SOME LIKE IT HOT

Book by Matthew López and Amber Ruffin

Based on the MGM motion picture Some Like It Hot

Music by Marc Shaiman

Lyrics by Scott Wittman and Marc Shaiman

Additional material by Christian Borle & Joe Farrell

___________________________

03/18/2023

CONFIDENTIAL
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 1.

ACT I

#1 OVERTURE

As a muted trumpet wa-wa’s a filthy lick, the curtain rises on a

glittering Art Deco nightclub.

SWEET SUE McGINTY steps out of the shadows, bundled in

a fur-collared coat, and takes her place center stage. Spotlight.

#2 “WHAT ARE YOU THIRSTY FOR”

SUE
BROTHER, TIMES ARE TOUGH
NO ONE’S GOT ENOUGH
THE DEPRESSION IS IN FULL SWING
AND TO MAKE THINGS WORSE
WE’RE ALL UNDER A CURSE
OF THE GOVERNMENT PROHIBITING

YES WE’RE ALL IN A FIX FROM THEIR FEDERAL TRICKS

AND CHICAGO IS ON THE BRINK
AH, BUT I’VE GOT THE KEYS
CAUSE IN TIMES LIKE THESE
WE COULD CERTAINLY ALL USE A DRINK!

Sue opens her coat to reveal deep pockets hiding gleaming

bottles of booze.

Waiters knee-slide in! Tables rotate on! Customers in colorful

evening wear toss each other through the air with abandon!

Finally, the upstage leg flies up, revealing the second tier... and
THE BAND! In a blink, we’re in...

SCENE 1: THE HOTTEST SPEAKEASY IN CHICAGO

SUE
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FRIENDLY DOOR
TO KNOCK AND COME ON IN?
WELL THE NAME’S SWEET SUE AND I’M HERE FOR YOU
SO THAT THE GOOD TIMES CAN BEGIN
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 2.

SUE (CONT'D)
IF YOU NEED GOOD HOSPITALITY
WELL THEN SUCKER, CHECK YOUR TROUBLES AND COME SIT BY ME
LET ME FIGURE OUT YOUR RECIPE
YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU THIRSTY FOR?

ENSEMBLE
DOO WAH

SUE
ARE YOU ACHING FOR

ENSEMBLE
BOP

SUE
A WHOLE LOT MORE

SUE & ENSEMBLE

OR ABOUT TO CALL IT QUITS?

SUE
WELL, LET ME INTRODUCE ALL THE KINDS OF JUICE

SUE & ENSEMBLE

PROHIBITION PROHIBITS

SUE
CAUSE WHEN YOU’RE DROWNING IN A SEA OF DEBT
THAT’S THE TIME YOU’RE GONNA WANNA GET YOUR WHISTLE WET
IS THERE SOMETHING SPECIAL I CAN GET?

SUE & ENSEMBLE

YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU THIRSTY FOR?

SUE
I CAN SEE REAL GOOD TIMES ROUND THE BEND
I CAN FEEL ‘EM COMING BY AND BY

ENSEMBLE
I FEEL ‘EM COMING BY AND BY
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 3.

SUE
BUT UNTIL THAT BLESSED DAY MY FRIEND
THIS IS NO TIME TO BE DRY!

ENSEMBLE
BE DRY!

SUE
DO YOU HAVE A YEN EVERY NOW AND THEN
TO LET LOOSE AND RING THE BELL?

ENSEMBLE
SOUNDS SWELL!

SUE
WELL THEN, READ MY LIPS AND WATCH MY HIPS
AND LET’S MERRILY GO TO HELL

ENSEMBLE
DO TELL!

SUE
WHEN THE HARD TIMES PUT YOU TO THE TEST
AND THE DEPRESSION HAS YA FEELING SO DAMN DEPRESSED

SUE ENSEMBLE
LAY YOUR WEARY HEAD HERE UPON OOH
MY CHEST

SUE & ENSEMBLE

YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU THIRSTY FOR?

Spotlight on two musicians entering. JOE, white, carries a sax

and JERRY, Black, an upright bass.

JOE
Ah ha! It’s in here, Jerry! See, I told you I’d find it.

JERRY
You’ve been saying that for two hours.

JOE
It’s a speakeasy, Jerry. It’s supposed to be hard to find.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 4.

JERRY
We’re late, Joe. We can’t afford to lose this gig.

JOE
All you ever think about is work, work, work.

BETTY
Joe!

JOE
Trudy, sweetheart!

BETTY
Betty.

JOE
Betty, sweetheart!

BETTY
What are you doing here? I thought you were on call tonight?

JERRY
We’ve gotta get up to the band. Now.

Joe relents, following Jerry toward the stairs

BETTY
Wait. You’re a musician? You told me you were a doctor.

JOE
You think you’re disappointed. Imagine how my patients are gonna feel.

SUE
AND IF YOU FIND YOU’RE DOWN TO YOUR LAST YACHT
AND THERE AIN’T NO CHICKEN KICKIN’ IN EVERY POT
WELL, AN EIGHTY PROOF MEAL MIGHT HIT THE SPOT

SUE & ENSEMBLE

YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU THIRSTY FOR?

SUE
WHAT ARE YOU THIRSTY FOR?

Sue scats, Joe wails on the sax, DANCE BREAK! The liquor
kicks in and the speakeasy starts to lose its ease.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 5.

SUE & ENSEMBLE

KEEP THE TEMPO POUNDING HARD AND FAST

SUE
LET’S KEEP DANCING TIL THE CRACK OF DAWN

ENSEMBLE
CRACK OF DAWN

SUE
THERE IS NO USE LIVING IN THE PAST
AND TOMORROW WE MAY ALL BE GONE!

A LOUD POLICE WHISTLE. AGENT MULLIGAN saunters

in, flashing a badge.

MULLIGAN
Federal Agent! This is a raid!

ENSEMBLE
TOMORROW WE’LL BE TRAVELING ON!

The customers start getting arrested. It’s bedlam. Joe and Jerry
pack up their kits and skedaddle.

SUE
COME ON

SUE & ENSEMBLE

DANCE AND SING, WOO!

SUE
YEAH, WE’RE IN FULL SWING

SUE & ENSEMBLE

AND THE GIN I’VE GOT’S HOMEMADE

SUE
GO ON, HAVE A BALL TILL THEY YELL

SUE & ENSEMBLE

“LAST CALL!”

SUE
OR ANOTHER GODDAMN RAID
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 6.

ENSEMBLE
RAID?

SUE ENSEMBLE
AND WHEN I’M LAID OUT ON HMM
JUDGMENT DAY

SUE
I’LL BE FINE TO FIND I’M HEADED DOWN OL’ SATAN’S WAY

ENSEMBLE
SATAN’S WAY
SATAN’S WAY!

Sue and some customers get thrown into a paddy wagon.

SUE & ENSEMBLE

AND THIS IS WHAT I PRAY I’LL HEAR HIM SAY:

SUE
“TAKE A SEAT, SWEET SUE”

ENSEMBLE
TAKE A SEAT, SWEET SUE

SUE
I’VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU

ENSEMBLE
A TABLE FOR TWO!

SUE
AND I’M ABOUT TO POUR
SO, WHAT ARE YOU THIRSTY FOR?”

ENSEMBLE
DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT
DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT
DO DO DOOT
DOOT!

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 7.

SCENE 2: THE STREET - JUST AFTER DAWN

Joe and Jerry carry their instruments, shivering.

JOE
Whew! Now that was a close shave!

JERRY
Glad you’re having fun. I was looking forward to getting paid.

JOE
I thought you weren’t speaking to me.

JERRY
I’m not. I’m speaking near you.

JOE
Look, how was I to know the club was gonna get raided. Who am I, Eliot Ness?

JERRY
What are we doing, Joe?

JOE
Aw, where’s your sense of adventure, Jerry! Most guys our age have wives and kids, there’s
nothing tying us down. It’s all pretty damn good.

JERRY
For you.

JOE
For us.

JERRY
Something’s missing, Joe. I don’t know what, but it ain’t this.

JOE
Whoa. This is starting to feel like a break up. Gimme another chance! Let’s hustle like we done
since we were kids, tappin’ on plywood for chump change.

JERRY
The Tip Tap Twins.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 8.

JOE
Zee Bap Zeh Bootlee Atta Feet...

JERRY JOE
Bam Bam! Bam Bam!

JOE
That’s the spirit. You and me, we’re gonna walk right into the Cheetah Club and demand a job.

JERRY
The Cheetah Club?! Everyone knows they pride themselves on their all-white band.

JOE
Don’t be ridiculous, a band can’t sound white.

JERRY
Yes it can.

TRANSITION TO:

THREE BLOCKS SOUTH - SAME TIME

SUE
Thanks for bailing me out again, Minnie, I owe you.

MINNIE
No sweat, Sue, I took the money outta your cookie jar.

SUE
I don’t have a cookie jar.

MINNIE
(beat)
Then I might have just robbed your neighbor. Ah, well. That’s Chicago!

SUE
I’m sick of these cut-rate Capones. I lead their bands, I hawk their booze, then I end up in the
clink. Time to be my own damn boss. My first executive decision, we’re hitting the road.

MINNIE
We’re gonna need a gimmick.

SUE
An all-girl band! You find the girls. I’ll book the venues.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 9.

MINNIE
We headin’ south?

SUE
Minnie. It’s 1933. Look at me and ask that again.

MINNIE
California’s nice this time of year! Let’s make history!

SUE
We don’t need to make history, honey. Just survive it.

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 10.

SCENE 3: THE CHEETAH CLUB - LATER

JOE
Wow, Jerry, the Cheetah Club! I always dreamed of being in my thirties and having money to
burn in a place like this. Dreams really do come true.

JERRY
Yeah, you’re in your thirties. Everyone knows this is Spats Columbo’s joint. I’m telling you,
Joe, this is a mistake.

Joe spots a group of chorus girls entering, led by NELLIE.

JOE
DONNA! Light of my life!

JERRY
Nellie.

JOE
NELLIE! Light of my life! You got the inside scoop here? We need a gig and fast.

NELLIE
Can it, wiseacre. I oughta belt you for that disappearing act last weekend. Where were you? I
washed my hair, I shaved my legs, I gave my mother two sleeping pills.

JOE
Nellie, it was terrible... Jerry died.

JERRY
Seriously?

JOE
You’re ALIVE!

NELLIE
Jerry, why do you pal around with this piker?

JERRY
My mother fed him once, and we could never get rid of him.

JOE
I’ll make it up to you, doll. I promise. But if we’re gonna do it up right, I need a job first.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 11.

NELLIE
Actually, I got just the thing, lover boy. Sweet Sue McGinty’s putting together a band. They’re
gonna tour the country before doing a sit-down in San Diego.

JOE
California’s nice this time of year!

JERRY
Does Sue need a sax and a bass?

NELLIE
She does! But oh, wait. The instruments are right, but you’re all wrong.

JOE
What’s the problem?

TIA
You gotta be under twenty-five...

JERRY
We could pass for that.

AMBER
You gotta be attractive...

JOE
We could clean ourselves up!

NELLIE
And you gotta be a woman.

JOE
We could...

JERRY
No, we couldn’t.

JOE
Wait. You mean it’s an all-girl band?

NELLIE
Now you know how it feels to get your hopes up, doll. Toodles!

Nellie exits with the girls.

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 12.

JOE
Donna!

JERRY
Nellie.

JOE
Doesn’t matter now.

JERRY
(shoving Joe out)
C’mon, let’s go find ourselves a real job.

A tough guy named MACK enters pushing crates on a dolly.

JOE
Hey, pal! Any chance you’re hiring? Need a sax and an upright bass?

MACK
We’re full-up on musicians.

JOE
What about a song and dance duo?

JERRY
Ever hear of The Tip Tap Twins?

MACK
No.

JERRY
We can spin plates!

JOE
We can juggle knives!

MACK
Scram.

JOE
What about magic? Everybody loves magic!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 13.

MACK
Buddy... I happen to love magic.

JOE
Ah-HA! Then a crisp one dollar bill is all I need from you, good sir! Nothing up my sleeves...
and if my lovely partner here would say the magic words...

JERRY
Zee Bap Zeh Bootlee Atta Feet Bam Bam!

JOE
(showing his empty hands)
Ta-da.

MACK
Huh. Pretty good. All right, Houdini, come on back.

JOE
He likes us. Come on, Jerry.

MACK
No. You come on back. Your friend can get lost.

JERRY
What’d I tell ya?

JOE
Jerry’s not my friend, he’s my brother.

MACK
If he’s your brother, I’m your sister.

JOE
(to Jerry)
Huh! He doesn’t believe us. My own sister!

JERRY
We better tell him the whole story.

MACK
You got until the count of three to beat it. One, two--

JOE
Ah 1! 2! 3!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 14.

#3 “YOU CAN’T HAVE ME (IF YOU DON’T HAVE HIM)”

MY FOLKS WERE SMALL TIME GRIFTERS

YEAH, AND COUNTERFEITERS TOO
THEY NEVER DID THE KIND OF THINGS
THAT MOST KIDS PARENTS DO

MOST FATHERS MAKE A LIVING

KEEPIN’ BOOKS OR PUSHING BROOM
BUT MOM AND DAD MADE HOMEMADE DOUGH
RIGHT IN OUR LIVING ROOM!

BUT WHEN THE HEAT GOT TOO INTENSE

THEY TOOK IT ON THE LAM
MY FATHER LEFT A NOTE THAT SAID
“BE BETTER THAN I AM”

THEN JERRY’S CLAN ACROSS THE HALL

STEPPED IN TO SAVE THE DAY
THEY TOOK ME IN AND RAISED ME RIGHT
AND THAT IS WHY I SAY

THAT HE’S THE NEEDLE, I’M THE THREAD

HE’S THE BUTTER, I’M THE BREAD
HE’S THE FRUIT AND I’M THE PEEL
HE’S ACHILLES, I’M THE HEEL

YEAH, HE’S MY BROTHER THROUGH AND THROUGH

LIKE THE MARX, THE WRIGHTS, THE GRIMM!
YEAH, YOU CAN’T HAVE “TEA” WITHOUT THE “TWO”
AND YOU CAN’T HAVE ME IF YOU DON’T HAVE HIM

A crowd of hoofers, musicians and stagehands applaud.

MACK
All right, back to work!

JOE
Don’t you wanna hear Jerry’s half of the story?

ALL STAGEHANDS
I know I do. // Gimme gimme // My ma loves musicals // I bet it’s even better // etc.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 15.

JERRY
Gotta give the people what they want!

MY FOLKS WERE IN A BUSINESS TOO

THE BUSINESS WE CALL SHOW
THE HOUSE WAS FULL OF HOOFERS
WE WERE STRICTLY S.R.O.

THEY TAUGHT ME EVERY TIME STEP

THEN I SHUFFLED OFF TO SCHOOL
BUT ON THE SOUTH SIDE OF CHICAGO
NO ONE LOVED THIS DANCIN’ FOOL

THE GANGSTER KIDS ALL KNOCKED ME DOWN

AND MADE OFF WITH MY LUNCH
CAUSE I WAS TAUGHT TO BUCK AND WING
BUT NOT TO LAND A PUNCH

BUT THEN JOE HERE HAD A BRAINSTORM

WHEN HE SAW I COULDN’T FIGHT

JOE
I PLAYED THE ODDS AGAINST HIM

BOTH
AND WE ATE ICE CREAM EVERY NIGHT!

JERRY
YEAH, HE’S THE BAIT AND I’M THE HOOK

JOE
I’M THE GOOSE AND HE’S THE COOK

JERRY
HE’S THE BEANS

JOE
AND HE’S THE GAS
I’M THE BALLS

JERRY
AND I’M THE BRASS
YOU CAN’T BREAK UP A WINNING TEAM
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 16.

JOE
LIKE THAT CRUTCH AND TINY TIM

JERRY
AND SAY YOU CAN’T HAVE “AH” WITHOUT THE

JOE
“CHOO!”

BOTH
AND YOU CAN’T HAVE ME IF YOU DON’T HAVE HIM

JOE
CAUSE I’M THE THIRD AND HE’S THE ROOT

BOTH
THAT’S THE PLACE ALL CHORDS BEGIN

JOE
WE’RE TWO OF A KIND

MACK
IF YOU’RE COLORBLIND!

JOE
SEP’RATE MOTHERS...

BOTH
...BUT WE’RE BROTHERS UNDER THE SKIN!

Tap break! They dazzle.

BOTH
SO, WHAT MORE CAN WE TELL YA FOLKS
WE’RE PARTNERS TILL THE END,
IT’S NICE TO KNOW MY BROTHER HERE IS
ALSO MY BEST FRIEND

AND WHEN THIS DUET’S OVER

AND THE MUSIC’S GROWING DIM...

JOE
AS THE UNDERTAKER STARTS HIS SPIEL
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 17.

JERRY
PLEASE REMIND HIM, WE’RE A PACKAGE DEAL

JOE
CAUSE YOU CAN’T HAVE VERVE

JERRY
WITHOUT THE VIM

BOTH
AND YOU CAN’T HAVE ME, IF YOU DON’T HAVE HIM

STAGEHANDS
CAN’T HAVE KIPLING WITHOUT HIS “KIM”
YOU CAN’T HAVE DEMPSY WITHOUT THE GYM
YOU CAN’T HAVE PROPER WITHOUT THE PRIM

JOE & JERRY

YEAH, YOU CAN’T HAVE ME IF YOU DON’T HAVE HIM!

The boys hit the button, huge smiles, arms spread, panting.
Silence. The dancers and goons have parted, scared shitless.

The boys turn, bewildered. Into the light steps SPATS

COLOMBO... slow-clapping.

SPATS
Pretty fancy footwork, fellas.

JOE JERRY
Thank you, Mr. Colombo. Thank you, Mr. Colombo.

SPATS
Call me Spats.

JERRY
Yes, Mr. Colombo.

JOE
Quick question for you, Spats...

SPATS
Stop talking.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 18.

JOE
Gladly.

SPATS
(to Jerry)
Lemme guess. This mouthy little clown gets you into a lot of trouble.

JERRY
He gets us into it, I bail us out.

SPATS
I know the type. I also know talent. What do you gents call yourselves?

JOE
We’re The Tip Tap Twins, Mr. Colombo. Got any room on the bill?

SPATS
The bottom of it. I’ll give you the salad course tonight. Nobody walks out, I’ll let you live.

The air goes out of the room.

That was a joke. Laugh.

Joe and Jerry let out a quick, nervous laugh.

SPATS
(to Mack)
See that they get everything they need.
(then to Joe and Jerry)
Knock ‘em dead, fellas.

Spats walks away. Joe and Jerry approach Mack, strutting.

JOE
You heard the man. We’re gonna need a dressing room.

JERRY
Maybe an advance on our salary.

JOE
Definitely preferential placement on the bill.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 19.

JERRY
And don’t go too crazy with the flowers.

JOE
But we do require flowers.

Mack exits. Joe and Jerry turn into giddy little kids.

See, Jerry? Put your trust in me... and jackpot!

#3A “YOU CAN’T HAVE ME (IF YOU DON’T HAVE HIM)” REPRISE

JOE & JERRY

WHEN THE CURTAIN RISES HERE TONIGHT

JOE
YOU’LL BE AT MY LEFT

JERRY
YOU’LL BE AT MY RIGHT

JOE & JERRY

FOR I LOVE MY BROTHERLY SYNONYM
SO YOU CAN’T HAVE ME, IF YOU DON’T HAVE HIM!

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 20.

SCENE 4: SPATS’S OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER

Mack enters, followed by Sonny.

MACK
Someone to see you, Spats, and you’re not gonna like it.

SPATS
Shit. Is it my mother?
Agent Mulligan enters, bearing a large bouquet.

MULLIGAN
Happy Anniversary! We been playing cat and mouse for seventeen years.

SPATS
Agent Mulligan. Where does the time go? Here are my wrists, where are your bracelets?

MULLIGAN
Oh, I’m not here to arrest you. I’m giving you one last chance to turn state’s evidence.

SPATS
Haven’t you heard, g-man? Since you put Capone away, there’s no more crime in Chicago.

MULLIGAN
We hear otherwise. Your little establishment has a rat problem. You never heard such singing.

SPATS
You’re mixing your metaphors. Rats don’t sing, they get exterminated.

MULLIGAN
So that’s a no?

SPATS
You’re gettin’ nothin’ from me. Now scram.

MULLIGAN
My advice? Have a steak, take in a show, cuz soon you’ll be wearing stripes, not spats.

SPATS
Over my dead body.

MULLIGAN
(to Mack re: flowers)
Then those’ll look great on your coffin.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 21.

SPATS
We got a rat. Think. Who’s shaky lately? Not making their rounds, calling in sick?

SONNY
Toothpick Charlie missed his drop today.

SPATS
Time to have a little chat with Charlie. Bring him in.

TRANSITION TO:

BACKSTAGE OF THE CHEETAH CLUB - 8:37PM CST

Jerry and Joe navigate the club’s backstage in taps and tails.

JOE
They loved us, Jerry. And those people have taste!

JERRY
Don’t push our luck, Joe. Please just leave Spats alone.

JOE
Uh uh. They were screaming for more. You saw the old broad down front, flapping her arms,
eyes bugging out of her head... she was amazed!

JERRY
She was choking.

JOE
Huh.

JERRY
I’m done. I don’t belong here.

JOE
Gimme one more chance!

JERRY
You said that one chance ago.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 22.

JOE
Lemme just ask Spats for the finale slot! I’m gonna walk right up to him and say “The Tip Tap
Twins are not salad sir, we’re dessert!”

BACK TO:

SPATS'S OFFICE - 8:36PM CST

Spats sits with his feet up on his desk, reading the newspaper.
Mack and Sonny enter with Toothpick Charlie and his goons.

MACK
Boss--

SPATS
As I live and breathe. Toothpick Charlie and The Bobbsey Twins.

SPATS
(offering his chair)
Sit down, sit down. Word is you missed your drop this afternoon.

TOOTHPICK CHARLIE
(sitting)
Yeah, my sister made her brisket for lunch and I took a nap after.

SPATS
(to Sonny)
Where’d you find him?

SONNY
Union Station.

SPATS
But... you said you were nappin’, Charlie. You book a sleeper car?

TOOTHPICK CHARLIE
Spats. I don’t know what you think you heard--

SPATS
Shaddup. I heard you got real good at singing. Go ahead and sing for us now, little canary. Or
should I say, little rat?

Spats pulls a gun, followed by Mack and Sonny, followed by

Charlie and his goons. Six guns, a stand-off.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 23.

SPATS
Tell the truth and go out like a man, Charlie. Did you rat me out?

TOOTHPICK CHARLIE
Yeah, and I’d do it again. Now do what you gotta do, and then go straight to hell.

SPATS
Huh. I had you pegged for a groveler, Charlie. Bravo.

BAM! BAM! BAM! Toothpick Charlie and his goons drop

dead as Joe and Jerry burst through the door.

JOE
Hey, Spats...

SPATS
Close the door, fellas.

JERRY
We didn’t see a thing.

JOE
I got cataracts.

SPATS
Show ‘em in, boys.

Mack and Sonny grab for Joe and Jerry.

JERRY
ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTLEE ATTA FEET...

JOE JERRY
BAM BAM! BAM! BAM!

SONNY
Huh?

The split second of hesitation is all the boys need. They bolt
out the door, slamming it behind them.

SPATS
Get ‘em!

Mack and Sonny give chase, shooting at Joe and Jerry. BAM!
BAM! Gunfire! Drums! A chase! Joe and Jerry flee through
the...
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 24.

SCENE 5: BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS

JERRY
I told you this was a mistake.

JOE
Move those getaway sticks.

BAM! BAM!

We were this close to getting paid.

JERRY
They’re about to pay us in lead.

Joe and Jerry run up and down the staircases, ducking and
weaving, finally hiding behind a rack of costumes, Mack and
Sonny in hot pursuit.

They throw on boas and headdresses and blend into the general
screaming mayhem, finally bursting into

THE CHORUS GIRL DRESSING ROOM

JERRY
They just... they just killed those guys.

JOE
To death.

JERRY
We gotta call the police.

JOE
On Spats Colombo??? We’d never live to testify.

JERRY
We can’t stay here. Chicago’s too hot.

Joe. Boa. Lightbulb.

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 25.

JOE
California’s nice this time of year...

JERRY
First we gotta get out of the building, Houdini.

JOE
For my next trick... we’re gonna walk right out the front door...

JERRY
Very funny.

Joe crosses to a clothes rack. With dresses.

JOE
...wearing these.

JERRY
Those are dresses.

JOE
Welcome to the plan, Jerry! Sweet Sue needs a sax and a bass, and she’s gonna get ‘em!

JERRY
(off Joe’s look)
That may be the dumbest thing you’ve ever... Oh no.

JOE
Oh, yeah! From now on I’m... Josephine and you’re... Geraldine.

JERRY
You flipped your wig.

JOE
Now you’re talking! We’re going on tour with Sweet Sue’s band. Once we get to San Diego,
it’s a hop, skip and a jump to Mexico, and then we’re safe!

JERRY
And how do you propose--

JOE
We’ll make it up as we go. It’s like jazz! We’ll just vamp!

JERRY
“We’ll just vamp” is not a plan.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 26.

#4 “VAMP!”

JOE
Moment of truth time, brother. We gotta riff! We gotta jam! We gotta go!

WHEN THE CLUB SHUTS DOWN AT 2AM

AND MOST FOLKS HIT THE HAY
WELL, WE’RE TWO CATS WHO LOVE TO JAM
SO WE STAY UP AND PLAY

FIRST SOMEONE HITS A RHYTHM

THEN A RIFF COMES FROM A HORN
THEN WE JUMP IN AND PLAY IT OUT
TILL A BRAND NEW SONG IS BORN

JERRY
Lost your mind.

JOE
WELL, THIS IS LIKE A LATE NIGHT JAM
BUT NOW IT’S JUST US TWO
SO TILL THE TUNE IS PERFECT
KIDDO, YOU KNOW WHAT WE HAVE TO DO...

WE’LL JUST VAMP!

TILL WE’RE READY
WE’LL JUST VAMP!
ON MOON ‘N’ JUNE
WE’LL JUST VAMP!
TILL THE WAY TO WALK
AND TALK FLOWS LIKE A TUNE

WE’LL JUST VAMP!

TIL WE FIND THE GROOVE
THAT KEEPS US BOTH ALIVE
“THE JOSEPHINE AND GERALDINE
SAVE JOE & JERRY JIVE!”

Joe flings slips, bras and dresses at Jerry.

JERRY
You’re not hearing me, Joe.

JOE
You’re right, I’m sorry. Let’s hear your idea. Oh, you don’t have one? Strip!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 27.

Joe starts changing.

JOE
THIS GIRDLE MAY BE ALL THAT KEEPS US
FROM AN EARLY GRAVE
SOME NYLONS JUST MIGHT SAVE US
BUT THESE LEGS WILL NEED A SHAVE

Gunshot! Jerry starts changing.

JERRY
YOUR MAGIC CAN’T PROTECT US

JOE
AND WE DO NOT OWN A GUN

JERRY
WELL JOE, WE'RE OUT OF OPTIONS
SO, LIKE STOCKINGS, GIRL, LET'S RUN!!

JOE
THE GIRLS WE’VE KNOWN WILL NOW BECOME
A NOTE, A BEAT, A CHORD
SO PLAY IT OUT AND JUST PUT FORTH
OUR MUSICAL FEMININE SMORGASBORD!

And just like that... they’re in dresses.

BOTH
WE’LL JUST VAMP!
TILL WE’RE READY
WE’LL JUST VAMP!

BOTH
ON MOON ‘N’ JUNE
WE’LL JUST VAMP!
TILL THE WAY TO WALK
AND TALK FLOWS LIKE A TUNE

WE’LL JUST VAMP!

TILL WE HIT THE GROOVE
THAT LETS US BOTH SURVIVE
“THE JOSEPHINE AND GERALDINE
SAVE JOE & JERRY JIVE!”
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 28.

They sit at mirrors, applying make-up. Joe finds a pair of

glasses, which... help?

JOE
WE’VE BEEN WATCHING WOMEN
SINCE WE CRAWLED OUT OF THE CRIB

JERRY
YES, THERE’S A WOMAN IN ME
JUST THINK ADAM AND HIS RIB

JOE
AND FOR A VOICE, JUST THINK OF
EVERY SONGBIRD WE HAVE BACKED

JERRY
WE’LL USE THEIR PITCH

JOE
AND MAKE THE SWITCH

BOTH
OR THIS MIGHT BE OUR FINAL ACT

JERRY
A WIG IS AN ACCENT

JOE
A STOCKING’S A REST

BOTH
THERE’S HARMONY IN THIS SCENT

JOE
YOU’LL BE A SENSATION

JERRY
IN THE RIGHT FOUNDATION

JOE
FIND THE DOLL BENEATH THE GENT

JERRY
A SKIRT IS A LICK...
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 29.

JOE
A GARTER’S A RIFF...

JERRY
THERE’S A MELODY IN THIS GLOVE...

JOE
JUST MAKE YOUR PICK
TILL YOU’RE FEELING DIFF’!

JERRY
WHO’S THAT LOOKER IN THE MIRROR?
I THINK I’M IN LOVE!

They’re made-up, head to heels. All that’s missing is the wigs.

JOE
THE GIRL I’LL BE WILL USE HER HIPS
JUST LIKE A SET OF DRUMS
SHE’LL GO BOOM-BADDA-BOOM-BADDA-ROLL AND HIT
AND SAY “FELLAS, HERE SHE COMES!”

JERRY
I’LL TIP-TOE LIKE AN OPUS
YES, A SYMPHONY FOR STRINGS
THIS FELLOW WON’T BE MELLOW
MORE LIKE JELL-O THAT’S ON SPRINGS

JOE
LET’S PUT IT ALL TOGETHER
EVERY COLOR, SHAPE AND SIZE

JERRY
IT’S TRUE WE’RE REALLY IN A JAM
SO SISTER, TIME TO IMPROVISE

BOTH
SISTER, TIME TO IMPROVISE...

WIGS! And here they are, strutting downstage through the

chaos of backstage and... nobody recognizes them.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 30.

BOTH
SO LET’S VAMP! TILL WE’RE READY
WE’LL JUST VAMP! ON MOON ‘N’ JUNE

BOTH
WE’LL JUST VAMP! TILL THE WAY TO WALK
AND TALK FLOWS LIKE A TUNE

Mack and Sonny pass them without a second look. Then Spats.
Joe and Jerry BURST into the back alley, free and fabulous.

WE’LL JUST VAMP! NOW WE’VE GOT THE THEME

TO PLAY WHEN WE ARRIVE
“THE JOSEPHINE AND GERALDINE...
THE JOSEPHINE AND GERALDINE...
THE JOSEPHINE AND GERALDINE...
SAVE JOE & JERRY JIVE!”

Button!

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 31.

SCENE 6: UNION STATION TRAIN PLATFORM - MORNING

YOUNG WOMEN mill about with instruments and luggage.

Bedlam. Sue enters and finds Minnie wielding a clipboard.

SUE
Minnie! Minnie! Uh oh. What’s with you?

MINNIE
Bad news... Beverly and Margaret were on their way to the station, when suddenly two street
urchins, couldn’t have been more than six-years-old, bolt out of nowhere and knock their
instruments into the river! Bye bye, sax and bass!

SUE
All right, one little hiccup didn’t sink the Titanic.

MINNIE
I should also mention, we’re still waiting on our star.

SUE
Sugar?

MINNIE
The one and only.

SUE
“I’m a whole new Sugar Kane,” she said. I’ll kill her if she doesn’t show.

MINNIE
I packed your pistol just in case.

SUE
I don’t have a pistol.

MINNIE
I have got to check apartment numbers.

SUE
(scanning the new recruits)
Look at this gangly gaggle of gals.

MINNIE
You said find ya girls, Sue, you didn’t say nothin’ about ladies.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 32.

SUE
How soon til we lose one of the virgins to a farmer?

MINNIE
My money’s on Kansas.

DOLORES
Hey, Sue, are we hitting Dez Moines?

SUE
My money’s on Iowa.

The rest of the ladies pepper Sue with more questions.

LADIES
Can I check an extra bag?/Is the dining car open all night?/I hope nobody’s allergic to ferrets!

#5 “I’M CALIFORNIA BOUND”

SUE
LADIES... LADIES... LADIES!!!
LADIES, LISTEN TO ME FOR IN SUE YOU MUST TRUST
TELL THE PAST “SEE YOU LATER ALLIGATORS!”
CAUSE OUR FUTURE IS NOW, IT’S CALIFORNIA OR BUST
FOR...

SYNCOPATORS
SWEET SUE

SUE
AND HER SOCIETY SYNC-O-PATORS!

SUE
California, here we come!

MINNIE
TELL THE CATS IN MY ALLEY TO FIND A NEW DISH
I’M CALIFORNIA BOUND!

GINGER
TELL MY TRUMPET HATIN’ NEIGHBORS THEY’RE GETTIN’ THEIR WISH
I’M CALIFORNIA BOUND!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 33.

DEVON
TOOTLE LOO TO THE LOOP

VIVIAN
AND TATA TO MY COAT

DEVON
THERE’LL BE NO MORE RUNNY NOSES

VIVIAN
AU REVOIR TO STREP THROAT

SUE
TELL THE WINDS OFF OLD LAKE MICHIGAN
THEY’VE BLOWN THEIR LAST NOTE

SUE & SYNCOPATORS

I’M CALIFORNIA BOUND!

Jerry and Joe enter, toting their luggage and instruments.

JERRY
This is never gonna work.

JOE
This is just to get us out of town. No one’s askin’ you to have a baby!

JERRY
I feel so guilty. We paid children to knock those nice ladies’ instruments into the river.

JOE
Would you rather it was us in the river? Get over it.

JERRY
There they are. Oh god. Oh god. This is crazy, Joe.

JOE
Not Joe. Josephine! You wanna live? Get into character, Geraldine.

JERRY
Maybe this will all blow over in a day or two.

A Red Cap walks past holding up a newspaper.

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 34.

RED CAP
Extra! Extra! Two witnesses hunted after gangland killing!

JERRY
We got a train to catch. Girl, move them legs.

JERRY
I FEEL NAKED, LIKE EVERYBODY'S STARING AT ME

ALL
WE'RE CALIFORNIA BOUND

JOE
NO ONE'S STARING AT YOU, BUT
(seeing girls)
OOH, I LIKE WHAT I SEE!

ALL
WE'RE CALIFORNIA BOUND

JOE
TAKE A LOOK AT THESE DAMES, EVERY ONE IS A PEARL
DO YOU THINK IF I ASKED NICELY ONE WOULD GIVE ME A WHIRL?

JERRY
MAN, YOU BEST JUST KEEP REPEATING “I’M A GIRL”

BOTH
“I'M A GIRL!”

ALL
WE'RE CALIFORNIA BOUND!

Joe pushes Jerry towards a porter in full view of Sue and the
Syncopators.

(NOTE: the script will now differentiate between when Joe and
Jerry are themselves and when they’re presenting as
JOSEPHINE and DAPHNE.)

JOSEPHINE
Young man, we need to check one saxophone and one upright bass, please.

Sue. Lightbulb.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 35.

SUE
Excuse me, ladies? I’m Sweet Sue. And these are my Society Syncopators!

JOSEPHINE
Charmed, I’m sure. I’m Josephine. And this is--

DAPHNE
I’m Daphne!

JOSEPHINE
Daphne?

DAPHNE
Yes?

JOSEPHINE
She’s Daphne.

SUE
You’re interesting women. I admire how you’ve chosen to express yourself through perfume.

MINNIE
So, where are you gals off to with that sax and upright bass?

JOSEPHINE
Oh, we’re just heading back for our second semester at the Sheboygan Conservatory of Music.

SUE
Wait, Sheboygan. I’m offering you twenty bucks a week right here, right now to join my all-
girl band.

JOSEPHINE
Goodness, this is all so sudden. Gosh, I really don’t know.

DAPHNE
Make it twenty-five. And we bunk together.

SUE
Done. What are the odds we’d find the exact right instruments at the exact right time in the
exact right place?

JOSEPHINE
Sometimes it’s best not to overthink these things. Tally-HO!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 36.

SUE
LADIES, MEET THE NEW GIRLS WHO’LL BE ADDING SOME CLASS

JOSEPHINE & DAPHNE

NO, REALLY, AU COUNTRAIRE, IT’S YOU THAT’S SAVING OUR ASS!

JOSEPHINE
I’M JOSEPHINE ON SAX

DAPHNE
AND GIRLS, I’M DAPHNE ON BASS

SUE
BUT DAMMIT, SOMEONE’S MISSING...
LET ME CUT TO THE CHASE

SUE
WELL, I TOLD HER NO BOOZE AND I TOLD HER NO MEN
AND I HAVE TOLD HER SHE MUST BE ON TIME AGAIN AND AGAIN
SO I AM ROYALLY PISSED WE HAVE TO WAIT BY THIS TRAIN
FOR THE ALWAYS TARDY PARTY KNOWN AS SUGAR KANE!

The train whistle toots revealing SUGAR KANE, Black, 20’s.

SUE
Glad you could join us, Sugar.

SUGAR
Cut me some slack, Sue, this is the earliest I’ve ever been late.

CONDUCTOR
HEY LADIES, ALL ABOARD!

CONDUCTOR & 2 PORTERS

HEY LADIES, ALL ABOARD!

ALL PORTERS
HEY LADIES, ALL ABOARD!

CONDUCTOR & PORTERS

WHETHER YOU’RE RUNNING AWAY OR YOU’RE RUNNING TOWARD!

SUGAR
TELL THE MEN OF CHICAGO I’M HITTIN’ THE TRACKS
I’M CALIFORNIA BOUND!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 37.

SUGAR (CONT'D)
TELL THE BOYS IN THE BAND SUGAR’S GIVING UP SAX
I’M CALIFORNIA BOUND!

CAUSE I’M SAFER IN THE LONG RUN WITH AN ALL-GIRL BAND

AND IT’S TIME TO SAY ADIEU TO EVERY ONE NIGHT STAND
BOYS, FROM HERE ON IN THIS GAL IS STRICTLY NO-MAN’S LAND
I’M CALIFORNIA BOUND!

CONDUCTOR & PORTERS

TELL ALL THE FOLKS IN CALI-FOR-NI-A

ALL
ALL ABOARD!

CONDUCTOR & PORTERS

THE BEST OF CHI-TOWN IS COMING YOUR WAY!

And we’re on...

THE TRAIN

SUE
IF WE ALL WORK AS SISTERS, WE SIMPLY CAN’T FAIL

SUGAR
I’M HAPPY TO SEE ANYTHING THAT’S NOT ON A MALE

JOSEPHINE & DAPHNE

AND SINCE THERE’S TOO MANY MEN WHO ARE HOT ON OUR TRAIL

ALL
LET’S SPREAD SOME RHYTHM AROUND AND AROUND!

SUE, SUGAR, & MINNIE

SAN DIEGO, WE WARN YA

ALL
WE’LL RHYTHM AND HORN YA
YES, WE’RE CALIFORNIA...
WE’RE CALIFORNIA BOUND!!
WE’RE CALIFORNIA BOUND!!!

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 38.

SCENE 7: A TRAIN CAR - ECONOMY CLASS

In the crammed train car, Joe and Jerry are surrounded by

instruments, luggage, and young women.

SUE
Settle down. I just heard from the doctor, and I tested negative for patience. Alright ladies,
welcome to No Man’s Land!

GINGER
No men? But who’s gonna talk over us?

VIVIAN
Who’s gonna pay us less for more work?

SUGAR
Who’s gonna call us “prudes” when we don’t kiss ‘em, and “floozies” when we do?!

DAPHNE JOSEPHINE
Men! Men!

SUE
Who needs ‘em?!

JOSEPHINE
(unexpectedly alone on this)
Women! Nope.

SUE
We’re pioneers, ladies. That means we play by my rules. No roosters in the henhouse. No
tolerance for tardiness. And absolutely no booze.

GINGER
Hey, Sugar, you gonna break all the rules at once or one at a time?

SUE
Cheese it, girls. We’re only playing six clubs before San Diego, so we’re gonna spend every
waking hour right on top of each other, breathing as one body, pumping out licks of hot jazz.

JOSEPHINE
Oh, Jesus.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 39.

SUE
Sugar. Help me with the charts. Rehearsal in the dining car in fifteen.

SUGAR
Gotta dangle.

Sue and Sugar exit. A bustle of energy as the ladies stow bags
and unsheathe instruments. Immediately...

DAPHNE
Hi! I’m the bass fiddle, just call me Daphne!

JOSEPHINE
Josephine. Sax.

GINGER
So where are you girls from? What’s your story?

Joe looks at Jerry blankly.

JOSEPHINE
Well, we’re both women. Aaaaaaaand always have been. Aaaaaaaaaand...

DAPHNE
We were raised by nuns. Orphans, you see. Left to fend for ourselves on the hard, hard streets
of Chicago. The sisters took us in, showed us kindness, and put us in their all-nun band called
“Hail Mary Full of Bass.”

JOSEPHINE
Amen, Daphne. How about we powder our noses before rehearsal?

MINNIE
Say, you hear the one about the girl tuba player who was stranded on a desert island with a bow-
legged jockey?

DAPHNE
No! How does it go?

JOSEPHINE
Please, ladies! No rough talk.

VIVIAN
Right! These two went to...

LADIES
(teasing)
A CONSERVATORY!!!!

The ladies squeal as Josephine pushes Daphne into

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 40.

THE WASHROOM - CONTINUOUS

Tight quarters. A sink and a toilet.

JOE
DAPHNE??? DAPHNE.

JERRY
It just came out naturally!

JOE
Well, put it back in! The point is to blend in, remember?

JERRY
You’re one to talk. What’s this accent you’re doing?

JOE
Remember Mrs. Groskreutz, our second grade teacher?

JERRY
Oh my god, I see it now.

JOE
Just think more pigeon, less peacock, you follow?

JERRY
I follow, I follow! And you just keep reminding yourself--

JOE
Yeah, yeah, I’m a girl, I’m a girl, I’m a girl.

Suddenly, Sugar opens the door.

SUGAR
That makes three of us! Room for one more?

As she squeezes in, Daphne ends up pressed against the sink.

Josephine plops on the toilet. So to speak.

JOSEPHINE
Oh!

DAPHNE
The more the merrier!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 41.

SUGAR
I know your secret.

Daphne and Josephine freeze.

JOSEPHINE DAPHNE
You do? You do?

SUGAR
You’re hiding out to settle your nerves before rehearsal.

DAPHNE
Guilty! I always get butterflies.

JOSEPHINE
Yeah, I get the trots.

Tumbleweeds.

SUGAR
Well, I’ve got something to calm your jitters up my skirt.

She puts her foot on the toilet seat between Josephine’s legs
and pulls a flask out of her garter.

JOSEPHINE
Yes, I bet you... have mercy!

SUGAR
Drinky-poo?

JOSEPHINE
I should keep my wits about me.

DAPHNE
Like the bible says, if the whistle ain’t wet, it ain’t worth a blow.

SUGAR
You won’t tell anyone, will you? All the other girls drink, but I’m the only one who ever gets
caught. Story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.

DAPHNE
Don’t worry, sealed lips are our specialty. I’m Daphne. And this is Josephine.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 42.

SUGAR
I’m Sugar. Sugar Kane.

DAPHNE
Sounds like something out of the movies!

SUGAR
That’s why I chose it!
(painting the picture)
“Sugar Kane starring in...” It sounds silly, I know.

JOSEPHINE
No, I can see it!

SUGAR
I hate my real name. A person should be able to call themselves whatever they want.

DAPHNE
I was just telling Josephine the same thing.

JOSEPHINE
What instrument do you play, Sugar?

SUGAR
I’m the singer in this outfit. I come from a musical family. My mother’s a piano teacher. My
father was a conductor.

DAPHNE
Oh? Where did he conduct?

SUGAR
On the Pennsylvania Railroad. Always on the go. Just like all the other men in my life.
(she takes another swig)
So tell me about your instruments, gals.

DAPHNE
I’m upright bass.

SUGAR
And Josephine, what’s your specialty?

JOSEPHINE
Sex.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 43.

SUGAR
My favorite.

JOSEPHINE
Sex?! Sax! Saxophone. The saxophone. I play the saxophone.

SUGAR
I’m a sucker for the saxophone. Thank god you’re not a man.

JOSEPHINE
Thank god you’re not a man!

SUGAR
Sax men just get my motor purring. You fall for ‘em and love ‘em and next thing you know,
they’re borrowing money from you and spending it on other girls.

DAPHNE
Animals, all of them.

SUGAR
Then one morning you wake up and the saxophone is gone and the guy is gone and all that’s
left behind is a couple of chipped reeds and a tube of toothpaste, all squeezed out. But then I
meet the next one... and I’m lost all over again.

#6 “A DARKER SHADE OF BLUE”

SUGAR
I HEAR A TRUMPET SINGING
AND THEN MOONLIGHT FILLS THE SKY
A TROMBONE WHISPERS SOFTLY
AND THE CLOUDS KEEP DRIFTIN’ BY
BUT WHEN A SAXOPHONE STARTS MOANING
WELL, THE MOON DROPS OUT OF VIEW
TO BRING A DARKER SHADE OF BLUE

I HEAR A PIANO TWINKLING

AND THE STARS ALL FILL THE NIGHT
A BASS LINE STARTS A CLIMBING
TO MAKE SURE THE STARS SHINE BRIGHT
BUT WHEN A SAXOPHONE STARTS CRYING
THAT’S WHEN NIGHTTIME TAKES ITS CUE
TO TURN A DARKER SHADE OF BLUE
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 44.

SUGAR (CONT'D)
A UKULELE STRUMMING
IS A CAREFREE KINDA SOUND
IT SMILES AND MAKES ME DO THE SAME
BUT NO ONE FLOATS FOREVER
YEAH, AND WHEN I HIT THE GROUND
A TENOR SAX IS WHO’S TO BLAME

A VIOLIN WILL WARM YOU

FROM THE DUSK UNTIL THE DAWN
THE DRUMS ARE LIKE A FRIEND
WHO I CAN ALWAYS COUNT UPON
OH, BUT A SAX IS JUST A MAN
THAT BLOWS A KISS AND THEN HE’S GONE
LIKE A TRAIN THAT’S ONLY PASSING THROUGH
AND LEAVES YOU LONELY AT THE STATION
CALLED A DARKER SHADE OF BLUE

TRANSITION TO:

SCENE 8: ON THE ROAD - A CLUB

The full band gathers for the first time, conducted by Sue. All
instruments join in as Sugar continues the song...

SUGAR
A SAX IS LIKE A SIREN
AND IT’S ONE I KNOW TOO WELL
BUT STILL I NEVER LISTENED
AND EVERY TIME I FELL.
EVERY TIME I FELL

SO KEEP THE MUSIC PLAYING

FROM THE HEART AND ON THE STAND
CAUSE LIFE’S A LONG HARD ROAD
YEAH, BUT IT’S BETTER WITH A BAND!
AND WHEN A SAXOPHONE STARTS WAILING
I PRAY SOMEONE LENDS A HAND
BEFORE HE BREAKS MY ACHING HEART IN TWO

THE LESSON I KEEP LEARNING

IS LET THE BRASS KEEP BURNING
TO KEEP THE NIGHT FROM TURNING
TO A DARKER SHADE OF BLUE
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 45.

SUE
Beautiful, Sugar. Proud of you - that’s the way to kick off this tour. Ladies, I’ve been in this
racket longer than most of you have been alive. Except maybe you, Josephine. And my secret
to success? Work. Hard work.

CLANK. Sugar’s flask drops to the floor. Sue picks it up.

What the hell?

SUGAR
(looking to the heavens)
God has answered our prayers! It’s raining gin!

SUE
You think my rules don’t apply to you, Sugar? No boys, no booze.

Josephine steps in.

JOSEPHINE
Sue? Could I have my flask back?

SUE
(handing it over)
Here you go.
(back to Sugar)
And another thing...
(double-take to Josephine)
Your flask?

JOSEPHINE
I’m just getting over this bronchitis and the nuns always said a nip of scotch was the best thing
for your throat. That and prayer.

SUE
What do you take me--

Josephine holds up a single finger, quietly finishing a prayer.

JOSEPHINE
Amen. Sugar is just covering for me. Thank you, Sugar.

SUE
Ladies, I am leading an all-girl band across America during Prohibition, a Great Depression,
and local discrimination. The Lord’s given me enough to handle and your issues aren’t on His
list.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 46.

DAPHNE
Preach, sister.

SUE
Are the rest of you clear?

Sue turns to Josephine and puts her hand out for the flask.
Josephine takes her hand.

JOSEPHINE
Crystal.

SUE
The flask, Sheboygan.

JOSEPHINE
I thought we were having a nice moment.

SUE
Stop believing everything you think. Five cities left to get it perfect ladies. Back to work.
Sugar?

Everyone takes their spot. Sugar catches eyes with Josephine

and mouths “thank you!” Josephine gives her a wink.

One, two, one two three!

#7 “TAKE IT UP A STEP”

The band swings into an up-tempo beat.

SUGAR
YOU CAN’T CROSS THE FINISH LINE
IF YOU DON’T RUN THE RACE
AND YOU CAN’T HIT THE PEAK WITHOUT THE CLIMB

YOU CAN’T GET TO WHERE YOU WANT

IF YOU JUST STAND IN PLACE
YOU’RE NEVER GONNA GET YOUR FILL

WITH BOTH YOUR DRUMSTICKS STANDING STILL

YOU CAN’T HIT THE OTHER SIDE
WITHOUT THE TRIP AT SEA

THE WELCOME DOESN’T COME WITHOUT THE SCHLEP

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 47.

SUGAR (CONT'D)
SO WHEN YOU THINK THE WORK IS DONE
WELL HONEY, TAKE A TIP FROM ME
YEAH LADIES, WAKE IT UP AND SHAKE IT UP AND TAKE IT UP A STEP

TRANSITION TO:

A CLUB IN DES MOINES

TRAIN CONDUCTOR & PORTER

Des Moines!

Tables roll in. The band is killing.

SUGAR
CAUSE WHEN THE LOCK WON’T SET YA FREE
PERHAPS IT’S TIME TO CHANGE THE KEY
IF WHERE YOU’RE AT AIN’T SOUNDING GREAT
THEN DOLL, IT’S TIME TO MODULATE

THE DEVIL’S RIGHT BEHIND YA

GIRLS, THIS IS NO PLACE TO STOP
LADIES, TAKE IT UP A STEP SO WE CAN TAKE IT TO THE TOP!

TRANSITION TO:

TRAIN CONDUCTOR & PORTER

Omaha!

A REHEARSAL HALL IN OMAHA

The band rehearses. Until...

SUE
Hold it! Stop! You’re playing sweet when you should be playing hot. Use it while you got it,
gals, the heat don’t last forever. Josephine knows what I’m talking about.

DAPHNE
Sue! Oh, Sue! I was thinking...

SUE
Here we go.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 48.

DAPHNE
I wonder if audiences will get bored listening to us play number after number all night long.

SUE
That’s entirely the point of a band, Daphne.

DAPHNE
I think some dancing might jazz things up! Who’s with me? Josephine?

JOSEPHINE
Just remember what the Mother Superior taught us... girls who draw too much attention to
themselves are the first to get shot when the gangsters arrive.

DAPHNE
Lemme show you what I mean, Sue. Can we pick it up from measure 33?

SUE
Okay, prove me wrong. One, two, one, two, three!

The band strikes up and Daphne starts to tap.

VIVIAN
Daphne! Who knew you could tap dance?

DAPHNE
Anyone who’s ever lived a floor below me.
(to Josephine)
Of course, it works better with a partner.

JOSEPHINE
I don’t have the right heels on, darn it all.

DAPHNE
How ‘bout you, Sugar? Can you do this?

SUGAR
I got you, Daphne.

Daphne and Sugar improvise a swell routine.

SUGAR & DAPHNE

TAKE IT UP A STEP

DOLORES
Hot dog! You two make a great team!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 49.

SUE
All right, color me convinced.

JOSEPHINE
Sue? Oh Sue!

DAPHNE
Lazarus wakes.

JOSEPHINE
It’s good. No, it’s good. But if we want it to be great, it feels like it wants to be a trio?

SUE
Fine. You three come up with a routine, and we’ll try it out in Shelbyville.

JOSEPHINE
We could call ourselves The Tip Tap Trio!

SUGAR
Oh, I love that idea, Josephine!

JOSEPHINE
What can I say, Sugar, I’m just full of ideas!

DAPHNE
You’re definitely full of shit.

TRAIN CONDUCTOR & PORTER

Shelbyville!

TRANSITION TO:

A VENUE IN SHELBYVILLE

The Tip Tap Trio finds its groove.

SUGAR, JOSEPHINE, & DAPHNE

WHEN WE WERE ALL JUST LITTLE GIRLS
AND MUSIC CALLED OUR NAME
WE SAT ALONE JUST FINGERING OUR SCALES
BA DOO, BAH DOO, BAH DOOBAH DOOBIE
YOU CAN’T TAKE A SHORTCUT
ON THE ROCKY ROAD TO FAME
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 50.

SUGAR
YOUR EMBOUCHURE MUST COME OF AGE

JOSEPHINE & DAPHNE

BEFORE YOU STEP ONTO THE STAGE

SUGAR, JOSEPHINE, & DAPHNE

SO WHEN WE HIT THE BANDSTAND
FOR THE TIME TO SINK OR SAIL
WE ALL WERE PROS BECAUSE WE DID THE PREP

SUGAR
CAUSE WHEN THE RHYTHM STARTS A-CALLIN’

JOSEPHINE & DAPHNE

AND IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO WAIL

SUGAR, JOSEPHINE, & DAPHNE

YEAH LADIES, WAKE IT UP AND MAKE IT UP AND TAKE IT UP A STEP!

BACK TO:

CHICAGO - BACKSTAGE AT THE CHEETAH CLUB

Mulligan strides on.

MULLIGAN
Time’s up, Spats. I’m shuttering this establishment.

SPATS
I don’t see a warrant.

MULLIGAN
Read it and weep. Racketeering, loan-sharking, bootlegging.

SPATS
I’m a public servant. I give the people what they want.

MULLIGAN
Like murder? Toothpick Charlie?! That’s not prison, that’s the chair.

SPATS
Eh, the big house, the big sleep... big deal. Last I checked, there ain’t no witnesses.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 51.

MULLIGAN
We know two of ‘em slipped through your fingers. Dollars to donuts I find ‘em before you do.

SPATS
I’ll take that bet, copper.
MULLIGAN
(smacking his chest with the warrant)
And now you can add gambling to the list.

BACK TO:

TRAIN CONDUCTOR & PORTER

Wichita!!

A CLUB IN WICHITA

The Tip Tap Trio is knocking ‘em dead.

ALL
TAKE IT UP A STEP

SUGAR, JOSEPHINE, & DAPHNE

NOW SHOW BIZ IS A BIG PRIZEFIGHT
IT HITS YOU WITH A LEFT THEN RIGHT
JUST ONE FALSE STEP WILL TAKE YOU TO THE MAT

BUT IF YOU RISE UP FROM ALL FOURS

THE NEXT BIG HIT JUST MIGHT BE YOURS
YOU’LL BE A KNOCKOUT KID IN NO TIME FLAT!

SYNCOPATORS
NOBODY WANTS TO GO KERSPLAT!
BACK TO:

CHICAGO

SPATS
What’s the point of paying every judge in town if they can’t keep a flatfoot like Mulligan off
my back?! Time to give the people what I want. And I want those Tip Tap clowns dead. Search
every band, every night club, every dance hall from here to Timbuktu.

MACK
That’s in Wisconsin, right boss?
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 52.

SPATS
Don’t make me shoot you. Find those Tip Tap Twins before Mulligan, or we’re all going up the
river. GO!

BACK TO:

TRAIN CONDUCTOR & PORTER

Denver!

THE HOTTEST SPOT IN DENVER

ALL
WE’LL TAKE IT TO THE TOP
IF WE CAN TAKE IT UP A STEP!
SO IF YOU THINK YOUR SWING IS SWUNG
JUST KEEP ON CLIMBING RUNG BY RUNG

SUGAR
FOR WHEN YOUR LIFE SHOWS NOTHING NEW

SUGAR, JOSEPHINE, & DAPHNE

THE NEXT RUNG UP MIGHT CHANGE YOUR VIEW

ALL
WE’VE GOT NO CHOICE EXCEPT TO PROVE
OUR SHOW AIN’T GONNA FLOP

SUGAR
YEAH! WE’VE GOT TO KEEP ON MOVIN’

DAPHNE
YEAH! WE’VE GOT TO KEEP ON MOVIN’

SUGAR
BUILD THAT BEAT BENEATH THE BOP!

JOSEPHINE
BUILD THAT BEAT BENEATH THE BOP!

ALL
LADIES, TAKE IT UP A STEP
SO WE CAN TAKE IT TO THE TOP!
TAKE IT TO THE TOP!

Button!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 53.

SCENE 9: A CLUB IN DENVER

It’s closing time in the club, still a few straggling customers.

The ladies are totally winded after a stellar performance.

SUE
Stellar show, ladies! Tomorrow we arrive in sunny California and we’re peakin’ just in time! A
telegram from San Diego! Minnie?

MINNIE
(holding the telegram)
Opening night at Hotel Del Coronado sold out!

CHEERS!!!

MINNIE
Stop!

They all clam up, chastised.

Oh, no, that’s the end of the telegram. Keep cheering!

MORE CHEERS!

SUE
I’m proud of you gals. So to celebrate, we’re bending Sue’s number one rule...

She checks to see if the coast is clear.

...with a case of genuine, one-hundred proof Canadian giggle juice!

Minnie carries in a crate of booze. The ladies cheer and dig in.

SUE
Next stop California!

DOLORES
Land of palm trees...

DAPHNE
Oranges...

SUGAR
Hollywood!

VIVIAN
Someone’s got movie stars in her eyes.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 54.

GINGER
Bye-bye, Sugar.

TIA
Hello, Sugar Daddy!

DEVON
But if she leaves us, who’s gonna hog the spotlight?

The girls “ooh” and laugh. Sugar stands.

SUGAR
Well, good show, everyone. I’m turning in.
(grabbing a bottle)
See you back on board.

Sugar exits.

DAPHNE
Girls. That’s no way to treat each other. We have to stick together.

JOSEPHINE
I thought men were bad, with their cat calls and wolf whistles. But seeing you make fun of
Sugar like that proves we’re no better than those hairy beasts. We should be using our supple,
perky bodies and soft, shiny hair for good! Shame, I say to you. For. Shame.

DAPHNE
All right, Josephine... I think you’ve made your point?

DOLORES
I think someone’s in love.

JOSEPHINE
Aw, drop dead, Dolores.

As the ladies disperse, trying to salvage the party, Josephine

and Daphne sit to tend to their aching feet, snatching a private
moment.

DAPHNE
Who pissed in your shoe?
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 55.

JOE
(slipping out of character)
You mean my peep-toe, suede-heeled pumps? How do I know that???

DAPHNE
Because you’re a girl--

JOSEPHINE
I’m a girl, I’m a girl.

SUE
(Passing by)
Not at your age, honey.

DAPHNE
Remember, a lady never complains.

JOSEPHINE
Well, you know what, this lady complains. I’m sick of it. I don’t understand why I’m so bad at
this, but you’re actually enjoying yourself!

DAPHNE
I feel like I fit in. These girls get me. They actually listen to what I have to say. Maybe make
friends with some of the other gals instead of just mooning over Sugar.

JOE
What’s the point? As soon as we hit San Diego, we ditch the dames, hop the border, and then
we’re soakin’ in sunshine and tequila, right? Right?

The BAR MANAGER approaches Sue.

BAR MANAGER
Here’s your fee, lady.

SUE
This feels light to me.

BAR MANAGER
That’s a hundred smackers right there.

SUE
I had a deal with Clarence, the owner, and he said two hundred.

BAR MANAGER
Well, Clarence ain’t here. And I’m only paying a hundred. That’s what we in Denver call a life
lesson.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 56.

BAR MANAGER (CONT’D)

(turning back to the bar)
Know your place.

The other ladies start paying attention.

SUE
My place... is standing right here, counting out two hundred dollars.

BAR MANAGER
Beat it, dollface.

SUE
Dollface? You hear this joker?

DAPHNE
I got you, Sue. Buster, the last man who threatened us was twice your size and packing heat,
yet here I stand. I got a magic phrase that shuts up jerk like you.

BAR MANAGER
Lady, I’m not interested in any--

DAPHNE
ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM!

BAR MANAGER
Huh?

#8 “ZEE BAP”

DAPHNE
WHEN A BULLY LIKE YOU GETS BOSSY
AND STARTS A SCREECHIN’ LIKE AN ALLEY CAT
THEN MISTER "ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM"
IS THE PHRASE TO MAKE THAT CAT GO SCAT

SUE
AND WHEN A BLOVIATOR BRAYS OPINIONS
AND DOESN’T PAY A LADY WHAT SHE’S OWED
THEN MISTER, "ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM"
IS THE CODE TO MAKE HIM HIT THE ROAD

JOSEPHINE
WEBSTER'S DICTIONARY TEACHES LANGUAGE SO CLEAN
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 57.

JOSEPHINE & DAPHNE

BUT MR. WEBSTER DOESN’T HAVE THE WORDS THAT WE MEAN

JOSEPHINE
BUT MUSIC HATH THE CHARMS TO SOOTHE THE SAVAGE BREAST

DAPHNE, JOSEPHINE, & SUE

EVEN WHEN “ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEYA” IS WHAT WE’VE EXPRESSSED

DAPHNE
SO WHEN AN ARGUMENT IS AT ITS ZENITH

JOSEPHINE
AND YOU WANNA CURSE AND SAY “YOU DIRTY RAT”

DAPHNE, JOSEPHINE & SUE

THEN MISTER, "ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM"
IS THE CLASSY WAY TO MAKE MEN SCAT

BAR MANAGER
Enough! Take it! Here’s three hundred! You win!!!!

The bar manager hands the bills to Sue and runs for his life.

MINNIE
WHEN A KNUCKLEHEAD GETS TOO HANDSY
AND TRIES TO WRESTLE ME TO THE FLOOR
I’LL TELL HIM,

MINNIE & SYNCOPATORS

"ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM"

MINNIE
AS I KICK HIM RIGHT THROUGH THE DOOR

GINGER
AND WHEN A CAVEMAN LIKE HIM SAYS “DOLLFACE,
IT’S TIME YOU SETTLE DOWN AND BE MY WIFE"
THEN LADIES,

GINGER & SYNCOPATORS

"ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM"

GINGER
WILL TELL HIM "NOT ON YOUR SWEET LIFE!"
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 58.

JOSEPHINE
BLACK OR WHITE OR LATIN, ASIAN

DAPHNE & JOSEPHINE

CHRISTIAN OR JEW
IT'S AWF'LLY NICE TO KNOW THAT WE CAN

DAPHNE, JOSEPHINE & SUE

ALL

ALL
PARLEZ VOUS

SUE, MINNIE, & GINGER

SAY "ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM"

ALL
TO ANY SLIPPERY SNAKE WHO'S TRYIN' TO MAKE YOU
LESS THAN YOU AM!!

The ladies dance in celebration.

ALL
YES, I'M AWF'LLY GLAD WE FOUND EACH OTHER
WE’LL KEEP ON SWINGING TILL THE BATTLE IS DONE

DAPHNE & JOSEPHINE

BY SINGING "ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM"

DAPHNE, JOSEPHINE, & SUE

“ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM"

ALL
"ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM"

DAPHNE, JOSEPHINE, & SUE

SO LISTEN LADIES WE HAVE GOT TO STICK TOGETHER

ALL
TILL THE BATTLE IS WON

DAPHNE, JOSEPHINE, & SUE

ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 59.

ALL
DOO WAA!!!

Button! Play-off!

#8A “ZEE BAP” PLAYOFF

DAPHNE, SUE, & SYNCOPATORS GINGER

“ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET (scatting)
BAM-BAM” “ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET
“ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM!”
BAM-BAM”
“ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET
BAM-BAM”

GINGER & DAPHNE

(scatting)
“ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM!”

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 60.

SCENE 10: THE BAGGAGE CAR

Sugar sits on a stack of steamer trunks, drinking from the flask.

Josephine enters.

JOSEPHINE
Feelin’ blue?

SUGAR
(taking a swig)
I was just having a little alone time.
(offering the flask)
Swig?

JOSEPHINE
Oh, no thank you. Before he left us, my father was married to the bottle. Guess I never saw the
appeal. You could go a little easier.

SUGAR
Don’t worry about me, Josephine. I can stop drinking any time I want to. I just don’t want to!

SUGAR
I know your secret, Josephine.

JOSEPHINE
You do?

SUGAR
You hide your light under a bushel. I do it too. To protect myself. But I see a twinkle in those
big, blue eyes. I can see your heart.

JOSEPHINE
You’ve gone and made me blush.

SUGAR
It won’t kill you to let people see who you really are.

JOSEPHINE
That’s what you think.

SUGAR
For my money, you’re one of the best saxophone players I ever worked with. You’re also the
only one I haven’t kissed.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 61.

JOSEPHINE
The night is young.

SUGAR
You’re funny!

JOSEPHINE
You’re beautiful. But I bet you hear that all day long.

SUGAR
Mostly from men holding open the door so they can check out my caboose. I’ve never met the
man who can simply shake my hand, say “nice to meet you, ma’am. Toodle-oo,” and then
mosey away. No whistling, no panting.

JOSEPHINE
Like cartoon wolves.

SUGAR
You know, you might be my first actual friend out here.

JOSEPHINE
How can you say that? All the girls love you!
(off Sugar’s look)
Most of the girls love you!

SUGAR
Do you ever feel like running away?

JOSEPHINE
On a daily basis.

SUGAR
That’s why I sneak off to the movies.

JOSEPHINE
So that’s where you go every time we hit a new town. Don’t you get blue all alone in the dark?

#9 “AT THE OLD MAJESTIC NICKEL MATINEE”

SUGAR
I’m never alone when I’m watching movies, Josephine. I meet the most interesting characters
up on that silver screen. Ever since I was ten, it only cost a nickel to change my world.

IN A SMALL TOWN IN GEORGIA, YOU REALLY HAD TO SEARCH

FOR SOMETHING ENTERTAINING TO SEE
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 62.

SUGAR (CONT'D)
SO THE BEST SHOW IN TOWN WAS EVERY SUNDAY DOWN IN CHURCH
SURROUNDED BY GOOD PEOPLE WHO LOOKED LIKE ME

OH BUT THEN ONE DAY, A PICTURE PALACE OPENED

FOR A NICKEL YOU COULD DREAM THERE DAY AND NIGHT
AH, BUT THOSE WHO LOOKED LIKE ME
COULD ONLY USE THE BALCONY
LIKE THE MOVIES, LIFE COULD BE THAT BLACK AND WHITE...

BUT UP THERE ON THE SCREEN THERE WAS ROMANCE

AND THE MAKE BELIEVE WOULD CARRY ME AWAY
BECAUSE NO ONE I’D EVER SEEN
WERE LIKE THE STARS UP ON THE SCREEN
AT THE OLD MAJESTIC NICKEL MATINEE

IN THOSE MOVIES I SAW, THINGS LOOKED DIFFERENT

SOMEONE ELSE’S WORLD WAS UP THERE ON DISPLAY
FOR NOT ONE VAMP OR WALL STREET WIFE
HELD UP A MIRROR TO MY LIFE
AT THE OLD MAJESTIC NICKEL MATINEE

SO I WOULD PRETEND THAT IT WAS ME UP THERE

BUT WITH MARY PICKFORD PLAYING MY MAID
THAT I WAS THE STAR LIVING LIFE WITHOUT A CARE
WHO NEVER WAS ALONE OR FELT AFRAID

WE COULD NEVER SIT WITH THOSE WHO SAT BELOW US

KEPT OUT OF SIGHT, BUT HECK, IT CAUSED ME NO DISMAY
BESIDES, I WASN’T THINKING OF ‘EM,
I WOULD RATHER BE ABOVE ‘EM
AT THE OLD MAJESTIC NICKEL MATINEE

JOSEPHINE
You’re already a star in my book, all you need is the camera. What’s stopping you from just
going out there and doing it?

SUGAR
Only the world, Josephine.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 63.

SUGAR (CONT’D)
A HANDFUL OF NICKELS, WAS ALL I EVER HAD
BUT I BELIEVED THAT SOMETHING HAD TO CHANGE
SO, UP THERE ON THE SCREEN, I DECIDED
THAT A YOUNG GIRL JUST LIKE ME WOULD LOOK ONE DAY

AND DRAPED IN DIAMONDS AND IN FUR,

SHE WOULD SEE SOMEONE JUST LIKE HER
AND HER HOPES AND DREAMS WOULD NEVER HAVE TO STAY
AT THE OLD MAJESTIC NICKEL MATINEE

Sugar rests her head on Josephine’s shoulder. Josephine takes

her hand.

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 64.

SCENE 11: THE HOTEL DEL CORONADO - LOBBY

Paradise. The hotel is a beehive of activity.

BELLHOP 1 (OFF)
Hotel Del Coronado, may I help you?

BELLHOP 2 (OFF)
Hotel Del Coronado, may I be of service?

BELLHOP 3 (OFF)
Hotel Del Coronado, please hold...

BELLHOPS
PAGING MR. FIELDING

BELLHOP 2
TELEGRAM!
TELEGRAM!

BELLHOPS
PHONE FOR MR. FIELDING!

BELLHOP 3
WALL STREET CALLING!

BELLHOP 4
YOUR MOTHER CALLING!

BELLHOPS
TELL US MR. FIELDING
WHAT’S THE KEY TO YOUR SUCCESS?
YOU SEEM TO FLOAT ABOVE A WORLD
THAT’S TOTALLY A MESS!

Reveal OSGOOD FIELDING III. Goodness personified, if a

little socially awkward.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 65.

#10 “A POOR LITTLE MILLIONAIRE”

OSGOOD
Well...
THEY SAY THE GREAT DEPRESSION’S GOTTEN EVERYBODY’S GOAT
BUT POPS INVENTED ROOT BEER AND IT’S KEEPING ME AFLOAT!
AND SO I’VE SAILED THE SEVEN SEAS TO FIND MYSELF A MATE
LOVE COMES AND GOES AND HEAVEN KNOWS I’VE SPENT A LOT ON BAIT!
YES, MONEY CAN BE MADE OR LOST, FOR THAT’S WHAT MONEY DOES
BUT THAT’S NOT WHY AT NIGHT I CRY, THE REASON IS BECUZ...

I LIKE SAILING ON EV'RY COAST

I'VE GOT MILLIONS BUT I CAN'T BOAST
BECAUSE I'M MISSING WHAT I NEED MOST
I'M A POOR LITTLE MILLIONAIRE

BELLHOPS
DOO WOP, DOO WOP!

OSGOOD
MOST GIRLS THINK I'M A PERFECT MATCH

BELLHOPS
YEAH!

OSGOOD
THEY SEE ME AND THINK "OOH. WHAT A CATCH!"

BELLHOPS
MM. MM.

OSGOOD
BUT ALL MY LOVERS GO DOWN THE HATCH
I'M A POOR LITTLE MILLIONAIRE

BELLHOPS
DOO WOP. DOO WOP BOP!

OSGOOD
I PAY MY TAXES. I GOT NO DEBT
I'M JUST A LITTLE POT O' GOLD

BELLHOPS
POT O' GOLD
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 66.

OSGOOD
SO I KEEP CASTING OUT MY FISHING NET
BUT THE ONLY THING I CATCH IS A COLD

BELLHOPS
AWW.

OSGOOD
BUT I'LL KEEP SAILING ACROSS THE SEA
UNTIL THAT SIREN STARTS BECKONING ME
AND WHEN WE MERGE I'LL NO LONGER BE JUST

OSGOOD & BELLHOPS

A POOR LITTLE MILLIONAIRE!

BELLHOPS
DOO WOW!

The ladies in the band enter carrying luggage and instruments.

SUE
The Hotel Del Coronado! We made it.

DAPHNE
Smell that ocean air!

JOSEPHINE
It almost makes you want to run away to Mexico!

SUGAR
It looks like a movie set!

Daphne wanders off to look at the lobby, walking past

Osgood... who is instantly smitten.

DAPHNE
I’ve never seen anything like it! The view is...

DAPHNE OSGOOD
...absolutely beautiful! Absolutely beautiful!

OSGOOD
I WAS SITTING IN SAD REPOSE
BUT THEN THE BOAT STARTED ROCKIN'
AND THAR SHE BLOWS!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 67.

BELLHOPS
WOO!

OSGOOD
SO NOW I'M HOPING THAT LORELEI GOES
FOR A POOR LITTLE MILLIONAIRE

BELLHOPS
DOO WOP, DOO WOP!

OSGOOD
LIKE CAPTAIN AHAB I'M IN MY PRIME
AND I COULD SHOW YOU A WHALE OF A TIME
I PRAY YOU AREN'T PUT OFF THAT I'M
JUST A POOR LITTLE MILLIONAIRE

BELLHOPS
DOO WOP, DOO WOP. BOP!

OSGOOD
I'VE BEEN LOOKIN' FOR A GAL FOR WHOM CASH IS NOT AN APHRODISIAC

BELLHOPS
GOOD LUCK.

OSGOOD
CAUSE THE NIGHTS ARE LONELY ONLY COUNTIN' YOUR STASH AND
THOUGH I LOVE MY MONEY, IT DOESN'T KISS BACK

BELLHOPS
AWW

OSGOOD
DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
IT SURE IS WHETTING MY APPETITE
AND SAY YOU'LL SAIL ON MY YACHT TONIGHT
WITH THIS

OSGOOD & BELLHOPS

POOR LITTLE MILLIONAIRE

Daphne steps out of her shoe. Osgood retrieves it.

OSGOOD
Allow me to introduce myself, I am Osgood Fielding the Third.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 68.

DAPHNE
(Taking the shoe back. )
I guess that makes me Cinderella the Second.

OSGOOD
I’m the proprietor of this humble oasis. We aim to make all our guests feel equally welcome
and properly pampered. (Osgood notices Daphne struggling...) May I help you with your case?

DAPHNE
I can do my own heavy lifting, thank you.

OSGOOD
You must be with the band! I’ve a front row table for your show tonight.

DAPHNE
I’ll try not to spit on you.

OSGOOD
Oh, don’t hold back on my account. I’m a Pisces.

DAPHNE
Good! Then you know there are other fish in the sea.

Daphne hoists the fiddle case over her head and marches into
the hotel. Josephine and Sugar pass Osgood.

OSGOOD
(stopping Josephine and Sugar)
Pardon me. Might you know that young Aphrodite’s name?

JOSEPHINE
Who, Daphne?

OSGOOD
Daphne!
(GASP.)
Time stands still.
(”Stella!”)
DAPHNE!!!!!

BELLHOPS
OOO
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 69.

OSGOOD
MY POOR LOVE LIFE WAS ALL AT SEA
I WAS ALL RESIGNED TO WALK THE PLANK

BELLHOPS
WALK THE PLANK!

OSGOOD
BUT NOW MY HEART'S

BELLHOPS
OOO

OSGOOD
FEELING QUITE FANCY-FREE
SO LET'S BUST OPEN MY PIGGY BANK!

BELLHOPS
PIGGY!

OSGOOD & BELLHOPS

BE MY MATEY

OSGOOD
AND SAY "AYE AYE"

BELLHOPS
AYE!

OSGOOD
THEN NEXT STEP BABY, WE'LL HIT THE SKY

OSGOOD & BELLHOPS

ON THE KIND OF HAPPINESS MONEY CAN'T BUY
WITH YOUR POOR LITTLE MILL---IONAIRE

BELLHOPS
MILLIONAIRE!

OSGOOD
WOO!

Button! Osgood runs into the hotel in hot pursuit.

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 70.

Hubbub as a few GRIPS carry huge lights and a camera on a

tripod past the straggling Syncopators by the check-in desk.

VIVIAN
Is everybody seeing this? Lights!

DOLORES
Camera!

VIVIAN
Action!

GINGER
They must be filming a movie here!

JOSEPHINE
You hear that, Sugar? This could be your big break!

SUGAR
Oh, Josephine, can you imagine?! Maybe they’ll send scouts to the show tonight! I better
unpack my dainties and rest up just in case!

JOSEPHINE
Enjoy your dainties!

Sugar heads off.

A MAN WITH A SUITCASE enters. He bumps into Josephine.

JOSEPHINE
Oh, I beg your pardon.

MAN WITH SUITCASE

Clumsy American. Vhy don’t you vatch vhere you’re going, Grandma?!

The man sets his suitcase down by Josephine’s feet, turns to the
unmanned check-in desk and rings the bell obnoxiously.

(DING DING DING)

Hallooo???
(DING DING DING)
Service!

While the man is distracted with his ringing, Josephine grabs

his luggage and skedaddles.

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 71.

SCENE 12: ROOM 226 - THE HOTEL DEL CORONADO

Jerry fixes his makeup. Joe rushes in.

JOE
How old do I look?! Women’s Wear Daily said a cape is supposed to take ten years off.

Joe starts taking off his wig and his dress.

DAPHNE
Aw, lighten up, Joe. We’re in California!

JOE
You sound like you’re on vacation.

DAPHNE
We’re sitting pretty. We get room and board, paid every week, there’s palm trees and the ocean--

JOE
Who gives a flying fish?! Moment of truth time, brother. Mexico’s less than an hour away.
Come on! I swiped this bag from the lobby. See if anything fits.
(checking out the luggage tag)
Sorry... Kiplinger Von Der Plotz. Hope you weren’t planning on wearing your lederhosen to the
pool, ya jerk.

Joe pops open the suitcase and pulls out men’s clothes.

DAPHNE
Have you forgotten we’re sold out tonight?

JOE
Have you forgotten bad people are trying to kill us???

DAPHNE
What are the odds they would ever look here?

JOE
I’m not taking those chances.

DAPHNE
Now you stop gambling? Look, I don’t want to walk away from this job and these friends. I
finally feel seen, and you expect me to just leave that behind?

JOE
Bingo. That’s the hand we were dealt when we saw three men get murdered, Jerry!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 72.

DAPHNE
It’s Daphne, please.

JOE
I’m not playing anymore! Now find something to put on!

DAPHNE
No! Let me tell you something, brother. We’ve always done what Joe wants because if we
don’t, things will be a complete disaster. But what did that get us? Disaster after disaster after
disaster. So now I’m doing what I want, and what I want is to stay here. Can’t you see that I’m
finally happy?

JOE
Thanks a lot. Glad to know our whole life up to this point has been such misery.

DAPHNE
It’s not about you!

JOE
Clearly. I’m outta here.

DAPHNE
Like father, like son, huh?

JOE
Not fair. This is totally different.

DAPHNE
I know you, Joseph.

JOE
Oh yeah? Bet you don’t know what I’m gonna say next...

DAPHNE JOE
Adios? Adios!

JOE
Dammit!

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 73.

SCENE 13: A HALLWAY IN THE HOTEL DEL CORONADO

Evening hubbub at the hotel. Joe enters with suitcase.

The Man with Suitcase berates a Bellhop.

MAN WITH SUITCASE

How do you just lose a suitcase? Don’t you know who I am? A famous Hollywood
screenwriter!

BELLHOP
I’m sorry, sir!

MAN WITH SUITCASE

You will be ven I zee you fired!

The man exits, leaving the forlorn Bellhop speechless.

JOE
Don’t sweat it, kid. Zome schmucks take zemselves a little too zeriously, javol?

SUGAR
(Entering)
I like your accent.

JOE
Danke (turns and sees her) Sugar!

SUGAR
Hey, how’d ya know my name?

JOE
(laying on a clipped, Austrian accent)
Please. Excuse me. Ven I am nervous, I call everyvun Sugar.

SUGAR
I hope I don’t make you nervous.

JOE
Oh, nein, nein...
(offering his hand)
It is nice to meet you, ma’am. Toodle-oo.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 74.

SUGAR
WAIT! I didn’t catch your name.

JOE
I’m... Kiplinger Von Der Plotz but call me “Kip.”

SUGAR
Lemme guess, you’re here with the movie.

JOE
Guilty.

SUGAR
I bet you’re the director!

JOE
Nein, nein. I’m just ze lowly screenwriter.

SUGAR
Really?! How many movies have you written?

JOE
Nine. You are an actress?

SUGAR
Someday. I’m here with the band. Tonight’s our opening night!

JOE
Ah! Break a leg! Or, as we say in Vienna, “Brekken... ein lekken... gedorf.”

SUGAR
Why don’t you come and see the show tonight?

JOE
I’m afraid I must say

SUGAR
Nein?

JOE
You are a bright, shining star, Sugar.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 75.

SUGAR
And you don’t know what you’re missing, Kip. Toodle-oo.

Sugar winks and exits. Joe tears himself away.

JOE
Dammit!

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 76.

SCENE 14: THE CHEETAH CLUB

SPATS
Talk fast.

MACK
A flyer from Sammy the Snake’s club in Wichita.

SPATS
Sweet Sue’s Society Syncopators featuring... The Tip Tap Trio. Bingo. They’re heading West.
Let’s go hunting. I want their heads mounted on my wall.

TRANSITION TO:

THE HALLS OF THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE

MULLIGAN
We finally got a tip. Spats Colombo just booked three first class tickets to California. If we
don’t move fast, we’re gonna have more blood on our hands. Goodbye Chicago...

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 77.

SCENE 15: THE BALLROOM AT THE HOTEL DEL CORONADO - EVENING

#11 “SOME LIKE IT HOT”

Lights up on Sue and (most of) her band.

In the audience stage right, Osgood sits at a two-top with a

huge bouquet of flowers.

SUE
Hello San Diego! There’s something on the menu for everyone tonight, so we hope you like it
HOT!

THE WORLD IS LIKE THIS SUPPER CLUB

THE LORD ABOVE THE MAITRE D’
HE THROWS A MENU DOWN
LETS YOU PERUSE THEN ASKS YA “WHAT’LL IT BE?”
THE CHOICES ARE MANY, SO RISK IT, LOVE!
AND HAVE IT YOUR OWN WAY
CAUSE, WHATEVER BUTTERS YOUR BISCUIT LOVE
IS FINE BY ME, WHICH IS WHY I SAY...

SOME LIKE A COOL PASTORAL SCENE

WITH ROLLING HILLS IN WOODS OF GREEN
IT’S HEAVEN SENT TO PITCH A TENT TO BILL AND COO
SOME LIKE A WARM HAWAIIAN CLIME
WHERE ONE CAN REALLY TAKE ONE’S TIME
AND HIT THE SACK IN A GRASS SHACK JUST MADE FOR TWO

SOME LIKE IT NIPPY ON THE ICE

CAUSE THEN THE SHEETS ARE PARADISE
KEEP RUBBING HIPS UNTIL YOUR LIPS STOP TURNING BLUE
SOME LIKE IT ROUGH, SOME LIKE IT TAME
GIVE ME A MOTH WHO LOVES THE FLAME
SOME LIKE IT HOT AND HOT IS WHAT I GOT FOR YOU

Sugar takes center stage.

SUGAR
NOW, ON A SULTRY SUMMER DAY
SOME CONSUMMATE WITH CONSOMMÉ
YES, AS A RULE IT KEEPS THINGS COOL AS MOUNTAIN AIR
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 78.

SUGAR (CONT'D)
AND THOUGH THE POSTMAN MIGHT RING TWICE
SOME LIKE THE MAN WHO BRINGS THE ICE
HE COMETH WITH HIS BLOCK TO STOCK MY FRIGIDAIRE

TO WARM THE COCKLES OF THEIR HEART

SOME LIKE A FRESH YOUNG APPLE TART
BUT IN A STORM JUST BEING WARM WILL NEVER DO

BUT IF YOU’VE A YEN FOR EGG FOO YUNG

MINE’S GUARANTEED TO BURN YOUR TONGUE
SOME LIKE IT HOT AND HOT IS WHAT I GOT FOR YOU

DAPHNE
IF EVERYBODY WAS THE SAME, WELL
LIFE WOULD BE A BORE

SUGAR
IF MANNY GOES WITH SAMMY, HELL
THAT’S WHAT HE’S YEARNING FOR

DAPHNE
LET DIFFERENT RHYTHMS MOVE YOUR SEAT
FOR I HAVE OFTEN FOUND

DAPHNE & SUGAR

WE ALL DANCE TO A DIFFERENT BEAT
AND THAT’S WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND

SUE
(to Daphne)
Where the hell is Josephine?

SUE
SHOBE DOOBE DOOT DEE DOOT DE DOW
SHOBE DOOBE DOOT DEE DOW

DILLIYA DOOT, DILLYA DOOT, DILLYA DOOT DI DOW,

SUE, DAPHNE, SUGAR, & PATRONS

DILLIYA DOOT, DILLYA DOOT, DILLYA DOOT DI DOW

SUE
DILLIYA DOOT, DILLYA DOOT, DILLYA DOOT DI DOT DOW
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 79.

SUE
Everybody dance!

SUE
IF YOU LIKE YOUR SEAFOOD SALTY
COME AND CAST YOUR LINE AT ME

DAPHNE
IF NOT JUST KEEP ON DIVING
FOR SOME NEW FISH IN THE SEA!

SUE & DAPHNE

THE WORLD’S A GREAT BIG CANDY STORE
SO LET YOUR TOOTSIE ROLL

SUGAR
COME DANCE ON THROUGH OUR SWINGIN’ DOOR
AND PUT SOME SUGAR IN YOUR BOWL!!!

Suddenly Joe enters, in full Kip Von Der Plotz regalia.

ALL
SO LADIES, HADES IS THE SPOT
TO BE WHAT ANGELS SURE ARE NOT
SOME LIKE IT HOT AND HOT IS WHAT I GOT FOR YOU
SOME LIKE IT HOT AND HOT IS WHAT I GOT FOR YOU

Osgood and Kip leap to their feet, competing for who can
applaud the loudest and the fastest.

Sugar and Daphne freeze in the button, one beaming, one

steaming.

END OF ACT I
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 80.

ACT II

SCENE 1: THE BALLROOM AT THE HOTEL DEL CORONADO - EVENING

#12 ENTR’ACTE

The stage just as we left it, but the end of the big show.

ALL
SO LADIES, HADES IS THE SPOT
TO BE WHAT ANGELS SURE ARE NOT
SOME LIKE IT HOT AND HOT IS WHAT I’VE GOT FOR--

Button! Osgood and Kip leap to their feet again.

SUE
Thanks for making our opening a real gas, San Diego! Dance us out, girls!

As the ladies launch into “TAKE IT UP A STEP,” we

TRANSITION TO:

JUST OFF-STAGE

Kip and Osgood flank Daphne and Sugar. Upstage, the number
continues almost in pantomime.

(NOTE: the script will now differentiate between when Joe is

speaking as himself and when he’s speaking as Kip.)

KIP
Sugar! Gott in Himmel! You were... in German, the word is “Zowiedergeltegeschlaffen!”

SUGAR
Thank you, Kip. I’m so happy you decided to stay!

OSGOOD
Jeepers, Daphne, is there anything you can’t do?

DAPHNE
Stay here and talk with you.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 81.

SUGAR
Ooh, Kip, please meet my friend Daphne.

KIP
Ah! Daphne, is it? Kip Von Der Plotz. The pleasure is all mine.

Kip holds out his hand, praying Daphne plays along.

DAPHNE
You got that right.

SUGAR
Say, Kip, let me get out of these taps and throw on a look.

KIP
Meet you in ze gazebo for a midnight stroll.

SUGAR
Can’t wait!
Sugar exits.

SYNCOPATORS
WAKE IT UP
AND SHAKE IT UP
AND TAKE IT UP A STEP

Sue enters in a fury.

SUE
Where is she? Where’s Josephine? I’ll kill her for leavin’ us high and dry.

DAPHNE
Let’s confront her in our room. Right now. As fast as our feet can take us. Nice to meetcha,
Kip!

Daphne and Sue bolt upstage. Kip and Osgood are left alone.

OSGOOD
Allow me to introduce myself...

Kip bolts stage right.

...some other time.

SYNCOPATORS
LADIES, TAKE IT UP A STEP
SO WE CAN TAKE IT TO THE TOP!
TAKE IT TO THE TOP!

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 82.

SCENE 2: ROOM 226

The bed comes in from stage right. Josephine lies prone, the
covers pulled up to her chin like Little Red Riding Hood’s
granny.

Daphne and Sue barge in.

SUE
Josephine! Who do you think you are, bailing on the show... oh! You look clammy as hell.

JOSEPHINE
I’m so sorry, Sue. I have terrible food poisoning. I’ll spare you the gory details.

SUE
Thank you.

JOSEPHINE
Suffice it to say, I am empty.

SUE
Understood.

JOSEPHINE
That bathroom is going to sue me.

SUE
I’m begging you to stop.

JOSEPHINE
So did the toilet.

SUE
Daphne, make sure she’s full of fluids.

DAPHNE
I got you, Sue.

Daphne closes the door as Sue exits.

JOSEPHINE
Heheheh.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 83.

DAPHNE
How the hell did you beat us up here?

JOE
Houdini never reveals his secrets.

DAPHNE
What happened to your disappearing act?

JOE
I just couldn’t say “nein” to a little sugar.

A knock at the door.

SUGAR
Josephine? Daphne? Anybody home?

JOE
Behave.

DAPHNE
You behave.

JOE DAPHNE
Nu, you. You.

JOSEPHINE
Is that Sugar? Don’t let her see me like this, felled by food poisoning!

SUGAR
Oh, how horrible, Josephine. You had me so worried!

JOSEPHINE
How was the show? Tell me everything.

SUGAR
I met someone. A Hollywood screenwriter! We’re off for a midnight stroll.

DAPHNE
I’ve heard those Hollywood types like to take liberties. Why don’t you stay in with me and
Josephine and stand that fella up?
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 84.

SUGAR
Don’t you worry, Daphne, I can handle myself.

JOSEPHINE
You go have fun, Sugar. And if you feel like sleeping with him tonight, you should definitely
sleep with him tonight.

A knock on the door.

OSGOOD
Daphne? Are you there?

DAPHNE
It’s Osgood Fielding the Third. Not a peep.

JOSEPHINE
Come in, Osgood!

DAPHNE
Hello, Osgood. How ever did you find us?

Osgood enters carrying an ornate gift box.

OSGOOD
I floated to your door on wafts of huckleberry and sweet lilac.

SUGAR
Four’s a crowd, gotta dangle.

JOSEPHINE
Have fun, Sugar! I can’t wait to hear everything!

SUGAR
Feel better, kiddo. Wish me luck!

And she’s gone.

OSGOOD
Daphne, won’t you join me for an intimate dinner on my yacht tonight? The Caledonia Seven
awaits!

DAPHNE
The Caledonia Seven? What happened to the first six?
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 85.

OSGOOD
Turns out learning to sail is a lot harder than it looks.

DAPHNE
I’m afraid boats don’t agree with me, Osgood.

OSGOOD
Shame to let all that food and champagne go to waste. I even gave the crew the night off.

JOSEPHINE
Osgood, the real way to Daphne’s heart is to take her out dancing! All... night... long!

DAPHNE
I should stay in and nurse you back to health, Josephine.

JOSEPHINE
Pish posh. Treat yourself, Daphne. Live for the both of us!

OSGOOD
Perhaps this might persuade.

Daphne opens the box and removes a gorgeous, lacquered fan.

OSGOOD
It was my grandmother’s. It suits you.

DAPHNE
Osgood, I wouldn’t presume to take this.

OSGOOD
Oh, but she would want someone beautiful to have it.

DAPHNE
It would be good for these hot nights.

OSGOOD
Some like it hot.

JOSEPHINE
Get a room! Say, Osgood, can we see your yacht from the window?

OSGOOD
Should be able to.

Osgood crosses to the window, his back to them. Joe throws

back the covers.
Ah yes, there she is!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 86.

DAPHNE
Which one?

OSGOOD
It’s the charming little sloop in the first slip.

JOSEPHINE
Will you look at that!

Daphne turns to see Joe in his tux, seizes Osgood’s hands to

prevent him from turning around.

DAPHNE
Sweet Jesus, we praise thee for thy bounty. Thou giveth and taketh and walketh

Joe saunters out the door.

DAPHNE
So that we may walk in his footsteps, Amen.

OSGOOD
I’m a Presbyterian, just to be clear. Shall we take Josephine’s advice and cut a rug til sun-up?

Daphne crosses to the nightstand to fetch Gideon’s bible.

DAPHNE
Sorry, but I have a date with my bible. Can’t stand up the Lord!

Minnie, Ginger, Vivian, and Dolores burst through the door.

MINNIE
Shake a leg, Daphne! We’re hitting the town!

VIVIAN
And we need Good Time Daphne!

DAPHNE
Ladies, I’ve shut this down for the night.

SYNCOPATORS
Please, please, please // Come ON, Daphne // We neeeeeed you

DAPHNE
Thank you. I would join you all... But there’s simply nothing open at this hour in San Diego!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 87.

OSGOOD
I’ll tell you what’s open at this hour in San Diego... Mexico!

The ladies scream with delight.

DAPHNE
Well, shit.

OSGOOD
I’ll hire a fleet of taxis and we’ll all cruise south of the border and dance until the rooster
crows.

DAPHNE
But... I need to be fresh for rehearsal in the morning.

#13 “LET’S BE BAD”

OSGOOD
Oh, Daphne...
IT’S TRUE YOUR BIBLE SAYS ABSTAIN
AND THAT MY POOR BACK IS WRACKED WITH PAIN
STILL...WHILE I’M ABLE TO RAISE CAIN
LET’S BE BAD!

EVEN THOUGH I’M OLD AS MOSES

THOSE COMMANDMENTS HE PROPOSES
THEY DON’T END UP IN A BED OF ROSES
LET’S BE BAD!

YOUR HEAD IS SPINNING

BUT I’M JUST BEGINNING
THE NIGHT IS FOR SINNING
AND WHEN YOU RETURN FROM OUR GREAT AFFAIR
YOUR MR. GIDEON WILL STILL BE THERE

CHEMISTRY HAS CERTAIN RULES

THAT THEY DON’T TEACH IN SUNDAY SCHOOLS
CARE TO POOL OUR MOLECULES?
LET’S BE BAD!

DAPHNE
Well, it might be a little soon for pooling molecules... but fine. Count me in!

OSGOOD
I’ll summon the chariots!!!

Osgood heads out.

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 88.

VIVIAN
Daphne, you can’t go out in your show costume!

MINNIE
I got something that might work!

DAPHNE
(as Vivian exits)
Well, just as long as it’s demure and sensible.

DOLORES
Conservatory, nothing you see tonight will be demure or sensible.

The ladies pounce on Daphne. Makeover time!

DOLORES
WHEN MY TOP IS SET TO BLOW
THEN MY FAVORITE WORD IS “NO”
CAUSE IT POINTS THE WAY TO GO
LET’S BE BAD!

MINNIE
IF YOU SAY SOMETHING IS TABOO
WELL, THAT’S THE THING I WANT TO DO
DO IT TILL I’M BLACK AND BLUE

SMALL GROUP
LET’S BE BAD!

VIVIAN
REHEARSALS WERE BRUTAL
SO I’M WETTIN’ MY NOODLE
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE
CAUSE TONIGHT THE HEAT COMES FROM BELOW
WHEN I’LL BE SHAKIN’ MY MARACAS IN MEXICO!

GINGER
WHY STAY IN WITH BIBLE THUMPING?
GET YOUR SACRED HEART A-PUMPING
I’VE GOT SOME BEANS TO GET YOU JUMPING!
LET’S BE BAD!

Daphne re-emerges, looking absolutely stunning.

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 89.

DAPHNE
NEIGHBOR, OPEN UP YOUR DOOR
YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE KNOCKING FOR
BEING GOOD IS SUCH A BORE
LET’S BE BAD!

LADIES, I WAS SET FOR BED

UNTIL I SAW THIS SHADE OF RED!
I MAY BE GOOD, BUT HONEY, I AIN’T DEAD!
LET’S BE BAD!

Everyone is ready to go and we

TRANSITION TO:

A CANTINA IN MEXICO - AFTER MIDNIGHT

Our revelers burst in and take over the joint, Daphne on

Osgood’s arm. Happily, it should be noted.

ALL
WE’RE COURTIN’ DISORDER
BY CROSSING THE BORDER

DAPHNE
GIRL, JUST DON’T DRINK THE WATER!

ALL
F.D.R. COULD TAKE SOME TIPS FROM ME
FOR A REAL GOOD NEIGHBOR POLICY

OSGOOD
I CAN’T SEE THE USE IN WAITING
YOUR LIPS ARE INTOXICATING
DO MY HIPS NEED SOME TRANSLATING?
LET’S BE BAD

Dance break!

ALL
LET’S BE BAD!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 90.

DAPHNE & OSGOOD

LET’S BE BAD

ALL
HERE’S THE KEY FOR MY IGNITION
HIT THE GAS TO MY TRANSMISSION
WHEN YOU HEAR THE THINGS I’M WISHIN’
YOU WON’T OFFER OPPOSITION

DAPHNE & OSGOOD

LET’S PROHIBIT PROHIBITION!

DAPHNE
LET’S

OSGOOD & ENSEMBLE

LET’S

DAPHNE
BE

OSGOOD & ENSEMBLE

BE

DAPHNE
BAD!

OSGOOD & ENSEMBLE

BAD!

ALL
SOME LIKE IT HOT AND THAT AIN’T BAD!

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 91.

SCENE 3: THE CALEDONIA SEVEN

Kip leads Sugar below deck into a decadent stateroom.

SUGAR
Goodness, Kip, how fun. I thought you said midnight stroll not midnight cruise.

KIP
Vell, as ze old saying goes... vhy walk vhen you can inzedinghygebobbin?

SUGAR
Let’s start with some of that bubbly!

KIP
Allow me! Please make yourself comfortable. I’ll handle zis decorkenpöpin.

Kip moves behind the wet bar.

SUGAR
Kip, your English is so... charming.

CRASH! The champagne bottle “slips” out of his fingers and

smashes to the floor behind the bar.

KIP
Ach, I spilled the champagne! Butterhands!

SUGAR
That’s okay. I didn’t come here for champagne.

KIP
Oh, nein?

SUGAR
(patting the seat next to her)
Nein.

KIP
Sugar. I have to tell you the truth...

SUGAR
Hey. Sealed lips are my specialty.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 92.

KIP
This isn’t my boatengefloaten. It’s a loaner from the studio. You see, I have an acute case of
writer’s clog. Zo, the studio ztuck me on zis boat and zaid, “Kiplinger, don’t even zink about
getting off until you are... un-clogged.”

SUGAR
Maybe I can help. What’s the movie about?

KIP
Vell, fade in... on two... dancers who witness a murder. Zo they must join... a traveling circus
und disguise zemselves as escape artists to hide from gangsters who are chasing zem.

SUGAR
How exciting! Do they get away?

KIP
Not before vun of zem falls in love viz... ze beautiful trapeze artist. But he can never tell her
who he really is because it vould endanger her life.

SUGAR
So romantic, I love it! How does it end?

KIP
Zis is the problem. I can’t see how.

SUGAR
How about this... the gangsters show up, aaaaaand the dancer has to run away, climbing all the
way up to the trapeze perch...

KIP
Ja! Uuuuuud just as he and his trapeze artist swing out, over the crowd, away from the
gangsters, avay from the vorld, he tells her the truth and she forgives him and they kiss in mid-
air.

SUGAR
That’s it! And as they wrap themselves in a lover’s embrace, the gangsters fire on them... RAT-
TAT-TAT-TAT!!! And they plunge to their deaths... KERSPLAT.

KIP
Ze studio wants a comedy.

SUGAR
Oh. Then the gangsters get trampled by elephants, and they all live happily ever after!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 93.

KIP
I love it! I can finally get off zis boat and show my face on ze zet!

SUGAR
I’m not ready to get off this boat. Why don’t we sail away? We can be in Hollywood by
morning. Fade in on no Depression, no troubles, no worries.

KIP
You were born for the close-up.

SUGAR
Dance with me, Kip.

KIP
I am afraid I have two right feet.

SUGAR
Perfect, I have two left ones. I’ll teach you, c’mere. Now, put your body against mine. And
sway.

#14 “LET’S DANCE THE WORLD AWAY”

KIP
Look, ma, I’m svaying.

SUGAR
WHEN THE WORLD IS DARK AND GLOOMY
AND YOU CAN'T FACE ANOTHER DAY
WELL THEN, JUST BRING YOUR ARMS CLOSER TO ME
AND LET'S DANCE THE WORLD AWAY

WHEN A MILLIONAIRE’S ON BREADLINES

AND THERE ISN'T A BILL YOU CAN PAY
DARLING, JUST TURN YOUR HEAD FROM THE HEADLINES
AND LET'S DANCE THE WORLD AWAY

LET'S BUILD A NEW UTOPIA

WHERE EVERYTHING'S AS IT SHOULD BE
YES, LET'S MAKE AN EDEN
IN GREENLAND OR SWEDEN!
WHEREVER YOU ARE IS LIKE HEAVEN TO ME
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 94.

SUGAR (CONT'D)
WHEN IT SEEMS THERE'S JUST NO WINNING
TAKE MY WORD IT WILL ALL BE OK
EV'RY STEP STARTS A BRAND NEW BEGINNING
SO LET'S DANCE THE WORLD
LET'S DANCE THE WORLD AWAY

You picked that up pretty quickly, I’m impressed.

KIP
You know what, I think I am getting ze hang of zis.

SUGAR
Kip, you devil!

KIP
WHEN THE NOISE FROM POLITICIANS
TRIES TO LEAD ALL OUR HOPES ASTRAY
JUST ELECT ONLY SWINGTIME MUSICIANS
THEN LET'S DANCE THE WORLD AWAY!

THOUGH WE CAN'T BLOCK OUT THE CHATTER

WE CAN TAKE TO THE PARQUET
TO OUR FEET THAT CHATTER DON'T MATTER
SO LET'S DANCE THE WORLD AWAY!
BOTH
LET'S MAKE OUR OWN OASIS
AND TELL ALL OUR TROUBLES "TA-TA!"

SUGAR
DARLING, LET'S HIT NIRVANA

SUGAR
OR AT LEAST TIJUANA!

BOTH
AS LONG AS WE'RE DANCING
THE WORLD'S SHANGRI-LA...

Dance break
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 95.

BOTH
LET'S DANCE THE WORLD AWAY!
LET'S DANCE THE WORLD AWAY!

ENSEMBLE
LET'S DANCE THE WORLD
LET'S DANCE THE WORLD AWAY!

Dance break continues.

KIP
I HAD TWO RIGHT FEET THIS MORNING

SUGAR
BUT NOW PLEASE LET THE MUSIC PLAY

BOTH
BECAUSE LOVE WALTZED IN WITHOUT WARNING
AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S HERE TO STAY

KIP
AND SO, LET'S DANCE THE WORLD...

BOTH
DARLING, LET'S DANCE THE WORLD AWAY!

KIP
All this swaying has made me dizzy.

SUGAR
You’d better sit. Oh, Kip, let’s take Hollywood by storm.

KIP
I would follow you anywhere, Sugar.

SUGAR
I can see straight into your heart.

KIP
Fade out.

Kiss. The lights fade, and we

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 96.

SCENE 4: THE CANTINA IN MEXICO - 5:53AM PST

Daphne and Osgood are outside on the patio, basking in the last
hour of moonlight. Osgood dances to the music in his head.

DAPHNE
Osgood?

OSGOOD
Yes, Daphne?

DAPHNE
The music’s stopped.

OSGOOD
Not in my head, it hasn’t.

DAPHNE
Oh Osgood, this place is absolute paradise! How did you find it?

Osgood dances over and flops into the seat next to her.

OSGOOD
My family has owned this cantina for almost fifty years.

DAPHNE
Your family?

OSGOOD
My grandfather opened this place back in 1887. Legend has it that Emiliano Zapata and
Pancho Villa planned the entire revolution at this very table. My mother met my father, Osgood
Fielding II, while he was here oil prospecting. They fell madly in love, he was disowned by his
family, and they scraped by until my father struck it rich, not in oil but in soft drinks. “We
struck soda!” he’d say.

DAPHNE
Wow, what a story! So this whole society thing is just an act?

OSGOOD
Oh, no. I come by my pretentiousness honestly. But it’s only one facet of my life. In America,
my birth certificate says I’m Osgood Fielding III. But here in Mexico, my baptismal record
says I’m Pedro Francisco Alvarez. I’ve spent my life being both people.

DAPHNE
That’s so sad you have to choose between the two.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 97.

OSGOOD
The world reacts to what it sees and in my experience the world doesn’t have very good
eyesight. Don’t you find that’s true?

DAPHNE
That’s certainly been my experience.

OSGOOD
There’s an old story my mother used to tell me when I was a child. It’s about a mariposa, which
means “butterfly.” I’ve always returned to it whenever I found myself confused about who I
was and who I was meant to be.

#15 “FLY, MARIPOSA, FLY”

OSGOOD
ON A LEAF
A MARIPOSA LEAVES A HUEVO

That means “egg.”

WHICH BECOMES
A CATERPILLAR BY AND BY

WHEN IT’S GROWN

IT HIDES AND WAITS FOR MOTHER NATURE’S KISS
METAMORPHOSIS
AND WHEN WE SEE HER NEXT
IT’S TIME FOR HER TO FLY

FLY, MARIPOSA, FLY

I WOULD NEVER PIN SUCH BEAUTY DOWN
YOU SHOULD BE FREE TO TOUCH THE SKY
SO FLY, MARIPOSA, FLY

OSGOOD
That is how I see you, Daphne.

DAPHNE
As a caterpillar?

OSGOOD
As a butterfly... about to take wing.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 98.

Through the windows, the musicians watch them.

OSGOOD
OTHER MEN
WILL SEE THE COLORS THAT DEFINE YOU

ENSEMBLE
DEFINE YOU

OSGOOD
EVERY DAY
THEY TRY TO CATCH YOU FOR A PRIZE

ENSEMBLE
AHH

OSGOOD
SO FLY ABOVE
THE ONE YOU LOVE WITH NEVER NEED A NET
AND HE WON’T FORGET
THAT WINGS LIKE YOURS
WERE MEANT TO FIRE UP THE SKIES

ENSEMBLE
AH

OSGOOD ENSEMBLE
FLY MARIPOSA FLY FLY FLY

OSGOOD
TO OUR HILL IN TE ADORO TOWN
I’LL WAIT FOR YOU THERE ‘TIL I DIE
SO FLY, MARIPOSA, FLY

ENSEMBLE
AHH

OSGOOD
OUR ROMANCE
MIGHT BE THE CHANCE
FOR YOU TO DANCE AND SPREAD YOUR WINGS
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 99.

ENSEMBLE
DANCE AND SPREAD YOUR WINGS

OSGOOD
DON’T FEAR THE NIGHT
EMBRACE THE LIGHT MY LOVING

OSGOOD & ENSEMBLE

BRINGS

OSGOOD
LISTEN AS IT

OSGOOD & ENSEMBLE

SINGS...

OSGOOD ENSEMBLE
LA, LA, LA, LA
LA, LA, LA, LA, LA
LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA
LA, LA LA, LA

OSGOOD & ENSEMBLE

FLOWERS BLOOM

OSGOOD
THERE’S SWEET PERFUME THAT SAYS THE WORLD IS NEW

OSGOOD & ENSEMBLE

SO TAKE IN THE VIEW

OSGOOD
AND WHEN YOU LAND
A ROSE IN HAND WAITS THERE FOR YOU

ENSEMBLE
AHH

Osgood gets down on one knee, opening a ring box.

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 100.

OSGOOD ENSEMBLE
FLY, MARIPOSA, FLY FLY, FLY
I WOULD NEVER PIN SUCH BEAUTY
DOWN DON’T YOU KNOW
YOU SHOULD BE FREE TO TOUCH YOU SHOULD BE FREE
THE SKY
SO FLY, MARIPOSA, FLY SO FLY, MARIPOSA, FLY

OSGOOD ENSEMBLE
FLY, MARIPOSA, FLY FLY, FLY, MARIPOSA, FLY
TO OUR HILL IN TE ADORO TOWN
DON’T YOU KNOW
I’LL WAIT FOR YOU THERE ‘TIL I DIE I’LL WAIT FOR YOU
SO FLY MARIPOSA FLY SO FLY MARIPOSA FLY

OSGOOD
I’LL WAIT FOR YOU THERE ‘TIL I DIE
SO FLY, MARIPOSA ...

OSGOOD & ENSEMBLE

FLY

Daphne slips on the ring. They kiss. The music reaches its
crescendo as the musicians swirl around Daphne and Osgood.

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 101.

SCENE 5: ROOM 226 - MORNING

Daphne enters, reliving her perfect night. Joe enters dressed as

Kip, happily dazed.

JOE
Good mornin’!

DAPHNE
Yes!
(fan snap)
It!
(fan snap)
Is!
(fan snap)

JOE
Oh-ho! And where have you been, you sly dog? Looks like you haven’t slept a wink.

DAPHNE
Mexico.

JOE
You escaped to Mexico without me... and you came BACK?

DAPHNE
The irony is not lost on me. Did you and Sugar have fun?

JOE
We had a blast! She just... talked. And I just... listened.

DAPHNE
You mean, basic human interaction?

JOE
I know, right?
(suddenly Kip)
Und now you vill tell me your news.
(back to Joe)
What happened in Mexico?!

DAPHNE
I’m engaged!
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 102.

JOE
What? You’re kidding! Who’s the lucky girl?

DAPHNE
I am!

JOE
I don’t understand.

DAPHNE
Osgood proposed! We’re thinking a December wedding.

JOE
But... you can’t marry Osgood.

DAPHNE
Why not? He’s been married before. He knows what he’s doing.

JOE
You don’t see a problem here? He thinks you’re Daphne but you’re really Jerry.

DAPHNE
And now we’ve arrived at my second bit of news... I am, in fact, both Daphne and Jerry.

JOE
Come on, be serious.

DAPHNE
I am serious. I don’t have the word for what I feel. I just feel more like my self than I have in
all my life.

#16 “YOU COULDA KNOCKED ME OVER WITH A FEATHER”

DAPHNE
TONIGHT IN MEXICO
JOE, I FELT SOMETHING CLICK
YES, I GOT TURNED AROUND
WHILE ALL THE OTHER GIRLS GOT SICK
I CROSSED THE BORDER, JOE,
AND THANK YOU FOR THE SHOVE
BECAUSE TONIGHT I REALIZED
DAPHNE IS MY ONE TRUE LOVE
AND...
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 103.

DAPHNE (CONT'D)
YOU COULDA KNOCKED ME OVER WITH A FEATHER
YOU COULDA KNOCKED THIS TRAIN OF ITS TRACK
FOR WEEKS I’VE HAD A FUNNY FEELING
THAT SOMETHING WAS REVEALING
NOW THIS GENIE’S OUT THE BOTTLE AND SHE AIN’T GOIN’ BACK!

YES, I HAVE TRIED TO LOVE MANY LADIES

BACK WHEN I SANG IN A MUCH LOWER KEY
NOW YOU COULD KNOCK ME OVER WITH A FEATHER CAUSE JOE,
THE LADY THAT I’M LOVIN’ IS ME

I LOVE TO BE BELLE OF THE BALL

I LOVE THE SHAPE OF THIS LEG!
SO TAILS AND TUXES, FARE THEE WELL
BECAUSE YOU CAN’T UNDO A FALL
YOU CAN’T UNSCRAMBLE AN EGG
AND NOW THAT IT HAS CHIMED THERE’S NO UN-RINGING THIS BELLE!

YOU COULDA KNOCKED ME OVER WITH A FEATHER

YOU COULDA STOLE THE ICE FROM A CUBE
FOR WEEKS I’VE WRESTLED THE SUSPICION
THAT’S COME TO A FRUITION
NOW YOU’LL NEVER GET THE TOOTHPASTE BACK IN THE TUBE

I HOPE THE GIRLS I KNEW WILL FORGIVE ME

CAUSE TILL I WOKE UP I JUST COULDN’T SEE
BUT NOW YOU COULD KNOCK ME OVER WITH A FEATHER, CAUSE JOE,
THE LADY THAT I’M LOVIN’ IS ME
YES, THE LADY THAT I’M LOVIN’ IS...

YOU ALWAYS LOVED THE WAY THAT I SLAPPED THAT BASS

AND NOW A SPOTLIGHT'S SHINING ON ME
BACK HOME IN 'ILLINOIS(E)'
I DANCED LIKE ALL THE BOYS
BUT NOW I'M RIDIN' HIGH
MY VOICE AND HEELS HAVE HIT THE SKY!

JERRY’S ALWAYS WALKED BEHIND, AND ONLY SURVIVED

BUT NOW I'M LEADING THE PARADE CAUSE DAPHNE'S ARRIVED
THE DIE IS CAST, IT'S A FAIT ACCOMPLI
NO MORE LIVING IN THE PAST
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 104.

DAPHNE (CONT'D)
CAUSE DAPHNE IS FREE!
DAPHNE IS FREE!

NO, I COULDN’T STAY IN FLATS IF I TRIED

I KNOW YOU’RE FINDING IT CONFUSING
THIS SONG THAT I AM CHOOSING
BUT JOE, IT’S TIME TO BLOW YOUR HORN TO “HERE COMES THE BRIDE”

SO PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY WE’RE STILL PARTNERS

BUT NOW INSTEAD OF JUST A DUO...WE’RE THREE
I SEE THAT I COULD KNOCK YOU OVER WITH A FEATHER, BUT I KNOW
DAPHNE IS THE BEST PART OF ME
OH, YEAH! DAPHNE IS WHO I LOVE TO BE!

Button!

TRANSITION TO:
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 105.

SCENE 6: BALLROOM AT THE HOTEL DEL CORNADO - LATER THAT MORNING

#17 “SOME LIKE IT HOT” (REPRISE)

Sue runs a brush-up rehearsal onstage.

SUE
Alright ladies! One. More. Time.

Ginger, Vivian, Minnie, and Dolores are very hungover.

SUE
Enough! Pathetic! We’re gonna keep drilling this until I get the truth! Who led a rogue element
south of the border after curfew?! Minnie?

MINNIE
I plead the Fifth.

SUE
Then once again from the top!

SUGAR
Enough, Sue. It was my idea. I pressured them into it.

SUE
Is this true, Dolores?

DOLORES
She was a monster!

SUE
Listen, girls, I have a big investor coming to see the show tonight. If he likes what he sees, he
could bankroll us into next year! Our entire future depends on this show being perfect.

SUGAR
We won’t disappoint you, Sue! The straight and narrow from here on out. Right, girls?

The girls cheer and surround Sue with a group hug.

SUE
Okay, okay. You need to sweat out that tequila. I’ll grab a seat down front for our big investor.
Minnie, take over for me.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 106.

MINNIE
Alright, this ain’t an ice cream social, girls! We got work to do!
(then)
Take five.

Josephine enters in an apologetic rush, crossing to Sugar.

JOSEPHINE
Sorry! Sorry, everyone!

SUGAR
Feeling better?

JOSEPHINE
I had some crackers, and I’m right as rain. How was your big night?

SUGAR
It was like a dream. Josephine, he makes me laugh.

JOSEPHINE
He wasn’t a wolf, was he?

SUGAR
There were definitely some kisses. But we were so busy talking and dancing... we just ran out
of time! Can you keep a secret? Kip and I are running away together! To Hollywood.

JOSEPHINE
Your secret’s safe with me.

SUGAR
Only one thing makes me sad.

JOSEPHINE
What’s that, honey?

SUGAR
I’m gonna miss my best friend.

Sugar hugs Josephine.

Daphne and Osgood make a grand entrance.

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 107.

DAPHNE
Ladies! Guess who’s engaged! Introducing the soon-to-be Mrs. Osgood Fielding the Third!

OSGOOD
Actually the fifth, but who’s counting?! We’re throwing an engagement party after the show
tonight and you’re all invited!

Daphne flashes her enormous engagement ring.

SUGAR
I’m so happy for you, Daphne!

DAPHNE
I had a feeling coming here would change our lives.

SUGAR
Live the life you dream, right sister?

DAPHNE
Excuse me a moment, ladies.

Daphne crosses to Josephine for a private moment.

Joe?

JOE
So, what, you’re gonna wear a dress for the rest of your life?

DAPHNE
Today. Tomorrow might be a suit and tie. I like having options.

JOE
Okay. Well, what do I call you, Jerry? Daphne?

DAPHNE
Either is fine as long as you do it with love and respect. What’s Sugar gonna call you?

JOE
I’m still trying to figure that out.

DAPHNE
Joseph, the woman you love doesn’t even know your name.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 108.

MINNIE
All right, we’re back! Josephine, front and center. Your number’s up.

JOE
You’re tellin’ me.

MINNIE
From the top!

#18 “HE LIED WHEN HE SAID HELLO”

SYNCOPATORS
(in rhythm)
Sister, what’s wrong, why so blue?!?

JOSEPHINE
(in rhythm)
Girls, is it that obvious?

JOSEPHINE & SYNCOPATORS

I GOT ALL DOLLED UP
IN MY SATURDAY NIGHT BEST
CAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW MY FELLA WAS A FRAUD

BUT WHEN I WALKED IN

TO HIS COZY LITTLE NEST
HE WAS IN THE FEATHERS WITH ANOTHER BROAD

NOW I SEE THAT HIS SWEET NOTHINGS

WERE NOTHING MORE THAN LIES
SO NOW GIRLS, THE SCALES HAVE FALLEN FROM MY
ROSY COLORED EYES

JOSEPHINE
Hit it!

JOSEPHINE & SYNCOPATORS

HE KEEPS A GAGGLE OF NAMES
IN HIS LITTLE BLACK BOOK
OF ALL THE GULLIBLE DAMES
THAT HE KEEPS ON THE HOOK
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 109.

JOSEPHINE
HE WAS SO SWEET WHEN WE MET
SO GIRLS, HOW WAS I TO KNOW

JOSEPHINE & SYNCOPATORS

THAT HE LIED WHEN HE SAID HELLO

YES, LIKE A VAUDEVILLE SCENE, OH,

HE'S PLAYING A PART
HE'S JUST A DIME STORE VALENTINO
BUT WITHOUT ANY HEART

JOSEPHINE
HE'S NOT A MOVIE STAR
HE'S JUST ANOTHER TWO-TIMING JOE

JOSEPHINE & SYNCOPATORS

AND HE LIED WHEN HE SAID HELLO

JOSEPHINE SYNCOPATORS
HE HAS A CHORUS OF SONGBIRDS OH
HE KEEPS UNDER WING
SO FACE THE FACT THE GUY IS OH, SO FACE THE FACT
NO SAINT THE GUY IS NO SAINT

JOSEPHINE SYNCOPATORS
TO YOU HE'S FINALLY THE ONE, OH
TO HIM YOU'RE ONLY A FLING

JOSEPHINE & SYNCOPATORS

CAUSE THE MAN IS JUST PRETENDING THAT HE'S SOMEONE HE AIN'T

JOSEPHINE
SOMEONE HE AIN’T

Dance Break

SYNCOPATORS
THE DIRTY ROTTEN BASTARD LIED WHEN HE SAID HELLO

Joe enters a private reverie, stepping in and out of time with the
ladies dancing behind him.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 110.

JOE
SO MANY VOICES I HEAR
SO MANY FACES I SEE
FIRST THERE IS JOSEPHINE WHO'S SAYING
"JOE, YOU'RE SMARTER AS ME"
AND THEN THERE'S KIP WHO'S SHOUTING
"SCHATZI, IT'S THE END OF YOUR SHOW"

SYNCOPATORS
CAUSE YOU LIED WHEN YOU SAID HELLO

JOE
IF I ASK JOSEPHINE
'HOW CAN I CLEAN UP THIS MESS?'
SHE'D SAY, "I THOUGHT YOU GOT MUCH WISER
WHEN YOU PUT ON MY DRESS"
THEN KIP WOULD INTERRUPT WITH
"DUMMKOPF, YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW!"

SYNCOPATORS
CAUSE, PAL, YOU LIE WHEN YOU SAY HELLO

JOE
SINCE I WAS ONLY A KID
I WAS TAUGHT BY THE BEST
DISGUISE THE TRUTH AND THROW 'EM SOME CURVES
BUT NOW IT’S TIME TO GROW UP
TO PUT THE OLD JOE TO REST
AND FINALLY BE THE FRIEND THAT JERRY...
I MEAN DAPHNE... DESERVES
AND SUGAR CAN’T LOVE A MAN,
AND NEVER KNOW HIS REAL NAME
AND SO IT’S TIME FOR TELLING KIP
THAT JOE IS THROUGH WITH THE GAME
THEN I'LL MAKE JOSEPHINE PROUD
BY FINALLY TAKING THE BLAME!
THEN KIP AND JOSEPHINE WILL HAVE TO GO

SYNCOPATORS
SO WHEN YOU SEE HER TONIGHT

JOE
I’M GONNA TELL HER THE TRUTH
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 111.

SYNCOPATORS
AND TELL PINOCCHIO “SKEDADDLE!”

JOE
WHILE I STILL GOT MY YOUTH!

JOSEPHINE & SYNCOPATORS

SO NOW WE’RE THROUGH WITH PRETENDING
IT’S TIME TO DO RIGHT
I’M GONNA HAVE A HAPPY ENDING
CAUSE I JUST SAW THE LIGHT!

AND NOW THE FINAL BELL IS RINGING

IT’S THE END OF THE FIGHT
THIS REFEREE JUST CALLED A T.K.O.

JOSEPHINE
TO PROVE TO SUGAR I WANNA STAY
I WILL NOT LIE WHEN I SAY

JOSEPHINE & SYNCOPATORS

HELLO!
TOODLE-OO!

Button.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 112.

SCENE 7: ADJOINING DRESSING ROOMS

Josephine charges into the dressing room.

JOSEPHINE
Daphne? I have seen the light! I’m gonna tell Sugar--

Josephine comes face to face with OSGOOD!

JOSEPHINE
Osgood!

OSGOOD
Forgive the intrusion, I was just leaving a token for my betrothed. Do you think she’ll like it?

Osgood opens it and Josephine is blinded.

JOSEPHINE
Jesus Christ!

OSGOOD
Should I have gone bigger?

JOSEPHINE
I don’t see how!

He holds out an envelope.

OSGOOD
Don’t forget the card! Ta-ta!

JOSEPHINE
(taking the card)
Osgood...

OSGOOD
Yes?

JOSEPHINE
I’m very happy for you both. You’re a good man.

OSGOOD
So are you.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 113.

JOSEPHINE
Pardon?

OSGOOD
I mean, you’re a good friend. To Daphne. Sorry, my head’s in the clouds! I must away to my
front row seat. So long, sir!

Joe removes his wig and glasses and stares into the mirror.

JOE
Hello Sugar, my name is Joe.

Daphne and the ladies burst into the dressing room.

VIVIAN
Daphne, you’re positively glowing.

DAPHNE
What can I say? I’m the happiest girl in the world.

Sugar enters and floats to her mirror.

SUGAR
The second happiest, Daphne.

GINGER
Aren’t you the cat that ate the cream!

DOLORES
Spill!

SUGAR
All I can say is, keep your eyes peeled for postcards... from Hollywood!

VIVIAN
I knew it!

GINGER
I’m happy for you, Sugar!

Sue comes charging in.

SUE
Ladies, are you decent?
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 114.

LADIES
Somewhat!

Joe changes behind the dressing rack, bracing for his reveal.

SUE
Listen up. My big investor is out in the hallway. Now allow me to introduce an old friend of
mine from back home...

As Sue opens to the door to the dressing room... SPATS

COLOMBO ENTERS and JOE rounds the dressing rack.

SUE
Spats Colombo!

Daphne screams. Joe ducks back to change back into

Josephine.

Yes, Daphne, it’s all very exciting.

SPATS
Forgive the intrusion, ladies. I just couldn’t resist the chance to tell you all...
(spotting Daphne)
...break a leg.

SUE
Spats, Daphne and Sugar here are part of our fabulous Tip Tap Trio.

SPATS
Play your cards right, Sugar, and I could make you the next Josephine Baker.

SUGAR
I’m already the first Sugar Kane.

The air goes out of the room. Spats chuckles.

SPATS
Feisty, I like that. Say, I hear The Tip Tap Trio is to die for. Where’s your third wheel?

Josephine enters.

JOSEPHINE
Hello.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 115.

SUE
Spats, this is our Josephine.

SPATS
(wrapping his arms around Daphne and
Josephine)
Ladies, a word of advice. Always perform like it’s your last night on earth. Because one night,
it will be.

SUE
Wise words, Spats. Dark, but wise. We should probably let--

SPATS
I’ll get out of your hair. Knock ‘em dead, dolls!

Spats exits.

SUE
Almost time, ladies. Let’s give ‘em one helluva show!
(to Daphne and Josephine)
Get ready you two.

JOE
Moment of truth time, brother. We run, right now.

Joe opens the upstage door to reveal Mack.

MACK
Ladies.

Joe slams the door in their face.

DAPHNE
Next trick?

JOE
Any time you want to pull a rabbit outta your hat, be my guest.

DAPHNE
Spats can’t kill us in a ballroom full of people. Let’s just go out there--

JOE
Are you kidding?! We’re burned! It’s over.

Sue enters the dressing room.

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 116.

SUE
Shake a leg, you two--
(spotting Joe)
Oh, I beg your pardon, sir.
(exiting, then a double take)
What the hell?!

JOE
Sue, I can explain. We witnessed a mob hit, back in Chicago. A bunch of guys got bumped off,
so we stole some clothes, made up fake names and-

SUE
I can put two and two together..

DAPHNE
We didn’t mean any harm, Sue. We were just trying to escape with our lives.

JOE
Please, you gotta help us.

SUE
Why should I help the two of you?

JOE
Because the gangster chasing us is your big investor, Spats Colombo!

SUE
What? Shut up and let me think a second. Shit! Your little game has put us all in danger!

DAPHNE
I’m sorry we lied to you, Sue.

SUE
I wanna wring both your necks. This is the biggest night of my career, and I’ll be damned if
I’m gonna let you burn it all to the ground. So here’s the plan. You two are gonna go out there
and give ‘em the show of your lives. And when that final button hits, you bolt. I never want to
see your faces again. Capisce?

JOE DAPHNE
Capisce. Capisce.

SUE
Now... break those fabulous legs, sister.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 117.

JOE
Thank you.

SUE
I was talking to Daphne. You ruin everything...

Sue exits.

DAPHNE
Well. I’m leaving Osgood without so much as a goodbye. You really are a magician, Joe. You
turned me into you.

JOE
Ta da.

DAPHNE
Don’t leave Sugar with nothing. You of all people know how that feels.

Daphne exits, pushing through Mack.

Sugar rushes back into the dressing room.

SUGAR
Forgot my earrings.

Joe spots Osgood’s jewelry box and the note.

JOSEPHINE
Sugar, honey? Your writer with the cute little accent left this for you.

She hands her Daphne’s box.

SUGAR
Ooh, gimme, gimme!
(opening the box)
Zowiedergeltegeschlaffen! Ooh, and there’s a card.

JOSEPHINE
Actually, try it on. I’ll read it to you. “Dear Sugar. There is no easy way to say this, but it is
over between us. Trust me when I say, any life with me is a dead end for you. Our dream of
running away to Hollywood together must stay just that... a beautiful dream. My wife and
children would simply never approve. You are a bright, shining star, Sugar Kane. I will always
love you. Auf Weidersehen.”
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 118.

SUGAR
He was the first nice guy I ever met in my life... and the only one who ever gave me anything.

JOSEPHINE
He was nothing but a wolf after all.

SUGAR
I thought I was finally getting the sweet end of the lollipop.

JOSEPHINE
Oh, honey.

SUGAR
It’s showtime.

JOSEPHINE
Break a leg.

Josephine exits for the stage.

#19 “RIDE OUT THE STORM”

SUGAR
(into the mirror)
CLOUDS ROLLIN’ IN, DARKEN THE SKY
I SAW THEM COMING WHEN I HEARD HIS GOODBYE
SOON MY TOMORROW’S WILL BE ALL HUNG OUT TO DRY
ALL THAT’S LEFT IS TO RIDE OUT THE STORM

TRANSITION TO:

THE BALLROOM AT THE HOTEL DEL CORNADO

SUE
And now, please give a warm welcome to our very own Miss Sugar Kane.

Sugar takes the mic.

SUGAR
CLOUDS MOVIN’ IN, READY TO POUR
I’M USED TO THUNDER CAUSE I’VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE
THE WIND STARTED BLOWING, TOOK MY MAN RIGHT OUT THE DOOR
ALL THAT’S LEFT IS TO RIDE OUT THE STORM
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 119.

The full band is behind her, holding her up with their

accompaniment. The only thing missing is lead sax.

I THOUGHT THAT I HAD FOUND SHELTER

SOMEONE TO BRIGHTEN THE DAY
BUT NOW COMES THE PAIN, SO I WELCOME THE RAIN
FOR TO WASH ALL MY SORROW AWAY
CLOUDS BLOCK THE LIGHT SO I CAN’T SEE THE WRONG
DROWN OUT MY HEARTBREAK CAUSE IT’S COMING DOWN STRONG
SOMEHOW YOU KNEW I’D BE SINGING THIS OLD SONG
ALL THAT’S LEFT IS TO RIDE OUT THE STORM

GUESS THERE WON’T BE A DREAM HOUSE GUESS I MISUNDERSTOOD

NOW THAT DREAM HOUSE, THAT DREAM HOUSE IS FADING FROM VIEW
HE MADE ME A PROMISE THAT THE FUTURE LOOKED GOOD
YEAH, TOO GOOD, TOO GOOD, TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!

SO, CLOUDS HAVE YOUR WAY TILL YOU YIELD TO THE SUN
RAIN CATS AND DOGS TIL THE HEAVENS ARE DONE
I’LL FIND MY STRENGTH HERE WITH JUST THE NUMBER ONE
‘TIL THE LIGHT FINDS ME CRIED OUT AND WARM
ON MY OWN, I WILL RIDE OUT THE STORM!!
THE STORM!!

Button. Sugar has bared her soul for this crowd and they go
mad for her.

Spats gives his trademark slow clap, shifting in his seat in

anticipation of sinking his claws into his prey.

Josephine walks straight up to Sugar. A hush falls.

DAPHNE
Joe...

SUE
Josephine...

Josephine takes off her wig and glasses. Meet Joe. Gasp.

SUGAR
Kip?
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 120.

JOE
Hello.

SUGAR
Oh, absolutely not.

SPATS
It’s showtime, boys.

SUGAR
What the hell is going on?

JOE
I think we’re about to get shot at?

DAPHNE
What are you doing?

JOE
My name’s Joe.

Sugar slaps Joe. Bigger gasp.

SUGAR
I loved you both.

Mulligan runs on with agents.

MULLIGAN
Federal agent! Nobody move!

SUE
This is supposed to be my big night. Oh well. Here goes nothin’.

Sue strides straight across the stage and blocks Spats.

ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTLEE ATTA FEET! BAM! RUN!

A whistle blows and Joe, Daphne and Sugar bolt!

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 121.

SCENE 8: HOTEL HALLWAY

#20 TIP TAP TROUBLE

Lots of door slamming, double crosses and hidden disguises.

Spats and his men chase Joe, Daphne, and Sugar. Mulligan and
his men chase Spats and his men. Sue, Osgood, the ladies all
get in on the action.

The whole company chases Joe and Daphne. It’s a mad, mad,
mad, mad, mad, mad world!

Sugar enters to save the day.

SUGAR
ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTLEE ATTA
ZEE BAP ZEH BOOTLEE ATTA
GIRLS!

GIRLS
HI!
ZEE BAP ZEH BOTTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM

Spats grabs DAPHNE! Spats grabs JOE! But WAIT! It’s really
MULLIGAN in Joe’s dress! He slaps on the bracelets.

MULLIGAN
Spats Colombo, you’re under arrest!

ALL
ZEE BAP ZEH BOTTALEE ATTA FEET BAM-BAM!

Button!

SPATS
Anyone who testifies against me knows their life ain’t worth spit! Where are your witnesses
now, copper?

JOE
I’m your witness!

Joe enters and stands dangerously close to Spats.

I saw Spats Colombo and his goons murder Toothpick Charlie in cold blood. And I will testify
to that in court.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 122.

SPATS
You just signed your own death warrant, buddy.

MULLIGAN
No, he just signed yours.

SONNY
I also saw Spats kill Hammerhead Harvey!

MACK
And Hammerhead Herman! No relation.

MULLIGAN
Get ‘em outta here.

SPATS
You’re all dead, ya hear me. I’ll come for you from the grave! Oh, one more thing before Old
Sparky gives me the big zap. You’re all wonderful dancers.

Spats and his goons are taken away.

MULLIGAN
(to Joe)
We heard there were two of you. Where’s your partner?

JOE
You’ll never find him. He ran away to Mexico.

MULLIGAN
Your country thanks you. You’re a brave young...ish man.

Mulligan exits. Daphne approaches Joe.

DAPHNE
You didn’t have to play solo on this one.

JOE
I figured it was time I bailed you out for once.

DAPHNE
(seeing Sugar)
Moment of truth time, brother.

Joe approaches Sugar.

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 123.

JOE
I’m sorry I lied to you, Sugar. I was only trying to stay alive. Falling for you wasn’t part of the
plan.

SUGAR
While I was running down the hall getting shot at, I had some time to think. On the yacht, did
you smash the bottle of champagne on purpose?

JOE
Yes.

SUGAR
And we didn’t just run out of time, did we?

JOE
No.

SUGAR
Mm-hm. I don’t know who the hell you are, but Josephine and Kip were two of the kindest,
sweetest people I’ve ever met.

JOE
Twice you said you could see my heart. Once as Josephine, once as Kip. It’s the same heart.

SUGAR
I don’t even know what to call you. Joe? Is that your real name?

JOE
Joe Jablonski. And you are?

SUGAR
Gertrude Mudd.

JOE
I’m gonna need a minute on that one. Okay, I’m back.

SUGAR
You lied, you connived, you were two-faced--

JOE
Technically three-faced.

SUGAR
And you got away with everything. What am I supposed to do with you?
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 124.

JOE
If you’re heading to Hollywood, you’re gonna need a really good agent.

SUGAR
It’s a start. What percentage do you take?

JOE
Nine. And hey, we’ve already written your first picture.

SUGAR
Make it eight. And the studio pays for the trapeze lessons.

JOE
Ready to change the world?

SUGAR
Hollywood, here we come!

SUE
I don’t know why everyone’s so damn happy, our big investor just got sent up the river.

MINNIE
It’s for the best, Sue. Dance with the devil, you wake up one morning splattered all over the
front page, bullet holes from tits to ass.

SUE
Jesus, Minnie.
MINNIE
Look on the bright side, you can finally get home and feed your cat.

SUE
I don’t have a cat.

MINNIE
Sonuva bitch!

SUE
Point is, without an investor we’re sunk. Our dream is dead.

OSGOOD
NOT... necessarily! I’ll be your new investor! I’ll buy you the swankiest nightclub in
Hollywood! Lines right out the door! Sweet Sue’s Society Syncopators will be the toast of
America... the toast of the world!

Cheers from everyone.

SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 125.

DAPHNE
Oh, Osgood. You saved us all.

OSGOOD
Anything for my Daphnecita.

DAPHNE
But before we marry, I need to tell you something.

OSGOOD
What is it, mi amor?

DAPHNE
Well to begin with, I doubt your mother will ever approve of me. I have a terrible past. I
smoke, I drink.

OSGOOD
Not nearly enough for her tastes, I assure you.

DAPHNE
I can never have children.

OSGOOD
We can adopt.

DAPHNE
You don’t understand,-

OSGOOD
Daphne, my dear, I do understand. And I think you’re perfect.

#21 “BABY, LET’S GET GOOD”

DAPHNE
Osgood...
NOBODY’S PERFECT...

OSGOOD
...WELL, THAT MAY BE TRUE
BUT DAPHNE’S PERFECT FOR ME
OSGOOD’S PERFECT FOR YOU

They kiss.
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 126.

DAPHNE
WELL THEN, WHAT IS THERE TO SAY EXCEPT...
I DO! I DO!

TRANSITION TO:

SCENE 9: THE HOTTEST NIGHTCLUB IN HOLLYWOOD

Osgood takes the stage.

OSGOOD
Welcome to Daphnecita’s, the hottest nightclub in Los Angeles! It’s my great pleasure to
introduce our Lady of Libation, Sweet Sue and her Society Syncopators!

Sue makes a fabulous entrance and raises a highball glass.

SUE
Tonight is a special night, Osgood. Let’s raise a glass of lawful liquor, my pets, because the
Twenty-first Amendment has just been ratified, and that spells the end of Prohibition!

We’ve been bad for so long, let’s see if we can remember how to be good!

WHO NEEDS FLAPPERS AND BATHTUB GIN

TO HELL WITH THE DEPRESSION, LET THE FUN BEGIN.
CAUSE THE BAND’S ALL I NEED FOR THE KICKS TO KICK IN
BABY, LET’S GET GOOD!

POOR PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE

THE GOVERNMENT JUST WENT IN AND SPOILED ALL HIS FUN
AND THOUGH I’LL REALLY MISS THE WAY THAT
GANGSTER HANDLED HIS GUN
BABY, LET’S GET GOOD!

GINGER
WELL, THEY ENDED THE PARTY WHEN THEY GAVE US PERMISSION

MINNIE
I KNOW I SHOULDN’T SAY IT, BUT I’LL MISS PROHIBITION!

DOLORES
WE’LL HAVE TO CHOOSE A SUNDAY KIND OF CELEBRATING

SUE & SYNCOPATORS

THE POSITIVE IS WHAT WE’LL NOW BE ACCENTUATING
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 127.

SUE
WHAT ARE YOU THIRSTY FOR?

SUE & WAITERS

WHAT ARE YOU THIRSTY FOR?

SUE & SYNCOPATORS

SO KEEP YOUR FLAPPERS AND BATHTUB GIN
YEAH, GO AND TELL THE MILKMAN THAT WE’LL GIVE HIM A SPIN

SUE
OH, BUT NOW AND THEN WE’LL BREAK FOR SOME ORIGINAL SIN

ALL
BABY, LET’S GET GOOD!

Sugar, Joe, Daphne, and Osgood enter.

SUGAR, DAPHNE & JOE

YEAH, WHO WOULDA THOUGHT WHEN WE BOARDED THAT TRAIN

JOE
THAT ALL THE LIGHTS IN HOLLYWOOD WOULD SPELL “SUGAR KANE”

SUGAR
YES, M-G-M’S CALLING

OSGOOD
THE BAND'S MADE A KILLING

DAPHNE & JOE

AND WE CAN STILL BE PARTNERS

DAPHNE
YEAH, BUT WHO GET'S TOP BILLING?!?!

JOE & SUGAR

NO MORE HIDING THE LOVE WE'VE GOT

DAPHNE & OSGOOD

AND NOW THE TIME HAS COME FOR US TO TIE THE KNOT

SUE
THEN WE'LL TURN UP THE HEAT BECAUSE WE LIKE IT HOT
SOME LIKE IT HOT - Broadway CONFIDENTIAL 128.

ALL
YEAH, THINGS ARE LOOKING AS THEY SHOULD!
BABY, BABY, BABY! LET’S GET GOOD!

Joe and Daphne take the stage, still together, still in sync, The
Tip Tap Twins til the end.

DAPHNE & JOE

AND WHEN THE CURTAIN RISES EVERY NIGHT

JOE
YOU’LL BE AT MY LEFT

DAPHNE
YOU’LL BE AT MY RIGHT

They nail a tap step. Daphne dips Joe.

ALL
THERE’S NO HOTTER ENDING TO DISCUSS
AND YOU CAN'T HAVE ME...IF YOU DON'T HAVE US!

Button!

BLACKOUT!

BOWS

ALL
SO CALL ME SAVAGE, CALL ME WILD
BUT HONEY PLEASE DON’T CALL ME MILD
SOME LIKE IT HOT AND HOT IS WHAT I GOT FOR YOU!
SOME LIKE IT HOT AND HOT IS WHAT I GOT FOR YOU!

END OF PLAY