Session 3 :

ART OF GIVING
AND TAKING
FEEDBACK
Your Opinion matters
Situations Where a conflict will arise - and you can
try your new skills 1
Scenarios:
2
Choosing a Restaurant or Entertainment:
Where to dine ? or
What you thought of a movie ask for your
personal preference or critique?
Here is an opportunity to express your tastes
or analytical view.
Your Options

◎ A: I will tell what the other person wants to hear.

◎ B: I will tell what I like regardless of the other person.
◎ C: I will ask a question in return – why do you ask?
What is on your mind?
◎ D : I will acknowledge the other person and then
express my feelings and opinions

4
Making Decisions on Projects or Plans:
Whether deciding on home repairs or
vacation destinations, these questions seek
your input on planning and decision-making,
often requiring a collaborative approach.
Your Options

◎ A : I will strongly, if required rudely see to it that my

opinion is followed
◎ B : I will place my opinion and if I am not heard than
complain continuously
◎ C: I will ask a lot of questions to understand the other
person’s world view and then share my opinion
◎ D: I will acknowledge the other person’s wishes,
express my emotions and offer win-win solution
6
Opinions on Social Issues:
Questions about your stance on contentious
topics like religious tolerance
Your Options

◎ A: I will tell what the other person wants to hear.

◎ B: I will tell what I like regardless of the other person.
◎ C: I will ask a question in return – why do you ask?
What is on your mind?
◎ D : I will acknowledge the other person and then
express my feelings and try to give a balanced opinion

8
Personal and Political Choices:
Queries about your voting preference or
major life decisions like marriage or job
changes.
Your Options

◎ A: I will tell what the other person wants to hear, even

if it is a lie
◎ B: I will tell what I like regardless of the other person’s
needs.
◎ C: I will ask a questions in return, to explore the other
person’s world view – why do you ask? What is on your
mind?
◎ D : I will acknowledge the other person and then
express my feelings and try to give a balanced opinion
10
Work-Related Feedback and
Decisions:
Requests for feedback on work documents,
decisions about team members, or reminders
about deadlines are professional in nature,
seeking your evaluative skills and judgment.
Your Options

◎ A: I will tell what the other person wants to hear, even

if it is a lie
◎ B: I will tell what I like regardless of the other person’s
needs or feelings
◎ C: I will ask a questions in return, to explore the other
person’s world view – why do you ask? What is on your
mind?
◎ D: I will acknowledge the other person and then
express my feelings and try to give a balanced opinion
12
Here is a detailed summary of the
tips provided for expressing one's
opinion assertively and
effectively:
13
Visualize:
Imagine the end result you want. Visualise how your
most confident self would deal with the problem.
Picture your ideal self into action.

14
Relax Before Starting:
Ensure you are calm before expressing your opinion.
Slow, deep breathing can help clear your mind. Using
diaphragmatic breathing can be particularly effective.
Maintaining a relaxed body posture will also help in
conveying your message more clearly.
15
 Rehearse:

Mentally go over what you want to say beforehand.

This practice helps in articulating thoughts more
clearly and succinctly.
Say more with less words
With time and practice, delivering your message will
become more spontaneous.
16
 Avoid Signalling Lack of
Confidence:
Even if you're open to changing your view, present your
opinion confidently.
Avoid starting with disclaimers that undermine your position.
Clearly state if you are undecided or if you have a strong
opinion.
17
 Signal Openness to Other Views:
It's okay to show that you are open to considering other
perspectives.
This can be done without diminishing the value of your
opinion.
Express your preference or opinion while indicating you are
open to suggestions or alternatives.
18
Own Your Message with "I"
Statements
Take responsibility for what you're expressing by using "I"
statements. This approach emphasizes that it's your
perspective or feeling. Avoid hiding behind generalities or
the views of authorities unless you are citing them as a basis
for your opinion.
19
Don't Apologize for Having an
Opinion
You have a right to your thoughts and perspectives.
Apologizing for your view implies you're in the wrong merely
for having an opinion. Avoid prefacing your opinion with
apologies.

20
 Recognize You Are Not the Sole
Possessor of Truth
Present your opinion as just that - an opinion. “In my
opinion ”
Avoid making absolute statements that imply there's no
room for alternative viewpoints – “We must / You should
always”
Don’t imply that those who disagree are inherently wrong or
uninformed. 21
 Avoid Intimidating Others
Remember : any change in someone's perspective is due to
genuine persuasion, not coercion or intimidation.
Avoid aggressive behaviours such as raising your voice,
threatening, or personal attacks.

22
 Consider Before Justifying
Recognize that you don't need to defend your opinion
aggressively every time it's challenged.
Understand that it's okay to have different views and that
you don't need to convince everyone to maintain your own
beliefs.
23
Don't Let It Slide When It Matters
There are times when it's important to stand up and speak
out, especially in cases of injustice or when your input is
crucial. In such scenarios, assertively express your
disagreement or concern. Just ask yourself – “What is the
worst”; tell yourself – ‘THE WORST IS TOLERABLE’
24
 “
These tips are designed to help individuals express
themselves more effectively and assertively,
maintaining respect for both their own opinions and
those of others. They encourage thoughtful, confident
communication, fostering an environment where
diverse viewpoints can be shared and discussed openly.
Section 2
Taking Feedback
constructively
26
Overview
27
Necessity of Feedback:

•Feedback is crucial for learning,

improvement, and recognition.
•Without feedback, we lack guidance
and affirmation.
Consequences of No Feedback:

•Leads to uncertainty and isolation in

performance and relationships.
•Creates a disconnection from personal
growth and social acknowledgment.
Purpose of Feedback:
•Helps identify and correct actions
•"Was my pitch strong enough?"
•Provides a benchmark
• "Average clients seen per day?"
•Clarifies the impact of our actions
•"Was standing up too threatening?"
Social Dependence on Feedback:

•Maintain social harmony and

syncronicity
•Reflects how we are perceived and
whether we are acting appropriately.
But Feedback
is not always
100% correct
32
 Feedback for Behavioral Adjustment:
•Use feedback to modify and improve our
behaviour.
•But avoid basing life solely on others'
opinions
•However consider their perspective.
 Inaccuracy in Others' Perceptions:

•People's judgments are often flawed and

may be influenced by vested interest
•People’s judgements are often emotionally
charged
 Common Flaws in Feedback:
• Misinterpretations of intent – You don’t like me
• Projection of hopes or fears – Business is not meant for us
• Overestimating influence on our actions – You will ruin your career because of
these friends
• Unrealistic expectations of behaviour – I am older so You should never disagree
• Attempts to control with feedback - Next time, Just follow me
• Intention to harm or demoralize – Don’t you ever learn
• Vagueness and non-constructiveness - You should know what you did was wrong
 Critical Evaluation of Feedback:
•Discern and consider valuable feedback while
being aware of biases and inaccuracies.
•Maintain self-awareness and personal
judgment in interpreting and acting on
feedback.
 Critical Evaluation of Feedback:

•What can I learn from this feedback ?

•What is the hidden interest of this person in
this ?
•Is this person qualified to give feedback
Deal with Negative
Criticism in this
way :

38
Important to handle criticism and
negative feedback in a constructive
and confident manner.
Here are some strategies and tips you
can use to respond effectively:
39
 Stay Calm and Listen:
Tip: Strategy:
• Take deep breaths when the person • Practice active listening.
finishes their thought without • Nod and maintain eye contact to
interrupting. show you are engaged, ask a
• Reacting defensively will escalate smart question.
the situation.
 Separate Behavior from Self:
Tip: Strategy:
• Understand that criticism is often • Use "I" statements to express how the
about a specific behavior or feedback makes you feel without placing
situation, not your entire character. blame,
• Criticism can’t be applied to all • "I understand your point and will reflect
cases universally on it."
 Seek Clarification:
Tip: Strategy:
•If the criticism isn't clear, ask •"Can you provide an example?"
for specific examples to •"What specifically would you
understand the issue fully. like to see change?"
 Acknowledge Valid Points:
Tip: Strategy:
• If the criticism is valid, •"I see what you mean, and
acknowledge it. This shows I'll work on that."
maturity and willingness to •“What I like about your
improve. feedback is …..”
 Use Feedback as a Growth Opportunity:
Tip: Strategy:
•View criticism as a chance to •After the conversation, reflect
learn and grow, rather than a on the feedback
personal attack. •Develop an action plan to
address the issues.
 Maintain a Positive Attitude:
Tip: Strategy:
• Keep a positive outlook. Not all criticism • Express gratitude for the feedback
is negative — some can lead to positive with phrases like "Thanks for
changes and personal development. bringing this to my attention "
• Don’t hold a perfectionist image of • “I see that I can learn from this ”
yourself
 Set Boundaries if Necessary:
Tip: Strategy:
• If criticism becomes abusive or • "I am open to constructive
unconstructive, it's important to feedback, but I find this approach
set boundaries. unhelpful and hurtful."
• I would like learn in a way that does
not hurt my feelings or attack me
 Follow Up:
Tip: Strategy:
•After making changes based • A simple check-in can be, "I've
on the feedback, follow up worked on what we discussed;
with the person to show your have you noticed any
commitment to improvement. improvements?"
 “
By integrating these tips and strategies into your response
to criticism and negative feedback, you'll be able to
maintain your composure, show assertiveness, and turn
potentially negative interactions into opportunities for
personal and professional growth. Remember,
assertiveness is about respecting yourself and others, and
effectively navigating feedback is a key part of that.
Section 3
Accepting Positive
Feedback
49
How
Compliments
Are Often
Not Accepted:
50
Ignoring: Pretending not to hear or not recognizing it as a
compliment.

Denial: Contradicting or voiding the compliment.

Arguing: Disputing the validity of the compliment.

Joking: Making light of the compliment instead of accepting it.

Self-Insult: Balancing the positive feedback with a negative
about oneself.

Questioning: Doubting the giver's judgment or sincerity.

Narrowing: Accepting a lesser version of the compliment.

Boomerang: Quickly returning the compliment without truly

accepting it.
Reasons Why
Compliments
Are Not
Accepted:
53
 Modesty Norms: • Belief that accepting compliments is snobbish.

• Feeling the need to counterbalance the positive with a

Balance Restoration: negative.

• Concern that accepting a compliment incurs a debt to the

Fear of Debt: giver.

• Feeling undeserving of the compliment due to a negative

Low Self-Image: self-view.

Suspicion of Motives: • Worrying about the intentions behind the compliment.

Effects of
Avoiding
Compliments:
55
 Reduced
Insult to the Negative Self-
Likelihood of
Giver: Impact:
Future Praise:
•Suggests bad •May deter •Likely to worsen
judgment or people from your mood and
irrelevance of complimenting self-esteem.
their opinion, you again.
causing
discomfort.
The Alternative:
Simple
Acceptance:

57
 Polite and Simple Mood
Positive: Responses: Enhancement:

Accepting Accepting
A "thank you"
compliments is compliments
or expression
seen as polite can improve
of gratitude
and self-perception
can suffice.
appreciative. and mood.
 Key Point:
Treat compliments as gifts to be accepted
graciously, not challenges to deflect.
Section 4
Giving Feedback
60
Reasons for
Providing
Positive
Feedback:
61
 Essential in
Relationships: Vital for family, friendships, and work relationships.

Builds Positive Encourages being around positive and appreciative

Environments: individuals.

Encourages Rewarding is more effective than punishing in

Desired Behavior : behavioural change.

Facilitates Crucial in learning new skills across various roles

Learning: (teacher, supervisor, mentor).
Barriers to
Giving
Positive
Feedback:
63
Negative Only noticing what is wrong and not what is right.
Focus:

High Reluctance to praise if behavior doesn't meet your specific

Standards: expectations. Not as good as I wanted.

Awkwardness: Feeling uncomfortable or unnatural in giving compliments.

Fear of Losing: Feeling like praising others diminishes your own standing. If I
praise then they will take me for granted.
Low Self- Believing that praising others increases the gap between you
Esteem: and them.

Doubting Thinking your opinion or praise doesn't matter to others.

Importance:

Expectation of Believing people should act without needing your praise.

Autonomy:
Recommendations for Giving
Positive Feedback:
• Be Genuine : Avoid false and backhanded compliments.
• Focus on Past Behaviour : Praise actual behaviors rather
than using compliments manipulatively for future
behaviors.
• Be Specific : Clearly state what exactly you are praising.
• Use Shaping : Recognize and reward gradual
improvements, not just the final accomplishment.
 Key Takeaways:
Positive feedback is a powerful tool in nurturing
growth and relationships.

Be mindful of the barriers that prevent effective

praise and work to overcome them.

Employ strategies like being specific and genuine in

your compliments to make them more impactful.
 People like
you

“
You get many
compliments
You help
people feel
good

If You
Compliment
Easily

You make an People seek

impression your opinion

Your criticism
is values

68
Practice
Feedback
Giving Helpful Positive
Feedback
69
 Mention Positive Aim to recognize and
Adopting Service: mention positive
the aspects of service
from strangers.
Stranger Daily Practice: Do this for at least a
Policy: week to form a habit.

70
 Balance Positive Shift the ratio of positive to
Shifting and Negative: negative feedback towards
Ratio of more positivity.

Feedback: Current Ratio Reflect on your current ratio

Assessment: and aim to improve it.

Incremental Gradually change the ratio to

Changes: a more positive one without
eliminating negative feedback
entirely.
 Keep Track: Use paper or an app to note
Tracking down each time you
and compliment someone.

Adjusting Permit Negative Allow negative feedback only

Feedback: Feedback: after giving the appropriate
number of compliments.

Reevaluate and After a week, reassess your

Adjust: ratio and adjust accordingly.
 Identify the Choose a challenging relationship to focus
Applying Relationship : on.
Feedback to
a Difficult Set Positive Give at least one positive remark each day
Feedback Goals: to the chosen person.
Relationship:
Reduce Negative Try to cut back on negative comments,
Remarks: especially if they outweigh the positive
ones. If it wont lead to significant change.
Monitor Observe any changes in the person's
Changes: behaviour and the overall relationship
dynamic.
 Stay Calm and Encourages readers to maintain a
Strategies Open: composed demeanour and an open mind to
for Receiving fully understand the feedback.

Negative Clarify and Ask Suggests asking for specific examples or

Questions: clarification to ensure understanding of the
Feedback: feedback.
Separate Wheat Advises discerning the useful parts of the
from Chaff: feedback from the non-constructive
criticism.
Reflect and After receiving feedback, take time to
Plan: reflect on its validity and plan for potential
changes or improvements.
Post- Evaluate Success After a week, reflect on your
and Barriers: ability to keep to your
Exercise strategy and the challenges
faced.
Reflection:
Notice Behavior Acknowledge any shifts in the
Changes: other person's behavior and
relationship quality.

Adjust Strategy if Based on the experience,

Needed: continue or alter your
feedback strategy.
 Continually work on giving positive
Ongoing Practice
feedback until it becomes a natural
Regularly:
Improvement: response.

Avoid Be mindful of sarcasm, joking, or

giving false or backhanded
Sabotaging compliments.
Feedback:

Realize the Understand that being a supportive

feedback provider enhances
Benefits: relationships and personal
interactions.
Section 4
Giving Constructive
Feedback
The critical life skill of handling negative feedback
constructively. Here are the detailed pointers :
77
Understanding Negative
Feedback:
• Firstly, it's crucial to understand that negative feedback isn't
inherently bad. It's an opportunity for growth and
improvement.
• Approach feedback as a tool for development rather than
criticism. Remember, the goal is to help the recipient improve,
not to diminish their self-worth.
78
Common Reactions to
Negative Feedback:
• Be aware of the typical reactions people have to negative
feedback: denial, anger, defensiveness, and withdrawal.
These reactions are natural but often hinder the process of
improvement.
• When giving feedback, be prepared to encounter these
responses and plan your approach to keep the conversation
productive and focused on growth. 79
Dealing with Emotional Impact:
• Feedback can evoke strong emotions. As you deliver it, be
empathetic and understand the emotional impact it might
have. Use "I" statements to express your perspective without
accusing.
• For example, say "I noticed that..." instead of "You always...".
This approach helps in reducing the emotional weight and
defensiveness from the receiver. 80
Building a Constructive
Feedback Environment:
• Create a safe and supportive environment for feedback.
Ensure that it's a two-way conversation where the receiver
feels comfortable to express their views and ask questions.
• Feedback should be timely, specific, and focused on
behaviours or actions, not personal attributes. Privacy is key
— provide feedback in a setting where the receiver feels
secure and respected. 81
Exercises and Practical Application:

• Practice makes perfect. Engage in role-playing exercises

where you can simulate giving and receiving feedback. Reflect
on the language you use, the timing, and the setting.
• Adjust your approach based on the reactions you observe and
the feedback you receive about your feedback.
82
Long-Term Benefits:

• Consistently providing constructive feedback builds a culture

of open communication and continuous improvement. It
leads to better relationships, increased trust, and higher
performance in teams and individuals.
• Emphasize the long-term gains of receiving feedback openly
and working on the areas of improvement.
83
 “
Remember, the art of giving feedback is about fostering growth
and improvement, not about passing judgment. As you practice
these principles, you'll become more effective in helping others
develop while also improving your assertiveness and
communication skills. Keep learning, practicing, and reflecting,
and you'll see the positive changes it brings to your
relationships and team dynamics.
85