The Fakes, Flakes and Predators in BDSM.

Researched By Jay Jenkins

WARNING! Much of this post may contain triggering words, concepts, scenarios or may cause you
uneasiness! GOOD! It’s about safety, mental and physical, so I urge you all to look at it and do your best
to get through the scary bits, and know that in the end you will come away more informed and better
prepared to protect yourself AND possibly your loved ones. Jay.

If there is one single most important topic to discuss amongst your friends, family and peers, it has to be
how spot the fakes and dangerous people out in the cyber world, and indeed, the real world. This is going
to be quite a lengthy post, so, take it in small bites. Take time to digest, and try your best not to let
emotions sway your opinions. It may be easy to just “pffft” at everything I say here, but for your safety I
urge you to be calm, rational, and attentive to what this post is offering you- a chance to see through
unclouded eyes. A way to look at the partner you have or the partner you are considering, or the partner
you have yet to meet. It is very easy to equate newness with fakeness so pay extra attention to what you
see here, and ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT! The heart can be fooled and the brain can be placated, but the
gut has no interest in “small talk” – It will scream and rumble and shut down your body if necessary to
protect it and you!

There are people in this world that feed on anyone who is vulnerable, innocent, emotional, or mistreated
by a previous abuser. They will tell you things you want to hear, they will lie. They will manipulate your
emotions and make you feel like you are the problem. I want to educate you so that you will have a
better chance of avoiding these types, and maybe open your eyes about someone you may already know
or love.

I will use italic typeset to show my interjections in these researched articles I am reposting here,

And I will use bold italics for things that are possibly life or mental/physical health threats.

Red insertions are imminent danger points/ topics, and may be triggering, and hard to digest. I
promise I have read and reread this post many times, and toned it down as much as I believe I
possibly could. RED is Danger. Red is imperative reading!

You only get ONE life to live- don’t let a monster

make yours miserable, or worse end too soon!
Posted 24 April 2017 - 09:07 PM

Hi everybody, it’s Daddy's_treasure! Finding the right partner for a DDlg relationship can be a hard task.
Here are some of my warning signs that you should know of when looking for and/or meeting a
CG/Dom/Domme both online and in public. I also have a few tips added as well.

- Nude pictures.

One of the major red flags here is when you’re asked for any saucy pictures or nudity up front. Any
genuine CG/Dom/Domme is interested in getting to know you and making a connection. If you meet
somebody who asks you for pictures of this nature with no interest in wanting to get know you - LEAVE!
This is not somebody you need to get involved with. Odds are they just want a no strings attached sex
deal.

- Anything off or unusual.

Let’s say for the purpose of this example that the person you meet is in their 20’s and state that they
have been a CG/Dom/Domme for 15 years. Really? Do the math and question it, it’s another red flag.

- Call me Daddy.

If they ask you to call them Daddy, Mommy, Master or Mistress, you don’t have to do it! Be respectful
of course, but as a little or submissive you have no obligation to address them as such at this stage. I
believe that this is an act that should be earned, honored and respected by both parties and the same
applies to them addressing you with names like baby girl. Again, something i feel that is to be earned
and both should feel comfortable with the names/titles chosen. Use them at a time that feels right for
the both of you.

- OBEY ME!

Asking you to do tasks or to obey. They do not own you and you should not be made to feel like you
have a commitment to them when an official commitment by both of you has yet to be made.

- Punishment.

Again, you are not owned, you have just met. There should not be any consequences like this for simply
talking to a CG/Dom/Domme.

- Beyond inexperienced.
 It is fair to say that you will come across a new CG/Dom/Domme in the lifestyle who perhaps has not
had a little and or submissive of their own yet. They might be as new to their role as you are to yours.
That being said, what they lack in experience will hopefully be made up for in the form of a sound
understanding of the basic ins and outs of the dynamic and lifestyle in general. This doesn’t mean to say
that they are a bad CG/Dom/Domme, just that they are inexperienced. However, if you come across
anybody who doesn’t seem to even have respect for their role or yours and has no regards for
boundaries or safety, then perhaps this is not the right partner for you.

- Collared/owned.

Being owned is a serious commitment made by both parties much like the commitment of marriage and
should not be taken lightly. If a CG/Dom/Domme is claiming you as theirs and stating that they own you
or have “collared” you without your permission, then this to me is a huge warning sign! This is
something that should be discussed and consented upon by the both of you and have personal meaning.
If they are attempting to claim you against your will, tell them goodbye and walk away.

We now have online and real time versions of Dominants. I'm going to blend the two because with this
day and age it is likely that you meet someone online and move to real life.

The most obvious fake Dominant will only want to skip to the sex. They may start their conversation out
sweetly enough, but it will soon become sexual oriented. Cybersex may be suggested or you will be
pushed to play on the first date or well before you'd be ready to. They don't get to know you for who
you are first. These are the booty chasers.

There are the Dominants that exaggerate their experience level. I personally don't care what someone
says but unless they can prove it a 25 year old dominant does not have 10 years of experience unless
they are counting masturbation fantasies. You can't judge experience by a number. I can say I have 5
years’ experience, but if part of that I was 'on a break' or not in a relationship, that's not experience.

Fake Dominants will also try to Dom you without a relationship present. This could be dictating what you
are to wear for first meetings, when you are to be available online to chat, etc. Setting up rules and
trying to make you do them before it is agreed upon is a huge red flag.

Some Dominants I've been introduced to online say they have a lot of references and can list names, but
when I ask for phone numbers or email addresses, they appear to not have them. References are meant
to be useful. If they can't give you contact information so that you can check them out, that's a huge red
flag. Honest Dominants will not only give them to you but be happy that you check them out.

Fake Dominants may also try to get you to not meet them in public. Oh, just come to the house we can
get to know each other in private then. Yeah, right. Don't meet anyone you don't know in a private
location! Set up your safe call, if the Dominant refuses to let you check in, leave immediately!
Another red flag to be cautious of is if they want to get to know you, you are on good terms and they
won't share their phone number, where they live, etc. but they expect you to. Also, if you are only able
to call between narrow time frames. This is a red flag of not only fake Dominants but also cheaters!
Another clue of cheaters is disappearing online without warning and doing it frequently. I call this wife-
watch. They bail so that the wifey doesn't see what they are doing.

The last one I'm going to cover today is a Dominant requesting or forcing you to change something
before you've agreed to a relationship. This could be along the lines of changing your hair because they
don't like it, losing weight, or breaking up with friends because they are 'bad influences'. No one should
make you change. A good Dominant will like you for who you are when getting to know you. There is no
reason you should try to fit someone's mold.

Fake Dominants are everywhere and have many tricks up their sleeve. I'm sure I've even scratched the
surface of what things they can do to try to get you to believe in them and open up. Stay safe, use your
common sense and if it feels wrong it probably is.

- Rude or abusive behavior.

As in any relationship D/s or not, any rude or abusive behavior should not be tolerated. I found a
quote once (author unknown) that said “though you may kneel before me, you will never be below
me” and i think that applies here. Being a submissive doesn’t give them the right to mistreat you. No
matter what, you should be treated with respect.

- Personal details.

Demanding your personal details i.e. phone number, address etc. This is pretty much common sense,
but if a CG/Dom/Domme is asking for your personal details right away, it’s a no brain-er.

Spotting a Fake Dom

MARCH 27, 2018 OKAMI ANGEL

Isolation

• Tries to limit your access to others in your life friends, family, and BDSM community.
• Forbids contact with others or undermines relationships or activities with others.
• Is negative and un-supportive of other relationships you have.
• Monitors your communications (emails, phone calls, chats) with others.
• Controls finances, the car, and the activities you partake in.
• May want you to quit your job, give up your car or telephone.
• Always asks where you’ve been and with whom in an accusatory manner.
• Calls and visits unexpectedly on a regular basis.
 • Refuses to allow you a safe call.
• Becomes angry if you show signs of independence or strength.

Deceptive

• Is reluctant to give you personal and factual information about themselves.

• Refuses to give their marital status before a meeting.

• Gives inconsistent or conflicting information or details about themselves or past events.

• When you ask personal questions, gets angry, changes the topic, ends the conversation or answers
questions with questions.

• Gets mad if you ask for references or want ask others about them.

• Has very limited times/places/methods where you are able to contact them and gets angry if you try
to contact them outside of those conditions.

• Does not give you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time.

• Has multiple online identities for interacting with the same communities.

• Cheats on you.

• Gives the impression of being very successful without any evidence of real success.

• Disappears from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation.

• Are evasive about their activities, especially unexplained absences.

• Only interacts with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role-playing.

• Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations.

Socialization

• Critical of the BDSM community.

• Critical of multiple respected members of the BDSM community.

• Has multiple interpersonal conflicts within the BDSM community.

• Refuses to participate in the BDSM community.

• Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members.

• Has no BDSM references or friends you can talk to, and becomes angry if you ask for them.
• Has no friendships or refuses contact with their family.

Insecure

• Is always exaggerating.

• Always puts blame on others for things going wrong.

• They resort to extreme measures to prove that they are not at fault.

• Does not take personal responsibility, or acknowledge their mistakes.

• Their apologies feel insincere, phony, or are insulting in nature.

• Puts you down in front of other people.

• Is constantly comparing themselves to others.

• Brags excessively about their experience, scene credentials, mastery, training, scene name dropping.

• Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like, Tries to keep you in the dark
about what might happen next in the relationship.

• Never shows you their human side. Hides their vulnerabilities or behave in an emotionless manner.

• Hides behind their D/s authority, says that their authority should not be questioned.

Disrespectful

• Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions.

• Is rude to public servants such as waitresses, cashiers and janitors.

• Displays little concern or awareness of the feelings or needs of others.

• Never says thank you, excuse me or I am sorry to anyone.

• Obvious and excessive displays of impatience.

• Believe that they are deserving of some particular reward or benefit even at the expense of others.

Manipulative

• Tries to make you feel guilty for not being “good enough”.
• Says that you are not a true sub/slave/dom.

• Belittles your ideas.

• Blames you for your hurt feelings.

• Tries to make you think that relationship problems are your fault.

• Yells or by threatens to withdraw their love/leave you if you do not do as he/she wishes

Inconsistent

• Consistently breaks promises.

• Makes plans then makes excuses for not meeting.

• Treats you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next.

• Goes through extreme highs (behaving with great kindness) and pronounced lows (behaving with
cruelty), almost as though they are two distinctly different people.

Domineering

• Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do.

• Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts.

• Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast.

• Pushes you into a sexual relationship too fast.

• Pushes you into a poly relationship too fast.

• Overly demanding of your time and must be the center of your attention.

• Insists a safe word is not necessary.

Intemperate

• Conspicuous consumption: spending largely and inappropriately on luxury items.

• Abuses alcohol or other drugs.

• Gambles excessively.
• Is constantly asking for money or material goods from you or others.

• Falls in love with you way too fast and swears undying love before even meeting you.

• Begins saying things like, “I can’t live without you.”

• Deliberately saying or doing things that result in getting themselves seriously hurt.

Temperamental

• Loses control of their emotions in arguments. Raises their voice, yelling, name-calling and blame.

• Uses force or violence to solve problems

• Punch walls or throw things when they’re upset.

• Turns on their peers, going quickly from “best friend” to “arch enemy”, often for trivial or imagined
reasons.

• Displays a disproportionately negative reaction to being told “no”.

• Holds excessive grudges against others and goes to great lengths to get revenge on people.

• Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm.

• Hypersensitive and easily upset by annoyances that are part of daily life.

Conditioned

• Were an abuse victim themselves, and may be abusive as a learned behavior.

• May exhibit cruel behavior towards animals.

• Might admit to hitting a partner in the past, but claims the partner “made” him/her do it.

Tips for finding, meeting & chatting with a CG/Dom/Domme:

- Do your research. Know the basics of the lifestyle and what you want out of a DDlg and D/s
relationship and always try to keep yourself well informed.

- Ask Questions. Don’t be afraid to ask a lot of questions. Just because they are a CG/Dom/Domme
doesn’t mean they are the only ones who get to ask the questions. In the beginning ask as much as you
can to know as much you can about them and what they want out of a relationship. It’s a good idea to
write down a list of questions you have so you can refer to them when needed. Be prepared to answer a
lot of questions, too.

- Know your hard limits.

If you’re looking for your D/s relationship to have a BDSM aspect, then it’s a good idea to know the
types of kinks, fetishes and practices out there. It can be difficult to know what might be a hard limit if
it’s something you’ve never tried, but do your research and seriously think about what might be on the
no go list for you. It’s a good thing to know what you are wanting and not wanting to do, willing and not
willing as you will then be able to discuss the possibilities in play with the CG/Dom/Domme if He or She
asks.

- Don’t rush. Don’t feel like you have to rush into anything. Take your time and don’t feel pressured to
enter into anything you feel unsure about or you’re not ready for. Finding a partner in the lifestyle isn’t
easy, but it can be very rewarding once you do. This doesn’t mean you have to get involved with the first
CG/Dom/Domme you meet, just go at a pace that’s comfortable for you and know that you’ll find the
right partner for you when the time is right.

**Meeting in public.

If you have met somebody online and are meeting them for the first time in public, my tip here is to
meet in a place that’s popular like a cafe and not somewhere secluded. Hey, you gotta be safe, right? If
you’re still a little uncomfortable on the idea, ask a friend to come along for support and have them sit
at a table close by so you know you’re not alone.

Some good news after the bad

Let’s back up for a moment, and consider the aspects of a good and GENUINE Dom/ Daddy. This list is a
compilation of the characteristics of a genuine caregiver:

Highly Intelligent

Dominants are drawn to a D/s relationship for the intense mental exchange and connection it provides.
To Doms – and subs the brain is truly the biggest sex organ of all. This is why most real Doms are above
average or extremely high in intelligence. Oftentimes they are at, or nearing, the top of their game in
their careers, too.
They Value Beauty

Art, literature, theatre, music – Joanne says real Dominants not only appreciate beauty, they have a
tendency to observe and notice what the average man would not. They might suddenly praise an
understated detail in decor, for example, like a vase on a shelf; or have a genuine appreciation for the
artistry of figure skating. In turn, they are naturally able to notice, and appreciate, the many shades and
nuances of a woman, mind, body and soul.

Obsessive Compulsive — or Almost

In all or most of my experiences with Dominants, they were ADD, ADHD or obsessive compulsive to
some degree or another. We aren’t talking off the charts, but their brains are definitely highly active
and stimulated. And when a person becomes the focus of that mental activity, “it’s absolutely electric.”

Fit in Body, too

Most real Doms take care of their bodies and are good shape. This speaks to the sexual scenes that arise
in a D/s relationship: Bottom line, they require both parties to be in good shape. “Sometimes a scene
can go on for hours, it takes more than mental and emotional endurance to move through it, it demands
a strong body AND mind.”

Great Listening Skills

In a true D/s relationship, the submissive’s thoughts, feelings, and desires are the Dom’s primary
concern and attention – not just around sex, but in terms of her overall happiness in life. A Dominant
should listen, contemplate, encourage her to dig deeper and will attempt to hear not just what she says,
but what she doesn’t say. “If you meet a Dom for coffee who is mouthy, rude, judgmental, and focused
on talking about sex, I’d say run for the hills. He’s either a control freak or in it just for himself and the
kinky sex.”
Excellent Self-control

If this is a man you’re going to surrender and entrust with your body, mind and soul, you need to know
he has excellent self-control. When you become his submissive you are vulnerable to him in every way.
The physical vulnerability (and risk) is obvious, but so is your heart. You are sharing your deepest
thoughts and desires and allowing him explore and expand your limits. He MUST be able to control
himself and not put his needs above yours.

Highly Creative

Creativity runs high in the mind and hearts of real Dominants. It’s one of the greatest pleasures for the
submissive as she never really knows what to expect – in the bedroom or out – which leaves her feeling
“on the alert” and full anticipation for what may/may not happen.

Maturity

Though some Dominants come into D/s in their twenties, it tends to happen more often in their late
thirties, forties and fifties. “Younger men may notice they have Dominant tendencies, but not really
understand or hone their Dominant ‘skills’.” In other words, with age comes experience – not to
mention self-awareness and acceptance.

Age is NOT a final determining factor for maturity- I know many 50+ that are as mature as a toddler, but
I also have met people in their 20’s that were leaps and bounds ahead of their peers. A good Daddy can
go from safe, mature, and Dominating to a level closer to His little, while maintaining his Dominance and
protecting nature. Consider when you interact with a young child- you don’t want to talk down to them,
and you don’t want to confuse them either, so you bring yourself to their level, and this is what a good
Daddy can do- meet on a level appropriate for his sub.

Strong but Quiet Confidence

Note that there’s difference between bravado and confidence. Real Doms know who they are and
exude a strength and confidence without being cocky or braggarts. She says that if they feel a need to
tell you how confident they are, you should raise a doubtful brow.
And now, let’s go back to fakes, flakes and predators, and another GREAT way to help you spot them!

Acid Tests for True Dominants

By Dr. Spankenstein All rights reserved used with permission of the author

Introduction

The term ‘Acid Test’ is an old prospecting term. A powerful acid can dissolve most base metals in a
matter of minutes. However, gold will stand up to most acids. So the ‘Acid Test’ was an easy way for
people to make sure they had a real nugget of gold and not a lump of the ‘fool’s’ variety. In the same
way, these tests are meant to be quick ways to identify fake Doms. Passing all these tests is no
guarantee either, there is no replacement for getting to know your prospective partner as well as
possible before you even meet in person.

Now most of these tests are designed in mind for a submissive female trying to sort through men
claiming to be Doms online. They are largely based on the many questions I get asked by my female
friends still searching for a Dominant partner. Some of them can probably be used by male subs as well,
but for the most part, these tests are best for ferreting out male fakes. Vanilla males are usually after
‘easy sex’ and this motive makes them easier to identify than a lot of the fake Dommes out there.

Step One: Do the Math

Various estimates and surveys have placed the ratio of real (i.e. natural) male sexual Dominants to
female sexual submissives at about one to ten. However, a quick count in any given BDSM oriented chat
room would lead you to believe that male Doms outnumber the subs at about two to one. Now if there
is actually only one male Dom for every ten female subs, then that means that 19 out of the 20 “Doms”
you see online have to be fakes. Keep this in mind. There is a 95% chance that any man you talk to
online claiming to be a Dom is no such thing. This leads us to our first rule, a rule that all statisticians and
scientists already know by heart: “When in doubt, throw it out!”

Your search for a suitable Dominant partner (especially if you are seeking a serious long-term
relationship as well) could easily take years. That’s hardly surprising, most people spend years looking
for that special lover, be they ‘vanilla’ or otherwise. So don’t be disheartened by all these drastic ratios.
But don’t waste your time either. If any of the prospects you are chatting with online makes you feel
uncomfortable for any reason, drop him. Don’t give him ‘three strikes’ or ‘extra chances to win.’ Block
out his screen-name and move on. There was only a one in twenty chance he was legitimate anyway.
Trust your instincts!
Step Two: Know Your Enemy

We call them Snerts. We call them HNG’s (Horny Net Geeks). We call them Wannabes. We call them
Control Freaks. And sometimes, tragically, we even find some that can only be called rapists and
predators. They are all your enemy. Don’t bother thinking they are anything less. Even a more or less
well-meaning Snert can land you in a hospital. Real BDSM is not for dilettantes or amateurs: Not, now,
and never! Even if he turns out to be a more or less nice guy, if he’s not a Dom, he’s not going to give
you what you really need. He will likely give you many things you don’t need, like medical bills and other
assorted headaches.

Snerts are basically looking for easy sex. They are counting on the (highly inaccurate) assumption that
sexual submissives are simply sexually promiscuous. Nothing could be farther from the truth, but that
doesn’t deter them at all. They are typically middle aged to somewhat older men. They are often
married. They are usually trying to bolster their flagging vanilla sex lives with some casual screwing
around. They target submissives because they think that they won’t make demands on their sexual
prowess (another bad assumption). They can be easily spotted because they almost always demand or
at least emphasize sexual intercourse being a part of their ‘scenes.’

HNG’s are usually the most harmless (and yet often the most annoying) of the enemy types. Most are
teenagers and young men looking for some quick cyber-sex or even phone-sex. They are usually pretty
sophisticated about their BDSM jargon and the ‘scenes’ they describe to you can be pretty elaborate.
Geeks do their homework. They scour the porno sites for ideas, and hang out in BDSM chats for hours
on end learning the lingo. These are most easily spotted because they want to move on to cyber-sex and
phone sex very quickly. They like to offer online collars, and spend hours on end in chat rooms ‘playing’
with their ‘subbies.’ Don’t waste your time with them.

The second most dangerous type of enemy is the Control Freak. Control freaks are what most
psychologists and therapists call ‘controlling personalities.’ They are basically obsessed with control of
everything around them, especially the people in their lives. They want all their family, friends, and even
coworkers to behave exactly as they say. They are extremely manipulative people. These men can be
dangerous because many really have convinced themselves that they are Dominants as a way to justify
their dysfunctional lives. Many inexperienced submissives find themselves ‘naturally’ attracted to these
men because outwardly they seem so ‘in command’ of things all the time. The truly ironic (and sad)
thing is, a controlling personality is actually the closest thing to the opposite of a sexual Dominant.

Controls Freaks can be spotted because they often talk about ‘taking care of you’ and also ‘knowing
what’s best for you.’ They almost always try to play on your emotions; especially guilt. They also usually
criticize and even resent the advice you get from other people. They often talk about 24/7 BDSM
relationships without going into any details about what kind of actual scenes they play. They are fond of
telling you that they prefer the ‘mental aspect’ of Domination and submission. They tend to be both
demanding and argumentative. Nothing you do will ever be quite right. While all this may seem very
repulsive and easy to avoid, be on your guard, the average control freak often seems very charming
initially. Once they have their hooks into you it’s very hard to get untangled.

The last and most dangerous type of enemy is the rapist or predator. These are the men most likely to
damage or even end your life. The truly frightening thing about these evil men it that there is NO easy
way to spot them. Rapists can be anything from bums to bank managers, and anyone from family
members to total strangers. One in four women has suffered an attack from this vile creature, and one
in seven men as well! Their motive is violence. The best defense is never making yourself too vulnerable.

To defend yourself from predators, learn all the ins and outs of setting up a good Safety Net. Follow
these procedures religiously. Most important of all take your time getting to know your prospective play
partners. This is good advice in any case. If you know your partner well, you’re more likely to have a
good time with him, because you will feel more comfortable during that first scene. Predators are more
likely to move on in search of easy prey, they do tend to be impulsive. If a ‘Dom’ you have been talking
to suddenly seems to lose interest in you after a period of time, you may have just saved your own life.
Don’t go chasing after anybody. A true Dom doesn’t need to play ‘hard to get.’

Step 3: Know your goal!

Take the time to figure out what you want. It’s often hard for newbie subs to do this because sometimes
they lack knowledge of what choices are available to them. So arm yourself with knowledge! There are
many fine publications, books, and internet websites that cater to sexual submissives. So start reading!
Learn about the different types of play and how they should be conducted. Learn everything you can
about how to set up a Safety Net. Learn all the dos and don’ts of meeting others and playing safely.
Decide what your Limits are and set them down on paper. This may seem like a lot of homework to do in
the name of fun, but also keep in mind that that it’s your ass that’s (literally) on the line here.

Know what a real Dom acts like. Remember, you are probably a sexual submissive because you are in
control the rest of the time. You are strong, likely even ambitious as well. You have a career, or goals, or
a lifestyle that demands this high level of energy and control. So giving away your control is a beautiful
respite from everyday life. Your power and energy are things you only want to give to someone you
trust, and in intimate situations at that. It’s a very personal thing to you!

Well guess what, sexual Dominants are usually the compliment of this. We are often strong people too,
and we do tend to be intelligent. We are often highly trained professionals or skilled craftsmen.
However, we tend to avoid lifestyles and careers that demand we be in control all the time. We tend to
be easygoing. I have never in my life met, or even heard of, an uptight sexual Dominant. We like being in
control in intimate situations. It’s a respite from the way we live our everyday lives. We are not really
the opposite of you, but we are the ‘puzzle piece’ that fits next to you snugly. In other words, don’t look
for a Dom that’s exactly like you. You won’t find him. Don’t look for a Dom that wants to run your
whole life; he doesn’t exist.
Above all, if you’re prospective Dom seems like a generally nice guy, you’re likely on the right track! Take
the time to get to know him. Don’t let the five control freaks on the other side of the chat room demand
your attention. A real Dominant isn’t likely to make ‘demands’ until it’s time to play.

Step 4: Memorize the Acid Tests!

Test #1:

When in doubt, throw it out! Don’t waste your time with people that make you feel uncomfortable.
Even if the guy was a real Dom, if his personality makes you feel uncomfortable, he’s not going to be fun
to play with.

Test #2:

“You’d better call me Sir!” is the mating call of a HNG or control freak. Real Doms don’t have to ask for
titles, we earn them. Most real Doms will say things like “please, call me Mike…”

Test #3:

“I want you to take my collar before you play with me.” This is another common demand of fakes, most
often made by control freaks. They have to isolate you from other people and their advice, and
sometimes a little ole “cyber-collar” is just the thing! Cyber-collars are worth less than the leather
required to make one.

Test #4:

If you get an Instant Message that says something like “On your knees you [slave, slut, bitch, whore,
etc.]” This is the mating call of the HNG. Use some common sense here. Why waste time with somebody
that’s not even polite? There’s a time and a place for these endearing terms, and it isn’t online!

Test #5:

“I don’t have to answer that question!” or “It’s not proper etiquette for you to ask a Master that.” are
examples of some the dangerous lies that control freaks and snerts use. This is the Acid test I personally
think is the most important! A Dom had better be ready to at least try and answer every question you
have, and honestly at that! It’s literally your ass that’s on the line! Never forget this!

Test #6:

“It’s my way or the highway!” or words to that effect, are the mating cry of the common control freak.
Doms can have Limits too, but it’s your Limits that count FIRST. Don’t let any would-be ‘Dom’ tell you
differently. Don’t let any of the wannabe subs tell you differently either. Where Male Dom/Fem sub play
is concerned, it’s always lady’s choice!
Test #7:

Don’t bother with online collars. Don’t make decisions about a prospective partner based on his online
play style. It’s a very simple test if you think about it: would a real life Dominant waste much time on
cybersex? Please take my word for it; the answer is no. Forget it; once you’ve done the real thing, cyber
is just too damn dull.

Test #8:

Ask your prospect if he’s ever made any mistakes during a scene. If he says ‘no,’ run for your life! If he
says, ‘very rarely,’ at least be suspicious. Everyone makes mistakes, even if they are experienced and
skilled. Sometimes submissives have Limits they don’t even know about, and even the most careful and
skilled Dom the world will trip over these occasionally. Remember, according to our good friends of the
Christian faith, the last perfect guy to walk this planet got nailed to a tree for his trouble. So expect
competence, but not miracles.

Test #9:

“I’m a [bank president, captain of industry, combat photographer, self-made millionaire… yadda yadda
yadda.]” Wouldn’t it be nice to meet a rich Dom too? Sure it would! But use some common sense too.
How many captains of industry have hours to spend in an AOL chat room? Also, think about this
personality profile; if this super successful, always-in-control person is really into BDSM, he’s likely a
submissive! Worse yet, it could very likely mean he is a control freak. I have met a lot of submissives that
fit this ambitious profile, but not one Dom yet!

Test #10:

“I’m 33 years old, and I’ve been a Master for 15 years.” Gimme a break! What are the odds? When you
ask about a Dom’s level of experience (and it’s a good idea to do so) remember to do the math as well.
18 year-old boys don’t care about the intricacies of BDSM; they want to get laid. Trust me on this one
Ladies; I was an 18 year-old boy once! I personally believe that people do become what they are (be it
gay, straight, Dom or sub) very early in life, but it takes maturity and training to be a Master. What are
the odds a person became a Master when they were still using Clearasil?

Test #11:

Ask for references! Especially if he claims to be ‘very experienced.’ Talk to the references on the phone.
Lots of HNG’s have female screen-names set up to act as ‘references’ for them! I notice that a lot of
newbies seem to have trouble with this concept. Which is understandable since in the vanilla world it’s
considered rude to talk to a guy’s ex-girlfriend? However, in the BDSM Scene it’s the opposite,
experienced Dominants should accept and accommodate this kind of request gladly.
Test #12:

“I have three real life collared slaves right now, but you can’t talk to them.” Okay, when you consider
the ratio and all, this sounds possible. What makes this an acid test failed (and failed miserably at that) is
the last part. I have met couples (and even triples) that really were looking for an extra person to add to
the mix. This is not uncommon at all in the Scene. But these couples were looking together. If a ‘Dom’
has anyone already collared to them, you probably ought to talk to her first!

Test #13:

“I don’t need safe words.” Well of course he doesn’t! If he said this he’s likely a Snert and therefore he’s
never really been in a scene! Of course he might be a predator too, and then he wouldn’t need safe
words either. Need I say more?

Test #14:

“My slaves trust me to set their Limits for them.” If you hear a ‘Dom’ say this, it’s most likely because
these slaves only exist in his mind. Or worse still, his ‘slave’ is simply the victim of spouse abuse. Even so
called TPE (Total Power Exchange) and other sorts of 24/7 (i.e. full time) BDSM relationships should
involve careful and thorough negotiation.

Test #15:

“I’m Married, my wife can’t know about us” If I have to explain this one too you, you’ve got problems. I
have played with many married submissives in my time, but only with the express permission (and more
often than not, participation) of their husbands. Safe BDSM requires complete honesty. You can’t build a
good Scene on lies. There are plenty of people that will be willing to tell you differently; but please note,
they will all turn out to be adulterers (and hence, liars) themselves.

Test #16:

Insert your own Acid Test here: You will learn much from your mistakes and missteps. If you form an
online contact with a “Dom” that falls through, analyze why it fell through. Don’t make the same
mistakes twice if you can help it.
Step 5: It’s not just the men you have to screen!

Finding some female submissives to be buddies with you on your quest is a very good idea. Especially if
they are experienced players; they can give you unique perspectives, emotional support, and even
references to legitimate Doms to play with. They can also, most importantly, provide a Safety Net for
you during those first meetings with the men you meet. The benefits of teaming up with other women
in your search should be obvious!

However, be just as cautious about what you hear from other women online as well. If you are so
inclined to search for a Domme for instance, the Acid tests should apply just as well. Be very cautious
about the women you meet online that claim to be submissives as well. There are a great number of
female HNG’s who live their BDSM lifestyle in the vacuum of cyber-space. Their advice and experiences
are not only useless in the real world, they can be dangerous. Another class of “female enemy” is even
more tragic and dangerous; the Victim.

A Victim is just that; a victim of physical and/or mental abuse that uses BDSM as an excuse to continue
denying the reality of her tragic situation. These people are disturbingly common as well. They are
dangerous to you too! These women are not just full of very dangerous advice, but they are usually very
vehement about telling you that their lifestyle is the only “real BDSM.” They can fill your head full of
doubts faster than one of the male enemy types.

Spare little sympathy, tell them to get help, and stay the heck away from them (in exactly this order). It
may seem mercenary, but it is in fact the right thing to do. This is my training as a CASA (Citizens Against
Spouse Abuse) volunteer talking. An abuse victim can only save herself, and then only when she is ready
to do so. If you let her vent her frustrations and fears on you, she will then go back to her familiar little
hell, leaving you emotionally drained and likely scared too. Your quest for safe play partners is going to
be tough enough as it is. Avoid Victims completely if you can, and if you can’t, urge them to get help. It’s
not your job to save the world, keeping yourself safe and happy is enough work.

In Closing

This all seems like a lot of work. It is. Some of it sounds awfully scary too. It should. So why bother with
this quest at all? Why not just stick “cyber only” in your profile and forget real life BDSM? Why not just
drop it all together? I can give you only one good reason; when it is done safely, and it suits your needs,
it can be the one of the most profoundly fulfilling experiences in your life! I used to cringe at terms like
“sex magic,” but now that I know the spells, I’m an unabashed Wizard! Besides, any student of
psychology can tell you that denial has its own dangers too. The easy roads are not the ones that lead to
interesting places. So arm yourself with knowledge, find yourself some trustworthy friends to share the
journey, and start walking. Just don’t forget to bring your Acid Tests too!
Okay- breathe!  Here are some more positive
traits of a good Dom/Daddy/Caregiver:

7 FUNDAMENTAL CHARACTERISTICS
OF A DADDY DOMINANT

Age play and Daddy play are often misunderstood to those outside of the kinky community. One can
assume the role of Daddy/Mommy or boy/boi/girl regardless of their actual age or gender. The article
below from guest author, Fetlife’s WizarDavid, gives a very accurate peek into the relationship of a
Daddy Dominant and Babygirl. This is part of a series of articles called Beyond 50 Shades of Grey that
take a deeper, more realistic look at elements of BDSM. Get ready to go Beyond 50 Shades.

Just what is a Daddy Dom? Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost a Dom. He chooses the
subcategory of “Daddy” within the lifestyle of dominance and submission (D/s). Let’s get one thing out
of the way right at the beginning. A Daddy Dom does not promote incest or pedophilia as the kink may
be misunderstood by ignorant people. Rather, in this specific subcategory, the dynamic is set up for the
male dominant to be called “Daddy,” and the female submissive (sub) to be called “girl,” “little girl,” or
“babygirl,” etc. Rarely is she called “daughter,” as this evokes too many parallels to incest, which
Daddies and their girls detest. And while some Doms and some subs may have been victims of family
violence, incest, or other abuse, Daddy Doms and their girls are not overrepresented in these categories
any more than the general population.

The following are some of the fundamental characteristics, and indeed needs, that all Daddy dominants
seem to share universally:

1. Her Number One Fan, the Daddy usually believes in his girl more than she herself does, and
often uses the wisdom of his age to see her not only for who she is, but also for whom she can
become. A Daddy’s eyes light up when his girl enters the room. He is proud of her and praises
her for not just for what she accomplishes, but for what she attempts, and for who she is. He
accepts her for who she is flaws and all.

2. And he knows all her flaws because he is also her ultimate Confidant, allowing her to bare her
soul to him beyond all others. She may have many different relationships and types of friends in
her life. But Daddy will be her “umbrella confidant.” The one with whom she can talk about
absolutely anything and trust that what she tells Daddy stays with Daddy. He is the one from
whom she withholds nothing. The one who doesn’t mind if she needs to call and talk at 3am.
 3. He is the Protector of his girl against real or perceived threats, dangers, and bad people.
Sometimes a little girl just needs to curl up in Daddy’s arms and smile at some of his bluster, and
sometimes the Daddy may have to act on his protective instincts. Pity the person who messes
with a Daddy’s girl.

4. Her Teacher and mentor shows her new things that come from a longer and possibly wider set
of life experiences. Daddy likes to take his girl to places she has never been, feed her foods she
has never eaten, and do activities she has never enjoyed before. He is never as happy as when
he can look in her eyes and know he has given her something she has never had before. This
also translates into sexual adventurism for some Daddy/girl couples. He symbolically deflowers
her on a regular basis, whether that is sexual or just in exposure to new life adventures.

5. He wants to be her Guide and advisor. As the girl makes her way in the world, Daddy wants to
be there to answer her questions, calm her fears, make her insecurities go away, and give her
sound advice based on his years of experience.

6. Anchor. The Daddy Dom is an unyielding, unmovable anchor in the storm. No matter what
happens in the girl’s life, she knows her Daddy will be right there where he has always been, and
she can hold onto that even if she is blinded by her own tears. Daddies know the storm will pass,
and she will be safe, but she needs something to hold onto that will not move.

7. Disciplinarian. When the girl acts badly, she expects to be disciplined or punished for the
infraction. Most Daddy dominants find it occasionally difficult to keep this up, especially as the
affection for their girl grows. They would love nothing more than to spoil their girls, but they
realize this is the path to ruin. One a girl begins to believe she can manipulate Daddy, she no
longer sees him as her dominant, unyielding anchor. A girl needs the stability and protection of a
man who is more dominant than she is. To demonstrate that characteristic, Daddies must
sometimes be excessively strict and rigid, more so than they would in normal relationships. The
act of disciplining the girl may be used as part of a sadomasochistic activity.

In addition to these practically mandatory characteristics, some couples add their

own sadism and masochism to the mix, and may use the concept of the wolf or lion and little lamb to
describe the way in which the Daddy simultaneously protects his little girl from the world, and yet wants
to dominate and devour her sexually. As a sadist, he may create the very tears that he will later kiss
away. Sounds sweet, and yet terrifying, if you are not accustomed to the world of sadomasochism in
which these participants operate. But to a Daddy and his girl who are into BDSM, this is the most perfect
of scenarios they can imagine to act out their fetish.

Daddies come in many flavors, just as their girls do. Some Daddies may have polyamorous girls who
have male and female lovers, and Daddy may be that one person outside the polyamory “family” who
does not judge her. A Daddy and his girl might not have a sexual relationship at all. Since this is typically
a D/s construct, there is usually a sexual component, but as can be seen from the above list of
characteristics, sex is not the largest factor or the motivating force in this type of relationship. A Daddy
may have more than one girl, may be married and have a girl, too, or may have other types of
combinations. But it is rare for a girl to have more than one Daddy.
It is said that “a Top is for tonight, a Dominant is for as long as she is submissive, a Master is there until
she is no longer a slave, but a Daddy is forever.” Daddy may have to give his girl away to a husband. He
may eventually run out of things to teach his little girl. She may ultimately not need his sage advice and
his experience any more. Hopefully he will be too old by then to have to deal with it, because when
there is nothing left to teach, no need for a confidant, no discipline needing to be meted out, when his
little girl no longer needs her Daddy, that’s when he will die inside. The need that Daddy has for his girl is
every bit as potent as the need she has for her Daddy.

A Daddy usually knows he is one. He doesn’t have to be convinced of it, or taught how to be a Daddy. He
may only need to have his innate Daddy characteristics pointed out to him. It might happen in the
throes of a sexual activity when she exclaims “Daddy” for the first time, and the light goes on. Similarly,
the little girl usually knows she needs a Daddy without having to be taught how to be his little girl. Once
they identify themselves as Daddy/Little Girl, the draw is more powerful than many other forms of
attraction, because it is rooted in deep-seated and old emotions that may not have any other outlet.

Girls in this lifestyle do not act like little girls in their normal work lives. They do not bring teddy bears to
work. Indeed many are older women who are very assertive and successful in the business world, but
need this special place to get nurturing and comfort lacking in their careers. A Daddy might not
necessarily act parental or fatherly in his normal work life either. For some it may be role playing, for
some it is a secret lifestyle, and other couples delight in the joys of unabashedly practicing the
Daddy/girl dynamic in public. In any case, it evokes deep-seated needs and emotions for both parties,
and is a very powerful dynamic.

While some of these characteristics could easily be applied to any good male-female relationship, there
are some that require something quite different than the “50/50 partnership” that is so often touted as
the healthiest. This is not 50/50. This is a Dominant/submissive relationship, and all the characteristics
should be viewed through the lens of D/s.

And while many of the characteristics could also be easily applied to any good D/s or Master/slave
relationship, there are some characteristics that are decided different. Not all Masters consider
themselves their slave’s number one fan or her umbrella confidant. Teacher, guide, and anchor are not
necessarily roles that a Master is required to adopt.

This is nowhere near a complete treatise on Daddy/girl relationships. It does not address the possibility
that parent-child ego states (Transactional Analysis) are the preferred communication mode. It does not
address the “play space” created by the Daddy for the girl to enjoy feeling “little,” or many other aspects
that make D/g different from other D/s, M/s and similar dynamics. But this description of Daddy Dom
characteristics will hopefully be useful as a baseline explanation of what makes a Daddy tick.
In The Name of Fake

Fake can be such a harmful and derogatory name when used in the wrong way. And so, I try my best not
to use it as much as possible. But, still I find myself using it enough when in discussions with some
people about the difference between some Doms and other Doms, or those subs and these subs. It's
easy to categorize them based on true or fake. Now I sit here and wonder if fake is even possible. I
believe it is, but the line is very thin, and nearly impossible to see.

In order to see the line, I would have to go as far as to dissect every aspect of BDSM in its entirety. This
would take forever in my opinion. I know what I am, and I know what I look for in a Dom. I know what
my lifestyle of choice entails. I've heard from many that I am what is known as a natural or true
submissive. I won't dispute that. Not even a little bit. But what makes the true difference between what
I choose as my own path and what others do? What makes me true and others fake? Is it like a gay man
calling a bisexual man fake? Are there possibly levels to this just as in every other form?

Submission

Here are my beliefs on BDSM. And please, again, as I've always asked don't judge me on what I believe,
because I do not judge others either. I'm just merely trying to point out my personal opinion on what
BDSM has done and is for me. And even so, I'm not sure if I would even classify it as BDSM. I'm part of
their world yes, but in a grander and more superfluous way than others may be. My belief in it is based
solely and one hundred percent on trust and communication. It's also based on having a connection,
feeling, and emotion behind it. I'm on the M/s side of things. The Master/slave connection. This is
something that I have found that I need within my regular day to day life. 24/7. Through all of my
experiences when I am with a Master is the only time I am at my best. And yes, I am a masochist. I do
enjoy pain. About as much as I enjoy pleasing my Master. But this isn't something I take lightly at all. In
fact, it is a serious devotion to me. My entire being rests within the sanctity of this connection. Which is
why for me, it is so important to have trust, communication, emotion and of course connection. There is
love, and there is warmth within my constrictions. A safety. I know that he will never actually harm me
and that anything is done is purely consensual.

The other part of my belief seems to be very contrary to the mainstream beliefs about BDSM. It's not all
about sex. Not at all. This is where the line seems to get blurred, and this is where the fake term seems
to come into play the most. And this is where I have my mind mostly thinking on. Although, yes there is
a great deal of sexual gratification to be had within its walls, it really is just a bonus to the whole
experience. At least, for someone like me who is has it so deeply ingrained within me. Simply put, as a
natural submissive, I can't function properly without having someone to micro manage (in a way) my
day to day life. For me, giving all my trust, and my life to a Master, is the only way to achieve full safety
and fulfillment in my life. Again, I'm asking for no judgment here. We all have opinions and beliefs, this is
a part of mine and I hold it dear to my heart. For me to come out so openly about it is scary enough so I
ask for nothing less than support and if not support then at least bite your tongue and not say the harsh
things you wish to say. I will admit that this side of life can be....dark, perhaps scary and harmful to
some. Wanting to be at the mercy of someone, to be hurt in specific ways can in fact seem very strange
and not right in some eyes. This is why the whole idea of BDSM is such a taboo subject. I'm not going
into that side of it too much though, I merely want to try and make a distinction between fake and real
today.

Submissive

So as I said before, where the real problem lies is in the idea of the sexual part of the BDSM world. There
are certainly many different distinctions and categories within BDSM to begin with. All of which I have
seen, experienced or heard of and so I'm fairly well versed. And of course, I've spoken to a great deal of
different individuals themselves from Doms to subs on what their take is on fake and real. Coincidentally
enough it seems that everyone, no matter which aspect of the lifestyle they live agree to some degree
on what categorizes fake compared to real.

At first glance my idea of a fake sub for example was someone who just took on several different Doms
within a span of days or weeks. Someone who was entirely masochistic and just wanted the sex part.
When speaking to these subs or seeing some of the different things they would do or go through I,
personally, would cringe and feel afraid for them. In my eyes it seems so dangerous, so scary and so
threatening. To give in to any Dom, not really knowing who they are truly and let them do some of the
most unspeakable and harmful things to your body all in the name of sexual gratification seems entirely
unthinkable and irresponsible in my thought process. But.....it is consensual, they do have safety words
(I don't believe in safety words myself, merely because the one I submit to is going to be a long term
lover so to speak who will be able to read me and respond accordingly...trust) and so, after long debate
within my head I've decided that these subs are not fake....just in a different color of the BDSM
spectrum than myself. Again, I personally don't believe that to be real but....that is because I would
never do that. I won't judge them, this is their life and this is what they want so good for them. As long
as it's safe and consensual, all the power to them. Now, this doesn't mean that there are not any fake
subs....this just means that the role-play subs as they are called are not fake. They are in fact real as can
be, but just want the BDSM to stay within a certain parameter of their own comfort level. I would ask
you what you believe a fake sub to be, and I'm sure that I would hear an answer similar to someone just
joining the community because they think they might like it. It's quite a friendly and open community;
I've never really seen as much support for each other as in the BDSM world. Just because you are new to
it doesn't make you fake. The fake ones in fact, are the real life, real world men and women that watch a
BDSM porn, or read a book such as Fifty Shades and decide "I'm going to try it" These fake subs walk
into the community believing already that they know everything and what they have seen or read is
exactly what will happen. They mislead a Dom on by pretending to be submissive and then once things
get a little too hard they turn and run, most likely pressing some sort of assault charges upon the Dom
because....they just didn't really know what being submissive really was. This is a fake sub in my opinion.
The fake sub is the one that walks in claiming to be a natural sub, claiming to know all there is to know,
and then BOOM. Once they realize it's more than what they saw or read they panic. I've seen far too
many Doms end up with assault charges because of these subs. Far too many that claim it was not
consensual once they decided they didn't like it. This fake sub gives all of us other subs, new and old, a
very bad name.
The Fake Dominant

Now, there really is only one type of fake Dom, and we all are well aware of these ones. Abusive, self-
indulgent, selfish, sadistic, egotistical pieces of s**t that lure subs in with the promise of dominance only
to use and abuse them for their own selfish greedy needs. I'm chuckling a bit whilst I write this, merely
because I can almost hear you saying "isn't that what a Dominant is?" Here is the reality. A dominant is
not a selfish person at all. He puts the needs of his sub, whether in role-play or real life, ahead of his
own. He respects and cares for his sub because he understands the true strength and the power with
which he has been given. Even in role-play this is how it works. There is an exchange of power that goes
on; with the sub handing full control and power to the Dom she is actually holding the greatest power. A
real Dom understands this, he respects it, and he cares for it. He will not cross the line, he will never go
further than his sub can handle, and he cares for her once the session is over. He is as much there for
her as she is for him. (I'm saying him for Dom and her for sub only because I am a female sub. It can go
the other way as well, and I fully support that too) A fake Dom does NOT care what happens to the sub
at all. He merely thinks of his own personal needs and how to get them. He abuses the power he has
been given, he disrespects the sub and he walks away from her after harming her in severe ways. Quite
often these fakers end up giving Doms a bad name in general and which is why BDSM itself has such a
stigma attached to it. I personally have found myself at the hands of one of these fake Doms.
Sometimes, they are not that easy to spot. They can put on great facades and seem entirely true to
nature until you are in the thick of it and realize that you feel worse about yourself than you ever have
before. They are not good people and some don't even call them fake, they call them players. I call them
fake....fake is such a more harsh word. Player....just sounds like it's a game. And I am completely insulted
when anyone says in any way shape or form that BDSM in any aspect is a game and nothing more. To
me it's like saying your religion or your choice to be gay is a game....life is not a game, none of this from
religion to being gay, being submissive, or being dominant is a game. It is our lives, it is what we are.

“Daddy” Types- And Some Examples. © Jay Jenkins 10/11/2018

*DISCLAIMER*

Before we even begin to discuss today’s topic, Types of daddies/Mommies and their differences, I really,
really need to overstress the following statement:

NEVER, and I mean never ever look to someone else to define YOU! Even with the purest of intentions,
anyone that tries to shoehorn you into a “type” category is ultimately going to do you and your partner
more harm than good. This list and discussion is ONLY intended as reference, and neither Roxy nor I are
trying to steer you in ANY direction. What you take from this is what you take. Use it to learn and use it
to open discussion in your own personal dynamic! But don’t judge another human being (yourself OR
your partner) if they don’t fit into a tidy little label. That’s all these are- labels. Quantifiers to help
describe to others parts of what you may feel or believe. They are NOT exhaustive, nor are they set in
stone.

Finally, I will use the male “Daddy” as writing gender specific each time will take too much space. Please
understand that I love and support Mommies in exactly the same regard!

OK- Let’s get to it!

TYPES of DADDIES in a DD/lg Relationship:

In the rawest, most common denominator, there are two types of Daddy Dom:

1.) Playful, loving, nurturing

2.) Sadistic, strict or stern

(fakes and players will be discussed later)

Every single one of these words can be grouped together to form a unique, individual. Some may be
strict, yet nurturing. Others may be playful and sadistic. You get the point I’m sure.

Characteristics of Playful loving, nurturing Daddies:

These are the Daddy types that enjoy coloring/crafting with their little. They may also take them to a
park and swing them, slide down the slide with them, give piggy back rides. This type of Daddy has a
little bit of little inside him, and he relishes in the art of play. Video games. Board games. Cards. Role
play. All are aspects of the playful Daddy. In the bedroom or “playroom”, he is usually (not always) very
open to suggestions from his little, as his goal is to please her, so that she will in turn please him. Make
no mistake- this Daddy type may seem weak or like a switch at first thought, but you can be sure that he
is still in control, even if he allows input. A Dom’s power and strength come not from deep inside but
from the sub he tends, who has granted said power. For this type of Daddy it is very common to learn
that they are, in real life, parents of children.
On the nurturing side, you may find that this Daddy helps his little to organize, pick out their clothes,
monitor snacking, gaming, and online exposure, and set a list of ‘chores’ for the little to complete either
each day, or each week. This is where Daddy will try to help the little improve in areas that the little feels
they are not up to snuff. He will guide and encourage. He will reward and punish as is fitting for the
situation. Normally, he is hoping for more rewards than punishment, and may try extra hard to always
use positive reinforcement. This does NOT make the Daddy weak- quite the contrary: He is a very strong
individual and knows what is best for his little. As in every relationship between people, it is always best
to pick and choose your battles! In the DD/lg aspect of the lifestyle, continual discipline and rebuttal do
not go well, and a Daddy who is always strict and stern may alienate himself from his little. Again- yes,
there are exceptions.

Characteristics of Strict, Sadistic, Stern Daddies:

The other side of the coin, the Obverse, is the Strict Daddy. This type generally sets a very specific set of
goals and expectations, and deviates very little from the ‘game plan’. This type is quicker to punish and
restrict for infractions. He will have a very clear goal in mind and, even if he doesn’t always vocalize this
goal, he knows it is in the contract that he is to help make his little the very best they can be.

For the more sadistic types, they may relish in giving unclear, vague instructions, delighting in the little’s
inability to fathom the true nature of the request, and is hoping to trip them up into a punishment, or a
funishment! This type of Daddy often fits better with sassy, bratty littles, who, given the opportunity,
would simply run amok when Daddy is not there to stop them. His punishments are far more likely to be
severe- spanking, corner standing, line writing, apology letter writing, edging, or loss of favorite items or
even loss of cuddle time until the infraction is rectified.

He may at times seem unnaturally stern, or perhaps even self-absorbed. But make no mistake- this
Daddy type has an agenda for his little, and his love is there for all to see, if they care enough to take the
time to see it. He is trying to teach his little very valuable lessons, and will reward proper behavior with
the fiercest of love, with things like bondage and discipline, love spankings, edging and release, etc.

Now, all of this may seem very “boxy”- and you probably are already yelling at your screen hoping I will
hear! LOL! Let me clarify once more:

All of these descriptors and characteristics are fully interchangeable with one another! Each Daddy is as
unique as each person on the planet. Never, EVER compare yourself to another Daddy Dom, and littles,
Never EVER compare your Daddy to another Daddy! Just as all people are unique, so too are all Daddies.
One final thought about Daddies versus Dominants: Daddies are far more likely to admit to their
shortcomings, and will acknowledge their need for improvement as well. Daddies will say things like “I
am sorry” or “I was not aware you felt ____ about ___.” Or “ I will try harder in the future” because we
want to grow and learn alongside of our littles. Every situation is a learning opportunity for us, and our
need to be perfect in the eyes of ‘the community’ is not as strong as our need to be loved by our littles.

I thank you for taking the time to read this, and it is my sincere hope that you will comment below with
whatever opinion you may have. I have purposefully left out a bunch of stuff, hoping you will catch it
and bring it to light for the group- that’s how we interact and learn and grow together!

J.