Visit https://testbankpack.

com to download the full version and

explore more testbank or solution manual

Test Bank for Java Programming 7th Edition

Farrell 1285081951 9781285081953

_____ Click the link below to download _____

http://testbankpack.com/download/test-bank-for-java-
programming-7th-edition-
farrell-1285081951-9781285081953/

Explore and download more testbank at testbankpack.com

Here are some suggested products you might be interested in.
Click the link to download

Solution Manual for Java Programming 7th Edition Farrell

1285081951 9781285081953

https://testbankpack.com/download/solution-manual-for-java-
programming-7th-edition-farrell-1285081951-9781285081953/

Test Bank for Java Programming 8th Edition Farrell

1285856910 9781285856919

https://testbankpack.com/download/test-bank-for-java-programming-8th-
edition-farrell-1285856910-9781285856919/

Solution Manual for Java Programming 8th Edition Farrell

1285856910 9781285856919

https://testbankpack.com/download/solution-manual-for-java-
programming-8th-edition-farrell-1285856910-9781285856919/

Test Bank for Programming Logic and Design Comprehensive

7th Edition Joyce Farrell 1111969752 9781111969752

https://testbankpack.com/download/test-bank-for-programming-logic-and-
design-comprehensive-7th-edition-joyce-
farrell-1111969752-9781111969752/
Solution Manual for Programming Logic and Design
Comprehensive 7th Edition Joyce Farrell 1111969752
9781111969752
https://testbankpack.com/download/solution-manual-for-programming-
logic-and-design-comprehensive-7th-edition-joyce-
farrell-1111969752-9781111969752/

Test Bank for Introduction to Java Programming

Comprehensive Version 9th Edition Liang 9780132936521

https://testbankpack.com/download/test-bank-for-introduction-to-java-
programming-comprehensive-version-9th-edition-liang-9780132936521/

Test Bank for Introduction to Java Programming

Comprehensive Version 10th Edition Liang 0133761312
9780133761313
https://testbankpack.com/download/test-bank-for-introduction-to-java-
programming-comprehensive-version-10th-edition-
liang-0133761312-9780133761313/

Test Bank for Introduction to Java Programming Brief

Version 10th Edition Liang 0133592200 9780133592207

https://testbankpack.com/download/test-bank-for-introduction-to-java-
programming-brief-version-10th-edition-liang-0133592200-9780133592207/

Test bank for Object Oriented Approach to Programming

Logic and Design 4th Edition Joyce Farrell 1133188222
9781133188223
https://testbankpack.com/download/test-bank-for-object-oriented-
approach-to-programming-logic-and-design-4th-edition-joyce-
farrell-1133188222-9781133188223/
 Test Bank for Java Programming 7th Edition Farrell
1285081951 9781285081953

Test bank: https://testbankpack.com/p/test-

bank-for-java-programming-7th-edition-
farrell-1285081951-9781285081953/

Solution Manual:
https://testbankpack.com/p/solution-manual-for-
java-programming-7th-edition-farrell-
1285081951-9781285081953/

Chapter 2: Using Data

TRUE/FALSE

1. A variable can hold more than one value at a time.

ANS: F PTS: 1 REF: 52

2. The legal integer values are -231 through 231-1. These are the highest and lowest values that you can store
in four bytes of memory, which is the size of an int variable.

ANS: T PTS: 1 REF: 62

3. Multiplication, division, and remainder always take place after addition or subtraction in an expression.

ANS: F PTS: 1 REF: 93

4. The term parse means to break into component parts.

ANS: T PTS: 1 REF: 108

5. You can create a confirm dialog box with five arguments.

ANS: T PTS: 1 REF: 90

6. Once a variable has been declared and initialized, new values may not be assigned to the variable.

ANS: F PTS: 1 REF: 53

7. The expression boolean isTenLarger = (10 < 5) will produce a value of true.

ANS: F PTS: 1 REF: 68

8. Even if a statement occupies multiple lines, the statement is not complete until the semicolon is reached.

ANS: T PTS: 1 REF: 54

9. You are limited to declaring a maximum of three variables in a single statement.

ANS: F PTS: 1 REF: 54

10. Constants hold a single value for the duration of the program execution.

ANS: T PTS: 1 REF: 58

MULTIPLE CHOICE

1. A data item is when it cannot be changed while a program is running.

 a. variable c. primitive
b. constant d. literal

ANS: B PTS: 1 REF: 52

2. A is a named memory location that you can use to store a value.

a. cast c. reference
b. variable d. primitive

ANS: B PTS: 1 REF: 52

3. Primitive types serve as the building blocks for more complex data types, called types.
a. integer c. reference
b. literal d. data

ANS: C PTS: 1 REF: 52

4. refers to the order in which values are used with operators.

a. Associativity c. Declaration
b. Initialization d. Floating

ANS: A PTS: 1 REF: 53

5. In Java, you use variables of type to store integers, or whole numbers.

a. num c. var
b. double d. int

ANS: D PTS: 1 REF: 52

6. A(n) variable can hold only one of two values: true or false.
a. integer c. true
b. boolean d. comparison

ANS: B PTS: 1 REF: 67

7. The term refers to the mathematical accuracy of a value.

a. float data c. significant digits
b. real integers d. single-precision floating-point number
 ANS: C PTS: 1 REF: 69

8. A data type can hold 14 or 15 significant digits of accuracy.

a. double c. char
b. float d. boolean

ANS: A PTS: 1 REF: 69

9. You use the data type to hold any single character.

a. single c. byte
b. char d. float

ANS: B PTS: 1 REF: 70

10. In Java, is a built-in class that provides you with the means for storing and manipulating character
strings.
a. Escape c. String
b. Type d. Character

ANS: C PTS: 1 REF: 72

11. You can store any character, including nonprinting characters such as a backspace or a tab, in a(n)
variable.
a. int c. boolean
b. char d. set

ANS: B PTS: 1 REF: 73

12. The characters move the cursor to the next line when used within a println() statement.
a. /n c. .+
b. \n d. $

ANS: B PTS: 1 REF: 73-74

13. In Java, when a numeric variable is concatenated to a String using the , the entire expression
becomes a String.
a. plus sign c. concatenate statement
b. equal sign d. string statement
 ANS: A PTS: 1 REF: 56

14. You use operators to perform calculations with values in your programs.
a. calculation c. integer
b. arithmetic d. precedence

ANS: B PTS: 1 REF: 91

15. occurs when both of the operands are integers.

a. Data modeling c. Integer division
b. Type cast d. Unlike assignment

ANS: C PTS: 1 REF: 92

16. The percent sign is the operator.

a. remainder c. percentage
b. remaining d. integer division

ANS: A PTS: 1 REF: 92

17. What is the value of result after the following statement is executed? int result = 2 + 3 *
4;
a. 9 c. 14
b. 10 d. 20

ANS: C PTS: 1 REF: 93

18. The is the type to which all operands in an expression are converted so that they are compatible
with each other.
a. unifying type c. numbered
b. data type d. primitive

ANS: A PTS: 1 REF: 99

19. A(n) dialog box asks a question and provides a text field in which the user can enter a response.
a. question c. confirm
b. JOptPane d. input
 ANS: D PTS: 1 REF: 85

20. Each primitive type in Java has a corresponding class contained in the java.lang package. These
classes are called classes.
a. case c. type-wrapper
b. primitive d. show

ANS: C PTS: 1 REF: 87-88

21. A(n) dialog box displays the options Yes, No, and Cancel.
a. confirm c. message
b. input d. answer

ANS: A PTS: 1 REF: 89

22. Which of the following is NOT a component of a variable declaration statement?

a. data type identifier c. variable name
b. symbolic constant d. ending semicolon

ANS: B PTS: 1 REF: 53

23. You may declare an unlimited number of variables in a statement as long as the variables are .
a. the same data type c. properly commented
b. initialized to the same value d. floating point numbers

ANS: A PTS: 1 REF: 54

24. When a numeric variable is concatenated to a String, the entire expression becomes a(n) .
a. int c. method
b. constant d. String

ANS: D PTS: 1 REF: 56

25. Which escape sequence will move the cursor to the beginning of the current line?
a. \b c. \\
b. \r d. \n

ANS: B PTS: 1 REF: 73

COMPLETION

1. A(n) is a simple data type.

ANS: primitive type

PTS: 1 REF: 52

2. A(n) operator compares two items and the result has a Boolean value.

ANS:
relational
comparison

PTS: 1 REF: 68

3. A(n) number contains decimal positions.

ANS:
floating-point
float double

PTS: 1 REF: 69

4. forces a value of one data type to be used as a value of another type.

ANS:
Type casting type
casting Casting
casting

PTS: 1 REF: 100

5. When you write programs that accept , there is a risk that the user will enter the
wrong type of data.

ANS: user input

PTS: 1 REF: 81

MATCHING

Match each term with the correct statement below.

a. operand f. primitive
b. cast operator g. float
c. assignment h. boolean
d. operator precedence i. escape sequence
e. garbage
1. true or false

2. The operator that is represented by an equal sign (=)

3. A programming term for an unknown value

4. Java consistently specifies their size and format

5. A value that can be used on either side of an operator

6. Rules for the order in which parts of a mathematical expression are evaluated

7. A floating-point data type

8. Created by placing the desired result type in parentheses

9. Begins with a backslash followed by a character

1. ANS: H PTS: 1 REF: 52

2. ANS: C PTS: 1 REF: 53

3. ANS: E PTS: 1 REF: 54

4. ANS: F PTS: 1 REF: 62

5. ANS: A PTS: 1 REF: 91

6. ANS: D PTS: 1 REF: 93

7. ANS: G PTS: 1 REF: 69

8. ANS: B PTS: 1 REF: 100

9. ANS: I PTS: 1 REF: 73

SHORT ANSWER
1. A variable declaration is a statement that reserves a named memory location. It includes what four
elements?

ANS:
A data type that identifies the type of data that the variable will store
An identifier that is the variable’s name
An optional assignment operator and assigned value, if you want a variable to contain an initial value
An ending semicolon

PTS: 1 REF: 53

2. Describe the variation types byte, short, and long of the integer type.

ANS:
The types byte, short, and long are all variations of the integer type. The byte and short types
occupy less memory and can hold only smaller values; the long type occupies more memory and can
hold larger values.

PTS: 1 REF: 62

3. Describe how to assign values based on the result of comparisons to Boolean variables.

ANS:
Java supports six relational operators that are used to make comparisons. A relational operator
compares two items; an expression that contains a relational operator has a Boolean value. When you
use any of the operators that have two symbols (==, <=, >=, or !=), you cannot place any whitespace
between the two symbols. You also cannot reverse the order of the symbols. That is, =<, =>, and =! are
all invalid operators.

PTS: 1 REF: 68

4. What is the difference between the float data type and the double data type?

ANS:
Java supports two floating-point data types: float and double. A float data type can hold
floating-point values of up to six or seven significant digits of accuracy. A double data type requires
more memory than a float, and can hold 14 or 15 significant digits of accuracy. The term significant
digits refers to the mathematical accuracy of a value. For example, a float given the value
0.324616777 displays as 0.324617 because the value is accurate only to the sixth decimal position.

PTS: 1 REF: 69

5. What is an escape sequence and why would a Java programmer use it to store a character?

ANS:
You can store any character—including nonprinting characters such as a backspace or a tab—in a
char variable. To store these characters, you can use an escape sequence, which always begins with a
backslash followed by a character—the pair represents a single character.
 PTS: 1 REF: 73

6. Describe and give an example of operator precedence.

ANS:
Operator precedence refers to the rules for the order in which parts of a mathematical expression are
evaluated. The multiplication, division, and remainder operators have the same precedence. Their
precedence is higher than that for the addition and subtraction operators. Addition and subtraction have
the same precedence. In other words, multiplication, division, and remainder always take place from left
to right prior to addition or subtraction in an expression. For example, the following statement assigns
14 to result: int result = 2 + 3 * 4;.

PTS: 1 REF: 93

7. In Java, how is it possible to perform mathematical operations on operands with unlike types?

ANS:
When you perform arithmetic operations with operands of unlike types, Java chooses a unifying type
for the result. The unifying type is the type to which all operands in an expression are converted so that
they are compatible with each other. Java performs an implicit conversion; that is, it automatically
converts nonconforming operands to the unifying type.

PTS: 1 REF: 99

8. Explain how you can override a unifying type imposed by Java.

ANS:
You can explicitly (or purposely) override the unifying type imposed by Java by performing a type
cast. Type casting forces a value of one data type to be used as a value of another type. To perform a
type cast, you use a cast operator, which is created by placing the desired result type in parentheses.
Using a cast operator is an explicit conversion. The cast operator is followed by the variable or
constant to be cast.

PTS: 1 REF: 100

9. How can you create and use an input dialog box in Java?

ANS:
You can create an input dialog box using the showInputDialog() method. Six overloaded
versions of this method are available, but the simplest version uses a single argument that is the prompt
you want to display within the dialog box. The showInputDialog() method returns a String
that represents a user’s response; this means that you can assign the
showInputDialog() method to a String variable and the variable will hold the value that the
user enters.

PTS: 1 REF: 85-86

10. How would you ask the user to confirm an action using a dialog box?

ANS:
 A confirm dialog box displays the options Yes, No, and Cancel; you can create one using the
showConfirmDialog() method in the JOptionPane class. Four overloaded versions of the
method are available; the simplest requires a parent component (which can be null) and the
String prompt that is displayed in the box. The showConfirmDialog() method returns an
integer containing one of three possible values: JOptionPane.YES_OPTION,
JOptionPane.NO_OPTION, or JOptionPane.CANCEL_OPTION.

PTS: 1 REF: 89

11. Describe how the use of named constants can provide advantages over the use of literal values.

ANS:
Using named constants makes programs easier to read and understand.
When a constant is defined, you can change the constant at one location, which saves time and
prevents you from missing other references.
Using named constants reduces typographical errors that may not be recognized by the compiler.
Constants can be easily identified when named conventionally (all caps).

PTS: 1 REF: 55

12. Describe why it is important to assign an appropriate data type to variables in an application.

ANS:
If a value is too large for the data type assigned, the compiler will issue an error message and the
program will not execute.
If a data type is used that is larger than needed, memory is wasted.

PTS: 1 REF: 62-63

13. Describe how the Scanner class works with the System.in object in order to provide flexibility.

ANS:
The System.in object is designed to read bytes only. Since it is common to accept data of other
types, the Scanner object can connect to the System.in property. This creates a Scanner object
that will be connected to the default input device.

PTS: 1 REF: 76

14. 100 = salesAmount;

In terms of assignment operators, why is the above statement illegal?

ANS:
This assignment operator has a right-to-left associativity. Associativity is the order in which values are
used with operators. Since 100 is a numeric constant, it is an rvalue, which is an item that can appear
only on the right side of the assignment operator. An identifier that can appear on the left side of an
assignment operator is referred to as an lvalue (left-to-right associativity).

PTS: 1 REF: 53
15. Describe three ways in which a constant differs from a variable.

ANS:
Constants are preceded by the keyword final in a declaration statement.
Constants can be assigned a value once only and the value cannot be changed.
Constants conventionally have identifiers in all uppercase letters, distinguishing them from other
forms.

PTS: 1 REF: 54

CASE

1. Write the statement to declare an uninitialized integer value for salesAmt.

ANS:
int salesAmt;

The statement must end with a semicolon.

PTS: 1 REF: 54

2. Write the statement that will declare and assign two integer variables, salesAmt and costAmt, in a
single statement. Assign values of your choice to the variables.

ANS:
int salesAmt = 100, costAmt = 15;

A semicolon must end the statement. Variable declarations are separated with a comma.

PTS: 1 REF: 54

3. import javax.swing.JOptionPane; public class salesJune

{
public static void main(String[] args)
{
int storeSales = 250;

} }

In the above code, complete the statement that will display a message dialog box that will appear
centered on the screen and will display the following text: Congratulations! June sales were
$250!

ANS:
JOptionPane.showMessageDialog(null, "Congratulations! June sales
were
$" + storeSales + "!";
 PTS: 1 REF: 57-58

4. final int COSTPERITEM = 10; double

sales2012 = amtSold * COSTPERITEM;

In the above statements, identify the named constant and describe how a programmer can recognize
named constants.

ANS:
The named constant identifier is COSTPERITEM.
Constant declaration statements use the final keyword.
Constants are conventionally given identifiers in all uppercase letters.

PTS: 1 REF: 54-55

5. Write the statement that will declare a char data type named
testScore that will hold a letter grade of your choice.

ANS:
char testScore = ‘A’;

Letter assigned may vary.

PTS: 1 REF: 71

6. public class YourGrade {

public static void main(String[] args)
{
int projectPoints = 89;
System.out.print("Your grade for this class is ");
System.out.print(projectPoints);
System.out.println("%");
}
}

Given the above code, what will be the output at the command prompt?

ANS:
Output will be as follows:

Your grade for this class is 89%

A blank line will follow the output.

PTS: 1 REF: 56-57

7. Describe the error message that will be produced when the following code is compiled.
 public class SalesOct
{
public static void main(String[] args)
{
int salesAmt;
System.out.print("October sales are $");
System.out.println(salesAmt);
}
}

ANS:
The second println statement will generate an error message because the variable used in the
statement is undeclared. It is legal to declare an uninitialized variable, but it cannot be used in a
println() statement uninitialized. If you assign a numeric value to int salesAmt, the program
will compile.

PTS: 1 REF: 61-62

8. public class EndValue

{
public static void main(String[] args)
{
int aByte = 940;
System.out.print("The ending value is "+ aByte);
}
}

When the above code is compiled, what error message will be generated and why?

ANS:
The above code will result in the error message “possible loss of precision”. The assigned value of 940
to the aByte variable is larger than the maximum value allowed. A byte type can hold a value
between -128 and 127. Thus, the accuracy of the number has been compromised.

PTS: 1 REF: 62-65

9. Why is the following relational operator expression invalid? How could you rewrite the statement so that
it is valid?

boolean isGradePassing = (grade => 70);

ANS:
In this statement, the order of the operator symbols is reversed. It is illegal to use =<, =>, and =!.

The statement could be modified as follows:

boolean isGradePassing = (grade >= 70);

PTS: 1 REF: 68
10. char aCharacter = 2; int aNumber = '2';

In the above statements, what values will be output after a println() statement is executed? Why
are the output results different for the two statements?

ANS:
aCharacter will output a blank. aNumber
will output a value of 50.

Unicode values are used to assign a unique numeric code. Every computer stores each character it uses
as a number and each character is assigned a unique Unicode numeric value.

PTS: 1 REF: 71

11. How could you alter the following statement to display “Welcome” on one line and “back” on another
line?

System.out.println("Welcome back");

ANS:
There are two possible options:

System.out.println("Welcome\nback");

and

System.out.println("Welcome"); System.out.println("back");

PTS: 1 REF: 73-74

Discovering Diverse Content Through
Random Scribd Documents
 Born Too Late
A popular English nonconformist minister was residing with a family
in Glasgow, while on a visit to that city, whither he had gone on a
deputation from the Wesleyan Missionary Society. After dinner, in
reply to an invitation to partake of some fine fruit, he mentioned to
the family a curious circumstance concerning himself, viz.: that he
had never in his life tasted an apple, pear, or grape, or indeed any
kind of green fruit. This fact seemed to evoke considerable surprise
from the company, but a cautious Scotchman, of a practical matter-
of-fact turn of mind, and who had listened with much unconcern,
drily remarked: "It's a peety but ye had been in Paradise, an' there
might na hae been ony faa'."

A Preacher with his Back Towards Heaven

During one of the religious revivals in Scotland, a small farmer went
about preaching with much fluency and zeal, the doctrine of a "full
assurance" of faith, and expressed his belief of it for himself in such
extravagant terms as few men would venture upon who were
humble and cautious against presumption. The preacher, being
personally rather remarkable as a man of greedy and selfish views in
life, excited some suspicion in the breast of an old sagacious
countryman, a neighbor of Dr. Macleod, who asked what he thought
of John as a preacher, and of his doctrine?
Scratching his head, as if in some doubt, he replied, "I never ken't a
man sae sure o' heaven and so sweert (slow) to be gaing taet." [5]

Nearer the Bottom than the Top

A little boy who attended a day school near his home, was always
asked in the evening how he stood in his own class. The invariable
answer was, "I'm second dux," which means, in Scottish academical
language, second from the top of the class. As his habits of
application at home did not quite bear out the claims to so
distinguished a literary position at school, one of the family ventured
to ask what was the number in the class to which he was attached.
After some hesitation, he was obliged to admit, "Ou, there's jist me
and anither lass."

A Crushing Argument against MS. Sermons

A clergyman thought his people were making rather an
unconscionable objection to his using an MS. in delivering a sermon.
They urged, "What gars ye tak' up your bit papers to the pu'pit?"
He replied that it was best, for really he could not remember his
sermons, and must have his paper.
"Weel, weel, minister, then dinna expect that we can remember
them."

Mortal Humor
Humor sometimes comes out on the very scaffold. An old man was
once hanged for complicity in a murder. The rope broke, and he fell
heavily to the ground. His first utterance when his breath returned to
him was, "Ah, sheriff, sheriff, gie us fair hangin'."
His friends demanded that he should be delivered up to them, as a
second hanging was not contemplated in the sentence. But the old
man, looking round on the curious crowd of gazers, and lifting up his
voice, said, "Na, na, boys, I'll no gang hame to my neighbors to hear
people pointing me oot as the half-hangit man; I'll be hangit oot."
And he got his wish five minutes after.

A Fruitful Field
The following anecdote was communicated to me by a gentleman
who happened to be a party to the conversation detailed below. This
gentleman was passing along the road not one hundred miles from
Peterhead one day. Two different farms skirt the separate sides of
the turnpike, one of which is rented by a farmer who cultivates his
land according to the most advanced system of agriculture, and the
other of which is farmed by a gentleman of the old school.
Our informant met the latter worthy at the side of the turnpike,
opposite his neighbor's farm, and seeing a fine crop of wheat upon
what appeared to be (and really was) very poor and thin land,
asked, "When was that wheat sown?"
"O, I dinna ken," replied the gentleman of the old school, with a sort
of half indifference, half contempt.
"But isn't it strange that such a fine crop should be reared on such
bad land?" asked our informant.
"O, na—nae at a'—devil thank it; a gravesteen wad gie guid bree gin
ye geed it plenty o' butter." [7]

The "Minister's Man"

The "minister's man" was a functionary now less often to be met
with. He was the minister's own servant and factotum. Amongst this
class there was generally much Scottish humor and original
character. They were (like the betheral, or beadle) great critics of
sermons, and often severe upon strangers, sometimes with a sly hit
at their own ministers. One of these, David, a well-known character,
complimenting a young minister who had preached, told him, "Your
introduction, sir, is aye grand; it's worth a' the rest o' the sermon,—
could ye no' mak' it a' introduction?"
David's criticisms of his master's sermons were sometimes sharp
enough and shrewd. On one occasion, the minister was driving
home from a neighboring church where he had been preaching, and
where he had, as he thought, acquitted himself pretty well, inquired
of David what he thought of it. The subject of discourse had been
the escape of the Israelites from Egypt. So David opened his
criticism:
"Thocht o't, sir? Deed I thocht nocht o't ava. It was a vara imperfect
discourse, in ma opinion; ye did well eneucht till ye took them
through, but where did ye leave them? Just daunerin' o' the sea-
shore without a place to gang till. Had it no' been for Pharaoh they
had been better on the other side, where they were comfortably
encampit than daunerin' where ye left them. It's painful to hear a
sermon stoppit afore it is richt ended, just as it is to hear ane
streeket out lang after it's dune. That's my opinion o' the sermon ye
geid us to-day."
"Very freely given, David, very freely given; drive on a little faster,
for I think ye're daunerin' noo, yersell." [7]

A New and Original Scene in "Othello"

At a Scottish provincial theatre, a prompter named Walls, who, being
exceedingly useful, frequently appeared on the stage, happened one
evening to play the Duke, in "Othello." Previous to going on, he had
given directions to a girl-of-all-work, who looked after the wardrobe,
to bring a gill of best whiskey. Not wishing to go out, as the evening
was wet, the girl deputed her little brother to execute the
commission. The senate was assembled, and the speaker was—
Brabantio: "For my particular grief is of so floodgate and o'erbearing
nature, that it engluts and swallows other sorrows, and is still itself."
Duke: "Why, what's the matter?"
Here the little boy walked on to the stage with a pewter gill stoup,
and thus delivered himself:
"It's just the whusky, Mr. Walls, and I couldna get ony at fourpence,
so yer awn the landlord a penny, an' he says it's time you were
payin' whet's doon i' the book."
The roars of laughter which followed from both audience and actors
for some time prevented the further progress of the play.
 The Shape of the Earth
A country schoolmaster of the old time was coaching his pupils for
the yearly examination by the clergymen of the district. He had
before him the junior geography class.
"Can any little boy or girl tell me what is the shape of the earth?"
To this there was no answer.
"Oh, dear me, this is sad! What wull the minister sink o' this? Well,
I'll gie you a token to mind it. What is the shape o' this snuff-box in
ma han'?"
"Square, sir," replied all.
"Yes; but on the Sabbath, when a shange ma claes, I shange ma
snuff-box, and I wears a round one. Will you mind that for a token?"
Examination day came, and the junior geography class was called.
"Fine intelligent class this, Mr. Mackenzie," said one of the
clergymen.
"Oh, yes, sir, they're na boor-like."
"Can any of the little boys or girls tell me what is the shape of the
earth?"
Every hand was extended, every head thrown back, every eye
flashed with eager excitement in the good old style of schools. One
was singled out with a "You, my little fellow, tell us."
"Roond on Sundays, and square all the rest o' the week."

Rivalry in Prayer
Yarmouth, Nova Scotia, has a wide-awake Presbyterian elder of
Scotch character, who, although a persistent advocate of the
Westminster Confession, occasionally for convenience sake—and
from an innate love of religious intercourse—attends the meetings of
his Methodist brethren.
At a recent prayer-meeting that was held preparatory to a centennial
service in commemoration of the progress of Methodism in Nova
Scotia, the presiding minister dwelt eloquently upon the wonderful
growth and prosperity of the Methodist Church, and upon the life of
its great founder, John Wesley. He also expressed thankfulness that
on that day there were one hundred and nine Methodist ministers in
Nova Scotia. The meeting thus very decidedly assumed a
denominational character, but the minister asked the good
Presbyterian brother to lead in prayer at the close. The elder
complied, and after thanking God for the many good things he had
just heard "about this branch of Zion," he added, with much depth
and feeling, "O Lord, we thank Thee for John Knox; we thank Thee
for the one hundred and nine Methodist ministers in our country, but
we especially thank Thee for the one hundred and thirteen
Presbyterian ministers who are preaching the Word of Life
throughout our land. Amen."

A Compensation Balance
The answers of servants often curiously illustrate the habits and
manners of the household. A bright maid-of-all-work, alluding to the
activity and parsimony of her mistress, said, "She's vicious upo' the
wark, but, eh, she's vary mysterious o' the victualing."

The "Sawbeth" at a Country Inn

The Rev. Moncure D. Conway, while traveling in the neighborhood of
the Hebrides, heard several anecdotes illustrative of the fearful
reverence with which Scotchmen in that region observe the Sabbath.
Says he: "A minister of the kirk recently declared in public that at a
country inn he wished the window raised, so that he might get some
fresh air, but the landlady would not allow it, saying, 'Ye can hae no
fresh air here on the Sawbeth.'" [11]

Scotchmen Everywhere
Was ever a place that hadn't its Scotchman? In a late English
publication we find an account of a gentleman traveling in Turkey,
who, arriving at a military station, took occasion to admire the
martial appearance of two men. He says: "The Russian was a fine,
soldier-like figure, nearly six feet high, with a heavy cuirassier
moustache, and a latent figure betraying itself (as the 'physical
force,' novelists say) in every line of his long muscular limbs. Our
pasha was a short thick-set man, rather too round and puffy in the
face to be very dignified; but the eager, restless glance of his quick
gray eye showed that he had no want of energy. My friend, the
interpreter, looked admiringly at the pair as they approached each
other, and was just exclaiming, 'There, thank God, are a real Russian
and a real Turk, and admirable specimens of their race, too!' when
suddenly General Sarasoff and Ibraham Pasha, after staring at each
other for a moment, burst forth simultaneously, 'Eh, Donald
Cawmell, are ye there?' 'Lord keep us, Sandy Robertson, can this be
you?'"

A Bookseller's Knowledge of Books

A Glasgow bailie was one of a deputation sent from that city to Louis
Philippe, when that monarch was on the French throne. The king
received the deputation very graciously, and honored them with an
invitation to dinner. During the evening the party retired to the royal
library, where the king, having ascertained that the bailie followed
the calling of bookseller, showed him the works of several English
authors, and said to him: "You see, I am well supplied with standard
works in English. There is a fine edition of Burke."
The magistrate, familiar only with Burke the murderer, exclaimed:
"Ah, the villain! I was there when he was hanged!"

"Fou'—Aince"
George Webster once met a shepherd boy in Glenshee, and asked,
"My man, were you ever fou'?"
"Ay, aince"—speaking slowly, as if remembering—"Ay, aince."
"What on?"
"Cauld mutton!" [12]

Sunday Drinking
Dr. M——, accompanied by a friend, took a long walk on Sunday,
and being fatigued, the two stopped at an inn to get some
refreshment. The landlord stopped them at the door with the
question whether they were bona fide travelers, as such alone could
enter his house on Sunday. They said they were from London, and
were admitted. They were sent bread and cheese and stout. The
stout was bad, and they sent for ale; but that being worse, they sent
for whiskey. The landlord refused this, saying they had enough for
their bodily necessities.
After a great deal of urging for the whiskey, which the landlord
withstood, M—— said, "Very well; if you won't sell us whiskey, we
must use our own," at the same time pulling a flask out of his
pocket.
This was more than the Scotchman could stand. The sin was to be
committed, and there would be no compensation to its heinousness
in the way of profit to his inn. "Ah, weel," he said, "if ye maun have
the whiskey, ye maun, an' I'll send ye the mateyrials."

Drawing an Inference
A certain functionary of a country parish is usually called the
minister's man, and to one of these who had gone through a long
course of such parish official life, a gentleman one day remarked
—"John, ye hae been sae lang about the minister's hand that I dare
say ye could preach a sermon yersell now."
To which John modestly replied, "O na, sir, I couldna preach a
sermon, but maybe I could draw an inference."
"Well, John," said the gentleman, humoring the quiet vanity of the
beadle, "what inference could ye draw frae this text, 'A wild ass
snuffeth up the wind at her pleasure!" (Jer. ii: 24).
"Weel, sir, I wad draw this inference:—she wad snuff a lang time
afore she would fatten upon't." [7]

Going to Ramoth Gilead

A sailor, who had served the king so long at sea that he almost
forgot the usages of civilized society on shore, went one day into the
church at his native town of Kirkcaldy, in Fife, where it happened
that the minister chose for his text the well-known passage, "Who
will go up with us to Ramoth Gilead?"
This emphatic appeal being read the second time, and in a still more
impressive tone of voice, the thoughtless tar crammed a quid of
tobacco into his cheek, rose up, put on his hat; then, looking around
him, and seeing nobody moving, he exclaimed, "You cowardly
lubbers! will none of you go with the old gentleman? I go for one."
So out he went, giving three cheers at the door, to the amazement
of all present.

Why Saul Threw a Javelin at David

A High-Churchman and a Scotch Presbyterian had been at the same
church. The former asked the latter if he did not like the "introits."
"I don't know what an introit is," was the reply.
"But did you not enjoy the anthem?" said the churchman.
"No, I did not enjoy it at all."
"I am very sorry," said the churchman, "because it was used in the
early church; in fact, it was originally sung by David."
"Ah!" said the Scotchman, "then that explains the Scripture. I can
understand why, if David sung it at that time, Saul threw his javelin
at him."

A Sexton's Criticism
The following criticism by a Scotch sexton is not bad:
A clergyman in the country had a stranger preaching for him one
day, and meeting his sexton, asked, "Well, Saunders, how did you
like the sermon to-day?"
"It was rather ower plain and simple for me. I like thae sermons best
that jumbles the joodgment and confoonds the sense. Od, sir, I
never saw ane that could come up to yoursel' at that."

Strange Reason for Not Increasing a Minister's Stipend

A relative of mine going to church with a Forfarshire farmer, one of
the old school, asked him the amount of the minister's stipend.
He said, "Od, it's a gude ane—the maist part of £300 a year."
"Well," said my relative, "many of these Scotch ministers are but
poorly off."
"They've eneuch, sir; they have eneuch; if they'd mair, it would want
a' their time to the spending o't." [7]

Pulpit Eloquence
An old clerical friend upon Speyside, a confirmed old bachelor, on
going up to the pulpit one Sunday to preach, found, after giving out
the psalm, that he had forgotten his sermon. I do not know what his
objections were to his leaving the pulpit and going to the manse for
his sermon, but he preferred sending his old confidential
housekeeper for it. He accordingly stood up in the pulpit, stopped
the singing, when it had commenced, and thus accosted his faithful
domestic: "Annie, I say, Annie, we've committed a mistake the day.
Ye maun jist gang your waa's hame, and ye'll get my sermon out o'
my breek pouch, an' we'll sing to the praise o' the Lord till ye come
back again." [7]

Maunderings, by a Scotchman
The following is said by Chambers' Journal to have been written by a
Scotchman. If so, the humorous way in which he is taking off a
certain tendency of the Scotch mind, is delicious; if by an
Englishman, the humor will be less keen, though not less fair.
I am far frae being clear that Nature hersel', though a kindly auld
carline, has been a'thegither just to Scotland seeing that she has sae
contrived that some o' our greatest men, that ought by richt to hae
been Scotchmen, were born in England and other countries, and sae
have been kenned as Englishers, or else something not quite sae
guid.
There's glorious old Ben Jonson, the dramatic poet and scholar, that
everybody tak's for a regular Londoner, merely because he happened
to be born there. Ben's father, it's weel ken't, was a Johnston o'
Annandale in Dumfriesshire, a bauld guid family there to this day. He
is alloo't to hae been a gentleman, even by the English biographers
o' his son; and, dootless, sae he was, sin' he was an Annandale
Johnston. He had gane up to London, about the time o' Queen Mary,
and was amang them that suffered under that sour uphalder o'
popery. Ben, puir chiel', had the misfortune first to see the light
somewhere aboot Charing Cross, instead o' the bonnie leas o'
Ecclefechan, where his poetic soul wad hae been on far better
feedin' grund, I reckon. But nae doot, he cam' to sit contented under
the dispensations of Providence. Howsomever, he ought to be now
ranked amang Scotchmen, that's a'.
There was a still greater man in that same century, that's generally
set down as a Lincolnshire-man, but ought to be looked on as next
thing till a Scotchman, if no' a Scotchman out and out; and that's Sir
Isaac Newton. They speak o' his forebears as come frae Newton in
Lancashire; but the honest man himsel's the best authority aboot his
ancestry, I should think; and didna he say to his friend Gregory ae
day: "Gregory, ye warna aware that I'm o' the same country wi'
yoursel'—I'm a Scotchman." It wad appear that Sir Isaac had an idea
in his head, that he had come somehow o' the Scotch baronet o' the
name o' Newton; and nothing can be better attested than that there
was a Scotchman o' that name wha became a baronet by favor o'
King James the Sixt (What for aye ca' him James the First?) having
served that wise-headed king as preceptor to his eldest son, Prince
Henry. Sae, ye see, there having been a Scotch Newton who was a
baronet, and Sir Isaac thinking he cam' o' sic a man, the thing looks
unco' like as if it were a fact. It's the mair likely, too, frae Sir Adam
Newton having been a grand scholar and a man o' great natural
ingenuity o' mind; for, as we a' ken right weel, bright abilities gang in
families. There's a chiel' o' my acquentance that disna think the
dates answer sae weel as they ought to do; but he ance lived a
twalmonth in England, and I'm feared he's grown a wee thing
prejudiced. Sae we'll say nae mair aboot him.
Then, there was Willie Cowper, the author o' the Task, John Gilpin,
and mony other poems. If ye were to gie implicit credence to his
English biographers, ye wad believe that he cam' o' an auld Sussex
family. But Cowper himsel' aye insisted that he had come o' a Fife
gentleman o' lang syne, that had been fain to flit southwards, having
mair guid blude in his veins than siller in his purse belike, as has
been the case wi' mony a guid fellow before noo. It's certain that the
town o' Cupar, whilk may hae gi'en the family its name, is the head
town o' that county to this day. There was ane Willie Cowper, Bishop
o' Galloway in the time o' King Jamie—a real good exerceesed
Christian, although a bishop—and the poet jaloosed that this worthy
man had been ane o' his relations. I dinna pretend to ken how the
matter really stood; but it doesna look very likely that Cowper could
hae taken up the notion o' a Scotch ancestry, if there hadna been
some tradition to that effeck. I'm particularly vext that our country
was cheated out o' haeing Cowper for ane o' her sons, for I trow he
was weel worthy o' that honor; and if Providence had willed that he
should hae been born and brought up in Scotland, I haena the least
doot that he wad hae been a minister, and ane too, that wad hae
pleased the folk just extrornar.
There was a German philosopher in the last century, that made a
great noise wi' a book of his that explored and explained a' the in-
thoughts and out-thoughts o' the human mind. His name was
Immanuel Kant; and the Kantian philosophy is weel kent as
something originating wi' him. Weel, this Kant ought to hae been a
Scotchman; or rather he was a Scotchman; but only, owing to some
grandfather or great-grandfather having come to live in Königsberg,
in Prussia, ye'll no' hinder Immanuel frae being born there—whilk of
coorse was a pity for a' parties except Prussia, that gets credit by
the circumstance. The father of the philosopher was an honest
saddler o' the name o' Cant, his ancestor having been ane o' the
Cants o' Aberdeenshire, and maybe a relation of Andrew Cant, for
onything I ken. It was the philosopher that changed the C for the K,
to avoid the foreign look of the word, our letter C not belonging to
the German alphabet. I'm rale sorry that Kant did not spring up in
Scotland, where his metaphysical studies wad hae been on friendly
grund. But I'm quite sure, an' he had visited Scotland and come to
Aberdeenshire, he wad hae fund a guid number o' his relations, that
wad hae been very glad to see him, and never thought the less o'
him for being merely a philosopher.
Weel, we've got down a guid way noo, and the next man I find that
ought by richts to hae been a Scotchman is that deil's bucky o' a
poet, Lord Byron. I'm no' saying that Lord Byron was a'thegither a
respectable character, ye see; but there can be nae manner o' doot
that he wrote grand poetry, and got a great name by it. Noo, Lord
Byron was born in London—I'm no' denyin' what Tammy Muir says
on that score—but his mother was a Scotch leddy, and she and her
husband settled in Scotland after their marriage, and of coorse their
son wad hae been born there in due time, had it no' been that the
husband's debts obliged them to gang, first to France and after that
to London, where the leddy cam' to hae her down-lying, as has
already been said. This, it plainly appears to me, was a great
injustice to Scotland.
My greatest grudge o' a' is regarding that bright genius for historical
composition, Thomas Babbington Macaulay, M.P. for Edinburgh.
About the year 1790, the minister o' the parish o' Cardross in
Dumbartonshire, was a Mr. M'Aulay, a north-country man, it's said,
and a man o' uncommon abilities. It was in his parish that that other
bright genius, Tobias Smollett, was born, and if a' bowls had rowed
richt, sae should T. B. M. But it was otherwise ordeened. A son o'
this minister, having become preceptor to a Mr. Barbinton, a young
man o' fortune in England, it sae cam' aboot that this youth and his
preceptor's sister, wha was an extrornan' bonny lass, drew up
thegither, and were married. That led to ane o' the minister's sons
going to England—namely, Mr. Zachary, the father o' oor member;
and thus it was that we were cheated out o' the honor o' having T.
B. as an out-and-out Scotsman, whilk it's no' natural to England to
bring forth sic geniuses, weary fa' it, that I should say sae. I'm sure I
wiss that the bonny lass had been far eneuch, afore she brought
about this strange cantrip o' fortune, or that she had contented
hersel' wi' an honest Greenock gentleman that wanted her, and wha,
I've been tould, de'ed no' aboon three year syne.
Naebody that kens me will ever suppose that I'm vain either aboot
mysel' or my country. I wot weel, when we consider what frail
miserable creatures we are, we hae little need for being proud o'
onything. Yet, somehow, I aye like to hear the name o' puir auld
Scotland brought aboon board, so that it is na for things even-down
disrespectable. Some years ago, we used to hear a great deal about
a light-headed jillet they ca' Lola Montes, that had become quite an
important political character at the coort o' the king o' Bavaria. Noo,
although I believe it's a fact that Lola's father was a Scotch officer o'
the army, I set nae store by her ava—I turn the back o' my hand on
a' sic cutties as her. Only, it is a fact that she comes o' huz—o' that
there can be nae doot, be it creditable or no'.
Well, ye see, there's another distinguished leddy o' modern times,
that's no' to be spoken o' in the same breath wi' that Lady
Lighthead. This is the new Empress o' France. A fine-looking queen
she is, I'm tauld. Weel, it's quite positive aboot her that her mother
was a Kirkpatrick, come of the house o' Closeburn, in the same
county that Ben Jonson's father cam' frae. The Kirkpatricks have had
land in Dumfriesshire since the days o' Bruce, whose friend ane o'
them was, at the time when he killed Red Cummin; but Closeburn
has long passed away frae them, and now belangs to Mr. Baird, the
great iron master o' the west o' Scotland. Howsomever, the folks
thereaboots hae a queer story aboot a servant-lass that was in the
house in the days o' the empress' great-grandfather like. She
married a man o' the name o' Paterson and gaed to America, and
her son came to be a great merchant, and his daughter became
Prince Jerome Bonaparte's wife; and sae it happens that a lady come
frae the parlor o' Closeburn sits on the throne o' France, while a
prince come frae the kitchen o' the same place is its heir
presumptive! I'm no' sure that the hale o' this story is quite the
thing; but I tell it as it was tauld to me.
I'm no' ane that tak's up my head muckle wi' public singers,
playgoers, composers o' music, and folk o' that kind; but yet we a'
ken that some o' them atteen to a great deal o' distinction, and are
muckle ta'en out by the nobility and gentry. Weel, I'm tauld (for I
ken naething about him mysel') that there was ane Donizetti, a great
composer o' operas, no' very lang syne. Now, Donizetti, as we've
been tauld i' the public papers, was the son o' a Scotchman. His
father was a Highlandman, called Donald Izett, wha left his native
Perthshire as a soldier—maist likely the Duke o' Atholl pressed him
into the service as ane o' his volunteers—and Donald having quitted
the army somewhere abroad, set up in business wi' Don Izett over
his door, whilk the senseless folk thereabouts soon transformed into
Donizetti, and thus it came about that his son, wha turned out a
braw musician, bore this name frae first to last, and dootless left it
to his posterity. I ken weel that Izett is a Perthshire name, and there
was ane o' the clan some years sin' in business in the North Brig o'
Edinburgh, and a rale guid honest man he was, I can tell ye, and a
very sensible man, too. Ye'll see his head-stane ony day i' the
Grayfriars. And this is guid evidence to me that Donizetti was,
properly speaking, a Scotchman. It's a sair pity for himsel' that he
wasna born, as he should hae been, on the braes o' Atholl, for then
he wad nae doot hae learned the richt music, that is played there
sae finely on the fiddle—namely, reels and strath-speys; and I dinna
ken but, wi' proper instruction, he might hae rivalled Neil Gow
himsel'.
Ye've a' heard o' Jenny Lind, the Swedish nightingale, as the fulishly
ca' her, as if there ever were ony nightingales in Sweden. She's a
vera fine creature, this Jenny Lind, no greedy o' siller, as sae mony
are, but aye willing to exerceese her gift for the guid o' the sick and
the puir. She's, in fack, just sick a young woman as we micht expeck
Scotland to produce, if it ever produced public singers. Weel, Jenny,
I'm tauld, is another of the great band o' distinguished persons that
ought to hae been born in Scotland, for it's said her
greatgrandfather (I'm no' preceese as to the generation) was a
Scotchman that gaed lang syne to spouse his fortune abroad, and
chanced to settle in Sweden, where he had sons and daughters born
to him. There's a gey wheen Linds about Mid-Calder, honest farmer-
folk, to this day; sae I'm thinkin' there's no' muckle room for doot as
to the fack.
Noo, having shewn sic a lang list o' mischances as to the nativity o'
Scotch folk o' eminence, I think ye'll alloo that we puir bodies in the
north hae some occasion for complaint. As we are a' in Providence's
hand, we canna, of coorse, prevent some o' our best countrymen
frae coming into the world in wrang places—sic as Sir Isaac Newton
in Lincolnshire, whilk I think an uncommon pity; but what's to hinder
sic persons frae being reputed and held as Scotchmen
notwithstanding? I'm sure I ken o' nae objection, except it may be
that our friends i' the south, feeling what a sma' proportion o' Great
Britons are Englishmen, may entertain some jealousy on the
subjeck. If that be the case, the sooner that the Association for
Redress o' Scottish Grievances takes up the question the better. [21]

A Leader's Description of His Followers

Old John Cameron was leader of a small quadrille band in
Edinburgh, the performances of which were certainly not the very
finest.
Being disappointed on one occasion of an engagement at a
particular ball, he described his more fortunate but equally able
brethren in the following terms: "There's a Geordie Menstrie, he
plays rough, like a man sharpening knives wi' yellow sand. Then
there's Jamie Corri, his playin's like the chappin' o' mince-collops—sic
short bows he tak's. And then there's Donald Munro, his bass is like
wind i' the lum, or a toom cart gaun down Blackfriars' Wynd!"

It Takes Two To Fight

A physician at Queensferry was once threatened with a challenge.
His method of receiving it was at once cool and incontrovertible.
"Ye may challenge me if ye like," said he; "but whether or no,
there'll be nae fecht, unless I gang out."

"What's the Lawin', Lass?"

The following dialogue occurred in a little country inn, not so long
ago as the internal evidence might lead one to suppose. The
interlocutors are an English tourist and a smart young woman, who
acted as waitress, chambermaid, boots, and everybody else, being
the man and the maid of the inn at the same time:
Tourist: Come here, if you please.
Jenny: I was just coming ben to you, sir.
Tourist: Well, now, mistress.
Jenny: I'm no' the mistress; I'm only the lass, an' I'm no' married.
Tourist: Very well, then, miss.
Jenny: I'm no' a miss; I'm only a man's dochter.
Tourist: A man's daughter?
Jenny: Hoot, ay, sir; didna ye see a farm as ye came up yestreen,
just three parks aff?
Tourist: It is very possible; I do not remember.
Jenny: Weel, onyway, it's my faither's.
Tourist: Indeed!
Jenny: Ay, it's a fact.
Tourist: Well, that fact being settled, let us proceed to business. Will
you let me see your bill?
Jenny: Our Bill. Ou, ay, Wully we ca' him, but I ken wha you mean—
he's no in e'en now.
Tourist: Wully! what I want is my account—a paper stating what I
have had, and how much I have to pay.
Jenny: Did ony woman ever hear the like o' that—ye mean the
lawin', man! But we keep nae accounts here; na, na, we hae ower
muckle to dae.
Tourist: And how do you know what to charge?
Jenny: On, we just put the things down on the sclate, and tell the
customers the tottle by word o' mouth.
Tourist: Just so. Well, will you give me the lawin', as I am going?
Jenny: Oh, sir, ye're jokin' noo! It's you maun gie me the lawin'—the
lawin's the siller.
Tourist: Oh, indeed, I beg your pardon; how much is it?
Jenny: That's just what I was coming ben to tell you, sir. If ye had
ask'd me first, or waited till I tell't ye, I wadna hae keepit ye a
minute. We're no blate at askin' the lawin', although some folk are
unco' slow at payin' o't. It's just four-and-six.
Tourist: That is very moderate; there is five shillings.
Jenny: Thank you, sir; I hope we hae a sixpence in the house, for I
wadna' like to gie bawbees to a gentleman.
Tourist: No, no; the sixpence is for yourself.
Jenny: Oh, sir, it's ower muckle.
Tourist: What, do you object to take it?
Jenny: Na, na, sir; I wouldna' put that affront upon ye. But I'll gie ye
a bit o' advice for't. When ye're gaun awa' frae an inn in a hurry,
dinna be fashin' yersel' wi' mistresses, and misses, and bills; but just
say, "What's the lawin', lass?"

Meanness versus Crustiness

A rather mean and parsimonious old lady called one day upon David
Dreghorn, a well-known Glasgow fishmonger, saying, "Weel, Maister
Dreghorn, how are ye selling your half salmon the noo?"
David being in a rather cross humor, replied, "When we catch ony
half salmon, mem, we'll let ye ken!"

Speeding the Parting Guest

It is related of a noble Scottish lady of the olden time, who lived in a
remote part of the Highlands, and was noted for her profuse
liberality, that she was some times overburdened with habitual
"sorners." When any one of them outstayed his welcome, she would
take occasion to say to him at the morning meal, with an arch look
at the rest of the company, "Mak' a guid breakfast, Mr. ——, while
ye're about it; ye dinna ken whaur ye'll get your dinner." The hint
was usually taken, and the "sorner" departed.

"Things Which Accompany Salvation"

"What d'ye think o' this great revival that's gaun on the noo, Jamie?"
asked a grocer of a brother tradesman.
"Weel," answered Jamie, "I canna say muckle about it, but I ken this
—I hae gotten in a gude wheen bawbees that I had given up lang
syne as bad debts."

Lights and Livers

Lord Cockburn, when at the bar, was pleading in a steamboat
collision case. The case turned on the fact of one of the steamers
carrying no lights, which was the cause of the accident. Cockburn
insisting on this, wound up his eloquent argument with this remark:
"In fact, gentlemen, had there been more lights, there would have
been more livers."

Both Short
"Ye're unco' short the day, Saunders, surely," said an undersized
student to a Glasgow bookseller, one morning, when the latter was
in an irritable mood.
"Od, man," was the retort, "ye may haud your tongue; ye're no' sae
lang yersel'."

His Own, With "Interest"

"Coming from h—l, Lauchlan?" quoth a shepherd, proceeding on
Sacrament Sunday to the Free Church, and meeting a friend coming
from the Church of the Establishment.
"Better nor going to it, Rory," retorted Lauchlan, as he passed on.

"The Spigot's Oot"

Lord Airlie remarked to one of his tenants that it was a very wet
season.
"Indeed, my lord," replied the man, "I think the spigot's oot
a'thegither."
 Looking After Himself
A canny man, who had accepted the office of elder because some
wag had made him believe that the remuneration was a sixpence
each Sunday and a boll of meal on New Year's Day, officially carried
round the ladle each Sunday after service. When the year expired he
claimed the meal, but was told that he had been hoaxed.
"It may be sae wi' the meal," he replied, coolly, "but I took care o'
the saxpence mysel'."

An Epitaph to Order
The Rev. Dr. M'Culloch, minister of Bothwell at the end of last
century, was a man of sterling independence and great self-decision.
To a friend—Rev. Mr. Brisbane—he one day said, "You must write my
epitaph if you survive me."
"I will do that," said Mr. Brisbane; "and you shall have it at once,
doctor."
Next morning he received the following:
 "Here lies, interred beneath this sod,
That sycophantish man of God,
Who taught an easy way to heaven,
Which to the rich was always given;
If he get in, he'll look and stare
To find some out that he put there."

A Variety Entertainment
There used to be a waggish ostler at one of the chief inns at
Hertford, who delighted to make merry at the expense of any guests
who gave themselves airs. The manner of the ostler was extremely
deferential, and only those who knew him well were aware of the
humor which almost always lurked beneath his civil replies to the
questions put to him. One day a commercial traveler, a complete
prig, who wanted to play the fine gentleman, entered the inn, and
having despatched his dinner, rang the bell of the commercial room
for "boots," who presently made his appearance, when the following
colloquy took place:
Commercial: "Dull town, this. Any amusements, Boots?"
Boots: "Yes, sir, please, sir; Musical Conversazione over the way at
the Shire Hall, sir. Half-a-crown admission, sir. Very nice, sir."
Commercial: "Ah, nice music, I dare say; I don't care for such things.
Is there nothing else, Boots?"
Boots: "Yes, sir, please, sir; Popular Entertainment at Corn Exchange,
admission one penny; gentlemen pay sixpence to front seats, sir, if
they please, sir."
Commercial: "Intensely vulgar! Are there no other amusements in
this confoundedly dull town?"
Boots: "Yes, sir, please sir; railway station at each end of the town—
walk down and see the trains come in."
Welcome to our website – the ideal destination for book lovers and
knowledge seekers. With a mission to inspire endlessly, we offer a
vast collection of books, ranging from classic literary works to
specialized publications, self-development books, and children's
literature. Each book is a new journey of discovery, expanding
knowledge and enriching the soul of the reade

Our website is not just a platform for buying books, but a bridge
connecting readers to the timeless values of culture and wisdom. With
an elegant, user-friendly interface and an intelligent search system,
we are committed to providing a quick and convenient shopping
experience. Additionally, our special promotions and home delivery
services ensure that you save time and fully enjoy the joy of reading.

Let us accompany you on the journey of exploring knowledge and

personal growth!

testbankpack.com