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The Project Gutenberg eBook of Public and
Private Life of Animals
This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United
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or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License
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Title: Public and Private Life of Animals
Editor: P.-J. Stahl
Adapter: J. Thomson
Illustrator: J. J. Grandville
Release date: October 31, 2018 [eBook #58214]
Language: English
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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUBLIC AND
PRIVATE LIFE OF ANIMALS ***
P ubl ic a nd Pr iva te L i fe o f Anima ls by J. Thoms on
PRINTED BY BALLANTYNE, HANSON AND CO.
EDINBURGH AND LONDON.
PUBLIC AND PRIVATE
LIFE OF ANIMALS.
ADAPTED FROM THE FRENCH OF BALZAC, DROZ, JULES
JANIN, E. LEMOINE, A. DE MUSSET, GEORGES SAND, &c.
BY
J. THOMSON.
With Illustrations.
LONDON:
SAMPSON LOW, MARSTON, SEARLE, & RIVINGTON,
CROWN BUILDINGS, 188 FLEET STREET.
1877.
[All rights reserved.]
C ONTENTS.
PART I.
Introduction—
International Congress of Animals • 1
Resumé of Proceedings • 4
History of a Hare • 13
The Flight of a Parisian Bird in Search of Better
Government • 35
Life and Philosophical Opinions of a Penguin • 56
The Last Words of an Ephemera • 75
The Sorrows of an Old Toad • 77
The Theatrical Critic • 88
The Philosophic Rat • 98
The Sufferings of a Beetle • 108
A Fox in a Trap • 126
Text-book for the Guidance of Animals Studying
for Honours • 138
The Inconsistencies of a Greyhound • 149
Topaz the Portrait-painter • 162
Journey of an African Lion to Paris • 175
Adventures of a Butterfly • 188
The Misfortunes of a Crocodile • 200
The Funeral Oration of a Silkworm • 206
PART II.
Daily Bulletin of Events • 213
History of a White Blackbird • 239
The Queen’s Husband • 262
The Loves of Two Insects • 268
The Love Adventures of a French Cat • 282
Celebrated Trials • 296
The Bear; or, a Letter from the Mountains • 309
The Seventh Heaven • 318
Letters from a Swallow to a Canary • 327
Medical Animals • 344
The Giraffe’s Tablets • 353
The Croakings of a Crow • 361
Souvenirs of an Old Rook—
Summary • 367
An Old Castle • 371
The Duke and Duchess • 373
An Old Falcon • 375
What Animates the Heart of a Chameleon
• 377
History of the Hosts of the Terrace • 380
Last Chapter • 384
I NTRODUCTION.
INTERNATIONAL CONGRESS OF ANIMALS.
W EARY of insult, ignominy, and the constant oppression of man,
we, the so-called Lower Animals, have at last resolved to cast off
the yoke of our oppressors, who, since the day of their creation,
have rendered liberty and equality nothing more than empty
names.
A deliberative Assembly has been constituted, with the full
sanction of the Great Animal Powers, to whom we look with
confidence for that guidance and support which will enable us to
carry out the measures framed for our advancement.
The Assembly has been already convoked. Its first sitting took
place, on a lovely spring morning, on the green sward of the Jardin
des Plantes. The spot was happily chosen to secure a full
attendance of the animals of all nations. In justice to ourselves, let
it be known that the proceedings were conducted with the harmony
and good manners which the brutes have made peculiarly their
own.
An Orang-outang, fired by his love of liberty, mastered the
mechanism of locks, and at night, while the great world slept,
opened the iron gates to the prisoners, who walked gravely out to
take their seats. A large circle was formed, the Domestic Animals
on the right, the Independent Wanderers on the left, and the
Molluscs in the centre.
The rising sun, struggling through the gloom, fell upon a scene
at once imposing, and full of great historic interest. No assembly of
men that ever met on earth could possibly display a more masterly
control of passion than did the non-herbivorous and carnivorous
members of their powerful instincts. The Hyæna became almost
musical, while the notes of the Goose were full of deep pathos.
The opening of the Congress was marked by a scene most
touching. All the members embraced and kissed each other, in one
or two instances with such fervour as to lead to the effusion of
blood. In the interests of the Animal Kingdom, it must be recorded
that a Duck was strangled by an overjoyed Fox, a Sheep by an
enthusiastic Wolf, and a Horse by a delirious Tiger. As ancient feuds
had existed between the families, these events were clearly
referable to the power of ancestral usage, and the joy of
reconciliation. A Barbary Duck chanted a solemn dirge over the
body of her companion, who had fallen in the cause of freedom.
Before resuming her seat, the member for Barbary made an
eloquent speech, urging the Congress to overlook the accidents,
and proceed with the orders of the day. At this moment an
unfortunate Siamese Ambassador Elephant was about to propose
the abolition of capital punishment. Being a devout Buddhist, he
advocated the preservation of life in every form. Unluckily for his
doctrine, he had placed his huge foot on a nest of Field-mice, killing
both parents and children. A young Toad drawing his attention to
the melancholy fact overwhelmed him with remorse.
In simple courtesy to the reader, we must state that the report
of the proceedings was obtained from a Parroquet, whose veracity
may be trusted, as he only repeats what he has heard. We crave
permission to conceal his name. Like the ancient senators of
Venice, he has sworn silence on State affairs. In this instance alone
he has thrown off his habitual reserve.
RESUMÉ OF PROCEEDINGS.
ONE HOUR AFTER MIDNIGHT.
Nomination of President.—Questions relative to the suppression of man.—
The members of the Left vote for war, the Right for arbitration.—
Discussions in which the Lion, Tiger, Horse, Nightingale, Boar, and
others take part.—The opinion of the Fox, and what came of it.
This publication is edited conjointly by the Ape, Parroquet, and Village
Cock.
The garden paths are thronged with powerful deputies from the
menageries of London, Berlin, Vienna, New York, and St.
Petersburg. The Congress promises to be the most successful ever
held in Paris. The death of a great French author, who devoted his
pen to Natural History, has cast a gloom over the garden. The
cultured animals wear crape, while the bolder spirits, proudly
disdaining such symbols of grief, drop their ears and drag their tails
along the ground. Here and there distinguished parties are hotly
discussing the formation of the Congress, the framing of rules, and
the choice of President. The Wolf sits beneath a tree, intently
gazing on the Ape, whose careful attire and well-poised eye-glass
proclaims man’s far-off cousinship to his family.
The Chameleon considers the get-up of the Ape a graceful
tribute to his human kinsman.
The Wolf suggests that “to ape is not to imitate!”
The Snake in the grass hisses.
An erudite Crow croaks from his perch, “It would be extremely
dangerous to follow in the footsteps of man,” and quotes the well-
known line, “Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes.” He is loudly
congratulated on the happy quotation by a German Owl, well
versed in the dead languages.
The Buzzard devoutly contemplates the two scholars, while the
Mocking-bird jeeringly remarks, “One way of passing for a learned
biped is by talking to others of things they do not understand.”
The Chameleon blushes, and then looks blue. At this moment
the Marmot awoke, to pronounce life a dream. “A dream?” said the
Swallow, “nay, rather a journey.” The Ephemera gasped out, “Too
brief, too brief,” and died.
The question of the Presidency brings the scattered groups to
the centre of the garden, and to business. When all are seated and
expectant, the Ass brays out silence, quite needlessly, as the only
audible sound was caused by a Flea sneezing in his ear. His
supporters had prepared a speech for him, and his assurance,
gravity, and weight obtained him a hearing. It was whispered that
the honourable member was about to move that his ancient policy
of progressing backward should be steadily kept in view. The
orator, so adjusting his ears as to catch the faintest murmur of
applause, flourished his tail impressively, and proceeded—
“Fellow-quadrupeds, and brother brutes of all climes and
conditions, the question of the Presidency of this noble Assembly is
one of primary importance. In order to lift the burdens from your
backs, as the lineal descendant of Balaam’s ass, I offer myself as
candidate for the position, hedged round as it is with difficulty and
danger. It is needless to remind you of the hereditary attributes
which qualify me for the office of President—firmness verging on
obstinacy, patience under affliction, and a rooted determination to
kick against all opposition.” Here the speaker was interrupted by
the Wolf, who protested against the presumption of this slave of
man. Stung to the heart, the honourable Ass was about to indulge
his time-honoured habit of kicking up his heels, when he was called
to order by the Bear.
“Brothers,” said the Bear, “let not the heat of party feeling,
added to the stifling air of Paris, compel me to return to my native
climb, the North Pole. There my suffering has been great, but in
the Arctic Circle I can grin and bear it as becomes my nature. Here,
in a circle so refined, such brawling is only fit for men whose fiery
tempers dry up the fountain of their love.” The Seal trembled at the
sound of the dreaded voice.
The Lion roared and restored order, while the Fox unobserved
slipped into the tribune, and in a brief but subtle speech so
eulogised the Mule—who carried a useful appendage in the shape
of a bell—that he was chosen President.
The Mule takes the chair, and the tinkling of his bell is followed
by silence broken for an instant by the Watch-dog—who fancied
himself at his master’s door—gruffly inquiring, “Who’s there?”
The Wolf casts a scornful glance at the poor confused brute.
The Parroquet and Cat, preparing quills supplied by the Goose,
seat themselves at the table as Secretaries.
The Lion ascends the tribune with imposing gravity; “shaking
the dewdrops from his mane,” he denounces in a voice of thunder
the tyranny of mankind, and continues: “There is but one way of
escape open for all! Fly with me to Africa, to the sweet solitudes of
boundless deserts and primeval forests, where we can hold our
own against the inroads of degenerate humanity! Far from
sheltering walls man is powerless against the noble animals I see
around me. Cities are men’s refuge, and few there are of the lion-
hearted among them, if I may use the expression” [ironical cheers
from the Tiger], “who would meet us face to face in our native
wilds.” The speaker concluded with a glowing picture of the proud
independence of animal life in Africa.
The Elephant advocated emigration to Central Africa. “It is a
land,” said he, “where teeth and tusks are excellent passports, and
where every traveller ought to carry his own trunk full of water.”
This latter remark was objected to by the Hippopotamus, who held
that water would be more useful if left in swamps and rivers.
Hereupon the Dog protested that nothing could equal city life,
and was put down by the Tiger, Wolf, and Hyæna. As for the Tiger,
with a terrific howl he leaped into the tribune bellowing out, “War!
blood! Nothing short of the utter extermination of man will
establish the security of the Animal Kingdom. Great generals seize
great occasions. Did not Rabbits undermine Tarragona? Did not
liquor conquer Alexander the Great? The doom of the human race
is sealed, its world-wide sway ended! The savage despots have
driven us from our homes, hewn down our forests, burned our
jungles, ploughed up our prairies, scooped out the solid world to
build their begrimed cities, lay their railroads, warm their thin
blood, roast our flesh for food. Torturing, slaying, and playing the
devil right and left, men have trod the skins of my ancestors under
foot, worn our claws and teeth as talismans, poisoned us,
imprisoned us, dried and stuffed us, and set us to mimic our bold
natures beside mummies in museums. Down with them, I say!
Down with the tyrants!” Here the orator paused, he caught sight of
a tear glistening in the eye of a lamb, his teeth watered, and his
claws crept out at sight of this gentle tribute to his eloquence.
“Well may you weep, sweet one. He, man, robbed your mother
of her fleece to clothe his guilty limbs, stole her life and devoured
her, head and all. But why recall our wrongs? Is it not enough that
he deprived us of our birthright? The world was ours before his
advent, and he brought with him misery, confusion, death!” The
Tiger concluded with an appeal to all beasts of prey to fight for
liberty.
An old Race-horse, now a poor hack, begged permission to say
a few words.
“Noble beasts, I must confess myself more familiar with
sporting life than politics, or with the questions under discussion. I
have, in my day, lived in clover; latterly the neglect and brutality of
