18 DBT Skills Training with Adolescents

The “How” Skills Wo r k s h e e t

How do we use Observe, Describe and Participate to get into Wise Mind? We act non-judgmentally,
Non-Judgmental
one-mindfully and effectively. Stance Practice
Non-Judgmental Stance It is common to use judgments and not even be aware of it. This exercise will help you identify your
judgments and replace them with a Non-Judgmental Stance. Remember that a Non-Judgmental Stance
Being Non-Judgmental means focusing on the facts. When we act Non-Judgmentally, we separate our means focusing on the facts and not mistaking your opinions or emotions for the facts.
opinions from the facts.
Practice paying close attention to what you think and say, and record any judgments that you catch.
Remember: Facts are things that can be proven—or the who, what, when and where of a situation. Then brainstorm ways you can use a Non-Judgmental Stance instead.
Opinions, or judgments, are beliefs or thoughts about the facts.
Examples of judgments include: Event Judgment Non-Judgmental Stance

Forgot my homework at home. “I’m so stupid.” “I forgot my homework—it was a

• Right    • Wrong   • Good   • Bad   
• Should   • Smart
mistake. I feel embarrassed. Mistakes
happen to everyone.”
• Stupid   • Pretty    • Ugly    • Fair   • Unfair    • Lazy

• _____________________ • ____________________ • ______________________

• _____________________ • ____________________ • ______________________

Using judgment words is often easier than describing the facts. The problem is, it’s easy for us to see
our judgments as facts.
When we are Non-Judgmental, we accept things as they are and avoid getting stuck on our opinions.
Having a Non-Judgmental Stance means identifying our emotions and opinions. In other words,
a Non-Judgmental stance means that you do not mistake emotions and opinions for facts.
Judgments are a normal part of thinking and communicating and can be hard to avoid.
So, when you find yourself using judgments, don’t judge yourself for it, just let the judgment roll by.

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20 DBT Skills Training with Adolescents

One-Mindfully Wo r k s h e e t

One-Mindfully means focusing on only one thing at a time.

One-Mindfully Practice
Here are some examples of ways to be One-Mindful: We live in a culture that is used to focusing on many things at once. This means being One-Mindful
• When doing homework, only focus on homework. will take a lot of practice. Follow this exercise to help you practice One-Mindfully.
• When watching TV, only watch TV. Remember that to be One-Mindful, you: 1) focus on one thing, 2) notice when you get distracted and
• When talking to a friend, only talk to your friend. 3) re-focus on one thing. You can repeat these steps as often as you need to.
• When you worry, only worry. In this exercise, you will be asked to pick an activity. Examples include watching a YouTube® video,
• ___________________________________________________________________ texting a friend or going for a walk. Your activity can last a few minutes to an hour or more.
We recommend starting with an activity that will take just a few minutes.
• ___________________________________________________________________
One-Mindfully can help us: During this activity, your job is to be One-Mindful by only focusing on that one activity.

• Reduce anxiety and stress. Don’t judge yourself or quit if you get distracted. Instead, simply re-focus your mind back on your
activity. You will probably have to re-focus many times. Remember that the more you practice
• Enjoy and get the most out of positive events. One-Mindfully, the easier it will get!
• Accomplish and do a better job on tasks (like cleaning your room or doing homework).
• Show friends that you are interested in them. After your activity, answer the following questions to help you process how it went.

• _________________________________________________________________ My activity was:

• _________________________________________________________________
To be One-Mindful, make a decision to focus your attention and block out distractions. What did you notice about your activity?
Here are four steps that can help you be One-Mindful:

1. Focus on one thing at a time.

2. Notice when you get distracted or your mind wanders.
3. Re-focus on one thing at a time.

4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 as often as needed. During your activity, what did you get distracted by?

Keep in mind that these steps are easy to understand but can be difficult to do. One thing that can help
you with One-Mindfully is being aware of what tends distracts you. If you know what distracts you, you
will be more likely to notice it when you are trying to be One-Mindful.
Some common distractions include:
• Worrying • Cell phones
What helped you stay One-Mindful?
• TV • People around you
• ______________________________ • _______________________________
• ______________________________ • _______________________________
It can take a lot of practice to be One-Mindful, so try not to get discouraged if it doesn’t come easily.

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22 DBT Skills Training with Adolescents

Effectively Wo r k s h e e t

Effectively means doing what works.

Effectively Examples
Remember that being Effective means doing what works. To be Effective, focus on what helps and avoid
When we are Effective, we act as skillfully as possible.
getting stuck on judgments or emotions. Remember to play by the rules, even when you disagree with
To be Effective, make decisions that will help you meet your goals. them.

This means first figuring out what your goals are. When in a situation, consider what is important to Read the following scenarios to figure out if the character in each story was effective or ineffective.
you. Think about what you want now and in the long run.
Situation 1: Jackie is standing in a very long lunch line. She’s been in line for about 15 minutes and
Knowing what you want will help you decide how to act so that you can achieve your goal. For only has 15 minutes left in her lunch period. She finally gets to the front of the line and discovers the
example, if your goal is to avoid self-injury, acting effectively would mean using distraction or asking cooks ran out of what she wanted. Jackie will have to wait a couple more minutes for them to bring out
for help to avoid acting on urges to self-injure. new food. Jackie feels tired and angry and storms out of line saying, “I’ll just have to go hungry today,”
even though she is the next person in line to be served.
Being Effective also means following the rules. This is because we can get into trouble when the rules
are broken, which takes us further away from meeting our goals. What was Jackie’s goal?

Sometimes emotions or judgments can keep us from being Effective. Acting Effectively means letting
go of emotions and judgments that get in the way of doing what works.
Did how she act help her achieve her goal? Why or why not?
Here are some examples of emotions and judgments that can get in the way:
• Anger.
• Resentment.
Was Jackie Effective?
• Hurt.
• “This is not how it should be.”
How did/could she focus on what works?
• “That’s so unfair.”
• “That rule is just stupid.”
Situation 2: Joe wants to go to his friend Brent’s house on Saturday night. Brent recently switched
schools, and Joe hasn’t seen him in months, so Joe really wants to hang out and catch up. But, Joe’s
• ___________________________________________________________________
mom has to work late, and she wants Joe to babysit his little sister. Joe hates babysitting and thinks it’s
• ___________________________________________________________________ incredibly unfair that he has to give up his Saturday night for his sister. Usually, Joe will argue with his
mom when she asks him to babysit, and he will end up giving her the silent treatment for days. This time
When we let go of emotions and judgments that get in the way, we can really focus on our goals and do Joe listens to his mom’s side and suggests a compromise of having Brent come over instead of Joe going
what works. to Brent’s house. Joe’s mom agrees and even gives him money to order a pizza.
What was Joe’s goal?

Did how he act help him achieve his goal? Why or why not?

Was Joe Effective?

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 Skills List 25

How did/could he focus on what works?

Mindfulness Module
Situation 3: Your turn. Now describe a difficult situation that you have been in. Write down specifics Skills List
about how your body felt, what your emotions were and how you decided to behave:

What skills:

OBS Observe Pay attention—notice what is happening inside and

outside yourself

What was your goal? DES Describe Give words to what you noticed

PART Participate Be active and engage in your experience

Did how you act help you achieve your goal? Why or why not?

How skills:
Were you Effective?
NJS Non-Judgmental Focus on the facts—avoid labels or judgments
Stance
How did/could you focus on what works?
OM One-Mindfully Focus on one thing at a time—be in the here and
now

EFF Effectively Do what works—use skills

24 DBT Skills Training with Adolescents