The Chaos of English Pronunciation

by Gerard Nolst Trenité

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Dearest creature in Typhoid, measles, topsails, Stranger does not rhyme

creation, aisles, with anger,
Study English Exiles, similes, and reviles; Neither does devour with
pronunciation. Scholar, vicar, and cigar, clangour.
I will teach you in my verse Solar, mica, war and far; Souls but foul, haunt but
Sounds like corpse, corps, One, anemone, Balmoral, aunt,
horse, and worse. Kitchen, lichen, laundry, Font, front, wont, want,
I will keep you, Suzy, busy, laurel; grand, and grant,
Make your head with heat Gertrude, German, wind Shoes, goes, does. Now
grow dizzy. and mind, first say finger,
Tear in eye, your dress will Scene, Melpomene, And then singer, ginger,
tear. mankind. linger,
So shall I! Oh hear my Billet does not rhyme with Real, zeal, mauve, gauze,
prayer. ballet, gouge and gauge,
Just compare heart, beard, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, Marriage, foliage, mirage,
and heard, chalet. and age.
Dies and diet, lord and Blood and flood are not Query does not rhyme
word, like food, with very,
Sword and sward, retain Nor is mould like should Nor does fury sound like
and Britain. and would. bury.
(Mind the latter, how it’s Viscous, viscount, load and Dost, lost, post and doth,
written.) broad, cloth, loth.
Now I surely will not Toward, to forward, to Job, nob, bosom, transom,
plague you reward. oath.
With such words as plaque And your pronunciation’s Though the differences
and ague. OK When you correctly say seem little,
But be careful how you croquet, We say actual but victual.
speak: Rounded, wounded, grieve Refer does not rhyme with
Say break and steak, but and sieve, deafer.
bleak and streak; Friend and fiend, alive and Foeffer does, and zephyr,
Cloven, oven, how and live. heifer.
low, Ivy, privy, famous; clamour Mint, pint, senate and
Script, receipt, show, And enamour rhyme with sedate;
poem, and toe. hammer. Dull, bull, and George ate
Hear me say, devoid of River, rival, tomb, bomb, late.
trickery, comb, Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Daughter, laughter, and Doll and roll and some and Science, conscience,
Terpsichore, home. scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and Heron, granary, canary.
heaven, Crevice and device and
Rachel, ache, moustache, aerie.
eleven. Face, but preface, not
We say hallowed, but efface.
allowed, Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass,
People, leopard, towed, glass, bass.
but vowed. Large, but target, gin, give,
Mark the differences, verging,
moreover, Ought, out, joust and
Between mover, cover, scour, scourging.
clover; Ear, but earn and wear and
Leeches, breeches, wise, tear
precise, Do not rhyme with here
Chalice, but police and but ere.
lice; Seven is right, but so is
Camel, constable, even,
unstable, Hyphen, roughen, nephew
Principle, disciple, label. Stephen,
Petal, panel, and canal, Monkey, donkey, Turk and
Wait, surprise, plait, jerk,
promise, pal. Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork
Worm and storm, chaise, and work.
chaos, chair, Pronunciation (think of
Senator, spectator, mayor. Psyche!)
Tour, but our and succour, Is a paling stout and
four. spikey?
Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Won’t it make you lose
Sea, idea, Korea, area, your wits,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria. Writing groats and saying
Youth, south, southern, grits?
cleanse and clean. It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Doctrine, turpentine, Strewn with stones,
marine. stowed, solace, gunwale,
Compare alien with Italian, Islington and Isle of Wight,
Dandelion and battalion. Housewife, verdict and
Sally with ally, yea, ye, indict. Finally, which
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and rhymes with enough,
key. Though, through, plough,
Say aver, but ever, fever, or dough, or cough?
Neither, leisure, skein, Hiccough has the sound of
deceiver. cup.
My advice is to give up!!!
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