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 B R I E F C O N T E N T S      vii

brief contents
PART 1 FUNDAMENTALS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
Chapter 1 About Communication 2

Chapter 2 Culture and Gender 34

Chapter 3 Communication and the Self 70

Chapter 4 Interpersonal Perception 106

PART 2 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS IN ACTION

Chapter 5 Language 140

Chapter 6 Nonverbal Communication 176

Chapter 7 Listening 214

Chapter 8 Emotion 244

PART 3 DYNAMICS OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Chapter 9 Forming and Maintaining Personal Relationships 274

Chapter 10 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 308

Chapter 11 Interpersonal Conflict 342

Chapter 12 Deceptive Communication 372

Glossary G-1 | Endnotes N-1 | Index I-1

viii     C O N T E N T S

contents
Preface xiv

PART 1 FUNDAMENTALS OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

About How Culture Affects Communication 43
1 Communication 2
Individualism and Collectivism 43
Low- and High-Context Cultures 44
Low- and High-Power-Distance Cultures 45
Masculine and Feminine Cultures 46
Why We Communicate 3 Monochronic and Polychronic Cultures 46
Communication Meets Physical Needs 4
Uncertainty Avoidance 47
Communication Meets Relational Needs 5
Cultural Communication Codes 47
Communication Fills Identity Needs 5
Communication Meets Spiritual Needs 6 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 49
Communication Serves Instrumental Needs 7 Understanding Gender and Communication 49
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 8 Gender Roles and Communication 52
Biological Sex and Communication 54
The Nature of Communication 8 Sexual Orientation and Communication 55
Three Models of Human Communication 8
Some Explanations for Gendered Communication 57
Six Characteristics of Communication 12
Dispelling Some Communication Myths 17 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 58
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 20 How Gender Affects Communication 59
Gender and Verbal Communication 59
How We Communicate Interpersonally 20 Gender and Nonverbal Communication 64
Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication 21
Why Interpersonal Communication Matters 23 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 68
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 25 Master the Chapter 68
Building Your Communication Competence 25
What Communicating Competently Involves 25

3 Communication
Characteristics of Competent Communicators 26
Competent Online Communication 30
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 32 and the Self 70
Master the Chapter 32
Understanding the Self: Self-Concept 71
What Is a Self-Concept? 71

2 Culture and How a Self-Concept Develops 76

Awareness and Management of the
Gender 34 Self-Concept 78
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 81
Understanding Culture and Communication 35
Defining Culture 35
The Components of Culture 38
Cultures and Co-Cultures 39
Social Media as a Co-Culture 41 “With SmartBook, I remember
Communicating with Cultural Awareness 42
more of what I read.”
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 43
 C O N T E N T S      ix

Valuing the Self: Self-Esteem 81 Fundamental Forces in Interpersonal

Benefits and Drawbacks of Self-Esteem 82 Perception 114
Culture, Sex, and Self-Esteem 85 Stereotyping Relies on Generalizations 115
The Self and Interpersonal Needs 86 The Primacy Effect Governs First Impressions 116
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 87 The Recency Effect Influences Impressions 117
Our Perceptual Set Limits What We Perceive 118
Presenting the Self: Image Management 87 Egocentrism Narrows Our Perspective 120
Principles of Image Management 88 Positivity and Negativity Biases Affect
Managing Face Needs 91 Perception 120
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 94 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 122
Communicating the Self: Self-Disclosure 94 Explaining What We Perceive 123
Principles of Self-Disclosure 94 Explaining Behavior through Attributions 123
Benefits of Self-Disclosure 99 Recognizing Common Attribution Errors 125
Risks of Self-Disclosure 101
Challenges and Risks of Disclosing Online 101 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 130

Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 103 Improving Your Perceptual Abilities 130

Being Mindful of Your Perceptions 131
Master the Chapter 103 Checking Your Perceptions 133
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 138

Interpersonal Master the Chapter 139

4 Perception 106
The Process of Perception 107
Interpersonal Perception Defined 107 “I like applying what I’ve read
Three Stages of the Perception Process 108
Influences on Perceptual Accuracy 111 by answering the questions
Forming Perceptions Online 113 in SmartBook.”
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 114

PART 2 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS IN ACTION

5 Language 140 We Use Words to Persuade 151

Credibility Empowers Us 154
Language Expresses Affection and Intimacy 156
Words Provide Comfort and Healing 157
The Nature of Language 141
Language Is Symbolic 142 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 159
Language Is Arbitrary (Mostly) 143
The Use and Abuse of Language 160
Language Is Governed by Rules 143
Humor: What’s so Funny? 160
Language Has Layers of Meaning 144
Euphemisms: Soft Talk 161
Language Varies in Clarity 146
Slang: The Language of Co-Cultures 162
Language Is Bound by Context and Culture 147
Defamation: Harmful Words 163
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 148 Profanity: Offensive Language 163
Hate Speech: Profanity with a Hurtful Purpose 164
Appreciating the Power of Words 149
Naming Defines and Differentiates Us 149 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 165
x     C O N T E N T S

Creating a Positive Communication

Climate 165
Use Confirming Messages and Minimize
Disconfirming Messages 166
7 Listening 214

Avoid Making Others Defensive 167

Provide Effective Feedback 169 The Nature of Listening 215
Own Your Thoughts and Feelings 170 What Is Listening? 215
Separate Opinions from Factual Claims 171 The Importance of Listening Effectively 217
Create Positive Climates in Electronically Mediated Some Misconceptions about Listening 219
Communication 173 Culture and Sex Affect Listening Behavior 221
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 174 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 221
Master the Chapter 174 Ways of Listening 222
Stages of Effective Listening 222
Types of Listening 224

6 Nonverbal
Effective Listening Online 227
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 229
Communication 176
Common Barriers to Effective Listening 229
Noise 230
The Nature of Nonverbal Communication 177 Pseudolistening and Selective Attention 230
What Is Nonverbal Communication? 177 Information Overload 231
Five Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication 178 Glazing Over 233
Functions of Nonverbal Communication 183 Rebuttal Tendency 233
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 188 Closed-Mindedness 234
Competitive Interrupting 235
Ten Channels of Nonverbal
Communication 189 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 236
Facial Displays 189 Becoming a Better Listener 236
Eye Behaviors 191 Becoming a Better Informational Listener 236
Movement and Gestures 192 Becoming a Better Critical Listener 238
Touch Behaviors 193 Becoming a Better Empathic Listener 240
Vocal Behaviors 197
The Use of Smell 198 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 242
The Use of Space 199 Master the Chapter 243
Physical Appearance 200
The Use of Time 200
The Use of Artifacts 201
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 202
Culture, Sex, and Nonverbal Communication 202
8 Emotion 244

Culture Influences Nonverbal Communication 202

Sex Influences Nonverbal Communication 204 Emotion in Interpersonal Communication 245
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 206 What Is an Emotion? 245
Joyful/Affectionate Emotions: Happiness, Love,
Improving Your Nonverbal Communication Passion, and Liking 246
Skills 206 Hostile Emotions: Anger, Contempt, Disgust, Jealousy,
Interpreting Nonverbal Communication 206 and Envy 248
Expressing Nonverbal Messages 209
Managing Nonverbal Behavior in Electronically
Mediated Communication 209 “SmartBook lets me know I am
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 212 retaining the information.”
Master the Chapter 212
 C O N T E N T S      xi

Sad/Anxious Emotions: Sadness, Depression, Grief, Emotional Intelligence 267

Fear, and Social Anxiety 251
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 268
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 253 Sharpening Your Emotional Communication
The Nature of Emotion 253 Skills 268
Emotions Are Multidimensional 253 Identifying Emotions 268
Emotions Vary in Valence and Intensity 256 Reappraising Negative Emotions 269
Emotions Come in Primary and Secondary Forms 257 Accepting Responsibility for Emotions 271
Sometimes Emotions Are Meta-Emotions 259 Separating Emotions from Actions 271
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 259 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 272
Influences on Emotional Experience and Master the Chapter 272
Expression 260
Culture 260
Display Rules 261
Technology and Computer-Mediated “SmartBook helps me identify
Communication 262
Emotional Contagion 263
what we are going to be
Sex and Gender 264 covering in class.”
Personality 265

PART 3 DYNAMICS OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Forming and Understanding Relationship Maintenance 296

Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 298
Maintaining
9 Personal
Stages of Relationship Development
Getting In: Relationship Formation 298
298

Getting Out: Relationship Dissolution 300

Relationships 274 Individual and Cultural Variations in Relationship
Development 302
Why Relationships Matter 275 Relationship Development and Maintenance via Online
We Form Relationships Because We Need to Belong 276 Social Networking 302
Relationships Bring Rewards 277 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 305
Relationships Carry Costs as Well as Rewards 279
Master the Chapter 306
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 279
The Nature of Personal Relationships 279 Interpersonal
Close Relationships Require Commitment 280
Communication
Close Relationships Foster Interdependence 280
Close Relationships Require Continuous Investment 282
Close Relationships Spark Dialectical Tensions 282
10 in Close
Managing Dialectical Tensions 283 Relationships 308
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 285
Communicating in Friendships 309
Forming and Maintaining Social Bonds 285
Friendships Are Voluntary 309
Attraction Theory 285
Friends Are Usually Peers 310
Uncertainty Reduction Theory 289
Friendships Are Governed by Rules 311
Predicted Outcome Value Theory 289
Friendships Differ by Sex 312
Understanding Relationship Formation 290
Friendships Have a Life Span 314
Theories about Costs and Benefits 291
Relational Maintenance Behaviors 294 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 316
xii     C O N T E N T S

Communicating in Romantic Relationships 316

Characteristics of Romantic Relationships 316
Differing Relational Types among Romantic Couples 321
“SmartBook helps me feel more
Interpersonal Communication in Romantic prepared for class.”
Relationships 322
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 327
Communicating in Families 327
Deceptive
12
What Makes a Family? 327
Types of Families 329
Communication Issues in Families 329 Communication 372
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 331
The Nature of Interpersonal Deception 373
Communicating in the Workplace 332
Defining Deception 375
Relationships with Co-workers 332
The Elements of Deception 376
Relationships between Superiors and Subordinates 335
Interpersonal Deception Is a Common
Relationships with Clients 337
Component of Politeness 378
Online Communication in Workplace Relationships 338
Deception is Common When
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 340 Communicating Online 378
Master the Chapter 340 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 380
The Diversity of Deceptive Acts 380
Some Reasons Why People Deceive 380
Interpersonal
11 Conflict 342
Some Lies Falsify or Exaggerate 381
Some Lies Omit or Distort Information 382
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 384
The Nature of Interpersonal Conflict 343 Communication Behaviors and Deception 384
Defining Interpersonal Conflict 343 Detecting Deception Is Difficult 385
Thinking about Interpersonal Conflict 345 Some Behaviors Are Common during Acts
of Deception 386
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 346
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 390
Conflict in Personal Relationships 346
Characteristics of Interpersonal Conflict 347 Detecting Lies in Different Contexts 391
The Most Common Sources of Conflict 350 Familiarity Affects Our Ability to Detect
How Sex and Gender Affect Conflict 351 Deception 391
How Culture Affects Conflict 353 Expressive People Are Better Liars 392
Managing Computer-Mediated Conflict 355 Culture Matters, but Only Sometimes 393
Motivation Affects Our Ability to Deceive 393
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 356 Suspicion May Not Improve Deception
Power and Conflict 357 Detection 394
Characteristics of Power 357 Context Affects Our Ability to Spot Lies 395
Forms of Power 360 Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 396
Sex, Gender, and Power 362
Culture and Power 364 Master the Chapter 397
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 365
Glossary G-1
Managing Interpersonal Conflict 365
Problematic Behaviors during Conflict 365 Endnotes N-1
Strategies for Managing Conflict Successfully 367 Index I-1
Learn It Apply It Reflect on It 370
Master the Chapter 370
 B O X E S      xiii

boxes
ASSES S YOUR SKILLS When Making Perceptions, More Information Is
Are You a High Self-Monitor? 27 Always Better 137
How Culturally Sensitive Are You? 50 Texting Reduces the Ability to Use Language
Google Yourself: Managing Your Online Image 74 Properly 145
Being Altercentric 121 In the Eye of Which Beholder? Cultures Vary Widely in
How Well Can You Spot a Confirming Message? 167 Perceptions of Beauty 191
Sharpening Your Videoconferencing Skills 211 Communication Technology Can Impair Listening
People, Action, Content, Time: What’s Your Listening Ability 231
Style? 216 Women Are More Emotional than Men 266
How Emotionally Intelligent Are You? 267 When Forming Relationships, Opposites Attract 288
How Much Positivity Do You Communicate? 295 Half of All Marriages End in Divorce 321
Identifying Sexual Harassment in the Workplace 336 If You Try Hard Enough, You Can Resolve Any
Avoid Online Disinhibition 356 Conflict 351
Knowing the Truth about Lying 391 Most People Can’t Look You in the Eye While Lying 388

COMMUNI CATION: LIGHT GOT SKILLS?

SIDE/DARK SIDE Relational Dimension of Communication 15
Empathy 27
Dark Side
Cultural Norms 40
Smartphones vs. Face-to-Face Communication 19
Powerful Language 63
Cultural Stereotyping in Stressful Times 37
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy 80
Risks of Disclosing HIV-Positive Status 90
Facework 92
Crossing the Line: When Commitment Becomes
Self-Serving Bias 128
Obsession 281
Direct Perception Checking 136
Alcohol and Conflict: A Risky Combination 350
Appealing to Ethos 153
Lying to the Ones We Love: Deception Can Cause Pain
I-Statements 172
and Ruin Trust 374
Communicating Emotion Nonverbally 185
Light Side Adapting to Sex Differences 205
Seeing the World Differently: Lovers and Their Rose- Generating Interpretations for Nonverbal Behaviors 208
Colored Glasses 127 Paraphrasing 225
Celebrating Life: Facebook Tribute Pages 158 Listening Empathically during Grief 242
Battling Affection Deprivation at Cuddle Parties 195 Expressing Anger Constructively 249
Need Someone to Listen? Just Click 228 Reframing 270
Happy People Live Longer: The Life Benefits of Joy 254 Giving Assurances 296
Facebook Friends: 302 Is the Magic Number 310 Expressing Affection Online 304
Responding to Negative Emotional Expressions 326
FACT OR FI CTION? Practicing Upward, Downward, and Lateral
The Internet Makes Us Happier 24 Communication 339
Same-Sex Relationships Are Less Stable than One-Across Messages 359
Heterosexual Relationships 56 Compromising 369
Women Are More Talkative than Men 62 Identifying Deceptive Forms 384
Let It Out: Disclosure Does a Body Good 100 Detecting Deception 390
xiv     M C G R A W - H I L L C O N N E C T: A N O V E R V I E W

McGraw-Hill Connect: An Overview

McGraw-Hill Connect offers full-semester access to comprehensive, reliable
content and learning resources for the Interpersonal Communication course.
Connect’s deep integration with most Learning Management Systems (LMS),
including Blackboard and Desire2Learn (D2L), offers single sign-on and
deep gradebook synchronization. Data from Assignment Results reports
synchronize directly with many LMS, allowing scores to flow automatically
from Connect into school-specific grade books, if required.
The following tools and services are available as part of Connect for the
Interpersonal Communication course:

Tool Instructional Context Description

SmartBook • SmartBook is an engaging and • SmartBook is an adaptive reading

interactive reading experience experience designed to change the
for mastering fundamental way learners read and learn. It creates
Interpersonal Communication a personalized reading experience by
content. highlighting the most impactful concepts
• The metacognitive component a student needs to learn at that moment
confirms learners’ understanding in time.
of the material. • SmartBook creates personalized
• Instructors can actively connect learning plans based on student
SmartBook assignments and responses to content question probes
results to higher-order classroom and confidence scales, identifying the
work and one-on-one student topics a learner is struggling with and
conferences. providing learning resources to create
• Learners can track their own personalized learning moments.
understanding and mastery of • SmartBook includes a variety of
course concepts, and identify learning resources tied directly to key
gaps in their knowledge. content areas to provide students with
additional instruction and context.
This includes video and media clips,
interactive slide content, and mini-
lectures and image analyses.
• SmartBook Reports provide instructors
with data to quantify success and
identify problem areas that require
addressing in and out of the classroom.
• Learners can access their own progress
and concept mastery reports.

(Continued )
 M C G R A W - H I L L C O N N E C T: A N O V E R V I E W      xv

Connect • Connect Insight for Instructors • Connect Insight for Instructors offers
Insight for is an analytics resource that a series of visual data displays that
Instructors
produces quick feedback provide analysis on five key insights:
related to learner performance • How are my students doing?
and learner engagement. • How is this one student doing?
• Designed as a dashboard • How is my section doing?
for both quick check-ins and • How is this assignment doing?
detailed performance and • How are my assignments doing?
engagement views.

Connect • Connect Insight for Students • Connect Insight for Students offers
Insight for is a powerful data analytics the learner details on each Connect
Students
tool that provides at-a- assignment. When possible, it offers
glance visualizations to help suggestions for the learner on how he or
a learner understand his or she can improve scores. These data can
her performance on Connect help guide the learner to behaviors that
assignments. will lead to better scores in the future.

Instructor • Instructor Reports provide data • Connect generates a number of powerful

Reports that may be useful for assessing reports and charts that allow instructors
programs or courses as part of to quickly review the performance of a
the accreditation process. given learner or an entire section.
• Instructors can run reports that span
multiple sections and instructors,
making it an ideal solution for individual
professors, course coordinators, and
department chairs.

Student • Student Reports allow learners • Learners can keep track of their
Reports to review their performance for performance and identify areas they
specific assignments or for the are struggling with.
course.

Simple LMS • Seamlessly integrates with • Learners have automatic single sign-on.
Integration every learning management • Connect assignment results sync to the
system. LMS’s gradebook.

Pre- and • Instructors can generate their • Instructors have access to two sets
Post-Tests own pre- and post-tests from of pre- and post-tests (at two levels).
the Test Bank. Instructors can use these tests to create
• Pre- and post-tests demonstrate a diagnostic and post-diagnostic exam
what learners already know via Connect.
before class begins and what
they have learned by the end.

(Continued )
xvi     M C G R A W - H I L L C O N N E C T: A N O V E R V I E W

Tegrity • Tegrity allows instructors to • Instructors can keep track of which

capture course material or learners have watched the videos they
lectures on video. post.
• Students can watch videos • Learners can watch and review lectures
recorded by their instructor and by their instructor.
learn course material at their • Learners can search each lecture for
own pace. specific bites of information.

Speech • Speech Capture provides • The Speech Capture tool allows

Capture instructors with a comprehen- instructors to easily and efficiently set up
sive and efficient way of manag- speech assignments for their course that
ing in-class and online speech can easily be shared and repurposed,
assignments, including student as needed, throughout their use of
self-reviews, peer reviews, and Connect.
instructor grading. • Customizable rubrics and settings can
be saved and shared, saving time and
streamlining the speech assignment
process from creation to assessment.
• Speech Capture allows users, both
students and instructors, to view
videos during the assessment
process. Feedback can be left within a
customized rubric or as time-stamped
comments within the video-playback
itself.

Speech • Speech Preparation Tools • Speech Preparation Tools provide

Preparation provide learners with additional learners with additional resources to
Tools
support, such as Topic Helper, help with the preparation and outlining
Outline Tool, and access of speeches, as well as with audience-
to third-party Internet sites analysis surveys.
like EasyBib (for formatting • Instructors have the ability to make
citations) and SurveyMonkey tools either available or unavailable to
(to create audience-analysis learners.
questionnaires and surveys).
 I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N      xvii

Instructor’s Guide to Connect for

Interpersonal Communication
W hen you assign Connect, you can be confident—and have data to demonstrate—that
the learners in your courses, however diverse, are acquiring the skills, principles, and
critical processes that constitute effective communication. This leaves you to focus on your
highest course expectations.

Tailored to you.
Connect offers on-demand, single sign-on access to learners—wherever they are and
whenever they have time. With a single, one-time registration, learners receive access
to McGraw-Hill’s trusted content. Learners also have a courtesy trial period during
registration.

Easy to use.
Connect seamlessly supports all major learning management systems with content,
assignments, performance data, and SmartBook, the leading adaptive learning system. With
these tools, you can quickly make assignments, produce reports, focus discussions, intervene
on problem topics, and help at-risk learners—as needed and when needed.

Interpersonal Communication SmartBook

A personalized and adaptive learning
experience with SmartBook.
Boost learner success with McGraw-Hill’s adaptive reading and study
experience. The Interpersonal Communication SmartBook highlights the most
impactful interpersonal communication concepts the learner needs to study
at that moment in time. The learning path continuously adapts based on what
the individual learner knows and does not know and provides focused help
through targeted question probes and learning resources.

Enhanced for the new edition!

With a suite of new Learning Resources and question probes, as well as
highlights of key chapter concepts, SmartBook’s intuitive technology optimizes
learner study time by creating a personalized learning path for improved course
performance and overall learner success.
xviii     I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N

SmartBook highlights the key concepts of every chapter, offering learners a high-impact learning experience.
Here, highlighted text and an illustration together explain a communication model. Highlights change color
(right) when a learner has demonstrated his or her understanding of the concept.

Over 100 interactive

Learning Resources.
Presented in a range of
interactive styles, the Learning
Resources in Interpersonal
Communication support learners
who may be struggling to master,
or simply wish to review, the
most important communication
concepts. Designed to reinforce
essential theories and skills—from
competent online self-disclosure and nonverbal communication channels
to detecting deceptive communication and managing relationships—every
Learning Resource is presented at the precise moment of need. Whether a
video, audio clip, or interactive mini-lesson, each Learning Resource is new
and is designed to give learners a lifelong foundation in strong interpersonal
communication skills.
 I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N      xix

More than 1,000

targeted question
probes.
Class-tested at colleges and
universities nationwide, a treasury
of engaging question probes—
new and revised—assess learners
at every stage of the learning
process, helping them to thrive
in the course. Designed to gauge
learners’ comprehension of the most
important concepts in Interpersonal
Communication, and presented
in a variety of interactive styles
to facilitate learner engagement, targeted question probes give learners
immediate feedback on their understanding of the content, identifying a
learner’s familiarity with the instruction and pointing him or her to areas
where additional review is needed.

Interpersonal Communication
bridges theory and practice
New! Over 70 percent new scholarly references.
A thorough update of the entire text, including new theories and research on
electronically mediated communication, immerses learners and instructors alike in
the latest and best knowledge about interpersonal communication available today.

Seamless integration of scholarship,

theory, and skills.
By combining the latest research with the everyday scenarios learners face,
author Kory Floyd presents a systematic and modern approach to the study of
interpersonal communication that helps learners build vital interpersonal skills
and make sound choices—academically, personally, and professionally.

Emphasis on critical thinking and self-reflection.

Learners have numerous opportunities to make connections between the
text and their own lives as well as consider how their communication choices
influence the outcomes they experience.
• Learn It/Apply It/Reflect on It. This section-ending feature encourages learners
to assess their comprehension, practice theory in their own lives, and reflect
on their experiences to improve self-awareness.
• Fact or Fiction? This feature allows learners to challenge their assumptions
about interpersonal communication.
 xx     I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N

Examples with real-world relevance relate

content to real life.
New chapter-opening vignettes, refreshed examples in every chapter, and
First pages
a current photo program enliven the content and allow learners to study
interpersonal communication in an engaging way that directly relates to them.
CHAPTER 1 A b o u T C o m m u n I C AT I o n

ess was turned

n the 2010 movie
Interpersonal Communication
emphasizes critical contexts:
hich featured
fecting one
eams.

technology, gender, culture, and

relationships
New! Online and electronically mediated
communication integrated in every chapter.
Every chapter includes comprehensive coverage of technology and digital
devices’ influence on interpersonal communication. Covering everything from
online deception and relational maintenance via texts
Competent Online Communication to improving listening and emotional expression when
These days, much of our interpersonal communication takes place in electronically
mediated contexts. These include e-mail, instant messaging, and text messaging; social
online, these sections provide learners with the latest
networking (such as on Facebook and LinkedIn); tweeting; image sharing (such as on research on electronically mediated communication,
YouTube and Flickr); and videoconferencing (such as on Skype and Facetime), among
others. As you’ll see in this section, communicating competently in these venues including practical skills they can immediately use in
requires paying attention to their unique capabilities and pitfalls.
their own lives.
BEWARE OF THE POTENTIAL FOR MISUNDERSTANDING. Face-to-face conver-
sations allow you to pay attention to behaviors that help to clarify the meaning of a
speaker’s words. People’s facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice, for example, Culture, gender, and diversity are
generally provide clues about what they are trying to say. Are they speaking seriously
or sarcastically? Are they upset or calm, tentative or self-assured? We can usually tell a
lot about people’s meaning by considering not only what they say but how they say it.
integrated throughout the text.
We saw earlier that some channel-lean forms of communication—such as tweeting In addition to a full chapter on culture and gender,
and instant messaging—rely heavily on text, restricting our access to facial expres-
sions and other clues. As a result, these forms of communication increase the potential every chapter includes essential information about
for misunderstanding. Many of us have had the experience of teasing or joking with
someone in a text message, for instance, only to discover that the person took our words how culture, gender, and sexual identity affect
seriously and felt offended or hurt.
To communicate competently when using channel-lean media, follow these guidelines: communication. Discussions include the priorities and
• Review your message before you share it. Although the meaning of your words is clear challenges of socially marginalized groups such as
to you, think about the ways in which it may be unclear to your recipient. In particular,
identify words or phrases in your message that could have more than one meaning. the elderly, immigrants, sexual minorities, people with
• Clarify your meaning wherever possible. Whenphysical
you find parts disabilities,
of your message that people with psychological disorders, and economically
could be misinterpreted, consider whether using a different word or phrase would
be clearer. disadvantaged individuals.
New organization for relationship chapters.
For many learners, coverage of close relationships is the heart of the interpersonal
communication course. To promote a more straightforward approach to teaching
2-033.indd 30 and learning this material, these chapters have a new structure:
08/14/15 09:33 AM

• Chapter 9 focuses on the theories and processes of relationship attraction,

formation, maintenance, and dissolution.
• Chapter 10 focuses on communication in friendships, romantic relationships,
families, and workplace relationships.
 I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N      xxi

Interpersonal Communication
promotes competence
Whether online or face-to-face, learners will understand how to be an effective
communicator and learn the skills needed to make competent choices in their
own lives.

Skills self-assessment.
The Assess Your Skills feature in the text and the Skills Assessment feature in
Connect ask learners to evaluate their tendencies and competence in specific
interpersonal skills.

Communication dark side/light side.

These boxes examine the common positive and negative communication
issues that people face. In this practical feature, learners gain insight into how
to best navigate these challenges and choices.

Got Skills? activities.

These innovative boxes tell learners why a specific interpersonal skill matters,
while instructing them on how to practice the skill and reflect on the practice for
a holistic understanding of the skill.

Data Analytics
Connect Insight provides at-a-glance analysis on five key insights, available
at a moment’s notice from your tablet device. You can see, in real time, how
individual learners or sections are doing (or how well your assignments have
been received) so you can take action early and keep struggling learners from
falling behind.

Instructors can see,

at a glance, individual
learner performance:
analytics showing
learner investment in
assignments, and success
at completing them, help
instructors identify, and
aid, those who are at risk.
xxii     I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N

Instructors can see how

many learners have
completed an assignment,
how long they spent on
the task, and how they
scored.

Connect Reports
Instructor Reports allow instructors to quickly monitor learner activity, making
it easy to identify which learners are struggling and to provide immediate
help to ensure those learners stay enrolled in the course and improve their
performance. The Instructor Reports also highlight the concepts and learning
objectives that the class as a whole is having difficulty grasping. This essential
information lets you know exactly which areas to target for review during your
limited class time.

Some key reports include:

Progress Overview report—View learner progress for all modules, including
how long learners have spent working in the module, which modules they have
used outside of any that were assigned, and individual learner progress.
Missed Questions report—Identify specific probes, organized by chapter, that
are problematic for learners.
Most Challenging Learning Objectives
report—Identify the specific topic areas
that are challenging for your learners;
these reports are organized by chapter
and include specific page references.
Use this information to tailor your
lecture time and assignments to
cover areas that require additional
remediation and practice.
Metacognitive Skills report—View
statistics showing how knowledgeable
your learners are about their own
comprehension and learning.
 I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N      xxiii

Speech Capture
Designed for use in face-to-face, real-time classrooms, as well
as online courses, Speech Capture allows you to evaluate your
learners’ speeches using fully customizable rubrics. You can
also create and manage peer review assignments and upload
videos on behalf of learners for optimal flexibility.
Learners can access rubrics and leave comments when
preparing self-reviews and peer reviews. They can easily
upload a video of their speech from their hard drive or use
Connect’s built-in video recorder. Learners can even attach and
upload additional files or documents, such as a works-cited
page or a PowerPoint presentation.

PEER REVIEW
Peer review assignments are easier than ever. Create and manage peer review
assignments and customize privacy settings.

SPEECH ASSESSMENT
Connect Speech Capture lets you customize the assignments, including self-reviews
and peer reviews. It also saves your frequently used comments, simplifying your
efforts to provide feedback.

SELF-REFLECTION
The self-review feature allows learners to revisit their own presentations and
compare their progress over time.

Classroom Preparation Tools

Whether before, during, or after class, there is a suite of products designed
to help instructors plan their lessons and keep learners building upon the
foundations of the course.

ANNOTATED INSTRUCTOR’S EDITION

The Annotated Instructor’s Edition features a plethora of marginal notes to
help instructors make use of the full range of the coverage, activities, and
resources in the text and online.

INSTRUCTOR’S MANUAL
The IM provides outlines, discussion questions, key terms and their definitions,
a research library, and examples of in-class and out-of-class assignments for
every chapter.
xxiv     I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N

TEST BANK
Test Bank offers multiple-choice questions, true/false questions, short-answer
questions, and essay questions for each chapter.

POWERPOINT SLIDES
The PowerPoint presentations provide chapter highlights that help instructors
create focused yet individualized lesson plans.

Support to Ensure Success

• Digital Success Academy—The Digital Success Academy on Connect offers
a wealth of training and course creation guidance for instructors and learners
alike. Instructor support is presented in easy-to-navigate, easy-to-complete
sections. It includes the popular Connect how-to videos, step-by-step Click-
through Guides, and First Day of Class materials that explain how to use
both the Connect platform and its course-specific tools and features. http://
createwp.customer.mheducation.com/wordpress-mu/success-academy/
• Digital Success Team—The Digital Success Team is a
group of specialists dedicated to working online with
instructors—one-on-one—to demonstrate how the
Connect platform works and to help incorporate Connect
into a customer’s specific course design and syllabus.
Contact your digital learning consultant to learn more.
• Digital Learning Consultants—Digital Learning
Consultants are local resources who work closely with
your McGraw-Hill learning technology consultants. They
can provide face-to-face faculty support and training.
http://shop.mheducation.com/store/paris/user/findltr.html
• Digital Faculty Consultants—Digital Faculty Consultants
are experienced instructors who use Connect in their
classroom. These instructors are available to offer
suggestions, advice, and training about how best to
use Connect in your class. To request a Digital Faculty
Consultant to speak with, please e-mail your McGraw-
Hill learning technology consultant. http://connect.
customer.mheducation.com/dfc/
• National Training Webinars—McGraw-Hill offers an ongoing series of
webinars for instructors to learn and master the Connect platform, as well as
its course-specific tools and features. We hope you will refer to our online
schedule of national training webinars and sign up to learn more about
Connect! http://webinars.mhhe.com/

CONTACT OUR CUSTOMER SUPPORT TEAM

McGraw-Hill is dedicated to supporting instructors and learners. To contact our customer
support team, please call us at 800-331-5094 or visit us online at http://mpss.mhhe.com/
contact.php
 I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N      xxv

Changes for the Third Edition

Chapter-by-Chapter Changes
CHAPTER 1: ABOUT COMMUNICATION
• New opening vignette on Portlandia’s Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen.
• New “Communication: Dark Side” feature discusses the challenges of
managing face-to-face communication when distracted by smartphones.
• New “Got Skills?” box on empathic communication.
• New “Assess Your Skills” box: “Are You a High Self-Monitor?”
• New section “Competent Online Communication” explores electronically
mediated communication (EMC).
• Updated “Fact or Fiction?” box on same-sex relationships with new research.
• New “Got Skills?” box on using powerful language, specifically for EMC.

CHAPTER 2: CULTURE AND GENDER

• New opening vignette about cross-cultural friendships in diverse
neighborhoods.
• New “Communication: Dark Side” box discusses cultural stereotyping during
times of stress.
• New section “Social Media as a Co-Culture” explores the emerging culture of
online communities across different social media platforms.
• Expanded discussion of similarity assumption and the role it plays in EMC.

CHAPTER 3: COMMUNICATION AND THE SELF

• New opening vignette on managing multiple identities on the TV show
Black-ish.
• New discussions on expressions of self-esteem and identity in social media.
• New section “Challenges and Risks of Disclosing Online” provides advice on
managing self needs when using social media.

CHAPTER 4: INTERPERSONAL PERCEPTION

• Updated discussion of challenges facing female professionals, including Sheryl
Sandberg’s Lean In.
• New section “Forming Perceptions Online” explores the way avatars and
photos influence perception in EMC.
• Revised discussion of recency effect including comparisons between face-to-
face and online impressions.
• New discussion of egocentrism and online communication.
• Revised “Fact or Fiction?” box on making accurate perceptions.

CHAPTER 5: LANGUAGE
• New “Fact or Fiction?” box explores the impact of texting on our ability to use
language.
• Updated discussion of loaded language examines language choices by
proponents and critics of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.
• New section on criticism of the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis.
xxvi     I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N

• New “Got Skills?” box on using ethical appeals to persuade others.

• New “Communication: Light Side” box on Facebook tribute pages.
• Revised coverage of communication climates (previously in Chapter 10) moved
to a new section on the influence of language in relationships.
• New section “Create Positive Climates in Electronically Mediated
Communication.”
• New “Got Skills?” box on how to spot confirming messages.

CHAPTER 6: NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

• New opening vignette discusses John Travolta’s embrace of Scarlett
Johansson at 2015 Oscars.
• New “Got Skills?” box on communicating emotion nonverbally.
• New “Communication: Light Side” box on affection at cuddling parties.
• New figure of Hall’s Four Spatial Zones.
• New section “Managing Nonverbal Behavior in Electronically Mediated
Communication” includes tips for videoconferencing and texting.

CHAPTER 7: LISTENING
• New opening vignette about veterans with PTSD.
• New “Assess Your Skills” box on identifying listening styles.
• Revised section on the effect of culture and sex on listening.
• New section “Effective Listening Online.”
• New “Communication: Light Side” box on online listening groups.
• New “Fact or Fiction?” box on whether technology impairs listening abilities.
• New section on managing information overload during EMC.

CHAPTER 8: EMOTION
• New opening vignette examines emotions and communication on TV’s The
Walking Dead.
• New “Got Skills?” box on expressing anger constructively.
• New “Communication: Light Side” box about the life benefits of
experiencing joy.
• New section explores relationship between emotion and EMC.
• Revised discussion of emotional contagion now covers online communication.

CHAPTER 9: FORMING AND MAINTAINING PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

• New opening vignette discusses the relationship types in the film This is
Where I Leave You.
• New chapter structure focuses on relational theory—how personal
relationships form and develop.
• New section “Relationship Development and Maintenance via Online Social
Networking” examines the ways in which EMC affects and is affected by
relationships.
• New “Fact or Fiction?” box on how opposites attract.
• New “Assess Your Skills” box about how to communicate positivity.
• New “Got Skills?” box on expressing affection online.
 I N S T R U C T O R ’ S G U I D E T O C O N N E C T F O R I N T E R P E R S O N A L C O M M U N I C AT I O N      xxvii

CHAPTER 10: INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

• New opening vignette details relationship of two real-life friends and
co-workers.
• New chapter structure examines different types of relationships in detail—
romantic, friendships, family, and workplace.
• New section “Online Communication in Workplace Relationships” examines
the challenges of EMC in the workplace.
• New “Fact or Fiction?” box about the percent of marriages that end
in divorce.
• New “Got Skills?” box on using upward, downward, and lateral
communication.

CHAPTER 11: INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT

• New opening vignette highlights restorative justice programs used to manage
conflict.
• New sections on cultural dimensions and conflict and cross-cultural conflict.
• New section “Managing Computer-Mediated Conflict”.
• Revised section on how power influences communication.
• New “Communication: Dark Side” box on alcohol and conflict.

CHAPTER 12: DECEPTIVE COMMUNICATION

• New opening vignette explores the deception between a married couple in
the film Gone Girl.
• Revised section “Defining Deception” including high-stakes, low-stakes, and
middle-stakes lies.
• New section on how deception is common when communicating online.
• New Communication: Dark Side” box on lying to loved ones.
xxviii     C O N T R I B U T O R S

Contributors
I am most grateful to have had exceptional, astute groups Rise Lara, Austin Community College
of instructors across the country who served as reviewers Lee Lavery, Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana
and offered insights and suggestions that improved Inter- Sheryl Lidzy, Emporia State University
personal Communication, Third Edition, immeasurably: Kim Long, Valencia College, East Campus
Ron Mace, Somerset Community College
Shae Adkins, Lone Star College Sujanet Mason, Luzerne County Community College
Julie Allee, Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana Julie Mayberry, North Carolina State University;
Courtney Allen, University of Florida Meredith College
Jacob Arndt, Kalamazoo Valley Community College Katherine Maynard, Community College of Vermont
Cameron Basquiat, College of Southern Nevada Nathan Miczo, Western Illinois University
Isabelle Bauman, Missouri State University Kristi Mingus, North Dakota State University
Carol Benton, University of Central Missouri Mark Morman, Baylor University
Angela Blais, University of Minnesota Simone Mullinax, Jamestown Community College
Gary Edward Brown, Ivy Tech Community College of Jan Muto, Norco College
Indiana Sorin Nastasia, Southern Illinois University
Leah Bryant, Lead Subject Matter Expert, DePaul University Laura Nunn, South Texas College
Stefne Broz, Wittenberg University Steve Ott, Kalamazoo Valley Community College
Paul Cero, Inver Hills Community College Melanie Parrish, Luzerne County Community College
Thomas Chester, Ivy Tech East Central Fiona Patin, Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana
Michelle Coleman, Clark State Community College Carol Paulnock, Saint Paul College
Janet Colvin, Utah Valley University Kaitlin Phillips, University of Nebraska
Angela Cordova, Oregon State University Leighann Rechtin, Ivy Tech Community College
Karen Coyle, Pikes Peak Community College of Indiana
Tasha Davis, Austin Community College Amber Reinhart, University of Missouri
Douglas Deiss, Glendale Community College Loretta Rivers, New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary
Melanie Finney, DePauw University Stephanie Rolain-Jacobs, University of Wisconsin
Edie Gaythwaite, Valencia College Sudeshna Roy, Stephen F. Austin State University
Michelle Givertz, California State University Kelly Schutz, Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana
Donna Goodwin, Tulsa Community College Toni Shields, Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana
Maya Greene, Columbia Greene Community College Julie Simanski, Des Moines Area Community College
Trey Guinn, University of the Incarnate Word Carolyn Sledge, Delta State University
Karen Hamburg, Camden County College Lynn Stewart, Cochise College
Annette Hamel, Western Michigan University Kelly Stockstad, Austin Community College
Heidi Hamilton, Emporia State University Charee Thompson, Ohio University
April Hebert, College of Southern Nevada Mary Tripp, Wisconsin Indianhead Technical College
Cheryl Hebert, Estrella Mountain Community College Stephanie Van Stee, University of Missouri
Colin Hesse, Oregon State University Shawn Wahl, Missouri State University
Dawn Hines, Clark State Community College Julie Williams, San Jacinto College
Gary Iman, Missouri State University Stacie Williams, Clark College
Jacob Isaacs, Ivy Tech Community College of Indiana Lori Wisdom-Whitley, Everett Community College
Deborah Johnson, Metropolitan State University Joansandy Wong, Austin Community College
Melissa Hernandez Katz, The University of Texas at Dallas Alesia Woszidlo, University of Kansas
Cynthia King, California State University Christina Yoshimura, The University of Montana
David Kosloski, Clark College Kent Zimmerman, Sinclair Community College
 A C K N O W L E D G M E N T S      1

Acknowledgments
One of my favorite parts about writing books is that so many people play key roles in
helping a new book come together. This one was no exception, and it’s my pleasure to
thank those whose contributions and support are responsible for the book you are now
reading.
First and foremost, my sincere gratitude goes to everyone at McGraw-Hill Higher
Education. They are a true joy to work with and to know. David Patterson, Lisa Pinto,
Nancy Huebner, Sally Constable, Laura Kennedy, Kim Taylo, Noel Hohnstine, and
Linda Su have been a constant source of inspiration, energy, humor, and warmth, and
I value immensely my relationship with each of them. Special thanks also to project
managers Lisa Bruflodt and Sam Donisi-Hamm and the design team led by Matt Dia-
mond, as well as to lead digital product analyst Janet Byrne Smith.
Ann Kirby-Payne was a truly excellent development editor. She has devoted countless
hours to making this book as fresh and interesting as possible, and she has done so
with an extraordinary measure of grace. Every page of this book is better because of
her involvement, and I cannot thank her enough.
I also want to express enthusiastic thanks to the entire sales team at McGraw-Hill
Higher Education. These are the professionals who visit your campus and make sure
students and instructors have everything they need to succeed in the classroom. It’s
a demanding and sometimes thankless job, but the McGraw-Hill representatives are
truly dedicated to your success, and I appreciate all they do.
Finally, I will always be grateful for the support of my family and friends. The more
I learn about interpersonal communication, the more appreciative I become of the
people who accept, value, challenge, and love me. You know who you are, and
I thank you.
 About Communication
1
CHAPTER

© Minneapolis Star Tribune/ZUMA Press, Inc/Alamy

FROM FANS TO FRIENDS

chapter preview
TO COLLABORATORS
Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein have been friends for more than 1 Why We
a decade. The pair met at a Saturday Night Live after-party in 2003, Communicate
and quickly bonded over their shared love of comedy (Armisen was a
cast member) and indie rock (Brownstein was touring with her band, 2 The Nature of
Communication
Sleater-Kinney). Despite living on opposite coasts, the two became fast
friends, and eventually decided that they needed to work on something
3 How We
together, because as Brownstein explains, when two people are not Communicate
romantically involved, “it begins to seem kind of weird if you’re flying Interpersonally
around the country” to spend time together.
4 Building Your
This friendship yielded hilarious results: Their sketch comedy show, Communication
Portlandia, became a hit, first on the Internet and eventually as a regu- Competence
lar series on IFC. Playing a rotating series of characters, the two get to
explore different sorts of relationships and communication styles: “I get to play at connecting with people,”
Brownstein says, “because in every scene we’re in a different relationship.”1 Their real relationship is more
consistent: They text each other each night before bed, and look forward to working together each day.
 W h y W e C o m m u n icat e      3

I
t is nearly impossible to overestimate the importance of close relationships.
Our families can make us laugh, keep us sane, and pick us up when we’re
feeling down. Our romantic partners can make us feel as though we’re the
only person in the world who matters. And, on occasion, we meet people who
become close working partners as well as valuable friends.
At the same time, relationships can be profoundly challenging. Even our
closest friends can get under our skin. Sometimes our romantic partners aren’t
completely honest with us. And from time to time, we don’t quite know how to
support those who need our help. It’s pretty remarkable that human relation-
ships can be the source of such joy and such heartache. What makes the differ-
ence between a relationship that’s going well and one that’s going poorly? One
of the biggest factors is how we communicate. To understand why that’s true,
let’s look first at the critical role of communication in our lives.

1 Why We Communicate
Asking why we communicate may seem about as useful as asking why we breathe.
After all, could you imagine your life without communication? We all have times,
of course, when we prefer to be alone. Nevertheless, most of us would find it nearly
impossible—and very unsatisfying—
to go through life without the chance
to interact with others. Perhaps that’s
TA B LE 1
why we spend so much of our time
communicating, whether face-to-face Life Online: Communicating in Cyberspace
or electronically (see Table 1). 23 Number of hours per week the average
You might think that communicat- American spends on the Internet
ing as much as we do would make us 81 Percentage of American teenagers who sleep
all communication experts. In truth, with, or next to, their cell phone
however, we often don’t recognize how
678 Number of text messages the average
many communication challenges we
American sends per month
face. Learning to overcome those chal-
143,199 Number of messages received daily on
lenges starts with appreciating why
Snapchat
we communicate in the first place. As
we’ll discover in this section, com- 400,000,000 Number of active blogs online
munication touches many aspects of 196,400,000,000 Average number of e-mail messages sent
our lives, from our physical and other per day
everyday needs to our experiences Sources: The Mobile Youth Report; Business News Daily; Computerworld; ­B usiness
with relationships, spirituality, and Insider; Nielsen; Radicati Group. Statistics are from 2011–2015.
identity.
4     C H A P T E R 1 A b o u t C o m m u n icati o n

Communication Meets
Physical Needs
Communication keeps us healthy. Human beings are
such inherently social beings that when we are denied
the opportunity for interaction, our mental and physi-
cal health can suffer. That is a major reason why soli-
tary confinement is such a harsh punishment. Several
studies have shown that when people are cut off from
others for an extended period, their health can quickly
deteriorate.2 A recent study even showed that feel-
ing rejected reduces the rate at which a person’s heart
beats.3 Similarly, individuals who feel socially isolated
because of poverty, homelessness, mental ­illness, or
obesity can also suffer from a lack of quality interac-
tion with others.4
It may sound like an exaggeration to say that we
can’t survive without human contact, but that state-
ment isn’t far from the truth, as a bizarre experiment in
the thirteenth century helps to show. German emperor
The need for social contact has fueled debates in cities such
as New York over the use of solitary confinement for juvenile
Frederick II wanted to know what language humans
offenders. © Tinnapong/Getty Images, RF would speak naturally if they weren’t taught any par-
ticular language. To find out, he placed 50 newborns
in the care of nurses who were instructed only to feed and bathe them but not to speak
to or hold them. The emperor never discovered the answer to his question because all
the infants died.5 That experiment was clearly unethical, meaning that it did not follow
established principles that guide people in judging whether something is morally right
or wrong. Such an experiment fortunately wouldn’t be repeated today. But as touch
expert Tiffany Field reports, more recent studies conducted in orphanages and adoption
centers have convincingly shown that human interaction, especially touch, is critical for
infants’ survival and healthy development.6
Social interaction keeps adults healthy too. Research shows that people without
strong social ties, such as close friendships and family relationships, are more likely
to suffer from major ailments, including heart disease and high blood pressure, and to
die prematurely than people who have close, satisfying relationships.7 They are also
more likely to suffer from lesser ailments, such as colds, and they often take longer to
recover from illnesses or injuries.8 Communication researchers Chris Segrin and Stacey
­Passalacqua have even found that loneliness is related to sleep disturbances and stress.9
The importance of social interaction is often particularly evident to people who are
stigma A characteristic stigmatized. A stigma is a characteristic that discredits a person, causing him or her to
that discredits a person, be seen as abnormal or undesirable.10 It isn’t the attribute itself that stigmatizes a per-
making him or her be seen son, however, but the way that attribute is viewed by others in that person’s society. In
as abnormal or undesirable. the United States, for instance, being HIV-positive has been widely stigmatized because
of its association with two marginalized populations—gay men and intravenous drug
users—even though many individuals with HIV do not belong to either group.11 U.S.
Americans don’t tend to stigmatize people with asthma or diabetes or even cancer to
the same extent as they do people with HIV, even though those other illnesses can also
be serious and even life-threatening.
Stigmatized people might frequently feel like outsiders who “don’t fit in” with oth-
ers. As a result, they may be more likely to suffer the negative physical effects of lim-
ited social interaction. Going further, the less social interaction they have, the more
 W h y W e C o m m u n icat e      5

they are likely to continue feeling stigma-

tized. Although not everyone needs the same
degree of interaction to stay healthy, com-
munication plays an important role in main-
taining human health and well-being.

Communication Meets
Relational Needs
Besides our physical needs, we have several
relational needs, such as needs for compan-
ionship and affection, relaxation and escape.12
We don’t necessarily have the same needs in
all our relationships—you probably value your
friends for somewhat different reasons than
you value your co-workers, for instance. The
bottom line, though, is that we need relation- Imagine how challenging it would be to communicate if you couldn’t speak the
ships, and communication is a large part of language everyone else was using. That is a common experience for many
how we build and keep those relationships.13 immigrants. © Erik Freeland/Corbis saba/Corbis News/Corbis
Think about how many structures in our
lives are designed to promote social interaction. Neighborhoods, schools, workplaces,
malls, theaters, and restaurants are all social settings in which we interact with people.
In addition, the Internet offers innumerable ways of connecting with others, and many
people have made new friends—or even met romantic partners—online.14 Imagine
how challenging it would be to form and maintain strong social relationships if you
lacked the ability to communicate with people. This is a common experience for many
immigrants, who often struggle to learn the cultural values, as well as the language, of
their new environments and may feel lonely or ignored by others in the process.15
Some scholars believe our need for relationships is so fundamental that we can hardly get
by without them.16 For example, research has shown that having a rich social life is one of the
most powerful predictors of a person’s overall happiness.17 Mere interaction isn’t enough,
though: Studies show that having meaningful conversations leads to happiness, whereas
“small talk” can be associated with reduced well-being.18 Casual conversation online
can spark a new relationship, but deeper, more meaningful conversation helps it grow.
Studies have shown that the most important predictor of happiness in life—by far—
is marital happiness.19 Being happily married is more important than income, job sta-
tus, education, leisure time, or anything else in accounting for how content people are.
On the negative side, people in distressed marriages are much more likely to suffer
from major depression, and they report being in worse physical health than their hap-
pily married counterparts.20
The cause-and-effect relationship between marriage and happiness isn’t a simple
one. It may be that strong marriages promote happiness and well-being, or it may be
that happy, healthy people are more likely than others to be married. Whatever the
association, personal relationships clearly play an important role in our lives, and com-
munication helps us form and maintain them.

Communication Fills Identity Needs

Are you energetic? Trustworthy? Intelligent? Withdrawn? Each of us can probably come
up with a long list of adjectives to describe ourselves, but here’s the critical question:
How do you know you are these things? In other words, how do you form an identity?
6     C H A P T E R 1 A b o u t C o m m u n icati o n

How we communicate with others, and how others communicate with us, play a big role in shaping how we see ourselves—whether
it’s as intelligent, as popular, or as altruistic. © Digital Vision/Getty Images, RF, © McGraw-Hill Education, Lars A. Niki photographer, © McGraw-Hill
Education, Christopher Kerrigan photographer

The ways we communicate with others—and the ways others communicate with us—
play a major role in shaping how we see ourselves.21 As you’ll learn in the Communica-
tion and the Self chapter, people form their identities partly by comparing themselves
with others. If you consider yourself intelligent, for instance, what that really means is
that you see yourself as more intelligent than most other people. If you think you’re shy,
you see most other people as more outgoing than you are. If you think of yourself as
attractive, that translates into viewing yourself as better looking than most others.
One way we learn how we compare with others is through our communication with
those around us. If people treat you as intelligent, shy, or attractive, you may begin to
believe you have those characteristics. In other words, those qualities will become part
of how you view yourself. Communication plays a critical role in driving that process,
and good communicators have the ability to emphasize different aspects of their identi-
ties in different situations. During a job interview it might be most important for you to
portray your organized, efficient side; when you’re hanging out with friends, you might
emphasize your fun-loving nature and sense of humor.
Besides expressing personal identity, communication also helps us express our ­cultural
identity. As you’ll discover in the Culture and Gender chapter, culture includes the sym-
bols, beliefs, practices, and languages that distinguish groups of people. The ways you
speak, dress, gesture, and entertain yourself all reflect the cultural values you hold dear.

Communication Meets Spiritual Needs

An important aspect of identity for many people in many cultures is their spirituality.
Spirituality includes the principles valued in life (“I value loyalty” or “I value equal
treatment for all people”). It also encompasses people’s morals, or their notions about
right and wrong (“It’s never okay to steal, regardless of the circumstances” or “I would
lie to save a life, because life is more important than honesty”). Finally, spirituality
involves people’s beliefs about the meaning of life, which often include personal philos-
ophies, an awe of nature, a belief in a higher purpose, and religious faith and practices
(“I believe in God” or “I believe I will reap what I sow in life”).
A 2010 survey of more than 112,000 U.S. college students found that many students
consider some form of spirituality to be an important part of their identity.22 Almost
half of those surveyed said they consider integrating spirituality into their lives to be
very important or essential. For those in the study, spirituality didn’t necessarily include
Exploring the Variety of Random
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 But, with two-handed wrath,
If baseness or pretension crossed his path,
Struck once nor needed to strike more.

2.

His magic was not far to seek,—

He was so human! Whether strong or weak,
Far from his kind he neither sank nor soared,
But sate an equal guest at every board:
No beggar ever felt him condescend,
No prince presume; for still himself he bare
At manhood’s simple level, and where’er
He met a stranger, there he left a friend.
How large an aspect! nobly unsevere,
With freshness round him of Olympian cheer,
Like visits of those earthly gods he came;
His look, wherever its good-fortune fell,
Doubled the feast without a miracle,
And on the hearthstone danced a happier flame;
Philemon’s crabbed vintage grew benign;
Amphitryon’s gold-juice humanized to wine.

III. 1.
 The garrulous memories
Gather again from all their far-flown nooks,
Singly at first, and then by twos and threes,
Then in a throng innumerable, as the rooks
Thicken their twilight files
Tow’rd Tintern’s gray repose of roofless aisles:
Once more I see him at the table’s head
When Saturday her monthly banquet spread
To scholars, poets, wits,
All choice, some famous, loving things, not names,
And so without a twinge at others' fames;
Such company as wisest moods befits,
Yet with no pedant blindness to the worth
Of undeliberate mirth,
Natures benignly mixed of air and earth,
Now with the stars and now with equal zest
Tracing the eccentric orbit of a jest.

2.

I see in vision the warm-lighted hall,

The living and the dead I see again,
And but my chair is empty; ’mid them all
’Tis I that seem the dead: they all remain
Immortal, changeless creatures of the brain:
Well nigh I doubt which world is real most,
Of sense or spirit, to the truly sane;
In this abstraction it were light to deem
Myself the figment of some stronger dream;
They are the real things, and I the ghost
That glide unhindered through the solid door,
Vainly for recognition seek from chair to chair,
And strive to speak and am but futile air,
As truly most of us are little more.
 3.

Him most I see whom we most dearly miss,

The latest parted thence,
His features poised in genial armistice
And armed neutrality of self-defence
Beneath the forehead’s walled preëminence,
While Tyro, plucking facts with careless reach,
Settles off-hand our human how and whence;
The long-trained veteran scarcely wincing hears
The infallible strategy of volunteers
Making through Nature’s walls its easy breach,
And seems to learn where he alone could teach.
Ample and ruddy, the board’s end he fills
As he our fireside were, our light and heat,
Centre where minds diverse and various skills
Find their warm nook and stretch unhampered feet;
I see the firm benignity of face,
Wide-smiling champaign, without tameness sweet,
The mass Teutonic toned to Gallic grace,
The eyes whose sunshine runs before the lips
While Holmes’s rockets curve their long ellipse,
And burst in seeds of fire that burst again
To drop in scintillating rain.

4.
 There too the face half-rustic, half-divine,
Self-poised, sagacious, freaked with humor fine,
Of him who taught us not to mow and mope
About our fancied selves, but seek our scope
In Nature’s world and Man’s, nor fade to hollow trope,
Content with our New World and timely bold
To challenge the o’ermastery of the Old;
Listening with eyes averse I see him sit
Pricked with the cider of the Judge’s wit
(Ripe-hearted homebrew, fresh and fresh again),
While the wise nose’s firm-built aquiline
Curves sharper to restrain
The merriment whose most unruly moods
Pass not the dumb laugh learned in listening woods
Of silence-shedding pine:
Hard by is he whose art’s consoling spell
Hath given both worlds a whiff of asphodel,
His look still vernal ’mid the wintry ring
Of petals that remember, not foretell,
The paler primrose of a second spring.

5.

And more there are: but other forms arise

And seen as clear, albeit with dimmer eyes:
First he from sympathy still held apart
By shrinking over-eagerness of heart,
Cloud charged with searching fire, whose shadow’s sweep
Heightened mean things with sense of brooding ill,
And steeped in doom familiar field and hill,—
New England’s poet, soul reserved and deep,
November nature with a name of May,
Whom high o’er Concord plains we laid to sleep,
While the orchards mocked us in their white array
And building robins wondered at our tears,
S t h d i hi i th h t
Snatched in his prime, the shape august
That should have stood unbent ’neath fourscore years,
The noble head, the eyes of furtive trust,
All gone to speechless dust.
And he our passing guest,
Shy nature, too, and stung with life’s unrest,
Whom we too briefly had but could not hold,
Who brought ripe Oxford’s culture to our board,
The Past’s incalculable hoard,
Mellowed by scutcheoned panes in cloisters old,
Seclusions ivy-hushed, and pavements sweet
With immemorial lisp of musing feet;
Young head time-tonsured smoother than a friar’s,
Boy face, but grave with answerless desires,
Poet in all that poets have of best,
But foiled with riddles dark and cloudy aims,
Who now hath found sure rest,
Not by still Isis or historic Thames,
Nor by the Charles he tried to love with me,
But, not misplaced, by Arno’s hallowed brim,
Nor scorned by Santa Croce’s neighboring fames,
Haply not mindless, wheresoe’er he be,
Of violets that to-day I scattered over him;
He, too, is there,
After the good centurion fitly named,
Whom learning dulled not, nor convention tamed,
Shaking with burly mirth his hyacinthine hair,
Our hearty Grecian of Homeric ways,
Still found the surer friend where least he hoped the praise.

6.
 Yea truly, as the sallowing years
Fall from us faster, like frost-loosened leaves
Pushed by the misty touch of shortening days,
And that unwakened winter nears,
’Tis the void chair our surest guest receives,
’Tis lips long cold that give the warmest kiss,
’Tis the lost voice comes oftenest to our ears;
We count our rosary by the beads we miss:
To me, at least, it seemeth so,
An exile in the land once found divine,
While my starved fire burns low,
And homeless winds at the loose casement whine
Shrill ditties of the snow-roofed Apennine.

IV. 1.

Now forth into the darkness all are gone,

But memory, still unsated, follows on,
Retracing step by step our homeward walk,
With many a laugh among our serious talk,
Across the bridge where, on the dimpling tide,
The long red streamers from the windows glide,
Or the dim western moon
Rocks her skiff’s image on the broad lagoon,
And Boston shows a soft Venetian side
In that Arcadian light when roof and tree,
Hard prose by daylight, dream in Italy;
Or haply in the sky’s cold chambers wide
Shivered the winter stars, while all below,
As if an end were come of human ill,
The world was wrapt in innocence of snow
And the cast-iron bay was blind and still;
These were our poetry; in him perhaps
Science had barred the gate that lets in dream,
And he would rather count the perch and bream
Th ith th t’ idl f l
Than with the current’s idle fancy lapse;
And yet he had the poet’s open eye
That takes a frank delight in all it sees,
Nor was earth voiceless, nor the mystic sky,
To him the life-long friend of fields and trees:
Then came the prose of the suburban street,
Its silence deepened by our echoing feet,
And converse such as rambling hazard finds;
Then he who many cities knew and many minds,
And men once world-noised, now mere Ossian forms
Of misty memory, bade them live anew
As when they shared earth’s manifold delight,
In shape, in gait, in voice, in gesture true,
And, with an accent heightening as he warms,
Would stop forgetful of the shortening night,
Drop my confining arm, and pour profuse
Much worldly wisdom kept for others' use,
Not for his own, for he was rash and free,
His purse or knowledge all men’s, like the sea.
Still can I hear his voice’s shrilling might
(With pauses broken, while the fitful spark
He blew more hotly rounded on the dark
To hint his features with a Rembrandt light)
Call Oken back, or Humboldt, or Lamarck,
Or Cuvier’s taller shade, and many more
Whom he had seen, or knew from others' sight,
And make them men to me as ne’er before:
Not seldom, as the undeadened fibre stirred
Of noble friendships knit beyond the sea,
German or French thrust by the lagging word,
For a good leash of mother-tongues had he.
At last, arrived at where our paths divide,
“Good night!” and, ere the distance grew too wide,
“Good night!” again; and now with cheated ear
I half hear his who mine shall never hear.
 2.

Sometimes it seemed as if New England air

For his large lungs too parsimonious were,
As if those empty rooms of dogma drear
Where the ghost shivers of a faith austere
Counting the horns o’er of the Beast,
Still scaring those whose faith in it is least,
As if those snaps o' th' moral atmosphere
That sharpen all the needles of the East,
Had been to him like death,
Accustomed to draw Europe’s freer breath
In a more stable element;
Nay, even our landscape, half the year morose,
Our practical horizon grimly pent,
Our air, sincere of ceremonious haze,
Forcing hard outlines mercilessly close,
Our social monotone of level days,
Might make our best seem banishment;
But it was nothing so;
Haply his instinct might divine,
Beneath our drift of puritanic snow,
The marvel sensitive and fine
Of sanguinaria over-rash to blow
And trust its shyness to an air malign;
Well might he prize truth’s warranty and pledge
In the grim outcrop of our granite edge,
Or Hebrew fervor flashing forth at need
In the gaunt sons of Calvin’s iron breed,
As prompt to give as skilled to win and keep;
But, though such intuitions might not cheer,
Yet life was good to him, and, there or here,
With that sufficing joy, the day was never cheap;
Thereto his mind was its own ample sphere,
And, like those buildings great that through the year
Carry one temperature, his nature large
Made its own climate, nor could any marge
 Traced by convention stay him from his bent:
He had a habitude of mountain air;
He brought wide outlook where he went,
And could on sunny uplands dwell
Of prospect sweeter than the pastures fair
High-hung of viny Neufchâtel;
Nor, surely, did he miss
Some pale, imaginary bliss
Of earlier sights whose inner landscape still was Swiss.

V. 1.
 I cannot think he wished so soon to die
With all his senses full of eager heat,
And rosy years that stood expectant by
To buckle the winged sandals on their feet,
He that was friends with earth, and all her sweet
Took with both hands unsparingly:
Truly this life is precious to the root,
And good the feel of grass beneath the foot;
To lie in buttercups and clover-bloom,
Tenants in common with the bees,
And watch the white clouds drift through gulfs of trees,
Is better than long waiting in the tomb;
Only once more to feel the coming spring
As the birds feel it when it bids them sing,
Only once more to see the moon
Through leaf-fringed abbey-arches of the elms
Curve her mild sickle in the West
Sweet with the breath of hay-cocks, were a boon
Worth any promise of soothsayer realms
Or casual hope of being elsewhere blest;
To take December by the beard
And crush the creaking snow with springy foot,
While overhead the North’s dumb streamers shoot,
Till Winter fawn upon the cheek endeared,
Then the long evening-ends
Lingered by cosy chimney-nooks,
With high companionship of books
Or slippered talk of friends
And sweet habitual looks,
Is better than to stop the ears with dust:
Too soon the spectre comes to say, “Thou must!”

2.
 When toil-crooked hands are crost upon the breast,
They comfort us with sense of rest;
They must be glad to lie forever still;
Their work is ended with their day;
Another fills their room; ’tis the World’s ancient way,
Whether for good or ill;
But the deft spinners of the brain,
Who love each added day and find it gain,
Them overtakes the doom
To snap the half-grown flower upon the loom
(Trophy that was to be of life-long pain),
The thread no other skill can ever knit again.
’Twas so with him, for he was glad to live,
’Twas doubly so, for he left work begun;
Could not this eagerness of Fate forgive
Till all the allotted flax were spun?
It matters not; for, go at night or noon,
A friend, whene’er he dies, has died too soon,
And, once we hear the hopeless He is dead,
So far as flesh hath knowledge, all is said.

VI. 1.

I seem to see the black procession go:

That crawling prose of death too well I know,
The vulgar paraphrase of glorious woe;
I see it wind through that unsightly grove,
Once beautiful, but long defaced
With granite permanence of cockney taste
And all those grim disfigurements we love:
There, then, we leave him: Him? such costly waste
Nature rebels at: and it is not true
Of those most precious parts of him we knew:
Could we be conscious but as dreamers be,
’Twere sweet to leave this shifting life of tents
S k i th h l l f D it
 Sunk in the changeless calm of Deity;
Nay, to be mingled with the elements,
The fellow-servant of creative powers,
Partaker in the solemn year’s events,
To share the work of busy-fingered hours,
To be night’s silent almoner of dew,
To rise again in plants and breathe and grow,
To stream as tides the ocean caverns through,
Or with the rapture of great winds to blow
About earth’s shaken coignes, were not a fate
To leave us all-disconsolate;
Even endless slumber in the sweetening sod
Of charitable earth
That takes out all our mortal stains,
And makes us cleanlier neighbors of the clod,
Methinks were better worth
Than the poor fruit of most men’s wakeful pains,
The heart’s insatiable ache:
But such was not his faith,
Nor mine: it may be he had trod
Outside the plain old path of God thus spake,
But God to him was very God,
And not a visionary wraith
Skulking in murky corners of the mind,
And he was sure to be
Somehow, somewhere, imperishable as He,
Not with His essence mystically combined,
As some high spirits long, but whole and free,
A perfected and conscious Agassiz.
And such I figure him: the wise of old
Welcome and own him of their peaceful fold,
Not truly with the guild enrolled
Of him who seeking inward guessed
Diviner riddles than the rest,
And groping in the darks of thought
Touched the Great Hand and knew it not;
Rather he shares the daily light,
From reason’s charier fountains won,
 ,
Of his great chief, the slow-paced Stagyrite,
And Cuvier clasps once more his long-lost son.

2.

The shape erect is prone: forever stilled

The winning tongue; the forehead’s high-piled heap,
A cairn which every science helped to build,
Unvalued will its golden secrets keep:
He knows at last if Life or Death be best:
Wherever he be flown, whatever vest
The being hath put on which lately here
So many-friended was, so full of cheer
To make men feel the Seeker’s noble zest,
We have not lost him all; he is not gone
To the dumb herd of them that wholly die;
The beauty of his better self lives on
In minds he touched with fire, in many an eye
He trained to Truth’s exact severity;
He was a Teacher: why be grieved for him
Whose living word still stimulates the air?
In endless file shall loving scholars come
The glow of his transmitted touch to share,
And trace his features with an eye less dim
Than ours whose sense familiar wont makes numb.

Florence, Italy, February, 1874.

TO HOLMES

ON HIS SEVENTY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY.

Dear Wendell, why need count the years

Since first your genius made me thrill,
If what moved then to smiles or tears,
 Or both contending, move me still?

What has the Calendar to do

With poets? What Time’s fruitless tooth
With gay immortals such as you
Whose years but emphasize your youth?

One air gave both their lease of breath;

The same paths lured our boyish feet;
One earth will hold us safe in death,
With dust of saints and scholars sweet.

Our legends from one source were drawn,

I scarce distinguish yours from mine,
And don’t we make the Gentiles yawn
With “You remembers?” o’er our wine!

If I, with too senescent air,

Invade your elder memory’s pale,
You snub me with a pitying “Where
Were you in the September Gale?”

Both stared entranced at Lafayette,

Saw Jackson dubbed with LL. D.
What Cambridge saw not strikes us yet
As scarcely worth one’s while to see.

Ten years my senior, when my name

In Harvard’s entrance-book was writ,
Her halls still echoed with the fame
Of you, her poet and her wit.

’Tis fifty years from then to now:

But your Last Leaf renews its green,
Though, for the laurels on your brow
(So thick they crowd), ’tis hardly seen.

The oriole’s fledglings fifty times

Have flown from our familiar elms;
 Have flown from our familiar elms;
As many poets with their rhymes
Oblivion’s darkling dust o’erwhelms.

The birds are hushed, the poets gone

Where no harsh critic’s lash can reach,
And still your wingëd brood sing on
To all who love our English speech.

Nay, let the foolish records be

That make believe you’re seventy-five:
You’re the old Wendell still to me,—
And that’s the youngest man alive.

The gray-blue eyes, I see them still,

The gallant front with brown o’erhung,
The shape alert, the wit at will,
The phrase that stuck, but never stung.

You keep your youth as yon Scotch firs,

Whose gaunt line my horizon hems,
Though twilight all the lowland blurs,
Hold sunset in their ruddy stems.

You with the elders? Yes, ’tis true,

But in no sadly literal sense,
With elders and coevals too,
Whose verb admits no preterite tense.

Master alike in speech and song

Of fame’s great antiseptic—Style,
You with the classic few belong
Who tempered wisdom with a smile.

Outlive us all! Who else like you

Could sift the seedcorn from our chaff,
And make us with the pen we knew
Deathless at least in epitaph?
 Wollaston, August 29, 1884.

IN A COPY OF OMAR KHAYYÁM.

These pearls of thought in Persian gulfs were bred,

Each softly lucent as a rounded moon;
The diver Omar plucked them from their bed,
Fitzgerald strung them on an English thread.

Fit rosary for a queen, in shape and hue,

When Contemplation tells her pensive beads
Of mortal thoughts, forever old and new.
Fit for a queen? Why, surely then for you!

The moral? Where Doubt’s eddies toss and twirl

Faith’s slender shallop till her footing reel,
Plunge: if you find not peace beneath the whirl,
Groping, you may like Omar grasp a pearl.

ON RECEIVING A COPY OF MR. AUSTIN DOBSON’S “OLD WORLD

IDYLLS.”

I.
At length arrived, your book I take
To read in for the author’s sake;
Too gray for new sensations grown,
Can charm to Art or Nature known
This torpor from my senses shake?

Hush! my parched ears what runnels slake?

Is a thrush gurgling from the brake?
Has Spring, on all the breezes blown,
At length arrived?

Long may you live such songs to make,

And I to listen while you wake,
With skill of late disused, each tone
Of the Lesboum barbiton,
At mastery, through long finger-ache,
At length arrived.

II.
As I read on, what changes steal
O’er me and through, from head to heel?
A rapier thrusts coat-skirt aside,
My rough Tweeds bloom to silken pride,—
Who was it laughed? Your hand, Dick Steele!

Down vistas long of clipt charmille

Watteau as Pierrot leads the reel;
Tabor and pipe the dancers guide
As I read on.

While in and out the verses wheel

The wind-caught robes trim feet reveal,
Lithe ankles that to music glide,
But chastely and by chance descried;
Art? Nature? Which do I most feel
As I read on?

TO C. F. BRADFORD

ON THE GIFT OF A MEERSCHAUM PIPE.

The pipe came safe, and welcome too,

As anything must be from you;
A meerschaum pure, ’twould float as light
As she the girls call Amphitrite.
Mixture divine of foam and clay,
From both it stole the best away:
Its foam is such as crowns the glow
Of beakers brimmed by Veuve Clicquot;
Its clay is but congested lymph
Jove chose to make some choicer nymph;
And here combined,—why, this must be
The birth of some enchanted sea,
Shaped to immortal form, the type
And very Venus of a pipe
And very Venus of a pipe.

When high I heap it with the weed

From Lethe wharf, whose potent seed
Nicotia, big from Bacchus, bore
And cast upon Virginia’s shore,
I’ll think,—So fill the fairer bowl
And wise alembic of thy soul,
With herbs far-sought that shall distil,
Not fumes to slacken thought and will,
But bracing essences that nerve
To wait, to dare, to strive, to serve.

When curls the smoke in eddies soft,

And hangs a shifting dream aloft,
That gives and takes, though chance-designed,
The impress of the dreamer’s mind,
I’ll think,—So let the vapors bred
By Passion, in the heart or head,
Pass off and upward into space,
Waving farewells of tenderest grace,
Remembered in some happier time,
To blend their beauty with my rhyme.

While slowly o’er its candid bowl

The color deepens (as the soul
That burns in mortals leaves its trace
Of bale or beauty on the face),
I’ll think,—So let the essence rare
Of years consuming make me fair;
So, ’gainst the ills of life profuse,
Steep me in some narcotic juice;
And if my soul must part with all
That whiteness which we greenness call,
Smooth back, O Fortune, half thy frown,
And make me beautifully brown!

Dream-forger, I refill thy cup

With reverie’s wasteful pittance up
 With reverie s wasteful pittance up,
And while the fire burns slow away,
Hiding itself in ashes gray,
I’ll think,—As inward Youth retreats,
Compelled to spare his wasting heats,
When Life’s Ash-Wednesday comes about,
And my head’s gray with fires burnt out,
While stays one spark to light the eye,
With the last flash of memory,
’Twill leap to welcome C. F. B.,
Who sent my favorite pipe to me.

BANKSIDE.

(HOME OF EDMUND QUINCY.)

Dedham, May 21, 1877.

I.

I christened you in happier days, before

These gray forebodings on my brow were seen;
You are still lovely in your new-leaved green;
The brimming river soothes his grassy shore;
The bridge is there; the rock with lichens hoar;
And the same shadows on the water lean,
Outlasting us. How many graves between
That day and this! How many shadows more
Darken my heart, their substance from these eyes
Hidden forever! So our world is made
Of life and death commingled; and the sighs
Outweigh the smiles, in equal balance laid:
What compensation? None, save that the All-wise
So schools us to love things that cannot fade.
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