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Aidan Bell
Christine Malvasi
May 6th 2024

Interconnected Disconnect

Imagine yourself seated in the grand lobby of a renowned casting agency, the air thick

with anticipation and nerves palpable among the assembled actors. Seven individuals, mirroring

your appearance with uncanny precision, occupy the same space, their attire echoing yours in

eerie synchronization. Each face bears the telltale signs of apprehension, eyes darting nervously,

hands fidgeting with scripts. A pervasive silence hangs over the room, broken only by the

occasional rustle of paper or a stifled cough. As you meet the gaze of your counterparts, a sense

of surrealism washes over you, akin to staring into a distorted mirror at a carnival. Surrounded by

uniformity, the daunting question lingers: How does one summon the courage to step into

vulnerability, the strength to step into sensitivity, and deliver a unique performance that resonates

with authenticity?

From an artistic standpoint, navigating such a scenario would involve delving deep into

script analysis to understand the characters’ circumstances, actions, relationships, and objectives.

Following a similar process, the objective of this essay centers around the interrogation of

prescribed gender roles concerning masculinity and their profound implications on individual

well-being. By examining personal anecdotes, theoretical frameworks, and real-world examples,

we illuminate the complexities of these three interconnected ideas, revealing a paradox of how

adherence to these scripts not only undermines individual autonomy but can also serve to

perpetuate cycles of emotional repression and social alienation — a phenomenon I’ve termed

“disconnected masculinity.” The urgency of this inquiry cannot be overstated: With a recent
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study from the Survey Center on American Life showing that fifteen percent of men today say

they have no close friendships, a fivefold increase since 1990.

In his TEDx Talk titled “Why I’m Done Trying to Be ‘Man Enough’,” Justin Baldoni

approaches the controversy surrounding traditional masculinity from deeply personal and

introspective circumstances. Utilizing his experiences as both an actor and a man, he dissects

societal expectations and their impact on individual identity. Beginning with a visual slideshow,

he presents what he dubs “some of the greatest male role models ever represented on television.”

Sarcastically, he highlights the stark contrast between the roles he has portrayed on screen and

his authentic self. These examples include characters such as male escort #1, photographer date

rapist, shirtless medical student, steroid-using con man, and, finally, his role as Rafael Solano on

The CW’s satirical romantic dramedy Jane the Virgin. Baldoni acknowledges the opportunity

these roles provided to explore diverse characters but also notes the dichotomy between

Hollywood, machismo-driven, external perceptions and his own gentler internal reality. As time

went on, the fine-line between reality and fiction started to blur, leading him to the following

realization: “I’d been pretending to be a man that I’m not my entire life” (Baldoni, 1:41-1:45).

As a fellow male actor, I resonated deeply with his narrative, particularly recalling a line

from my Senior Capstone paper addressing the essence of living well: “Progressively, I began to

feel like I was putting on more of an act in my day-to-day life than I was on stage.” Reflecting on

this statement, I detailed in my essay how, from childhood onward, my commitment to the arts

attracted hurtful and ignorant assumptions about my character and sexuality from many different

directions. Constantly bombarded with phrases like “boys don’t cry,” “be a man,” and, most

personally, “tough as nails,” I felt pressured to mimic my peers to fit in. I studied their seven

salient scripts — “Strong-and-Silent,” “Tough-Guy,” “Give-’em-Hell,” “Playboy,”

“Homophobic,” “Winner,” and “Independent” — and played these roles to the best of my ability.

These traditional masculinity scripts, as outlined by Boston College professor James R. Mahalik,

“... act as barriers to help seeking” (Mahalik, 123). There was a sense of being constrained both

physically and emotionally, guided by rigidity, stoicism, and a false sense of control. Along this

journey, I embarked on a path of self-discovery, isolating myself in search of answers but

ultimately straying further from my true self. Losing sight of identity, I made an old discovery —

that of being an actor. All too often now, I wish I could have told myself that I had nothing to

prove and everything to share; that the innocence, vulnerability, and sensitivity I possessed at

such a young age were nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, by more modern definition, it is one’s

ability to become vulnerable and express emotions freely that is a true sign of confidence. By

noticing this coincidental parallel, a connection is established that not only emphasizes how

common the issue is, but also provides evidence that societal norms and expectations often force

individuals into roles they were never meant to fulfill — both literally and metaphorically,

consciously and subconsciously.

Brené Brown, a sociologist and author of the New York Times #1 bestseller Rising

Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution., insightfully wrote, “Of all the things

trauma takes away from us, the worst is our willingness, or even our ability, to be vulnerable.

There’s a reclaiming that has to happen” (Brown, 241). Above compassion, honesty, and

mindfulness, vulnerability requires the willingness to be seen. Matt Damon experiences this

demand two-fold in the 1997 film Good Will Hunting, where he is seen not just as himself but

also as Will Hunting, the twenty-year-old working-class prodigy and embodiment of

disconnected masculinity. Initially perceived as an unassuming janitor at MIT, he quickly catches

the eye of Nobel Prize-winning professor Gerry Lambeau (Stellan Skarsgård) due to suspicions
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about his mathematical abilities. Upon learning that Will was enrolled at MIT through a parole

program and had recently been arrested for assaulting a police officer, he presents Will with a

strategic ultimatum: to evade jail time, he must agree to study mathematics under Lambeau’s

guidance and attend psychotherapy sessions. Following numerous unsuccessful endeavors with

different therapists, Will eventually acknowledges the unorthodox expertise of Dr. Sean McGuire

(Robin Williams), a psychology instructor and childhood acquaintance of Lambeau. Sean,

hailing from the same decrepit neighborhood and social milieu as Will, confronts the young

man’s arrogant attempts to dismiss him and gradually persuades him to cooperate through

authentic, transparent, and self-revealing conversation. Unlike his predecessors, Sean’s

innovative “talk-therapy” approach functions as a script analysis, working to expose underlying

trauma and deconstruct layers of defense mechanisms designed to avoid conflict.

Plagued by an abusive and orphaned childhood, Will Hunting faces Mahalik’s

“Independent Script,” a manifestation of his fear of isolation resulting from past abandonment

and his yearning for freedom, involving responsibility and shaping his own fate. Will’s

hyper-independence and compulsive self-reliance alert Sean to a dismissive-avoidant attachment

style, providing psychological rationale for his discomfort when “needing assistance from others,

including [his] partners, health care professionals, or when seriously injured or ill” (Mahalik,

126). Recognizing that pursuing his academic potential would necessitate relocating and

sacrificing his few close relationships, the question arises: Which path offers greater freedom —

dependence or independence? The film’s pivotal scene occurs when McGuire repeatedly assures

Will that the abuse he endured as a child was not his fault, attempting to penetrate Will’s

emotional defenses and enabling him to tackle his past traumas. Recounting his father’s beatings,

Will describes how he consistently chose the wrench over a stick or belt. When asked why, he
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responds, “Cus fuck him, that’s why.” Analyzing the similarities with a case study excerpt

delving into the “Winner Script,” his blunt and dismissive comment becomes linked with a

perspective on relationships as “power struggles that have clear winners and losers” (Mahalik,

126). Furthermore, when asked to elaborate on his recent breakup, Will’s refusal showcases the

“Strong-and-Silent” script, which “helps boys and men to live up to masculine role expectations

through being stoic and in control of one’s feelings” (Mahalik, 124). Will’s habitual tendency to

maintain emotional distance as a protective measure renders the prospect of opening up to Sean

seem risky; in his view, Sean’s potential betrayal looms as a menacing possibility, echoing the

experiences from his abusive foster father, girlfriend, and others. The aggression with which Will

metaphorically and, at one point, physically pushes Sean away during this scene underscores his

profound fear of vulnerability and the ensuing emotional breakdown. Through tearful apologies,

he seeks to convey remorse for his defensive actions, expressing regret for his lack of trust and

erroneous assumption that Sean would follow suit as others had done. Relinquishing the idea that

his past trauma is his own fault, he gains the courage, strength, and vulnerability to transform,

resurrect, and reclaim himself.

In contrast to this victimized mentality stands the social constructionist theory, which

suggests that individuals create themselves and others through interactions, rather than

discovering pre-existing identities. William H. Courtenay’s article titled “Constructions of

masculinity and their influence on men’s well-being: a theory of gender and health,” consciously

substitutes the word “scripts” for “constructions,” emphasizing the dynamic process of masculine

socialization and the perpetuation of stereotypes that negatively impact men’s health. He

observes that “men and boys are not passive victims of a socially prescribed role, nor are they

simply conditioned or socialized by their cultures. Men and boys are active agents in
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constructing and reconstructing dominant norms of masculinity” (Courtenay 1387-1388). Across

generations, sports have consistently played a vital role in the socialization of young men. In his

Tedx Talk titled “Be A Man,” former football player Joe Ehrmann examines the impact of those

very words on society’s perception of masculinity and its destructive consequences through the

lens of sports. He asserts, “If we could change these words we could change the world”

(Ehrmann, 0:28-0:33). Keeping his assertion hypothetical, his aim shifts towards altering the

meaning of the words, which presents no less of a challenge. Unlike most clichés that lose their

meaning through frequent use, the phrase “Be a man” is constantly being redefined and

constructed to be flexibly enacted. By whom, you might ask? Well, by all of us. Whether you’re

a supporter or critic of existing gender roles, you’re part of the same team. For Ehrmann, a team

is nothing more than relationships and commitment to a cause, and for him, this embodies what it

means to “be a man.”

Evolutionarily speaking, what distinguished our ancient predecessors from larger,

stronger, and faster creatures was their capacity to form cohesive groups and collaborate.

Exclusion from the community increased the likelihood of experiencing depression and anxiety.

In many ways, this same vulnerability (or lack thereof) persists in modern times. As

British-Swiss writer and journalist Johann Hari expresses, “We are the first humans ever… to try

to disband our tribes.” (Hari, 5:46-5:53) What he suggests is that the impact of the internet and

social media on loneliness leads to a rise in digital connectivity, while real-life connections

conversely and adversely decrease. Critiquing social media’s malevolent ingenuity, Hari reveals

how contemporary society functions as a “machine” crafted to fulfill human psychological needs

like belonging, purpose, recognition, and a sense of future by imposing “junk values” — ideas of

materialism and consumerism — that have evolved over time to market the need rather than the
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solution. Ultimately, this leaves individuals grappling with a perpetual sense of inadequacy as

they strive for an unattainable perfection that always appears just out of reach.

For the twentieth-century British painter L.S. Lowry (Laurence Stephen Lowry), the

embodiment of this ideal was found in the “Manchester Man,” a Victorian stereotype entrenched

within the historical context of industrialization. The trading man, often perceived as

“self-reliant, [with] dogged energy,” and imbued with “manliness,” found visual representation

in Lowry’s 1936 portrait aptly titled The Manchester Man. Adorned with a tie, a bowler hat, and

a well-groomed mustache, the subject’s immediate form and forthright positioning suggest a man

in control. However, the man’s face presents a contrast, with features displaying both weariness

and resilience. Within this portrayal, wrinkles, creases, and lines may symbolize the physical

signs of effort in trying to adhere to the masculine ideal. This interpretation seems plausible in

light of the following quote: “My mood … is over the people in all my scenes. I could not, I did

not want to, paint them as they appear” (Collis, 51).

As I embark on my journey as an actor, I am committed to embracing the diverse roles

that come my way with passion and dedication. However, amidst the multitude of characters I

may portray, there is one role I refuse to embody: that of suppressing my own hurt, pain, and

sorrow. While I am prepared to delve into the depths of human emotion on stage, when it comes

to vocalizing my own struggles, I choose authenticity over performance. I recognize the

importance of open dialogue and genuine expression in navigating life’s challenges, and I refuse

to sacrifice my emotional well-being for the sake of conformity to societal norms. In a world that

often values stoicism over vulnerability, I pledge to prioritize my mental and emotional health

above all else, both on and off the stage.

Works Cited

Baldoni, Justin. “Why I’m Done Trying to Be ‘Man Enough’: Justin Baldoni.” YouTube, 3 Jan.

2018, youtu.be/Cetg4gu0oQQ?si=SvEWoUL6AoJXmm56.

Brown, Brene. Rising Strong - the Reckoning. the Rumble. the Revolution. St Martin’s Press,

2015.

Collis, Maurice. The Discovery of L.S. Lowry: A Critical and Biographical Essay. Alex Reid &

Lefevre, 1951.

Courtenay, Will H. “Constructions of masculinity and their influence on men’s well-being: A

theory of gender and health.” Social Science & Medicine, vol. 50, no. 10, May 2000,

pp. 1385–1401, https://doi.org/10.1016/s0277-9536(99)00390-1.

D’Avella, Matt. “The Loneliness Epidemic.” YouTube, 23 Apr. 2019,

youtu.be/m3aIQuMWJCA?si=aX3n50vMLASqBYcn.

Ehrmann, Joe. “Be A Man: Joe Ehrmann at Tedxbaltimore 2013.” YouTube, 20 Feb. 2013,

youtu.be/jVI1Xutc_Ws?si=9gQ89mNZEqCfzKhu.

“Good Will Hunting: ‘It’s Not Your Fault’ (HD) - Matt Damon, Robin Williams: Miramax.”

YouTube, 14 Jan. 2015, youtu.be/ZQht2yOX9Js?si=wjcVmgXriOdqfGP1.

Mahalik, James R., et al. “Masculinity scripts, presenting concerns, and help seeking:

Implications for practice and training.” Professional Psychology: Research and Practice,

vol. 34, no. 2, Apr. 2003, pp. 123–131, https://doi.org/10.1037/0735-7028.34.2.123.

Nixon, Ella. “Masculinity and isolation in the self-portraits of L.S. Lowry.” British Art Studies,

no. 25, 5 Dec. 2023, https://doi.org/10.17658/issn.2058-5462/issue-25/enixon.