Unit 3

Family as the Basic Unit of Human Interaction

Each one of us is naturally a part of a family that includes father, mother, brothers and sisters.
Then there are other relations such as grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews,nieces
etc.

These relationships are a reality of our life for each one of us. We are born in these
relationships. Then we also have friends and colleagues with whom we frequently interact.

Be it in our school, our neighbourhood or our college – friends are a significant part of our
lives for all of us. We have teachers who enables us to learn and understand various things in
life. We have recognised and identified these individuals, that we feel, understand us, have
similar interests or tastes and we have an affinity for them.

Besides our home, schools or colleges, we live in a bigger social order, where a whole range of
relationships support the existence of our family. The corner grocery shopkeeper, the
milkman, the washer man, the maid or the helper in the house, each one of them brings a
certain value to our living.
We can look further into this chain of social dependency and find that there is
still a bigger web of interdependency.

Such relationships are abundant and again a reality in each of our lives.

So, starting from our family and including our teachers, friends and all the
different social relationships, each one of us is born and lives in such
relationships.

This is an indivisible part of our living.

Harmony in the Family-Understanding Relationship
The harmony in the family has primarily to do with the fulfilment of relationship
between one human being and the other human being. We will now explore into the
four important aspects of relationship:

1. Relationship is and it exists between the Self (‘I’) and the other Self (‘I’).

2. The Self (‘I’) has feelings in a relationship. These feelings are between ‘I’ and ‘I’.

3. These feelings in the Self (‘I’) are definite. i.e. they can be identified with
definiteness.

4. Recognizing and fulfilling these feelings leads to mutual happiness in relationship.

1. Relationship is, and it Exists between Self (‘I’) & Self (‘I’)
Have you created the relationships in your family, or were you born into them?

It is not possible to create the relationships that are existent in a family. We are
naturally born into this.

In a similar way, the family has not invented the social dependencies in which it
exists.

The family exists naturally as a part of this social web of interdependency. So,
we are embedded in relationships, they are there and all that we need to do is
to recognise them and understand them.
Relationship is between ‘I’ and ‘I’
We saw that we inherently are in relationship with each other. Little exploration will
reveal that it is the person’s self which is primarily related to the other person’s self.
The Body is only a means to express or receive our relationship.

It is the Self (‘I’) that understands and has feelings. The Body is incapable of
understanding as well as having feelings.

It is the Self (‘I’) that recognizes the relationship. Thus a relationship exists between
the Self (‘I’) and the other Self (‘I’). The relation to the Body is through the Self (‘I’).

For example, a mother feels related to the child she has given birth to. The body of
the child has its source in the body of the mother. But neither mother’s body nor the
child’s has feelings. It is the Self of the mother and the child who feel connected.
2. The Self (‘I’) has Feelings in a Relationship. These Feelings are between ‘I’ and ‘I’

There are feelings in relations naturally. They do not have to be created, nor can we
remove them. In the examples we took earlier, we can see that in each case, feelings
are involved.

We may try to suppress them, or argue against them, or undermine them, but they
are very much there.

These feelings are fundamental to the relationship and can be recognized.

There is no part of the body that wants trust, no part of the body that wants respect.
When you respect someone, you respect the person, ‘I’, and not their body organs!
When you ‘trust’ someone, it is the person, and not the body.

Trust is something to do with the person, the Self (‘I’). That is to say, the feelings in
relationship are between ‘I’ and ‘I’.
3. These Feelings in the Self (‘I’) are Definite. They can be Identified with
Definiteness

We have already seen that relationship is naturally there between humans, that
this relationship is between ‘I’ and ‘I’ and that there are feelings in the
relationship.

The feelingsin relationship are to be identified with clarity.

With little exploration, we can see that feelings in relationships are actually
definite, and not wague.

These are the values characterizing relationships – e.g. Trust, Respect,Affection,

etc. . Living with these values, we are able to participate in the right way with
other human beings.
4. Recognizing and Fulfilling these Feelings Leads to Mutual Happiness in a
Relationship

Once we have recognized the existence of human relationships, we are

subsequently able to identify the feelings (values). When we work and behave
according to these feelings, it leads to fulfilment of both sides in the
relationship, i.e. it leads to mutual fulfilment.

Evaluation is a natural process when we live in relationships and we are

constantly evaluating ours’ and the other’s feelings in the relationship.

For example, trust is wanted in a relationship and if there is a mutual feeling of

trust, then it leads to mutual fulfilment and there are no complaints. But if there
is doubt on the other, the happiness in relationship is missing.
Justice (Nyãya)
Justice is the recognition of values (the definite feelings) in relationship, their
fulfilment, the right evaluation of the fulfilment resulting in mutual happiness (Ubhay-
tripti).

Thus there are four elements of justice: recognition of values, fulfilment, evaluation
and mutual happiness ensured. When all the four are ensured, justice is ensured.

Mutual fulfilment is the hallmark of justice. And justice is essential in all relationships,
be it with the small kid in your house, your old grandpa, the maid in the house, your
fast friends or your distant relations.

We need to grow up in relationships to ensure continuity of justice in all our

relationships.
The process of ensuring justice has been outlined in the diagram below:
Values in Human Relationships
It is a need of the Self (‘I’) to be in relationship with the other. Being in relationship, we have
feelings for the other.

These feelings cannot be replaced by any material or physical things.

These feelings are definite and these feelings are the ‘values’ in a relationship.

Feelings of one Self (‘I’) with the other (‘I’) are definite, can be identified, understood and
fulfilled.

If we do not understand them, then we have problems, we feel we are never able to satisfy the
other and this leaves us with a grudge, even in our closest relations.

Let us list the salient values in relationships and try to verify the acceptance for them within us.
As mentioned earlier, we need to verify them at the level of our natural acceptance and then try
to live accordingly to realize mutual fulfillment.
Feelings (Values) in Relationships :
Trust (Visvãsa ) (can be spelt as ‘Vishvas’ too)
Respect (Sammãna) (can be spelt as ‘Samman’ too)
Affection (Sneha)
Care (Mamatã) (can be spelt as ‘Mamata’ too
Guidance (Vãtsalya) (can be spelt as ‘Vatsalya’ too
Reverence (Shraddhã) (can be spelt as ‘Shraddha’ too)
Glory (Guarava

Gratitude ( Kritagyatã ) (can be spelt as ‘Kritagyata’ too)

Love (Prema) (can be spelt as ‘Prem’ too)
Trust (Visvãsa)
Trust or vishwãs is the foundational value in relationship. The feeling of Trust (Visvãsa ) in
relationship is defined as:
“To be assured that each human being inherently wants oneself and the other to be happy and
prosperous.”

To understand this, let us examine the following proposals:

1. I want to make myself happy
2. I want to make the other happy
3. The other wants to be happy
4. The other wants to make me happy
Is this true for you?
Ask yourself this question: “When do you feel afraid of somebody, and when do you feel assured?
The Answer is:
• l We feel assured of the other person when we are sure that the other wants to work for my
happiness and prosperity.

• l Whenever I feel the other will deny my happiness and/or prosperity, I am afraid of the person.
When we are assured that the other is for my happiness and prosperity, I have trust in the other.
When this is doubted, I lack the trust and it becomes the source of fear.

Let us explore further the following:

1. Do I want to make myself happy?

2. Do I want to make the other happy?
3. Does the other want to make himself happy?
4. Does the other want to make me happy?

You may give an easy ‘Yes’ to the first question. In the third question, you give a small thought and
say ‘Yes’ again.

In the second question, you hesitate to answer first, then you become choosy and tend to say that
there are a few whom I want to make happy, and I am not concerned about the rest.

Or, you may also say that I want to make some people unhappy, or, you may say that I want to make
only those happy from whom I derive happiness, and other such things. But you are not able to give
an easy ‘Yes’ in the beginning.
Now re-explore question 2. You will feel like saying ‘Yes’ for all. This may take
some time for you to explore, but certainly since you do not want to make
anybody unhappy, you are able to answer this question in the affirmative.

What about question 4? A big problem posed to you all of a sudden! For some
people in your relations, you feel like saying ‘no’, for some you have a doubt,
and for a selected few, you tend to say ‘Yes’.

But explore into it further. Is it that the other wants to make you unhappy? Or it
is only that he/she is not able to make you happy every time (as you also do)
though he/she intends to make you happy.

Answering question 4 with deep exploration is the basis of gaining trust in the
other. When you are able to answer this question in the affirmative, you have
trust in the other, otherwise doubt continues.
When you examine and explore as per your natural acceptance, you find that
there are two parts in this exploration:

1. Intention (wanting to-our natural acceptance) &

2. Competence (being able to do)

Intention is what one aspires for (our natural acceptance) and

competence is the ability to fulfil the aspiration.
You may not be able to
answer in the affirmative to
any question under the
column of Competence.
Under the column of
Intention, you are able to
answer the first three
questions in the affirmative,
but you have doubt in the
fourth question. This is very
interesting:I f you see this
carefully you will realize that
when you are judging
yourself you are judging on
the basis of your intention,
whereas, when you are
judging the other you are
judging him on the basis of
his competence. You are sure
in point 2 a) that you want to
make the other happy, but in
point 4 a) you are not sure
that the other wants to make
you happy.
We find that while we look at our intention, we are sure of it, we are not sure of the
other’s intention. We are actually seeing their competence, and making a conclusion
on their intention.

We say “I wanted to do well, but I could not”. But for the other, we say “He did not
want to do well”. “Wanting to”, is the intention, “could not”, is the lack of competence!

If we have trust in the other, we are able to see the other as a relative and not as an
adversary. We then become ready to become a help to the other.

Intention is always correct; it is only the competence that is lacking, which can be
improved by right understanding.

When we are assured of the intention of the other and find that the competence is
lacking, we become a help to the other. When we doubt the intention of the other, we
get into opposition.
Intention wise, all of us want to make ourselves happy and the other person happy.
Whereas competence-wise, we all are unable to do this.

Thus, we can see that our competence and the other’s competence is usually lacking
and it is because of this that sometimes we fail to make the other happy, and
sometimes the other fails to make us happy.

This feeling that the other is not for my happiness and prosperity is a blow to the
feeling of relationship. As a result, it is very important that we understand the point
about intention and competence and be aware of it all the time, which is possible by
self-exploration only.

You can verify this yourself: you cannot have a problem in relationship, unless you
have ended up doubting the intention of the other person, no matter how close you
are to them.
For example, assume you are walking in your college campus and your close friend walks by
from the other direction. You look at him and smile, but he barely notices you, and keeps
walking, with his head down. You feel angry and disappointed that he did not acknowledge
your presence. You tend to assume that he wants to ignore you. Later on, you find out that
he was disturbed since he had lost his wallet.

You immediately feel alright and you are not angry anymore. What happened here? You
doubted your friend’s intention. It is not that he intended to or wanted to ignore you, only
that he was preoccupied with something else. However, you doubted his intention, and for
that instant, you felt a sense of opposition for him, not a feeling of relationship. When you
found out later on that he had lost his wallet, you immediately realized that it was not his
intention to ignore you, only his competence was lacking at that moment.

In this example, we can clearly see a problem arising in you due to doubt on intention, and
disappearing when the doubt on intention is gone. This problem in you creates a conflict
with your own natural acceptance, and at that very instant, you are unhappy. If only you had
known from before that at the level of intention, your friends, and all others wish only well
for you, whereas, their competence to fulfil the intention was lacking, you could have been
saved from this unhappiness and conflict in yourself! You can verify this for yourself in
numerous examples at home, outside the home, and in society.
When we explore our natural acceptance we find that we want to make the other
happy
and ourselves happy. This is our intention. My natural acceptance is the same as the
natural acceptance of the other. i.e. in relationship, the other’s intention, the other’s
natural acceptance is the same as mine.

This unwavering confidence in ourselves about our own intention and the other’s
intention is manifested as the feeling of trust (vishwãs).

Having trust means we are assured at all times about the other person in
relationship, no matter what the other's competence is.

Trust comes from having this right understanding of the Intention of every human
being. When I have the right understanding, I end up becoming an aid to the other. I
help them improve their competence and help them also to have the right
understanding. Thus, with the right understanding, not only am I fine at all times, I
am also working to help others also be like me.
Well, it is not that one can be fooled by trusting the intention of others. By trusting the intention of others, you
are yourself assured. You are established in what you know as right, and then on the basis of this, you can see
that the relationship exists. Then, on the one hand, you can make a program with him on the basis of your
competence and his competence and on the other hand you can work on improving your competence and the
competence of the other, rather than doubting the intention and feeling troubled yourself and denying the
other, which will lead you nowhere. Thus, we end up becoming a lot more capable of dealing with people by
having the right understanding and having the trust on intention, than by merely doubting them.
The problem today is that even in families, we doubt each other with the result
that we behave like enemies, we try to put the other person down and there is
a breakdown of relationship. If trust-the foundational value, (the ‘ãdhãra
mülya’) is shaken then the whole relationship is disturbed.

This is the most serious matter in all our interpersonal relationships-between

husband and wife, father and son, between friends-this basic lack of trust, at
the level of intention, is the basic issue. And we seem to be doing nothing to
address this issue, to resolve this issue.
‘How can I trust a stranger’?:

If you are able to see the relationship with the person at the level of ‘I’, you will see
that the other person also is like you. The other person has natural acceptance for
the same things as you. He/she too wants to make himself/ herself happy, and wants
to make you happy at the level of his intention, just as you. But he/she is unaware of
this fact, just as you are or have been. Hence, he/she may be interacting with you
based on your competence.

If we interact with or evaluate the other person at the level of competence only,
then there cannot be continuity of trust. In this case, we end up doubting the other
person, and this causes a sense of opposition in us. Since opposition is not naturally
acceptable to us, it creates a contradiction in us.

Hence, the way out is to relate to the other person, to be able to see that at the level
of natural acceptance, we are the same. We can then interact with the person based
on their competence, and also help them improve their competence.
‘How can I trust someone who has bad intentions?’:

We are using the word ‘intentions’ in a different sense here. When we normally use the word ‘intention’ today,
we are only
considering the ‘competence’ (or rather lack of it), and not the real intention.

For example: someone may be plotting to rob a house. We may say ‘he wants to rob my house’. Actually, the
person has assumed that robbing your house will make him fulfil his physical needs and be prosperous, at the
level of his desires, thoughts and expectations (selections). If the robber checks his own natural acceptance, if he
sees what it is he truly wants – it is to make himself happy and prosperous. But he ends up doing something else
because:
(a) He has not paid attention to his own natural acceptance at all (no one, even in education, pointed this out
to him)
(b) Due to the unfavourable circumstances that he has grown up in, or lives in, he has assumed that robbing is
right or the only way. So he goes ahead and does it.

But this is still at the level of his desires, thoughts and selection and hence his competence (or lack of it), and
not his intention or at the level of his natural acceptance.

If the robber looks deep within himself, he will find that he actually wants to make himself and yourself happy,
but is instead, doing something else. When we say that the robber ‘wants’ to rob your house, he is actually
“desiring, thinking and selecting this in absence of realization and understanding”. His intention is intact, the
same as his natural acceptance. His competence is not according to his intention.
‘I know someone’s character is not good. How can I trust someone like that’?:

Let’s see if we can understand what we mean when we say ‘character’, when we
evaluate someone today. We look at someone’s behavior, what one thinks, what
one does, and end up concluding on the other's ‘character’. Whereas, this is actually
the lack of competence,
it is at the level of desires, thoughts and selections in ‘I’.

Anything that is solely on the basis of this desire, thought and selection in ‘I’ keeps
changing. Hence, people are unpredictable and we end up doubting their character.

However, if we start looking at the level of the person’s natural acceptance, we find
that we are all the same. So, when a person behaves badly, it is not that he/she truly
wants to have a bad character; rather, he/she is just operating at the level of
assumptions and beliefs – which is the competence or rather lack of it.
‘If I trust everyone, wouldn’t people take undue advantage of me?’:
On the contrary, it gives us inner strength and we become far more effective in interacting
with and “dealing with different people”. This is simply because, we already are sitting with
the knowledge of what the person truly wants, truly intends, even though the person may
not know this himself/herself! Hence, our ability to interact with people becomes far more
effective and in the process, we don’t get hurt, we don’t get disturbed, we end up becoming
an aid to the other.

No one can take undue advantage of you if you have the right understanding. People can take
advantage of you only if you do not have the right understanding, which is the state you are
in today! In other words, becoming aware, having the right understanding, living with trust,
living with the assurance in relationship does not mean becoming “stupid”! It only makes you,
more competent.

Further, what is being said here is that we have trust on the intention of everyone, but, when
it comes to making a program with someone, I evaluate my competence, I evaluate his
competence and make the program accordingly. This makes me more effective than if I do it
otherwise i.e. by doubting his intention.
‘This person can never be trusted. Be careful of that person’:

This only means that the person we are talking about is someone that is under
wrong assumptions, all the time! It means their competence is really lacking.

The other is not aware of one's own natural acceptance at all, and hence has
assumed things that only make one unhappy, but also make everyone else
around unhappy as well! Such people need a lot of help, to be able to see the
truth, to be able to access their own natural acceptance and it thus becomes our
responsibility to help them, for which, we need to have the right understanding
ourselves!
‘Never trust anyone blindly’:
Well, to be blind, means not to have the right understanding. It means we are
not aware of our own natural acceptance. It means, we are living solely on the
basis of our imagination, or our desires, thoughts and selections.

Not to be blind means to be aware, to know the truth, to have the right
understanding. For this, we have to start this dialogue within ourselves,
between what we are, and what we really want to be. When you do this, you
find that the fact about the intention holds good for everybody.

So, you can trust anyone (for the intention part)! But don’t assume that his/her
desires, thoughts and expectations are going to be right (he/she may lack
competence)! The competence is to be evaluated before you make a program
with the other
In all our relationships, trust is the foundation. A relationship without trust
results in opposition, the relationship itself gets shaken up. Lack of trust is what
ultimately leads to extreme situations like war.

Trust is thus called the foundation value or ‘ãdhãra mülya’. Our natural
acceptance is to live with a feeling of relatedness to all and this means that we
have the assurance in us at all times that each and every human being wants
my happiness, just like we want the happiness of other human beings.

However, since we are not competent and similarly the other is also not
competent, we need to work towards improving our competence and help the
other improve theirs.
Respect (Sammãna)
Verify the following on the basis of your natural acceptance:

1. What is naturally acceptable to you-feeling of respect or disrespect for yourself?

2. What is naturally acceptable to you-feeling of respect or disrespect for the other?

You will find that each one of us has an acceptance for feeling of respect. Just as we desire this, the other also
expects the same. Every human being wants to respect and be respected.

Respect means “Right Evaluation”, to be evaluated as I am. Usually however, we make mistakes in our
evaluation in the following three ways.

i. Over Evaluation (adhi-mülyana) – To evaluate more than what it is. e.g if you are wrongly flattered you
feel uncomfortable.

ii. Under Evaluation (ava-mülyana) – To evaluate less than what it is. e.g if you are condemned, you feel
uncomfortable.

iii. Otherwise Evaluation (a-mülyana) – To evaluate otherwise than what it is. e.g if you are evaluated as
something else , you feel uncomfortable.
Example of over evaluation: You are sitting at home and there are guests
around. Your father says ‘my son is the greatest scholar in India!’ Check for
yourself: do you feel comfortable, or do you feel uncomfortable?

Example of under evaluation: You are still at home, but this time your father
says ‘My son is a good for nothing. He must be the laziest person in all of India!’
You obviously feel uncomfortable, you don’t find this acceptable.

Example of ‘otherwise’ evaluation: You are at home, and there are guests
around, and your father says, ‘You donkey! Can’t you even understand this
much?’ You feel offended by this This is evaluating you otherwise, as you are a
human being and not something else.
We can see that any kind of over, under or other-wise evaluation makes us
uncomfortable, we find it unacceptable. We feel ‘disrespected’. We say we have
been disrespected, when we are wrongly evaluated. Thus, respect means to
rightly evaluate.

We also have many different notions about respect that we currently hold as
individuals and as a society.

For example, saluting someone is called respecting someone today, we even

fire guns in the air after people are dead, as a mark of ‘respect’, we put red
bulbs on our cars for respect, we build big houses in the thirst for respect, we
take care of our clothing, we dress up, we have different hair cuts, we buy fancy
cell phones, we boast about the bike we have, a whole lot of things are going
on in the world or in search for respect.
The Basis for Respect

We have seen that human being is a co-existence of Self (‘I’) and Body. “Right evaluation” of a human
being is on the basis of acceptance of this co-existence, and can be understood as follows:

When it comes to respect a human being, will you respect a human being on the basis of ‘I’ or Body?

What is your natural acceptance? If you respect a human being on the basis of ‘I’, following things are
true for every human being.

1. I want continuous happiness and prosperity.

• The other too wants to be continuously happy and prosperous!
2. To be happy, I need to understand and live in harmony at all four levels of my living.
• The other also needs to understand and live in harmony at all four levels of his/ her living!
3.The activities in me (‘I’) are continuous, we can check this for our desire, thought and expectation.
• It is the same for the other ‘I’ as well. The activities are continuous there as well, and the other too
has continuous desires, thoughts and expectations.
When we see the above, what can we conclude? The other person also feels quite like me!
There are so many similarities! Let us put down these similarities, in order:

1. We both want to have continuous happiness and prosperity

• Our basic aspiration is the same.
2. We both need to have the right understanding: which is to understand and live in harmony
at all four levels of our living.
• Our program of action is the same.
3. The Activities and Powers of the self are continuous and the same in both of us – at
the level of ‘I’.
• Our potential is the same.
Based on these three evaluations we can conclude that
• The other is similar to me

When we are able to see that the other is similar to me, we are able to recognize the feeling
of respect in the relationship. If not, we either hold ourselves, more or less than the other
and this only leads to differentiation.
Thus, respect is possible when, at the level of ‘I’, we can see that the other is
similar to me.

We both want to be happy, our program of action is the same, and our potential
at the level of ‘I’ is the same. (At the level of ‘I’, the activities and potential are
the same, there may be differences in how attentive we are in these activities,
but all of us have the same capacity to think, desire and understand).
Assumed Bases for Respect Today
Instead of respect being a basis of similarity or one of right evaluation, we all of
us are running around seeking respect from one another by trying to become
something special! Let’s us explore this a bit more.

So, today, we are differentiating in the name of respect. We either differentiate

people on the basis of their body, on the basis of their wealth and possessions or
on the basis of their beliefs. There is no notion of respect in terms of right
evaluation.

Thus, there is no real feeling of relationship, only one of differentiation.

On the basis of Body
1. Sex/Gender: We have such notions as, respect males more than females, or even
the other way round in some societies! We ignore the fact that being male or
female is an attribute of the body, and not an attribute at the level of ‘I’.

2 . Race: If the person is of the same race as oneself, then we treat them differently.
Again here, we don’t do the evaluation on the basis of ‘I’, but on the basis of Body-the
colour of the skin or the race or caste of the body, i.e. by the features, long noses,
short noses, height, etc!

3. Age: We have notions such as ‘one must respect elders’. What about youngsters?
Age is related to the body, and not to ‘I’.

4. Physical strength: If someone is stronger, we again treat him/her differently! This is

again at the level of the body. In fact, we think that we are respecting the other while
it is fear; the fear that if we do not treat them like this, we will be harmed.
On the basis of Physical Facilities
1. Wealth: We differentiate people because some have more wealth than others. What we term as a
“rich person” gets idolized. We don’t even bother to find out whether such people are feeling
prosperous, or if they just have wealth? Are they happy, or just have wealth? – this is evaluation
on the basis of physical facilities. This way, we are over-evaluating physical facilities first, which are
just meant to fulfil the needs of the Body, and then on this basis, we are wrongly identifying our
relationship.

2. Post: This is a very common phenomenon. We try to respect on the basis of a person’s position. Is
this post directly related to the right understanding and feelings in the Self?-we seldom verify. The post
is wrongly evaluated as the mark of a person’s excellence and differentiation sets in.

On the basis of Beliefs

1. ‘Isms’: ‘Ism’ means any belief in terms of a ‘thought-system’ that we have, or that we have adopted.
There are also many modern ‘isms’ such as capitalism, socialism, communism, etc. The people
following these sets of beliefs are called capitalists, socialists, communists, and so on! We only have to
look into this today, and we shall find countless such belief systems…and the people that have adopted
them, or are following them have been exposed to them since childhood. Believing theirs to be the
right belief. However, all beliefs, as we have seen, are at the level of desires, thoughts and expectations
(selections) in ‘I’ (activities 3, 4, 5). As we have already seen, there is no definiteness at this level, and
hence, this becomes a cause for differentiation.
2. Sects: Sects are identified as having a set of beliefs which reflects itself largely
in terms of certain traditions and practices. People of one sect only consider
those with a similar belief system to be their ‘own’ and worthy of respect.
Following a particular tradition, or what we call as religion, becomes the basis of
respect and disrespect in relationship.
The Problems due to Differentiation
In the previous sections, we saw that today, instead of respect meaning right
evaluation and similarity, we have made it into a form of differentiation in
relationships. Most of the problems in relationships manifest/have manifested due to
this kind of differentiation.

Differentiation based on Sex/Gender: There are many movements in the world

around this. For example, we have the issue of women’s rights, and women protesting
and demanding for equality in education, in jobs, and in peoples’ representation.
Growing feminine movement is an example of this. As discussed earlier, this problem
is acute in some areas, with people not wanting a girl child and preferring male
children instead, while in some other societies, it could be the other way round! At
the level of the individual, people are insecure and afraid of one another based on
their gender.

Differentiation based on Race: There are many movements and protests against
racial discrimination, and demands for equality. We hear of racial attacks, which are
basically to do with this issue of respect. The movements against cast discrimination
has been growing in India for over decades. Such discrimination leads to people living
in fear of such racism, racist attacks, casticism and discrimination.
Differentiation based on Age: We hear of protests and movements demanding
for equal rights for children on the one hand and for rights for elderly people on
the other. The problem of generation gap is talked about quite often. One
generation talks about being ignored by the other generation, and this has
become the source of tension in many families.

Differentiation based on Wealth: This is an area that is increasingly becoming a

very big area of differentiation and is leading to all kinds of large scale problems.
We are all aware of the whole debate around rich countries and poor countries.
Not understanding the need for physical facilities, and working for wealth to
fetch respect has led to class struggle and movements to do away with class-
differentiation. If the need for physical facilities is understood properly, we do
not identify it with happiness. Otherwise we find a large problem at the level of
individuals, with many people suffering from a lack of self-esteem and some
even committing suicide, when they feel they cannot accumulate enough wealth
so as to get the respect that is due to them!
Differentiation based on Post: We see protests against high handed government officials,
because people feel they are being taken advantage of. This is due to the tremendous
differentiation we make on the basis of position. At the level of the individual, it also leads
to depression, etc. since if someone does not get or qualify for a post, they end up feeling
that they will not get the respect in the society!

Differentiation based on ‘isms’: We are all quite aware of this differentiation on the basis
of different thought-systems. Communism for example always seems to be at war with
Capitalism and Feudalism. We hear of fights, turmoil, terrorism and war, most of them to
do with these Isms. We even hear of people converting from one Ism to another in order to
be able to get more respect!

Differentiation based on Sects: We are all well aware of this. We have ended up making
countless religions and sects and each sect has its own movement to ensure that there is no
discrimination against people of their belief! There are demands for special provisions in jobs
and in education based on religions and sects. Some of these protests and clashes between
people of different beliefs even turn violent.
Affection (Sneha)
Affection is the feeling of being related to the other.
Affection comes when I recognize that we both want to make each other happy and both of
us are similar. Then for the first time, I feel that I am related to the other that the other is a
relative of mine. This feeling is called affection.

Competition
There is a lot of talk of competition today. You will find that competition results when
there is lack of affection. When there is affection, I help the other grow. When I miss this
feeling, I try to beat the other, act as an opponent.

Care (Mamatã)
The feeling of Care (mamatã) is the feeling to nurture and protect the body of our relative.
We understand a human being as a co-existence of the Self (‘I’) and the Body, and the
Body is an instrument of ‘I’. Based on this understanding, we take the responsibility of
nurturing and protecting the body of our relative.
Guidance (Vãtsalya)
The feeling of ensuring right understanding and feelings in the other (my relative) is
called Guidance or vãtsalya.

Reverence (Shraddhã)
The feeling of acceptance of excellence in the other is called reverence (shraddhã)

Glory (Gaurava)
Glory (gaurav) is the feeling for someone who has made efforts for Excellence. We find
that there have been people in the history, or even around us, who are investing their
time, energy and their belongings to achieve excellence (to understand and to live in
harmony at all levels of living ensuring continuity of happiness), to make others
excellent. This gives us a feeling of glory for them.

Gratitude (Kritagyatã)
Gratitude is the feeling of acceptance for those who have made effort for my
excellence.
Love (Prema)
The feeling of being related to all is love (or prema).

This feeling or value is also called the complete value (Pürna mülya), since this is
the feeling of relatedness to all human beings.

It starts with identifying that one is related to the other human being (the
feeling of affection) and it slowly expands to the feeling of being related to all
human beings.
Harmony from Family to World Family: Undivided Society

Justice (recognition of feelings in relationship, its fulfilment, evaluation leading to mutual happiness) starts
from family and slowly expands to the world family.

The child gets the understanding of justice in the family. With this understanding, he goes out in the society
and interacts with people. All of us are children at some point of time and grow into adults.

If the understanding of justice is ensured in the family, there will be justice in all the interactions we have in
the world at large. In the family, we learn to recognize relationship, the definite feelings or the values and
learn how to fulfil them. The evaluation that takes place mutually in close relationships leading to mutual
happiness instills a confidence in us that we can live the right way with human beings. This confidence unless
ensured, we remain shaky in relationships.

If we do not understand the values in relationship, we are governed by our petty prejudices and
conditionings. We may treat people as high or low based on their body. We may treat somebody lowly as
he/she belongs to a particular caste or sex or race or tribe, not understanding that these are the
differentiations based on the body and are a grave mistake in the recognition of relationships.

Similarly, we may differentiate on the basis of wealth one possesses or the belief systems that one follows.
All this is source of injustice and leads to a fragmented society while our natural acceptance is for an
undivided society and universal human order.
Undivided Society ( Akhandˆa Samãja)-feeling of being related to every human
being.
Having explored the harmony in the human being, we are able to explore the
harmony in the family. This enables us to understand the harmony at the level of
society and nature/existence.

And this is the way, the harmony in our living grows. We slowly get the competence
to live in harmony with all human beings. And certainly, this is what we want
basically.

The feeling of being related to every human being leads to our participation in an
undivided society ( Akhandˆa Samãja). With the understanding of values in human
relationships, we are able to recognize the connectedness with every individual
correctly, and fulfil it. When we understand the values in relationship with other units
in nature too, we are able to recognize our connectedness with them too, and fulfil it.
This enables us to participate in the universal human order (Sarvabhaum Vyawasthã). We can
now conclude that there are definite values in human-to-human relationshipswhich need to
be understood and fulfilled accordingly.
These values are
1. Trust
2. Respect
3. Affection
4. Care
5. Guidance
6. Reverence
7. Glory
8. Gratitude
9. Love
By living in relationships in the family, we get the occasion to gain the assurance that the
other person is an aid to me and not a hindrance. The family is a laboratory of sorts, in which
we live our understanding and relationships. On getting assured, it becomes easy to see that
society is an extension of family and that it is possible to live in harmony with every human
being – thus laying the foundation for an undivided human race – from family order to world
family order.
Extending Relationship from Family to Society
Family is the first place to understand our relationships, recognize the feelings in these relationships,
live according to these feelings and attain mutual happiness. As we begin to understand that
relationship exists between my Self (‘I’) and the other’s Self (‘I’), we begin to see that relationships are
not limited in the family but extend to include all human beings.

Ask yourself the following-

“Do I want to live in harmony only within a limited set of people or with everyone?”

Our natural acceptance is to feel related to everyone.

We see this with our friends, our colleagues, our co-workers, our teachers, people in the social web
that we live in and even the stranger on the road! Whoever we come in contact with, our natural
acceptance is to be in harmony, to co-exist with them.

We feel relaxed when we are with people who we feel related to us and we enjoy a feeling of
assurance and trust when we live in this social web.

Do we not want this satisfaction, trust and fearlessness to exist at all times and at all places on this
planet?
Harmony in the family is the building block for harmony in the Society. Harmony in
society leads to an undivided society when we feel related with each and every
human being.

Today our feelings for our society have become very limited and each one of us lives
in a very small web of relationships. Even these simple relationships in a family may
appear burdensome to a lot of us, not to talk of the world family! Our natural
acceptance, however, is for relatedness with all and we can very naturally expand
into the world family.

This is the basis of an undivided society ( Akhandˆa Samãja*), a feeling of relatedness

with all.

As we begin to understand and become aware of the harmony at this level in our
living, we begin to see our responsibility and participation in it.
Identification of the Comprehensive Human Goal
In order to facilitate the fulfilment of the basic aspirations of all human beings in
the society, the following comprehensive human goal needs to be understood.

1. Right understanding is necessary for the human being, for all human beings. When one does not have the right
understanding, one remains disturbed and also acts in a manner so as to create disharmony with other human being as
well as with rest of nature.

2. Prosperity is needed in every family. Prosperity in the family means that the family is able to identify its needs and is able
to produce/achieve more than its requirements.

3. Trust in society means every member of society feels related to everyone else and therefore there is trust and fearlessness.

4. Co-existence in nature means there is a relationship and complementarity among all the entities in nature including human
beings.
With little exploration, we find that all four are required for human society. We are not
satisfied with anything less than this. This is the basic minimum requirement to ensure
sustainable happiness and prosperity. We can’t cut down any of them.

This is the minimum level that each one of us wants, and also the maximum we can
think of. We can’t think of anything more than this. This is the target for each one of us,
the whole human race and the human tradition.

The moment we leave anyone of them out, there will be loss of continuity, and the goal
cannot be achieved.

We will find that the above mentioned goal is not only comprehensive but also
universal i.e. equally applicable to all human beings and for all times.

It includes all our aspirations and this is the goal for each one of us. As our
understanding and awareness deepens (our competence increases), we begin to take
responsibility that spreads beyond the confines of ourselves and our family and begin
to include the entire human society in working towards the above goal.
You will find the following when you look for the relation in the above:

1. The harmony in the society begins from the individual. We need to ensure right
understanding in the individual as the foundation of harmony in the society.

2. With right understanding, the need for physical facilities in the family can be ascertained.
By assessing our needs correctly and by producing more than required, the family can be
prosperous.

3. Assurance of right understanding in the individuals and prosperity in the families,

understanding of human relationships leads to harmony and trust (fearlessness) in the
society. When every individual is able to live harmoniously in relationship, and the needs of
all the families are ensured, fearlessness (mutual trust) in society will naturally follow.

4. When human beings with right understanding interact with nature, it will be in consonance
with the co-existence and will be mutually enriching.

We may also understand it in the following sequence.

1. Right Understanding -> 2. Prosperity -> 3. Fearlessness (trust) -> 4. Co-existence
 Programs Needed to Achieve the Comprehensive Human Goal: The
Five Dimensions of Human Endeavour
In the light of the comprehensive human goal, let us visualize how the following five salient
dimensions of human endeavour are to be shaped and implemented in society.

It will be necessary to develop appropriate systems and programs to cater to the above goal in
order to ensure human welfare.

The five dimensions of human endeavour are:

1. Education – Right Living ( Sikshã - Sanskãra ) (or ‘Shiksha-Sanskar’ for simplicity)
2. Health – Self-regulation (Svãsthya-Sanyama) (or ‘Svasthya-Sanyam’ for simplicity)
3. Justice – Preservation (Nyãya-Surakshã) (or ‘Nyaya-Suraksha’ for simplicity)
4. Production – Work (Utpãdana-Kãrya) (or ‘Utpadan-Karya’ for simplicity)
5. Exchange – Storage (Vinimaya – Kos.a) (or ‘Vinimaya-Kosh’ for simplicity)

These five dimensions broadly cover all the activities that are necessary and fundamental to the
harmonious existence of human society.
Education-Right Living ( Sikshã-Sanskãra )
‘Education – Right Living’ is made up of two words – Education & Right Living. The content of
education is the understanding of harmony at all the four levels of our existence – from myself
to the entire existence.

Right Living or Sanskãra refers to the ability to live in harmony at all the four levels of living.
Thus,
Education = To understand harmony at all four levels of living.
Right Living = Commitment and preparedness to live in harmony at all four levels of living.

We have to ensure the availability and continuity of Education-Right Living in our society.

This dimension of society works to ensure ‘Right Understanding’ and ‘Right Feelings’ or ‘All
encompassing Solution’ called samãdhãna’ in every individual and ensures that our
succeeding generations have both the content and the environment available to work towards
achieving their goal of continuous happiness and prosperity. This is the goal and objective of
education.
Health-Self-regulation (Svãsthya-Sanyama)
Sanyama refers to a feeling of responsibility for nurturing, protecting and rightly utilizing the
body.
When the body is fit to act according to the needs of the Self (‘I’), and, there is harmony
among the parts of the Body, it is referred to as health or Svãsthya. Sanyama (or self-
regulation) is the basis of Svãsthya.

Justice-Preservation (Nyãya-Surakshã)
Justice (Nyãya) refers to harmony in the relationship between human beings, while
Preservation (Surakshã) refers to harmony in the relationship between human being and the
rest of nature.

Justice = ‘Human-Human relation’ – its recognition, fulfilment, evaluation

– leading to mutual Happiness.

Preservation = ‘Human – Rest of nature’ relation - its recognition, fulfilment,

evaluation - leading to mutual Prosperity.
= Enrichment, Protection, Right Utilization of nature.
Justice
We say there is justice in a relationship when there is mutual fulfilment i.e. both individuals are
satisfied: which means the values are rightly recognized, fulfilled, rightly evaluated and mutual
happiness is ensured. Mutual happiness is the goal in relationship and each one of us has a
responsibility in ensuring a continuity of justice or Nyãya in our society.
Preservation
Besides human-human relationships, we also have to work to ensure that our relationship with the
rest of nature is mutually enriching for humanity as well as for nature. This dimension of our society
works to ensure ‘Surakshã’. This involves ensuring the following
three aspects –
1. Enrichment ( I cultivate wheat; this enriches wheat as the quantity grows)
2. Protection (I protect it so that it is fit to eat)
3. Right Utilization (I use it for nurturing of the body and do not let it get wasted).
Production-Work (Utpãdana-Kãrya)
Work refers to the physical efforts made by humans on the rest of nature, while
production refers to the output/physical produce that is obtained through these
efforts.

Work – Labour that human does on the rest of nature.

Production - Things obtained out of work.

There are two important questions that come to mind when we talk of
productionwork:
1. What to produce?
2. How to produce?
What to produce
The decision of what to produce depends on the right identification of needs. For this, we
have to identify the physical needs of the body, i.e. what is needed for the nourishment,
protection and right utilization of the body. When we look into this, we can see that there
is a need for: food, clothing, shelter, and various kinds of instruments (ex: means of
transport, communication, remote viewing of images, etc.) for the right utilization of the
body.

How to produce
When we come to the question of how to produce, we are referring to the technology or
systems we use for production. On understanding of the harmony at all the levels of our
living, it becomes evident that there is an inherent balance, a harmony in nature. So, it is
only natural that any production system we design or implement is within the framework
that is present in nature, i.e. it does not violate the framework/harmony in nature.
Exchange-Storage ( Vinimaya-Kosa )
Exchange (vinimaya) refers to the exchange of physical facilities between the members of the society,
while storage (kos.a) refers to the storage of physical facilities that is left after fulfilling the needs of
the family.

It is important to note that exchange and storage is done for mutual fulfilment and not for madness
of profit or exploitation or hoarding. Exchange- Exchanging of produce for mutual fulfilment. (With a
view of mutual fulfilment, not MADNESS of profit)

Storage – Storing of produce after fulfilment of needs. (With a view of right utilization in future, not
HOARDING)
Each family has the capacity to produce more than what it needs for itself. Say, if a family produces
wheat, it can produce for ten families together. The other family can similarly produce cotton for all
its neighbourhood. Summing up all the needs in the society, the families are capable to produce
more than the need. And then we can exchange things.

This exchange can take place in the form of commodities themselves, or through currency, wherever
required. When we produce more than required, we exchange for our current needs and store for
future needs. This storage is to be used when the production is not taking place, or some relative of
ours needs it.
Harmony from Family Order to World Family Order: Universal Human Order

Having understood the comprehensive human goal, we are able to be in harmony not only
with human beings, but also with the rest of nature. We are able to see that we are related to
every unit in the nature and ensure mutual fulfilment in that relationship.

Working on the five dimensions of human endeavour in the light of right understanding, we
are able to work for an orderly living of the human society, whose foundational unit is the
family and the final destination is the world family.

Thus, a number of family units in the form of a village and a number of villages integrate to
larger clusters of human society – expanding in this sequence finally to a universal human
order on this planet. Living in this order, we are able to plan for the need of physical facilities,
the availability of natural resources and the role of human beings in ensuring the need at the
level of planet. We are able to work for inculcation of universally acceptable human values
through education, plan systems to ensure justice for all human beings, make policies for the
well-being of all.
Undivided Society ( Akhandˆa Samãja)- feeling of being related to every human being.
Universal Human Order (Sãrvabhauma Vyavasthã) - feeling of being related to every unit
including human beings and other entities of nature.