PRESENTATION OUTLINE

HOOK
When was the last time you hesitated to talk to a parent? For millions of college
students from broken families, this isn't just a moment of pause – it's a complex
web of emotions, motives, and unspoken words.
Picture this: A student sits in their dorm, staring at their phone. Mom or Dad?
Today or tomorrow? What to say? What not to say? Behind each of these
seemingly simple decisions lies a matrix of six fundamental human needs: the
desire for affection, the need for control, the search for relaxation, the urge
to escape, the pursuit of pleasure, and the yearning for inclusion.
What drives these students to communicate or not communicate? The answer
lies not just in family dynamics, but in the very essence of human connection.
Today, we dive into the untold story of how college students from broken families
navigate these waters, and what their experiences can teach us about the
fundamental nature of family communication itself
I. TITLE AND RATIONALE

his study will see through the lens of the dialectical tensions faced by college
students from broken families and how these tensions shape the meaning of
parent relationship that influence communication motives when interacting with
their separated parents. Understanding these tensions is essential because they
significantly shape how communication occurs in these family dynamics.

We use Relational Dialectics Theory (RDT) as our framework. RDT suggests

that relationships involve conflicting demands, like wanting closeness versus
needing distance or feeling loyalty to one parent while navigating relationships
with the other. In broken families, these tensions can become even more intense
as family members adjust to new roles and complex emotions. Roles are
changing, expectations are changing, meanings are changing. Which highlight
the value of meaning making even more

By exploring the specific tensions these students experience, we aim to

understand how the meanings constructed influence their motivations for
communication. This includes motives like affection, control, relaxation, escape,
pleasure, and inclusion. By focusing on both the dialectical tensions and the
communication motives, this study provides a comprehensive view of the
interpersonal dynamics in broken families. Ultimately, we hope to gain a deeper
understanding of how college students from broken families work to maintain
their connections with their separated parents.
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DEFINITION OF KEY TERMS

What is Relational Dialectics Theory (RDT)?

Relational dialectics is an interpersonal communication theory that suggests

close relationships, like those between parents and children, are characterized
by ongoing tensions and contradictions or dialectical tensions (Leslie Baxter and
Barbara Montgomery)

Relational dialectic theory focuses on three main types of tensions:

Autonomy vs. connection: the tension between the need for independence
vs. the desire for closeness with others.
Openness vs. closeness: the tension between the desire to share personal
information and the desire to draw boundaries.
Predictability vs. novelty: the tension between the desire for stability and
the desire for change and excitement.

Dialectics in relationships
So what kinds of tensions are you likely to experience day-to-day? Here are a few examples:

Autonomy vs. Connection: This happens when we want to be a lone wolf, but also desire
closeness with others. As an example — we may want to spend time with our other half but
also pursue personal interests. This one is closely related to ‘integration vs. separation’.

Openness vs. Closedness: We can all agree communication is pretty important in the
workplace, but boundaries and privacy are also key. For example, it’s wise to maintain a level of
personal privacy as professionalism. We might also need to keep the details of our clients
confidential in order to protect them and their data.

Openness vs. Closedness: We can all agree communication is pretty important in the
workplace, but boundaries and privacy are also key. For example, it’s wise to maintain a level of
personal privacy as professionalism. We might also need to keep the details of our clients
confidential in order to protect them and their data.

RDT provides a lens through which we can understand the push-pull dynamics
within relationships, especially in broken families. In such families, members
often face intensified dialectical tensions— These tensions are natural in all
relationships, but in broken families, they can become heightened as family
members adjust to new roles, changed expectations, and complex emotions.

Relational Dialectics Theory focuses on the struggles in meaning--the tensions--

that frequent interpersonal communication. However, the position of the theory is
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not that tensions or contradictions are negative. Instead, they are the heart of the
meaning-making enterprise. Importantly, RDT does not view these tensions as
problems to be resolved, but as the very essence of what it means to be in a
close relationship.

Autonomy vs. Connection

● A student from a broken family may feel torn between the desire for
independence from their parents and the need for continued emotional
connection. This tension shapes how they construct the meaning of
"parent relationship."
● They may struggle with balancing their own goals and identity
development with the desire to maintain a relationship with each parent.
Navigating this dialectic is crucial for their meaning-making.

Openness vs. Closedness

● Students may feel conflicted about how much personal information to

share with their separated parents. They may want to be open and honest,
but also desire privacy and control boundaries.
● This tension between vulnerability and self-protection impacts the
meanings they assign to family communication and their parents' level of
involvement in their lives.

Loyalty vs. Betrayal

● An additional dialectic common in broken families is the tension between

loyalty to one parent versus the other. Students may feel guilty or disloyal
for developing a closer relationship with one parent.
● Negotiating this dialectic is key to how they make sense of their role and
obligations within the fractured family structure.

In each of these examples, the contradictory forces at play are not problems to
be solved, but the very building blocks of how students construct meanings
around their relationships with separated parents. RDT provides a lens to
understand this complex, nuanced process of meaning-making.
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why do students from broken families still need to communicate with

separated parents

Even when a family unit is no longer intact, the parent-child bond remains
essential for a child's sense of identity, security, and belonging.

What are the 6 Interpersonal Communication Motives? The 6 primary

interpersonal communication motives that will be the focus of this study are:

Affection, control, relaxation, escape, pleasure, and inclusion are the six
primary motives for interpersonal communication, as identified by the
Interpersonal Communication Motives Measure
Rubin, Perse, and Barbato developed the Interpersonal Communication Motives
(ICM) scale in 1988: (ICM):

● Affection: Expressing love and caring for others through social rituals

● Control: Using communication to gain compliance

● Relaxation: Using communication to rest and unwind

● Escape: Using communication to avoid other activities

● Inclusion: Using communication to express emotions and feel connected

to others

● Pleasure: Using communication for enjoyment and excitement

Affection-seeking behaviors

Control dynamics

Relaxation needs

Escape tendencies

Pleasure-seeking communication

Inclusion desires

MEANING MAKING

Autonomy vs. Connection

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● A student from a broken family may feel torn between the desire for
independence from their parents and the need for continued emotional
connection. This tension shapes how they construct the meaning of
"parent relationship."
● They may struggle with balancing their own goals and identity
development with the desire to maintain a relationship with each parent.
Navigating this dialectic is crucial for their meaning-making.

Openness vs. Closedness

● Students may feel conflicted about how much personal information to

share with their separated parents. They may want to be open and honest,
but also desire privacy and control boundaries.
● This tension between vulnerability and self-protection impacts the
meanings they assign to family communication and their parents' level of
involvement in their lives.

Loyalty vs. Betrayal

● An additional dialectic common in broken families is the tension between

loyalty to one parent versus the other. Students may feel guilty or disloyal
for developing a closer relationship with one parent.
● Negotiating this dialectic is key to how they make sense of their role and
obligations within the fractured family structure.

In each of these examples, the contradictory forces at play are not problems to
be solved, but the very building blocks of how students construct meanings
around their relationships with separated parents. RDT provides a lens to
understand this complex, nuanced process of meaning-making.

Dialectical tensions and communication motives are interdependent and can

influence each other dynamically. Here’s how they relate:

1. Dialectical Tensions Affect Motives: Dialectical tensions, like autonomy

versus connection or openness versus closedness, can shape the reasons
why individuals communicate. For example, when a person feels a strong
need for autonomy in a relationship, they may communicate less frequently
or choose topics that preserve their independence, thus emphasizing
motives like control or escape. Conversely, a heightened need for
connection might lead them to prioritize affection or inclusion as primary
motives in their interactions.
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2. Motives Influence the Perception and Management of Tensions: The

specific motives individuals bring to a relationship can also affect how they
perceive and navigate dialectical tensions. For instance, if a person’s
primary motive is affection, they may be more inclined to compromise on
autonomy to strengthen connection, reducing the impact of the autonomy-
connection tension. Similarly, someone with a strong relaxation motive
may find ways to downplay or avoid topics that heighten conflict, thus
managing tensions by prioritizing calmness over openness.

In essence, it’s a reciprocal relationship. Dialectical tensions guide

communication motives by creating meaning, emotional or relational needs that
influence why people engage in certain ways, while communication motives, in
turn, influence how individuals respond to and manage these tensions within their
relationships.

Introductory Questions:

1. Can you tell me a bit about your family background and the circumstances
around your parents' separation or divorce?
2. How would you describe your current relationship with each of your
parents?

Exploring Dialectical Tensions: by

3. Can you share some examples of situations where you felt pulled between
your desire for closeness with a parent and your need for independence?

4. How do you navigate the balance between wanting to share information with
one parent versus needing to protect your privacy?

5. Can you describe any experiences where you felt conflicted about being loyal
to one parent over the other?

6. What challenges do you face in trying to maintain stability in your relationships

with your parents given the changes in your family structure?

Communication Motives:

7. What are the main reasons you choose to communicate with your separated
parents? (Probe for motives like affection, control, relaxation, escape, pleasure,
inclusion)

8. Can you share an example of a time when your desire for affection or
closeness influenced how you communicated with a parent?
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9. How does your need for control or influence factor into your conversations
with your parents?

10. Are there situations where you communicate with a parent primarily to relax
or escape from stress?

11. Can you describe instances where your motivation was to have an enjoyable
or pleasurable interaction with a parent?

12. In what ways does your need to feel included or accepted by your parents
shape your communication with them?