PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

Second Quarter
LESSON 1: PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Relationship
 a state of connectedness between people.
Personal Relationships
 is a form of relationship closely linked to a person and which can only be important to that person.
 is practically the kind of relationship that we have with our families, friends, and partners in life. This definition also applies
to our relationship with those people who are significant to us.
 refers to close connections between people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds often grow from
and are strengthened by mutual experience.
Attraction
 the Merriam-Webster dictionary, collegiately defined attraction as: the action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or
liking for someone or something; and a quality or feature that evokes interest, liking, or desire.
 When you have a positive attitude or evaluation regarding a particular person in relation to different components, that is
interpersonal attraction.

Here are some of the attractions you need to remember:

1. Physical attraction is based on instinct. Heterosexuals tend to be attracted to men with traditionally masculine features
including muscle body, square jaw, straight nose, and narrow eyes, physically or emotionally. These physical properties often
include higher testosterone levels, common among "alpha males." Alpha males display a particular personality trait, including
directness, determination, and power.
2. Physical attraction does not necessarily lead to a good relationship. The first physical attraction is a very poor indicator,
according to Dr. Margaret Paul, an expert in relationship who has a Ph.D. in psychology, about how well a relationship performs
that can lead to a feeling about abandonment.
3. Platonic attraction is important. You also consider how trustworthy he or she seems to be and how loving he or she is, in
addition to how physically attractive your future partner is. Is he calling, for instance, when he says he's going? Does she answer
the phone if you call her? Is he going to find little things and compliments? When you talk about movies or sports you like, does
she even listen to you?
4. The unattainable is attractive. We just want something that cannot be achieved. According to Helen Fisher, Ph.D., Professor
at the Rutgers Department of Anthropology and Chief Scientific Advisor to the Chemistry online dating service, it will still be
attractive to someone we consider "out-of-the-league" because they are ideal.

There are a lot of key components of attraction that may be the reason for someone liking others. Some of those are:
 Physical Attractiveness- Attractive people draw out a more positive first impression. Initially, people tend to be influenced
by what they see. Even the younger ones prefer to look at faces those adults consider attractive rather than at opposite
ones (Langlois, et.al. 1991).
 Similarity- Many research support that similarity causes attraction. Oftentimes, people classify other people based on
information they already knew about them. That is social categorization, wherein, people mentally group others on where
they belong and that with the same characteristics with them, like group age, religion, personality, attitude, social status,
or education.
 Proximity- One of the important aspects of any relationship is distance. Proximity pertains to physical distance with other
people and it is related to functional distance (how often people interact or communicate with each other). The more you
encounter or interact with the person, the more you allow yourself to get to know him/her better which leads to a better
relationship like friendship or intimate relationship.
 Reciprocity- We tend to get along with people or with someone whom we have the same feelings toward.

Commitment
 is the act or binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action.
 it is a force that unites people and can grow into an attachment which eventually leads to commitment.
 it is a long-term relationship between individuals. A more complex relationship that resulted to increasingly turn to each
other not only for social support but also for help in coordinating activities, remembering dates and appointments, and
accomplishing tasks (Wegner, Erber, & Raymond, 1991). Many people say that for you to be able to have a successful
relationship, you should know your similarities and differences; understand your partner’s needs and desires; and invest
time and effort to work things out and last for a lifetime.
Love
 define as strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personalities attraction based on sexual desire or affection
based on admiration.
There are different styles of love:
o Eros ( erotic love ), Philia (affectionate love ), Storge ( familiar love ), Ludus ( playful love ), Pragma ( enduring
love), Philautia ( self love ), Mania ( obsessive love ), Agape ( selfless love ).
o According to Fisher, et.al. ( 2006 ) humans are driven to find a mate, bond and reproduce and this human
tendency is euphemized with a term, called “Love”.

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 FOUR BASIC TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS
Type Definition Contribution Example
Family two or more persons who are related by closeness, support, and
birth, marriage, or adoption and live communication
together as one household. have an impact on romantic
relationship.

www.lrmds.deped.gov.ph
Friendship a close connection between two people sources of information relating to
that is often built upon mutual physical, emotional, psychosocial
experiences, changes which includes your
shared interests, proximity, and relationship towards the opposite sex.
emotional bonding.

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h
Romantic are close relationship formed between essential in seeking lifelong partner.
Relationship two
people that are built upon affection, trust,
intimacy, and romantic love.

www.lrmds.deped.gov.ph
Casual type of relationship without a real Sense risk of contracting sexually transmitted
Relationship of infections (STIs ) and teenage
seriousness and commitment. pregnancy.

www.lrmds.deped.gov.p
h

Three Components of Love

Within Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, he explains that there are three components of love:
Intimacy
 the closeness each partner feels to the other and the strength of the bond that binds them together. Partners high in
intimacy like value and understand their partners.
 consisting of affective variables such as closeness, caring, and emotional support.
 plays a medium role in short-term relationships but plays a larger role in long-term relationships (Sternberg, 1986).
Passion
 based on romantic feelings, physical attraction, and sexual intimacy with the partner.
 consists of physiological and affective variables like physical attraction, emotional responses that promote physiological
changes, and sexual arousal
 defines as “the drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, sexual consummation, and related phenomena in loving
relationships.” This includes “those sources of motivational and other forms of arousal that lead to the experience of
passion in a loving relationship,” and it’s largely, although not exclusively, derived from “motivational involvement in the
relationship” (Sternberg, 1986, p. 119).
Commitment
 represents cognitive factors such as acknowledging that one is in love and committed to maintaining the relationship.
 is a cognitive process and decision to dedicate love to another individual with the willingness to keep the relationship lasts
 defines the commitment component of love as “in the short term, the decision that one loves someone else, and in the
long term, the commitment to maintain that love.”
 It includes “the cognitive elements that are involved in decision making about the existence of and potential long-term
commitment to a loving relationship” and “deriving largely, although not exclusively, from cognitive decision in and
commitment to the relationship” (Sternberg, 1986, p. 119).

Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love identifies three components of love: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. These
components can combine in different ways to form eight types of love:
Nonlove
 none of the three components of love are present in a relationship (Sternberg, 1986).
 nonlove can be seen in the “casual interactions” in our everyday lives and actually “characterizes the large majority of our
personal relationships” (Sternberg, 1986, p. 123).
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Liking (also called friendship)
 when the intimacy component of love is present in a relationship, but the passion and commitment components are not
(Sternberg, 1986).
 liking involves feelings of “closeness, bondedness, and warmth toward the other, without feelings of intense passion or
long-term commitment” (Sternberg, 1986, p. 123).
 can be seen in the relationships in our lives that we refer to as friendships (Sternberg, 1986).
Infatuation
 which is when the passion component of love is present in a relationship, but the intimacy and commitment components
are not (Sternberg, 1986).
Fatuous Love
 is a type of love that combines Passion (physical and romantic attraction) and Commitment (decision to maintain the
relationship) but lacks Intimacy (deep connection and understanding). This love type is often characterized by whirlwind
romances driven by passion but lacking true depth.
Empty Love
 which is when the decision/commitment component of love is present in a relationship, but the intimacy and passion
components are not (Sternberg, 1986).
 This type of love can commonly be found in some long-term relationships where the couple has lost feelings for one
another.
Romantic Love
 which is when the intimacy and passion components of love are present in a relationship, but the commitment component
is not (Sternberg, 1986).
 This kind of love can also be thought of as “liking with an added element, namely, the arousal brought about by physical
attraction and its concomitants” (Sternberg, 1986, p. 124).
Companionate Love
 love when the intimacy and commitment components of love are present in a relationship, but the passion component is
not (Sternberg, 1986).
Consummate Love
 refers to the ideal form of love that combines three components: Intimacy (deep connection and understanding), Passion
(physical and romantic attraction), and Commitment (the decision to maintain love in the long term). It’s considered the
most complete and balanced form of love.
 Outside of romantic interests, an example of consummate love can be found in many parents” love for their children, often
dubbed “unconditional love” (Sternberg, 1986).

Different ways in showing love with our loved ones or partners and are emphasized in Three (3) attachment styles we display
when we interact with our parents, our friends, and our romantic partners (Eastwick & Finkel, 2008).
a) Secure Attachment Style – a healthy style wherein the children used to receive care and easily communicate with the
parents since they feel that they are always available to listen and keep them safe.
b) Anxious/ambivalent Attachment Style - when children are lacking or seeking more affection from parents because they
are too dependent on them. Avoidant Attachment Style – it is when children are distant to the parent/s, sometimes due to
unpleasant experiences. These attachment styles have a big effect or impact on how an individual perceived and
expresses behavior with or towards others.

Neurotransmitter that are responsible for the deep and strong bonds of a person with others that resulted to love.
 One of the accountable chemicals for the connection of two individuals like between mother and child inside her womb
and even after giving birth is Oxytocin (Keverne, 2006). It is a peptide also known as the love hormone, a female
reproduction hormone, which helps to deepen the connection between mother and child through breastfeeding. It is
transmitted to the brain tissue of the child that allows and creates a strong bond between them. This is the reason why it is
considered as the first form of love.
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  Together with Oxytocin, Endorphin, Serotonin, and Dopamine are so-called “feel good” chemicals that promote strong
connections/bonds between people since it releases during happy moments.
 Another element that promotes love is Vasopressin. It is also a peptide that conveys the behavior of an individual’s social
engagement (Kenkel et al, 2012). One of its roles is to produce a behavior of developing stable, loving, and long-term
relationship with others.
 The studies of Cohen 2007; Fisher et. al, 2009 explained that the serotonin production of newly-in-love individuals
increases up to 40% just like with the brain of a drug addict. And, when a person experiences heartbreak, the brain
processes just like an addict quitting a heroin habit.

The table below shows unacceptable expressions towards expressing attraction so as means of nurturing relationship
Unacceptable Expressions Nurturing Relationship
Catcalling refers to unwanted remarks directed towards a person, commonly done in the form of Connect with your family
wolf - whistling and misogynistic, transphobic, homophobic, and sexist slurs. (Republic Act No.
11313 )
Wolf-whistling is a distinctive two-note glissando whistled sound made to show high interest in or Accept others
approval of something or someone, especially a woman viewed as physically or sexually attractive.
(Wikipedia.com )
Stalking refers to conduct directed at a person involving the repeated visual or physical, Learn to forgive
nonconsensual communication or a combination thereof that cause or will likely cause to a person
to fear for one’s own safety or the safety of others, or to suffer emotional distress. (Republic Act
No. 11313 )
Leering is defined as looking (especially men) at someone in a sexually interested way. Be compassionate
(Wikipedia.com )
Groping is touching another person in an unwelcome sexual way. (Wikipedia.com ) Practice Gratitude

What Makes a Healthy and Acceptable Expression of Attractions?

As you are happy to see and spend time with your partner, you know that you are in a stable relationship. No partnership is ever
perfect, and when basic conflicts arise, causing tension with others, you will certainly feel that the relationship is unstable for a
moment. There are many factors that lead to the growth and maintenance of healthy and acceptable relationships, including:
1. Mutual respect. Will he or she get to know how smart and why you are? Will your partner listen to you when you say you are
not happy doing something and then instantly back off? Respect in a partnership means that each partner trusts and respects the
weaknesses of each other and will never question them.
2. Trust. You talk to a classmate, and your partner wanders about. Is he going to lose his cool, or is he going to keep walking,
because he knows you are never going to cheat on him? Often it's normal to get a little jealous; jealousy is a common feeling. But
how a person reacts when he feels jealous is what matters. Though you trust each other, there is no guarantee that you will have a
healthy relationship.
3. Honesty. This one goes hand-in - hand with confidence, because when one of you is not honest, it is difficult to trust another.
Have you ever caught your partner in a total lie? Like when she told you that she / he was occupied with homework, but it turned
out that she / he was talking to friends? You're going to have a lot of difficulty believing the next time she / he says she / he has to
work and the trust will be on dangerous foundations.
4. Support. It is not only in difficult times that you should be supported by your partner. Usually, when the whole world is falling
apart, we thought that this is the only time we need support from others. Even in your best, you still need support and when time
gets tough, your significant other should still be there. For instance, your partner should be there when you find out that your
parents are breaking apart and he/she should also rejoice with you when you get a great score.
5. Fairness/Equality. You need to have a give and a take in your relationship. Do you take turns deciding what kind of food to eat?
Are you going out with your friends as a partner as much as you stay out with your friends? If it is not a fair balance, you will know.
When a relationship transforms into a power struggle, with one party trying to get his or her way all the time, changes get really
fast.
6. Separate identities. In a stable relationship, everybody has to make compromises. But that does not mean you should have the
feeling that you are losing yourself. You both had your own lives when you started out (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.)
and that should not change. You should not pretend to like something that you do not like, or give up seeing your mates, or give up
something that you love. And you should also feel free to build new abilities or interests, make new friends, and move forward.
7. Good Communication. Are you going to speak to each other and share the feelings that matter to you? Don't keep your
emotions locked up because you are afraid your partner does not even need to hear about it. And if you need some time to think
about something before you are ready to talk about it, you will be provided some space by the right person to do that.

10 Things That Are Unacceptable in Any Relationship Every relationship has its ups and downs, and we all have to
compromise a little to make them work. But if your partner consistently does the following, it might be time to think twice.
1. Cheating If you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, cheating should be out of the question. Many people will say
infidelity is a deal-breaker. However, others will decide to stay with their partners after an affair, and, under the right circumstances,

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it is possible to heal the relationship. If you do decide to maintain the relationship, your partner says they will never cheat again,
and they do, it’s likely that they will continue to break your trust.
2. Putting you down No one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself. Whether blatant or subtle, if your partner criticizes
your looks, your hair, your laugh, your intelligence, or anything, they’re not worth your time.
3. Not supporting your dreams in a relationship, you should be each other’s cheerleaders. When you feel discouraged, they should
tell you all the things you’re doing right. If you feel like running out of options, they should ask what he can do to help you reach
your goals.
4. Controlling You should have a life outside of your relationship, away from your partner. It is not their place to tell you who you
can see, when you can see them, what to eat, or how to dress. This controlling behavior can be a warning sign of physical abuse
and should be taken seriously.
5. Lack of communication You will never be able to grow together if you don’t discuss your wants and needs. You both need to
feel comfortable openly expressing your feelings, good and bad, otherwise you might begin to resent each other.
6. Unnecessary sacrifices Compromise is a must in a relationship, but if you feel like you’re giving up everything, while your
significant other is sacrificing nothing, something’s not right. Have you heard someone say they got rid of their pet because their
fiancé didn’t like cats? Or quit their job, left their family, and moved to other places for someone who wouldn’t do the same for
them? These should serve as your red flags or warning signs that there is something wrong in how your significant other treats
you.
7. Unreliability When your cellphone is not working, you need advice, or you’ve just had a bad day and need a hug, do they come
to your aid? If they’re not there for you when you need them the most, think twice: why are you with them? 12 CO_Q2_Personal
Development SHS Module 1
8. Forgetting the memorable day There’s a stereotype that men always forget anniversaries and birthdays. Whether that’s true or
not, it’s not okay. It’s normal for something to slip our minds, but your man (or woman) should remember those little things that are
important to you.
9. Self-destruction Sometimes we fall for people who are in rough situations. Though it can be difficult, it’s important to be there
for your loved ones during these times and encourage them to seek help if necessary. However, if they are engaging in destructive
behavior that is negatively affecting you, and they refuse to seek help, you might want to consider leaving. There is only so much
you can do, and it is not your fault that they are not willing to help themselves.
10. Not caring about friends and family When you want to build a life with someone, you have to accept every part of them,
including the people they care about. Your partner not making an effort to get to know your loved ones can cause a major strain on
your relationship.

Keeping a Healthy Relationship

In healthy relationship, both partners
 are treated with kindness and respect
 are honest with each other
 Like to spend time together
 Take an interest in things that are important to each other
 Respect one another’s emotional, physical and sexual limits
 Can speak honestly about their feelings.

How to avoid peer or date pressure

 Hang out with friends who also believe that its OK to not be ready for sex yet.
 Go out with a group of friends rather than only your date.
 Introduce your friends to your parents.
 Invite your friends to your home.
 Stick up for your friends if they are being pressured to have sex.
 Think of what you would say in advance in case someone tries to pressure you.
 Always carry money for a telephone call or cab in case you feel uncomfortable.
 Be ready to call your mom, dad, or a friend to pick you up if you need to leave a date.
 Never feel obligated to “pay someone back” with sex in return for a date or gift.
 Say “no” and mean “no” if that’s what you feel.

Ideas on how to exercise expressing affections and developed into a commitment for any kinds of relationship. These may serve
as tips on how to keep healthy relationships with others.
Stay happy. Happiness gives you the feeling of satisfaction for both abstract and concrete things.
Be empathic. Empathizing with another is acting with greater cooperation and overall selflessness—the desire to help, even at a
potential cost to the self.
Keep open communication. It provides an opportunity to size up the trustworthiness of a person by verbally committing to
cooperate with another.
Always trust. Working with others toward a common goal requires a level of faith that others will repay our hard work and
generosity. Supporting their interests is also showing your trust.
Show respect. People are likely to give respect to others by being polite, honest, and by showing kindness all the time.
Be a helping hand. In times of trouble (e.g., mentally/ emotionally), make him/her feel that he/she always has you on his/her side.
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