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01_598260 ffirs.qxd 10/11/05 11:31 AM Page i

P O R T A B L E

London
2006

by Darwin Porter & Danforth Prince

Here’s what critics say about Frommer’s:

“Amazingly easy to use. Very portable, very complete.”

—Booklist

“Detailed, accurate, and easy-to-read information for all price

ranges.”
—Glamour Magazine
03_598260 flast.qxd 10/11/05 11:33 AM Page viii
01_598260 ffirs.qxd 10/11/05 11:31 AM Page i

P O R T A B L E

London
2006

by Darwin Porter & Danforth Prince

Here’s what critics say about Frommer’s:

“Amazingly easy to use. Very portable, very complete.”

—Booklist

“Detailed, accurate, and easy-to-read information for all price

ranges.”
—Glamour Magazine
01_598260 ffirs.qxd 10/11/05 11:31 AM Page ii

Published by:

WILEY PUBLISHING, INC.

111 River St.
Hoboken, NJ 07030-5774

Copyright © 2006 Wiley Publishing, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey. All rights
reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a
retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise, except as per-
mitted under Sections 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright
Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or
authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the
Copyright Clearance Center, 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923,
978/750-8400, fax 978/646-8600. Requests to the Publisher for permis-
sion should be addressed to the Legal Department, Wiley Publishing, Inc.,
10475 Crosspoint Blvd., Indianapolis, IN 46256, 317/572-3447, fax
317/572-4355, or online at http://www.wiley.com/go/permissions.

Wiley and the Wiley Publishing logo are trademarks or registered trade-
marks of John Wiley & Sons, Inc. and/or its affiliates. Frommer’s is a
trademark or registered trademark of Arthur Frommer. Used under license.
All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners. Wiley
Publishing, Inc. is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in
this book.

ISBN-13: 978-0-7645-9826-5
ISBN-10: 0-7645-9826-0

Editor: Stephen Bassman

Production Editor: Eric T. Schroeder
Photo Editor: Richard Fox
Cartographer: Tim Lohnes
Production by Wiley Indianapolis Composition Services

For information on our other products and services or to obtain technical

support, please contact our Customer Care Department within the U.S. at
800/762-2974, outside the U.S. at 317/572-3993 or fax 317/572-4002.

Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some con-
tent that appears in print may not be available in electronic formats.

Manufactured in the United States of America

5 4 3 2 1
02_598260 ftoc.qxd 10/11/05 11:32 AM Page iii

Contents
List of Maps v

1 Planning Your Trip to London 1

1 Visitor Information . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1
2 Money . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4
3 When to Go . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6
4 Specialized Travel Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10
5 Getting There . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12

2 Getting to Know London 16

1 Orientation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16
Thoughts on 7/7/05 and London’s Stiff Upper Lip . . . . . . . . .20
London’s Neighborhoods in Brief . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21
2 Getting Around . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32
Fast Facts: London . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36

3 Where to Stay 42
1 The West End . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .43
2 Westminster & Victoria . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54
3 Hotels from Knightsbridge to South Kensington . . . . . . . . . .57
4 Hotels from Marylebone to Holland Park . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .63

4 Where to Dine 72
1 In & Around the City . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .72
2 The West End . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .81
3 Westminster & Victoria . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .101
4 Knightsbridge to South Kensington . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .103
5 Marylebone to Notting Hill Gate . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .109
02_598260 ftoc.qxd 10/11/05 11:32 AM Page iv

5 Exploring London 114

1 The Top Attractions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .114
Trafalgar: London’s Most Famous Square . . . . . . . . . . . . .122
2 More Central London Attractions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .134
A Money-Saving Pass . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .140
3 Exploring London by Boat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .154
4 Organized Tours . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .154

6 Shopping 156
1 Central London Shopping . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .156
How to Get Your VAT Refund . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .157
2 The Department Stores . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .159
3 Goods A to Z . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .161
The Comeback of Carnaby Street . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .168
4 Street & Flea Markets . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .173

7 London After Dark 175

1 The Play’s the Thing: London’s Theater Scene . . . . . . . . . . .175
2 Classical Music, Dance & Opera . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .180
3 Live Rock, Jazz, Blues, Folk & More . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .183
4 Dance Clubs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .186
5 The Best of London’s Pubs: The World’s
Greatest Pub Crawl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .189
6 Bars & Cocktail Lounges . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .196
7 The Gay & Lesbian Scene . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .197

Index 200
General Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .200
Accommodations Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .204
Restaurant Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .205
03_598260 flast.qxd 10/11/05 11:33 AM Page v

List of Maps

Central London’s London’s Attractions 116

Neighborhoods 18 Central London
Where to Stay Theaters 177
in London 44 World’s Greatest
Where to Dine Pub Crawl 190
in London 74
03_598260 flast.qxd 10/11/05 11:33 AM Page vi

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

As a team of veteran travel writers, Darwin Porter and Danforth Prince
have produced numerous titles for Frommer’s, including best-selling guides
to Italy, France, the Caribbean, England, and Germany. Porter, a former
bureau chief of the Miami Herald, is also a Hollywood biographer; his most
recent releases are The Secret Life of Humphrey Bogart and Katharine the
Great, the latter a close-up of the private life of the late Katharine Hepburn.
Prince was formerly employed by the Paris bureau of the New York Times,
and is currently the president of Blood Moon Productions and other media-
related firms.

AN INVITATION TO THE READER

In researching this book, we discovered many wonderful places—hotels,
restaurants, shops, and more. We’re sure you’ll find others. Please tell us
about them, so we can share the information with your fellow travelers in
upcoming editions. If you were disappointed with a recommendation, we’d
love to know that, too. Please write to:
Frommer’s Portable London 2006
Wiley Publishing, Inc. • 111 River St. • Hoboken, NJ 07030-5774

AN ADDITIONAL NOTE
Please be advised that travel information is subject to change at any time—
and this is especially true of prices. We therefore suggest that you write or call
ahead for confirmation when making your travel plans. The authors, editors,
and publisher cannot be held responsible for the experiences of readers while
traveling. Your safety is important to us, however, so we encourage you to
stay alert and be aware of your surroundings. Keep a close eye on cameras,
purses, and wallets, all favorite targets of thieves and pickpockets.
03_598260 flast.qxd 10/11/05 11:33 AM Page vii

FROMMER’S STAR RATINGS, ICONS & ABBREVIATIONS

Every hotel, restaurant, and attraction listing in this guide has been ranked
for quality, value, service, amenities, and special features using a star-rating
system. In country, state, and regional guides, we also rate towns and regions
to help you narrow down your choices and budget your time accordingly.
Hotels and restaurants are rated on a scale of zero (recommended) to three
stars (exceptional). Attractions, shopping, nightlife, towns, and regions are
rated according to the following scale: zero stars (recommended), one star
(highly recommended), two stars (very highly recommended), and three stars
(must-see).
In addition to the star-rating system, we also use seven feature icons that
point you to the great deals, in-the-know advice, and unique experiences that
separate travelers from tourists. Throughout the book, look for:

Finds Special finds—those places only insiders know about

Fun Fact Fun facts—details that make travelers more informed and their
trips more fun

Kids Best bets for kids—advice for the whole family

Moments Special moments—those experiences that memories are

made of

Overrated Places or experiences not worth your time or money

Tips Insider tips—great ways to save time and money

Value Great values—where to get the best deals

The following abbreviations are used for credit cards:

AE American Express DISC Discover V Visa
DC Diners Club MC MasterCard

FROMMERS.COM
Now that you have the guidebook to a great trip, visit our website at
www.frommers.com for travel information on more than 3,000 destina-
tions. With features updated regularly, we give you instant access to the
most current trip-planning information available. At Frommers.com, you'll
also find the best prices on airfares, accommodations, and car rentals—and
you can even book travel online through our travel booking partners. At
Frommers.com, you’ll also find the following:
• Online updates to our most popular guidebooks
• Vacation sweepstakes and contest giveaways
• Newsletter highlighting the hottest travel trends
• Online travel message boards with featured travel discussions
03_598260 flast.qxd 10/11/05 11:33 AM Page viii
04_598260 ch01.qxd 10/11/05 11:34 AM Page 1

1
Planning Your Trip to London

T his chapter tackles the hows of your trip to London—those issues

required to get your trip together and get on the road, whether
you’re a frequent traveler or a first-timer.

1 Visitor Information
Visit Britain maintains a website at www.visitbritain.com. You can
also get information from Visit Britain offices. There’s one in the
United States at 551 Fifth Ave., 7th Floor, New York, NY 10176-
0799 (& 800/462-2748 or 212/986-2266; fax 212/986-1188). In
Australia, the office is at Level 16, Gateway, 1 Macquarie Place,
Sydney, NSW 2000 (& 02/9377-4400; fax 02/9377-4499). In
New Zealand, go to the Fay Richwhite Building, 17th Floor, 151
Queen St., Auckland 1 (& 09/303-1446; fax 09/377-6965). For a
full information packet on London, write to Visit London Tourist
Board, Glen House, Stag Place, Victoria, SW1E 5LT (& 020/7234-
5800). You can call the recorded-message service, Londonline
(& 090/6866-3344), 24 hours a day for information once you’re in
Britain (the number cannot be dialed outside Britain). Various top-
ics are listed; calls cost 60p ($1.15) per minute.
WHAT’S ON THE WEB? The most useful site was created by a
very knowledgeable source, Visit Britain itself, and U.S. visitors are
its target audience. A wealth of information is available at www.visit
britain.com, which lets you order brochures online, provides trip-
planning hints, and even grants prompt answers to e-mail questions.
This site covers all of Great Britain. Visit London, the official visi-
tor organization for the city, offers even more specific information
about the city on its website, www.visitlondon.com. The site has
recently been overhauled, giving users the opportunity to organize
their trip online by booking discounted rail tickets, accommoda-
tions, restaurants, and a London Pass that offers free or reduced
entry into more than 50 London attractions. The Visit London
website includes comprehensive information on what’s new in town,
as well as more specific sections including Kids Love London, Gay
04_598260 ch01.qxd 10/11/05 11:34 AM Page 2

2 C H A P T E R 1 . P L A N N I N G YO U R T R I P TO L O N D O N

London, and London by Night. Go to www.baa.com for a guide

and terminal maps for Heathrow, Gatwick, Stansted, and other
London-area airports, including flight arrival times, duty-free shops,
airport restaurants, and info on getting from the airports to down-
town London. Getting around London can be confusing, so you
might want to visit www.londontransport.co.uk for up-to-the-
minute info. For the latest details on London’s theater scene, consult
www.officiallondontheatre.co.uk or www.londontheatre.co.uk. At
www.multimap.com, you can access detailed street maps of the
whole United Kingdom—just key in the location or even just the
postal code, and a map of the area with the location circled will
appear. For directions to specific places in London, consult www.
streetmap.co.uk.
ENTRY REQUIREMENTS
Citizens of the United States, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and
South Africa require a passport to enter the United Kingdom, but
not a visa. Irish citizens and citizens of European Union countries
need only an identity card. The maximum stay for non–European
Union visitors is 6 months. Some Customs officials request proof
that you have the means to leave the country (usually a round-trip
ticket) and means of support while you’re in Britain (someone in the
U.K. will have to vouch that they are supporting you, or you may
be asked to show documents that indicate that you have an income).
If you’re planning to fly on from the United Kingdom to a country
that requires a visa, it’s wise to secure the visa before you leave home.
Your valid driver’s license and at least 1 year’s experience is
required to drive personal or rented cars. You must be 25 or over to
rent a car.
For information on how to get a passport, go to the “Fast Facts”
section of chapter 2 (p. 36)—the websites listed provide download-
able passport applications as well as the current fees for processing
passport applications. For an up-to-date country-by-country listing
of passport requirements around the world, go to the “Foreign
Entry Requirements” Web page of the U.S. State Department at
http://travel.state.gov.
CUSTOMS REGULATIONS
W H AT YO U C A N B R I N G I N T O L O N D O N
For Non-E.U. Nationals 18 Plus You can bring in, duty-free,
200 cigarettes, 100 cigarillos, 50 cigars, or 250 grams of smoking
tobacco. The amount allowed for each of these goods is doubled if
you live outside Europe.
04_598260 ch01.qxd 10/11/05 11:34 AM Page 3

V I S I TO R I N F O R M AT I O N 3

You can also bring in 2 liters of wine and either 1 liter of alcohol
over 22 proof or 2 liters of wine under 22 proof. In addition, you
can bring in 2 ounces of perfume, a quarter liter of eau de toilette,
500g of coffee, and 200g of tea. Visitors 15 and over may also bring
in other goods totaling £145 ($276); the allowance for those 14 and
under is £72.50 ($138). (Customs officials tend to be lenient about
general merchandise, realizing the limits are unrealistically low.)
You can’t bring your pet straight to England. Six months’ quar-
antine is required before it is allowed in. An illegally imported ani-
mal may be destroyed.
For E.U. Citizens Visitors from fellow European Union countries
can bring into Britain any amount of goods, as long as the goods are
intended for their personal use—not for resale.
The current policy for bringing pets into the U.K. from the E.U.
is under review. Right now, animals or pets of any kind are forbid-
den from entering without a long quarantine period.
W H AT YO U C A N B R I N G H O M E
Returning U.S. citizens who have been away for at least 48 hours
are allowed to bring back, once every 30 days, $800 worth of mer-
chandise duty-free. You’ll be charged a flat rate of duty on the next
$1,000 worth of purchases. Any dollar amount beyond that is
dutiable at whatever rates apply. On mailed gifts, the duty-free limit
is $200. Be sure to have your receipts or purchases handy to expe-
dite the declaration process. Note: If you owe duty, you are required
to pay on your arrival in the United States, by either cash, personal
check, government or traveler’s check, or money order, and in some
locations, a Visa or MasterCard.
To avoid having to pay duty on foreign-made personal items you
owned before you left on your trip, bring along a bill of sale, insur-
ance policy, jeweler’s appraisal, or receipts of purchase. Or you can
register items that can be readily identified by a permanently affixed
serial number or marking—think laptop computers, cameras, and
CD players—with Customs before you leave. Take the items to the
nearest Customs office or register them with Customs at the airport
from which you’re departing. You’ll receive, at no cost, a Certificate
of Registration, which allows duty-free entry for the life of the item.
With some exceptions, you cannot bring fresh fruits and vegeta-
bles into the United States. For specifics on what you can bring
back, download the invaluable free pamphlet Know Before You Go
online at www.cbp.gov. (Click on “Travel,” then click on “Know
Before You Go! Online Brochure.”) Or contact the U.S. Customs
04_598260 ch01.qxd 10/11/05 11:34 AM Page 4

4 C H A P T E R 1 . P L A N N I N G YO U R T R I P TO L O N D O N

& Border Protection (CBP), 1300 Pennsylvania Ave., NW, Wash-

ington, DC 20229 (& 877/287-8667), and request the pamphlet.
For a clear summary of Canadian rules, write for the booklet
I Declare, issued by the Canada Border Services Agency (& 800/
461-9999 in Canada, or 204/983-3500; www.cbsa-asfc.gc.ca).
Canada allows its citizens a C$750 exemption, and you’re allowed
to bring back duty-free one carton of cigarettes, one can of tobacco,
40 imperial ounces of liquor, and 50 cigars. In addition, you’re
allowed to mail gifts to Canada valued at less than C$60 a day, pro-
vided they’re unsolicited and don’t contain alcohol or tobacco (write
on the package “Unsolicited gift, under $60 value”). All valuables
should be declared on the Y-38 form before departure from Canada,
including serial numbers of valuables you already own, such as
expensive foreign cameras. Note: The C$750 exemption can be used
only once a year and only after an absence of 7 days.

2 Money
POUNDS & PENCE
Britain’s decimal monetary system is based on the pound (£), which
is made up of 100 pence (written as “p”). Pounds are also called
“quid” by Britons. There are £1 and £2 coins, as well as coins of
50p, 20p, 10p, 5p, 2p, and 1p. Banknotes come in denominations
of £5, £10, £20, and £50.
As a general guideline, the price conversions in this book have
been computed at the rate of £1 = $1.90 (U.S.). Bear in mind, how-
ever, that exchange rates fluctuate daily.
ATMs
ATMs are easily found throughout London. ATMs are also con-
nected to the major networks at airports such as Heathrow and
Gatwick. You’ll usually get a better exchange rate by withdrawing
money at an ATM (currency exchange booths take a huge commis-
sion or give an unfavorable rate, or both), but your bank may charge
a fee for using a foreign ATM. You may also need a different PIN to
use overseas ATMs. Call your bank to check and get a new PIN if
needed before you go.
The most popular ATM networks are Cirrus (& 800/424-7787;
www.mastercard.com) and PLUS (& 800/843-7587; www.visa.
com); check the back of your ATM card to see which network your
bank belongs to. You can use the 800-numbers in the U.S. (also on
04_598260 ch01.qxd 10/11/05 11:34 AM Page 5

MONEY 5

your card) to locate ATMs in your destination, or ask your bank for
a list of overseas ATMs. You can find the locations of ATMs on
www.visa.com and www.mastercard.com.
TRAVELER’S CHECKS
These days, traveler’s checks are less necessary because most English
cities and towns, especially London, have 24-hour ATMs, allowing
you to withdraw small amounts of cash as needed. But if you prefer
the security of the tried and true, you might want to stick with trav-
eler’s checks—provided that you don’t mind showing an ID every
time you want to cash a check.
Exchange rates are more favorable at your destination. Never-
theless, it’s often helpful to exchange at least some money before
going abroad (standing in line at the exchange bureau in the Lon-
don airport could make you miss the next bus leaving for down-
town after a long flight). You can get traveler’s checks at almost any
bank. American Express offers denominations of $20, $50, $100,
$500, and (for cardholders only) $1,000. You’ll pay a service charge
ranging from 1% to 4%. You can also get American Express trav-
eler’s checks over the phone by calling & 800/221-7282; Amex
gold and platinum cardholders who use this number are exempt
from the 1% fee.
Visa offers traveler’s checks at Citibank locations nationwide, as
well as at several other banks. The service charge ranges between
1.5% and 2%; checks come in denominations of $20, $50, $100,
$500, and $1,000. Call & 800/732-1322 for information. AAA
members can obtain Visa checks without a fee at most AAA offices
or by calling & 866/339-3378. MasterCard also offers traveler’s
checks. Call & 800/223-9920 for a location near you.
CREDIT CARDS
Credit cards are a safe way to carry money, and they provide a con-
venient record of all your expenses. You can also withdraw cash
advances from your credit cards at any bank (although you’ll pay
interest on the advance the moment you receive the cash, and you
won’t get frequent-flier miles on an airline credit card). At most
banks, you can get a cash advance at the ATM with your PIN. If
you don’t have a PIN, call your credit card company and ask for
one. It usually takes 5 to 7 business days, but some banks provide
the number over the phone if you pass a security clearance.
Another Random Scribd Document
with Unrelated Content
 [“God’s blessing on his heart that made this:” sayd one, “specially
for reuiuing our auncient liberties. And I pray God it may take such
place with the magistrates, that they may ratifie our olde freedome.”
“Amen,” sayd another: “for that shall bee a meane both to stay and
vpholde themselues from falling, and also to preserue many kinde,
true, zealous, and well meaning mindes from slaughter and infamy. If
king Richarde and his counsailours had allowed, or at the least but
winked at some such wits, what great commodities might they haue
taken thereby? First, they should haue knowen what the people
misliked and grudged at, (which no one of their flatterers either
woulde or durst haue tolde them) and so mought haue found meane,
eyther by amendment (which is best) or by some other pollicy to
haue stayed the people’s grudge: the forerunner commonly of ruler’s
destruction.[1750] Vox populi, vox Dei, in this case is not so famous a
prouerbe, as true: the experience of all times doe[1751] approue it.
They should also haue bene warned of their owne sinnes, which call
continually for God’s vengeaunce, which neuer faileth to fall on their
neckes sodainly and horribly, vnles it bee stayed with hearty
repentaunce. These weighty commodities mought they haue taken
by Collingbourn’s vaine rime. But, as all thinges worke to the best in
them that bee good, so best thinges heape vp mischiefe in the
wicked, and all to hasten their vtter destruction. For after this poore
wretche’s lamentable persecution (the common rewarde of best
endeuours) strait followed the fatall[1752] destruction both of this
tyrant, and of his tormentours. Which I wishe might bee so set forth,
that they might bee a warning for euer, to all in authority, to beware
howe they vsurpe or abuse theyr offices.” “I haue here,” quoth[1753] I,
“king Richard’s tragedy.” “Reade it, wee pray you:” quoth[1754] they.
“With a good will,” quoth[1755] I. “For the better vnderstanding
whereof, imagine that you see him tormented with Diues in the
deepe pit of hell, and thence howling this which followeth.”]
 [How Richarde Plantagenet Duke of
Glocester murdered his brother’s
children, vsurping the crowne, and in
the third yeare of his raigne was most
worthely depriued of life and
kingdome, in Bosworth plaine, by
Henry Earle of Richmond after called
King Henry the vij. the 22 of August
1485.[1756]
1.

What heart so hard, but doth abhorre to heare

The rufull raigne of me the third Richard?
King vnkindly calde, though I the crown did weare,
Who entred by rigour, but right did not regard,
By tyranny proceding in killing king Edward,
Fift of that name, right heyr vnto the crowne,
With Richard his brother, princes of renowne.

2.

Of trust they were committed vnto my gouernaunce,

But trust turned to treason, too truly it was tryed,
Both agaynst nature, duty, and alleigaunce,
For through my procurement most shamefully they dyed:
Desire of a kingdom forgetteth all kinred,
 As after by discourse it shalbe shewed here,
How cruely these innocents in prison murdered[1757]
were.

3.

The lords and commons all with one assent,

Protectour made me both of land and king,
But I therewith, alas, was not content:
For minding mischife I ment another thing,
Which to confusion in short time did mee bring:
For I, desirous to rule and raigne alone,
Sought crowne and kingdom, yet title had I none.

4.

To all peeres and princes a president I may bee,

The like to beware how they do enterprise,
And learne theyr wretched falles by my fact to foresee,
Which rufull stand bewayling my chaunce before theyr
eyes,
As one cleane bereft of all felicityes:
For right through might I cruelly defaced,
But might helped right and mee agayne displaced.

5.

Alas, that euer prince should thus his honour stayne

With the bloud of innocents, most shamefull to be tolde:
For these two noble impes I caused to be slaine,
Of yeares not full ripe as yet to rule and raigne:
For which I was abhorred both of yong and olde,
But as the deede was odious in sight of God and man,
So shame and destruction in the end I wan.

6.

Both God, nature, duty, alleigaunce all forgot,

This vile and haynous act vnnaturally conspyred:[1758]
Which horrible deede done, alas, alas, God wot,
Such terrours mee tormented, and my sprites[1759] fired
As vnto such a murder and shamefull deede required,
Such broyle dayly felt I breeding in my brest,
Whereby, more and more, increased mine vnrest.

7.

My brother’s children were right heyres vnto the crowne,

Whom nature rather bound to defend then destroy,
But I not regarding theyr right nor my renowne,
My whole care and study to this end did employe,
The crowne to obtayne, and them both to put downe:
Wherein I God offended, prouoking iust his ire,
For this my attempt and most wicked desire.

8.

To cursed[1760] Cayn compare my carefull case,

Which did vniustly slay his brother iust Abel:
And did not I in rage make run that rufull race
My brother duke of Clarence? whose deth I shame to tel,
For that it was so straunge as it was horrible:
For sure he drenched was, and yet no water neare,
Which straunge is to bee tolde, to all that shall it heare.

9.

The but hee was not whereat I did shoote,

But yet he stoode betweene the marke and mee,
For had he liu’d,[1761] for mee it was no boote
To tempt[1762] the thing that by no meanes could bee,
For I third was then of my brethren three:
But yet I thought the elder being gone,
Then needes must I beare the stroke alone.
 10.

Desire of rule made mee, alas, to rewe,

My fatall fall I could it not foresee,
Puft vp in pride, so hawty then I grewe,
That none my peere I thought now could bee,
Disdayning such as were of high degree:
Thus dayly rising, and pulling other downe,
At last I shot how to win the crowne.

11.

And dayly deuising which was the best way

And meane, how I might my nephues both deuour:
I secretly then sent, without furder delay,
To Brackinbury, then lieutenaunt of the tower,
Requesting him by letters to helpe vnto his power,
For to accomplish this my desire and will,
And that hee would secretly my brother’s children kill.

12.

He aunswered playnly with a flat nay,

Saying that to dye hee would not doe that deede:
But finding then a profer to my[1763] pray,
“Well worth a friend (quoth[1764] I) yet in time of neede:”
Iames Tyrrill hight his name, whom with all speede,
I sent agayne to Brackinbury, as you heard before,
Commaunding him deliuer the keyes of euery dore.

13.

The keyes hee rendred,[1765] but partaker would not be

Of that flagitious fact. O, happy man, I say:
As you haue heard before, he rather chose to dye,
Then on those sely lambes his violent hands to lay:
His conscience him pricked his prince to betraye,
 O constant minde, that wouldst not condiscend,
Thee may I prayse, and my selfe discommend.

14.

What though hee refused, yet bee sure you may,

That other were as ready to take in hand that[1766] thing,
Which watched and wayted as duely for their pray,
As euer did the cat for the mouse taking,
And how they might their purpose best to passe bring:
Where Tyrrill hee thought good to haue no bloud shed,
Becast them to kill by smothering in their bed.

15.

The wolues at hand were redy to deuoure

The seely lambes in bed, wheras they laye,
Abiding death, and looking for the howre,
For well they wist, they could not scape away:
Ah, woe is mee, that did them thus betray,
In assigning this vile deede to bee done,
By Miles Forrest and wicked Ihon Dighton.

16.

Who priuely into their chamber stale,

In secret wise somwhat before midnight,
And gan the bed together tug and hale,
Bewrapping them, alas, in wofull[1767] plight,
Keping them downe, by force, by power, and might,
With haling, tugging, turmoyling, turnde[1768] and tost,
Tyll they of force were forced yeeld the ghost.

17.

Which when I heard, my hart I felt was eased

Of grudge, of griefe, and inward deadly payne,
But with this deede the nobles were displeased,
And sayde: “O God, shall such a tyrant raygne,
That hath so cruelly his brother’s children slayne?”
Which bruit once blowen in the people’s ears,
Their doloure was such, that they brast out in tears.

18.

But what thing may suffise vnto the gredy[1769] man,

The more hee baths in bloud, the bloudier hee is alway:
By proofe I do this speake, which best declare it can,
Which onely was the cause of this prince’s decay:
The wolfe was neuer gredier then I was of my pray:
But who so vseth murder, full well affirme I dare,
With murder shall bee quit, ere hee thereof beware.

19.

And marke the sequel of this begone mischiefe:

Which shortly after was cause of my decay,
For high and low conceiued such a griefe
And hate agaynst mee, which sought, day by day,
All wayes and meanes that possible they may,
On mee to bee reuenged for this sinne,
For cruelly murdering vnnaturally my kyn.

20.

Not only kyn, but king, the truth to say,

Whom vnkindely of kingdome I bereft,
His lyfe from him, I also raught[1770] away,
With his brother’s, which to my charge was[1771] left:
Of ambition beholde the worke and weft,
Prouoking mee to do this haynous treason,
And murder them, agaynst all right and reason.

21.

After whose death thus wrought by violence,

The lords not lyking this vnnaturall deede,
Began on mee to haue greate diffidence,
Such brinning hate gan in their harts to breede,
Which made mee doubt, and sore my daunger dreede:
Which doubt and dreede proued not in vayne,
By that ensude, alas, vnto my payne.

22.

For I supposing all things were as I wished,

When I had brought these sely[1772] babes to bane,
But yet in that my purpose far I missed:
For as the moone doth chaunge after the wane,
So chaunged the hearts of such as I had tane
To bee most true, to troubles did mee tourne:
Such rage and rancoure in boyling brests doth[1773]
burne.

23.

And sodainly a bruit abroade was blowne,

That Buckingham the duke, both sterne and stout,
In field was ready, with diuers to mee knowne,
To giue mee battayle if I durst come out:
Which daunted mee and put mee in greate doubt,
For that I had no army then prepared:
But after that, I litle for it cared.

24.

But yet remembring, that oft a litle sparke

Suffred doth growe vnto a greate flame,
I thought it wisdome wisly for to warke,
Mustred then men in euery place I came:
And marched forward dayly with the same,
Directly towards the towne of Salisbury,
Where I gat knowledge of the duke’s army.
 25.

And as I passed ouer Salisburie downe,

The rumour ran the duke was fled and gone,
His hoast dispersed besides Shrewesbury towne,
And hee dismaied was left there post alone,
Bewailing his chaunce and making great mone:
Towards whome I hasted with all expedition,
Making due search and diligent inquisition.

26.

But at the fyrst I could not of him heare,

For hee was scaped by secrete bywayes,
Unto the house of Humfrey Banastaire,
Whome hee had much preferred in his dayes,
And was good lorde to him, in all assaies:
Which hee full ill[1774] requited in the end,
When hee was driuen to seeke a trusty frend.

27.

For so it happened to his mishap, alas,

When I no knowledge of the duke could heare:
A proclamation, by my commaundement, was
Published and cryed throughout euery shyre,
That whoso could tell where the duke were,
A thousand marke shoulde haue for his payne:
What thing so hard but mony can obtayne?

28.

But were it for mony, meede, or dreede,

That Banastaire thus betrayed his ghest,
Diuers haue diuersly deuined of this deede,
Some deeme the worst, and some iudge the best,
The doubt not dissolued, nor playnly exprest:
But of the duke’s death hee doubtless was cause,
 Which dyed without iudgement, or order of lawes.

29.

Loe, this noble duke I brought thus vnto bane,

Whose doings I doubted and had in greate dread,
At Banastaire’s house I made him to bee tane,
And without iudgement be shortned by the head,
By the shriue of Shropshyre to Salisburie led,
In the market place vpon the scaffolde newe,
Where all the beholders did much his death rewe.

30.

And after this done I brake vp my hoaste,

Greatly applauded with this heauy hap,[1775]
And forthwith I sent to euery sea cost,
To foresee all mischieues and stop euery gap,
Before they shoud chaunce or[1776] light in my lap,
Geuing them in charge to haue good regarde
The sea cost to keepe, with good watch and warde.

31.

Dyrecting my letters vnto euery shriue,

With strait commaundement vnder our name,
To suffer no man in their partes to aryue,
Nor to passe forth out of the same,
As they tendred our fauour, and voyde would our blame,
Doing therein theyr payne and industry,
With diligent care and vigilant eye.

32.

And thus setting things in order as you heare,

To preuent mischieues that might then betyde,
I thought my selfe sure, and out of all feare,
And for other things began to prouide:
To Nottingham castle straight did I ryde,
Where I was not very long space,
Straunge tydings came, which did mee sore amaze.

33.

Reported it was, and that for certainty,

The earle[1777] of Richmond landed was in Wales
At Milford hauen, with an huge army,
Dismissing his nauy which were many sayles:
Which, at the fyrst, I thought flying tales,
But in the end did otherwise proue,
Which not a little did mee vexe and moue.

34.

Thus fauning fortune gan on mee to frowne,

And cast on mee her scornfull lowring looke:
Then gan I feare the fall of my renowne,
My heart it faynted, my sinowes sore they shooke,
This heauy hap a scourge for sinne I tooke:
Yet did I not then vtterly dispayre,
Hoping storms past the weather shoulde bee fayre.

35.

And then with all speede possible I might,

I caused them muster throughout euery shyre,
Determining with the earle spedely to fyght,
Before that his power much encreased were,
By such as to him great fauour did beare:
Which were no small number, by true report made,
Dayly repayring him for to ayde.

36.

Dyrecting my letters to diuers noble men,

With earnest request their power to prepare
To Notingham castle, where, as I lay then,
To ayde and assist mee in this waighty affayre:
Where straite to my presence did then repayre,
Ihon duke of Northfolke, his eldest sonne also,
With th’earle of Northumberland and many other mo.

37.

And thus being furnisht with men and munition,

Forwarde wee marched in order of battayle ray,
Making by scouts euery way inquisition,
In what place the earle with his campe lay:
Towards whom dyrectly wee tooke then our way,
Euermore mynding to seeke our most auayle,
In place conuenient to gieue to him battayle.

38.

So long wee laboured, at last our armies met

On Bosworth playne, besides Lecester towne,
Where sure I thought the garland for to get,
And purchase peace, or els to lose my crowne:
But fickle fortune, alas, on mee did frowne,
For when I was enchamped in the fielde,
Where most I trusted I soonest was begylde.

39.

The brand of malice thus kindling in my brest

Of deadly hate which I to him did beare,
Pricked mee forward, and bad mee not desist,
But boldly fight, and take at all no feare,
To wyn the field, and the earle to conquere:
Thus hoping glory greate to gayne and get,
Myne army then in order did I set.

40.
Betyde mee lyfe or death I desperatly ran,
And ioyned mee in battayle with this earle so stoute,
But fortune so him fauoured that hee the battayle wan,
With force and great power I was beset about:
Which when I did beholde, in midst of the whole route,
With dint of sword I cast mee on him to be reuenged,
Where in the midst of them my wretched life I ended.

41.

My body was hurried and tugged like a dog,

On horsebacke all naked and bare as I was borne:
My heade, hands, and feete, downe hanging lyke a hog,
With dirte and bloud besprent, my corpes all to torne,
Cursing the day that euer I was borne:
With greuous woundes bemangled, moste horrible to
see,
So sore they did abhorre this my vile cruelty.

42.

Loe, heare you may behold the due and iust rewarde
Of tyranny and treason, which God doth most detest:
For if vnto my duety I had taken regarde,
I might haue liued still in honour with the best,
And had I not attempt the thing that I ought leste:
But desyre to rule, alas, did mee so blinde,
Which caused mee to doe agaynst nature and kynde.

43.

Ah, cursed caytife, why did I climbe so hye,

Which was the cause of this my balefull thrall:
For still I thirsted for the regall dignitye,
But hasty rising threatneth sodayne fall:
Content your selues with your estates all,
And seeke not right by wrong to suppresse,
For God hath promist ech wrong to redresse.
 44.

See here the fine and fatall fall of mee,

And guerdon due for this my wretched deede,
Which to all princes a miroir now may bee,
That shall this tragicall story after reede,
Wishing them all by mee to take heede,
And suffer right to rule as it is reason:
For tyme tryeth out both truth and also treason.

F. Seg.[1778]]
 [When I had read this, we had much talke about it. For it was
thought not vehement enough for so violent a man as king Richard
had bene. The matter was well enough liked of some, but the meetre
was misliked almost of all. And when diuers therefore would not
allowe it, “What,” quoth[1779] one, “you know not wherevpon you
sticke: els you would not so much mislike this because of the
vncertaine meeter. The cumlines called by the rhetoricians decorum,
is specially to bee obserued in all thinges. Seing than that king
Richard neuer kept measure in any of his doings, seeing also hee
speaketh in hell, whereas is no order: it were against that[1780]
decorum of his personage, to vse either good meetre or order. And
therefore if his oration were farre worse, in my opinion it were more
fit for him. Mars and the muses did neuer agree. Neither is to be
suffered, that their milde sacred arte should seeme to proceede from
so cruell and prophane a mouth as his: seeing they themselues doe
vtterly abhorre it. And although wee read of Nero, that hee was
excellent both in musicke and in versifying, yet doe not I remember
that euer I sawe any song or verse of his making: Minerua iustly
prouiding, that no monument should remayne of any such vniust
vsurpation. And therefore let this passe euen as it is, which the writer
I know both could and would amend in many places, saue for
keeping the decorum, which he purposely hath obserued herein.” “In
deede,” quoth[1781] I, “as you say: it is not meete that so disorderly
and vnnaturall a man as king Richard was, should obserue any
metricall order in his talke: which notwithstanding in many places of
his oration is very well kepte: it shall passe therefore euen as it is,
though too good for so euill[1782] a person.”[1783] Then they willed
mee to reade the blacke Smith. “With a good will,” quoth I: “but first
you must imagin that you see him standing on a ladder ouer shrined
with the Tyburne, a meete stage for all such rebelles and traytours:
and there stoutly saying as followeth.”]
The wilfvll fall of the blacke Smith,
and the foolishe ende of the Lorde
Awdeley, in Iune, Anno 1496.[1784]
1.

Who is more bolde then is the blinde beard?[1785]

Where is more craft than in the clouted shone?
Who catch more harme than such as nothing feard?[1786]
Where is more guile then where mistrust in[1787] none?
No plaisters helpe before the griefe be knowen,
So seemes by mee who could no wisdome lere,
Untill such time I bought my wit too deare.

2.

Who, being boystrous, stout, and braynlesse bolde,

Puft vp with pride, with fire and furyes fret,
Incenst with tales so rude and playnly tolde,
Wherein deceit with double knot was knit,
I trapped was as seely fishe in net,
Who swift in swimming, not doubtfull of[1788] deceit,
Is caught in gin wherein is layde no bayt.

3.

Such force and vertue hath this dolefull playnt,

Set forth with sighes and teares of crocodile,
Who seemes in sight as simple as a saynt,
Hath layde a bayte the wareles to begyle,
And as they wepe they worke deceit the while,
 Whose rufull cheare the rulers so relent,
To worke in haste that they at last repent.

4.

Take heede therefore ye rulers of the land,

Be blinde in sight, and stop your other eare:
In sentence slow, till skill the truth hath scand,
In all your doomes both loue and hate forbeare,
So shall your iudgement iust and right appeare:
It was a southfast sentence long agoe,
That hasty men shall neuer lacke much woe.

5.

Is it not truth? Baldwine, what sayest thou?

Say on thy minde: I pray thee muse no more:
Me thinke thou star’st and look’st[1789] I wot not howe,
As though thou neuer saw’st[1790] a man before:
Belike thou musest why I teach this lore,
Els what I am, that here so bouldly[1791] dare,
Among the prease of princes to compare.

6.

Though I bee bolde I pray the blame not mee,

Like as men sowe, such corne nedes must they reape,
And nature hath so planted in[1792] eche degree,
That crabs like crabs will kindly crall and crepe:
The suttle foxe vnlike the sely shepe:
It is according to my education,
Forward to prease in rout and congregation.

7.

Behold my coate burnt with the sparkes of fire,

My lether apron fylde with the[1793] horse shoe nayles,
Beholde my hammer and my pinsers here,
Beholde my lookes, a marke that seldom fayles,
My cheekes declare I was not fed with quayles,
My face, my cloathes, my tooles, with all my fashion,
Declare full well a prince of rude creation.

8.

A prince I sayde, a prince, I say agayne,

Though not by byrth, by crafty vsurpation:
Who doubts but some men princehood do obtayne,
By open force, and wrongfull domination?
Yet while they rule are had in reputation:
Euen so by mee, the while I wrought my feate
I was a prince, at least in my conceyte.

9.

I dare the bolder take on mee the name,

Because of him whom here I leade in hand,
Tychet lord Awdley, a lorde of byrth[1794] and fame,
Which with his strength and powre serude in my band,
I was a prince while that I was so mande:
His butterfly still vnderneath my shielde
Displayed was, from Welles to Blackeheath fielde.

10.

But now beholde hee doth bewayle the same:

Thus after wits theyr rashnes do depraue:
Beholde dismayde hee dare not speake for shame,
He lookes like one that late came from the graue,
Or one that came forth of Trophonius caue,
For that in wit hee had so litle pith,
As he a lord to serue a traytour smith.

11.
Such is the courage of the noble hart,
Which doth despise the vile and baser sort,
Hee may not touch that sauers of the cart,
Him listeth not with ech jacke lout to sport,
Hee lets him passe for payring of his porte:
The iolly egles catch not litle flees,
The courtly silkes match seelde with homely frees.

12.

But surely, Baldwine, if I were allowde

To say the troth, I could somewhat declare:
But clarkes will say: “This smith doth waxe to prowde,
Thus in precepts of wisedome to compare:”
But smiths must speake that clarkes for feare ne dare:
It is a thing that all men may lament,
When clarkes keepe close the truth lest they be shent.

13.

The hostler, barber, miller, and the smith,

Heare of the sawes of such as wisdom ken,
And learne some wit, although they want the pith
That clarkes pretend: and yet, both now and then,
The greatest clarkes proue not the wisest men:
It is not right that men forbid should bee
To speake the truth, all were hee bond or free.

14.

And for because I [haue] vsed to fret and fome,

Not passing greatly whom I should displease,
I dare be bolde a while to play the mome,
Out of my sacke some other’s faults to lease,
And let mine[1795] owne behinde my backe to peyse:
For hee that hath his owne before his eye,
Shall not so quicke another’s fault espye.
 15.

I say was neuer no such wofull case,

As is when honour doth it selfe abuse:
The noble man that vertue doth embrace,
Represseth pride, and humblenes doth vse,
By wisdome workes, and rashnes doth refuse:
His wanton will and lust that bridle can
In deede, is gentill, both to God and man.

16.

But where the nobles want both wit and grace,

Regarde no rede, care not but for theyr lust,
Oppresse the poore, set will in reason’s place,
And in theyr wordes and doomes bee found vniust,
Wealth goeth to wracke till all lye in the dust:
There fortune frownes, and spite begins[1796] to growe,
Till high, and lowe, and all be ouerthrowe.

17.

Then sith that vertue hath so good rewarde,

And after vice so duly wayteth shame,
How hapth that princes haue no more regarde,
Theyr tender youth with vertue to enflame?
For lacke whereof theyr wit and will is lame,
Infect with folly, prone to lust and pryde,
Not knowing how themselues or theyrs to guyde.

18.

Whereby it hapneth to the wanton wight,

As to a ship vpon the stormy seas,
Which lacking sterne to guide it selfe aright,
From shore to shore the winde and tyde to[1797] teese,
Fynding no place to rest or take his ease,
Till at the last it sinke vpon the sande:
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