The Crucial Dialogue Model Field Manual

The Crucial Dialogue Model

The Crucial Dialogue Model is in fact an application of the Creative
Interchange Process (Palmgren, 2008). The latter is an ongoing natural
process, identified by the American philosopher of religion Henry Nelson
Wieman (Wieman, 1946 & 1958). The Creative Interchange Process
transforms the Current perceived Reality into the Desired Future. It is the
source of Human Creativity and often described as the Creative Good
which enables us to transform and produce the desired created good.
Although the reality behind his description is not Wieman’s to own, his
label for that reality – creative interchange – is his. The Creative
Interchange Process is always more or less hindered by the Vicious Circle
(Hagan & Palmgren, 1999).

The above Model can is my preferred metaphor for the Creative

Interchange process. So, let’s start with presenting that life giving and
transformation process that we call Creative Interchange.

Creative Interchange in a Nutshell

It’s paramount to understand the creative interchange process before
focusing on the required conditions and helpful behaviors for its operation
in transforming the human mind. Henry Nelson Wieman defined the
process in the introduction of his 1958 book, ‘Man’s Ultimate
Commitment’ (Wieman, 1958). He said, “ By creativity I do not mean

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creative work, science, technology, social organization or any other area

of human achievement. … But I shall be examining … the creative
transformation of the individual in the wholeness of his being ….” He
continues, “Creative transformation of the individual is distinguished from
every other kind of change by four characteristics. These four are not the
only features pertaining to it, for creativity is very complex and in its
depth fades into mystery.”

Elsewhere, Henry Nelson Wieman makes a distinction between an Original

Creative Self and a conditioned created self. The created self is a
construct within the Original Creative Self and authors much of the
creative work, science, technology, arts and what is usually referred to as
creativity. In another section we will discuss how excessive identification
with the created self leads to what many call the false or ego self. The
focus here is on the creative process that creates and transforms the
created self. Wieman identified and named this process Creative
Interchange. Creative Interchange is what expands indefinitely the human
conscious mind.

H.N. Wieman did not presume to have the final understanding of what
Creative Interchange is nor how it transforms the mind. He said,
“Creativity is an expanding of the range and diversity of what the
individual can know, evaluate, [imagine] and control [from the inside
out].” In the closing paragraphs of ‘Man’s Ultimate Commitment’ he
concludes:
“… creative and transforming power …means two things: (1) [an]
interchange which creates appreciative understanding of unique
individuality and (2) integration within each individual of what
[they] get from others this way, thus creating [their] own
personality in power, knowledge, and capacity to appreciate more
profoundly diverse individuals, peoples, and things.”

In summary, Creative Interchange operates when individuals authentically

interact and appreciatively understand one another’s’ unique perspectives
and creatively integrate those perspectives in a way that transforms their
own mind and behavior. The more individuals, groups or organizations
engage in Creative Interchange the more they will
undergo continual transformation. It is our opinion that the more we learn
about the required conditions who foster this Creative Interchange, the
more we can experience continuing transformation of our minds and gain
greater control of our lives. The four characteristics of Creative
Interchange are:
1. Authentic Interacting
2. Appreciative Understanding
3. Creative Integrating
4. Continual Transforming

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To symbolize the Creative Interchange process, we’ve chosen the ‘official’

symbol for the concept infinity: the Lemniscate, since Creative
Interchange is infinite.

Since our Crucial Dialogue methodology is solely based on Creative

Interchange, the same symbol can be used for both, only the wording of
the phases of the Crucial Dialogue Model are different from those of the
characteristics of Creative Interchange.

What do we mean by Crucial Dialogue?

The crucial dialogues we're referring to in the Model are interactions that
happen to everyone. They're the day-to-day conversations that affect our
everyday life. The main questions are: “What do we mean by Dialogue?”
and “what makes one of our dialogues crucial?”
Let’s first define what we mean Dialogue:

Dialogue
The free flow of meaning
between two or more people.

A Dialogue is not a Monologue, not a Debate, not a Discussion and not

even a friendly Conversation. During a Dialogue we are willing to
transform ourselves, therefor we are willing to alter our perceptions of the
reality, willing to change our judgments and to take the necessary actions.
A Dialogue becomes Crucial when (Patterson, Grenny, McMillan &
Switzler, 2002):
1. Opinions differ and risk to generate disagreement;
2. Stakes are high;
3. ‘Negative’ emotions run strong;
4. The results of the Dialogue could have a huge impact on the quality
of your life and/or the lives of others.

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By definition, Crucial Dialogues are about tough issues, as well problems

as creative opportunities. When we have the urge to back away from a
conversation because we fear it will hurt us or make things worse, the
odds are high that we are avoiding a crucial dialogue. In fact, many people
only hold trivial or superficial conversations and avoid tough conversations
altogether.
The Model
The Crucial Dialogue Model describes the four phases of the Creative
Interchange Process in following terms:
 Communication (includes sharing with integrity facts and
observations to inform and listening with humility to understand and
learn);
 Appreciation (i.e., the ‘positive interpretation’ of those facts by
understanding the message in terms of what are valuable
similarities and identifying differences in frames of reference and
discovering ways to make those differences mutual supportive);
 Imagination (of what we really want to create);
 Transformation (or how the desired future is realized through
action).
using following figure ‘lying 8’ or ‘infinite’ model and more scientifically
‘lemniscate’ of the Dutch Stichting Dialoog based on the works of Lex Bos
(Bos, 1974 & 2010):
Facts, Observations, Goals, Ideals,
Objective Data Desired Future
Commitment

Result: Result:
a (temporary)
insight
KNOW-WAY
? CHOICE-WAY a (temporary)
choice

Definition of Problem

Beliefs, Presuppositions, Resources, Action plan,

Expectations, Frame of Strategy
Reference
Each phase is characterized by two basic conditions and four behaviors.
Each behavior will be described as a skill in the form of a tool. When
practiced in a consistent and consequent way, each tool will lead to the
institutionalization of its behavior. That’s why these tools are also called
practices and the behaviors, that are consequence of those practices,
become habits.

Both basic conditions and practices are embodied in the Crucial Dialogue
Model. In following diagram, the conditions will be presented in the inner
figure 8 and the tools in the outer one. For the moment we just present
the outline of the Model, with its middle (the question mark) and its four
phases (Communication, Appreciation, Imagination and Transformation).
Another particularity: the 4 behaviors support the 2 conditions and vice
versa, and this in each of the four phases!

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The Crucial Dialogue Model helps individuals to maximize their

interactions with others, not in a selfish or manipulative way; rather in a
way that strengthens the Creative Interchange Process (i.e., we stay out of
its way or don’t obstruct it). In fact, we cooperate with the Creative
Interchange Process (i.e., the process that sustains the relationship) so
that the desired created good (i.e., the result of the interaction) is
obtained. Being unselfish and non-manipulative has to do with the Original
Self (also called the Creative Self) with its Intrinsic Worth, Core Values,
Core Qualities, Personal Goal (or Purpose), Positive Intention and Personal
Commitment of the different Human Beings involved in the Crucial
Dialogue. You’ll find the individuals with those six characteristics in the
middle of the model. Indeed, the Question is owned by the participants
involved.

The capacity to master Crucial Dialogues is directly proportional to a

person’s willingness and ability to engage in Creative Interchange. We can
help people to master the tools of the Crucial Dialogue Model, we can’t
give them the willingness to use them. The commitment has to come from
within. That is my way of expressing what Henry Nelson Wieman called
Man’s Ultimate Commitment (Wieman, 1958).

The Crucial Dialogue Model is also known as the Butterfly Model because
of its form. Let me repeat the used terms this way:
 The Crucial Dialogue Model describes the way to handle the
Dialogue Process while discussing and treating significant
Problems/Opportunities;
 Creative Interchange is the Transformative Process which is
(hopefully) at work during every learning event, not only during
(crucial) dialogues;
 The Butterfly Model is a synonym for the Crucial Dialogue Model.

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What are we proposing?

We have based The Crucial Dialogue Model on the Creative
Interchange Process as we’ve learned it and used it over the past twenty-
one years (Roels, 2001 & 2012). Our aim is to share with you what exactly
we’ve learned.

We know you have a lot to do and a lot to read, so we have packaged the
whole model in a series of concise, focused descriptions and activities that
can make your life healthier, happier, and more creative. That is one of
the reasons we’ve chosen for the Field Manual format.

This document can be part of your transformation journey. If all other

members of your community use the same information; you could help
each other to live it and travel together! And some more good news: you
don’t have to create opportunities to use the tools. You have plenty of
them during your regular work.

What we are proposing is called action learning 1. Action learning is

learning through daily activities (i.e., you’re learning new skills while
performing better your regular tasks):
Crucial
Dialogues
Tools

action
learning THINKING

BEHAVIOR

RESULTS

What’s in it for you?

Through this Field Manual, you gain access to a set of ideas and tools you
can use in so many aspects of your life. So, if …

1
I thank Carol Lischalk for her permission to use her way of presenting action learning,

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 You are a manager! – The aim is to use The Crucial Dialogue

Model to raise the performance and collaborative creativity of
yourself and your group.
 You have a “significant other” in your life? – Use The Crucial
Dialogue Model to improve and intensify your relationship.
 You are a Parent? – Use The Crucial Dialogue Model to improve
and intensify your appreciative understanding of your children.
 You are you a Consultant? – Use The Crucial Dialogue Model
to improve your ability to help your clients through becoming a
Creative Interchange Process Consultant.
 You are a …

Our reflection guides our response/reaction

Let’s focus now on the two wings of the butterfly. The left wing is the
Reflection part and the right one the Response part. As you know our
thinking dictates how we respond/react to a situation. The connection
between thoughts and emotions is clearly visualized in the Crucial
Dialogue Model:
 The Reflection part describes how the actual data are
communicated and how they are picked up by the brain which
reflects upon the stimulus;
 This thinking creates an insight (the perceived reality) and is
followed by an emotion due to the difference between the
understood reality and the desired one needs. We make the
distinction between emotion and feelings: emotion is a bodily
“reaction” to the gap between perceived/understood and
desired/expected reality - feelings are a mental “response” to the
experience of reality and the ‘delta’ with the desired one. Those
feelings give birth to a ‘want’;
 The Response part describes how the “want’ fuels the imagination
which is ultimately followed by action.

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A human being has so to speak the possibility to place him/herself

between the stimulus and the response using questions like: “What is
happening here (what drives me inside, what affects me outside)?” and
“How do I want to respond (what are the possible consequences of my
intended behavior and, in fact, why do I want to do this)?”. The fact that
only human beings can ask questions has an important spin off, namely
that questions must have an owner. There are no free-floating questions
and there are no objective, autonomous existing problems. Situations
themselves ask no questions. It is always a human being who is
astonished about something, who wants to know something and who ask
questions to gain insight into the problem. Always there is someone who
finds certain situations unacceptable and who is severally hurt by it and
reflect in order to understand AND to change the present situation.

That’s why you find the question mark in the middle of the Crucial
Dialogue Model. Thus, the present situation is often seen by the perceiver
as a question and this question stimulates him to find an answer. The
latter is the case if the feelings provoked by the question are strong
enough. If the outcome of the reflection is an ‘I don’t care’ – emotion, then
the movement stops and there won’t be any response. The perceiver has
to own the question and be committed to find an answer.

In other words, the stimuli of the reality are appreciated by the mental
models or mindset of the perceiver (which are created by his own
experiences and thus in a sense by his personal Vicious Circle). This is a
crucial moment (we’re back in the middle of the model) and the question
becomes a real ‘problem’ only if the difference between the perceived
reality and the desired one is in the eyes of the perceiver important
enough. That perception or interpretation of the reality creates feelings,
which give birth to ‘willing’ and all this ultimately fuels the response.

In most adults the reflection part operates at the speed of the light and
generates an automatic emotional reaction and this emotion is very
swiftly followed by an action. We surely are able to ‘jump to conclusion’!

The Crucial Dialogue Model will remind you to slow down your thinking
process whenever your Vicious Circle emotion is too strong. We will see
that this Vicious Circle emotion will lead you to either evasion (or
‘negative’ silence) or to an action based on your anger (attack, blaming
…). We will describe how to slow down your reflection-response cycle and
in fact how to go back into the Reflection loop and stay there long enough
in order to appreciate correctly the reality in questioning your own Mental
Models or Frame of Reference and the facts.

You already know it all!

Indeed, we did all this stuff naturally as kids. Wieman suggested that we
learn when we interact with others to gain appreciative understanding and
integrate that understanding into ourselves in such a way that we expand

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what any of us can know, appreciate, imagine and control from the inside-
out. This means that learning is both personal and social. Children learn to
walk and talk because they communicate, appreciate, imagine their future
and practice the skills they see others around them using, until they’ve
transformed themselves.

Then they learn from their families and teachers to do things the “right”
way – “their” right way and the behaviors, which open up possibilities and
curiosity in the midst of ambiguity and change, are buried under piles of
other non creative habituated behaviors. These habits lead us ultimately
to a desire to know and to control (from the outside-in) in order to have no
surprises. When as adults, we don’t know or feel ‘out of control’, anxiety
sets in. For the child, however, the opposite is true. The unknown or weird
things provoke curiosity and exploration. Children are the living proofs of
the existence of Creative Interchange.

The Crucial Dialogue Model is therefore about replacing old habits by

new ones, and reorganizing and reconnecting what we knew
spontaneously as children. So, the Crucial Dialogue Model is about re-
discovering and re-mastering the talents that has made us human beings
in the first place through communication, appreciation, imagination and
transformation. As adults we have to re-mind ourselves constantly about
those four dimensions until we have reached our ‘Original Self’ level
again. The Crucial Dialogue Model will help you to do so!

During dialogue, with others or within yourself, the four dimensions of the
Original Self help you ground yourself in the present moment and focus
your human creativity to create most out of what the present offers you.
And of course, you can’t control the future AND … you can open yourself
for the Creative Interchange Process that creates your future. Indeed, you
can’t change the facts of reality AND … you can choose the way you
perceive those facts as well as your desired future.

The Crucial Dialogue Model gives you the levers to make the most out
of your current reality and it’s all about Creative Interchange within and
between people.

The Crucial Dialogue Model elements are easy to understand AND … it

takes practice to master them. The good news is that you have zillion
opportunities to do so!

Embracing The Crucial Dialogue Model means adopting a set of habits

that work! As we will discuss, habits are built – given sufficient intention,
practice and discipline – by continued repetition and positive
reinforcement of the tools over a period of 28 days. So, this Field Manual
could be your travel companion for a long while. Don’t be afraid, the
traveling will be fun and don’t forget: “If you pay the price, you can keep
the change…”

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Bibliography
Bos, A. H. (1974). Oordeelsvorming in groepen. Dissertatie
Landbouwhogeschool. Wageningen: H. Veenman & Zonen. B.V.
Bos, A. H. (2012). Forming Judgments. A Path to Freedom. Zeist:
Christofoor.
Hagan, S & Palmgren C. (1999). The Chicken Conspiracy. Breaking the
Cycle of Personal Stress and Organizational Mediocrity. Baltimore:
Recovery Communications, Inc.
Palmgren, C. (2008). The Ascent of the Eagle. Being and Becoming your
Best. Dayton: Innovative InterChange Press.
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R. & Switzler, A. (2002). Crucial
Conversations. Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. New York:
McGraw-Hill.
Roels, J. (2001). Creatieve Wisselwerking. Nieuw business paradigma als
hoeksteen voor veiligheidszorg en de lerende organisatie. Leuven:
Garant.
Roels, J. (2012). Cruciale dialogen. Het dagelijks beleven van creatieve
wisselwerking. Antwerpen: Garant
Wieman, H.N. (1946). The Source of Human Good. Chicago: University of
Chicago Press.
Wieman, H.N. (1958). Man’s Ultimate Commitment. Carbondale: Southern
Illinois University Press.

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