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 CHANGING CHARMING
By Alaska Reece Vance

Copyright © MMXXIII by Alaska Reece Vance, All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-61588-529-9

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the Berne Convention.

RIGHTS RESERVED: All rights to this Work are strictly reserved, including professional and

rm fo l
amateur stage performance rights. Also reserved are: motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public
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reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all forms of mechanical or
electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-I, DVD, information and storage retrieval systems
and photocopying, and the rights of translation into non-English languages.

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PERFORMANCE RIGHTS AND ROYALTY PAYMENTS: All amateur and stock
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an
royalty arrangements in advance from Heuer Publishing LLC. Questions concerning other rights
Pe

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2 CHANGING CHARMING

CHANGING CHARMING
By Alaska Reece Vance

SYNOPSIS: Prince Charming has been turned into a frog, Princess Euna
never cracks a smile and the five princesses who make up the Dudes in
Distress Disaster Relief Agency have put themselves out of business by being
too good at rescuing princes in peril. In order for the ladies to save their agency
(and the frog Prince Charming), they will have to learn how to accept new
friends into their tight-knit group. They might just get a laugh from Euna in
the process.

A lovesick witch and her bumbling evil minions, a redundant queen who is
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redundant, an overstressed mail carrier, and some extremely courteous trees
are just a few of the ridiculous characters that make this kooky comedy so

ce
much fun for the whole family. Changing Charming is a stand-alone sequel to
r
Chasing Charming by Alaska Reece Vance.
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DURATION: 75 minutes.
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SETTING: Office, Forest, Lair (simple or elaborate)

TIME: Present.

CAST OF CHARACTERS
(15-23 females, 3 males, 10 either, 10-20 extras)

BEAUTY (f) ................................................. Sleeping Beauty. Lively athlete

and go-getter. (69 lines)
RAPUNZEL (f) ............................................. Strong leader, anxious to prove
her martial arts prowess. (92
lines)
CINDERELLA (f)......................................... Fashionista with a special
fondness for shoes. (74 lines)
PEONY (f) .................................................... Smart and level-headed princess
who is physically sensitive to the
extreme. (76 lines)
BELLE (f) ..................................................... Lover of nature and harmony.
Her head can usually be found in
the clouds. (53 lines)
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 3

EUNA (f) ...................................................... Princess who never laughs… or

smiles. (82 lines)
FAIRY GODMOTHER (f) ........................... Kind and bumbling fairy
godmother. (33 lines)
MAGIC (f/m) ................................................ Any number of males or
females. Personification of
magic. (Non-Speaking)
FOREST ANIMALS (f/m) ........................... Any number of males or
females. All types of cute forest
creatures, including a duckling.
(Non-Speaking.)
MAIL CARRIER (m/f) ................................. Bitter, disgruntled mail carrier.

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TREES (f/m) ................................................. Any number of males or
females. Friendly trees of the

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lines)
NARRATOR (f)............................................ Narrator #553. She was once a
an princess herself, but when a
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narrator position opened at the

National Association of
Narrators she jumped on the
opportunity to follow her
dreams. Feels personally
invested in Prince Charming’s
rehabilitation. (6 lines)
*TWELVE DANCING PRINCESSES (f): Except there are not twelve of
these sassy little dancers. Can be played by between three and eleven
females. Simply change the lines to reflect.
DANCING PRINCESS 1 (f) ................... (8 lines)
DANCING PRINCESS 2 (f) ................... (4 lines)
DANCING PRINCESS 3 (f) ................... (3 lines)
DANCING PRINCESS 4 (f) ................... (3 lines)
DANCING PRINCESS 5 (f) ................... (3 lines)

PRINCE CHARMING (m) ........................... Self-obsessed prince who has

been “turned into a frog”. (65
lines)
4 CHANGING CHARMING

HAGRAGARD (f) ........................................ Desperate wicked witch who is

as mean as she is inept (70 lines)
MUD THE EVIL MINION (m/f).................. Clumsy evil minion. (26 lines)
MINCE THE EVIL MINION (m/f) .............. Clumsy evil minion. (23 lines)
MAGNET THE EVIL MINION (m/f) .......... Clumsy evil minion. (13 lines)
MEAT THE EVIL MINION (m/f)................ Clumsy evil minion. (14 lines)
MERCURY THE EVIL MINION (m/f) ....... Clumsy evil minion. (14 lines)
MINUTE THE EVIL MINION (m/f) ........... Clumsy evil minion. (14 lines)
MEER CAT THE EVIL MINION (m/f) ....... Clumsy evil minion. The
smallest of the bunch. (11 lines)
HARRIET (f) ................................................ Hagragard’s teenage daughter.
(17 lines)

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HECTOR (m) ................................................ Hagragard’s teenage son. (20
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lines)
QUEEN’S HERALD (m/f) ........................... A loud, redundant herald who is

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KING’S HERALD (m/f) ............................... Loud. Brief. (3 lines)

QUEEN REDUNDIA (f) .............................. Prince Charming’s mother. Kind
an queen who, like her herald, is
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redundant like her herald. (15

lines)
KING BREVITISO (m) ................................ Euna’s father. Brief. (11 lines)
SNOW WHITE (f) ........................................ Smart princess who talks to
animals. (20 lines)

SET

The set can be very simple - Chairs and a desk to suggest the Dudes in
Distress Disaster Relief Agency office, human trees to suggest the Fairly
Frightening Forest, a cut out of a cauldron to suggest Hagragard’s lair, etc.
Or it can be as elaborate as you like. Have fun!
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 5

PREMIERE PRODUCTION

Originally Presented by King University and The Drifting Theatre in Bristol,

TN. Directed by Alaska Reece Vance with the following cast, production
designers, and crew:

BEAUTY................................................................................................ Hailee Heinz

RAPUNZEL .............................................................................................Charlee Fox
CINDERELLA ...................................................................... Helen Grace Gannaway
PEONY .................................................................................................. Emush Lamb
BELLE ................................................................................................ Kennedy Clark
EUNA..................................................................................................... Brynne Sears
FAIRY GODMOTHER.................................................................... RaChelle Cheeks
MAGIC ................................................................. Mary Tate Gannaway, Ian Wilcox
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rfo ot sa
FOREST ANIMALS ........................................ Laken Barnett, Blair Jane Gannaway,
Laney Keen, Collins Lafon, Ethan J. Mann, Joseph Ong,
Moses Ong, Adalyne Smith, Reeves Smith, Tinsley Vance

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MAIL CARRIER ...................................................................................... Jake Regan
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TREES............................................................................ Brandon Carico, Jake Regan

NARRATOR ................................................................................... Mickeala Mendes
TWELVE DANCING PRINCESSES ...................................... Blair Jane Gannaway,
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Laney Keen, Collins Lafon, Ella Wilcox

PRINCE CHARMING ............................................................................Tucker Price
HAGRAGARD ............................................................................... Mickeala Mendes
MUD THE EVIL MINION ................................................................... Austin Bailey
MINCE THE EVIL MINION ............................................................... Ethan J. Mann
MAGNET THE EVIL MINION .............................................................. Joseph Ong
MEAT THE EVIL MINION ..................................................................... Moses Ong
MERCURY THE EVIL MINION ......................................................... Reeves Smith
MINUTE THE EVIL MINION ............................................................ Laken Barnett
MEER CAT THE EVIL MINION............................................................ Ella Wilcox
HECTOR ................................................................................................... Ian Wilcox
HARRIET .................................................................................Mary Tate Gannaway
QUEEN’S HERALD ..............................................................................Laken Barnet
KING’S HERALD ............................................................................... Ethan J. Mann
QUEEN REDUNDIA ....................................................................... RaChelle Cheeks
KING’S BREVITISO ......................................................................... Brandon Carico
SNOW WHITE ............................................................................... Mickeala Mendes

Assistant Direction by RaChelle Cheeks and Chad Rasor

Choreography by RaChelle Cheeks
Scenic Design by Chad Rasor
Costume Design by Mickeala Mendes
Production Stage Management by Emily Bartley
6 CHANGING CHARMING

SCENE ONE

AT START: Inside the headquarters of the “Dudes in Distress Disaster

Relief Agency”. CINDERELLA is filing her nails. BELLE is reading a
zoology magazine. RAPUNZEL is hovering over PEONY, who is
balancing the books. SLEEPING BEAUTY is counting aloud as she
does push-ups.

BEAUTY: One hundred ninety-seven. One hundred ninety-eight. One

hundred ninety-nine. Two hundred. (BEAUTY hops up and begins
doing jumping jacks.) One. Two. Three. Four. Five––
RAPUNZEL: That’s it! If you don’t stop that I’m going to––

rm fo l
CINDERELLA: I think, like, what Rapunzel is trying to say is can you
rfo ot sa
like, do your little jumpy stuff with more like, silence?
BEAUTY: Can’t skip the morning warm-up.

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RAPUNZEL: I’ll warm you up.
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BELLE: With a blanket of love.

BEAUTY: A girl builds up a lot of energy sleeping for a hundred years.
an
RAPUNZEL: You’ve told us. Over and over and over––
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PEONY: Girls, please. I’m crunching numbers!

BEAUTY: Oo! Crunches! (Lays down and starts doing crunches.)

PEONY enters numbers into an adding machine. With every number

she presses she winces in pain.

PEONY: Ow – ow – ow – ow – there.
CINDERELLA: Well?
RAPUNZEL: What’s the verdict?
PEONY: It’s good––

ALL others breathe relief and exclaim, “Good!”, “Hooray!”, “What a

relief!”, “Thank god!”, “I knew it!”, “We did it!”, etc.

PEONY: No! I meant, it’s good you had me look at the accounts. We’re
about to go bankrupt.

ALL others exclaim in shock, “bankrupt!”, “No!”, “What?!”, “What a

disaster!”, “I knew it!”, “We ruined it!”, etc.
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 7

CINDERELLA: Are you like, sure you did it right?

PEONY: Yes Cinderella––
BEAUTY: We’re losers!
BELLE: Lost in a void of darkness!
CINDERELLA: I like, totally need retail therapy!
PEONY: We’re broke! (Slams her hands on the table.) Owwww! I’m
broke…
RAPUNZEL: Snap to! We’ve come too far to let a little challenge
defeat us.
BEAUTY: Rapunzel’s right. We’re champions.
RAPUNZEL: What we need to do is develop a supremely calculated

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and highly intricate plan to get some cash flow. Ideas?
rfo ot sa
PEONY: We could auction off Cinderella’s shoe collection.
CINDERELLA: Peony!

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BELLE: We could harmonize with the natural elements and call gold
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and precious metals forth from the earth.

BEAUTY: Sounds like we just need to figure out how to get more
an
business.
Pe

CINDERELLA: Maybe we need re-branding.

BEAUTY: A name change?
CINDERELLA: Is “Dudes in Distress Disaster Relief Agency” like,
working for us?
BELLE: It’s a glorious name!
PEONY: What else would we call ourselves? Lads out of Luck?
BELLE: A glorious name!
BEAUTY: Boys in a Bind?
BELLE: A glorious name!
CINDERELLA: Princes in Peril?
BELLE: A glori––
RAPUNZEL: I don’t think our name is the problem. I think we’ve put
ourselves out of business.
BEAUTY: You’re right. We’ve rescued about every prince in every
kingdom in the entire United Fates.
PEONY: There hasn’t been a prince in distress since Aladdin got
himself stuck in his lamp three months ago.
RAPUNZEL: Witches and villains are terrified to cross us.
BEAUTY: Because we’re champions!
8 CHANGING CHARMING

CINDERELLA: I mean, like, that’s kinda a goodish thing––

BELLE: Maybe we should open our horizons––We could experience
batik tapestry dying or psychotherapy for animals––

Doorbell rings.

CINDERELLA, BEAUTY, RAPUNZEL, and PEONY: A customer!

They go running towards the door and run into each other. BEAUTY
gets there first. PRINCESS EUNA enters.

CINDERELLA, BEAUTY, and PEONY speak simultaneously.

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rfo ot sa
CINDERELLA: BEAUTY: PEONY:
Welcome to Welcome to Welcome to

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Princes in Peril!
r Lads out of Luck! Boys in a Bind!
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RAPUNZEL: I’m Princess Rapunzel. Unofficial leader of Dudes in

an
Distress Disaster Relief Agency. I’m highly trained in the ancient
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arts of ninjutsu, jujutsu and hair-kwondo so you’re in the right

hands––and hair.
CINDERELLA: I’m Cinderella and I make us look, like, totes adorbs
while saving the day.
RAPUNZEL: (Indicates PEONY.) Princess Peony––

PEONY extends her hand, PRINCESS EUNA shakes it. PEONY

squeals in pain.

RAPUNZEL: She’s sensitive.

PEONY: I can detect a pea under 23 mattresses.
EUNA: Um…
RAPUNZEL: Her hypersensitivity has proven useful to our operations.
(Indicates BEAUTY.) Sleeping Beauty––
BEAUTY: (To RAPUNZEL.) I told you not to call me that! (To EUNA.)
Just Beauty. I wouldn’t be caught dead asleep!
RAPUNZEL: (Indicating BELLE.) And that’s––
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 9

BELLE: A humble devotee of the beasts of the fields and the birds of
the air. A singer of nature’s song. A seeker of beauty in the least of
the earth––
RAPUNZEL: Princess Belle.
BEAUTY: What do you need us to do? Conquer a foe?
RAPUNZEL: Fight a dragon?
BELLE: Tame a beast?
CINDERELLA: Rescue a prince?
EUNA: Hire me.
ALL: Oh.
EUNA: Look, I don’t have a lot of experience, but I’m a hard worker.
And I really need to get out of my castle.

rm fo l
RAPUNZEL: (Excited.) Are you being held against your will?
rfo ot sa
EUNA: No––not really––it’s… complicated.
BELLE: You look distraught. Sit, relax, breathe…. In through the nose,

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out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the
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mouth…
EUNA: Thanks. (Sits.) I can’t talk about it. It’s too painful––
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PEONY: I know the feeling.
Pe

BELLE: Close your eyes…. Deep breaths….

EUNA: (Closes eyes.) Even with my eyes closed I see them… In front
of me, behind me… all around…
CINDERELLA: (To PEONY.) Poor girl.
PEONY: She’s been through some serious trauma all right.
EUNA: They’re everywhere! All day, every day…
BELLE: Go on…
EUNA: The faces, the faces… horrible…
BEAUTY: Monsters?
PEONY: Giants?
RAPUNZEL: Dragons?
EUNA: Boys!
BEAUTY, RAPUNZEL, CINDERELLA, PEONY, and BELLE: Boys?
EUNA: (Opens eyes.) Boys making silly faces! And so much ridiculous
slapstick comedy. I could barf!
PEONY: What are you talking about?
EUNA: They’re trying to make me laugh, or at least smile. My father
says I’m too “moody”. He’s offered half the kingdom and my hand
in marriage to the first guy who can make me laugh.
10 CHANGING CHARMING

CINDERELLA: That’s like totes wrong.

EUNA: I know, right?
RAPUNZEL: Princess––
EUNA: Euna.
RAPUNZEL: Euna. We can’t hire you––
EUNA: You’ve got to. No one else will. Everyone’s afraid of angering
my father, King Brevitiso. But since you face risks every day, I
thought maybe you would understand. Maybe here I could find my
place and do some good for the world, you know?
RAPUNZEL: We can’t hire you because we’re going out of business.
We’ve rescued every prince who needs it.
EUNA: I should have known. My life is a dark pit of endless

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disappointments. I quit.
rfo ot sa
FAIRY GODMOTHER magically appears.

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RAPUNZEL, PEONY, BELLE, and BEAUTY: Fairy Godmother!

CINDERELLA: Fairy G!
an
Pe

CINDERELLA runs and hugs her.

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Did someone say the “Q” word?

RAPUNZEL: Quest?
BEAUTY: Quick?
BELLE: Quaint?
PEONY: Queasy?
CINDERELLA: Queenie?
RAPUNZEL: Quandary?
BEAUTY: Quesadilla?
BELLE: Quizzical?
PEONY: Quackery?
CINDERELLA: Q-tip?
RAPUNZEL: Quarrelsome?
BEAUTY: Quintessential?
BELLE: Quarkonium?
PEONY: Quintuplicating?
CINDERELLA: Quiero mas zapatos?
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Quit!
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 11

They stop.

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Did I hear someone say “quit”?

They point at FAIRY GODMOTHER.

FAIRY GODMOTHER: No––

RAPUNZEL: Yeah you did.
CINDERELLA: You just said it.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: No––I mean––
EUNA: I did. I said “I quit”.

rm fo l
CINDERELLA: But you can’t quit. We didn’t hire you.
rfo ot sa
EUNA: No, I quit, as in “I give up”. I guess I’ll return to a bleak life
clouded over with the dross of foolish faces and the bore of bad

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jokes. r
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FAIRY GODMOTHER: Now now, who’s this Janie Raincloud?

PEONY: That’s Euna. She came here to get away from foolishness.
an
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Here?
Pe

CINDERELLA: Euna, this is our Fairy G.

RAPUNZEL: Fairy Godmother.
EUNA: I would say “pleasure to meet you” but frankly, the
circumstances are too wretched for pleasure. Thanks everyone, for
letting me swallow your time like a blackhole.

EUNA heads to the door.

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Someone get this girl a one-way ticket out of

Downerville!
EUNA: There isn’t anything you can do.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Excuse me? They don’t call me “the-most-
amazing-fairy-godmother-who-ever-walked-the-face-of-this-earth”
for nothing!
PEONY: Who calls you that?
EUNA: You can help me?
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Of course! I mean, I’m not sure what you need
help with, but most decidedly, yes! Depending on what you need
help with.
12 CHANGING CHARMING

RAPUNZEL: She needs a job.

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Then, give her one! Problem solved.
RAPUNZEL: We can’t.
PEONY: We’re broke.
BEAUTY: We’re losing!
PEONY: We’ll have to shut down if we can’t get some work soon.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Well, why didn’t you say so! I can fix that.

The PRINCESSES exclaim in excitement.

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Let me find where I put that wand. There!

Now…

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FAIRY GODMOTHER pulls out her wand and taps it on her hand.
MAGIC enters and begins to dance.

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r
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EUNA: (Pointing to MAGIC.) Who are they?

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Oh, they’re magic.
an
EUNA: But who are they?
Pe

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Magic.

EUNA: So, they’re magical, but who are these magical people?
FAIRY GODMOTHER: No, they’re not magical people, they are the
magic.
EUNA: So, magic’s a person?
BEAUTY: People.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: No, they’re not people, they’re the magic.
PEONY: Don’t overthink it.

FAIRY GODMOTHER waves her wand and MAGIC dances again.

FAIRY GODMOTHER:
Fiddle dee, widdle dee, twiddle dee, too
Someone now enter and make work to do!

MAGIC dances as FOREST ANIMALS rush in and begin to destroy the

office, throwing papers and making a huge mess. The PRINCESSES
try to shoo the FOREST ANIMALS out, while BELLE coos and cuddles
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 13

them. Finally, all the FOREST ANIMALS are gone, except one little
DUCKLING that BELLE holds and cuddles.

PEONY: Now there’s work all right…

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Hmm, let’s try this again.

MAGIC dances.

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Fiddle dee––

RAPUNZEL: Wait!

MAGIC stops dancing.

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
FAIRY GODMOTHER: What is it dear?
RAPUNZEL: You know what we need, right? Business. Not work.

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Actual business.
r
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PEONY: That pays!

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Of course. Not a problem.
an
Pe

MAGIC dances.

FAIRY GODMOTHER:
Fiddle dee, widdle dee, piddle dee, pow
High paying job offers, enter right now!

The doorbell rings. BEAUTY jumps up. MAGIC exits.

BEAUTY: I’ll get it.

BEAUTY opens the door. A very disgruntled MAIL CARRIER enters.

BEAUTY: It’s just the mail carrier.

MAIL CARRIER: Just the mail carrier. Oh yeah, sure, I’m just the mail
carrier.
BEAUTY: I didn’t mean––
MAIL CARRIER: Listen missy, I’ll have you know that I am an official
representative of the United Fates Postal Service. My position is
nothing to snicker at!
14 CHANGING CHARMING

BEAUTY: I wasn’t––
MAIL CARRIER: It’s people like you who park in front of mailboxes.
BEAUTY: I really––
MAIL CARRIER: It’s people like you who write “wrong address” on
mail labeled “current resident”.
BEAUTY: I––
MAIL CARRIER: It’s people like you who give me fruitcake for
Christmas. I bet you have bad handwriting and lots of dogs.
PEONY: Did you bring the mail?
MAIL CARRIER: Did I bring the mail? No. This is just a bag full of
butterfly wings and pixie dust.
BELLE: How glorious!

rm fo l
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MAIL CARRIER hands RAPUNZEL a huge stack of letters.
RAPUNZEL scans through them.

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r
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RAPUNZEL: Girls! Look! Job offers!

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Fairy Godmother always comes through.
an
CINDERELLA: Read them!
Pe

RAPUNZEL opens the first letter.

RAPUNZEL: It’s from a company called “Magic Meats”. (Reads.) “We

would like to offer you jobs as exotic meat packers...”

DUCKLING peeps and runs off stage. Exits.

BELLE: And we enthusiastically decline.

RAPUNZEL grabs the next letter.

RAPUNZEL: Here’s one from that new dress shop downtown.

(Reads.) “We would love to hire you on as seamstresses…”
PEONY: I can’t sew.
BEAUTY: I can’t be around needles…

RAPUNZEL grabs the next letter and reads.

 ALASKA REECE VANCE 15

RAPUNZEL: “We would like to offer you jobs in our dragon nursery”
––What is all this?
FAIRY GODMOTHER: It appears they’re job offers dear, just like you
wanted.

FAIRY GODMOTHER takes one of letters and looks at it.

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Oo! High paying.

BEAUTY: Fairy Godmother, we’re a rescue agency.
RAPUNZEL: We need a job saving a prince not––(Reads from the
next letter in the pile.) “fishing turnips out of sewage tanks”.
PEONY: Is that a job? (Grabs the letter from RAPUNZEL and

rm fo l
examines it.)
rfo ot sa
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Not to fear! Look at all those offers. There has
to be some suitable task––

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RAPUNZEL: Mission.
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FAIRY GODMOTHER: ––mission in there somewhere.

an
The PRINCESSES and FAIRY GODMOTHER each take some letters
Pe

from RAPUNZEL and begin looking through them.

PEONY: Brain surgeon, rapping telegram artist…

RAPUNZEL: Antique auction therapist…
EUNA: Paratrooper…

RAPUNZEL, interested, takes the letter from EUNA.

BELLE: Elvis impersonator, full-time cheese-sprayer…

CINDERELLA: Professional wedding guest, dungeon décor
consultant, snake handler…

BELLE, interested, takes the letter from CINDERELLA.

BEAUTY: Ferret food tester, universe designer––

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Chemical engineer, nuclear engineer,
mechanical Engineer, chuga chuga choo choo engineer––
PEONY: Watermelon Seed Remover––
RAPUNZEL: Automotive groomer––
16 CHANGING CHARMING

EUNA: Cheetah spot counter––

BELLE: Rainbow carrot chef––
CINDERELLA: Good cop––
BEAUTY: Bad cop––
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Shovel demonstrator…
RAPUNZEL: Nothing here.
EUNA: Doomed for failure.

MAIL CARRIER digs in his mail bag and retrieves a letter.

MAIL CARRIER: Oops, missed one.

rm fo l
BEAUTY quickly snatches it.
rfo ot sa
MAIL CARRIER: Well, I guess it’s back to trudging the streets as the

ce
unsung hero. Through wind, storm, sleet, rain… and everything in
r
pe N ru

between. But hey, I’m just the mail carrier.

an
The PRINCESSES, who are still reading their letters, barely
Pe

acknowledge the MAIL CARRIER’S farewell.

MAIL CARRIER: Figures. (In mock voices.) “Farewell mail carrier.

Thanks for your service”. “Just doing my sacred duty”. (Pause.)
Nope. Nothing.

MAIL CARRIER exits, mumbling complaints.

BEAUTY: Gals, I think this might be something. Listen. (Reads.) “To

all princesses of all kingdoms within reading distance of this letter;
this is a copy of a letter that is being addressed to you, provided you
are a princess who dwells or does not dwell within kingdoms
wherein this letter is read within hearing distance of you. Also; if this
letter is read outside of the range of your hearing, this will still pertain
to you, provided you are informed of the contents within and are
also a princess of the kingdoms to which we formerly referred or did
not refer. If you are not informed of the contents within, and you are
currently located within or without of the range of this reading, we
suppose this still pertains. Greetings.”
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 17

BEAUTY takes a deep breath and stops reading, proud of herself for
getting through the opening.

EUNA: And?
BEAUTY: Oh yeah. (Clears her throat, continues to read.) “Prince
Chuck the Charming is currently a frog, as in, the kind of frog that
hops along the ground merrily and may or not be eaten by larger
animals or birds of prey.”
CINDERELLA: What? Chuck’s a frog? Let me see that!

CINDERELLA grabs the letter from BEAUTY and reads.

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
CINDERELLA: “The cause for this affliction is yet unknown. Although
it is perhaps known by others and not by us. We are, however,

ce
prepared to offer Chuck’s hand in marriage to any princess who can
r
pe N ru

reverse this unfortunate condition and therefore marry him. The

unfortunate condition being that he is a frog, of the hopping sort, as
an
previously stated.”
Pe

BEAUTY: That’s a prince in distress if I ever heard one!

CINDERELLA: “In addition to the prince’s hand, we will merrily
bequeath enough gold to put a small business or agency out of
danger of going bankrupt for quite some time”
PEONY: That’s oddly specific.

PEONY takes the letter and reads.

PEONY: “We will do this gladly with merry gladness, as we prefer our
prince to dwell outside of the amphibious state. Also green is not
Chuck’s best color.”
CINDERELLA: I could see that.
PEONY: (Reads.) “Sincerely, Queen Redundia, Mother of Chuck, who
is currently a frog. P.S. Chuck is, not the Queen. P.P.S That is to
say, Chuck is a frog, the Queen is not. P.P.P.S. Chuck is also not
the queen, as he is the prince.”
RAPUNZEL: Ladies, we have ourselves a mission! We need to
organize. We’re going into this one with everything we’ve got. Belle,
alert your animal recon unit. Cinderella, pack up your shoe arsenal.
18 CHANGING CHARMING

I have a feeling this might call for an extra pointy stiletto. Beauty,
get ready to run like someone called you a jogger. Peony, you
prepared for some hyper-sensating?
PEONY: Let’s do this!
EUNA: Can I come?
RAPUNZEL: Um… we’re a finely tuned machine…
CINDERELLA: She means we like, don’t have any… like… particular
like, thing, for you… like you… might be a little... bored.
PEONY: Face it. You’d be in the way.
BELLE: You have a beautiful purpose and destiny, you are wanted,
you are needed… just not by us.
RAPUNZEL: We’ll be ready to roll out in five, four––

rm fo l
EUNA: Look, maybe I’m not as… colorful… as you all are. But––
rfo ot sa
BEAUTY: Do you have any special abilities or skills that might be
useful?

ce
EUNA: I… No. I guess not. My life is pretty much bleak and my
r
pe N ru

prospects depressing. You’re right. I’ll continue on my path of

hopelessness, out of your way. Thanks for your time.
an
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Now wait just a minute! Girls, I’m disappointed
Pe

in you.
RAPUNZEL: But Fairy Godmother, this our chance to save our
agency. We can’t take any risks!
BEAUTY: We need space to be heroes.
FAIRY GODMOTHER: Sure, go save a prince, and save your agency,
and save your own hind quarters, but what about this princess
standing right in front of you that might need some saving?
BELLE: The saving grace of a friend?
CINDERELLA: Fairy G’s right. Euna, we were big old meanie heads.
You’re on the team, girl. You can carry my shoes.
RAPUNZEL: Just don’t slow us down.

The PRINCESSES exit in different directions to get ready for their

adventure.

FAIRY GODMOTHER: You go, girls! I think my work here is done.

FAIRY GODMOTHER disappears.

 ALASKA REECE VANCE 19

SCENE 2

AT START: A clearing in the “Fairly Frightening Forest” which, as the

name suggests is only fairly frightening. TREES stand in various
locations, gently swaying in the wind. The NARRATOR enters, carrying
several books.

NARRATOR: Hello Fairly Frightening Forest. Hello sparkling

sunshine. Hello trees.
TREES: Hello Narrator.

rm fo l
NARRATOR sits down, opens one of the books and flips to the end.
rfo ot sa
NARRATOR: Let’s see…(Reads.) “And the princess lived happily ever

ce
after, surrounded by the love of friends. The end.” I think that works.
r
pe N ru

(Sets that book down and picks up another book, one with a green
cover and looks at the end. SHE smiles, a bit mischievously.) It will
an
be interesting to see how this one works out.
Pe

The DANCING PRINCESSES enter dancing. NARRATOR sets the

book aside. The DANCING PRINCESSES notice the NARRATOR and
hurry towards her.

ALL DANCING PRINCESSES: Miss Narrator! Miss Narrator!

DANCING PRINCESS 1: We’ve been looking all over for you!
DANCING PRINCESS 2: We’d like to file a complaint.
DANCING PRINCESS 3: That means we’re unhappy.

The DANCING PRINCESSES huff and flip their hair in unison.

NARRATOR: What’s wrong now?

DANCING PRINCESS 4: We’d like to request an alternate ending for
our story.
DANCING PRINCESS 5: And a title change.
DANCING PRINCESS 1: We think “The Twelve Dancing Princesses”
is boring.
DANCING PRINCESS 3: There’s no pizazz!
20 CHANGING CHARMING

DANCING PRINCESS 5: You can do better than that.

DANCING PRINCESS 2: Also. We don’t like the part where we ride in
boats to the underground castle. We don’t like boats.
DANCING PRINCESS 4: We hate boats.
ALL DANCING PRINCESSES: Boats. Ew.

The DANCING PRINCESSES huff and flip their hair in unison.

NARRATOR: So you want to travel across the underground lake in…?

DANCING PRINCESS 1: Jet skis. Also, we’d like to show you our new
dance moves, so you can incorporate them into the story.

rm fo l
The DANCING PRINCESSES begin to demonstrate their dance
rfo ot sa
moves.

ce
NARRATOR: I’ll see what I can do.
r
pe N ru

NARRATOR picks up her stack of books, accidentally leaving the

an
green book behind. SHE exits. The DANCING PRINCESSES continue
Pe

to dance.

RAPUNZEL, BEAUTY, BELLE, PEONY, CINDERELLA, and EUNA

enter. RAPUNZEL is leading the way, ninja-style. CINDERELLA directs
EUNA, who is hauling CINDERELLA’S suitcase full of shoes. With
every step PEONY winces in pain mumbling “ow, ow, ow, ow”. They
are discussing the way to QUEEN REDUNDIA’S castle as they walk.

PEONY: Are you sure this is the way? My feet hurt.

RAPUNZEL: It’s got to be around here somewhere.
CINDERELLA: That’s what you said an hour ago. Peony, put on my
super-padded ultra-plush pain-reducing pumps.

They stop and CINDERELLA goes to her suitcase to get the shoes for
PEONY. They see the DANCING PRINCESSES.

RAPUNZEL: Who goes there?

DANCING PRINCESS 1: Who goes there?
RAPUNZEL: I asked first.
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 21

DANCING PRINCESS 2: I asked second.

DANCING PRINCESS 1: I asked third.
CINDERELLA: Uh uh. You asked second.
BEAUTY: (Pointing at DANCING PRINCESS 2.) And she asked third.
PEONY: No, she didn’t actually ask.

PEONY begins to put on the padded pumps.

EUNA: Hi. We’re members of the Dudes in Distress––

CINDERELLA: BEAUTY: PEONY:

Princes in Peril–– Lads out of Luck–– Boys in a Bind––

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
EUNA: ––Disaster Relief Agency––
RAPUNZEL: Technically you’re not a member…

ce
BELLE: You’re our guest.
r
pe N ru

EUNA: (To the DANCING PRINCESSES.) I’m Euna.

DANCING PRINCESS 1: We’re the twelve dancing princesses.
an
BEAUTY: Twelve?
Pe

ALL DANCING PRINCESSES nod and agree.

PEONY: But there are five of you. [Adjust number of princesses to fit
casting.]
DANCING PRINCESS 1: We’re on a diet.
DANCING PRINCESS 2: Twelve isn’t our goal number.
DANCING PRINCESS 3: Duh.
ALL DANCING PRINCESSES: Duh.

The DANCING PRINCESSES huff and flip their hair in unison.

CINDERELLA: Whatever.
RAPUNZEL: Come on girls.
EUNA: Wait, shouldn’t we ask for directions.
RAPUNZEL: We’re fine on our own.
CINDERELLA: We don’t need help from other princesses.
BELLE: We are like a closed flower which contains an isolated
universe of love.
22 CHANGING CHARMING

CINDERELLA: BEAUTY: RAPUNZEL:

This way. This way. This way.

RAPUNZEL, BEAUTY, and CINDERELLA each point in a different

direction.

EUNA: (To the DANCING PRINCESSES.) Do you know the way to

Queen Redundia’s castle. We’re trying to find Prince Charming.
DANCING PRINCESS 1: Yeah, sure. You cross through the Fairly
Frightening Forest that way… (She points in a completely different
direction.) climb two hills and it’s on your left.

rm fo l
DANCING PRINCESS 4: But you know he’s a frog, right?
rfo ot sa
EUNA: Yeah we know. Thanks.
DANCING PRINCESS 5: Byeeeee.

ce
ALL DANCING PRINCESSES: Byeeeee.
r
pe N ru

The DANCING PRINCESSES flip their hair in unison and exit.

an
Pe

RAPUNZEL: I told you, we didn’t need them. I knew the way. Come
on.

RAPUNZEL exits. BEAUTY, BELLE, PEONY, and CINDERELLA

follow. They have left PEONY’S shoes and CINDERELLA’S shoe case
behind for EUNA to pick up. EUNA sighs and packs PEONY’S
discarded shoes.

SCENE 3

AT START: A clearing in the “Fairly Frightening Forest”, immediately

following the previous scene. EUNA notices the NARRATOR’S green
book. She picks it up, thinking it was left by the DANCING
PRINCESSES, she calls after them.

EUNA: Hey wait, you forgot your book!

 ALASKA REECE VANCE 23

EUNA looks back and forth from the direction the DANCING
PRINCESSES exited to the direction the other PRINCESSES exited,
unsure what to do. She opens it to the first page.

EUNA: (Reads.) “Property of Narrator 553”. No phone number…

CINDERELLA returns.

CINDERELLA: You coming?

EUNA: Yeah, I just… I found this book…

CINDERELLA goes over to EUNA.

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
CINDERELLA: Those five dancing princesses must have left it.
EUNA: No, it says––

ce
r
pe N ru

The MAIL CARRIER enters, muttering complaints.

an
MAIL CARRIER: Rocks and roots and mud. Another paper cut. No
Pe

thanks, no acknowledgement, no––

CINDERELLA: Hi Mr. Mail Carrier.
MAIL CARRIER: (To himself.) They don’t even bother to learn my
name. (To CINDERELLA and EUNA.) You’re that one princess and
that other princess, right?
EUNA: Sure…

MAIL CARRIER hands CINDERELLA a letter.

MAIL CARRIER: Here. Have a marginally decent day.

MAIL CARRIER exits, complaining.

CINDERELLA: Oo. Maybe I won that free subscription to Runaway.

EUNA: Runaway?
CINDERELLA: A fashion magazine. You wouldn’t know.

CINDERELLA opens the letter.

24 CHANGING CHARMING

CINDERELLA: (Reads.) “To all princesses of all kingdoms within

reading distance of this letter; this is a copy of a letter that is being
addressed to you, provided you are a princess who dwells or does
not dwell within kingdoms wherein––.”
EUNA: Skip ahead.
CINDERELLA: Blah, blah, blah––(Reads.) “Prince Chuck the
Charming is currently a frog, who is not currently located in our
home, which is the home of the Charming Chuck who is currently
not so Charming, because he is a frog who is not at home.” This
makes my head hurt.

CINDERELLA hands the letter to EUNA.

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
EUNA: (Reads.) “The reason being, he has been kidnapped, or in this
case frog-napped, by the evil, ugly witch Hagragard, and therefore

ce
is probably at her lair, or somewhere else, provided that somewhere
r
pe N ru

is not his home, which is our castle, where he is not.”

CINDERELLA: Chuck’s been kidnapped?
an
EUNA: Frog-napped. (Continues reading.) “Our prior offer, that being
Pe

the offer that was previously offered, remains in effect, although

there is now the rescuing of the prince, or the frog as it were, that
must be bravely conducted, as a precursor to the reversing of the
frog-ness, which cannot be reversed unless he is hence forth
rescued…”
CINDERELLA: Is that it?
EUNA: No. There’s a lot more, but nothing else is said.
CINDERELLA: I hope I get the chance to kick some sense into that
witch!
EUNA: We better catch the others.

CINDERELLA and EUNA hurry off after the PRINCESSES, bringing

the letter, the book, and CINDERELLA’S shoe collection with them.
Exit.
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 25

SCENE FOUR

AT START: Inside Hagragard’s Lair. In the center is a huge cauldron.

HAGRAGARD is adding things to it. PRINCE CHARMING, “is a frog”,
which simply means he is wearing a frog hat. He is waiting impatiently.

PRINCE CHARMING: Is this going to take much longer? I have a

dentist’s appointment at 4:30.
HAGRAGARD: Hello. You’re a prisoner.
PRINCE CHARMING: I’m getting my teeth whitened.
HAGRAGARD: Hello. You’re a frog.
PRINCE CHARMING: I’m not a frog…

rm fo l
HAGRAGARD: You sure look like a frog to me.
rfo ot sa
PRINCE CHARMING: It’s just a hat––
HAGRAGARD: If it’s just a hat, then take it off.

ce
PRINCE CHARMING: I’ve tried… it’s stuck or––
r
pe N ru

HAGRAGARD: Exactly. Because you’re a frog.

PRINCE CHARMING: Look, Hagragard––
an
HAGRAGARD: Haggie.
Pe

PRINCE CHARMING: Haggie… You’re a nice old witch, but it’s just
not working out––
HAGRAGARD: Get in the cauldron.
PRINCE CHARMING: You’re going to cook me?
HAGRAGARD: No, I’m going to marry you.
PRINCE CHARMING: Why would you want to marry a boiled frog?
HAGRAGARD: I’m going to turn you back into a prince.
PRINCE CHARMING: Cool. Why would you want to marry a boiled
prince?
HAGRAGARD: It’s not a hot cauldron. All cauldrons don’t have to be
boiling. You think just because I’m a witch, and just because I have
a cauldron, I have to boil everything? Ridiculous stereotypes. Now
where’d I put my pointy hat?

HAGRAGARD finds her hat and puts it on.

HAGRAGARD: There. Now, get in.

PRINCE CHARMING: Let’s think this through––
26 CHANGING CHARMING

HAGRAGARD: The sooner you get in the cauldron, the sooner we

can be husband and witch and live the dreams together––
PRINCE CHARMING: The dream?
HAGRAGARD: You know, riches, and ruling the world, and turning all
humanity into our minions… speaking of, (calls.) evil minions!

The EVIL MINIONS enter, toppling over each other and pushing,
saying “move over”, “me first”, “back off”, “cut it out”, “she wants me”,
“I was in the front”, etc.

HAGRAGARD: Minions!
ALL EVIL MINIONS: Yes, your wickedness!

rm fo l
HAGRAGARD: The prince––
rfo ot sa
MUD THE EVIL MINION: You mean that big frog there?
PRINCE CHARMING: I’m me with a frog hat!

ce
HAGRAGARD: Don’t interrupt me. The prince, who does actually
r
pe N ru

happen to be a frog right now, is having trouble getting in my

cauldron. So why don’t you give him a hand?
an
Pe

The EVIL MINIONS clap and cheer.

HAGRAGARD: Not that kind of hand you nincompoops! You know…

do this…

HAGRAGARD demonstrates a shoving motion. The EVIL MINIONS

copy her, shoving at the air.

HAGRAGARD: No, to him!

The EVIL MINIONS make the shoving motion towards PRINCE

CHARMING, without actually shoving him.

PRINCE CHARMING: You know what? Don’t worry about it. It’s cool.

PRINCE CHARMING climbs into the cauldron.

PRINCE CHARMING: It’s actually kind of comfortable in here. Tepid…

HAGRAGARD: Now let me double-check this recipe.
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 27

HAGRAGARD looks at her spell book.

MINCE THE EVIL MINION: Ooo. Are we having frog legs?

MAGNET THE EVIL MINION: Frog legs are my favorite!
HAGRAGARD: Let’s see… fetch me, eye of newt, wool of bat, scale
of dragon and tooth of wolf.
MEAT THE EVIL MINION: How about basil?
MERCURY THE EVIL MINION: And some celery salt.
MINUTE THE EVIL MINION: I like celery salt on frog legs.
MEER CAT THE EVIL MINION: Me too.
HAGRAGARD: I am not making frog legs!

rm fo l
MUD THE EVIL MINION: Then you might want to get that frog out of
rfo ot sa
your cauldron.
HAGRAGARD: Just, leave. Go! Get out!

ce
r
pe N ru

EVIL MINIONS exit hurriedly, arguing and stumbling over top of each
other.
an
Pe

HAGRAGARD: Useless imbeciles. I have to do everything myself.

Stay here my love.
PRINCE CHARMING: Cool.

HAGRAGARD exits. HAGRAGARD’S children, HARRIET and

HECTOR, enter, glued to their phones. HARRIET is carrying a juice
box. They walk by PRINCE CHARMING in the cauldron, seemingly
unaware. After they pass him, they turn around and start snapping
pictures and posting/sending them as they talk.

HARRIET: Wicked frog. Thirteen likes already.

HECTOR: Last guy Mom brought home ended up a chicken.
PRINCE CHARMING: Not a frog. It’s a hat––
HARRIET: (To HECTOR.) Would you rather be a chicken or a frog?
HECTOR: A frog I guess.
HARRIET: What color would you call that? Chartreuse? Lime?
HECTOR: Definitely burnt shamrock.
HARRIET: I might choose chicken.
HECTOR: Yeah. Green’s not your color.
28 CHANGING CHARMING

HAGRAGARD enters with her ingredients.

HARRIET: Mom, can I borrow your broomstick?

HECTOR: She said I could borrow it.
HARRIET: That’s not fair! I have to go to the bad wolf ball tournament
tonight or I’ll be an outcast and not the fun kind.
HECTOR: My life matters too. Mom, tell her.
HAGRAGARD: Silence! Can’t you see I’m busy here?
HARRIET: What flavor are these juice boxes?
HAGRAGARD: That’s not a juice box you idiot!

rm fo l
HAGRAGARD snatches the juice box out of HARRIET’S hand.
rfo ot sa
HARRIET: It sure looks like one.

ce
HAGRAGARD: You didn’t drink it did you?
r
pe N ru

HARRIET: Not yet.

HAGRAGARD: Good.
an
HECTOR: Can I have it? I like juice.
Pe

HAGRAGARD: It’s not juice! It’s a sleeping potion.

HECTOR: But I want juice.
HAGRAGARD: Second shelf of the refrigerator. Top shelf potions.
Second shelf juice.
HECTOR: Why do you have a shelf of sleeping-potion-filled juice
boxes?
HAGRAGARD: I’m recycling.
HARRIET: (Indicating PRINCE CHARMING.) What’s he in for?
HAGRAGARD: Hector, Harriet, say hello to your future stepfather.

HECTOR and HARRIET burst out laughing.

HARRIET: Mom, I know you’re not exactly a catch, but couldn’t you
do a little better than that?
HAGRAGARD: Excuse me?
PRINCE CHARMING: Excuse me?
HECTOR: Face it, Mom… you’re kind of…expired.
HAGRAGARD: How dare you!
HARRIET: If you were milk, you’d be curdled.
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 29

HECTOR: Cottage cheese.

HARRIET: Rancid.
HECTOR: Moldy.
HARRIET: Toxic.
HAGRAGARD: Enough!
HECTOR: Why’d you turn your fiancé into a frog?
HAGRAGARD: I didn’t. Somebody else did.
HECTOR: Who?
HAGRAGARD: I don’t know.

HECTOR and HARRIET look to PRINCE CHARMING for an answer.

rm fo l
PRINCE CHARMING: I don’t know. I just woke up with this hat stuck
rfo ot sa
to my head––
HECTOR: (To PRINCE CHARMING.) You might want to rethink your

ce
nighttime routine. (To HAGRAGARD.) Here.
r
pe N ru

HECTOR pulls a letter out of his pocket.

an
Pe

HECTOR: A really grouchy mail carrier brought it.

HAGRAGARD: What is it?
HECTOR: It’s a picture of Princess Euna from King Brevitiso. “Lost
daughter. Big reward.”
HAGRAGARD: How big?

HAGRAGARD grabs the notice and examines it.

HAGRAGARD: No details…

PRINCE CHARMING looks at the picture in HAGRAGARD’S hand.

PRINCE CHARMING: She’s stunning.

HAGRAGARD shoots a death glare at PRINCE CHARMING and wads

up the paper.

HAGRAGARD: She’s hideous.

30 CHANGING CHARMING

HARRIET: Well good luck with your evil scheming. Hopefully it works
out better than last time.
HECTOR: Or the time before that.
HARRIET: Or the time before that.
HECTOR: Or the time before––
HAGRAGARD: Enough! Get out!

HECTOR and HARRIET exit.

PRINCE CHARMING: What delightful children. You must be so proud.

HAGRAGARD: Silence! I mean, please shut your sweet little yak hole,
my love. Now…

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
HAGRAGARD adds ingredients to the cauldron as she speaks.

ce
HAGRAGARD: Let’s see… eye of newt, wool of bat, scale of dragon
r
pe N ru

and one tooth of wolf. That should do it. Hold your breath.
an
HAGRAGARD dunks PRINCE CHARMING’S head into the cauldron.
Pe

PRINCE CHARMING emerges “as” a blue frog, meaning there is a blue

frog hat on top of his head.

PRINCE CHARMING: Did it work? Am I back to my gorgeous self?

HAGRAGARD: Let’s try again.

HAGRAGARD dunks PRINCE CHARMING’S head into the cauldron

again. PRINCE CHARMING emerges “as” a pink frog, meaning there
is a pink frog hat on top of his head.

PRINCE CHARMING: Now?

HAGRAGARD: Umm…

HAGRAGARD dunks PRINCE CHARMING’S head into the cauldron.

PRINCE CHARMING “is” a “normal” frog again.

PRINCE CHARMING: Well?

HAGRAGARD: I’m going to have to do a little research.
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 31

HAGRAGARD exits. PRINCE CHARMING calls after her.

PRINCE CHARMING: Don’t take too long. After all, the entire world is
suffering from my absence.

SCENE 5

AT START: Inside HAGRAGARD’S lair, immediately following.

PRINCE CHARMING is sitting in the cauldron, center. MINCE THE
EVIL MINION races in and furiously begins tidying up the room.

rm fo l
PRINCE CHARMING: What’s your deal?
rfo ot sa
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: A tour group’s coming!
PRINCE CHARMING: A tour group?

ce
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: Our first tour! Everything has to be ship
r
pe N ru

shape. Oh, here they come! Smile…

an
MINCE THE EVIL MINION begins directing MUD THE EVIL MINION
Pe

who enters leading a TOUR GROUP. The tour group consists of the
princesses in “disguise”. The disguise consists of sunglasses… and
that’s all.

MINCE THE EVIL MINION: This way, this way. Stay together. That’s
right. Don’t touch anything.
MUD THE EVIL MINION: We are now entering the witch’s private
concocting room. To the left you’ll notice the malicious and towering
architecture. Please observe the evil flair.
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: Keep close now!
MUD THE EVIL MINION: Here’s a little trivia for you. A long time ago,
this building served as the lair for the Great Hagragard.
PEONY: A long time ago?
BEAUTY: It’s not still Hagragard’s lair?
CINDERELLA: We must be in the wrong place.
MUD THE EVIL MINION: Oh, it is Hagragard’s lair, just not the Great
Hagragard’s. The Great Hagragard was great. The current
Hagragard is just mediocre.
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: At best.
32 CHANGING CHARMING

MUD THE EVIL MINION: To your right you’ll notice the… frog in the
pot.
PRINCE CHARMING: Just a prince with a hat on.

The PRINCESSES step “aside” and begin to talk quietly amongst

themselves. MINCE, MUD, and PRINCE CHARMING watch them,
hearing everything.

RAPUNZEL: There he is.

PEONY: How are we going to get him out of there?
CINDERELLA: Do you think the minions, like, suspect anything?
RAPUNZEL: I don’t think so.

rm fo l
BEAUTY: If I could throw him over my shoulder, I could run out quicker
rfo ot sa
than you could say bob’s-your-uncle.
RAPUNZEL: I don’t know. Maybe I should use my hair-kwondo to

ce
knock these minions senseless.
r
pe N ru

CINDERELLA: Oo, and I could kick them with my new boots. Aren’t
they cute.
an
BELLE: Give peace a chance.
Pe

PEONY: Belle’s right. Maybe we can distract them somehow.

PRINCE CHARMING: You know we can hear you right?

The PRINCESSES look at PRINCE CHARMING and then the EVIL

MINIONS, who nod, smile and give thumbs up. The other EVIL
MINIONS enter.

MAGNET THE EVIL MINION: Who are they?

MUD THE EVIL MINION: A tour group!
MINUTE THE EVIL MINION: Since when are we giving tours?
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: Since this tour group showed up.
MEAT THE EVIL MINION: How do you know they’re really a tour
group?
MUD THE EVIL MINION: They said so.
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: And they have sunglasses.

The EVIL MINIONS nod and agree.

MERCURY THE EVIL MINION: Did you show them the home theater?
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 33

MINUTE THE EVIL MINION: The gym?

MEER CAT THE EVIL MINION: The closet?
MAGNET THE EVIL MINION: Can we have a tour?
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: You’ll have to wait your turn.
EUNA: Actually, we were thinking, maybe they could have our turn.
MEAT THE EVIL MINION: Thanks but… it wouldn’t work.
MERCURY THE EVIL MINION: We don’t have sunglasses.
EUNA: Oh… well… here.

EUNA hands her sunglasses over to the minions and motions for the
others to do the same. The PRINCESSES comply. The EVIL MINIONS
express their thanks as they happily put on the sunglasses.

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
MINUTE THE EVIL MINION: Now we’re ready for the tour!
CINDERELLA: Have fun.

ce
MEER CAT THE EVIL MINION: Lead on!
r
pe N ru

MUD THE EVIL MINION and MINCE THE EVIL MINION lead the other
an
EVIL MINIONS “on tour”.
Pe

MUD THE EVIL MINION: Just ahead you’ll see the door that leads to
the grand hall.
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: Keep up, now!

THE EVIL MINIONS exit, remarking about the architecture and evil
decorating scheme.

PRINCE CHARMING: You look familiar.

CINDERELLA: We’ve rescued you before.
BEAUTY: Repeat customer.
PRINCE CHARMING: (Genuine.) Well aren’t you lucky?

The PRINCESSES help PRINCE CHARMING out of the cauldron.

RAPUNZEL: Hurry, no time for chit chat––

HECTOR and HARRIET enter, engrossed in their phones. The

PRINCESSES and PRINCE CHARMING freeze, watching them.
34 CHANGING CHARMING

HECTOR and HARRIET cross the space, seemingly oblivious. Just

before they exit, HECTOR and HARRIET speak without looking up
from their phones.

HECTOR: Just a heads up, we’re gonna tell Mom.

HARRIET: And Cinderella’s boots clash with her outfit.

HECTOR and HARRIET exit.

CINDERELLA: (Calls after them.) They do not!

RAPUNZEL: This way.

rm fo l
The PRINCESSES and PRINCE CHARMING run out, exiting.
rfo ot sa

ce
r SCENE 6
pe N ru

AT START: Deep in “Fairly Frightening Forest”. TREES stand in

an
various locations, gently swaying in the wind. FOREST ANIMALS are
Pe

playing happily. The QUEEN’S HERALD enters and blows his trumpet,
sending the FOREST ANIMALS into hiding.

QUEEN’S HERALD: Hear ye, hear ya! All residents of the Fairly
Frightening forest should now be advised that the magnificent
Queen Redundia will be approaching forthwith, and hither she shall
come!

The FOREST ANIMALS slowly come out of hiding. The KING’S

HERALD enters from the opposite direction and blows his trumpet.
Startled, the FOREST ANIMALS zip back into hiding.

KING’S HERALD: King Brevitiso’s coming, yo.

The FOREST ANIMALS slowly come out of hiding. The KING’S

HERALD and the QUEEN’S HERALD both blow their trumpets. The
FOREST ANIMALS run away, terrified.
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 35

QUEEN REDUNDIA and KING BREVITISO enter regally from opposite

sides of the stage. They meet in the center.

QUEEN REDUNDIA: Greetings oh ruler of a neighboring Kingdom

who neighbors us. We, being myself, greeteth you with glad
greetings which are not-so-glad because I am distressed… verily.
KING BREVITISO: Hey.
QUEEN REDUNDIA: What in this forest dost thou seeketh, that might
be found amongst the trees which inhabit this forest in which you
seek?
KING BREVITISO: Lookin’ for my daughter. You?
QUEEN REDUNDIA: Alas! The son that is my son who is currently a

rm fo l
frog, hath been taken! A witch has stolen him from hence. Hence,
rfo ot sa
being my castle, which is in-point-of-fact over there.
KING BREVITISO: Your kid’s missing too, huh?

ce
QUEEN REDUNDIA: Alack, alack, I fear it is certainly so, although I
r
pe N ru

fear not, for I hold faith I shall find him despite my fear, forthwith and
henceforth. Seeing as we both carry heavy sorrow in our hearts,
an
which are made weighty with grief, together two rulers should join
Pe

and seek our royal children jointly with heartfelt seekingness.

KING BREVITISO: Huh?
QUEEN REDUNDIA: Let’s look for the kids together.
KING BREVITISO: Sweet.

QUEEN REDUNDIA, KING BREVITISO, QUEEN’S HERALD, and

KING’S HERALD exit together. SNOW WHITE enters with an apple
and a basket.

SNOW WHITE: How sweetly exquisite! On an evening like this, the

whole forest seems to sing.
TREES: (Singing.) La la la la la la la

The FOREST ANIMALS return, gathering around SNOW WHITE.

SNOW WHITE: Why hello, there. Aren’t you sweet? Would you like a
bite of my apple?
36 CHANGING CHARMING

A FOREST ANIMAL grabs her whole apple and begins to devour it,
viciously.

SNOW WHITE: Oh, hungry are you? That’s all right. I always carry
extra.

SNOW WHITE reaches into her basket and distributes apples to all of
the FOREST ANIMALS. RAPUNZEL, BEAUTY, BELLE, PEONY,
CINDERELLA, EUNA and PRINCE CHARMING enter. They hurry,
looking behind them as they go.

BEAUTY: I think we lost them.

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
PEONY collapses.

ce
PEONY: Ow! I can’t go another step.
r
pe N ru

RAPUNZEL: At ease ladies.

an
They ALL stop, out of breath from running. BEAUTY continues to run
Pe

circles and exercise, not tired at all. They watch her for a minute.

RAPUNZEL: Beauty!
BEAUTY: Oh, sorry.

She stops. CINDERELLA sees SNOW WHITE.

CINDERELLA: Who is like, the girl with the animals?

BELLE: A woman after my own heart! Greetings to you, fellow lover
of the beasts of the earth.
SNOW WHITE: Hello there.
RAPUNZEL: No time for chit chat. Friend or foe?
SNOW WHITE: Friend. Or at least I would like to be.
RAPUNZEL: State your name.
SNOW WHITE: Princess Snow White.
RAPUNZEL: No no no! We have enough princesses.
CINDERELLA: Rapunzel’s right. Our squad has reached capacity.
SNOW WHITE: (Confused.) I wasn’t––
RAPUNZEL: You’ll have to… go… over there.
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 37

RAPUNZEL points away.

SNOW WHITE: Okay…

SNOW WHITE moves some distance away from them.

RAPUNZEL: A little farther…

SNOW WHITE moves farther away from them.

RAPUNZEL: Farther…

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
SNOW WHITE moves farther away from them.

ce
RAPUNZEL: That‘s fine.
r
pe N ru

PEONY: Let’s hurry and turn Charming back into a prince so we can
get the money and go to bed.
an
Pe

The PRINCESSES all agree, saying “Let’s do it!”, “Let’s take care of
this”, “Come on!”, “It’s going to be great” etc. Then they ALL stop and
look at each other, realizing they don’t know what to do. SNOW WHITE
watches from a distance.

BEAUTY: How?

They look at each other, shrugging their shoulders and shaking their
heads saying, “I don’t know”, “no clue”, “beats me”, etc. Meanwhile the
FOREST ANIMALS are getting very excited and trying to tell SNOW
WHITE something.

SNOW WHITE: Excuse me––

RAPUNZEL: Not now, we’re working here.

The PRINCESSES and PRINCE CHARMING continue to discuss what

to do while the FOREST ANIMALS continue to talk to SNOW WHITE.

SNOW WHITE: Excuse me––

38 CHANGING CHARMING

PEONY: We said, not now.

CINDERELLA: At capacity, remember?
SNOW WHITE: The animals are trying to tell me something that might
help.
BELLE: Oh! Well, my sweet, naïve little tulip… I’m the one that talks
to animals in this group.
CINDERELLA: It’s like, her thing.
SNOW WHITE: But––
BELLE: Hush now. I’ll take care of this. (She calls.) whoodelie
whoodelie whoo!

The FOREST ANIMALS surround her.

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
BELLE: Beautiful creatures of the earth, speak, and I shall hear you.

ce
The FOREST ANIMALS make animal sounds. BELLE listens.
r
pe N ru

BELLE: Really?
an
Pe

The FOREST ANIMALS make more animal sounds.

BELLE: Oh, I see.

The FOREST ANIMALS make more animal sounds.

BELLE: Interesting.
RAPUNZEL: What did they say?
BELLE: They said that Euna has a hook and we should heed it.
PEONY: What?
BEAUTY: Huh?
SNOW WHITE: No, they didn’t.
BELLE: Hush, Snow White. I’m in my element.
PEONY: Why would we heed a hook?
BELLE: Well maybe the hook is going to tell us something.

The FOREST ANIMALS begin talking furiously to BELLE.

 ALASKA REECE VANCE 39

BELLE: Oh! All right. (To the PRINCESSES.) They said, if we heed
the hook we will learn why Prince Charming is a hog.
CINDERELLA: But he’s like… not…
RAPUNZEL: Are you sure that’s what they said?
BELLE: Yes.
SNOW WHITE: No, that’s not what they said.
RAPUNZEL: Hey, new girl, we don’t need any outside input. Euna,
show us your hook.
EUNA: I don’t have a hook!
BELLE: Animals never lie.
CINDERELLA: Why are you hiding it from us?
BEAUTY: Are you a pirate?

rm fo l
CINDERELLA: Do you have an eye patch too?
rfo ot sa
EUNA: I’m not a pirate!
SNOW WHITE: They didn’t say––

ce
CINDERELLA, RAPUNZEL, BELLE, PEONY, and BEAUTY: Back
r
pe N ru

off!
an
The FOREST ANIMALS exit.
Pe

EUNA: Now wait just a minute, I think we should listen to––

PEONY: Technically, you don’t get a vote.
BEAUTY: You’re not really part of our group either.
EUNA: And thank goodness I’m not!

The PRINCESSES gasp, offended.

EUNA: I used to look up to you. No matter how dank, bleak, and

desolate life was, I knew there was a group of girls out there who
had gotten together to rescue princes, have adventures and fight
evil. Princesses who cared enough to risk their lives every day. I
thought maybe someday I’d be able to… I don’t know… join you. I
don’t know what I was thinking. Now I see that all you care about is
yourselves. You look like beautiful princesses on the surface, but I
wonder what you look like on the inside.

Pause as the PRINCESSES take this in.

40 CHANGING CHARMING

PEONY: Probably pretty dank, bleak, and desolate.

RAPUNZEL: Yeah. I sure wouldn’t want to look in there. Girls, we
started Dudes in Distress––

PEONY : CINDERELLA: BEAUTY:

Princes in Peril Lads out of Luck Boys in a Bind

RAPUNZEL: ––because we saw we were better together than we

were on our own. We know what each of us brings to our missions
and we appreciate and respect each other. Adding other princesses
doesn’t mean we appreciate each other any less.
BEAUTY: I guess we don’t have to be the best at something to be an

rm fo l
important part of the team.
rfo ot sa
BELLE: Snow White, fellow lover of all, I extend the hand of friendship.
I would be happy to have another beast whisperer amongst us.

ce
PEONY: We all apologize.
r
pe N ru

RAPUNZEL: (To SNOW WHITE and EUNA.) To both of you.

an
The PRINCESSES all agree.
Pe

PRINCE CHARMING: Hey, can we get on with it?

BEAUTY: Hurry gals, Prince Charming’s desperate to be human
again.
PRINCE CHARMING: I am human.
BEAUTY: Classic denial.
PRINCE CHARMING: I just want to get this frog hat off my head.
BELLE: (To SNOW WHITE.) Be my guest.
SNOW WHITE: The animals said that Euna has a book, and you
should read it.
BEAUTY: That does make more sense.

EUNA gets the green book and passes it to RAPUNZEL. She doesn’t
take it.

RAPUNZEL: You read it.

EUNA: Me?
RAPUNZEL: Sure. You’re a member of the team.
EUNA: Oh, okay.
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 41

EUNA flips through the pages, scanning them.

EUNA: Here––(Reads.) “Prince Charming was self-centered,

arrogant, and vain. He spent so much time thinking about his own
attractiveness––”
PRINCE CHARMING: I am attractive––
EUNA: “––that he had no time left to think about others.”
PRINCE CHARMING: But that doesn’t explain waking up––
BELLE: As a frog––
PRINCE CHARMING: As a human with a frog hat stuck to my head.
EUNA: Hold on. (She flips ahead and then reads.) “The narrator put a

rm fo l
curse on him, that he would remain a frog until he brought a moment
rfo ot sa
of pure joy to another.” Well there’s the answer.
PRINCE CHARMING: That’s not fair! The narrator can’t do that!

ce
EUNA: I guess she can. She is the narrator.
r
pe N ru

CINDERELLA: But like, what’s the big deal? All you have to do is bring
joy to someone.
an
PRINCE CHARMING: You’re right. That shouldn’t be a problem for
Pe

me. Ladies, prepare to be overjoyed. Have a seat.

The PRINCESSES sit down while PRINCE CHARMING flexes and

shows off his “muscles”. His attempts at being attractive are ridiculous.

The PRINCESSES try to be polite, but they can’t help laughing and
rolling their eyes. EUNA does not smile or laugh, she only glares and
winces. The PRINCESSES’ reactions are not what PRINCE
CHARMING is going for. He tries harder.

CINDERELLA: (Giggling.) Sorry, I just can’t take you seriously as a

frog.
PRINCE CHARMING: It’s a hat!
PEONY: (Ignoring.) A frog flexing like that––

Other PRINCESSES nod and agree.

PRINCE CHARMING: Prince! With a hat!

42 CHANGING CHARMING

PRINCE CHARMING tries harder, posing and showing off his muscles.
The girls giggle, shake their heads and respond, “No”, “Not working”,
“Sorry nothing” etc. Finally, RAPUNZEL stops him.

RAPUNZEL: Not working. Sorry.

PRINCE CHARMING: Wait––
SNOW WHITE: It was nice to meet you all.
CINDERELLA: You’re leaving?
SNOW WHITE: I had fun, I never saw a frog do all those cute little
poses––
PRINCE CHARMING: Prince! With a hat!
SNOW WHITE: (Ignoring him.) ––but I’ve got to get home. My seven

rm fo l
roommates will miss me.
rfo ot sa
RAPUNZEL: It was an honor.
BEAUTY: You’re welcome to quest with us any time.

ce
SNOW WHITE: Thank you. And good luck.
r
pe N ru

SNOW WHITE exits.

an
Pe

PEONY: It is getting late. Maybe we should camp out here tonight.

PRINCE CHARMING: But the hat––
CINDERELLA: Do you think it’s safe?
PEONY: I’ll keep watch. I can’t sleep anyway, not without my tall stack
of super extra soft feather beds.
RAPUNZEL: We do need rest. If anyone’s coming Peony will feel the
vibrations with her hypersensitivity and wake us. Everyone get
comfortable.
PRINCE CHARMING: I am not spending the night like this––
BELLE: As a frog––
PRINCE CHARMING: As person with a frog hat––

The PRINCESSES ignore him and lay down.

PRINCE CHARMING: Hey, wait! You’ve got to stay awake so I can

bring you pure joy.

The PRINCESSES wish each other “good night” and “sweet dreams”
ignoring PRINCE CHARMING. PRINCE CHARMING continues to
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 43

complain, but soon all the PRINCESSES, except PEONY, are sleeping
soundly and snoring loudly. PRINCE CHARMING gives up with a huff.

PRINCE CHARMING: Fine. (He lays down.)

PEONY: Sweet dreams, Frog Charming.

SCENE 7

AT START: Deep in “Fairly Frightening Forest” immediately following.

PRINCE CHARMING and the PRINCESSES, except PEONY, ALL
snore in unison, and then in harmony. There is a lot of snoring. The

rm fo l
TREES stand in various locations, gently swaying in the wind. PEONY
rfo ot sa
keeps watch. Suddenly, PEONY jumps.

ce
PEONY: What’s that? I feel vibrations. Someone’s coming!
r
pe N ru

PEONY rushes to RAPUNZEL and tries to wake her. She continues

an
snoring. PEONY tries desperately to wake the OTHERS but no one will
Pe

wake up.

PEONY: Wake up! Somebody! They’re coming!

Eventually PEONY gives up trying to rouse the PRINCESSES and

hides. HAGRAGARD enters with her EVIL MINIONS. MUD THE EVIL
MINION has a backpack on and so does MINCE THE EVIL MINION.

HAGRAGARD: Well, well, well. Well, well, well, well, well. What do
we have here? Evil minions!
ALL EVIL MINIONS: Yes, your wickedness!
HAGRAGARD: Did you pack my sleeping potion?
ALL EVIL MINIONS: Yes, your wickedness!
HAGRAGARD: Good. Give it to them.
MUD THE EVIL MINION: What should we give them?
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: Flowers?
MEER CAT THE EVIL MINION: Yeah!
MAGNET THE EVIL MINION: A gift card?
MEER CAT THE EVIL MINION: Yeah!
44 CHANGING CHARMING

MEAT THE EVIL MINION: That’s not personal enough.

MERCURY THE EVIL MINION: It needs to be something special.
MINUTE THE EVIL MINION: A cruise?
MEER CAT THE EVIL MINION: Yeah!
MUD THE EVIL MINION: Too pricy. How about––
HAGRAGARD: Give them the sleeping potion you nitwits!
MUD THE EVIL MINION: But they’re already asleep.
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: She’s the worst at gifts.
HAGRAGARD: Silence! The sleeping potion will make them sleep for
100 years.
MAGNET THE EVIL MINION: Won’t they get bed sores?
HAGRAGARD: Just do it!

rm fo l
MUD THE EVIL MINION: Sure thing, boss.
rfo ot sa
MUD THE EVIL MINION opens his backpack and distributes juice

ce
boxes to the EVIL MINIONS. THE EVIL MINIONS spread out to the
r
pe N ru

PRINCESSES and go to pour the potion on them. MUD THE EVIL

MINION is about to pour potion on PRINCE CHARMING.
an
HAGRAGARD stops him.
Pe

HAGRAGARD: Wait! Don’t poison the Prince!

HAGRAGARD sees EUNA.

HAGRAGARD: And don’t poison this one. There’s a reward for her.
Tie her and the prince up to that tree.
TREE: I don’t condone violence.
HAGRAGARD: Silence!
TREE: Bossy, aren’t we?

The EVIL MINIONS grab EUNA and PRINCE CHARMING, gagging

them so they won’t wake the others, and tie them up to the TREE. The
EVIL MINIONS pour the juice boxes over the OTHER PRINCESSES.

HAGRAGARD: Good. Now did you bring the ingredients for my anti-
frog potion?
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: Sure did, boss!
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 45

MUD THE EVIL MINION hands HAGRAGARD his backpack.

HAGRAGARD opens it and sorts through the contents.

HAGRAGARD: Basil? Celery salt? Creole seasoning blend? What is

this?
MUD THE EVIL MINION: Nobody wants bland frog legs.
MEAT THE EVIL MINION: So true.
HAGRAGARD: Useless! Useless––I’ll have to do it myself, like
always. I’m going back to the lair. Stay here and make sure no one
escapes.
ALL EVIL MINIONS: Yes, your wickedness.
MERCURY THE EVIL MINION: Hey boss, if someone escapes, what

rm fo l
should we do?
rfo ot sa
HAGRAGARD: Go after them, you nincompoops.
ALL EVIL MINIONS: Yes, your wickedness.

ce
r
pe N ru

HAGRAGARD exits, furious. After a moment MEER CAT THE EVIL

MINION exits after HAGRAGARD.
an
Pe

MINUTE THE EVIL MINION: Where’s he going?

MAGNET THE EVIL MINION: Let’s follow him.
MUD THE EVIL MINION: Wait, guys. We’re supposed to stay here
and make sure no one escapes.
MERCURY THE EVIL MINION: But if they escape we go after them.
MAGNET THE EVIL MINION: So we go after him.
MUD THE EVIL MINION: No guys, everybody back.

THE EVIL MINIONS return.

MUD THE EVIL MINION: We stay here unless one of them escapes.
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: And if one of them escapes, we leave.
MEAT THE EVIL MINION: What if they all escape?
MUD THE EVIL MINION: Well obviously then we stay here.
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: Right.
MAGNET, MEAT, MERCURY and MINUTE: Right.

PEONY comes out of hiding.

46 CHANGING CHARMING

PEONY: Hey! I saw someone escaping over that way!

The EVIL MINIONS looks at each other, unsure what to do.

MERCURY THE EVIL MINION: Was it one princess?

MEAT THE EVIL MINION: Or was it everyone?
PEONY: Um… one?

The EVIL MINIONS look at each other, again unsure.

MINUTE THE EVIL MINION: One means stay?

MUD THE EVIL MINION: No, one go, all stay.

rm fo l
MEAT THE EVIL MINION: So, we go.
rfo ot sa
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: Right.
MAGNET, MEAT, MERCURY and MINUTE: Right.

ce
r
pe N ru

The EVIL MINIONS don’t move.

an
PEONY: Well. Go.
Pe

The EVIL MINIONS hurry off in the direction PEONY indicated,

stumbling over each other and exclaiming “Me first”, “Wait for me”,
“This way”, etc. Once they are gone PEONY hurries over to where
EUNA and PRINCE CHARMING are tied up and takes out their gags.

EUNA: Peony! They poured juice on everybody.

PEONY: It was a sleeping potion. It’s supposed to make them sleep
for 100 years.
EUNA: Oh no! What are we going to do?
PEONY: I’m not sure––
PRINCE CHARMING: All I know is you better get me out of here. I
need to get to the gym before I lose my muscle tone.
EUNA: The narrator was right. You really are self-centered.
PRINCE CHARMING: I am not.
EUNA: Even as a frog you’re thinking about your looks.
PRINCE CHARMING: I’m not a frog!
EUNA: Our friends are in trouble and you don’t even care.
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 47

CINDERELLA yawns and sits up.

PRINCE CHARMING: I… I didn’t mean––

CINDERELLA: A little quiet please? I need at least eight hours––

BEAUTY shoots up.

BEAUTY: What did I miss?

PEONY: You were poisoned. You were supposed to sleep 100 years.
BEAUTY: I’m not going that route again.

RAPUNZEL sits up.

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
RAPUNZEL: Where’s the enemy?
PEONY: It’s all right. They gave you all a sleeping potion but I guess

ce
it didn’t work.
r
pe N ru

PRINCE CHARMING: Hagragard doesn’t have a good track record

with potions.
an
BELLE: (Sits up and screams.) Get those kittens away from me!
Pe

(Wakes up.) Just a dream…

RAPUNZEL: Let’s get them untied before––

PEONY feels something.

PEONY: Wait! She’s coming!

RAPUNZEL, CINDERELLA, BELLE, and BEAUTY lay back down and

pretend to be sleeping. PEONY hides. HAGRAGARD enters.

HAGRAGARD: Where are those useless minions? That’s strange…

the snoring’s stopped.

RAPUNZEL, CINDERELLA, BELLE, and BEAUTY immediately start

snoring. HAGRAGARD looks around suspiciously. She shrugs and
goes over to PRINCE CHARMING.

HAGRAGARD: I’ve tweaked the recipe a little. It’s time to turn you
back into a prince my luuu––Wait a minute, weren’t you gagged?
48 CHANGING CHARMING

The snoring stops. PRINCE CHARMING and EUNA look at each other.
Pause.

HAGRAGARD: The snoring…

HAGRAGARD turns to look at the “sleeping” princesses. RAPUNZEL

stands up.

RAPUNZEL: Hey Haggie, prepare to be––

The OTHER PRINCESSES sit up.

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
RAPUNZEL, BEAUTY, CINDERELLA, PEONY, and BELLE:
Princassinated!

ce
HAGRAGARD: Oh please. You think you can defeat me? You’re
r
pe N ru

princesses. I’m a witch. Do the math.

RAPUNZEL: Is your hair a registered weapon?
an
Pe

BEAUTY stands up.

BEAUTY: Can you run like the wind?

CINDERELLA stands up.

CINDERELLA: Can you kick like nobody’s watching?

BELLE stands up.

BELLE: Can you unite with the butterflies of the earth?

PEONY steps forward.

PEONY: Can you kinetically read the vibrations and oscillations in the
earth and sound currents with your hypersensitivity?
EUNA: Can you be a friend?
PRINCE CHARMING: Can you put others before yourself?
RAPUNZEL: No?
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 49

BEAUTY, CINDERELLA, BELLE, PEONY, EUNA, and PRINCE

CHARMING: We didn’t think so.

HAGRAGARD is starting to get nervous.

HAGRAGARD: Evil minions!

EVIL MINIONS enter. MINCE is in the process of handing out juice

boxes to the EVIL MINIONS.

MUD THE EVIL MINION: Good thing you thought to bring juice boxes.
MINCE THE EVIL MINION: Never wait to hydrate!

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
The EVIL MINIONS all drink.

ce
HAGRAGARD: Did those come from the second shelf?
r
pe N ru

MINCE THE EVIL MINION: No way! Top shelf, boss.

MUD THE EVIL MINION: We go for quality.
an
HAGRAGARD: You dimwits! That’s––
Pe

The EVIL MINIONS pass out, fast asleep. They snore.

HAGRAGARD: Sleeping potion.

The PRINCESSES slowly move towards HAGRAGARD, poised to

strike.

HAGRAGARD: Now, now, let’s not be hasty… I’m really a rather

pleasant witch once you get to know me….

The PRINCESSES move in closer.

HAGRAGARD: I was only helping… Isn’t that right, Chuck?

The PRINCESSES move in closer.

HAGRAGARD: Chuck, love…

50 CHANGING CHARMING

Pause, the PRINCESSES are ready to strike. HAGRAGARD is shaking

in her boots. RAPUNZEL leans in.

RAPUNZEL: Boo.

HAGRAGARD screams and runs away. The PRINCESSES cheer.

EUNA: Could someone untie us, please? My hands are falling asleep.

THE PRINCESSES continue celebrating, not hearing EUNA.

PEONY: Hagragard’s expression when Rapunzel stood up! Golden!

rm fo l
BEAUTY: And when she saw the juice boxes!
rfo ot sa
CINDERELLA: This calls for my party shoes!
EUNA: Girls? A little help…

ce
BELLE: Her aura was so disturbed!
r
pe N ru

RAPUNZEL: I bet she’ll think twice before evil scheming for a while.
EUNA: Girls!
an
Pe

The PRINCESSES continue celebrating. PRINCE CHARMING turns to

the tree.

PRINCE CHARMING: Tree, do you mind?

TREE: No problem.

The TREE unties EUNA and PRINCE CHARMING.

EUNA: Uh… thanks…

SCENE 8

AT START: Deep in “Fairly Frightening Forest” immediately following.

The PRINCESSES and PRINCE CHARMING celebrate. The TREES
stand in various locations. The QUEEN’S HERALD and the KING’S
HERALD enter together and blow their trumpets.

QUEEN’S HERALD and KING’S HERALD: Hear ye, hear ya!

 ALASKA REECE VANCE 51

QUEEN’S HERALD: Queen Redundia approaches with magnificence

and will forthwith enter magnificently!
KING’S HERALD: King Brevitiso’s coming, yo.

QUEEN REDUNDIA and KING BREVITISO enter.

PRINCE CHARMING: Mom!

EUNA: Dad!
QUEEN REDUNDIA: (To PRINCE CHARMING.) My long lost son who
has been long lost! I welcome thee with happiness, and all the
gladness of my heart which is thus happy!
KING BREVITISO: (To EUNA.) Hey.

rm fo l
QUEEN REDUNDIA: (To the PRINCESSES.) You have found my son
rfo ot sa
who was lost but now is found. I gratefully thank you, and with
grateful thanks will thankfully say… Thank you.

ce
KING BREVITISO: Ditto.
r
pe N ru

QUEEN REDUNDIA: Although my son remains in a state of

amphibiousness… I will welcome him, as I have already done so,
an
insomuch as he is welcome, although he is yet a frog.
Pe

PRINCE CHARMING: Mom, I’m really not a––

QUEEN REDUNDIA: A mother’s love does not discriminate and a frog
will be loved if the frog of which I speak is my son, which he is.
PRINCE CHARMING: Cool. About that… The narrator was right when
she said I was… hang on.

PRINCE CHARMING grabs the book and opens it.

PRINCE CHARMING: (Reads.) “Self-centered, arrogant and vain.” I

just want to apologize to you all for––

PRINCE CHARMING gets the hiccups. Each hiccup comes out as a

combination ribbit/hiccup, the result being “riccup”.

PRINCE CHARMING: (Riccup.)––Sorry, hiccups. I want to apologize–

–(Riccup.)––to each of you for not––(Riccup.)––being kinder to you
and––(Riccup.)––showing you how much––(Riccup.)––I appreciate
you––(Riccup.)
52 CHANGING CHARMING

EUNA smiles. She laughs. She really laughs with all her being.

PRINCE CHARMING: ––(Riccup.)––what did I say?––(Riccup.)

EUNA: You… (Laughing.) The hiccups… (Laughing.) during your
heartfelt… (Laughing.) That was great! (Laughing.) Hashtag “pure
joy”

MAGIC enters, music plays, MAGIC dances around PRINCE

CHARMING.

PRINCE CHARMING: What’s happening?

EUNA: It’s magic!

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
MAGIC continues to dance around PRINCE CHARMING, taking off his
hat and therefore “changing” him back into a prince.

ce
r
pe N ru

BELLE: He blessed you with joyous laughter!

BEAUTY: Yeah, that’s right! He brought joy to Euna.
an
PEONY: And it broke the curse.
Pe

PRINCE CHARMING has become a Prince again.

PRINCE CHARMING: I’m me!

QUEEN REDUNDIA: You’re the you who is now you!

QUEEN REDUNDIA hugs her son.

KING BREVITISO: You made my daughter laugh.

QUEEN REDUNDIA: KING BREVITISO:

(To EUNA.) Thank you (To PRINCE CHARMING.) Thank you

QUEEN REDUNDIA: (To EUNA.) The reward you shall have is the
reward of my son’s hand in marriage.
KING BREVITISO: (To PRINCE CHARMING.) And my daughter’s.
QUEEN REDUNDIA: And together you shall rule the kingdoms with
each other!
 ALASKA REECE VANCE 53

EUNA and PRINCE CHARMING look at each other and smile.

EUNA and PRINCE CHARMING: Nah.

EUNA: I could do dairy-free ice cream sometime though.
PRINCE CHARMING: Cool. I like ice cream.
QUEEN REDUNDIA: Then what shall be the reward with which I shall
reward you?
EUNA: There is something. Queen Redundia, Dad, the Dudes in
Distress––

CINDERELLA: BEAUTY: PEONY:

Princes in Peril Lads out of Luck Boys in a Bind

rm fo l
rfo ot sa
EUNA: ––disaster relief agency could use funds, maybe some
patrons, so they can continue to rescue princes without going

ce
bankrupt. r
pe N ru

QUEEN REDUNDIA: It would be my honor that I shall feel great honor

upon bestowing.
an
KING BREVITISO: Sure.
Pe

The PRINCESSES exclaim in excitement. EUNA goes to RAPUNZEL

and the other PRINCESSES.

EUNA: It looks like happily ever after for your agency!

RAPUNZEL: For our agency.
EUNA: You mean I’m… official?
RAPUNZEL: Does Cinderella wear shoes? You’re in.
BELLE: Group hug!

The PRINCESSES hug, with RAPUNZEL protesting and PEONY

complaining, “too tight”, “ow!”, “watch the arm”, etc.

EUNA: Ice cream bash at Dad’s!

The PRINCESSES, PRINCE CHARMING, KING BREVITISO and

QUEEN REDUNDIA exit, walking over sleeping EVIL MINIONS,
chatting and celebrating. The NARRATOR enters.
54 CHANGING CHARMING

NARRATOR: And they all live happily every after… (Looks at the
sleeping MINIONS scattering the ground.) For the most part.

NARRATOR exits.

THE END

rm fo l
rfo ot sa

ce
r
pe N ru

an
Pe
 Pe
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rfo ot sa
NOTES:

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 Pe
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NOTES:

rm fo l
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