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chap 4

The document contains a series of revised sentences that demonstrate the application of rules for concise writing. Each original sentence is paired with a revised version that eliminates unnecessary words, redundancies, or cluttering phrases. The revisions aim to enhance clarity and directness in communication.

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rakibahmed82000
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2 views

chap 4

The document contains a series of revised sentences that demonstrate the application of rules for concise writing. Each original sentence is paired with a revised version that eliminates unnecessary words, redundancies, or cluttering phrases. The revisions aim to enhance clarity and directness in communication.

Uploaded by

rakibahmed82000
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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Here are the revised sentences with the applied rules:

1. In view of the fact that we financed the experiment, we were entitled to some of the
profit.
✅ Because we financed the experiment, we were entitled to some of the profit.
(Cluttering Phrases – Replaced wordy phrase with a shorter alternative.)

2. We should see the prime lending rate increase in the near future.
✅ We should see the prime lending rate increase soon. (Surplus Words – "In the near
future" is redundant.)

3. I will talk to him with regard to the new policy.


✅ I will talk to him about the new policy. (Cluttering Phrases – "With regard to"
replaced with "about.")

4. The candidates who were the wealthiest won the election.


✅ The wealthiest candidates won the election. (Surplus Words – Removed unnecessary
phrase "who were.")

5. There are many obligations that we must meet.


✅ We must meet many obligations. (Roundabout Construction – Made the sentence
more direct.)

6. We purchased gloves that are lined with wool.


✅ We purchased wool-lined gloves. (Roundabout Construction – More concise and
direct.)

7. Mary is of the conviction that service has improved.


✅ Mary believes service has improved. (Cluttering Phrases – "Is of the conviction"
replaced with "believes.")

8. Sales can be detected to have improved over last year.


✅ Sales have improved over last year. (Surplus Words – "Can be detected to have" is
unnecessary.)

9. It is essential that we take the actions that are necessary to correct the problem.
✅ We must take necessary actions to correct the problem. (Surplus Words – Eliminated
wordiness.)

10. The chairperson is engaged in the activities of preparing the program.


✅ The chairperson is preparing the program. (Surplus Words – Simplified for clarity.)
Here are the revised sentences with the applied rules:

1. Martin is engaged in the process of revising the application.


✅ Martin is revising the application. (Surplus Words – "Engaged in the process of" is
unnecessary.)

2. You should study all new innovations in your field.


✅ You should study all innovations in your field. (Duplications – "New innovations" is
redundant; all innovations are new.)

3. In all probability, we are likely to suffer a loss this quarter.


✅ We will likely suffer a loss this quarter. (Surplus Words – "In all probability" is
unnecessary.)

4. The job requires a minimum of at least three years of experience.


✅ The job requires at least three years of experience. (Duplications – "A minimum of"
and "at least" mean the same thing.)

5. In spite of the fact that they hadn’t paid their previous bill, they placed another order.
✅ Although they hadn’t paid their previous bill, they placed another order. (Cluttering
Phrases – "In spite of the fact that" replaced with "Although.")

6. We expect to deliver the goods in the event that we receive the money.
✅ We expect to deliver the goods if we receive the money. (Cluttering Phrases – "In the
event that" replaced with "if.")

7. In accordance with their plans, company officials sold the machinery.


✅ Following their plans, company officials sold the machinery. (Cluttering Phrases – "In
accordance with" replaced with "Following.")

8. This policy exists for the purpose of preventing dishonesty.


✅ This policy prevents dishonesty. (Surplus Words – "Exists for the purpose of" is
unnecessary.)

9. The salespeople who were the most successful received the best rewards.
✅ The most successful salespeople received the best rewards. (Surplus Words – "Who
were" is unnecessary.)

10. The reader will note that this area ranks in the top 5 percent in per capita income.
✅ This area ranks in the top 5 percent in per capita income. (Surplus Words – "The
reader will note that" is unnecessary.)
11. Our new coats are made of a fabric that is wrinkle resistant.
✅ Our new coats are made of wrinkle-resistant fabric. (Roundabout Construction –
Made the sentence more concise.)

12. Our office is charged with the task of counting supplies not used in production.
✅ Our office counts supplies not used in production. (Surplus Words – "Is charged with
the task of" is unnecessary.)

13. Losses caused by the strike exceeded the amount of $640,000.


✅ Losses caused by the strike exceeded $640,000. (Surplus Words – "The amount of" is
unnecessary.)

14. This condition can be assumed to be critical.


✅ This condition is critical. (Surplus Words – "Can be assumed to be" is unnecessary.)

15. Our goal is to effect a change concerning the overtime pay rate.
✅ Our goal is to change the overtime pay rate. (Surplus Words – "Effect a change"
simplified to "change.")

16. Mr. Wilson replaced the old antiquated machinery with new machinery.
✅ Mr. Wilson replaced the antiquated machinery with new machinery. (Duplications –
"Old antiquated" is redundant.)

17. We must keep this confidential information from being shared with others.
✅ We must keep this information confidential. (Surplus Words – Simplified sentence for
clarity.)

18. The consensus of opinion of this group is that Wellington was wrong.
✅ The consensus of this group is that Wellington was wrong. (Duplications –
"Consensus of opinion" is redundant.)

Let me know if you need more! 😊

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