Mr.

McCaffery

AP Language and Composition

21 February 2025

Future President Obama’s Rhetoric

​ The 2008 Presidential Race featured Barack Obama, a Democrat, giving numerous

famous speeches still cited to this day. A major example of a speech with a lasting impact is

Obama’s “A More Perfect Union” in March 2008, delivered to a Philadelphia audience en route

to the 2008 Democratic National Convention. Obama uses rhetorical strategies impacting his

message, emphasizing the persistent racial tensions seen in his campaign and America, and

promising a bright future under his leadership for race relations.

​ Foremost, Obama uses rhetorical strategies to address an audience and emphasize the

issues caused by racial prejudice that he has encountered. Specifically, he addresses issues he

observes in documents, people’s words, and the systems in place. For example, near the

introduction of his speech, the former president states, “And yet words on a parchment would not

be enough to deliver slaves from bondage” (Obama). This is an example of metonymy in

Obama’s speech. Specifically, in this statement, he replaces the words “Declaration of

Independence” with “words on a parchment.” The Declaration of Independence is an essential

document in the history of the United States, doing as its namesake suggests: declaring

independence from its former British rulers. Typically, if the audience were to hear these words

being spoken aloud, they would understand the significance of it due to the important nature of

this document. However, by substituting the name of the document, Obama understates the

significance of the Declaration of Independence because he boils it down to random words that

happen to be on a piece of paper. To the audience, “words on a parchment” does not symbolize
an essential aspect of American freedom, but rather meaningless letters that don’t serve much

purpose standing alone. By using such a device, Obama emphasizes the issue of racial prejudice

in America to his audience because he portrays the Declaration of Independence, a document

that was supposed to guarantee freedom and liberty to the United States and its citizens, as

meaningless words that do not guarantee anything. Additionally, Obama emphasizes that “at

various stages in the campaign, some commentators have deemed me either ‘too black’ or ‘not

black enough’” (Obama). Obama uses this antithesis of these two concepts to juxtapose the

different ways audiences may view him. While some, likely Caucasian Americans, view Obama

as excessively black, others, presumably African-Americans, view him as not black enough.

Although these directly differ from each other, Obama uses this juxtaposition to emphasize that

no matter who he speaks to, he will receive unfair criticism based on factors that he cannot

control, and that people will not be satisfied. To the audience, this antithesis demonstrates the

existing racial bias in America because they are able to understand that Obama is discriminated

against from both sides and is viewed as an outsider. The Philadelphians in attendance empathize

with Obama’s complaints because they are primarily a Democratic state and have a mix of

Caucasians and African-Americans. This increases the effectiveness of Obama’s words because

they can understand the truth of Obama’s words, while resonating with his perspective due to

their political alignment. Through using these devices for this specific audience, Obama is able

to emphasize to this audience that there are prejudices in America that are unfair and must be

remediated.

Furthermore, Obama uses rhetorical strategies to provide his audience with a promising

view of his leadership if he was elected to be the President of the United States. Specifically,

Obama uses his language to emphasize the difference between his potential administration and
previous ones, in that he will make a significant impact on the racial issues that he wishes to

address. Obama uses devices such as allusion and repetition to emphasize the existing issues and

his plan on improving them, which engages the Philadelphia audience and allows them to further

empathize with Obama’s message. For example, relating his message to previous leaders, Obama

states, “This was one of the tasks we set forth at the beginning of this presidential campaign: to

continue the long march of those who came before us" (Obama). By stating the word “march,”

Obama alludes to the March on Washington, among other civil rights efforts led by leader Martin

Luther King Jr. and other activists of the time. To the audience, this creates a connection between

Obama’s efforts and King’s efforts, emphasizing continuity in that the Civil Rights Movement of

the mid-20th century was a foundation upon which further equality must be fought for. By doing

this, Obama contextualizes his goals to a greater purpose not exclusive to himself or the time

period. He unifies and aligns his argument and purpose as a candidate with the goals and

aspirations of those who fought and struggled for a better future before him. The audience, as a

result, views Obama, not as a politician, but as a carrier of justice. This specific Philadelphia

audience, being a primarily Democratic state and thus supportive of racial equality, will

empathize with this message of civil rights, allowing Obama to use such a strategy. Additionally,

Obama continues his message of marching for a better future for race relations. Specifically, he

states, “..a march for a more just, more equal, more free, more caring, and more prosperous

America” (Obama). This is an example of repetition of the word “more”. Adding on to the

contextualization of his goals with the Civil Rights Movement, Obama emphasizes the word

“more” to convey to his audience that his presidency will push for even better efforts in regard to

racial equity. Additionally, this repetition builds momentum via a rhythmic flow, effectively

engaging this specific audience because he can use such words to rile a crowd in his favor due to
the dramatism that such words may possess when spoken in a setting in which one would deliver

such large speeches. Through Obama’s allusion and repetition, he is able to emphasize to his

audience an assuring message that his presidency will continue the fight that civil rights leaders

like MLK Jr. had fought, and build momentum within his audience to rile up a crowd in his

support.

Ultimately, through Obama’s usage of rhetorical devices, he is able to emphasize to his audience
that there are important existing issues of racism in America, and his presidency will work to
remediate them and continue the fight for equality. Specifically, Obama uses antithesis and
metonymy to emphasize that the foundational documents of the US have not addressed the racial
issues that are present, and that people’s thoughts about his candidacy are a primary example of
these issues. Additionally, his allusion to MLK and repetition provide his Philadelphia audience
further reason to empathize with his goal and support his efforts to become the
POTUS.____________________________________________________________

Feedback Date: Mar 20, 2025 5:52PM

Agastya ChinchankarMr. McCafferyAP Language and Composition21 February 2025Future
President Obama's RhetoricThe 2008 Presidential Race featured Barack Obama, a Democrat,
giving numerous famous speeches still cited to this day. A major example of a speech with a
lasting impact is Obama's "A More Perfect Union" in March 2008, delivered to a Philadelphia
audience en route to the 2008 Democratic National Convention. G4,G1,F1Obama uses rhetorical
strategies impacting his message, emphasizing the persistent racial tensions seen in his
campaign and America, and promising a bright future under his leadership for race
relations.G5,G2,F3Foremost, Obama uses rhetorical strategies to address an audience and
emphasize the issues caused by racial prejudice that he has encountered. Specifically, he
addresses issues he observes in documents, people's words, and the systems in place. F2For
example, near the introduction of his speech, the former president states, "And yet words on a
parchment would not be enough to deliver slaves from bondage" (Obama). This is an example
of metonymy in Obama's speech. Specifically, in this statement, he replaces the words
"Declaration of Independence" with "words on a parchment." The Declaration of Independence
is an essential document in the history of the United States, doing as its namesake suggests:
declaring independence from its former British rulers. Typically, if the audience were to hear
these words being spoken aloud, they would understand the significance of it due to the
important nature of this document. However, by substituting the name of the document, Obama
understates the significance of the Declaration of Independence because he boils it down to
random words that happen to be on a piece of paper. To the audience, "words on a parchment"
does not symbolize an essential aspect of American freedom, but rather meaningless letters
that don't serve much purpose standing alone. By using such a device, Obama emphasizes the
issue of racial prejudice in America to his audience because he portrays the Declaration of
Independence, a document that was supposed to guarantee freedom and liberty to the United
States and its citizens, as meaningless words that do not guarantee anything. Additionally,
Obama emphasizes that "at various stages in the campaign, some commentators have deemed
me either 'too black' or 'not black enough'" (Obama). Obama uses this antithesis of these two
concepts to juxtapose the different ways audiences may view him. While some, likely Caucasian
Americans, view Obama as excessively black, others, presumably African-Americans, view him
as not black enough. Although these directly differ from each other, Obama uses this
juxtaposition to emphasize that no matter who he speaks to, he will receive unfair criticism
based on factors that he cannot control, and that people will not be satisfied. To the audience,
this antithesis demonstrates the existing racial bias in America because they are able to
understand that Obama is discriminated against from both sides and is viewed as an outsider.
G6
The Philadelphians in attendance empathize with Obama's complaints because they are
primarily a Democratic state and have a mix of Caucasians and African-Americans. This
increases the effectiveness of Obama's words because they can understand the truth of
Obama's words, while resonating with his perspective due to their political alignment. Through
using these devices for this specific audience, Obama is able to emphasize to this audience that
there are prejudices in America that are unfair and must be remediated.Furthermore, Obama
uses rhetorical strategies to provide his audience with a promising view of his leadership if he
was elected to be the President of the United States. Specifically, Obama uses his language to
emphasize the difference between his potential administration and previous ones, in that he will
make a significant impact on the racial issues that he wishes to address. G3Obama uses devices
such as allusion and repetition to emphasize the existing issues and his plan on improving
them, which engages the Philadelphia audience and allows them to further empathize with
Obama's message. For example, relating his message to previous leaders, Obama states, "This
was one of the tasks we set forth at the beginning of this presidential campaign: to continue the
long march of those who came before us" (Obama). By stating the word "march," Obama
alludes to the March on Washington, among other civil rights efforts led by leader Martin Luther
King Jr. and other activists of the time. To the audience, this creates a connection between
Obama's efforts and King's efforts, emphasizing continuity in that the Civil Rights Movement of
the mid-20th century was a foundation upon which further equality must be fought for. By doing
this, Obama contextualizes his goals to a greater purpose not exclusive to himself or the time
period. He unifies and aligns his argument and purpose as a candidate with the goals and
aspirations of those who fought and struggled for a better future before him. The audience, as a
result, views Obama, not as a politician, but as a carrier of justice. This specific Philadelphia
audience, being a primarily Democratic state and thus supportive of racial equality, will
empathize with this message of civil rights, allowing Obama to use such a strategy. Additionally,
Obama continues his message of marching for a better future for race relations. Specifically, he
states, "..a march for a more just, more equal, more free, more caring, and more prosperous
America" (Obama). This is an example of repetition of the word "more". Adding on to the
contextualization of his goals with the Civil Rights Movement, Obama emphasizes the word
"more" to convey to his audience that his presidency will push for even better efforts in regard to
racial equity. Additionally, this repetition builds momentum via a rhythmic flow, effectively
engaging this specific audience because he can use such words to rile a crowd in his favor due
to the dramatism that such words may possess when spoken in a setting in which one would
deliver such large speeches. Through Obama's allusion and repetition, he is able to emphasize
to his audience an assuring message that his presidency will continue the fight that civil rights
leaders like MLK Jr. had fought, and build momentum within his audience to rile up a crowd in
his support.Ultimately, through Obama's usage of rhetorical devices, he is able to emphasize to
his audience that there are important existing issues of racism in America, and his presidency
will work to remediate them and continue the fight for equality. Specifically, Obama uses
antithesis and metonymy to emphasize that the foundational documents of the US have not
addressed the racial issues that are present, and that people's thoughts about his candidacy are
a primary example of these issues. Additionally, his allusion to MLK and repetition provide his
Philadelphia audience further reason to empathize with his goal and support his efforts to
become the POTUS.
Essay Feedback Report
Thesis
F1
Analysis: Your thesis is really clear and interesting. It sets up your essay nicely about how
Obama uses different speaking techniques. You explain well that Obama's speech talks about
racial issues and hopes for a better future. This thesis is well-written and gives your essay a
strong start.

Suggestions: To make your thesis even better, try mentioning the specific speaking techniques
you will talk about in your essay. This will help your reader follow your ideas more easily.

Evidence and Commentary

F2
Analysis: Your essay does a great job explaining how Obama uses different speaking
techniques to share his message. You give good examples, like using 'words on a parchment'
and phrases like 'too black' or 'not black enough,' to show how Obama talks about racial
prejudice. You also mention how Obama connects his campaign to the Civil Rights Movement,
which keeps his audience interested. Your analysis shows you understand the topic well.

Suggestions: Your analysis is strong, but make sure each example you use connects back to
your main idea. Sometimes, the link between your examples and your main point could be
clearer. For example, when you talk about the 'too black' or 'not black enough' part, explain how
it helps show Obama's hope for a better future.

Sophistication
F3
Analysis: Your essay uses a really nice style. Your writing is clear and interesting to read. You
have a strong voice and know who you're writing for. The words and sentences you choose
make your argument clear and convincing.

Suggestions: To make your writing even better, try mixing up your sentence lengths and styles
to keep it interesting. Also, make sure your paragraphs connect smoothly so your essay flows
nicely.

Summary:
You got full marks for your thesis, examples, and writing style. Your thesis is clear and
interesting, your analysis is detailed and backed up with examples, and your writing style is
mature and engaging.

To make your essay even better, try saying the speaking techniques in your thesis and making
sure each example connects back to your main idea. Also, mix up your sentence styles and
make sure paragraphs flow smoothly to keep readers interested.

Writing Report
Grammar
G1
Error: Obama uses rhetorical strategies impacting that impact his message, emphasizing
the persistent racial tensions seen in his campaign and America, and promising a bright future
under his leadership for race relations.

Impact: The missing relative pronoun 'that' makes the sentence unclear.

Suggestions: The sentence lacks a clear relative clause, which makes it difficult to understand
the relationship between 'rhetorical strategies' and 'impacting his message.'
G2
Error: Obama uses rhetorical strategies to address an audience and emphasize the issues
caused by racial prejudice that , which he has encountered.

Impact: The missing comma before 'which' can confuse readers about the clause's function.

Suggestions: The sentence requires a comma before 'which' to correctly introduce the
non-restrictive clause.
G3
Error: Obama uses devices such as allusion and repetition to emphasize the existing issues
and his plan on for improving them, which engages the Philadelphia audience and allows them
to further empathize with Obama's message.

Impact: The preposition 'on' is incorrectly used, affecting the sentence's clarity.

Suggestions: The correct preposition in this context is 'for,' not 'on.'

Sentence Structure
G4
Error: Obama uses rhetorical strategies impacting that impact his message , by
emphasizing the persistent racial tensions seen in his campaign and America, and promising a
bright future under his leadership for race relations.

Impact: The sentence structure is convoluted, making it difficult to follow.

Suggestions: The sentence could be restructured to clarify how the rhetorical strategies impact
his message.
G5
Error: Obama uses rhetorical strategies to address an audience and emphasize the issues
caused by racial prejudice that , which he has encountered.

Impact: The sentence structure can confuse readers about what 'that he has encountered'
refers to.

Suggestions: The sentence structure should clearly separate the relative clause from the main
clause for better clarity.

Coherence Gaps
G6
Error: The Philadelphians in attendance empathize with Obama's complaints because they
are Philadelphia is primarily a Democratic state and have has a mix diverse population
of Caucasians and African-Americans.
Impact: The abrupt transition can confuse readers about the comparison focus.

Suggestions: The sentence lacks coherence in transitioning from Obama's complaints to the
demographics of Philadelphia.

Positive feedback
Your essay effectively analyzes Obama's rhetorical strategies, demonstrating a strong
understanding of the subject. You use specific examples to support your points, showing a good
grasp of rhetorical devices.

Overall improvement plan

Your writing shows a strong grasp of rhetorical analysis, with well-chosen examples. Focus on
refining sentence structure and coherence to enhance clarity.

Review the use of relative clauses to ensure clarity in complex sentences.Practice restructuring
sentences to improve readability and coherence.Use transitional phrases to maintain coherence
between ideas.Proofread for correct preposition usage to avoid grammatical errors.