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 Chapter 7 Arrays

Section 7.1 Creating and Using Arrays

1. After the following Dim statement is executed, how many elements will the array myVar
have?
Dim myVar(7) As Double
(A) 0
(B) 1
(C) 8
(D) 9
C

2. In the line of code

Dim scores() As Integer = {55, 33, 12}

the upper bound of the array scores is which of the following?

(A) 2
(B) 1
(C) 11
(D) 0
A

3. Each individual variable in the list

student(0), student(1), student(2)
is known as a(n)
(A) subscript.
(B) dimension.
(C) element.
(D) type.
C

4. In the statement
Dim scores(30) As Double

the number 30 designates which of the following?

(A) the highest value of the subscripts of the elements for the array scores
(B) the maximum value that can be assigned to any element in the array scores
(C) the data type for the array scores
(D) the value initially assigned to each element in the array scores
A

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

5. Which statement is true regarding the following Dim statement?
Dim states(49) As String, populations(49) As Double
(A) It is invalid since more than one array is dimensioned by a single Dim statement.
(B) It is invalid since the two arrays must have the same data type.
(C) The subscripts of states range from 1 to 49.
(D) The subscripts of populations range from 0 to 49.
D

6. The Count method returns what information about an array?

(A) the highest number that can be used as a subscript for the array
(B) the largest value that can be assigned to an array element
(C) the number of elements in the array
(D) The highest dimension of the array
C

7. In the line of code (where score is an array)

For index As Integer = 0 to (score.Count - 1)

the Count method is used to carry out which of the following tasks?
(A) determine the largest value for each of the elements
(B) determine the largest subscript in the array
(C) determine the smallest value for each of the elements
(D) declare a new array with the name Count
B

8. The ReDim statement causes an array to lose its current contents unless the word ReDim is
followed by the keyword
(A) CInt
(B) MyBase
(C) Preserve
(D) Add
C

9. Like other variables, array variables can be declared and assigned initial values at the same
time. (T/F)
T

10. After an array has been declared, its type (but not its size) can be changed with a ReDim
statement. (T/F)
F

11. If you use the ReDim statement to make an array smaller than it was, data in the eliminated
elements can be retrieved by using the Preserve keyword. (T/F)
F

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

12. The statement Dim nums(2) As Integer = {5, 6, 7} declares an array of three
elements. (T/F)
F

13. What will be the size of the array stones after the following two lines of code are executed?
Dim stones() As String = {"Watts", "Jagger", "Wood", "Richards"}
ReDim Preserve stones(10)
11

14. The statement

Dim newlist(10) As String

is used to declare an array where each element has the value 10. (T/F)
F

15. In the line of code

Function Sum(scores() As Integer) As Integer

the pair of parentheses that follows scores can be removed. (T/F)

F

16. In the line of code

Dim scores() As Integer = {55, 33, 12}

the upper bound of the array scores is 12. (T/F)

F

17. What two names are displayed in the list box when the button is clicked on?
Dim krispies(2) as String

Private Sub frmCereal_Load(...) Handles MyBase.Load

krispies(0) = "snap"
krispies(1) = "crackle"
krispies(2) = "pop"
End Sub
Private Sub btnDisplay_Click(...) Handles btnDisplay.Click
lstBox.Items.Add(krispies.Max)
lstBox.Items.Add(krispies.Last)
End Sub
(A) crackle and pop
(B) crackle and snap
(C) snap and crackle
(D) snap and pop
D

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

18. What two numbers are displayed in the list box when the button is clicked on?
Dim nums(2) as Integer

Private Sub frmNumbers_Load(...) Handles MyBase.Load

nums(0) = 5
nums(1) = 3
nums(2) = 4
End Sub
Private Sub btnDisplay_Click(...) Handles btnDisplay.Click
lstBox.Items.Add(nums.Average)
lstBox.Items.Add(nums.Max)
End Sub
(A) 4 and 5
(B) 4 and 4
(C) 3 and 5
(D) 3 and 4
A

19. Either a For...Next loop or a For Each loop can be used to display every other value from an
array in a list box. (T/F)
F

20. An array can contain both numeric and string values. (T/F)
F

21. A Function procedure can return a number, but cannot return an array of numbers. (T/F)
F

22. What names are displayed in the list box when the button is clicked on?
Private Sub btnDisplay_Click(...) Handles btnDisplay.Click
Dim names() As String = IO.File.ReadAllLines("Data.txt")
lstBox.Items.Clear()
For i As Integer = (names.Count - 1) To 0 Step -2
lstBox.Items.Add(names(i))
Next
End Sub
Assume the five lines of the file Data.txt contain the following entries: Bach, Borodin,
Brahms, Beethoven, Britain.
(A) Bach, Brahms, and Britain
(B) Britain, Beethoven, Brahms, Borodin, and Bach
(C) Bach, Borodin, Brahms, Beethoven, and Britain
(D) Britain, Brahms, and Bach
D

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

23. What names are displayed in the list box when the button is clicked on?
Private Sub btnDisplay_Click(...) Handles btnDisplay.Click
Dim file As String = "Ships.txt"
Dim ships() As String = FillArray(file)
lstBox.Items.Add(ships(2))
lstBox.Items.Add(ships.Min)
End Sub

Function FillArray(file As String) As String()

Dim names() As String = IO.File.ReadAllLines(file)
Return names
End Function
Assume the three lines of the file Ships.txt contain the following entries: Pinta, Nina, Santa
Maria.
(A) Pinta and Nina
(B) Santa Maria and Pinta
(C) Nina and Santa Maria
(D) Santa Maria and Nina
D

24. What numbers are displayed in the list box when the button is clicked on?
Private Sub btnDisplay_Click(...) Handles btnDisplay.Click
Dim file As String = "Beatles.txt"
Dim fabFour() As String = FillArray(file)
lstBox.Items.Add(Array.IndexOf(fabFour, "Ringo")
lstBox.Items.Add(fabFour.Count - 1)
End Sub

Function FillArray(file As String) As String()

Dim names() As String = IO.File.ReadAllLines(file)
Return names
End Function

Assume the four lines of the file Beatles.txt contain the following entries: John, Paul, Ringo,
George.
(A) 3 and 3
(B) 3 and 4
(C) 2 and 3
(D) 2 and 4
C

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

25. What names are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim newYork As String = "Manhatten,Bronx,Brooklyn,Queens,Staten Island"
Dim boroughs() As String = newYork.Split(","c)
lstBox.Items.Add(boroughs(0))
lstBox.Items.Add(boroughs.Min)

(A) Brooklyn and Queens

(B) Manhatten and Staten Island
(C) Bronx and Manhatten
(D) Manhatten and Bronx
D

26. What numbers are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim numbers As String = "1492,1776,1945"
Dim temp() As String = numbers.Split(","c)
Dim nums(2) As Integer
For i As Integer = 0 to 2
nums(i) = CInt(temp(i))
Next
lstBox.Items.Add(nums(1))
lstBox.Items.Add(nums.First)

(A) 1776 and 1492

(B) 1776 and 1776
(C) 1492 and 1492
(D) 1945 and 1492
A

27. What is the output of the following program segment?

Dim nums(8) As Integer
Dim total As Double = 0
For i As Integer = 0 To 8
nums(i) = i
Next
For k As Integer = 1 To 4
total += 10 ^ nums(k)
Next
txtBox.Text = CStr(total)

(A) 10000
(B) 11110
(C) 1110
(D) 0
B

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

28. What will be displayed when the following program segment is executed?
Dim temp() As String = IO.File.ReadAllLines("Data.txt")
Dim n As Integer = temp.Count - 1
Dim a(n) As Double
For k As Integer = 0 To n
a(k) = CDbl(temp(i))
Next
txtBox.Text = CStr(a(3))
Assume the five rows of the file Data.txt contain the following entries: 3, 2, 5, 1, 4.
(A) 1
(B) 2
(C) 3
(D) 4
A

29. What is the output of the following program segment?

Dim temp() As String = IO.File.ReadAllLines("Data.txt")
Dim n As Integer = temp.Count - 1
Dim numbers(n) As Double, h As Double = 0
For i As Integer = 0 To n
numbers(i) = CDbl(temp(i))
Next
For k As Integer = 0 to n
h += numbers(k)
Next
txtBox.Text = CStr(h)
Assume the four rows of the file Data.txt contain the following entries: 2, 4, 2, 3
(A) 11
(B) 2
(C) 7
(D) 4
A

30. Given the Dim statement below, which set of statements will initialize all elements of
myArray to 100?
Dim myArray(100) As Double

(A) myArray = 100

(B) For i As Integer = 0 To 100
(i) = 100
Next
(C) For j As Integer = 0 to 100
myArray(j) = 100
Next
(D) myArray() is already initialized to 100 by the Dim statement.
C

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

31. What is the output of the following program segment?
Dim c As Double
Dim temp() As String = IO.File.ReadAllLines("Data1.txt")
Dim n As Integer = temp.Count - 1
Dim a(n) As Double
For i As Integer = 0 To n
a(i) = CDbl(temp(i))
Next
temp() = IO.File.ReadAllLines("Data2.txt")
Dim b(n) As Double
For i As Integer = 0 To n
b(i) = CDbl(temp(i))
Next
For k As Integer = 0 To n
If a(k) = b(k) Then
c += 1
End If
Next
lstBox.Items.Add(c)
Assume the twenty rows of the file Data1.txt contain the following entries: 3, 2, 5, 1, 7, 8, 3,
5, 6, 2, 3, 6, 1, 6, 5, 5, 7, 2, 5, 3.
Assume the twenty rows of the file Data2.txt contain the following entries: 5, 3, 3, 4, 8, 2, 3,
5, 9, 5, 3, 7, 3, 7, 6, 3, 2, 1, 3, 4.
(A) 2
(B) 3
(C) 4
(D) 5
(E) 6
B

32. What is displayed in the message box by the following code?

Dim message As String
Dim teamNames() As String = {"Packers", "Jets", "Seahawks"}
ReDim Preserve teamNames(1)
message = teamNames(1)
MessageBox.Show(message)
(A) Packers
(B) Jets
(C) Seahawks
(D) 2
B

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

33. If the following statement appears in a program, the array scores must have been declared
using the String data type. (T/F)
scores(1) = 87
F

34. Consider the following Dim and assignment statements for myArray(). The assignment
statement will cause a "Subscript out of range" error. (T/F)
Dim myArray(50) As Double
myArray(34) = 51
F

35. Unless otherwise specified, Visual Basic assigns the value 0 to each element of a numeric
array when it is declared with a Dim statement. (T/F)
T

36. The following pair of statement is valid. (T/F)

Dim x = CInt(InputBox("Enter number of items (must be a positive integer)"))
ReDim myArray(x - 1)
T

37. A fractional number such as 4.6 is not allowed as a subscript. (T/F)

T

38. Consider the following Visual Basic statements:

Dim nums(4) As Double
For index As Integer = 0 To 4
nums(index) = 1 + (index * 2)
Next
What values are placed in the array by the above statements? (Show each element of the
array and the value for that element.)
nums(0)=1, nums(1)=3, nums(2)=5, nums(3)=7, nums(4)=9

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

38. What is the output of the following program when the button is clicked on?
Private Sub btnDisplay_Click(...) Handles btnDisplay.Click
Dim result As Double
Dim number(4) As Double
FillArray(number)
result = SumArray(number)
txtBox.Text = CStr(result)
End Sub
Sub FillArray(ByRef anyArray() As Double)
Dim temp() As String = IO.File.ReadAllLines("Data.txt")
For i As Integer = 0 To 4
anyArray(i) = CDbl(temp(i))
Next
End Sub
Function SumArray(anyArray() As Double) As Double
Dim total As Double
total = 0
For i As Integer = 0 To 4 Step 2
total += anyArray(i)
Next
Return total
End Function
Assume the five rows of the file Data.txt contain the following entries: 1, 3, 5, 7, 9
(A) 0
(B) 25
(C) 15
(D) None of the above
C

39. Which of the tasks is the Join function used to carry out in the following statement?
Dim line As String
line = Join(strArrData, ",")
(A) Join concatenates the values of all elements of the array strArrData, and adds a comma
delimiter between successive values.
(B) Join concatenates the values of all elements of line, and adds a comma to the end of the
line.
(C) Join parses or separates out all items of text that are delimited by a comma in
strArrData.
(D) Join parses or separates out all items of text that are delimited by a comma in line.
A

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

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Section 7.2 Using LINQ with Arrays
1. What names are displayed in the list box by the following lines of code?

Dim oceans() As String = {"Atlantic", "Pacific", "Indian", "Arctic",

"Antartic"}
Dim query = From ocean in oceans
Where ocean.Length = 6
Select ocean
For Each ocean As String In query
lstBox.Items.Add(ocean)
Next
(A) Pacific and Indian
(B) Indian and Arctic
(C) Indian
(D) Atlantic and Pacific
B

2. What numbers are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim numbers() As Integer = {4, 7, 9, 3, 1}
Dim query = From number in numbers
Where number > 6
Select number
lstBox.Items.Add(query.Count)
lstBox.Items.Add(query.Average)
(A) 5 and 12
(B) 2 and 12
(C) 2 and 8
(D) 5 and 8
C

3. What numbers are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim numbers() As Integer = {4, 7, 9, 3, 1, 9, 7}
Dim query = From number in numbers
Where number > 6
Select number
lstBox.Items.Add(query.Count)
lstBox.Items.Add(query.Average)

(A) 7 and 12
(B) 4 and 8
(C) 2 and 12
(D) 7 and 8
B

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

4. What numbers are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim numbers() As Integer = {4, 7, 9, 3, 1, 7, 7}
Dim query = From number in numbers
Where number > 6
Select number
Distinct
lstBox.Items.Add(query.Count)
lstBox.Items.Add(query.Average)
(A) 5 and 12
(B) 2 and 12
(C) 2 and 8
(D) 5 and 8
C

5. What states are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim states() As String = {"Colorado", "New Mexico", "Arizona", "Utah"}
Dim query = From state in states
Where ContainsE(state)
Select state
For Each state in query
lstBox.Items.Add(state)
Next

Function ContainsE(word As String) As Boolean

If word.IndexOf("E") <> -1 Or word.IndexOf("e") <> -1 Then
Return True
Else
Return False
End If
End Function
(A) Colorado
(B) New Mexico
(C) Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, Utah
(D) No states
B

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

6. What states are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim states() As String = {"Colorado", "New Mexico", "Arizona", "Utah"}
Dim query = From state in states
Where state.length < 5
Select state.ToUpper
For Each state in query
lstBox.Items.Add(state)
Next

(A) Utah
(B) COLORADO, NEW MEXICO, ARIZONA, UTAH
(C) UTAH
(D) No states
C

7. What numbers are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim states() As String = {"Colorado", "New Mexico", "Arizona", "Utah"}
Dim query = From state in states
Where state.EndsWith("o")
Select state.Length
For Each number in query
lstBox.Items.Add(number)
Next

(A) 8 and 10
(B) 8, 10, 7, 4
(C) 8
(D) 29
A

8. What names are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim tonightShow() As String = {"Allen", "Parr", "Carson", "Leno",
"O'Brien", "Leno"}
Dim query = From host in tonightShow
Where host.Length = 4
Select host
Distinct
For Each host in query
lstBox.Items.Add(host)
Next

(A) Parr, Leno, Leno

(B) Parr, Leno
(C) Leno
(D) No names
B

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

9. What numbers are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim numbers() As Double = {.5, 1, 2, 2.5}
Dim query = From number in numbers
Where number < 2
Let FormattedPer = number.ToString("P")
Select FormattedPer
For Each percent In query
lstBox.Items.Add(percent)
Next
(A) .5 and 1
(B) 50% and 100%
(C) 50.00%, 100.00%, 200.00%, 250.00%
(D) 50.00% and 100.00%
D

10. What years are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim years() As Integer = {1492, 1776, 1840, 1929, 1945, 2005}
Dim query = From year in years
Where Is20thCentury(year)
Select year
For Each yr in query
lstBox.Items.Add(yr)
Next

Function Is20thCentury(num As Integer) As Boolean

If (num >= 1900) and (num < 2000) Then
Return True
Else
Return False
End IF
End Function
(A) 1929 and 1945
(B) 1929
(C) 1492, 1776, 1840, 1929, 1945, 2005
(D) No years
A

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

11. What states are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim states() As String = {"Colorado", "New Mexico", "Arizona", "Utah"}
Dim query = From state in states
Order By state Ascending
Select state
lstBox.Items.Add(query.First)
lstBox.Items.Add(query.Min)

(A) Arizona and Colorado

(B) Arizona and Utah
(C) Colorado and Arizona
(D) Arizona and Arizona
D

12. What words are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim deadlySins() As String = {"pride", "greed", "anger", "envy",
"lust", "gluttony", "sloth"}
Dim query = From sin in deadlySins
Order By sin Ascending
Where sin.StartsWith("g")
Select sin
lstBox.Items.Add(query.First)
lstBox.Items.Add(query.Max)

(A) gluttony and greed

(B) gluttony and gluttony
(C) pride and gluttony
(D) greed and greed
A

13. What words are displayed in the list box by the following program segment?
Dim deadlySins() As String = {"pride", "greed", "anger", "envy",
"lust", "gluttony", "sloth"}
Dim query = From sin in deadlySins
Order By sin.Length Descending
Select sin.ToUpper
lstBox.Items.Add(query.First)
lstBox.Items.Add(query.Min)

(A) GLUTTONY and GLUTTONY

(B) GLUTTONY and SLOTH
(C) GLUTTONY and ANGER
(D) PRIDE and ENVY
C

© 2017 Pearson Education, Inc., Hoboken, NJ. All rights reserved.

Exploring the Variety of Random
Documents with Different Content
the Heir of Lincoln had to quit a saxophone lesson to see him. But it
must be obvious that young John’s eminence, such as it is, is almost
purely fortuitous and unearned. He is attended to simply because he
happens to be the son of old John, and hence heir to a large fortune.
So far as the records show, he has never said anything in his life that
was beyond the talents of a Rotary Club orator or a newspaper
editorial writer, or done anything that would have strained an
intelligent bookkeeper. He is, to all intents and purposes, a vacuum,
and yet he is known to more people, and especially to more people
of means, than Wagner, and admired and envied vastly more by all
classes.
Between Wagner and young John there are infinite gradations, and
sometimes it is a hard matter to distinguish between them. To most
Americans, I daresay, a Harding or a Coolidge appears to enjoy an
eminence that is not only more gaudy but also more solid than that
of, say, an Einstein. When Einstein visited the United States, a few
years ago, he was taken to see Harding as a sort of treat, and many
worthy patriots, no doubt, regarded it as somewhat too rich for him,
an enemy alien and a Jew. If Thomas Hardy came here to-morrow,
his publisher would undoubtedly try to get an invitation to the White
House for him, not merely to advertise his books but also to honor
the man. Yet it must be plain that the eminence of Coolidge, however
vastly it may be whooped up by gentlemen of enlightened self-
interest, is actually greatly inferior to that of either Einstein or Hardy.
These men owe whatever fame they have to actual
accomplishments. There is no doubt whatever that what they have is
wholly theirs. They owe nothing to anyone, and no conceivable
series of accidents could have made them what they are. If
superiority exists among men, then they are indubitably superior. But
is there any sign of superiority in Coolidge? I can find none. His
eminence is due entirely to two things: first, a series of accidents,
and secondly, the possession of qualities that, in themselves, do not
mark a superior man, but an inferior. He is a cheap, sordid and
grasping politician, a seeker of jobs all his life, willing to do almost
anything imaginable to get them. He has never said a word worth
hearing, or done a thing requiring genius, or even ordinary skill. Put
into his place and given the opportunities that have arisen before him
in a long succession, any other ninth-rate lawyer in the land could
have got as far as he has got.
Now for my point. It is, in brief, that the public estimation of eminence
runs almost directly in inverse ratio to its genuineness. That is to say,
the sort of eminence that the mob esteems most highly is precisely
the sort that has least grounding in solid worth and honest
accomplishment. And the reason therefor is not far to seek. The kind
of eminence that it admires is simply the kind that it can understand
—the kind that it can aspire to. The very puerility of a Coolidge, in
fact, is one of the principal causes of the admiration he excites. What
he has done in the world is within the capacities, given luck enough,
of any John Smith. His merits, such as they are, are almost
universal, and hence perfectly comprehensible. But what a Wagner
or an Einstein does is wholly beyond the understanding of an
ordinary ignoramus, and so it is impossible for the ignoramus to
admire it. Worse, it tends to arouse his suspicion, and hence his
animosity. He is not merely indifferent to the merits of a Wagner; he
will, if any attempt is made to force them upon his attention,
challenge them sharply. What he admires fundamentally, in other
words, is himself, and in a Coolidge, a Harding, a baseball pitcher, a
movie actor, an archbishop, or a bank president he can see himself.
He can see himself, too, though perhaps more dimly, in a Dewey, a
Pershing, a Rockefeller or a Jack Dempsey. But he can no more see
himself in a Wagner or an Einstein than he can see himself on the
throne of the Romanoffs, and so he suspects and dislikes such men,
as he suspects and dislikes Romanoffs.
Unluckily, it is one thing to denounce his stupidity, and quite another
thing to escape its consequences. The history of mankind is peopled
chiefly, not with the genuinely great men of the race, but with the
flashy and hollow fellows who appealed to the mob. Every American
remembers vividly the contribution that Theodore Roosevelt made to
the building of the Panama Canal—a contribution that might have
been made by any other American thrown fortuitously into his place,
assuming only that the substitute shared his normal American lack of
a sense of honor. But who remembers the name of the man who
actually designed the canal? I turn to the New International
Encyclopedia and find nine whole pages about the canal, with many
drawings. There is eloquent mention of Col. Goethals—who simply
carried out the designer’s plans. There is mention, too, of Col.
Gorgas—whose sanitary work was a simple application of other
men’s ideas. There is ample space for Roosevelt, and his
blackjacking of Colombia. But so far as I can find, the name of the
designer is not there. The mob did not admire him, and so history
has overlooked him.

5
An Historic Blunder
The Southern gentry made a thumping mistake when, after the Civil
War, they disfranchised the blacks. Had they permitted the latter to
vote, they would have retained political control of all the Southern
States, for the blacks, like the peasants everywhere else, would
have followed their natural masters. As it was, control quickly passed
to the poor white trash, who still maintain it, though many of them
have ceased to be poor. The gentry struggle in vain to get back in
the saddle; they lack the votes to achieve the business unaided, and
the blacks, who were ready to follow them in 1870, are now incurably
suspicious of them. The result is that politics in the South remain
fathomlessly swinish. Every civilized Southerner knows it and is
ashamed of it, but the time has apparently passed to do anything
about it. To get rid of its Bleases, Mayfields, Slemps, Peays and
Vardamans, the South must wait until the white trash are themselves
civilized. This is a matter demanding almost as much patience as the
long vigil of the Seventh Day Adventists.

6
On Cynicism
One of the most curious of human delusions lies in the theory that
cynics are unhappy men—that cynicism makes for a general
biliousness and malaise. It is a false deduction, I believe, from the
obvious fact that cynics make other men unhappy. But they are
themselves among the most comfortable and serene of mammals;
perhaps only bishops, pet dogs and actors are happier. For what a
cynic believes, though it may be too dreadful to be put into formal
words, at least usually has the merit of being true—and truth is ever
a rock, hard and harsh, but solid under the feet. A cynic is chronically
in the position of a wedding guest who has known the bride for nine
years, and has had her confidence. He is a great deal less happy,
theoretically, than the bridegroom. The bridegroom, beautifully
barbered and arrayed, is about to launch into the honeymoon. But
the cynic looks ahead two weeks, two months, two years. Such, to
borrow a phrase from the late Dr. Eliot, are the durable satisfactions
of life.

7
Music and Sin
Among Christian workers and other intellectual cripples the delusion
seems to persist that jazz is highly aphrodisiacal. I never encounter a
sermon on the subject without finding it full of dark warnings to
parents, urging them to keep their nubile daughters out of the jazz
palaces on the ground that the voluptuous music will inflame their
passions and so make them easy prey to bond salesmen, musicians
and other such carnal fellows. All this seems to me to be nonsense.
Jazz, in point of fact, is not voluptuous at all. Its monotonous rhythm
and puerile tunes make it a sedative rather than a stimulant. If it is an
aphrodisiac, then the sound of riveting is also an aphrodisiac. What
fetches the flappers who come to grief in the jazz parlors is not the
music at all, but the alcohol. Drinking it out of flasks in the
washrooms, they fail to keep the dose in harmony with their natural
resistance, and so they lose control of their faculties, and what
follows is lamentable. Jazz, which came in with Prohibition, gets the
blame that belongs to its partner. In the old days, when it was
uncommon for refined women to get drunk at dances, it would have
been quite harmless. To-day even Chopin’s funeral march would be
dangerous.
The truth is that jazz is probably the least voluptuous variety of music
commonly heard in Christendom. There are plenty of Methodist
hymns that are ten times as aphrodisiacal, and the fact is proved by
the scandals that follow every camp-meeting. In most parts of the
United States, indeed, the Methodists have begun to abandon camp-
meetings as subversive of morality. Where they still flourish it is not
unusual for even the rev. clergy to be taken in byzantine practices.
But so-called good music is yet worse than the Methodist hymns.
Has the world so soon forgotten James Huneker’s story of the
prudent opera mamma who refused to let her daughter sing Isolde,
on the ground that no woman could ever get through the second act
without forgetting God? That second act, even so, is much
overestimated. There are piano pieces of Chopin that are a hundred
times worse; if the Comstocks really had any sense, they would
forbid their performance. And what of the late Puccini? If “La
Bohème” is not an aphrodisiac, then what is it? Yet it is sung publicly
all over the world. Only in Atlanta, Ga., is there a law against it, and
even that law was probably inspired by the fact that it was written by
a Catholic and not by the fact that it has brought hundreds of
thousands of Christian women to the edge of the abyss.
Old Ludwig himself was not without guilt. His “Egmont” overture is a
gross and undisguised appeal to the medulla oblongata. And what of
his symphonies and quartettes? The last movement of his Eroica is
not only voluptuous to the last degree; it is also Bolshevistic. Try to
play it with your eyes on a portrait of Dr. Coolidge. You will find the
thing as impossible as eating ice-cream on roast beef. At the time of
its first performance in Vienna the moral sense of the community
was so greatly outraged that Beethoven had to get out of town for a
while. I pass over Wagner, whose “Tristan und Isolde” was probably
his most decorous work, despite Huneker—think of “Parsifal”!—and
come to Richard Strauss. Here I need offer no argument: his
“Salomé” and “Elektra” have been prohibited by the police, at one
time or another, in nearly every country in the world. I believe that
“Der Rosenkavalier” is still worse, though the police leave it
unmolested. Compare its first act to the most libidinous jazz ever
heard of on Broadway. It is like comparing vodka to ginger-pop. No
woman who hears it is ever the same again. She may remain within
the law, but her thoughts are wayward henceforth. Into her ear the
sirens have poured their abominable song. She has been beset by
witches. There is a sinister glitter in her eye.

8
The Champion
Of the forty-eight sovereign States of this imperial Federation, which
is the worst? In what one of them is a civilized man most
uncomfortable? Over half the votes, if the question were put to a
vote, would probably be divided between California and Tennessee.
Each in its way, is almost unspeakable. Tennessee, of course, has
never been civilized, save in a small area; even in the earliest days
of the Republic it was regarded as barbaric by its neighbors. But
California, at one time, promised to develop a charming and
enlightened civilization. There was a touch of tropical balm in its air,
and a touch of Latin and oriental color in its ideas. Like Louisiana, it
seemed likely to resist Americanization for many years; perhaps
forever. But now California, the old California, is simply extinct. What
remains is an Alsatia of retired Ford agents and crazy fat women—a
paradise of 100% Americanism and the New Thought. Its laws are
the most extravagant and idiotic ever heard of in Christendom. Its
public officers, and particularly its judges, are famous all over the
world for their imbecilities. When one hears of it at all, one hears that
some citizen has been jailed for reading the Constitution of the
United States, or that some new swami in a yellow bed-tick has got
all the realtors’ wives of Los Angeles by the ears. When one hears of
it further, it is only to learn that some obscure movie lady in
Hollywood has murdered another lover. The State is run by its
Chambers of Commerce, which is to say, by the worst variety of
resident shysters. No civilized man ever seems to take any part in its
public life. Not an idea comes out of it—that is, not an idea beyond
the grasp of a Kiwanis Club secretary, a Christian Science sorcerer,
or a grand goblin of the American Legion. Twice, of late, it has
offered the country candidates for the presidency. One was the Hon.
Hiram Johnson and the other was the Hon. William Gibbs McAdoo!
Only Vermont can beat that record.
The minority of civilized Californians—who lately, by the way, sent
out a call from Los Angeles for succor, as if they were beset by
wolves!—commonly lay the blame for this degeneration of a once-
proud commonwealth upon the horde of morons that has flowed in
from Iowa, Nebraska and the other cow-States, seeking relief from
the bitter climate of the steppes. The California realtors have been
luring in these hinds for a generation past, and they now swarm in all
the southern towns, especially Los Angeles. They come in with their
savings, are swindled and sent home, and so make room for more.
While they remain and have any part of their money left, they
patronize the swamis, buy oil stock, gape at the movie folk, and pack
the Methodist churches. Unquestionably, the influence of such
vacuums has tended to degrade the general tone of California life;
what was once a Spanish fiesta is now merely an upper Mississippi
valley street-carnival. But it is not to be forgotten that the Native
Sons have gone down the chute with the newcomers—that there is
no more sign of intellectual vigor in the old stock than there is in the
new stock. A few intransigeants hold out against the tide of 100%
Americanism, but only a few. The rest bawl against the Reds as
loudly as any Iowa steer-stuffer.
The truth is that it is unjust to blame Iowa for the decay of California,
for Iowa itself is now moving up, not down. And so is Nebraska. A
few years ago both States were as sterile, intellectually, as Spain,
but both are showing signs of progress to-day, and in another
generation or two, as the Prohibition lunacy passes and the pall of
Methodism begins to lift, they will probably burst into very vigorous
activity. Some excellent stock is in them; it is very little contaminated
by what is called Anglo-Saxon blood. Iowa, even to-day, is decidedly
more civilized than California. It is producing more ideas, and, more
important still, it is carrying on a much less violent war against ideas.
I doubt that any man who read the Constitution in Davenport or Des
Moines would be jailed for it, as Upton Sinclair (or one of his friends)
was in Pasadena. The American Legion would undoubtedly protest,
but the police would probably do nothing, for the learned judges of
the State would not entertain the charge.
Thus California remains something of a mystery. The whole United
States, of course, has been going downhill since the beginning of the
century, but why should one State go so much faster than the
others? Is the climate to blame? Hardly. The climate of San
Francisco is thoroughly un-Californian, and yet San Francisco is
almost as dead as Los Angeles. It was there, indeed, that that
California masterpiece, the Mooney case, was staged; it was here
that the cops made three efforts to convict poor Fatty Arbuckle of
murder in the first-degree; it was there that the late Dr. Abrams
launched a quackery that went Mother Eddy one better. San
Francisco, once the home of Mark Twain and Bret Harte, is now
ravaged by Prohibition enforcement officers. But if the climate is not
to blame, then what is? Why should a great State, lovely physically
and of romantic history, so violently renounce all sense and
decency? What has got into it? God alone knows!

9
Honor in America
Some time ago I enjoyed the distinguished honor of entertaining an
American university professor in my house. The fellow had a resilient
gullet, and in the course of the evening we got down a quart of
Scotch. Made expansive by the liquor, he told me this story:
A short while before, at his university, one of the professors gave a
booze party for a group of colleagues, including the president of the
institution. It was warm weather, and they sat on the veranda,
guzzling moonshine and ginger-ale. There was so much chatter that
they didn’t hear a student coming up the path. Suddenly he was on
them, and they almost fainted....
At this point I asked why they were alarmed.
“Well,” said my visitor, “suppose the student had turned out to be a
Christian? He would have blabbed, and then our host would have
lost his chair. The president would have been forced to cashier him.”
“But the president,” I argued, “was a guest in the man’s house. How
could he have dismissed him?”
“What else would there have been for him to do?” asked the
professor.
“Resign at once,” I replied. “Wasn’t he under the obligations of a
guest? Wasn’t he particeps criminis? How could he separate himself
from his host? How could he sit as judge upon his host, even if only
formally?”
But the professor couldn’t see the point. I began to fear that he was
in his cups, but it soon appeared that he was quite clear. We argued
for half an hour: he was still unable to see the point. The duty of a
president to enforce an unwilling and dishonest obedience to an
absurd law—this duty was superior to his duty as a guest, i. e., it was
superior to his obligation as a man of honor! We passed on to
another point.
“What of the student?” I asked. “I take it that he turned out to be a
gentleman. Suppose he had been a Christian? Suppose he had
blabbed? What would the other boys have done to him?”
The professor stared at me blankly.
“Nothing,” he said at length. “After all, we were boozing.”
This professor, I should add, was a man of the old American stock—
in fact, a fellow very proud of his colonial ancestry. When he got
back to his university he joined in signing a public statement that
Prohibition was a great success there.
I proceed to another case. One day in the Summer of 1924, during
the Republican National Convention at Cleveland, I met an eminent
American publicist in a hotel lobby there. He told me at once that he
was suffering from a dreadful bellyache. I had a jug in my room, but
my own hotel was far away, so I suggested that help might be got
from a journalist on the premises. We went to his room, and I
introduced the publicist. The journalist promptly got out a bottle and
gave him a policeman’s drink. The publicist had recovered in three
minutes.... When he got home, he joined, like the professor, in
signing a public statement praising Prohibition.

10
Note in the Margin of a Treatise on Psychology
As I stoop to lace my shoe you hit me over the coccyx with a length
of hickory (Carya laciniosa). I conclude instantly that you are a
jackass. This is a whole process of human thought in little. This also
is free will.

11
Definition
Democracy is that system of government under which the people,
having 35,717,342 native-born adult whites to choose from, including
thousands who are handsome and many who are wise, pick out a
Coolidge to be head of the State. It is as if a hungry man, set before
a banquet prepared by master cooks and covering a table an acre in
area, should turn his back upon the feast and stay his stomach by
catching and eating flies.
 XVIII. CATECHISM
Q. If you find so much that is unworthy of reverence in the United
States, then why do you live here?
A. Why do men go to zoos?
 INDEX
Abbott, Wilbur C., 152

Adams, John, 146, 158

Altgeld, John Peter, 127 ff.

American Academy of Arts and Letters, 194

American Association of University Professors, 140

American Legion, 136

American Mercury, 120, 127, 141, 146, 152, 164, 169, 172

Americans, 100%, 152 ff.

Anderson, Sherwood, 56, 180, 194

Anglo-Saxons, 153 ff., 163

Anti-Saloon League, 23, 106, 111, 113, 148, 229, 268, 269

Apollinaire, Guillaume, 169 ff.

Aristotle, 24

Bach, Johann Sebastian, 34

Baltimore, 237 ff.

Baltimore Sun, 260

Baptists, 108 ff.

Beers, Henry A., 135

Beethoven, Ludwig van, 34, 87 ff., 167, 184

Bible, 17, 66, 76 ff., 120 ff.

Bill of Rights, 155

Birth Control, 9 ff.

Blease, Cole L., 116

Bowers, Claude G., 146

Boyd, Ernest, 169

Brahms, Johannes, 89, 90

Broom, 169

Browne, Waldo R., 127

Brownell, William C., 193

Bryan, William Jennings, 64 ff., 86, 112, 131, 155, 204, 230

Bryant, William Cullen, 191

Butler, Nicholas Murray, 194

Cabell, James Branch, 180, 194, 196, 217

Cahan, Abraham, 219

Canby, Henry Seidel, 170

Capital Punishment, 21 ff.

Cathcart case, 265

Cather, Willa, 53, 57, 219, 228

Catholic Church, 106 ff., 157

Chambers, Robert W., 194

Chopin, F. F., 87

Christians, 25, 120 ff.

Clean Books Bill, 21

Clemens, Samuel L., 50, 166, 191, 221

Cleveland, Grover, 24, 129, 267

Coca-cola, 77 ff.

Cocteau, Jean, 170

Comstock, Anthony, 13, 15 ff.

Comstockery, 15 ff., 98

Congressional Record, 163

Connolly, Margaret, 164

Conrad, Joseph, 34 ff., 191

Coolidge, Calvin, 72, 111, 206, 247, 259, 272, 275, 289

Cooper, James Fenimore, 191

Crapsey, Algernon Sidney, 127, 131 ff.

Cummings, E. E., 169

Curwood, James Oliver, 166

Daniels, Josephus, 263

Darrow, Clarence, 69, 72, 86

Davis, Jefferson, 155

Dayton, Tenn., 65 ff., 75 ff.

Denmark, 33

Dial, 170

Dickson, Harris, 159

Dreiser, Theodore, 16, 21, 43, 57, 128, 157, 180, 194

Eastman, Max, 195

Eaton, Walter Prichard, 251

Eddy, Mary Baker G., 67

Education, 133 ff., 141 ff.

Eighteenth Amendment, 155

Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 191, 203

Episcopalians, 105 ff.

Fergusson, Harvey, 222

Foetal School, 169

Ford, Henry, 191

Foster, William Z., 224

France, Anatole, 43, 191

Frederick the Great, 147

Freud, Sigmund, 249

Freytag-Loringhoven, Elsa von, 169

Fundamentalism, 74, 75 ff., 111, 115 ff., 269

Garland, Hamlin, 193

Gary, Elbert H., 167, 206, 270 ff.

German Army, 31

Gilder, Richard Watson, 191

Glass, Montague, 221

Godey’s Ladies’ Book, 15

Gompers, Samuel, 70

Greenwich Village, 170, 183, 214 ff.

Hagedorn, Herman, 194

Haliburton, Thomas C., 49

Hamilton, Alexander, 146 ff., 246

Hamilton, Clayton, 193

Harding, Warren Gamaliel, 189, 199, 282, 288, 289

Harrison, Henry Sydnor, 193

Haydn, Josef, 88

Hergesheimer, Joseph, 42 ff., 180, 194

Holy Rollers, 78 ff.

Homo neandertalensis, 64

Howe, E. W., 229

Howe, M. A. DeWolfe, 244

Howells, William Dean, 190, 193

Huxley, W. H., 122, 138

Hypoendocrinal School, 169

Ibsen, Henrik, 209

International Sunday-school Lessons, 48

Irving, Washington, 191

Jackson, Andrew, 155

James, Henry, 43, 53

Jefferson, Thomas, 146 ff., 155, 158, 164

Josephson, Matthew, 169

Kaiser Wilhelm II, 158

Kiwanis, 136, 168, 183, 189

Kreymborg, Alfred, 214

Ku Klux Klan, 106, 111, 116, 136, 140, 155, 156

La Follette, Robert M., 155, 164

Lardner, Ring W., 49 ff., 221

Lee, Robert E., 155

Lewis, Sinclair, 54, 194, 219, 228, 235

Lincoln, Abraham, 198

Lodge, Henry Cabot, 199

Lord’s Day Alliance, 14

Lowell, James Russell, 191, 194

Lydia Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound, 77

Macaulay, T. B., 208

Manning, William T., 91

Marden, Orison Swett, 164 ff.

Masters, Edgar Lee, 56 ff.

Matthews, Brander, 135, 169

Mendelssohn, Felix, 90

Methodists, 105 ff., 157

Middle Ages, 108

Millikan, Robert Andrews, 123

Mississippi, 160

Moore, George, 196, 226

More, Paul Elmer, 169

Morgan, J. P. & Co., 132, 139, 192, 279

Mozart, W. A., 88, 90

Munsey, Frank A., 164, 195

Napoleon III, 32

Nation, 70, 159, 255 ff.

New Republic, 255

New Thought, 42, 209

New York, 238 ff.

Nobel Prize, 41

Norris, Frank, 232

Pattee, Fred Lewis, 170

Peay, Austin, 116

Pendleton, Charles S., 141

Poe, Edgar Allan, 248

Pound, Ezra, 169

Powderly, Terence V., 204

Presbyterians, 108 ff., 157

Prohibition, 10, 23, 113, 224

Protestantism, 104 ff.

Raulston, Judge, 86
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