Archive 81: Left of the Dial

Episode 3
When The Open Road Is Closing In

Dead Signals, LLC

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Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

Scene 1

SFX: Driving sounds

SFX: Car weirdness

STATIC MAN: Go faster dude!

NICHOLAS: The accelerator is pushed all the way down! I can’t go any faster

STATIC MAN: Well… try!

NICHOLAS: How… [exasperated sigh] keep fixing the resonator

STATIC MAN: Dude, I’m not a magical repair… person. I don’t know how to do that!

NICHOLAS: Well I am trying to drive, so just make an attempt.

TRUCKER: Car troubles?

NICHOLAS: We’re doing alright

TRUCKER: I’m going to catch up with you soon, sorcerer. You must feel that.

NICHOLAS: You can try.

TRUCKER: [laughs slowly] I need some driving music.

SFX: Radio gets weird

MUSIC: Propulsive song starts playing, goes throughout the scene

STATIC MAN: What the hell is this Kraftwerk shit? Yo, I can’t fix the resonator with this
dumbass song playing.

NICHOLAS: I’m not going to turn off the radio! Just do what you can!

TRUCKER: You know what this is, don’t you?

NICHOLAS: Please inform me.

TRUCKER: It’s the land rising up against you. Defying you. You’re trying to bend the world to
your whims, but this world is fighting back. It doesn’t want you here. I don’t want you here.
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NICHOLAS: I picked up on that. You’re going to have to catch us though, and I’ll warn you, this
car goes pretty fast.

TRUCKER: I go faster. It’s all a straight road sorcerer. You know I’ll catch up with you. And it’s
more than just your car, it’s your will. In the blacktop, it’s all will. And desire. And there is nothing
I want more than to run you down.

STATIC MAN: Yo, I thought we were cool?

TRUCKER: I gave you a chance to leave, lackey.

STATIC MAN: Douchebag.

NICHOLAS: Keep working on the resonator! [sigh] Trucker, if it’s all about will, I have to ask,
how was my father able to so radically alter this particular section of, I believe my sister called it
The City? Did you simply not want it enough.

TRUCKER: Your daddy was powerful. But you’re not your daddy.

STATIC MAN: Dude, he’s gaining on us

NICHOLAS: I’m aware of that. And I never claimed to be my father. Quite to the contrary, I killed
him. I beat him to death with his own obsidian statue. I saw my father’s brains and blood spill on
a wood-paneled floor.

TRUCKER: Hmm. What’d your daddy do to piss you off so much? Or was it just a power thing?

NICHOLAS: Oh, he tried to hijack my body and kill my sister. Part of a plot to gain a limited form
of immortality. He wasn’t exactly what you’d call a good dad.

TRUCKER: But here you are. Driving in his footsteps.

NICHOLAS: I’m trying to help a friend. It’s a long story.

TRUCKER: You’d think, if your daddy wasn’t a good, what’s the word... role model, you wouldn’t
be messing with forces beyond your understanding. But that didn’t stop you, sorcerer.

NICHOLAS: No, it didn’t.

(A beat)

TRUCKER: You know this is just a matter of time, don’t you, you can see me gaining in your
rearview mirror, while your lackey tries to fix your car. He’s more your thug, isn’t he, just kills
what you tell him to kill, not really suited to-
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NICHOLAS: You know what I’ve been doing?

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: In the two years since I killed my father?

(A beat)

TRUCKER: I have a feeling you’re going to tell me.

NICHOLAS: I’ve been discovering secrets. I’ve been learning about how the world really
operates. I’ve been consolidating power. I have built a sanctum where no one who wishes me
harm can enter. It’s in Bed-stuy, you can visit it, if you come to my world. I have assembled a
library full of rituals and power. I have conversed with a dying god and kissed him as he faded
into nothingness. I have been busy, in the two years since I killed my father. I have become
someone. Not. To. Be. Fucked. With.

(A beat)

TRUCKER: And was it worth it, taking after your daddy?

NICHOLAS: Yes. But come, catch me. I’m sure you could easily defeat me, so many others
have.

TRUCKER: You’re not as powerful as you think you are.

NICHOLAS: Would you like to test me? To attempt to break my body. That seems a bit harsh,
don’t you agree? After all, I’m only trying to clean up after my father.

TRUCKER: Really. That’s what you’d call it?

NICHOLAS: I am not trying to destroy the blacktop. I did not come here to pillage or-

SFX: Resonator sound

SFX: Car goes much faster

MUSIC: Music speeds up a bit

STATIC MAN: I fixed it!

NICHOLAS: What?
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STATIC MAN: I fixed the harmonic resonator… thing

NICHOLAS: Really?

STATIC MAN: Yeah man, what did you think I was doing while you were having your dick-
measuring contest with Johnny Cash?

NICHOLAS: Thank you!

TRUCKER: Goddamnit!

STATIC MAN: Dude, we’re gaining! Oh hell yes!

NICHOLAS: What were you saying about catching up to us?

(A beat)

TRUCKER: You know your car still ain’t right. It was only a temporary fix.

NICHOLAS: Well it seems like we’re temporarily going to escape from you, doesn’t it? And we
can see what happens when you catch up to us again.

TRUCKER: I’ll be seeing you.

NICHOLAS: I’ll count on it. And think about what I said, I’m not my father, I’m just going to clean
up his mess.

SFX: Music cuts out

SFX: Radio static

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: Thank you, again, for fixing the resonator.

STATIC MAN: Nah dude, it’s all good. And we were already picking up speed, if you didn’t
notice, the whole ‘don’t fuck with me’ speech had him kind of spooked.

NICHOLAS: Well, that was the intent.

(A beat)

STATIC MAN: Yo, by the way, did you really kiss a dying god?
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NICHOLAS: … I… yes

STATIC MAN: Wait, you and Kristos… dude! You’re such a player, did you-

NICHOLAS: It wasn’t romantic! It was part of the ritual.

STATIC MAN: Still. Dude looked like he was carved out of marble. I mean, he was carved out of
marble. But still.

NICHOLAS: I was trying to threaten the trucker, I’m glad it worked.

(A beat)

STATIC MAN: That stuff about consolidating power, it’s not the only… you’re not. Sorry, this is
weird to ask, but...

NICHOLAS: No.

STATIC MAN: Ok.

NICHOLAS: Come on, we should put some distance between us and him.

Radio Break 1

SFX: Radio station tuning

RADIO SMOOTH JAZZ AD: [his voice should be artificially deepened] That was the smoothest
of smooth jazz coming to you directly from the station that-

SFX: Radio station tuning

SFX: Transition music

Scene 2

SFX: Radio station buzzing

SFX: Car still has a slight weird sound to it

STATIC MAN: So, I don’t want to be this guy, but… do you have any idea how much longer it’ll
be?

NICHOLAS: If you want to ask ‘are we there yet, just ask ‘are we there yet’.
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STATIC MAN: Dude. I just wanted to know if you had, you know, a sense of the ETA. But yeah,
‘are we there yet?’

NICHOLAS: I really don’t know. I apologize. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say that we were…
closer to the end than to the beginning? But that’s just a… hunch. I can’t be certain.

STATIC MAN: Your magical spidey sense?

NICHOLAS: That’s one way to put it.

STATIC MAN: Nah, I get it, like, you spend enough time with the “woo-woo” shit, you get a
sense of the stuff. I mean, other people do, I’ve always kind of just powered through, you know?

NICHOLAS: Hmmmm. The car still sounds a bit… off. Is there any way you can retune the
resonator and-

STATIC MAN: Nah, I don’t think so. The thing got set once I did, you know...

NICHOLAS: What exactly did you do, by the way?

STATIC MAN: I mean, I know what I did, I fixed it. Go me.

NICHOLAS: And… how did you do that?

STATIC MAN: I matched the… sound of the car, the bad sound, to the sound of the resonator,
the good sound. But like, opposite, you know.

NICHOLAS: Hmmm.

STATIC MAN: I played with it until it worked, ok? Like one of those 3-d puzzles but with sound.
But yeah, I don’t think Merle Haggard was lying, the fix isn’t going to be permanent. We still
need to… do car stuff to it.

NICHOLAS: Ah. [deep sigh]

STATIC MAN: Don’t worry too much dude, we’ll just… keep driving until we can fix the problem.
Shit like this usually sorts itself out.

NICHOLAS: Let’s hope.

STATIC MAN: Yeah man, I mean, it’s a ritual and-

Radio Break 2
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SFX: Radio tunes to a station

RADIO ANNOUNCER COUNTDOWN: -up next, it’s the number three request this week. You
know ‘em, you love ‘em, it’s… the beetles! Yes, it’s the sound of dermestid beetles devouring
the flesh off a corpse.

SFX: … the sound of beetles eating the flesh off a corpse. Sorry Dan. Probably a lot of buzzing
in this one.

Scene 2 (continued)

STATIC MAN: Oh gross dude.

NICHOLAS: Are you going to be sick?

STATIC MAN: Nah, I don’t think that’s physically possible, it just...feels that way.

SFX: Transition music

Radio Break 3

MUSIC: Oud plays softly in the background

ROBOTIC VOICE: I will tell of the history of Gilgamesh, he who knows all that has happened
and has seen all the lands of the world, he who has seen all kinds of wisdom and knows the
mysteries and has seen what is hidden. He bringeth news dating farther back than the deluge.
He has travelled far-distant roads and became weary, and now he has engraved on standing
stones the whole of the story.

ROBOTIC VOICE: When the gods fashioned Gilgamesh, to him they gave a perfect form. The
glorious sun Shamash bestowed upon him glory; Adad the terrible god of storms bestowed
upon him courage. The great gods perfected his magnificence beyond all others, terrible like the
great wild bull. Two thirds god they made him; one third man they made him.

ROBOTIC VOICE: Of Uruk, its great rampart he built, and the wall of the sacred Eanna temple,
the holy sanctuary. Behold the outer walls which gleam with the brilliance of copper; see the
inner wall which none might rival. Touch the threshold stone—it is from ancient days. Goest
thou into the Eanna temple, yea, the dwelling place of Ishtar, the like of which no subsequent
king or living man might equal. Ascend and walk about on the wall of Uruk, inspect the corner-
stone, and examine its brick-work, whether its wall is not made of burned brick, and its
foundation laid by the Seven Sages. One third for city, one third for garden, one third for field,
and a precinct for the temple of Ishtar. These parts and the precinct comprise Uruk. Unveil the
tablet box of copper. Unlatch the clasp of its brazen lock. Unbind the fastenings of the hidden
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opening. Bring forth and read out the lapis lazuli tablet that tells of the great hardships endured
by Gilgamesh.

Scene 3a

STATIC MAN: [While the epic of gilgamesh is being read] Oh dude, this sounds like the bible.

NICHOLAS: The Epic of Gilgamesh. So, sort of.

STATIC MAN: Wait, how is it sort of the bible?

NICHOLAS: It’s an Ancient Mesopotamian poem, there are parts in the Old Testament that
were almost certainly inspired by it, most specifically the Story of Noah.

STATIC MAN: Haha, now I’m just imagining, like, God, flowing white beard, like, actually writing
the bible. On a macbook, maybe he’s at a coffee shop, he’s like, telling the barista that he’s
working on his script. Gazing into the distance, trying to see if other people think he’s deep.
Listening to Godspeed You! Black Emperor in his earbuds-

NICHOLAS: So, God as a mediocre screenwriter?

STATIC MAN: Yeah, then he’s thrown out of the coffeeshop because he gets really mad about
people wearing nylon. Turning women into salt and shit.

NICHOLAS: You… know a fair amount about this?

STATIC MAN: Eh, Sunday School. Stuff will seep into your brain, even if you aren’t paying
attention.

SFX: Transition music

Scene 3b

SFX: car sound is getting worse

MUSIC: Ambient music playing over the radio

STATIC MAN: Dude, should we stop? And like… try and fix it?

NICHOLAS: We’ve already tried to fix it. It’s… we should keep driving. If we stop the car I’m not
sure it could start back up. We’ll… see if there’s something up the road.

STATIC MAN: Ok. You getting hungry?

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NICHOLAS: Not really. I think there are still some snacks in the backseat if you’re-

STATIC MAN: Nah dude, I haven’t been hungry in a while, which is like… weird for me.

NICHOLAS: Me neither.

SFX: Transition music

Radio Break 4

MUSIC: Shitty political talk show theme

SFX: This radio broadcast should be a bit fucked with, cutting out, weird, in addition to the
bursts of static.

RADIO CALL IN HOST: Welcome back to the Xerxes report with me, Kyle Xerxes, so so so
what the clowns in [burst of static] just don’t, they don’t understand, is that people don’t vote
with their heads, they vote with their hearts. So all this mealy-mouthed, ‘oh, we need to look at
the facts and figures and the data, oh my precious precious data,’ that. Is. Not. Going. To. Play.
People want someone that feels like a real person, who’s just as dumb and stupid as they are.
They want someone who’s kids probably don’t call them, who gets ‘unnecessarily aggressive’ at
the dinner table, who’s ‘cancelled’ on social media because they’re ‘too problematic.’ Whose car
is filled with fast food wrappers and loyalty cards that still need four more stamps to get a free
diet cola. They want them. Anyone who can’t see this is is is, dumb as a bag of Texas rocks.
But tell me what you think, I’m opening up the phones. Caller one, you’re on the line.

RADIO CALLER: Thanks for having me on, Kyle. First time long time. And I think you raise
some interesting points. But I think you’re missing out on the nature of free will. Because frankly,
according to the latest science, there isn’t any. If you look at the work of scientists like Robert
Sapolsky, you’ll see that we’re not actors in our lives, we don’t choose anything, our lives are
governed by our biology. By our genetics, by our hormones, by our prenatal environment, by
random chance. We believe we have free will because it’s a comforting illusion, but it’s not real,
it’s a lie after the fact.

RADIO CALL IN HOST: So so so what you’re saying is that, in essence, everything is

preordained, nothing we do matters, we’re all just… just complex meat robots. That’s what
you’re saying.

RADIO CALLER: Correct.

RADIO CALL IN HOST: So if what you’re saying is true, and, hand to god, you do make a
compelling case… what does that mean for the upcoming election?
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RADIO CALLER: Absolutely nothing. Once again, our choices are illusions and literally
everything is meaningless.

RADIO CALL IN HOST: Great perspective. That was [burst of static], up next, is Bernie-

SFX: Static

SFX: Transition music

Scene 3c

MUSIC: Ambient music plays in the background

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: So… have you thought about what you want? For your body I mean?

STATIC MAN: I mean… I don’t really have a choice, right? We come back with a body or a
random limb gets cut off. Like, once we’re done with the ritual, there’s some sort of empty
vessel or whatever, and I just, you know [schoop]

NICHOLAS: I’m… I was hoping that you would be able to… shape it. Somehow. So you didn’t
feel… out of place. But you’re right. I’m not… exactly sure.

STATIC MAN: Yeah, that’d be cool. Like, getting to look like Tom Hardy or whatever.

NICHOLAS: If you could look like anything in the world, you’d pick Tom Hardy?

STATIC MAN: Yeah I mean, yeah. Wait, do you not think Tom Hardy’s hot?

NICHOLAS: Oh, no, he’s a great choice. Not my type, but, it’s up to you.

STATIC MAN: Yeah, Tom Hardy looks badass.

NICHOLAS: So you wouldn’t… want your old body back?

STATIC MAN: I mean… I want a body, I’m not too picky, you know. Like, if Popeye’s isn’t
available, I’ll go to KFC. And if I get the chance, hell yeah, I’m making improvements. I want to
be jacked as hell.

NICHOLAS: Ah, I think I get that.

STATIC MAN: Yeah, and I’d want a bunch of other shit. Like, strong, and fast, and… are we
talking about the dick or-
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NICHOLAS: No, no we are not. We are 100 percent not talking about that.

STATIC MAN: Such a prude. But yeah, like. I’ve talked to you, before, how it felt, right? In this
body… thing.

NICHOLAS: You can always tell me more.

STATIC MAN: It’s like… interacting with the world with mittens on, or something, if that makes
sense. Like, the volume on the TV feels turned down.

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: I’m sorry.

STATIC MAN: But like, there are really good things too! Like, I’m a whisper on the wind! I can [a
perfect imitation of Nicholas’ voice] imitate people’s voices...

NICHOLAS: To be fair, you don’t do that too often.

STATIC MAN: I actually forget I can do that sometimes. Anyway, I’m powerful as hell. Which
wasn’t like, true, before.

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: Do you...

STATIC MAN: Nah, let’s keep driving. The weird sound’s getting worse.

NICHOLAS: Yeah, we should find something.

SFX: Transition music

Radio Break 5

SFX: The radio station should be even more garbled.

PREACHER: (His voice should be slightly muffled, as if he was speaking through cloth) And I
implore you! You know how much I need your grace, your salvation, the gods have purified me
but I must be purified by myself in turn, by the organism that we are a part of. I must be bathed
in honey and wine.

MUSIC: drum crash

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PREACHER: Yes! Keep going, keep the beat going, I feel the need for music, don’t you? Don’t
you!

MUSIC: Drums play as the preacher speaks

PREACHER: Purification is an arduous task, a long road, you know this as well as I do. And you
have to walk barefoot up that dirty, unpaved, road. Your skin against the rough earth. I don’t ask
this of you lightly, but I need you. I need you to take out your obsidian knives, I know you have
them, and start cutting, doesn’t matter where, somewhere on your body you are not afraid to let
the gods see, cut your skin and give them to me as an offering to yourselves and the gods, let
the skin fall from-

Scene 4

SFX: Radio weirdness

STATIC MAN: Yo, what was that?

NICHOLAS: I… don’t know

SFX: Radio weirdness continues

MOTHER: My beautiful boy belongs to me. You won’t take him

NICHOLAS: Mom?

(A beat)

STATIC MAN: Nicholas… don’t get-

NICHOLAS: It’s ok, I’m, I’m fine. Mom, is that you?

MOTHER: I am a mother to a beautiful, handsome young man. He is mine and only mine.

NICHOLAS: Alright. I’m Nicholas, you sound a lot like my mother… do you know who I am?

MOTHER: I know you. I know your stench. This place is not for you, my loved one, my beautiful
child is not for you.

NICHOLAS: I don’t know what you think I’m trying to do, but-

MOTHER: Be quiet! This place is for people who can become a part of it, who can fit in, like me
and my boy. You will never find us.
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NICHOLAS: I’m not-

MOTHER: You will never find my beautiful boy! [this gets distorted]

SFX: Even more radio weirdness until…

Radio Break 6

RADIO SMOOTH JAZZ AD: [super elongated and weird] We’re back for more smooth jazz, so
hold on to the people you love and listen…

MUSIC: Jazz

Scene 5

STATIC MAN: Dude, if you want to turn the radio off for a bit, I don’t think-

NICHOLAS: No! I’m fine. I’m fine. We need to see this through, we can’t-

SFX: Car backfires and stops.

NICHOLAS: Damnit. [breathes heavily]

SFX: Ignition fails to start

NICHOLAS: Are you, are you...

SFX: Ignition fails to start again

STATIC MAN: Yo, it’s alright, we can, you know. It’ll be ok.

NICHOLAS: Let’s see if we can fix it.

SFX: Doors opening

SFX: Footsteps

SFX: Opening the engine

STATIC MAN: So.

NICHOLAS: So.

STATIC MAN: Do you have any idea how to do… anything.

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NICHOLAS: No.

STATIC MAN: Yeah, me neither. Nothing’s really, uh, changed from the last time we fixed it.

NICHOLAS: [sighs] No.

(A beat)

SFX: Car thump

NICHOLAS: Did you...

STATIC MAN: Yo, I knew it wasn’t going to work, but I still had to...

NICHOLAS: Pull a fonzie?

STATIC MAN: [laughs] He’s a hero of mine

NICHOLAS: [laughs]

STATIC MAN: Any rituals or...

NICHOLAS: Car repair rituals? Unfortunately not.

STATIC MAN: Shoulda killed the Pep Boys and eaten their hearts. Coulda gained occult
automotive powers.

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: We’re not going to get the car to start. But if we just… start walking… the ritual is
useless without the radio. Maybe one of us should…

SFX: Sound of the car being pushed

NICHOLAS: Wait, what are you…

STATIC MAN: Dude, we don’t have to leave the car behind

NICHOLAS: You can...

STATIC MAN: Yeah man, I’m strong as hell. Whisper on the wind and all that stuff.

NICHOLAS: Oh. So you… won’t get tired?

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STATIC MAN: Nope.

NICHOLAS: Well… thank you.

STATIC MAN: Yeah, come on Nicholas, we’ll find something soon.

SFX: Walking sounds, pushing car sounds

SFX: Transition music

Scene 6

SFX: More walking sounds

SFX: Weird bird sounds in the distance

NICHOLAS: Are you sure you aren’t tired?

STATIC MAN: Nah man, I can do this all day. Like, honestly, you’re slowing me down. I mean,
no offense, but like, physically, you’re sort of scrawny and-

NICHOLAS: We don’t have to get into it.

STATIC MAN: Oh no, I didn’t mean, you’ve got like an Andrew Garfield thing going on, it’s-

NICHOLAS: No, it’s fine. I’m bookish, it’s ok.

STATIC MAN: Well… don’t worry.

(A beat)

STATIC MAN: Yo, any idea what type of birds those are?

NICHOLAS: No idea. Their caws are a bit… awful, let’s say.

STATIC MAN: Yeah, and I really don’t like how they’ve got the faces of dogs. Creepy.

NICHOLAS: Oh, I thought the faces were jackals.

STATIC MAN: Eh, six to one, half a dozen to the other. They still suck ass.

SFX: More footsteps

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NICHOLAS: I know it’s not my mother.

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: My mother’s dead. I wasn’t there when she died, I should have been, but… the
funeral was open casket. She’s dead.

STATIC MAN: I’m sorry.

NICHOLAS: No, no, I’m alright. But I know the voice was… most likely some creature trying to...

STATIC MAN: Mess with you?

NICHOLAS: Yes. An angler fish, shining a light to… make me distracted. I apologize for…
letting it distract me.

STATIC MAN: Yo, it’s all good. I mean… your dad did try, like, attain immortality, maybe your
mom is-

NICHOLAS: No. No.

STATIC MAN: Ok.

NICHOLAS: Come on, we should keep walking, I think I see something in the distance.

STATIC MAN: Oh hell yeah.

SFX: Transition music

Scene 7

SFX: Footsteps, car pushing sounds

NICHOLAS: Well… I’m not quite sure what I expected.

STATIC MAN: Dude, this is freakin’ awesome!

THE CLERK: Hello and welcome to Moody’s Family Friendly automobile service and repair
station, where we promise to treat you like the family we never had. Will you be needing any
service or repair today?

STATIC MAN: Yeah, dude, our car is broken as hell.

THE CLERK: [deep sigh] Bring it in.

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SFX: Static Man and Nicholas bring the car in to the station

NICHOLAS: So… in addition to being a waitress, convenience store clerk, motel front desk-
woman, you’re also an automotive repair-person?

THE CLERK: Yep.

NICHOLAS: And you’re versed in fixing cars? You’ll be able to repair ours, I mean.

THE CLERK: I work here, don’t I?

NICHOLAS: As I mentioned, you work at a lot of places.

SFX: More car movement

STATIC MAN: So where you want me to put this?

THE CLERK: On the hydraulic jack.

STATIC MAN: So...

THE CLERK: Yeah, right there. So, what happened to it?

SFX: Hydraulic jack lifts the car up

NICHOLAS: Well, it started to make a strange sound.

STATIC MAN: Like [imitates sound]

NICHOLAS: Yes, like that. We thought we fixed it with this resonator… but that was only
temporary.

STATIC MAN: Here’s the resonator, if you, uh, need to look at it.

NICHOLAS: Eventually our car broke down, we walked for a bit, and then we came upon your
repair shop. Quite coincidentally, I might add.

THE CLERK: So many coincidences in this magical fantasy realm of wonder and whimsy.

NICHOLAS: It didn’t go unnoticed

THE CLERK: Moody’s Family Friendly fill in the blank exists to serve the needs of its customers.
That’s our motto. So… don’t be surprised.
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STATIC MAN: Is that really the motto?

THE CLERK: No. The motto’s where we promise to treat you like the family we never had.
Great motto. Anyway…

SFX: bangs on the car

THE CLERK: So your problem’s musical.

NICHOLAS: I wasn’t aware that automotive problems could be musical in nature.

THE CLERK: Please, keep questioning the rules for the magical fantasy realm of wonder and
whimsy.

STATIC MAN: [laughs] Yeah, dunk on Nicholas.

THE CLERK: [sighs] Anyway, I’m going to have to re-align the equal temperaments. It’ll take a
week for me to grow the instruments to do it. Maybe two.

STATIC MAN: Dude, two weeks, that’s not, I’m not gonna-

NICHOLAS: We’re being pursued by a being hell-bent on our destruction. Spending two weeks
here is… probably not advisable.

THE CLERK: Trucker’s after you?

STATIC MAN: We talking about the dude that sounds like Johnny Cash and Tom Waits and
Willie Nelson had a weird threesome baby? Or is there another Trucker?

THE CLERK: That’s the one.

STATIC MAN: Then yeah, he’s after us.

THE CLERK: Don’t worry. Trucker can’t chase you if you’re by a Moody’s Family Friendly fill in
the blank. Just the way this place works. I’m still here, aren’t I?

NICHOLAS: And… we just… wait? For two weeks?

THE CLERK: Uh… yeah. There’s a little kitchen area here, pantry’s stocked, mostly peaches for
some reason, but there’s other stuff too. There are only two beds, so one of you can sleep in the
car.

STATIC MAN: I call bed!

 19
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

NICHOLAS: I’ll sleep in the car.

THE CLERK: Great. Conflict resolution. So…

SFX: Transition music

Scene 8

SFX: Weird musical car repair sounds

SFX: Footsteps

NICHOLAS: So… would you like any help? With… all of that?

STATIC MAN: Yeah, I don’t know if you noticed from me pushing the car, but I’m, like, really
strong. Herculean, some have called me.

THE CLERK: [sighs]

SFX: Some of the musical car repair sounds stop

THE CLERK: Can either of you compose in diatonic counterpoint? Or know anything about
patching FM polyphony?

STATIC MAN: Yo, I had no idea what you just said, but we can try?

NICHOLAS: I don’t believe we can.

THE CLERK: Then stay out of my way and don’t touch anything.

SFX: Musical car repairs start up again

NICHOLAS: Understood, though if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to...

STATIC MAN: Oh cool, what is this cute little thing?

SFX: Musical car repairs stop

THE CLERK: What did I just say?

STATIC MAN: I’m not touching it! It’s just like, really cute. Who’s a cute little guy. You are! Yes
you are, I’m going to call you-
 20
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

THE CLERK: It’s the fundamental frequency shifter instrument I’m growing. It’s going to fix your
car.

MUSIC: The faintest of songs

NICHOLAS: I can almost hear it… singing… if you’d call it singing.

THE CLERK: It’s a baby instrument. It’s what it does. Come back in a week or two when it’s
ready.

NICHOLAS: If the… infant instrument will fix our car, then what are you doing now, if you don’t
mind me asking.

THE CLERK: [sigh] There’s a fair amount of prep work I have to do. To be super basic, I have to
teach it all of the basic major key modes.

NICHOLAS: Ah.

THE CLERK: [sigh] Do you two know anything about music? If you had good pitch you might be
able to assist. In a very small, totally inconsequential way.

NICHOLAS: Unless you need someone with a thorough knowledge of The Magnetic Fields’
discography, I’m afraid you’re out of luck.

STATIC MAN: Yo, I tried to make a remix of a My Morning Jacket song on GarageBand while I
was in college. But… it wasn’t any good.

THE CLERK: That’s… not really what I’m looking for. Just… have fun amongst yourselves I
guess.

NICHOLAS: Come on, let’s get out of her way-

SFX: Transition music

Scene 9

SFX: Food sizzling

NICHOLAS: Ok, ok, you have to be gentle, just… hold the pan steady.

STATIC MAN: It’s steady!

NICHOLAS: No, it’s…

 21
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

SFX: A pancake falls on the floor

STATIC MAN: Five second rule?

NICHOLAS: Well, it was a barely cooked pancake that fell on the floor of a car repair station
but… you’re an adult and you can make your own choices.

STATIC MAN: [laughs] I’ll clean this up once we actually make a couple.

SFX: Footsteps

THE CLERK: Wait, what are you two doing?

STATIC MAN: Making pancakes. Want any?

THE CLERK: Uhh, sure.

SFX: Sizzling

SFX: Attempted pancake flip

STATIC MAN: Damn it!

THE CLERK: How much trouble is fuzz guy having?

NICHOLAS: He’s… improving.

STATIC MAN: It’s been a while since I cooked anything, OK? It’s not like we’re going to run out
of flour and eggs. There’s like… way too much flour and eggs.

NICHOLAS: Although I’m curious, how does this place have eggs? They appear to be fresh.

THE CLERK: Eh. Kitchens have eggs, therefore this kitchen has eggs.

STATIC MAN: Whatever, I never cook. Like, before Nicholas came around, I didn’t stick around
long enough to go for anything but fast food and since then… well, ordering delivery is easier.
Uber Eats, what up!

THE CLERK: Yeah… it’s been a while since I’ve eaten anything.

STATIC MAN: Oh shit, do you not exist when you’re not like, needed? Because that’s sorta like
my thing! Twinsies!
 22
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

THE CLERK: No, no, I man the various… establishments. But time is strange here. It’s as if
you’re lying on your back in the ocean… and you daze off… and then when you wake up, you’re
miles away from land, staring up at a sky you didn’t recognize.

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: I believe it’s time to flip the pancake.

STATIC MAN: Oh shit!

SFX: Flips the pancake

THE CLERK: I’m not eating that one.

NICHOLAS: We’ll keep trying

SFX: Transition music

Scene 10

SFX: Musical mechanical repairs off in the distance

NICHOLAS: [sighs] How bored are you?

STATIC MAN: More bored than every time you tried to explain the origins of the French
Revolution to me.

NICHOLAS: The French Revolution isn’t boring! It’s the absolute crux of world history, in a
sense, we’re still fighting it to this very day, just-

STATIC MAN: Dude, no! We are not doing this! Don’t you goddamn talk to me about class
inequality in the ancient regime.

NICHOLAS: Ancién regime.

STATIC MAN: Whatever!

NICHOLAS: [sighs] You’re welcome to borrow one of my books if you’d like.

STATIC MAN: [groans] But they’re so boring. I couldn’t get five pages into A Little Life, or
whatever. Or Never Let Me Go!

NICHOLAS: Then you could have brought your own. As it is, I am trying to read, so if you
wouldn’t mind...
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Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

STATIC MAN: Ok, dad, god!

(A beat)

STATIC MAN: Sorry.

NICHOLAS: It’s fine. Did you want to check the VCR again?

STATIC MAN: Dude, there aren’t any channels, and the only movie is twenty DVD copies of
The Pacifier! Starring Vin Diesel! And dude, DVDs don’t play on VCRs! And even if they did...

SFX: Footsteps

SFX: Shuffling as Static Man grabs a DVD copy of The Pacifier, starring Vin Diesel.

STATIC MAN: Would you really be interested in watching The Pacifier. Come on Nicholas,
(reads dramatically) Walt Disney Pictures presents action hero Vin Diesel (XXX, THE FAST
AND THE FURIOUS) in a fast-paced comedy from the director of BRINGING DOWN THE
HOUSE!

NICHOLAS: Wow, can’t believe they were able to snag the director of Bringing Down the
House.

STATIC MAN: Oh yeah, huge get. That’s the movie where Eugene Levy said “you got me
straight trippin’ boo” and they thought it was funny enough to put that in a dialogue bubble on
the poster. Back to The Pacifier. (starts reading dramatically again) Lt. Shane Wolfe (Diesel) is a
tough-as-nails Navy S.E.A.L. who has controlled military operations in every corner of the globe.
Now the ultimate test comes when he's assigned to protect the home front ... as in a house
loaded with five out-of-control kids! But even when he trades combat gear for diapers and juice
boxes, it's not just a babysitting job -- it's an adventure!

NICHOLAS: I wonder if he’ll learn that being a parent… is the toughest job of all.

STATIC MAN: Nah, he’s probably just going to end the film completely unchanged, without
learning any life lessons. [laughs]

NICHOLAS: [laughs] How do you think it actually ends?

STATIC MAN: Oh like, the Vin Diesel character-

NICHOLAS: Lieutenant Shane Wolf.

SFX: Musical car repair stuff ends

 24
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

SFX: Footsteps

STATIC MAN: Yeah, Lieutenant Shane Wolf, he’s probably like, promoted or something,
because he stopped the drug runners, and he tells the general or admiral that, no, he’s going to
stay with the kids? Maybe he marries their mom? He probably marries their mom.

NICHOLAS: Is she widowed, or?

STATIC MAN: Definitely widowed. Maybe-

THE CLERK: It actually ends with Vin Diesel quitting his job, you know, as a Navy SEAL, to be
a high school wrestling coach. And he makes out with the principal of the school.

STATIC MAN: Wait, is there a VHS copy of it somewhere?

THE CLERK: No, I saw it before I came here. I went to the movies with my niece once. It was
awful.

STATIC MAN: Well, thanks for spoiling it dude. [laughs] Do you have any other movies, or?

THE CLERK: No. And I’m doing some pretty delicate Mixolydian scale lessons, so if you could...

NICHOLAS: Ah. We’ll be quiet.

STATIC MAN: Yo, if you need any help, or just another set of ears...

THE CLERK: [sighs] If you want to take a listen, come on. But it’ll be boring.

STATIC MAN: Oh no, I’m cool. You’ll barely notice me. My lips are sealed, if I had lips.

NICHOLAS: [sighs]

SFX: Transition music

Scene 11

STATIC MAN: -the thing is, if you pick Charmander, you just straight up run up against a wall at
the first gym, because fire type is weak to rock type. Yeah, the final evolution looks powerful,
because it’s a dragon, but if you want to optimize your strategy, really optimize, you pick Squirtle
as your starter. It’s the best choice.

NICHOLAS: I… wasn’t arguing with you.

 25
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

STATIC MAN: No, you see everyone thinks Charmander’s the shit, but he’s not! If you want a
well-rounded party with type balance-

NICHOLAS: Please, this isn’t something-

STATIC MAN: Yo, yo, get in here, what starter did you pick?

THE CLERK: I’m not getting-

STATIC MAN: Come on, Nicholas here led a deprived childhood, but you’ve got to have played
Pokemon, right? First gen, at least. What’s your starter?

THE CLERK: [Sighs] Honestly? I always thought bulbasaur was underrated.

STATIC MAN: See, now there’s an interesting opinion-

NICHOLAS: So, I disagree on that point...

SFX: Transition music

Scene 12

MUSIC: Soft banjo-esque music, THE CLERK is playing to herself

SFX: Footsteps

ATMO: Open night sky

SFX: Pause in the footsteps

NICHOLAS: I don’t recognize the instrument.

SFX: Banjo-esque music stops

THE CLERK: Oh. It’s a Naverlee. Grew it myself. Mostly just sounds like a banjo, which I like.

NICHOLAS: Sorry, I didn’t mean for you to stop. It’s lovely.

THE CLERK: It’s ok. Where’s Static Man?

NICHOLAS: I’m sure he’s around here. He has to be, he doesn’t really exist without being
recorded.

SFX: Taps the recorder

 26
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

NICHOLAS: He might be trying to read A Little Life again. Which… good luck. But please…
continue playing.

MUSIC: Banjo-esque music continues

THE CLERK: Don’t get much of a chance to play anymore, so… thanks for that.

NICHOLAS: Of course. So you’re a musician.

THE CLERK: Not much of one anymore. But yeah.

NICHOLAS: How’d you end up here, if you don’t mind me asking?

THE CLERK: How’d you end up here?

NICHOLAS: That’s… a complex story.

THE CLERK: Oh, ok then. Because I was thinking it was going to be super simple. Just wanted
a vacation in a magical world of wonder and whimsy.

NICHOLAS: [sighs] To put it simply, we’re attempting to attain a body for my… for my friend. It’s
a ritual of my own creation, though it’s heavily modified off of a… path my father once went
down. We listen to the radio, listen to the… weirdness on the radio. Well, sometimes it’s
weirdness, sometimes it’s just static. Depends. We drive, purify ourselves, and hopefully, a
ready-to-fill body will be waiting for us at the end of it.

(A beat)

THE CLERK: Is your dad Michael Waters?

NICHOLAS: Was. He’s dead now. I killed him. Well, I killed him again. Hopefully that doesn’t
make you think less of me.

THE CLERK: No, from everything I heard, he was awful.

NICHOLAS: He genuinely was. Did you know him, or...

THE CLERK: No. [sighs] You really want to hear it?

NICHOLAS: If you want to tell me.

 27
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

THE CLERK: I’ll keep this quick. I was a musicologist, got curious about things people shouldn’t
get curious about, learned that magic was real, thought I was really cool for knowing that, then I
got obsessed with something called the godssong-

NICHOLAS: Sorry, God’s song possessive or gods song plural?

THE CLERK: Nicholas, if you could answer that, you could probably have as much virgin blood
or eye of newts as your little sorcerer heart could possibly desire. I think it’s neither, literally, the
song that is god or transcends god. Anyway, my theory was that the reason people couldn’t
properly play the godssong was that human beings couldn’t play it, we just weren’t meant to.
So, I thought, why don’t I create a being that was specifically designed to play the godssong.
Then I learned about bodycrafting, which isn’t a fun rabbit hole to go down, and I heard about
someone that had built, hmm, adapted a place to create bodies. I thought I could use that. My
plan wasn’t great. So here I am. Keeping my head down.

NICHOLAS: And you haven’t thought to escape? Sorry, I-

THE CLERK: I’ve thought about it. I just… really don’t want to die.

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: Do you know what the goddsong will do, if it’s ever played?

THE CLERK: Some idiots think it’ll bring about the end of the world. More people think it will
bring the person who plays it eternal life, or youth, or wealth, or knowledge. Your standard
‘something amazing will happen but we aren’t sure what’ ritual. But I think it’s more than that. I
think it’s literally the perfect song. When you’re writing a song, you’re trying to achieve
transcendence, to touch the sublime. You never do though, you can come close, but it’s never
perfect. I think the godssong is perfect. It’s the one truly transcendent song.

NICHOLAS: Ah. In your research, did you ever get a sense of what it sounded like? Any idea?
Not the exact thing, but...

THE CLERK: I had... theories. Obviously I wasn’t there yet, but… I was close

NICHOLAS: Could you… play it? What you thought it could be?

THE CLERK: I… it’s been a while. But I can try. Here

SFX: tuning the banjo-esque instrument

THE CLERK: You ready?

NICHOLAS: Yeah.
 28
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

(A long beat)

Scene 13

STATIC MAN: (Very loudly, to the tune of Mambo Number 5) “A little bit of Monica in my life, a
little bit of Erica by my side.”

(A beat)

STATIC MAN: Sorry, sorry. Really. I just couldn’t resist. I heard you talking and it was just… it
was too funny to pass up. I’m sorry. I really am.

(A beat)

SFX: The Clerk starts laughing, then Nicholas and Static Man join in

THE CLERK: [laughing] How long were you listening?

STATIC MAN: A bit. Enough to hear about the godssong. And like, I really do want to hear it,
you’re a really wonderful musician. Sorry.

THE CLERK: No! It was funny! I’ve been obsessed with this song for years and it’s… you know
what? I am fine saying that the most perfect song in all of existence is Mambo Number 5 by Lou
Bega. There, my life’s quest is finished.

NICHOLAS: I would actually love to hear you play though?

THE CLERK: Honestly? I can’t get Mambo Number 5 out of my head… so maybe later?

NICHOLAS: Oh god, me neither. Static Man, I am so excited for you to get a new body,
because then I will be able to punch you in the face.

STATIC MAN: Guys, I’m sorry, it’s stuck in my head too! And hey, I could have gone with
“Somebody Once Told Me” would you have liked that? Would All Star by Smash Mouth been
better...

SFX: Transition music

Scene 14

SFX: Instrument growing sound

STATIC MAN: I just… I can’t get over how cute this little thing is. It’s so cute!
 29
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

NICHOLAS: Do you think it’s almost ready?

THE CLERK: Eh, it’s getting close.

STATIC MAN: Awwwww, you’re almost ready, you hear that little guy.

NICHOLAS: How did you learn how to… plant an instrument, by the way. That’s genuinely
fascinating.

THE CLERK: It was in the repair manual. I made some modifications but… this is all in the
Moody’s handbook.

STATIC MAN: Did you give him a name yet?

THE CLERK: No, it’s an instrument.

NICHOLAS: But everything except for this is ready, correct? You don’t need any-

THE CLERK: No, I’m good.

(A beat)

STATIC MAN: Hey, so… a few nights ago... you mentioned that you used to make bodies?

THE CLERK: Uh, yes. I researched it. Where is this going?

STATIC MAN: Oh, I was just was wondering if any souls sort of… rejected their new bodies?

THE CLERK: I wouldn’t know. Didn’t really get too in-depth. But… maybe? Souls and bodies
are pretty intertwined.

NICHOLAS: You doing alright, Static Man?

STATIC MAN: Yeah, yeah. I’m good. Just thinking about some stuff. But don’t worry little guy,
you’re still cute, yes you are. Yo, when this is over, can I keep the instrument?

THE CLERK: No. (A beat) Sorry, but… that’s going to be mine.

STATIC MAN: Oh, yeah, totally.

THE CLERK: You can watch it grow though. We still have a couple days.

STATIC MAN: Yeah.

 30
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

SFX: Transition music

Scene 15

NICHOLAS: -And you’re sure we don’t need to do anything?

THE CLERK: No, just stand still and be as quiet as you possibly can.

STATIC MAN: Got it.

THE CLERK: Ok, so here it goes…

SFX: The Clerk plays some weird tuning notes from her instrument, car repairing sounds
ensue…

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: Is that… did it work?

THE CLERK: See if the car starts.

SFX: Footsteps

SFX: Car door opening

SFX: Ignition

NICHOLAS: Come on, come on

SFX: Car starts

STATIC MAN: Oh hell yeah! Awesome job! Woooo!

NICHOLAS: Thank you. Sincerely

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: Is there anything we can do to repay you?

THE CLERK: Moody’s doesn’t charge for repairs, for some reason, so...

NICHOLAS: No, I meant, for you specifically.

 31
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

STATIC MAN: Yo, why don’t you come with us! Like, I realize that it’s kinda dangerous and
stuff, but Nicholas is stupid powerful, and I can eviscerate people with my teeth, you’ll be totes
cool-

THE CLERK: No!

(A beat)

THE CLERK: I’m fine right here.

NICHOLAS: Are you sure?

THE CLERK: Yes. It’s too… I’ll be ok.

NICHOLAS: It’s your decision.

THE CLERK: Thank you for offering.

(A beat)

THE CLERK: Listen…

SFX: Footsteps

SFX: Rummaging through a desk

THE CLERK: When I was planning out my… voyage here, I made a song. Or a ritual. Same
thing, really. This place is big, bigger than you know, and you’ll be driving for… a long time, if
you keep going this way. But if you put this…

SFX: She finds the cassette

THE CLERK: This cassette into your cassette desk. Your cassette deck works, right?

NICHOLAS: Yes.

THE CLERK: Listen to the song, then you’ll, get to the center of the ritual. It… calls something.
A hitchhiker, that’ll take you where you want to go.

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: Why didn’t you use it, if you don’t mind me asking.
 32
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

THE CLERK: I did. I… didn’t go through with it. To the end. I… decided to keep my head down.
But… it’s an option. If you want it.

NICHOLAS: Thank you.

STATIC MAN: And thank you for everything, seriously. This has been really really cool.

THE CLERK: Thanks. I don’t get company that often. Anyway, you guys have some driving to
do.

SFX: She thumps the car

SFX: The boys get in

SFX: Car starts

SFX: Radio static

SFX: Car backs up, and starts pulling out of the repair shop

STATIC MAN: Bye! Oh hey, she’s waving

SFX: Car starts driving

NICHOLAS: Do you want to… use what she gave us?

STATIC MAN: Oh hell yeah. Things are comin’ to an end, it’s like, I feeling I have in my bones,
or, teeth. How about you?

NICHOLAS: I… I trust her.

STATIC MAN: Then put it in, dude.

NICHOLAS: [Deep breath] Alright

Scene 16

MUSIC: Song plays.

STATIC MAN: Yo, is that…

NICHOLAS: I assume so. I’ll stop the car

SFX: Car stops

 33
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

SFX: Footsteps outside of the car

SFX: Door opens, closes

NICHOLAS: Where are you headed?

TRUCKER: Probably ‘bout where you’re headed.

MUSIC: The rabbit song from the first episode starts to play

SFX: Shuffling in the car

STATIC MAN: [screams] Shit, what are you doing to me, goddamnit! What’s-

NICHOLAS: Stop it! What are you doing to him? Stop it now-

TRUCKER: Shhh, it’ll only be a moment

SFX: Static man’s screams die down

NICHOLAS: What did you do to him?

TRUCKER: He’s just sleeping, nothing to worry about. Come on, we’re going to my truck. Bring
him along

SFX: Car door opens

Scene 17

NICHOLAS: I don’t… know how to carry him.

TRUCKER: You carry him like a person. Now come on.

SFX: Nicholas, grunting, lifts up Static Man

SFX: Footsteps as Nicholas carries Static Man to the truck

NICHOLAS: (Huffing) If you could just, take his legs, that would be extremely helpful.

TRUCKER: Nope, I’m not gonna do that.

SFX: Nicholas carries Static Man to the truck

 34
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

SFX: Truck door opens

SFX: Weird organic noises from inside the truck

TRUCKER: Come on, up the step.

SFX: Nicholas carries SM into the truck, puts him in a seat.

TRUCKER: Yeah, put him in the seat.

NICHOLAS: I… thought it would be a little less… organic.

TRUCKER: Guess you were wrong.

NICHOLAS: The truck is a being of some-

TRUCKER: I’m the trucker. That’s all I am.

NICHOLAS: Ah.

TRUCKER: So you summoned me.

NICHOLAS: Apparently I have.

TRUCKER: Clerk can write a good song. Gets in your head. Pulls you.

NICHOLAS: Why was she unable to complete the ritual, if you don’t mind me asking?

TRUCKER: That’s her business. Ask her yourself if you want to know. She’s a part of this place
now, lives in it. Got no quarrel with her.

NICHOLAS: Unlike me.

TRUCKER: Unlike you.

NICHOLAS: I hope it goes without saying that Static Man and I would like to be transported to
the center of the ritual.

TRUCKER: Yeah, I got that.

NICHOLAS: Then… please do that. I genuinely don’t want to have a problem here. Are we
going to have a problem here?

TRUCKER: Eh, maybe. (A beat) You know what I am?

 35
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

NICHOLAS: I assume you’re the last of your kind.

TRUCKER: That too. But mostly I’m tired, Nicholas. I’m so goddamn tired. Chasing you around
the Blacktop is exhausting. You know that?

NICHOLAS: I sympathize. But why do it?

TRUCKER: Because you gotta poke, Nicholas. When you see a wasp’s nest, why do you have
to stick your hand in there. You’re curious what’s in there? Wasps! There’s wasps and they’ll
sting you. You get what I’m saying?

NICHOLAS: I believe I do.

TRUCKER: OK. OK. [Sighs] You know I had this whole intimidating speech planned. Whole
thing about infection and how everything you touch becomes unclean. Lots of conquest
metaphors. Or I was just gonna run you over. But I’m fine just talking, if you are.

NICHOLAS: That works for me.

TRUCKER: OK. Your daddy was an asshole, you know that, right?

NICHOLAS: I’ve been told. He also tried to eat my heart while I was still alive in order to gain
immortality so… yes. I know my dad had his faults.

TRUCKER: He didn’t care about this place. He warped it. Into some 50s Americana wet dream.
Didn’t even realize he was doing it. That’s how powerful he was. Things just bent to his will.

NICHOLAS: I am not him. I’m not as powerful as he was, I realize that.

TRUCKER: Not yet. And you’re bringing along a friend, your daddy wouldn’t have done that.

NICHOLAS: Like I said, I am not him.

TRUCKER: If you believe that hard enough, maybe you can keep that true. (A beat) I’m gonna
take you to finish the ritual.

NICHOLAS: And?

TRUCKER: You’re going to stop following in your daddy’s footsteps

NICHOLAS: If you’re asking me to stop performing magic-

 36
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

TRUCKER: No, no, hold your horses, I’m not stupid. Create your own rituals, do whatever you
want, just… don’t go chasing after your daddy’s loose ends, alright. Don’t come back here.

NICHOLAS: My father… left some powerful loose ends.

TRUCKER: OK, then we can try and kill each other. Gonna remind you that your bodyguard is
asleep, I did that on purpose, I assume you have various protections and wards, but I’m still a
big, organic, magical truck, so who knows who’s gonna kill who. Kind of a toss up. Then you still
have to listen to that radio of yours for a couple more weeks, which I don’t think is gonna be fun
for you. They still got that weird skinless preacher?

NICHOLAS: He’s… still there.

TRUCKER: Your call.

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: I think… my father has taught me as much as he could. I’ll take you up on your
offer.

TRUCKER: Good call, come on, we’re almost there

NICHOLAS: I… wasn’t aware we were driving

TRUCKER: I can keep myself pretty quiet. And I ain’t got windows, ‘cause they’re my eyes.
Whole thing adds up to a smooth ride.

SFX: Squelching on the seats

NICHOLAS: Ah. Will your various… fluids... stain my clothes?

TRUCKER: Don’t rightly know. Don’t have a lot of visitors in my cabin.

SFX: Truck stops

TRUCKER: We’re here. Carry your friend out, he’ll wake up in the parking lot.

NICHOLAS: Thank you.

TRUCKER: Don’t mention it. Seriously.

SFX: Nicholas pulls Static Man’s body out of the truck

NICHOLAS: Uh, goodbye.

 37
Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

TRUCKER: 10-4.

SFX: Door shuts

SFX: Truck drives off

Scene 18

STATIC MAN: Uh, what the hell happened.

NICHOLAS: Everything’s alright, her song worked.

STATIC MAN: Oh awesome. Wait, why are we in the Diner’s parking lot? Yo, if we’re all the way
back-

NICHOLAS: No, we’re where we need to be. Come on.

SFX: Footsteps

STATIC MAN: Did everything go ok with the hitch-hiker? Like, you didn’t have to sell your soul
or anything?

NICHOLAS: Don’t worry, we’re alright.

SFX: Door opening

SFX: Chintzy diner sounds

THE CLERK: Hello and welcome to Moody’s Family Friendly Diner and Eatery, where we
promise to treat you like the family we never had. I believe your party is waiting for you. Would
you follow me?

NICHOLAS: Yeah, thanks for the… for everything.

THE CLERK: Don’t mention it.

SFX: Footsteps

NICHOLAS: Mom?

HOLLOW CHILD: [Mewling/shrieking]

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Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

MOTHER: It’s alright, it’s alright my beautiful boy, there there, it’s ok. (To Nicholas) You are not
my son. This is my son. He’s my handsome young man and you are not going to take him away
from me.

HOLLOW CHILD: [Mewling/shrieking]

STATIC MAN: Dude, are you ok?

NICHOLAS: I’ll… should we sit down, uhm, I’m not sure what to call you.

MOTHER: Call me whatever you’d like, as long as you don’t call me mother. And yes, sit down.

SFX: Everyone sits down at the booth

THE CLERK: Can I get you… hepcats anything?

MOTHER: Some meat, if you have it. My beautiful boy is growing, he needs his fuel.

HOLLOW CHILD: [Mewling/shrieking]

THE CLERK: Any… particular meat you’d like?

MOTHER: Whatever you have.

THE CLERK: Sure. And you guys?

NICHOLAS: I’m alright.

STATIC MAN: Yeah, I’m not that hungry.

THE CLERK: I’ll be right back with your… unspecified meat.

SFX: Footsteps

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: So… if you’re not my mother… who exactly are you? If you don’t mind me asking.

MOTHER: I am the one who has given birth to your half-brother. Say hello, my beautiful boy.

HOLLOW CHILD: [Mewling/shrieking]

NICHOLAS: Hello. He is… beautiful. But his cheeks...

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Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

MOTHER: Oh yes, sometimes when he’s in a particularly bad mood, he gouges himself.

NICHOLAS: Ah. And I assume my father wasn’t able to… use this particular body for his own
ends?

MOTHER: No! No he was not. He created me, as an echo of someone he knew, formed from
the clay and asphalt of this place, the energies. He created me to give birth to a hollow child,
that he could fill with himself when he needed to. But my beautiful, handsome son wasn’t
hollow. Were you?

HOLLOW CHILD: [Mewling/shrieking]

MOTHER: No you weren’t. You were filled with your mother’s love. Your dad said you were
corrupt and broken, but weren’t were you, my handsome young man. He just couldn’t take him
because I loved him too much. And you are not going to take my beautiful boy away from me! I
know what you want to do, you want to fill him up with your disgusting friend here, you want to
use him, like he was just a piece of meat. But he’s my beautiful boy and I love him.

HOLLOW CHILD: [Mewling/shrieking]

MOTHER: If you try and take him away from me I will gouge out your eyes and pour salt on your
gaping wounds. And then my son will take parts from you so he can grow big and strong. Do
you understand, Nicholas Waters?

SFX: Footsteps

THE CLERK: Here’s your… meat. I hope bacon’s fine. I brought... a lot of it.

MOTHER: It’s perfect. Here you go, my loved one.

SFX: Hollow Child messily devours bacon

THE CLERK: So… this is the body you were…

NICHOLAS: Yes. But I’m sure we can come to some sort of understanding.

STATIC MAN: Yo, are we sure about that?

NICHOLAS: Static Man?

STATIC MAN: I mean, no offense to the… echo of your mother? Not really sure what’s going on
there, have I said that your dad’s creepy as hell, because-

NICHOLAS: I’m aware.

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Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

STATIC MAN: But I think we could probably, uh, let’s say finish the ritual, if we wanted to.

HOLLOW CHILD: [Mewling/shrieking]

MOTHER: No, no, don’t cry! You’re not going to take my beautiful boy! I won’t let you! I will die
before I let you touch one hair on his perfect head.

NICHOLAS: Static Man… if you want to-

STATIC MAN: We’ve been through a lot, ok? We’ve listened to that weird radio, and a trucker
tried to run us down, and there was a freakin’ Tim Curry junk salesman and… I want a body
again.

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: Are you sure?

(A beat)

STATIC MAN: No. And definitely not like this. And no offense, I definitely don’t want to be
stuffed into your half-brother’s body. He’s not exactly Tom Hardy.

MOTHER: Don’t listen to him, you’re beautiful.

HOLLOW CHILD: [Mewling/shrieking]

STATIC MAN: But we have to come back with like, something, some body. Like, that’s part of
the ritual?

NICHOLAS: Or we lose a random limb, yes.

STATIC MAN: So-

MOTHER: Stop talking! Stop talking like my beautiful boy isn’t there! Like he’s just a tool you
can use to get what you want.

HOLLOW CHILD: [Mewling/shrieking]

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: I’m sorry.

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Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

MOTHER: No, no, I know things. I was born in this place and I’m not going to let you leave,
even if you just leave right now I will curse you but if you try and take my son I will curse you
more you are my enemies and I hate you I hate you with every bone in my body I will… you will
see someone that looks exactly like your mother die a horrible death, you won’t like that, will
you-

NICHOLAS: Static Man, can you… do what you did last time in the diner?

STATIC MAN: Wait, seriously?

NICHOLAS: Yes.

STATIC MAN: I mean… your call.

SFX: Footsteps

MOTHER: Where is he going, because if this-

NICHOLAS: Don’t worry, m… don’t worry.

Radio Break 7a

MOODY MARVIN: (should be sputtery and strange, like a machine from the 1950s, words
should skip and repeat) Hello to all you hepcats, I hope you’re having a blast. I’m Moody Marvin,
and I want to show you a good time. Did you have a refreshing Moody’s Family Friendly cola
carbonated beverage? Good. Now, are you hepcats ready to listen to some music and dance?
You have to dance!

Scene 18 (continued)

THE CLERK: (While this is playing) Hey don’t-

NICHOLAS: Don’t worry.

MOTHER: Is this a trick, because if this is-

NICHOLAS: It’s not a trick. Come dance with me. If you don’t, well, I wasn’t quite clear on that
point, but we’ll all probably die horribly. So… come dance with me.

MOTHER: I…

NICHOLAS: Come on.

SFX: Footsteps as they go to the center of the room

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Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

Radio Break 7b

MOODY MARVIN: Now this is a slow dance, so I hope you’re holding your dance partner close.
Remember, you had better dance or I might get even moodier. Now, let’s listen to a song from
wayback. It’s Diane Wayne George with… Always and Forever.

MUSIC: The 1950s-esque song starts

Scene 18 (continued)

MOTHER: Why are you-

NICHOLAS: It’s alright, just… follow my lead.

(A beat)

MOTHER: Your father wasn’t a dancer. Or… that’s what your mother’s memories tell me. I have
some of them.

NICHOLAS: Ah. I didn’t know that. I guess I… inherited his two left feet.

(A beat)

NICHOLAS: I’m sorry. I know you’re not her, and I know you… but you look exactly like her. And
I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I should have visited you when I had the chance, I should have said
goodbye, but I didn’t because I was scared and… [Nicholas starts weeping]

MOTHER: There there… it’s alright.

NICHOLAS: I’m sorry, mom. I’m sorry. I always took you for granted and then you… I just miss
you so much.

MOTHER: It’s alright, it’s alright. It’s a… good song, isn’t it?

NICHOLAS: It is

SFX: They finish dancing to the song

Radio Break 7c

MOODY MARVIN: That was Diane Wayne George with… Always and Forever, and I’m Moody
Marvin, hoping you’ll find your always and forever. Let’s see… it looks like the dancing was…
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Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

good. Great job. You get a… free coupon for a Moody’s Family Friendly cola carbonated
beverage, congrats!

SFX: Shitty congrats music plays

MOODY MARVIN: To receive your free Moody’s Family Friendly cola carbonated beverage,
mail a letter to PO box… (Moody Marvin fades out)

Scene 18 (continued)

MOTHER: That was… I liked that.

NICHOLAS: I liked that too. Now, you can trust me, right?

MOTHER: Of course, of course I can. You wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. You’re such a nice
young man.

NICHOLAS: Ok, because we’re going to leave, and I don’t want any curses or… anything bad to
happen to us.

MOTHER: Of course not, how could you say that. I would never. You’re my son’s brother.

HOLLOW CHILD: [Mewling/shrieking]

MOTHER: See, he likes you.

NICHOLAS: That’s good to hear. Now, come on, let’s sit back down

SFX: they go and sit back down.

STATIC MAN: You… ok dude?

NICHOLAS: I’m alright. Actually, if we could have some water…

SFX: Footsteps

THE CLERK: Got some waters…

SFX: Puts water down

THE CLERK: Anything else I can help you with?

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Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

NICHOLAS: Actually, we need a body to come back with us to the quote unquote real world, or
we lose a random limb. I would prefer not to lose a random limb, and if you’re willing, you’re
more than welcome to come with us.

(A beat)

THE CLERK: I’m not… going to get hollowed out-

NICHOLAS: No, the ritual didn’t say anything about an empty body, just a new body. And I
believe you qualify.

THE CLERK: [Gulps] Do I have to swear fealty to you. Because… I would do that-

NICHOLAS: You can decide that later. But if you’re worried about employment, I’m sure we can
arrange something.

THE CLERK: Yes. Yes. The trucker isn’t following or-

NICHOLAS: No, we’re safe, we’re just going to leave.

THE CLERK: Ok, then… I can do that. Yeah, I’d… I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.

NICHOLAS: Wonderful. Static Man, I-

STATIC MAN: It’s fine.

NICHOLAS: No, it’s not. I’m sorry, I promised you we would get you a body-

STATIC MAN: No, no, you… you tried, dude. And… we can always try again. And, you know,
I’m the whisper on the wind, that’s cool. I’m cool. I am.

NICHOLAS: You know something about crafting bodies, correct?

THE CLERK: Yeah, a little.

NICHOLAS: We have options. That aren’t using… this body

HOLLOW CHILD: [Mewling/shrieking]

STATIC MAN: Yeah, I don’t… yeah.

SFX: Nicholas gets up

NICHOLAS: So… mom, unless there’s anything else?

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Episode 3 - When The Open Road Is Closing In

MOTHER: Are you leaving so soon?

NICHOLAS: I think it’s most likely for the best.

MOTHER: Well, come and visit, if you can. We’ll miss you

HOLLOW CHILD: [Mewling/shrieking]

NICHOLAS: I’ll… bye brother.

HOLLOW CHILD: [Mewling/shrieking]

NICHOLAS: Come on, let’s go.

SFX: Footsteps

MOTHER: Thank you for letting me keep my beautiful boy.

NICHOLAS: [sighs]

SFX: Door opens

Scene 19

SFX: Footsteps

STATIC MAN: Holy shit. It’s those little antler-rabbit things.

NICHOLAS: Should we be worried?

THE CLERK: No. They’re harmless. And my name is Morgan, so… uh, call me that.

NICHOLAS: Morgan it is.

THE CLERK: Haven’t seen this many in one place though.

STATIC MAN: Yo, you did run one over, so if they’re like, taking revenge, we should-

MUSIC: The rabbits start singing a haunting song

STATIC MAN: Yo, what are they-

THE CLERK: Shhhhh…

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STATIC MAN: So are we cool to just… leave?

NICHOLAS: I… believe we are.

STATIC MAN: Any idea why they’re…

THE CLERK: None.

NICHOLAS: Come on.

SFX: Footsteps

STATIC MAN: I call shotgun.

THE CLERK: Seriously?

STATIC MAN: Dude, I called it. There are three people now, so I want shotgun.

SFX: Car door opening

SFX: The gang gets in.

NICHOLAS: Ready?

STATIC MAN: Oh hell yeah.

THE CLERK: Yes.

SFX: Ignition starts

SFX: Car starts driving

STATIC MAN: Yo, you want to turn the radio on?

NICHOLAS: You know what, I’m alright.

MUSIC: The rabbit song gradually builds and swells as Left of the Dial ends.

END