Runninghead: THE THEOLOGY OF SEX AND SEXUALITY: WHY WAITING WORKS

THE THEOLOGY OF SEX AND

SEXUALITY: WHY WAITING WORKS

PAMELA LEE

LIBERTY UNIVERSITY

PACO 625 B02 LUO

THE THEOLOGY OF SEX AND SEXUALITY: WHY WAITING WORKS 2

Abstract

One of the biggest misconceptions about marriage today is the very purpose of the

marital union itself. Most couples enter into marriage with the belief that the purpose of their

devotion is founded on committing to their marital partner and vice versa. In reality, the focus of

marriage is about two people being joined as one flesh, but more importantly, making a joint

commitment to God and serving Him as that one flesh, thus becoming a cord of three.

Regrettably, the institution of marriage has been distorted over time through the dishonoring of

the marital vows and benefits via the slow downward slide of morality in society. Marriage was

designed in a way that allows for us to serve the Lord as a cord of three yes, but also within the

marital partnership are amazing physical and emotional benefits that have been devised to

develop an intense intimacy between husband and wife. In a sense, marriage was designed for

two people to imprint upon one another for life with God’s blessing. The benefits of marriage

can be an amazing part of our life experience, however, if the institution of marriage is not given

the respect it deserves, society can fall to the wiles of the enemy, and sexual temptations can take

a turn for the worse. What has happened over time is that our culture has become so desensitized

to sexual sin such as fornication and adultery that marriage is often seen as more of a cage than a

blessing to look forward to in life. For example, in this most recent generation, the statistics of

children being born out of wedlock are rapidly increasing. In 2017, there were only five states in

the entire U.S. that came in with statistics of children born out of wedlock that were less than

30% (CDC/National Center for Health Statistics, 2019). For a country that has “In God We

Trust” written on our money, those statistics are shameful.

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Why “Free Love” is a Life Long Mistake

“God is a deeply relational being who created humankind to experience and reflect His

own image of love and creativity” (Rosenau & Wilson, 2006, p. 22). God’s original intent for

the marital union is the mirror image of Christ’s love for His Bride, the Church. However, in

today’s society, this vision of marriage is barely visible. Much like the elusive legends of wild

men in the forests or beasts in the fields of North America, it has become extinct. Witnesses and

theorists are adamant that it is definitely out there and other Christians even spend their lives in

pursuit of that vision but never find it. Sadly, in today’s culture, in addition to unbridled

fornication, pornography, pedophilia, and adultery, “one in ten children are having sex by the age

of 13” (Clinton, 2017). In God’s plan for marital intimacy there is a man and a woman anxiously

awaiting the day in which they will be joined with their love. They have saved themselves for

their spouse and their spouse alone to allow for a special bond to develop, an imprinting, if you

will that creates an intimate connection between husband and wife that they have with no other

human being on the planet. However, the result of living in a fallen world is that most will never

have the pleasure of experiencing one of the most important relationships of their lives, God’s

way.

God’s Plan for Marriage

One of the most telling factors in regards to God’s intentions for the marital relationship

is in the story of creation when God made man but knew that he was incomplete without woman.

Genesis 2:18 tells us; “It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him”

(NIV Student Study Bible, 1989). So, God proceeds to present each of the animals to Adam, but

of course, Adam finds none that he feels is appropriate for him. God then puts Adam to sleep

and takes a rib from his body to create his perfect helpmate, also made in the image of God but a
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counterpart with some adjustments and pleasant “upgrades.” Adam is overjoyed and says,

“‘This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman for she was

taken out of man.’ That is why a man shall leave his father and mother and [be] united to his

wife and they [will again] become one flesh” (Genesis 2:23-34, NIV Student Study Bible, 1989).

This represents the first marriage and is one of the most romantic and illuminating passages in

the Bible when we view it through the lens of God’s intention for marriage and intimacy. Know

that without a doubt each woman has been created specifically for her man as his helpmate.

When God creates man without his woman, for the first time in God’s creation of the universe

He chooses to call His creation “not good.” However, once He creates Adam’s perfect mate

from his own body and then places her in his arms, God does not just say it is good. He says it is

“very good.” God is the author of our humanity, our sexuality, and our ability to be intimate

with one another just as much as He is the author of our spirituality and our ability to be intimate

with Him. Marriage is not a selfish commitment to be with another person as long as that person

is the person that they are expected to be, oh no! Marriage is about making a lifelong

commitment to serving God “as a cord of three strands that is not easily broken” (NIV Student

Study Bible, 1989). It is the responsibility of both the husband and wife to maintain each strand

in that relationship so that they remain in intimate relation with God, so that they remain one

flesh and one spirit. Committing to be married means committing to being likeminded in their

love for the Lord and Christ-like in their love for one another.

Living and Loving in a Fractured World

To this day, one of my favorite TV shows is still “The Waltons.” The show is a

wholesome series from the ’70s that is set in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia during the

depression era. It is about a family that lives happily in a multi-generational household. The
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parents are kind, attentive, loving disciplinarians that always instill biblical morals and values.

The writers make sure to portray the value of family unity as the family of eleven expresses their

nightly round of good-nights before drifting off to sleep at the end of each show. When this

series came out, it was repeatedly termed as being “campy”, however, it remained very popular.

Most people that watched the series appreciated the values that the show represented and many

secretly or outwardly yearned for that type of intimacy and family unity in their own home even

back then.

Now let’s fast forward to today. Because of the economic changes over the last forty

years, a contemporary family typically needs to be a two income family to survive. The parents

are commonly overworked and exhausted much of the time and it is a struggle to get the kids

shuttled back and forth to after school activities during the week. Everyone is exhausted by the

time they get home from work in the evening, and with the growing advancements in technology

available in the household, it allows for everyone to easily retreat to neutral corners each night.

Instead of engaging with family, they each begin to shut down and engage with the TV, Netflix,

YouTube, Internet porn, or work their way into social chat rooms. These readily available

“stress outlets” cause an additional loss of connection and result in the parents becoming

strangers just living under the same roof. Additionally, tweens and teens that desperately need

affection and affirmation will go elsewhere to get it if they are unable to get it from their parents.

Internet chat rooms are full of scam artists and sexual deviants that are preying on young boys

and girls. So during the children’s most influential years they are receiving the majority of their

“parental guidance” from violent video games, seeking advice about sex, family issues, suicidal

thoughts etc. from God knows who in internet chat rooms and learning about relationships by

watching pornography. Both boys and girls are done a gross injustice here by being mislead
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about one of the most important factors in their adult life; discovering their self-worth in regards

to relationships. First, there was cybersex and cyberstalking then cyberbullying became the big

thing, then “Slender Man” caused a couple 12 year old girls to try and murder a friend to gain

approval and most recently “teen-challenges” have reached a suicidal level where kids are

challenged to commit very dangerous acts including setting themselves on fire, hanging

themselves, cutting etc. Snopes classifies these challenges as hoaxes but also posts a tweet from

YouTube stating, “We’ve seen no recent evidence of videos promoting the MoMo challenge on

YouTube” (Mikkelson, 2019). According to YouTube’s video posting policies, this sounds more

like the challenges were originally posted but have since been removed. Additionally, more and

more role playing video games that are classified as being for kids, are coming up with suicidal

suggestions in the game as well as an option to murder in order to avoid getting caught in a lie,

taking drugs etc. Role playing games such as “FortNite” and “Undertales” are becoming more

popular among the junior high school and high school crowd and any halfway responsible parent

would not want these games influencing their kids. The days where a parent’s biggest worry was

that their child may be arrested for toilet papering houses on Halloween are long gone. In

addition to technology being a threat to the wellbeing of the children is also

“Adultery is often not centered on sex. Sex may become a part of it, but it may have

begun as a supportive friendship” (Rosenau D. E., 2002, p. 347).

The percentage of adulteries that begin online is

Churches and states may stigmatize sex, both because of a concern about the welfare of their

flocks and the need to control the cost of charity associated with out-of-wedlock births. Modern

contraceptives have profoundly affected the calculus for instilling sexual mores. As contraception
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improves there is less need for parents, churches, and states to inculcate sexual mores. (Fernandez-

Villaverde, Greenwood, & Guner, 2014)

Pornography takes human sexuality out of its natural context – intimacy between two human

being’s sexuality as a product to be bought and sold. By debasing the human body and valuing it in

the same way we would something from the local convenience store, pornography promotes a human

beings sexuality as a product for consumption. The product, another’s sexuality, is evaluated through

our own set of selfish needs. Which video, magazine or website will get me what I want with the

maximum payoff? (Struthers, 2008, pp. 19-20).

During the 2004 Super Bowl XXXVIII, there was a 9/16th of a second in which Janet Jackson’s

breast was accidentally exposed. This caused a public outrage leading to lawsuits the whole nine

yards. However, our society has grown so tolerant to pornography that not one word was said

about all the cheerleaders gyrating in skin tight panties and the ogling shots of the cheerleader’s

cleavages. These sexually titillating images are everywhere. They have crept into the fabric of

our culture so slowly that we have become desensitized and immune to them. (Struthers, 2008)

Additionally, any type of intimate relationship with another female will affect your marital

relationship at home. Pornography literally hijacks the male mind and changes the way that

men view women in general. This is reflected in a Friends episode in which Chandler and Joey

wind up with free access to cable pornography. This conversation reflects the changes that

began to take place;

“Chandler: I was just at the bank and there was this really hot teller and she didn’t even ask me

to do it with her in the vault!

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Joey: Same kind of thing happened to me! Woman pizza delivery guy comes over, gives me the

pizza, takes the money, and leaves!

Chandler: What? No “Nice apartment, I bet the bedrooms are huge”?

Joey: No! Nothing!

Chandler: You know what! We have to turn off the porn.

Chandler and Joey both begin to believe that all women in real life are like women in the

pornography. Viewing porn changed their expectations of and interactions with women”

(Struthers, 2008, pp. 22-23).

 They watch their father’s reaction to these photos very closely to get verification

of their own feelings.

I. The Dangers of Growing Sexual Immorality

a. Sexually Transmitted Diseases

b. Sexual Sin/Sexual Crime

II. The Breakdown of Society

a. Lust verses Love

 Contemporary love is about feelings. How that person makes us feel and how we

feel about them. The majority of divorces are because “they just don’t love each

other anymore or better yet they still love each other, they’re just not ‘in love’”.
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What a bunch of hooie! God is the author of love so why in the world would it be

based on selfishness. It’s about agape love, putting the other before yourself. I

remember visiting a “Christian Counselor” as a young adult and her telling me . . .

 How Hormones play a hand (both women and men). Women are up and down all

month while men steady. Boy’s testosterone begins driving them nuts.

 Many are out to find someone to make them feel better. We live in a culture that

is taught to protect themselves above all others and get yours first.

 Even the majority of churches today are more concerned with filling the seats

than they are with supporting their patrons

b. Loss of Intimacy

 Everybody is treating their potential marriage partner with Eros but expecting to

be loved with Agape. (4th week Dr. Clark video, teens and sex)

 Just the increasing fragmentation of our culture due to technology is causing an

increasing amount of sex addictions.

III. A Beacon in the Storm

a. Why Waiting Works

b. Have a Marriage that is Worth Repeating

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