STEP UP

HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

OR
EVEN IF YOU HATE CONFLICT

STEP OUT
WRITTEN BY

JONNO WHITE

FOUNDER AND PRINCIPAL CONSULTANT OF CLARITY

 STNETNOC
F O
E L B A T
T E S T I M O N I A L S

2 What Our Clients Say About Us

C H A P T E R O N E

7 Introduction

C H A P T E R T W O

11 Meet Jonno White: My Story

C H A P T E R T H R E E

17 Monique's Story: What NOT to Do

C H A P T E R F O U R

24 Problem: The Recipe for Disaster

C H A P T E R F I V E

30 Secret Ingredient: Why Are Difficult People So... Difficult?

C H A P T E R S I X

34 Solution: Three Stages to Get Difficult People to Step Up or

Step Out Within Four Weeks

C H A P T E R S E V E N

48 Janice's Story: The Four Week Promise in Real Life

T H E E N D

56 Thanks For Reading: Here Are Some Testimonials

T E S T I M O N I A L S

"I was reluctant at first t o e n gage t he se rvice s of J o n n o as

other contractors had disappoint e d in t he past . J o n n o
quickly hit the mark and can be st be de scribe d as
engaging, thought -provokin g an d cul t ure -shift in g. I
highly recomme nd Jonno an d hope t o use him in t he
future. You won’t be disappo int e d!" G rae m e Budl e r - N ew
Zealand

“The Employee We l l be ing S urve y from Cl arit y was t ru l y a

godsend for our school . We n e e de d t o he ar ho w o ur... s t aff
were really doing. The surve y was an affo rdabl e way fo r u s
to get excellent dat a t hat wil l guide our adm inist rat io n
and board as we work t hrough t he se un ique l y difficul t
times.” John Davis - Unite d S t at e s

"I really enjoy t he t ime I have spe n t wit h J o n n o as it

makes me tak e a st e p back fro m a frant ic pace ...and
evaluate what is curre ntl y impo rt ant . It give s me an h o u r
each time to re fl e ct on what is curre nt l y o n m y mind an d
some head space in which t o proce ss t his.

As a leader, with l it t l e t ime t o proce ss t hought s e ach day,

working with Cl arit y has be e n an inval uabl e re source t o
clarify my thi nking and I hope t his wil l co n t inue
throughout the year t o suppo rt me t o l e ad." El aine Fiel d -
UK

2
“Jonno present s a re fre shin g pe rspe ct ive , no t ‘e art h-
shattering’ but re fre shing. I say t hat be cause t he bul k o f
what he achieve s is done by t he l ist e ne r an swe rin g his
questions. That’s right , Jon n o he l ps y o u answe r y o ur o wn
questions by asking more ! Who’d have t hought gaining
clarity came from asking t he right que st ion s, be cause we
mostly only ever spe nd our t im e se e king an swe rs. Jo n n o ’s
curiosity enable s him t o re ach t he he art o f t he pe rson
enabling them t o de fine t he ir own pat h.” An dre w Il e s -
Australia

“Through a rel axe d and e ng aging int e ract ive se ssion ,

Jonno was abl e t o l e ad t he t e am t o a cre sce n do o f cl ari t y
about our mission and visio n , simpl y by po sin g a se ries o f
thought-provoking que st io n s and t he n wo rkin g t he roo m
to bring those into focus. The se ssion inspire d m an y o f u s
with a fresh reve l at ion of t he sign ificance o f o ur func t i o n
individually and corporat e l y.” Al iso n Pe t e rse n - Aust ral ia

“Jonno is a fant ast ic pre se n t e r an d facil it at or. We so

appreciated t he skil ful way he e ngage d wit h our t e am. In
a short space in t ime he was abl e t o mo ve o ur t e am
forward, working t oget he r t o wards achie vin g t he visio n o f
our organisat ion wit h gre at e r cl arit y an d purpo se . I w o u l d
thoroughly recommend Jon n o fo r workin g wit h an y
management te am in t he fut ure .” J o n at han Price - New
Zealand

3
"It was important t o us t o asce rt ain how t he diffe re n t
stakeholders wit hin our S HCS co m munit y have
experienced the st rat e gic approach t o e ducat io n ado pt ed
by the School during t his COVID-1 9 pande mic. Jo n n o
White from Cl arit y. ..he l pe d us de vise surve y s t o gl e an t h e
most important impressions fro m o ur st aff t hrough a
SHCS Staff We l l be ing S urve y; our st ude nt s t hrough a
SHCS Student Remot e Learn ing Expe rie n ce S urve y, and
our families through S HCS Fam il y Re mo t e Le arn ing
Experience Surve y.

It is safe to say t hat S HCS ’ e ffo rt s, support e d by t he

research findi ngs of Cl arit y ...t o cre at e a cul t ure
of...excellence , combined wit h a unique e xpe rie n ce o f
community amongst al l t he st ake ho l de rs...has paid
dividends in al l owing us t o succe ssful l y n avigat e t he
difficult circumstance s we face d during t he COVID-1 9
pandemic." Irma Le Roux Fo urie - Aust ral ia

“Jonno is a passionat e , e xpe rie nce d an d re spon sive

leadership consul t ant. His disarming approach whe n
addressing chal l e nging l e ade rship que st ion s e n gage d a
wide spectrum of pe ople l e ade rs acro ss o ur o rganisat io n .
Comfortable communicat in g wit h l arge o r smal l group s ,
Jonno’s singular vision of inve st in g in pe opl e t o he l p
organisations t hrive ...pe rme at e d al l aspe ct s o f suppo rt ,
guidance and e ngagement o ffe re d.

Jonno uses re se arch proven l e ade rship me t ho do l o gie s as

well as foundational ...principl e s t o de l ive r co n t e xt
appropriate st rat e gie s t hat e ngage part icipant s in
building tangibl e t ake away s for use in t he l o n g an d sho r t
term. My experience of wor king wit h J o n n o re sul t e d in
greater clarity , more e ffe ct ive t e am an d incre ase d
appreciation of organisat ion al purpo se an d val ue s.”
Christopher Mart in - New Ze al and

4
“Jonno White was e ngaging and do wn t o e art h. His abil i t y
to instantly conne ct wit h o ur st aff and t he go al s of o u r
organisation proved most val uabl e . His down t o e art h
nature provide d an e xce l l e nt pl at fo rm fo r our st aff t o
openly share t he ir pe rsonal st ory an d provide d e n o ugh o f
a push to help our t e ams co n side r st e ps t o grow an d
improve.” Brendan Hosking - Aust ral ia

“We had the privil e ge of havin g J o n n o wo rk wit h us

through individ ual coaching se ssion s, smal l group wor k
with leadersh ip and coll e ct ive l y as a who l e organisat io n .
Jonno helped us und e rst an d whe re e ach in dividual fits
within the bigge r pict ure of t he o rganisat ion ’s m issio n
and how each st aff membe r has be e n cal l e d t o t his
organisation for such a t ime as t his. Wo rkin g wit h
Clarity...provide d opport unit y fo r our individual an d
collective purpose t o be re fine d and unde rst oo d wit hin
the bigger...st ory.” Paul Tho m pson - Aust ral ia

"Jonno really h e l pe d our l e ade rship t e am t o n ail t he ‘why’

of what we do. I have t aught at t his scho o l fo r al mo st 20
years and thought I had t he missio n st at e me nt n ail e d, bu t
working with Jonno re al l y ope ne d my e y e s t o t hin k
deeper. I loved t he way Jonn o wo rke d wit h a bran d n ew
team to form a cohesive unit . He was profe ssio n al an d
authentic." Col e t t e Budl e r - N e w Ze al an d

"Off-site work wit h Jonno Whit e an d o ur L e ade rship Team

has been intense, chal l e ng ing an d st re t chin g but
ultimately highl y re wardin g. The sacrifice o f t ime has
lead to rich new und e rst andings and a st ro n g se n se o f
shared vision and purpose fo r our t e am. The t wo-day s
leadership sp e nt off-sit e be fore t he st art o f t he
2020...year, provid e d such cl arit y an d re n e we d passion
that our start t o t he year was t he be st we ’ve e ve r had! ”
Lyndall Waters - Aust ral ia

5
“Genesis Christ ian Coll e ge woul d l ike t o ackno wl e dge t he
professionalism of Cl arit y and t he compe t e n t man n e r wi t h
which Jonno engaged wit h our S e nior Le ade rship t e am.
Our team appre ciat e d Jonno’s skil l in wo rkin g al o n gside
us and facilitat ing gre at e r l e ve l s o f cl arit y wit hin o ur
team. Jonno was fl e xibl e an d wil l in g t o acco m mo dat e t h e
needs of our Coll e ge and t ail ore d his appro ach t o suit.
Jonno has gre at skil l in wor king wit h individual s and
teams and I woul d have no he sit at io n in re com me nding
the services of Cl arit y t o othe r scho o l s and o rganisat i o n s . ”
Paul Sterling - G e nesis Christ ian Col l e ge

“Our Leadership t e am e nga ge d Jo n n o Whit e at t he

commencement of 2020. Jono has wo rke d wit h us t o br in g
a greater app re ciat ion and unde rst anding o f e ach ot h er’s
individual stre ngths, t he re by e nhancin g o ur abil it y t o
work effectivel y t oget he r an d t o have gre at e r e mpat hy fo r
each other. Jonno has also he l pe d us t o dril l do wn an d t o
clearly outline t he core val ue s t hat unde rpin o ur wo rk
here. This has e nabl e d us t o be mo re t arge t e d in o ur
mission and to l e ad wit h gre at e r cl arit y an d cohe sive n es s .
Our staff have not ice d a gre at e r se n se o f unit y am o n gs t
the whole team.

Our individual coaching se ssio n s wit h Jo n n o have be e n

invaluable. The se se ssions have e n abl e d me t o re fl e ct o n
my own leadership and t o cl e arl y ide n t ify are as I ne e d t o
grow and strengt he n t o e na bl e me t o l e ad mo re
effectively. Jonno has a unique abil it y t o ask t arge t e d
questions which have scaffol de d my t hin king an d e nabl ed
me to reflect and arrive at m y o wn sol ut io n s t o
challenges. I h ave gre at l y appre ciat e d his wisdo m an d
insights along wit h his cl e ar and t horough unde rst andi n g
of Leadership principl e s. He has be e n a re al gift t o us. ”
Marion Trotter - Aust ral ia

6
NOITCUDORTNI
E N O R E T P A H C
I N T R O D U C T I O N

Thank you for invest ing your t im e in S t e p Up o r S t e p O u t :

How to Deal with Difficul t Pe o pl e Eve n If Yo u Hat e
Conflict. I’m J onno Whit e , Fo unde r an d Principal
Consultant of Cl arit y. I’m base d in Brisban e , Aust ral ia,
and I work wi t h l e ade rs around t he wo rl d. I’m passion at e
about investing in pe ople t o be com e e ve ry t hin g t he y’re
meant to be in ord e r t o fil l t he wo rl d wit h he al t hy
organisations t hat pe ople l ove t o wo rk at and t hat make a
significant posit ive diffe re nce in t he ir comm unit ie s,
nations and across t he wor l d.

I don’t take it l ight l y t hat yo u’re he re . I don ’t kno w yo u r

story, but I do know t hat whe re ve r y o u are , what e ve r
you’re doing, if it invol ve s pe opl e it ’s hard wo rk! And i f
you’ve picked up t his book it ’s pro babl y be cause yo u’r e
experiencing some chal l e nging dyn am ics wit h pe o pl e
you’re leading, some one who’s l e adin g yo u, wit h
customers, clients or othe r e xt e rn al st ake hol de rs or w i t h
family and frie nd s in your l ife .

Take heart.

This is about as chal l e nging as it ge t s in l e ade rship. Yes,

that’s right. Leade rship is incre dibl y difficul t but t he mo s t
difficult part of al l , in my opinion , is t he pe o pl e aspe ct
because peopl e are incre dibl y compl e x. I be l ie ve what
Patrick Lencioni says about buil din g a he al t hy t e am
applies to deal ing wit h difficul t pe opl e .

“ I T I S B O T H P O S S I B L E A N D R E M A R K A B L Y

S I M P L E . B U T I T ’ S P A I N F U L L Y D I F F I C U L T . ”

- P A T R I C K L E N C I O N I

8
I won’t lie to you. De al ing wit h difficul t pe opl e is…
difficult. In fact , one of t he chapt e rs in t his bo o k is go i n g
to look at just why difficul t pe o pl e are so difficul t ! The
good news is that t he re ’s a re markabl y sim pl e pro ce ss yo u
can go through t hat makes it no t o n l y po ssibl e , but
probable, that you’l l be abl e t o ge t difficul t pe o pl e t o s t ep
up or step out.

In just four we e ks.

I call it the four we e k promise . I must ackno wl e dge my

favourite leade rship aut ho r of al l t ime - Pat rick L e ncio n i -
who I’ve already quote d he re . A l o t o f t his co n t e nt has
come from absorbing Pat ’s boo ks and t he ke y ide as
around how to de al wit h difficul t pe o pl e , part icul arl y t he
four week promise , come s from a bril l ian t po dcast Pa t di d
with Entreleade rship a whil e back.

So thank you Pat rick Lencioni fo r be in g such an incre dibl e

influence on my l ife !

As I’ll explain l at e r, t he pro ce ss I’m go ing t o wal k yo u

through isn’t just a gre at ide a I he ard. It ’s some t hing Pat
has seen with 20+ years of e xpe rie nce in corporat e
consulting. More import ant l y fo r me , I’ve t rie d it .

And it works.

I’ll tell a story l at e r on of how I’ve se e n t his e xact proc ess

work for a lead e r who saw so me on e st e p out wit hin fo u r
weeks. Even be t t e r, t he re was no massive co n fl ict o r
confrontation and t he y we re abl e t o st ay frie nds which
was pretty incre dibl e .

9
Before I get to t he re marka bl y sim pl e pro ce ss - and t he
story of how I’ve se e n a l e ade r use it succe ssful l y - I w an t
to share a diffe re nt st ory. First , t his is a bit of m y st ory
about how I st art e d doing what I do at Cl arit y so yo u can
get to know me a bit be t t e r.

1 0
YROTS YM
:ETIHW ONNOJ TEEM
O W T R E T P A H C
M E E T J O N N O W H I T E :

M Y S T O R Y

As I mentione d in t he pre vious

chapter, I’m J onno Whit e ,
Founder and Principal
Consultant of Cl arit y, a
consultancy base d in Brisbane ,
Australia, that e xist s t o fil l t he
world with heal t hy
organisations .

I’m passionat e about invest in g

in people to be come e ve rythin g
they’re meant t o be in ord e r t o
fill the world wit h he al t hy
organisations t hat pe ople l ove
to work at and t hat make a
significant posit ive diffe re nce
to their communitie s, natio n s
and across the world.

Clarity helps l e ade rs t hrough o n e -o n -on e co aching, bo ard

and executive t e am offsite s, e m pl o ye e an d cust ome r
surveys and k e ynote s and workshops for co n fe re nce s an d
staff teams.

Everything changed during an Arro w Eme rging L e ade r s

Program intensive ...

1 2
I was lying down on t he ground wit h m y e y e s cl ose d
during a session whe re we had space fo r co n t e mpl at ion .
As I pondered e ve rything I was doing in m y l ife , I had n o
idea that in the next 1 0 minut e s I woul d have a l ife -
changing revel at ion t hat I' l l ne ve r fo rge t .

The previous 1 8 months had be e n a jo urn e y o f discove r y as

a leader at a fast growing n o n profit in Aust ral ia. But l i ke
many leaders, I l ooke d at t he com pe t e n t an d passion at e
people I was l e ading and won de re d why it was so hard t o
make progres s?

I felt like we we re t rying t o do m an y n o n -e sse nt ial t hi n gs

rather than a few significan t t hin gs and t hat , if I was
honest, we were n't making a sign ificant impact co m par ed
to our dreams and pote ntial . I re al ise d I n e e de d a fre sh
vision, a better und e rst and ing o f how o ur core be havio u rs
were being out worked, and a he al t hy an d funct io n al
leadership team. It was at t his point that I came across
Patrick Lencioni’s book ‘The Five Dy sfun ct io n s of a Team’ .

I read it in one night.

Then I got hol d of his book ‘The Advant age ’ an d spe n t a

month absorbing it , re -re ading it and t he n st udying my
notes again. In short, al l of t he t hin gs I was grappl in g
with were wrapped up in confusion an d a l ack of
alignment. As I re ad Lencio n i’s principl e s o f
organisational he al t h, I l e arn e d t he ke y t o a gre at
organisation. Bad, ave rage an d e ve n go o d o rganisat ion s
are riddled wi t h confusion an d a l ack of al ignme nt . But
great organis at ions have :

Clarity.

1 3
So there I was in Mel bourn e , Aust ral ia, at t he l e ade rsh ip
intensive. I was six months in t o impl e me nt ing L e ncio n i ' s
principles of organisational he al t h an d I was l ovin g ev ery
minute of it. We we re buil din g a cohe sive l e ade rship t eam
and we finally had cl arit y aro und t he visio n , co re
behaviours, strate gic anchors an d prio rit ie s! Al l of a
sudden though, as I l ay t he re , I saw my l ife 30 ye ars d o wn
the track.

There were two pat hs.

Up to that point I t hought m y rol e was t o l e ad gre at

organisations or t o be part of gre at o rganisat ion s. To be
up front in prominent l e ade rship rol e s in l arge r and l ar ger
organisations .

That was one path.

But for the first t ime, I saw an o t he r. It o ccurre d t o me

that my greatest st re ngth was act ual l y t o ge t be side
leaders and h e l p t he m buil d gre at organisat ion s. To
choose behind t he sce nes ove r pro mine nce . The ro l e of
trainer and advisor over point l e ade r. S o m e whe re in my
heart I knew t he burde n wo ul d be l ight e r, t he wins
sweeter and the overal l impact —gre at e r. S o I de cide d
then and there t o pursue a l ife o f he l ping o t he r l e ader s t o
build great organisat ions.

What is a great organisat io n ? A gre at o rganisat ion

provides its cl ie nts, cust ome rs o r co n gre gat ion wit h a
product, service or e xpe rie n ce t hat e xce e ds t he ir
expectations. It al so provid e s it s e mpl o ye e s or vo l unt eers
with an opport unity t o ful fil t he ir individual purpo se an d
reach their pote ntial .

1 4
A great organisat ion is l e d by a po int l e ade r and
leadership team who know an d l ive out t he vision , co r e
behaviours and st rat e gic an cho rs o f t he o rganisat ion an d
are courageous e nough t o e mbrace sho rt t e rm pain in
exchange for long t e rm progre ss.

Great organisations are fe w and far be t we e n.

Fast forward one year from t he l e ade rship in t e nsive an d I

was at a crossroads. What had st art e d as a se e d of an idea
in my heart had now grown int o som e t hing t hat was fu l l y
formed. I had t ake n t he t im e and use d t he t oo l s at my
disposal to answe r t he six que st ion s of cl arit y fo r my o wn
organisation.

My vision and passion was no w m o re cl e arl y art icul at ed as

a vision to invest in l e ade rs t o se e t he ir organisat ion s
become every t hing t he y can be . I de cide d t o st e p o ut an d
pioneer Clarity. Eve r since t hat de cision , I have had t he
privilege to he l p l e ade rs buil d l e ade rship capacit y in t heir
organisations t hrough l e ade rship co aching, bo ard and
executive team offsite s, cust om e r an d e mpl o ye e surveys
and workshops/ke ynote s for co n fe re nce s and st aff t e ams .

When it comes t o buil ding gre at organisat ion s, it ' s l ik e

forming a heal t hy t e am. As Pat rick L e ncio n i says:

"It is both possibl e and re markabl y sim pl e . But it is

painfully difficul t ."

I am determine d t o he l p l e ade rs t hro ugh t he painful l y

difficult process t o ge t t o t he o t he r side :

A great organisat ion.

1 5
So that’s me. I’m t hankful t o have t he oppo rt un it y t o
invest in you as you se e k t o de al wit h difficul t pe o pl e
even if you hat e confl ict . No w it ’s t im e for ano t he r st o ry.
This next story is how a l e ade r I kno w spe ct acul arl y
stuffed up in this are a and hurt a l ot o f pe opl e . It ’s a st o r y
that I share hoping you’l l se e t hat yo u’re n o t al o n e wit h
the challenges you’re e xpe rie n cin g an d hoping t hat y o u
might learn from it and avoid t he he art ache she
experienced.

1 6
OD OT TON TAHW
:YROTS S’EUQINOM
E E R H T R E T P A H C
M O N I Q U E ' S S T O R Y :

W H A T N O T T O D O

I came across t his st ory of a l e ade r in a schoo l in t he US

who we will call ‘Monique ’. It ’s a pe rfe ct il l ust rat io n o f
what NOT to do and it se t s t he sce n e for t he re st o f t he
book as we unpack how t o de al wit h difficul t pe opl e e v en
if you hate conflict .

Monique was on t he e xe cut ive t e am at a schoo l in At l an t a

in the United S t at e s. S he was un de r t he wing o f an
excellent head of school an d was we l l an d t rul y she l t e red
for the first ye ar. But t he n, t he he ad of schoo l , El e ano r ,
had an incredibl e opport unit y t o t ake on a schoo l t ha t
needed a lot of work on t he o t he r side o f t he US , in
Sacramento, California.

The board we nt t hrough a proce ss an d Mo n ique fo und o u t

that Eleanor’s unrese rve d re com m e ndat ion was t hat t h ey
take a chance on Monique as a he ad of schoo l who’d never
been in that rol e be fore. The bo ard agre e d an d aft e r a
couple of mont hs of rigorous in t e rvie ws, Mo n ique fo u n d
herself stepping out from unde r El e an o r’s win g int o t h e
head of school role .

As a mid-sized school , Roswe l l Acade my was K-1 2 an d

served around 700 st ude nts wit h a t ot al st aff t e am o f 1 50.
As part of the 1 50, Monique t o o k o ve r a broad l e ade rship
team of 30 lead e rs - incl uding he ad o f facil it ie s, he ad s o f
year levels and t he e xe c. No w l e t me t e l l yo u abo ut t hes e
leaders - some we re olde r t han Mo n ique but al l we re
competent pe ople doing amazing t hin gs in t he ir schoo l
roles and outs ide in t he communit y , t oo . To put it simpl y,
Monique had a gre at t e am of pe opl e .

1 8
As a leader whe n Monique t o o k o n t his ro l e , she naivel y
assumed that if she just co n t inue d t o grow in he r
communication skil l s, curricul um an d pe dagogy st rat egy,
learning to care for st aff, pare nt s and yo ung pe opl e a s t he
head of school and more , t hat al l 1 50 st aff wo ul d ‘just
follow her’. A fe w months in t o t aking o ve r t his rol e
Monique had a biiiiiig l e arning curve . One day she had an
epiphony, “Wait a se cond, I have al l t he se awe so me
people on my t e am but I have n o ide a how t o ge t t he m al l
rowing in the same dire ct io n !” This might se e m o bviou s t o
you, but this was an e piphan y t o Mo n ique .

As soon as Monique had t his re ve l at ion , she se t about

learning and re ading e ve ry t hin g she co ul d abo ut ho w t o
get everyone rowing in t he same dire ct io n . S he came
across great aut hors l ike Jim Col l ins wit h his boo k Go o d t o
Great and Brene Brown’s boo k Dare t o L e ad. As Mo n iqu e
read up on how t o buil d a gre at scho o l , she had a
revelation: she was l e ading a supe r dysfun ct io n al e xec
team and wid e r l e ade rship t e am. N o t be cause o f t he m !
But because of he r. Be cause El e an o r be fore he r hadn ’t
understood what was invol ve d in an e xe c t e am an d she’d
taken over what El e anor had l e ft an d, if an yt hin g, had
made it worse.

When I say dysfunct ional , I me an rol e s we re un cl e ar,

expectations we re uncl e ar an d he r e xe c t e am an d wid er
leadership team we re n’t me e t ing re gul arl y. S he
committed to change t his an d t o chan ge it as so o n as
possible. Fast-forward a co upl e o f m o n t hs an d Mo n iqu e
had started impl e menting a bun ch o f t hin gs aro und t his
exec team. Howe ve r, in t he se mo n t hs t he re was on e
person on her e xe c t e am t hat Mo n ique was st ruggl ing t o
lead - Jack.

1 9
Jack was proving more and m o re difficul t an d al t houg h he
seemed to have a high capacit y an d was doing incre dibl e
things in other are as of his l ife , Mo n ique wasn’t givin g
him clear exp e ct at ions and t he re was a l ot o f t e nsio n
between her and Jack and she didn’t kno w what t o do .

Monique took he r frust rat ion wit h J ack t o he r l e ade rs h ip

mentor at the t ime who was CEO o f a l arge e ne rgy
company based in At l anta. K at hy was an e pic l e ade r o f
this multi-nat ional company an d Mo n ique m e t wit h her
and poured he r he art out about ho w difficul t t his
experience was for he r. Kathy gave Mo n ique some great
advice.

“You have to deal wit h Jack. He ’s a t o xic e mpl o ye e an d i f

you don’t do s ome t hing abo ut it soo n , y o u’l l e nd up w it h a
toxic culture. Eve ry day you do n ’t do some t hing about
this, it’s going t o ge t harde r an d harde r t o unrave l .”

Monique listened inte ntl y and she l e ft t he me e t ing wit h

the revelation t hat she nee de d t o do som e t hing about
this, and fast. If t he re was t oxic cul t ure growing be cau se
of Jack being so difficul t , t he n be ing l o n gsuffe ring wasn ’ t
the answer. She knew t his advice was t he co rre ct t hin g t o
do. Unfortunat e l y how she we n t about it was
monumentall y fl awe d!

Monique was stil l working o ut e xact l y what t o do abou t

Jack when she re ache d a t ipping po int . Aft e r de ciding t o
meet more re gul arl y wit h he r e xe c, she o rganise d a
meeting for one hour. In t his me e t ing Mo n ique discus s ed
some important fe e dback she wan t e d e ve ry o n e t o l o o k
over with their t e ams re gardin g t he visio n , val ue s and
culture of Roswe l l Acade my. Wit h a fe w minut e s t o go in
the meeting, Monique e mail e d e ve ryo n e t he form an d
asked them to se nd it on t o t he ir t e ams in t he final few
minutes of the mee t ing.
2 0
Monique was fee l ing good abo ut he r proce ss. S he had
good buy-in from most of he r e xe c and he r st rat e gy t o do
some internal market re se arch about t he vision , val ue s
and culture fel t l ike a gre at m o ve t o wards whe re t he
school needed t o go. But t he re was o n e pro bl e m. Jack
hadn’t turned up. Monique che cke d he r wat ch an d saw
there were only a coupl e of m inut e s l e ft .

Then her phone be e pe d.

She walked around t he t abl e fro m whe re she had be e n

sitting to wipe off t he brainst orming t he y’d don e on t he
board and che cke d he r phon e as she did so. S he had a n ew
message from Jack.

“Dealing with a pare nt, can ’t make it . Jack”

Monique felt her face grow re d an d cl e n che d he r fist s t o

stop herself from doing some t hin g o r saying some t hing
then and there in front of t he re st of t he e xe c. Inst e ad s h e
wrapped up th e mee t ing an d wait e d hal f an hour. Then
she messaged Jack back, “N o wo rrie s Jack, can we cat c h u p
tomorrow at 9am pl e ase ?”

“Sure,” came the re sponse fro m J ack.

The next day Monique was livid. S he was sick and t ire d of
Jack’s attitud e and t he way he just bl e w o ff t he e xe c
meeting for a pare nt issue t he day be fo re had be e n t h e
straw that broke t he camel ’s back. It wasn ’t t he first t i me
he’d missed a mee t ing, and it st ung part icul arl y badl y
because of the import ance o f t he con t e nt Mo n ique had
covered about vision, val ue s an d cul t ure .

2 1
9am arrived and we nt. At 9:1 0am, Jack fin al l y wan de red
into her office and apologi se d fo r runn ing l at e . “S orry,
crazy morning, coupl e of st aff o ff sick t oday who cal l e d in
at 8:45am. What’s t his about Mo n ique ?”

Monique aske d Jack t o t ake a se at an d t he n she l aun c hed

into her tirade . Ove r t he next hour, t he re we re raise d
voices, lots of , “You’re al ways l at e ,” an d, “No I’m n o t , t ake
last week, I was right on t ime !” re spon se s and J ack jus t
got more and more de fe nsive . Fin al l y, Mo n ique had
reached her limit and she said, “That ’s it J ack. Yo u’re
finished here. You’ve und e rpe rfo rme d for the last time
and I want you out of he re in t he n e xt coupl e o f we e ks. ”

Jack was furious and he st o o d up and said, “Fine ! Forget

the next coupl e of we e ks, I’l l co l l e ct my t hin gs and get out
of here today. But t his isn’t t he l ast yo u’l l he ar of t his!
You can expect some l it igat io n from m e and yo u won ’t
have anything l e ft . By t he t im e I’m finishe d wit h yo u n o t
only won’t you be he ad of scho o l but yo u won ’t e ve n be
able to get a job wit hin 500 mil e s of he re .”

With that, he st orme d out, went and packe d up his t hin gs

and the worst coupl e of years of Mo n ique ’s l ife be gan as
she went through al l t he l it igat io n proce sse s. Al t ho ugh
the board sup porte d he r, it was an horrific co upl e o f year s
and it set the school back inst e ad o f se t t ing t he m up fo r
everything Monique was hoping an d dre aming t o achi eve.

2 2
Does Monique’s st ory soun d fam il iar? Do yo u t hink J ac k
needed to finish up? The hard t hing about st o rie s l ike t h is
is often the answe r is: Ye s. Ho we ve r, do yo u t hink t he way
Monique lead t he proce ss was he l pful ? Abso l ut e l y n o t !
When leaders l ike Monique l e ad l ike s t his, it t ake s year s -
YEARS - for some of the hurt to heal and t o be hone st
there’s probably some hurt t hat st il l hasn’t he al e d fo r
people involve d. Eve n t hough Monique has l e arned fro m
this experience and t ake s ful l re spo n sibil it y fo r what
happened, it’s my hope t hat so m e t hing as t e rribl e as
Monique’s expe rie nce can be a l e sso n t o o t he r l e ade rs .

My passion to he l p you do t his we l l come s o ut of t he

extreme pain I’ve witnesse d from se e in g l e ade rs do t his so
poorly.

So that takes us t o t he next chapt e r whe re we unpack t he

problem. Why is de al ing wit h difficul t pe opl e and havi n g
conversations such a big pro bl e m?

2 3
RETSASID ROF
EPICER EHT :MELBORP
R U O F R E T P A H C
P R O B L E M : T H E R E C I P E

F O R D I S A S T E R

I work with leade rs around t he worl d and o n e of t he t o p

three things t hat come s up con sist e n t l y in e ve ry se ct or at
every level of l e ade rship is THIS probl e m. De al ing with
difficult peop l e and having difficul t con ve rsat ion s.

So why exactly is t his such a pre val e n t issue for l e ade rs?
And for that mat t e r, for pe o pl e in e ve ry wal k o f l ife wit h
their family, frie nd s and st ake hol de rs out side o f t he i r
organisations ?

The reason we find t his so difficul t is be cause o f what I

call The Recipe for Disast e r.

The Recipe for Disast e r re fe rs t o how we t e n d t o appro ac h

conflict and confrontat ion. I kno w t his re cipe we l l
because I nail e d it in t he st ory I t o l d in t he pre vio us
chapter. I coul dn’t have bake d it an y be t t e r! It was a
perfect devas t at ing re cipe t hat , sure e n o ugh, bl e w up in
everyone’s face s and l e ft e ve ryo n e missin g l imbs an d
wishing for a do-over.

There are four ingredie nts in t he re cipe for disast e r. I can

guarantee that if you approach dealing with difficul t
people with the se four ingre die nt s y o u wil l bake a
disaster every t ime. The ing re die n t s are un cl e ar
expectations, big one -off bat t l e s, t he e l e me nt o f surp ris e
and a fourth se cre t ingredie n t t hat I’l l unpack in t he n ex t
chapter.

2 5
I N G R E D I E N T O N E : U N C L E A R E X P E C T A T I O N S

The first ingredie nt in t he re cipe fo r disast e r is uncl e ar

expectations. If you want t o de al poo rl y wit h difficul t
people then just don’t worry about making t he
expectations cl e ar. It work s e ve ry t ime ! Of course we do n ’t
do this intentional l y, do we ? What t e n ds t o happe n is
someone starts in a role and e ve ryo n e is l ovin g l ife . Yo u ’ re
happy becaus e you’ve finall y fil l e d a gap. The y ’re happy
because they’ve finall y got a job.

So with every one l oving l ife at t his o n e point in t ime , we

say to ourselves, “You know what ? I t hin k e ve ryt hin g’s
going to be okay. I’l l just l e t them get to it and work it out
and she’ll be right .” That ’s what we say in Aust ral ia
anyway. Warning: S he won’t be right .

With a foundat ion of uncl e ar e xpe ct at io n s, e ve ryt hin g

travels okay f or a fe w we e ks or mo n t hs. The pro bl e m wi t h
unclear expect at ions is t hat whe n t he re ’s n o n e e d fo r
conflict or confront at ion (or no pe rce ive d ne e d) t he re ’s n o
red flags and we can e asil y be l ie ve o ur o wn l ie t hat it ’s
not that import ant t o make e xpe ct at ion s cl e ar. Howe ver,
this works for t hre e of your e mpl o ye e s e ve n t hough it’ s
not best practice but what happe n s whe n t hat fourt h
employee in your t e am t urn s out t o be a ‘difficul t pe rso n ’.

Over a few weeks or months some cracks st art t o appe ar.

Things are getting missed, so me be havio ur is a l it t l e
worrying, maybe t he re are som e ove rt out burst s t hat
leave you shaking your he ad and wo n de ring just what t o
do? The point is, uncl e ar e xpe ct at io n s don ’t mat t e r unt il
they do! It’s at t his point t hat uncl e ar e xpe ct at io n s segu e
into our next ingre die nt.

2 6
I N G R E D I E N T T W O : B I G O N E - O F F B A T T L E S

The second ingre die nt in t he re cipe fo r disast e r is big o n e-

off battles. Whe n it come s t o con fl ict an d con fron t at io n -
as the subtitle of t his book sugge st s - man y o f us hat e
conflict. So as l e ade rs we avo id it at al l cost s. On ce again ,
our behaviour is se e mingl y re warde d whe n we ’re ge t tin g
along okay - or we t hink we ’re ge t t in g al o n g o kay - wit h a
majority of our pe ople .

But like unclear expe ct at ions, big o n e -o ff bat t l e s are n’t

necessary until t he y are . That pe rson from t he first
ingredient who’s st art e d sho wing som e cracks is ge t t i n g
worse and worse. Maybe KP Is are sl ippin g fo r t he m an d
even the whole t e am. The re ’s al way s a t ipping po int
where you can no l onge r avoid t he pain . And whe n t hat
tipping point occurs which is o ft e n whe n e it he r t he pain
of their dysfunct ional be havio ur ge t s bigge r t han t he pain
of a conflict or we have a l e ade r who say s t o us, “Yo u hav e
to do something about t his.”

One of those two t hings happe ns and n o w it ’s t im e for a

confrontation. For t he past co upl e o f ye ars we have n’t
gone there once - or not of t e n at l e ast - but no w we have
to do something. And we make a big assumpt ion . We s ay
to ourselves, “We l l , I know t he y unde rst and what ’s goi n g
on. They’re 100% aware of ho w difficul t t he y’re be in g!”
Wrong.

Very often pe ople have good int e nt ion s. This is cal l e d t h e

fundamental att ribut ion e rror whe re we bl ame our o wn
behaviour on e xt e rnal fact o rs but bl ame ot he r pe o pl e’ s
behaviour on t he ir inte rnal fact o rs l ike int e nt ion al l y
causing things t o happe n or in t e nt ion al l y be ing diffic u l t .

2 7
 If you’re not s e e ing it yet , we ’re se t t in g o urse l ve s up at
this point for a mega war whe re t wo side s are about to
hit. We set a date and a t ime wit h t he pe rso n invol ve d an d
we go and try t o find a book on how t o do a difficul t
conversation we l l (maybe t hat ’s whe re y o u’re at right
now!).

Unfortunately, if you’ve se t uncl e ar e xpe ct at io n s and

you’re about to have a one -off bat t l e wit h som e on e , yo u
probably have t he next ingre die n t l ine d up as we l l . And
it’s this ingredie nt t hat wil l cause t he pe rso n acro ss fr o m
you to detonat e t he n and t he re o r ove r co ming we e ks
when you do have your one -off bat t l e con ve rsat ion .

I N G R E D I E N T T H R E E : T H E E L E M E N T

O F S U R P R I S E

It’s been a couple of years, we ’ve re ache d t he t ippin g

point and the day arrive s for our crucial co n ve rsat ion . We
have HR join us in t he room o r maybe o ur l e ade r’s t her e t o
help us to do t his difficul t t hing. The ot he r pe rso n wal ks
in looking slight l y confuse d and a l it t l e daunt e d -
definitely a bit de fe nsive al re ady.

Then you hit t he m wit h t he e l e me nt o f surprise .

The next hour is a t rain wre ck. Yo ur care ful l y l aid out pl an
for this crucial conve rsat io n isn ’t se e ming t o be re ce ived
well by the pe rson on t he ot he r e n d. The y are ge t t in g
super defensive and you are just t ry ing t o ke e p it cal m.
What’s gone wrong? We l l , y o ur assumpt ion t hat t he y kn ew
their behaviour was dysfun ct io n al was pro babl y wron g.

You’ve hit them wit h t he e l e me nt o f surprise … in a big

one-off battle… t hat ’s so surprisin g be cause t he y’ve been
living and working wit h uncl e ar e xpe ct at io n s for t he pas t
couple of years.
2 8
You know you’ve hit t he m wit h t he e l e me nt o f surprise
when they’re t ake n aback. You’re say ing t hin gs and t h eir
eyes are blinking, t he y’re shakin g t he ir he ad, t he y ’re
frowning and t he y’re l ookin g con fuse d. The y say
something like ,

“Wow. I thought I’d be e n doing a gre at jo b… And n o w yo u

want to put me on a pe rform an ce m an age me nt pl an ?”

You assume the y’re l ying t hro ugh t he ir t e e t h (t he y ar e

difficult after al l ) and pl ow o n wit h t he proce ss, ho ping
that once they have some t ime t o rum inat e on t he who l e
thing they’ll come t o t he ir se nse s. But t he y probabl y
won’t. If they do come t o t he ir se nse s - o r appe ar t hat way
to you - you can guarante e t he re ’s go ing t o be a t o n o f
tension and frust rat ion be t we e n yo u t wo an d t he re st o f
the team for the forese e abl e fut ure .

What exactly we nt wrong? And is t he re a be t t e r way t o do

this that doesn’t re sul t in pe opl e l e avin g in a huff,
threatening to sue you or som e t hing sim il ar?

Yes there is, but first , l e t ’s l o o k at t he fo urt h se cre t

ingredient.

2 9
?TLUCIFFID …OS
ELPOEP TLUCIFFID ERA
YHW :TNEIDERGNI TERCES
E V I F R E T P A H C
S E C R E T I N G R E D I E N T :

W H Y A R E D I F F I C U L T

P E O P L E S O . . . D I F F I C U L T ?

Okay, I’ve bee n pre t t y brut al wit h y o u t his far. If yo u’r e

anything like me, you’ve be e n grim acin g at e ve ry st e p o f
the way through t he ingredie n t s of t he re cipe for disa s t er
and thinking about how you’re right o n t rack fo r on e big
explosion that hurt s e ve ryone in vol ve d.

There is a fourt h se cre t ingre die n t t hat t ake s t his whol e

recipe to anothe r pl anet t hough. It ’s t he re aso n t his
book’s subtitle isn’t, “How t o ge t pe o pl e …” In st e ad, it ’s ,
“How to deal wit h difficul t pe o pl e …” The re is some t hin g
uniquely diffi cul t about de al in g wit h difficul t pe opl e!
This ingredient is t he 1 00x fact or. Whe n some on e isn’t a
‘difficult person’ e ve rythin g is 1 00x e asie r. Whe n someo n e
you’re dealing wit h IS a ‘difficul t pe rso n ’ t he n e ve ryt hin g
will be 100x hard e r.

Let’s stop for a moment and pause . I wan t t o e ncourage

you to do some t hing l ong t e rm t hat wil l fo re ve r change
the way you le ad. I want you t o be o n t he right side o f t he
100x factor. Here it is:

Don’t. Hire. Difficul t . Pe opl e .

That’s a differe nt book, but I can ’t he l p but in cl ude it .

Don’t do it! Don’t t ake t hat pe rso n be cause it ’s an e asy
choice, don’t give t he m t he job be cause no o n e e l se is
available, don’t give t he m t he rol e be cause t he y ’re rel at ed
to Bob, don’t le t t he m volunt e e r be cause it ’s e asie r t o say
yes than no. Don’t do it !
3 1
Do whatever you have t o do t o avoid hiring difficul t
people. In my opinion, your HR proce ss sho ul d be t he
process you spe nd t he most t ime and mo n e y o n ge t t in g
right. And do it at t he front e n d. Be cause it make s
everything 100x e asie r.

Okay, so back t o t he que st ion , “Why are difficul t pe opl e

so… difficult? ” The answe r is t wo wo rds.

Unrealistic. Expe ct at ions.

The first ingredie nt we t al ke d about is un cl e ar

expectations. That bal l is in yo ur court as t he l e ade r. Yo u
need to re-clarify or change e xpe ct at io n s so t he y’re cl ear
(we’ll get to that soon). But in my e xpe rie n ce , difficult
people have unreal ist ic e xpe ct at ion s. The y do n ’t se e t h e
world the way you do. To put it an o t he r way , t he y cray! I
know that sound s harsh, but it ’s ho w yo u fe e l as a l e ader
when you lead a difficul t pe rson . You sit and l ist e n t o
them explain t he ir pe rspe ct ive an d yo u fe e l l ike t he y ’ve
been living in anot he r dimen sio n be cause t he ir
perspective is so out of whack.

Unrealistic expe ct at ions can t ake a numbe r of diffe re n t

forms. It might fl ow from de e p inse curit ie s t hat me ans
everything the y se e is coloure d in a ce rt ain way whe n
that’s not realit y. It might be so m e t rigge rs t he y have t h at
means any time you t ry t o appro ach a ce rt ain subje ct t hey
lose all rational it y. Unreal ist ic e xpe ct at io n s l oo ks l ike a
person who is neve r t he pe rpe t rat o r. The y’re al way s the
victim or the re scue r. It ’s incre dibl e , but e ve n whe n
they’ve done the most bl at an t l y wron g t hin g t he re ’l l be a
reason, an excuse and some o n e e l se t o bl ame .

3 2
Unrealistic expe ct at ions me ans anyo n e e l se in t he ir
situation woul d re al ise normal l y t hat t he y wo ul d ne e d t o
do ‘x’ or ‘y’ in t his role , or t hat be in g o n t ime is a no n -
negotiable. What e ve r it is, whe n yo u he ar t he ir
explanation, you scrat ch your he ad. This is such a pro bl em
- and it’s the fourt h se cre t ingre die n t - be cause it bl ows
all three of th e othe r ingredie nt s in t o m uch bigge r
problems. Try cl arifying e xpe ct at io n s wit h so me on e w h o
lives with unre al ist ic e xpe ct at io n s!

It is possible to do t his who l e pro ce ss we l l wit h so me on e

with unrealistic e xpe ct at ion s but if t he y’re e xpe ct at io n s
are super unre al ist ic you’l l ne e d t o be pre pare d fo r
conversation aft e r conve rsat ion whe re yo u cl arify o r
change expect at ions. You’re going t o n e e d t o do t his
process on steroids t o se e re sul t s in fo ur we e ks. I’m go in g
to set you up t o do t hat re al l y we l l , but it ’s at t his po i n t
you probably want t o t hink about t he pe rso n in que st i o n .
How unrealist ic are t he ir e xpe ct at ion s in how t he y l ive? If
they’re pretty rat ional t he n yo u’l l probabl y l o ve t his
process. If they’re way out t he re t he n t his is going t o
probably be a bit t ricky - but it ’s po ssibl e no n e t he l e ss.

So now, the solut ion!

3 3
SKEEW RUOF NIHTIW
TUO PETS RO PU PETS OT
ELPOEP TLUCIFFID TEG OT
SEGATS EERHT :NOITULOS
X I S R E T P A H C
S O L U T I O N : T H R E E S T A G E S

T O G E T D I F F I C U L T P E O P L E

T O S T E P U P O R S T E P O U T

W I T H I N F O U R W E E K S

Now that we’ve l ooke d in de pt h at t he probl e m , l e t ’s go

through the proce ss t o avoid al l of t hat hurt an d pain.
Remember, it ’s both possibl e and re markabl y sim pl e . Bu t
it is painfully difficul t . If yo u’re go ing t o do t his pro ce ss
well, then yes you’l l avoid t he massive bl o w up t hat
devastates eve ryone invol ve d, but yo u won ’t avo id sm al l
uncomfortabl e moments.

If you hate confl ict t hough, t he n t his pro ce ss is fo r y o u

because we’re going t o minimise t he co n fl ict as much as
possible. Confl ict is unavoidabl y uncomfo rt abl e , but we
can minimise t he discomfo rt and t he pain an d find a
solution that l e ads t o difficul t pe opl e st e ppin g up or
stepping out wit hin four we e ks. Ye s, wit hin fo ur we e ks!

Let me say that again so it ’s cl e ar,

I F Y O U D O T H I S P R O C E S S T O T H E

L E T T E R , 9 5 % O F D I F F I C U L T P E O P L E

W I L L S E L F - D E T E R M I N E T O S T E P U P O R

S T E P O U T W I T H I N F O U R W E E K S .

3 5
Are you ready t o find out what y o u ne e d t o do ? It ’s n o t a
hoax, I promis e ! In t he next chapt e r I’l l t e l l t he st ory o f a
leader I know who use d t his e xact pro ce ss an d saw it wo rk
within four we e ks. It ’s prove n. It works. And it can wo r k
for you. Here are t he t hre e st age s.

S T A G E O N E : H O W C L E A R A R E Y O U R

E X P E C T A T I O N S ?

When I’m working wit h a l e ade r aro und de al in g wit h

difficult peop l e I al ways st art he re . If y o u t hink back t o
the problem - t he re cipe fo r disast e r, our first in gre dien t
was unclear expe ct at ions. The pro bl e m wit h uncl e ar
expectations is t hat you can ’t ho l d some on e account abl e
well to unclear e xpe ct at ions. Yo u just can ’t . An y
experiences y ou’ve had of do ing t his we l l wil l co me down
to the relationship you have wit h t he pe rson . You can ’t
rely on that rel at ionship, yo u want t hat t o be as he al th y
as possible but whe n t he rubbe r hit s t he road an d yo u
have a difficul t pe rson you’re m an aging yo u’re go ing t o
wish you had articul at e cl e ar e xpe ct at ion s.

So what do you do if you’re in t he middl e o f a m e ss and

you’re ready t o just sit t hat pe rson do wn an d put t he m o n
a performance manage men t pl an o r show t he m t he do o r? I
want to ask you right now t o give a score o ut of 1 0 fo r t he
following state ment.

First, give a score out of 1 0 fo r, “I am 1 00% cl e ar on t h e

expectations I have for (inse rt difficul t pe rson ) in t he ir
role.” What woul d you give y o urse l f o ut of 1 0?

3 6
Second, give a score out of 1 0 fo r, “(In se rt difficul t
person) is 100% cl e ar on t he e xpe ct at ion s I have fo r
(insert difficult pe rson) in t he ir rol e .” What woul d y o u
give them out of 1 0 for how cl e ar t he y are o n t he
expectations t hat you have fo r t he m in t he ir rol e ? Thi s i s a
tricky one because you’re put t in g yo urse l f in t he ir sho es .
Recently, I had a gre at l e ade r co mm e nt t hat t he y mig h t
just go and ask t he pe rson t he y we re l e ading how cl e ar
they felt they we re on t he ir l e ade r’s e xpe ct at ion s. L o ve i t !

That’s the exact ide a he re . What yo u do n e xt wil l

completely de pe nd on t he se score s. He re ’s t he cl incher:

D O N O T P R O G R E S S T O A N Y B A T T L E S O R

A C C O U N T A B I L I T Y U N T I L B O T H O F T H E S E

S C O R E S A R E A B O V E A 7 / 1 0 A N D ,

P R E F E R A B L Y , A R E A 9 / 1 0 O R A 1 0 / 1 0 .

You would be amazed at t he n umbe r of l e ade rs I wo rk

with who score t he msel ve s and t he difficul t pe rson
they’re leading at a 5/1 0. If t hat ’s yo u, t he n do n ’t de spair!
The reason we st art he re is t hat t his numbe r is act uall y
quite easy to raise . It ’s doing t he big co n fl ict , e l e me nt o f
surprise etc that ’s l ike drin king po iso n .

At any point in t his proce ss, if y o u run int o a big issue,

come back to st age one and do t his again . It ’s ve ry
unlikely you’l l be having cat ast rophic issue s wit h
someone you’re l e ading if yo u have a 1 0/1 0 fo r bo t h of
these scores.

But now that you’ve scored a 3/1 0 or a 5/1 0 or e ve n an

8/10, how do you raise both score s t owards a 1 0/1 0 so yo u
can move forward?

3 7
S T A G E T W O : R E - C L A R I F Y O R C H A N G E Y O U R

E X P E C T A T I O N S

Once you’ve scored yourse l f an d t he pe rson yo u’re l e adin g

out of 10 for how cl e ar you are o n yo ur e xpe ct at ion s for
them in their role , st age t wo is al l about mo vin g t his
marker higher. In st age t wo yo u’l l n e e d t o e nd up doing
one of two things - e it he r re -cl arifying e xpe ct at ion s or
changing expect at ions.

It’s at this poi nt t hat I’d l ike t o give y o u so m e advice f o r

your next conve rsat ion. Ma n y l e ade rs st art t his pro ce s s
with a, “Your probl e m…” vibe t o t he con ve rsat ion . Pe opl e
naturally get d e fe nsive whe n som e on e co m e s al o n g
telling them what t he ir pro bl e m s are and yo u’l l
experience the same he re if y o u appro ach t he pe rson
you’re leading by t e l l ing t he m t he ir probl e m is t he y do n ’t
understand your e xpe ct at ion s.

A different approach I l ike t o use - t hat on ce again com es

from Patrick Le ncioni in t his space - is t o use se l f-
deprecation and an apology aut he nt ical l y t o couch t hi s as
your problem, not t he ir probl e m . The re are e xce pt io n s t o
this principle whe re t he re ’s a l e gal n e ce ssit y t o de al w i t h
things immediate l y or you have t o t we ak t his proce ss
because the s t ake s are t oo high t o have any uncl e ar
expectations. I ge t t hat . But whe n e ve r po ssibl e , t his
approach works be st .

Start by having a conve rsat io n whe re yo u say, “I’m sor ry,

I’ve been reflect ing on how I’ve be e n l e adin g yo u and I
don’t think I’ve done as good of a jo b as I coul d have do n e
in clarifying e xpe ct at ions fo r y o u. I wan t t o do t hat bet t er
and I thought it woul d be he l pful t o do t his e xe rcise
together.” The powe r of t his appro ach is t hat y o u’re
owning the probl e m wit h vul n e rabil it y an d hum il it y an d
you’re opening t he doors fo r a cl e an sl at e .
3 8
As I mentione d in Monique ’s st o ry , ano t he r are a we go
wrong in conflict is t o have a o n e -o ff big bat t l e whe re we
bring up all of t he se t hings from t he past t hat have nev er
been mentioned be fore. De spit e o ur be st at t e mpt s, t h es e
come across as ge neral isat ion s or e ve n unt rut hs. The l as t
thing that’s he l pful for you whe n yo u’re t ry ing t o l e ad a
difficult person we l l is for t he m t o have t he pe rspe ct i ve
that you’re lying.

So I find it’s be st pract ice t o avoid ge n e ral isat ion s abo u t

the past and to focus on spe cific be haviours and issues as
they come up . This is why we put t he past be hin d us wh ere
possible and provid e a cl e an sl at e . You t ake a bul l e t by
owning the probl e m and now y o u’ve cre at e d a cl e an sl at e
where you can work t oget he r t o m ake t he e xpe ct at io n s
clear.

Depending on t he pe rson y o u’re de al in g wit h, t his will be

incredibly eas y and t he rape ut ic o r l ike pul l ing t e e t h. P u sh
through it. I find it ’s al so he l pful t o avoid t rying t o get
them to commit t o e ve rything o n t he spot . You’ve cre a t ed
a clean slate for accountabil it y , use it . G ive t he m t he
chance to go away and t hin k about what yo u’ve
articulated toge t he r. If some t hin g com e s up t hat ’s a
glaring difference in e xpe ct at ion s, do n ’t fre ak out . S ay
something like , “Hmm, I can se e y o ur unde rst anding o f
that expectation is diffe re n t t o mine . I’m n o t sure if th at ’s
movable, why don’t you have a t hink about it an d we can
discuss again?”

The power of giving pe ople t im e t o go away an d t hin k

about the expe ct at ions is t wo -fol d. I’ve se e n l e ade rs have
breakthroughs at t his point whe re a difficul t pe rson
comes back to t he m and de cide s t o st e p o ut t he n an d
there!

3 9
Just the process of re -cl arifying e xpe ct at ion s me ant t hat
the person got cl e ar on what was e xpe ct e d o f t he m an d
was able to decide , “No, t his isn’t for me . I can’t do t h is . ”
They were then abl e t o pl an t o ge t he r fo r a he al t hy
transition out for t hat pe rso n which me ant e ve ryo n e w o n
instead of eve ryone l osing.

Other times, you’l l nee d t o chan ge e xpe ct at io n s. What do

I mean? Well, t he pe ople you’re l e ading have a diffe ren t
capacity to you. As you go t hro ugh t his pro ce ss yo u mi gh t
be a super high capacit y l e ade r who has a re ve l at ion t h at
the person you l e ad just can’t do what ’s e xpe ct e d o f t hem
and, truthfull y, no one sho ul d be e xpe ct e d t o do t hat .
Don’t avoid this t rut h. If t his com e s o ut of t he proce ss
then you’ve got bigge r fish t o fry t han t his on e pe rso n . I’d
start by looking around and se e ing if y o u’re pe rhaps
putting expectat ions on othe r pe o pl e t hat t he y can’t
sustain.

A flag in this are a is t o l ook in t he past and se e y o ur wake

as a leader. Have pe ople fl o urishe d unde r yo u or have
they tended to burn out ? If t he y ’ve burn e d out t he n
consider what it might l ook l ike t o chan ge y o ur
expectations on t he pe ople y o u l e ad t o he l p t he m wo rk fo r
you sustainabl y. How much he l l have yo u be e n t hro ugh
replacing peopl e whe n t he y ’ve burn e d out ? Imagine no t
having to go t hrough t hat l ike y o u do! That ’s t he upside o f
changing your e xpe ct at ions.

As you navigat e st age t wo, yo u’l l al ways go back t o stage

one and reass e ss. You know yo u’re re ady fo r st age t hree
only when you’ve done t he re -cl arify ing o f e xpe ct at ion s o r
changed the expe ct at ions t o t he po int whe re bot h of yo u
are a 7/10 at l e ast and , pre fe rabl y , are a 9/1 0 o r 1 0/1 0 i n
stage one.

4 0
One other thi ng for you t o do in st age t wo t o se t yo ursel f
up for a win in st age t hre e is t o se t cl e ar e xpe ct at io n s fo r
how you’ll hold t his pe rson acco unt abl e . Le t t he m kn o w
you want to be t he be st l e ade r yo u can be an d t hat mean s
being vulnerabl e e nough t o l e t t he m kn o w if and whe n
you see them not mee t ing t he se e xpe ct at ion s. It ’s
amazing how open pe ople are t o t his whe n yo u’ve go n e
through the proce ss t oget he r of re -cl arifying o r changi n g
expectations. Once again, y o u’re cho o sin g t o st art o ff
again where bot h of you are quit e ho pe ful an d happy an d
to use that found at ion as a basis for gre at account abil it y
rather than naive l y assumi n g she ’l l be right .

4 1
S T A G E T H R E E : P I C K S M A L L B A T T L E S A N D

N O S U R P R I S E S

Here we go. The re cipe for disast e r incl ude d un cl e ar

expectations, one -off big bat t l e s an d t he e l e me nt o f
surprise. In stage s one and t wo o f t he sol ut io n , we ’ve
covered off uncl e ar e xpe ct at ion s but st age t hre e is al l
about doing t he opposit e o f o n e -o ff big bat t l e s and t h e
element of surprise t hat we ’re so o ft e n guil t y o f!

The key to stage t hre e is t o have don e st age s o n e and t wo

well. If you are coming in at a 7/1 0 fro m st age o n e at leas t ,
or preferably a 9/1 0 or 1 0/1 0 t he n yo u’re re ady fo r st age
three. If you run into big issue s he re I woul d sugge st
perhaps your scores for st age o n e are n’t as shiny as y o u
think they are.

We start stage t hre e by picking smal l bat t l e s. Again, an d

again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and
again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and
again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and
again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and
again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and
again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and
again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and
again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and
again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and
again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and
again.

Do you get the point ? The o ppo sit e of o n e -o ff big bat tl es

isn’t the occasional small bat t l e . If yo u want t o se e a
person step up or st e p out in fo ur we e ks t he n yo u have t o
pick. Small. Bat t l e s. Again. And. Again . The re ’s no
shortcut.

4 2
The massive, be aut iful , wo n de rful , fan t ast ic be ne fit fo r
all of us who hat e confl ict is t hat t he se smal l bat t l e s a re
uncomfortabl e but t he y’re n o t disast ro us an d de vast at in g
like the one-off big bat t l e s! Isn ’t t hat gre at n e ws?

I had someone re ce ntl y ask me , “Which bat t l e s do yo u

choose if they’re just a mess al l ove r t he pl ace ?” To st art
with, you want t o choose bat t l e s t hat are dire ct l y issues o r
behaviours from t he e xpe ct at ion s y o u’ve just re -cl arified
or changed toge t he r. If t he re are t o o m an y o f t hose t o
choose from the n I re comme nd go ing fo r be havio urs over
issues and going for ‘non-ne got iabl e ’ be haviours t hat
relate to your organisat ion’s val ue s, t o yo ur ‘bo t t o m l i n e’
expectations for an e mploye e o r vo l unt e e r or so m e t hin g
similar.

I promise you t he re wil l be a po int whe re yo u st art

walking towards some one t o pick a smal l bat t l e an d yo u
turn around to wal k t he othe r way be cause yo u just can ’ t
do it again.

Stop.

Turn around.

Take a deep bre at h.

Pick that smal l bat t l e .

Picking a smal l bat t l e means going an d having a

conversation. It means pul l in g some on e aside fo r just a
couple of minut e s. Try t o be discre e t wit h ho w yo u do i t
but don’t for goodness sake avoid havin g t he se smal l
battles just to ke e p some pe o pl e happy o r t o save face.
Get in there and make sure t he sm al l bat t l e o ccurs.

4 3
It’s at this poi nt t hat se t t ing t he e xpe ct at ion o f
accountability at t he e nd o f st age t wo be come s so
powerful. That ’s what you l e ad wit h! “He y Bo b, I promi s ed
I’d mention it whe n I saw so m e t hing t hat wasn ’t what we
articulated toge t he r. I not ice d t oday yo u we re l at e t o t he
meeting, I need you t o be t he re on t ime pl e ase .”

Is that uncomfortabl e ? Ye s. Is Bob going t o l o se his

marbles? Probabl y not . If he doe s, t he n st ay cal m, wait fo r
him to calm down and approach him again. Pe opl e can n o t
handle account abil it y for a l on g t ime whe re t he y ’re bei n g
called on things. It ’s re al l y uncom fo rt abl e for t he m an d
they will change t he ir be haviour at some point . At l e ast
95% of the time anyway.

One approach t hat ’s he l pful for pickin g smal l bat t l e s i s

Simon Sinek’s FBI approach t o con fl ict . Fe e l in g -
Behaviour - Impact . Commun icat e t he be havio ur
specifically the y’ve done - “You arrive d l at e t o t he
meeting this morning. ” Communicat e ho w yo u fe e l abo u t
it - “I feel frus t rat e d.” Communicat e t he ne gat ive impac t
of that behaviour - “Whe n y o u’re l at e , it co m municat es t o
the rest of the t e am t hat punct uality isn’t import ant.”
Feeling - Behaviour - Impact . Do e sn ’t have t o be in t h at
order, just cove r t hose t hre e t hin gs as a st art .

As you start picking small bat t l e s, I want yo u t o l o o k o u t

for just one thing. One t e e ny l it t l e t hin g.

Surprise.

There should be no surprise s. Any t ime y o u se e some on e

look at you take n aback or say , “S o rry, I didn ’t re al ise …”
you should be al e rt e d t hat pe rhaps yo u have n ’t don e
stages one and t wo as we l l as y o u co ul d have .

4 4
Sometimes this moment of picking a smal l bat t l e is abo u t
getting on the same page so t he y’re no t surprise d ne xt
time but I’ve expe rie nce d whe re ve r so m e on e ’s surpris ed
there’s usually room for more cl arit y around t he
expectations.

If you find some one is ve ry surprise d mul t ipl e t im e s t h en

stop what you’re doing and go back t o st age o n e and t ry t o
score again. We re you be ing unre al ist ic? Have an o t he r
conversation about e xpe ct at ion s. Whe re ’s t he bre akd o wn ?
Surprise is never he l pful in acco unt abil it y . It ’s no t yo u r
friend.

95% of the time whe n you fol l o w t his pro ce ss, t he pe rs o n

will step up or st e p out wit hin fo ur we e ks. That ’s right -
within four we e ks! (Se e t he ne xt chapt e r fo r a st o ry o f
exactly this happening) 5% o f t he t ime t he y wo n ’t st ep u p
or step out and you’l l have 50 smal l bat t l e s.
Uncomfortable? Ye s. But at t his point I sho ul d say
something important.

There will always be big bat t l e s fo r l e ade rs. Unfo rt un at el y

that’s just a trut h of l ife . You’l l n e ve r com pl e t e l y avoid
big battles whe re you have t o have co n fl ict . But if y o u
hate conflict, t he be aut y of t his pro ce ss is yo u’re do ing
massive minimisat ion of t he pain an d de st ruct io n o f t he
occasional big conflict! Isn’t that awe some ?

So when you do ge t t o t he 5% who st il l n e e ds a big bat t l e,

you’ll organise t o mee t wit h t he m about a pe rforman c e
review or to te rminat e t he ir e mpl o ym e nt an d t he y wo n ’ t
be surprised. I can’t t e l l you how much l e ss host il e an
environment is whe n some on e is e xpe ct in g a difficul t
conversation. Whe neve r we se t ourse l ve s up fo r difficu l t
conversations t hat are compl e t e l y une xpe ct e d and
surprising, that ’s whe re so much of t he pain come s from.

4 5
To summarise t he solut ion:

Stage one: How cl e ar are your e xpe ct at ion s for t his pers o n
in their role?
Give yourself a score /1 0 fo r ho w cl e ar y o u are on yo ur
expectations for t he m in t he ir ro l e
Give them a score /1 0 for how cl e ar y o u t hink t he y are
on your expect at ions for t he m in t he ir rol e

Stage two: Re -cl arify or change e xpe ct at io n s

Self-deprecation and apolo gy con ve rsat ion , “I’m sorry,
I’ve been reflect ing on how I’ve be e n l e adin g yo u and I
don’t think I’ve mad e t he e xpe ct at ion s as cl e ar as I
could have.”
Clean slate - re -cl arify e xpe ct at io n s wit h t he m
Give them time t o go away an d t hin k about it rat he r
than asking the m t o commit o n t he spot
Use this time t o re -asse ss for y o urse l f, do yo u ne e d t o
change your expe ct at ions fo r t he m in t he ir rol e ?
Clarify the expe ct at ion t hat yo u wil l be se e kin g t o do
better at holding t he m acco unt abl e whe n e ve r yo u se e
these newly cl arifie d or change d e xpe ct at io n s no t
being met
Only progress t o st age t hre e whe n yo u’ve do n e st age
two and have a se nse t hat t he score s in st age o n e are
now at least a 7/1 0 for both o f yo u and, pre fe rabl y, a
9/10 or 10/10 for both of you.

4 6
Stage three: Pick small bat t l e s and n o surprise s
Pick small batt l e s. Again, and again, and again, and
again
Are they ever surprise d? If so , go back t o st age o n e and
stage two
Commit to doing t his over fo ur we e ks and cal l t he m o n
it every time
Focus on the things t hat are n o n -ne got iabl e fro m yo u r
conversations about e xpe ct at io n s in cl uding t he val ues
of your organisat ion ‘bott om l ine ’ be haviours for
employees or volunte e rs
Start your small bat t l e s by re m inding t he m yo u
promised you’d hold t he m acco unt abl e
Use FBI from S imon S inek t o ke e p t he m acco unt abl e -
Feeling - Behaviour - Impact
95% of the time t he y’ll st e p up o r st e p out wit hin fo ur
weeks
5% of the time you’l l st il l have t o have a big bat t l e bu t
it will be 100x e asie r be cause it wil l be e xpe ct e d
rather than a compl e t e surprise

4 7
EFIL LAER NI ESIMORP
KEEW RUOF EHT
:YROTS S’ECINAJ
N E V E S R E T P A H C
J A N I C E ’ S S T O R Y : T H E

F O U R W E E K P R O M I S E I N

R E A L L I F E

“Okay Jonno… This sound s gre at an d al l but I just do n ’ t

believe it. Four we e ks? You’ve go t t o be kiddin g. I’ve been
dealing with this pe rson for FOUR YEAR S an d n o t hin g’s
changed.”

I get it. You’re ske pt ical . That ’s why I wan t t o t e l l y o u t h e

story of Janice from t he UK an d how I’ve se e n t he fo ur
week promise work in re al l ife . I prom ise y o u, man y t h in gs
in this area don’t work. But t his proce ss do e s, as l o n g as
you commit to it l ike Janice did.

Janice was a l e ade r at a smal l busin e ss in Re adin g in t he

UK. As CEO and Found e r of t he busin e ss, t he y had just
passed 30 staff and t he busin e ss was at a t ippin g po int . It
was time to hand over some o f t he aut ho rit y an d
responsibility t o othe rs in t he busine ss for t he sake of
everyone invol ve d. As part o f t his shift - t hat n e e de d t o
happen out of nece ssit y for J an ice ’s we l l be ing, R e ann o n
took over the sal e s part of Jan ice ’s busine ss.

Reannon was already quit e act ive in t his space an d go t

along quite wel l wit h Janice . The y wo ul d oft e n jo ke
together and whe n t he y wo rke d t o ge t he r dire ct l y t hin gs
seemed to go pret t y we l l . Wit h t his in mind, and wit ho u t
much more thought about t he l e ade rship pot e nt ial ,
character qual it ie s or t he l ike o f Re ann o n , Jan ice
promoted her t o he ad up t he sal e s t e am o f se ve n .

4 9
Instead of all se ve n pse udo re po rt in g go t J an ice which
had become unt e nabl e , onl y Re ann o n wo ul d re port t o
Janice and the othe r six woul d re port t o Re ann o n .

A couple of mont hs we nt by an d J an ice was l o vin g t he

extra time she had be cause she didn ’t have t o be as han ds
on in the sales are a. S he woul d cat ch up wit h R e ann o n
every couple of we e ks wit h t he o t he r l e ade rs she had
promoted and it se e med e ve ryo n e was fl ying. But t he n
some cracks s t art e d t o show up.

Other areas we re right on t rack, Jam ie was sm ashing it

leading the service are a of t he busin e ss and Ade l e was
smashing it in t he operat ion s side o f t he busin e ss. Bu t
something jus t wasn’t quit e right wit h t he sal e s are a.
Janice prided he rse l f on t he cul t ure of t he busin e ss w i t h
customer service and assuming t he be st of pe opl e . S he
hadn’t thought about it be fore , but R e ann o n probabl y
wasn’t as positive as he r and coul d ge t st uck in t he weeds
and be a bit ne gat ive and rude at t ime s, but whe n she’ d
been hands on working wit h he r and t he o t he r sal e s
people there had n’t be e n any issue s.

One day Janice had al l t he st aff t oge t he r fo r an e ve nt

they’d put on. It was cl e ar t o e ve ryo n e t hat rat he r t ha n a
‘who wears exact l y what hat ’ sort of e ve nt , t his was t he
biggest one of t he year whe re e ve ry o n e woul d have t o
jump in and he l p t o make it happe n. Ade l e and J am ie ’ s
teams were on board and we re sho wing up e ve ry whe re
going above and be yond . Jan ice sighed with relief as she
saw some of the t e am t urn up be fo re he r at t he e ve n t .
They were alre ady doing a bun ch o f t hin gs t hat n e e ded t o
be done.

5 0
At the end of t he day, t he t e am t hat t he e ve n t was mo s t
closely relate d t o was t he sal e s t e am . The who l e purp o se
of the event was t o ge nerat e l e ads fo r t he co m pan y an d
Janice assume d Reannon’s t e am wo ul d jump o n board an d
get involved even more t han e ve ryo n e e l se be cause t his
was such a crucial part of t he ir are a. Ho we ve r, an hou r
into setting up and wal king around wit h Ade l e an d J am ie,
Janice noticed Reannon st il l hadn ’t arrive d an d n e it he r
had two of th e othe r six sal e s pe o pl e .

She let it go and t hought t o assume t he be st . The e ve n t

began and close t o l aunch t im e , Re ann o n an d t he o t h er
sales people turned up and said t he y ’d be e n do wn t he
road grabbing a bre kky discussing some of t he pl an s f o r
the day. Janice wasn’t happy wit h t hat but on ce again
decided to let it pass and fo cus on m aking t he e ve nt as big
of a success as possibl e . Fast forward a coupl e o f hours
and Janice found he rse l f do ing what she l o ve d - chat tin g
face to face wit h a big pros pe ct ive cust o me r about t heir
situation. She had one of t he sal e s pe opl e - Ral ph - be s ide
her working wit h he r and it was al l go ing we l l .

That is until the big prospect ive cust ome r me nt ion e d wh o

they were curre ntl y working wit h - on e of J an ice ’s
competitors. Ral ph jumped in at t his point an d sho cke d
Janice as he spoke for t wo t o t hre e m inut e s wit h scat hi n g
criticism about al l t hings re garding t he ir com pe t it o r.
Janice saw the e yes of he r pro spe ct ive cust ome r gl aze
over in response t o t he comme nt s and she kne w at t hat
moment they’ d l ost t he sal e . S he was furious.

5 1
The rest of the e ve nt we nt o kay but J an ice co ul dn’t st o p
thinking about he r conve rsat ion wit h t he prospe ct ive
customer and Ralph. S he had a sicke ning fe e l ing. This
wasn’t an issue wit h Ralph, t his was just a sympt o m - yet
another symp t om - of a sickn e ss in t hat sal e s t e am t h at
had been growing e ve r since she ’d han de d it o ve r t o
Reannon.

Janice was dist raught about what t o do whe n she sat do wn

with a leadership mentor. As she e xpl ain e d t he sit uat i o n ,
her mentor went on t o e xpl ain a sim il ar proce ss t o t his
book and quest ione d he r ge nt l y about ho w she ’d go n e
with expectat ions for Reann o n . Jan ice had a dist inct
revelation that she had not be e n wo rkin g wit h cl e ar
expectations wit h Reannon. S he ’d m ade a bunch o f
assumptions and hoped for t he be st and it was wo rkin g
pretty well wit h Jamie and Ade l e but was crum bl in g wi t h
Reannon.

Janice booked a mee t ing wit h R e ann o n fo r l at e r t hat week

and took her out for coffee . In t hat me e t ing, she
proceeded to apologise for how she hadn ’t made t he
expectations of t he role as cl e ar as possibl e and was
vulnerable and humbl e e nough t o e xpl ain a bit o f he r
process in how she ’d hand e d t hin gs ove r t o Re ann o n
because she was overwhe l me d and didn’t t hink she ’d do n e
the process as we l l as she co ul d have . To he r surprise ,
although a litt l e t e nse, Rean n o n was ve ry o pe n t o
discussing expect at ions an d t he y had a co n ve rsat ion .

In the convers at ion Janice was fin al l y abl e t o t al k cul t u r e

with Reannon. S he coul d se e it was a bit o f a l ight bul b
moment for her as she discusse d and art icul at e t hings
she’d done more or l e ss intuit ive l y wit h t he sal e s t e am -
including Reannon - whe n she ’d be e n l e adin g t he m.

5 2
Things like how she wante d t he sal e s t e am t o spe ak wel l
of competitors rat he r t han po o rl y . The ide a of cre at in g a
positive environme nt t hat me ant t he sal e s t e am we re
pumped and e ncouraging t o o n e ano t he r and t o t he re s t o f
the business as l e ade rs in t he l e ad ge n e rat ion space .

Reannon took al l of t his on board and we nt away t o t hin k

about it. She came back whe n t he y me t t he fol l o wing
week with a resound ing yes t o e ve ryt hin g J an ice had said
and was on board. Janice e xpl ain e d ho w she was
committing to cal l Reannon o n an yt hin g she saw t hat
didn’t line up wit h t he new e xpe ct at io n s. Al t hough an
uncomfortabl e moment, Reann o n said, “Ye ah, t hat ’s fair. ”

Then the real work st art e d.

It was the next morning t hat J an ice picke d he r first smal l

battle. She not ice d Reanno n wal k in l at e t o a m e e t ing t hat
involved multipl e st aff from diffe re n t are as and she
decided to pick t his small bat t l e as a st art in g po int
because punct ual it y had be e n a smal l t hin g m e nt ion ed
when they chat t e d about e xpe ct at io n s. At t he e nd o f t h e
meeting, Jani ce aske d t o have a quick wo rd wit h R e ann o n
and mentioned t o he r again how she want e d t o do be t t er
at holding her accountabl e an d bro ught up t he fact she
was late to the mee t ing. It was un com fo rt abl e but
Reannon took it pre t t y we l l and t he n he ade d out of t h e
meeting. Jani ce fe l t l ike he r he art rat e was t hat o f a
marathon runner! But she ’d do n e on e sm al l bat t l e .

The more chal l e nging small bat t l e s came up in t he

following days whe n Janice saw some of t he cul t ure sh e
was worried about wit h t he sal e s t e am. S he no t ice d a
snide remark or t wo from sal e s pe o pl e in a me e t ing an d
she jumped in and cal l e d t he m o n it .

5 3
They didn’t see m part icul arl y happy t o be cal l e d o n it bu t
Janice experie nce d more awkwardn e ss whe n she so ugh t
out Reannon an hour or so l at e r.

Reannon was in t he mid dl e o f som e t hing an d se e me d a bi t

stressed when Janice found he r. “Maybe t his can wait ?”
Janice though t . But t he n she put he r he ad do wn , kno c ked
on the door and smile d. Reann o n l o o ke d up wit h a
distracted look on he r face . “Ye ah, what ’s up Jan ice ?”

“Mind if I come in for a momen t ?” J an ice aske d.

“Yep, just keep it short, I’ve go t a bun ch o f pre se n t at io n s

due in the next we e k and I’m t ry ing t o ge t my he ad ar o u n d
them.” Reannon re pl ie d.

“Sure thing,” Janice said. S he grabbe d a se at an d waited a

moment until Reannon finishe d what she was do ing an d
turned to her.

Janice proceed e d t o go t he re and pick a smal l bat t l e wi t h

Reannon and the snid e re marks from t hat mo rning. To h er
surprise, unlike whe n she picke d t he smal l bat t l e abou t
punctuality, Re annon got a bit frust rat e d and t rie d t o
brush it off wit hout t aking re spon sibil it y . Jan ice didn ’t l et
her get away wit h it . In t hat mo m e nt - for what was
probably two minutes but fe l t l ike t wo hours - she
reiterated how t he cul t ure of t he sal e s t e am was a no n -
negotiable th at t he y’d discusse d an d how she ne e de d
Reannon to lead t hat proce ss o f po sit ivit y an d how sni de
remarks didn’t cut it .

Reannon didn’t l ook part icul arl y happy but she no dded
she understood and Janice go t o ut of t he re as quickl y as
she could.

5 4
Rinse and rep e at for t he fol l o wing t hre e we e ks and J an ic e
felt like she’d had 1 00 conve rsat io n s wit h R e ann o n . It h ad
probably only be e n t e n but fo r t he past coupl e she ’d
nearly… almost t urned around an d chicke ne d out . But
she’d followe d t he proce ss and e nde d up go ing t he re an d,
although frus t rat e d and e ve n a bit rude a co upl e o f t i mes ,
there was no massive bl ow up wit h R e ann o n .

Janice was mind ing he r own busin e ss in her office looking

over some strat e gic pl annin g whe n she he ard a kn o ck o n
her door. She l ooke d up t o se e Re ann o n at t he do o r.

“Come in,” she said. Reanno n wal ke d in l o o king a bit

sheepish and aske d if she co ul d have a m o m e nt o f J an ic e’ s
time.

“Sure thing, grab a se at .” Jan ice said, t urn ing he r chair .

Reannon then sat down and o ve r t he ne xt t e n minut e s

with a mixture of awkwardn e ss and grace e xpl ain e d ho w
she had found an opport un it y wit h an o rganisat ion he r
brother worked at t hat suit e d he r skil l s in sal e s and t h at
she’d made th e difficul t de cisio n t o finish up an d go an d
do that. Although re l ie ve d in t he de e pe st po ssibl e way,
Janice made sure t o commun icat e in t hat mo m e nt how
thankful she was for Reannon an d spent the next five
minutes chatt ing wit h he r abo ut t he oppo rt un it y .

As Reannon wal ke d out t he doo r, J an ice shoo k he r he a d.

She couldn’t be l ie ve it had wo rke d. It was t hre e we e ks an d
Reannon had mad e t he cal l t o st e p o ut , o pe ning up a r o l e
for Janice to fill wit h t he right pe rson t his t im e who was
ready to lead he r sal e s t e am.

5 5
SLAINOMITSET EMOS
ERA EREH - TSEB EHT LLA
!GNIDAER ROF SKNAHT
D N E E H T
T E S T I M O N I A L S

"I was reluctant at first t o e n gage t he se rvice s of J o n n o as

other contractors had disappoint e d in t he past . J o n n o
quickly hit the mark and can be st be de scribe d as
engaging, thought -provokin g an d cul t ure -shift in g. I
highly recomme nd Jonno an d hope t o use him in t he
future. You won’t be disappo int e d!" G rae m e Budl e r - N ew
Zealand

“The Employee We l l be ing S urve y from Cl arit y was t ru l y a

godsend for our school . We n e e de d t o he ar ho w o ur... s t aff
were really doing. The surve y was an affo rdabl e way fo r u s
to get excellent dat a t hat wil l guide our adm inist rat io n
and board as we work t hrough t he se un ique l y difficul t
times.” John Davis - Unite d S t at e s

"I really enjoy t he t ime I have spe n t wit h J o n n o as it

makes me tak e a st e p back fro m a frant ic pace ...and
evaluate what is curre ntl y impo rt ant . It give s me an h o u r
each time to re fl e ct on what is curre nt l y o n m y mind an d
some head space in which t o proce ss t his.

As a leader, with l it t l e t ime t o proce ss t hought s e ach day,

working with Cl arit y has be e n an inval uabl e re source t o
clarify my thi nking and I hope t his wil l co n t inue
throughout the year t o suppo rt me t o l e ad." El aine Fiel d -
UK

5 7
“Jonno present s a re fre shin g pe rspe ct ive , no t ‘e art h-
shattering’ but re fre shing. I say t hat be cause t he bul k o f
what he achieve s is done by t he l ist e ne r an swe rin g his
questions. That’s right , Jon n o he l ps y o u answe r y o ur o wn
questions by asking more ! Who’d have t hought gaining
clarity came from asking t he right que st ion s, be cause we
mostly only ever spe nd our t im e se e king an swe rs. Jo n n o ’s
curiosity enable s him t o re ach t he he art o f t he pe rson
enabling them t o de fine t he ir own pat h.” An dre w Il e s -
Australia

“Through a rel axe d and e ng aging int e ract ive se ssion ,

Jonno was abl e t o l e ad t he t e am t o a cre sce n do o f cl ari t y
about our mission and visio n , simpl y by po sin g a se ries o f
thought-provoking que st io n s and t he n wo rkin g t he roo m
to bring those into focus. The se ssion inspire d m an y o f u s
with a fresh reve l at ion of t he sign ificance o f o ur func t i o n
individually and corporat e l y.” Al iso n Pe t e rse n - Aust ral ia

“Jonno is a fant ast ic pre se n t e r an d facil it at or. We so

appreciated t he skil ful way he e ngage d wit h our t e am. In
a short space in t ime he was abl e t o mo ve o ur t e am
forward, working t oget he r t o wards achie vin g t he visio n o f
our organisat ion wit h gre at e r cl arit y an d purpo se . I w o u l d
thoroughly recommend Jon n o fo r workin g wit h an y
management te am in t he fut ure .” J o n at han Price - New
Zealand

5 8
"It was important t o us t o asce rt ain how t he diffe re n t
stakeholders wit hin our S HCS co m munit y have
experienced the st rat e gic approach t o e ducat io n ado pt ed
by the School during t his COVID-1 9 pande mic. Jo n n o
White from Cl arit y. ..he l pe d us de vise surve y s t o gl e an t h e
most important impressions fro m o ur st aff t hrough a
SHCS Staff We l l be ing S urve y; our st ude nt s t hrough a
SHCS Student Remot e Learn ing Expe rie n ce S urve y, and
our families through S HCS Fam il y Re mo t e Le arn ing
Experience Surve y.

It is safe to say t hat S HCS ’ e ffo rt s, support e d by t he

research findi ngs of Cl arit y ...t o cre at e a cul t ure
of...excellence , combined wit h a unique e xpe rie n ce o f
community amongst al l t he st ake ho l de rs...has paid
dividends in al l owing us t o succe ssful l y n avigat e t he
difficult circumstance s we face d during t he COVID-1 9
pandemic." Irma Le Roux Fo urie - Aust ral ia

“Jonno is a passionat e , e xpe rie nce d an d re spon sive

leadership consul t ant. His disarming approach whe n
addressing chal l e nging l e ade rship que st ion s e n gage d a
wide spectrum of pe ople l e ade rs acro ss o ur o rganisat io n .
Comfortable communicat in g wit h l arge o r smal l group s ,
Jonno’s singular vision of inve st in g in pe opl e t o he l p
organisations t hrive ...pe rme at e d al l aspe ct s o f suppo rt ,
guidance and e ngagement o ffe re d.

Jonno uses re se arch proven l e ade rship me t ho do l o gie s as

well as foundational ...principl e s t o de l ive r co n t e xt
appropriate st rat e gie s t hat e ngage part icipant s in
building tangibl e t ake away s for use in t he l o n g an d sho r t
term. My experience of wor king wit h J o n n o re sul t e d in
greater clarity , more e ffe ct ive t e am an d incre ase d
appreciation of organisat ion al purpo se an d val ue s.”
Christopher Mart in - New Ze al and

5 9
“Jonno White was e ngaging and do wn t o e art h. His abil i t y
to instantly conne ct wit h o ur st aff and t he go al s of o u r
organisation proved most val uabl e . His down t o e art h
nature provide d an e xce l l e nt pl at fo rm fo r our st aff t o
openly share t he ir pe rsonal st ory an d provide d e n o ugh o f
a push to help our t e ams co n side r st e ps t o grow an d
improve.” Brendan Hosking - Aust ral ia

“We had the privil e ge of havin g J o n n o wo rk wit h us

through individ ual coaching se ssion s, smal l group wor k
with leadersh ip and coll e ct ive l y as a who l e organisat io n .
Jonno helped us und e rst an d whe re e ach in dividual fits
within the bigge r pict ure of t he o rganisat ion ’s m issio n
and how each st aff membe r has be e n cal l e d t o t his
organisation for such a t ime as t his. Wo rkin g wit h
Clarity...provide d opport unit y fo r our individual an d
collective purpose t o be re fine d and unde rst oo d wit hin
the bigger...st ory.” Paul Tho m pson - Aust ral ia

"Jonno really h e l pe d our l e ade rship t e am t o n ail t he ‘why’

of what we do. I have t aught at t his scho o l fo r al mo st 20
years and thought I had t he missio n st at e me nt n ail e d, bu t
working with Jonno re al l y ope ne d my e y e s t o t hin k
deeper. I loved t he way Jonn o wo rke d wit h a bran d n ew
team to form a cohesive unit . He was profe ssio n al an d
authentic." Col e t t e Budl e r - N e w Ze al an d

"Off-site work wit h Jonno Whit e an d o ur L e ade rship Team

has been intense, chal l e ng ing an d st re t chin g but
ultimately highl y re wardin g. The sacrifice o f t ime has
lead to rich new und e rst andings and a st ro n g se n se o f
shared vision and purpose fo r our t e am. The t wo-day s
leadership sp e nt off-sit e be fore t he st art o f t he
2020...year, provid e d such cl arit y an d re n e we d passion
that our start t o t he year was t he be st we ’ve e ve r had! ”
Lyndall Waters - Aust ral ia

6 0
“Genesis Christ ian Coll e ge woul d l ike t o ackno wl e dge t he
professionalism of Cl arit y and t he compe t e n t man n e r wi t h
which Jonno engaged wit h our S e nior Le ade rship t e am.
Our team appre ciat e d Jonno’s skil l in wo rkin g al o n gside
us and facilitat ing gre at e r l e ve l s o f cl arit y wit hin o ur
team. Jonno was fl e xibl e an d wil l in g t o acco m mo dat e t h e
needs of our Coll e ge and t ail ore d his appro ach t o suit.
Jonno has gre at skil l in wor king wit h individual s and
teams and I woul d have no he sit at io n in re com me nding
the services of Cl arit y t o othe r scho o l s and o rganisat i o n s . ”
Paul Sterling - G e nesis Christ ian Col l e ge

“Our Leadership t e am e nga ge d Jo n n o Whit e at t he

commencement of 2020. Jono has wo rke d wit h us t o br in g
a greater app re ciat ion and unde rst anding o f e ach ot h er’s
individual stre ngths, t he re by e nhancin g o ur abil it y t o
work effectivel y t oget he r an d t o have gre at e r e mpat hy fo r
each other. Jonno has also he l pe d us t o dril l do wn an d t o
clearly outline t he core val ue s t hat unde rpin o ur wo rk
here. This has e nabl e d us t o be mo re t arge t e d in o ur
mission and to l e ad wit h gre at e r cl arit y an d cohe sive n es s .
Our staff have not ice d a gre at e r se n se o f unit y am o n gs t
the whole team.

Our individual coaching se ssio n s wit h Jo n n o have be e n

invaluable. The se se ssions have e n abl e d me t o re fl e ct o n
my own leadership and t o cl e arl y ide n t ify are as I ne e d t o
grow and strengt he n t o e na bl e me t o l e ad mo re
effectively. Jonno has a unique abil it y t o ask t arge t e d
questions which have scaffol de d my t hin king an d e nabl ed
me to reflect and arrive at m y o wn sol ut io n s t o
challenges. I h ave gre at l y appre ciat e d his wisdo m an d
insights along wit h his cl e ar and t horough unde rst andi n g
of Leadership principl e s. He has be e n a re al gift t o us. ”
Marion Trotter - Aust ral ia

6 1