HEALING

GUIDEBOOK

Practical tips & tools for working with children and youth
who have experienced trauma (and for the adults who love them, too).

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 1
 HEALING GUIDEBOOK
Practical tips & tools for working with children and youth
who have experienced trauma (and for the adults who love them, too).

A project created in collaboration between Anu Family Services and Alia.

www.anufs.org
We create permanent connections to loving and stable families.

www.aliainnovations.org
Innovations for people and systems impacted by childhood trauma.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format.

First Edition

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 2
 TABLE OF CONTENTS
ABOUT THIS GUIDEBOOK.......................................................................................................... 5
INTRODUCTION.......................................................................................................................... 5
The four-phased framework for healing..........................................................................................................................5
Framework for wellbeing.................................................................................................................................................. 7
Intensive Permanence Services........................................................................................................................................ 9
Important notes before beginning this work............................................................................................................... 10

PROTECT..................................................................................................................................... 11
What it means to build trust through protecting youth.............................................................................................. 11
Physical and emotional safety........................................................................................................................................ 11
Trauma-informed Parenting............................................................................................................................................ 11
Supporting identity formation........................................................................................................................................12
Building of protective factors & resilience....................................................................................................................12
Understanding a youth’s need for building trust.......................................................................................................... 13
What it means to protect healers.................................................................................................................................. 14
Resources that help with building protective factors are:.......................................................................................... 14
Pop-Out Stories................................................................................................................................................................ 15
Trust Building Activities...................................................................................................................................................16
The Soccer Ball.................................................................................................................................................................17
My Life Soundtrack..........................................................................................................................................................18
I Am Poem........................................................................................................................................................................ 20

GRIEVE......................................................................................................................................... 22
What it means for youth to grieve................................................................................................................................ 22
Understanding how to help a youth grieve...................................................................................................................23
The importance of grieving and healing parents & caregivers................................................................................... 24
Pop-Out Story..................................................................................................................................................................25
Healing Activities............................................................................................................................................................ 26
Psycho-Educational Activities: The 5 Stages Of Grief................................................................................................ 27
Body Map Activity........................................................................................................................................................... 28
Getting Grief Out Of The Body.................................................................................................................................... 29
Backpack Of Grief........................................................................................................................................................... 30
Life Line............................................................................................................................................................................. 31
Honor Collages.................................................................................................................................................................32
Story Dice..........................................................................................................................................................................33
Bill Of Rights For Teens Experiencing Grief................................................................................................................. 34

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CONNECT.................................................................................................................................... 35
What it means to help youth connect...........................................................................................................................35
The role of healing parents & caregivers in helping youth connect...........................................................................37
Pop-Out Stories............................................................................................................................................................... 38
Connecting Activities...................................................................................................................................................... 39
Connections Map............................................................................................................................................................40
Youth Connections Scale................................................................................................................................................ 41
Using Senses For Connection........................................................................................................................................44
Permanency Pact............................................................................................................................................................. 45
Adoption Of The Heart.................................................................................................................................................. 54
8 Questions/Healthy Support Systems........................................................................................................................ 56

SUPPORT..................................................................................................................................... 58
What it means to support youth to learn to regulate................................................................................................. 58
Supporting regulation supports relationships.............................................................................................................. 59
How to help youth regulate........................................................................................................................................... 59
The critical role of regulation for healing parents & caregivers.................................................................................60
Pop-Out Stories................................................................................................................................................................61
Supporting Activities....................................................................................................................................................... 62
All About Me Support Map............................................................................................................................................ 63

WELLBEING ACTIVITIES............................................................................................................ 65
Well-being Indicatior Tool for Youth ........................................................................................................................... 66
Support For The Healers................................................................................................................................................69
Self-Care Plan For Wellbeing..........................................................................................................................................73
New Toolbox.................................................................................................................................................................... 76

REFERENCES.............................................................................................................................. 80

Alia Authors:
Amelia Franck Meyer, MSW, MS, LISW, APSW
Debi Grebenik, Ph.D., LCSW

Anu Authors:
Brenda Anderson-Powers, BSW, LSW
Erin Wall, MSW, APSW, LGSW
Mechele Pitt, MSW, LICSW, CICSW

Edited by:
Anna Kytonen-Coffman
Diana Ireland

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 4
 ABOUT THIS GUIDEBOOK
This guidebook is a small sampling of the endless tools that can and have been used and adapted to help youth and
others heal from relational trauma. Rather than focus on using only these exact activities, we encourage you to work to
understand and apply the underlying premise of the activities and tools presented.

The through line that connects each item presented in this guidebook is that youth, really all humans, must feel safe and
connected. Essentially, it’s just SAFE both physically and emotionally, and humans—especially human young—feel safest
through a secure, nurturing connection to another human being. When children do not feel safe and connected while they
are growing up, their ability to trust others is greatly diminished. The core of this guidebook includes the knowledge and
activities that can be used to help youth restore their capacity to trust, and therefore, to be in relationship with others,
which is the foundation of human love and joy.

INTRODUCTION
The Four-Phased Framework for Healing
There are countless evidence-based models, evidence-informed models, and promising practices designed to heal
childhood trauma. It can be confusing as a practitioner to know which model or practice is best for a specific client
or will yield the most desirable outcomes. In addition, the knowledge base in trauma competency is rapidly evolving
and models are being added and changed often. Many in the workforce have “initiative fatigue” or “model confusion;”
therefore, instead of proposing or endorsing a specific model, this guidebook takes an anthropological approach about
what is common across models that respond to what humans need to thrive (Jackson, 2016), which is represented by The
Wellbeing Framework for Youth and their Healers. Since more than two-thirds of US adults have experienced childhood
trauma (see www.acestoohigh.com), and rates of childhood trauma are higher in those serving in child welfare, the
framework represents what all humans need to heal…youth and their healers.

It is through that lens that we organized this Healing Guidebook into four distinct areas, which organize the relational
trauma healing four core areas of the framework: Protect, Grieve, Connect, and Regulate. These concepts can also be
found in other approaches and models, which affirm their universal nature (see chart on page 8); however, at Alia and
Anu, we apply these concepts in an approach which is extremely effective at helping youth heal and find permanency
called Intensive Permanence Services (IPS) (see diagram on page 9). IPS has received many awards, locally, regionally and
nationally, and has produced nationally-leading rates of permanency for youth who had lost hope of belonging in a family.
IPS has four stages including: Trust, Heal, Connect, Support. See the chart on page 8 to understand how these relate to the
framework for wellbeing.

Developed in 2013, this framework has been implemented multiple times and continues to withstand the test of time
and the addition of new knowledge and models. When used to guide work with those who have suffered trauma, the
framework also continues to bring positive results and healing. The framework’s development for youth and their healers
occurred because of the emerging research on the vital importance of healthy and stable caregiving when working with
youth who have experienced trauma. In addition, we know from the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study that 67%
of all Americans experienced at least one childhood trauma, and estimates are higher for those engaged in the work of
professional child welfare. Therefore, we approach healing from the lens of “us” not “them” who can benefit from
healing interventions.

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Furthermore, healers can be exposed to significant trauma during the helping and caring for youth with trauma. These
healers include all adult caregivers—parents, professionals, or other caring adults who may require active intervention to
ensure the wellbeing of the healers themselves. In addition, we know that all humans need the same fundamental things to
thrive: to feel safe (protection), to make sense of past hurts (grieving), to belong (connection), and to find ways to calm and
find our safe place again when we are faced with threats, anxiety, or adversity (regulation).

This framework is a conscious and intentional response to the unconscious and unintentional, systemic re-victimization
of children through our interactions and practices. As professionals, healers, and caregivers, our ongoing question should
be “What would be good enough for my child or a child I loved?” Many of our current practices are based on an outdated
knowledge base, are informed by a medical model of healing and what is covered by insurances, and continue to be used
even though they have not produced the desired results (at best), and can, at times, cause additional harm (at worst).

This framework incorporates multiple learnings and teachings from Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, the Youth Thrive Protective
Factors framework, Present Moment Parenting by Tina Feigal, Terry Cross and the National Indian Child Welfare
Association’s Relational World View, Dr. Bruce Perry, Dr. Darla Henry, Mardi Louisell, Keven Campbell, Dr. Karen Purvis,
The 40 Developmental Assets of Search Institute, Emily Esfahani Smith, The Foster Club, a decade of research with the
University of Minnesota Center for Advanced Studies in Child Welfare, a five-year partnership and an abundance of research
performed by the University of Minnesota Center for Spirituality and Healing, among many other teachings and insights
from leaders in the field of healing and child welfare.

With this commitment to learning, this guidebook will be adapted and revised as new research, information, and strategies
emerge. The guidebook includes multiple activities that can be engaged in with youth, and teams can work together to
develop and build individualized combinations of approaches to create youth-specific toolboxes.

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 FRAMEWORK FOR
WELLBEING
FOR YOUTH AND THEIR HE ALERS
GRIEVE CONNECT

Addressing Building Networks

Grief, of Support
Loss & Trauma & Connection

Trauma-informed Engaging in
Parenting and Integrative Healing
Building Resilience & Interventions
Protective Factors

PROTECT REGULATE

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 FRAMEWORK FOR WELLBEING
An overlay with related approaches

PROTECT GRIEVE CONNECT REGULATE

Keeping youth safe— Understanding what Helping youth to Use integrative
stopping any harm by happened to them, connect and reconnect healing practices and
immediately ensuring giving messages with those a youth has other methodologies
physical and emotional to relieve guilt and loved and lost or to to improve youths’
safety shame, deciding what whom they are related capacity to find their
the youth wants to using exhaustive family place of calm when
Using trauma-informed let go of and what search. Connecting they are dysregulated.
Anu/Alia parenting they want to take with youths’ family, These include
Framework for
forward, and providing helping them to heal, methodologies that
Wellbeing Supporting identity
opportunities to and coaching them to help youth to be
formation
physically and give healing messages in connection and
Building of Protective emotionally purge past to the youth (e.g., harmony with others.
Factors & Resilience hurts. you deserved to be
protected, we’ve
always loved you, etc.).

Trust Heal Connect Support

Developing trust through Understanding, Connecting and Continuing to support
Anu/Alia:
a consistent, stable, grieving, and letting go reconnecting with youth through the
Intensive
nurturing approach & of past losses those youth have ups and downs of
Permanence
helping youth learn more loved and lost, or to relationships as they
Services Model
about their past and whom they are related learn to regulate
current identity

“Where am I going?– trust “What happened to “When will I know I “How will I get there?
and safety in relationships; me?–separation and belong? — feelings of — recognizing those
Darla Henry attachment cycle loss; the grieving safety, wellbeing and a who will continue
process” readiness for future” to provide support;
3-5-7 Model Who am I? — identity relational permanency”
formation”

Purpose Story Telling Belonging Transcendence

We must first be safe “Storytelling is really “Meaningful “Those moments
(protect) to get out of about the story that relationships where where you’re basically
survival brain to access you tell yourself about you really feel like you lifted above the
higher order thinking. your life, about how matter to others and hustle and bustle of
4 Pillars of you became you. It’s are valued by them, daily life and you feel
Meaning “It’s this pursuit that your personal myth.” and where you in turn your sense of self
organizes your life treat others like they fade away.” Found in
by Emily Esfahani and involves making a
Smith matter and are valued.” a religious pursuit,
contribution to others.” meditation, prayer, in
work or in nature.
Which Erikson says is critical
to identity formation

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 INTENSIVE PERMANENCE SERVICES

PHASE 1
0-9 MONTHS

TRUSTING Exhaustive
Building Trust Searching

PHASE 2
6-18 MONTHS

HEALING Connecting to lost

Healing Trauma loved ones

PHASE 3
12-18 MONTHS

CONNECTING
Connecting & Healing Relational Trauma

PHASE 4
12-24 MONTHS
& ONGOING

SUPPORTING
Supporting & Integrating Healthy Relationships

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 IMPORTANT NOTES BEFORE BEGINNING THIS WORK
All activities are to be utilized to build connections between the youth and their healer(s). Most of the activities are to be
used one at a time and should be adjusted based on the developmental needs of the youth and the phase of the healing
process.

These activities help to create dialogue and language around the youth’s history and its impact on the youth’s current
functioning. Youth are unlikely to sit and just talk about their identified problems; rather, they act out their pain through
pain-based behaviors. Remember, youth “do” their pain first, before they can “talk” their pain. Therefore, healers need to
provide ways that youth can begin to unpack and give us their emotional content in a safe and contained manner.

This work should only be done on a voluntary basis, meaning, youth must be given the opportunity to “opt in” to these
healing relationships, services and activities. No one can be forced to grieve, and trying to do so can potentially cause
immense harm. If at all possible, a youth should be given the opportunity to “hire and fire” the person doing this work
with them, and the healer should be able to make at least a two-year commitment to working with the youth, no matter
where the youth moves or lives. This work is best done through the application of an intensive healing relationship, such as
through Intensive Permanence Services.

It is our experience that trust generally takes an average of 9 months to form with youth who have had trauma, and healing
cannot fully begin until trust is formed. Trust is developed through regular contact that is consistent, safe and nurturing, and
regardless of a youth’s expression of pain-based behaviors, the healer continues to “show up” and show empathy for the youth.

It is important to note that we can’t back out of, or shy away from, the immensity of a youth’s emotional display. Healers
must be brave enough to hold a youth’s pain and cannot fear to share the same space with them as they move through
uncomfortable emotions. Healers create safety and containment by serving as witness to the pain and conveying, “It’s
okay, I’ve got you.” If a healer is unsure of their ability to hold a youth’s pain, role play the activity with your supervisor
before undertaking an activity with a youth. Many youth engaging in this work have had many failed attempts at
connecting with healers, this may be their very last attempt to connect, and this sacred trust should be treated with
extreme caution and commitment, so as not to cause further damage or cause the youth to refrain from engaging in
healing relationships in the future.

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 PROTECT
What it means to build trust through protecting youth
Physical and Emotional Safety
The very first step in building trust is to engage in creating and sustaining safety. The roles of safety and protection are
fundamental first steps to create healing. If someone is actively being traumatized and is not protected from further harm,
it becomes nearly impossible to engage in the healing process. When we do not feel safe and we are actively engaged in
survival, it takes over every aspect of our thought, attention, energy, and resources. Therefore, physical AND emotional
safety build a critical foundation and serve as the first step for children and youth…for all of us! Without safety, nothing
else matters. For children, because of their vulnerabilities, they experience safety through the presence of a protector. A
protector is a secure and nurturing adult; someone who claims them…who says, “I’ve got you, no matter what!” This is the
foundation of protection: a secure, nurturing, permanent relationship with a single trusted and safe adult caregiver. More
safe, stable, nurturing connections are better, but one is essential. As we say in our practice, “a child cannot have too many
people who love them.”

Many teams will experience a parallel process of trusting and relationship building as they enter this work. They will also
likely experience the parallel process of fear, grief, and resistance. We need to build trust between the healers and other
team members who are working with youth who have experienced trauma. Ongoing efforts to build safety and trust within
the team need to be prioritized and attended to, or the healing progress with youth will be impeded. This is accomplished
through honesty, transparency, and clarity of purpose and mission. A culture without shaming, blaming, and punishment
creates safety and trust.

Trauma-informed Parenting
The next part of building trust is ensuring that continued harm is not inadvertently caused by using traditional methods
of parenting or caregiving. Trauma-informed parenting interventions include an understanding of the behaviors we see
in youth as normal, natural responses to what happened to them. Without an understanding of the impact of trauma
on children and their resulting behavioral normal responses, caregivers can inadvertently exacerbate the youth’s trauma
by blaming, shaming, punishing or disconnecting youth. Many models utilize an approach that builds on the connection
between youth and caregiver, focuses on strengths and successes, and builds a sense of unconditional love and affection
with the child. The key is that interventions that connect, promote healing and interventions that disconnect, cause harm.
This is because the scariest and worst thing that can happen to a child who does not have a secure, nurturing connection
with a protector is that they would be disconnected further. Julie Alvarado, a colleague who works in trauma healing, says,
“Sending children away, who have already been sent away, is not the answer.” And further adds harm upon immeasurable
harm. Therefore, trauma-informed parenting interventions build on the relational connection between the child and the
caregiver, which becomes the essential tool for protection and healing…and for life-long wellbeing.

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Supporting Identity Formation
Part of development is understanding who we are, separate from our caregiver. Therefore, when youth have not had a
secure attachment, going through the natural developmental process of separation can be terrifying. This is why we often
see disruptions in placements and adoptions (even when they are done from birth) around the ages of 13 years old, which
is when identity is formed, according to Erik Erikson’s Eight Stages of Psychosocial Development. In this time, youth are
answering key questions about who they are and who they will become, regardless of how they were raised. There is still
a strong need for parental attachment and support, but youth are now trying to figure out who they are separate from
their caregiver. For youth who were never firmly attached to their caregiver, this separation process often creates anxiety,
confusion and fear.

Part of developing trust with youth who have had relational trauma is helping them to navigate the important question of
“Who am I?” One way that we help youth to feel safe is to identify where they came from and who they are, which can be
achieved with activities such as the ones listed in this guidebook, like the “I AM POEM”. Building trust through exploring
identity can also happen through genetic testing (think “23 and me”), tracing cultural roots and finding cultural mentors
for youth, identifying spiritual or religious roots and mentors, creating a family coat of arms, researching the meaning of a
youth’s name, helping youth to identify their strengths or “superpowers”, including giving themselves a superhero name, and
so many more!

Building of Protective Factors & Resilience

Part of building trust is building our tolerance and capacity to stay in connection, even when things aren’t going well. For
example, when we disagree, I may not like what you are saying, but I still love you. Children who have experienced the
trauma of disconnection have a challenging time managing this tension and ambiguity in relationships. Therefore, we help
to build the muscle of “resilience”, which is knowing that along with the challenges, good will come. Finding ways to build
the trust necessary to bend instead of break in the face of adversity is a critical part of sustaining human relationships.
When we are children, building the sense of safety needed to face the challenges that the world will bring and still be okay
comes from the borrowed strength and protection of our safe and protective adults. When we are adults, we lean on the
nurturing and support of protective relationships in our lives to manage adversity (e.g., partners, friends, church families,
close colleagues, etc.).

To withstand the tension and pain of adversity, we must also build reserves of goodness to draw on during these times.
Building competencies (things we are good at), self-esteem (we are good), self-efficacy (we are capable), self-worth (we are
worthy of love), and other “bucket-filling” habits, talents, hobbies, or life experiences help to create a foundation and reserve
of “goodness” to keep us balanced when withdrawals come from our “buckets”. In How Full Is Your Bucket (Rath & Clifton,
2004), the authors describes that we all have buckets. These buckets rely on others to be filled. They are filled by others’ kind
statements, encouraging words, and positive interactions. In contrast, bucket dippers are those people in our lives that take
from us without refreshing our buckets. To maintain balance and a positive sense of self, we need bucket fillers in our lives who
create positive outcomes through their intentions to counteract or balance those who try to extract or take energy from us.

These resilience-building actions serve as protection for our spirit and can be learned and practiced, increasing our capacity
to thrive and trust, despite adversity. There are many examples of resilience-building actions; however, the Center for the
Study of Social Policy’s Youth Thrive Protective and Promotive Factors (found at https://www.cssp.org/reform/child-
welfare/youth-thrive/Youth-Thrive-PPF-definitions.pdf) and Search Institute’s 40 Developmental Assets (found at http://
page.search-institute.org/dev-assets-download_1212-17?submission=387131182) provide good places to start.

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Another key aspect of building trust in this area includes helping youth with identity formation—essentially understanding
“who they are and where they come from”. This can be done through an increased understanding of the assets of their family,
culture, ethnicity, race, community, religion, sexuality and other factors associated with their identity. Many communities,
cultures, and faiths offer significant supports in building this aspect of resiliency, trust, and protection for youth. This is
key reason why it is essential to first consider a youth’s entire support network of already-trusted adults (people who they
know and love, or to whom they are related) before moving to strangers to build trust and protection. Knowing our primary,
biological and cultural origins is a primal, human hunger that creates a life-long emptiness and longing, and sometimes
anger, when unfulfilled. No youth should ever be denied the knowledge of their origin, as this in itself is a form of abuse.

Understanding a youth’s need for building trust

It is imperative that caregivers and parents understand that the key to building trust with the youth is providing the youth
with both physical and psychological safety. Historically, the focus centered solely on physical safety; however, for a youth
to heal from their past losses, they must feel safe to express their grief through the psychological safety that comes from
secure, nurturing relationships with adults that drive a sense of protection, safety, and belonging.

Children arrive on the earth as the most vulnerable mammals…and they know it from the second they are born. Human
beings must be cared for and protected immediately upon birth, by another human being, or they die. When human
young have an inconsistent or disorganized caregiving, they can also develop “Failure to Thrive” and fail to meet their
developmental milestones with severe consequences, up to and including death.

Youth in the foster care system experience additional vulnerabilities because they often lack a secure, reliable protector. For
some youth, an adult who was supposed to protect them instead took advantage of their vulnerabilities and hurt or abused
them. Youth often come to this work with the belief that to trust adults creates vulnerability and puts them at risk for being
abused or hurt again. Youth may feel it is better to depend on no one for care and protection rather than be hurt again.
Their brain tells them, “You can trust no one. You are in it on your own. The only person you can trust is yourself.” But deep
down they know that they are kids, they are vulnerable, and they won’t make it on their own. That brings a profound sense
of loss and longing to belong. As they feel this deep emotion, they may act out their pain and these pain-based behaviors
may show up as behaviors that are perceived as oppositional, defiance, depression, or impulsivity.

This fundamental need to belong is so powerful that youth will do almost anything to be claimed. Therefore, youth often
put themselves in high-risk situations which make them even more vulnerable to abuse and pain. Because their brains
are telling them that they are “in it on their own”, youth often display symptoms that meet the criteria for Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder. These behaviors come from the youth knowing that they need to be “on” or “activated” all the time to
survive. They feel as though they can never let their guard down or rest because no one is protecting them and no one has
their back; thus, they can’t trust anyone, ever. To think of anything beyond their own survival, youth need the trust and
safety that comes from a permanent relationship with a safe, secure, nurturing adult. This is a primal need, without which
complete healing cannot occur.

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Therefore, one of the most important sources of protection comes from an adult relationship. If a youth is not in a
permanent home, a worker can be the first source of building trust and protection, if that worker is committed to following
the youth, no matter what, wherever they go (e.g., if they move placements, they keep the same worker), until permanency is
secured. Predictability and consistency build trust, safety, and security; building the stage for the next phase of healing.

The research is clear that the professional team (a.k.a. “healers”) who are working with our youth have often experienced
childhood trauma in very high numbers estimated at 70%-90%. The team needs to experience safety just as the youth does.
When we focus on and keep the team safe, they are free to be fully present for the youth, to connect, grieve, and heal. The
critical nature of this parallel process cannot be overstated.

What it means to protect healers

Many healers (e.g., foster parents, therapists, social workers, etc.) come to the work with traumatized youth with wide open
hearts. They intend to help youth heal and thrive, and this process can be overwhelming, taking all their time, energy, and
emotional capacity to help the youth with whom they are connected—and in many cases, this still will not be enough.

Healers often come into the work without adequate preparation for the armor they must wear to protect themselves.
Our need for protection as adults is similar to what youth need to feel protected. We, too, must learn how to attend to
our physical and emotional safety and build resilience and protective factors into our lives. A fundamental key to this
protection is learning how to utilize good boundaries with our work and in our own lives. Finding ways to say no, or to
know when you have given enough are key to keeping our reserves from being depleted. In addition, as healers and
caregivers, it’s critical that we learn how to practice and build our muscles of resilience.

Resilience is the ability to return to normal functioning after adversity; learning to bend instead of break as we navigate the
normal and expected ups and downs of life. Resilience is a muscle that can be strengthened with practice and intention.
Seeking people, activities, and intellectual or emotional practices that help us to “fill our buckets” or build our resilience is
critical to our long-term sustainability asf healers. Our need for protection of our spirit is no different than our youths’ need
for protection; it is a fundamental human need.

Resources that help with building protective factors are:

Center for the Study of Social Policy’s Youth Thrive Protective and Promotive Factors https://www.cssp.org/reform/child-
welfare/youth-thrive/Youth-Thrive-PPF-definitions.pdf

Search Institute’s 40 Developmental Assets http://page.search-institute.org/dev-assets-download_1212-

17?submission=387131182

Brené Brown’s teachings on “enough” https://vimeo.com/124371905

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Pop-Out Stories:
v Voice & Choice: A healer was meeting with a 16-year-old girl for the second time. The girl quietly mentioned a city
she used to live in. The healer was genuinely interested in the fact that this girl previously lived in another state and
asked questions about what that state was like. The girl looked at the healer and stated, “How could you not know
that about me - it’s in my file?” The healer responded, “I really don’t have a right to read your file or know about
your story without your permission or your wanting me to know, so I didn’t read it”. The girl smiled, and said “I never
thought of it like that” and proceeded to talk about her favorite things from the state she used to live in. “Her story”
was hers alone to share. This is one of the key elements that builds her voice and choice; giving her some control.

v Pain-based Behaviors: Kayla was a 4-year-old girl who experienced significant trauma prior to being placed in her
healing home. As a result, she was constantly activated in survival mode: fight, flight, or freeze. She would frequently
display severe temper tantrums that would involve throwing herself on the floor, throwing her shoes across the
room, pulling off her socks, and pulling her toes apart so severely that her healing parents feared she would break
her own toes. These tantrums would frequently occur after a small, seemingly insignificant request was made, such
as asking her to put away her backpack. When she would respond in a full tantrum, the healing parent would scoop
her up, bring her to the rocking chair and rock her until her body calmed. Instead of reacting to the behavior with
punishment, behavior modification or yelling, the healing parent reacted to what was underneath the behavior.
After many months of consistently responding in this manner, Kayla no longer threw the tantrums, but instead could
describe what she was feeling, instead of acting it out through a pain-based behavior.

Key Points: To heal, youth must first feel safe emotionally, physically, culturally and intellectually. They
must know they are protected, and this protection comes from a permanent relationship with a safe,
nurturing adult. Youth know they have this when they feel like they belong.

Questions to Ponder:
1. W
 hat is the role of relationship within healing for youth? See Amelia Franck Meyer’s TEDx talk on the
Human Need for Belonging for more information on this at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-r-
ci4iybt8
2. Describe the role of resilience. Give three examples of how you can develop resilience.
 ow do Brené Brown’s teachings on vulnerability relate to the development of trust? https://www.
3. H
ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability
4. Belonging is a key element in a youth’s healing. How can you help youth feel claimed?

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 15
 TRUST BUILDING ACTIVITIES

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 16
 THE SOCCER BALL
Purpose: To build mutual trust between caregiver/worker and youth.
Supplies Needed: 1 soccer ball, 1 permanent marker
Preparation: Write questions on each hexagon of the soccer ball prior to meeting with the youth. Some hexagons can
also have the word PASS written on it to provide a break.

How to Play: This activity is designed to build mutual trust between the youth and the healer. Each person tosses the
ball back and forth, taking turns answering the questions on the ball. Typically, the rule is, whichever hexagon the right
thumb ends up on, is the question that is answered; however, this is a great opportunity to allow the youth to add rules, or
create new ones. Youth are also allowed to pass on any question.

Question Ideas:
§ If you could have one super power, what would it be?
§ What is your favorite color and how does it make you feel?
§ What’s the best meal you’ve ever had and who did you have it with?
§ If you could vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?
§ What is your favorite animal and why?
§ If you were granted three wishes, what would you wish for?
§ What would you buy if you were given one million dollars?

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 17
 MY LIFE SOUNDTRACK
Purpose: To help youth develop protective factors and regulation and to build trust.
Supplies Needed: A few copies of the form below, colored pencils, marker, or crayons; access to music (such as on
YouTube) is also beneficial.

Preparation: It is beneficial for the healer to come prepared with a few sample songs, or songs that are meaningful to the
healer.

How to do: The healer talks with the youth about why music is beneficial to all humans (see information below), and
works with the youth to fill out the “My Life Soundtrack” activity below, which can be filled out with words alone, or
decorated more colorfully.

Many youth respond to the messages reverberating through their music and lyrics. Music can also play a role in helping
individuals and communities to cope with trauma, whether it be through the intervention of music therapists, community
music making programs or individual music listening. “Music therapy provides an emotional release for traumatic instances,
both on the individual and the community level.” https://www.thecmf.org/news/how-music-heals-in-times-of-trauma/

How Music Heals in Times of Trauma

Content by Josh Pineda, Adapted From The American Music Therapy
Association (AMTA).
Music can help build healthy relationships and provide a way to manage
social stresses. To maintain social wellbeing, it is necessary to cope with the
trauma and crisis we face in our lives; music therapy provides the natural &
expressive means to do so. Musical lyrics may give our youth words when
they have none. In her book, The Unsayable, Annie Rogers introduces the
concept of ‘found poems’. Found poems are when we use another source
to provide our words. This activity could be cutting out words from a
magazine or using lyrics to a song to create their own personalized ballad,
theme song or emotional discharge. They can then keep their work, burn it, release it in a balloon, or find another use for it.
The activity I Am Poem follows if you want a structured activity to complete with your youth.

According to a 2015 study published in the Frontiers of Psychology journal: “Cultural techniques play an important role in
helping communities to recover from trauma. … Music can also play a role in helping individuals and communities to cope
with trauma, whether it be through the intervention of music therapists, community music making programs or individual
music listening.”

“The directed use of music and music therapy is highly effective in developing coping strategies, including understanding
and expressing feelings of anxiety and helplessness, supporting feelings of self-confidence and security, and providing a safe
or neutral environment for relaxation.” It is in this manner that music heals and helps youth reach their wellness goals.
Some of the benefits of music in cases of traumatic incidents:
§ Anxiety and stress reduction
§ Positive changes in mood and emotional states
§ Enhanced feelings of control, confidence, and empowerment
§ Positive physiological changes, such as lower blood pressure, reduced heart rate, and relaxed muscle tension
§ Emotional intimacy with peers, families, caregivers

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 18
© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 19
 I AM POEM
Purpose: To help youth develop a sense of identity and to build trust.
Supplies Needed: A few copies of the form below, colored pencils, markers, or crayons. It can be helpful to bring a list
of feeling words and/or a thesaurus.

Preparation: None

How to do: This form may be overwhelming. Doing a line or two or three each visit may be all a youth is able to
complete. Work at the youth’s pace, and end when they indicate they are not ready or able to continue. You may have to
provide ideas for each line to the youth and offer positive feedback for their efforts and ideas to keep them engaged. When
the activity is complete, ask the youth to read the poem, or to read it for them, if they prefer. You may want to discuss if
there is anyone else they feel comfortable sharing the poem with, such as reading to their therapist or treatment team, or
what they want to do to keep the poem safe or display it, etc.

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© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 21
 GRIEVE
What it means for youth to grieve
The worst thing that can happen to any child is the death of their parent, the second worst thing is separation from their
parent. This is because deeply hardwired into each human is the understanding that the parent represents protection and
belonging, especially to children who are highly vulnerable…and they know it from the second they are born. Therefore,
any time a child is separated from a caregiver, by death, removal, or other disconnection, they experience an enormous
amount of grief and loss; however, they may not be able to identify their feelings as grief. The ability to grieve is a necessary
component on the pathway of healing.

In addition, the grief a youth experiences is disenfranchised; people don’t see them as grieving and they don’t have social
supports to help them grieve—and their loss is ambiguous. Ambiguous loss is a loss with no clear ending; therefore, the
grieving process gets frozen, without closure. This keeps the pain alive, instead of allowing the normal healing process. The
youth experience ambiguous loss because of all the unknowns: is their mom okay, are their siblings okay, is their dog okay, how
long will they be in foster care, and when will it end. There is no clear beginning or end to their pain, no closure of when it will
be over. Finally, youth experience secondary losses, which occur as the normal, natural consequence of the primary loss. For
example, when youth move foster homes, they don’t just lose their foster parents…they lose the way things smell, taste and
feel. They lose their routine, comfort, familiar settings, school, church, etc.—and the list goes on and on.

Some of this grief is conscious, but much of it is not, which is why youth do not talk their pain, they do their pain. We call
this “doing” of pain-based behaviors. Pain-based behaviors are ways that you say, “Can you see me?” or “Can you hear me?”
or “Can you tell how badly I am hurting?” or “The pain I am in is so significant, that I cannot focus on controlling my mind
or body; I am just surviving.” The challenge is that pain-based behaviors can look as though they are disobedient, defiant or
disrespectful behaviors. Pain-based behaviors can appear as aggression, anger/rage, sexual promiscuity, sadness/depression,
running away, self-harm, lying, or even numbing behaviors such as using drugs or alcohol to numb the pain they are feeling.

Another unconscious reason for pain-based behaviors is that they serve to help the youth maintain a safe distance from
others who may see their vulnerability, pain, and grief. When you don’t know who to trust, you keep everyone away. If the
youth can keep you from connecting to them, they can avoid being vulnerable or feeling pain.

It’s important to think of youth as grieving rather than as oppositional or defiant. They are not manipulative, disrespectful,
defiant or rude…they are just trying their best to survive the enormous pain they are experiencing. Unfortunately, these
pain-based behaviors are often very undesirable or risky to adults, and caregivers want them to stop, so interventions (such
as punishment), are often used which exacerbate rather than heal the youth’s pain. Important to note is that behavior
modification responses also don’t work as the youth’s brain is not fully developed so their executive functioning or logical
portion of the brain is not functioning.

Adults often fail to see the youth as grieving and may be confused or triggered by the presence of pain-based behaviors.
The youth may appear calm, then suddenly lash out over something seemingly minute. Their reaction is disproportionate to
the action or request. Whenever you see a much larger reaction than the stimulus presented, this is a sign of work yet to be
done and is a “trauma-response”. Adults mistakenly interpret this as “naughty” behavior, when in fact, it is pure pain pouring
out of the youth because they cannot contain it any longer. Instead of being consoled, they are blamed, shamed, punished,
disconnected, or have their pain numbed through medication.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 22
During the worst thing that can possibly happen to a child—separation from their caregiver—youth are expected to start
new schools, switch homes, and be separated from siblings and not show pain. They are expected to start their new school
a week after leaving home and immediately behave appropriately in their new placement. These expectations are unrealistic
and do not honor the deep losses youth previously experienced. It is important to validate youth’s losses and give them
permission to grieve. By teaching the grief cycle and introducing a common language for what they are going through,
youth learn that they are not crazy. Instead, they learn they are normal and all people go through these phases when they
lose something, or someone, they love. They also learn that grief is a normal emotion that all humans feel.

Understanding how to help a youth grieve

Youth grieve by understanding what happened to them (past), understanding what meaning that has for them today (present),
and what these experiences mean for them in the future as they try to envision belonging in a family (future). Helping a youth
to make sense of this process helps them to form a sense of meaning, purpose, and hope as they piece together their identity.
Knowing where they came from helps them to create a sense of who they are and where they want to go.

A significant component of grieving is working to understand that adults should protect them and that they deserved to be
protected. This work helps youth to be relieved of their overwhelming sense of guilt and shame, mistakenly believing that
things that happened (or didn’t happen) were within their control or their fault. Another way to help relieve their guilt and
shame is engaging a youth’s family in the grieving process. When families deliver healing messages to their youth directly, it
is significantly more impactful to the healing process than if the messages are delivered by strangers.

Trauma is stored in the whole body, not just the brain. Because youth DO their pain (not talk their pain), grieving can be a
very physical process. Think of grieving as needing to get something out of the body. The pain, the grief, the trauma…it’s
stuck inside. Work to get it out. This can happen by letting youth draw their experiences, act out their anger, scream out
their disappointments, punch out their pain, write out their stories, spit out their disgust, run out their rage, throw rocks to
represent their offenders, cry until the river of tears dries up…you get the picture!

In addition, the grieving process may vary dependent on age and the length of time spent in out-of-home placement. For
younger youth, this may be their first placement. Reunification may still be an option, but there is a lot of uncertainty. The
losses for these youth can feel very raw. The combination of the unknown, the lack of language for their feelings, and the
developmental difficulties related to self-regulation are more than they are capable of handling or processing. These youths
are hypervigilant. This can manifest itself through asking numerous questions, fidgeting, difficulty focusing, high anxiety,
and avoiding difficult topics. These responses can be intense and fatigue a healer.

It’s important to allow the youth the space that they need to talk about the losses they’ve experienced when they are ready.
Talking about the things, people and places they miss are important. Youth recognize when healers are uncomfortable,
dysregulated or distressed. Often, adults don’t want to “rock the boat” or cause pain, and avoid talking about the losses
with youth. Typically, no one ever listened to or validated their losses. Teaching the grief model with toys, maps or other
creative activities helps youth learn words to describe what they are feeling; they subsequently realize they are not “crazy or
different”. These activities can also be interactive or physical in nature to help release some of the energy out of the body.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 23
Often older youth experienced an infinite amount of losses. They also learned important lessons about what adults will do
if they show their grief through pain-based behaviors. Often, their pain-based behaviors were met with a negative response.
Youth are not asked what happened to them; the focus is on the future and their independence. Youth demonstrate difficulty
going back and talking about losses because they buried and blocked/numbed a lot of memories to survive in the child
welfare system. Youth often will share a past memory or loss in a very matter of fact way, acting as if it did not cause pain.
When we go back in time with activities such as lifelines, it gives healers the chance to validate losses for them until they
can feel for themselves. For example, “I notice on your lifeline you were in 10 different foster homes. I can’t believe that
happened to you, I can’t imagine what it was like having 10 different beds, or 10 different sets of rules! That had to be a scary
time and it must have made you so angry!” This may be the first time an adult gave the youth the right to express or even
admit they are angry. This type of response also builds empathy by expressing caring replies to the pain they experienced.

The importance of grieving and healing parents & caregivers

A healing parent or caregiver is an adult healer who understands pain-based behaviors, the importance of trauma-informed
parenting, the importance of connections, and the benefit of using regulation interventions to help youth heal. In addition,
to be fully present with youth as they engage in their grieving and healing work, the healers need to process and work
through their own trauma and grief work as well as engage in ongoing self-care practices. If the healer’s bucket is empty,
they can’t give to that traumatized youth, and can possibly do more unintentional damage or harm. Since we know from
the research that 67% of adults in the US experienced at least one childhood trauma, and those who work in the child
welfare field yield a higher percentage still, the need for healers to do their own healing work is critically important to their
ability to help youth heal, too. We can’t take youth where we did not go.

Just like the youth, healers need their needs met and their voices heard. An example of this may look something like the
following story:

A sibling group of three were placed in a healing home. At the time of placement, the youth were 4, 6, and 8 years old.
After several months in placement, one night at dinner, they started to share some of their trauma story with their healing
parents. While the team developed deep suspicions about the types and forms of abuse the children endured from their
birth family, that evening, what were suspicions became verified by the children and were significantly worse than the team
imagined. That evening after putting the children to bed, the healing parent wrote an email to the entire team, providing
in detail, the specifics of what was shared with them. Journaling is one way that the healing parent practiced self-care. So,
while fulfilling his duty as a mandated reporter, he also used this as a tool to heal his own hurts from what he heard and
absorbed. Important to note, that to maintain our own regulation, we need to discharge the content we take in. Similar to
what we guide youth to do, we can choose activities such as running, talking to a friend, sports, yoga, or other options that
allow the physical discharge to occur. **Waking the Tiger, Peter Levine.

The following day, after reading the email, their social worker sobbed. She grieved for the trauma the youth experienced,
for the birth family, and for the healing parents who created the environment so the children could feel safe enough to tell
their story. She also cried for herself, because no amount of education, supervision or training could prepare her heart and
soul for what she just read. It is extremely important to be mindful of this. For their worker to be present and provide the
healing parents with what they needed to grieve, she needed to do her own grieving first. It’s the oxygen mask metaphor.
You must put your own oxygen mask on FIRST before helping others. If you’re not “breathing,” then you can’t help others
“breathe.” Their social worker reached out to them via phone and could hear the exhaustion in their voices. The youngest
was not in a place to go to school that day, so the social worker decided to come later that day to take the youngest on an
outing, to allow the healing parents time to nap, process, meditate; whatever it is they needed, so they could “turn off” for a
bit while the children were out of the house. This type of team support is what helps healing parents stay the course and do
the emotional work of healing with the youth in their care.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 24
The reality of all of this is that after hearing those horrific stories, the healing parents needed the opportunity to grieve
themselves. It’s unrealistic to think that they wouldn’t need their own caretaking after hearing the youth’s stories from the
night before. Because their worker put her oxygen mask on, she could attend to them, and meet their “breathing” needs,
so that when the kids returned to the home at the end of the day, they were in a place to attend to children’s needs all over
again. Healers need their own healing/grieving. It’s a parallel process.

Pop-Out Story:
v Ten-year-old Jason was struggling in his new foster home after being told his adoptive family no longer wanted him
back. His IPS worker introduced the stages of grief early on within the relationship and reviewed it periodically
with him during the first few months. During one session, Jason was noticeably agitated and engaged in an earlier
incident at school because he was not listening to rules or instruction. When the IPS worker could discuss more
deeply with Jason what he was feeling prior to the incident at school, Jason stated, “I have been thinking about my
adoptive parents and that I should have behaved more at home so they would have kept me, I think I am in bargaining
right now.” Because there was a common language about his grief, we could discuss what was happening and help
the other adults in his life understand as well. While it is tempting to tell a youth things aren’t their fault and they
should or should not feel a certain way—we need to be present with them in the midst of their feelings without
judgment. The only way out is through—we need to let the youth go through their emotional distress with our caring
compassion and support.

Key Point: We must normalize the grieving process as something all humans experience and give youth
an understanding of what can be expected (e.g., the stages of death & dying—a.k.a. loss) and a shared
language to talk about this experience.

Questions to Ponder:
1. What are some common losses a youth may grieve?
2. What does it mean to say that youth ‘do’ their pain?
3. What pain-based behaviors might you observe?
4. How can caregivers make sure they stay regulated during the youth’s healing process?

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 25
 HEALING ACTIVITIES

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 26
 PSYCHO-EDUCATIONAL ACTIVITIES: THE 5 STAGES OF GRIEF
Purpose: To help normalize the grieving process and help youth understand that grieving is a normal human process,
which is shared by others.

Supplies Needed: A visual model of the stages of grief and loss. Books about loss, such as Tear Soup: A Recipe for
Healing after Loss by Pat Schwiebert, Chuck DeKlyen, Taylor Bills, which describe a story of owning one’s own grief and
grieving in one’s own time, may also be helpful.

Preparation: The healer should have a clear understanding of the stages of grief and loss, including that they are not
linear or predictable in nature.

How to do: Sharing the model with youth, while helping the youth to understand the general process and their
experience in the process.

The 5 Stages of Grief

Published on December 1st, 2012 by Loc.
Life can be such a fragile and precious thing. I recently
experienced a loss in the family and I’m still trying to process
things. My sister who passed away has been sick for many
years now and in a way, it’s a relief to not see her in pain
anymore. Without going into too much details, her death was
something my family has been anticipating and the day came
on Monday.

I know about the 5 Stages of Grief from some previous research

project for school. I won’t tell you where I am right now, but
it’s heading in the right direction. I made this mini infographic
because I couldn’t design anything until today. Art has always
been my refuge and I hope this helps whoever finds this post.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 27
 BODY MAP ACTIVITY
Purpose: To help youth identify places in their body where they hold trauma or where trauma triggers present themselves
first so that they may be identified earlier, before they escalate.

Supplies Needed: Copies of the image below, or one like the image below, and crayons, colored pencils, or markers

Preparation: Prepare yourself for the conversation with the youth by identifying key questions to help the youth identify
where they feel early physical indicators when they begin to feel angry, frustrated, upset, etc.

How to do: Talk with youth about how trauma is stored in the body, how our body remembers when things happen to
us, and how our body gives us early warning signs. Ask the youth to draw on the diagram below (offered on a separate sheet
of paper), where they feel things in their body first when things aren’t going well. Maybe they feel like hitting and they draw
their hands in red, or kicking and draw their feet in red, or they scream, so they draw their mouth in red. Maybe they get
an upset stomach and color it blue, or they feel like throwing up, and color their throat green. It’s up to the youth how they
want to proceed.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 28
 GETTING GRIEF OUT OF THE BODY
Purpose: To help youth understand that trauma is stored in the body and can be physically purged from the body to
promote healing. This can happen by using physical motion while verbally purging the grief.

Supplies Needed: Get creative about ways to purge…what can be pushed, hit, thrown, etc. safely? Privately? Consider
each youth’s need.

Preparation: Depending on the activity, you want to set boundaries about what is okay. Physical aggression with the
punching bag is okay, but not with people. Swearing is okay during this activity, but not normally or in other settings.

How to do: Some examples of this are youth who have gone out to a field and thrown handfuls of rocks over and over
while yelling, “How could they?” “Why would they?” “I deserved to be loved.” “I am lovable.” All the while crying and
throwing hands full of rocks into the field. This can also be accomplished by punching a punching bag, running to exhaustion,
writing feelings of grief down and then ripping the paper, or burning the paper, screaming, crying, spitting, etc. We hold
toxins in our tears and in our spit (e.g., spitting mad), and these feelings can come out through physical motion as a way of
grieving and purging.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 29
 BACKPACK OF GRIEF
Purpose: Assist youth in identifying emotions they are carrying around inside of their body. Provide psychoeducation on
effectiveness of sharing their burden by sharing the weight of their emotions so others can help carry the burden—no need
to hold it all in.

Supplies Needed: Backpack, various weighted objects; weighted ball, yoga block, balls of various sizes, shapes, balloons

Preparation: This is usually best done outside on a path in a park, etc. As a lead up, completing an activity to identify
emotions in their body will pair well with this as the worker can refer back to the activity and remind the youth what they
identified during the previous activity.

How to do: This activity helps youth identify the various emotions that they are “carrying” around. Each object
represents an emotion; either positive or negative. Use objects that are heavier or more uncomfortable for the high impact
emotions (anger, confusion, sadness, hate, etc.). The strongest emotion for the youth should be represented by the heaviest
object (i.e. weighted ball).

As the youth names the emotions they are carrying around, the
healer/caring adult picks up a corresponding object and puts it in
their backpack (empty backpack is on the youth’s back). The healer
then places items intentionally in the backpack to make it more
uncomfortable, etc. Each time the healer picks up an object to put
into the backpack, ask the youth’s permission; “are you ready to
carry this?” Once the backpack is full, zip it up and walk alongside
the youth (preferably on right side).

Start walking with youth, ask: How is it feeling? What do you

notice? What are your senses saying? Is it too heavy? Is something
uncomfortable? The longer you carry it, does it feel heavier, etc.? As
the youth is processing, acknowledge the “weight” they are carrying.
Notice their nonverbal cues. Ask if they are ready to unpack it yet.
Follow the youth’s cue. Ask permission; “Do you feel like I could
carry this with you?” After carrying for a while, offer to give it back.
Process what it feels like to carry it by themselves again.

When ready to unpack, ask permission to reach in and pull objects

out. Intentionally stand on their right side. Remind them what emotion they identified for that object. Ask them to
identify a time they felt this emotion. If ready to let it go, instruct them to throw it as far as they can. Be intentional with
heaviest object removed last. When empty, if still feeling the weight, allow the youth to throw objects again and again until
they feel released from it.

Upon completion, process that some emotions are harder to hold and some you want to hold on to. Ask the youth to pick
up what objects/emotions they want to keep. Then identify positive emotions (use balloons, light and airy), and place them
with the other objects, so the backpack feels light and manageable/balanced. Hike out!

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 30
 LIFE LINE
Purpose: To help youth clarify life events, identify losses, and engage discussion about past trauma.

Supplies Needed: Large drawing paper, pens, markers, crayons and tape

Preparation: Prior to the session, describe this activity to youth to ensure they are ready to do this. Also ask if there
are more difficult years than others, and how they would like to break it down. For example, this session the youth may
only want to work on birth to 5 years old. Find a meeting place which is a known safe place for youth. Also, ensure there is
privacy and quiet.

How to do: Have the youth draw a line horizontally across the paper. At the beginning of the line, write birth, and at the
end of the line, draw the age the youth is choosing to end with today. For example, birth---------------age 5. There are many
ways to start, depending on the youth you are working with and the emotional state they are in during the session. You can
start by identifying happy memories between the given age groups.

Happy memories can be documented under the horizontal line. Youth can write words, draw pictures or whatever they
want to do to document the happy memory. You can also start by just writing down all the places this youth lived and how
old they were when they moved. Draw houses/buildings directly on the line to indicate a placement. When youth are
ready, they can recall significant losses or traumatic events in their lives. These are written or drawn above the horizontal
line. This can be a painful process and will take time.

Let youth set the pace for this activity. It is also important to encourage and validate their feelings, their losses and their
trauma. Lifelines should not be shared with anyone without the youth’s permission. Also, never allow anyone to “correct”
the youth’s lifeline. For example, “you weren’t in that foster home when you were 9, you were 11”. These are the youth’s
memories and perceptions and need to be honored. However, there are times when youth are not sure when or if
something happened to them at certain points. This is a good time to talk about how to get clarification and truthful
information if the youth wants it.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 31
 HONOR COLLAGES
Purpose: To acknowledge, validate and honor the many losses youth in the system have experienced.

Supplies Needed: One large piece of tagboard cut into a heart; magazines, colored paper, photocopies of important
photographs, anything that can be glued to the tagboard; one bottle of glue, one glue stick and scissors.

Preparation: Have the tagboard cut in advance. If you have photographs of the youth or past important people, make
photo copies and bring them. Ensure you will have at least one hour of uninterrupted time with the youth for this activity.

How to do: Help youth to identify important losses in their lives. Have them cut out words, pictures, colors—anything
that reminds them of these persons, places or things. This is a way to not only honor the youth and their pain, but also a
beautiful way to honor, remember and stay connected with the pieces of the past they want to keep.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 32
 STORY DICE
Purpose: To explore grief and loss the youth may have experienced.

Supplies Needed: Story dice

Preparation: None

How to do: The activity is to use the pictures on the story cubes to tell a story with the healer. The healer can
suggest a topic such as family, a memory, etc. These can be used again during the connection phase and often include
family members in the game with each person grabbing equal amounts of dice and going around in a circle expanding out
a story in the given theme.

The youth can also just pick one dice that appeals to them and talk about what the picture means to them during the
trusting phase as a way to open communication. This is a great activity that can be modified in many different ways to fit
all four phases.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 33
 BILL OF RIGHTS FOR TEENS EXPERIENCING GRIEF
Purpose: To normalize the grieving process and empower youth who feel overwhelmed by or disempowered by their grief.

Supplies Needed: The Bill of Rights below

Preparation: None

How to do: Talk with the youth about owning their own grief, and review the Bill of Rights to help them identify ways
to do that.

BILL OF RIGHTS FOR TEENS EXPERIENCING GRIEF

Although many people will give you advice, always keep in mind that you have basic rights as you experience your grief.
************************************************************************************************
1. You have the right to your own feelings. Your feelings are neither right nor wrong. But they are your feelings.

2. You have the right to express your grief and be comforted. If you do not get comfort, you have the right to request
additional support.

3. You have the right to continued loving care, but you must understand that it may sometimes be difficult for
those who love you to provide that care.

4. You have the right to help plan and participate in the funeral ceremony, as much or as little as you wish.

5. You have the right to ask any questions and expect thoughtful, honest answers.

6. You have the right to be treated as an interested and important individual, not as someone’s “kid.”

7. If you are a surviving sibling, you have the right to maintain your own identity. You are yourself and you cannot
take the place of your dead sister or brother.

8. You have the right to grieve for days or years, however long it takes you to feel good again. There is no set time to
feel better.

9. You have the right to be free from guilt or continued grief, and you have the right to counseling if you need or
want it.

10. You have the right to be a comforter to others who are grieving and to share your grief with them.

Materials presented as part of the Kids, Teens, and Grief Program Beloit Regional Hospice
608-363-7421 | www.beloitregionalhospice.com

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 34
 CONNECT
What it means to help youth connect
The primary goal of connection is to reconnect youth with those they loved and lost (fictive kin) or to whom they are related
(kin). There is a profound human need for belonging and claiming that creates safety, so we work to identify permanent
connections with safe, stable, nurturing adults. The key effort here is to identify a permanently legal guardian for a youth;
however, we also work to increase the quantity and quality of a youth’s connections. We are trying to increase not only
the number of connections but the depth of bond that exists between former or existing connections. Every connection
matters, and so does every disconnection. Family search techniques are important in this part of the framework.

Youth in the foster care system oftentimes are disconnected from everything and everyone familiar to them. This includes
family, friends, communities, favorite places, toys, clothing, and beliefs. With every move and every day a youth spends
in foster care, the disconnection grows deeper. Each day they move further away, emotionally, physically and spiritually
from where they were. Isolation intensifies the losses youth experience. There is no one to console or help them, or even
understand a small portion of what they went through and are feeling. Being disconnected begins to affect self-worth and
identity. Who am I, who do I look like, where do I fit in, what is wrong with me, why does everyone and everything I love go
away or get taken from me—what is fundamentally wrong with me? I must be bad for these bad things to happen. If I am
bad, then I will fulfill that role of being “bad”.

For youth ages 6-12, the disconnection is profound. Being separated from a parent/caregiver can be the most traumatizing
event for youth they will ever experience. Developmentally, youth in this age group internalize everything and blame
themselves. The guilt, anger, and frustration of feeling responsible for the disconnection are often too much to bear. The
longing for answers, contact, and connection is something youth within this age group will usually share freely if a healer
asks. Talking to youth about what and who they miss will help identify where to start with connecting. The connection
can be as simple as a favorite blanket or stuffed animal, a favorite teacher or family member. Lifelines, heart maps, and life
books are all wonderful ways to help youth remember who they love and who loves them.

Youth’s innate need is to remain connected to important people from their past. This can be done while keeping the youth
safe. If there are safety reasons which prevent youth from contact with someone from their past, it is important to give
truthful answers about why it isn’t safe. Helping the youth send cards to important people, exchanging pictures, phone
contact and visits are all ways to help youth connect to people from their past. Even if there are people in the past the
youth, because of safety/legal reasons, is not able to have contact with, these people can still deliver healing messages and
truth via letters vetted through an appropriate adult. For example, it can be very healing if a father writes a letter telling
the truth and takes accountability for what happened, apologizing to the youth and describing all the wonderful things he
remembers about the youth.

For youth ages 13-21, connecting can be more challenging. At this age, youth typically experienced so many disconnections
and feel so far removed, it is often difficult to remember what they miss. Connection is scary because of all the unknowns
and their cognitive ability to imagine the possibilities. For example, from the youth’s perspective, it is easier to remember
how much the youth loved that teacher, rather than risk finding out the teacher doesn’t remember or want contact with the
youth. Youth were rejected so many times that the thought of a rejection from someone they feel fondly about is worse
than not knowing; however, when probed further, these youths are the most desperate for that connection. Youth at this
age typically possess an all or nothing mentality. For example, if Dad misses or is late for a visit for a legitimate reason, then
the youth perceives that Dad must not really love the youth. Youth did not learn the necessary skills to navigate a healthy
relationship. Thus, if someone upsets them, they immediately throw up walls and terminate the relationship versus sharing
their feelings and working through the misunderstanding.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 35
Developmentally, youth between the ages of 6 and 12 might not know what a healthy relationship looks or feels like.
Most youth at this age experienced few relationships outside the primary family and school. Youth in foster care are even
more confused because complete strangers appear to possess sensitive information about the “secrets” within their home
or other intimate details they did not share. It is common to meet foster youth who will recite their various diagnoses
and the fact that they were sexually abused. They did not experience examples of how to discriminate appropriately
between people or understand the depths of relationships. The first step a healer takes with youth is to earn their trust.

The act of telling a youth, “You don’t have to tell me anything about you until I EARN your trust,” is at first confusing,
but eventually empowering. Allowing youth to choose the place to meet, the activities to participate in, and more
importantly allowing them NOT to participate, is validating, and promotes healing. Furthermore, sharing their feelings,
sharing their story, sharing their hearts and trust are all things to be earned, not just given. Healers must be vulnerable
during this process; youth will often test to see if healers are telling the truth. They will be watching for inconsistencies
in what the healer does and says. If the healer is consistent, trust is earned, and the youth will also learn that there are
adults worthy of trust who will not hurt them.

Youth between the ages of 12 and 21 also possess confused ideas of what healthy relationships look like. These are the
years youth desire to conform to their peers, start exploring sexuality and romantic relationships and figure out how
to be independent with no safety net. These youth desire control, but are usually more tentative and more focused
on watching what the healer is going to do first. Youth at this age learned how to “people please” or use relationships
with people to serve very specific needs, but at a superficial level. Youth this age typically were in and out of the system
for years. They experienced multiple caregivers and decision makers in their lives, and each one expects something
different from the youth. Youth often do not know what THEY like, or what is lovable about them because the answer
was different depending on who was caring for them. They emulate low self-worth, no sense of identity and little self-
awareness, which makes them vulnerable.

Again, the healer can earn their trust, the right to hear their story, and their choice to participate, similar to working with
younger youth. Being consistent with words and actions as well as being vulnerable are vital. It is more important to
engage with these youth rather than assess these youth. To really be interested in finding out what they like, what they
might be good at, what is lovable about them, are all conversations that did not often occur. Youth usually experienced
numerous assessments and questionnaires and know all the right things to say without really tapping into their
vulnerability. In contrast, you can find activities that engage in a conversation. Music is usually a great place to start
with youth. Learning about the artists, types of music and specific songs they like provides insight into where they are
emotionally. Often, youth placed in residential settings are not allowed to listen to music, so the opportunity to listen to
their favorite songs is a treat (even the ones with swear words). Showing genuine interest will open the door to deeper
conversations that will ultimately develop trust.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 36
The Role of Healing Parents & Caregivers in Helping Youth Connect
One common theme and comment that healing parents experience is how much their support system changes after they
become healing parents. The people they connected with prior to becoming healing parents often don’t understand the
significant needs of children who were traumatized. Due to the significant trauma, the youth’s pain-based behaviors are
often foreign to those who don’t understand.

Additionally, parenting children who were traumatized is significantly different than parenting children who joined one’s
family through birth. Often, friends’ parenting styles are different and support is difficult as a result. The key to the success
of healing parents is to be connected with other healing parents and those who truly understand what it means to be a
healing parent. It is a basic human need to experience love and belonging; whether you are age 2 or age 72. This need
doesn’t end, so finding support from and connections to like-minded individuals is normal and necessary. Connecting
healing parents with other healing parents is integral to not only the success of the healing parents but inadvertently to
youth in the healing home.

This connection responsibility frequently falls on the licensing social worker’s shoulders. This often is the best-laid plan,
because of the close relationship the licensing social worker develops with the healing families. As a result, the worker often
makes a great “matchmaker” for like-minded families to connect and begin to support one another.

When a single mom began the licensing process, the licensing worker began to include her in on trainings and gatherings
with another foster family who not only lived in her geographic area but approached parenting in a similar way as she did.
The worker introduced these two families and was very intentional to support and assist in building that relationship. Daniel
Siegel teaches that what is shareable is bearable. We need to be intentional about connection (Siegel, 2011).

This intentional effort came to fruition when the single mom received her first placement. As this whole experience was
new to her and was accompanied by a strong support system, she began to realize that some members of the support
system she engaged prior to becoming a healing parent pulled back and significantly changed. While healing parenting of
traumatized youth can be a difficult journey, losing key members of her previously identified support system in the process
was devastating. Thankfully the relationship she started developing with the other healing family was already in place,
because not only did she reach out to them for questions and support, but also the two families began getting together on a
regular basis; doing activities within the community with the youth in their homes and thus inadvertently building a healthy
relationship and connection between the foster youth. This also empowered her to identify other members of her previous
support system who began to play a different and more integral role in supporting her as a healing parent.

While the loss of a support system is not every healing parent’s story, it is a natural inevitability that as the healing parent’s
role changes, so will their connections. This speaks to the basic human need for connection. Humans reach out to
connections that will support them throughout their life. The importance of connection is not only a basic human need but
also exemplifies the importance of connections to the youth served/parented by healing parents and professionals. If the
healing parents and professionals do not possess positive support systems to meet their own need for connection, they’re
not only ignoring their own needs for connection, but they cannot demonstrate how to form solid relationships/connections
to the traumatized youth they are serving and/or parenting; an integral part of human development.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 37
Pop-Out Stories:
v Seventeen-year-old Jamal was in the foster care system since he was 6 years old. His mother died and his father’s
rights were terminated when he was young. Jamal admitted that he felt responsible for his family splitting apart and
for all the children going into foster care because he found a crack pipe within his home. It was after this discovery
that the home was raided and the children removed. Jamal carried this guilt and sense of responsibility for 10 years.
The IPS worker found his birth father and discovered that he was sober and clean for nearly 6 years. Because Jamal
was much older, and his father made life changes, it was determined that reconnecting Jamal with his father was in
his best interests. When they met, Jamal shared his feelings of guilt and responsibility, and his father could give Jamal
truth and accountability for what happened. Jamal was instantly relieved of the burdens he felt most of his life and
experience healing through one conversation with his father.

Key Point: It is imperative that we help youth create permanent, safe, and stable relationships.
Without them, healing cannot happen, and there are lifelong negative impacts.

Questions to Ponder:
1. K
 aryn Purvis in The Connected Child says that we should “connect before we correct”. What does this
mean to you and why is it important?
2. W
 hat is the primary goal of the connection process?
3. C
 onnection is not always physical. What can you do if family members are unsafe and contact cannot
be completed?
4. W
 hat does your support system look like? Has it changed since you became involved in the healing
process of a youth?

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 38
 CONNECTING ACTIVITIES

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 39
 CONNECTIONS MAP
Purpose: To help youth identify connections and create a visual map of people who the child loves, is related to, or feels
connected to in some way.

Supplies Needed: Connections maps can come in many different forms; therefore, a sold piece of paper, glue, tape,
markers or crayons are a good starting point; however, as you can see from the Spiderman map below, you may want to
bring supplies or pictures specific to the child’s developmental age or interests.

Preparation: Bring a list of important connections, in case the youth struggles to identify connections; bring supplies
listed above, and ensure you will have at least one hour of uninterrupted time with the youth for this activity.

How to do: The white spaces by the Captain America shields contain names of connections that were marked out to
protect the child’s confidentiality. On an actual map, names would be present.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 40
 YOUTH CONNECTIONS SCALE
Purpose: To measure the quality and quantity of a youth’s connections. The Youth Connections Scale may be used to
1) form connection with the youth; 2) learn more about who the youth considers important to assist with family finding; 3)
keep permanency in the forefront of supervision; 4) evaluate performance or programs; 5) as a measure for performance-
based contracting of permanency-driven services.

Supplies Needed: A copy of the Youth Connections Scale; pencils

Preparation: Bring information with you about what you know about a youth’s important connections, to help support
a youth’s memory and completion of the form. Consider participating in the online learning module and learning more at:
https://cascw.umn.edu/portfolio-items/ycs/

How to do: With the importance of connection in the forefront of healing trauma, the Youth Connection Scale serves
as a valuable tool to identify the youth’s relationships. This tool provides the framework for discussion about the youth’s
specific connections or lack thereof. This process can promote self-awareness and understanding of the youth’s needs,
strengths, and challenges. Care must be taken to choose the appropriate setting and timing for administering this scale.
Some level of rapport and trust must be established before engaging in the Youth Connections Scale with the youth.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 41
Youth Connections Scale
(A) Tools for Youth Connections Yes No
Has a genogram or connectedness map been completed with youth?
Has a Lifebook been created with or for the youth?

(B) Number of Supportive Adult Connections: For each category, please write the total number of meaningful
relationships that apply for youth at this time.
“Meaningful relationships” are defined by the youth. This would include adults who have some on-going contact with the youth
and who can be counted on for some type of support.
Total # of Adult Relationships for Each Category

Mother (birth, adoptive, stepmother)

Father (birth, adoptive, stepfather)

Adult siblings

Other adult relatives

Current foster parent

Former foster parent

Current or former social worker

Current or former teacher

Current or former therapist, counselor or psychologist

Pastor, rabbi or other spiritual leader

An adult friend, mentor or sponsor

Other adults (Please list relationships):

(C) Strength of Youth Connections: Indicate the strength of the relationship between the youth and adult right now.
In categories where there is more than one person, choose the most meaningful relationship and answer about that person.
You can list up to two additional adults in the last two rows. Circle the best response for each row.
Very Weak: No Contact Very Strong: Contact at least once per week; youth feels a
long-term connection of the heart, mind or spirit with this person;
Weak: Infrequent contact; youth can’t count on this adult for support
youth can count on this person to be there for them when needed
Moderate: Some contact with this adult but may not be consistent;
N/A: Not applicable because adult is deceased or youth has no
youth feels a connection but can’t count on this adult all the time
siblings
Strong: Contact at least once per month; youth feels a connection of
the heart, mind or spirit with this person; youth can usually count on
this person
Very Weak Weak Moderate Strong Very Strong N/A
Parent 1 (birth, adoptive or step mother or father) 0 1 2 3 4 N/A
Parent 2 (birth, adoptive or step mother or father) 0 1 2 3 4 N/A
Siblings 0 1 2 3 4 N/A
Other adult relatives 0 1 2 3 4 N/A
Other caring adult identified by youth:
0 1 2 3 4 N/A

Other caring adult identified by youth:

0 1 2 3 4 N/A

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 42
(D) Support Indicators: Answer yes or no for each indicator. These do not have to be from the same adult.
You have an adult in your life whom you will be able to count on for the following support after you leave foster care:

Yes No Indicator
Providing a home to go to for the holidays
Providing an emergency place to stay
Providing cash in times of emergency
Help with job search assistance or career counseling, or providing a reference for youth
Help with finding an apartment or co-signing a lease
Help with school (homework, re-enrolling in school, help in applying to colleges)
Assisting with daily living skills, such as cooking, budgeting, paying bills and housecleaning
Providing storage space during transition times
Emotional support – a caring adult to talk to
Sharing in or supporting experiences of youth’s cultural and spiritual background
Checking in on youth regularly – to see how they are doing
Assisting with medical appointments so youth does not have to experience that alone
Assisting with finding and accessing community resources.
A home to go for occasional family meals
Help providing transportation (help with purchasing a car) or figuring out public transportation
Someone to send care packages at college
Assisting with purchasing cell phone and service (for example, youth is added to a family plan).
A place to do laundry
Supporting youth in civic engagement such as voting and volunteering
List has been modified and adapted from the FosterClub Permanency Pact (2006).

(E) Level of Youth Connections: Indicate your level of agreement with the following statements.
Circle the best response.
Strongly Strongly
Disagree Disagree Neutral Agree Agree
While in foster care, you have connected or re-connected
with relatives or caring adults who will be lifelong supportive 0 1 2 3 4
connections

An adult has made a commitment to provide a permanent,

parent-like relationship to you 0 1 2 3 4

You are living with an adult who has or plans to adopt you or
become your legal guardian 0 1 2 3 4

You feel very disconnected from any caring adults 0 1 2 3 4

Office Use Only: Youth Name ___________________________________________________________ Youth Date of Birth _________________

Worker Completing Form ________________________________________________ Date of Completion of Form __________

Form Completed: Within 30 Days of Placement Within 30 Days of Discharge Other

Form Completed Without Youth at Discharge: Yes No If Yes, Explain: ___________________________________________

© 2012 A. Semanchin-Jones, & T. LaLiberte

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 43
 USING SENSES FOR CONNECTION
Purpose: To help youth stay connected with those who they cannot be physically connected with. Connections can
happen in many ways, including through pictures, smells, songs, mementos, and others.

Supplies Needed: Various…there are endless possibilities

Preparation: Consider who the most important connections are for the youth and build connections to these important
connections. Bring supplies according to the activity planned.

How to do:
§ Connect by smell. Smell is an essential element of connection. Find ways to associate smell with memories of people
to whom the youth is connected.

o Aromatherapy: have a diffuser of lavender (or other calming scent) in the youth’s room, then have cotton balls
of lavender in a Ziploc in the youth’s backpack or at the school nurse for the youth to access in times of stress.

o Human scent: if the youth is deeply connected to someone, have that primary connection wear a bandana
around their hair or neck, etc. After several hours, the bandana will smell like that connection, and the youth
can carry the bandana to school or to bed, etc. to carry the familiar scent. This can also be done with a
pillowcase that a close connection has used that can be shared with the youth.

§ Connection with words. Notes left in lunches, lockers, inside books or notebooks under pillows, etc. which reaffirm
the connection, the love, and the feeling of, “I’m thinking of you when I’m not with you.”

§ Connection with pictures. Keep a picture of youth and important connection next to the youth’s bed, or inside the
youth’s notebook, etc. Pictures of a youth with an important connection is very important for the youth to see.

§ Connections with mementos. Tokens can be shared which say, “This reminds me of you.” These can be anything at
all, even a rock, but can also be a necklace, a token kept in the pocket, or a sticker (such as from the book The Kissing
Hand about a child who does not want to be separated from his caregiver), etc.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 44
 PERMANENCY PACT
Purpose: To help youth to develop and formalize a network of support. Permanency Pacts were developed by the
Foster Club (http://store.fosterclub.com/permanency-pact/) as a way to formalize various forms of support when legal
permanency is not possible.

Supplies Needed: Permanency Pact forms

Preparation: Bring a list of important connections, in case the youth struggles to identify connections and ensure you
will have at least one hour of uninterrupted time with the youth for this activity.

How to do: Discuss with youth adults in their lives and roles those adults could play to support the youth in the future.
See the list of opportunities in the Permanency Pact information.

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© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 46
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© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 53
 ADOPTION OF THE HEART
Purpose: To create a sense of permanency when formal, legal permanency is not possible. It says, “In my heart, you are
mine, even if I can’t legally adopt you.” This can happen for reasons of laws that make foster youth ineligible for benefits
once adopted, for Native American youth for whom terminations of parental rights are not culturally appropriate, among
other reasons.

Supplies Needed: A certificate like the one below. A formal celebration can be conducted, too, including a judge,
balloons, a cake, etc. to celebrate the occasion.

Preparation: Bring a list of important connections, in case the youth struggles to identify connections, bring supplies
listed above, and ensure you will have at least one hour of uninterrupted time with the youth for this activity.

How to do: First work with the key adult to ensure they are ready to make this important, life-long commitment. Once
those plans are clear and in place, make it a celebration! Bring a camera to make the occasion!

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 54
© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 55
 8 QUESTIONS/HEALTHY SUPPORT SYSTEMS
Purpose: To help youth validate connections to ensure they are healthy and safe.

Supplies Needed: Questions below, on a separate sheet

Preparation: Bring a list of important connections, in case the youth struggles to identify connections, bring supplies
listed above, and ensure you will have at least one hour of uninterrupted time with the youth for this activity.

How to do:
1. Are the motives and intentions of this person in my best interests?

2. Is this person’s support authentic?

3. What am I learning from this person?

4. Does this person’s support make me feel good about myself?

5. Is this support healthy?

6. Do I feel empowered by this support?

7. Do I trust this person? Should I?

8. Am I taking advantage of this relationship? Am I really vested?

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 56
© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 57
 SUPPORT
What it means to support youth to learn to regulate
The brains of children and youth who experienced trauma are disorganized and dysregulated. This means that there is
little rhythm and ability to find a center or calm. These skills are often learned by the presence of a co-regulating partner,
which our children are often missing. When children are young, they are soothed with rocking, singing, bouncing, shhh’ing,
hushing, stroking, swinging, etc. This creates an interactive rhythm that brings the child out of dysregulation back into a
rhythmic calm. Mirror neurons play a role in this process. To understand mirror neurons, think of when someone around
you yawns, you will most likely yawn as well. This illustrates the power of mirror neurons. Another example is when a baby
is distressed and their caregiver smiles at them or makes calming sounds, the baby will emulate those actions resulting in a
calm baby. In contrast, our children are often left to self-soothe, or were further dysregulated by a rage-filled, overwhelmed,
or dysregulated caregiver.

Human beings regulate themselves many times in a typical day. Opportunities for dysregulation occur throughout the day
and may include: being stuck in traffic, receiving bad news, changes in plans, etc. Most people experience the stressor and
then calm themselves enough to proceed with their day. Most people also demonstrate enough self-awareness to know when
something is becoming too overwhelming and they need to act quickly to regulate themselves. For example, two people are in
an argument, voices are raised and one can sense things are about to become out of control. Most can stop the situation and
walk away or change their tone to prevent things from escalating to a fist fight or other undesired outcome.

Most youth in the foster care system are unable to regulate themselves. Often, they were parented by caregivers who
were not able to regulate themselves, leaving youth without a co-regulating partner to teach them the skills needed. This
often manifests itself with many eruptions throughout the day, escalating quickly and taking a long time to calm. Often,
these eruptions can appear to be unpredictable and unwarranted. Our youth don’t have the inner voice telling them to
walk away or the common language to let adults know they are about to erupt. It makes for a chaotic and stressful day
for youth, and for the teachers, peers, caregivers and other providers in their lives. After an episode of dysregulation,
youth are blamed, shamed and punished for their “naughty” behavior; it is interpreted as a willful and intentional act by
the youth. If youth could regulate themselves, they would; most youth do not like the sense of being out of control.
When youth are dysregulated, they feel fear, out of control, shame for their actions and as though they are inherently
bad. Add punishment and shame from others, and it is easy to see the downward spiral and sense of defeat youth can
feel each day. When youth learn to self-regulate, they increase their sense of autonomy and competence, resulting in
calmer and less reactive responses.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 58
Supporting regulation supports relationships
Many youth who have experienced early trauma lose their capacity to manage the ambiguity and ups and downs that occur
naturally in the course of relationships. When someone feels frustrated in a relationship, or needs space, this can be a
significant trigger to youth, who engage their fight, flight or freeze response to the perceived danger of a relationship ending.
Youth may even act in dysregulated ways to attempt to end a relationship that they fear may end, thinking, “If it’s going to
end anyway, I want it to be on my terms.” Or a youth may want to “just get it over with” if they feel ambiguity or tension
that they fear may eventually end the relationship.

Supporting youth who have connected or reconnected in relationships involves helping them to understand and tolerate the
tensions that can occur when we are in relationship with others. This requires that the youth has the capacity to regulate
their emotional responses and trauma triggers. Youth must learn to find their place of center and calm in order to refrain
from panicking because the anxiety of a potential loss (which reminds them of past losses) becomes too great to bear. All
human relationships have “ups and downs”, and without the ability to sustain through these times of tension, relationships
will end. Once youth have formed trust with their healer through learning more about who there are and their identity
formation, grieved their past losses, and connected or reconnected with those they’ve loved and lost or to whom they are
related (a.k.a. “already-trusted adults”), they must climb this final hurdle of regulation to sustain ongoing relationships. This
critical step is done with the support of the healer.

How to help youth regulate

Children need access to interactions that restore the human rhythm of calm. These activities, listed later in the toolbox
pages, are those activities which put youth back in touch with their bodies or bring a sense of calmness. Regulating
activities also provide a sense of reciprocity with other humans, such as singing, group sports, tossing a ball back and forth,
turn-taking activities that include first me, then you.

Youth need someone to teach them the skills they were not given; they need a co-regulating partner. This can only be
done with someone they established trust with, otherwise, it will appear as if another adult is attempting to control and
hurt them. Co-regulating is done within the relationship and has two objectives; first, to help the youth learn to make the
connection between their bodies and emotions, and second, to be the calm during their storm helping them come out on
the other end unharmed, without shame or punishment.

There are several activities that can be done to help youth reconnect with their bodies. Most of this work is sensory, one
example includes youth smelling different essential oils and then helping them to describe what feelings the smell of the oils
bring about within their bodies. Body mapping is also a wonderful activity, which helps youth discover where in the body
they feel certain emotions. For example, when I am worried I get a stomach ache; when I am angry I feel it in my hands
and they clench. Helping youth discover where they are feeling emotions within their body is also helping them discover
important cues so they can eventually stop themselves before losing control. This process will also help caregivers identify
cues from youth so they can intervene prior to an eruption which will de-escalate the situation.

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Helping youth out of the storm or their spiraling emotions is also best done within a trusting relationship. Sitting with
youth while they express their pain without trying to control it, stop it or react to it, is difficult, but necessary. Co-regulators
are present to validate and bear witness to the pain, to ensure the youth is safe, and to give them comfort when the storm
ends. The co-regulator needs to stay calm, keep a low voice tone, make themselves smaller (sit instead of standing), stay
out of a youth’s personal space and keep reassuring youth they are safe here. Remember to go slower, lower, and softer in
your approach. Attempting to intervene by pulling things away, blocking the door, restraining, or yelling to stop are all ways
to increase the intensity of the situation. Youth will feel your attempts to control them, and in response, will fight back as
if they are fighting for their lives because, in their brains, they are. Their responses could also include running or shutting
down; whatever their response, we must choose to stay calm and in the moment.

The critical role of regulation for healing parents and caregivers

Just as healers need to be “breathing” to assist others to “breathe,” the same practice applies for regulating emotions. If the
healers of the youth who were traumatized are not regulated themselves, it is impossible for the youth to become regulated.
Healers of traumatized children are called to this work for many different reasons. Some feel a spiritual calling; others feel
they can connect with the children due to their own trauma they experienced as a child; however, if the latter is the case,
what happens when the youth’s trauma becomes a trigger for the healer? The healer’s untreated trauma can then become
detrimental for the traumatized youth; causing even more harm to the youth than they already experienced. Additionally, it
is important to have co-regulating partners.

Therefore, healing parents are encouraged to practice their own self-regulation techniques. Some examples of self-
regulation techniques that healing parents can engage in are; EMDR, Yoga, Mindfulness, Meditation, Deep Breathing,
Movement, Gratitude, Equine-Assisted Psychotherapy, and Post-Induction Therapy (Pia Melody).

Yoga is an effective regulation technique that some healing families have used on an individual basis and then introduced
it to the youth in their homes. Healing parents that engage in yoga as part of the bedtime routine calms their minds and
bodies to assist in a restful night’s sleep. All family members can benefit from yoga.

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Pop-Out Stories:
v Nighttime can be a time filled with fear and anxiety for youth who experienced trauma. It is dark, quiet, they are
isolated, and it’s filled with fear of what they perceive can happen to them. Even though the healers in their lives
know the youth are safe, the youth do not always perceive this. For example, Samuel was harmed during the night
prior to entering his healing home. Additionally, he felt responsible for the safety of not just himself, but of his
younger siblings. Therefore, he would not sleep during the night, so that he could ensure that he and his siblings
stayed safe. After various trial and errors with natural-based medication, calming and breathing techniques, the
family placed the dog Bella’s, kennel in his room, and this became her new place to sleep. Samuel witnessed her
consistently respond to sounds outside, visitors at the door, etc. When Bella would hear a noise, she would bark.
Samuel felt confident that Bella would respond accordingly when she would hear a noise. Therefore, Bella could take
on the nighttime role of “protector,” so that Samuel could sleep. Once his “co-regulating partner” was placed in his
room, he could hand over the responsibility to Bella, because when she was calm and regulated, so was he. If she
were alert and barking, because of a noise, he was awake with her. The power of animals and family pets should not
be underestimated.

v Thirteen-year-old Elijah was in and out of group homes for approximately one year due to extreme aggressive pain-
based behaviors. Through several sensory activities, Elijah learned that when his stomach started to hurt, it was a sign
that he was about to lose control. Because he understood this about himself, he began to let adults in his life know
his stomach was hurting, and the adults understood he needed help regulating to prevent an eruption. Adults would
usually take him for a walk, or let him do some form of physical activity to help the emotion leave his body, and then
they could come back and discuss what was happening just prior to this. As Elijah learned how to regulate himself, he
was also gaining self-confidence in his ability to share emotions and advocate for himself when he needed to step away
from a situation to regulate himself. Elijah went from having numerous incidents a day - which often resulted in police
involvement - to not having one single incident for an entire year. This demonstrates the power of self-regulation
which can be achieved through discharge of the youth’s emotional distress in a calm and safe environment.

Key Point: Regulation is key to the healing process.

Questions to Ponder:
1. W
 hat does it mean to be regulated? Dysregulated?
2. W
 hat are three things you can do to help a youth regulate?
3. W
 hat are three things you can do to promote your own regulation?
4. W
 hy is not helpful to blame, shame, or punish? What can you do instead?

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 SUPPORTING ACTIVITIES

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 ALL ABOUT ME SUPPORT MAP
Purpose: To help youth conduct an inventory of their life to gain a deeper understanding of who they are, challenges they
are facing, and needs they have.

Supplies Needed: Copies of the Support Map

Preparation: A support map, colored pencils, markers, or crayons to decorate, if necessary

How to do: Have the youth identify each area and fill in information, such as the information on the sample below.

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© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 64
 WELLBEING ACTIVITIES

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 WELL-BEING INDICATOR TOOL FOR YOUTH
Purpose: A youth-driven assessment of their current levels of wellbeing, meant to help a youth look at themselves as a
whole person. The WIT-Y was designed as an inventory for use as a ‘conversation starter’ with youth about their overall
wellbeing. It is youth-informed, meaning youth decide what level of wellbeing they have within each domain, as well as
ways in which they might want to increase their level of wellbeing.

Supplies Needed: A computer to access

Preparation: Understand that the youth may not want to share results with you, so you should have a discussion in
advance about how they will seek support if a need is identified. You can find more about this activity online at: https://
cascw.umn.edu/portfolio-items/well-being-indicator-tool-for-youth-wit-y/

How to do: You can complete this tool with the youth, or the youth can do this alone; either format is a youth-driven decision.

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© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 67
© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 68
 SUPPORT FOR THE HEALERS
Wellbeing and Self-care

Self-Care and its Critical Role in Helping

Self-care for the helping professional is a critical component of helping individuals heal from trauma. Think of self-care as
the protective barrier that keeps you safe and allows you to be an effective helper and healer. Self-care requires preparation,
practice, vigilance, and the mastering of specific skills. At times, it may feel as though the helper needs to forego their own
needs to meet the needs of the youth; however, this should not be the case. In fact, it’s vital to pay attention to your own
needs on a regular basis to engage in an effective helping relationship.

When we travel by air, we hear the phrase, “Place the mask over your own mouth and nose first, and then assist others.”
This is a powerful metaphor for helpers in today’s world. It illustrates the need for self-preservation when working with
individuals who experienced trauma. What lies beneath this is a belief that we should somehow fill others’ cups without
filling one’s own cup. Certainly, one can provide for someone else for the short run while ignoring one’s personal needs.
But this doesn’t work for a sustained period without great cost to the emotional, intellectual, and often physical, wellbeing
of the helper. It’s not only alright to set aside “me time”, it’s vital to the helper’s mental health to take a break from this
most important and challenging job.

PROTECT
Below are some ideas and tools that will allow you to assess your current state of wellbeing so that you can protect your
wellbeing and remain an effective helper as you engage in the healing process with clients.

1. Assess your current lifestyle balance practices. The “Self-Care and Lifestyle Balance Inventory” provided by
Headington Institute (www.headington-institute.org) provides an excellent starting point for assessing self-care
strengths, as well as areas that could be improved. This tool recognizes that self-care is much more than eating
healthy and exercising. The tool focuses on our need to laugh and spend time with others, take vacations and be kind
to ourselves when we make a mistake.
a. It is recommended that you keep your assessment and repeat the assessment on the first of every month.
b. Take note of your score, your strengths and your areas that you would like to improve.
c. Find a “self-care buddy” and share this information, so that you create accountability and support as you strive
to increase your work-life balance.
d. Share your insights with your supervisor during supervision. This will also provide you with accountability and
support.

2. Create a Self-Care Plan. Documenting your self-care plan will provide you with insight that you may not be able to
consider during a time of crisis.
a. Complete the “Self-Care Plan” located on page 74.
b. Share your “Self-Care Plan with a professional contact and a personal contact. This will provide you with a
support system during times of need.
c. Keep your self-care plan someplace that you can visually see it daily. It will serve as a good reminder to
engage in healthy behaviors.
d. Update your self-care plan each month when you complete the “Self-Care and Lifestyle Balance Inventory”.

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 3. Identify your professional boundaries. Understanding your boundaries is the first step to creating healthy
professional boundaries. There are several tools on the web that can assist you in doing so.
a. Complete the “Professional Boundaries Self-Assessment Tool”.
b. Review your results and determine what changes, if any, you would like to make.
c. Share your results with your supervisor and/or someone you trust to give you honest feedback.

GRIEVE
When we practice self-care, we create the space to enter the difficult work of grieving. Grief is a normal and unavoidable
part of life. As helpers, we are impacted by our own losses, as well as the losses experienced by those we help. Additionally,
it is not uncommon for helpers to experience unexpected emotions related to past losses while working with a youth. It is
important that helpers are open to seeking out professional counseling if grief begins to negatively impact his/her
day-to-day functioning.

There are several resources available to assist individuals experiencing grief.

Below are just a few:
1. Understanding the grief process is key to identifying times when you experience grief related symptoms. A Grief
Guide & Healing Workbook by Paul Alexander is designed to help explore the grieving and healing process.
2. The Grief Recovery Institute provides a free e-book title “The Grief Recover Method Guide for Loss”. This
free e-book provides 61 tips on the experience of grief and how to get through it. It can be located at https://
griefrecoverymethod.com.
3. “Identifying Complicated Grief: The Inventory of Complicated Grief” can be located at https://inhopeagainsthope.
files.wordpress.com/2012/09/identifying-complicated-grief.pdf. This is a self-report instrument that provides an
assessment of the severity of complicated grief symptoms and can assist the individual in determining if they need
professional assistance to address their grief symptoms.
4. If you find yourself challenged with how to respond to the grief of others, Stuck for Words: What to Say to Someone
Who is Grieving by Doris Zagdanski provides ideas about how to respond.
5. The Grief Toolbox located at http://thegrieftoolbox.com provides insight into some of the myths related to grief
and loss, as well as other helpful tools and articles.

Key Point: Self-care is critical to being part of a youth’s healing process.

Questions to Ponder:
1. Did you complete the Headington assessment?
2. Did you complete a self-care plan?
3. Did you review at least two of the grief tools?
4. Did you complete the “Professional Boundaries Self-Assessment Tool”?

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CONNECT
As human beings, our innate need demands human connection. Human connection nourishes and sustains us. Maintaining
positive, healthy human connections is critical to nourishing the helper.

Below are several suggestion for maintaining connections that will nourish your wellbeing:
1. Make a list of the positive, supportive people in your life. Let them know how important they are to you and that you
seek them out during times of need. Access one or more of these individuals during times of need.
2. Engage in “laugh dates”. Each week schedule a lunch or dinner with someone that you know brings positivity to your
world.
3. Interact with individuals with similar interests as you. Engage in a class to learn more about an existing hobby or a
new hobby. If there isn’t a class out there, then create your own interest group.
4. Practice gratitude. There are several websites and books that provide an overview of the benefits of gratitude and
gratitude activities.
a. https://gratefulness.org
b. https://tinybuddha.com/
c. Gratitude: A journal by Catherine
d. The One-Minute Gratitude Journal by Brenda Nathan
5. The website https://www.livingupp.com provides a calendar of 365 self-care challenges including challenges that
increase the helper’s connections and network.

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REGULATE
Self-regulation skills are critical to the helpers’ ability to bounce back after a difficult day, or session with a youth. Self-
regulation skills provide the helper with critical tools that assist with establishing emotional wellbeing. Mindfulness and
meditation are a few practices that the helper can explore to generate emotional wellbeing.

Below are tools and resources that can be used to assist you on your journey to improving your self-regulation skills:
1. Just Breathe. During stressful situations take time to simply slow down and focus on your breathing. Inhale and
exhale 5-10 times. Notice how you feel more calm and notice how your thinking becomes clear.
2. Get adequate sleep. Eight hours of sleep each night is recommended for optimal daily functioning. Sleep is one of
your most important tools to being regulated. The book Thrive by Ariana Huffington provides an overview of how to
get your sleep back on track.
3. One-Minute Mindfulness: 50 Simple Ways to Find Peace, Clarity and New Possibilities in a Stressed Out World by
Donald Altman
4. Quiet Mind: One Minute Mindfulness by David Kundtz
5. http://www.the-guided-meditation-site.com/mindfulness-exercises.html provides numerous activities to assist
you on your mindfulness and meditation journey.

Key Point: Human connection is vital to our survival.

Questions to Ponder:
1. What can you do to build connections in your own life? In the life of a youth?
2. How will you incorporate the practice of gratitude into your life?
3. Which self-care challenges will you see to implement? (start with three)
4. Learn how to breathe deeply using an app or other support.

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 SELF-CARE PLAN FOR WELLBEING
1. What are my “red flags” and “warning signs” that signal that I am out of balance? (Please consult with someone
close to you, if you are struggling to answer this.)

2. How would I want others to address their concerns with me when I appear “out of balance”? What would I want
them to say? What would I not want them to say?

3. Who are the people that help “fill my bucket”?

4. What are the activities that help “fill my bucket”?

5. What is my self-care plan? How do I assure that I am “okay” and “fit for duty”?

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© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 75
 N E W TO O L B OX
A L I A FRAME WORK
GRIEVE FOR WE LLBE ING CONNECT

Protective
Interventions

PROTECT REGULATE

Ensure protection by: Build Resilience through cultivating:

• helping youth feel safe–physically and psychologically • a secure base –a sense of belonging and security
• keeping youth safe by promoting protective factors and • a sense of self-efficacy – a sense of mastery and
resilience control, along with an accurate understanding of
• providing permanence and cultivating a sense of personal strengths and limitations
belonging and security • self-esteem – an internal sense of worth and
• parenting in a trauma-informed way; understanding competence
pain-based behaviors and not using punishment • at least one secure attachment relationship
• cultivating a sense of safety • extended family and friend supports
• cultivating a sense of pleasure • positive community experiences (nursery, school, etc.).
• cultivating a sense of agency See: Search Institute Developmental Assets; National Indian
• cultivating a sense of support Child Welfare Association; Jane Glover for more information.

• cultivating a sense of empowerment

• cultivating a sense of boundaries and expectations
• cultivating a sense of constructive use of time
• cultivating a sense of commitment to learning
• cultivating a sense of positive values
• cultivating a sense of positive identity
• cultivating a sense of competency
• cultivating a sense of community and culture
• cultivating a sense of spirituality and hope

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 N E W TO O L B OX
A L IA FRAME WORK
GRIEVE FOR W E LLBE I NG CONNECT

Grieving losses
&
healing trauma

PROTECT REGULATE

Grieve losses by: • collecting all you can about what they have lost:
reconnect or find people and things to heal those losses.
• letting youth tell their own story and be the boss of
their own grief work; let youth determine the pace and • engaging tools like life/loss lines, lifebooks, and others
path of their grief work. to help youth grieve their past losses.

• understanding that you cannot rush grief work, and it • letting them know we see them and hear them by
must be done to heal. validating their experience.

• providing safe spaces and sanctuaries to grieve losses. • helping youth understand they deserved to get things
they did not get as a younger child.
• normalizing grief, loss, and the grieving process.
• helping youth understand things that happened to
• providing psycho-social education about grief.
them were not their fault and they could do nothing to
• understanding that many behaviors we see from youth change that (e.g., relieve them of their guilt and shame).
are normal responses to grief and loss, and these
• providing a safe, consistent, nurturing place to do this
behaviors should not be pathologized.
work.
• telling the youth about their own story, when they are
• helping youth be in touch with their bodies and places
ready, as appropriate for their developmental level.
where they hold their trauma.
• telling the youth the truth about their story, when they
• helping youth understand their trauma-triggers and
ask, as appropriate for their developmental level.
trauma-responses and learn new patterns of response.
• not confronting denial in grief work; that will come
• helping youth understand the link between their current
naturally when healing happens.
behavior and their past experience.
• creating space for them to tell their story while
• teaching new responses to help youth avoid trauma-
LISTENING (they cannot process when we are talking);
responses in order to respond in the present moment.
be comfortable with silence.
• letting youth tell their story in pieces and parts, in
drawings and in song, or whatever is most meaningful
to them.

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 N E W TO O L B OX
A L IA FRAME WORK
GRIEVE FOR W E LLBE I NG
CONNECT

Connecting
vs.
Disconnecting

PROTECT REGULATE

Build connections by: • providing consistent, repetitive, healing responses to

challenging behavior that mirrors the attachment cycle.
• exhaustively searching to find permanent, stable, loving
connections. • being a co-regulating partner and modeling self-
regulation to build attachment.
• finding and connecting youth to those they have loved and
lost through out-of-home care: both kin and fictive kin. • focusing attention on what you want to see more of,
using heartfelt gratitude, to hard wire positive messages
• building strong networks of support including kin, fictive
and behaviors such as “I’m a good kid,” which builds
kin, peers, supportive adults and school connections.
connection to caregiver.
• building connections to others who have shared similar
• valuing and appreciating the child’s strengths and
losses and grief, similar histories, and who have gone
resilience, which fosters a sense of awe and admiration;
from surviving to thriving.
everyone deserves to have someone think they’re
• using interventions that CONNECT, not DISCONNECT “awesome”—especially their caregiver.
(“time-in”, not “time-out”, heartfelt gratitude for desired
• fostering connections to their history and the story
behavior, not yelling or giving attention to undesirable
of where they came from and their sense of identity:
behavior, not removing contact with others as a form of
including their personal story of resilience, their family
punishment).
history, stories of strength from their family, their
• anchoring them to the family, their room, their school community and culture (including art, poetry, stories,
by finding ways to connect them through ritual, dance, music, etc.).
decorating their space, putting their picture on the wall,
• fostering a connection to current community and the
and other acts that say “you belong with us” and you are
child’s role in membership or citizenship of serving and
SAFE.
BELONGING.
• understanding behaviors are often not willful, rather are
• fostering a connection to something bigger than
trauma-responses, and responding with compassion and
themselves: a higher purpose, calling or being.
empathy, because punishment exacerbates trauma.
• understanding many behaviors are developmentally
appropriate or normal, healthy responses to grief, loss
and trauma, and delighting in the youth meeting normal
developmental milestones or responses as a sign of
resilience; also explaining these to the youth.

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 N E W TO O L B OX
A L IA FRAME WORK
GRIEVE FO R W E LLBE I NG CONNECT

Regulating
vs. Behavioral-
focused
Interventions
PROTECT
REGULATE

Assist in regulation and healing by allowing youth to be involved in integrative, regulating and
organizing interventions, which have evidence bases or are promising practices such as:
• Acupuncture • Massage
• Aromatherapy • MBSR--mindfulness based stress reduction
• Art therapy • Meditation
• Audio Visual Entrainment (AVE) • Mindfulness practices such as Learning2Breathe
• Bike riding • Music therapy
• Bi-lateral brain stimulation • Neuro-feedback
• Post-induction therapy and other experiential inner • Neurological reorganization
child work • Neuro-sequential Model of Therapeutics (Perry)
• Brainspotting • Pet therapy
• Chanting • Playing catch
• Cranio-sacral therapy • Playing musical instruments
• Creative artistic expression • Qigong
• Cultural practices & connections • Reiki
• Drumming • Running
• EMDR—eye movement desensitization and • Sensory integration therapy
reprocessing
• Singing in a choir
• Emotional Freedom - Tapping
• Swimming
• Equine-Assisted Therapy
• Swinging
• Experiences in nature as therapeutic
• Team sports
• Hypnotherapy
• Walking
• Jumping
• Yoga
• Martial arts
• Zillions more, too!

This list is a sample of available options, and is not meant to infer endorsement; please consult a
professional for child-specific recommendations.

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 REFERENCES
Adverse Childhood Experiences Study. Retrieved from: http://www.acestoohigh.com

Amelia Franck Meyer (2016). TEDx Talk: The Human Need for Belonging. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=-r-ci4iybt8

Brené Brown. I am Enough: Celebrating Vulnerability. Retrieved from: https://vimeo.com/124371905

Brené Brown. The Power of Vulnerability. Retrieved from: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

Center for Advanced Studies in Child Welfare. Well-being Indicator Tool for Youth. Retrieved from: https://cascw.umn.
edu/portfolio-items/well-being-indicator-tool-for-youth-wit-y/

Center for Advanced Studies in Child Welfare. Youth Connections Scale. Retrieved from: https://cascw.umn.edu/portfolio-
items/youth-connections-scale-ycs/

Center for the Study of Social Policy. Youth Thrive Protective and Promotive Factors. Retrieved from: https://www.cssp.
org/reform/child-welfare/youth-thrive/Youth-Thrive-PPF-definitions.pdf

Center for the Study of Social Policy. Protective Factors Framework. Retrieved from: https://www.cssp.org/young-
children-their-families/strengtheningfamilies/about/protective-factors-framework

Esfahani Smith, E. (2017). The Power of Meaning: Crafting a life that matters. Retrieved from:
http://www.thelavinagency.com/news/introducing-emily-esfahani-smith-the-author-of-the-power-of-meaning-on-
overcoming-adversity-in-positive-ways

Foster Club. Permanency Pact. Retrieved from: http://store.fosterclub.com/permanency-pact/

Henry, D. (2012). The 3-5-7 Model: A Practice Approach to Permanency. Camp Hill, PA: Sunbury Press.

Huffington, A. (2014). Thrive. New York, NY: Harmony Books.

Jackson, N. (2016). Initiative, fatigue, overload and anxiety; the new corporate disease. Retrieved from: http://www.
legitimateleadership.com/2016/08/10/february-2016-initiative-fatigue-overload-anxiety-new-corporate-disease/

Perry, B. https://Childtrauma.org

Pineda, J. (2016). How Music Heals in Times of Trauma. Retrieved from: https://www.thecmf.org/news/how-music-heals-
in-times-of-trauma/

Purvis, K. B., Cross, D. R., & Sunshine, W. L. (2007). Connected Child (p. 264). McGraw-Hill Professional Publishing.

Rath, T. & Clifton, D. O. (2004). How Full is Your Bucket? New York, NY: Gallup Press.

Search Institute. 40 Developmental Assests. Retrieved from: http://page.search-institute.org/dev-assets-download_1212-

17?submission=387131182

Siegel, D.J. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. New York,
NY: Delacorte Press.

Van Der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. New York, NY: Penguin
Group.

© 2018 Alia and Anu, permission is granted to copy and distribute only in its original format 80
 For more information or training on implementing the strategies in this guidebook, contact us:

www.aliainnovations.org

651.705.8872

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