Confession Of An 18 Year Old Girl To Womenhood

My story is not exactly a story that aims to spread out any message but
tries to express and make the readers understand how does an 18-year-
old girl like me feel like.
I have become a young adult but honestly, I just can't stop myself from
being a 'fan girl'.
It is my viewpoint on modern society today and daily happenings in my
life.
I am an 18- year-old girl. I turned 18, six months ago. It is pretty exciting,
right? You have finally earned your freedom to make independent
decisions about whether to study abroad or go clubbing at night with
friends. No one can stop the budding adult.
I was excited as an over-enthusiastic kid who for the first time is
celebrating her birthday and for me, 18 is a threshold to adulthood.

I harbored this dream about being an adult who is financially independent

and who is only answerable to herself.
I should perhaps think about having boyfriends, making out with a
stranger in a buzzing bar, and having booze all night. It's awesome!!!
I have had such thoughts and I felt pretty dizzy thinking about it. I don't
drink or smoke at all in my real life.
I am fiercely reserved in public enjoy private human interactions and only
unleash my expressive self in writing.
I don't have any genuine friends because I am arrogant, stubborn, and
private. This is the self-analysis of my life. My parents disapprove of
partying. My parent's ideology is that friendship should be based on trust
and intellectual growth not being a matchmaker to each other or covering
up each other's mistakes. Intellectual growth??? Who thinks so deep as
pristine water in a well these days? You have many kinds of friends from
4-am friends to Facebook friends and no one has time to be interested in
such superfluous discussions.
I think I have the full authority to become the queen of my life and do
what I want. Instead of cracking my head on studying, I could pursue my
interests like origami and short stories. I would like to go out and explore
this world and be rich but then reality hits back at me and sarcastically
adds: 'Hey, who do you think you are? A Queen? Nothing comes free
except for smiles, dreams, and death. You need to work day and night to
achieve your dreams. Don't grow idle.'
Life is becoming thrice as difficult to live today. My friends are doing great
work in their chosen fields like our Olympic champion, Simone Biles, and
much more. It is just overwhelming and the only one who wins are the
ones with something special or who have honed skills since childhood.
I have realized that talent comes from daily practice not the conventional
burning oil lamps throughout the odd hours. This trend has gone old and
doesn't work anymore. You need to work every day be it for a mere 40
minutes or 10 hours, just work because Rome wasn't constructed in a day.

I am an eternal optimist who loves Mills and Boons romance, always

looking for my prince charming. The irony is I always find it in some
douche-bags if it isn't offensive to your eyes. We all have had some
attraction towards these boys only to be rejected, dejected, and blamed
by them. I share my sympathy with the girls who have faced similar
situations to me. You won't believe I have had around two crushes since
6th grade. I think I am going to score a hat trick if I go on this desperate
and self-destructive love journey.
I still remember and continue taking these stupid quizzes like 'What type
of boy are you attracted to?' 'Who will you marry?' 'Does he like you
back?' 'What type of sexy you are?' etc. I also surfed online on how to
attract the opposite sex. Instead of doing my heap of interesting projects.
For what?
What will I get from being a guy magnet? Is it worth it? No! Hell no.
I have decided not to surf the Internet for such cheesy stuff from now on.
I will focus on my studies and career. I have made a pact with myself that
I will live for myself and love myself to such an extent that I don't need
anyone to fulfill my loneliness. I will not let any criticism or false
accusation hamper my faith in myself, as I know such things are there to
help you to become a better person not to mar your confidence. Be so
strong, that no one can break you apart.

I may sound like a narcissist but I am the best person on earth and
everyone loves me even though I know it is not the truth. This is a
philosophy, which I am going to follow in my life from now on.
I have made decisions like obsessively crushing on men or boys instead of
using my brains on doing something constructive and kind of proud about
it rather than regretting it. These decisions have helped me shape a
certain course in my life and made me believe in unpredictability. I am a
believer in fate but with a belief that strong intent can shake your entire
destiny.
I have started writing blogs so that I can slowly start becoming financially
independent and truly learn the value of money our parents always stress.
I have high aspirations like every teen but believe that growth is a part of
life and not becoming smaller.

My life goes on in full swing and for the first time, I realize that I have truly
moved on from my desperate and self-destructive journey.
I have mentioned that I have been casting my 'pearls before Swine'
throughout my romantic life. They don't deserve me. That's true! I was
discussing this with my friend about moving on with a new hot guy she
has on her mind for me today loudly in a silent library.
I also discussed various men and rated them on their hotness as
uncultured boys do for women and girls. I think I was on the verge of
perverseness as I passed a thesis on the Indian Porn ban and how it will
lighten my dull life.
This made one of my guy classmates cringe and he called me a CREEP. I
was pretty down, as my past romantic endeavor seems to haunt me these
days.
It is pretty disgusting when your crush starts liking you but you want to
move ahead but can't because your friends instead of being an advisor
act as a seasoned hooker for you. The moment they see a guy, my friend
starts cracking stupid jokes about my romantic life or my crush, and my
classmates start weaving up some wishy-washy love stories. It is as
pathetic as some of my classmate's faces. I am sorry. I am not being
shallow but this is not a Shahrukh Khan movie where a boy and girl meet
and one of them dies and there you see eternal love. WTF. I have no
interest in such stories though I like Shahrukh Khan. His transition from
being a cute boy to a hot and intimidating man is awesome. I have
observed that he has become hot, hotter, and HOTTEST!
He is my father's age. Can you believe that? I am an anti-pedophile by the
way.
Back in my life, I still adore my crush as his name and face involuntarily
bring out a big smile on my face. He isn't cute or handsome in any
conventional, international, or national sexy quotient. Love is blind, deaf,
and dumb and people either do something productive or destructive to
themselves. I don't know how did I fall so hard for this fat oaf. He is one
year younger than me. Oh, I take my statement back. Maybe, I’m
attracted to macho men, not the poetic gentlemen; those who have
beards and intimidating personalities. He gives that intense vibes that
make me quite turned on but as usual, all my crushes have no interest or
have resented me.
I am ugly: bug's bunny teeth, some acne spurting on my face and body,
and nerdy glasses. It is me. No boy ever looks or checks me out as they
do it for my friends. It is sad but I have learned to move on in life and to
be a celibate forever. There is nothing cool about getting married and
having kids anymore as I used to feel. I think being a spinster is the new
cool for me and I am going to focus on my life.
I am going to be an atheist as I have no interest in following any religion. I
will worship fruits than those mind-boggling Indian Gods and Goddesses,
as anything can be a god if you have faith in it.
I would prefer to play the cool 'Kalachasma' than those depressing 'Jay
Ganesh Deva', my god! God wants entertainment, not those depressing
Aarti songs that make your eardrums go bonkers. 'Bhagawan's just wanna
have fun.
I am not going to do any Karwa Chauth fast because I will eat my husband
up for dinner after I pray for his wellbeing. I will be that hungry. I am not
going to marry so my aspiring husband is saved from my hands.
I will never date or hook up with anyone as I have sworn myself a celibate
life and with this attitude, thank god, I will never be asked out and I should
look the same as an ugly nerd to make life easy.
It is something, which I can sincerely follow up than being stuck in a rut
named relationship and religion. Virginity is the new cool.
My classmates being an overenthusiastic love geek have started inventing
ridiculous love stories and my crush's friends have started pairing me with
him and striking some 'romantic poses (weird, I mean).
I am over him. I don't want him anymore. I am a lazy bum so don't expect
me to be so cool about relationships. My experience has made me
discover a new theory along with my genius gossip friend: 'A crush a day
keeps love away.
There should be something called love science for people like me and I
would have done P.H.D. by the age of 18.
Jokes apart, I have to focus on my essays and mend my miserable life. I
am feeling sleepy. It is my monotonous life.

My internet is not working which is quite sad so even if I wanted to work

on my essays. I can't. I feel pretty awesome talking to wonderful people
like Anaya is into writing stories that are quite hard-hitting in my opinion.
She is my writing inspiration because the way she talks about books and
movies motivates me to do something creative every day. I made some
non-sense stuff from a plastic bottle making a mini-version of it. Nothing
great. You need to take everything slowly and steadily as nothing comes
easy in life. I feel certain people believe that 'Time is too short but to me,
it is pretty opposite as you have 1440 minutes in a day so if you use every
minute productively then you technically have a lot of time in this world.
I adore people who regret and fret over petty issues and this cringes on
me. I am pretty cool as long as people don't interfere or try implementing
changes in my lifestyle or work pattern because I change when I want to
change. I am not someone's puppet or BAE to be subjected to people's
likes and dislikes. This is not being proud but just being an independent
individual.
It is not that I am an inflexible person who is selfish but on the contrary,
considering the circumstances and people, I am more willing and
accepting of changes in a team. It is without getting influenced by
people's opinions though I do often get influenced, I always think about
other possibilities as well.
My parents are always questioning me about my tests and me being
Tamanna. I just ignore it blissfully. I don't care about my tests any longer
than I used to in junior year. My family wants to exercise some control
over my studies, projects, and personal life. I know it is important to be
transparent but there are certain things in which parents may not
understand your issues due to the generation gap.
I had once confessed about my crushes and instead of consoling me, they
started shouting, hovering, and interrogating me as if I had committed
some heinous crime. I wish my parents especially my mother would have
been more sympathetic or understanding toward me. I have lost hope in
them already and once, I get into a decent university; I am planning not to
have any close contact with my family or 'friends' in India anymore.
I still remember my parents taking away my diary where I had written
everything that came to my mind. It was pretty refreshing but it contained
many obscene words and stuff about them and other people. It was a big
blow to their ego as they had this impression of me as a 'good girl'.
I just wrote it for myself, not for others, and anyway, it wasn't going to be
published or anything. Why do people take my right to express my
feelings? I understand I may have injured some people's sentiments but
what about me?
My parents mock me when I cry on sudden occasions instead of consoling
me. They want me to be emotionally strong so I have become so
emotionally independent that I no longer miss them whenever I stay away
from them. They accuse me that 'I have no feelings for them but I have it
for other people.' It's true but have they ever tried asking me why was I
like that? I think they are pretty busy with their familial roles so no time
for me.
I have decided not to rely on anyone for any support as in the end, it is
your life and the others are just spectators like in the movie, one who
sympathizes and the other who antagonizes others. Ironically, it ultimately
depends on their views on your character or movie.

Hi, I am in my English class. At this moment, my classmates are

presenting their analyzed political speeches or campaigns. I analyzed
Hillary Clinton's advertisement –'Role Models'. It went OK because my
presentation was incoherent though the analysis was good. I should have
perhaps practiced my presentation beforehand and been more creative as
was pointed out.
English is one of my favorite subjects as it helps me pen down my
imagination on paper and makes me escape from reality. I used to be a
voracious reader in my pre-teen, as I had no social circle to mingle with.
Adults and children grossly misunderstood me as I used to act 'weirdly'
and 'had a penchant for breaking rules. I never liked to be with people
because they used to intrude on my space and since my parents put me
in a hostel: to make me independent, I did not like them calling me every
time or visiting me. My plain logic was and is that if you have left me in an
unknown place, you should not fake any concern about my well-being. I
will speak plainly that I don't want to talk to them at all.
However, the campus was beautiful as it had a rare natural environment
that could soothe any ailing heart in no time. I enjoyed roaming around
rather than attending classes. I used to be an attention seeker as
attention showed that people used to care and have affection for me,
something I never got. Therefore, I used to bring in books every time.
People used to call me 'show off. When I introspected, I made a serious
fool out of myself.
Now when people have started giving me unwanted attention, it makes
me cringe inwardly so to avoid unwanted showdown; I started
withdrawing myself from places where I need to socialize. It would have
been better if it was some few years ago than today. My erratic behavior
sprung from the fact that I did not love myself. Loving yourself is not
being a narcissist but your ability to accept your shortcomings. No normal
individual can love himself or herself a lot so there is surplus love, the love
that can easily be distributed to everyone without any condition.
Maybe this proverb does make sense you love yourself, others will love
you.'