SocPsych Report (Chapter 11) [AB SOCIO - C1]

Rojas, Roble, Ortega, Col

How important is the need to belong?

As Aristotle says. We humans are "Social animals" in what today’s social psychologists call a
need to belong which basically means the motivation to pursue interactions and connections
with others.

Belonging is important because we humans inherently desire connection, as it already dates

back in the stone age where we are connected through "Social Attachments" where it is a
sense of belongingness or when we feel connected through relationships, specifically
intimate ones.

What happens if it is thwarted (Prevented)

When our need to belong is thwarted by ostracism which was explored by Social
Psychologist Kipling Williams (2001, 2011; Wesselmann & Williams, 2017) we tend to feel
very hurt because ostracism is the act of excluding or ignoring. This may take the form of
being avoided, met with averted eyes and one of the most common tool users during
conflicts within many types of relationships, Silent treatment.

These forms can be seen as a terrible weapon to use against someone where you refrain
from acknowledging an individual, inflicting or causing emotional abuse or an unfair
psychological treatment that can trigger depression or anger.

Based on the study of (Williams & Nida, 2009) Ostracism may be even worse than bullying:
Bullying, though very negative, at least acknowledges someone’s existence and importance,
whereas ostracism treats a person as if a person doesn’t exist at all.

What leads to friendship and attraction?

What predisposes one person to like, or to love, another? Few questions about human
nature arouse greater interest. The ways affections flourish and fade form the stuff and fluff
of soap operas, popular music, novels, and much of our everyday conversation.

So much has been written about liking and loving that almost every conceivable
explanation—and its opposite—has already been proposed. For most people—and for
you—what factors nurture liking and loving?

▯ Does absence make the heart grow fonder? Or is someone who is out of sight also out of
mind?

▯ Do likes attract? Or opposites?

▯ How much do good looks matter?

▯ What has fostered your close relationships?

Let’s start with those factors that lead to friendship and then consider those that sustain and
deepen a relationship.

So first we have Proximity, so One strong predictor of whether two people will become
friends is how close they are to each other. While being close to someone can sometimes
lead to conflicts or even violence, it usually leads to forming friendships. Being around each
other frequently tends to make people like one another more.Sociologists have long
observed that people often marry those who live nearby, work with them, or share similar
environments, like schools or favorite spots. A survey revealed that 38% of people in
long-term relationships met at work or school, with others meeting through local connections
or shared activities. This shows that geographical closeness plays a significant role in
forming romantic relationships.

Interaction. People who frequently interact, such as through shared facilities or

close workspaces, are more likely to become friends. Studies show that increased
interaction helps people discover commonalities and develop affection. For
example, students in integrated dorms build more friendships across genders than
those who lived separately. This frequent contact often leads to liking rather than
dislike, as it allows people to connect and perceive themselves as part of a social
group.

Anticipation of interaction. Proximity enables people to discover commonalities and

exchange rewards. But merely anticipating interaction also boosts liking. John
Darley and Ellen Berschied (1967) discovered this when they gave University of
Minnesota women ambiguous information about two women, one of whom they
expected to talk with imminately. This tendency to like those we expect to interact
with helps foster positive relationships with people we frequently encounter in daily
life, such as roommates and coworkers, leading to happier and more productive
interactions.

Mere exposure. This effect extends to preferences for letters in one's name or
language, with people favoring letters they see frequently, such as American
business students favoring stocks with initials matching their own names. The
mere-exposure effect. If she is like most of us, German chan-cellor Angela Merkel
may prefer her familiar mirror-image (left), which she sees every morning while
brushing her teeth, to her actual image (right).

Second is Physical Attractivenes. While many people claim that qualities like sincerity,
character, and humor are most important in a potential date, research consistently shows
that physical appearance also plays a significant role. Despite the belief that "beauty is only
skin deep," studies reveal that good looks are a major asset in attracting potential partners.

Studies consistently demonstrate that good looks serve as a considerable advantage in

attracting potential partners. While many people emphasize the importance of personal
qualities, the evidence suggests that physical attractiveness cannot be overlooked in the
dating process. This discrepancy between personal beliefs and research findings highlights
the complex nature of attraction. While qualities like sincerity, character, and humor are often
prioritized in discussions about dating, physical appearance continues to play a vital role in
attracting potential partners. Understanding this dynamic can provide valuable insights for
individuals navigating the dating scene.

Attractiveness and dating. Physical attractiveness is a moderately good predictor of

how often people date, with both young men and women benefiting from good
looks. However, women generally value traits like warmth and kindness more than
men, who place higher importance on physical attractiveness.

The matching phenomenon. People often pair off with others who are about as
attractive as they are, as research shows a strong match between the
attractiveness of partners, whether in marriages or dating relationships. This
"matching phenomenon" extends to friendships and romantic pursuits, where
individuals tend to approach and invest in those whose attractiveness aligns with
their own.

The physical-attractiveness stereotype. Attractiveness effects go beyond sexual

appeal; people often react negatively to facial disfigurements, judging disfigured
individuals as less intelligent and trustworthy. This bias is not limited to
adults—young children also show a preference for attractive faces, with even
infants favoring attractive individuals based on how long they gaze at them.

Next is Similarity versus Complementarity. Similarity involves how much two people or things
resemble each other. In the context of relationships, this means having shared traits,
interests, values, or beliefs. Complementarity, on the other hand, focuses on how differing
aspects of two people or things can work together or improve one another. In relationships,
complementarity highlights how differences between individuals can create balance and offer
a wider range of skills, viewpoints, or strengths.

Friends, engaged couples, and spouses are significantly more likely to have similar attitudes,
beliefs, values, and personality traits compared to randomly matched individuals (Youyou et
al., 2017). Additionally, couples who share more similarities are generally happier and have
a lower risk of divorce (Byrne, 1971; Caspi & Herbener, 1990). Dating pairs with aligned
political and religious views were also more likely to remain together after 11 months
(Bleske-Rechek et al., 2009).

Both similarity and complementarity are essential factors in relationships. While similarity
fosters connection through shared traits and values, complementarity highlights the
advantages of differences that can enrich the partnership. Understanding these dynamics
can provide valuable insights into the nature of interpersonal relationships.

Relationship Rewards. Asked why they are friends with someone or why they were attracted
to their partners, most people can readily answer. “I like Carol because she’s warm, witty,
and well-read.”What that explanation leaves out—and what social psychologists believe is
most important—is ourselves. Attraction involves the one who is attracted as well as the
attractor. Thus, a more psychologically accurate answer might be, “I like Carol because of
how I feel when I’m with her.” We are attracted to those we find satisfying and gratifying to
be with. Attraction is in the eye (and brain) of the beholder.
The point can be expressed as a simple reward theory of attraction: Those who reward us,
or whom we associate with rewards, we like. If a relationship gives us more rewards than
costs, we will like it and will want it to continue.

Reward theory of attraction - The theory that we like those whose behavior is rewarding to
us or whom we associate with rewarding events.

The reward theory of attraction suggests that when we associate our partners with pleasant
activities, relationships last.

What is Love?

For you, how do you define Love?

Love is a complex and deep emotion that goes beyond simple liking. It involves strong
feelings of affection and attachment, and people often yearn for it, live for it, and even die for
it.

● Passionate love
Is a strong and intense feeling of attraction and longing for someone. Psychologist Robert
Sternberg describes it as part of a love triangle that includes passion, intimacy, and
commitment. When people feel passionate love, they often show it physically, expect the
relationship to be exclusive, and are deeply fascinated by their partner. This can be seen in
the way couples look into each other’s eyes, smile, and lean in when talking.

Elaine Hatfield defines passionate love as “a state of intense longing for union with another.”
If this love is returned, it brings joy and fulfillment; if not, it can lead to feelings of emptiness
and sadness. Passionate love involves a mix of emotions, from happiness to sadness, and
activates the same brain pathways as addictions. It is the kind of love where you not only
love someone but are “in love” with them, feeling a deep connection and desire to be with
them.

A Theory of Passionate Love

Passionate love is an intense and emotional form of love that involves
both the body and mind. According to Elaine Hatfield, our physical arousal
can be interpreted in different ways depending on the situation. For example,
a pounding heart and trembling hands could be seen as fear, joy, or
passionate love, depending on the context. This means that if we are in a
romantic situation, we might interpret our arousal as passionate love.

The two-factor theory of emotion

Says that our emotions come from two things: physical arousal and how we interpret
that arousal. So, when something happens, our body reacts (like a racing heart), and
then we think about what is happening to decide what we are feeling. For example, if
your heart is pounding because you’re on a roller coaster, you might feel excitement.
But if your heart is pounding because you’re in a dark alley, you might feel fear. It’s all
about how we label our physical reactions based on the situation
In summary, passionate love is a mix of physical arousal and emotional connection,
influenced by exciting activities and the context you’re in. It’s a powerful combination that
creates a deep bond between people.

● Variations in Love: Culture and Gender

Love varies across cultures and genders. While most cultures have a concept of romantic
love, in some, especially those with arranged marriages, love often follows marriage. In the
1960s, many Americans didn’t see love as essential for marriage, but today, nearly all
college students do.

Surprisingly, studies show that men tend to fall in love more quickly and are often the first to
say “I love you.” Men also fall out of love more slowly and are less likely to end a premarital
relationship. Women, once in love, are typically very emotionally involved, often feeling
euphoric and focusing on the intimacy and care in the relationship. Men, however, tend to
think more about the playful and physical aspects.

● Companionate Love
Companionate love is a deep and steady affection that grows after the initial excitement of a
relationship fades. Unlike the intense and thrilling feelings of passionate love, companionate
love is warm and stable. It is built on mutual respect, trust, and emotional closeness. This
type of love is supported by the hormone oxytocin, which helps create strong bonds and
feelings of trust. Companionate love provides comfort and stability in long-term relationships,
helping couples stay together through life’s ups and downs.

What enables close relationships?

While we bond, researchers have found that different forms of a particular gene predict
mammalian pair bonding. In humans, injections of hormones such as oxytocin or the love
hormone (which is released in females during nursing and during mating) and vasopressin
which produces good feelings that trigger male–female bonding (Donaldson & Young, 2008;
Young, 2009).

- This hormone also plays an important role in predicting marital stability or the love
that endures (Walum et al., 2008).
- The first time we bonded starts when we are infants, where we seek dependence
from our parents. As has been said, the role that attachments play in the beginning
and continuing of relationships plays a vital role and if it is neglected, Individuals,
especially children may become withdrawn, frightened and silent.
- This is where researchers like Phillip Shaver and Cindy Hazan (1993, 1994) wonder
whether infant attachment styles might carry over to adult relationships.
Attachment Styles

● Secure Attachment Style. This is a trusting attachment style where many

researchers believe, forms a working model of intimacy—a blueprint for one’s adult
intimate relationships, in which underlying trust sustains relationships through times
of conflict (Miller & Rempel, 2004; Oriña et al., 2011; Salvatore et al., 2011). Among
the attachment styles, this is have the healthiest relationships, and it's the type that
everyone should strive for.

● Avoidant Attachment Style, an insecure form of attachment where avoidant

individuals may be either fearful and uncomfortable of getting close to others or
dismissing where they tend to prefer being alone and independent. (“It is very
important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient” ([Bartholomew & Horowitz,
1991]). this type of attachment style tend to disregards struggles and avoid conflicts
to maintain their sense of peace.

● Anxious Attachment Style, another form of insecure attachment where insecure

individuals are less trusting, more fearful of a partner becoming interested in
someone else, and therefore more possessive and jealous. They may break up
repeatedly with the same person. When discussing conflicts, they get emotional and
often angry (Cassidy, 2000; Simpson et al., 1996)b. Unlike the secure attachment
style, people with anxious attachment struggle to feel secure in their relationships.
While they long to be close to their partners compared to avoidant individuals. this
motivation for closeness is often driven by fears of abandonment, mistrust, and low
self-esteem.

Conclusion

● In having relationships both must put in effort to make it work. This is where the
equity principle of attraction: What you and your partner get out of a relationship
should be proportional to what you each put into it (Hatfield et al., 1978).
● Common examples of these are: reciprocating each other's duties like sharing
house-chores, efforts in suggesting dates and showing continuous forms of
admiration and faithfulness to your partner.
● As a healthy relationship progresses, they will achieve self-disclosure where they
begin to show more vulnerabilities and intimate aspects of each other where they
learn to love each other on a much deeper level, because mutual respect, delight and
intimacy is produced.
How Does A Relationship End?
Summarize the factors that predict marital dissolution and describe the detachment process.

Understanding why relationships end

In every ending of a relationship, there are multiple reasons why a young or a married
couple’s relationship leads to separation or divorce, almost always, the reason for separation
is conflict between the partners. Here are a few sociological conflict theories that provide a
glimpse of why relationships end:

● Feminist Theory - It examines women's and men's social roles, experiences,

interests, chores, and feminist politics. Inequality between the couple leads to
conflict.

● Frustration Theory - When first formulated, the hypothesis stated that frustration
always precedes aggression, and aggression is the sure consequence of frustration.
Clashing cultures of partners leads to frustration then conflict.

Individualists vs Collectivists

- In an individualistic culture, people are considered "good" if they are strong,

self-reliant, assertive, and independent.
- Collectivist cultures have characteristics like being self-sacrificing, dependable,
generous, and helpful to others are of greater importance.

Divorce
Divorce usually entails the canceling or reorganizing of the legal duties and responsibilities
of marriage, thus dissolving the bonds of matrimony between a married couple under the
rule of law of the particular country or state.

Divorce may influence well-being, with many individuals experiencing depression, loneliness
and isolation, self-esteem difficulties, or other psychological distress. Parental divorce may
also have negative effects on the psychosocial adjustment of children and adolescents.

- Individualistic cultures (where love is a feeling and people ask, “What does my heart
say?”) have more divorce than do communal cultures (where love entails obligation
and people ask, “What will other people say?”).
- Individualists marry “for as long as we both shall love,” collectivists more often for life.
- Individualists expect more passion and personal fulfillment in a marriage, which puts
greater pressure on the relationship.
- Marriage has become more challenging in individualistic recent times as couples
expect more fulfillment from marriage but invest fewer resources in it—a potentially
impossible equation.
- Enduring relationships are rooted in enduring love and satisfaction, but also in fear of
the termination cost, a sense of moral obligation, and inattention to possible
alternative partners.
- Those whose commitment to a union outlasts the desires that gave birth to it will
endure times of conflict and unhappiness.
* Relationships and how long a relationship lasts is rooted in the culture of both parties, it is
cultural, therefore, it is relative.

- Risk of divorce also depends on who marries whom. People usually stay married if
they:

▯ married after age 20,

▯ both grew up in stable, two-parent homes,
▯ dated for a long while before marriage,
▯ are well and similarly educated,
▯ enjoy a stable income from a good job,
▯ live in a small town or on a farm,
▯ did not cohabit or become pregnant before marriage,
▯ are religiously committed,
▯ are of similar age, faith, and education.

- None of those predictors, by itself, is essential to a stable marriage. Moreover, they

are correlates of enduring marriages, not necessarily causes.
- The temporary intoxication of passionate love was a foolish basis for permanent
marital decisions. Better to choose a mate based on stable friendship and compatible
backgrounds, interests, habits, and values.

The Detachment Process

● Severing bonds produces a predictable sequence of agitated preoccupation with the
lost partner, followed by deep sadness and, eventually, the beginnings of emotional
detachment, a letting go of the old while focusing on someone new, and a renewed
sense of self (Hazan & Shaver, 1994; Lewandowski & Bizzoco, 2007; Spielmann et
al., 2009).

● Because humans often mate with more than one partner, we must have evolved
psychological processes for cutting ties, a mechanism evolutionary psychologists
dubbed the “mate ejection module” (Boutwell Et al., 2015). However, deep and
long-standing attachments seldom break quickly; detaching is a process, not an
event.

The process includes:

- People recall more pain over spurning someone’s love than over having been
spurned.
- Their distress arises from guilt over hurting someone, from upset over the
heartbroken lover’s persistence, or from uncertainty over how to respond.
- Shocked parents and friends, guilt over broken vows, anguish over reduced
household income, and possibly less time with children.

● When relationships suffer, those without better alternatives or who feel invested in a
relationship (through time, energy, mutual friends, possessions, and perhaps
children) will seek alternatives to exiting the relationship.
 Responses to Relationship Distress
Passive
● Loyalty—by waiting for conditions to improve. The problems are too painful
to confront and the risks of separation are too great, so the loyal partner
perseveres, hoping the good old days will return.
● Neglect—they ignore the partner and allow the relationship to deteriorate.
With painful dissatisfactions ignored, an insidious emotional uncoupling
ensues as the partners talk less and begin redefining their lives without each
other.

Active
● Voice—their concerns and take active steps to improve the relationship by
discussing problems, seeking advice, and attempting to change.

Postscript: Making Love

Given the psychological ingredients of marital happiness—kindred minds, social and sexual
intimacy, equitable giving and receiving of emotional and material resources—it becomes
possible to contest the French saying “Love makes the time pass and time makes love
passes.”

By minding our close relationships, sustained satisfaction is possible, note John Harvey and
Julia Omarzu (1997). Australian relationships researcher Patricia Noller (1996) concurs:
“Mature love… love that sustains marriage and family as it creates an environment in which
individual family members can grow… is sustained by beliefs that love involves
acknowledging and accepting differences and weaknesses; that love involves an internal
decision to love another person and a long-term commitment to maintain that love; and
finally that love is controllable and needs to be nurtured and nourished by the lovers.”

For those who commit themselves to creating an equitable, intimate, mutually supportive
relationship, there may come the security, and the joy, of enduring, companionate love.