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NEAT (ae MMMM

NATE | Wats Std

NG ALONG with their GREATEST HITS!
Fractions Are A Half- Baked Idea
Berayin’ For A Fire Drill
From Art ROom To Far+ Room
Detention (Makes Me Feel So Detained)
Chewin’ On A Pencil, Chokin’On A Test_
Tm Anti-Social Studies
— AND MANY MORE !!
 Also by Lincoln Peirce
Big Nate: The Boy with the Biggest Head in the World
Big Nate Strikes Again
Big Nate on a Roll
Big Nate Goes for Broke
Big Nate: Boredom Buster
Big Nate:Fun Blaster
Big Nate What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Big Nate: Here Goes Nothing!
Big Nate Flips Out
Big Nate: Genius Mode
Big Nate: Doodlepalooza

First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s

Books in 2014. HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division
of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd, 77-85 Fulham Palace Road,
Hammersmith, London, W6 8JB.

www.harpercollins.co.uk

24681097531

Text and Illustrations © 2014 United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of

this work.
.
ISBN 978-0-00-759560-0 "

CHILDREN'S FICTION

Printed and bound in India by Thomson Press India Ltd.

Conditions of Sale

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way
of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise
circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form, bind-
ing or cover other than that in which it is published and without
a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the
subsequent purchaser.
 Ne

HarperCollins Children’s Books

For the cousins
Ser a

A frozen waffle has ruined my life.

TEDDY’S frozen waffle, if you really want to know.

This whole disaster is totally his fault.
Teddy’s one of my two
TEDDY SPECIALTY:
best friends (Francis He does the best armpit fart
is the other), but I’m in the whole sixth grade.
pretty ticked off at
him right now. He’s
the reason I’m stand-
ing here in front of half
the school, getting my
butt handed to me by
Principal Nichols.

It started yesterday in social studies. That’s

when Mrs Godfrey, aka Jabba the Gut, assigned
a research paper. Guess who has to write about
the War of 1812? Worst. Topic. EVER.

Fry APPLYING |__ (Remember, this\

Woutselfe toma Sua is toe maste oi
change, - MRSS | project before ||
INate! J Yy/ Y 3 REPORT CARDS
pe Seg CoE OUT
ae SS
Siii Aa,
— 9, 7a
Inspired by those heartwarming words, I flipped
through the textbook. And you know what it said
about the War of 1812? Absolutely NOTHING.
It was probably written in 1811. Anyway, that’s
when Teddy came to the rescue. . .

YOU MUST. SFASS - INAS

DETAILED OUTLINE
FIRST THING TOMORROW!

COME OVER TOY MY DADS A HISTORY BUFF!

MY HOUSE HE’s GOT TONS OF BOOKS
AFTER SCHOOL! ,.ABOUT ALL KINDS OF WARS!
Sounded like a plan. After school, we ALL walked
over to Teddy’s:

Me... Dee Dee...

Francis... and Chad.

tn
\\ as Sit es nt

And it went GREAT. Mr Ortiz’s books were so full

of boring facts and useless information — the kind
of stuff teachers LOVE - that in no time at all,
I pulled together a pretty rockin’ outline.

WAIT ‘TIL OL’ DEATH WOW! IT LOOKS VY

BREATH SEES THIS! TOTALLY
Le PRO!

So far, so good, right? Well, not quite. Because

late - like “I’m already in my jammies” later —
I was going through my backpack. . . and THE
OUTLINE WASN’T THERE!!

aD aeRS
RIGHT HERE

ILL BRING
IT TO SCHOOL

So I DIDN’T worry about it. I went to bed think-

ing my outline was safe in Teddy’s kitchen. Little
did I know what would happen the next morning.

eiS stern. fa.m.

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Ok, it probably didn’t go EXACTLY like that.
Whatever. The point was: When I got to school
this morning, I found out that Teddy had turned
my outline into a soggy, syrupy pile of confetti.

You DIP Sure, I could tell

sey oe Mrs Godfrey the
whole story. She
LOVES listening to
excuses. She’s so
UNDERSTANDING.

HOUSES (= _[ note from your!

burned
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Class was starting in three minutes, and I had no
outline. Talk about a stress fest. I was twitching
like a bag of microwave popcorn. So I did what
I always do when I get nervous.

of lige
yi
ssn
e

I bonked myself on the head with an empty plastic

bottle.

Yeah, maybe it’s a little weird. But have you ever

TRIED it? It feels good. It’s relaxing. And it makes
kind of a cool sound.

THUNK THU SANK THUNK THUNK

THUNK THU BRK THUNK THUNK
THUNK THUN PARA HUNK THUNK
THUNK THUNK PRO AUNK THUNK
THUNK THUNK TSS dee kKTHUNK THUNK
THUNK THUN/([BRU RESIN K THUNK THUNK
THUNK THUN PE(NK THUNK THUNK THUNK
THUNK THUNG EINK THUNK THUNK THUNK
THUNK THUD
SS 288< THUNKTHUNK THUN KK
“What on EARTH are you doing?”

What was I doing? Wondering how the Bride of

Sasquatch could have snuck up behind me, that’s
what. I mean, she’s big, she’s loud, and she smells
like onions. How does she sneak up on ANYBODY?
 ARE YOU REFERRING TO THE
BOTTLE... oR youR HEAD?

What could I say? I was busted. I waited until she’d

gone back into her classroom. Then I spotted the
recycling bin over by the computer lab.

We now interrupt this flashback with a fact about

plastic bottles: They’re bouncy. That’s what makes
’em such good stress busters. But it means that

a|
if you throw one, the chances are better than
average that it’s going to bounce off where you
WANT it to go...

Ng
N
Ni 4

GlXY ull
WY

.. like THAT. Bull’s-eye.

 ; a

Zags
AW F,

There. Now you know why the principal

is yelling at me till his tonsils
Q burst. That’s the end %Sf
of the flashback. . .

AND THE START

OF ANOTHER

Note the sarcasm. I don’t want to

sound all whiny and everything,
but my life STINKS lately.
 (ks. 2

d Your
It’s not just one thing; it’s a whole bunch of stuff.
And it all adds up to a hot, steaming pile of. . .

es
3 ws
2. aD
r) Ba
ZS hia

A ET
TOF \Y7 STOP!
WAS.
NATE,
“I don’t want to hear it,” she says flatly. “Your
‘funny stories’ are usually total FICTION.”

Before I can answer, Teddy’s beside me.

~

BUT IT'S TRUE! HE

WAS AT MY HOUSE!
AND HE DID AN OUT-
LINE, BUT HE LEFT IT
ON MY KITCHEN TABLE!
AND THEN THIS MORN-
ING, INSTEAD OF CEREAL,
I DECIDED TO HAVE A
we FROZEN WAFFLE FOR
BREAKFAST. AND WHEN-

HA! Hear THAT, lady? Teddy’s backing me up!

What do you say NOW?

PERHAPS YOU \"

MISSED WHAT
IG AVR \eelulee
FRIEND
If you’re keeping score, that’s Godfrey one, truth
zero. I guess when you’re a teacher, you don’t
sweat the small stuff. Like THE FACTS.

HAND IN AN OUTLINE BY
THE END OF THE DAY,
NATE, AND YOU COULD
STILL EARN HALF CREDIT!

‘THAT SOUNDS) “HALF CREDIT FOR),

ee eee

, ABOUT RIGHT!» » A HALF-WIT! .

Ss ot ge

Ugh. Here’s ANOTHER reason my life’s a total

bitefest lately. Gina’s been even more obnoxious
than usual. See that smile on her face? She
LOVES to see me get in trouble. It’s like Christmas
for her. And right now, every day’s a holiday.

SiUher 7s
SOCK IN 17,
NEEDLE NOSE!

Gina smirks. “That’s

) \O
not even ORIGINAL,”
she hisses. “You used the exact same insult on me
YESTERDAY!”

I feel my cheeks start to burn. I DID, didn’t I? I’m

reusing MY OWN MATERIAL. Wow, even my
trash-talking has gone stale. I can’t do ANYTHING
right.

HAT sSLUMP IM1 INU

Actually, “slump” might not

be the word I’m looking for.
Slumps usually happen in
SPORTS - like when the
game just doesn’t go your
way, no matter how hard you try. I’ve been in
sports slumps before, and it’s usually not that big
a deal. Unless you have a psycho for a coach.

RELAXED 733 or)oR)

ENOUGH! ey
WWW th [Sn
NS PS
Ris S$ ——
‘& ———— ——

No, this is more than a slump. It’s bad luck, that’s

what it is. HORRIBLE luck. And I can’t find a way
out of it.

The bell finally rings, and the gang joins me as

we all file out of the classroom.
He looks so serious, I can’t help but crack a smile.
It’s impossible to stay mad at Teddy.

“Tt wasn’t your fault,” I tell him. “You TRIED to

take the blame!” 7

HOW WERE YOU FULL RAGE MODE?

SUPPOSED TO KNOW
THAT MRS GODFREY
WOULD GE IN...

4
“Is she ever NOT in full rage mode?” Francis asks.

“Good point,” the rest of us say together.

HEY, WEVE GOT \(LETS PLAY “ADD-ON”

A FREE LESSON: /\ IN THE CAFETORIUM !

iG — PEAS oe
.
eek
gibsbicetl ‘ha —*\"
“IT can’t,” I groan. “I’ve got to get that stupid
outline done.” I shuffle off towards the library.
War of 1812, here I come.

“You keep your chin up, Nate!” Dee Dee chirps as

I trudge down the hallway. “The day’s just starting!
It’ll get better!”

“It HAS to,” I call back.

MOWe COULD IT:

GET ANY WORSE 7?
CQOGPODLER®
ps

“Nate! Just the kiddo I’m looking for!” Mrs Hickson

greets me as I step into the library.

I JUST ADDED
SOME FANTASTIC
BOOKS TO OUR
GRAPHIC NOVELS
COLLECTION!

lh
(fa On,
I feel like telling her NOTHING’S right up my alley
these days. The way my luck’s going, if I ended up
in an alley...

'I'D PROBABLY
GET MUGGED!

“Uh. . . thanks, but I’ll have

to look at them later,” I say.
“I’ve got to do some social
studies first.”

“REALLY?” Her eyebrows practically pop off her

face. “Well, by all means, Nate, go right ahead!”

Nice. Does she have to look so SHOCKED? I may

not be Joe Scholar, but it isn’t like INEVER come
in here to do classwork. It only SEEMS that way.

SRA KR Zi
JO

@ TABLE FOOTBALL eee eo

ee
Sess
 @ THUMB WRESTLING i
itmatceell ast ii Fines a wi,
| ee my (“One... two... \|
ron fF)
[Fhree.. four. |
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allio
li

“Do you have any stuff I could look at about the

War of 1812?” I ask (as if I really care).

“I just might!” she answers. “Let me see what I can

find!” She bustles off to who knows where.

MAYBE SHE'S CHECKING

THE “BORING BOOKS
THAT NOBODY WANTS TO
READ SECTION.

Anyway, looks like I’m

here at the right time.
When Hickey’s in a good mood - like now -
she’s actually pretty nice. But like all teachers,
she definitely has a dark side. I’ve seen her get
pretty mad. Not GODFREY mad, but she’s on
the chart.

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FREQUE OF RAGE
Now she’s back with a book the size of a stack of
lunch trays.

Thanks a LOT. I can see the headline now: BOY

CRUSHED BY GIANT BOOK. I don’t know about
you, but I try to avoid reading stuff that weighs
more than I do.

It has all the info I need, though. It only takes me

twenty minutes to rewrite my outline. I’m getting
ready to leave when. . .
Look at THIS, everybody - it’s JENNY AND
ARTUR, P.S. 38’s most popular couple! Aren’t they
sweet? Aren’t they adorable? Aren’t they. . .

= fCKENING?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not
saying JENNY’S sickening.
She’s completely awesome.
And I know a little something
about awesomeness.

No, what grosses me out is seeing the two of them

TOGETHER, slobbering all over each other like a
pair of lovesick puppies. Okay, so they’re a couple.
Fine. Do they have to be so OBNOXIOUS about it?

Did she just call him “POOKIE BEAR”? Pardon my

gag reflex. Artur’s no pookie bear. I can come up
with WAY better names for him than THAT. . .

Oh, Artur, youre such a

INSERT NAME HERE!
er Ac CT cee MU SL ET

4 Fart Bucket
fw} Piece of Dry Toast
WE boge Bunny
lw| Ingrown Toenail

BfSass iantey ee
4 Cuddie Slug

RA Sweat Monkey
Zitwagon
a Sad Little Clown
iw| Bar€-o-matic
y Sand Crab
vy Boy
ha Nate Wanna-Be
lyw| Pea Brain
A WUSSY Kits 0 ae a
|v] Soon-to-be former boyfriend
You're probably reading this list and thinking I’m
hating on Artur. But believe it or not, I actually
kind of LIKE the guy. He just bugs me sometimes,
that’s all. AND he’s Jenny’s love puppet.

CHAD! I THOUGHT
YOU WERE PLAYING
ADD-ON IN THE
CAFETORIUM!

“We were, but then some seventh graders started

throwing tacos at us,” he says.

CHAD FACT: “Seventh graders

He’s small for his age, are sucha pain,”
so his grandmother taught
him this saying: I mutter.

Chad nods. “Tell

me about it. My
hair smells like
guacamole now.”
He pulls up a chair beside me. “What are you
doing?”
See SESE TE

IT WAS... * KOFF!
%€..
UH... NOTHING! ABOUT TO START A
NEW *“ULTRA- NATE”
wo STORY: THAT SAL.

“Ooh! Can I be in it?”

“Sure, why not?” I say. “It’s always fun to invent

new characters.”

ur “What’s so funny?” he
asks, looking a little hurt.

“Chad, no offence, but. . .

I don’t think you’re the
super-villain type.”
“I guess you're right,” he admits. “Maybe I’m more
of a ‘loyal sidekick’ kind of guy.”

“Now THAT’S a good idea!” I tell him. “Ultra-Nate

could USE a sidekick!” I start drawing.

THE ASIAZ/NG ADVENTURES OF

Me SUPER GT" GRADER Wi

wand introducing his DYNAMIC new
crime-fi9hting Partner: MEGA-CHAD!!

cer rya
ee ee |
a eae
ea
EES AT 5
a
loool
=

PY Se
Chad beams. “Mega-Chad! I LIKE that!”
 HOW ABOUT GIVING ME A MASK?

“OK,” I say, making a few

pencil strokes. “Any other
requests?”

Chad doesn’t answer right away, and when I look

up from the table, I can see that he’s blushing.

a
ma

“Who, Maya?” I say, surprised.

Chad nods shyly, his cheeks now fire-engine

red. “Maybe I could rescue her or save her life
or something.” Then, quickly, he adds, “In your
comics, I mean.”
Wow, THIS is news. I had no idea Chad had a thing
for Maya.

“All right, trusty sidekick,” I tell him, leaning over

my notebook again. “I’ll see what I can do.”

¢ we could
qaa
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GO BACK IN TIME
to study it
FIRST-HAND!

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“Wouldn’t that be cool?” Chad says when he’s done
reading. “Having super powers like that?”

IMAGINE BEING ABLE To FLY!

(

=e “We might not be able

to fly, but we can do the
next best thing,” I tell
him. “Follow me!”

We angle over to the Book Nook, where a bunch

of giant beanbag chairs sit empty in the corner.
I do a quick 360 to make sure there’s no sign of
Hickey. “Give me a hand, Chad,” I whisper.

-— ais» a ree tag rma ee Ry NN NE

KX TG
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A]vies |

_
Chad looks baffled. “What are we doing?”

“Making a crash pad,” I tell him.

mmmii el ee

( EVEN ULTRA-NAFE AND MEGA-CHAD 1

\__ NEED A SOFT PLACE TO LAND! /

= pa: — Z

“You’re gonna JUMP?” he asks, his eyes widening.

“Superheroes don’t jump, Chad,” I remind him as

I scramble up on to a table. “We FLY!”

YOURE NOT* 7 OR, COME ON, IT’s

' FUN! AND THE
BEANBAGS ARE
y NICE AND SOFT!

" &
Rsaulom wl
He looks around anxiously. “But what if Mrs
Hickson sees us?”

I bend my knees, ready to launch myself into the

pile. “Chad, RELAX! Kids do this all the time and
never get busted! Hickey’s not going to suspect a
thing! 1”

iii ——— = ee Z
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 \ l
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Uh-oh. Can I take that bac

k?
“You blew a HOLE in it!” Chad squeaks.

Yeah, a HUMONGOUS hole. The seam of one of

the beanbags is split wide open, and. . .

Tiny Styrofoam pellets

are pouring out on
to the floor. This is a
DISASTER.

“Quick, Chad!” I hiss, trying to shovel the pellets

back through the hole. “We’ve got to clean this up
before Hickey. . .”

She gives me the VSHE -— the Very Scary Hairy

Eyeball.
Then comes the audio.

“Loud noises are not WELCOME in the library,

ESPECIALLY THE
Nate,” she growls.

SOUND OF A BEANBAG he epi

I guess I could point out that it didn’t EXPLODE,

technically. And that if she wants to keep it quiet
in here, maybe she should stop SHRIEKING at me.

BUT NOW'S AVE a After airing out her

PROBABLY
dentures for a couple of
minutes, Hickey finally
stops to breathe. She
looks at the Styrofoam
AN
Ne scattered all over the
floor, then does one of those slo-mo librarian head
shakes.

BEANBAG CHAIRS DONT (©

GROW ON TREES, Boys! <_>

They
thanks
DON’T? Wow,
for the red-
Or 2s
oc
‘ CS)
hot news flash. I'll delulMU
II
Kos a
add it to my list of. . . a
CT

PS ee
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invested
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DD X(EM notseriino ees
an YOUNGER. /}@

er eo
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pet Te eet
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From out of nowhere, she pulls a small pink pad.

Great. Another detention slip for my collection.
“You'll notice, Nate, that I’m signing this ‘Mrs
Hickson,” she tells me.

AND, CHAD,
I'M DISAPPOINTED
IN ¥OU, TOO!
Chad looks terrified. I don’t think he’s ever been to
detention. In fact, he’s ALMOST a member of. . .

aap Society, Let's

/feTeRy ate
SO she knows all (COMMUNI-} Kor
About avoidin¢g CATE! 7\ ina
POCO rie [ie 12008 tae Bene OSey
Ge
= 2ATE en PASHKOV ie Ae’ < Weed

7X Haito.\ get detention when

ee Hever ou're PERFECT IN
ea soaiesy EVERY WAY.
@ NOELLE NICHOLS FE
She’s the Principals [Can't) 2
~
Iniece, So even if she [TOUCH] Fcam
does something wrong, aE
PF shes teflon. es
$k GINA HEMPHILL- TOMS [i
Yes, she DID get detention once
thank you, Ben Franklin),
BUT. |
7

Hickey —- I mean Mrs Hickson - points a finger at

the leaky beanbag. “That needs to be fixed,” she
announces.

TARE. Pt®
MS BRINDLE.

Chad instantly perks up. “Ms Brindle! YES!”

he says under his breath.
 P’ll explain later why Chad is a major Ms Brindle
groupie. Right now, though, we have to deal with
these stupid pellets. Which turn out to have a
MAJOR static cling problem.

THEYRE STICKING LANDS PAY

TO MY HANDS! CLOTHES!

Not to mention our hair, our faces. . . the stupid

little things stick to EVERYTHING. In a couple of
minutes, we both look like we’ve been swimming
in an ocean of dandruff.

ESTA ALEPPO LGR ALNEE NAT S SREY SLSR AWA CELE

LD MOS SUI SSE EAMES ELL,

H1, CHAD!
me GIGGLE! 4rat

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“Did you hear that?” Chad whispers excitedly.

Maybe Maya was just being

nice, or maybe she really
DOES think Chad’s adorable. Either way, I’m
happy for him. I feel sort of guilty that he got
detention when all he did was—

“Wait a minute,” I say to Chad after Jenny and

Artur walk off. “How come I’m an IDIOT and
you're ADORABLE?”
He shrugs happily. “Just lucky, I guess.”

Lucky? I don’t even know what that word MEANS

any more. So far today, I’ve been hung out to dry by
Godfrey, Nichols, and Hickson. I’m three for three.

WILL MS BRINDLE MAKE IT FOUR??

While Chad and I lug

: MS BRINDLE FACT:
the beanbag chair to Her classroom always
her classroom, I can smells like cinnamon.
tell you about Ms
Brindle. She teaches
“Life Skills,” which
isn’t anything like a
real class. It’s more | ‘ | oa
DSSS
ll Segegee
RS
of a cross between RO
a TV cooking show and a visit to your grand-
mother. There’s no textbook and no homework.
It’s just Ms Brindle teaching us random stuff.

Some of it’s lame. .. *-

((.and THAT'S how ee eae 4

|MfSALES
fay TAY is] //(7WAITa \|
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ee ULi}
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Anyway, here’s the one thing you need to know
about Ms Brindle: She’s the nicest teacher in the
whole school. So if SHE ends up yelling at me. . .

THEN TLL KNOW) (COME IN, BOYS, AND

I'M TOTALLY <¢a\| TASTE THIS SNACK
JINXED! © OUST MADE"

vows
mM

THAT’S why Chad’s such a huge Ms Brindle fan.

He’s got a serious sweet tooth, and he knows that
whenever he walks into her room, she’s going to
offer him cookies or brownies or. . .

( STUFFED
Eo, CABBAGE ROLLS!

mm
Chad’s face falls flatter than a mashed cat.
“C-cabbage?” he stammers.

YOU DONT HAVE...UM...

ANYTHING ELSE?

r © “Ym afraid not. Sorry,

:
SU Chad,” Ms Brindle says
with a smile.

“Principal Nichols will explain it at the assembly

tomorrow,” she continues. “For MY class, it means
that from now on, we'll be focusing on making
healthy food choices.”
“Oh,” Chad says, looking like he knows that
“healthy food choices” is actually code for “stuff
you wouldn’t even feed your pet gerbil.”

Then Ms Brindle nods towards the rip in the

beanbag chair. “Oh, my goodness,” she says.

©§UH2SORT OG
ACCIDENTALLY
SUSTEDIN TT

“By diving off a table,” Chad adds. Uh, Earth

to Chad: Ever hear the phrase “TOO MUCH
INFORMATION”?

But Ms Brindle doesn’t miss a beat. She just winks

and says, “Sounds like the two of you could use a
SEWING lesson!”
She shows us how to thread a needle, sew up the
seam, and hide the stitches. In no time flat, our
beanbag’s as good as new. Now that’s TEACHING.

ARE YOU
LISTENING,
MRS GODFREY? / }

“Good ol’ Ms Brindle,” I say, after Chad and I leave

her room and turn the corner.

MEARFeewT GEHAT
CABBAGE WAS TOTALLY |WELL, WED
DISGUSTING?! [127 EAS |

eT RIeS
Q
“I was trying to be polite,” he says. “But now my
mouth tastes like I just gargled with coleslaw.”

I glance at the clock by the stairwell. “We’ve still

got ten minutes before English.”

IF WE HUSTLE THIS THING BACK To

AEA BRAR Yo WELL “HAVE-TIME*: FO
GRAB A Quick SNACK!

After Hickey gives the mended beanbag a nod of

approval, we double back to the cafetorium to hit
the vending machine.

THE SNACKS
We stand there for a minute like we’re paralysed.
Then Chad finally says something. Sort of.

4 WHA- ®
* SPLUTTER! x
URK! DoOF!
HNG!

7
o___\ys"
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ae 7
%;
aoe
“This must be part of that new ‘Fitness Zone’
thing,” I say grimly.

Ligi=ag n=
REPLACING
AL Tite
SNACKS WITH
wat
a,

“I... uh. . . I don’t think I’m all that hungry

any more,” Chad mumbles.

Yeah, I’m feeling a little sick myself. No more

candy bars. No more gummi treats. And - Ill
try to say this without freaking out - NO MORE
CHEEZ DOODLES! Goodbye, bad. Hello, worse.

Pt DONT
KNOW HOW §
L MUCH MORE °

I turn to see Dee Dee hurrying towards us.

She’s out of breath. “THERE you are!” she gasps.
“I’ve been looking all OVER for you!”

“How come?”

“To give you a message!”

PRINCIPAL NICHOLS WANTS TO

SEE YOU IN HIS OFFICE!

3 wg
Soaay aaa:

What did I do THIS time? Principal Nichols

already made me his punching bag ONCE today.
Is he going to bawl me out AGAIN...
“Hi, Mrs Shipulski,” I say. She’s the school secre-
tary. If there’s any upside to visiting the principal’s
office, she’s it. Here’s why:

TB Unlike her BOSS, she’s actually ||

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Wait a minute. Speaking of jelly beans. . .

Mrs Shipulski reads

my mind. “No more jelly
beans, Nate,” she says.
“We’re becoming a candy-
free office.”

DELICIOUS
WISE PEAS?

@
s A:
i i
Phew. Saved by the Big Fella himself. No offence
to Mrs Shipulski, but those peas look like a bowl
full of rabbit droppings.
“Nate,” Principal Nichols says as he shuts the
door behind us. “You may have noticed a few
CHANGES around the school.”

Yeah, like the vending machine turning into a

salad bar. But, hey, he’s not SHOUTING at me.
Guess he’s moved past that little plastic bottle
incident.

“I was planning to make an announcement about

those very changes at tomorrow’s assembly,”
he continues.

THINGS UP WITHA
Ya
ooh eh aeA es

ee

Z
N NGS
Si Ns
Music? Where’s he going with this? And why’s
he telling ME about it?

“You belong to a BAND, don’t you, Nate?”

“CAPTURE THE
CRUSTACEAN.”
OR “BOIL THE
LOBSTER” OR...?

Yeah, and FYI: I don’t just BELONG to the greatest

sixth-grade rock band of all time. ISTARTED it.

Nek KLAL-
oe yh

Se
Site eS
Ae <==—
THE RARER BRERA Se
T+ all began one day when Ellen
was Watching some cheesy “bo

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AY A) F686
(

Thats the story of ENSLAV E e MOLLUSK...

th
NET since!*
And weve been ROCKIN

x@ en Gee ed
\ — 4
PXpl tC_ 0
Ja c /

—ay
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en esece
rete reecomnlitith sens
in public.
performed
* in my garage. Weve NEVET
Principal Nichols is rambling on. “Nate, this
assembly is IMPORTANT! I want our message to
be delivered ina MEMORABLE WAY!”

SO I'M INVITING ENSLAVE \

THE MOLLUSK TO PERFORM
THE ANNOUNCEMENT...

“WHOA! REALLY?” I blurt out. My whole body is

tingling. “I mean. .. YEAH! We could do that!”

“Do you honestly think you can compose a song

by tomorrow morning?” he asks.

WHIP UPA
SONG FROM
Ee
(That’s i
not bragging, by the way. It took me less
ae n alf an hour to write our latest song, “It’
en’s World, and I’m a #2 Pencil.”) athe

“You don’t have too m make upason g from NOTHING,”

ING,
pad Nichol s says.
Principal

“ mr
NEE se
JUST
, / “YOU

Oo MUSIC!

A
P.S. 38 IS BECOMING
FITNESS ZONE!
st people a ren't
Studies show that mo
ey could be!
as physically fit as th
health an d fitness
Let’s improve the
and teach¢
of ALL our students
lunches
* Eating healthier
tween
* Snacking less be
least 4
Exercising for at
minutes every day
r friends t
Well, it’s not exactly Top 40 material. But Enslave
the Mollusk can make it rock. I'll just get the guys
together after school, and. . .

Principal Nichols raises an eyebrow. “Is there a

problem?”

“Um. .. sort of,” I tell him.

MRS HICKSON GAVE ¥

ME AND CHAD A f°
| DETENTION TODAY.
BROKE ONE OF
HER BEANBAG
CHAIRS.

..BUT IT WAS
AN ACCIDENT!

SKY |FIXED IT! ITS As

aN GOOD AS NEW!
“Hmmm.” Principal Nichols rubs his chin, then
drops his voice to a whisper. “Then I suppose you
leave me no choice, Nate.”

ee
ee ee ee =
a ~
TOnGIVE You STA E TO
‘“

ENOUGH TIME
TO WORK ON
YOUR SONG... “5
= \=
Livy
FSX 4
ff]
AS ns
ic t
¢
4

I can hardly believe what I’m hearing. “You

WILL? And Chad’s, too?”

CHAD FACT:
“That depends,” he He plays the oboe, but
says with a smile. “Is the only song he knows is
“Three Blind Mice.”
Chad in the band?”

“Umm... well, not

quite,” I admit. “But
he’s sort of like our
unofficial manager.”
“All right, BOTH you and Chad are off the hook. . .”
Then he remembers who he is and wags a finger
at me. “.. .JUST THIS ONCE!”

~. AND NATE,IM EXPECTING

AN A PLUS PERFORMANCE
FROM ENSLAVE THE
MOLLUSK TOMORROW'!

I peel out of there before he changes his mind.

Wow, this is CRAZY. Wait till I tell the ‘guys our
band is going to rock the assembly tomorrow -
in front of the whole school!

eer TEUL
mult. eal
CHAD HIS NEVER
DETENTION a NiiUypre HAPPENS!
CANCELLED! JI_-
Seaeweca
beat

CA)
[my S
But this is weird: When I DO tell Chad - during
gym class — he doesn’t seem surprised at all.

=I KNEW some-
THING LIKE THIS
WOULD HAPPEN!

SH©
= oy: © ES
5

Huh? “Your lucky RABBIT’S foot, you mean?”

He shakes his head, then pulls something from his

pocket. “Nope. It’s just a foot, see?”

Tiler PART OF BRIGHT AFTER YOU

SOME]SORT OF Ao 6LEFT FOR THE Ef
ACTION FIGURE : PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE,
I FOUND IT ON
THE FLOOR OF
THE CAFETORIUM!

all| me

Uh. .. OK. I don’t want to sound mean, but that’s

just some grubby piece of moulded plastic.
“What makes you think it’s lucky?” I ask.

For the second time today, Chad blushes like his

butt’s on fire. “Well. . as soon as I picked it up. . .”
~

_AND GUESS WHAT? SHE

ACTUALLY TALKED To ME!
=

I THOUGHT SHE BARELY KNEW

Ma NAME! Now SHE MIGHT
BE STARTING To LIKE ME!

PROVES my
LUCKY FOOT

No it doesn’t, Romeo. Look, I’m glad that Chad

and Maya are on their way to Happy Town, but
that little plastic foot has nothing to do with it.
REAL good luck charms are RARE.

YOU CANT JUST MAKE

ONE BY PULLING THE LEGS
OFF A G6.T. JOE!

But I’ve forgotten all about

that by 3:15, when all four
members of Enslave the
Mollusk meet in my garage.
And we are STOKED.

r5

pee MUO Uieve.

3 Ig WY

“Nate,” Artur asks, “where is Fitness Zone paper

from Principal Nichols?”
 LHSHUECK IGEN
MY BACKPACK.
LTS OVER. BY.
THE...DOOR-
~

Francis, Teddy, and I loosen up with one of our

best songs: “Why Do They Call It Hot Lunch When
My Meat Loaf Is So Cold?” It sounds OK, but...

LXE

WHERE D]|_ MA

Sats.
HE GO *| |PLAY

ina? ae <5
A =
Sgn

N fg ne \\ dh! A
The three of us step outside, and. . . hey, what’s
THIS? He’s halfway up the block!

ARTUR! WHAT ARE YEAH! STOP

YOU DOING? WEVE WALKIN; START
GOT TO REHEARSE! ROGRIGD g

WA Sarr
Me235 Sara
388%,

“T am not feel so much like rocking,” he mumbles.

He’s got a look on his face I’ve never seen before.

“Artur,” I say, a little ticked off. “We’re wasting

time. What’s your problem?”

{ \NSERT NAME HERE? SO

fr AM Not HAVE }
A PROBLEMS © 4
See ac

7 UNTIL Nope)
I FIND IN YOUR
PACKBACK !

Note to self: Next time you make a list of stupid

pet names for Artur, DESTROY THE EVIDENCE!

I jam the list into my pocket. “This is nothing,

Artur,” I tell him. “It’s a JOKE, that’s all.”

“Yes. So funny,” he says. “Except for nobody is

laughing.” He turns on his heel and walks off.

“Wait!” Francis calls after him. “What about

Enslave the Mollusk?”

lea
FOR YOURSELE
| THER MOLLUSK'!
]

gps Say
i {| ——

t
eo
\
: ‘i,
CQHUOPHDO®
oe

Nice move, Artur. Way to bail on us the day before

our big debut. Yeah, maybe the list was a little
snarky, but...

CALL
WHYDOERS”) Ga

chee
HE HAVE
Torr ‘SO
Francis scans the piece of paper that just cost us
our lead singer. “I’d be sensitive, TOO. . . ,” he says,

.\F SOMEBODY CALLED

HEH, Me “FART BUCKET !
“But we ALL do
that!” I protest. “The
three of us call each
other names ALL
THE TIME!”

Francis nods. “I guess that’s true. . .”

‘
MAN s WAAAY MM we N i Kida LA Ck hls

“You’re BOTH dipwads,” Teddy says. “You’re

standing around ARGUING. . .”
 .. INSTEAD ae MAKING
MUSIC! Come ON!

8 eee
\\Ca PRY ~u
a Y)
Vy

He’s right. We head back into the garage. I guess

I should be researching my War of 1812 report,
but why waste your brain cells on the Battle
of Buttswab when you can write a classic rock
anthem called. . .

“YOURE NEVER ¥ XY WAIT...UH.. WHICH

ALONE IN THE ONE |S C AGAIN 7
FITNESS ZONE™! :

hd

boom yea
(_
Boose
rit
ut Ce |e%
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\
We all agree that I’ll do the singing. Francis and
Teddy both have “issues” in that department.

FRANCIS ISSUE:§§ TEDDY ISSUE:

His voice has « He cant sing
been declared a and play atthe
posure! disaster. same pmne:

[FOLLOW YOUR} (we Start with

DREEEEAM.-. Jeo “ChOpSsticks«|
eee

Hours later, we finally call it a night. “Think we’re

ready?” Francis asks.

“Oh, we’re ready,” I answer.

see |Brae
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I never thought our big
break would be singing
about diet and exercise
in the cafetorium. And
I figured that when we
got famous, Artur would
be right there with us.
I feel sort of bad about
that. But I can’t worry
about it now. (ge —
=

L'VE GOT TO
FOCUS ON
TOMORROW!

Rocks
foBN
THE HOUSE
andl lls Made ft ia rie =
? NX

And I’m MAX

The Principal is | [The crowd's getting
just finishing | heu ay.

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Yeah, I know - there probably won’t be any talent
scouts roaming the hallways of P.S. 38...

BUT MAYBE SOMETHING

PPEN !
@ ae

Assemblies are always at the start of the day. So

the next morning, we need to set up our gear first
thing. We’re on our way to the cafetorium when
we walk right into The Marcus Show.

“ad |
aot [
That’s Marcus Goode.
: MARCUS FACT:
He’s a seventh grader,
He started wearing
and he’s way cool. vintage hockey jerseys

I’m not sure why. But to school, and now

EVERYONE'’s doing it.
if Marcus gives you
his seal of approval,
it’s like winning the
lottery. (At least that’s
what I’ve heard. He
doesn’t talk to sixth
graders.)

tani
UML

Whoa, does he mean US? I didn’t think Marcus

even knew we were ALIVE.
 I HEAR YOU GUYS ARE
PLAYING AT THE ASSEMBLY!

Cy
v,

“Uh. .. yeah! Yeah, we are,” I tell him.

He gives me an approving nod. “That’s cool,” he

says. “Maybe for once the assembly won’t be a
total dweeb-a-thon.”

Francis laughs like a cat coughing up a hairball,

but Marcus doesn’t seem to notice.

—
“Did you hear that?” Teddy whispers excitedly.
“He DUDED us!”

“And he FIST-BUMPED me!” I add. “That’s GOLD!”

PWE HAVENT EVEN PLAYED YET, AND

THE COOLEST KID IN SCHOOL 1S ALREADY
AN ENSLAVE THE MOLLUSK FAN!

EA -A—N
=="
VES GQ

Plus, it looks like my slump is officially OVER.

I was already pretty sure about that. Now, with
the thumbs-up from Marcus, aka Joe Popular. . .

NATE! I NEED TO
TALK 10 eeu
Ah! JENNY! Maybe she wants to wish me good
luck before the show.

T WHAT'S WRONG

Or maybe not.

“He told me he quit

the band, but he won’t
say WHY,” she tells me. “What HAPPENED?”

Wow. I guess Artur didn’t tell Jenny about the list.

My stomach tightens. I wish I’'d never made that
stinkin’ thing. How am I supposed to explain why
he quit without looking like a jerk?

YWILL YOU ASK HIM WHY

HE'S SO SAD? HELL
TALK yTOPvove!
Ouch. Hello, guilt trip. First stop: Shame City.

Finally I mumble, “Yeah, I... uh. . . I can talk

to him.”

Huh. She DID end up wishing me luck. So how

come I feel lower than a snake in a sewer pipe?

LETS DO LIKE MARCUS

SAID! LETS MAKE IT
Somehow I’m not quite as pumped for the assembly
any more. But the show must go on. As kids file
into the cafetorium, we set up our gear. Principal
Nichols steps to the mike.

IS THIS ON? HA HA!

* AHEM!% STUDENTS AND

TEACHERS! P.S.38 HAS
ALWAYS BEEN COMMITTED
TO GOOD HEALTH! BUT
NOW WERE STRENGTH-
ENING OUR
EEFORTS!

HERE NOW, TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN

AN ORIGINAL SONG, IS PS. 38’/s VERY OWN...
At first, ’'m just psyched that he actually got our
NAME right. Then, as the applause erupts from
the crowd, my skin starts to tingle. The whole
school — teachers, students, EVERYBODY - is here.
This is it. THIS IS OUR BIG MOMENT!

Francis hits his opening chord, and Teddy plays

the intro. Then they both turn to me. I open my
mouth and...

Nothing. I mean, ZIP.

ng

B WHAT ARE
tS BASSAS
ee
~ Es

ROU DOING?” SIN

~ Be

G ey
I : EA
=
een oe or Re
v7
I’m TRYING. But I can’t. My mouth feels full of
sawdust. My heart is pounding through my ribs.
And my brain? Totally missing in action.

cI
I CANT REMEMBER THE WORDS!3
< (ay 2 LA

The crowd starts

| whispering. Then
Y mumbling. Then
laughing. Great.
Hey, everyone, come
to the assembly and
watch Nate look
like a DORK.

Na
heel
co
pS
 STINKS!”
X

HAVE YOU EVER CLIMBED SOME STAIRS §

AND SAID “WOW, THAT'S EXHAUSTING"? §
B HAVE YOU EVER SPENT A DAY j
JUST EATING CHOCOLATE FROSTING?

; DO YOU EVER WATCH TV cs :

F UNTIL YOU'RE IN A TRANCE? ;
E ARE YOU HAVING DIFFICULTIES
FITTING IN YOUR PANTS ?
tf OOOH, TIME TO CHANGE YouR. WAYS,
¢ AND YOU DONT HAVE TO DO IT ALONE! $
fF OOOH, HELLO, HEALTHY DAYS!
STARTING NOW, OUR SCHOOL'S A

ny
it
Francis sings a couple more verses about eating
broccoli and getting exercise, but I barely hear
them. I’m not even paying attention to my drum-
ming. I’m just trying not to throw up.

WELL! * KOFF!% THAT WAG...

INTERESTING! LET'S HEAR \T
FOR ENSLAVE THE MOLLUSK!

There’s a smattering of polite applause. And if

you’ve ever been in a rock band, you know that
polite applause is like kissing your sister. We slink
off the stage and into the hallway.

~
Vasil
nt
s%: larg,
XY
The cafetorium doors
swing open, an ocean
of kids pours out. . . and
look who’s leading the
pack: Marcus.

He stops right in front of us, and so does everyone

else. You can tell they’re all waiting to hear what
he says about the worst five minutes of our lives.

c THOUGHT
YOU CLOWNS
WERE GOING

v/
=
7 AN
En SE
That makes it official: We’re a joke. As we shuffle
off to class, Francis and Teddy get their share of
grief, but most of the teasing is aimed straight at
me. After all, I’M the one who practically wet my
pants up there.

The day seems like it’ll never end. If I get asked

even one more time where my mute button is,
someone’s going to get a drumstick up their nose.
Then the bell rings. FINALLY.

Ladies and gentlemen, Enslave the Mollusk has

left the building.

100
 rWHY SO QUIET, T.1? 4
DID YoU FORGET
HOW TO SAY HELLO? 4

It’s a week later, and everybody’s STILL picking

on me about the assembly. (By the way, T-T. stands
for “Tongue-Tied.” Hilarious, right?)

101
“Don’t listen to them, Nate,” Dee Dee says over
a lunch of - I’m not kidding - tofu burgers and
three-bean goulash. “PLENTY of people have
blanked out on stage! Even ME!”

DURING MY
THIRD-GRADE
PRODUCTION
OF “ALICE IN
WONDERLAND,“

STOOD THERE
SAYING
NOTHING!

Wow. Dee Dee saying nothing. What a concept.

I know she’s only trying to make me feel better.

But it’s not just my Hall of Shame moment at the
assembly that’s bugging me.
f IT'S WHAT &
YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK HAPPENED ~
YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAR AE TER
YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK |
YAK YAK_YAK YAK YAK YAK
YAK YA
YAK YA PLK YAK YAK
YAK YAK Yé YAK YAK
YAK YAK YA] preaAK YAK
YAK YAK YAK 8
YAK YAK YA
 3 ig CATASTRO
After the assembly fiasco, I moped
around all weekend

= SHUFFLEBOARD! 3¢ ff \ a
ree ES

WHAT DAD SAID ff WHAT I HEARD

| TGlof£ nork Jlooble
|
[shnik frue blupp

en, on Mond gi D/ TERS

Sano _IN YOUR) |
|[HAND
([B-but...You said 2 No, I said
they were due PA REPORT CARDS
come out
Wednesday!)

due RIGHT
At Vor
\ Now! 7
AWB THIS PANEL
MEH HAS BEEN
SSSBh
REMOVED
ita

uJ
V)
\
LL

)a
<
O
a

SS
€

7) | C)

UI\ og \_| | IT MIGHT

es vi BE TOO
a
Mi FRIGHTENING
Mi FOR YOUNGER
HM READERS.

=oii co
jasracens
we
Se

TWO DAYS LATER...

Look what came in
the mail, kids! Y ur

aor ake
Eberzy
z
ZG
 Se
NS a ae
Ro ea 3
Sane= a
ES??3 Pa

That’s Parenting 101: Your kid brings home a

pretty solid report card — except for social studies,
it was all B’s, plus an A in art — but do you say
anything about THOSE grades? Nope. Why ruin
a perfectly good meltdown with some PRAISE?

| Ms , Dad wassomad, he didn’t

E?> * even punish me right
away. He said he needed
time to come up with an
“appropriate response.”
Translation: He wants
ame to watch me SQUIRM
n>
a veil

for a while.

106
 YOU DONE WITH YUP! IT's
LBA POLTLE CHAD: ALL YOURS!

at 7 ON a

CS YS 225=—=> |
So
Ax

YD

I’ve never had a D before, THUNK THUNK

so ll bet Dad comes down LL eNy a 743
pretty hard. But what’Ilhe THUNKTHUNK
-
do? Pull me off the soccer
team? Tell me I have to quit
the Doodlers? Make me eat
egg salad every day for the
rest of my...

107
Looks like Marcus has started another trend.
The hockey shirt is history. Now he’s rocking a
basketball jersey. And so are all his groupies.

“What’s with the bottle, champ?” he asks. And for

the record, that “champ” didn’t sound too friendly.

THIS ?...OH..
\T.. UHH...1T
JUST SORTOEF..
RELAXES ME,

Marcus rubs his chin.

“Makes sense,” he says
to all the suck-ups surrounding him. “Don’t you
think so, guys?”

TF YOU THINK so,

I THINK SO!
YOU
'Rewer He:

lnc
i ) ey o
em. fmm’ \ om
eset (ent
“Yeah,” Marcus continues. “It TOTALLY makes
sense. . .”

_._BECAUSE EVERY BABY

NEEDS A BOTTLE!

My cheeks burn as Marcus and the Marcettes

stroll off, their laughter echoing in my ears.
What a...

“Jerk,” Dee Dee mutters as we get up from the

table. “Why’s he picking on YOU?”

WHY WOULDN'T IT FEELS LIKE IVE

HE +-IT'S. SO GOT A TARGET ON
EASY! MY BACK LATELY!
a N
“I don’t know about the target on your back,”
Dee Dee tells me.

BUT YOUVE DEFINETELY

GOT GUM on Your BUTT!

— \ Ns Om” dh, pT
Ey oi ae

Great. I’ve got a TAIL. There’s enough gum here

to stretch all the way to Alaska. Which is where I
wish I were right now. ANYWHERE but here.

IN SOME GUM!

way

SE,
.
es

We scoot out of the cafetorium as fast as we can

110
and run right into Francis and Teddy.

DID CHESFEF
BLOW YOGURT OUT
HIS NOSE AGAIN ?

( f=

ae
4— —
ly &. ——

U
aag SS
7

“Nothing,” I grumble. “Just another train wreck.”

“Uh, speaking of trains. . . ,” Francis says.

YOU'VE GOT
THANKS, DOOFUS! I
GUM ON YouR DIDN'T REALISE THAT!

Chad fishes something out of his pocket and

hands it to me.

111
 I WANT YOU YOU NEED IT WAY
TO" RAVE -FHIS:! MORE THAN ZI po!

It’s the little plastic foot

Chad found last week.

“Your good luck charm?”

Chad nods. “YOUR luck’s

in the toilet, right?”

I roll my eyes. “You could

say that.”

“Then TAKE it!” he tells me. “It’s been working

great for ME!”

AIT MIGHT DO THE

pL ANG Cray

Hl SAME FoR YOU!

_

iilditil
Q

112
Yeah, I remember what I said last week — that this
probably isn’t a REAL good luck charm. But the
way things are going. . .

if
I MIGHT] (LETS.GO,
:
DUDES!
WE VER GOTsr6GyY™M!

We all like gym — but only when Coach CALHOUN

is in charge. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, Coach
JOHN takes over. And today’s Thursday.

| SCRUBS! DOUBLE=—
ot TIME! ae

113
We all hustle into the locker room. As I wait for
the guys to finish changing, I tuck Chad’s foot into
my sock. Hey, why not?

WHAT HAVE I
GOFATO LOSE 2

Coach John blasts on his

whistle. “Attention, troops!”
he bellows. “Line up for
1”
Jazzercise!

Ugh. Jazzercise STINKS. We just stand in one spot

for half an hour doing cheeseball dance moves. It
looks like a group audition for the world’s worst
music video.

~~ DANCE, BABY, PANCE! 3s. 4

a SHAKESHAKESHAKE YOUR PANTS! Ef

VN eee “Oe
Neuussnnnrnsnrysinny yt

Pes - eo nl ee a
RS SR — se a ae
“Why can’t we play basketball?” someone asks.

|BECAUSE I SAY 50. |

=Hats

Yeah, and ALSO because if

we play basketball, he’s got
to drag his double-wide on to the floor and ref the
game. For Jazzercise, he can crank up his boom
box and spend the class doing crossword puzzles.
Anybody got a five-letter word for “lazy”?

It ticks me off. Why does Coach John always get to

decide what we do? Can’t someone ELSE decide?
Can’t someone PROTEST? Someone like. . .

WE DON'T
WANT TO DO
JAZZERCISE.
WE WANT
ee al a =
BASKETBALL.

115
Coach John’s eyes narrow into slits. “What was
that?” he growls.

There’s no turning back now. I swallow hard. “The

school’s a Fitness Zone, right? And basketball’s
a WAY better workout than Jazzercise.”

SO TOU. WANT US Ors E aN

GOOBRESHAPEAYOU. -SHOULEDTEET
US PLAY BASKETBALL.

" dl (

EL
At first Coach John doesn’t say anything. Maybe
he’s stunned that a student stood up to him. Or
maybe he’s stealth farting. It’s hard to tell.

116
Finally he grabs a basketball from the rack. “Well,
THAT sounds fair!” he says in his fakiest fake voice.
“Tll be HAPPY to let you
play basketball. . .”

“Um. . . OK,” I answer

cautiously. “Like what?”

“Nothing too difficult.” He smirks. “All you have

to do is make a basket! Just ONE BASKET”

_.FROM MID-COURT!
BACKWARDS!
ONL LAL) Ftc te ies

RX
EYES CLOSED!)
\
0

117
“That sounds fair, don’t you think?” he asks. Sure.
Fair for HIM. This is a sucker bet. Coach John
knows he can’t lose.

“Now, if you MISS it, you’ll be Jazzercising for a

MONTH!” he continues, steering me to the centre
of the floor. “But I’m SURE you can make it. . .”

A SHOT FROM MID-COURT IS

EXACTLY 4|\ Sia Pe INCHES!

JS L®
~\ Fa
| oor
aiies =
sh
2

ey \ :

118
My palms are sweatier than Coach John’s armpits.
I glance over at the other kids and notice Chad
giving me a thumbs-up. I remember his little
plastic foot. If that thing DOES have any luck in it,
now’s the time to find out. I take one last look at
the basket, turn around, close my eyes. . .

nNUMeE vir Ire

|BOBCATS|

...and take my best shot.

119
 ay ! Hl
il \ uli
oN
n p |
a
‘ ee
Nee

|
xX

SHOMOFF!
Lp. guyz
NW WKS Wy
Wey)

oy °
KY NY uy

The ball flies right through the hoop like it’s

remote controlled. It doesn’t even graze the rim.
It barely touches the NET.

120
The whole gym goes completely bananas, except
for two people:
Coach John... ...and Dee Dee.

No!.. NO!
JAZZERCISE IS

vy}

a)
i}

wn ow

Talk about a MIRACLE. For half a second, I think

about sticking it right in Coach John’s face. . .

Well! Looks like

were playing /J SSH
papketball. parr ol Cw)oy
ooo __|
(A

121
. . but I don’t. ’m not insane. Plus, I remember
one of Chad’s grandmother’s goofy sayings:

“DON'T POKE THE BEAR!

“HE MIGHT EAT You!"

Y
Or he might make you do squat
ae thrusts until you hurl. Do I
er an
really want to taste that three-
bean goulash a SECOND time? (Short answer.
Starts with “N.” Rhymes with “go.”)

So I act like sinking a backwards half-court shot

with my eyes closed is no biggie. And we spend the
next hour — sorry, Dee Dee — actually having FUN.

See

A UFF

122
Later, on the way to maths, Chad nudges me.

TOLD You My WHAT GOOD

GOOD LUCK CHARM LUCK CHARM?
WORKED!

I show the foot to the guys. Francis frowns. We

all know that look. Here comes one of his Smarty
McKnow-It-All comments.

“There’s absolutely no proof that so-called good

luck charms have ANY effect on real-life events,”
he announces.

NO PROOF? WHAT ABOUT THE PKAHEM!% AND. |

SHOT NATE MADE? THAT i INCREDIBLY
WAS INCREDIBLY LUCKY! |SKILFUL! |

123
“He might have made that shot WITHOUT the
plastic foot,” Francis points out. “For me to believe
it’s REALLY a good luck charm. . .”
~

OP NEED W/ T'LL SHOW “SOUNDS LIKE

To SEE more ¥ YoU SOME! ) A REASON
EVIDENCE !/\ IN MATHS! TO (SPAY
x AWAKE FOR
y A CHANGE!

i
We cruise into the maths room and take our seats.
Mr Staples waves his arms for quiet. Then. . .

KNOCK
a KNOCK !

124
| Gor QUIZT CLEAR
7 YOUR DESKS:

Wait, WHAT? We just had a pop quiz LAST

Thursday. Isn’t this illegal? Or unconstitutional?
Or SOMETHING?

LOOKS LIKE YOUR “GOOD

LUCK CHARM” IS BROKEN!

125
Too bad Francis is out of noogie range. But he
could be right: Maybe Chad’s foot is just. . . a foot.

“You have thirty minutes to complete the quiz,” Mr

Staples tells us. “You may beginnn. . . NOW.”

Something’s screwy here. Where did these maths

problems come from, PLUTO? Other kids seem
confused, too. Even GINA looks clueless.

WE'VE NEVER DONE

EQUATIONS LIKE THIS!

1
lide
—

ria

126
“Really?” Mr Staples says in surprise. He turns to
the nearest desk. “Mark, may I look at your quiz?”

“I don’t mean you, Mark,” he adds quickly. (Fact

check: Mark actually IS a moron. He’s also got
a serious earwax issue.)

PHOTOCOPIED THE
RONG QUIZ! I NEEDTO ZIP TO
THE STAFF ROOM!
BE RIGHTBACK!

127
As he shuts the door behind him, the classroom
starts buzzing.

See
Su
DA t A

Just so you know: T.S.U.s are Teacher Screw-Ups,

and they happen more than you think, After all,
teachers are human. Sort of. Whenever a teacher
pulls a T.S.U., we kids are all over it.

1S GENIUS ENOUGH
TO WRITE EM DOWN!

128
 a ¢ {aaah MISTAKES! again x

i S tli) A A »

Inca NIGHT He offen doesnt]

realise the intercom is ON before he

COTS SE

CP ——>
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bad.
|See P= Es
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fom

Mie . J
‘MR “GALVIN He “Misplaced his
glasses yust before JiVINg US an
anatomy ele
ete LTE JPROCEDURES|

of course, ) may
Ma: =
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A= ait
PiNTeESTING.
$$ SY
|
(2S Ne 0manera

129
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130
The door swings open. Mr Staples is back, looking
a little flustered. “Well,” he says, “so much for
THAT idea.”

r THE COPY
MACHINE'S I'M POSTPONING THE

= A
YAAAAAY! TEAS
(fs WOO Ho00! | SSB ee >*. 2

KY
i

So maths is a breeze. And there’s more good news

in science. Mr Galvin isn’t even THERE.
After school, I practically float out of the building.
“No maths quiz and no Galvin!” I crow to Francis.
“What do you think of Chad’s foot NOW?”

“I’m still not convinced,” he sniffs. “Yeah, those

were lucky breaks, but they were lucky for
EVERYONE.”

A REAL Goop LUCK CHARM SHOULDN'T WORK

FOR THE WHOLE CLASS! IT SHOULD WoRK
FOR ITS OWNER! THAT'S YOU!

WELL, WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO,
GO SIT IN A CAVE
AND HOPE I GET... |
)

AN: way:
GMO
Cn > Le, Mh

132
 MINE? NO, I DONT
HAVE ANY JEWELLERY
THAT FANCY!

I have no idea who this lady is. But she’s sure

happy to see ME.

“You WONDERFUL boy!” she gushes. “Where on

earth did you FIND it?”

“Right here in the grass,” I tell her, handing it over.

133
She beams at me. “Bless your heart, young man.
This necklace is IRREPLACEABLE!”

MY HUSBAND GAVE IT TO ME
UV \ FIFTY YEARS AGO!
“How ROMANTIC!” Dee
Dee sighs.

The woman looks so

happy, I can’t help but feel
kind of good that I found her necklace. And then,
seconds later, I feel even BETTER.

A GOOD DEED MAY I GIVE

Dike THis YOU TWENTY
DOLLARS?

Mites

“And I won’t take no for an answer!” she tells me.

134
Obviously, she has no idea that saying no to twenty
bucks never even crossed my mind.

“Wow!” I stammer. “THANK you!”

YOUVE MADE

Ew,
Be
4, 7,

“OK, OK. The foot works.” Francis chuckles.

“I can’t argue with twenty dollars.”

“Me, neither. Come on, you guys!” I say, waving

the bill over my head.

135
 WITH
SPINACH
SAUCE
AND
BROCCOL |

We trade stupid tofu jokes until Dee Dee changes

the subject.

Is IT TRUE You've
GOT A MEGA- CRUSH
ON MAYA?

As usual, she’s as subtle as a sledgehammer.

Chad doesn’t answer. He doesn’t HAVE to. His

cheeks have gone code red.

136
“I think you should ask her out,” Dee Dee continues.
“You two would make a cute couple.”

“Pump the brakes, Cupid,” Teddy says. “He’ll ask

her when he’s good and ready. Right, Chad?”

nm —_.

137
Chad’s not moving. He’s frozen in
place like a redheaded garden gnome.
Then we see why. comes
a Tia Re

138
Marcus and his travelling road show are playing
Hacky Sack across the street. All the kids over
there are seventh graders. . . except one.

\ /SHE AND MARCUS

SEEM SORT OF.
UHH... FRIENDLY.

a. area ee Ww We ee wee PAA A A A

ZANT ee
I THOUGHT MAYA \¥%
LIKED YOU! Are

“So did I,” Chad mumbles. He looks lower than an

ant’s ankles.

139
MAYA AND OH, THE SORROW!
MARCUS OH, higTHE NTSRS
HEARTBREAK!
ae pos

ae

Chillax, Dee Dee. No need to go into drama queen

overdrive. This is CHAD’S tragedy, not yours.

Besides, Iknow EXACTLY why Maya’s cosying up

to Marcus: He’s a seventh grader. See, girls grow
up faster than guys. (We learned that from Coach
John in “Health & Hygiene.” The lesson that day
was “Our Changing Bodies.” Awkward.)

ie ae SsOkay; Sluges lens abies

|
= “Spa
sabout ecial” time %
amp [Ay PUBERTY!
yr ens PN) (CEM ato ce ee ane eT
Nii =
cS

140
Anyway, we found out that your average sixth-
grade girl is like the age of a seventh-grade boy,
maturity-wise. Which means that all of us sixth-
grade guys are at the very bottom of. . .

THE MIDDLE SCHOOL

HAI
STAINS
7" GRADE GIRLS
<n
|take in - gS
Le movie oe You.
Keydese?) fire St 2 Beta!
Prdbaee Waitemata 4

hour teeth OR
Se

GTH GRADES
SY a
YYour brea th
Pant Pant \Wag |
smells like

141
It doesn’t ALWAYS happen like that (Exhibit A:
Jenny and Artur), but it’s pretty common. Nobody’s
shocked when a sixth-grade girl likes a seventh-
grade boy. Except Chad.

"I’M NOT HUNGRY ANY MORE.I'M

GONNA SKIP THE SUGAR BOWL.; “r"

“Chad, wait!” I call

out. “I’ll buy you a SUGF R Bowl FACT:
- Nobody's ever finished
Gut Buster! a Gut Buster in one
Ssitting— not even
MARK CHESWICK!
"No, thanks,” he Samia gonna),
ROolp!vom(He'sHURL!
answers. “I forgot ° ° ——————
N

that. ..uh...I told

my mum I’d come
straight home after
school.”

142
 ‘EF 8 be el = aiy
Y

I peel out for my house at warp speed. With all the

good luck vibes flying around when school ended,
I totally forgot about what Dad said when I left the
house this morning.

COME WE’LL TALK

STRAIGHT ABOUT
wore
AFTER REPORT
SCHOOL! CARD!

Caml

143
You know what’s worse than having an
appointment to get yelled at? Being LATE for it.

“GASP
AH, GOOD!
I THOUGHT
MAYBE YOU'D

YEAH! UM...
STUDYING {| I WANT TO READ
WITH SOME \ SOMETHING
OTHER HIGHLY
MOTIVATED
STUDENTS LIKE
MYSELF, AND.

Hm. Don’t know where he’s going with this, but at

least he’s not pitching a fit. And as long as read-
along time doesn’t involve one of Ellen’s cheeseball
novels about vampire supermodels, I’m there.

144
In all my years of
teaching, I have never
encountered such an
undisciplined student.
He is inattentive
and often disruptive
during class, and he
seems more concerned
with making jokes than
doing his schoolwork.

“Nice. Ol’ Dragon Breath’s got a real way with

words,” I grumble.

“Actually, ol’ Drag— er, Mrs Godfrey didn’t write

this. It was written by Mrs Brodie.”

fs
My jaw drops into my lap. WHAT??

145
He smiles. “Tough to imagine me as a sixth grader?”

Tough? Try IMPOSSIBLE. I can’t even imagine

him with HAIR. ~

“Nate,” Dad says, “I have a confession to make.”

FO Bis
Lae WASh
EXACTLY AN HONOUR
ROC SL OCeN
ZS suubbidine, =
= 1

Uj
“/// * Really? Wow! Maybe we should
have these father-son talks
J more OFTEN!

“Tt’s not that I didn’t TRY,” he adds quickly. “It was

just that sometimes. . . well. . . sometimes. . .”

STUEF
MAPFENED ISRC
ra ¥ UNDERSTAND
LETHAL ESRUFE
its os SOMETIMES
HAPPENS
IN YOUR
LIF
er TOO se

alll
LL Seay La
146
I roll my eyes. “You can say that again.”

Te] /
a 8 68

(Rats. I knew there was a “but” coming.)

“Ym ALSO not telling you it’s OK to get a D in

social studies,” he says, switching back to “bad
cop” mode. “Clearly, you need to spend a lot more
time on your homework.”

SO: UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE,

NO DRAWING COMICS IN YOUR
NOTEBOOK AT BEDTIME.

147
Hey, what’s there to argue about? Considering
how bad Dad COULD have slammed me...

FTG OT.OFE
PRETTY EASY !

At least, that’s my FIRST reaction.

But a few hours later — after
supper (Anyone for “meat loaf
jubilee”?), homework (I officially hate whoever
invented fractions), and a shower (thanks for using
all the hot water, Ellen), I’m starting to realise
this will be harder than I thought.

I mean, cartooning is my
LIFE. I draw before bed
EVERY NIGHT. Without
drawing, I can’t even
SLEEP!

148
As I toss my trousers into the closet, Chad’s lucky
foot slips out of the pocket. Whoa. Suddenly, my
brain starts connecting the dots.

Dad said I couldn’t draw in my NOTEBOOK. He

never said I couldn’t draw on OTHER stuff! Like

149
FOOTWEAR, for example.
Turns out, a ballpoint pen
works GREAT on canvas
sneakers. Except an hour
later, my size 6’s aren’t just
sneakers any more. They’re
Nate Wright ORIGINALS!

Ca
MSs
»)

150
The next day at school, it’s Dee Dee — she’s sort of
a fashion geek — who notices them first.

YOUR SHOES ARE

FABULOUS !

,\ £&

And since Dee Dee’s voice is louder than a

jackhammer on steroids, it’s not long before other
kids start crowding around.

wow! NATE Wy,

THOSE ARE

151
 Seay Toor WHAT'S GOIN’ ON ?
WHO'S COMING! 7
Niigata Fret A
Vy aa
vY 4 aS OS,

r \ —§ —

NTE a) :
ORO oS

A girl named Shauna speaks up. “Marcus, look at

Nate’s SHOES!”

Marcus saunters over. He glances down at my feet

and snorts. “Big WOW! He took a pair of cheap
sneakers and drew PICTURES on them!”

YOUR SNEAKERS MINE cost TEN

COST... WHAT, TIMES THAT MUCH!
TWENTY BUCKS? THEYRE THE KIND
THE PROS WEAR!
There’s some mumbling as all eyes turn from my
feet to his. Then Shauna says quietly, “Yeah, but. . .”

NATES Ake AWESOME!

THEY ZI WANT
YEAH! ROCK’ ! SNEAKS
ete LIKE
an

wn Oe
wn

Heads start nodding. More kids push past Marcus

to look at my sneakers up close. He shrugs
uncertainly, then looks around for his posse.

PFET!
WHATEVER!
He shuffles away. But the group of kids that follows
him isn’t as big as it usually is.

Teddy stares at me wide-eyed after they’re gone.

“Dude! Do you know what this means?”

YOURE
COOLER THAN
MARCUS!

154
CQHUOODE®
7

The Great Sneaker Scribble is on. By lunchtime,

half the kids in school have customised their
sneakers, just like yours truly.

. Gueceait O¥ a NATED I'M NATING\

OUT' I NATED k MINE, Too! MINE RIGHT

155
“Did you hear that?” Francis says as we sit down.

IIIIIK You've Become A VERBS]

rh
wud

“Personally, I think you’re more like an adjective,”

Teddy cracks. “You know, DESCRIPTIVE words.”

Uys

He glares at me as he rubs his head. “I thought you

said getting hit with a bottle feels GOOD.”

156
 “It DOES, Einstein,” I tell him. “But it helps if the
bottle’s EMPTY.”

saab pce 6 ASAE Co

Sp
aT moe POUR IF INTO
1 AeCUP... THER E®
INOW IT's READY! &
{
hy
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es, al 2 4 ro a, ey ;
3 APSARA
REX SERENE REAP ae Raat BS Se ASAT SyreSoe nee eee wt)

CAN..UH..CAN WE
DD ‘4

stl
BORROW THAT ?
Yeacct

Esa,

I don’t know their names, but I recognise these

kids. They’re seventh graders. And they’re both
part of Marcus’s posse of wanna-be’s.

“Sure,” I say. I hand over the bottle.

157
 JEREMY! MONICA!
WHAT ARE YOU

Vyi
ih,

Pc
“Just... uh... trying out Nate’s bottle, Marcus,” the
kid named Jeremy stammers.

“Well, you look like a MORON,” Marcus sneers.

“Knock it off.”

Marcus looks disgusted. “Fine! You want to copy

158
some snot-nosed sixth grader?”

BE M MY GUEST!
. CMON , MAYA.
coy

oa
yyPs
=e, |

As Marcus stalks off, Dee Dee sails in. “Can I join

the party?” she asks.

{OR DOT NEED A RESERVATION

TO SIT WITH JOE COOL ?

“What’s that supposed to

mean?” I say.

She rolls her eyes. “Boys

a 7>xEy are so dense,” she sighs.
alli = “Look AROUND you!”

159
 NK THUNK
THUNK THUNK SES
Uae THUNK
oc |= THUNE fit, ae
Kt am | tii

“They’re imitating you! You’re a TRENDSETTER!”

“Yeah, but it’s not like I’m TRYING to set trends!

It’s just.”. well... everything is... -it's.7~*

It's
LUCKTHE FOOT'
GOOD NATE CAN DO
NO WRONG!

Bingo. I haven’t said much

about the foot because I don’t
want to jinx it. . . but LOOK
at everything that’s happened
since Chad gave it to me! I sank
that miracle shot in gym. Some

160
lady gave me twenty bucks. Dad didn’t ground me.
And now kids I don’t even know are asking:

WILL YOU SIGN ak pie eek

!

Bottom line: This is the most epic good luck streak

of my life. Maybe of ANYONE’S life. And it just
keeps on rolling. I’m officially. . .

IN THE ZONE'IG2 Ds
Maleyw@ Dad cancels my “NO DRAWING]
[BEFORE BED Punishment...which is _ ||
Iwhy I’m drawing this RIGHT NOW!
ae a een anaes Se eee
bhouclbelonGes asaoe Be TEE |
stery whatFAR g knew thet
an AMAZING I,
a7 a ie eae |
hits
as Xe
Kini aoe tt |

161
 Hi
HIi
I
=
fy

A
Pains opine

Na

Dy
SST
ane
SBROREN DAS hee
2 ee ee ees

TNA At the supermarket... |

a You're ouratcONE MILLIONTH

+i SM Oe XR ee KI?
162
 ee a a nn re

WS NA Multiple Choice’ Test!

[x Can+ answer] IT'll gust close m
ANY of these!|

yo |

Pim 2)\RIGHT!/
asaeS
vA Oe
ik
>
ss

“So. .. what are you gonna do today?” Teddy asks

as we walk to school the next morning.
Wow. Got sarcasm? He’s probably sick of me playing
Lucky the Leprechaun 24/7. I can’t blame him;
I used to feel the same way about. . .

Yup. Artur. So much stuff has gone right for

me lately, I’d almost forgotten about our little. . .
uh... “incident.”

“Can I talk to you for a sec?”

164
There’s a pause. “Hokay,” he says finally.

Then. . . silence. Suddenly my vocal chords are

having a panic attack. I know what I want to say. . .
so why can’t I spit it out? I stuff my hands in my
pockets and feel Chad’s plastic foot.

Come on, foot. Help me do this.

LISTEN, ARTUR...
I JUST WANTED TO
SAY... UH...TO TELL
YOU THAT... UM.
Keyl jp a waleZe ORT COTS a

THAT I'M
SORRY ABOUT...
YOU KNOW...
ReOUTALHAT.
2). UOPIDALIST
OF NAMES
I WROTE.

“I have no idea why I did it,” I tell him. “Well,

maybe I SORT of do, but I. . .”

“Nate.” Artur holds up his hand. “You do not have

165
to explaining. Iam understand why you did it.”

“SOMETIMES YOU
ARE TO WISHING
YOU ARE ME.
ge.é
“Wi

Ouch. Hey, thanks for the

honesty, Artur. How about
o_S a little LESS of it next time?

TBECAUSE SOMETIMES < i

I WISH IT AM YOU. ne ‘nm

cn
ee, a

Wy %

OK, now THAT’S a surprise. “Uh. . . you do?”

I ask, trying to sound casual. “How come?”

Now it’s Artur’s turn to look surprised. “Is it

166
not so total OBVIOUS, Nate?” he says.

YOUR LIFE 1S SUCH INTERESTING!

L4a%
a IR
|
Wow. I'll admit VE always thought my life rocked,
but I never knew ARTUR did.

He chuckles. “You are always get in the middle of

so crazy happenings.”

I groan. “Yeah. Like at the ASSEMBLY.”

THAT WAS A BUT... WE SOUND

BETTER WITH YOU.
ARTOUR...UM... HOW
ABOUT REJOINING
iatAEst oNAD ©

167
He breaks into a huge smile. I think that’s a yes.

“Come _ on!” ;
a CET S<GOcANE
TELL FRANCIS
AND TEDDY THAT
ENSLAVE THE

ROCK AGAIN!
MOLLUSK WILL

WHOA! SLOW SAVE THE

DOWN, GENTS! RUNNING FOR
OTT
I HN FIELD DAY!

“What’s Field Day?” I ask.

“Just another part of our Fitness Zone

programme,” Coach explains. “The whole school’s
going to take part in a friendly athletic
competition!”

168
 WELL HAVE RACES AND
CONTESTS OF ALL KINDS!
IT'LL BE TONS OF FUN!
IN | HAUTE

pull
: rie

OOOOQOOCH!
While
JAZZERCISE
BE INCLUDED?

“It’s not a DANCE-OFF, Twinkle Toes,” I tell her.

“It’s SPORTS. It’s a CONTEST.”

“Well, I happen to like activities that aren’t all

INTENSE,” she sniffs. “There are no winners or
losers in Jazzercise!”

“You're half right,” I crack.

169
“Dee Dee has a point, Nate,” Coach says.

f ABOUT WINNI Ty s,-ABOuUmr

Rh AND LOSING! ,/( FITNESS AND
GOOD HEALTH!

“See? He AGREED with me,” Dee Dee says as

Coach walks off. “It doesn’t MATTER who comes
in first!”

Uh-oh. Here comes trouble.

170
“The seventh grade is going to DEMOLISH the
sixth grade on Field Day!” Marcus crows.

“Yes, Iam agree,” Artur says matter-of-factly.

“Because you are a whole year more OLDER.”

Marcus smirks. “No, because sixth graders are

totally LAME.”

..AND SEVENTH :
GRADERS ARE TOTALLY §( IN FACT, IM
OBNOXIOUS! JS \WILLING To BET..

(yy

OH, YEAH ? TLL

TAKE THAT BET!
oan
GRADE WON'T WIN
A SINGLE EVENT
ON FIELD DAY!

171
“Why are you BETTING?” Dee Dee chirps. “Coach
said it’s not about who wins, it’s about FITNESS!”

“He was right,” Marcus says with a snort. “You

sixth graders could USE a little fitness!”

“Hey, superchunk, come over here!” Marcus calls.

Chad edges slowly towards us. “M-me?” he asks.

Y DO YOU SEE ANY OTHER

“\.SUPERCHUNKS AROUND HERE?
‘CAUSE week DONSTS
~~
Chad’s cheeks turn pink. “That’s not my name.
My name’s Chad.”

Marcus isn’t impressed. “OK. CHAD. . .”

XMCHORTLE! * .. THE
HUNDRED METRE
meWADDLE?

Ee, Pe
D, ee

“You leave him alone,” Dee Dee growls.

Marcus holds up his hands in mock innocence.

“Hey, I’m just having a friendly conversation with
CHAD here! And besides. . .”

173
 CQHUOHPDO®
Te

Marcus looks stunned. We ALL do. Nobody’s ever

heard Maya raise her voice. But, hey, there’s a first
time for everything.

Rs
‘WHY ARE Yous >WHATS HE EVER
- A aa,
g

PICKING ON DONE To YOU?

CHAD

as ra
fa
o=

175
“OK, OK!” Marcus mumbles. “You don’t have to
throw a FIT about it.”

HE \sn'T WORTH |.

Maya jerks her hand away. “Why would you want

ME tagging along?” she says angrily.

AND “SIXTH
GRADERS ARE_)
TOTALLY LAME,
REMEMBER?

“Not YOU!” Marcus

tells her. He waves a
hand at the rest of us.
“I was talking about
THESE losers!”

176
“They’re NOT lame, and they’re NOT losers!” Maya
says, her voice shaking. “They’re my FRIENDS!”

Marcus nods. “Isn’t that sweet.”

YOU CAN ALL BE

PATHETIC TOGETHER:

“What a slimeball,” I mutter. Maya looks like she

might start bawling. Then...

—|
\

“i
oH
ml
Aur

177
“OK, it’s official,” I say. “I don’t understand girls.”

Dee Dee rolls her eyes. “On behalf of girls every-

where, thanks for the news flash.”

IM TALKING
ABOUT MAYA

a Ah mw
lag
Ti =—

Dee Dee gives me one of her you’re-as-dumb-as-

a-sock-puppet head shakes. “Why do you THINK?”

UM...BECAUSE SHE .
JUST HAD AN EPIC Y%*TSK!* HES NOT
BLOWOUT WITH HERA HER BOYFRIEND,
BOYFRIEND? SHERLOCK.
“Well, what would YOU call him? She obviously
LIKES the guy!”

“Maya doesn’t like Marcus,” Dee Dee declares,

almost poking my eye out as she waves her finger.

so AL

“Then why have she and Marcus been superglued

together for the past week?” I ask.

Welk;
IMAGINE
“What I MEANT was, put yourself in Maya’s
shoes,” Dee Dee explains. “She’s SHY! She’s QUIET!
When Mr Seventh Grade Big Shot started paying
attention to her. . .”

one Wis BUT NOW SHE'S SEEN

PROBABLY MARCUS BEING A JERK!
SHE'S EMBARRASSED!
FLATTERED!
HOW YOU CAN
BE SURES

WE WOMEN CHAD, WHY DON'T

KNow OH, YOU Go AND
BROTHER. ?
THINGS!

180
He blushes. “But. . . what would I say?”

NATE WRIGHT COMIX PRESEY7'S...

IA 2 Ss
“LOVE CONSULTANT,” ~@=JJ|
lYn\[NMUANICIS b ita
IN VAN INAS
en ee Fa a ane ee
Pc es ee Se

Attention all boys! T[—

You
can |
Do YOU ever have | J improve your
trouble ZALK/ING J |chances of |
ea ; inding LOVE
ft
erent
fea)
AGGIE Gthese MISTAKES!

181
 Using cheesy

Ae.

» b ,

N
Bsay
f)

ed:
ae
ee
Be
ee]
a
(

MISTAKE# 4
Coming -.on

When I see you,

My heart is achin?
You smell Sood,
 MISTAKE
# 5 EEMISTAKE# G

Exshcuse
me, I.)
Oopsh. I jusht/ |

myshelt 7]7a

|g
| a, EEE TEE LE ETAT ESTED IS
tooo See: THESE tactics will get
ei f~
=n \you a one-way ticket to
=F...
my S STE, ES Sa

I(t SS” This is Dan Cuped, “Lovey

| \MAN CONSULTANT,” Signing of f/

Chad hands the comic back to me. “I don’t think

this’1l do me much good,” he sighs.

TTL ONEY
TECES site
WHAT NOT
JODO:

183
“Just do whatever you did LAST time,” I tell him.
“The two of you had a long talk in the cafetorium,
didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Chad says. “But that was. . . before.”

“Before what?” Dee Dee asks, but Chad doesn’t

have time to say anything. I’ve already pulled the
answer out of my pocket.

BEFORE HE GAVE
ME THE FOOT!

MAYBE ITLL
DO THE SAME
WORKED
FOR ME
WHEN &
NEEDED

184
“I hope you're right,” Chad says quietly. “Thanks,
Nate. You’re a real friend.”

“Oh, don’t mind me,”

Dee Dee sniffs, wiping
7 hy
SSO glop off her nose. “I get
emotional sometimes.”

I try to keep a straight face. “YOU? No way.”

The bell interrupts Dee Dee’s drama-rama. “Better

stick a cork in it,” I tell her. “We’ve got home room.”

NATE. SINCE YOU GIVE AWAY

I HAVE LUCKY “FOOT. -TO--CHAB;
QUESTION WHAT IF YOUR LIFE Now
FOR YOU. a TO DISASTER?
it
]

[}
“I’m hoping that won’t happen,” I answer.

185
Or maybe not. Someone must have crawled
out from under the wrong side of the rock this
morning.

“Before the bell rang, young man,” Mrs Godfrey

hisses at me through clenched teeth. . .

I DID A DESK INSPECTION !

Uh-oh. That means she’s

not just trolling for desktop
graffiti. She’s sticking her
big fat nose INSIDE our
desks, too. Which, in case

186
you were wondering, is bad news for me.

FN s: =a

a
STATI
aT

END A ee
O
PREHISTORIC]
a ae

EXPLAIN it? OK. It’s a work of cartooning genius.

Need I say more?

187
“‘Ultra-Nate and Mega-Chad,’” she reads aloud,
at about one syllable per second. “Obviously, this
drawing was a TEAM EFFORT!”

Poor Chad looks like a minnow in a shark tank.

“Wait,” I protest. “Chad didn’t have anything to do
with this.”

Mrs Godfrey stares me down. “I’ll determine that

for myself, if you don’t mind.”

WELL, CHAD? DID

YoU COLLABORATE
WITH NATE ON THIS
DRAWING ?

188
“N-no, ma’am,” Chad squeaks.

Her eyes narrow. “What’s that in your hand?”

TS. OM. OUST AG

A GOOD LUCK CHARM.

“Tt looks like part of a TOY,”

she says. “And toys are not
permitted in this classroom.
Hand it over.”

Mrs Godfrey drops the foot into her desk drawer.

Then she gets back to business. “Chad, you may
return to your seat.”

REPORT To
DETENTION

189
Gee, THAT went well. I flop down into my chair
and sneak a glance over at Chad. He’s staring
miserably into space. I know how he feels. Looks
like the good luck streak is officially over. .

_FoR BOTH OF us!

190
CQHUOPDHO®
I]

I spend the next four days praying for rain, but it’s
no use. On the morning of Field Day, there’s not a
cloud in the sky.

DiS) FPeERFEGE
HUMILIATION
WEATHER |!

191
“We just saw you talking to MARCUS!” Francis
says. “How come?”

I grimace. “We were finalising our bet.”

BUT YOU MADE THAT WHY DIDN'T

BET WHEN YOU STILL YOU CALL
HAD THE LUCKY FOOT! IT OFF?
RXR VN
LXx> —
K> 4
BEE
mes
Bice yi
acer AL xX
MSPI
iesOO
EN Oo

I shake my head. “I can’t back out. That would

make me a bigger weasel than HE is.”

“Like that’s possible,” Teddy grumbles.

ALL I CAN DO IS HOPE THAT

SOMEHOW THE SIXTH GRADE CAN
FIND A WAY TO WIN ONE EVENT!

192
“It COULD happen,” Francis says, not very
convincingly.

JOHN COULD TAKE

ue BELLY
DANCING!

WELCOME To PS. 385 CAPTAINS,

FITNESS ZONE ASSEMBLE
YOUR
FIELD DAY!!

IAI

Fe VT

“Captains?” I say in surprise. “Who’s our captain?”

Teddy shrugs. “Beats me.”

193
 “SOMEBODY needed to
take charge,” she smirks
as she tapes a sheet of
paper to the flagpole.
“l’ve taken the liberty
of creating an official
event schedule.”

TOI Bag ;
GUC SEHLS ‘ y NHATS THE
LIST FOR YOUR sSperts
ASSIGNMENT, Fin :
EVERYONE!

“Mark Cheswick running the hundred-metre

dash?” I say. “Anne Marie Abruzzi throwing the
shot put?”

Gina folds her arms. “Yes. So?”

I look around and lower my voice. “They’Il get

DESTROYED!” I hiss. “At least put people in

194
events they could actually WIN!”

“The whole point of Field Day is FITNESS, dork

face!” she snarls. “I’m not TRYING to win!”

WELL, THAT S
OBVIOUS! YOU'VE
GOT MASON
DOING THE
HIGH
eats JUMP!

“Huh? Oh... uh. . . no, Coach.”

“Good. Because being part of a TEAM. . .”

“means RESPECTING Your CAPTAIN!

Even when she’s Captain
CLUELESS? Gina grins in
triumph and flounces off. My
event’s not till later. For now,
there’s nothing to do. . .

195
 ..EXCEPT WATCH MY TEAM
GET CRUSHED!

<a
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Want to hear the sad part? Those were some of
our BETTER events. Obviously, if I want to win
this bet with Marcus...

C.ITS ALL UPXE GET MOVING!

“ TO ME! J: IT'S TIME FOR
YOUR RACE!

WATERY

Coach’s voice echoes across the field. “The next

event is the SIXTY-METRE HURDLES!”

COMPETING AND FOR

FOR THE THE SEVENT
SIXTH GRADE:
Yikes, that kid’s legs come up to my NECK. He
looks like he can STEP over the hurdles. I probably
don’t have much of a chance. But. . .

ON YOUR
ANYTHING
COULD
HAPPEN!

And then. . . something DOES happen. Kareem

trips! As he scrambles to his feet, I’m already
clearing the first hurdle.

199
I’m really moving now. Four hurdles to go. I peek
to my left. Kareem’s gaining fast, but he’s going to
run out of room. Three hurdles to go. Two. ..

It’s like one of those slow-motion nightmares. As

the blood rushes through my head and I try to get
back up, I hear Kareem’s footsteps pound by me.

200
And here comes the welcoming committee.

HEY, It's NATE

WRONG! LET ME ASK
YOU SOMETHING,
SPEEDY!

SINCE YOURE ..pO YOU THINK FALLING

SUCH A ON YOUR, FACE witLt
TRENDSETTER... BECOME A NEW aps)

Dee Dee zips over and starts brushing the dirt and
grass off me. “No snappy comeback?” she asks.

“What’s there to say?” I mutter.

ogi Not YET! THERE'S

S TILL ONE EVENT LEFT!

201
“Yeah. Which we have zero chance of winning.”

Dee Dee frowns. “You look miserable,” she tells

me. “I don’t know who’s feeling worse. . .”

“Poor guy,” I say. “So he still

hasn’t talked to Maya?”

Dee Dee shakes her head. “He says he can’t do it

without his lucky foot. It’s so TRAGIC!”

Her words hit me right in

the face. “TEAM!” I shout.
“Dee Dee! I just thought
of something!”

“Where are you going?” she calls as I go sprinting

202
away. But there’s no time to explain. I have to
find... Ah-HA!

YT WANT TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT... PST
SSTRSSST ShSSsly
PSS SSTLASSsT.
Ponte PS
> Sil (Fons.

Wondering what I’m up to? Sorry, it’s top secret.

And if I do say so myself, it’s brilliant.

ATTENTION, PLEASE !
THE FINAL EVENT
OF THE DAY \S THE
THREE-LEGGED RACE!

I just hope it works.

203
 FOR THE SEVENTH GRADE, THE
CONTESTANTS ARE MARCUS AND JAKOB!

“And the sixth-grade

team is MAYA AND
ARTUR!”

Artur leans into me.

“Now?” he whispers.

I nod. “Now.”

“Excuse, please.” Artur hops over to Coach like a

frog with arthritis.

I CANNOT DO
RACING, BECAUSE
CYAM HOR Myr

204
“Artur, you should have reported this injury to me
the minute it happened!” Gina huffs. “As captain,
it’s my job to find an appropriate substitute to
take your place in the—”

WHAT'S THAT, GINA? GREAT \DEA! WISH

YOU THINK CHAD I'D THOUGHT OF IT!
WITH MAYA?

i i‘

pj)

“Fine,” Coach says. “It’ll be Maya and Chad, then.

Nate, help them get ready, please.”

GUDDU Ewer Choor

YOUTT WO 1 VE GOr.
TO TIE NOUR. ERGs
TOGETHER
Chad’s cheeks are as red as a Christmas stocking.
“I’ve. ..um...never been ina three-legged race,” he
says to Maya. “I’ll probably be terrible.”
~

She smiles shyly. “I think you'll be great.”

YOULL BOTH AS LONG AS YOU DON'T

BE GREAT! TRY TO RUN Too FAST!
SPEED ISN'T EVERYTHING!
Gi

"Sern.n ee

Marcus interrupts me. “Hey, dweebus maximus!

This is your last chance to win our bet!”

x SNICKER! %
ARE YOU SURE
YOU WANT To
PUT YOUR FAITH
IN THOSE
LOSERS?

206
I give him an icy stare. “Yup.”

“I picked the fastest runner in the whole school

for my partner!” he crows.

“What a great strategy,” I say.

For just an instant, his grin falters. Then Coach

whistles sharply. “All right, teams, LINE UP!”

ON YOUR MARK...
LET'S START WITH '| [WHICH FOOT DO WE-?
1 |SHUT UP. STUPID!
i i JUST RUN!
a A

207
Maya and Chad burst off the line and gradually
pick up speed. The seventh graders? Not so much.

“Look at Marcus and Jakob!” Francis exclaims.

“They’re all herky-jerky!”

Teddy chuckles. “The key word being ‘jerky.’”

“Maya and Chad look FABULOUS!” Dee Dee chirps.

208
“This is fascinating!” Francis says in his nerdiest
Nutty Professor voice. “INDIVIDUALLY, they’re
much slower than the seventh graders. . .”

..BUT TOGETHER, THEIR SUPERIOR

TEAMWORK MAKES THEM FASTER /

D b é ng

“What do you think of Marcus and Jakob’s

teamwork?” Teddy cracks.

Yo
MORON!

209
“We have expression for this in my country,” Artur
says. “Is called ‘hot mess.”

The race is over way before Maya and Chad cruise

across the finish line. That was more than a win.
It was a good old-fashioned butt kicking. I turn to
Dee Dee. “You were right about those two,” I say.

THEY DO make
A GREAT TEAM!

210
 CQHOB”DE®
12

“OK, guys,” I say. “When Principal Nichols

introduces us. . .”

... WE'LL PLAY RIGHT.

“YOU'RE NEVER vedene ally
ALONE IN THE
FITNESS ZONE®: LAST TIME.

_—_—— .
4

Hl if ore { iweape Ee

| on
“Only the MELODY is the same, you idiots,” I tell
them. “The WORDS are different!”

SN Cres
<fake ABSOLUTENESS!)

From behind the curtain,

we can hear the cafetorium
filling up. It’s our weekly
assembly, and we've got
another chance. To ROCK.

“I want to know more about your bet with Marcus,”

Francis says. “What if you’d LOST?”

“It would have been a nightmare,” I answer. “I was

going to become a mini-Marcus.”

I PROMISED .TO DRESS LIKE HIM,

ACT LIKE HIM, AND FOLLOW HIM
AROUND FOR A WHOLE WEEK?!

212
“But you WON,” Teddy says. “So what does Marcus
have to do for YOU?”

Just then Principal Nichols’s voice comes blasting

over the intercom. “Let’s all give a warm PS. 38
welcome to. . . ENSLAVE THE MOLLUSK!”

“You’re about to find out,” I say as the curtain

rises. “Hit it, Artur.”

& RACE WAS RUN JUST NESFER DAY:

“THREE-LEGGED” WAS ITS NAME
THE SIXTH-GRADE TEAM CLAIMED VICTORY.
THE SEVENTH GRADE WAS LAME!

GRADE ae RAN FAST, WITH GRACEFUL STRIDES,

WONDER TO BEHOLD.
GRADE a RAN LIKE MY AUNT MARGE
(WHO'S EIGHTY-SIX YEARS OLD)!
THEY SIMPLY COULDN'T UNDERSTAND
THAT TEAMWORK MATTERED MOST:
AND THAT IS WHY, AT RACE'S END,
THE SEVENTH GRADE WAS TOAST !
OOOOH, THEY WERE STRESSED TO THE MAx,
‘CAUSE LOSING TO YOUR RIVAL ISN'T FUN !
COOOH TAB SHOOEDSTRYA1OYREEAK=

NOW WATCH
WHILE CHAD
SHOWS MARCUS
QO
Ra
=
in
HOW ITS DONE!

THUNK THUNK THUNK

THUNK THUNK THUNK
Sv. THUNK THUNK
THYNK THUNK
: THUNK THUNK
Sg
Se
PTO NSTHONTS
THUNK THUNK
4 6 R THUNK THUNK...

214
“Hm. That’s odd,” Francis chuckles as Chad
continues with his. .. uh. . . drum solo.

“MARCUS _
DOESN'T LOOK
RELAXED!

Artur smiles. “I am feel happy for Chad. He won

the race and also gots together with Maya!”

“And he did it all without his good luck foot!”

Francis points out.

“We'll never see that foot again,” Teddy sighs.

ONCE SOMETHING
DISAPPEARS INTO
THE BLACK HOLE OF
MRS GODFREYS DESK...
ITS GONE FOREVER.
Ni

215
“We’re doing OK without it,” I remind him.
“Besides, why do we need a foot. . .”

wmnNAA) mm a A Te i
lgery)
eee tee ml YT{
WHEN THE WHOLE SCHOOL IS Ky
|
GIVING US A HAND!? UN
|
H
x

eat

rey FE FATTER et
BS TEIND Ee
9, Jaan etn a

216
TURN THE PAGE FOR
A SNEAK PEEK AT
BIG NATE
LIVES IT UP!
 LIVIN’ LARGE?
i ERS CO, NS GRR SG ReeDeg Aap eevee SY
PS. 38 is pretty small. Everyone
knows everyone else. SO whenever
a new kid shows uP, it’s a major
event Especially when he’s got
like THIS:

SW amr Mlle
Fated
Tiny

ob to help
EMOV lit Se eal
Gite, Potty
ree pene(CGS NE,
De Ea 7 ee ee
oT er | ASB A Foe
[a
and to show him around the
school, WhicheisS Oe SUT TT an |
Me eo s oe NN
Yup, I said one hundred years old.
So PS. 38 iS g0iNg to throw a
gigantic BIRTHDAY PARTY!
PUNTEAGT AciOoo nm

Aare , Francis, they haven'+ even

decided yet what theyTe Joing
TortCal| wie Badr Ney ressPlOomisins

pee eee te
f...and the most EPIC == ¢
scavenger
hunt in Y!
HISTOR/
| &P @iure
Sp°
ALSCHOOL ew
ere

E
[|NEVER
lost a_ ||
[scavenger
hunt |

PLUS
Read B/G NATE LIVES 1/7 UP!
be OR Oa irre osWeemien mare eemmel ea
pwew He’s all A-QUIVER!'v 9

LOVE CONSULTANT !
(oleK=m alat—me-t-pAm 11™ DAN CUPID, her
Greetings. Dad!
){ to bring ROMANC
(Who| & into your life.
OS as Pe Seas
GEREN TT Bhi
WT Nw to
[nese | PSA Na
foulll fall in LOVE VYAh-HA! THERE'S-
vith whoever T hit | A likely suspect
ith this MAGIC DART! | | N
5
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na You found athceiena A-BOINE
HIT LZSout MATE (| DONUT, aaa

<= Se oe
“= ATI S BA
<< Ne [he ©
Jh-oh! Ultra-Nate and Mega-Chad
ave met some SUPERVILLAINS' Use
he code on Page 6 to decipher
he names of these bad guys (# gals)

Ss
2 8
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we @ es

MMEEX
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b4ixind ib
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GOES
FOR BROKE ‘ome QUT

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