IELTS Corrections Page 1 of 19

OVERALL BAND SCORE 7.5 7+8+8+8

SEE BELOW C&C LR GRA MODEL ANSWER

WRITING TASK 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Everyone should stay at school until 18.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from
your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

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Original answer -

Opinions are divided on whether school children should attend school

until they reach the age of 18. I strongly believe that they should, due to
the reasons presented in this essay.

I would argue that the option of abandoning formal studies before

finishing high school is not as appealing as it may seem at first. Perhaps
the most obvious argument in favour of quitting high school is that
students would have more time for trial and error in seeking the job best
fitting their talents and qualities. However, this appears shortsighted, as
most jobs available to a dropout are manual labor, with limited career
prospects. Furthermore, it should be taken into account that one’s
passion for a particular career path may eventually fade away, and
therefore, he or she may consider returning to formal education after
doing the same job for an extended period of time. This, however, could
be more difficult for those without a high school diploma, at least in my
home country, Vietnam, thus significantly limiting career choices for the
rest of one’s working life.

Beyond the aforementioned drawbacks, there are several

advantages/benefits to sticking to formal education. The most important
of these is that one would have the chance to be exposed to important
knowledge provided at school, which is critical for them to pursue higher
education. As a matter of fact, studies have repeatedly shown that those
with a college degree on average earn a higher income more than those
without. In addition to valuable knowledge, young adolescents also learn
various sets of skills needed both in real life and in the working
environment. For example, high school students are usually equipped
with critical thinking and problem-solving skills, provided by a well-
trained teacher, through different class activities. Lacking these skills, or
awareness about the existence of such skills, could be a huge
disadvantage of those who want to climb their career ladder.

In conclusion, the choice to drop formal education before turning 18

seems to be relatively unattractive, and students may also gain a wide

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 IELTS Corrections Page 3 of 19

range of benefits from staying in school. Based on the aforementioned

arguments, it is suggested that one should diligently pursue their studies
at school, at least until graduation from high school.

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 IELTS Corrections Page 4 of 19

OVERALL BAND SCORE 7.5 7+8+8+8

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 7
You have addressed all parts of the question.
Your argument is that everyone would benefit from staying at school till
they’re 18, which is obviously an exaggeration. In that sense, it’s
overgeneralised, which is why I gave you 7 for TR. Not all examiners
would be as mean as me. Nevertheless, it’s a good idea to aim to please
even the strictest examiner, if you’re aiming for a high score.

I would argue that it only makes sense for children who have the ability
and desire to graduate from high school and to go on to university.
Many have no aptitude for academic studies and neither do they have
the desire, so there’s no point in them studying till they’re 18. Indeed,
anyone who’s not prepared to commit himself to his studies would
become a distraction to students who are committed.

In questions that invite you to agree with an extreme position – like all
children should stay at school till they’re 18 – it is usually but not always
impossible to fully agree without overgeneralising. This is true in the
following questions:

With the increased use of mobile phones and computers, people

no longer communicate by handwriting letters. As a result, the
skill of handwriting letters will soon disappear completely.

To what extent do you agree with this?

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It is sometimes said that it is always better for the young to get

advice from older people than from other young people.

To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Distance learning is becoming more and more popular with the

arrival of the internet and correspondence courses. In the future,
it will replace traditional universities.

To what extent do you agree with this statement?

ADVICE ON BRAINSTORMING FOR TASK 2

As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly
ask yourself if you’re answering the question. Check back to the
question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're
directly relevant.
 Make sure your introduction directly addresses the question.
 Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question. If the
question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at
least 2.
 Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence of the
main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question.
 Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main ideas in
the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea.
 Make sure your supporting ideas are developed, which means
there should be more information in the form of evidence,
reasons, and/or examples.
 Very often, the optimum number of supporting ideas is 2. This
allows you to develop your ideas and your less likely to have

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 IELTS Corrections Page 6 of 19

isolated, unsupported ideas that could get you a 6 for TR.

“some may be undeveloped/unclear” – band score 6 TR.
 Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question before,
as there will always be important differences.
 Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question, that
it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it
does not contradict the introduction.

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Opinions are divided on whether school children should attend school

until they reach the age of 18. I strongly believe that they should, due to
the reasons presented in this essay. Commented [TG1]: Good
introduction with a clear position

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 IELTS Corrections Page 8 of 19

I would argue that the option of abandoning formal studies before

finishing high school is not as appealing as it may seem at first. Perhaps Commented [TG2]: Good main
the most obvious argument in favour of quitting high school is that idea
students would have more time for trial and error in seeking the job best Commented [TG3]: the trial and
fitting their talents and qualities. However, this appears shortsighted, as error involved int the process of
most jobs available to a dropout are manual labor, with limited career finding the
prospects. Furthermore, it should be taken into account that one’s Commented [TG4]: a bit
passion for a particular career path may eventually fade away, and derogatory
therefore, he or she may consider returning to formal education after
Commented [TG5]: in manual
doing the same job for an extended period of time. This, however, could
labour / involve […] - but is it fair to
be more difficult for those without a high school diploma, at least in my assume that everyone can or wants a
home country, Vietnam, thus significantly limiting career choices for the career that requires a degree
rest of one’s working life.
Commented [TG6]: Relevant
supporting ideas, the assumption that
all students have an academic
inclination is over general
Commented [TG7]: So this is all
true, but it assumes that by going on to
high school, everyone will have a
professional career

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 IELTS Corrections Page 9 of 19

Beyond the aforementioned drawbacks, there are several

advantages/benefits to sticking to formal education. The most important Commented [TG8]: Good main
of these is that one would have the chance to be exposed to important idea
knowledge provided at school, which is critical for them to pursue higher
education. As a matter of fact, studies have repeatedly shown that those
with a college degree on average earn a higher income more than those
without. In addition to valuable knowledge, young adolescents also learn Commented [TG9]: This may be
various sets of skills needed both in real life and in the working true, but it doesn’t mean the everyone
environment. For example, high school students are usually equipped could get a degree.
with critical thinking and problem-solving skills, provided by a well- Commented [TG10]: Relevant
trained teacher, through different class activities. Lacking these skills, or supporting idea, but LOL – old, flawed
awareness about the existence of such skills, could be a huge studies in western countries paid for
disadvantage of those who want to climb their career ladder. by universities themselves, that don’t
take into account student debt and
degrees from lower tier universities
Commented [TG11]: LOL – not in
England they don’t. That’s the last
thing the government wants
Commented [TG12]: Relevant
supporting ideas, but clearly college is
not suitable for everyone

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 IELTS Corrections Page 10 of 19

In conclusion, the choice to drop formal education before turning 18

seems to be relatively unattractive, and students may also gain a wide
range of benefits from staying in school. Based on the aforementioned
arguments, it is suggested that one should diligently pursue their studies
at school, at least until graduation from high school. Commented [TG13]: Good
conclusion, consistent with the main
ideas
Commented [TG14]: Not
everyone is capable of this. Some
students are not academically gifted

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 IELTS Corrections Page 11 of 19

C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been
corrected

Band score 8
Your usage of one that could cost you your band score 8. I gave you 8
instead of 7 because everything else is accurate, and because what you
wrote may be considered correct in US English.

One is a useful pronoun and it can be a good way of avoiding the

problem of the gendered singular third person pronoun [or the
second person pronoun – a cardinal sin in IELTS writing and a
hallmark of a band score 5]. In other words, it avoids the
necessity to use his or her, which becomes extremely tedious with
repeated use.
A student who graduates from high school is more likely to
be successful in his or her career.
This can be avoided with the use of one, with some minor surgery
on the sentence:
After graduating from high school, one is more likely to be
successful in one’s career.
However, in the example above, using the plural is simpler:
Students who graduate from high school are more likely to
be successful in their careers.
If you use one, here are some rules:
 Don’t mix one and other pronouns or nouns in one sentence.
[…] one’s passion for a particular career path may
eventually fade away, and therefore, he or she one may
consider
 Don’t overuse one in a sentence. I suggest a maximum of 2
ones in one sentence. If you find yourself wanting to use more
than 2, some editing is required.

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 Don’t overuse one in your answer. Consider it for emergency

use only.
Here’s some advice – aimed at native speakers

PARAGRAPHING FOR TASK 2

I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:
 Write an introduction, that explains what the question is. After
reading the introduction, the reader should have a good idea what
the essay is about, and what your position (opinion) is. It should
be possible to write an introduction in under 50 words. It is not
necessary to write a long background statement.
 Write 2 main body paragraphs. This should allow you to expand on
the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner that you’ve fully
supported the main ideas. If you write 3 main bodies, it is more
difficult to expand and support them sufficiently to get a high
score.
 If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order
they’re given and write one paragraph per question.
 The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and each
paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or more
supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with reasons,
evidence, and examples. Do not waste time with lots of
background information.
 The topic sentences should directly address the question.
 The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction and the
main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas. It should
directly answer the question. Do not leave the examiner in any
doubt about whether you’ve answered the question.
 If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question to
clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to reject

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 IELTS Corrections Page 13 of 19

one of the sides. If you just restated the original ideas about one
side, the examiner may decide you have covered one side more
than the other.
 It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what extent
question if you have main ideas which both agree and disagree
with the proposition. Avoid short paragraphs, with under 70
words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central topic in a short
paragraph.

Opinions are divided on whether school children should attend school Commented [TG15]: Good
until they reach the age of 18. I strongly believe that they should, due to
for the reasons presented in this essay.
I would argue that the option of abandoning formal studies before
finishing high school is not as appealing as it may seem at first. Perhaps Commented [TG16]: Good topic
the most obvious argument in favour of quitting high school is that sentence
students would have more time for trial and error in seeking the job best Commented [TG17]: good
fitting their talents and qualities. However, this appears shortsighted, as
Commented [TG18]: good. better
most jobs available to a dropout are manual labor, with limited career
would be however, in practice,[…]
prospects. Furthermore, it should be taken into account that one’s their
passion for a particular career path may eventually fade away, and Commented [TG19]: better:
Furthermore, it should also be taken
therefore, he or she they may consider returning to formal education
into account […]
after doing the same job for an extended period of time. This, however,
could be more difficult for those without a high school diploma, at least Commented [TG20]: Good
in my home country, Vietnam, thus significantly limiting career choices
for the rest of one’s working life. Commented [TG21]: their is
Beyond the aforementioned drawbacks, there are several better, following those without
advantages/benefits to sticking to formal education. The most important
of these is that one they would have the chance to be exposed to
important knowledge provided at school, which is critical for them to
pursue higher education. As a matter of fact, studies have repeatedly
shown that those with a college degree on average earn a higher income
more than those without. In addition to valuable knowledge, young
adolescents also learn various sets of skills needed both in real life and in Commented [TG22]: good
the working environment. For example, high school students are usually Commented [TG23]: good
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 IELTS Corrections Page 14 of 19

equipped with critical thinking and problem-solving skills, provided by a

well-trained teacher, through different class activities. Lacking these
skills, or awareness about the existence of such skills, could be a huge
disadvantage of those who want to climb their career ladder.
In conclusion, the choice to drop formal education before turning 18
seems to be relatively unattractive, and students may also gain a wide
range of benefits from staying in school. Based on the aforementioned
arguments, it is suggested that one they should diligently pursue their
studies at school, at least until graduation from high school.

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 IELTS Corrections Page 15 of 19

LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected
Band score 8
Vocabulary is used accurately with sufficient flexibility to show precise
meaning, and with only minor inaccuracies, which is good for a band
score 8.

Opinions are divided on whether school children should attend school

until they reach the age of 18. I strongly believe that they should, due to
for the reasons presented in this essay.

I would argue that the option of abandoning formal studies before

finishing high school is not as appealing as it may seem at first. Perhaps
the most obvious argument in favour of quitting high school is that
students would have more time for trial and error in seeking the job best
fitting their talents and qualities. However, this appears Commented [TG24]: better:
shortsightedshort-sighted, as most jobs available to a dropout are suited to / suiting
manual labor, with limited career prospects. Furthermore, it should be Commented [TG25]: better:
taken into account that one’s passion for a particular career path may manual in nature
eventually fade away, and therefore, he or she may consider returning
to formal education after doing the same job for an extended period of
time. This, however, could be more difficult for those without a high
school diploma, at least in my home country, Vietnam, thus significantly
limiting career choices for the rest of one’s working life.

Beyond the aforementioned drawbacks, there are several

advantages/benefits to sticking to formal education. The most important

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 IELTS Corrections Page 16 of 19

of these is that one would have the chance to be exposed to important

knowledge provided at school, which is critical for them to pursue higher
education. As a matter of fact, studies have repeatedly shown that those
with a college degree on average earn a higher income more than those
without. In addition to valuable knowledge, young adolescents also learn
various sets of skills needed both in real life and in the working
environment. For example, high school students are usually equipped
with critical thinking and problem-solving skills, provided by a well-
trained teacher, through different class activities. Lacking these skills, or
awareness about the existence of such skills, could be a huge
disadvantage of to those who want to climb their career ladder.

In conclusion, the choice to drop formal education before turning 18

seems to be relatively unattractive, and students may also gain a wide
range of benefits from staying in school. Based on the aforementioned
arguments, it is suggested that one schoolchildren should diligently
pursue their studies at school, at least until graduation graduating from Commented [TG26]: similar in
high school. meaning but used differently You
could say until their graduation

see GRA

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 IELTS Corrections Page 17 of 19

GRA - Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not

been corrected

Band score 8
Grammar is used accurately with relatively few errors, some of which
are penalised elsewhere, so it should be good for a band score 8.

Opinions are divided on whether school children should attend school

until they reach the age of 18. I strongly believe that they should, due to
the reasons presented in this essay.
I would argue that the option of abandoning formal studies before
finishing high school is not as appealing as it may seem at first. Perhaps
the most obvious argument in favour of quitting high school is that
students would have more time for trial and error in seeking the job best
fitting their talents and qualities. However, this appears shortsighted, as
most jobs available to a dropout are manual labor, with limited career
prospects. Furthermore, it should be taken into account that one’s
passion for a particular career path may eventually fade away, and
therefore, he or she may consider returning to formal education after
doing the same job for an extended period of time. This, however, could
be more difficult for those without a high school diploma, at least in my
home country, Vietnam, thus significantly limiting career choices for the
rest of one’s working life.
Beyond the aforementioned drawbacks, there are several
advantages/benefits to sticking to formal education. The most important
of these is that one would have the chance to be exposed to important

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 IELTS Corrections Page 18 of 19

knowledge provided at school, which is critical for them to pursue higher Commented [TG27]: see C&C, but
education. As a matter of fact, studies have repeatedly shown that on you could also fix this with for the
average, those with a college degree on average earn a higher income pursuit of […]
more than those without. In addition to valuable knowledge, young or more simply, in higher education
adolescents also learn various sets of skills needed both in real life and in Commented [TG28]:
the working environment. For example, high school students are usually
equipped with critical thinking and problem-solving skills, provided by a
well-trained teacher, through different class activities. Lacking these
skills, or an awareness about of the existence of such skills, could be a
huge disadvantage of for those who want to climb their the career
ladder. Commented [TG29]: this is usually
In conclusion, the choice to drop formal education before turning 18 a fixed expression
seems to be relatively unattractive, and students may also gain a wide
range of benefits from staying in school. Based on the aforementioned
arguments, it is suggested that one should diligently pursue their studies Commented [TG30]: see C&C
at school, at least until graduation before graduating from high school.

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 IELTS Corrections Page 19 of 19

Model answer –

None available for the question you did

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