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ChocCharlie
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3 views

Comedy script

Uploaded by

ChocCharlie
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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Abi: (As Hamlet) To be, or not to be, that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer


The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to
sleep,

Debbie: (carrying chair/block. Talking to someone offstage, unaware of Abi) Where did he
say he wanted it? (sees Abi, realises mistake, backs away tiptoeing towards the wings)

Abi: No more; and by a sleep to say we end


The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks

Michelle: (enters the opposite side to Debbie) I reckon about here would do!

(Debbie signals to Michelle to stop talking, waving arms around)

Abi: That flesh is heir to: 'tis a consummation


Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream—

ay, there's the rub: Michelle: What? Mate, you know I don't
For in that sleep of death what know sign language, right?
dreams may come, (Debbie keeps flailing)
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we Ooo are we playing charades?? Oh I love
this game!
have
Than fly to others that we know not (Debbie making a cross with arms to
of? signal stop)
Thus conscience doth make cowards
Okay ummm slice??
of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution (Debbie dramatically puts a finger over
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of her lips)
thought, One? One slice?
And enterprises of great pith and
moment (Debbie outstretches her arms)
With this regard their currents turn What's that? Pizza? Oh oh yeah pizza! 1
slice of pizza! Is that all I get for all this
awry heavy lifting? Bit harsh
And lose the name of action.

(monologue ends, Abi storms off)

Michelle: Oh. Oh no Debbie mate, I think she was performing.

Debbie: You are rubbish at charades. (To the audience) Sorry everyone, so sorry.
Michelle: Oh blimey, that's a lot of people looking at us.

Debbie: Yeah, that’s sort of the point of a theatre.

Michelle: I considered being an actor you know, doing a bit of musical theatre. (Debbie looks
at her blankly) No, I did, honest! (Pause as Debbie begins to walk offstage, Michelle doesn't
move) Wait, this could be our chance!

Debbie: What are you talking about, let's go!

(Company start coming on to prepare for their next scene - they are completely bewildered
by what is going on)

Michelle: (starts singing really badly)


On my own
Pretending he's beside me

Debbie: What are you doing!?!?!

Michelle: All alone


I walk with him 'til morning

Debbie: (Loud whisper) You are embarrassing yourself!

Michelle: Without him

Debbie: Rogue song choice as well…

Michelle: I feel his arms around me


And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

(beat)

Debbie: I love him


But every day I'm learning

Together: All my life


I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known

(beat)

(a member of the cast coughs/clears their throat)


Michelle: (over the top mouthing) Right yes sorry, we’re going now.

(Debbie and Michelle tip toe off)

Debbie: I think we smashed that to be fair Mich.

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