‫בס"ד‬

One Year On – Webinar Series for Educators

Rabba Yaffa Epstein
[email protected]

“Letting the Tears Come: Sitting with God in our Grief”

There is a sacredness in tears.

They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.
They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.
- Washington Irving

Our Tears:

1) Babylonian Talmud Tractate Berachot 32b :‫תלמוד בבלי מסכת ברכות לב‬
Rabbi Elazar said: Since the day the Temple was destroyed the gates of prayer ‫ מִ ּיֹום ׁשֶ חָ ַרב ּבֵית‬:‫ו ְָאמַ ר ַרּבִי אֶ לְעָ זָר‬
were locked and prayer is not accepted as it once was, as it is said: “Though I :‫ ׁשֶ ּנֶאֱ מַ ר‬,‫הַ ּמִ קְ ּדָ ׁש נִנְעֲ לּו ׁשַ עֲ ֵרי ּתְ פִ ּלָה‬
plead and call out, God shuts out my prayer” (Lamentations 3:8). .‫״ּגַם ּכִי אֶ זְעַ ק ו ַאֲ ׁשַ ּוֵעַ ׂשָ תַ ם ּתְ פִ ּלָתִ י״‬
Yet, despite the fact that the gates of prayer were locked with the ‫ ׁשַ עֲ ֵרי‬,‫ו ְַאף עַ ל ּפִ י ׁשֶ ּׁשַ עֲ ֵרי תְ פִ יּלָה נִנְעֲ לּו‬
destruction of the Temple, the gates of tears were not locked, as it is stated: ‫ ״ׁשִ מְ עָ ה‬:‫ ׁשֶ ּנֶאֱ מַ ר‬,‫דִ מְ עָ ה ֹלא נִנְעֲ לּו‬
“Hear my prayer, Lord, and give ear to my pleading, keep not silence at my ‫תְ פִ ּלָתִ י ה׳ ו ְׁשַ ו ְעָ תִ י הַ אֲ זִינָה אֶ ל ּדִ מְ עָ תִ י‬
tears” (Psalms 39:13). .‫ַאל ּתֶ חֱ ַרׁש״‬

Letting the Grief In:

2) Babylonian Talmud Tractate Ketubot 104a .‫תלמוד בבלי מסכת כתובות דף קד‬
On the day when Rabi (Judah the Prince the compiler of the Mishna) died, the ‫ גזרו‬,‫ההוא יומא דנח נפשיה דרבי‬
Rabbis decreed a public fast and offered prayers for heavenly mercy (that he .‫ ובעו רחמי‬, ‫רבנן תעניתא‬
would live).
They announced: “Anyone who says that Rabi is dead will be stabbed with a '‫ כל מאן דאמר נח נפשיה דר‬:‫ואמרי‬
sword.” ‫ידקר בחרב‬
Rabi's handmaid ascended the roof and prayed: 'The ones above (the angels) :‫ אמרה‬,‫סליקא אמתיה דרבי לאיגרא‬
request Rabi, and the ones below (the Rabbis) request Rabi; may it be Your ‫מבקשין את רבי והתחתונים‬, ‫עליוני‬
will that the ones below may overpower the ones above.” ‫מבקשין את רבי יהי רצון שיכופו‬
However, when she saw how often he needed to go to the bathroom, .‫תחתונים את העליונים‬
painfully taking off his tefillin (phylacteries) and putting them on again, she ‫כיון חזאי כמה זימני דעייל לבית‬
prayed: 'May it be Your will that the ones above may overpower the ones ‫ וחלץ תפילין ומנח להו‬,‫הכסא‬
below'. ‫ יהי רצון שיכופו‬:‫ אמרה‬,‫וקמצטער‬
As the Rabbis incessantly continued their prayers for mercy she picked up a jar ‫ ולא הוו שתקי‬.‫עליונים את התחתונים‬
and threw it down from the roof to the ground. ‫ שקלה כוזא‬,‫רבנן מלמיבעי רחמי‬
,]‫שדייא מאיגרא [לארעא‬
They stopped praying and the soul of Rabi departed. ‫אישתיקו מרחמי ונח נפשיה דרבי‬
'Go', said the Rabbis to Bar Kappara, 'and investigate'. ‫ זיל עיין‬:‫אמרו ליה רבנן לבר קפרא‬
‫אזל אשכחיה דנח נפשיה‬
He went and finding that Rabi was dead, he tore his cloak and turned the tear ‫קרעיה ללבושיה ואהדריה לקרעיה‬
backwards (this is an external sign of mourning). ‫לאחוריה‬
He said: 'The angels and the mortals have taken hold of the holy ark (referring ‫פתח ואמר אראלים ומצוקים אחזו‬
to Rabi). The angels overpowered the mortals and the holy ark has been ‫ נצחו אראלים את‬,‫בארון הקדש‬
captured'. ‫המצוקים ונשבה ארון הקדש‬
'Has he', they asked him, 'gone to his eternal rest? ' ?‫ נח נפשיה‬:‫אמרו ליה‬
 ‫בס"ד‬
One Year On – Webinar Series for Educators
Rabba Yaffa Epstein
[email protected]

He replied, 'You said it; I did not say it'. ‫ אתון קאמריתו‬:‫אמר להו‬

God Mourns:

3) Eikhah Rabbah 1:1 ‫א׳‬:‫איכה רבה א׳‬

Rav Naḥman said that Shmuel said in the name of Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi: The ‫ָאמַר ַרב נַ ְחמָן ָאמַר ׁשְמּואֵל מִּׁשּום ַרּבִי‬
Holy Blessed One summoned the ministering angels and said to them: ‘A flesh ‫ ק ָָרא ַהּקָדֹוׁש ּבָרּוְך הּוא‬,‫ׁש ַע ּבֶן ֵלוִי‬ ֻ ‫י ְהֹו‬
and blood king, when a relative of his dies and he mourns, what does he typically ‫ ָאמַר ָלהֶם ֶמלְֶך ָּבׂשָר‬,‫ְל ַמ ְל ֲאכֵי ַהּׁש ֵָרת‬
do?’ ‫ מַה‬,‫ׁשּמֵת לֹו מֵת וְהּוא מִתְ ַאּבֵל‬ ֶ ‫וָדָ ם ְּכ‬
They said to God: ‘He hangs sackcloth on his entrance.’ ?‫ּדַ ְרּכֹו ַלעֲׂשֹות‬
God said to them: ‘I, too, will do so.’ That is what is written: “I clothe the ‫ ָאמַר ָלהֶם‬.‫ָאמְרּו לֹו ּתֹולֶה ׂשַק עַל ּפִתְ חֹו‬
heavens in blackness and I place sackcloth as their garment” (Isaiah 50:3). ‫ הֲדָ א הּוא ּדִ כְתִ יב‬,‫ַאף ֲאנִי ּכְָך ֲאנִי עֹוׂשֶה‬
‘A flesh and blood king, what [else] does he typically do?’ ‫ׁש ַמי ִם קַדְ רּות‬ ָ ‫ ַא ְלּבִיׁש‬:)‫ ג‬,‫(ישעיה נ‬
They said to God: ‘He extinguishes the lamps.’ ‫ ֶמלְֶך ָּבׂשָר וָדָ ם מַה‬.‫ְוׂשַק ָאׂשִים ּכְסּותָ ם‬
God said to them: ‘That is what I will do,’ as it is stated: “The sun and the moon ‫ ָאמְרּו לֹו ְמ ַכּבֶה אֶת‬,‫ּדַ ְרּכֹו ַלעֲׂשֹות‬
darkened and the stars withdrew their shining” (Joel 4:15). ,‫ ָאמַר ָלהֶם ּכְָך ֲאנִי עֹוׂשֶה‬,‫ַה ָּפנָסִין‬
‘A flesh and blood king, what does he typically do?’ ‫ׁשמֶׁש ְוי ֵָר ַח קָדָ רּו‬ ֶ :)‫ טו‬,‫ׁשּנֶ ֱאמַר (יואל ד‬ ֶ
‘He overturns the beds.’ ‘That is what I will do,’ as it is stated: “Until thrones ‫ ֶמלְֶך ָּבׂשָר וָדָ ם‬.‫וְכֹו ָכבִים ָאסְפּו נָגְהָם‬
were set in place and the Ancient One sat” (Daniel 7:9), [implying,] as it were, ‫ ּכְָך‬.‫ ּכֹופֶה אֶת ַהּמִּטֹות‬,‫מַה ּדַ ְרּכֹו ַלעֲׂשֹות‬
that they had been overturned. ‫ עַד‬:)‫ ט‬,‫ׁשּנֶ ֱאמַר (דניאל ז‬ ֶ ,‫ֲאנִי עֹוׂשֶה‬
‘A flesh and blood king, what does he typically do?’ ,‫ּדִ י כ ְָר ָסוָן ְרמִיו ְועַּתִ יק יֹומִין י ְתִ ב‬
‘He walks barefoot.’ ‘That is what I will do,’ as it is stated: “God’s path is in ‫ ֶמלְֶך ָּבׂשָר וָדָ ם‬.‫ׁשהָיּו הֲפּוכִין‬ ֶ ‫ִּכ ְבי ָכֹול‬
tempest and in storm, and clouds are the dust of God’s feet” (Nahum 1:3). ‘A ‫ ּכְָך ֲאנִי‬,‫ הֹולְֵך יָחֵף‬,‫מַה ּדַ ְרּכֹו ַלעֲׂשֹות‬
flesh and blood king, what does he typically do?’ ‫ ה' ּבְסּופָה‬:)‫ ג‬,‫ׁשּנֶ ֱאמַר (נחום א‬ ֶ ,‫עֹוׂשֶה‬
‘He rends his purple garments.’ ‫ ֶמלְֶך‬.‫ּו ִב ְסע ָָרה ּדַ ְרּכֹו ְו ָענָן ֲאבַק ַרגְלָיו‬
‘That is what I will do,’ as it is stated: “God accomplished what God devised; ‫ ְמ ַבּזֵ ַע‬,‫ָּבׂשָר וָדָ ם מַה ּדַ ְרּכֹו ַלעֲׂשֹות‬
God implemented [bitza] God’s statement [emrato]” (Lamentations 2:17). Rabbi ‫ ּדִ כְתִ יב‬,‫ ּכְָך ֲאנִי עֹוׂשֶה‬.‫ִירא ׁשֶּלֹו‬ ָ ‫ּפּורּפ‬
ְ
Yaakov of Kefar Ḥanan explained it: What is bitza emrato? It is that God rent ‫ ָעׂשָה ה' ֲאׁשֶר זָמָם ִּבּצַע‬:)‫ יז‬,‫(איכה ב‬
God’s purple garments. ‫ ַרּבִי יַעֲק ֹב ּדִ ְכפַר ָחנָן ְמפ ֵָרׁש‬.‫ֶאמ ְָרתֹו‬
‘A flesh and blood king, what does he typically do?’ ‫ִירא‬ָ ‫ּפּורּפ‬ְ ‫ ְמ ַבּזַע‬,‫לֵיּה מַהּו ִּבּצַע ֶאמ ְָרתֹו‬
‘He sits in silence.’ ,‫ ֶמלְֶך ָּבׂשָר וָדָ ם מַה ּדַ ְרּכֹו ַלעֲׂשֹות‬.‫ׁשֶּלֹו‬
‘That is what I will do,’ as it is stated: “Let him sit alone and be silent” ‫ׁשּנֶ ֱאמַר‬ ֶ ,‫ ּכְָך ֲאנִי עֹוׂשֶה‬,‫יֹוׁשֵב וְדֹומֵם‬
(Lamentations 3:28). ‫ ֶמלְֶך‬.‫ יֵׁשֵב ּבָדָ ד ְוי ִּד ֹם‬:)‫ כח‬,‫(איכה ג‬
‘A flesh and blood king, what does he typically do?’ ‫ יֹוׁשֵב‬,‫ מַה ּדַ ְרּכֹו ַלעֲׂשֹות‬,‫ָּבׂשָר וָדָ ם ָאבֵל‬
‘He sits and weeps.’ ‘That is what I will do,’ as it is stated: “The Lord, God of ‫ ּדִ כְתִ יב (ישעיה‬,‫ ּכְָך ֲאנִי עֹוׂשֶה‬,‫ּובֹוכֶה‬
hosts, called on that day for weeping and for lamentation and for baldness” ‫ ַוּיִק ְָרא ה' אֱֹלהִים ְצבָאֹות ּבַּיֹום‬:)‫ יב‬,‫כב‬
(Isaiah 22:12). ‫הַהּוא ִל ְבכִי ּו ְל ִמ ְסּפֵד ּו ְלק ְָרחָה‬
 ‫בס"ד‬
One Year On – Webinar Series for Educators
Rabba Yaffa Epstein
[email protected]

God’s Tears:

4) Babylonian Talmud Tractate Brachot 3a .‫תלמוד בבלי מסכת ברכות ג‬

It was taught Rabbi Yosei said: ‫ ּפַ עַ ם ַאחַ ת הָ י ִיתִ י‬:‫ ָאמַ ר ַרּבִי יֹוסֵ י‬,‫ּתַ נְי ָא‬
I was once walking along the road when I entered the ruins of an old, ‫ְחּורּבָה ַאחַ ת‬ ְ ‫מְ הַ ּלְֵך ּבַּדֶ ֶרְך וְנִ ְכנַסְ ּתִ י ל‬
abandoned building among the ruins of Jerusalem in order to pray. ‫ ּבָא‬.‫חּורבֹות י ְרּוׁשָ ַלי ִם לְהִ תְ ּפַ ּלֵל‬ ְ ֵ‫מ‬
I noticed that Elijah, of blessed memory, came and guarded the entrance for ,‫אֵ ִלּיָהּו זָכּור לַּטֹוב ו ְׁשָ מַ ר לִי עַ ל הַ ּפֶ תַ ח‬
me and waited at the entrance until I finished my prayer. When I finished .‫(ו ְהִ מְ ּתִ ין לִי) עַ ד ׁשֶ ּסִ יּיַמְ ּתִ י ּתְ פִ ּלָתִ י‬
praying, Elijah said to me: Greetings to you, my Rabbi. :‫לְַאחַ ר ׁשֶ ּסִ יּיַמְ ּתִ י ּתְ פִ ּלָתִ י ָאמַ ר לִי‬
I answered him: Greetings to you, my Rabbi, my teacher. ‫ ״ׁשָ לֹום‬:‫ ו ְָאמַ ְרּתִ י לֹו‬.‫ ַרּבִי״‬,‫״ׁשָ לֹום עָ לֶיָך‬
And Elijah said to me: My son, why did you enter this ruin? ‫ מִ ּפְ נֵי‬,‫ ְּבנִי‬:‫ ו ְָאמַ ר לִי‬.‫ּומֹורי״‬ ִ ‫ ַרּבִי‬,‫עָ לֶיָך‬
I said to him: In order to pray. :‫ְחּורּבָה זֹו? ָאמַ ְרּתִ י לֹו‬ ְ ‫מָ ה נִ ְכנַסְ ּתָ ל‬
And Elijah said to me: You should have prayed on the road. ‫ הָ י ָה לְָך לְהִ תְ ּפַ ּלֵל‬:‫ ו ְָאמַ ר לִי‬.‫לְהִ תְ ּפַ ּלֵל‬
And I said to him: I was unable to pray along the road, because I was afraid ‫ מִ תְ י ֵָרא הָ י ִיתִ י ׁשֶ ּמָ א‬:‫ ו ְָאמַ ְרּתִ י לֹו‬.‫ּבַּדֶ ֶרְך‬
that I might be interrupted by travelers. ‫ ו ְָאמַ ר לִי הָ י ָה‬,‫י ַפְ סִ יקּו ּבִי עֹוב ְֵרי ּדְ ָרכִים‬
Elijah said to me: You should have recited the abbreviated prayer instituted ‫ ּבְאֹותָ ּה‬.‫לְָך לְהִ תְ ּפַ ּלֵל ּתְ פִ ּלָה קְ צ ָָרה‬
for just such circumstances. :‫ׁשָ עָ ה לָמַ דְ ּתִ י מִ ּמֶ ּנּו ׁשְ ֹלׁשָ ה ּדְ ב ִָרים‬
Rabbi Yosei concluded: At that time, from that brief exchange, I learned from ‫ וְלָמַ דְ ּתִ י‬,‫ְחּורּבָה‬ ְ ‫לָמַ דְ ּתִ י ׁשֶ אֵ ין נִ ְכנָסִ ין ל‬
him, three things: I learned that one may not enter a ruin; and I learned that ‫ וְלָמַ דְ ּתִ י ׁשֶ הַ ּמִ תְ ּפַ ּלֵל‬,‫ׁשֶ ּמִ תְ ּפַ ְּללִין ּבַּדֶ ֶרְך‬
one need not enter a building to pray, but he may pray along the road; and I :‫ ו ְָאמַ ר לִי‬.‫ּבְדֶ ֶרְך מִ תְ ּפַ ּלֵל ּתְ פִ ּלָה קְ צ ָָרה‬
learned that one who prays along the road recites an abbreviated prayer. ?‫ְחּורּבָה זֹו‬ ְ ‫ מָ ה קֹול ׁשָ מַ עְ ּתָ ּב‬,‫ְּבנִי‬
And after this introduction, Elijah said to me: What voice did you hear in that ‫ ׁשָ מַ עְ ּתִ י ּבַת קֹול ׁשֶ ּמְ נַהֶ מֶ ת‬:‫ו ְָאמַ ְרּתִ י לֹו‬
ruin? ‫ ״אֹוי ׁשֶ הֶ חֱ ַרבְּתִ י אֶ ת‬:‫ּכְיֹונָה ו ְאֹומֶ ֶרת‬
I responded: I heard a Divine voice, cooing like a dove and saying: Woe that I ‫ּבֵיתִ י ו ְׂשָ ַרפְ ּתִ י אֶ ת הֵ י ָכלִי ו ְהִ ְגלֵיתִ י אֶ ת‬
destroyed My house, burned My Temple, and exiled my children among the :‫ ו ְָאמַ ר לִי‬.‫ָּבנַי ְלבֵין אּוּמֹות הָ עֹולָם״‬
nations. ‫ ֹלא ׁשָ עָ ה זֹו ִּב ְלבַד‬,‫חַ ּיֶיָך ו ְחַ ּיֵי ר ֹאׁשְ ָך‬
And Elijah said to me: By your life and by your head, not only did that voice ‫ ׁשָ ֹלׁש‬,‫ אֶ ּלָא ְּבכָל יֹום ו ָיֹום‬,‫אֹומֶ ֶרת ּכְָך‬
cry out in that moment, but it cries out three times each and every day. ,‫ ו ְֹלא זֹו ִּב ְלבַד אֶ ּלָא‬.‫ּפְ עָ מִ ים אֹומֶ ֶרת ּכְָך‬
Moreover, when Israel enters synagogues and study halls and answers, May ‫ּבְׁשָ עָ ה ׁשֶ ּיִׂשְ ָראֵ ל נִ ְכנָסִ ין ְלבָּתֵ י ְּכנֵסִ ּיֹות‬
God’s great name be blessed, the Holy Blessed One, shakes their head and ‫ּו ְלבָּתֵ י מִ דְ ָרׁשֹות ו ְעֹונִין ״י ְהֵ א ׁשְ מֵ יּה‬
says: Happy is the king who is thus praised in his house. How great is the pain ‫ הַ ּקָ דֹוׁש ּבָרּוְך הּוא‬,‫ורְך״‬ ָ ֹ ‫הַ ּגָדֹול מְ ב‬
of the parent who exiled their children, and woe to the children who were ‫ אַ ׁשְ ֵרי הַ ּמֶ לְֶך‬:‫ ו ְאֹומֵ ר‬,‫מְ נַעְ נֵעַ ר ֹאׁשֹו‬
exiled from their parent’s table. ‫ מַ ה ּלֹו לָָאב‬,‫ׁשֶ ּמְ קַ ּלְסִ ין אֹותֹו ְּבבֵיתֹו ּכְָך‬
‫ ו ְאֹוי לָהֶ ם ַל ָּבנִים‬,‫ׁשֶ הִ ְגלָה אֶ ת ָּבנָיו‬
.‫ׁשֶ ּגָלּו מֵ עַ ל ׁשּולְחַ ן אֲ בִיהֶ ם‬