Directors of large organizations receive much higher salaries than ordinary workers.

Some think it is necessary while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give
your opinion

Some people state that the fact that CEOs of huge corporations have a good income, while
their members of get paid dramatically less. Although some individuals believe that there
should be fairness in the salaries of bosses and their employees for the effort they put in.
From my perspective, both schools of thought are justifiable in certain circumstances, I think
that paying higher salaries for those leaders is unacceptable.

On the one hand, there are some reasons why directors tend to achieve much higher
salaries than ordinary workers. Firstly, business leaders have more responsibilities than their
employees. They must complete more tasks to meet the deadlines such as planning the
project and assign work to their team, managing employees and most importantly they also
have responsibilities for the outcome of the work. Secondly, of course, supervisors have high
levels of expertise including knowledge, experience, skills. They invest most of their time in
learning and working experience to gain valuable degrees and certificates.

On the other hand, while the management board deserves to receive a high income because
of their efforts and dedication to their company, it still has mixed opinions in some cases.
Firstly, employees’ workload tends to be heavier. For instance, salespeople not only sell
products to clients but also participate in campaigns marketing, events and they even work
almost all day and are under heavier pressure than their leaders without getting the salary
they expected. Gradually, they tend to be bored and feel that all their efforts are not
recognized. Secondly, they must work in extremely difficult conditions while their managers
have a comfortable working environment. Mines is one of the examples, workers working in
harsh conditions can affect their health and they can even die at any time.

In conclusion, although top-level executives have more responsibility and higher

qualifications because of their investment, I am convinced that subordinates should be paid
equal to the efforts they contribute because they are also one of the factors that make an
organization successful.

Nâng cấp lập luận

Introduction: Some people state that the fact that CEOs of huge corporations have a good
income, while their members of get paid dramatically less. Although some individuals believe
that there should be fairness in the salaries of bosses and their employees for the effort they
put in. From my perspective, both schools of thought are justifiable in certain circumstances,
I think that paying higher salaries for those leaders is unacceptable.

Feedback for Introduction:

Clear Position: The introduction presents a clear position by stating that the author believes
paying higher salaries for CEOs is unacceptable. This sets a strong foundation for the
argument that will follow.

Relevance: The introduction is relevant to the essay question as it addresses the disparity in
salaries between CEOs and ordinary workers. However, it could be improved by explicitly
stating the reasons why the author finds this disparity unacceptable. This would provide a
clearer direction for the reader and align better with the essay prompt's requirement to
discuss both views and the author's opinion.
Brief Overview: The introduction lacks a brief overview of the main points that will be
discussed in the essay. Including a sentence that outlines the key arguments for and against
the disparity in salaries would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader and enhance the
introduction's effectiveness.

Improved Introduction: The debate over the significant disparity in salaries between CEOs
of large corporations and their employees continues to spark controversy. While some argue
that CEOs' higher earnings are justified due to their greater responsibilities and expertise,
others contend that this gap is unfair and undermines the value of employees' contributions.
From my perspective, while both views have merit, I believe that the current salary structure
is unsustainable and unfair. This essay will explore the arguments for and against the
disparity in salaries, and will argue that a more equitable compensation system is necessary
to promote fairness and productivity in the workplace.

Main Point 1: On the one hand, there are some reasons why directors tend to achieve much
higher salaries than ordinary workers. Firstly, business leaders have more responsibilities
than their employees. They must complete more tasks to meet the deadlines such as
planning the project and assign work to their team, managing employees and most
importantly they also have responsibilities for the outcome of the work. Secondly, of course,
supervisors have high levels of expertise including knowledge, experience, skills. They
invest most of their time in learning and working experience to gain valuable degrees and
certificates.

Feedback for Main Point 1:

Argumentative Logic: The argument effectively highlights the increased responsibilities

and expertise of business leaders, which justify their higher salaries. The logical connection
between these responsibilities and the need for higher compensation is clear and well-
established.

Overgeneralizations: The argument could be seen as slightly overgeneralized by implying

that all CEOs have significantly more responsibilities and expertise than all employees.
While this may be true in many cases, it does not account for variations in roles within
organizations where some employees may have similar or even greater responsibilities.

Relevance and Effectiveness of Supporting Ideas: The supporting ideas are relevant and
effectively illustrate the main point. The mention of specific responsibilities like planning,
managing, and expertise in knowledge, experience, and skills directly supports the argument
that CEOs deserve higher salaries.

Unclear or Ambiguous Expressions: The expressions used are clear and effectively
communicate the intended message. However, the phrase "most importantly they also have
responsibilities for the outcome of the work" could be clarified to specify what these
responsibilities entail.

Unwarranted Assumptions: The argument assumes that higher salaries are directly
proportional to the level of responsibility and expertise. This overlooks other factors that
might influence salary, such as market conditions, industry standards, and company policies.

Overly Assertive Language: The language used is appropriately assertive for the argument
being made. However, introducing qualifiers like "often" or "typically" could soften the claims
to acknowledge that not all CEOs may have the same level of responsibilities or expertise.

Overall Evaluation: Well Extended and Supported

Suggestions for Improvement:

Detail Specific Responsibilities: Provide more detailed examples of the specific

responsibilities that CEOs typically handle, such as strategic decision-making, financial
management, and leadership roles, to further illustrate their unique role.

Introduce Counterpoints: Consider discussing potential counterarguments, such as the

argument that high salaries can lead to decreased employee morale and productivity, to
provide a more balanced view.

Clarify and Expand on Expertise: Expand on what is meant by "high levels of expertise" to
include specific skills or qualifications that are unique to CEOs, such as business acumen,
leadership skills, and industry knowledge.

Balance the Argument: Acknowledge that while CEOs may deserve higher salaries due to
their responsibilities, there are also ethical and social implications to consider, such as the
impact on employee morale and the overall fairness of the compensation system.

Improved Main Point 1: Revised Main Point: Directors of large corporations typically earn
higher salaries due to their significant responsibilities and expertise. They are tasked with
overseeing projects, managing teams, and ensuring the success of their organizations,
which requires a high level of knowledge, experience, and skills. These leaders invest
considerable time and effort in acquiring valuable degrees and certifications, which are
essential for their roles. While this disparity in compensation may seem unfair to some, it is
justified by the unique demands and responsibilities of these positions.

Main Point 2: On the other hand, while the management board deserves to receive a high
income because of their efforts and dedication to their company, it still has mixed opinions in
some cases. Firstly, employees’ workload tends to be heavier. For instance, salespeople not
only sell products to clients but also participate in campaigns marketing, events and they
even work almost all day and are under heavier pressure than their leaders without getting
the salary they expected. Gradually, they tend to be bored and feel that all their efforts are
not recognized. Secondly, they must work in extremely difficult conditions while their
managers have a comfortable working environment. Mines is one of the examples, workers
working in harsh conditions can affect their health and they can even die at any time.

Feedback for Main Point 2:

Argumentative Logic: The argument effectively highlights the disparity in workload and
working conditions between management and employees, which is a valid point in the
discussion of salary fairness. However, the connection between these conditions and the
argument for higher salaries for management could be more explicitly linked to the broader
context of compensation fairness.

Overgeneralizations: The statement that employees' workloads are heavier and their
conditions are more difficult might be an overgeneralization. While it's true for some, it may
not apply universally to all employees in all industries. Acknowledging this variability would
provide a more nuanced view.

Relevance and Effectiveness of Supporting Ideas: The examples of salespeople and

miners working in harsh conditions are relevant and effectively illustrate the argument.
However, the argument could be strengthened by discussing how these conditions directly
impact employee productivity and morale, which could further support the claim for higher
salaries for management.
Unclear or Ambiguous Expressions: The expression "they even work almost all day and
are under heavier pressure than their leaders without getting the salary they expected" is
somewhat vague. Clarifying what is meant by "heavier pressure" and how it affects
employees would improve clarity.

Unwarranted Assumptions: The argument assumes that higher salaries for management
are directly related to the difficulties faced by employees. This overlooks other factors that
might influence salaries, such as market conditions, industry standards, and company
policies.

Overly Assertive Language: The definitive statements about the conditions of employees
and the impact on their salaries could be softened to acknowledge that these are not
universal experiences. Phrases like "can be" or "often are" would provide a more balanced
perspective.

Overall Evaluation: Extended and Supported but Over-Generalized

Suggestions for Improvement:

Detail the Impact of Working Conditions: Expand on how the working conditions of
employees directly affect their productivity and morale, which could be used to argue for
higher salaries for management as a way to mitigate these issues.

Introduce a Broader Perspective: Discuss how industry standards and company policies
influence salaries, providing a more comprehensive view of the compensation landscape.

Clarify and Specify Examples: Use more specific examples to illustrate the challenges
faced by employees, such as detailed descriptions of the types of campaigns and events
that salespeople participate in, or the specific health risks associated with working in mines.

Balance the Argument: Acknowledge that while some employees face challenging
conditions, others may have more favorable working environments. This would provide a
more balanced view of the issue and avoid overgeneralizations.

Improved Main Point 2: Revised Main Point: While it is understandable that management
boards receive higher salaries due to their significant responsibilities and dedication to their
companies, there are valid concerns about the disparity in workload and working conditions
between them and their employees. For instance, salespeople often face heavier workloads,
participating in marketing campaigns and events, and working long hours under intense
pressure, yet their salaries may not reflect their efforts. Additionally, employees in hazardous
industries like mining work in extreme conditions that can significantly impact their health
and even their lives. These conditions underscore the need for a more equitable
compensation system that recognizes the contributions of all employees, not just
management.

Conclusion: In conclusion, although top-level executives have more responsibility and

higher qualifications because of their investment, I am convinced that subordinates should
be paid equal to the efforts they contribute because they are also one of the factors that
make an organization successful.

Feedback for Conclusion:

Clear Position: The conclusion clearly states the writer's position that subordinates should
be paid equally to their efforts, which is a strong stance. However, it could be strengthened
by more explicitly addressing the opposing view that CEOs deserve higher salaries due to
their responsibilities and qualifications. This would provide a more balanced and nuanced
conclusion that directly engages with the essay prompt's requirement to discuss both views.

Relevance: The conclusion is relevant to the essay prompt as it summarizes the writer's
opinion on the fairness of CEO salaries. However, it could be more impactful by briefly
summarizing the main arguments presented in the essay, such as the responsibilities and
qualifications of CEOs versus the efforts and contributions of subordinates. This would tie
the conclusion more closely to the body of the essay and reinforce the writer's argument
more effectively.

Improved Conclusion: In conclusion, while CEOs bear significant responsibilities and

possess higher qualifications, I believe that subordinates should be compensated fairly for
their contributions. This approach not only acknowledges the value of all employees but also
fosters a more equitable and productive work environment.

Task Response
Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:

Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the salary disparity
between directors and ordinary workers. The first body paragraph discusses the reasons
why directors earn higher salaries, citing their responsibilities and expertise. The second
body paragraph presents the opposing view, highlighting the heavy workloads and
challenging conditions faced by ordinary workers. However, the introduction could be clearer
in explicitly stating the two views before presenting the author's opinion, which is somewhat
vague and not clearly defined until the conclusion.

How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the introduction
should clearly outline both perspectives on salary disparity before stating the author's
opinion. This could involve rephrasing the introduction to explicitly mention that the essay will
discuss the necessity and fairness of high salaries for directors versus the perspective that it
is unfair.

Present a Clear Position Throughout:

Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that higher salaries for directors are
unacceptable, but this stance is somewhat muddled by the phrase "both schools of thought
are justifiable in certain circumstances." This ambiguity may confuse readers about the
author's true stance. The conclusion reiterates the author's opinion but does not strongly
emphasize why the opposing view is less valid.

How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should avoid ambiguous phrases
in the introduction and instead clearly state their opinion. Throughout the essay, reinforcing
the main argument with consistent language and clear transitions will help solidify the
author's stance.

Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and supports them with examples,
such as the responsibilities of directors and the challenging conditions faced by ordinary
workers. However, some points lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For
instance, while the essay mentions that workers face heavier workloads, it does not provide
specific examples or data to substantiate this claim.

How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the author should
aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence for each point made. This could
include statistics about salary disparities, case studies of specific industries, or testimonials
from workers to illustrate the challenges they face.

Stay on Topic:

Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the salary differences
between directors and ordinary workers. However, some sentences could be more focused.
For example, the mention of "mines" in the second body paragraph could be better
integrated into the overall argument about fairness and the working conditions of employees.

How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all examples directly
relate to the main argument. Each point should clearly tie back to the central question of
salary fairness, and any examples should be explicitly linked to the argument being made to
avoid any potential digressions.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents
relevant arguments, improvements can be made in clarity, depth of support, and focus to
achieve a higher band score.

Coherence & Cohesion

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:

Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with a distinct introduction,
body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could
be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the reasons for high salaries of
directors to the counterarguments regarding employee salaries could be smoother. The
introduction mentions "both schools of thought," but the connection between these views in
the body paragraphs is not explicitly stated, which can confuse the reader.

How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences
that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases
such as "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help clarify the shift from one viewpoint to
another, making the argument more cohesive.

Use Paragraphs:

Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas,
which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion.
However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer delineation of its main
points. The phrase "while the management board deserves to receive a high income"
introduces a counterargument but does not clearly separate it from the previous paragraph's
discussion of the directors' higher salaries.

How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that
encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with a
sentence that explicitly states it will discuss the unfairness of salary disparities. This would
help the reader follow the argument more easily.

Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly,"
"Secondly," and "In conclusion," which help in structuring the argument. However, the range
of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. For example, the essay could benefit from using
more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
The use of "for instance" is good, but more examples of cohesive devices could enhance the
overall flow.

How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating phrases
like "Additionally," "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "As a result." This will not only improve
the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Practicing
the use of these devices in different contexts can help in making the writing more fluid and
engaging.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments
effectively. By focusing on improving the logical flow between ideas, enhancing paragraph
structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher score
in Coherence and Cohesion.

Lexical Resource
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some
effective word choices such as "responsibilities," "expertise," and "dedication." However,
there are instances of repetitive language, particularly with the use of "workers" and
"employees," which could be varied with synonyms like "staff," "personnel," or "team
members." The phrase "good income" is somewhat vague; a more precise term like
"competitive salary" or "substantial compensation" would enhance clarity.

How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should actively incorporate
synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "high income,"
they could use terms like "lucrative remuneration" or "elevated earnings." Additionally, using
more academic or formal vocabulary can elevate the overall tone of the essay.

Use Vocabulary Precisely:

Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For
example, the phrase "the fact that CEOs of huge corporations have a good income" could be
more directly stated as "the substantial salaries of CEOs in large corporations." The term
"mixed opinions" is also vague; it would be clearer to specify what these opinions are or to
use a term like "divergent views."

How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that
directly conveys their intended meaning. They can practice by replacing vague terms with
specific descriptors. For example, instead of saying "have a good income," they could
specify "receive substantial compensation," which conveys a clearer image of the salary
scale being discussed.
Use Correct Spelling:

Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good level of spelling accuracy, but
there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "members of get
paid dramatically less" seems to be a typographical error and should be revised to
"members receive dramatically less." Additionally, "Mines is one of the examples" is unclear
and may be a typographical error for "Mining is one example."

How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work
carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help
catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial
for ongoing learning.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents
arguments clearly, improving vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will
enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing, potentially leading to a higher band
score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures,

including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex
sentences such as "Although some individuals believe that there should be fairness in the
salaries of bosses and their employees for the effort they put in" shows an ability to convey
nuanced ideas. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and
the use of different grammatical forms, such as passive voice or conditional sentences, to
enhance the complexity further.

How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could practice incorporating
more varied sentence beginnings and experimenting with different grammatical forms. For
instance, instead of starting sentences with "Firstly" or "On the one hand," the writer could
use phrases like "One significant reason is that..." or "In contrast to this view..." to create a
more engaging flow. Additionally, using conditional structures, such as "If employees were
compensated fairly, they might feel more valued," could add depth to the argument.

Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation
issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "members of get paid
dramatically less" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "members of the
organization get paid dramatically less." Additionally, there are instances of missing
commas, such as before "and" in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences.
The phrase "Mines is one of the examples" is awkward and should be rephrased for clarity,
such as "Mining is one example."

How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on

proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments. It
may be helpful to read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and punctuation
mistakes. Additionally, practicing specific grammar exercises targeting common issues, such
as comma usage and sentence structure, can lead to improvement. Revising sentences for
clarity and conciseness will also help in making the arguments more persuasive.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents
both sides of the argument effectively, attention to grammatical accuracy and further
diversification of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài chữa tham khảo

Some people state that the fact that CEOs of huge corporations have a good income, while
their employees get paid dramatically less. Although some individuals believe that there
should be fairness in the salaries of bosses and their employees for the effort they put in,
from my perspective, both schools of thought are justifiable in certain circumstances. I think
that paying higher salaries to those leaders is unacceptable.

On the one hand, there are some reasons why directors tend to achieve much higher
salaries than ordinary workers. Firstly, business leaders have more responsibilities than their
employees. They must complete more tasks to meet deadlines, such as planning projects
and assigning work to their teams, managing employees, and, most importantly, they also
have responsibilities for the outcomes of the work. Secondly, of course, supervisors possess
high levels of expertise, encompassing knowledge, experience, and skills. They invest most
of their time in learning and gaining valuable degrees and certificates.

On the other hand, while the management board deserves to receive a high income because
of their efforts and dedication to their company, there are still mixed opinions in some cases.
Firstly, employees’ workloads tend to be heavier. For instance, salespeople not only sell
products to clients but also participate in marketing campaigns and events, and they even
work almost all day under heavier pressure than their leaders without receiving the salaries
they expect. Gradually, they become bored and feel that all their efforts are not recognized.
Secondly, they must work in extremely challenging conditions while their managers have a
comfortable working environment. Mining is one example; workers in harsh conditions may
negatively impact their health, and they are at risk of death at any time.

In conclusion, although top-level executives have more responsibility and higher

qualifications because of their investment, I am convinced that subordinates should be paid
equally for the efforts they contribute because they are also one of the factors that make an
organization successful.