Architect, philanthropist,

Sex and the City Transcripts and the sex was amazing.

Late one night,

Jack popped the inevitable question.

 So...
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I'd love to own my own gallery,

01x08 - Three's a Crowd and maybe a little cottage in Maine.
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Well, actually I meant more like
Post Reply    1 post • Page 1 of 1 screwing in an airplane bathroom

01x08 - Three's a Crowd  kind of fantasies.

 by bunniefuu » 01/07/22 13:43
The closest Charlotte had ever come
Once upon a time, in a magical land
to getting screwed on a plane
called Manhattan,
was losing her luggage.
a young woman fell in love.
I've always wanted
Charlotte and Jack locked eyes at
to do it in my parents' bed.
a black tie benefit for Epstein/Barr.
- Wild, I like it.
She chased him through
- What about you?
every disease in New York.
- You, me, and another woman.
They've been officially dating
- Come on!
since retinitus pigmentosis.
I'm serious.
Jack was perfect for her.

Charlotte, you have Great sex, without wondering

no idea how sexy you are, do you? about your relationship.

The idea of you touching - But you don't have relationships.

another woman... - Which is why I have great sex.

God, it makes me hard - I've never done a threesome.

just thinking about it. - Because you have relationships.

- Jack wants us to do a threesome. - Well, I've never done a threesome.

- Of course he does. Every guy does. - Of course you haven't.

Threesomes now You in a threesome?

are the blow job of the '90s. You won't even wear a thong!

- What was the blow job of the '80s? - Jack thinks I'm sexy.
- a**l sex. - He's buttering you up.

Don't get pressured into it. First, you start thinking you're hot,
It's just a ploy to watch you be a lesbian. then he brings up the threesome thing.

- Don't knock it until you've tried it. Boom! Suddenly you're kissing
- I had a threesome once in college. another woman while he beats off.

I was drunk, and I woke up Make sure the other woman

in someone else's bra. isn't a friend.

Only do a threesome Use somebody

as the guest star - you meet in a bar or something.

the girl the couple gets to come in, - That's romantic.

screw, and leave. - No, I think I'd feel safer with a friend.

- The pinch hitter. Someone I could trust, like Carrie.

- Exactly. It's perfect.
Oh, gee, I'm flattered.
 Maybe threesomes
But I'd go with someone were the relationship of the future.
who has a little more experience, like Sam.
Meanwhile, Samantha had been starring
Well, thanks.
in a show I call
But there is something '"Sam Does The Married Guy'".
sexy about a first-timer like Charlotte.
- I love that you're not my wife.
Really? - I love that, too.

Oh, great, no, forget about me. I mean, that thing

you do with your hips.
- Oh, come on.
- You know, I'd do it with you guys! Ruth won't even get on top.

It's like picking teams Ken was 37, a wine importer,

for dodgeball all over again.
unhappily married to a woman
Was Samantha right? Were threesomes who designed modular office furniture.
the new sexual frontier?
This affair
No question. was the most exciting thing
Guys were infatuated with threesomes.
that had happened to him
And when I started looking, since the '94 Montrachet.
they were everywhere.
Five hours later,
After all, our lives are built on threesomes. Charlotte's night was just beginning.

Fat, low-fat, non-fat. She and Jack had just had

First, business, economy. Moe, Larry, Curly. another fantastic date, dancing for dyslexia.

Maybe we were never meant So, what do you think of her?

to do it with only one other person.
- Is she hot?

- Jack!
Charlotte hadn't been that excited
You're right. since she became a cheerleader.

- Maybe she's more your taste. What do you think

- Stop it. your dream meant?

- Have a light? I'm in a sandbox with Charlotte, Sam,

- Sorry. I don't smoke. and Carrie and they won't play with me.

That's a shame. Please, it's obvious.

Did you see that? She was flirting with us. Miranda was dealing
with her own nightmare.
She was flirting with you.
I know it's juvenile, but it bothers me.
Charlotte, you're such a turn-on, I'm attractive, I'm smart...
and you have no idea.
people should want me for a threesome.
You're giving off
this sexual energy all the time. So, you're saying
you're attracted to your girlfriends?
A vibe like you've got a fire inside you.
No! But if your friends
She'd be crazy not to be into you. won't go down on you, who will?

Who knows whether it was - Well, that's some dream.

her vodka or her vibe, - It was so real. I can't stop thinking about it.

but Charlotte suddenly felt warm. - And I think I enjoyed it.

- That's great.
- She put her hand on my leg.
- So, should I ask her to join us? Dreams are a good way to experiment.

That night, It's like buying a dress

she had an eye-opening experience. and keeping the tags on.
Do you think it means than for small rat-infested studios
I should have a threesome? renting at $1,000 a month.

Jack says I have a fire inside me. But who answered these ads?

- Tell him they make a cream for that. Wall Street honcho seeks two horny gals
- I'm serious! for a f*ck-fest at my summer home.

- Don't do it just to make Jack happy. No fatties, please.

- Maybe it would bring us closer.
Sweet, suburban school teacher
Sweetie, it's weird to sleep with someone seeks two men to fulfil her fantasies.
you don't know to get closer to Jack?
You be black or Hispanic.
But how well do we ever know I'll be on time.
the people we sleep with?
I need your d*ck now.
That was Charlotte. Just when you think
she's a Park Avenue Pollyanna, X-files fanatic twosome seeks
Scully look-alike for abduction fantasy.
she'd say something so right on,
you'd think she was the Dalai Lama. Me, gorgeous with big boobs.
You, a couple with class.
Is my hair too shiny?
Let's experience everything the city has.
And then she'd say
something else. I'm into museums,
blow jobs, theatre, and golden showers.
But the bigger question remained...
I seemed to be the only person who
if Charlotte was considering still believed in the one-on-one relationship.
a threesome, who wasn't?
Mr Big and I were doing sleep-overs.
The Village Voice
had more ads for threesomes Which one?

- An ex-wife, that's a new twist.

This one. - And they had wild sex, threesomes.

You better be careful. We used to have wild sex,

I could get used to this. but now we have sweet sex.

Why is it that putting - Wild beats sweet.

a tie around a man's neck - But he's not with her.

is sometimes even sexier Because they stopped having wild sex.

than taking it off?
- Ken's wife won't give him a blow job.
What are you doing for lunch? - Is that supposed to make me feel better?
I could swing an hour between meetings.
He'll never leave his wife for you.
No, sorry. I can't. They never do.

- I have to interview someone. Thank God. Who needs the trouble?

- About what? No muss, no fuss.

Threesomes. Ever done one? - Sounds like you're selling toilet cleaner.
- Does this colour turn you on?
Sure. Who hasn't?
Miranda was certainly determined.
Really? With who?
- It's a little bit orange.
My ex-wife. - There's only one thing left to do.

Suddenly my column - What, leave him before he leaves me?

was the last thing on my mind. - You kidding? Check out the ex.

- You were married? Charlotte was right. We don't really know

- Yeah, I thought I told you. the people we sleep with.

No, no, you didn't. After all,

what did I know about Mr Big?
Except he had an ex-wife named Barbara So I did what any writer would do.
who worked in publishing. I pulled an idea out of my a*s.

My plan was to pitch her Well, my story

a steamy bodice-ripping paperback. is about a little girl...

She'd probably reject it, but I'd get named Cathy. Little Cathy.
five minutes face-to-face with her.
And what makes Little Cathy special?
Carrie?
Well, she's got these magic...
Come right in.
Barbara's ready for you. cigarettes.

...Thanks, bye. She has magic cigarettes?

Carrie Bradshaw. I am so excited.
Yes, Little Cathy
Sit down. I am a huge fan of your work. and her magic cigarettes.

Good taste and beautiful. Whenever she lights up,

Could it get worse? she can go anywhere in the world.

Special Olympics chairwoman. You know... Arabia, New Jersey.

Sorry. I haven't hung it yet. I mean that stuff is all

So, I'm dying to hear your pitch. gonna be worked out, of course.

I never knew you were interested You wanna write

in writing children's books. a children's book about smoking?

Well, who doesn't It's a children's book for adults.

love children's books?
- You are outrageous. I love it!
Five minutes of bodice-ripping - I thought you might.
material wasted.

I've been dying to do something only they won't let me sit with them.
with an edge. This could be great.

It was the last straw. She was smart, They make me sit with the driver,
beautiful, and she got me. who's like Chris from The Partridge Family.

I'd have to k*ll her. You're still very upset about being
sexually rejected by your friends.
Samantha was about to have
a close encounter with the third kind. Let me ask you something.

- Oh, sorry. Would you do

- I'm sorry... Ken! a threesome with me?

- Sam. I think we need

- You two know each other? to talk about why you're asking me.

- Sure. That's a '"no'"?

- Not really.
That night, I thought I could put the whole
Ruth, this is Samantha. Barbara thing out of my mind.
She bought some pinot noir from me.
After all, Mr Big was with me now.
- Sam, this is my wife, Ruth.
- Hi. Nibbling his ear lobes? How sweet.

- Hi. Let me show you

- OK, we should be going. See ya. how it's really done.

That afternoon Samantha successfully So, I guess you can't avoid a threesome,
screwed a guy in under two minutes. someone's always been there before you.

The more Miranda analysed, What just happened? Where'd you go?
the worse her nightmares got.
- Preoccupied.
So the four of us get into a cab, - No kidding. About what?
Your ex-wife's breasts, - Yeah, f*ck 'em.
your ex-wife's lips, your ex-wife's long legs. - I still love the project,

...My column. and at the risk of sounding like a groupie,

I'd really like to become friends.
I didn't tell you I was married
because it was a long time ago. Friends?

- What happened? Two hours later,

- Alienation of affection, then divorce. I was sleeping with the enemy.

Let's not talk about - So, never married?

the past, please. - Once. A long time ago.

What Mr Big didn't realise was - Really? What happened?

the past was sleeping right next to me. - He had a wandering eye.

The next day the flesh It wandered over

and blood Barbara asked me to lunch. to my best friend.

- Hi. Thanks for meeting me. So, what about you?

- Oh, thanks for inviting me. Are you seeing anyone?

You changed your hair. No one special.

Oh, thanks. For Samantha,

the shit was about to hit the phone.
- Listen I have some news.
- I'm back with Mr Big! - Hello.
- It's over. I told my wife!
The head guys
didn't go for Little Cathy. - Who is this?
- It's Ken.
They wouldn't know
a good book if it bit 'em in the a*s. - Wait. You told Ruth about us?

- I'm in love with you. - It didn't mean anything. It was just sex.
- Exactly.
- Now we can be together.
- No, no, no, no, no, no. And if being sexually adventuresome
will keep this marriage together,
Hang on.
then I am prepared to join you...
- Hello.
- Samantha? ...with him... in bed.

This is Ruth Scheer... Ken's wife. Oh, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no.
- Yeah, I found your number.
- Hang on. Samantha was a guest star.
Series regular was not in her contract.
- Listen to me. You love your wife.
- No, I'm in love with you! That night at the attention deficit ball,

No, no, no, no. Charlotte felt free

to indulge her fantasy.
Sam's no muss, no fuss affair
was starting to feel very mussy. It's amazing what some sequins
on a stick can do to free up inhibitions.
- I'm back.
- I don't know who you are, Who here is your type?

but Ken and I love each other very much. - Do you like peacocks?
- Do you?
- Of course you do.
- And we have an unshakable bond. Then Charlotte did the unthinkable.

I'm going to keep this marriage together. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. She winked at me.
Good for you!
Listen, Ruth this was a huge mistake. - Excellent.
- I need to get out of here.
 What a relief.
- Hey, you OK?
- Yeah, yeah, I think so. Most of the women
who answered our ad, well,
- So, how'd it feel?
- Weird. you know, they were kind of...

Well, I enjoyed it. - Butt ugly.

- Oh, nothing like you.
- I do have another fantasy.
- What's that? - Thanks.
- We've never done this before.
Doing it upstairs at a party.
It's a huge fantasy of Mark's.
Can I join you? I offered to do it for his 30th birthday.

She realised that this was her moment. Whatever happened to giving a nice pen?

If she was gonna So are you doing anything tonight?

take the plunge, it was now or never.
Let me just be clear.
Unfortunately, You want to do a threesome with me.
it was Jack who plunged first.
If you're busy, we understand.
Apparently someone else's fire
was stronger than Charlotte's. I tell you what.
Let me make a quick phone call, OK?
She was not the guest star
in this fantasy. That night Miranda finally
got her validation.
Meanwhile,
at a bar downtown... Her shrink had suggested
she comes three times a week.
- Miranda?
- Hi. I didn't see Mr Big for eight days.

- Well, that was a great meal. we were both looking for someone else.
- Yeah, it was.
Do you know anyone
Actually, the food was terrible who's right for me?
and we were like strangers.
And then it was
- What is wrong? just the two of us.
- Look. You tell me you have an ex-wife.
And I realised the real
You tell me you guys had a three-way. appeal of the threesome: it was easy.
Yes, I asked.
It's intimacy that's the b*tch.
But you drop this b*mb,

but you don't give me any details.
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You don't even tell me
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- I cheated on her.
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She told you?

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You didn't tell me
that you're still talking.

- I still talk to all my ex-wives.

- I'm so not finding that funny.

Listen, wait a minute.

We had the threesome because