© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg.

1
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© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 2

About the Playwright…
Trevor Suthers has had over seventy of his plays produced, ranging from
monologues to musicals, full-length plays, one-act plays and sketch shows, in
every kind of venue and numerous non-theatre spaces. He has written for
British ‘TV Soaps’, ‘Coronation Street’, and ‘Eastenders’. A number of his
plays have been both staged and broadcast in the US with many published
online. He is the founder of award-winning JB Shorts, Manchester’s most
popular fringe theatre event, presenting, bi-annually, six short plays by TV
writers and now in its tenth year. He has written and had published a number
of plays for Youth Theatre and recently won the audience-voted British
Theatre Challenge 2018.

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We have provided these scripts to your group at an extremely low cost. In lieu of
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we ask that you reciprocate by following these copyright rules:

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advertising. You must also write to let him know that you are using his play!
Contact Peter at: [email protected]

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About the Scenes…

Here are eight short scenes that feature commoners gossiping
about the characters and events in a variety of Shakespeare plays!
Written in modern English, but with a cockney flair, these scenes
will delight students and audiences alike.

A duologue is a dialogue between two actors. In these scenes,

actors take turns reading every other line.

In these scenes, two characters discuss the main plot points of the play as if it were village
gossip. The scenes provide an easy way for students to familiarize themselves with the
characters and events in each play.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 3

 Comedic Shakespeare Duologues
by Trevor Suthers

Below are eight short scenes in which two villagers discuss the events that take place in certain
Shakespeare plays as if they were gossiping about the people involved. These scenes offer an
excellent way for students to familiarize themselves with the plots and players in a variety of
Shakespeare plays!

How to use the duologues:

Perform the Scenes
Put students in pairs and have them rehearse and perform the scene.
There are no character names; instead, students read every other line of
dialogue. Students can highlight their lines for easier reading. Ask
students to create a character with a backstory who has an opinion on
the events/characters involved.

Guess the Play

Put students in small groups and have them read the duologues and
determine which play the characters are referring to. On a piece of paper,
have them number 1-8 and write down the names of the plays.

Write a Duologue
Have students write their own duologue that refers to a different
Shakespeare play that is not included in this collection.

Ask:
What do you find most challenging about reading/performing Shakespeare?
What can we do to overcome these challenges?
Do you think that Shakespeare’s stories relate to our modern world? In what way?
What did you learn by participating in this activity?

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 4

 Duologue 1 (2f)
Two Roman housewives chatting as one does the other’s hair.

You hear about the Capulet girl?

What, Juliet, Juliet Capulet?

Topped herself.

What?

Dead. Topped herself.

That’s terrible. Didn’t she, wasn’t she hooked up with that Romeo guy? The Montague kid? He
must be gutted.

Topped himself as well.

What, a double suicide?

Found her didn’t he, then went and topped himself. Topped himself when he found her. Grief,
you know. Only, thing is, she hadn’t topped herself at all. Pretended to top herself. Way I heard
it she pretends to top herself, he finds her, tops himself then she comes round, finds out he’s
topped himself, so she goes and tops herself only for real this time.

That’s tragic that is. A proper tragedy, no mistake. One thing though, why did she pretend to
top herself in the first place?

Beats me. I blame the parents.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 5

 Duologue 2 (2M)
Two Italian spear-carrying soldiers cleaning their weapons

You heard about General Othello?

The General, no, what about him?

Killed himself, with a dagger.

What’d he do that for?

Killed his wife.

Killed his wife?

Killed his wife then killed himself.

Wasn’t he married to that—

--Senator Brabanzio’s daughter. Desdemona. They hadn’t been married long. It has to be said
the Senator was dead set against the marriage right from the off.

I can see why.

Everybody said it was a bad match.

You mean the age difference?

There was that as well. I mean, nobody thought that marriage would last but at the same time
who’d have predicted it’d end up as a murder suicide?

Killed her though. Who’d have thought?

Strangled her then killed himself. He was a great General by all accounts but a lousy husband.
He thought she was playing around. Accused her of being a slapper.

A Senator’s daughter?

That’s what I heard. Killed her in a fit of jealousy. Funny thing though, they’ve now gone and
arrested his ensign, a guy called Iago. You know him?

What, honest Iago? He’s supposed to be a real stand- up guy. What did they arrest him for?

Well according to this cousin of mine, same battalion, they reckon this Iago guy sort of put him
up to it.

How do you mean?

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 6

Told the General his wife had been playing around. Wound him up like. Made him do it, even
though everybody reckoned she was pure as the driven snow.

Still that’s hardly an excuse though is it. Somebody telling you your wife was playing around
without any evidence.

There was something about a handkerchief, finding a handkerchief.

What would a handkerchief have to do with anything?

Don’t know, this cousin of mine says it proved Iago had it in for him. You know, the General.

Well, if somebody told me my wife was playing around it’d take more than a handkerchief to
make me want to kill her.

Well they say the General had, you know, issues.

Oh right. Issues.

You know.

Right.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 7

 Duologue 3 (2m)
Two Danish clerks at a desk with an abacus each, checking accounts

Carnage. It’s the only word for it.

Only word for what?

Elsinore, what happened at Elsinore, the fencing match, Hamlet and Laertes, ended in utter
carnage.

Thought these fencing matches was all, you know, just point scoring.

Not this match. Something of a grudge match by all accounts. Lot of bad blood between the
pair of them.

Bad blood? Why’s that then?

You not heard? You not follow these things?

No, can’t say I’m all that interested in the goings on at court.

Well, this all goes back to when Claudius became King.

After his brother, old Hamlet died.

Well, there was a lot of talk at the time suggesting Claudius might have had a hand in old
Hamlet’s untimely death.

Really?

Talk of poisoning and what not.

I see. So young Hamlet would have been…

Added to the fact that Claudius straight away upped and married the grieving widow, Gertrude,
Hamlet’s mum.

Don’t suppose that went down very well.

Upshot was Claudius had Hamlet shipped off to England, get him out of the way.

Well I can see why Hamlet might have had a beef with Claudius but where does Laertes come
into it?

Well, Laertes’ sister, I think she was called Delia, Celia, something like that, she was like said to
be in love with Hamlet, they were sort of, you know, a couple but what with all the business
about Hamlet’s father being poisoned sort of sent Hamlet a bit, you know, a bit mental like and
he breaks it off with Emilia, Ophelia and she’s so distraught like she goes and drowns herself.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 8

You see now why Laertes might be somewhat hostile towards Hamlet plus the fact of course
that Hamlet had already accidently murdered his dad, you know, the Chancellor, Polonius.

Accidently murdered?

I’m not sure of all the facts, there was talk of an arras, hiding behind an arras, something about
mistaken identity.

Right. I’m beginning to see the picture here. Hence the bad blood.

Hence the bad blood.

Doesn’t sound like carnage though.

Oh, that’s only the half of it, there’s more. This fencing match was just a set up. Laertes’ foil
was tipped with poison.

Poison? Again?

It’s reckoned Claudius was behind this, wanted to make sure if Hamlet got nicked, he was sure
to die. He also had a bit of a backup plan as well with a poisoned chalice…

A poisoned chalice? What is it with this guy and poisoning?

Only instead of Hamlet drinking from the chalice, his mum Gertrude takes a gulp and she gets
poisoned. Hamlet then seeing his mum get poisoned by the drink that was meant for him, he
then forces Claudius to drink it.

What about Laertes, he get poisoned as well?

He does.

What? I’m amazed there’s any poison left in that chalice.

No, not the chalice, the foil’s get switched during the fighting and he gets nicked by the
poisoned foil.

All sounds a bit crazy.

It was. Completely crazy. But that’s the aristocracy for you. And now of course with half the
court wiped out we’ve ended up with King Fortinbras in charge.

Fortinbras?

Him and his hoards marched in just after all this went down. Case of right time right place. So
now we’ve got a bunch of Norwegians running the show.

Well, probably couldn’t be any worse than the last lot. There always seems to be something
rotten in the state of Denmark, don’t you think?

Ain’t that the truth.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 9

 Duologue 4 (2m)
Two Roman builders repairing laying bricks

Yeah, I was there in the crowd when he made the speech.

Lucky you. I was away that day visiting my uncle. I hear it was some speech. What happened?

So, anyway, he strides on stage, starts off saying he wasn’t there to praise Caesar, you know,
just to bury him because, you know, Brutus had just explained to us all how Caesar had wanted
to be a dictator and how he had to be killed for the sake of the Republic and all that, fair
enough, but the more he went on, Antony, the more he went on, the more you got the
impression – hey, something’s not quite right here. He was sort of implying Caesar wasn’t
planning to be a dictator and take over Rome at all. Brutus and Cassius and them had just done
him in for nothing.

But hadn’t Caesar been offered the crown three times and turned it down?

Brutus and his pals reckoned he’d turned it down just for show expecting everybody to say, no
you take it Caesar, go on, take the crown, we insist. But nobody did.

Don’t know about you but I sort of got the impression Brutus wasn’t all that keen on the idea of
doing Caesar in.

He was the last one to stick the knife in. And in his speech Antony kept going on about Brutus
being an honourable man. And give Brutus his due he did give a good speech about how they
had to get rid of Caesar for the sake of the people and all that.

But not as good a speech as Antony.

No, Antony sort of turned the tables on him.

I’ll bet you ended up not knowing who to believe.

I think what turned the crowd was when Antony shows us Caesar’s body. That was quite a
moment. Bit gruesome but a lot of people were like, moved, you know. Also, the fact that
Caesar had left all the citizens of Rome 75 drachmas in his will. People were really moved when
they heard about that.

75 drachmas? What, everybody? Every citizen?

Mob was really fired up by then and the mood definitely turned against the assassins.

Is that when you went on the rampage?

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 10

Not me. I left well before the rampage got started. I had to get back to feed the pigs. But the
mob did go on to drive out the assassins.

Didn’t they kill Cinna, the poet first? What was that about? He wasn’t an assassin.

Case of mistaken identity apparently.

I suppose that happens a lot when mobs go on the rampage.

He wasn’t much of a poet by all accounts

Still…

Yeah, I know what you mean.

All ended in a bloody mess whichever way you look at it.

And all the assassins ended up dead anyway.

For what?

Exactly. And I notice nobody’s seen anything of the 75 drachmas we was all supposed to get.
That seems to have gone by the wayside.

And now, of course, we have the Triumvirate in charge.

Yeah. Like that’s going to last.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 11

 Duologue 5 (2f)
Two women gutting fish

Who you say? Edgar?

That’s right, Edgar. News just come in, Edgar’s the new King.

Edgar’s the new King? What happened to the old King, Lear?

He’s dead.

I supposed he must be dead, but how? And who’s this Edgar anyway? I’ve never heard of him.
Lear just had the daughters didn’t he? What happened to them?

They’re all dead as well.

What, they’re all dead? Did this Edgar have something to do with it?

No, it’s more complicated than that. Edgar’s the son of Gloucester. Gloucester’s son.

You’re telling me the Earl of Gloucester’s son is now the King. Why not Gloucester himself? Why
wasn’t he made King?

He’d had his eyes gouged out.

Good grief. I hardly dare ask. Who did that?

If memory serves that would be Cornwall, the Duke of Cornwall, Regan’s husband.

Regan, Lear’s daughter? You said she was dead. What, was this eye-gouging some sort of
revenge? Her husband seeking revenge.?

No, no, no, this all happened earlier.

Who told you all this? Are you sure you’ve got this tale right?

I told you it was complicated.

Well, let’s start with King Lear, how did he die?

Well, some say he died of a broken heart.

That’s an odd one, with Kings it’s usually died in battle, of gout or they get poisoned or stabbed
in the back by one of their relatives, died of a broken heart, now that’s a new one.

It was the death of Cordelia that really did it for him.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 12

You said all the daughter’s died.

Yes, but it was Cordelia in particular that affected him.

She was his favourite, right?

You wouldn’t think so the way he treated her earlier. Virtually had her banished. Something of a
fit of pique. That’s what started off the whole sorry process, Lear turning on her, got in a strop
because she wouldn’t flatter him.

Wouldn’t flatter him?

Well, the way folks tell it, all three daughters had to say how much they loved him, you know,
in return for lands and castles and that. And of course Regan and his other daughter, not
Cordelia, the other one

Goneril?

That’s right, Goneril, they both went completely overboard saying how they loved him more
than life itself whilst Cordelia….

His favourite.

She just says she loves him as much as any daughter would love their father and that’s when
he throws the strop. Disowns the poor lady and banishes her to France. So, from that point
onwards, everything’s thrown into confusion and chaos and that’s how come we’ve now got
Edgar as King. Sort of last man standing. Lear brought it all on himself really.

Well, you know what they say, there’s no fool like an old fool.

Funny you should mention that because he died as well.

What?

Lear’s fool. Hanged.

Poor fool.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 13

 Duologue 6 (2f)
Two Seamstresses

I confess I do have a sneaking sympathy for Antony.

Not me. Not after he fled the scene at the Battle of Actium leaving all them sailors to their
deaths.

You’ve got to remember though, that Cleopatra, she had him under her spell. Some say she
was a sorceress, beguiled him with her womanly wiles. That’s why he went scuttling after her.
Cleopatra knew next to nothing about naval strategy and if truth be known Antony was not
much better. Octavius was all over them. It was a humiliation. It was no wonder Antony went
and topped himself.

He would have been fine if he hadn’t spent so much time in Alexandria mooning over Cleopatra.
Should have been in Rome with his wife.

Have you seen Octavia?

Come on, that’s no excuse.

Still, when you think about it, that Triumvirate, that was always going to fall apart. You can’t
have three people ruling over the Empire. Octavius, Antony and Lepidus, I mean, Lepidus for
goodness sake.

Lepidus?

Exactly. He was soon elbowed out of the way.

What happened to him?

(Mimes drinking)

Right.

Which left Octavius and Antony to scrap it out. With the inevitable result.

And where did all that leave Cleopatra?

Imagine, what would you do if your boyfriend had just killed himself after being defeated by a
malicious megalomaniac with a taste for revenge and most of your army was left floating in the
bay of Actium.

I’d definitely be considering my options.

She had no option really, did she.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 14

She wouldn’t want to be paraded through the streets of Rome that’s for sure

I believe it was a poisoned hairpin.

I heard it was an asp.

A clasp?

No, an asp, a snake. Clasped it to her bosom. It bit her bosom.

Sounds rather fanciful to me. Then again, Egyptians, they’re known for their strange rituals. A
woman of infinite variety they called her– even her death was a performance.

Well, I’ll not be mourning either of them.

Even so, we’ll not see the like of them again.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 15

 Duologue 7 (2m/2f/1m,1f)
Two bakers kneading dough

Poor man, poor, poor man.

Poor Man?

Shylock, the moneylender. Every time I see him. A broken man. Shambling around the
Quayside all bedraggled and pitiful.

Well, he only has himself to blame. Had he shown just an ounce of pity himself, right up to the
end, I was there remember, I saw him, dagger in his hand, Antonio’s chest laid bare and him
about to extract his tribute, his pound of flesh.

His lawful pound of flesh remember.

Lawful maybe but that’s what tripped him up in the end. Letter of the law. Pound of flesh, that
was the contract, not flesh and blood, just flesh. No blood. What did he say, that lawyer feller,
something about if Shylock should spill any blood, if he so much as cut a hair’s weight over the
stipulated pound, then all Shylock’s lands and goods would be forfeit.

Should have taken the money.

Indeed he should’ve, indeed he should’ve. Twice the debt he was offered. No, correction, three
times! And that’s more ducats than you or I will see in a lifetime.

I wonder what made Shylock so determined to have his pound of flesh.

Well, you know don’t you, his daughter, Jessica, turned her back on her religion and ran off
with a Christian nobleman. Can’t recall his name but that sort of soured Shylock’s feelings
towards noblemen in general. And Antonio in particular. Antonio himself was never particularly
fond of those of the Jewish persuasion. There was some history between them.

Some history?

They’re both moneylenders remember. The difference being Shylock used to charge exorbitant
interest rates while Antonio just lent money casually without much thought for repayment.

Because he could afford to.

Of course he could but for the likes of Shylock, it was his livelihood, him being a Jew, there
wasn’t much else he was allowed to do. They both traded on the Rialto and by all accounts
Antonio was none too kindly in his treatment of Shylock and that’s how the resentment built up.
The loan in question, the 3000 ducats was given by Shylock to a friend of Antonio’s, can’t recall
his name, doesn’t matter but Antonio agreed to be the guarantor, so that if his friend couldn’t
pay the money back then he would. But then, here’s the twist, Shylock says that if Antonio’s
friend doesn’t pay the loan back on time then Antonio, instead of covering the loan, should give
him a pound of his own flesh. I think it was meant to be a joke.
Peculiar joke.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 16

Well, Shylock wasn’t exactly known for his sense of humour.

One thing though, how would he know this friend of Antonio’s would end up defaulting on the
loan?

I’m not what you’d call acquainted with any of these people, I’m just telling you what I know,
what I’ve heard.

So, he didn’t get his pound of flesh in the end.

No, he didn’t get his pound of flesh, or his money.

Joke sort of backfired. Losing all of his money.

To add insult to injury, as part of his punishment he was ordered to give the money to his
daughter and her husband.

Bet he didn’t like that.

Too right. That lawyer feller really stuck it to him. Even worse, in order to avoid the death
penalty, the much put upon Shylock had to convert to Christianity.

I imagine that wouldn’t have gone down too well within his community. So the noblemen won
in the end.

The lawyer won, that’s for sure.

Don’t they always. So, broke, humiliated and shunned by his own community, it’s no wonder
the poor guy spends all day trudging round the docks.

There’s a moral to this story, don’t you think?

Be careful what you sign up for?

No, it’s like I’m always saying, neither a borrower nor a lender be.

I’ve never heard you say that before.

I say it all the time. It’s a common phrase.

I’ve never heard it and anyway, some of us might need the occasional loan now and again, just
to make ends meet.

Well, should you ever find yourself short of a ducat or two then Antonio’s definitely your man.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 17

 Duologue 8 (2f)
Two washer-women wash laundry at the riverbank.
I still say he were a wrong ‘un.
I don’t know, I don’t think he was all the villain he was painted. He had his good side.
Not many folk saw it if he had.
Might have turned out a good King had he not spent most of his time on the battlefield.
Oh those endless battles. So many battles. I’m glad to see the end of the wars if nothing else.
It just went on and on, one battle after another. Thought it was never going to end.
These Lords and Earl’s, they love a good fight.
You’re right, there’s always some who will deny the right of others to the throne, and be
prepared to fight tooth and nail over it.
Problem was, he was never supposed to have been king in the first place. But that little lad
Edward, he was only twelve when his father died and we can’t be ruled by children now, can
we. And it was said by some the boy was probably sired the wrong side of the sheets.
You could say much the same about all of them. Poor lad. Him and his cousin shut up in the
tower. One thing I do know for sure, once Richard had his backside on that throne, neither of
them two kiddies was ever seen again.
You’re right, some protector he turned out to be. I wasn’t really surprised when his enemies
turned on him.
The man had a lot of enemies, that’s for sure.
This country’s been torn apart.
Well, he’s fought his last battle now.
It’s probably the way he would have wanted to go. Killed on the battlefield. I somehow doubt
history will be kind to him. But to be fair to the man, he did do a lot for the regions. York in
particular.
That’s true. The people of York always had a good word to say for him.
Unfortunately, not so the folks of Lancaster
No, no one had a good word for him there.
He tended to split opinion. Love him or loathe him, he was one hell of a fighter. You have to
give him that. ‘Specially with him being a cripple. Though they say you’d never know it to look
at him.
Well, I never met the man so I wouldn’t know.
Anyway, we’ve got Henry Tudor now, like it or lump it.
Plantagenets, Tudors, they’re all much of a muchness.

You know what they say, another day, another dynasty.

Let’s hope this one stays off the battlefield for a while. That’ll do me

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 18

 Need more scenes?

Have a play to share?

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com Comedic Shakespeare Duologues pg. 19