SCRIPT

SNOW WHITE OVERTURE CD TRACK 13

PROLOGUE
A throne is placed centre stage ready for Scene 1. The action of the Prologue takes place at the front of the
stage. Cue-card holder enters. Announcers 1 & 2 (ANN. 1 & ANN. 2) enter and stand centre stage.

ANN. 1 (To audience) Good afternoon, everyone. Welcome to the multi-coloured,

mystical kingdom of Duluxembourg, a land overlooked by a charming castle,
blessed with an enchanted forest and a magical flower…

ANN. 2 … but where wicked magic now seeks to overthrow the good!

ANN. 1 That’s right! So we have a very important announcement.

ANN. 2 We need you to look out for any signs being held up during the
performance and make sure you respond…

ANN. 1 … because it’s your enthusiasm that will keep the good magic alive, and you
can imagine how important that is!

ANN. 2 Let’s try the first one and see how you do.

CUE CARD: APPLAUSE

ANN. 1 Oh, I think you can do better than that!

CUE CARD: APPLAUSE & CHEER

ANN. 2 Much better! (Giving thumbs up) Magic, in fact!

MALODOROUS (From offstage) Come along, Lickspittle!

ANN. 1 & 2 Uh oh! By the rumbling of our tums, something wicked this way comes!

ANN. 1 (Calling to audience as they hurriedly exit) Don’t forget the signs!

Malodorous and Lickspittle enter stage left. CUE CARD: HISS! BOO!

MALODOROUS (Indicating audience) Who let this rabble in here? How dare you boo me! Me,
Queen Malodorous! Now the King has died, I am the ruler of all Duluxembourg!

LICKSPITTLE (Bowing) What are your plans, oh Queen?

1
 MALODOROUS One – to redecorate the palace in my favourite shades of Shadow Black and
Deathly Grey.

LICKSPITTLE How very contemporary, Your Majesty!

MALODOROUS (Ignoring Lickspittle) And two – to find the location of the Flower of Forever.
Unfortunately my husband, the King, died before I could use my magic to get
that information out of him! But it shouldn’t be too difficult to find, because he
was a fool! Who else would call their only child after their favourite shade of
paint – Snow White?

LICKSPITTLE His Majesty did have a fondness for calling people after paint shades.

MALODOROUS I seem to remember, Lickspittle, that he liked to call you ‘Touch of Frostiness’.

LICKSPITTLE (Offended) I can’t think why!

MALODOROUS Now he’s gone I’ll ‘remove’ his faithful servants. They will no longer watch over
Snow White. I will keep my eye on her.

LICKSPITTLE She was very close to her father, so he may have told her where we
can find the Flower of Forever.

MALODOROUS I hope so! It’s wasted keeping that ridiculous forest alive when it could be used
to keep me young and beautiful forever.

LICKSPITTLE Don’t worry, Your Majesty. Your goblins, sprites and creatures of the night
have already taken over the deep, dark depths of the forest where terrible
deeds will be done. When we find the flower, we will remove it from the
forest, which will shrivel up and die.

MALODOROUS And all its power will benefit me instead!

CUE CARD: HISS! BOO!

MALODOROUS (Pointing at audience) And you will all be sorry! Nothing can stop me now!
Mwah ha ha ha!

LICKSPITTLE (Copying her) Mwah ha ha… (He tails off as Malodorous stares at hi
m)
… ha…bsolutely, Your Majesty! What could possibly stand in your way?

Malodorous and Lickspittle exit. Fairy G and FIT run on, stage right, and stand at the front of the stage.

FAIRY G We can!

CUE CARD: HOORAY!

2
 FAIRY G Greetings, I am Fairy G!
And I have my assistant, FIT, with me.

FIT (To audience) That’s Fairy. In. Training. FIT, you see!

You can tell we’re the goodies, coz we rhyme a lot,

And help you all to keep up with the plot!
We want to be sure that you understand
The wickedness of the Witch-Queen’s plans,
So we’ll pass on to you some special facts,
Then we’ll begin the first of the acts!

FAIRY G The Flower of Forever was given in trust

To the King, whose heart was loving and just,
To give life to a forest, enchanted and good,
Where all nature could flourish, just as it should.

FIT We tend to the magical bloom so it thrives

And keeps all of our wonderful forest alive.
A true nature’s playground for all to enjoy,
Which none but the wicked would seek to destroy!

FAIRY G But the King fell under the Witch-Queen’s spell

And now the forest is threatened as well!
But with all of your help, and Snow White’s too,
We’re sure that goodness will win through!

At the back of the stage Snow White walks across with birds perched on her shoulders.

FIT Snow’s like her father, so loving and kind,

Caring of soul and so sharp of mind!
And with you lovely people reading the signs…

FAIRY G & FIT … together we’ll keep the good magic alive!

Snow White exits – then Fairy G and FIT.

ACT ONE

SCENE 1 THE CASTLE INTERIOR

Any optional courtiers gather around throne (centre stage), miming chattering excitedly. Courtier enters from
the back, through the audience, delivering their lines as he/she reaches the stage and turns towards the
audience. Lickspittle stands near the throne.

COURTIER Make way for the Queen! Make way for the Queen!

All hail, Queen Malodorous! All hail Her Majesty!

3
 LICKSPITTLE Roll out the red carpet!

Courtier brings on a small sample square of red carpet and places it in front of the throne.

LICKSPITTLE Is that all you could get?

COURTIER It’s all IKEA had in stock!

Courtier says the following over the instrumental introduction at the beginning of the song (as per vocal
track). The audience could be encouraged to stand as Malodorous enters from the back, through the
audience, and then signalled to sit again when she arrives on stage.

COURTIER (Over instrumental introduction of song) Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
your most esteemed host. Be upstanding for Her Majesty, The Queen!

SONG 1. YOUR MAJESTY! CD TRACK 1/14

During the first verse, Malodorous parades around the stage, nodding at the courtier as he bows. During
the chorus she could be ‘twirled’ by Lickspittle or the courtier on the four adjectives – in one direction
across the stage and then back the other way the second time around. By verse 2, she is seated on the
throne. On the final ‘honoured to serve Your Majesty’, all fall to their knees. At the end of the song there is
some excited chatter.

MALODOROUS (Claps twice, but chatting continues, so claps a simple rhythm, which everyone
repeats as they stop speaking) I’m feeling very positive, so tonight we will
celebrate!

ALL Hooray!

MALODOROUS I’m a bit peckish, so I think a banquet would be in order!

LICKSPITTLE What do you fancy, Your Majesty? What would float your gastronomic
boat? Chinese banquet? Indian? General-purpose banquet with goose,
swan, veggie sausages?

MALODOROUS (Standing and moving to the front of the stage) Leave it to that lazy,
good-for-nothing castle keeper, Jean. She’d better come up with something
good or I’ll have her fired! (Pauses) From a cannon! (Enjoying the thought) Into
a dungheap!

LICKSPITTLE Excellent idea, Your Majesty! However, she does actually do a good job of
keeping the castle spotless. And she is a rather good cook, so it might be
worth keeping her on for the time being.

4
MALODOROUS Hmm, we’ll see. For now, we will continue our search for that flower. I must bring
it here and use all its power, making me the most magnificent, majestic
monarch in all memory!

LICKSPITTLE And with astounding alliteration, Your Majesty, if I may say so!

MALODOROUS Come. Let us go to the cunning-plan room and plan cunningly!

CUE CARD: HISS! BOO!

MALODOROUS (Pointing at audience members) Lickspittle, note the names of these peasants
and add them to my ‘off with their heads’ list!

They all exit and the throne is removed.

SCENE 2 THE QUEEN’S CHAMBER

There is a small dressing table and chair, with a hairbrush, a powder puff and a large nail file on the dressing
table. There is also a mobile phone. Mirror stands at one corner of ‘the room’ holding a tinfoil- covered
mirror. Malodorous and Attendant enter. Malodorous sits at her dressing table.

MALODOROUS (To attendant) Brush my hair till it shines like the sun. Powder my face until it
doesn’t. Sharpen my nails – you never know when they might come in handy!
Get it? Handy?

The attendants laugh obediently, then Attendant 1 brushes, powders and files.

ATTENDANT Your Majesty is perfection itself!

MALODOROUS Oh, you’re only saying that… coz it’s true! And I’ll prove it. (Standing) Mirror!
Come to me! Show me that in all four corners of the earth no one can be found
who is as magnificent as I am!

The attendant moves to the side of the stage. The Attendant is positioned diagonally on to Malodorous
so that she is not singing with her back to the audience.

MIRROR From the north.

From the south.
From the east.
From the west.
Listen and I’ll tell you who is the best!

SONG 2. MIRROR, MIRROR CD TRACK 2/15

Malodorous can move around the Mirror during verse 1 as she addresses it, ensuring that she is never
singing with her back to the audience. During verse 2, when the Mirror is singing, Malodorous could
remain still and the Mirror moves around her. During that section, the attendant could supplement the
Mirror’s singing and continue the beauty routine, synchronizing movements with the music. At the end of
the song, Lickspittle enters. The attendant tidies the dressing table.

MALODOROUS Thank you, Mirror. Now, you may go and reflect on what you’ve just seen!

The Mirror moves back to the corner.

LICKSPITTLE (Laughing) Reflect on what you’ve seen! Not just beauty, Your Majesty, but

5
 wit as well!

MALODOROUS To ensure I stay this way, I need to get hold of that magical flower! (Picking up
phone showing her Instagram page and holding it up) I owe it to my adoring
followers. Come on, Lickspittle. Walk this way.

On this last phrase, she flicks her hair and exits, walking in a catwalk-style way. Lickspittle follows, copying
her. They all exit. Fairy G and FIT then enter at the side of the stage.

FAIRY G What a horrible smell she leaves up my nose!

But let’s wait and see which way the wind blows.
(Wafting away from her nose. Then, aside to FIT) Hopefully away from me!

FIT In the depths of the forest, her cronies reside,

An unsavoury lot that I cannot abide!

FAIRY G They plot their dark deeds, but these may come to nought,
As fate to the forest some magic has brought!

FIT It might have a part in this story to play.

FAIRY G (Doing ‘Shh’ action) But we really don’t want to give too much away!

They exit.

6
 SCENE 3 THE QUEEN’S CHAMBER
Reset as previously, but Mirror is not on the stage. There are a couple of blown-up balloons around.
In addition to the hairbrush, powder puff and nail file on the dressing table, there are some non-inflated
balloons, a paper and pen, and the mobile phone. Attendant 1 enters and picks up balloons to blow, but
then a ping is heard.

SFX: PING CD TRACK 27

ATTENDANT (Holding up the phone) Hey everyone! Look at this… the Queen has just got
her three-millionth follower!

Oh my! She’s set to be a mega-influencer!

But she keeps making lots of false promises, like saying she’ll share the secret
of eternal youth with everyone!

Like that’s ever gonna happen! And I don’t think she’s got that secret
anyway, otherwise why would she always be so miserable?

Maybe because, if you always stay young and never get older, you never
get wiser and learn to appreciate the really important things in life?

(Pause) Nah! She’ll always be miserable because she enjoys being mean.
And she’s not actually that young, she is getting on a bit.

Yeah, I reckon she’s at least 30!

Malodorous and Lickspittle enter.

MALODOROUS Ah! Balloons for the banquet. Perfect. (Clapping at the attendants) Chop, chop.
Hurry now, I haven’t got all day!

The attendant drops the balloons and does hair/powder/nails routine again for a few moments.

MALODOROUS Mirror, come! Show me once again how spectacular I am. (Nothing happens)
Mirror! Come! (Still nothing. Then, to Attendant ) Find out where that useless
piece of glass is!

Attendant exits.

ATT. 1 (Re-entering) Downloading updates, Your Majesty. Shouldn’t be too long.

They freeze. A card reading ‘2 HOURS LATER’ is walked across the stage to distinguish it
from the cue cards. Mirrors enters.

MALODOROUS Finally!

7
 SONG 3. MIRROR, MIRROR (REPRISE) CD TRACK 4/17

At the end of the song, Lickspittle hides behind the dressing table, anticipating
Malodorous’s anger.

MALODOROUS But Snow White is nowhere near as beautiful as I am! What do you
mean by this?

MIRROR I have been upgraded to ‘mirror inner beauty’ too.

And when it comes to that, oh Queen, Snow White far outshines you.
Her eyes reflect a soul that is gentle, pure and kind.
But when you stand before us, that’s not what springs to mind!

MALODOROUS (Raging) Get out! You’re just a cheap and nasty gadget anyway.

Exit Mirror. Malodorous throws the brush after it. She angrily kicks/bats one of the balloons out of the
way.

LICKSPITTLE (To Attendant 1) Go and tell everyone the banquet is off!

Attendant 1 exits.

MALODOROUS All of you, leave! (Pauses) But first, bring me a large tub of Hags and Dogs ice
cream and a hot chocolate with lots of cream.

Attendant exits. Lickspittle begins to creep off.

MALODOROUS Not you, Lickspittle! We must add to our plans. As well as extracting all the
enchantment from the forest, we must now extract the life from snotty Snow
White. She gets right up my nose!

LICKSPITTLE (Trying to cheer her up) Perhaps she should have been called Snow White
with a Hint of Bogey!

Malodorous looks disparagingly at him.

MALODOROUS I will find the Flower of Forever without her and prove to all that I am truly the
finest in the whole world! (She paces, thinking, until…) Ah, I have an idea of how I can be rid of
that little madam! (Sits at dressing table writing a list) I will need these
ingredients. (Hands Lickspittle the list) Find them and take them to the castle
dungeons as soon as you can. Let me know when all is ready. (Exiting and
calling) Where’s my ice cream?!

LICKSPITTLE (Reading list slowly) Goblin snot juice, pus-filled maggots, poisoned frog poo,
spider slime, eyeball pie. (Pauses) I should be able to get all of that at the
Sultan Centre.

Lickspittle exits. Fairy G and FIT enter and stand at the side as the kitchen scene is set.

CUE CARD: HOORAY!

FAIRY G Well, that really is a tremendous surprise!
Her magical mirror becoming so wise.
Malodorous judged to be finest no more; Her
stinky old attitude brought to the fore!
8
FIT I wonder if she’ll see that she needs to change?
But why would she order provisions so strange?

FAIRY G Her shopping list really does sound quite bizarre!

It’s suspicious (to audience) so we must all be on our guard!
They exit.

9
 SCENE 4 THE CASTLE KITCHENS
There is a table as before. There is general mess everywhere – a pile of dirty dishes and pans,
some dirty tea towels and bags of flour. Some large cardboard props – washing-up liquid, polish,
mops, a vacuum cleaner etc. – can be scattered about. Four pairs of Marigold® gloves are lying
around. Jean enters. Jean looks around very despondently. Attendant and Mirror stand at the back
of the stage.

Snow White enters.

SNOW WHITE (noticing how miserable Jean looks) Oh dear! Whatever’s happened? It’s not
like you to be so glum!

JEAN Would you believe, after all our hard work, the banquet is cancelled! What a
waste of good food. (Pauses) Well, food, anyway. Meanie Queenie’s sulking for
some reason. It’s left me all of a doo dah! My daisy is all oopsy. My duster’s in a
fluster. Look at all this mess. And all for nothing. My mind’s in a mega muddle.

SNOW WHITE That’s awful! (Moving across to Jeanie) Poor Jeanie!

ATTENDANT (Standing) You know what we need to do?

MIRROR (Nodding and standing) This is a Marigold® moment! (Gets gloves and
hands them around)

JEAN You’re right. There’s nothing like a bit of sparkle and shine to put the twinkle
back in my eye! I will not be downhearted because of that moaning monarch.
Watch out, everyone. Cleanie Jeanie’s back in town!

ATTENDANT
& MIRROR That’s more like it!

SONG 4. CLEANIE JEANIE CD TRACK 5/18

The signature look for this song needs to be oversized props (basket, washing machine, drier, bath).
Along with the usual backing track (BT), a ‘BT with BVs and harmonies’ track (CD track 26) has been
provided for this song to be used to boost the singing if you are working with a small group of children, or
don’t have time to learn the harmony parts.

JEAN Oh, I feel so much better for that! Thank you, everyone. Now we’ve worked
up an appetite, let’s go and ‘clear up’ some of that banquet.

They all exit.

10
 SCENE 5 THE DUNGEONS
A barred window could be hung up or achieved with a lighting effect. Perhaps some iron chains
could be hung on the wall. There is a cauldron and the apple needs to be hidden somewhere for
Malodorous to pick up. There are some large cardboard jars with unsavoury-looking
potions/ingredients in.

Pimple, Globby and Weird Wolf gather around the edges of the stage.

CUE CARD: HISS! BOO!

Malodorous enters with Lickspittle and throws a spider/toad into the cauldron. Play the SFX
track for as long as needed and fade before Song 6 starts.

SFX: CAULDRON CD TRACK 28

MALODOROUS You have done well, my foul fiends! We have all we need to make a ‘vanishing’
potion.

GLOBBY Oh, so that’s how you get rid of your wrinkles!

MALODOROUS Fool! I never have wrinkles. (Holding up the apple) This is to vanish Snow White
forever. Just one bite, no more Snow White!

GLOBBY (Rubbing hands in glee) Ooh, goody!

WEIRD WOLF (OTT theatrically, moving to the front of the stage) One day soon we
will gnaw on the bones of Snow White and I’ll… (interrupted while saying ‘enjoy
every moment’)

GLOBBY (Again, moving in front of Weird Wolf and interrupting) I knew a Nora Bone
once. I thought her parents were really mean, calling her Nora with a surname
like Bone. (Smiling and nodding) Nice!

WEIRD WOLF (Looking very annoyed) Double grrr!

PIMPLE With such magical powers, you could become the most evil evil genius in
the world, oh Queen!

MALODOROUS Then let us begin. Unleash the ingredients! Think wicked thoughts and let’s go!

The dungeon scene is removed

11
 ACT TWO
Announcers 1 & 2 enter.

ANN. 1 (To audience) Well done, everyone! You’ve been doing a fantastic job
reading the signs!

ANN. 2 But it’s really important you don’t stop now.

ANN. 1 So we thought we’d do a very quick warm-up to keep you on your toes.

The announcers demonstrate the following warm-up techniques.

ANN. 2 Everyone! Shoulders up, like this, and relax. And again – shoulders up… and
relax. Fabulous!

ANN. 1 Now, imagine you’re chewing some toffee and it gets really, really
chewy. Like this – loosen up those facial muscles! (Demonstrating in an
exaggerated way, then pointing to someone in the audience) Chewier
than that! It’s only imaginary, so you don’t have to worry about your fillings!
Wonderful.

ANN. 2 I think they’re good to go! (Calling off) Carry on!

The announcers exit. Fairy G and FIT enter.

FAIRY G The Queen and Lickspittle, that terrible brute,

Have planned some dark mischief involving some fruit!
Lickspittle, our Snow to the forest has brought,
But I have ensured that this plan comes to nought!
With my wand I befuddled that naughty man’s brain
So the apple’s forgotten; this trip is in vain!

CUE CARD: HOORAY!

FIT From you, Fairy G, I have learned such a lot,
I can now decontaminate green goblin snot!
(To audience) And with your help to counter the dastardly plans,
It’s clear that Snow White’s in the safest of hands.
Fairy G and FIT
exit.

12
 SCENE 6 THE FOREST (THE DEEP, DARK BIT)
Two cans with dangling string attached are placed at either side of the stage. Trees 1-5 enter and
position themselves around the stage.

Snow White and Lickspittle enter. Lickspittle is carrying a bag of food. Snow White has a
notebook and a small pair of binoculars around her neck.

LICKSPITTLE I’m so glad you agreed to show me this lovely forest and enjoy a little ‘us’
time with a delicious picnic.

SNOW WHITE I must admit, I’m starving!

LICKSPITTLE Let me go and fetch one of your favourite apples. I brought it especially for
you.

Snow White sits and consults her notes, while Lickspittle searches in the bag.

LICKSPITTLE (Searching) Won’t be a minute!

Not finding the apple, he moves to the side of the stage at the front and searches frantically.

LICKSPITTLE The apple! Where’s the apple? It must be here. (Getting increasingly panicky)
But it isn’t! What have I done? The Queen will kill me! I couldn’t bear it if she
killed me, I’d die of shame! What am I going to do? (Pauses) I need to make
an emergency call.

He picks up a tin can from the side of the stage and calls into it.

LICKSPITTLE Hello? Hello? Over.

Globby enters on the opposite side of the stage and picks up the other can.

GLOBBY Hello, Globby the Goblin here. What d’ya want? Over.

LICKSPITTLE The apple is not here! Repeat, the apple is not here. Over.

GLOBBY Oh dear, that’s a shame. What ya gonna do? Over.

LICKSPITTLE I’ll have to leave her here for you to deal with. I’ll tell the Queen she’s been
‘vanished’. I’ll make it worth your while. I’ll pay you – handsomely. Over.

GLOBBY Oh, it’ll cost you all right! And don’t call me handsome. I’m a goblin, it’s not
cool. Over and out.

LICKSPITTLE (Calling over to Snow White) Ooh, I think I just saw a very rare bird over
there. I’ll just check and be back in a jiffy.

Lickspittle runs off.

SNOW WHITE (Standing up and looking around) Lickspittle’s been gone a long time! (Calling)
Lickspittle! Are you there? How peculiar. Everywhere looks different. I’ve no
idea where I am. (To audience) I don’t like the feel of this place. Will you shout
out if you see anything strange? (Yes!) Thank you!

13
 Snow White begins to move around the stage slowly, as though looking for a way out. Globby,
Pimple and Weird Wolf enter and each hides behind a tree. Globby is carrying an oversized
plunger, Pimple has a huge syringe and Weird Wolf has a giant wooden spoon. They try to
creep out from behind the trees, brandishing their implements, but dart back behind different
trees, nearly bumping into each other each time the audience shouts out ‘BEHIND YOU!’,
prompted by the cue card holder(s), so that when Snow White looks, she sees nothing and says
things like ‘Did you say behind me?’ / ‘I can’t see anything’ etc. This happens three times and
then Snow White thinks she sees something offstage.

SNOW WHITE I can’t see anything here. (Points off) But I thought I spotted some movement
over there. (Checking through binoculars) Yes! There’s definitely someone
there! (Waving to audience) Bye! Thanks for your help.

Snow White exits. Pimple, Globby and Weird Wolf appear from behind the trees.

PIMPLE Do you think we should go after her?

GLOBBY Nah! She’ll never find her way out of the forest.

WEIRD WOLF She will be forever lost in the deep, dark depths of the forest where dastardly
deeds are done! (Very dramatically, holding his stomach) I know it because
here, in the depths of my being, I’ve a feeling… (interrupted while saying ‘that
she will never bother us again’)

PIMPLE Come on, you two! Let’s get out of here!

They all exit.

SCENE 7 THE LITTLE HOUSE, EXTERIOR

There is a cardboard cut-out of (or panel painted with) the exterior of a little house.

SNOW WHITE (Looking around) Oh dear, I’m still not sure exactly where I am.

She wanders around the stage and has her back to The Dream Team as they enter. They are led by
Gaffer, Burly (carrying two picks) and Clerky (carrying rolled-up charts). Digger and Speedy follow,
and then Cookie with a picnic hamper with a cookie inside and Picky with a small bag with a few
rocks in.

GAFFER Well, team, that was a good day’s work!

BURLY Thanks, Gaffer!

CLERKY (Pointing at a chart) And we’re right on schedule. PICKY

You can have a lovely evening ticking boxes then, Clerky!

Clerky does a ‘Yes!’ move.

DIGGER (Spotting Snow White, coughing) Ahem! Can we help you?

14
SNOW WHITE (Turning) Oh, hello! I hope so. Can you tell me where I am? My name’s Snow
White and I think I’m lost.

GAFFER Nice to meet you.

They all introduce themselves in turn.

ALL IN TURN Gaffer/Burly/Clerky/Digger/Speedy/Cookie/Picky.

SPEEDY They’re our nicknames, of course! Easy to remember, simple to say.

COOKIE (Indicating Picky, who bows as his name is said) His full name is Randolph
Sherman Fontleroy Pascale!

GAFFER We are The Dream Team.

Burly strikes a superhero pose.

BURLY Super-skilled individuals brought together for a special mission.

SNOW WHITE Wow! How exciting!

CLERKY We’ve come from far and wide, leaving our families behind (They all sigh.
Then, with renewed gusto) because we have a job to do.

PICKY And nobody can do it better!

DIGGER Why don’t you sit there and we’ll tell you why.

SPEEDY Places, everyone! Quick, quick!

Snow White sits on the edge of the stage.

COOKIE (Taking a cookie from the basket) Try that, it’s my own recipe. Loganberry
and basil. (Gives the cookie to Snow White)

SONG 5. THE JOB WE DO! CD TRACK 8/21

SNOW WHITE (Clapping) That’s so cool! But what exactly is this special mission?

GAFFER We’ve re-opened an old mine called the Diamond Geyser, which had been
closed for ages, but information came to light that suggested there’s still
treasure to find there.

BURLY And we want to get to it before anyone else, no matter how many boulders we
have to shift, eh Speedy?

They high-five each other.

CLERKY I’m producing maps and charts to show how far we’ve got and what
we’ve found.

15
 PICKY (Holding up bag) And I’m checking the quality of any rocks we find,
because we only want the best…

DIGGER … because we’re going to use the profits to finance an Urban Parks project.

ALL Hooray!

SPEEDY (Indicating house) We’d ask you in, but our headquarters is a bit of a mess.
We’ve been so busy in the mine we haven’t had a chance to sort it out! Bit of
a problem really.

COOKIE I need space to create if I’m going to keep everyone sated, hydrated and
motivated!

GAFFER We need to store our equipment safely.

BURLY Especially the dynamite, or the mission will go off with the wrong sort of bang!

CLERKY It’s not much use having spreadsheets if you can’t spread them out!

PICKY And I haven’t worn a matching pair of socks for weeks now!

Clerky pats Picky on the back.

SNOW WHITE I think I might have an idea! How would you like an extra team member?

DIGGER To do what?

SNOW WHITE To project-manage getting your HQ sorted. You all know how to work
together as a team in the mine, so we just need to apply the same principles
here. I’m sure my woodland friends would like to help if you can get a
message to them.

SPEEDY I can do that in a flash!

SNOW WHITE In return, you let me stay here for a while.

COOKIE But what about your own home?

SNOW WHITE I live in the castle, but my stepmother, the Queen, doesn’t really want me
around. I think she’s up to something shifty. Some time away might be a good
idea! Is it a deal?

THE DREAM Done!

TEAM

They all exit.

16
SCENE 8 THE LITTLE HOUSE, INTERIOR
There are several bags with clothes spilling out of them; odd socks and shoes lying around; dirty
dishes, pots and pans, and open cookbooks everywhere. There are some charts and maps on
the floor and a couple of chairs with picks/lanterns on. There is also a box labelled ‘ACME
Dynamite’. Snow White and The Dream Team enter. Snow White is carrying a box with feather
dusters, tea towels, cloths etc. Burly is carrying a broom and a mop.

Burly puts down the broom and mop, picks up the ‘ACME Dynamite’ box, takes it offstage and then
re-enters.

SNOW WHITE Well, that’s the dynamite all safely stored. (To the Dream Team) It was very
kind of you to donate that little wooden outhouse.

DREAM TEAM You’re welcome!

SNOW WHITE (Looking around) Now to get this lot sorted. That way, you’ll have somewhere
pleasant to relax after a hard day’s mining and that’ll help with your work/life
balance. OK everyone, grab your weapons…

Each takes a feather duster/mop/tea towel.

SNOW WHITE … and let’s do this thing!

ALL Yes siree!

SONG 6. TIDY LIFE, TIDY MIND CD TRACK 9/22

Almost as a military operation, they rhythmically wash, dust and sort, with items being passed along, clothes folded
etc. in time with the music. All the clothes are put into bags and stacked offstage; charts are rolled up and placed in a
box. They wash dishes together.

SNOW WHITE All sorted! Now the future’s looking bright, shiny and clutter-free! A quick lick of
paint and it’ll be perfect. We can consult the colour charts later.

GAFFER I think we should paint it Snow White – in your honour!

They all nod in agreement.

They all exit. The set is removed and Fairy G and FIT enter at the side of the stage.

FAIRY G The mission HQ is now looking grand,

Snow White having given a helping hand!
CUE CARD: HOORAY!
FIT But can she stay hid from the eyes of the Queen,
Whose expression is sadly far short of serene?

Let’s get on with the action, then soon we will know

(Indicating audience) and all these good people can finally go!

FAIRY G (As they exit) You’re learning fast, FIT. Very good!

17
 SCENE 9 THE CASTLE EXTERIOR
Malodorous enters.

CUE CARD: HISS! BOO!

MALODOROUS (Angrily) My friends of darkness inform me that Snow White is still alive. Aargh!
Lickspittle! Lickspittle!

Lickspittle runs on.

LICKSPITTLE Oh, most marvellous Majesty! What is your bidding?

MALODOROUS (Pleasantly) I wonder if you could help me with some information.

LICKSPITTLE Anything, oh Queen!

MALODOROUS (Shouting in his face) Then tell me why Snow White is still alive! That apple was
poisonous enough to kill ten people!

LICKSPITTLE I… I forgot to take it, Your Majesty. I can’t understand why! I’m usually so
efficiently evil! Forgive me, my…

He begins grovelling, but suddenly stops when he realizes what she’s said.

LICKSPITTLE Still alive? Still alive? But I left her in the deep, dark depths of the forest and
arranged for the sprites and goblins to do the dastardly deed. They must
have failed and not told me! Those cowardly creatures! I’m sorry, my Queen.
To disappoint you causes me such pain.

MALODOROUS Oh, it certainly will! But for now, find me the poisoned apple and I will go myself
and deal with Snow wishy-washy White.

LICKSPITTLE But how will you know where to find her?

MALODOROUS My wicked goblins tell me she lives in a little house on the edge of the forest,
the one where that (with distaste) do-gooding, charity-mining team is staying.
(Pauses) I will go there, disguised as an old crone.

LICKSPITTLE (Trying to win favour) But that can hardly be possible with your great beauty!

MALODOROUS Oh, do be quiet! Snow White won’t be able to resist helping a (in crone mode)
‘poor little old lady in need’. As a reward, I will offer her my apple and she won’t
like to refuse!

LICKSPITTLE A genius plan, as always!

MALODOROUS Go and get the apple. There’s no time to waste.

Lickspittle bows and exits.

MALODOROUS Now, where did I leave my instant crone kit?

Malodorous exits. Jean steps forward.

JEAN (In a stage whisper) Hi everyone!

CUE CARD: HI JEAN!
18
 JEAN Malodorous is up to some dirty work! Did you hear that wicked plan? I must go
and warn Snow White. I just hope we can get there before Meanie Queenie!

Jean exits

SCENE 10 THE FOREST (THE DEEP, DARK BIT)

Trees 1-5 enter. Jean, Rub and Dub enter, creeping, looking very nervous. They are carrying a
broom, a couple of feather dusters and perhaps wearing plastic bowls/colanders on their heads.
Forest Arranger Dash is waiting at the side of the stage, ready to come on. The tin-can phones
are on the stage, one each side.

JEAN I don’t like the look of this place! I think this might be the dismal, dull…?
No, the dreary, drab…? No…

ALL (Perhaps inviting audience to join in? ‘All together now!’) The deep, dark
depths of the forest where dastardly deeds are done!

JEAN Ooooh! Aargh! I think you’re right! (Moving to the side of the stage) Oh
thank goodness, an emergency phone! (Picks up can) Hello! Is there
anyone there? Over.

DASH (Enters opposite side of stage and picks up other can) Hello! You’ve reached the
Forest Arrangers. Forest Arranger Dash speaking. How can I help? Over.

JEAN Can you arrange for me to get out of here and to the little house on the
edge of the woods? I’m just a tiny bit scared…

Jean does exaggerated knocking knees, shaking, teeth chattering.

JEAN … so if you could hurry, I’d be very grateful. Over.

DASH I’ll get someone to you as soon as I can. Over and out!

Forest Arranger Dash exits and Whizzo and Bolt (W & B) immediately leap on, making the others
jump.

W&B (In gung-ho manner) Forest Arrangers Whizzo and Bolt at your service!

WHIZZO This part of the forest can be pretty dangerous, so you need to stick close to us.

BOLT Don’t take a step to the left. (He does and they copy) I said don’t take a
step to the left! Or a step to the right. (He does this slowly. They lift
their legs but then put them down again) Just follow us and you won’t get
gobbled by goblins!

JEAN (Terrified) Ooooh!

WHIZZO Or gnawed by night creatures!

JEAN Aargh!

BOLT Or spirited away by sprites!

19
 WHIZZO (To Jean) But don’t you worry, I couldn’t let anything happen to someone as
charming as you! (Bows)

JEAN (Impressed) Ooh!

W&B Just follow our lead!

SONG 7. IF YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF CD TRACK 10/23

THE FOREST
During the song, the characters mime running on the spot (see www.outoftheark. co.uk/swextras
for inspiration). Just before the end of the song, the little house is put on, if applicable. They all stop
suddenly, bumping into one another as they arrive. The audience could be encouraged to join in
with this song, with lyrics included in the programmes.

WHIZZO (Coming to an abrupt halt) And here we are!

SCENE 11 THE LITTLE HOUSE, EXTERIOR

JEAN (To Whizzo) Thank you so much. Perhaps if you’re ever allowed out of the
forest, you could pop by the castle for a delicious afternoon tea.

WHIZZO (Putting his hand to his ear as though holding a tin can) Just call and I’m
sure it can be arranged. After all, I am a Forest Arranger! Ciao!

Whizzo and Bolt exit.

DIGGER (Runs on) In here! Quickly! It’s Snow White! I think she’s dead!

Jean exits, ‘into the house’.

JEAN (Offstage, very distressed) NO!

MALODOROUS (Enters at opposite side of stage and laughs evilly, then exits) Mwah ha ha ha!

CUE CARD: HISS! BOO!

Burly runs on, followed by Clerky. Jean, re-enter slowly from the house.

BURLY (Entering) We’ve done it, Snow! We’ve found the biggest diamond in the world!

CLERKY We can start the project right away – as many urban parks as you like!
(Stopping when he/she sees how sad Jean looks) What is it?

JEAN I’m afraid it’s Snow White. Looks like the Queen finally got to her. It’s not
good news.

The rest of The Dream Team enter. A bed is set up centre stage. They all line up with their
backs to the audience so that Snow White is hidden as she enters and lies on the bed during the
following dialogue. Once she is in place, they move to either side of her. Fairy G and FIT enter
looking very sad.

20
 FAIRY G I’m so sad, it’s taken away my rhyme! But at least Snow White
hasn’t died. I modified the spell so that instead she lies in a deep sleep, but
can only be awoken when touched by the petals of the Forever Flower. As
she sleeps, I will fill her mind with images of what might have been and still
might be, if she awakes – visions of dreams shared and hopes fulfilled.

SONG 8. SLEEPING CD TRACK 11/24

The verses of the song can be shared by different groups, i.e. The Dream Team. During the
instrumental, more characters could enter with flowers and process around the bed, laying the
flowers on the ground around it. At the end of the song, all exit except for Snow White, Fairy G
and FIT. Pimple, Weird Wolf and Globby then enter. Pimple is holding a lovely large rose.

CUE CARD: HISS! BOO!

PIMPLE (To Fairy G) You’re finally finished now! We have found this! (Holding up the
flower triumphantly) It’s so beautiful and it’s the only one of its kind. It must be
the Flower of Forever!

GLOBBY Ha ha! We’re going to take it to the Queen so that she can extract its magic
and the life will drain from your precious forest, just like Snow White’s drains
from her!

FAIRY G You meddle with something you don’t understand,

It’s not only enchantment sustaining the land;
It’s the love and the care from the people who know
The value of letting the wild things grow!

FIT And Snow White breathes still, so just think on this:

There is always the hope of the Forever Flower’s
kiss!

PIMPLE Soppy nonsense!

FAIRY G (Pointing at the flower) And what you have there is a Juliet Rose,
So rare and expensive and kind on the nose.

FIT It is quite a treasure, but for you it is tragical,

And along with its beauty, for Snow White it is
magical!

PIMPLE (Hitting Globby on the head with the flower) Bah! (he drops the flower and leaves
it lying on the ground – Fair G picks it up)

CUE CARD: HISS! BOO!

They all exit except for Snow White.

Enter Jean & Whizzo; The Dream Team; stand behind Snow White, heads bowed.

21
 WHIZZO Well Jeanie, what a superb afternoon tea! You’re a wonderful cook!
How about I show you where you can forage for some rare herbs
and plants to enhance your dishes?

JEAN How exciting! No one’s ever wanted to enhance my dishes before! But
first, I need to spend a moment with Snow White.

Jean and Whizzo go and stand by Snow White.

Fairy G and FIT enter at the side of the stage.

FAIRY G There’s magic in a Flower’s kiss,

Bringing happiness and bliss!

FIT And if the Flower’s scent

is true, Snow White will
waken up in two!

FAIRY G & FIT One, two…

Snow White slowly sits up and yawns.

ALL (Amazed) Snow White! You’re awake!

The onlookers react with joy, dancing, high-fiving each other etc.
SNOW WHITE (Bemused) Yes. What’s everybody doing here?

FAIRY G You were poisoned by the wicked Queen.

But now you’re back with us again.

SPEEDY (To Snow White) And we’ve found the biggest diamond in the world, so
we can start building urban parks everywhere! Hey, you can project-
manage them all!

SNOW WHITE That would be amazing!

COOKIE And we’re going to build our own forest lodges so we can stay nearby
with our families! Clerky’s drawing up the plans already.

JEAN (To All) And you lot and the Flower of Forever will be safe!

CUE CARD:
HOORAY!

22
Whizzo steps forward and strikes a heroic pose.
WHIZZO And the deep, dark depths of the forest will be where daring deeds are done!

BURLY Malodorous will no doubt disappear now her wicked plans have been foiled.
And good riddance!

COOKIE I wonder where she’ll go now.

They all make ‘wondering’ faces and freeze. Malodorous and Lickspittle then enter in front
of the stage, followed by Pimple, Weird Wolf and Globby.

LICKSPITTLE To me, oh Queen, you will always be the finest!

MALODOROUS Well, I suppose that’s better than nothing. (Indicating Pimple etc.) And at least we
have this lot to do our bidding. (Looking around) But where shall we go?

DIGGER We’ll find you a nice cave somewhere.

CLERKY I’m sure we could help with that!

PICKY Do you have a small deposit?

MALODOROUS That’s none of your business!

SPEEDY Well, just follow us and I’m sure we can find you a nice little place of your
own! (Winks at audience)

They exit and everyone unfreezes.

FAIRY G A Hint of Happy Ending!

SNOW WHITE Not so much a happy ending as a happy new beginning!

SONG 12. YOU FOUND ME! CD TRACK 12/25

THE END!

23