Shopping

A: I'm going to the library.

B: Can you buy something for me at the newsagent's?

A: But the newsagent's is a mile from the library.

B: No. Not that newsagent's. Not the one that's next to the fish and chip shop.

I mean the one that's near the butcher's.

A: Oh, yes. Well, what do you want?

B: Some chocolates and a tin of sweets and an address book.

 In a Café: it's Cheaper to Eat at Marguerite's

C: What would you like to eat, Peter? The cheese sandwiches are the

cheapest.

P: Er... Mmm... Oh, a cheese sandwich, please, Christina.

C: Cheese... Mmm, Janine? Would you like a beef sandwich or a cheese

sandwich?

J: A cheese sandwich, please.

P: What about you, Christina? Would you like cheese or beef?

W: Are you all ready to order? What would you like to eat?

C: Er, we'll have one beef sandwich, two cheese sandwiches and, mmm, tea

for me.

J: Tea for me too, please.

P: Yes, make that three teas, please.

W: One beef sandwich, two cheese sandwiches and three teas.

 Three Interesting Films

B: Good evening, Mrs Lee

G: ls Kim in?

B: ls he coming to the cinema, Mrs Lee? lt's the Children's Film festival.

ML: Kim's ill.

B: Here he is!

G: Hi, Kim!

K: Hi, Gina. Hi, Bill!

B: Kim, we've got these three free tickets to see three prize-winning films for

children!

ML: Listen, Kim.

K: Is it interesting?

G: We think it is. First there's a short film about gorillas and chimpanzees in

Africa, and….

B: Then the next film is about the six best Olympics’ gymnastic competitions, and

then…

G: Then it's the big film – the history of English Cricket.

K: Cricket!

B: lt's a terrific film.

ML: lf you're ill, Kim.

G: lt would be a pity to miss it.

ML: Now listen, you kids.

B: And it begins in fifty minutes.

ML: KIM!
K: Quick! Or we'll miss the beginning of the gorilla film.

Miss Woodfull’ll be Furious

R: ‘How much wood would a woodpecker peck if a woodpecker could peck

wood?’ Goodness, that’s difficult!

M: Looks a good book. Let me have a look.

R: It’s full of puzzles, and riddles, and…

M: Let me look, Rachel!

R: Mabel! You are awful! You just took it!

M: I asked if I could have a look. Now push off. I’m looking at the book.

R: You’re a horrible bully!

M: And you’re just a miserable pudding!

R: I should’ve kept it in my room.

M: Oh, shush, for goodness’ sake! Anyway, I shouldn’t have thought you could

have understood the book. You’re so backward.

R: You’re hateful! Give me my book! Oh careful, Mabel! It’s Miss Woodfull’s

book. I’ll get into terrible trouble if you… oh, look! You are awful! She’ll be

furious!
M: Well, you shouldn’t have pulled, should you?

Where are you, Hugh?

L: Hugh? Yoo hoo! Hugh! Where are you?

H: I’m in the loo. Where are you?

L: Removing my boots. I’ve got news for you.

H: News? Amusing news?

L: Well, I saw June in Kew. You know how moody and rude she is as a rule?

Hugh, are you still in the loo? What are you doing?

H: Well, you see, Lucy, I was using the new foolproof screwdriver on the

Hoover and it blew a fuse.

L: You fool! I knew that if I left it to you, you’d do something stupid. You

usually do.

H: And then I dropped the screwdriver down the loo.

L: Hugh, look at your shoes! And your new blue suit! It’s ruined! And you…

you’re wet through!

H: To tell you the truth, Lucy… I fell into the loo, too.
 At a Party

A: What a marvelous party this is! I’m having so much fun, Margaret.

M1: Where’s your glass, Alana?

A: Here you are. Thanks. That’s enough.

M2: Alana! Margaret! Come into the garden. Tara Darling and Markus Marsh

are dancing on the grass.

M1: In the dark?

M2: They’re dancing under the stars.

A: Fantastic! And Bart Jackson is playing his guitar

M1: Just look at Tara! She can’t dance, but she looks very smart.

M2: Look at Markus. What a fabulous dancer!

A: What an attractive couple they are! Let’s take a photograph of them.

 She Doesn’t Love him

J: Honey, why are you so sad? Honey, why are you unhappy? I don’t

understand.

D: You don’t love me, Jasmine.

J: But Duncan, I love you very much!

D: That’s untrue, Jasmine. You love my cousin.

J: Justin?

D: No, his brother.

J: Dudley?

D: No. Stop being funny, Jasmine. Not that one. The other brother. Hunter.

You think he’s lovely and I’m unattractive.

J: Duncan! That’s utter rubbish!

D: And Hunter loves you too.

J: No he doesn’t.

D: Yes he does.

J: Duncan, just once last month I had lunch with Hunter. You mustn't worry. I

like your company much better than Hunter’s. Hunter’s…

D: Oh, just shut up, Jasmine!

J: But honey, I think you’re wonderful.

D: Oh, shut up, Jasmine.

J: Now that’s enough! You’re just jealous, Duncan. You shut up!

Advertisement for Onwash

(VA for Voice A, VB for Voice B, VC for Voice C, VD for Voice D, MB for Mrs Blogg and E for everyone)

VA: What’s wrong with you, Mrs Bloggs?

MB: What’s wrong with me? I want a holiday from this horrible job of washing

socks!

VB: Buy a bottle of Onwash, Mrs Bloggs!

VC: Onwash is so soft and strong.

VD: You don’t want lots of hot water with Onwash.

VA: It’s not a long job with Onwash.

VB: Use Onwash often.

VC: You won’t be sorry when you’ve got Onwash.

VD: Everybody wants Onwash.

E: Onwash is so popular!
 Sports Report from Radio Station Four

(A for Announcer, LS for Laura Short, GB for George Ball)

A: This morning the Roarers football team arrived back from York. Laura Short

is our sports reporter, and she was at the airport.

LS: Good morning, listeners. This is Laura Short. All the footballers are

walking towards me. Here’s George Ball, the goalkeeper. Good morning,

George.

GB: Good morning. Are you a reporter?

LS: Yes, George. I’m Laura Short from Radio Station 4. Tell us about the

football match with York.

GB: Well, it was awful. We lost. And the score was forty-four, four. But it

wasn’t my fault, Laura.

LS: Whose fault was it, George?

GB: The forwards.

LS: The forwards?

GB: Yes, the forwards. They were always falling over or losing the ball.

NURSE /ɜ:/: The worst nurse

(H for Sir Herbert and B for Colonel Burton.)

H: Nurse!

B: Nurse! I’m thirsty!

H: Nurse! My head hurts!

B: Nurse Sherman always wears such dirty shirts.

H: He never arrives at work early.

B: He and… er… Nurse Turner weren’t at work on Thursday, were they?

H: No, they weren’t.

B: Nurse Sherman is the worst nurse in the ward, isn’t he, Sir Herbert?

H: No, he isn’t, Colonel Burton. He’s the worst nurse in the world!
 A Rang-Tan in my Bedroom

There’s a Rang-tan in my bedroom and I don’t know what to do. She plays

with all my teddies and keeps borrowing my shoe. She destroys all of my

houseplants and she keeps on shouting “ooo!”. She throws away my chocolate

and she howls at my shampoo. There’s a Rang-tan in my bedroom and I don’t

want her to stay. So I told the naughty Rang-tan that she had to go away. Oh

Rang-tan in my bedroom, just before you go… Why were you in my bedroom?

I really want to know.

There’s a human in my forest and I don’t know what to do. He destroyed all of

our trees for your food and your shampoo. There’s a human in my forest and I

don’t know what to do. He took away my mother and I’m scared he’ll take me

too. There are humans in my forest and I don’t know what to do. They’re

burning it for palm oil so I thought I’d stay with you.

Oh Rang-tan in my bedroom now I do know what to do. I’ll fight to save your

home and I’ll stop you feeling blue. I’ll share your story far and wide so others
can fight too. Oh Rang-tan in my bedroom I swear it on the stars. The future’s

not yet written but I’ll make sure it is ours.

Miranda and her mother

Miranda: Previously in my life, my mother tried to marry me off...

Penny: Someone please marry my daughter. I'm not asking for money.

I'm literally giving her away.