personal stories—

what makes you tick

be here now purpose

J To introduce the closed-eye reflective process.
J To give participants the experience of deeper reflection.
J To make them conscious of how often they are not ‘in the now’ at work and
home.

personal story purpose

J To build openness and trust in the group.
J To help them know one another and themselves at a deeper level.
J To reinforce how thought habits drive behaviors.

grounding

Be Here Now

Be Here Now is simply being present with a quiet undistracted mind. We can Be Here
Now at work or home. We can be present with a person or in a meeting. We can Be
Here Now with loved ones and listen to what’s important in their world. We can be
present in nature and aware of the sights and sounds. We can Be Here Now with our-
selves by quieting our mind and being more reflective.

Multitasking at work is the opposite of being here now. It is being on a conference call
while reading unrelated emails or being in a meeting but really on our BlackBerry.

We often have challenges with Be Here Now at home. We come home to loved ones
but with a mind still full of random things from work. Our bodies come home and
our mind is still at work. We do that by processing/ thinking about what happened
at work today, or thinking about what we need to do tomorrow. Often we pretend
to listen to what our loved ones are saying, but we are not really there for them and
usually they know it. We sometimes call this habit having a ‘busy mind’ vs. quieting
the mind to Be Here Now.

There’s a strong connection between Be Here Now and doing better with the four
principles in the Human Operating System.

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personal stories—
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More people from sessions around the world have Be Here Now on their contract
cards than any other concept. People get value just by taking a few quiet moments to
examine how well they are doing at work and home. The chord we strike is that most
working people have minds that are too busy and are often not in the moment with
a quieter mind. Many people relate the lack of mental presence to their home lives.
they realize they neglect spouses, children and loved ones, and reflect on the impor-
tance of shifting that.

The Be Here Now segment introduces them to the closed-eye reflective process which
is an experience in itself. Participants experience an unfamiliar but peaceful feeling
and it provides an experience in the value of slowing down the mind. Reflective pro-
cesses are an essential part of the learning model as they significantly increase the
probability that people have their own insights and new thinking.

Ideally, your Be Here Now story has some universal appeal—something most can
relate to. Once you share a meaningful Be Here Now story, it helps them connect
more personally to the concept and to you, as their facilitator.

Facilitator Tip

Your Be Here Now story should highlight a time when you were physically present
with someone and yet, because you weren’t Being Here Now with him/her, you real-
ized you had created a negative result. Be cautious of telling a ‘Being There’ story
(e.g., I was doing something else and missed being/spending time with my child).
Your story (and the other person involved) should be important to you—so that it can
be emotionally relatable to the participants. Here are the points to cover:

J Time when you weren’t being here now. When and with whom had you ‘cho-
sen’ to Be Here Now with? And then, what were your thoughts that distracted
you or caused you to not Be Here Now. Be specific as to what you were thinking
about that distracted you to not Be Here Now.

J The moment of ‘insight’—what caused you to realize that you weren’t Being
Here Now? And what was the impact that not Being Here Now had on the other
person?

J Now that you are aware of the value of Be Here Now, how are you consciously
choosing to Be Here Now?

J What is the difference in your relationships or the benefit you are now noticing
because you are Being Here Now?

Personal Stories

This module is designed to follow the Human Operating System module where time
has been spent helping people understand what makes people tick.

The question we posed is, “where do our behaviors come from?” The answer was our
thought habits or underlying conditioned thinking. That, in turn, is often the result of

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 personal stories—
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either significant experiences or events in our life. Life conditions or other people such
as parents have a major influence on us, our thinking and behavior.

This module simply asks people to think of one or more distinguishing characteristics
and trace those to their origins in terms of parental influence, early upbringing or
events that helped shape who they are.

The intention is to help people better understand what makes their teammates tick.
When people have a deeper understanding of teammates it provides many benefits:

 It increases the level of trust by increasing openness

 It helps people better assume best intentions versus assuming motives in oth-
ers
 It tends to bond the group in a shared personal exercise in which they often
find a commonality in one another

Your example as facilitators will help set the tone. If your stories are deeper and rel-
evant, the group’s will be also. Most people will draw from three primary sources.
One is a parent or significant adult figure. The second is their general upbringing—on
a farm, as the oldest child, of modest means, etc. The third can be a more specific
event—the birth of a child, a near death experience, etc. If there are two facilitators,
each could model a different aspect. You’ll practice some in TOC.

Facilitator Tip

The time it takes for each person to “tell their story” can vary greatly in length. People
can do it in a one-minute snapshot or in a 15-minute monologue. The facilitator needs
to control that to fit the group size and keep the module to roughly a one-hour time
period.

Time management is done in two primary ways. The first is the facilitator’s length of
their sharing. If you want it brief for a large group make your sharing and your part-
ner’s brief as a model. Model whatever length you want.

The second is to coach the group on time. You can start by saying “there are X of us
in the group so we will have about Y minutes apiece so keep that in mind.” You can
also coach the group along the way with comments like “this is very interesting, but
in the interest of time, the remaining people need to shorten it up a bit.”

flow
60 Minutes
Be Here Now
Be Here Now questions
Personal Be Here Now story
Closed-eye reflective process
Journaling

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personal stories—
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Personal Stories
Facilitator models the story
Participants share their stories

Personal Stories (Large Group Option)

Facilitator models the story
Participants share their stories

Journal on Insights

module guide

Be Here Now

We’d like to start this segment with a concept that can help you with all four princi-
ples in the Human Operating System we just discussed. The majority of people going
through this session have reported that this concept has had more impact on their
quality of life and relationships than anything else we do. It is also one that they
remember the longest.

It is a simple concept that has to do with our ability or lack of ability to live life in the
moment—what we call Be Here Now.

When we are present with a quieter mind, we are usually up the Mood Elevator. We
have fewer blind spots and more positive energy. We also have better balance in life
when we can learn to turn work off in our minds when it’s the right time to do that.
But that’s not easy.

Does anyone here ever have what could be called a busy mind? Sure, many people
do.

Let me illustrate how that shows up.

Be Here Now questions

Have you ever been with a person and you were not there? Have you ever been with
a person and they were not there? Have you ever been in a meeting and it seemed
like no one was there? Have you ever gone home to a friend or loved one at night but
your mind never left work? Have you had a day off that you didn’t take off mentally
or a vacation where you never really arrived? All these are examples of the degree to
which we do not live life in the present. We are living in our busy minds. It turns out
that most of the lower levels of the Mood Elevator are connected to busy thoughts
such as worry or judgmental thoughts. That causes us to be preoccupied. The higher
states like hopeful or grateful are quieter.

Personal Be Here Now story

Here is an example of a time I realized I was not being here now.

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Tell your brief Be Here Now story.

I’d like to give you a chance to explore Be Here Now in your own world by taking
you on a guided journey in a reflective process. I’ll first teach you a very brief tech-
nique to help you Be Here Now and quiet your mind and then we’ll take that journey
together.

I’m going to explain a very simple set of steps that will quiet the mind. They are com-
mon sense and easy to do. This process was developed at the Harvard Medical School
as a way to reduce stress and the risk of heart attack. We found that is also gives us a
way to let our minds quiet down.

Can anyone tell me what the last thing a basketball player does before shooting a
free throw after bouncing the ball?

Answer: Takes a deep breath.

A breath like that is the body’s natural mechanism for releasing tension, so in a
moment I’ll ask you to take a couple of deep breaths.

Since the mind is always active, we have to give it something to do. We are going
to give it two tasks. First, I’ll ask you to focus on your breathing. Do that by notic-
ing the air as it moves in and out. Once you are doing that I’ll ask you to start with
the number 5 and count backwards silently each time you exhale until you reach the
number one. We’ll also put on some reflective music to shut out distractions and
noises outside the room. We invite you to close your eyes to get some privacy as well.
If that’s not comfortable, just pick a spot on the ground and focus there so you’re not
distracted.

Sit back in your chairs, relax and get comfortable. If you have your arms or legs
crossed, give them a trial separation and then follow my directions.

On the count of three I’d like you to take a deep breath, hold it briefly and then let it
out and relax. One, two, three. Take it in, pause, then let it out.

Repeat.

Now focus on your breathing. Notice the movement of the air and the rise and fall of
your stomach or chest.

Pause.

Once you are synchronized with your breathing, see if you can breathe just a little
more slowly and just a little more deeply.

In just a moment I’d like you to begin with the number 5 and each time you exhale,
silently count down one number until you reach the number 1. Continue to say 1
until you hear the sound of my voice.

Go ahead and begin with the number 5 and begin counting.

Do the exercise yourself.

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personal stories—
what makes you tick

Stop wherever you are in the counting process and just listen to the sound of my
voice as we explore the interesting notion called Be Here Now.

Closed-eye reflective process

I’d like you to picture yourself back at work with the people you are in contact with
most often and ask yourself the question, “am I really being here now for them?” Am
I listening? Is my mind too busy or preoccupied? Am I multi-tasking? Am I really being
present for them?

Pause.

Now picture yourself at home with your friends or loved ones and ask the question,
“am I really being there for them?” Am I listening to what’s important in their world
or am I too caught up in my own world? Am I really being here now when I go
home?

How about on the weekend or the day I am supposed to have off? Am I really taking
off mentally as well as physically? Am I being a serious business person seven days a
week or can I still play and have fun like I did when I was a child?

Do I have enough quiet Be Here Now time to slow down and recharge my own bat-
teries, so I can have the positive energy I need?

I’d like you to slowly bring your awareness back to the room and open your eyes.

Take a moment and notice how the room is feeling right now (pause) and how you
are feeling (pause).

Show the Be Here Now slide.

None of us will ever be perfect at being here now but even a small improvement can
make a big difference. There are no simple answers but just being more aware of
the concept can help. As you go into a meeting, just take a deep breath and remind
yourself to Be Here Now. When you walk in the door at home, remind yourself that
it’s the end of the business day and Be Here Now for yourself, your loved ones and
friends.

Be Here Now does tie closely to the Mood Elevator. When we are in the lower states,
our minds are almost always very busy and we aren’t being present. We tend to Be
Here Now much better from the curious level of the Mood Elevator on up.

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 personal stories—
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Journaling

Please pick up your workbook and turn to page ___ that says Be Here Now at the top.
Take a moment to write down what struck you about the concept of Be Here Now
and how you feel you are doing at it. Write at least one “I will…” as a reminder. It
can be as simple as “I will practice being here now.”

personal stories

We spent the first module taking a look at the four principles in the Human Operating
System that help us understand what makes us tick. Those concepts help us under-
stand why people behave the way they do.

Show the HOS — What Makes Us Tick slide.

We’re now going to continue that process with some personal sharing so we can
better understand what makes each other tick. One of the principles in the Human
Operating System was that our thinking or thought habits drive our behaviors.

Show the Results Cone slide.

A question we didn’t answer is, “where do our thought habits come from?” For
many people thought habits come in part from life experiences including parental
influence, early life conditions, how we were brought up or other significant events
which may occur at any point in our life.

In this exercise we’re going to ask each person to share with the group one or more
recognizable distinguishing characteristic in them and then share, as best they can,
the origin. So that we can better understand you and why you think and behave the
way you do, please answer these questions:

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personal stories—
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Option 1: For groups who know each other, show and read the My Operating
System slide with two bullets.

Option 2: For groups who don’t know each other, show and read the My
Operating System slide with four bullets.

What is a distinctive characteristic trait or belief that helps define who you are and
secondly, what was the life condition such as upbringing, person or people — often,
but not always parents — or the events that have shaped that behavior or belief?

The distinctive trait or behavior can be a strength and they can have a flip side which
can be our challenge. Again, for many people the influences are parents or adults
early in their life, for others it’s just a general situation of their upbringing and for oth-
ers it’s a major event that impacted them at any point in their life.

Facilitator models the story

As facilitators, we’ll start with our examples and then ask for a volunteer from the
group to go first.

Facilitators, model openness and desired length for group size, i.e., short for
large group, longer for smaller one.

Participants share their stories

We have time for everyone so it is a matter of being first or being last. I’d like one
volunteer to begin and we’d ask you all to do the best you can to be here now and
be fully present to try to understand the person talking better versus rehearsing your
own stories. We’ll ask the person talking to give us the essence of the message and
do so in no more than ______ (a couple of minutes). Who would like to start?

Each person should go one at a time, then proceed right or left around the
group with little or no commentary from facilitators or others along the
way—just let the process carry itself. Watch the time and readjust through
coaching if people are taking too long.

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 personal stories—
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After the last person shares ask them to quietly journal for a couple of min-
utes about what feelings they are having after hearing that sharing and what
is the value in a team setting of doing something like that. Have them do this
quietly without sharing to keep them reflective.

What was the value in having people share about themselves that way?

Answers: It connected us. We really got to know and understand each other
better.

Right. Did you notice how many people talked about how a parent or adult figure’s
values and behaviors helped shape who they are? People who have influence over us
do that. In business it is called the Shadow of the Leader phenomenon. We all cast
a shadow of influence that we are often unaware of. One of the biggest shadows
we cast on those around us each day is our mood. That’s another reason the Mood
Elevator is such an important concept.

Let’s take a break.

Sharing Personal Stories (Large Group Option)

In groups of 30 or more, you probably will not have time to conduct the Personal
Stories process in a single circle. The following scenario is recommended in order to
help you better manage the time available, let the group have the “deepening” expe-
rience of the sharing of the “significant event or person that shaped me,” and still be
able to have all members of the group introduce themselves to one another.

Ask them to divide into smaller, sub-groups of 6-8 participants each. Have the smaller
groups form circles and distribute themselves around the room. Remind the partici-
pants that they should position themselves so that they can refer to the information
projected on the screen.

Once the smaller groups are settled, follow the process as described up through and
including the Results Cone discussion and the introduction of the “distinctive trait or
characteristic”.

In this exercise we’re going to ask each person to share with the other members of
your small group one or more recognizable distinguishing characteristic in them and
then share, as best they can, the origin. So that we can better understand you and
why you think and behave the way you do, please answer this two-part question:

Show the My Operating System slide.

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personal stories—
what makes you tick

What is a distinctive characteristic trait or belief that helps define who you are and
secondly, what was the life condition such as upbringing, person or people — often,
but not always parents — or the events that have shaped that behavior or belief?

The distinctive trait or behavior can be a strength and they can have a flip side which
can be our challenge. For many people the influences are parents or adults early in
their life, for others it’s just a general situation of their upbringing and for others it’s a
major event that impacted them at any point in their life.

Facilitator models the story

As facilitators, we’ll start with our examples and then ask for a volunteer from the
group to go first.

Facilitators, model openness and desired length for group size, i.e., short for
large group, longer for smaller one.

The lead facilitator role-models the sharing of the story. It is important to be

mindful to share an experience that has rich meaning for you, yet can be told
concisely.

Participants share their stories

I’d like one volunteer in each small group to begin and we’d ask you all to do the best
you can to be here now and be fully present to try to understand the person talking
better versus rehearsing your own stories. We’ll ask the person talking to give us the
essence of the message and do so in no more than ______ (a couple of minutes).
Who would like to start?

As the small group members share their stories, walk around the room for a
few minutes to monitor progress and gain a sense of when the groups are
nearing completion. If some groups are taking too long in comparison with
other groups, respectfully encourage them to be more concise.

End of Large Group Option

When all the small groups have completed their stories, call their attention
back and have all the members of the group re-configure into the larger
“horseshoe or U-shape” shape, as they were at the start of the day.

May I have your attention please? Please re-form the group in the big U-shape.

Give the group a moment to reconfigure. Guide them as needed. When the
group is settled again, get their attention and proceed.

Thank you. Now that we’ve shared a little about what makes us tick in our smaller
groups, I’d like for us to share something with the larger group that will help us to get
to know one another better. I am going to ask each of us to briefly share some infor-
mation about who we are, what our role is at work and something we do in our lives

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 personal stories—
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outside of work. This can be a hobby or interest, something we do in our community,

or something we do for fun.

The facilitator models the introductions according to the following model.

It is important to be up-beat and concise. If the group begins to tell lengthy
stories, remind them of the need to be concise, so that we can have time to
hear from everyone.

Show the What Makes You Tick slide.

Thank you all for sharing. What was the value in doing that?

Show the Value in Sharing About Ourselves slide.

Take responses and add to them if necessary.

On the next break, put up the Be Here Now poster.

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personal stories—
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