AUSTRALIAN DEFENCE FORCE ENGLISH LANGUAGE PROFILING SYSTEM

(ADFELPS) WRITING TEST

ADFELPS WRITING DESCRIPTOR

Level Descriptor
1 No writing effectiveness

2 Extremely limited writing effectiveness

3 Limited writing effectiveness

4 Write to satisfy some social requirement

5 Write to satisfy social, personal & limited work related requirement.

6 Write adequately on familiar & work related topics.

7 Write competently to handle all personal, social & work related req.

8 Write effectively to fulfill wide range of topics.

9 Write thoroughly & substantively.

ADFELPS WRITING ASSESSMENT

Assessment Descriptor

Vocabulary / Grammar / Sentence structure (longer &

Language Use
complex sentences.)

Effective Paragraphing /Well organized / Supporting

Coherence & Cohesion
details are well provided / Uses range of cohesive devices.

Communicative Ideas are communicated fluently, thoughtfully with depth /

Effectiveness Logical conclusion reached.

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 ADFELPS WRITING TEST FORMAT

TASK 1 TASK 2
• Choose one topic only. • Choose one topic only.
• Time :20 minutes. • Time : 40 minutes.
• About 120 words. • About 200 words.
• More to familiar & • More to argumentative & discussion topics.
descriptive topics. • Essay must be structured into introduction, body &
conclusion.

Task 1 (20 minutes)

• Task 1 is a short descriptive essay of about 120 words. The focus should be on descriptive
vocabulary and expressions which appeal to readers’ senses and which ‘paint a picture’ for
the reader.
• The language may be informal - using personal pronouns and personal experiences is
acceptable. The writers use the words to express these details: the nouns and adjectives;
the verbs and adverbs.

Task 2 (40 minutes)

• Task 2 is a longer essay often asking the candidate to write a discursive or argumentative
essay of about 200 words.
• It requires a more critical and analytic approach – personal pronouns should be avoided
even when using personal experiences.
• Task 2 language should be more formal, and topics should be answered using a particular
analytical framework determined by the essay task.

a. Advantages and Disadvantages : This type requires you to objectively discuss the
pros and cons of an issue. For example: ‘Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of…’
or ‘Discuss the benefits and drawbacks of…’

b. Compare and/or Contrast : This type of task asks you to discuss the similarities
or differences in an issue. For example: ‘Discuss the changing nature of…’ or ‘What is
more important…?’

c. Cause and/or Effect : This type of task asks you to discuss the reasons why
something has happened or the effects of something happening. For example: ‘Discuss the
impact of…’ or ‘Discuss the consequences of…’

d. Problem and/or Solution : This type of task asks you to identify a problem or a
solution to a problem. For example: ‘What can be done to…’ or ‘Identify some of the
issues…’ or ‘Discuss the challenges of…’

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 BASIC ESSAY WRITING STRUCTURE

: Opening/General Sentences.
: Thesis Statement (the main idea of the whole essay which can be
Introduction
either general or specific- contains at least 2-3 main points (TS1,TS2 &
TS3).

: Topic Sentence 1 (the main point /idea of the paragraph)

: Supporting Sentences for the main idea.
: Elaboration of the supporting points.
: Examples, if necessary.
: Concluding sentence

: Topic Sentence 2 (the main point /idea of the paragraph)

Body : Supporting Sentences for the main idea.
(General to : Elaboration of the supporting points.
Specific) : Examples, if necessary.
: Concluding sentence

: Topic Sentence 3 (the main point /idea of the paragraph)

: Supporting Sentences for the main idea.
: Elaboration of the supporting points.
: Examples, if necessary.
: Concluding sentence

: Restatement of the thesis statement (summary of the main points)

Conclusion : Prediction or opinion.
: Recommendation or call for action.

REMEMBER :
1. Write your essay into paragraphs, which contains introduction, body and conclusion.
2. Draft your main topics as well supporting sentences before writing.
3. Construct your thesis statement from the question.
4. Elaborate one point in one paragraph only.
5. Do not mix 2 main points in one paragraph.
6. Use transitional signals/connectors/conjunctions to elaborate your ideas.
7. Try to write compound and complex sentences, instead of simple sentences.
8. Add quotation/similes/proverb/ idioms if you can.
9. Manage your time wisely. Please allocate few minutes to proofread your essay in order to
check your spelling, grammar, sentence structure and punctuations.

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The world today is turning more to electronic communications such as the e-mail,
Facebook and Short Message System (SMS). What is your opinion of this growing
trend? Discuss. You should write at least 350 words.

Everywhere we turn today, the world is crowded with people busy typing SMSes on
their Nokias or iPhones or someone is staring unblinkingly at a Facebook or Yahoo page
on the computer screen. Whether you like it or not, the age of Information Technology is
upon us, and we can either learn new skills and adapt to this new technology, or be
forever lost and stuck in the older generation. In my opinion, I am fully convinced that this
growing trend is the way of the future, and it brings countless benefits to mankind. In this
essay, I will discuss three positive effects of electronic communication, namely its
efficiency, enhances communication and creates a borderless world community.

First and foremost, more and more people are relying on e-mail, Facebook, Short
Message System (SMS) and other types of electronic communication tools because of its
high efficiency. This is because in today's age of globalisation, we need information at the
tip of our fingers. Moreover, with the use of these tools, we can increase the speed of
getting the necessary and relevant information within seconds and this will increase our
productivity. For example, gone are the days of using 'snail mail' or regular letters using
stamps and envelopes and many more examples of 'old' technology because it is simply
too slow and inefficient. Therefore, these e-communication tools increases the access to
important information which is why the new generation is fully accepting this growing trend.

Secondly, this form of technology enhances communication among people today.

This means that when we use SMS, e-mails and websites like Facebook, we are able to
communicate clearly and directly to our target audience. Furthermore, people today find
that the message is more important than the form it comes in as an e-mail in short but
clear sentences is just as good or even better than a long and formal letter. For instance,
an SMS can give clear instructions in just a few words and this communicates what needs
to be done quickly and directly. Thus, when the intended message can be spread clearly
using short and clear information like in SMSes and emails, communication can be
enhanced and there will be less problems of miscommunication.

Last but not least, e-communication creates a borderless community in the world we
live in today. This is due to the fact that the boundaries that separate each country
becomes less relevant when information is transferred without limitations. In addition, the
world would be a better place because there is a sense of 1-World commitment, respect
and tolerance for the global community through efficient and clear e-communication. Take
for example, we are able to connect with people on an international basis using Facebook,
Friendster, Tagged, Hotmail, Yahoo and others. Hence, these tools will enhance global
unity and create a more peaceful world.

In a nutshell, this growing trend has many positive effects not just to individuals but
the global society in terms of efficiency, enhancing communicative skills and shaping a
borderless community. In my opinion, I still firmly believe that this latest trend is the best
way forward and if we do not catch up, we will be left behind by the tide of development.
Our government can encourage the proper usage of electronic communications by
increasing communication amenities and free broadband accessibility especially in rural
areas so that they can enjoy the same facilities as city-folks therefore balancing the
development of our country towards achieving Vision 2020.

Thesis Statement Transition Signals

Topic Sentence XXXXX Example/Statistic
Concluding Sentence AAAAA Elaboration/Supporting details
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 WAYS TO WRITE INTRODUCTION PARAGRAPH

TECHNIQUE INTRODUCTION
Success can mean different things to different people. To some, it means making a lot
Definition
of money. For others, it could be having a good career.
Question Are you getting low grades? Do not know what the best way to study?
Thomas Edison, a famous inventor once said: ‘Genius is 1% inspiration and 99%
Quote
perspiration.
Statistic Out of 100 students who took a simple English test, 40% failed.
I remember waiting anxiously for my SPM result. I could hear shouts of laughter when
Anecdote
the other students got their results. My body froze when I got mine.

DIFFERENT WAYS OF WRITING THESIS STATEMENT

These are few ways of writing thesis statement for the following topic.

Topic : Should student be encouraged to study overseas or locally?

1. In this essay, I will discuss the benefits/advantages of studying overseas rather than locally.

2. From my point of view, I will discuss the benefits of studying overseas rather than locally.

3. The advantages of student to study overseas rather than locally will be further discussed in
this essay.

4. Both ways of studies have their own benefits, however I prefer student to study overseas
because of........

5. This essay will outline the benefits of studying locally compared to overseas.

6. In this essay, I would like to share 3 main reasons why student should study overseas.

7. In my opinion, student should be encouraged to study overseas based on these 3 benefits,

which are........

8. There are many benefits of studying overseas, such as cultural exposure, language
enhancement and sharing of educational technologies. It will be discussed further in the next
paragraph.

9. Undoubtedly that studying overseas has many advantages than locally, however I would like
to focus more on the advantages of studying locally compared to overseas.

10. Studying locally has more advantages than locally and it will be outlined in the following
paragraphs.

11. Therefore, it is my stance that studying locally is much better that overseas because it has
many advantages.

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 USEFUL IDIOMS IN WRITING

No Idioms Meaning
1 Arm in arm To stand together with arms unlocked
2 A piece of cake Something that is easy to do
3 Better late than never It is better to do something late than to not do it all
4 Every cloud has a silver line There is always something good in the worst kind of
situation
5 A wolf in sheep’s clothing Someone who appears harmless but in dangerous
6 Out of the blue Suddenly and unexpectedly
7 Know something by heart To know something very well
8 The apple of your eyes Someone clearly loved
9 Once in a blue moon Rarely, almost never
10 Practice makes perfect The more you practise, the better will you become
11 The ins and outs To know something very well
12 Put yourself in someone’s To be in someone’s situation
shoes
13 Like a fish out of water To feel uncomfortable because you are in an unfamiliar
situation
14 Third wheel The third and unwanted person in a group of three
15 Time will tell Something will be clear some time in the future, not now
16 The tip of the iceberg The small sign of a problem that is much larger
17 Keep an eye on To watch a person or something carefully
18 Pass the hat around To collect donations
19 Cross your finger To hope something will happen the way you want it to be
20 To play with fire To do something that can lead to serious trouble
21 To give someone a hand To help someone in need
22 To turn over a new leaf To change the way one behaves in order to become better
23 Words of mouth News that are passed on from person to person orally
24 To rain cats and dogs To rain heavily
25 It takes two to tango Both parties who are involved in a situation or argument,
are equally responsible for it.
26 Curiosity killed the cat Do not endanger yourself by being interested in
something you should not be interested in
27 Money doesn’t grow on trees Do not waste money
28 To many cooks spoil the When too many people are doing the same job, the job is
broth not well done
29 To kill two birds with one To do two things at the same time
stone
30 To think twice To ponder an action, to reconsider, to hesitate
31 Around the corner Going to happen very soon
32 Not my cup of tea Something you do not like to do
33 Eye catching Visually attractive
34 Crying over the spilt milk To regret in vain what cannot be undone
35 At the eleventh hour At the last possible moment
36 When there is a will, there is When you re determined enough, you can find a way to
a way achieve whatever you want
37 Silence is golden It is often better to say nothing than to talk
38 Rome was not built in a day It takes a long time to do an important job.
39 Opportunity knocks but once You will only have one chance to do something important
40 The pen is mightier than the It is more effective to communicate with words than with
sword violence
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 USAGE OF TRANSITION SIGNALS

Sentence 1 : Honey is a natural antiseptics

Sentence 2 : Honey is useful for providing energy

• Honey is a natural antiseptics. It is also useful for providing energy.

• Honey is not only a natural antiseptics, but it is useful for providing energy.
• Honey is a natural antiseptics. Besides, it is useful for providing energy.
• Honey is a natural antiseptics. In addition, it is useful for providing energy.
• Honey is a natural antiseptics. It is useful for providing energy too.
• Honey is a natural antiseptics and it is useful for providing energy
• Honey is a natural antiseptics. Moreover, it is useful for providing energy

START TO CONTRAST IDEAS TO ADD INFORMATION

 At first  …, though  …too

 At the beginning  Although  Also…
 First (of all)  But  As well
 Firstly  Despite  Besides…
 In the beginning  Despite the fact that  Both…..and… ..
 In the first place,  Either ……or  Furthermore
 To begin with  Even if  In addition to...
 Even though  Moreover…
 However,  Not only…….but also............
TO CONTINUE /  In contrast,  What is more
 In spite of  Apart from this
 After  In spite of the fact that  On top of that
 After that / afterwards  Neither…….nor  Another point is
 Before  Nevertheless,
 Immediately  On the contrary,
 Later  On the other hand, TO GENERALIZE
 Next  Otherwise
 Secondly,  Whereas  Basically…
 Then  While  Generally speaking…
 Thirdly,  Generally…
 In general…
TO GIVE EXAMPLES  In many ways…
TO FINISH / CONCLUDE

 All in all  For example

 At the end  For instance TO EXPRESS OPINION
 Finally  Such as
 This includes  As far as I am concerned
 In conclusion  As far as I can see/know
 In short,  Like
 Namely  Frankly speaking
 In brief  Honestly,
 In the end  I feel…
TO EXPRESS CAUSE AND
 Lastly,  I think…
 On the whole RESULT
 I believe
 Summing up 
 As / since I would say that
 To sum up 
 As a result, In my view
 To conclude  In my opinion…
 Because
 Consequently,  It seems to me that
 Due to / because of  Personally, I think…
 For this reason,  From my point of view
 Honestly

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 SAMPLE ESSAY

Full essay
Outline
Learning English Is Difficult
Introduction
A. Attention getter Despite learning English at school for almost eleven
B. Background years, Ali was still weak at English. When he continued his
studies at university, he was unable to speak fluently or write
Thesis statement: Many well in English. He is not the only one facing this problem.
of them say that learning
English is difficult because Many other students are in the same boat as Ali. Many of them
of the spelling, grammar say that learning English is difficult because of the spelling,
and pronunciation. grammar and pronunciation.

Topic sentence 1: First First and foremost, one of the problems in learning
and foremost, one of the English is the spelling. In English, many words do not follow the
problems in learning the regular spelling rules. For example, to change a noun ending in
English language is the 'x' to the plural, an 'es' is added to the noun. Therefore, 'box'
spelling. Many words don't becomes 'boxes'. However, this rule does not apply to the word
follow regular rules 'ox' because its plural form is 'oxen' and not 'oxes'. Therefore, it
is easy to be confused by the spelling system.

Topic sentence 2: Another Another item in the English language that students find
item in the English language a problem is grammar. There are so many grammar items to
that students find a problem learn and remember. For instance, they have to know the rules
is grammar. for articles, nouns and adjectives. In contrast, some grammar
items like prepositions do not have rules to guide them. Tenses
are especially difficult as there are about twelve tenses in the
English language. As such, students become more confused.

Topic sentence 3: Last but Last but not least, students find pronunciation baffling.
not least, students find There are twelve vowels in the alphabet but in pronunciation,
pronunciation baffling. there are sixteen vowel sounds. This means that the same vowel
may be pronounced differently. For example, the 'a' in the words
'cat', 'pass' and 'jaw' each is pronounced in a different way. In
addition, many words are not pronounced the way they are
spelled. Examples are 'quay', 'chalet', 'restaurant, and parquet'.
Hence, it discourage students to learn English because of its
pronunciation.

Conclusion In conclusion, it is not surprising to hear students say

Clincher
that they would rather solve a lot of mathematics problems than
write an essay in English. This is due to the confusion in the
Restatement of thesis
spelling system, grammar rules and pronunciation, which
students find extremely difficult.

(330 words)

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 BENCHMARK LEVEL 7

TASK 1 : My Primary School Education.

Back in 1967 I started my primary school education in a city known as Georgetown, in

Penang, Malaysia. During this infant stage of my formal education I started to learn three language
ie. Chinese, English as well as Malay language. Other than language I had to learn the subjects like
Mathematics, Science, Geography, History and Physical Education as well as Music and Arts.

The building in which I studied was an old brick building with 3 storey. In each class we
had as many as 40 students. We had an oral where we played soccer and sometimes cricket. The
uniform I worn at that time was shirt and short trousers which were white in colour. My favourite
teacher was my mathematics teacher as he was very strict and put a lot of effort into improving my
ability in maths. I attribute my success in math at secondary level to the good founding provided by
him. I was taught abacus by him and it is very practical until today.

During the school days, I enjoyed swimming and cross-country races. I even competed in
national school titles.

TASK 2 : The Importance of Education in My Country.

During the 1990’s, there was a vital change in the Malaysian Education system especially in
primary and secondary education. The system had geared the Malaysians to have a compulsory
education from primary to secondary level. Under this system, the students have to acquire three
important skills i.e. reading, writing and arithmetic, known as ‘3R’s’ in primary level. In secondary
level, they have to acquire technical skills such as electrical, electronic, mechanical and minor
research study as well as the basic academic subject like English, Malay language, Mathematic and
Science. The purpose of such technical skills is to prepare the student to attain skills which they can
use to start a career if they are not good academically or maybe to fulfill the requirement of tertiary
education.

A lot of efforts have been made by the government that once everybody acquire the skills, it
will be easier to develop the country, as Malaysian is missioned to be one of the developed
countries in this region. Other than that, the foreign investments, especially in the electronics
sector, are highly intensified in this country. For example, Penang Island is a world well-known
‘Silicon Island’ because most of the Intel microprocessors used in computers are manufacture
there. Leading from this, the economic development of the country will become better as the
worker will be paid better based upon their high skill and knowledge.

The other significant subject being taught in Malaysian education system is moral education
or religion education. Under the influence of such education, the people will become more ethical
and sociable. Because of this reason, the people will live with more understanding and tolerants
which create a more harmony society among the races. Other than that it is hoped that it will
eradicate the country’s most feared enemy- drug abuse, which disrupt the socio-economic stability
for the last decade.

To conclude, the new education system implemented to enhance the people’s technical skill
and moral awareness have created a better living standard in Malaysia.

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 BENCHMARK LEVEL 8

Task 1 : My Primary School Education.

My primary school is located at Singalong, a suburban area of Manila, and is a Catholic

school named St Anthony’s School. It is quite a small school, covering only about three football
fields. It has two gates, one which is used as an entrance for vehicles and the other is used for
vehicle exits and pedestrian entry/exit. It has a four-storey main building that houses all the
primary and intermediate classrooms and a side building that houses the high school classrooms.

Like other Catholic schools, it has a church servicing the local parishioners. We were
required to wear white collared shirts and with a left breast pocket (that has the school seal on it)
and brown short pants. During our primary school days we took up basic subjects in English,
Reading, Writing, some arts and experiments in Science as well as Mathematics, religion and
proper manners. My favourite teacher then was a certain Mr Lataco (whom I presume must have
already retired by now). We had organized sports such as beginner’s football, basketball, and
gymnastics. But after formal school hours, we used to play a game called ‘tayaan’, similar to the
‘cops and robbers’ game in western countries.

Task 2 : The Importance of Education in My Country.

The main feature of the Phillipine education system is that it is more suited for social
learning than some other system. The Phillipine government had developed a technically-inclined
learning program only about 5 years ago, which makes the learning programs entirely different
from the ones offered a generation ago. The phases are being developed on a computer learning
base and instructional methods are mainly undertaken in American English.

With a literacy rate of about 92%, filipinos generally finish secondary education. About
85% of the entire Phillippine population finish High School though on a local basis, the far-flung
provinces have a relatively lower percentage of secondary school educational attainment compare
to the highly-urbanized areas like Manila, Cibu and Davao.

With a good formal education, individuals can be able to land on good, high paying jobs,
especially if the graduate comes from an exclusive private school. Education also develops a
person’s well-being and as such, he can easily cope up with his country’s development. As far as
society is concerned, the fruits of education may be seen in the way people view culture; one that is
based on reality and not one that is based on folklore, as some provinces have been in the past.

Certainly, with a competitive level of educational standard and high literacy rate, the
Philippines could definitely meet the growing demand for industrialization, technological
development and the increasing concern for globalization. With these requisites met, the
educational system in the Philippines becomes an effective tool not only for civilianizing its
populace, but for meeting its desired economic development as well.
However, with the continuing economic crisis, and the ever-present American business
influence among filipinos, the educational system merely becomes a ‘tool’ for the on-going threat
of ‘brain drain’ in the Philippines- lots of technocrats and intellectuals prefer to leave the
Philippines and work abroad than to contribute to the development of the following generations
due to the relatively low-paying jobs in the country.

To conclude, despite the problems of ‘brain drain’ alluded to above, the Philippines
education system has many benefits for both individuals and society, and is a ‘key’ to greater
economic prosperity.

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 BENCHMARK LEVEL 9

TASK 1 : My Primary School Education.

For my primary education I went to Bukit Bintang Primary School in Petaling Jaya,
Malaysia. It was quite a large school, with about 450 pupils. Bukit Bintang was a boy’s school and,
as was the case with a number of government schools at the time, the medium of instruction was
English. Although Malaysia is a multi-racial society, the students at my school were predominantly
of Chinese background. At that time Malay children generally went to Malay-language schools.

Architecturally the school was unspectacular. The main block was a three storey L-shaped
building with offices and staffrooms at one end and classrooms at the other. It was big, white
concrete building with a narrow staircase at each end- I remember we were always shoving and
pushing on the stairs. As you progressed through the grades you moved higher in the building,
ultimately ending up on the top floor in Grade 5 and 6.

Malaysia has a very cost-effective approach to school uniforms. Children throughout the
country wear basically the same uniform, all white for boys and white and blue for girl, with
schools being differentiated by distinctive badges, tyes and hats. My school badge consisted of a
green and yellow motif, with a slogan in Latin.

At primary level I studied all the usual subjects including English, Mathematics, Civics and
Malay language. However, my favourite subject was of course sports. One of y proudest-moments
was the first time I ran onto the soccer field to represent my school. I played left fullback and felt
about ten feet tall.

I had many good teachers at my primary school, but my favourite was Mr Lee, who I had in
Grade 5. He was very kind, very fair, and had the knack of making every child in the class feel
special in some way.

TASK 2 : The Importance of Education in My Country.

Education is the primary factor in the achievement of meaningful development for both
individuals and society. The benefits of education to a society are twofold. An effective education
system not only produces a highly trained and knowledgable population, but also a more humane
and tolerant one. For Malaysia, both of these positive aspects of education are equal importance.

As a society in the mist of rapid industrial and technological expansion, Malaysia is acutely
aware of the pivotal role which education will play in ensuring sustained economic growth into
21st century. Malaysia aims to establish itself as key player within the region, and in fact the world,
in the fields of science and information technology, including production of computers and
computer componentry. Clearly this will require a highly skilled workforce and managers who not
only are experts in the technology, but are also dynamic and innovative in their approaches.

To some extent the ‘seeds’ are being planted now within the education system which will
enable the next generation to meet future challenges. One component of this has been the
development by the Education Ministry of programs designed to promote and accelerate the
learning of science and technology in secondary schools. For example, new well-equipped
residential secondary schools, with strong science and technology based curriculums, have been set
up in most state capitals of Malaysia. In addition, a system of scholarships and study loans has been
implemented to ensure that students with aptitude in the science and technology fields have access
to high quality education.

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 17
Although technical competence and ‘know-how’ are all important, it is also recognised that
education have role to play in other areas and that balance is needed. Through insistence on
compulsory secondary education for all Malaysians the government hopes to generate a population
who share common values and beliefs and respect the state institutions. Furthermore, the education
system has the potential to create citizens who have the self confidence and discipline to resist
negative influences such as drugs and lazy lifestyle.

In conclusion, Malaysia’s future is directly linked to its education system. The promotion of
science and technology on the one hand, combined with compulsory secondary education on the
other hand, should enable Malaysia to meet the challenges of the 21st century with confidence.

COMMON MISTAKES IN WRITING

1. No paragraph.
2. Wrong topic.
3. Incomplete essay.
4. Cheating/plagiarism.
5. Poor handwriting.
6. Punctuation.
7. Grammar mistakes.
8. Wrong word choice.
• Subject Verb Agreement.
• Passive Sentence.
• Singular Plural.

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