The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system as it struggles to

manage related health issues. Some believe that increasing physical education lessons in schools is the
best solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Completely Agree
Introduction (Paraphrase + Thesis Statement):
Obesity is becoming a significant concern, placing immense pressure on healthcare systems worldwide.
Some argue that incorporating more physical education (PE) lessons into school curricula is the most
effective way to tackle this issue. I completely agree with this view, as early exposure to physical
activity fosters lifelong healthy habits and reduces the risk of obesity-related diseases.

Body Paragraph 1 (Cohesive Device + Topic Sentence + Supporting Sentence + Instance):

To begin with, increasing PE lessons in schools can instill a culture of fitness from a young age. Regular
physical activity not only helps children maintain a healthy weight but also improves their cardiovascular
health and overall well-being. For example, a study conducted by the World Health Organization (WHO)
found that students who engaged in daily physical activities had a lower risk of obesity and were more
likely to continue exercising into adulthood. Thus, making PE a mandatory and frequent part of education
can help prevent obesity at an early stage.

Body Paragraph 2 (Cohesive Device + Topic Sentence + Supporting Sentence + Instance):

Moreover, physical education enhances students' mental and emotional well-being, which can indirectly
contribute to weight management. Engaging in sports and exercises reduces stress, anxiety, and
depression, which are often linked to unhealthy eating habits and sedentary lifestyles. For instance, many
children today spend excessive time on electronic devices, leading to both physical inactivity and
unhealthy eating patterns. Therefore, an increased focus on PE can counteract these negative effects by
promoting an active lifestyle.

Critical Analysis/Contrastive Analysis (Cohesive Device + Topic Sentence):

Some may argue that dietary education or stricter food regulations would be more effective in combating
obesity. While promoting healthy eating habits is undoubtedly important, it should be combined with
increased physical activity for the best results. A well-rounded approach that includes both physical
exercise and nutritional awareness would be far more effective than focusing on diet alone.

Conclusion (Cohesive Device + Re-Thesis Statement):

In conclusion, increasing physical education lessons in schools is a crucial step in addressing the obesity
epidemic. By encouraging children to engage in regular exercise from an early age, we can help
them maintain a healthy lifestyle and reduce the burden on healthcare systems. Thus, I firmly
believe that expanding PE programs in schools is an effective long-term solution to combat obesity.

IELTS Band 8+ Analysis:

  Task Achievement: ✅ Fully addresses the question with strong arguments and relevant examples.
 Coherence and Cohesion: ✅ Logical flow with effective transitions (To begin with, moreover,
for example, thus, in conclusion).
 Lexical Resource: ✅ Strong vocabulary (cardiovascular health, sedentary lifestyles, dietary
education, nutritional awareness, obesity epidemic).
 Grammatical Range and Accuracy: ✅ Uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex
and compound sentences.

Disagree: Increasing Physical Education is Not the Best Solution

Introduction (Paraphrase + Thesis Statement):
The rising number of overweight individuals is creating a burden on healthcare systems, leading some to
believe that increasing physical education (PE) lessons in schools is the best way to address the issue.
However, I completely disagree with this view, as obesity is primarily caused by unhealthy eating
habits and lifestyle choices rather than a lack of physical activity. Instead, promoting better
nutrition and encouraging an active lifestyle outside of school would be more effective solutions.

Body Paragraph 1 (Cohesive Device + Topic Sentence + Supporting Sentence + Instance):

First and foremost, poor dietary habits are the primary cause of obesity rather than insufficient physical
education. Consuming excessive junk food, sugary beverages, and processed meals leads to weight gain,
regardless of physical activity levels. For example, a report by the World Health Organization (WHO)
states that unhealthy diets contribute to over 70% of obesity cases worldwide. Therefore, focusing on
educating children about proper nutrition and implementing strict regulations on unhealthy food in
schools would be a more effective approach than simply increasing PE lessons.

Body Paragraph 2 (Cohesive Device + Topic Sentence + Supporting Sentence + Instance):

Moreover, increasing PE lessons in schools alone is unlikely to significantly reduce obesity rates because
students spend only a limited amount of time in physical activities. Outside of school, many children
engage in sedentary activities such as watching television, playing video games, or using mobile devices,
which contribute to weight gain. For instance, research from the Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention (CDC) highlights that children spend an average of six hours per day on screen-based
activities. Thus, encouraging parents to promote active lifestyles at home, such as outdoor play and
family sports, would have a greater impact on preventing obesity.

Critical Analysis/Contrastive Analysis (Cohesive Device + Topic Sentence):

Some may argue that increasing PE lessons can instill a habit of exercise, leading to a healthier lifestyle.
However, while exercise is important, it cannot compensate for excessive calorie intake and poor eating
habits. Without proper dietary education and lifestyle changes, students may continue to gain weight
despite engaging in school-based physical activities.

Conclusion (Cohesive Device + Re-Thesis Statement):

In conclusion, while physical education plays a role in maintaining overall health, it is not the most
effective solution for tackling obesity. Unhealthy eating habits and sedentary lifestyles are the
primary causes of weight gain, and addressing these issues through better nutrition education and
lifestyle changes would yield more lasting results. Therefore, I firmly believe that increasing PE
lessons is not the best way to combat obesity, and a more comprehensive approach should be adopted
instead.

IELTS Band 8+ Analysis:

 Task Achievement: ✅ Fully addresses the question with clear reasoning and strong
counterarguments.
 Coherence and Cohesion: ✅ Effective use of logical connectors (First and foremost, moreover,
for instance, in conclusion).
 Lexical Resource: ✅ Strong vocabulary (processed meals, sedentary activities, calorie intake,
dietary education).
 Grammatical Range and Accuracy: ✅ Uses a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences
effectively.
This essay effectively argues against increasing PE lessons as a primary solution for obesity. Let me
know if you need further refinements! 😊

Balanced Approach: A Holistic Strategy to Address Obesity

Introduction (Paraphrase + Thesis Statement):
The increasing number of overweight individuals is straining healthcare systems, leading some to believe
that introducing more physical education (PE) lessons in schools is the best way to address this issue.
While physical activity is essential for maintaining a healthy lifestyle, I believe that a combination
of increased PE lessons and proper dietary education would be a more effective approach to
tackling obesity.

Body Paragraph 1 (Cohesive Device + Topic Sentence + Supporting Sentence + Instance):

On one hand, increasing PE lessons in schools can help students develop an active lifestyle from an early
age. Regular exercise not only aids in weight management but also improves overall fitness,
cardiovascular health, and mental well-being. For instance, a study conducted by the World Health
Organization (WHO) found that children who engage in at least 60 minutes of physical activity daily have
a significantly lower risk of developing obesity-related diseases. Thus, incorporating more PE classes can
be beneficial in promoting a culture of fitness among students.

Body Paragraph 2 (Cohesive Device + Topic Sentence + Supporting Sentence + Instance):

On the other hand, physical education alone is insufficient to combat obesity without addressing
unhealthy eating habits. Poor nutrition, excessive consumption of fast food, and high sugar intake are key
contributors to weight gain. For example, research from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
(CDC) highlights that dietary habits account for more than 70% of obesity-related issues. Therefore,
schools should also incorporate comprehensive nutritional education programs to teach students about
healthy eating choices, meal planning, and portion control.

Critical Analysis/Contrastive Analysis (Cohesive Device + Topic Sentence):

While some may argue that increasing PE lessons is the most practical approach, it is important to
recognize that without proper dietary awareness, physical activity alone cannot fully prevent obesity.
Students may engage in physical exercise during school hours but continue consuming unhealthy food,
negating the benefits of their workouts. Hence, a holistic approach that integrates both exercise and
nutritional awareness is necessary to achieve lasting results.

Conclusion (Cohesive Device + Re-Thesis Statement):

In conclusion, combating obesity requires a balanced approach that combines both increased physical
activity and proper dietary education. While additional PE lessons can help students develop active
habits, schools must also emphasize the importance of nutrition to ensure long-term health benefits.
Therefore, rather than relying solely on one solution, a comprehensive strategy incorporating both
elements would be the most effective way to address this growing concern.

IELTS Band 8+ Analysis:

 Task Achievement: ✅ Well-balanced argument, considering both perspectives and providing a
reasonable solution.
 Coherence and Cohesion: ✅ Smooth transitions between ideas (On one hand, on the other
hand, for example, in conclusion).
 Lexical Resource: ✅ Strong vocabulary (cardiovascular health, dietary awareness, nutritional
education, holistic approach).
 Grammatical Range and Accuracy: ✅ Uses a mix of simple, compound, and complex
sentence structures effectively.
This essay takes a balanced approach, recognizing the importance of both physical activity and dietary
education in tackling obesity. Let me know if you'd like any refinements! 😊