Get ebook downloads in full at ebookmeta.

com

Computational Science and its Applications 1st

Edition Abul Hassan Siddiqi

https://ebookmeta.com/product/computational-science-and-its-
applications-1st-edition-abul-hassan-siddiqi/

OR CLICK BUTTON

DOWNLOAD NOW

Explore and download more ebook at https://ebookmeta.com

 Recommended digital products (PDF, EPUB, MOBI) that
you can download immediately if you are interested.

Islamic Economics Theory and Practice 1st Edition Abul

Hassan M A Choudhury

https://ebookmeta.com/product/islamic-economics-theory-and-
practice-1st-edition-abul-hassan-m-a-choudhury/

ebookmeta.com

Computational Complexity of Counting and Sampling Discrete

Mathematics and Its Applications 1st Edition Istvan
Miklos
https://ebookmeta.com/product/computational-complexity-of-counting-
and-sampling-discrete-mathematics-and-its-applications-1st-edition-
istvan-miklos/
ebookmeta.com

Computational Methods and GIS Applications in Social

Science Fahui Wang

https://ebookmeta.com/product/computational-methods-and-gis-
applications-in-social-science-fahui-wang/

ebookmeta.com

It s Winter Dear Dragon Margaret Hillert

https://ebookmeta.com/product/it-s-winter-dear-dragon-margaret-
hillert/

ebookmeta.com
Winterfell Academy Book 4 The Price of Silence 1st Edition
Elle Mae

https://ebookmeta.com/product/winterfell-academy-book-4-the-price-of-
silence-1st-edition-elle-mae/

ebookmeta.com

Glittering Feather A Forever Feather Novella The Forgotten

Angel Book 3 5 1st Edition Merri Bright

https://ebookmeta.com/product/glittering-feather-a-forever-feather-
novella-the-forgotten-angel-book-3-5-1st-edition-merri-bright-2/

ebookmeta.com

Class Acts. Derrida on the Public Stage 1st Edition

Michael Naas

https://ebookmeta.com/product/class-acts-derrida-on-the-public-
stage-1st-edition-michael-naas/

ebookmeta.com

Isfahan Is Half the World Memories of a Persian Boyhood

Sayyed Mohammed Ali Jamalzadeh

https://ebookmeta.com/product/isfahan-is-half-the-world-memories-of-a-
persian-boyhood-sayyed-mohammed-ali-jamalzadeh/

ebookmeta.com

The Importance of Forgiveness and the Futility of Revenge

Case Studies in Contemporary International Politics 1st
Edition Audrey Wells
https://ebookmeta.com/product/the-importance-of-forgiveness-and-the-
futility-of-revenge-case-studies-in-contemporary-international-
politics-1st-edition-audrey-wells/
ebookmeta.com
Mathematics for Computer Graphics (Undergraduate Topics in
Computer Science), 6th Edition 2022 John Vince

https://ebookmeta.com/product/mathematics-for-computer-graphics-
undergraduate-topics-in-computer-science-6th-edition-2022-john-vince/

ebookmeta.com
All rights reserved. May not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except fair uses permitted under U.S. or applicable copyright law.
Copyright 2021. Chapman and Hall/CRC.

EBSCO Publishing : eBook Collection (EBSCOhost) - printed on 12/9/2023 3:32 PM via TEXAS TECH UNIVERSITY
AN: 2573043 ; A. H. Siddiqi, R. C. Singh, G. D. Veerappa Gowda.; Computational Science and Its Applications
Account: s8383439.main.ehost
Computational Science and
Its Applications
Computational Science and
Its Applications

Edited by
A. H. Siddiqi
R. C. Singh
G. D. Veerappa Gowda
MATLAB® is a trademark of The MathWorks, Inc. and is used with permission. The MathWorks does not warrant the
accuracy of the text or exercises in this book. This book’s use or discussion of MATLAB® software or related products
does not constitute endorsement or sponsorship by The MathWorks of a particular pedagogical approach or particular
use of the MATLAB® software.

First edition published 2021

by CRC Press
6000 Broken Sound Parkway NW, Suite 300, Boca Raton, FL 33487-2742

and by CRC Press

2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon, OX14 4RN

© 2021 Taylor & Francis Group, LLC

CRC Press is an imprint of Taylor & Francis Group, LLC

Reasonable efforts have been made to publish reliable data and information, but the author and publisher cannot
assume responsibility for the validity of all materials or the consequences of their use. The authors and publishers have
attempted to trace the copyright holders of all material reproduced in this publication and apologize to copyright hold-
ers if permission to publish in this form has not been obtained. If any copyright material has not been acknowledged
please write and let us know so we may rectify in any future reprint.

Except as permitted under U.S. Copyright Law, no part of this book may be reprinted, reproduced, transmitted, or
utilized in any form by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including pho-
tocopying, microflming, and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without written permission
from the publishers.

For permission to photocopy or use material electronically from this work, access www.copyright.com or contact the
Copyright Clearance Center, Inc. (CCC), 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, 978-750-8400. For works that are not
available on CCC please contact [email protected]

Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for iden-
tifcation and explanation without intent to infringe.

ISBN: 978-0-367-25623-4 (hbk)

ISBN: 978-0-429-28873-9 (ebk)

Typeset in Palatino
by Deanta Global Publishing Services, Chennai, India
 Dedication
The book is dedicated to Professor K. R. Sreenivasan
Contents

Preface..............................................................................................................................................xi
Professor K. R. Sreenivasan.........................................................................................................xv
Editors.......................................................................................................................................... xvii
List of Contributors..................................................................................................................... xix

1. Ingredients for Applied Fourier Analysis.........................................................................1

Hans G. Feichtinger

2. Industrial Applications of Optimal Control for Partial Differential

Equations on Networks: Reduction and Decomposition Methods Applied to
the Discrete–Continuous Control of Gas Flow in Complex Pipe Systems .............. 25
Günter Leugering

3. A Model to Assess the Role of Spatial Urban Confgurations on Crowd

Evacuation Dynamics During Terrorist Attacks ........................................................... 41
D. Provitolo, R. Lozi, and E. Tric

4. Free Radical Processes in Medical Grade UHMWPE ................................................... 61

M. Shah Jahan, Benjamin Walters, Afsana Sharmin, and Saghar Gomrok

5. Inverse Problems Involving PDEs with Applications to Imaging.............................77

Taufquar Khan

6. On an Effcient Family of Steffensen-Like Methods for Finding

Nonlinear Equations............................................................................................................ 91
Vali Torkashvand and Manochehr Kazemi

7. Computational Methods for Conformable Fractional Differential Equations........... 103

A. H. Siddiqi, R. C. Singh, and Santosh Kumar

8. Pan-Sharpening Using Modifed Nonlocal Means-Based Guided Image

Filter in NSCT Domain ..................................................................................................... 117
Tarlok Singh and Pammy Manchanda

9. Moser-Trudinger and Adams Inequalities.................................................................... 135

Kunnath Sandeep

10. Computational Ship Hydrodynamics: Modeling and Simulation........................... 149

Sashikumaar Ganesan, Bhanu Teja, and Thivin Anandh

11. DNA—Drug Interaction: Insight from Computer Simulations................................ 171

Anurag Upadhyaya, Shesh Nath, and Sanjay Kumar

vii
viii Contents

12. A Graphical User Interface for Palmprint Recognition.............................................. 195

Rohit Khokher and R. C. Singh

13. Wavelet Approach for the Classifcation of Autism Spectrum Disorder................ 209
Noore Zahra, Hessa N. Al Eisa, Kahkashan Tabassum, Sahar A. EI-Rahman, and Mona
Jamjoom

14. De-Noising Raman Spectra Using Total Variation De-Noising with Iterative
Clipping Algorithm ...........................................................................................................225
Padmesh Tripathi, Nitendra Kumar, and A. H. Siddiqi

15. An Effcient Identity-Based Mutual Authentication Protocol for Cloud

Computing ........................................................................................................................... 233
Vinod Kumar and Musheer Ahmad

16. Development of a Statistical Yield Forecast Model for Rice Using Weather
Variables Over Gorakhpur District of Eastern Uttar Pradesh .................................. 243
R. Bhatla, Rachita Tulshyan, Babita Dani, and A. Tripathi

17. Cognitive Computing Agent Systems: An Approach to Building Future

Real-World Intelligent Applications............................................................................... 257
A. Chandiok, A. Prakash, A. H. Siddiqi, and D. K. Chaturvedi

18. Controllability of Quasilinear Stochastic Fractional Dynamical Systems in

Hilbert Spaces ..................................................................................................................... 275
R. Mabel Lizzy and K. Balachandran

19. The Advection-Dispersion Equation for Various Seepage Velocity

Patterns in a Heterogeneous Medium............................................................................ 291
Amit Kumar Pandey and Mritunjay Kumar Singh

20. On the Application of Genetic Algorithm and Support Vector Machine for
Classifcation of MRI Images for Brain Tumors .......................................................... 311
D. Gupta and M. Ahmad

21. Proximinality and Remotality in Abstract Spaces ...................................................... 325

Sangeeta and T. D. Narang

22. Conformable Fractional Laguerre and Chebyshev Differential Equations

with Corresponding Fractional Polynomials ............................................................... 335
Ajay Dixit and Amit Ujlayan

23. Computational Linguistics: Inverse Problems and Emerging Mathematical

Concepts ...............................................................................................................................345
Sana A. Ansari and Masood Alam

24. Legendre Wavelets Method for Solution of First-Kind Volterra Problems............ 357
Pooja, J. Kumar, and P. Manchanda
Contents ix

25. Computational Linguistic Analysis of Retail E-Commerce ...................................... 371

Rashmi Bhardwaj and Aashima Bangia

26. Impact of Data Assimilation on Simulation of a Monsoonal Heavy Rainfall

Event over India Using ARW Modeling System.......................................................... 381
Shilpi Kalra, Sushil Kumar, and A. Routray

Index ............................................................................................................................................. 393

Preface

Computational science deals with the application of computers, networks, storage devices,
software, and algorithms to solve real-world problems, perform simulations, build things,
or create new knowledge. Computational science presents a broader view, implying science
and engineering that is computational as opposed to experimental or theoretical in nature.
Computational science is a relatively new discipline, and there is currently no consensus
on a precise defnition of what computational science actually is. In broad terms, compu-
tational science involves using numerical methods and computers to study scientifc prob-
lems and complements the areas of theory and experimentation in traditional scientifc
investigation. Computational science seeks to gain understanding of science principally
through the use and analysis of mathematical models on high-performance computers.
This edited volume is mainly based on talks delivered during an international work-
shop on Computational Science and Applications at Sharda University, Greater Noida,
Knowledge Park-3, India during February 5–6, 2018, organized under the auspices of the
Centre for Advanced Research in Applied Mathematics and Physics. The Chancellor of
Sharda University, Mr. P. K. Gupta, and the Vice Chancellor of Sharda University, Prof. B.
S. Panwar graced the inaugural function of the workshop as well as Prof. K. L. Chopra,
former Director IIT Kharagpur (Padama Shri and recipient of Bhatnagar award),
Prof. N. K. Gupta (Padama Shri and former Vice-President, INSA), and several senior
Professors of IIT Delhi and other national institutions.
The topics covered in the edited volume are: Ingredients for applied Fourier analy-
sis; Industrial applications of optimal control for partial differential equations on net-
works reduction and decomposition methods; models to access the role of spatial urban
confgurations on crowd evacuation dynamics during terrorist attacks; the application
of a polymeric biomaterial to medical science; the application of computational algo-
rithm inverse problem related to MRI, fractional derivatives and their real-life applica-
tions; Computational ship hydrodynamics—modeling and simulation; and applications
of wavelets and fractals to diverse felds, especially in medical science and computa-
tional linguistics. Alongside several speakers from Sharda University and other uni-
versities of Northern India, the list of speakers included distinguished researchers in
the feld, namely: Prof. Pavel Exner, President, European Mathematical Society; Prof. G.
Leugering, Vice-President, Friedrich-Alexander University, Germany; Prof. Stephane
Jaffard, University of Paris, East, France; Prof. M. Shahjahan, Memphis University, USA;
Prof. H. Feichtinger, Vienna University, Austria; Prof. R. Lozi, Nice University, France;
Dr. Damienne Provitolo, Permanent Researcher CNRS, Nice, France; Prof. K. Sandeep,
(TIFR-CAM, Bangalore); Prof. S. Ganesan (IISc, Bangalore); Prof. K. Balachandran,
Bharathiyar University, Coimbatore.
The last three speakers were part of a symposium during the workshop
organized by Prof. G. D. Veerappa Gowda, Dean, TIFR CAM, Bengaluru in honor of
Prof. K. R. Sreenivasan, former Director, ICTP, Trieste, Italy on his seventieth birthday.
Prof. K. R. Sreenivasan is a renowned expert of interdisciplinary studies who has the
rare honor of being professor of three disciplines—Mechanical Engineering, Applied
Mathematics, and Physics. He is well known throughout the world for his research contri-
bution to the feld of digital fuid mechanics and computational fuid dynamics.

xi
xii Preface

There are 26 chapters in this edited volume. Chapter 1 is contributed by Prof. Hans G.
Feichtinger of Vienna University, who is well-known throughout the world for his work
in the feld of numerical harmonic analysis. His research collaborators are spread all over
Europe and even in India and North America. He is the Editor-in-Chief of Springer’s
Journal of Fourier Analysis and Applications. He has written an interesting chapter on
“Ingredients for Applied Fourier Analysis.”
In Chapter 2, Prof. Guenter Leugering of Friedrich-Alexander University, Erlangen,
Germany, has presented his study on industrial applications of optimal control for partial
differential equations on networks: reduction and decomposition methods applied to the
discrete continuous control of gas fow in complex pipe systems.
Chapter 3, by Professors D. Provitolo and R. Lozi, is devoted to a comparatively new type
of problem, namely, a model to access the role of spatial urban confgurations on crowd
evacuation dynamics during terrorist attacks.
Prof. Lozi is a well-known researcher who has collaborated with Prof. Leon Chua
(inventor of Chua Circuit and Memristor and Alexander Sharkovsky, who introduced
“Sharkovsky’s order”). Lozi has discovered a particular mapping of a simple strange
attractor now known as the “Lozi Map.”
Prof. M. Shah Jahan of Memphis University, who has established a well-reputed depart-
ment of Physics and Material Science, has presented his work on free radical processes in
medical grade UHMWPE in Chapter 4.
Chapter 5 deals with the work of Prof. Taufquar Khan of Clemson University, USA on
computational algorithms for ill-posed inverse problems.
Kazemi and Gulshan of Iran have presented their work on an effcient family of
Steffensen-like methods for fnding nonlinear equations in Chapter 6.
In Chapter 7, Siddiqi, Singh, and Kumar have discussed their work on computational
methods for conformable fractional differential equations.
Tarlok Singh and Manchanda present their work on pan-sharpening using modifed
nonlocal means based guided image flter in NSCT domain in Chapter 8.
Bhatnagar awardee Prof. Kunnath Sandeep of TIFR, CAM, Bengaluru, has presented his
work on Moser–Trudinger and Adams inequalities in Chapter 9.
Prof. Ganesan et al., IISc Bengaluru, a leading expert in computational science and data
analysis, introduce their work on computational ship hydrodynamics: modeling and sim-
ulation, in Chapter 10.
Upadhyaya, Nath, and Sanjay Kumar (of BHU, a well-known expert in his feld) have
presented their work on computer simulations of DNA-drug interaction in Chapter 11.
In Chapter 12, Khokhar and Singh introduce a graphical user interface for palmprint
recognition.
In Chapter 13 Noor Zahra (currently at Prince Nura University Riyadh, Saudi Arabia)
et al. have studied wavelet approach for the classifcation of autism spectrum disorder.
Chapter 14, by Tripathi et al., presents de-noising Raman spectra using total variation,
de-noising the iterative clipping algorithm.
Chapter 15, by Kumar and Ahmad, is devoted to cloud computing.
Bhatla et al. have studied the development of a statistical yield forecast model for rice
using weather variables in Gorakhpur district of eastern Uttar Pradesh in Chapter 16.
In Chapter 17, Chandiok et al. have studied cognitive computing agent systems.
Lizzy and Balachandran (expert in fractional calculus and analysis) have studied the
controllability of quasi-linear stochastic fractional dynamical systems in Hilbert spaces in
Chapter 18.
Preface xiii

In Chapter 19 the advection-dispersion equation with zero-order production term and

various seepage velocity patterns in a heterogeneous medium has been studied by Pandey
and Singh.
Chapter 20, devoted to the application of genetic algorithm and support vector machine
for brain-tumor classifcation of MRI images, has been written by Gupta and Ahmad.
Sangeeta and T. D. Narang have presented their work on proximity and remotality in
abstract spaces in Chapter 21.
Chapter 22, by Dixit and Ujlayan, is devoted to conformable fractional Lauguerre and
Chebyshev differential equations.
Chapter 23, by Ansari and Alam, is essentially related to the role of mathematics in
Computational Linguistics.
Pooja et al. have studied Legendre Wavelets methods for solution of frst-kind Volterra
problems in Chapter 24.
In Chapter 25, Bhardwaj and Bangia carry out computational linguistic analysis of retail
e-commerce using word clouds.
Chapter 26 deals with the impact of data assimilation on the simulation of a monsoonal
heavy rainfall event over India using the ARW modelling system.
We take this opportunity to thank Ms. Aastha Sharma of Taylor & Francis for providing
continuous guidance and help. We will be failing in our duty if we don’t express our grati-
tude to Mr. P. K. Gupta, Chancellor, Sharda University, Greater Noida and Dr. Nadeem
Tarin, alumni of AMU based in Saudi Arabia for providing valuable fnancial help in orga-
nizing academic activity yielding a valuable volume.

The Late Prof. A. H. Siddiqi

Sharda University Greater Noida, India
Prof. R. C. Singh
Sharda University Greater Noida, India
Prof. G. D. Veerappa Gowda
TIFR, CAM Centre of Applicable Mathematics Bengaluru, India

MATLAB® is a registered trademark of The MathWorks, Inc. For product information,

please contact:

The MathWorks, Inc.

3 Apple Hill Drive
Natick, MA 01760-2098 USA
Tel: 508 647 7000
Fax: 508-647-7001
E-mail: [email protected]
Web: www.mathworks.com
Other documents randomly have
different content
lips just a little and look away into nothing; above all to make them
want me.
“Why one man playing a piece can do that and another man
playing the same piece much better with real feeling cannot is a
mystery. And I would be so nice to them. They would be able to trust
me. I would give them such good advice and take such care of them.
“Instead, the women who come here, many of them, come only to
watch him. They make their men bring them here, and often they forget
to eat. Then the men they are with are furious. I have heard them
sometimes at the nearest tables to the orchestra. ‘Why can’t you let
that damned fiddler alone,’ I have heard them say—every one talks the
same in our restaurant—‘and pay a little attention to me?’ And then the
women are cross, and the meal is ruined.
“But when he goes off—as he does after every two or three
selections—to sit with a friend or receive congratulations from the
visitors who call him to their tables, and I have to take his place and
lead the orchestra, then the men’s faces clear again, for they know that
no woman will ever look at me or forget her food when I am playing a
solo, for I am short and fair. It is no use being short and fair. I can play
all that he does, and I love it too, which he does not—but it is useless.
No one looks at me twice. I am short and fair, and middle-aged too.
“But even when I was younger and better dressed and didn’t care I
never could get women to be interested in me. It is some trick, I
suppose. He takes them all in; but I could tell them some things about
him if I were asked—how mean he is, how vain, how jealous, how
fickle.
“He is cruel too. When our poor pianist had pneumonia through
playing for him one night in a cold hall he refused to allow him any
money till he was well enough to play again. Five weeks. Not a penny.
And the second violin, whose place I took, was discharged only
because he was applauded too much in the solos. One who really
needed the post too. A poor man with a large family.
“But women don’t mind about things like that. They don’t ask a
man to be kind and good, especially if he plays well. And I confess that
his playing is wonderful—technically. But no heart at all.
 “Notes are continually being brought to him by the waiters.
Sometimes they merely ask for certain things to be played, always
waltzes or love songs, and sometimes they are more personal. And
while we are playing a piece which one of the pretty women has asked
for he is looking at her and making his faces and closing his eyes until
she feels like a queen. Isn’t it strange? They should see him when we
rehearse. He doesn’t smile then. He snaps and snarls.
“‘Ah!’ say I to myself as I watch it all through my spectacles, ‘you
should see his wife waiting outside the restaurant to waylay him on his
way to his cards and get some money. He wanted her once, before
she was tired and plain. Now he only wants new faces and new voices
and new admiration.’ That’s what I am saying behind my spectacles,
but no one knows it. There’s no telepathy, as you call it, in me. I am
short and fair. We who are short and fair are without magnetism. All
there is for us is to be true; but women don’t mind about that. They
want magnetism.
“It is difficult for me, being in his employ and being so unimportant,
to help much, but sometimes when I see a really nice girl—and we
have a few here—losing her head I try quite hard. I try to catch her eye
and indicate my real opinion of him grimacing there. Of course, I can
only frown and nod. What else could I do? I couldn’t go down and
speak to her; but I try very hard with my expression.
“Once when he was making love to a new bookkeeper girl I was
able really to act. I told her to be careful. She was a good girl, but oh
so silly, as girls can be with musicians. All musicians, that is, but me
and the fat ’cellist. She replied that what I said might be true but she
liked him all the same. She took people as she found them, she said,
and he was always very nice and kind to her.
“‘If you want a lover,’ I said, ‘let me be your lover. I have no one to
love; he has thousands.’ But she only laughed. ‘There’s some fun in
taking a man from thousands,’ she said. That’s what women are. I
don’t want to win a girl from thousands of men. I just want her or I don’t
want her. But women—at any rate the women who come here—are
different.
“Well, she wouldn’t listen, but she was a good girl, and true to me,
for she didn’t tell him what I said, although I couldn’t bring myself to
ask her not to. But she was honourable and didn’t tell him. And so it
went on; he smiling and bowing and playing to the women all day, at
lunch and dinner, and going to tea with them in between, or playing
cards with his little set of friends, and at night the bookkeeper girl
waiting for him. And so it went on for a month, and then he grew tired
and left her, and she lost her place here; and if she has any money
now it is that which I have lent her to get through her trouble with.
“So you see what sort of a man he is. But that he can play I will
admit. He has a wonderful touch, and a beautiful instrument worth a
great deal of money. He could earn a large salary in any orchestra in
the world. But there is no heart in his playing. He does not love music
as one should.”
Without Souls

I.—The Builders

I
Mrs. Thrush. What do you think of that hawthorn?
Mr. Thrush. Oh, no, my dear, no; much too isolated, it would attract
attention at once. I can hear the boys on a Sunday afternoon—“Hullo,
there’s a tree that’s bound to have a nest in it.” And then where are
you? You know what boys are on a Sunday afternoon? You remember
that from last year, when we lost the finest clutch of eggs in the county.
Mrs. Thrush. Stop, stop, dear, I can’t bear it. Why do you remind
me of it?
Mr. Thrush. There, there, compose yourself, my pretty. What other
suggestions have you?
Mrs. Thrush. One of the laurels, then, in the shrubbery at the Great
House.
Mr. Thrush. Much better. But the trouble there is the cat.
Mrs. Thrush. Oh, dear, I wish you’d find a place without me; I
assure you (blushing) it’s time.
Mr. Thrush. Well, my notion, as I have said all along, is that there’s
nothing to beat the very middle of a big bramble. I don’t mind whether
it’s in the hedge or whether it’s on the common. But it must be the very
middle. It doesn’t matter very much then whether it’s seen or not,
because no one can reach it.
 Mrs. Thrush. Very well, then, be it so; but do hurry with the
building, there’s a dear.

II
Mr. Tree-Creeper. I’ve had the most extraordinary luck. Listen. You
know that farmhouse by the pond. Well, there’s a cow-shed with a door
that won’t shut, and even if it would, it’s got a hole in it, and in the roof,
at the very top, there’s a hollow. It’s the most perfect place you ever
saw, because, even if the farmer twigged us, he couldn’t get at the nest
without pulling off a lot of tiles. Do you see?
Mrs. Tree-Creeper. It sounds perfect.
Mr. Tree-Creeper. Yes, but it’s no use waiting here. We must collar
it at once. There were a lot of prying birds all about when I was there,
and I noticed a particularly nosey flycatcher watching me all the time.
Come along quick; and you’d better bring a piece of hay with you to
look like business.

III
Mr. Wren. Well, darling, what shall it be this year—one of those
boxes at “The Firs,” or the letter-box at “Meadow View,” where the
open-air journalist lives, or shall we build for ourselves like honest
wrens?
Mrs. Wren. I leave it to you, dearest. Just as you wish.
Mr. Wren. No, I want your help. I’ll just give you the pros and cons.
Mrs. Wren. Yes, dear, do; you’re so clear-headed.
Mr. Wren. Listen then. If we use the nest-box there’s nothing to do,
no fag of building, but we have to put up with visitors peeping in every
day and pawing the eggs or the kids about. If we use the letter-box we
shall have to line it, and there will be some of the same human
fussiness to endure; but on the other hand, we shall become famous—
we shall get into the papers. Don’t you see the heading, “Remarkable
Nest in Surrey”? And then it will go on, “A pair of wrens have chosen a
strange abode in which to rear their little fluffy brood——” and so forth.
 Mrs. Wren. That’s rather delightful, all the same.
Mr. Wren. Finally, there is the nest which we build ourselves,
running just the ordinary risks of boys and ornithologists, but feeling at
any rate that we are independent. What do you say?
Mrs. Wren. Well, dearest, I think I say the last.
Mr. Wren. Good. Spoken like a brave hen. Then let’s look about for
a site at once.

IV
Mr. Swallow. I’ve looked at every house with decent eaves in the
whole place until I’m ready to drop.
Mrs. Swallow. What do you think about it?
Mr. Swallow. Well, it’s a puzzle. There’s the Manor House: I began
with that. There is good holding there, but the pond is a long way off,
and carrying mud so far would be a fearful grind. None the less it’s a
well-built house, and I feel sure we shouldn’t be disturbed.
Mrs. Swallow. What about the people?
Mr. Swallow. How funny you are about the people always! Never
mind. All I can find out is that there’s the squire and his wife and a
companion.
Mrs. Swallow. No children?
Mr. Swallow. None.
Mrs. Swallow. Then I don’t care for the Manor House. Tell me of
another.
Mr. Swallow. This is the merest sentiment; but no matter. The
Vicarage next.
Mrs. Swallow. Any children there?
Mr. Swallow. No, but it’s much nearer the pond.
Mrs. Swallow. And the next?
Mr. Swallow. The farmhouse. A beautiful place with a pond at your
very door. Everything you require, and lots of company. Good
sheltered eaves, too.
Mrs. Swallow. Any children?
Mr. Swallow. Yes, one little girl.
Mrs. Swallow. Isn’t there any house with babies?
Mr. Swallow. Only one that could possibly be any use to us; but it’s
a miserably poor place. No style.
Mrs. Swallow. How many babies?
Mr. Swallow. Twins, just born, and others of one and two and three.
Mrs. Swallow. We’ll build there.
Mr. Swallow. They’ll make a horrible row all night.
Mrs. Swallow. We’ll build there.

II.—Bush’s Grievance
I am very happy for the most part. I have perfect health and a good
appetite, and They are very good to me here: let me worry them at
meals, and toss me little bits—chiefly bread and toast, I admit, but nice
bread and nice toast; and though He spends far too much time indoors
with books and things, and She doesn’t go for walks, and the puppy-
girl has a dog of her own, and doesn’t want me (nor do I want her), yet
I manage pretty well, for there is a boy who often goes to the village,
through the rabbit fields, and takes me with him, and there is a big
house near by where the servants throw away quite large bones only
half-scraped. Either they are extravagant or they don’t make that horrid
watery stuff, the ruination of good bones, which My People here will
begin their dinner with.
So you see I don’t do badly; and, though now and then I have to be
whacked, still it doesn’t hurt much, and He only half knows how to do
it; while as for Her (when He’s away), She’s just useless.
But my grievance, you say? Oh, yes, I have one grievance, and
talking it over with other dogs, particularly spaniels (like me), I find that
it’s a very common one. My grievance is the game they will play
instead of going for a walk. In winter it’s all right, They walk then; but in
summer They will play this game. I can’t make head or tail of it myself,
but They simply adore it. It is played with four balls—blue and red and
black and yellow—and hoops. First one of Them hits a ball, and then
the other. It goes on for ever. I do all I can to show Them what I think of
it: I lie down just in front of the player; sometimes I even stop the balls
completely; but They don’t take the hint: They just shout at me or prod
me with the mallet.
That’s my grievance. Of course it was pretty bad when They got a
dog for the little puppy-girl, especially as it is not a breed I care for; but
that I can stand. It’s this wretched monopolizing game that I can’t
stand. I hate it.

III.—A London Landmark

I am the biggest of the elephants—the one that keeps on nodding
its head. Why I do that I’ll tell you later. The habit began some years
ago. You see, I am getting on. I have been here ever since 1876, and
that’s a long time. I was thinking the other day of all the things that
have happened since I moved to Regent’s Park from Ceylon, and
really it is wonderful. For I hear what’s going on. In between remarks
about how big I am, and how restless I am, and what a wicked little eye
I’ve got, the people say all kinds of things about the events of the day.
Last Sunday I heard all about the Suffragettes, for instance. There
wasn’t much talk about Suffragettes in 1876.
I read what’s going on too. Now and then some one drops a paper
or I borrow the keeper’s. It took me a long time to learn to read, but I
know now. I began with the notices about pickpockets, which are
everywhere in these Gardens. That’s an old thing, isn’t it? We four-
footed creatures, whom you all come to stare at and patronize, at any
rate have no pockets to pick, and therefore are spared one of your
weaknesses. (Except of course the kangaroo.) I mastered the
pickpocket notice first, and then I learned the meaning of the one about
smoking in my house. And so by degrees I knew it all, and it’s now
quite simple. I can read anything. I wish the people who came here
could read as well. It says as plain as can be on my little door-plate
thing, in front of the railings, that I am—that I am a lady—but how
many visitors do you suppose refer to me as “she” or “her”? Not more
than three out of the hundred. I count sometimes, just for fun. That’s
really why I nod: I’m counting. “Isn’t he enormous?” they say. “Look at
his funny little eye?” “Would you like to give him a bun, dearie?” and so
on. And all the time, if only education were properly managed in this
country, they could read my sex. It’s on the board all right.
I have been here longer than any one except the hippopotamus,
which was born here in 1872. But to be born here is dull. I had six
years of Ceylon first; I am a traveller. Supposing that I got away I
should know what to do; but that old hippo wouldn’t. Homekeeping
hippos have ever homely wits, as the proverb has it.
Do you know that in 1876 Winston was only two years old? Think
of it. He used to be brought to see me when he was a tiny toddle with
quite a small head. I’ve given him many a ride on my back. I often
wonder what is the future of the children who put buns in my trunk and
ride on my back, but this is the only one I can remember who got into
office so young.
It’s an old place, the Zoo. Such queer creatures come and look at
me,—lean, eager naturalists, lovers, uncles with small nephews, funny
men trying to think of jokes about me. I like the Bank Holidays the best.
There’s some pleasure in astonishing simple people; and I like
Sundays the least because the clever ones come then. Schoolmasters
are the worst, because they lecture on me. My keeper hates them too,
because they ask such lots of questions and never give any tips.
There’s a fearful desire to know how heavy I am. What does that
matter? “My word, I wouldn’t like him (him, of course) to tread on my
favourite corn!”—I wonder how often I’ve heard that joke. The English
make all their jokes again. They say things, too, about my trunk—
packing it up and so on—till I could die of sheer ennui.
The Interviewer’s Bag

I.—The Autographer
HE was sitting forlornly on the shore at Swanage, toying with an open
knife. Fearing that he might be about to do himself a mischief, I
stopped and spoke.
“No,” he said, “I’m not contemplating suicide. Don’t think that. I’m
merely pondering on the illusion that England is the abode of freedom.”
“But isn’t it?” I asked.
He laughed bitterly.
“What’s wrong?” I said.
He jerked his thumb towards the stone globe which is to Swanage
what Thorwaldsen’s Lion is to Lucerne, or the Sphinx to the desert.
“Well?” I said.
“Have you seen the tablets?” he asked.
“No,” I said.
“They’ve put up two tablets,” he explained, “with a request that any
one wishing to cut or write his name should do it there rather than on
the globe.”
“Very sensible,” I said.
“Sensible?” he echoed. “Sensible? But what’s the use of cutting
your name on a place set apart for the purpose? There’s no fun in that.
Things are coming to a pretty pass when Town Councils take to
sarcasm. Because that’s what it is,” he continued. “Sarcasm. They
don’t want our names anywhere, and this is their way of saying so.
Sarcasm has been described,” he went on, “as ‘the language of the
devil’; and it’s true.”
“But why do you want to cut your name?” I asked.
He opened his eyes to their widest. “Why? What’s the use of going
anywhere if you don’t?” he retorted. “You’ll find my name all over
England—on trees at Burnham Beeches, on windows at Chatsworth,
on stone walls at Kenilworth, on whitewash at Stratford-on-Avon, in the
turf of Chanctonbury. You’ll find it in belfries and on seats. I should be
ashamed of myself if I didn’t inscribe it—and permanently, too. But this
is too much for me. I came here only because I heard about the stone
globe; and then to find those tablets! But I haven’t wasted my time,” he
continued. “I went over to the New Forest the other day, and to-morrow
I’m going to Stonehenge.”
“That’s no good,” I said.
“No good? Why, I’ve bought a new chisel on purpose for it. I’m told
the stone’s very hard.”
“You won’t be able to do it,” I said. “It’s enclosed now, and
guarded.”
He buried his face in his hands. “Everything’s against me,” he
groaned. “The country’s going to the dogs.”

II.—The Equalizer
My friend was talking about the difficulty of getting level with life:
with the people who charge too much, and with bad management
generally; the subject having been started by a long wait outside the
junction, which made our train half an hour late.
“How,” my friend had said, “are we ever going to get back the value
of this half-hour? My time is worth two guineas an hour; and I have
now lost a guinea. How am I to be recouped? The railway company
takes my money for a train which they say will do the journey between
11.15 and 12.6, and I make my plans accordingly. It does not get in till
12.36, and all my plans are thrown out. Is it fair that I am not
recompensed? Of course not. They have robbed me. How am I to get
equal with them?”
 So he rattled on, and the little cunning eyes opposite us became
more cunning and glittering.
After my friend had left, the little man spoke to me.
“Why didn’t he take something?” he asked.
“What do you mean?” I said.
“Something from the carriage, to help to make up?” he said. “The
window strap for a strop, for instance? It’s not worth a guinea, of
course, but it’s something, and it would annoy the company.”
“But he wasn’t as serious as that,” I said.
“Oh, he’s one of them that talks but doesn’t act. I’ve no patience
with them. I always get some, if not all, of my money back.”
“How?” I asked.
“Well, suppose it’s a restaurant, where I have to wait a long time
and then get only poor food. I calculate to what extent I’ve been
swindled and act accordingly. A spoon or two, or possibly a knife, will
make it right. I am scrupulously honest about it.” He drew himself up
proudly.
“If it’s a theatre,” he went on, “and I consider my time has been
wasted, I take the opera-glasses home with me. You know those in the
sixpenny boxes; I’ve got opera-glasses at home from nearly every
theatre in London.”
“No!” I said.
“Really,” he replied, “I’m not joking. I never joke. You tell your friend
when you see him next. Perhaps it will make him more reasonable.”

III.—A Hardy Annual

“You look very tired,” I said.
“Yes,” he replied, with a sigh. It was at the private view of the
Academy. “But I shall get some rest now. It is all over for a while.”
“What is over?” I asked.
 “My work,” he said. “It does not begin again with any seriousness
till next February; but it goes on then till April with terrific vigour.” He
pressed his hand to his brow.
“May I know what it is?” I inquired.
“Of course,” he said. “I name pictures for the Exhibitions. The
catalogues are full of my work. Here, for example, is one of my most
effective titles: ‘Cold flows the Winter river.’ Not bad, is it?”
I murmured something.
“Oh, I know what you’re thinking,” he replied. “You’re thinking that it
is so simple that the artist could have done it himself without my
assistance. But there you’re mistaken. They can’t, not artists. They can
just paint a picture—some of them—and that’s all. You’ve no idea....
Well, well.”
“Really?” I said.
“Yes,” he continued; “it’s so. Now turn on. Here’s another of mine.
‘It was the Time of Roses.’ That sounds easy, no doubt; but, mark you,
you have not only to know it—to have read Hood—but—and this is the
secret of my success—to remember it at the right moment.” He almost
glittered with pride. “Turn on,” he said. “‘East and West.’ That’s a subtle
thing. Why ‘East and West’? you say. And then you see it’s an English
girl—the West—holding a Japanese fan—the East. But I’m not often as
tricky as that. A line of poetry is always best; or a good descriptive
phrase, such as ‘Rivals,’ ‘Awaiting Spring’s Return,’ ‘The Forest
Perilous,’ ‘When Nature Sleeps,’ ‘The Coming Storm,’ ‘Sunshine and
Shadow,’ ‘Waiting,’ ‘The Farmer’s Daughter,’ ‘A Haunt of Ancient
Peace.’”
He paused and looked at me.
“They all sound fairly automatic,” he went on; “but that’s a blind.
They want doing. You know the saying, ‘Hard writing makes easy
reading’; well, it’s the same with naming titles. You think it’s nothing;
but that’s only because it means real work. I don’t know how to explain
the gift—uncanny, no doubt. Kind friends have called it genius. But
there it is.”
“I hope the financial results are proportionate,” I said.
 “Ah,” he replied, “not always. But how could they be? It’s not only
the expense of getting to the studios—taxis, and so forth—but the
mental wear and tear. Still, I manage to live.”

IV.—Another of Our Conquerors

I used to think that the office-boy did those things. But no; it seems
that it is an industry, and a very important one.
I made the discovery at a station, where the horrible and irritating
word “Phast-phix” on the picture of a gum bottle held the reluctant eye.
A sleek little man in a frock-coat and a tall hat, who had evidently
breakfasted on cloves, paused beside me.
“You might not think it,” he said, “to look at me; but that word that
you are obviously admiring so naturally—and I may say so justly—
originated with me. I invented it.”
“Why?” I asked. “Surely there are other things to do.”
He seemed pained and perplexed.
“It is my business,” he said. “That’s what I do. I have an office; I am
well known. All the best firms apply to me. For example,” he went on,
“suppose you were to bring out a fluid mutton——”
“Heaven forbid!” I cried.
“Yes, but suppose you were to,” he continued, “and you wanted a
name for it, you would come to me.”
“Why shouldn’t I think of one myself?” I asked.
“You!” he cried. “How could you? It’s a special equipment. Just try
and you’ll see. What would you call it?”
“Well,” I said after a moment’s thought, “I might call it—I might call
it—— Hang it, I wouldn’t do such a thing, anyway.”
“There,” he cried triumphantly, “I knew it. You would be lost. You
would therefore come to me. I should charge you ten guineas, but in
return you would have a name that would make your fortune.”
“What would that be?” I ventured to ask.
 “Oh, I don’t know,” he said, “for certain. ‘Sheep-O,’ perhaps. But
anyway it would be a good name. ‘Flock-vim,’ perhaps. Or even ‘Mut-
force.’”
I began to long for my train.
“How do you think of such things?” I inquired. “Tell me your
processes.”
He laughed deprecatingly. “I have given the subject an immense
deal of thought,” he said. “For many years now I have done little else; I
am always on the look-out for ideas. They come to me at all kinds of
odd times and in all kinds of odd places. In bed—on a ’bus—in the
train.”
“This one?” I asked.
“‘Phast-phix’?” he replied. “Oh, I thought of that instantaneously.
You see, the firm came to my office to say they were putting a new
gum or cement on the market, and they must have a good name for it
at once. I had no time. I buried my head in my hands, for a few
seconds (my regular habit) and suddenly ‘Phast-phix’ flashed into it.
They were enchanted.”
“I notice,” I said, “a tendency among advertisers to transform ‘f’ into
‘ph.’”
“Yes,” he said, “they got it from me. I was the first. It is far more
striking, don’t you think? To spell ‘fast-fix’ correctly wouldn’t be witty at
all.”
I agreed with him.
“Tell me some more of your special inspirations,” I said. “Have you
done anything lately as good as ‘Phast-phix’? But no, how could you?”
“Let me see,” he remarked. “Yes, there is the name for the new
pen. They came to me in a great hurry for that, too. But as it happened
I had that carefully pigeon-holed, for I am always inventing names
against a rainy day. I gave it to them at once—the ‘Ri-teezi.’ You have
no doubt seen it advertised.”
(Haven’t I?)
 “That has been an immense success,” he went on. “It’s not a bad
pen, either; but the name! Ah!”
“Anything else out of the way?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “I was just going to tell you. I was approached by a
firm with new blacking. All it required was an absolutely knock-out
name. I gave them one, and only yesterday I had a visit from the
Secretary of the Company, who was present at the Board meeting
when my letter was read out. He says that the thrill that ran through the
directors—sober business men, mind you—at that moment was an
epoch in the history of commerce.”
“Indeed,” I remarked; “and what was the name?”
“The name?” he said. “Ah, yes. It was one of my best efforts, I
think. Simple, forcible, instantaneous in its message and unforgettable
in form—‘Shine-O.’”
“Yes,” I said, “that should be hard to beat. I congratulate you.” And
so we parted.
I wonder if there’s really any money in that fluid-mutton idea.

V.—A Case for Loyola

We had no introduction save the circumstance that we chanced
both to be taking refreshment at the same time—and, after all, is not
that a bond? He did not begin to talk at once, and very likely would not
have done so had not a little man come hastily in, received his drink,
laid his money on the bar without a word, also without a word
consumed it, and hurried out again.
“You might guess a hundred times before you could say what that
man does,” said my neighbour.
I gave it up at once. He might have been anything requiring no
muscle, and there are so many varieties of such professions. An
insurance agent, but he was too busy and taciturn; a commission
agent, but he was alone; a cheap oculist, but he would not be free at
this hour. I therefore gave it up at once.
 “He’s a conjurer,” said the man. “Not on the stage; goes out to
parties and smokers.”
I expressed the necessary amount of surprise and satisfaction.
“Odd what different things men do,” he continued. “There’s all sorts
of trades, isn’t there? I often sit for hours watching men and wondering
what they are. Sometimes you can tell easily. A carpenter, for instance,
often has a rule pocket in his trousers that you can spot. A lawyer’s
clerk has a certain way with him. Horses always leave their mark on
men, and you can tell coachmen even in plain clothes. But there’s
many to baffle you.”
“Yes,” I said, “it needs a Sherlock Holmes.”
“And yet there’s some to puzzle even him,” said my man. “Now
what do you think he’d make of me?”
Upon my word I couldn’t say. He was just the ordinary artisan, with
a little thoughtfulness added. A small, pale man, grizzled and neat, but
the clothes were old. The shininess and bagginess of the knees
suggested much kneeling; nothing else gave me a hint.
“I give that up too,” I said.
“Well,” he replied, “I’ll tell you, because you’re a stranger. I’m a
worm-holer.”
“A worm-holer?”
“Yes, I make worm-holes in furniture to make it seem older and
fetch a better price.”
“Great heavens!” I said; “I have heard of it, of course, but I never
thought to meet a worm-holer face to face. How do you do it?”
“It’s not difficult,” he said, “to make the actual holes. The trick is to
make ’em look real.”
“And what becomes of the furniture?”
“America chiefly,” he said. “They like old English things there, the
older the better. Guaranteed Tudor things will fetch anything ... we
guarantee all ours.”
“And you have no conscience about it?” I asked.
 “None,” he said. “Not any more. I had a little once, but there, the
Americans are so happy with their finds it would be a shame to
disappoint them. I look on myself as a benefactor to the nation now. I
often lie awake at nights—I sleep badly—thinking of the collectors in
U.S.A. hugging themselves with joy to think of the treasures I’ve made
for them.”
The Letter N

A Tragedy in High Life

Extract from the copy of Harold Pippett, only reporter for “The
Eastbury Herald,” as handed to the compositor.

I
INQUIRIES which have been made by one of our representatives yield
the gratifying tidings that Kildin Hall, the superb Tudor residence
vacated a year or so ago by Lord Glossthorpe, is again let. The new
tenant, who will be a valued addition to the neighbourhood, is Mr.
Michael Stirring, a retired banker.

II

From “The Eastbury Herald,” 2 Sept.

Inquiries which have been made by one of our representatives
yield the gratifying tidings that Kildin Hall, the superb Tudor residence
vacated a year or so ago by Lord Glossthorpe, is again let. The new
tenant, who will be a valued addition to the neighbourhood, is Mr.
Michael Stirring, a retired baker.

III
Mr. Guy Lander, Estate Agent, to the Editor of “The Eastbury Herald.”
Dear Ted,—There’s a fearful bloomer in your paper this week,
which you must put right as soon as you can. Mr. Stirring, who has
taken Kildin, is not a baker, but a banker.
Yours, G. L.
 IV
The Editor of “The Eastbury Herald” to Mr. Guy Lander.
My Dear Guy,—Of course it’s only a misprint. Pippett wrote
“banker” right enough, and the ass of a compositor dropped out the “n.”
I’ll put it right next week. No sensible person would mind.
Yours, Edward Hedges.

V
Mrs. Michael Stirring to the Editor of “The Eastbury Herald.”
Sir,—My attention has been called to a very serious misstatement
in your paper for Saturday last. It is there stated that my husband, Mr.
Michael Stirring, who has taken Kildin Hall, is a retired baker. This is
absolutely false. Mr. Stirring is a retired banker, than which nothing
could be much more different. Mr. Stirring is at this moment too ill to
read the papers, and the slander will therefore be kept from him a little
longer, but what the consequences will be when he hears of it I tremble
to think. Kindly assure me that you will give the denial as much
publicity as the falsehood.
Yours faithfully,
Augusta Stirring.

VI
The Editor of “The Eastbury Herald” to Mrs. Michael Stirring.
The Editor of “The Eastbury Herald” presents his compliments to
Mrs. Stirring and begs to express his profound regret that the misprint
of which she complains should have crept into his paper. That it was a
misprint and not an intentional misstatement he has the reporter’s copy
to prove. He will, of course, insert in the next issue of “The Eastbury
Herald” a paragraph correcting the error, but he would point out to Mrs.
Stirring that it was also stated in the paragraph that Mr. Stirring would
be a valued addition to the neighbourhood.

VII
Mrs. Stirring to the Editor of “The Eastbury Herald.”