Making Friends: Book twenty-six in “The Owner’s Manual to the New You”

Copyright © 2020 by Doug Britton

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Bible translation: Except when otherwise noted, Scriptures are taken from the Holy Bible, New
International Version 1984. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission
of Zondervan Bible Publishers.
ISBN: 978-1-930153-75-2
Version: TOM2620191106A
Published by LifeTree Books, Sacramento, CA • Visit www.dougbrittonbooks.com
The Owner’s Manual to the New You
Forty-eight short books
(Each book includes a five-day Bible study and homework)

By Doug Britton, MFT

Twelve books on “Knowing God”

Twelve books on “Developing a Godly Character”

Twelve books on “Enjoying Healthy Relationships”

Twelve books on “Overcoming Personal Problems”

For
Individuals
Small Groups
Churches

Available free for personal use at:

www.dougbrittonbooks.com/owners-manual
 The Owner’s Manual to the New You
“The Owner’s Manual to the New You,” published by LifeTree Books, is a series of forty-eight cross-
cultural discipleship books by Bible-based Marriage and Family Therapist Doug Britton. LifeTree
Books is making these books available free of charge for individual use.
Each book is ideal for a five-day study by small groups, classes, or individuals. Although this is a
forty-eight-book series, each book can be studied as a complete book by itself.

Knowing God Enjoying Healthy Relationships

Book 1: Who is God? Book 25: Keys to Healthy Relationships
Book 2: Becoming a Believer Book 26: Making Friends
Book 3: Your Identity in Christ Book 27: Showing Grace to Others
Book 4: Quick Overview of the Bible Book 28: Forgiving Others
Book 5: How to Study the Bible Book 29: Serving Others
Book 6: How to Pray Book 30: Resolving Conflicts
Book 7: Key Christian Practices Book 31: Overcoming Peer Pressure
Book 8: Successful Christian Living Book 32: Helping Others with Wisdom
Book 9: Living a Joyful Life Book 33: Dating, Marriage, and Sex
Book 10 Knowing God’s Will Book 34: Embracing the Body of Christ
Book 11: Obeying God Book 35: Respecting Authority
Book 12: Living in God’s Power Book 36: Sharing Your Faith

Developing a Godly Character Overcoming Personal Problems

Book 13: Growing in Christ Book 37: Overcoming Your Anger (Part 1)
Book 14: Changing Your Self-Image Book 38: Overcoming Your Anger (Part 2)
Book 15: Changing Your Attitudes Book 39: Overcoming Rejection
Book 16: Living with Humility Book 40: Overcoming Temptation (Part 1)
Book 17: Living with Purpose Book 41: Overcoming Temptation (Part 2)
Book 18: Living with Self-Control Book 42: Overcoming Anxiety and Fear
Book 19: Living with Integrity Book 43: Overcoming Jealousy and Insecurity
Book 20: Growing through Problems Book 44: Overcoming Self-Sufficiency
Book 21: Trusting God Book 45: Overcoming Guilt and Shame
Book 22: Breaking Free from Our Culture Book 46: Overcoming Discouragement
Book 23 Handling Money Responsibly Book 47: Overcoming Failure
Book 24: Staying Faithful to God Book 48: Overcoming the Fear of Death
 Contents

Foreword 7

Small Group Leader’s Guidelines 8

Day One: Make True Friends 9

Homework – Day One 13

Day Two: Reach Out to Others 15

Homework – Day Two 19

Day Three: Encourage Each Other’s Christian Walk 21

Homework – Day Three 25

Day Four: Sharpen Your Communication Skills 27

Homework – Day Four 31

Day Five: Review and Test (may be removed by leader) 33

About the Author 37

More Books by Doug Britton 38

 Foreword

When I was first asked to write a series of downloadable books for intensive discipleship training, I
was excited. Jesus has revolutionized my life, and I am glad to share his truths with you.
The pages you are about to study come straight from God’s word. They contain truth that puts our
feet on the path to the fullest life possible—truth that sets us free.
As Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the
truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31-32).
May God speak to your heart as you read, and may he bring his truth alive in your life.

Your brother in Christ,

Doug Britton

P.S. LifeTree Books is offering this downloadable book and all the other books in “The Owner’s
Manual to the New You” series free of charge. If you find these books helpful, please feel free to
spread the news to churches, ministries, and individuals who might benefit from them.
 Small Group Leader’s Guidelines

Introduction. These studies are for new believers as well as mature Christians. They are
for small groups, discipleship classes, mentors, and individuals. They are ideal for studies
lasting from sixty to ninety minutes.
Choose the key points, verses, and discussion questions you will talk about. Don’t
think you need to cover every verse and question. With new believers, go over the main
points, key verses, and selected questions. Go into more depth with mature Christians.
Begin and end each study with prayer. Start by asking God to help each person grow
from the study. At the end, ask everyone to pray for help to put God’s truth into practice.
Review homework. Before starting the current lesson, ask group members to discuss
their answers to some of the previous day’s homework questions.
Personalize the lesson. Although it’s okay to read each lesson word-for-word, the
material will “come alive” if you discuss some of the key points in your own words. Share
your own experiences and struggles, and how God has helped you.
As you read, identify important points and key parts of verses. Ask group
members to circle them, and then explain why you want to emphasize these points.
Get everyone involved. The more people are actively involved, the more they are
impacted by what you are studying. Don’t ask questions that can be answered by “yes” or
“no.” For example, don’t ask, “Do you have any thoughts about this?” Instead, ask, “How
does this insight speak to you?”
Consider breaking up into smaller groups to discuss the questions if you are
leading a large group or class.
Use day five for a review and test. Use the questions in day five as a review and/or
test. Remove these pages if you do not want group members to see the questions ahead of
time.

Want to Learn More?

Free online resources: For more suggestions for small group leaders as well as many
online Bible studies on Christianity and daily living (anger, marriage, self-image, finances,
and more), visit www.dougbrittonbooks.com/resources/small-groups
Small group leader’s book: For detailed information on how to lead small groups and
overcome typical problems, visit www.dougbrittonbooks.com/bookstore/small-groups.
 Day One: Make True Friends

We all need friendships with other believers—

something more than just saying “hi” in the church
parking lot. We need friends for praying, sharing the
real issues of our lives, and having fun. We need those
who will be there when we are sick, and who will believe
in us when no one else does.
It’s good to have non-Christian friends. However, your
primary relationships should be with other believers,
people who are serious about growing in the Lord.
Christian beliefs and values are often ridiculed by the
world. Other believers can encourage us in our faith. It
is nice to know that we are not alone.
The Book of Acts tells us the early Christians met
together frequently, eating in each other’s homes “with
glad and sincere hearts, praising God” (Acts 2:46-47).
They understood the need to spend time together and
did so enthusiastically.

Discussion questions
1. How often do you get together with other believers?
2. Does it seem you are too busy to get together with others?
3. How could you make time for friendships?

The Bible tells us to make friends

Many passages in the Bible let us know how important it is to be closely connected with other
believers.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down,
his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
(Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their
homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, (Acts 2:46)
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1
Thessalonians 5:11)
Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage
one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Hebrews 10:25)

Discussion question
4. Which of the preceding verses speaks to you personally? Explain your answer.

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

What is a friend?
The word “friend” can mean many things. Check each box that you think describes what a friend is:
£ A friend is someone I hang out with.
£ A friend is someone I like.
£ A friend is someone who shares drugs or alcohol.
£ A friend is someone who laughs at my jokes.
£ A friend is someone who backs me up in a fight.
£ A friend is someone in my gang.
£ A friend is someone who looks like me.
£ A friend is someone who gets in trouble with me.

What is a “true friend”?

As you can see, the word “friend” has many different meanings, so let’s narrow things down and
look at what I like to call “true friends.”

A true friend wants the best for you.

If someone wants you to get high or do something else that will harm you, is he or she a true
friend? No. A true friend wants the best for you.

A true friend won’t reject you if you don’t do drugs.

If someone rejects you for saying “no” to getting high or drunk, is that a true friend? Of course
not. After all, a true friend wants the best for you.

A true friend encourages you in your Christian walk.

If you are a follower of Jesus, a true friend won’t try to get you to do something that God doesn’t
want you to do.

A true friend expresses concern when you make a mistake or sin.

If someone cares for you, this person is willing to say, “You’re blowing it. I’m worried about
you.” A true friend will tell you something painful because he or she is concerned for you.
Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. (Proverbs 19:20)
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:6)
You need true friends, ones who encourage you to do the right thing, ones who want the best for
you and really care about what happens to you. They are friends who want you to have a rewarding
and productive future.

Discussion questions
5. Define what a “true friend” is in your own words.
6. Would you like to have true friends? Why or why not?

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

Benefits of deep friendships

There are many reasons to develop true friendships with other believers. Some are:

Enjoying an extended family

All Christians are brothers and sisters in the Lord. What a gigantic family! Even if your own flesh
and blood relatives are far away, you can enjoy being with family. As Jesus said:
Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother. (Mark 3:35).

Support and encouragement

When you spend time with sincere Christians, you have opportunities both to encourage and be
encouraged in your faith.
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be
hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. (Hebrews 3:13)

Prayer
The early Christians often prayed together. In Acts 1:14 we read, “They all joined together
constantly in prayer.” In Acts 12:12, we read that a prayer meeting was held in the home of Mary,
the mother of John (also called Mark).

Sharing burdens and celebrations

When you and your friends go through difficult times, or when one of you mourns the loss of a
family member or friend, you can comfort one another. Likewise, when one of you celebrates a
birthday, promotion on the job, or another occasion, you can celebrate together.

Inspiration
When the early Christians got together, they inspired one another to engage in Christian ministries.
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. (Hebrews
10:24)

Accountability
Close friends or members of a small group can ask how you are doing in your daily Bible study or
overcoming a sin you have been praying about. You, likewise, can show a loving concern for others.
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17)

Joy
When you are with fellow believers, you can have a good time as you worship together, laugh
together, and have fun together. As we read in Acts 2:46, the early Christians enjoyed “glad hearts”
when they got together.

Discussion questions
7. Which of these benefits of having close friends has been meaningful to you in the past?
8. Which of these benefits are missing from your life now?
9. What could you do to make your friendships more meaningful?

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

Have friends who are non-believers, but be wise

It’s important to develop a solid group of friends who are fellow believers and who encourage you
in your relationship with Jesus. Once you establish this core group of friends, it’s also good to have
friends who are not Christians. Your friendship and Christian example may help them come to
know Jesus.

Be wise and self-controlled.

If you spend a lot of time with some unbelievers, you may find that they are influencing you more
than you are influencing them. For example, many new Christians have found that their past
“friends” try to get them to go places, do things, or say things that would harm their walk with God.

Be ready to cut off relationships.

People aren’t true friends if they are trying to get you to violate your conscience or God’s values.

Discussion question
10. How can you avoid being harmed by unhealthy friendships with non-believers?

Do you know Jesus?

This book was written to help believers in Jesus grow in their faith and personal life. You will get
the most out of these pages if you know Christ, since it is through his love and power that you can
truly change. If you have not yet entered into a relationship with Jesus, let me invite you to accept
him as your Savior and Lord. Make this your personal prayer:
Jesus, I believe you are the Son of God, and I need your help. I confess I have sinned and failed
you in many ways. I invite you to be my Savior and Lord, and I ask you to help me follow you
the rest of my life. Thank you for loving me, forgiving me, and accepting me as your child.
If you prayed this prayer, welcome to the family of God. God has plans for you—to transform you.
You have an exciting life ahead of you!

Memory verse
Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage
one another. (Hebrews 10:25)

Want to learn more?

Free online Bible studies
Studies on relationships
www.dougbrittonbooks.com/resources/relationships

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

Homework – Day One

1. Is it possible to go to church, yet not have deep friendships with other believers? Explain your
answer:

2. What are some reasons it is important to spend time with other believers?

3. What are some guidelines you should follow when it comes to having non-Christian friends?

4. What is a “true friend?” Explain your answer:

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

5. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

What does that mean?

What can you do to make it easier for someone else to “sharpen” you?

6. What is one benefit of deep friendship that is important to you? Explain why it is important:

7. What is one more benefit of deep friendship that is important to you? Explain why it is
important:

8. Write a prayer asking God to help you remember today’s lesson:

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 Day Two: Reach Out to Others

If you don’t have many true friends, it may seem

impossible to make new ones, especially if you are
introverted or shy.
Don’t give up. In today’s lesson, you will learn many
practical ways to start friendships. As you read, look for
a few things you can do, then put them into practice.
The end results will be worth the effort.

Take steps to get to know others

Don’t wait for others to reach out to you. Instead, take
the initiative. Reach out to other people. Some may not
be interested, or you may find some are not a good “fit”
for you, but if you persevere, you will begin to make
friends.

Discussion questions
1. Do you agree it’s better to reach out instead of waiting for others to reach out? Why or why
not?
2. What might keep people from reaching out? How could they overcome their reluctance?

Look for potential friends who seem reasonably mature.

Look for potential “true friends” (as described in Day 1).
A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
(Proverbs 12:26)
He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. (Proverbs
13:20)

Pray for friends.

Ask God to help you meet the right people to be your friends.

Join a Bible-believing church.

Attend a church with people who love the Bible and are serious about their relationship with God.
You may find many opportunities to make friends in that church.

Introduce yourself to lots of other people.

Don’t wait for others to reach out to you. Instead, introduce yourself to people sitting nearby.

Spend time visiting with others after church.

Don’t run out of church the moment the service is over. Spend time visiting with others after each
service. Introduce yourself to an usher, the pastor, or others around you.

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

Attend church activities.

Go to church activities, picnics, and workdays. Introduce yourself to others.

Join a small group in your church.

In addition to attending the main services of your church, join one or more small groups. It’s easier
to get to know people in these settings.
The following are a few types of groups that may be in your church. Check those that sound
interesting to you.
£ Bible-study class
£ Home fellowship group
£ Marriage group
£ Coed softball team
£ Exercise class

Look for lonely people.

Look for people who need friends. There are lots of them in your church and in your community.
Reach out to them.

Volunteer to help in a ministry.

Join the choir, become an usher, or join another group of people who are engaged in a ministry.

Join a group outside your church.

Many Christian ministries and other organizations have Bible studies and various types of growth
groups.

Form a special-interest group.

Talk with your pastor about creating a special interest Christian club. For example, you could start
a group interested in:
• Gardening
• Art
• Writing
• Encouraging people to vote
Invite someone to be your prayer partner.
Some of the deepest friendships form when we commit to pray regularly for each other. As we share
requests, we learn what matters to each one. As we pray, we give the friendship a spiritual focus.

Invite others to your home or to a restaurant.

Some of the best friendships start over a cup of coffee or dinner.

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

Discussion questions
3. Which of the above ideas might help you get to know more people? Explain your answer.
4. How could you go about putting them into practice?

Overcome insecurity and embarrassment

Paul instructed us to “share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality” (Romans
12:13).
Don’t hold back from inviting others to your home because you are ashamed of your neighborhood,
your small apartment, your modest furniture, your old clothes, or your inability to cook gourmet
meals. The main thing is to fellowship with others, not to put on a show. Follow the example of
Paul who wrote:
I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I
know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every
situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Philippians 4:11-
12)
If it would take too much time to clean the house and prepare a special meal, let people visit when
your home is a little cluttered. Feed them a simple dinner or send out for pizza. Or you could have a
picnic or go to a restaurant for lunch after church.
Ask God to help you be comfortable with who you are, whether you are talking with someone at
church or in your home. Don’t allow yourself to be embarrassed or self-conscious about:
• Your social class
• Your background
• Your personality
• Your job (or lack of job)
• Your spouse’s manners (if you are married)
• Your lack of knowledge about the Bible
A personal example
A few months after my wife Skeeter and I became Christians, we invited a couple in our church over
for dinner. We were a little nervous because “home” was an eight-by-sixteen foot one-room shack
in the woods without running water, bathroom, or other commonly expected niceties. The tiny
table seated two persons, and our cooking and heating were provided by a wood stove.
Knowing that our guests lived in a more traditional suburban home, we pondered whether or not to
alert them to our poverty and rustic conditions. We decided not to warn them.
When they arrived, they were gracious and we had a wonderful time. A deep friendship grew out of
that unusual evening and has ripened over the years. We still are close friends, although we now
live in different states.
We moved out of the shack a few months later. For many years, we continued to be poor and lived
in modest conditions. However, we didn’t let the fact that we didn’t have good living room

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

furniture, or that we could only afford to provide simple meals, keep us from inviting people to
dinner. We were delighted to see that almost all of our guests accepted and loved us as we were.
Let me encourage you to not hold back from inviting others to your home because you are ashamed
of your neighborhood, your home, or your modest furniture.

Discussion question
5. Has insecurity or embarrassment held you back from reaching out to others? If so, how can
you overcome these emotions and reach out to others?

Don’t give up
If you attempt to meet people but seem to run into a brick wall, keep trying. Some people may have
so many friends that they have little time. If you persevere, you are sure to find good friends.

But—Ask for feedback.

If you have trouble making friends, it’s possible you do some things that push people away—things
that you aren’t aware of. If you think this might be the case, ask a mature, wise Christian if:
• You seem aloof or superior.
• You have bad or off-putting habits.
• You seem to be trying too hard or forcing yourself onto other people.
If the answer to one or more of these questions is “yes,” don’t be angry and don’t be discouraged.
Use this new information to help you achieve your goal of connecting with other people.
Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. (Proverbs 19:20)
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:6)

Discussion questions
6. How can you avoid getting discouraged and giving up if you have trouble making friends?
7. Do you think you may be accidentally pushing people away? If so, what steps could you
take?

Start friendships slowly.

It’s easy to press too hard, too soon for immediate emotional intimacy. Some people might respond
positively, but many won’t. Be willing to engage in small talk, watch a video, or do other fun
activities. Ask people about themselves. Let your friendship build slowly.

Discussion question
8. Do you agree it might be a good idea to start friendships slowly? Why or why not?

Memory verse
He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. (Proverbs
13:20)

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

Homework – Day Two

1. If someone complained, “No one at church reaches out to me,” what would you say?

2. If you wanted to join a small group, what would you like it to study? Explain your answer:

3. Which one of the steps to get to know others would work the best for you? Explain your answer:

4. Can you see yourself looking for lonely people and reaching out to them? Why or why not?

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

5. Have you ever held back from getting involved with people because you felt insecure or
embarrassed? If so, describe the situation and how you felt:

6. Write a prayer asking God to help you feel comfortable being who you are and not to give in to
feeling insecure or embarrassed:

7. Do you think you sometimes push people away?

If so, what do you do?

How can you overcome this tendency?

8. Do you agree that sometimes it’s good to start friendships slowly? Why or why not?

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 Day Three: Encourage Each Other’s Christian Walk

Many friendships start when people talk about shared

interests such as sports, gardening, or politics. That’s
normal, and it’s a great way to start and enjoy
friendships.
However, as your friendships grow, God has a deeper
purpose for you and your friends. That’s because you
are more than just friends. You are family—brothers
and sisters in Christ.
And you are more than just family. You are part of one
body, the body of Christ. Each of us has something that
others in the body need. One inspires faith, another
comforts, another offers good counsel.
Just as each of us has one body with many
members, and these members do not all have the
same function, so in Christ we who are many form
one body, and each member belongs to all the
others. (Romans 12:4-5)
Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am
not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the
body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it
would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where
would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell
be? (1 Corinthians 12:14-17)

Discussion questions
1. When you get together with other believers, what do you usually talk about?
2. How comfortable are you talking about your friends’ Christian walk?
3. How comfortable are you talking about your own walk with Christ?
4. How comfortable are you praying out loud with friends?

Catch the vision of Christ-centered friendships

God’s vision for the friendships he intends for his followers is profound. I’m sure the early
Christians talked about fishing, politics, dinner plans, and other daily living topics, but they did
more than that. Let’s look at some passages in the New Testament that show how talking about
their faith was a central part of their friendships:
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of
bread and to prayer. (Acts 2:42)
I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong—that is,
that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith. (Romans 1:11-12)

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all
wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to
God. (Colossians 3:16)
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1
Thessalonians 5:11)
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be
hardened by sin's deceitfulness. (Hebrews 3:13)
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not
give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one
another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Hebrews 10:24-25)

Discussion questions
5. Review the previous verses. How important was it to the early Christians to talk about their
faith? Explain your answer.
6. What were some of the topics they talked about?
7. Do you think it would please God for us to have more conversations like those?
8. What might hold us back from having these conversations? How could we overcome these
obstacles?

Catch the vision of loving other believers

The Bible tells us that a key part of healthy conversations with other believers is loving your
brothers and sisters in Christ. Read Jesus’s challenging words:
By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (John 13:35)

Discussion questions
9. Why do you think it is so important to God that we love fellow believers?
10. We all need to grow in our love for others. Take a few minutes now to pray to love your
brothers and sisters more deeply.

Make two-way friendships

A key part of being a Christian is helping others, and it’s good to have friendships where you are
helping others. But be sure to also have mutual friends, people who also minister to you. You need
friends who can give to you emotionally, with whom you can be honest, to whom you can be
accountable, and who can inspire and challenge you spiritually and personally.

Three steps to strengthen your friendships

1. Pray before you get together.
Imagine that you have invited one or more friends to your home. Take a few minutes to pray before
they arrive. Ask God to:

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

• Minister to your friends through his Spirit.

• Make your home a place of love.
• Help your friends feel welcome.
• Help you to get to know them on a deeper level.
• Help you to support or encourage your friends’ walk with Christ.
2. Talk about each other’s Christian experiences.
As I wrote earlier, two goals of getting together with other believers is to get to know each other
intimately and to encourage one another in the Lord. Be sure to talk about matters of the heart. For
example, you could:
• Ask how your friends became Christians.
• Ask if they have had any recent experiences seeing God move in their lives.
• Ask if they have had any recent insights from reading the Bible.
• Talk about your own experiences and insights.
• Bring up something in the pastor‘s sermon that spoke to you personally.
• Ask a question about something you don’t understand in the Bible.
• Exchange prayer requests.
• Bring up a personal issue in your life and ask for advice.
• Bring up a personal issue in your life and ask for prayer.
Be sensitive as you talk. If your friends seem uncomfortable, back off. It may take a while before
some people feel they know you well enough to talk about things that matter.

3. End your time by praying together.

Pray for each other and any other needs you want to pray for. One, two, or all of you could say a
brief prayer.

Discussion questions
11. How could you start having more Christ-centered talks with your friends without seeming
pushy? Would any of the suggestions in the previous three-steps be helpful? Explain your
answer.
12. What would be a good way to bring up the idea of praying together?

Memory verse
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1
Thessalonians 5:11)

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

Notes

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

Homework – Day Three

1. When you get together with other believers, what do you usually talk about?

2. How comfortable do you feel talking about your Christian walk? Explain your answer:

3. Today’s lesson is to catch the vision of Christ-centered friendship. Describe what this vision is
in your own words:

4. How did the early Christians put this vision into practice?

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

5. Is it important to love other believers? Why or why not?

6. Think of some believers you have trouble loving, then write a prayer asking God to forgive you
for not loving them and asking him to help you love them:

7. Why is it important to have two-way friendships? Explain your answer:

8. Will the three steps to strengthen your friendships help you? Why or why not? Give specific
reasons for your answer:

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 Day Four: Sharpen Your Communication Skills

In today’s lesson, you will read some ideas that can help
you get conversations started and keep them going
strong. Plus, you will read suggestions to keep your
conversations positive.

Some ways to start conversations

In Day 3 you read several ways to start conversations
about each other’s Christian experiences. However,
there may be times when either you or the other person
are not ready for a deep conversation. If you find
yourself in that situation, here are some guidelines that
can help:

Start small.
It is often best to start with relatively simple subjects.
Talk about events of the day or minor problems. Over time you can slowly move into more personal
topics.

Bring up topics others find interesting.

Throughout the Bible, we are told to look for ways to love and serve others.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than
yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of
others. (Philippians 2:3-4)
I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. For everyone looks
out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 2:20- 21)

Ask advice about problems.

You could ask for advice about a predicament on the job, a difficulty you face with your children,
uncertainty about a decision, or any number of things that trouble you. Not only will you get a
conversation going, you might learn something useful.
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17)

Ask about the other person’s daily experiences.

You could ask, “What did you do today that was most interesting? Most difficult? Most rewarding?”

Ask, “What is your favorite … ?”

Ask about favorite foods, sports, politicians, cities, clothes, or any number of subjects. Over time,
take the conversation deeper.

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

Discussion questions
1. Which of the previous ways to start conversations do you think would work best? Explain
your answer.
2. Which of these previous ways would be hardest for you to do? Explain your answer.

More ways to start conversations

Another way to get to know someone is to ask simple questions about each other’s past. When you
discuss one of these subjects, don’t rush through it. For example, if you ask someone to describe a
favorite pet, ask for details. What did it look like? What was its name? What was great about it?
What funny things did it do? Was it your personal pet or a family pet? Who fed it?
These topics may seem silly at first, yet they can help you learn about others and trigger more
discussions.

Ask each other questions about the past.

• An embarrassing incident in elementary school
• A happy memory from elementary school
• A story from his or her father’s childhood
• A story from his or her mother’s childhood
• Learning how to drive
• A job he or she dreamed about as a child
• His or her favorite teacher
• His or her least favorite teacher
• His or her favorite pet
• His or her least favorite pet
• A time a parent or teacher made him or her feel special
• His or her favorite subject in school
• A memorable uncle or aunt
• A news event that had a big impact on him or her
• Hobbies he or she had as a child
• Someone who had a great impact on his or her life
Discussion questions
3. Which of the previous questions would you like to use to start a conversation? Explain why
you chose that question.

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

4. Which one of the questions would you like someone to ask you? Explain why you chose that
question.

Allow disagreements
People often get angry, sometimes violently angry, when someone has a different opinion about
religion, politics, parenting, abortion, or other emotionally charged issues. The solution is easy to
write, but hard to do: Agree to disagree courteously.
Even if you strongly disagree with someone, it doesn’t do any good to become bitter or angry over
it. Don’t get caught up in an “I’m right and you’re wrong” argument. Instead, patiently pray that
God will open his or her eyes—or yours.
It helps me agree to disagree graciously because I know it’s unlikely I am right about everything. If
I am always right, that means no one else is. It also helps when I realize that although people often
argue over who is right, often they are both wrong.

Discussion questions
5. Do you have trouble accepting disagreements? Why or why not?
6. Will the previous section help you accept disagreements? Why or why not?

Guidelines for good talks

Here are several ways to promote quality communication. As you read, ask yourself how well you
do in each area. Rate yourself from 0 to 10 on each topic.
“0” means “I really need to work at this.”
“10” means “I do great at this.”

Listen intently. My score (0-10): ____

Do more than listen to the other person’s words. Make it your goal to deeply understand him or
her.
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow
to become angry. (James 1:19)

Speak courteously. My score (0-10): ____

Our words should be things of beauty. The Bible says, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in
settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11). Are your words things of beauty, like “apples of gold”?
The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life. (Proverbs 10:11)
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs
18:21)
A big part of speaking courteously is being polite. Love, according to the Bible, “is not rude” (1
Corinthians 13:4-5).

Be polite. My score (0-10): ____

Certain words and phrases make a big difference. Although we teach them to our children, we often
neglect to say them ourselves. Make these words part of your daily vocabulary:

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

• Please.
• Thank you.
• I’m sorry. Please forgive me.
• I forgive you.
• I love you.
• I appreciate you.
Express yourself respectfully. My score (0-10): ____
Speak politely. Don’t make fun of others, make sarcastic comments, or use vulgar language.

Participate in the discussion. My score (0-10): ____

If you stay on the sidelines of a conversation, it may seem to the other person you are saying, “I
don’t care about you or what you have to say.”

Communicate with enough words. My score (0-10): ____

Listening is important, but to have a two-way conversation, you need to explain yourself.

Use enough words, but don’t overwhelm the other person. My score (0-10): ____
Don’t monopolize conversations, saying everything on your mind.
He who holds his tongue is wise. (Proverbs 10:19)
He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity. (Proverbs 21:23)

Speak positively. My score (0-10): ____

When you talk, you make a series of choices about what subjects to discuss, what memories to
bring up, and what points to make. There are always negative things you could say, but there are
also positive ones. Choose the positive. As Paul wrote, “Let us therefore make every effort to do
what leads to peace and to mutual edification” (Romans 14:19).
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs
18:21)

Discussion questions
7. Name the two previous points with your highest scores. Describe what you do well.
8. Name two of the previous points you need to work on. How will you try to change?

Memory verse
I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. For everyone looks
out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 2:20- 21)

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

Homework – Day Four

1. Today’s lesson contains with a list of ways to start conversations. Name one that you will try
with someone in the next three days. Explain why you think this will work:

2. What would be the most effective way someone could start a conversation with you? Explain
your answer:

3. What are two questions about the past you think might get good conversations going? Explain
why you think they might work:

4. How do you usually respond when people disagree with you? Explain your answer:

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

5. Will this lesson help you be more friendly when people disagree with you? Why or why not?

6. Choose three of the guidelines for good talks that will help you. Explain why each one will help:

a.

b.

c.

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

Day Five: Review and Test (may be removed by leader)

Note to teachers and small group leaders

These questions can be used in day five as a review and/or test. Remove this page if you do not
want group members to see the questions ahead of time.

True or false (circle one)

T F 1. It’s not important to have close friends since God loves you.
T F 2. A true friend is someone who will never say “no” to you.
T F 3. Benefits of deep friendships include joy, support, and accountability.
T F 4. You should reach out to others instead of waiting for them to reach out to you.
T F 5. Joining a small group can be a good way to make friends.
T F 6. You shouldn’t invite someone to your house if you have old, shabby furniture.
T F 7. God wants us to talk about our Christian experiences with other Christians.
T F 8. Praying is to be done in church, not your home.
T F 9. Asking advice might be a good way to get a conversation going.
T F 10. It’s not necessary to say “thank you” to people since everything good comes from God.

Short questions
1. What are some of the benefits of having deep friendships (true friends)?

2. What are ways someone could make new friends?

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

3. How could insecurity or embarrassment make it difficult for someone to make friends? Explain
your answer:

4. How could someone overcome insecurity or embarrassment and make friends? Explain your
answer:

5. What are some guidelines that can help people have good conversations?

Memory verses
1. Proverbs 13:20

2. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

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The Owner’s Manual to the New You Book 26: Making Friends

Day Five: Answer Key to Test (may be removed by leader)

Note to teachers and small group leaders

Remove this page if you do not want group members to see these answers ahead of time.

True or false
F 1. It’s not important to have close friends since God loves you.
F 2. A true friend is someone who will never say “no” to you.
T 3. Benefits of deep friendships include joy, support, and accountability.
T 4. You should reach out to others instead of waiting for them to reach out to you.
T 5. Joining a small group can be a good way to make friends.
F 6. You shouldn’t invite someone to your house if you have old, shabby furniture.
T 7. God wants us to talk about our Christian experiences with other Christians.
F 8. Praying is to be done in church, not your home.
T 9. Asking advice might be a good way to get a conversation going.
F 10. It’s not necessary to say “thank you” to people since everything good comes from God.

Memory verses
1. Proverbs 13:20
He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

2. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

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 Doug Britton, MFT • www.dougbrittonbooks.com / Page 36
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 About the Author

Doug Britton, Bible-based Marriage and Family Therapist, has helped hundreds of thousands of
people as a therapist, clinical director of a treatment center, seminar speaker, radio co-host, and
author of over twenty books that show people how to apply God’s truths in
their daily lives.
He has also trained pastors, counselors, mentors, and lay leaders in
biblical counseling, mentoring, and small group leadership.
Doug and his wife Skeeter live in Northern California.

Books
Doug has written Bible-based books on many daily-living topics. Visit
www.dougbrittonbooks.com/bookstore.

Free online Bible studies for daily living

Read and download Doug’s free online studies on marriage, parenting, anger, self-concept, anxiety,
depression, temptation, fear of death, biblical counseling, mentoring, small group leadership, and
other topics. Visit www.dougbrittonbooks.com/resources.

Seminars and retreats

Doug is the founder and president of LifeTree Institute and LifeTree Books. If you would like him
or another member of the LifeTree team to speak in your church on any of the above topics, please
visit www.dougbrittonbooks.com and click on the “Seminars” link.

We would love to hear from you

Was this book helpful? Do you have suggestions to make it better?
Tell us your thoughts by emailing [email protected]
(Be sure to mention the name of this book and what country you live in.)

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 More Books by Doug Britton

In addition to “The Owner’s Manual to the New You,” Doug Britton has written many more cross-cultural,
Bible-based books on leadership, discipleship, and key areas of daily living.

Growing in Christ Marriage by the Book

Getting Started, Getting Connected Laying a Solid Foundation
First Things First Making Christ the Cornerstone
Living by Grace Encouraging Your Spouse
Extending Grace to Your Mate
Living Free Talking with Respect and Love
Breaking Free (from Drugs and Alcohol) Improving Your Teamwork
Conquering Depression Putting Money in its Place
Defeating Temptation Celebrating Intimacy and Romance
Healing Life’s Hurts
Overcoming Jealousy and Insecurity Successful Christian Parenting
Six Keys to Personal Growth Parenting Foundations
Six Keys to Successful Relationships Preparing Your Child for Life
Strengthening Your Marriage
Victory over Grumpiness, Irritation, & Anger Christian Leadership
Who Do You Think You Are? How to Lead a Christ-Centered Small Group

To see the current list of books, visit www.dougbrittonbooks.com/bookstore.

Spread the Word

Sign up for Doug Britton’s email newsletter to learn about his new books. online Bible studies, and
upcoming seminars and retreats. Sign up at www.dougbrittonbooks.com/newsletter.
Do you have a website or social media page? Give visitors access to free practical, Bible-based
resources by linking to www.dougbrittonbooks.com.