testimonies of fifty _
priests who found their way, by the grace of God,
out of the labyrinth of Roman Catholic theology _
and practice into the light of the gospel of Christ.
But this is not a narrowly polemical work, nor is |
its relevance limited to the ongoing controversy
between Rome and the churches of the Reformation.
The love and concern felt by the former priests for
those they left behind, and their fervent desire that
they too should experience the joy and peace of
salvation in Christ are seen throughout. The wider _
relevance of the experiences described will also be
felt in many contexts remote from Roman Ba
Catholicism where human pride and presumption _
have erected rival sources of authority between
people and the Word of God, so obscuring the way
of salvation by grace alone, through faith alone.
Richard Bennett is the Director of Berean Beacon, —
based in Portland, Oregon, USA. ius
Martin Buckingham is the Director of The Converted
Catholic Mission in Leicester, UK. :
j ISBN 0-85151-7331 :
THE BANNER OF TRUTH TRUST ;
3 Murrayfield Road, Edinburgh EH12 6EL ||
P.O.Box 621, Carlisle, Pennsylvania
17013, U.S.A.

9 "78085 1°51 (339