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Computational Intelligence-based
Optimization Algorithms

Computational intelligence-based optimization methods, also known as meta-

heuristic optimization algorithms, are a popular topic in mathematical programming.
These methods have bridged the gap between various approaches and created a
new school of thought to solve real-world optimization problems. In this book, we
have selected some of the most effective and renowned algorithms in the literature.
These algorithms are not only practical but also provide thought-provoking theor-
etical ideas to help readers understand how they solve optimization problems. Each
chapter includes a brief review of the algorithm’s background and the fields it has
been used in.
Additionally, Python code is provided for all algorithms at the end of each
chapter, making this book a valuable resource for beginner and intermediate
programmers looking to understand these algorithms.

Babak Zolghadr-Asli is currently a joint researcher under the QUEX program,

working at the Sustainable Minerals Institute at The University of Queensland in
Australia and The Centre for Water Systems at The University of Exeter in the UK.
His primary research interest is to incorporate computational and artificial intelli-
gence to understand the sustainable management of water resources.
 Computational
Intelligence-​based
Optimization Algorithms
From Theory to Practice

Babak Zolghadr-​Asli
Designed cover image: Shutterstock
First edition published 2024
by CRC Press
2385 NW Executive Center Drive, Suite 320, Boca Raton FL 33431
and by CRC Press
4 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon, OX14 4RN
CRC Press is an imprint of Taylor & Francis Group, LLC
© 2024 Babak Zolghadr-​Asli
Reasonable efforts have been made to publish reliable data and information, but the author and
publisher cannot assume responsibility for the validity of all materials or the consequences of their use.
The authors and publishers have attempted to trace the copyright holders of all material reproduced in
this publication and apologize to copyright holders if permission to publish in this form has not been
obtained. If any copyright material has not been acknowledged please write and let us know so we may
rectify in any future reprint.
Except as permitted under U.S. Copyright Law, no part of this book may be reprinted, reproduced,
transmitted, or utilized in any form by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or
hereafter invented, including photocopying, microfilming, and recording, or in any information storage
or retrieval system, without written permission from the publishers.
For permission to photocopy or use material electronically from this work, access www.copyri​ght.com
or contact the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc. (CCC), 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, 978-​
750-​8400. For works that are not available on CCC please contact [email protected]
Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks and are used
only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Zolghadr-Asli, Babak, author.
Title: Computational intelligence-based optimization algorithms :
from theory to practice / Babak Zolghadr-Asli.
Description: First edition. | Boca Raton, FL : CRC Press, 2024. |
Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2023019666 (print) | LCCN 2023019667 (ebook) |
ISBN 9781032544168 (hardback) | ISBN 9781032544151 (paperback) |
ISBN 9781003424765 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Computer algorithms. | Computational intelligence.
Classification: LCC QA76.9.A43 Z65 2024 (print) |
LCC QA76.9.A43 (ebook) | DDC 005.13–dc23/eng/20230623
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2023019666
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2023019667
ISBN: 978-​1-​032-​54416-​8 (hbk)
ISBN: 978-​1-​032-​54415-​1 (pbk)
ISBN: 978-​1-​003-​42476-​5 (ebk)
DOI: 10.1201/​9781003424765
Typeset in Times
by Newgen Publishing UK
Contents

List of Figures xi
Foreword xv
Preface xvii

1 An Introduction to Meta-​Heuristic Optimization 1

1.1 Introduction 1
1.2 Components of an Optimization Problem 3
1.2.1 Objective Function 5
1.2.2 Decision Variables 5
1.2.3 State Variables 6
1.2.4 Constraints 6
1.2.5 Search Space 7
1.2.6 Simulator 8
1.2.7 Local and Global Optima 9
1.2.8 Near-​Optimal Solutions 12
1.3 The General Theme of Meta-​Heuristic Algorithms 13
1.4 Different Types of Meta-​Heuristic Algorithms 16
1.4.1 Source of Inspiration 17
1.4.2 Number of Search Agents 17
1.4.3 Implementation of Memory 18
1.4.4 Compatibility with the Search Space’s Landscape 19
1.4.5 Random Components 19
1.4.6 Preserving Algorithms 20
1.5 Handling Constraints 21
1.6 Performance of a Meta-​Heuristic Algorithm 23
1.7 No-​Free-​Lunch Theorem 28
1.8 Concluding Remarks 29

2 Pattern Search Algorithm 32

2.1 Introduction 32
2.2 Algorithmic Structure of Pattern Search Algorithm 34
vi Contents

2.2.1 Initiation Stage 35

2.2.2 Searching Stage 35
2.2.3 Termination Stage 42
2.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Pattern Search
Algorithm 42
2.4 Python Codes 43
2.5 Concluding Remarks 46

3 Genetic Algorithm 49
3.1 Introduction 49
3.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Genetic Algorithm 53
3.2.1 Initiation Stage 53
3.2.2 Reproduction Stage 55
3.2.3 Termination Stage 60
3.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning of the Genetic Algorithm 61
3.4 Python Codes 62
3.5 Concluding Remarks 65

4 Simulated Annealing Algorithm 68

4.1 Introduction 68
4.2 Algorithmic Structure of Simulated Annealing Algorithm 70
4.2.1 Initiation Stage 70
4.2.2 Searching Stage 72
4.2.3 Termination Stage 75
4.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Simulated Annealing
Algorithm 75
4.4 Python Codes 76
4.5 Concluding Remarks 78

5 Tabu Search Algorithm 81

5.1 Introduction 81
5.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Tabu Search Algorithm 83
5.2.1 Initiation Stage 85
5.2.2 Searching Stage 85
5.2.3 Termination Stage 88
5.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Tabu Search Algorithm 89
5.4 Python Codes 90
5.5 Concluding Remarks 91

6 Ant Colony Optimization Algorithm 94

6.1 Introduction 94
6.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Ant Colony Optimization Algorithm 99
6.2.1 Initiation Stage 100
6.2.2 Foraging Stage 102
 Contents vii

6.2.3 Termination Stage 106

6.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Ant Colony
Optimization Algorithm 106
6.4 Python Codes 107
6.5 Concluding Remarks 110

7 Particle Swarm Optimization Algorithm 113

7.1 Introduction 113
7.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Particle Swarm Optimization
Algorithm 116
7.2.1 Initiation Stage 118
7.2.2 Searching Stage 119
7.2.3 Termination Stage 123
7.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Particle Swarm
Optimization Algorithm 124
7.4 Python Codes 125
7.5 Concluding Remarks 127

8 Differential Evolution Algorithm 130

8.1 Introduction 130
8.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Differential Evolution Algorithm 133
8.2.1 Initiation Stage 134
8.2.2 Reproduction Stage 135
8.2.3 Termination Stage 138
8.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning Differential Evolution
Algorithm 138
8.4 Python Codes 140
8.5 Concluding Remarks 141

9 Harmony Search Algorithm 144

9.1 Introduction 144
9.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Harmony Search Algorithm 146
9.2.1 Initiation Stage 147
9.2.2 Composing Stage 149
9.2.3 Termination Stage 153
9.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Harmony Search
Algorithm 153
9.4 Python Codes 155
9.5 Concluding Remarks 156

10 Shuffled Frog-​Leaping Algorithm 158

10.1 Introduction 158
10.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Shuffled Frog-​Leaping Algorithm 161
10.2.1 Initiation Stage 163
viii Contents

10.2.2 Foraging Stage 164

10.2.3 Termination Stage 169
10.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Shuffled
Frog-​Leaping Algorithm 169
10.4 Python Codes 171
10.5 Concluding Remarks 173

11 Invasive Weed Optimization Algorithm 176

11.1 Introduction 176
11.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Invasive Weed Optimization
Algorithm 179
11.2.1 Initiation Stage 181
11.2.2 Invasion Stage 182
11.2.3 Termination Stage 185
11.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Invasive Weed
Optimization Algorithm 186
11.4 Python Codes 187
11.5 Concluding Remarks 189

12 Biogeography-​Based Optimization Algorithm 192

12.1 Introduction 192
12.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Biogeography-​Based
Optimization Algorithm 196
12.2.1 Initiation Stage 197
12.2.2 Migration Stage 199
12.2.3 Termination Stage 203
12.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Biogeography-​Based
Optimization Algorithm 204
12.4 Python Codes 205
12.5 Concluding Remarks 207

13 Cuckoo Search Algorithm 210

13.1 Introduction 210
13.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Cuckoo Search Algorithm 212
13.2.1 Initiation Stage 214
13.2.2 Brood Parasitism Stage 215
13.2.3 Termination Stage 217
13.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Cuckoo Search
Algorithm 217
13.4 Python Codes 218
13.5 Concluding Remarks 220

14 Firefly Algorithm 223

14.1 Introduction 223
14.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Firefly Algorithm 226
 Contents ix

14.2.1 Initiation Stage 227

14.2.2 Mating Stage 228
14.2.3 Termination Stage 230
14.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Firefly Algorithm 231
14.4 Python Codes 232
14.5 Concluding Remarks 233

15 Gravitational Search Algorithm 236

15.1 Introduction 236
15.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Gravitational Search Algorithm 239
15.2.1 Initiation Stage 241
15.2.2 Repositioning Stage 242
15.2.3 Termination Stage 245
15.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Gravitational Search
Algorithm 245
15.4 Python Codes 247
15.5 Concluding Remarks 248

16 Plant Propagation Algorithm 251

16.1 Introduction 251
16.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Plant Propagation Algorithm 254
16.2.1 Initiation Stage 255
16.2.2 Propagation Stage 256
16.2.3 Termination Stage 259
16.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Plant Propagation
Algorithm 259
16.4 Python Codes 261
16.5 Concluding Remarks 262

17 Teaching-​Learning-​Based Optimization Algorithm 264

17.1 Introduction 264
17.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Teaching-​Learning-​Based
Optimization Algorithm 266
17.2.1 Initiation Stage 267
17.2.2 Teaching/​Learning Stage 269
17.2.3 Termination Stage 271
17.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Teaching-​
Learning-​Based Optimization Algorithm 272
17.4 Python Codes 273
17.5 Concluding Remarks 274

18 Bat Algorithm 278

18.1 Introduction 278
18.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Bat Algorithm 280
x Contents

18.2.1 Initiation Stage 281

18.2.2 Repositioning Stage 283
18.2.3 Termination Stage 286
18.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Bat Algorithm 287
18.4 Python Codes 288
18.5 Concluding Remarks 290

19 Flower Pollination Algorithm 293

19.1 Introduction 293
19.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Flower Pollination Algorithm 295
19.2.1 Initiation Stage 296
19.2.2 Pollination Stage 297
19.2.3 Termination Stage 300
19.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Flower Pollination
Algorithm 301
19.4 Python Codes 302
19.5 Concluding Remarks 303

20 Water Cycle Algorithm 307

20.1 Introduction 307
20.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Water Cycle Algorithm 309
20.2.1 Initiation Stage 311
20.2.2 Hydrological Simulation Stage 312
20.2.3 Termination Stage 316
20.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Water
Cycle Algorithm 317
20.4 Python Codes 319
20.5 Concluding Remarks 320

21 Symbiotic Organisms Search Algorithm 323

21.1 Introduction 323
21.2 Algorithmic Structure of the Symbiotic Organisms
Search Algorithm 325
21.2.1 Initiation Stage 327
21.2.2 Symbiosis Stage 328
21.2.3 Termination Stage 331
21.3 Parameter Selection and Fine-​Tuning the Symbiotic
Organisms Search Algorithm 331
21.4 Python Codes 333
21.5 Concluding Remarks 334

Index 337
Figures

1.1 Search space of a standard constrained two-​dimensional

optimization problem 8
1.2 The relative and absolute extrema of a generic one-​dimensional
optimization problem 10
1.3 The generic scheme of (a) single-​modal and (b) multimodal
one-​dimensional maximization problem 11
1.4 The generic scheme of near-​optimal solutions in a one-​dimensional
maximization problem 12
1.5 Convergence of an optimization problem toward the minimum
solution of (a) an algorithm with a preservation strategy and
(b) an algorithm with no preservation strategy 25
1.6 Convergence rate of an algorithm that is considered
(a) robust and (b) non-​robust 28
2.1 The computational flowchart of the pattern search algorithm 36
2.2 The mesh grid networks of tentative points are generated by
(a) GPS and (b) MADS methods in a two-​dimensional
search space 40
2.3 The schematic structure of the pattern moves in a
two-​dimensional search space 41
2.4 Pseudocode for the pattern search algorithm 43
3.1 The computational flowchart of the genetic algorithm 54
3.2 Diffracted methods to conduct crossover: (a) one-​point
crossover, (b) two-​point crossover, and (c) uniform crossover 58
3.3 Pseudocode for the genetic algorithm 62
4.1 The computational flowchart of the simulating annealing algorithm 71
4.2 A random walk in a two-​dimensional search space 72
4.3 Pseudocode for simulating annealing algorithm 76
5.1 The computational flowchart of the tabu search algorithm 84
5.2 The mesh grid network of tentative points generated by the GPS
method in a two-​dimensional search space 87
5.3 Pseudocode for the tabu search algorithm 89
xii Figures

6.1 The general scheme of a double-​bridge experiment with a single

node at (a) the beginning of the experiment, (b) mid-​experiment,
(c) the end of the experiment 97
6.2 The computational flowchart of the ant colony optimization
algorithm 100
6.3 Pseudocode for the ant colony optimization algorithm 107
7.1 The computational flowchart of the particle swarm optimization
algorithm 117
7.2 Pseudocode for the particle swarm optimization algorithm 125
8.1 The computational flowchart of the differential evolution
algorithm 134
8.2 Pseudocode for the differential evolution algorithm 139
9.1 The computational flowchart of the harmony search algorithm 148
9.2 The general theme of composing a new harmony using the
memory stagey 150
9.3 Pseudocode for the harmony search algorithm 154
10.1 The computational flowchart of the shuffled frog-​leaping
algorithm 162
10.2 The partition machine of the shuffled frog-​leaping algorithm 165
10.3 Pseudocode for the shuffled frog-​leaping algorithm 170
11.1 The computational flowchart of the invasive weed optimization
algorithm 180
11.2 The relationship between the number of produced seeds
for each weed plant and their objective functions in a
(a) maximization, and (b) minimization problem 183
11.3 Pseudocode for the invasive weed optimization algorithm 187
12.1 Species relocating rate based on the habitats’ population 195
12.2 The computational flowchart of the biogeography-​based
optimization algorithm 198
12.3 The relationship between movement ratings and habitats
suitability index 200
12.4 Pseudocode for the biogeography-​based optimization algorithm 204
13.1 The computational flowchart of the cuckoo search algorithm 213
13.2 Pseudocode for the cuckoo search algorithm 218
14.1 The computational flowchart of the firefly algorithm 227
14.2 Pseudocode for the firefly algorithm 232
15.1 Resultant gravitational force for a given particle in space 237
15.2 The computational flowchart of the gravitational search algorithm 240
15.3 Pseudocode for the gravitational search algorithm 246
16.1 The computational flowchart of the plant propagation algorithm 255
16.2 Pseudocode for the plant propagation algorithm 260
17.1 The computational flowchart of the teaching-​learning-​based
optimization algorithm 268
17.2 Pseudocode for the teaching-​learning-​based optimization algorithm 273
18.1 The computational flowchart of the bat algorithm 282
 Figures xiii

18.2 Pseudocode for the bat algorithm 288

19.1 The computational flowchart of the flower pollination algorithm 296
19.2 Pseudocode for the flower pollination algorithm 302
20.1 The computational flowchart of the water cycle algorithm 310
20.2 The schematic theme of labeling raindrops procedure in the
water cycle algorithm 313
20.3 Pseudocode for the water cycle algorithm 318
21.1 The computational flowchart of the symbiotic organisms search
algorithm 326
21.2 Pseudocode for the symbiotic organisms search algorithm 332
Foreword

This is a unique reference book providing in one place: information on the main
meta-​heuristic optimization algorithms and an example of their algorithmic
implementation in Python. These algorithms belong to the class of computa-
tional intelligence-​based optimization methods that have addressed one of the key
challenges plaguing mathematical optimization for years –​that of dealing with dif-
ficult and realistic problems facing any industry with resource restrictions. What do
I mean by difficult and realistic? Instead of simplifying the problem that needs to be
solved due to the limitations of the method, as was the case with many mathemat-
ical optimization algorithms, these meta-​heuristics can now tackle large, complex,
and previously often intractable problems.
The book includes 20 meta-​heuristic algorithms, from the now-​classical gen-
etic algorithm to more “exotic” flower pollination or bat algorithms. Each of the
algorithms is presented as far as possible using the same structure so the reader can
easily see the similarities or differences among them. The Python code provides
an easy-​to-​access library of these algorithms that can be of use to both novices
and more proficient users and developers interested in implementing and testing
some of the algorithms they may not be fully familiar with. From my own experi-
ence, it is much easier to get into a subject when somebody has already prepared
the grounds. That is the case with this book, if I had it on my desk 30 years ago,
I would’ve been able to try many more different ways of solving problems in engin-
eering. With this book, I may still do it now!
Dragan Savic
Professor of Hydroinformatics
University of Exeter, United Kingdom
and
Distinguished Professor of Hydroinformatics
The National University of Malaysia, Malaysia
Preface

Computational intelligence-​based optimization methods, often referred to as meta-​

heuristic optimization algorithms, are among the most topical subjects in the field
of mathematical programming. This branch of optimization methods is basically an
alternative approach to accommodate the shortcomings of conventional analytical-​
based approaches and unguided sampling-​based methods. In a sense, these methods
were able to bridge the gap between these two vastly different approaches and
create a new school of thought to handle real-​world optimization problems.
By the early 1990s, many researchers had started conceptualizing CI-​based
frameworks to tackle optimization problems. Hundreds of meta-​heuristic optimiza-
tion algorithms are out there, which could be overwhelming for beginners who
have just started in this field. As such, in this book, we would not only provide a
rock-​solid theoretical foundation about these algorithms, but we tend to tackle this
subject from a practical side of things as well. Any algorithm introduced in this
book also comes with readily available Python code so the reader can implement
the algorithm to solve different optimization problems. We strongly believe that
this could help the readers to have a better grasp over the computational structure
of these algorithms.
We have handpicked some of the literature’s most exciting and well-​known
algorithms. Not only are these algorithms very efficient from a practical point of
view, but they all also consist of through-​provoking theoretical ideas that can help
the reader better understand how these algorithms actually tend to solve an opti-
mization problem. In this book, we will learn about pattern search, genetic algo-
rithm, simulated annealing, tabu search, ant colony optimization, particle swarm
optimization, differential evolution algorithm, harmony search algorithm, shuffle
frog-​leaping algorithm, invasive weed optimization, biogeography-​based optimiza-
tion, cuckoo search algorithm, firefly algorithm, gravity search algorithm, plant
propagation algorithm, teaching-​learning-​based algorithm, bat algorithm, flower
pollination algorithm, water cycle algorithm, and symbiotic organisms algorithm.
Though the chapters are arranged chronically, there are some pedagogical reasoning
behind this arrangement so that the readers can easily engage with the presented
materials in each chapter. Note that the basic idea here is to ensure that each algo-
rithm is presented in a stand-​alone chapter. This means that after reading the first
newgenprepdf

xviii Preface

chapter, which we highly encourage you to do, you can go to a given chapter and
learn all there is to understand and implement an algorithm fully. Each chapter also
contains a brief literature review of the algorithm’s background and showcases
where it has been implemented successfully. As stated earlier, there is a Python
code for all algorithms at the end of each chapter. It is important to note that, while
these are not the most efficient way to code these algorithms, they may very well
be the best way to understand them for beginner to intermediate programmers. As
such, if, as a reader, you have a semi-​solid understanding of the Python syntax
and its numeric library NumPy, you could easily understand and implement these
methods on your own.
1 An Introduction to Meta-​Heuristic
Optimization

Summary
Before we can embark upon this journey of ours to learn about computational
intelligence-based optimization methods, we must first establish a common lan-
guage to see what an optimization problem actually is. In this chapter, we tend
to take a deep dive into the world of optimization to understand the fundamental
components that are used in the structure of a typical optimization problem. We
would be introduced to the technical terminology used in this field, and more
importantly, we aim to grasp the basic principles of optimization methods. As a
final note, we would learn about the general idea behind meta-heuristic optimiza-
tion algorithms and what this term essentially means. By the end of this chapter, we
will also come to understand why it is essential to have more than one of these opti-
mization algorithms in our repertoire if we tend to use this branch of optimization
method as the primary option to handle real-world complex optimization problems.

1.1 Introduction
What is optimization? That is perhaps the first and arguably the most critical
question we need to get out of the way first. In the context of mathematics, opti-
mization, or what is referred to from time to time as mathematical programming,
is the process of identifying the best option from a set of available alternatives.
The subtle yet crucial fact that should be noted here is that one’s interpretation of
what is “best” may differ from the others (Bozorg-​Haddad et al., 2021; Zolghadr-​
Asli et al., 2021). That is why explicitly determining an optimization problem’s
objective is essential. So, in a nutshell, in optimization, we are ultimately trying to
search for the optimum solution to find an answer that minimizes or maximizes a
given criterion under specified conditions.
Optimization problems became an integrated part of most, if not all, quantita-
tive disciplines, ranging from engineering to operations research and economics.
In fact, developing novel mathematical programming frameworks has managed to
remain a topical subject in mathematics for centuries. Come to think of it, there is
a valid reason that optimization has incorporated itself into our professional and
personal modern-​day life to the extent it has. This is more understandable in the

DOI: 10.1201/9781003424765-1
2 An Introduction to Meta-Heuristic Optimization

context of engineering and management problems, where there are often limited
available resources, and the job at hand is to make the best out of what is at our
disposal. Failing to do so would simply mean that in the said procedure, whatever
that may be, there is going to be some waste of resources. This could, in turn,
imply that we are cutting our margin of profits, wasting limited natural resources,
time, or workforce over something that could have been prevented if the process
were optimized. So, in a way, it could be said that optimization is simply just good
common sense.
There are several formidable approaches to go about mathematical pro-
gramming. The traditional approach to solving optimization problems that are
categorized under the umbrella term of analytical approaches is basically a series
of calculus-​based optimization methods. Often these frameworks are referred to
as derivate-​based optimization methods, given that they rely heavily on the idea
of differential algebra and gradient-​oriented information to solve the problem. As
such, the core idea of these methods is to utilize the information extracted from the
gradient of a differentiable function, often from the first-​ or second-​order deriva-
tive, as a guide to find and locate the optimal solution. The main issue here is that
this could not be a practical method to approach real-​world optimization problems,
as these problems are often associated with high dimensionality, multimodality,
epistasis, non-​differentiability, and discontinuous search space imposed by
constraints (Yang, 2010; Du & Swamy, 2016; Bozorg-​Haddad et al., 2017). As
such, often, these methods are dismissed when it comes to handling intricate real-​
world problems as they are not by any means the ultimate practical approach to
tackle such problems.
The alternative approach here would be to use a series of methods that are
categorized under the umbrella term of sampling-​based approaches. These, to some
extent, use the simple principle of trial-​and-​error search to locate what could be
the optimum solution. These methods are either based on unguided or untargeted
search or the searching process that is guided or targeted by some criterion.
Some of the most notable subcategories of unguided search optimization
methods are sampling grid, random sampling, and enumeration-​based methods.
The sampling grid is the most primitive approach here, where all possible solutions
would be tested and recorded to identify the best solution (Bozorg-​Haddad et al.,
2017). In computer science, such methods are said to be based on brute force com-
putation, given that to find the solution, basically, any possible solution is being
tested here. As you can imagine, this could be quite computationally taxing. While
this seems more manageable when the number of potential solutions is finite, in
most, if not all, practical cases, this can be borderline impossible to implement
such an approach to find the optimum solution. If, for instance, the search space
consists of continuous variables, the only way to implement this method is to
deconstruct the space into a discrete decision space. This procedure, known as
discretization, transforms a continuous space into a discrete one by transposing an
arbitrarily defined mesh grid network over the said space. Obviously, the finer this
grid system, the better the chance of getting closer to the actual optimum solution.
Not only it becomes more computationally taxing to carry this task, but from a
 An Introduction to Meta-Heuristic Optimization 3

theoretical point of view, it is also considered impossible to locate the exact optimal
solution for a continuous space with such an approach. However, it is possible to
get a close approximation of the said value through this method.
Another unguided approach is random sampling. The idea here is to simply
take a series of random samples from the search space and evaluate their perform-
ance against the optimization criterion (Bozorg-​Haddad et al., 2017). The most
suitable solution found in this process would then be returned as the optimal solu-
tion. Though this process is, for the most part, easy to execute, and the amount
of computational power needed to carry this task can be managed by limiting the
number of samples taken from the search space, as one can imagine, the odds of
locating the actual optimum solution is exceptionally slim. This is, of course, more
pronounced in complex real-​world problems where there are often numerous con-
tinuous variables.
The other notable approach in the unguided search category is enumeration-​
based methods (Du & Swamy, 2016). These methods are basically a bundle of
computation tasks that would be executed iteratively until a specific termination
criterion is met, at which point the final results would be returned by the method as
the solution to the optimization problem at hand. Like any other unguided method,
here, there is no perception of the search space and the optimization function itself.
As such, the enumeration through the search space would be solely guided by the
sequence of computational tasks embedded within the method. In other words,
such a method could not learn from their encounter with the search space to alter
their searching strategies, which is in and of itself the most notable drawback of all
the unguided searching methods.
Alternatively, there are also targeted searching methods. One of the most notable
features of this branch of optimization is that they can, in a sense, implement what
they have learned about the search space as a guiding mechanism to help navigate
their searching process. As such, they attempt to draw each sample batch from what
they learned in their last attempt. As a result, step by step, they are improving the
possibility that the next set of samples is more likely to be better than the last until,
eventually, they could gradually move toward what could be the optimum solution. It
is important to note that one of the distinctive features of this approach, like any other
sampling method, is that they aim to settle for a close-​enough approximation of the
global optima, better known as near-​optimal solutions. The idea here is to possibly
sacrifice the accuracy of the emerging solution to an acceptable degree to find a close-​
enough solution with considerably less calculation effort. One of the most well-​known
sub-​class of the guided sampling methods is meta-​heuristic optimization algorithms.
However, before diving into what these methods actually are and what they are cap-
able of doing, it is crucial that we improve our understanding of the structure of an
optimization problem and its components from a mathematical point of view.

1.2 Components of an Optimization Problem

As we have discovered earlier, the optimization problem’s main idea is to iden-
tify the best or optimum solution out of all possible options. Thus, the core idea of
4 An Introduction to Meta-Heuristic Optimization

an optimization problem is to create a search engine that enumerates all possible

solutions to locate what could be the optimum solution. As we have seen in the pre-
vious section, there are different approaches to solving an optimization problem,
which, for the most part, comes down to how the said approaches tend to search
through the possible solutions to, ultimately, locate what could be the optimal
solutions. Analytical approaches, for instance, resort to calculus-​based methods
that use the obtained gradient-​oriented information to solve the problem at hand.
Alternatively, there are also sampling-​based approaches, which, at their core, use the
simple principle of trial-​and-​error search to locate the potential optimal solutions.
Regardless of what approach is selected to tackle the problem at hand, there is
a fundamental requirement here to represent the optimization problem in a math-
ematical format. There are certain standard components that commonly help shape
this mathematical representation of an optimization problem. To understand how
these optimization methods proceed with their task, it is essential to learn how an
optimization problem can be expressed through these components. With that in
mind, the first step is to see what a standard optimization model is like.
From a mathematical standpoint, an optimization problem can be formulated as
the following generic standard form:

Optimize f ( X ) (1.1)
X ∈R N

Subject to

gk ( X ) ≤ bk ∀k (1.2)

Lj ≤ xj ≤ U j ∀j (1.3)

in which f() represents the objective function, X is a point in the search space of an
optimization problem with N decision variables, N denotes the number of decision
variables, gk() is the kth constraint of the optimization problem, bk denotes the con-
stant value of the kth constraint, xj represents the value associated to the jth deci-
sion variable, and Uj and Lj represent the upper and lower feasible boundaries of
the jth decision variable, respectively. Note that in an optimization problem with N
decision variables, an N-​dimension coordination system could be used to represent
the search space. In this case, any point within the search space, say X, can be
represented mathematically as a 1×N array as follows:

(
X = x1 , x2 , x3 ,…, x j ,…, x N ) (1.4)

With this basic representation of an optimization model in mind, we can con-

tinue dissecting the structure of the said problem to isolate and study each compo-
nent that is in play here.
 An Introduction to Meta-Heuristic Optimization 5

1.2.1 Objective Function

As one’s interpretation of what is best may differ from others, it is crucial in an

optimization problem to explicitly define a mathematical procedure to evaluate
how desirable an option actually is. The idea here is to establish a robust mathem-
atical framework that quantifies the desirability of a potential solution. By doing
so, it becomes possible to evaluate and compare the tentative options against one
another so that, ultimately, the best solutions can be identified among all the pos-
sible options. In mathematical programming terminology, the objective function
constitutes the goal of an optimization problem (Bozorg-​Haddad et al., 2017).
Within the context of an optimization problem, one could attempt to minimize or
perhaps maximize the objective function value. In the former case, the idea is to
identify a solution that yields the lowest objective function value possible, while
in the latter case, the ultimate goal is to find a solution that is associated with
the objective function’s highest value. For instance, the objective function may be
defined in a way to minimize the amount of risk imposed on a system (e.g., Issa,
2013; Zolghadr-​Asli et al., 2018; Capo & Blandino, 2021) or perhaps maximize
the profit of an operation (e.g., Husted & de Jesus Salazar, 2006; George et al.,
2013; Kamrad et al., 2021). It should be noted that, from a theoretical standpoint,
any given maximization can be expressed as a minimization problem and vice
versa with a simple mathematical trick that is to multiply the said function by −1
(Bozorg-​Haddad et al., 2017).

1.2.2 Decision Variables

In an optimization problem, there are so-​called variables that, by changing

their values, you are effectively creating new solutions. Naturally, each solution
is associated with an objective function value. As such, the optimization can be
seen as identifying the most suitable values for these variables. Whether this is a
designing, operation, layout, or management problem, the critical feature associated
with these variables is that they can be controlled through this process. In fact, that
is why in mathematical programming terminology, these variables are referred to
as decision variables, given that the whole point behind optimization is to decide
which variable would be deemed the most suitable choice.
From a mathematical standpoint, as we have seen earlier, these variables could
be bundled together to form an array. This bundle represents a solution to the said
optimization problem, and the idea here is to find the right array that yields the best
objective function value.
A decision variable could take the form of an integer number. For instance, the
objective of an optimization problem could be to find the most economical way to
place a number of filters to refine an industrial site’s wastewater. In this case, the
number of filters, which is an integer number, is the decision variable. Note that the
problem may not even have a numeric variable. For instance, in the previous case,
we might also want to determine the type of filters as well. In such case, for each
filter, we have another decision variable that is by nature a nominal or categorical
6 An Introduction to Meta-Heuristic Optimization

variable; that is to say, we want to figure out which type of filter should be installed
to get the best result. The variable may also be binary in nature. This means that
only two possible values can be passed for that variable. For instance, if we want
to figure out whether an industrial site should be constructed in a place where we
tend to maximize the margin of profits. Here the variable could be either going
ahead with the project or shutting the project down. Mathematical programming
terminology refers to all three cases as discrete variables. Alternatively, a deci-
sion variable may also be a float number, which is a number drawn from the real
number set. An example of this would be when you want to determine the max-
imum amount of partially refined industrial site wastewater that can be released
back into the stream without violating the environmental regulatory thresholds set
to protect the natural ecosystem. In mathematical programming terminology, such
a case is an example of a continuous variable. Of course, in real-​world optimiza-
tion problems, we may have a combination of discrete and continuous variables.
These are said to be mixed-​type optimization problems.

1.2.3 State Variables

In most practical, real-​world optimization problems, such as those revolving

around engineering or management-​oriented problems, in addition to decision
variables, we also deal with another type of variable called state variables. These
are a set of dependent variables whose values would be changed as the decision
variables’ values are being changed. In a sense, these variables reflect how the
decision variables’ values affect the system and, in turn, its performance. As such,
these would help get additional information about the system’s state. It is important
to note that these variables are not being controlled directly through the optimiza-
tion process, but rather any change in these values is a product of how decision
variables are selected. In the example we have seen earlier, where we wanted to
determine the maximum amount of released wastewater to the stream, the stream’s
heavy metal concentration measures, for instance, are the state variables. Notice
that the decision variable in this problem is the amount of outflow from the site,
which can be controlled through the optimization problem. But as a consequence
of such releases, the heavy metal concentration measures of the streamflow would
be changed, making them state variables of this problem.

1.2.4 Constraints
Usually, optimization problems are set up in a way that decision variables cannot
assume any given value. In other words, an optimization problem can be limited by
a set of restrictions or constraints that bounds them between often two acceptable
thresholds. Often, this is because resources are limited, and as such, it is impos-
sible to pour unlimited supplies into a process or an operation. For instance, if you
intend to optimize the company’s workflow, there are budget and human resources
limitations that need to be accounted for. In addition to this, there are some legal
or physical restrictions that pose some limitations to the problem. For instance, in
 An Introduction to Meta-Heuristic Optimization 7

optimizing the schedule of a power plant, some safety measures restrict how you
can operate the plant, even if there are resources available to pour into the system.
Another example of this would be optimizing the design of an infrastructure, where
tons of regulatory and physical restrictions must be considered in the optimization
process.
From a mathematical standpoint, two types of constraints can be found in an
optimization problem. The first type of restriction is what in mathematical pro-
gramming dialect is referred to as boundary conditions. Here the restrictions are
directly imposed on the decision or state variables themselves. As such, a decision
or state variable should always be within a specified boundary. This could either
mean that the said variable should always assume a value between a lower and
upper boundary or that the boundary is only applied in one direction. A general
representation of such boundary conditions can be seen in Equation (1.3).
The other form of restriction is non-​boundary conditions, which pretty much
sums up any other form of restriction that can be imposed on an optimization
problem. From a mathematical standpoint, this means that a function of two or
more decision or state variables is bound to hold a specific condition. This could
mean that the said function should be equal to, greater, or less than a specified
constant. A general representation of such boundary conditions can be seen in
Equation (1.2). Note that while an optimization problem may have no condition, it
may also be restricted by multiple conditions of different sorts.
In mathematical programming lingo, a solution that can hold all the possible
constraints of the optimization problem is referred to as a feasible solution. On
the other hand, if a solution violates even one condition, it is labeled an infeasible
solution. It is important to note that the ultimate goal of optimization is to find a
feasible solution that yields the best objective function value. This simply means
that an infeasible solution can never be the answer to an optimization problem,
even if it yields the best result.

1.2.5 Search Space

The idea behind optimization is to identify the so-​called optimum solution out
of all available solutions. As we have seen earlier, in an optimization problem
with N decision variables, any solution can be mathematically expressed as an N-​
dimensional array. By the same token, the combination of all the possible solutions
to an optimization problem can be interpreted mathematically as an N-​dimensional
Cartesian coordinate system, where each decision variable denotes an axis to the
said system. This would create a hypothetical N-​dimensional space, which in math-
ematical programming dialect is referred to as the search space. The idea is that
any solution is a point within this coordination system, and the main point of opti-
mization is to search through this space to locate the optimum solution.
As the previous section shows, not all solutions can be valid answers to an
optimization problem. In fact, any answer that violates at least one constraint is
considered an infeasible solution and, as such, cannot be passed as a viable result to
the optimization process. With that in mind, the search space could be divided into
8 An Introduction to Meta-Heuristic Optimization

Figure 1.1 Search space of a standard constrained two-​dimensional optimization problem.

two mutually exclusive sections that are feasible space and infeasible space. The
former constitutes the portion of the search space where all constraints can be held,
while one or more constraints are violated in the latter area. Naturally, the solution
to the optimization problem must be selected from the former space. Note that the
constraints can be assumed as a hyperplane that divides the search space into two
mutually exclusive sections. Based on the condition of the said constraint, either
one of these parts constitutes the feasible space, or the hyperplane itself denotes
this space. If more than one condition is involved, the intersection of all the feasible
portions will denote the feasible search space. In other words, the feasible space
should be able to satisfy all the conditions of the optimization problem at hand.
Note that, in mathematical programming lingo, the portion of the search space in
which all the boundary conditions are met is called the decision space. Figure 1.1
illustrates the search space of a hypothetical constrained two-​dimensional optimiza-
tion problem.

1.2.6 Simulator

As we have seen earlier, state variables play a crucial role in the optimization
process. Their role is often more pronounced in intricate real-​world optimization
 An Introduction to Meta-Heuristic Optimization 9

problems where there is a form of dependency between the variables; or in

cases where there is detectable autocorrelation in decision variables, that is to
say, the value of the said variable in a given time step is statistically dependent
to the values of the same variable in previous time steps; or lastly in cases where
there are restrictions on some of the state variables. In such situations, which is
often the case for complex real-​world problems, capturing the underlying process
that governs the system through mathematical equations is an absolute neces-
sity. The said mathematical model, which in mathematical programming lingo
is referred to as the simulation model or the simulator, for short, is an integrated
part of the optimization model and the optimization process, as it enables the
process to unravel the intricate relationship between the variables and compute
their corresponding values at any given time. This mathematical representation
would help compute the state and decision variables under any condition. If need
be, the problem’s condition can also be checked through these computed values.
Therefore, these models are to emulate the nature of the system for the opti-
mization problem, and as such, they are an inseparable part of the optimization
models. In other words, you cannot have an optimization model without some
form of a simulation model.
A notable thing about the simulation portion of the optimization models is that
while this is the low-​key part of the computational process for most benchmark
problems, as you dive deeper into the real-​world optimization problems, these
simulators are naturally getting more intricate. This could, and often in complex
real-​world problems will, get to the point that the simulation portion of the opti-
mization problem becomes the most computationally taxing part of the whole pro-
cess. As such, one of the main goals of the optimizer would be to limit the number
of times the simulator is called upon during the optimization process.

1.2.7 Local and Global Optima

The optimization problem’s main task is locating the optimal solution in the search
space. This could be either identifying the point greater than the other solutions,
which is the case in the maximization problems or locating the point that yields
the lowest value of the objective function, which is the task of the minimization
problems. All the maxima and minima of an objective function are collectively
known as optima or extrema. In mathematical analysis, we have two types of
extrema or optima.
The first case is where the extremum is either the absolute largest or smallest
value in the entire domain of the search space. In mathematical analysis lingo,
these are referred to as the absolute or global extrema. Note that a function may
have more than one global optimum. From a mathematical standpoint, a point X*
can be considered an absolute optimum of a minimization problem if the following
condition can be held:

f (X* ) ≤ f (X ) ∀X (1.5)
10 An Introduction to Meta-Heuristic Optimization

In a maximization problem, a global optimum can be defined as follows:

f (X* ) ≥ f (X ) ∀X (1.6)

In addition to global or absolute extrema, mathematical analysis recognizes

another form of optimum that is called local or relative extrema. A point is
considered a local or relative extrema if it has either the largest or smallest value in
a specified neighboring range. In other words, these values are either the maximum
or minimum points in a specific section of the search domain. Again it is important
to note that a function may have more than one local optimum. From a mathem-
atical standpoint, a point X′ can be considered a local optimum of a minimization
problem if the following condition can be held:

f ( X ′) ≤ f ( X ) X −ε ≤ X ≤ X +ε (1.7)

Figure 1.2 The relative and absolute extrema of a generic one-​dimensional optimization

problem.
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 FICTION AT SEA.

It is quiet now on deck. The singing forward has ceased, the watch
is set, and the larboard watch, who are to come on at midnight, are
below—including the tall corporal of marines, whom we heard just
now singing bass. But the little monkey of a boy, who took the tenor
part in “O Julia!” belongs to the starboard watch, and now has
another occupation on hand.
Seated on a tub turned upside down, close to the foremast, he is
reading aloud, by the light of a lantern, out of an “awfully fine” book.
The boy (his name is Jozef) can read “real first-rate”; and from
each of the listeners seated round him he is to receive the sum of two
cents.
The book which he now has before him, and which is covered with
oil-stains, because he has to hold it so close to the lantern,—the book
which is so “awfully fine,” is entitled “Count Matatskai; or, The
Bandit with the Grey Beard: A Story from the Mountains.”
Count Matatskai is a youthful nobleman who has fallen in love
with a mountain maiden, the beautiful but fierce Krimhelia, daughter
of a chamois-hunter. After various meetings on the rocks by
moonlight, with a faithful old servitor incognito in the background,
Krimhelia makes up her mind to accept the Count’s love, and fly with
him to a distant country, where counts and the daughters of
chamois-hunters stand precisely on the same social footing. But now
a difficulty occurs, and it is this: Krimhelia has sworn an oath to
avenge the death of her father, who has been killed in a fight with the
band commanded by the Grey-Bearded Brigand.
This is the point Jozef has reached in the story. Several of his
audience have already dropped asleep; but the reader does not notice
it—he is too much absorbed in his narrative,—and continues, in his
“first-rate” manner, which—heard at a distance—reminds one of
nothing so much as of the soft but continuous murmur of a babbling
brook—commas and other stops being, in this method, so entirely
left in the background, or else occurring in such remarkable places,
that a reporter would have been forced to reproduce his text
somewhat as follows:—
“Krimhelia looked the Count straight in the face.
“Look at me Count said she do you see this glittering dagger as
sure as the moon, hangs yonder in heaven and illuminates my pale
features so surely will I thrust this, dagger into the heart of the
Bandit, with the Grey Beard first and before I throw myself as your
consort into your arms but why so pale Count and why do you
tremble so?”
Now Jozef is interrupted by the master-tailor, a thin, little man, of
whom it is commonly said on board that he knows a thing or two
more than most people.
“Now, I know,” says he, in his piping voice.
“What d’ye know?” asks the boatswain, who has little or no
opinion of the master-tailor.
“As how the gentleman—the Count, I mean—and the other,—the
Bandit with the Grey Beard,—that both of them are one and the same
man.”
“Well, you calico-spoiler—you know that, do you? Well—I know
that too, and all of us know it right enough; but you needn’t take
another man’s share in the reading for all that. Go ahead, boy!”
The master-tailor is looked at with contempt from various
quarters, and Jozef pursues his reading with a chapter describing
how Count Matatskai comes home in a bad temper.
“The Count threw himself down on a couch adorned with costly
velvet, relieve me of my riding-boots—thus he spoke to the grey-
headed old servant Gabario who, brought him a silver goblet with
sparkling wine saying, that this was his favourite wine from the great
vineyard south of the castle but, the Count made a gesture of refusal
with his left hand and said me liketh no wine Gabario avaunt and
saddle—my horse!”
This was the end of the chapter, and Jozef took breath.
 “It’s a capital thing,” said the boatswain, “when a man can have the
things for the ordering in that way. What comes next, Jozef?”
The boatswain is beginning to feel sleepy, and would therefore like
Jozef to tell him the end at once; but this Jozef is by no means
inclined to do,—he goes ahead valiantly, and by degrees, though he
does not observe it, his whole audience drops asleep. At last, when he
has reached the closing scene, there is no one to listen to it but the
master-tailor, who can scarcely keep his small grey eyes open.
“Just hear this, now!” says Jozef, who—though he has read the
book through twice before—is as enthusiastic over this passage as the
first time. “Now you must listen! Now the Count is sitting up alone in
the rocks, in a ... cavern, they call it, ... and now he is the Bandit with
the Grey Beard; and the other robbers are sitting in the back of the
cavern round a great big fire, and some of them are lying asleep, and
the others are roasting great pieces of meat at the fire, and they’re
drinking wine with it ... out of gold cups that they’ve stolen.... But the
Bandit with the Grey Beard— ... he’s sitting all by himself, you see,—
and now Krimhelia comes in—you know—the young lady he thinks
so much of.”
And Jozef resumes his reading—how Krimhelia approaches,
cautiously, with the glittering dagger; how the Grey-Bearded Bandit,
looking up, suddenly sees her standing behind him; how Krimhelia
seizes him by the beard and drives the dagger into his heart; and
how, at the same moment, the long grey beard comes off in her hand,
and she looks with horror on the “pallid dying countenance” of Count
Matatskai.
Now follows a dialogue between the dying bandit chief and the
“almost fainting” Krimhelia, who is “filled with consternation”; in the
course of which the tailor finally closes his eyes unobserved.
Now comes the closing scene; the other robbers come out from
behind the fire, Krimhelia takes to flight, and climbs to the top of a
steep dark rock on the edge of a “yawning abyss.”
As Jozef reads, he bends over his book, leans his head on his
hands, and sees the whole thing taking place before his eyes. He sees
Krimhelia standing on the top of the rock. The day is breaking in the
east. The robbers are pursuing her, and begin to climb the rock....
 Jozef reads on,—at a passionately accelerated pace, and with the
most singular stops imaginable:—
“There she stood proudly—like a queen with her long, loose hair
and her shining white face standing out sharply against the red
sunrise-tinted sky with horror—she saw in the unfathomable depth
at her feet the bandits approaching. Already the foremost was
stretching out his hand to seize her and she saw, the morning-light
falling on his horrible features when suddenly, her ear was struck by
a sound of men’s voices singing beneath her in the valley she listens,
it is the morning song of her brothers, she lifts her hands skywards
and looks up to the paling moon and the stars ‘Ic-come’! she cries”
(all in one word) “... and with a HOARSE shriek she flings herself down
into the abyss at the same moment the Bandit Chief drew his last
breath and the Count Matatskai was no more THE END.”
“That’s all!” said Jozef. “That’s fine, ain’t it? ... Oh! lor! ... they’re
all asleep.”
Jozef cannot at once get over a slight feeling of indignation against
an audience, capable of dropping-off “in the middle of a bit like
that,”—but as it is not an isolated experience on his part, he soon
makes up his mind to pay no further attention to it. He takes the
lantern away, goes forward, and lies down on the deck with the oil-
stained book under his head—looking up at the moon right above
him, and beginning to see, in the air, all sorts of figures, which
gradually acquire a likeness to Count Matatskai and the “young lady
he thinks so much of.”
A. Werumeus Buning.
 NEWSPAPER HUMOUR.

From Sad Experience.

She—“Do tell me, how do you know the age of a horse you want to
buy?”
He—“Nothing easier; you just double the age the dealer gives him.”

Professor (at a clinical lecture)—“This patient has been suffering

from a disease of the hip-joint, so that he still walks lame to an
appreciable extent. What would you, sir” (to one of the students), “do
in such a case?”
Student—“I think, in that case, I should walk lame too, sir.”

Natural History.
Master—“The development and improvement of race has not only
shown itself among mankind, but may clearly be observed among the
lower animals. Who can give me an example of this?”

FROM SAD
EXPERIENCE.
 Janneke Snobs—“I, sir.”
M.—“In what sort of animals?”
J. S.—“Among asses, sir.”
M.—“How so?”
J. S.—“Why, in Balaam’s time, asses were only just beginning to
speak, and yesterday I heard M. Snugger say that there are plenty of
asses sitting in the Chamber of Deputies.”

History.
Master—“In what battle was Gustav Adolf killed?”
Janneke Snobs—“In his last battle, I believe, sir.”

Precautions.
Many centuries ago, the gallows stood on the banks of the Scheldt;
and once, when two thieves were to be hanged, the rope broke, as the
first was being turned off, and let him into the water. He swam
across the river, and escaped.
“Look out!” said the second to the executioner, “see that the rope
does not break with me—for I can’t swim!”

A gentleman was buying a newspaper at a kiosk, and wanted

change for a frank. “I have no change,” said the saleswoman; “you
can pay me to-morrow.”
“But supposing I am dead by to-morrow?”
“Oh, that can’t be any great loss,” she replied, innocently.

A servant girl, writing home to her parents, said, “I am sorry I have

no money to buy a stamp for this letter; I will put two on the next.”
Uilenspiegel.
 “A GENTLEMAN WAS
BUYING A PAPER AT A
KIOSK.”

In Court.
Judge—“Is this your signature?”
Witness—“I don’t know.”
Judge—“Look at it carefully.”
Witness—“I can’t say for certain.”
Judge (impatiently)—“Come, make haste, just write your name.”
Witness—“I’m no scholar, sir; I can’t write.”

Economy.
Father—“I should never have thought that studying would have
cost so much money.”
Student-Son—“Yes; and if you only knew how little I have
studied!”

Van Honsbœren, junior, one evening sat gazing at his father, when
the latter had fallen asleep sitting by the stove.
“Father,” cried the little fellow, suddenly, “you look just like a
lion!”
 “A lion!” exclaimed Van Honsbœren, waking up, “why, you’ve
never seen any lions.”
“Oh yes, father! on the beach at Blankenberghe.”
“You stupid boy, those were not lions, they were donkeys.”
“Well, those are what I mean!”

Snugger—“M. le Juge, I have been fined for letting my dog go

about without a muzzle, and he certainly had one on.”
Judge—“The agent de police says your dog had no muzzle on.”
Snugger—“Indeed, he had one on, sir.”
Gendarme—“Yes, but he was not wearing it on his head.”
Snugger—“The regulations do not specify where a dog is to wear
his muzzle—and so, to let the beast get his breath, I tied the muzzle
to his tail.”
Judge—“Five francs fine. Next case!”

Snobs has bought a steam-engine, and was showing it to his friend

Snugger yesterday.
“How many horse-power is that machine?” asked Snugger.
“Horse-power!” exclaimed Snobs, “don’t you see it goes by steam?”

Nothing is more uncomfortable for a woman who has to keep a

secret than to find no one who is curious about it.

The human being who can pass a hoarding marked “Wet Paint,”
without putting his finger on it to feel if the paint really is wet,
possesses strength of will and self-control enough to rule a kingdom.

A lady having run against the freshly painted rail of a bridge, and
carried off a considerable quantity of the paint on her dress, the
bridge-keeper said to her consolingly,—
“Never mind, ma’am, they’re going to paint it again to-morrow,
any way!”
FARMER GERRIT’S VISIT TO AMSTERDAM.

Gerrit Meeuwsen and his son Gijs, living in the depths of the country, in the
Betuwe district (the old Batavian Island, between the Rhine and the Waal), have
made up their minds—after long deliberation—for an expedition by rail to the
Amsterdam kermis. As they have never left home before, preparations are made
which suggest an Arctic voyage, and they take a solemn farewell of their friends
and relations. The railway station is safely reached, after a drive of many miles;
and Gerrit severs the last link, so to speak, by sending back Jan—the farm-man—
with the trap.
“G’morning,” said father and son, at once.
“Good-morning, friends,” replied the station clerk, who was seated
at a table doing sums.
Meeuwsen took off his great woollen gloves, hauled out his double-
cased watch, and said, “Might it be about time for the railway to
come?”
“Don’t know,” answered Gijs, who thought that his father was
asking the question of him.
The clerk, a good-natured fellow, understanding that the question
was addressed to him, replied, “Oh! I suppose you mean the train.
Yes, that will be coming by very soon,—perhaps in thirteen, or
fourteen, or fifteen minutes. Where do you want to go?”
“To Amsterdam,” replied Meeuwsen.
“Amsterdam—third-class?” asked the clerk.
“Third-class, what’s that?” returned Gerrit.
“Three classes, you know, my good friend,” the clerk explained;
“first, second, and third. The first is the dearest, the second middling,
and the third the cheapest.”
“Then the third won’t do for us, nor the second neither,” said
Gerrit. “I always sit in the first seat at church in our village, for I be
churchwarden.”[16]
 “First-class?” asked the clerk, in surprise, “but—do you know——”
“Never you mind; I want first-class, do you hear?” said Gerrit.
“Well, it’s all the same to me,” said the clerk, rising. He went to the
place where he kept the tickets, stamped two, and received the rich
Betuwers money.
“Gracious! there’s the train!” cried the clerk, whose calculation of
fifteen minutes had been rather too liberal. “Will you come out,
please?”
Gerrit and Gijs, the latter carrying the carpet-bag, rushed out on to
the platform, followed by the clerk. The approaching train seemed to
the travellers to grow longer the more they looked at it, and, when it
stopped, both father and son involuntarily took a step backwards.
Neither Gerrit nor Gijs knew exactly what happened to them next;
but when they got back all their senses,—for the wind was blowing
freshly in their faces,—they saw themselves in a carriage containing,
besides themselves, two other passengers, and which allowed free
passage to the wind on all sides.
“Bad weather for the money,” grumbled Gerrit.
“Why! come and sit over here,” cried one of their fellow-travellers,
apparently a Jew, who was sitting on the opposite side of the
carriage, with his back to the engine. “Sit here, on the first seat; you
will be frozen to death over there.”
Gerrit looked at his son, and then both stumbled along the shaking
carriage to the other end, and occupied the end seats.
“That’s a difference!” said Gijs, whose skin felt like that of a
plucked chicken.
“Well, this does shake!” said Meeuwsen. “No!—that third-class is
enough to kill one!”
Nathan, who was reading a book, which, as Gerrit could see,
seemed to begin at the end and go backwards, did not speak again.
The second travelling-companion had turned up the collar of his
thick overcoat and was snoring; and our two gentlemen from
Betuwe, having nothing to say to each other, were silent, and thought
—what, no one ever will know.
After a few minutes’ run, a conductor appeared—whence, neither
Gerrit nor Gijs could understand—and asked them, “Where for,
gentlemen?”
“Gentlemen!” exclaimed Gerrit, with fine scorn, “that won’t go
down with us!”
“Farmers, then!” said the conductor, “where for?”
Meeuwsen thought the fellow had no manners, and said, “I and my
son for Amsterdam.”
“Show your tickets, please,” said the conductor.
Meeuwsen began to search for them.... “I’d put them away so
carefully,” he remarked, while turning out all his pockets.
“Well, never mind,” resumed the conductor (he was very cold, and
wanted to get back to his warm corner in the closed compartment),
“you can show me them presently.”
“Very good,” replied Gerrit, who began to think the man was not so
bad after all.
The conductor disappeared again, in the same mysterious fashion,
and Gerrit suddenly remembered that he had put away the tickets
inside his watch-case.
At every station, when the whistle of the engine was heard, Gijs
was seized with consternation, thinking that a child or some other
living creature had been run over. Every time the train stopped, the
sons of Batavia prepared to alight, and each time they were politely
stopped by Nathan, who told them they might just make their minds
easy, for they had not got there yet. Gijs thereupon came to the
conclusion that the journey would not be over so soon as the
schoolmaster had led them to suppose.
At length, after they had left the last of the intermediate stations
behind, the mysterious conductor appeared once more, and asked for
the tickets; and Gerrit, who had kept them carefully in his hand,
under his woollen glove, produced them, and gave them up.
“First-class!” said the conductor. “Why, man, you’ve certainly had
the best for your money!”
“Hi?” said Meeuwsen, who could not understand what the fellow
meant.
“Stupid bumpkins!” muttered the conductor in an undertone,
happily inaudible to the Meeuwsens, and left the carriage with a loud
“Amsterdam, gentlemen!” The train now stopped for good. Every one
got out, and there was such a row that Gerrit and his son could not
understand what was going on, and stood staring about them quite
dazed.
People, carriages, cabs, omnibuses, trunks, drivers with
brandished whips, crying, “This way, sir!—Hotel this!—Hotel that!—
just off!” There was such a swarming and confusion that our
travellers only regained their full consciousness when they found
themselves sitting in an omnibus, packed, knee to knee, like herrings
in a barrel,—and, probably, dreaming—at least, so they thought.
“Where to, sir?” asked the conductor of the omnibus, in a green
coat trimmed with silver lace, of the person sitting next the door.
“The Dam,” was the answer. “Botermarkt,” said another passenger.
“Rokin, No. 11,” said another; and another followed with “The Mint.”
“Sir?” said the inquisitive man, addressing Gijs.
“I?” asked Gijs, staring wildly; “to the Fair, isn’t it, father?”
All the passengers laughed, except three or four who were in a
hurry to get to the Exchange.
“Be’st mad, I think, boy,” said Gerrit, grinning. “No, mate,” he
went on, addressing the conductor, “to a lodging.”
“Which hotel?” was then the question. “First, second, third, fourth,
fifth class? Rondeel, Doelen, Munt—or do you want to go to the
Nes?”[17]
Whether Gerrit was thinking of the third-class carriage in which he
had been sitting with Gijs, and contrasting it with the imaginary
first-class where he found a place by the side of Nathan, we do not
know; but it is certain that he shivered at the idea of a fifth-class, and
had his answer ready at once—
“First-class, man! First-class!”
“Vieux Doelen!” cried the conductor, with a smile and a furtive
wink at the passenger next the door.
The omnibus stopped, and Gerrit and Gijs were beckoned to come
out. How they ever got through the double row of knees is quite
incomprehensible; and twice did the heels of Gijs’ heavy boots come
unpleasantly in contact with corns, whose proprietors, therefore,
unkindly addressed him as “Clumsy lout!” and “Dumb ass!”
“How much is it?” asked Gerrit.
 The conductor gave a look round, and then said, under his breath
—
“Only ten stivers[18] each, sir. I can’t ask you for more.”
Meeuwsen gave him a florin, whereupon he asked whether the
gentleman couldn’t spare him a trifle for himself!
This question was answered by the good-natured farmer thrusting
a kwartje[19] into his hand; and the unscrupulous rascal drove away,
laughing in his sleeve.
Gerrit, and Gijs with the carpet-bag on his back, stared for a long
time at the fine house, with the gilt letters on the front; and at length
ventured to go up the steps, though they could not make up their
minds to venture in.
“What do you want?” politely asked a handsome young gentleman,
in a snow-white waistcoat and a beautiful black jacket, who came out
of the broad hall and walked up to them.
“Lodgings,” answered Gerrit.
“For yourself?” asked the young gentleman, who, seen at close
quarters, seemed older than his jacket would have led one to
suppose.
“I and my son Gijs,” said Gerrit.
“You?” again asked the young gentleman.
“Is that so hard to understand?” asked the farmer. “Are there no
lodgings here? Can we get them, or can’t we?”
The young gentleman walked away, and stopped to speak to
another young gentleman like unto himself, who met him in the
corridor. Soon after two more arrived, one of them with a napkin
over his arm, and all the four began to laugh immoderately; so that
Gerrit began to be tired of waiting, and, approaching the group, said,
with some violence, “Now, what is it to be? Are we to get rooms, or
are we not?” The young gentlemen continued to giggle, but suddenly
stopped, and scattered with surprising rapidity, for a dignified
elderly person entered the vestibule, and asked what was the matter
here. Whereupon Gerrit expounded to him that he had asked, in a
straightforward and downright way, for lodgings; that he did not
know what the young gentlemen were up to; that he had come with
his son to attend the fair; that he had no mind to be what-you-may-
call-ummed and made a fool of by those young gentlemen; and that
he asked, once more, Could he, or could he not?
The respectable gentleman took a good look at Gerrit and Gijs—the
latter was still outside the door with the carpet-bag—for some
moments; but the open honest face, and generally prosperous
appearance of the farmer, reassured him as to the probability of their
being good customers. He then laid his forefinger against his nose,
and called out to one of the young gentlemen,—
“No. 71 and 72, Karel. Allons!”
Karel came. Gerrit beckoned Gijs to come in. Gijs also came.
“Take the gentleman’s luggage,” said the proprietor of the hotel to
Karel, pointing to the carpet-bag, which Gijs still carried over his
shoulder.
“Oh, no! thank you,” said Gijs, as the young gentleman Karel went
about to relieve him of his load. Karel, however, did not leave go. The
proprietor was present; and, in spite of Gijs’ asseverations that he
was far too kind, he seized the bag and flew up the broad staircase
like a jumping rabbit.
“If you will follow, gentlemen,” said the proprietor, “the garçon
will show you your rooms.” Gerrit, putting up, for the sake of peace,
with the title of gentleman, followed the flying garçon, and Gijs
followed his father.
“Where are we going to?” cried the stout farmer, to whom climbing
of stairs was an unaccustomed exercise.
“To No. 71 and 72,” said the garçon.
“I don’t care what number it is—number thousand, if you like—but
I didn’t come here to climb up a tower!”
“We shall be there directly,” said Karel, still flying on ahead.
“Go on, then!” said Gerrit, taking courage; and on they went again,
up stairs and more stairs—there was no end to it.
“Are we not there yet?” sighed Meeuwsen, when Gijs had counted
the forty-fifth flight of steps, and they had come to an arched
doorway.
“This way round!” cried Karel, and flew on, still higher.
“No! that’s too much; I give it up!” cried Gerrit, holding fast to the
banisters. “It’s enough to drive a man crazy! I’ll go no farther.”
 “Only a few more,” said Karel persuasively. At last, when Gijs had
counted sixty-three, the two, panting and gasping, reached their goal
—Nos. 71 and 72.
“Ici,” said Karel, throwing open both doors almost at the same
moment.
“Ici or no ici” muttered the farmer, “what I say is that no decent
man can be expected to do it!”
“This is your room,” said Karel, pointing to No. 72, as he saw that
Gijs was about to follow his father into No. 71.
“I?” ejaculated Gijs.
“S’il vous plaît” said the waiter, and flinging the carpet-bag into
No. 71, he left the rooms, stood still in the passage between the two
apartments, and looking at father and son by turns, went on, “Any
more orders? Will the gentlemen dine at the table d’hôte, at half-past
four?”
Gijs understood not a single word of this; and Gerrit, who likewise
did not grasp the subtleties of the situation, answered shortly, “No,”
being mortally afraid of having to do any more climbing.
Karel having had enough of this exalted society, uttered no further
questions or remarks, slammed both doors, reached the ground floor
by sliding down the banisters, and left the father and son, each in his
own room, to their respective meditations.
The well-furnished rooms were only divided from one another by a
thin wooden partition, and their windows afforded a delightful view,
to wit, a red-tiled roof, from which arose a tall black chimney.
Gijs looked round, like a cat in a strange warehouse, and did not
think Amsterdam so very beautiful after all.
“Boy! where are you?” shouted Gerrit. “What are we to do now?
Just come here!”
“Can I do that, father?” roared Gijs, in a voice that could easily
have been heard in the street.
“Of course!” cried Gerrit.
Gijs went on tiptoe to his door, and, speeding as though death
were at his heels, out of No. 72 and into No. 71.
“Look here, boy!” said Gerrit, when his son was safely inside, “here
we sit, and I’m so hungry that I can’t see straight.”
 “So am I,” asseverated Gijs.
“Then you ought to call,” said his father, “and we might order
something.”
Gijs muttered something about “so strange,” and “if father were to
do it himself,”—but, like a dutiful son, he went to the stairs, and
shouted—very much as he was accustomed at home to call the calves
to their food—“Huup! huup! huup!”
No one came. At last a door opened, and an old gentleman in hat
and greatcoat came out, and passed Gijs.
“Oh!” said Gijs, his shyness giving way before his own hunger and
his father’s orders, “would you be so kind as to order something to
eat for us!”
“Pull the bell, you young donkey!” was the polite reply. The donkey
departed without a word, and, after some searching, Father
Meeuwsen found a rope hanging in No. 71, at which he pulled,—and
lo! they heard a bell ring. A minute later Karel was again standing
before them.
“You must bring us something to eat,” said the farmer, who now
began to understand that the young man was a waiter.
“Déjeuner à la fourchette?” asked Karel.
“Don’t know those things,” replied Gerrit. “I’ve never eaten
desernages, nor forzettes either. Just bring us something, my lad,—I
don’t much care what, so long as we can get something inside us.”
Flop went the door again; and five minutes later there arrived at
No. 71 some strange substances of whose nature Gerrit and Gijs had
not the remotest idea. They began, however, to try and to taste, and
though they could scarcely get the things down their throats, they
were messed up so queerly with sweet stuff and spice, they managed
to satisfy their appetites somehow.
“I’ve had enough,” said Gerrit at last.
“So have I,” sighed Gijs, and they rose from table,—to go to the
kermis.
We will not relate in detail how Gerrit and Gijs climbed downstairs
again, went out at the front door, and announced that they would
come back again in the evening; how they were besieged by beggars,
shoeblacks, and Jews selling lottery tickets,—nearly all of whom the
good-natured farmer succeeded in satisfying; how they were directed
from one part of the town to another, and back again, in order to
reach the fair; how and when they got there they found booths, just
like those in their own village, but much bigger and finer ones. We
will not record how much Gerrit paid for the monster cake which he
wished to take home to Griet, and which bore the inscription, in
sugar letters, “A Fairing for You;” how Gijs was cheated in the
purchase of a cup and saucer for Mijntje; how they, furthermore,
bought ginger-bread, almonds, and who knows what besides, so that
their pockets stood out like hard lumps, and they were nearly
fainting under the weight of them. They visited the circus, but were
not edified; and when, finally, the great trick rider “Meseu Blanus,”
after two sudden changes of costume, appeared in flesh-coloured
tights, and walked about blowing a trumpet, Gerrit could stand it no
longer, and seizing his son by the arm, he shouted, “That beats all! so
it does! come, boy, come! come!” and hurried him out. When they
had struggled out into the crowd again, Gerrit said that they had had
their fill of that sort of thing, and more; and Gijs remarked that it
was low. They did not attempt to see any of the other shows, and
Gerrit unmercifully dragged Gijs past “The Mirror of Mystery,”
where, as the man at the door said, “The girl can see her lover, and
the young man his girl,—all for a dubbeltje! Great American Magic
Mirror of Mystery!” Gijs would have liked a peep at his Mijntje, but
Gerrit was firm.
Having partaken, by way of refreshment, of hot wafers and punch,
—a repast which Gijs liked well enough, but his father considered
“sweet, but nothing to stay your stomach on,”—they at last, after
many wanderings, found their way back to the hotel. The nimble
rabbit, Mr Karel, was again to the fore. In the twinkling of an eye he
had lit a candle, and flew up the stairs, requesting the wearied
rustics, unaccustomed to the hard walking of the streets, to follow
him, s’il vous plaît.
Gerrit and Gijs followed—yes! and in time they reached the top,
but felt just as if a thousand smiths were hammering away in their
bones.
“Do the gentlemen wish souper?” asked Karel, who by this time
had lit candles in each of the two rooms.
 “Eat soup now!” said Gerrit, “get away with you! I’m fair filled up
with those wafer-cakes!”
“Put boots outside door—when d’you-want-to-be-called?” asked
Karel.
“I’m going away to-morrow morning by the first train,” said Gerrit.
“Then you’ll want a vigilante?”
“Go to the ... woodpile!” cried Gerrit, “with all your foreign talk.”
“Good-night, gentlemen!” said Karel.
The doors were shut, and the gentlemen were left alone. Now
began a conversation between the two—carried on in genuine rustic
growls, and yet as softly as if they were afraid of waking “Mother my
wife.” A few minutes later Gijs retired, with a new blue wadded
night-cap, and a “good-night, dad,” to No. 72.
Gerrit had at once blown out the wax candles in No. 71. “That’s just
sinful waste,” he said; and Gijs, on entering No. 72, followed his
father’s example.
They were not long in undressing by moonlight. Gijs put on the
night-cap, and stepped into the soft bed. What a thing that was!—soft
as pap!... Never knew such a thing before.... He lay listening.... Every
moment he heard something ... some one walking about ... groping
among the furniture ... at last speaking. At last, he could stand it no
longer—he sat up and stared uneasily about. He thought he could
plainly ... hear ... something ... at ... the ... door. Seemed as if ... you ...
could ... see ... the ... handle ... turning.... The perspiration broke out
all over him ... still he saw it ... plainly ... and, when the door was
really opened, he uttered a yell, but slowly recovered himself on
seeing that it was his father.
“Can’t rest on that thing,” said Gerrit, as he came in, meaning the
bed, which he found much too soft. “No, Gijs, I’ll just come and lie
here on the boards.”
“I’ll do that too,” said Gijs, stepping out of bed, and then he lay
down on the floor beside his father—each with a pea-jacket rolled up
for a pillow—“good-night! pleasant dreams.”
Whether the dreams were, in point of fact, pleasant may be
doubted, for they formed a first-class raree-show, composed of bare
legs and wafer-cakes, guns and horses, omnibuses, and the climbing
of towers, in wild confusion. Certain it is, however, that the
Meeuwsens, father and son, when they awoke, stared at one another
as if they had been bewitched, and had to think a long time before
they could remember where on earth they were.

Well, how did they get home again from the fair?—Gerrit to his
Griet, and Gijs to his Mijn.
Very well indeed. Physically they were in sad case, but spiritually
all right—which does not always happen on like occasions. The bill
which Karel handed to Gerrit before his departure was alike illegible
to him and to Gijs. Perhaps no one but the hotel-proprietor and the
head-waiter could ever have deciphered it—only the total was clear:
16f. 80—accurately reckoned. Gerrit thought, but said nothing; paid;
started, when he was told that a tip was expected of him, over and
above the bill, but paid it; and left the Verdoel by the first omnibus,
and Amsterdam by the first train.
“That’s over!” said Gerrit, sitting safe and sound once more beside
his Griet in the kitchen. “Once is well enough—but never again! And
I had everything first-class!”
This was true enough: for on the return journey he had managed
to get into the right compartment of the train—though, to say the
truth, he found it much less comfortable than the other.
And Gijs? Gijs was as blythe as a foal in the meadow, when he
found himself at home again. When he told Mijn about the circus,
and the young ladies in gilt caps who had sold him wafers, and tried
to flirt with him, she turned as red as fire, and said it was scandalous;
but the cup and saucer, which, contrary to all expectation, had
reached home uninjured, were duly admired by her. And when
Gerrit, one fine evening, had some of the neighbours in to help in the
pig-killing, and entertained them in the kitchen when work was over,
the monster cake was tasted, and Gerrit profited by the opportunity
to relate all his adventures. Then said Brother-in-Law Kresel, that
such a thing hadn’t happened within the memory of man!—and Baas
Janssen, that morality was getting into a frightful state!—and the old
Teunis farmer concluded, “What does a man want on the ice in his
clogs?”
J. J. Cremer.
 NO SWORD!

Old Colonel H—— was standing, during one of the summer

months, before the open window, puffing the smoke of his Havannah
into the air, with the feeling of satisfaction produced by a fine day,
while his eyes followed the movements of a young officer, whose
elastic figure had already, at some distance, attracted his superior’s
attention.
Suddenly his face darkened. No one so soon feels his toes trodden
on as an old military man.
What was that? Were his eyes dazzled by the sunlight? Or could
anything of the sort possibly happen under the eye of the strict
commanding officer of the regiment? Had discipline really died out
among the younger generation of the army?
No, it was no optical deception. He could see it now, plainly—the
lieutenant, passing there, on the other side of the street, with a letter
in his hand, had no sword on! And it was not nearly four P.M.!
“Lieutenant!” cried the fire-eater, in a momentary ebullition of
indignation, from the open window; “if I may ask you—one
moment!”
The man addressed immediately turned with a military salute, and
hastened to the Colonel’s rooms, without the slightest presentiment
of the storm about to burst over his head.
He rang the bell, and the Colonel’s servant opened the door.
Passing through the hall, he gave a hasty glance at his uniform to
see whether it was all right—and then he discovered his misfortune.
Horrible! He had, in his haste to post a letter, forgotten to buckle on
his sword!
For one moment he hesitated; he was really frightened, and saw,
looming up in space, all the evil consequences of his mistake, in the
form of all possible reports, with “arrest” at the end of them.
The Colonel would send a note to the commander of division, who
would endorse and put it into the hands of the captain—and then the
fat would be in the fire with a vengeance! All this passed like a flash
of lightning through the unhappy man’s head, and he looked
helplessly round, as though hoping that some good genius would
inspire him with a way of escape in this sore need. What was he to
do? He could not keep the cantankerous Colonel waiting,—there was
nothing for it except to march valiantly forward into the lion’s den.
But luck never forsakes a lieutenant!
What is that glittering over there in the umbrella-stand?
The Colonel’s sword!... He pulls out his purse,—thrusts, with an
eloquent gesture, a guilder into the hand of the Colonel’s man, and
buckles on the sword—all in less time than it takes to tell it.
A moment later he stands—in correct military attitude, his left
hand held so as to hide the dragon on his sword-hilt from the eagle
eye of his chief—before the old gentleman, who, meanwhile, has been
stalking up and down the room, fretting and fuming.
“Sir! I must call your attention to——”
A long pause.
The Colonel’s glance travels from the sword to the young officer’s
blushing face, and back again to the glittering weapon.
Then he shakes his head in utter amazement, but recovers himself
speedily, and continues in a low tone:
“What battalion do you belong to?”
“The second, Colonel.”
“Just so. I only wanted to ask you if—if—Major Ij ... has returned
from his leave?”
“He is not coming back till to-morrow, sir, if I have understood
rightly.”
 “IN CORRECT
MILITARY ATTITUDE.”

“Ah!—thank you—it had escaped me—thanks.”

The lieutenant saluted respectfully, left the room with the greatest
air of self-confidence, hastened down the stairs, unbuckled the
Colonel’s sword—put it away noiselessly among the sticks and
umbrellas, after which he hurried away, keeping as close as he could
to the wall till he was out of sight.
As for the Colonel, he simply could not believe his eyes! Then
something occurred to him. He called his man.
“Did you let the lieutenant in?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Was he wearing a sword when he came in?”
“Yes, sir,” answered he, with imperturbable calm.
The Colonel smote his forehead with his open hand.
The lieutenant’s guilder was well invested.
“Humoristisch Album.”
 A STUDENT’S LODGINGS SIXTY YEARS
SINCE.

The burghers of the university town—at least those whose houses,

at the beginning of the summer vacation, are adorned with cards
bearing the inscription “Cubicula locanda”—can, during nine
months of the year, be looked on only to a limited extent as masters
in their own dwellings. It is the student, or the officer, as the case
may be, who is established in the best room, who attracts all the
attention of passers by, and the neighbours over the way,—who sits
at the window, is seen to go in and out at the front door, carries the
key, rules, gives orders, receives his friends and acquaintances, and,
in a word, conducts himself as the principal person, while the owner
or lessee of the house is banished to a back room or some little
subterraneous den in the basement. It is to the best room, then, that
we must make our way, though the approach to it is not an attractive
one. Our way lies, first, through a narrow passage, where we run the
risk of stumbling over a doorstep, evidently placed there with the
sole object of teaching children and visitors to be careful of their
steps. Then we have to seek a dark and narrow stairway, and, having
found it, to ascend it. It receives, by day, only a dim and doubtful
light from the basement; by night, it is perfectly dark, and its worn
and slippery steps follow one another at such strangely unequal
intervals, that one is tempted to think the architect must have been
interested in the problem how to pile on one another, in a given
space, a given number of irregular parallelograms in the most
heterogeneous manner possible. When we have succeeded, after
having knocked our heads not more than three or four times against
all sorts of fantastically projecting rafters and angles, in reaching
what is ironically called the bel étage, we find ourselves in front of a
door which opens very easily and noiselessly, but can never be closed
without five or six violent thrusts or tugs, according as you are inside
or out. We once more hit our toes against an unexpected doorstep,
and at last enter the first of the two rooms inhabited by Gerlof Bol,
S.S. Theol. cand.
It is evening; the two sash windows, divided by a narrow space of
wall, are hidden behind unpainted shutters, on which, here and
there, a square, worm-eaten, or dirt-stained spot shows where a hasp
or bolt has been, but is no more. These shutters curve outwards, and
threaten every moment to escape from the control of the bars (bent
crooked as though with their weight), and fling themselves in the
face of the incautious person who should venture too near. The walls
are covered with a dirty yellow paper, on which green and blue
flowers alternate in diagonal lines. Now and then, where the paper
has been torn, another piece of the same pattern has been pasted on
upside down, probably for the sake of securing a pleasing variety;
while in other cases the damage has not been repaired, and an earlier
wall decoration, in orange and black, is apparent in patches. On the
wall hang the portraits of Van Der Palm and Borgen[20] in one frame,
the lecture list, fastened up with three pins, and a variety of college
notices secured in the same way. Near the door is a tolerably roomy
alcove, containing the occupant’s chief treasures,—in the first place,
his books, which, in so far as they consist of quartos, octavos, and
duodecimos, are ranged on three shelves against the wall, while the
folios stand on the ground in the company of sundry maps in cases;
in the second place, two baskets, one of which is full of burnt-out clay
pipes, the other of foul ditto awaiting their burning. Item, a closed
card-table, bought cheap at a second-hand dealer’s, which can never
stand on more than two legs at the same time; while the superficies
of the once green baize with which it is covered offers a remarkable
assemblage of mathematical figures, such as circles formed by the
setting down of wet punch or wine glasses, ellipses or squares arising
from the dropping of wax, grease, or ink, or the contact with various
objects not previously dusted. Item, an umbrella without a knob,
whose whalebone ribs, for the most part, have either repudiated all
connection with the covering, or shamelessly protrude through it.
Furthermore, a trio of eccentric-looking canes, a couple of broken
German pipes, a little tin box, a small writing-desk heaped with
dictata, MS. notes, and dilapidated books; a large reading desk,
holding the editio princeps of the States Bible;[21] and, last not least,
as the English say, a small basket containing full, and a large one
with empty, wine bottles.
The said alcove is provided with a double door, and when the latter
is closed, peculiar skill, or else a lucky conjuncture of circumstances,
is necessary to open it, seeing that the handle usually displays a
remarkable degree of obstinacy, and calmly turns round in one’s
hand unnumbered times without lifting the latch.
As to the other furniture of the room, the following is an accurate
inventory:—
1. A small mirror in a polished wooden frame,—the glass consisting
of two sections, each of a different colour. If you see yourself in the
lower half you have a purple countenance, in the upper a green one,
and in either case your features are cruelly distorted; in fact, no one
ever looked into this mirror, either above or below, who did not
instantly look out of it again,—so frightfully ugly does every one find
him or herself, as the case may be.
2. A mahogany sécretaire, which, though it has lost some of the
convolutions of the carved fretwork finishing it off at the top, is still,
on the whole, tolerably fit for use, and has no other defects than
these, that the lower drawer will not shut, that one of the hinges of
the flap is loose,—necessitating great care in opening and closing,—
and that one of the feet has long ago declined further service and
preferred a horizontal to an upright position,—in spite of which,
however, the article of furniture can be made to stand tolerably
steady if propped up against the wall. On the top stands a bunch of
paper flowers (the landlady’s property), protected by a glass shade,
flanked to right and left by plaster busts of Homer and Cicero, and
surrounded with several teacups, bearing in gilt letters such touching
mottoes as “Many happy returns of the day,” “A trifle—but a token of
good-will,” “Walk on roses,” “A token of respect,” &c. &c.
3. A white-wood corner cupboard, with a fluted sliding-door,
which, if you go about to open it quietly, refuses to move, whereas if
you use force you push the whole cupboard from its place. Only long
experience, added to unwearying patience, will enable any one to
bring to light the glasses, plates, and knives, or whatever the contents
of the receptacle may be.
 4. A tiled stove, whose top is pointed out as a frequent resting-
place for glasses by a variety of circular stains. Next the stove stands
a wooden tub containing coals, and behind it lie a heap of peats and a
few blocks of wood, also a poker and tongs. The latter cannot be
handled without pinching the skin of one’s forefinger, and the legs
slip across each other as soon as one tries to pick up anything with
them.
5. An arm-chair, and six chairs with plush seats, showing their
stuffing through numerous wounds,—all of them venerable invalids,
full of infirmities, and especially weak in the back.
6. A square table, with flaps which can be turned up; its upper
surface painted green with white spots, and the edges reddish-
brown. In the middle of this table we see a lamp and two black-
japanned candlesticks with tallow candles in them; further, a broken
pair of snuffers, a wooden tobacco-box, a brazier, and an inkstand
with other writing materials; and round it are seated several
students, all members of the “rhetorical chamber”[22] entitled, “The
Thirsty Pleiades.”
J. Van Lennep.
The Vicissitudes of Klaasje Zevenster (1866).
 A COLONIAL PRIZE-GIVING.

“Another day on the rack!” Heer Doornik had said that morning to
his wife,—not however in so tragic a manner as the tenor of the
ejaculation would seem to indicate, as he was just then busy pulling
on a particularly intractable boot.
“Is your speech ready?” asked Mevrouw Doornik, in the act of
fastening his necktie for him.
“Yes, my address is prepared,” he replied, solemnly.
You must know, reader, that Doornik had been, in his young days,
a member of a “rhetorical chamber” at Dinxperlo or Buren, I do not
exactly remember which, and had reaped harvests of laurels at
various lectures—laurels offered to him along with cups of muddy
chocolate and cadetjes with cream cheese.
This circumstance had stood in his way all his life. The man, whose
manifest destiny was to become a schoolmaster, believed himself a
second Mirabeau. He would have liked to become a popular orator,
or a member of the Second Chamber, or failing that at least a
minister. But his ideals had gone the way of the cadetjes and the
chocolate, they had vanished into nothingness; the future Mirabeau
became, first, a pupil in a training-college, then third, and then
second master; and, at last, with much labour, he gained his head-
mastership.
“I have at last this consolation, that I am to-day once more placed
in a position to show the public what the art of oratory is.”
This last sentence was uttered with such an elevation of his voice,
that his wife thought it necessary to damp his enthusiasm a little.
“I’m afraid the pine-apple tartlets are burnt,” she said, “and the
cabinet-pudding, too, is not as it should be.”
 But her husband did not hear her. In one hand he had a hair-brush
and in the other a comb, and with these objects he went through all
sorts of evolutions, his eyes fixed on the mirror, and his long figure
most eccentrically contorted. His wife left him alone; she was well
acquainted with this manœuvre, and twenty years’ experience of
married life had taught her not to disturb her husband when seized
by inspirations.
The Indies are not the place for unappreciated genius; all that they
could give the great man (except a good salary and an easy life,
which, of course, did not count) was the chairmanship of a few
committees, and a place in the church council and other assemblies,
which got through more talking than business. Besides this, he was a
Freemason, and thus at last he had the satisfaction of being able to
speak “in public,” taking one week with another, at least once a week.
The day of the school examination was therefore, in his opinion,
especially suited to this purpose, and he had not practised so long for
nothing. His speech was going to be brilliant, his eloquence
indescribable, his gestures and facial expression would do the rest. It
was only a pity that Hendriks (the second master) had come to worry
him, for, above all things, he needed quiet in those days when he was
going to show the public what good speaking is.
At last the proceedings were to begin.
The children sang one or two songs very prettily, and the effect
would have been exceedingly good, had not the head-master been of
opinion that his voice—not a bad one, but just now fairly hoarse with
nervousness—ought to be heard above all the rest.
Then the examination proper began, and the usual incidents took
place. Great exhibitions of dumbness on the part of the girls, fearful
embarrassment on that of the boys, extreme exasperation among the
masters, suppressed giggling among the ladies of the audience, and
unnaturally solemn faces among the members of the school
committee, who had evidently made up their minds to remain
serious whatever might happen.
 “IN ONE HAND A
HAIR-BRUSH, IN THE
OTHER A COMB.”

In the first-class sat eight boys, between the ages of twelve and
fifteen. But it soon became apparent that six of the eight were mere
lay figures; the questions were addressed to all, but the answers,
evidently, expected from Anton van Duijn and William Ochtenraat
only.
They represented two distinct types, as they sat there side by side.
William had a fresh, rosy face, large blue eyes, and a white forehead,
crowned with blonde curls,—he was a prize specimen of a Dutch boy.
Anton, with his dark hair and jet-black eyes, clear-cut brown face,
and tall slight figure, was a handsome sinjo; for he had inherited his
looks more from his Creole mother than his Dutch father.
Mevrouw Ochtenraat had spoken truth when she assured
Mevrouw van Duijn just now that it gave her much pleasure to see
how clever and hard-working Anton was.
To-day, however, it seemed as though Anton did not know so
much more than his schoolfellow. Was it the fault of the questions
put by the master, who seemed still more agitated than common, and
became so amazingly tragic in his simplest movements and gestures
that he seemed to be reciting one of Racine’s tragedies rather than
conducting a school examination?
 Or was it the way the master knitted his brows and rolled his eyes,
wriggled and writhed and stretched himself, that confused Anton?
Or could it have been the little piece of paper that had just been
put into his hand, and on which Heer Hendriks had written in pencil,
“Keep cool, don’t let them make you lose your head!”—could that
have been the reason why Anton every now and then failed to answer
a question?
William Ochtenraat, on the other hand, seemed in particularly
good spirits that morning. Again and again the master managed to
bring him round to one or other of the few subjects in which he was
at home. He made him tell the story of Alexander the Great’s horse,
and of the faithful hound who died on the grave of William the Silent,
and, finally, of the turf-boat by means of which Breda was surprised.
William’s eyes sparkled as he told of Bucephalus; and his mother
would have liked to kiss him when he nearly choked over William of
Orange’s dog; and when he laughed over the discomfiture of the
Spaniards, the whole room laughed with him.
Meanwhile, poor Anton became more and more uneasy; he no
longer nodded encouragingly to his mother, as he had done at first,
but his anxious looks sought Heer Hendriks, who was quite as pale
as he.
The arithmetic began. Here dogs, horses, and jokes were alike out
of place; the thing, therefore, was to ask the Governor’s son as few
questions as possible.
“Now I shall be all right!” thought Anton; for this was the subject
in which he most excelled. But even now things continued to go
wrong; time after time he found he could not answer, and something
began to glitter in his eyes which ought to have warned Heer
Doornik.
Again the master put a question. And the boy cried, pale with that
terrible bluish paleness one only sees where there is coloured blood,
—“I can’t answer that question, sir; and you know I can’t, because it’s
not on what I’ve learned.”
“But perhaps one of the other boys can,—William, for instance?”
asked Hendriks.
“Why, no,” cried Willie, “I never heard of it.”
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