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PROMOTING POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR
IN THE EARLY YEARS
“Karen is a highly respected professional who draws on a wealth of
experience working with young children to produce an accessible and
PROMOTING
POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR
practical book.”

PROMOTING POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR IN THE EARLY YEARS

Dr Julia Katherine, Inclusion Commissioning Manager, Portsmouth City Council

“Constructive and helpful strategies give practical ideas to support

IN THE EARLY YEARS

the development of positive behaviour in young children that
can have a lifelong impact. The book is positive, challenging and
inspirational.“
Professor Pat Preedy, Curtin University (W. Australia)

“This is a book full of wisdom and practicality. Drawing from both

self-determination theory and other state-of-the-art perspectives
on motivation and child development, this work will help parents,
teachers and anyone caring for children to better help them find
the pathways not only to positive adjustment, but to thriving and
wellness.“
Richard M. Ryan, Professor at Institute for Positive Psychology and Education,
Faculty of Health Sciences, Australian Catholic University

Behaviour remains a key concern for many working or aspiring to work with
children and families. Written in a clear and readable style, this book considers
theory and recent research on children’s social and emotional development,
KAREN MORRIS
highlighting the implications for effective practice in promoting positive behaviour.
The book encourages you to gain a broad picture of factors underpinning more
challenging behaviour and to work positively and sensitively with children and
families. By carefully considering the factors which support or undermine the
fulfilment of children’s basic psychological needs, fresh light is shed on some
children’s behaviour. The approach also generates constructive ways of addressing
unmet needs and considers the child’s voice throughout.
With an emphasis firmly on finding ways to promote positive behaviour
and to equip you with effective strategies to help the child, the book
includes:
> A strong evidence base
> A rich range of helpful strategies
> Consideration of a range of viewpoints, including those of parents and
practitioners
> Links with the Early Years Foundation Stage
Morris

If you are working or training to work with young children this book has a highly
practical emphasis that will help you use theory to devise effective strategies to
support children.
Karen Morris is Senior Lecturer and Programme
Leader for the foundation degree and
undergraduate degree in Childhood Studies at
the University of Winchester, UK.
VISIT…
Downloaded by [ Faculty of Nursing, Chiangmai University 5.62.156.86] at [07/18/16]. Copyright © McGraw-Hill Global Education Holdings, LLC. Not to be redistributed or modified in any way without permission.
Promoting Positive Behaviour
in the Early Years
Promoting Positive
Behaviour in the
Early Years

Karen Morris
Open University Press
McGraw-Hill Education
McGraw-Hill House
Shoppenhangers Road
Maidenhead
Berkshire
England
SL6 2QL

email: [email protected]
world wide web: www.openup.co.uk

and Two Penn Plaza, New York, NY 10121-2289, USA

First published 2015

Copyright © Karen Morris, 2015

All rights reserved. Except for the quotation of short passages for the purposes
of criticism and review, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored
in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written
permission of the publisher or a licence from the Copyright Licensing Agency
Limited. Details of such licences (for reprographic reproduction) may be obtained
from the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd of Saffron House, 6–10 Kirby Street,
London, EC1N 8TS.

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

ISBN-13: 978-0-335-26298-4
ISBN-10: 0-335-26298-8
eISBN: 978-0-335-26299-1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

CIP data applied for

Typeset by Aptara, Inc.

Fictitious names of companies, products, people, characters and/or data

that may be used herein (in case studies or in examples) are not intended to
represent any real individual, company, product or event.
Praise for this book

“Karen is a highly respected professional who draws on a wealth of

experience working with young children and the adults who support
them to produce an accessible and practical book. She gets the bal-
ance just right between explaining the theory behind an approach to
enable the practitioner to understand why it is important and giving
real-life examples to ensure that the reader can put this into practice
within their professional context.
Based on sound theory and evidence-based practice, this
book draws on approaches such as positive psychology and self-
determination theory.
Throughout, the book remains child-centred, concluding with
parent and practitioner viewpoints which add depth and detail to
the framework provided.
Essential reading for all those working with young children who
want to further develop their understanding and skills in nurturing
children’s development and enabling children to grow and flourish.”
Dr Julia Katherine, Inclusion Commissioning Manager,
Portsmouth City Council

“The world is waking-up to the fact that providing quality early

childhood education is a key way to raise educational standards
and to improve society. At the same time, there is a growing con-
cern with regard to poor behaviour culminating in a statement from
Ofsted in 2014 that a vast amount of time in schools is wasted due
to, “a culture of casual acceptance” of bad behaviour.” Karen Morris
begins by shocking us with the statistic that in 2012-2013 there were
1 680 fixed term exclusion issued to children aged 4 years or younger
in state funded schools in England during 2012-2013. However, this
vi PRAISE FOR THIS BOOK

is not a negative picture. Karen goes on to draw together theory and

practice in a comprehensive and in-depth exploration of the factors
that impact young children’s development and behaviour. Theories
that we are familiar with such as attachment, are given a new dimen-
sion when Karen guides us to consider concepts such as deep-rooted
relatedness. More recent research included from the field of neuro-
science challenges us to consider what impacts children’s brain
development, behaviour and well-being. We are constantly guided to
re-examine what we think we know, always underpinned by a deep
understanding of the child’s perspective. For example, we may have
thought that we knew why key persons are important to children’s
development, but Karen takes us to new depths of understanding by
exploring concepts such as mind-mindedness.
The use of reflection, key points and case studies enable the
reader to reflect on the fundamental issues in relation to real chil-
dren and families. Constructive and helpful strategies suggested
throughout the text, give practical ideas to support the develop-
ment of positive behaviour in young children that can have a life-
long impact. The book is positive, challenging and inspirational,
successfully meeting its aim to provide approaches that support
children’s development in ways that meet their emotional need and
enable them to delight in their interests and learning. We have
been waiting for a book such as this. It is essential reading for
early years’ professionals and parents, and for anyone interested
in promoting positive behaviour and providing the very best for our
children.”
Professor Pat Preedy, Curtin University (W. Australia)

“Coping with challenging behaviour in an early years setting can be

demanding. This text provides an affirmative approach to meeting
the needs of children in the early years by using Deci and Ryan’s
(2000) self-determination theory to outline an original approach to
develop practitioners’ knowledge, skills and understanding. This
book skilfully links theory with practice and makes clear and help-
ful links to the Early Years Foundation Stage. The case snippets
provide excellent examples of situations that are regularly encoun-
tered by practitioners. An exploration of parenting styles would be
very helpful to parents as well as practitioners. Positive practical
suggestions, underpinned by accessible theory, are provided for
planning for a child whose behaviour is causing concern. This is a
refreshing text that should be available in every early years setting;
by reading this practitioners would gain a deep understanding of
 PRAISE FOR THIS BOOK vii

the positive approaches to benefit the development of the children

in their care.”
Julie Wharton, Senior Lecturer at Department for Teacher Development,
Winchester University

“This is a book full of wisdom and practicality. Drawing from both

self-determination theory and other state-of-the-art perspectives
on motivation and child development, this work will help parents,
teachers and anyone caring for children to better help them find
the pathways not only to positive adjustment, but to thriving and
wellness.”
Richard M. Ryan, Professor at Institute for Positive Psychology and
Education, Faculty of Health Sciences, Australian Catholic University

“This is quite simply a lovely book. It takes as its premise a theoreti-

cally- and research-informed understanding of how young children’s
behaviour is formed in context and considers all behaviour develop-
ment within a positive framework. Its approach is based on fostering
the deep-rooted relatedness, competence and autonomy that underpin
emotionally healthy behaviour. Theory and research are thoroughly,
clearly and digestibly explained, making them accessible to all read-
ers without over-simplification. Boxed tasks and reflection activities
ensure that the reader engages fully with the material and relates it
to their own experiences, while summaries at the end of chapters pro-
vide a clear overview of what has been covered. This is an excellent
text for anyone concerned with supporting young children’s social
and emotional development.”
Dr Jane Payler, Senior Lecturer in Education,
The University of Winchester
Contents

List of figures xi
List of tables xiii
Acknowledgements xv

1 Introduction 1

PART 1: Relatedness: ‘I belong’

Introduction to Part 1 16
2 The value of a secure attachment bond: ‘I need to feel safe,
special and valued’ 20
3 Understanding insecure attachments and ways to help:
‘Understand that this behaviour started as self-protection’ 35

PART 2: Autonomy: ‘Being me’

Introduction to Part 2 48
4 Boundary setting: ‘I need to explore and find out about the
world and myself within managed boundaries’ 53
5 Emotions: ‘I need to understand my own feelings and how to use
them constructively’ 62
6 Unique but belonging: ‘I want to be me but I still need to be loved’ 70
x CONTENTS

PART 3: Competence: ‘I can’

Introduction to Part 3 86
7 How competence develops: ‘I need to feel I can make a difference’ 91
8 Communication skills and behaviour: ‘I need to understand
and make myself understood’ 103
9 Competence and executive functions: ‘I need the right sort of
opportunities and support to practise skills such as paying attention,
waiting and managing impulses’ 112

PART 4: Collaborating for positive behaviour: ‘Together we can’

Introduction to Part 4 125
10 Planning for positive behaviour: parents’ viewpoints 128
11 Planning for positive behaviour: practitioners’ viewpoints 136

Appendix 1: Format for meeting with parents 144

Appendix 2: Proforma for preparing for meeting to discuss a
child’s behaviour 146
Glossary 147
References 152
Index 161
List of figures

Figure 1.1 The three psychological needs 10

Figure P1.1 The three psychological needs: focus on relatedness 15
Figure 2.1 Some of the ‘dizzying array of later outcomes’ associated
with secure attachment 21
Figure 2.2 Virtuous circle of secure attachment 31
Figure 3.1 Vicious cycle of avoidance attachment 37
Figure 3.2 Vicious cycle of ambivalent/resistant attachment 39
Figure P2.1 The three psychological needs: focus on autonomy 47
Figure 6.1 Vicious circle when autonomy is harshly undermined 81
Figure 6.2 Vicious circle when autonomy is stifled 82
Figure P3.1 The three psychological needs: focus on competence 85
Figure P4.1 Proforma for preparing for meeting to discuss a
child’s behaviour 127
Figure 10.1 Preparation for meeting to discuss Angelika’s behaviour 132
Figure 11.1 Preparation for meeting to discuss Ethan’s behaviour 139
Figure A2.1 Proforma for preparing for meeting to discuss a
child’s behaviour 146
List of tables

Table 2.1 Typical development of attachment behaviours 23

Table 3.1 Summary of attachment styles and behaviours 42
Table 4.1 Everyday rules for behaviour 53
Table 7.1 Beliefs and behaviours associated with fixed and
growth mindsets 99
Table 8.1 The socially communicative baby 108
Table 11.1 Practitioners’ gut reactions as indicators of children’s
unmet needs 138
Acknowledgements

My family has always been my greatest support. Particular thanks are due to
Tim who behaved impeccably despite the impact writing the book made on our
home life.
Penny Lawrence was interested and helpful throughout. The case snippet on
Jordan (Chapter 7) was influenced by her work.
Thanks are also due to Cain Richards who helped with the initial litera-
ture search as part of the University of Winchester Research Apprenticeship
Programme.
1
Introduction

Why write a book about young children’s behaviour?

Children’s behaviour is often considered newsworthy and such news almost
always casts it in a negative light. Some children as young as aged 3 or 4 are
being excluded from group settings because adults struggle to cope with their
behaviour. UK government statistics indicate that there were 1,680 fixed-
term exclusions of children aged 4 and younger from state-funded schools
in England in 2012–2013 (DfE 2014a). Behaviour is a topic on which practi-
tioners often say they would welcome more help and training. Compared to
other countries (Australia, Canada and the USA), the UK has the widest gap
between disadvantaged children and others at school entry with regards to
behavioural issues (Bradbury et al. 2012). Furthermore, there is considerable
evidence that aggressive behavioural problems tend to ‘crystallise’ by about
age 8 and are much harder to address after that than before (Webster-Stratton
and Taylor 2001). Hence understanding, addressing, and ideally preventing,
behavioural issues in the early years is of the utmost importance and the
focus for this book.

Who is the book for?

This book will support adults who want to promote positive behaviour and well-
being in young children. Its main audience is intended to be those who work
with children in England; links with the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS)
(DfES 2007; DfE 2012, 2014b) are made throughout the book. However, it may
also be useful for parents and a great deal of the research discussed involves par-
ents and children. The book focuses on young children but the principles apply
across age ranges and there is much to inform those working with older children
whose behaviour is viewed as presenting significant challenges: often the root
of such difficulties will lie in the early years. The book shares information about
children’s development and their needs so that adults can help children to manage
their own emotions and behaviour in developmentally appropriate ways. There
is no ‘quick fix’ to solve challenging behaviour. However, when adults begin to
adopt a research-informed view of children’s development that captures some of
2 INTRODUCTION

the complexities of why children behave in certain ways, they will find that they
can generate helpful strategies to move challenging situations forward.
Much of the concern about, and interest in, children’s behaviour relates to
aggressive and anti-social behaviour, often termed externalising behaviour.
Of equal importance in this book are internalised behaviour difficulties,
shown by children who are seriously withdrawn and anxious. The book is rel-
evant for an understanding of both these types of behaviour but in a framework
that sees these extremes of behaviour as deriving from the same processes as all
behaviour, and responsive to the same approaches as less extreme behaviour.
The stance in this book is that behaviour (both norms and extremes) can best be
understood using a framework that considers children’s needs and what might
be appropriate expectations of them, drawing on knowledge of how behaviour
develops.
This chapter introduces some of the key concepts underpinning the approach
to behaviour taken throughout the book. It is a whistle-stop tour of ideas, plant-
ing seeds for the remainder of the book. The ideas will be revisited and explained
in greater depth in subsequent chapters.

A positive approach
When professionals ask to see parents about their children’s behaviour and when
children and young people’s behaviour is featured in the media, it is usually
unwanted behaviour that is discussed. The implied model of children is often a def-
icit one. In other words, the underlying assumption is that the problem is located in
the child who lacks the desired behaviours. The child and (often) the parents are
blamed for the undesired behaviour which is viewed entirely negatively.
In contrast, the approach in this book is a positive one. The emphasis is on
finding ways to promote positive behaviour and, where challenging behaviour
is evident, to equip those involved to find effective strategies to help the child.
Behaviour is seen not as an ingrained and essentially unchangeable aspect of a
child but as something that has been, and can be, influenced by many aspects
of the environment, including the physical environment, the emotional environ-
ment and the reactions of adults and peers.
First, we need to develop a shared understanding of what is meant by ‘posi-
tive behaviour’ (see Task 1.1).
Positive behaviour is not entirely synonymous with what is colloquially
referred to as ‘good’ behaviour, which tends to mean behaviour that makes
life easy for adults. A child who is very compliant can be at increased risk of
abuse. Behaviour has to be judged in context and taking account of a child’s
developmental level and experience. The emphasis in this book is on supporting
young children in ways that are likely to promote positive behaviour and well-
being over the long term. It is accepted that young children need to learn how
to behave acceptably and may be clumsy in their attempts to do so. They may
also deliberately test the boundaries of what is acceptable. The early years are a
 INTRODUCTION 3

Task 1.1: Consider whether the following examples

constitute ‘positive’ behaviour

• 1-month-old baby Noah frets and cries.

• 1-year-old Ella does not protest when taken from her mother by an un-
familiar social worker.
• 20-month-old Olivia does exactly what her mother tells her not to, watch-
ing her mother’s reaction all the while. When Mum gets annoyed, Olivia
wants to be cuddled and soothed by her.
• 3-year-old Jack avoids areas where play can be messy, keeping his
hands and clothes clean.
• 4-year-old Zachary says: ‘No, I don’t want to!’ when his parent sug-
gests he kiss goodbye and hug a distant relative whom he has not met
before.
• 5-year-old Lucas, asked to come inside by the teacher, suggests that
he will just finish his game first.

Comments
• Babies need to alert their carers if they are uncomfortable. Crying is
their means of doing so. This is a typical and ‘healthy’ behaviour, there-
fore can be classified as positive.
• A 1-year-old should be attached and very upset to be taken from a par-
ent by an unfamiliar adult. Ella’s behaviour is not positive.
• Olivia is testing the boundaries but wants to maintain a close relation-
ship nevertheless. Her behaviour can be construed as positive and part
of learning to accept the boundaries.
• Jack may have picked up fears about getting dirty from adult reactions.
His behaviour seems constrained and may not be positive.
• Zachary should be allowed to decide whom he feels comfortable to hug
and kiss. His views should be respected. His behaviour can be con-
strued as positive.
• Lucas is an immature negotiator. Learning to negotiate is positive. He
now needs to learn to distinguish between contexts where negotiation
works and those where it is less appropriate.

crucial period for socialisation, for internalisation of society’s expectations. A

baby develops from responding to the immediate environment to having internal
representations or internal working models that influence behaviour. How
children are helped to internalise their place and role in society has significant
effects on their behaviour and well-being. Promoting healthy internalisation –
internal working models of the world as essentially a nurturing and exciting
place – is a major theme in the book.
4 INTRODUCTION

A positive approach includes fostering children’s skills and strengths, inter-

vening only when appropriate and using alternatives to punishment. This is not
to say that a positive approach is a laissez-faire approach or an easy option.
The opposite is true at many stages of development. Adults need to be actively
and sensitively involved with children if those children are to thrive and develop
the deep-rooted relatedness, competence and autonomy that underpin emotion-
ally healthy behaviour. There are, however, at least two major advantages to the
types of approaches advocated in this book. One is that though they require time
and attention, they foster relationships that are themselves rewarding and tend
to balance interactions in the direction of fun and enjoyment. The other is that
the time and attention bestowed at crucial periods is an investment that yields
huge dividends in terms of positive behaviour for the future.
There is a relatively recent movement in psychology called Positive Psychol-
ogy (Seligman 2011). The term has a specific meaning, going beyond the positive
approach already outlined. Positive Psychology has a scientific basis and is con-
cerned with well-being. Seligman’s key contribution is the evidence he provides
for the idea that we flourish not by the mere absence of negative psychologi-
cal states such as depression but by the active cultivation of positive emotions,
engagement, meaning, accomplishment and relationships. He stresses that ‘there
are different skills required for minimising misery and for maximising flourish-
ing’ (Seligman 2011:53) . Applying this school of thought to behaviour, the mes-
sage is that reducing challenging behaviour is also very much about cultivating
the positive aspects required for flourishing.

An approach that values children’s rights

Adults must exercise their influence over children ethically, thinking about the
child’s interests as well as the interests of others. Everyone working with chil-
dren should be aware of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the
Child (UNICEF 1989). This requires that primary consideration is given to chil-
dren’s best interests in all matters affecting them. Children should, of course, be
helped and encouraged to develop age-appropriate prosocial behaviours such
as sharing, waiting for their turn and requesting and receiving in a polite man-
ner. They should not, however, be taught always to comply with adult demands
and never to question them. This behavioural expectation, at one time common
in British society, greatly increases a child’s susceptibility to abuse. Another
consideration is that adults should not try and change a child’s behaviour sim-
ply because they happen to find the behaviour irritating. The question needs
to be asked whether it is in the child’s interests to be helped to modify the
behaviour. Often it will be, as the behaviour may irritate many people and cre-
ate a barrier to the child’s acceptance in many social groups. At other times,
the behaviour may not be to the adult’s liking but it may cause no harm and
serve a useful purpose for the child (for example, ‘fidgeting’ may help some
children maintain concentration).
 INTRODUCTION 5

An approach that acknowledges ‘nature’ but emphasises nurture

People used to argue about whether criminals are ‘born or bred’, a form of the
old nature versus nurture debate which we now believe to be unhelpfully sim-
plistic. Supported by emerging knowledge of brain maturation, we now view
development and behavioural outcomes as involving the interaction of children’s
biological or genetic inheritance with the environment in which they are raised.
The forms of the interaction are not yet fully understood but molecular genetics
is beginning to give some glimpses into the complexity and extent of the interac-
tions (Dweck 2013). Whereas it has been customary to view certain genes and
temperaments as risk factors for developing behaviour (and other) problems,
an emerging and more positive school of thought – known as differential sus-
ceptibility – provides some evidence that the very children likely to develop
behaviour problems when their psychological needs are inadequately met, may
thrive to an even greater extent than others in optimal environments (Belsky
et al. 2007).
Biology is a part of the picture, though often not the most important part.
There are in-built biological predispositions and it is useful to adopt the ideas of
evolutionary psychology which assume that there was, historically, a survival
advantage to our current genetic structure. An example is that our range of emo-
tions can be understood in this way, with many of the strong ‘negative’ emotions
such as fear, anger and jealousy alerting our ancestors to threats that it was
imperative that they avoid or deal with effectively and quickly. The genes for
these strong emotions were favoured by natural selection because those who did
not receive and heed such signals would not have survived to pass on their genes.
These emotions are sometimes seen as troublesome for many youngsters today
and this is one of the biological aspects of behaviour explored later in the book.
We are gradually learning just how sophisticated development is and how
the expression of genes depends on a wide variety of environmental influences.
Human babies are born with more brain development to complete, and with a
longer period of dependency on parents, than any other animal. The extent of the
development of the brain after birth means that humans are uniquely placed for
development to proceed through interaction and in a way that hones their skills
and capabilities to match with the requirements of their particular culture and
place in the world.
It should be acknowledged that most children’s behaviour is not a serious
cause for concern and that most parents and most people working with chil-
dren are promoting positive behaviour perfectly adequately most of the time. As
Gopnik et al. (2001: 201) state, ‘Nature has designed us to teach babies, as much
as it has designed babies to learn’. This book is intended to make parents and
practitioners more aware of the science behind what many are already doing and
to provide some understanding of where things might go, or have gone, wrong
occasionally. Just as man lived in harmony with nature for so long but is now in
danger of ruining the planet, so too may modern life have impacted adversely on
some aspects of bringing up children.
6 INTRODUCTION

An approach informed by theory and research

This book is written primarily for those working with children and engaging in
study to inform their work. The book has a practical emphasis and its aim is to
help readers use theory to devise effective strategies to help children. A theory
is a set of ideas which describe, explain and, ideally, allow prediction of behav-
iour. The theories chosen for discussion in this book have been selected as being
useful in illuminating behaviour and, crucially, for generating possible ways of
moving situations forward in a constructive fashion. Behaviour is complex and
there will be severe limitations to any approach based solely on handy hints or
top tips because these can never take full account of the many different reasons
that might underlie superficially similar behaviour. A child who has been severely
emotionally neglected and a child with autistic spectrum differences may both
avoid eye contact and shun adult interaction but the causes of their behaviour –
and the approaches for helping them – are very different. By exploring in some
depth the understandings about behaviour derived from theory, readers will be
in a strong position to devise strategies and adapt them in a meaningful way to
promote positive behaviour in their own work contexts.
Sociocultural and humanist perspectives feature strongly throughout the
book. Vygotsky is the father of sociocultural ideas which stress the ‘nurture’ side
of nature/nurture interaction. Vygotsky began to formulate his ideas as early as
the 1920s, long before current understandings of infant brain development, but
nevertheless his ideas sit well with current knowledge and draw attention to the
crucial importance of context. Vygotsky argued not only that children’s develop-
ment takes place in a sociocultural context but that the sociocultural context deter-
mines what is developed. When we travel, we often become particularly aware that
different cultures produce and value different types of behaviour. On a family trip
to Japan, we were struck by how deferential people were and made efforts to be
more deferential in our own behaviour, bowing and lowering our eyes. There were,
however, many social niceties that we were not attuned to and despite our efforts,
our behaviour as well as our appearance, clearly marked us out as foreigners.
Two major implications of sociocultural ideas regarding development
should be flagged up here. The first is that, to a large extent, the behaviour we
see in children is the behaviour cultivated by their circumstances. A view of
behaviour as acquired through learning is essentially positive as it implies that
change is possible. A second implication is that we need to be aware that the
predominant ideas in a society about children’s behaviour will usually be those
of the influential sections of the population. The norms of behaviour expected
in British schools and settings tie in closely with white, middle-class norms. It is
essential to recognise that many children come from different backgrounds and
experiences and that it can be illuminating to consider their behaviour in terms
of the sociocultural environments that influence them. Such children include but
are not limited to children from ethnic minorities. Children from white, working-
class backgrounds can arguably be even more alienated from our education sys-
tems and their expectations.
 INTRODUCTION 7

Sociocultural models give adults a strong influence on children’s behavioural

development. Children receive clear and consistent messages when parents and
practitioners work together. The examples these adults set, and their responses
to children, are crucial factors in children’s environment. The importance of part-
nership working, and some ideas for addressing the challenges it can raise, form
the topic of Part 4 of the book.
Humanist perspectives maintain that people naturally tend towards psy-
chological as well as physical growth and that they seek meaning in their lives.
Children do not need to be goaded into action; what they need is structure and
guidance, an environment that allows them to realise their potential.
The major theoretical approaches used in the book sit comfortably with the
approaches advocated in the EYFS. While the EYFS (DfE 2014b) does not explic-
itly make reference to theory, much of it is informed by theory and research
(for example, David et al. 2003; Evangelou et al. 2009). This book will develop
readers’ understanding of the theoretical background that underlies some of the
EYFS, thus equipping them to promote positive behaviour from an informed posi-
tion. The non-statutory guidance material that supports the EYFS – Development
Matters (Early Education supported by DfE 2012) – presents further invaluable
guidance for practitioners on what they can do and provide to support children’s
development. There are strong connections between the approaches advocated
here and the advice in Development Matters. The book will enable readers to
understand the rationale behind the guidance and thus to implement it with
insight and appropriate flexibility for differing needs.
Research comes in many different forms. Often researchers report correla-
tions. A correlation between two factors means that there appears to be a rela-
tionship between them. It does not necessarily mean that one factor causes the
other (see Box 1.1). Often we are inclined to interpret a correlation in a causal
fashion because it seems to make sense, but this is bad science. A much stronger
case for cause and effect can be established by experimental work or by
longitudinal studies.

Box 1.1: Correlations: interpret with care!

Jogulekar (2012) notes that the chocolate consumption of countries cor-

relates with the number of Nobel Prizes they have won. We are unlikely to
believe that eating more chocolate will win us more Nobel Prizes (or that
winning more Nobel Prizes increases our consumption of chocolate).
There have been serious cases of correlations being mistakenly inter-
preted as causal. Before it was established that Down syndrome results
from a chromosomal difference, a study found a correlation between
electric shock in pregnancy and Down syndrome. This led to the sugges-
tion that electric shock caused Down syndrome. This was probably very
(Continued)
8 INTRODUCTION

upsetting for parents of a Down syndrome child. How did the correlation
arise? It is possible that it was a pure fluke. Another possibility is that,
asked if they had had an electric shock in pregnancy, mothers of Down
syndrome, searching for an explanation of their child’s syndrome, remem-
bered or even thought they remembered, receiving an electric shock.
Other mothers would not have ‘raked over’ their memories of the preg-
nancy searching for explanation of things not proceeding as they hoped.
They may well have forgotten any electric shocks suffered.
The next time you read of a correlation and are tempted to assume a
causal relationship between factors, think ‘chocolate and Nobel Prize’, ‘elec-
tric shock and Down syndrome’ and pause before jumping to conclusions.

In a well-designed experiment, variables are manipulated systematically and

there is a control group matched to the experimental group on everything but the
variable (intervention) of interest. Experiments can provide the most convinc-
ing evidence of cause and effect. However, there are ethical limitations on the
experiments that can be carried out on children. There may also be questions
over the degree to which effects captured in the artificial laboratory situation
are representative of effects at work in real life. Naturalistic studies, in contrast,
involve observation of children in their natural contexts, such as the family or an
education and care setting.
Longitudinal studies follow children over time. Rather than just noting a cor-
relation at one point in time and suggesting a causal relationship, they continue to
monitor development over time. The idea that, for example, the extent to which
parents talk about negative emotions affects their children’s ability to empathise
with others would be considerably strengthened if it was shown that parents who
spoke about negative emotions to their children at time A had children who showed
more evidence of empathy at times B and C. The conclusions of naturalistic studies
are considerably strengthened if they are longitudinal in design.
This book aims to give information that is based as much as possible on high
quality research that elucidates cause and effect. Where possible, conclusions are
backed by experimental or longitudinal naturalistic studies. It is recognised, how-
ever, that while a scientific approach has yielded significant advances in under-
standing behaviour, much is still to be learned. When trying to work effectively
to help children with behavioural problems, we need to be tentative and form a
hypothesis (an informed, best guess) about what might be happening. The hypoth-
esis guides action to try to solve the problem. An initial hypothesis may turn out to
be wrong, sometimes it is necessary to revise the hypothesis and try again.
Returning to the issue of correlation, there are many statistics about behav-
iour difficulties. Correlations between poverty and behavioural problems are
repeatedly reported (for example, Allen 2011). In the opening paragraph of
the chapter it was noted that the UK has a wider gap between disadvantaged
 INTRODUCTION 9

children and others at school entry with regards to behavioural issues than
Australia, Canada and the USA (Bradbury et al. 2012). These statistics do not
reveal why poverty and disadvantage are associated with behavioural difficul-
ties. Such statistics can be very useful as a broad guide to how to best allocate
scarce resources to the neediest. They should not be used to stereotype or form
negative expectations of large sections of our communities. The approach taken
in this book is one of considering any child and family individually where there
is concern about behaviour.

An approach based on needs

A well-known formulation of needs is offered by Maslow’s (1943) hierarchy of needs.
Maslow felt that basic needs such as the need for food and shelter had to be met in
order for people to be able to move on to satisfying needs further up the hierarchy.
Only when the physiological, safety, social and esteem needs were met could people
meet their highest level needs, which he termed the need for ‘self-actualisation’.
The hierarchy of needs is useful for thinking about children’s unmet needs.
Readers will see links to it in the content of later chapters. Maslow’s hierarchy
has intuitive appeal to many working with children. We understand that hun-
gry children (or adults) struggle to concentrate on demanding activities and
that those (children or adults) going through emotional upheaval at home may
similarly struggle to apply themselves. We should also, however, as noted by
Hooper (2012: 21), recognise the powerful drives towards exploration (learning),
love and aspirational goals that achieve expression in many people whose basic
physical and safety needs are far from fully met. Of course, trying to ensure that
children’s basic physical and safety needs are met is the first duty on all those
working with children. Nevertheless, we may do children a disservice if we do
not acknowledge and provide opportunities for all their needs, alongside trying
to address any shortcomings in the provision for their basic needs.
The model of needs used in this book is less well-known but it is simple and
powerful in helping us understand and support positive behaviour. It comes from
the work of two American psychologists, Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, who
developed self-determination theory, a theory of human motivation (Deci and
Ryan 2000, 2002). The theory has made a huge impact in many spheres, rang-
ing from workplace motivation to increasing the effectiveness of public health
campaigns and from environmental issues to education (Deci and Ryan 2002).
Self-determined behaviour is behaviour that a person has freely chosen and feels
comfortable with. Behaviour that is impulsive and regretted later would not be
considered self-determined. Nor would behaviour that derives primarily from
others’ expectations – be they parents, teachers or peers. Self-determined behav-
iour results from ‘healthy’ internalisation of societal demands.
Self-determination theory posits three innate psychological needs that people
(not just children) are striving to meet. These are the needs for relatedness, auton-
omy and competence (Figure 1.1). Put simply, people thrive and have a sense of
10 INTRODUCTION

well-being when in an environment or situation that enables the three key needs
for relatedness, autonomy and competence to be met. If someone is thwarted in
having any or all of these needs met, there will be a psychological cost, often
displayed in behaviour, which may take the form of anxiety, lack of empathy,
aggression or myriad other forms. In this model, much unwanted behaviour is
interpreted in terms of people compensating or developing defences to cope with
the thwarting of their needs for relatedness, autonomy and competence. The
model will be further explained and used to illuminate behaviour and to gener-
ate positive approaches throughout the book. The model raises the following key
question in terms of promoting positive behaviour: what can be done to further
help the child meet their needs for relatedness, competence and autonomy?

Relatedness Autonomy

Competence

Figure 1.1 The three psychological needs

Source: Based on Deci and Ryan (2000).

Reflection 1.1: What do the terms relatedness, autonomy and

competence mean to you?

• Think of some examples of how your own needs in these three spheres
are satisfied.
• Does your work enable satisfaction of these needs?

Where did self-determination theory come from?

Deci and Ryan did not just dream up self-determination theory. They were involved
in experimental work on motivation for many years. Later (in Chapter 7) we
will look at some experimental findings on the effects of rewards on motivation
which challenged existing models. Over time, Deci and Ryan developed their own
model that was consistent with experimental findings and, furthermore, gener-
 INTRODUCTION 11

ated predictions that have subsequently been confirmed by experiments. Thus,

there is empirical evidence for their model and it has predictive power. This
makes it a strong and useful model with applications in many spheres, including
promoting positive behaviour. In addition, the model has at its core the humanist
beliefs that people actively try to make sense of the world and create meaning in
their lives. Its ideas fit comfortably with the values of most people who choose to
work with children and they are entirely consistent with the principles of a unique
child, the importance of positive relationships and enabling environments, prin-
ciples which underpin the EYFS (DfE 2014b). The use of the model in this book
keeps the focus away from any medical diagnosis of children whose behaviour is
of concern, instead maintaining a focus on strategies that might be helpful.

Application of the model in this book

Self-determination theory (Deci and Ryan 2000) is a lifespan model. The
three psychological needs are considered to be universal and relevant for all
age groups. In this book the model is applied not only to children but also to
the adults living or working with the children – their parents, carers, teachers
and others. When considering how well a setting promotes positive behaviour, it
is fruitful to consider the extent to which it provides for the three psychological
needs of children and also those of parents and practitioners (the term ‘parents’
in this book denotes anyone with parental responsibility for a child). When look-
ing in depth at the behaviour of a particular child, an effective programme will
look at how the needs of all involved are being met – often this is a triangle of
child, parent(s) and practitioner(s). The majority of the book is devoted to devel-
oping understanding of evidence-based ways of promoting positive behaviour in
children, but Part 4 is crucial and focuses on some of the dynamics of working in
partnership, including the needs of parents and practitioners.
The book explores some of what is known about the developmental expres-
sion of the needs for relatedness, competence and autonomy and the contexts that
enable children to flourish. A baby and a pre-schooler both have a need to feel com-
petent, but the expression of competence is different as development proceeds.
Babies are entirely dependent on others for care – how then does the need for
autonomy fit into the picture? We know that children need structure, support and
guidance as they develop. How are these to be provided in a balanced way that
also allows satisfaction of a need for autonomy? In self-determination theory, the
type of support children receive as they develop, the nature of the socialisation
processes, are crucial. As we will explore further in subsequent chapters, envi-
ronmental factors (in the broadest sense and including adult behaviour) influence
how children internalise the demands that arise as they grow to take their place in
their family, childcare and education settings and other communities. The form of
this internalisation of ‘societal’ demands has a major effect on children’s well-being
and behaviour. It influences whether they feel in control and responsible for their
own actions (self-determined) or controlled by others.
12 INTRODUCTION

Research illuminating the developmental processes alerts us to (or reminds

us) what to expect in children’s development. Without being aware of the usual
pattern of development, we may construe a child’s behaviour as a concern when
it is entirely in line with the range of typical development. Most people take a
toddler’s tantrums in their stride; similar behaviour from a 10-year-old is likely to
raise eyebrows. With knowledge of the processes of development, the possible
manifestations of unmet needs can be recognised and plans devised to try to
address the root causes of what presents as challenging or concerning behav-
iour. The material to be covered highlights some useful progress that has been
made in understanding children’s social and emotional development. In so doing,
it enables readers to bring knowledge to bear on their interpretations of chil-
dren’s behaviour, and to adopt a positive, constructive approach to trying to help.
The bodies of research we are going to draw on often pre-date Deci and Ryan’s
(2000) self-determination theory. Many use different vocabulary and concepts
from Deci and Ryan but nevertheless there are links to be made and the aim here is
to do so. Some use broad constructs (such as ‘attachment style’ or ‘parenting style’)
that capture an array of elements; others have a much more specific focus (such as
type of praise or executive function). There is overlap in some of the constructs dis-
cussed but different research foci add their own dimensions to our understanding.
Practitioners are accustomed to hearing that child development is holistic since
this is language used in the EYFS (DfE 2014b). Strands of development are inter-
related. Social development and emotional development are not completely sepa-
rate from cognitive development, nor, for example, is understanding of emotions
completely separate from interacting with peers. It is also important to note that
the three areas of need in self-determination theory (relatedness, competence and
autonomy) overlap (see Figure 1.1) – they influence one another in ways that will
become clear through the book. Any attempt to map disparate bodies of research
onto a single model requires a ‘best fit’ approach. This ‘best fit’ approach is felt to
be justified by the value of self-determination theory in providing a framework for
illuminating positive approaches to behaviour.

The structure of the book

The book is divided into four parts, three of which relate to the three psycho-
logical needs: relatedness, autonomy and competence. Each need is introduced
in general terms, in a way that captures the lifespan context and encourages
readers to think about its applicability to themselves as adults, whether as par-
ents or professionals working with children. Next, each of these parts focuses
on children and ‘unpacks’ the need by considering landmark research relating to
the developmental expression of that need and what adults can do or provide to
promote need fulfilment.
Part 4 considers partnership working including meeting the psychological
needs of parents and practitioners when working to promote children’s positive
behaviour.
 INTRODUCTION 13

Key points
• Positive behaviour is promoted by providing environments that enable peo-
ple to meet their psychological needs.
• Positive behaviour does not just mean complying easily with adults.
• Nurture is usually more important than nature in the genesis of problem
behaviour. Much behaviour is learned or shaped by circumstances.
• Theory can provide constructive ways of viewing behaviour and generating
strategies to support positive behaviour.
• Correlations between factors should be treated with care as they do not nec-
essarily mean that one factor has caused the other. Understanding cause
and effect is important when devising effective strategies. Experiments and
longitudinal studies are to be favoured when trying to establish cause and
effect.
• As they grow, children internalise the behavioural expectations of their com-
munities. The way in which this internalisation takes place has long-term
consequences for their behaviour and well-being.
• Self-determination theory, as developed by Deci and Ryan (2000), posits
that environments that support the needs for relatedness, autonomy and
competence will promote healthy internalisation and positive behaviour.
Part 1
Relatedness
‘I belong’

Relatedness Autonomy

Competence

Figure P1.1 The three psychological needs: focus on relatedness

Source: Based on Deci and Ryan (2000).
Introduction to Part 1

Relatedness is a universal and lifelong need. We all recognise the fundamental

role of relationships – be they family, friends or romantic partners – in most
people’s lives. There is evidence of physical as well as psychological health ben-
efits when we have supportive relationships in our lives (Berkman and Glass
2000). Babies and young children are dependent on adults. Relationships influ-
ence whether young children survive but, more than this, whether they thrive.
Before turning to how relatedness develops between young children and
those caring for them, it may be useful to take a broader look at relatedness, from
the readers’ perspectives as adults. What does the healthy expression of related-
ness between people look like? Which factors promote the healthy expression
and which factors lead to a less healthy expression of the same need? Consider
the bullet points below which summarise the view of relatedness as portrayed
in Deci and Ryan’s (2000) self-determination theory. Developing a clear view of
healthy adult relatedness can provide a valuable context for considering relat-
edness between children and adults. The nature of the relationships is different
and must be so, to take account of children’s developmental needs. However,
understanding what healthy relatedness is – and what it is not – can highlight the
possible long-term effects of some ways of interacting with babies and children.

Related individuals:
• Feel unconditionally loved and cared for and love and care for others uncon-
ditionally.
• Depend on important others.
• Have a sense of security and of mattering.
• Feel linked to the values of their main social groups, being influenced by
them and influencing them.
• Consider others without compromising their sense of self.
• Value co-operation and collaboration.

Relatedness is not:
• Total dependence on someone else (after infancy).
• Always being part of a group and avoiding solitary activities.
 INTRODUCTION TO PART 1 17

• Feeling unable to express opinions that challenge the group.

• Never competing against one of the group.

Environments that support relatedness

• Accord equal value to each person and value people in the round for their
unique qualities and not simply for their achievements.
• Provide both time and space for people to be together when they wish.
• Highlight shared goals, developed together.
• Promote co-operation and collaboration.
• Recognise that airing of differences and resolving them can be healthy.
There may be better ways of doing things.
• Encourage mutual supportiveness including knowledge of each other’s aspi-
rations and empathy when obstacles are encountered.

Environments that undermine relatedness: cold

• Value some people more than others and accord value on the basis of par-
ticular characteristics/skills/achievements.
• Have no times when task focus is relaxed and no places where people can
share ‘down time’.
• Impose goals.
• Are competitive with individuals pitted against each other.
• Discourage articulation and discussion of views that might challenge estab-
lished goals/practice.
• Ignore people’s aspirations and the challenges they face.

Environments that undermine relatedness: no room to breathe

• Make it clear that you are part of a select group valued for particular char-
acteristics/behaviours/skills.
• Demand a lot of time spent with others and not task-focused.
• Assume unquestioning support of group goals.
• Everything has to be done together.
• ‘We think and breathe as one’.
• No privacy – we share every facet of your life.
18 INTRODUCTION TO PART 1

Reflection P1.1: Feelings of relatedness

Reflect on the definition of relatedness given above. Consider to what

degree you feel ‘related’. This may vary in different contexts and your
feelings of relatedness are likely to have varied at different times in
your life. To what extent have you experienced relatedness-supporting or
relatedness-undermining environments? Reflect with regard to the following:

• the home you grew up in;

• your education;
• your current living arrangements;
• your workplace.

Relatedness in the early years

Early experiences of relatedness set such a strong template for future relation-
ships and have such a powerful influence on our lives, mental well-being and
behaviour that the type of attachment bond a parent-to-be will form with their
yet-to-be-born baby can be predicted with 75 per cent accuracy from the answers
given to the questions in the Adult Attachment Inventory (AAI) (Main 1996).
Developing secure attachment (relatedness) in infancy is significantly associ-
ated with positive well-being and behaviour. Relatedness is important across the
lifespan and across contexts. Positive relationships are not only a source of pleas-
ure and support but they exert a positive influence on how we perceive and react to
events. A practitioner might make exactly the same comment to two children about
where they can ride the bikes. Depending on their personal attachment history and
their relationship with the practitioner, one child may interpret this as helpful infor-
mation and cycle only where indicated. The other child may interpret the comment
as controlling and fight against such control by cycling in the forbidden area.
Positive relationships make it easier to promote positive behaviour and to
recover after disputes. When parents have formed secure relationships with
their children, the children will feel comfortable enough to explore behavioural
limits but they will also want to maintain the warm relationship. The relation-
ship makes behaviour management both easier and more rewarding. In settings
too, the warmth of relationships is key. Singer and de Haan (2007) observed and
analysed the conflicts of many young children in settings. The children found it
easier to compromise and negotiate within friendships, or with adults with whom
they have a close relationship. The quality of relationships affects the quality
of interaction and learning. Shared imaginary play – a particularly important
source of learning for young children (Part 3) – occurs most often within close
and affectionate friendships (Cutting and Dunn 2006). Sibling relationships differ
in quality and it is this that determines whether they promote positive behaviour
 INTRODUCTION TO PART 1 19

and learning. Within an affectionate sibling relationship, a younger sibling often

develops advanced play skills and social and emotional understanding.
This section on relatedness concentrates on attachment theory because of
the strong evidence of the impact of early attachment on behaviour.

Structure of Part 1
• Chapter 2 – ‘The value of a secure attachment bond: “I need to feel safe, spe-
cial and valued”’. This chapter explores the origins of attachment theory and
both the immediate and long-term benefits of secure attachment. It looks at
how parents and those working with children can promote secure attach-
ment through sensitive, responsive care.
• Chapter 3 – ‘Understanding insecure attachments and ways to help: “Under-
stand that this behaviour started as self-protection”’. This chapter develops
understanding of the different ways that children try to meet their need
for relatedness in less than ideal circumstances and the impact on their
well-being and behaviour. It helps adults to recognise these patterns and
discusses ways to help those at risk of insecure attachments.

Relatedness and the EYFS

Relatedness is a major theme running right through the EYFS (DfE 2014b) as
illustrated in Box P1.1.

Box P1.1: Relatedness and the EYFS

• One of the four overarching principles is that ‘children learn to be

strong and independent through positive relationships’.
• The Key Person requirement derives from attachment theory. It states
that:

Each child must be assigned a key person. Their role is to help ensure
that every child’s care is tailored to meet their individual needs …, to
help the child become familiar with the setting, offer a settled relation-
ship for the child and build a relationship with their parents.
(DfE 2014b)

• The designation of personal, social and emotional development (PSE)

as a prime area of learning and development emphasises its impor-
tance. PSE includes positive relationships.

Source: (DfE 2014b).

2
The value of a secure attachment bond
‘I need to feel safe, special and valued’

If you want children who thrive in all respects, including displaying positive
behaviour, the best single piece of advice is to provide babies and young children
with consistent, responsive caregiving. This means caregiving that is delivered
by one or a consistent small group of adults, with the adults being attuned to the
baby or child, picking up on the range of cues the child offers – subtle cues that
the baby is interested and would like to interact, or is tired and would prefer to
rest (Sroufe 1990) as well as the more obvious cues such as crying. Such care-
giving enables babies to form and maintain a secure attachment bond with the
caregivers. By dint of being soothed and having their needs met by their caregiv-
ers, the scene is set for two very important developments. First, babies who are
soothed and comforted learn over time to stabilise (regulate) their own emotions.
Emotional regulation is important for positive behaviour. Second, when babies
and children are responded to in a way that meets not just their physical needs but
recognises their individuality, their likes and dislikes, the times when they want
to interact and play, their emerging sense of humour and their idiosyncrasies,
then they develop the sense that they matter, that they are special and valued.
This too is important for behaviour. Children who are supported in understand-
ing and valuing themselves develop a clear yet positive sense of self, which is
a foundation for autonomy. They also tend to understand and value others too.
Early relationships form the template for future relationships. The child who feels
secure and valued has a tremendous foundation for the joys and challenges of
relationships throughout life. Such a child is much more likely to be happy, to give
and receive appropriate care, to take others’ feelings into account and generally
to behave positively than is a child with less fortunate early experiences. These
secure foundations produce a dizzying array of benefits (Figure 2.1).
Some bold and sweeping claims have been made in the paragraph above.
They are the claims of modern attachment theory, ‘perhaps the most widely-used
and influential explanatory framework in psychology’ (Meins 2014). In order to
apply these ideas to benefit children and families, it is important to understand
attachment theory in some depth (see Box 2.1). Attachment theory has had a
major influence on the EYFS (DfE 2014b) and has informed the Key Person
 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND 21

More
positive
self-
concept
More curious,
More
aiding
competent
language and
in forming
cognitive
friendships
development

Secure
More able
attachment Fewer
to tolerate behavioural
frustration problems

More Greater
advanced confidence in
emotional tackling day-
understanding to-day
and regulation problems

Figure 2.1 Some of the ‘dizzying array of later outcomes’ associated with secure
attachment
Source: Based on Thompson (2013).

requirement. While some practitioners think of this role in terms of tasks to be

performed, especially records to be kept, it is really about forming a close rela-
tionship with a child.

Box 2.1: John Bowlby (1907–1990): father of attachment theory

John Bowlby was a British psychiatrist who practised as a clinician and

led a research team at the Tavistock Clinic in London. He developed the
theory that children are biologically predisposed to form an affectional
bond or attachment to their mothers and that the quality of this bond is
the key to lifelong psychological health (Bowlby 2005).

Key influences
• Personal experience. Bowlby saw relatively little of his own mother
during infancy, being raised at a time and within a social class where
most of the childcare was delegated to nannies. He was very fond of
his nanny, Minnie, and devastated when she suddenly left and he
received no explanation why (Bowlby 2005: xi).
• His work with ‘maladjusted’ boys. Bowlby noted that some were
‘clingy’, staying near him as much as possible. Others were remote
(Continued)
22 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND

and avoided contact. Many had histories of disrupted mothering

(Bretherton 1992). The theory Bowlby developed could explain these
differing reactions in terms of attachment experiences.
• Reaction against Freud’s psychosexual theory. This was the dominant
tradition at the time, with its emphasis on psychic conflict, much of
it to do with unconscious fantasy. Bowlby came to believe that real
events, rather than unconscious fantasies, were at the root of psycho-
logical development.
• Ethology, the study of animal behaviour under natural circumstances
and viewing it from an evolutionary stance. The ethologist Konrad
Lorenz famously demonstrated that greylag geese imprint on (learn
about and follow) the first moving thing they see. There is a critical
period of 13–16 hours after hatching for imprinting. Usually geese
imprint on their mother but there are famous pictures of geese which
imprinted on Lorenz as he was the first moving thing they saw in the
critical period.

Note: Bowlby has been criticised for his emphasis on the mother as the primary
attachment figure. Modern attachment theory is much less gendered.

Attachment theory: key concepts

Attachment theory holds that the bonds formed between babies and carers are
about much more than ensuring that the babies receive the physical care they
need. Secure attachment is about providing babies with a bedrock of relatedness
that promotes their learning and well-being throughout life. The attachment bond
is a specific bond, developed most intensely to one figure (the primary attach-
ment figure) but also often to a small group of other individuals (secondary
attachment figures), with a child showing a clear hierarchy of preference.
A newborn is predisposed to form a bond. It is the environment (the emotional
environment, the reaction of adult(s) to the child) that determines the quality of
the attachment that takes place. The affectional bond between attachment figure
and child strengthens as the infant develops and (hopefully) receives sensitive,
responsive care from an attuned attachment figure (Table 2.1).
The bond will be secure if the carer not only reliably meets the infant’s physi-
cal needs and but also picks up on all a baby’s cues and enjoys the infant’s com-
pany. The bond is emotionally charged, bringing predominately joy and delight
to both in securely bonded pairs but with more emphasis on distress and frustra-
tion in less securely attached relationships. The bond forms in early babyhood
and usually persists throughout life. While the bond, once formed, exists all the
time, the attachment behaviours that evidence the bond (behaviours such as
searching, crying and clinging, designed to bring or keep infant and attachment
 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND 23

Table 2.1 Typical development of attachment behaviours

Development stage Attachment behaviour

0–3 months I’m usually relatively happy to be passed from one doting
carer to another
3–6 months I prefer Mummy or other very familiar people to look after me
From 7 months I try to stay near Mummy. If I can, I’ll crawl around after
her. I’ll watch her closely and I love interacting with her.
If she goes away, I often wait by the door for her and
sometimes I cry
12–18 months I really let people know now when Mummy is not available –
I protest very loudly!
By 48 months Now I completely understand that Mummy will come back
soon and that she cares about me even when she is not
with me for a little while. Usually I’m fine but I want her
badly when I’m ill or upset

Note: the strongest attachment need not necessarily be to the mother but often is.

figure close) are only evident at times and particularly when threat is perceived.
States such as hunger or tiredness can increase attachment behaviours, as can
‘life events’ such as the arrival of a sibling or any other change in the emotional
dynamics of home. With age, the form of attachment behaviours varies though
even in adulthood, trauma often triggers an urgency to contact or be with our
parents or other primary attachment figures.

Case snippet 2.1: Jacob

Jacob, 6 months old, has been unsettled all afternoon. Shula, his Key Person,
feeds him, changes him and tries to distract him with mobiles and rattles but
he continues to cry. The manager comes in and sees that Shula may have to
leave Jacob to tend to the other children in her care. The manager considers
taking Jacob to soothe him but instead offers to look after Shula’s other children
and tells Shula not to worry about them, to concentrate on Jacob. Shula takes
Jacob over to the rocking chair in the quiet area and sits with him. She realises
how tense she is and makes a conscious effort to breathe more slowly and
deeply and to be very gentle holding Jacob and rocking the chair. The manager
pops over and puts some soothing music on. Slowly Jacob (and Shula) become
calmer. Jacob eventually drifts into a light sleep but his eyelids flicker when
Shula stops rocking so she just sits and rocks.
24 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND

From their attachment experiences with their primary attachment figure,

children build up an internal working model, a mental representation of them-
selves in relation to others that influences later relationships. Throughout this
book it is stressed that the way in which people internalise or mentally repre-
sent their understanding of the world has major implications for well-being and
behaviour. The fortunate child with secure early attachment develops an internal
working model which views the self as worthy of love and others as trustwor-
thy. Such a child is likely to replicate an appropriate balance of relatedness and
autonomy in future close relationships and so to thrive, unencumbered by psy-
chological and concomitant behaviour issues.
Bowlby (1966: 59) famously stated: ‘[M]aternal care in infancy and early
childhood is essential for mental health. This is a discovery comparable in mag-
nitude to that of the role of vitamins in physical health.’ This was a revolutionary
view at a time when keeping babies alive and healthy was regarded as the key
aspiration. Attachment theory implied that, important as physical health is, it
is not enough. The theory challenged some childcare practices deriving mainly
from health concerns, such as limiting handling of babies to protect them from
germs and removing sick children from their parents for long periods of time to
convalesce in healthy locations. Mary Ainsworth (Ainsworth and Marvin 1995)
summarised the implications of her research by saying, ‘Never miss an opportu-
nity to hold a baby’. Such advice not only contradicted that of health profession-
als but also opposed that of behavioural psychologists. Behavioural learning
theory implied that picking up crying babies would reinforce (reward) crying
behaviour and increase its likelihood. This fitted in with popular ideas that ‘pan-
dering to’ babies would ‘spoil’ them. Ainsworth’s observational data following
families over time presented a different story (see Box 2.2).

Box 2.2: Mary Ainsworth (1913–1999): pioneer in developing attachment

theory through scientific methods

Mary Ainsworth, an American Canadian, had researched ‘security theory’

(Blatz 1940, cited in Bretherton 1992) at the University of Toronto before
coming to London and briefly joining Bowlby’s research team at the Tavis-
tock Clinic. She then travelled and researched in Uganda before settling
in the United States.
Mary Ainsworth’s methods bestowed scientific credibility on attach-
ment theory by providing evidence. Her findings also shaped the direction
of the theory.

• She carried out painstaking naturalistic observations in both Uganda

and the United States (Baltimore, Maryland). In the Ugandan study
(1953–1955) she regularly visited 26 infant–mother pairs, observing
 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND 25

them for two hours every fortnight, for up to nine months. In the Bal-
timore project, she again worked with 26 families, this time recruiting
them before the birth of the baby and making 18 visits, each of four
hours, during the baby’s first year. Ainsworth made detailed obser-
vations, recording events in context and noting mothers’ comments
on their babies as well as their actions towards them. She gathered
rich data that yielded insights into the natural development of infant–
mother interactions in two very different parts of the world. She rec-
ognised that all mother–baby pairs formed bonds but that there were
qualitative differences in the nature of the bonds.
• She famously devised an experimental paradigm called the ‘strange
situation’ which is a telling snapshot that seems to capture qualities
of the bond developed between babies and their mothers over the first
year of life. The design of the ‘strange situation’ and Ainsworth’s inter-
pretations of the findings were informed by her extensive observational
‘fieldwork’ which, to her, was the most significant part of her work.

The detailed naturalistic studies showed that secure attachment, the type of
attachment believed to be healthiest for children’s development, emerged when
mothers had been sensitive to their baby’s signals from birth. Large amounts
of close bodily contact, mutual enjoyment of feeding and the mother’s ability
to comment on the tiny details of her baby’s reactions were all associated with
secure attachment. Where babies and mothers had enjoyed this close, sensitive,
attuned relationship in the early months, the babies were generally content at
the end of the first year. Babies who had been held and successfully soothed fre-
quently in the first months sought less contact with their mother at the end of the
first year but the contact that took place was warm and both took pleasure in it
(Ainsworth and Bell 1970). These babies already had the foundations for secure
attachment and positive behaviour.
Meins et al. (2012) found that ‘mind-mindedness’ was the best predictor of
secure attachment. ‘Mind-minded’ described mothers who accurately ‘read’ the
minds of their 8-month-olds and commented appropriately (for example, ‘you want
the rattle’ to a child looking at a rattle and obviously pleased to have it passed to
her , or ‘you’re hungry’ to a child who was then offered milk which was willingly
received). Through mothers’ mind-mindedness, securely attached children build
a positive and predictable internal model of the mother as comforting and them-
selves as worthy of comfort and attention to their needs and desires. Through the
experience of having their feelings and emotions correctly interpreted and regu-
lated by the mother, they learn over time to regulate their own emotions.
Ainsworth herself drew a distinction between warmth and sensitivity,
describing warmth as a general characteristic but sensitivity (responsiveness/
26 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND

‘mind-mindedness’) as being in tune with the baby, recognising the baby’s initia-
tives and letting the baby set the pace and style of interaction (Ainsworth and
Marvin 1995: 11). A warm carer might have positive but similar interactions with
all children but one who is ‘mind-minded’ would be observed to vary the tempo
and style of interaction to suit the signals coming from a particular baby.
In talking about responsive and sensitive care, it is important to be aware of
the concept of the ‘good enough’ parent or carer, a term usually ascribed to Win-
nicott (1965) and capturing the reality that parents and carers do not have to be
100 per cent responsive or mind-minded in order for children to achieve secure
attachment. Tronick’s (2007) research suggests that even sensitive mothers ‘read’
their baby’s cues correctly first time only in about a third of instances. Misread-
ing cues and then a correcting interpretation are more common than not. With
sensitive care, babies learn that miscuing in social relationships is normal and
need not be worrying. Baby and carer can persist in expressing themselves to
achieve understanding and to ensure babies’ needs are met.
Imitation is something that many adults instinctively do with babies. Reddy
(2008: 45) describes imitation as a ‘psychological door through which one is
immediately led into a world of intentional relations with another person’. Par-
ents and practitioners can usefully adopt imitation as a conscious strategy to
help them act in tune with a baby.
In a secure relationship, a child develops trust. The attachment figure pro-
vides a secure base from which a growing child can explore the world. Attune-
ment works both ways. The child is attuned to the attachment figure, picking up
subtle cues from the attachment figure about the safety or otherwise of the envi-
ronment. The way children look to their parents or carers to gauge what they
can do is known as social referencing (see Box 2.3). The attached toddler acts
as though literally attached to the preferred carer by an elastic rein, venturing to
the farthest reaches of the elastic’s reach when all is well but seeking proximity
(closeness) to the attachment figure when there are signals given out that all is
not well or when an external threat is perceived. Secure attachment promotes
exploration and learning.

Box 2.3: The visual cliff and social referencing

The ‘visual cliff’ is an illusory cliff. Babies are placed on a flat, stable
transparent surface about one metre above the floor. There is a cloth
underneath with a chequerboard pattern. Half-way across the surface, the
cloth drops to the ground creating the impression of a steep drop or cliff.
The transparent surface continues and the baby is quite safe to crawl on
the whole surface despite the appearance of the drop.
Sorce et al. (1985) used the visual cliff with 1-year-olds. Previous
work had established that babies of this age perceive the drop and stay
 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND 27

on the side they perceive as safe. In this experiment, parents were asked
to give babies different cues. Some were asked to be reassuring and to
smile and indicate to the child that it was fine to venture onto the ‘cliff’;
others were asked to look anxious and deter children from doing this.

74 per cent of babies went on the cliff when the parent smiled.

No babies entered the cliff when the parent showed. fear

‘Social referencing’ is the term used to describe how people take cues
from others for how to behave. Babies were powerfully influenced by
signs from their parents that the cliff was safe.

In settings too, children show social referencing. Singer and de Haan (2007) have
carried out extensive research in a variety of day-care settings and report how
children tend to look towards the teacher when they are not sure about things or
need help. They also glance towards the adult periodically in a way that suggests
they find it reassuring to check that the teacher is watching over them.
There has been some consideration of gender roles in promoting children’s
exploration. Richard Bowlby, son of John Bowlby, has questioned whether John
Bowlby underestimated fathers’ importance in promoting exciting play and
exploration in young children. Richard Bowlby (Newland and Coyl 2010) sug-
gested that mothers might take the lead in providing a secure base for children
but that their emphasis on safety and calm, controlled activities, though impor-
tant, might be a little restrictive for the growing, curious infant. He suggested
that mothers’ approach needs to be leavened by the more exciting rough-and-
tumble play, and generally more daring activities of fathers. Many of us can eas-
ily picture a doting Dad throwing up and catching a giggling infant or chasing a
squealing toddler, while making loud, mock scary noises.
The possible importance of men in satisfying children’s needs for a racier,
riskier, more exhilarating type of interactive exploration raises questions for
many settings catering for young children. There are very few men working with
young children.
The role of fathers in children’s development has been an important area of
research (Lamb 1978; Grossmann et al. 2008; Bretherton 2010). A parallel can be
drawn between the move away from the initial emphasis on (female) gender in
28 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND

attachment theory and the way thinking has developed in ‘father’ research. Ini-
tial claims of a crucial role of certain ‘father’ activities have now been replaced
by a systems approach that considers the range of support and styles available
to children in a particular family (or setting). Fathers’ involvement is beneficial
for children on many fronts, including positive behaviour (Lamb 2010). Sensitive
fathering has been found to have the same key elements as sensitive mother-
ing. Both involve recognising and responding to children’s needs; emotionally
engaged interaction (sharing fun, frustration and other feelings); and promot-
ing children’s exploration, primarily in directions initiated by the child. Sensi-
tive parenting and care are gender-neutral. Children benefit from having both
parents involved in their care. A systems approach recognises a range of rea-
sons why this is the case, ranging from the support, emotional and financial, that
parents may provide for each other, through to the benefit to the child of having
involved caregivers with different interactional styles (Lamb 2010).
For settings, while it would be desirable to have more men, there are also other
implications of this research. Children are likely to benefit from different styles
of play and exploration. They need carers whose primary style is calm, caring
and nurturing. They also benefit from those who tend to be more rambunctious,
adventurous and active. Not all practitioners need to adopt the same style, in fact,
it might be unhelpful to do so. Be aware of the value of discussing these issues in
settings. Individuals feel comfortable with different ranges of behaviour and some
feel threatened by the idea of altering their behaviour or of accepting different
behaviour in those around them. Many settings recruit people with similar quali-
ties to those already working there. Newcomers model their behaviour on what
they observe. The result of these influences may be a staff team that feels very
comfortable with one another but that is depriving children of beneficial access to
a variety of interaction styles. In the worst cases, children’s risk taking and explo-
ration may be limited as a result of the dominance of what is perceived as a caring,
nurturing ethos but is so extreme that some children’s drive towards the novel and
exciting is not being encouraged. An optimal environment includes diverse inter-
personal styles to stimulate children’s natural exploratory tendencies.
Box 2.4 indicates some of the features of a setting that would indicate it
takes attachment seriously.

Box 2.4: Theory into practice

A setting promoting secure attachments …

• Prioritises staff retention, knowing that a high staff turnover rate jeop-
ardises attachment.
• Has a planned and gradual settling-in process for children, including a
visit to the home by staff as well as visits by the child and parent(s) to
the setting.
 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND 29

• Listens to parents and children and their concerns – routines, health

issues, preferred activities, food, dislikes, fears and idiosyncrasies.
• Learns about the significant people in the family, pets and other fac-
tors in the child’s life. For non-verbal children, some parents may like
to write ‘in the voice of the child’ to capture what they believe is impor-
tant in the child’s day-to-day life.
• Shares information about the routine before children begin attend-
ance.
• Is welcoming, supportive and non-judgemental in attitude to parents
and children.
• Has Key People who take every chance to cuddle their babies, com-
fort their children and to connect with them through sharing emotional
moments, humour and pleasurable moments.
• Realises the importance of transitional objects to help children settle.
• Acknowledges a child’s emotions about separation rather than ignor-
ing or denying them.
• Provides information about the Key Person role to parents, explaining
why this relationship with the child is important for the child’s well-
being and no threat to the parent’s own relationship with the child.
• Portrays the Key Person role to parents and staff as primarily about
relationships.
• Is flexible in Key Person arrangements and can change the allocated
person if the child shows a clear preference for another adult.
• Has an arrangement for times when the Key Person is absent, for
example, a ‘buddy’ system where practitioners are paired and the
buddies ensure they get to know children and families so they are a
familiar face should the Key Person be absent.
• Ensures that children’s changing, feeding and care routines are per-
formed with their Key Person.
• Allows time for Key People to get to know their children, prioritising
serendipitous opportunities to enjoy each other’s company over rigid
timetabling.
• Has practitioners who reflect on the importance of touch, speed of
their movements, volume, tone and tempo of their speech in creating
a comforting ethos.
• Provides seating and spaces where babies can be cuddled and rocked,
toddlers and pre-schoolers can enjoy sitting close to an adult, chat-
ting, singing, playing or reading.
• Provides frequent informal opportunities for sharing information
between the Key Person and parents.
• Has Key People who engage in ‘mind-minded’ interactions with chil-
dren during feeding, hygiene and other routines as well as during play.
(Continued)
30 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND

• Recognises clinginess as a possible expression of uncertainty/lack

of trust and puts the emphasis on building up trust rather than just
directly on reducing the clinginess.
• Has Key People who notice children who appear unemotional and
self-contained and make an effort to develop closer relationships with
them.
• Takes any naturally arising opportunity to encourage parents to be
responsive to their children and to share mutually enjoyable activities
or ‘downtime’ together.
• Uses and advocates imitation as a simple but powerful route to
engagement with babies and toddlers.
• Signposts parents to helpful non-stigmatising groups/activities, for
example, baby massage, toddler groups.

Longitudinal studies of attachment

Support for the importance of the bond between a baby and the primary care-
giver comes from longitudinal studies, i.e. studies that rate the quality of infants’
attachment and then follow up those same infants when they are adults. There are
now a number of such studies and they provide support for the long-term influ-
ence of early attachment. One example is the research carried out by Maselko
et al. (2011). They had access to data from a study in Providence, Long Island,
USA, where psychologists had rated mother–baby interaction when the babies
were 8 months old. Thirty-three years later, the researchers were able to trace
and administer checklists about emotional functioning to 482 of the people who
had been involved in the study as infants. The findings suggested that infants
who were involved in warm relationships with their mothers at age 8 months
were significantly less likely to suffer emotional distress as adults. The virtuous
cycle of secure attachment is shown in Figure 2.2.

Increasing understanding of neurodevelopment

Since Bowlby and Ainsworth formulated the key concepts in attachment theory,
technology has contributed hugely to our understanding of brain and nervous
system development and the underlying neurochemistry. This is a complicated,
fascinating and at times controversial field. Just as Bowlby was a clinician-scien-
tist, developing theory to inform his practice by synthesising ideas from different
fields of study, so too have some more recent clinician-scientists attempted to link
attachment theory with how the brain develops and works to incorporate attach-
ment into ambitious, holistic theories of human development uniting psychology,
biology, anthropology and other disciplines. Key figures are Allan Schore, Daniel
Siegel and Sue Gerhardt. While the details of their ideas will probably change and
 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND 31

Adult attuned
and responsive
to baby

Baby continually
Baby's internal
learning through
working model:
interaction and
'I can rely on
action. Baby and
adults and I am
adults delight in
loveable'
development

Baby is confident
Baby and adults
in interacting
enjoy interaction
with others and
and engage in it
secure enough
often
to explore

Figure 2.2 Virtuous circle of secure attachment

be refined over time, there are some useful established facts that show support
for Bowlby’s ideas in terms of neuroscience:

• Babies are born with a strong inclination to be social (this is discussed in

Chapter 8).
• The brain has most of its cells (neurons) at birth but many of the connec-
tions between them (‘the wiring’) take place after birth and so are influenced
by experience. Interpersonal experiences (relationships) are of particular
importance.
• Neurons that fire together wire together. Connections in the brain that are
used over and over again will become the strongest connections. Patterns of
care are what matter, with a ‘mind-minded’ pattern promoting secure attach-
ment.
• Connections in the brain increase rapidly but there is a later ‘pruning’ of con-
nections, retaining the frequently used connections and eliminating those
that are rarely used. The timescale for these processes varies for different
parts of the brain (Blakemore and Frith 2005). In the visual cortex, there is
32 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND

a rapid growth of connections at 2–3 months of age, peaking at 8–10 months

and then there is pruning of connections until about 10 years of age. By con-
trast, in the frontal cortex (responsible for many executive functions con-
nected to behaviour, for example, planning, inhibition, emotion control), the
rapid growth in connections happens later and the pruning is not complete
until early adulthood (Blakemore and Frith 2005: 23).
• The above relates to sensitive periods for aspects of development, i.e. peri-
ods when certain pathways within the brain are most easily and strongly
established. However, if babies or children are deprived of the normal envi-
ronmental conditions for development at the usual time, the brain shows an
ability to compensate later, though possibly with subtle differences in skills
and abilities even in the most successful cases.

Gerhardt (2004) writes very powerfully about the biological basis of attachment
and explains how social interaction with carers literally builds the structure
(connections) within a baby’s brain. She describes the patterns of biochemical
reactions that, over time, form a baby’s (and later the child’s, then the adult’s)
habitual response. Caring behaviours such as making eye contact, genuine smil-
ing, stroking, taking pleasure in each other’s company and being soothed release
oxytocin and other ‘feel good’ chemicals which promote the growth of neural
connections and dampen down stress. By contrast, threat, fear and negative
emotions release cortisol and other stress hormones which inhibit neural growth
and are toxic for well-being if they remain in the body too long. In Gerhardt’s
explanation of secure attachment, the carer recognises when the baby is upset
or frightened and engages in the soothing behaviours which help to stop the
release of stress hormones and to dissipate their effects as they are replaced by
the ‘feel good’ chemicals. Babies, who are thus helped to cope with and manage
their feelings, learn, over time, to cope more independently. The pattern of being
able to maintain a reasonable emotional (and chemical) equilibrium is laid down
and, in the process, the baby develops an internal working model of the self as
safe, special and valued.
Among the studies providing support for these ideas is one by Gunnar et al.
(1992). They found heightened cortisol level in infants of 9 months of age half an
hour after they had been separated from their main carer. If the substitute carer
was interactive and responsive, cortisol levels reduced but they remained high in
children with a carer who responded only to the baby’s crying and did not inter-
act otherwise, simply getting on with other tasks.

Attachment as a means of the child adapting to the environment

Remember how Bowlby was influenced by the ethologists and drew parallels
between greylag geese imprinting on their mothers and human babies developing
attachment bonds to theirs? In both cases, the behaviour is interpreted as having
 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND 33

evolved to increase the young’s chances of survival. This remains a useful way
to view attachment (and other) behaviour. The human baby is dependent on oth-
ers for a long period of time. The ‘unfinished baby’ (Gerhardt 2004) can grow and
develop in a way that adapts to its surroundings. This is also consistent with socio-
cultural models which emphasise that the form of development (in this case, the
nature of the attachment bond) is determined by the interpersonal environment.

Reflection 2.1

• How can families be supported in developing secure attachments with

their babies?
• How can we try to ensure that care and education of young children
outside the home meet their attachment needs?

Key points
• Responsive ‘mind-minded’ parenting and caregiving by a limited number of
people are important for the development of secure attachment which is
associated with the best outcomes for children.
• A secure attachment to a practitioner (secondary attachment figure) does
not threaten a child’s attachment to the parents (primary attachment fig-
ures). The child benefits greatly from strong attachments to both.
• The Key Person role is about relationships. The quality of the relationship is
determined by the extent to which the adult pays heed to the child’s lead.
Eye contact, facial expression, speed of movement and speech and tone of
voice convey as much about the mutuality of a relationship as what is said.
• The more ‘irritable’ a young baby, the more the adult needs to soothe. Tiny
babies cannot be ‘spoiled’.
• Imitation is a powerful way of connecting to babies and children.
• Maintaining watchfulness over babies and young children is extremely
important. They are attuned to the adults’ reactions and will explore more if
the adult is watching and is comfortable with what they are doing.
• Be wary of overwhelming parents with feelings that they should always
respond and always interpret a baby’s signals correctly. Embrace the con-
cept of ‘good enough’ parenting for your interactions with parents.
• Use knowledge of attachment theory to try to help parents and children
towards secure, fulfilling relationships and to support similar relationships in
settings. Avoid making diagnoses or judgements and think instead in terms
of how to promote security, positive interaction and close, responsive rela-
tionships for all children, in the setting and at home.
34 THE VALUE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND

Further reading
Early Education supported by the Department for Education (2012) Development Matters
in the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS), London: Early Education.
Practitioners might find it helpful to reinforce the messages in this chapter by revisiting
the PSE sections of Development Matters. The columns on ‘what adults could do’ and ‘what
adults could provide’ are ways of translating attachment theory into practice.

Gerhardt, S. (2004) Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby’s Brain, Hove: Brunner-
Routledge.
An easy-to-read book that carries a very powerful message about the importance of
responsive early care.
3
Understanding insecure attachments
and ways to help
‘Understand that this behaviour started as
self-protection’

Mary Ainsworth developed an understanding of insecure attachment patterns

from her naturalistic studies but she is best known for her stroke of genius in
devising the ‘strange situation’, an experimental set-up that provides a telling
snapshot of attachment quality (Ainsworth 1978).

The ‘strange situation’

Ainsworth brought mothers and their almost 1-year-old infants to the laboratory
playroom, where the following sequence of events ensued, lasting about 20 min-
utes and observed through a one-way mirror.

• Mother and infant were alone in the playroom. Mother placed the child by
the toys and herself went to a chair across the room (3 minutes).
• A stranger entered, sat (1 minute), talked to the mother (1 minute), then
knelt on the floor to interact with the child (1 minute).
• Mother left, obeying an agreed signal.
• Stranger attempted to engage the child if s/he was not playing (3 minutes).
• Mother returned (Reunion 1) (3 minutes).
• Stranger left unobtrusively during Reunion 1.
• Mother left. The child was alone for up to 3 minutes (if not distressed).
• Stranger returned (3 minutes).
• Mother returned (Reunion 2).

Ainsworth devised the ‘strange situation’ primarily to produce experimental evi-

dence that the infant–mother bond provides the infant with a secure base for
play and exploration. She predicted that the 1-year-old children would play in the
36 UNDERSTANDING INSECURE ATTACHMENTS AND WAYS TO HELP

mother’s presence as she would provide them with a safe base in the unfamiliar
playroom. When she was not there, they would find the unfamiliar room a little
threatening and play would subside, to be replaced with attachment behaviours
such as crying and searching. The ‘strange situation’ did indeed demonstrate these
factors. What proved to be most informative, however, was the range of responses
to the two reunions with the mother. These responses Ainsworth was able to cat-
egorise into three main patterns, which correlated with what she knew of the same
infants and mothers in their home situations and with her analyses of the interac-
tion patterns observed naturalistically in both the Ugandan and the Baltimore stud-
ies. Later Mary Main, a colleague, added a fourth category, which will be included
in the discussion (Main and Sullivan 1990). The ‘strange situation’ has been repli-
cated extensively and proved to be a reliable indicator of attachment quality or
type. Note the different behaviours associated with the attachment styles when we
discuss them below. Interpreting behaviour through an ‘attachment lens’ can pro-
vide clues to whether a child’s need for relatedness has been met in a healthy way.

Secure attachment
Securely attached infants take their cue from their mothers that it is fine to play.
They are often distressed when their mother leaves but show obvious relief and
pleasure in her return (the reunions). They seek proximity (closeness) to their
mother when uncertain. When the stranger enters, they often approach their
mother but they quickly pick up her cues that there is nothing to fear and are happy
to resume play in the stranger’s presence while their mother remains in the room.

Insecure attachment – avoidant

Avoidantly attached children appear to show no distress on their mother’s depar-
ture though sometimes they look for her after she has gone. On reunion, they
seem to show little response, ignoring their mother or possibly turning away
from her. Their reunion behaviour seems to avoid proximity.
Avoidantly attached children seem to have developed an internal working
model in which their carer is unreliable and they have to be self-sufficient (Figure
3.1). They seem to cope by ‘dampening down’ their needs and denying their vul-
nerability. They have not found relationships a source of fulfilment and are wary
of them.
Interestingly, when Ainsworth first announced her findings, health profes-
sionals thought this was the most desirable form of attachment, construing these
children as healthily independent. From her observational data in the home, how-
ever, Ainsworth knew that these children and parents had less attuned relation-
ships than those who reacted in a secure manner. Ainsworth’s feeling that all was
not well with these children has been substantiated by physiological and longitu-
dinal studies (for example, Maselko et al. 2011, discussed in Chapter 2). Avoidant
attachment responses remind us that surface behaviour that seems ‘good’ (not
 UNDERSTANDING INSECURE ATTACHMENTS AND WAYS TO HELP 37

Parent not attuned and

warm towards baby,
finding baby’s needs
aversive.

Neither parent nor baby

The initial lack of
enjoy interaction. Baby’s
warmth and reciprocity
internal model: ‘I have
is compounded and the
to try not to make too
child’s sense of
many demands. It’s
relatedness and
better if I can manage by
autonomy suffer.
myself’.

Infant reduces demands

Child finds it hard to
and thus has limited
make and sustain
opportunities for
relationships and tends
learning about self and
to investigate and learn
others through
on own.
interaction.

Figure 3.1 Vicious cycle of avoidant attachment

making demands on an adult) does not necessarily mean that all is well with a
child. Practitioners should be alert for children who seem to lack emotion and
shun connection with people.

Box 3.1: Theory into practice

Supporting children who appear very task-focused, unemotional and

‘undemanding’
Consider:

• The Key Person making a special effort to institute regular periods of

time with the child, building trust and shared pleasure. Focusing on a
task or game the child likes may be a good starting point.
(Continued)
38 UNDERSTANDING INSECURE ATTACHMENTS AND WAYS TO HELP

• Assessing and trying to build up the child’s emotional understanding

over time. Try brief periods of ‘mind-minded’ commentary. Gradually
move to ‘indirect’ methods of developing emotional literacy using pup-
pets or stories.
• Encouraging parents to share enjoyable activities with the child.
• Facilitating peer interaction by making opportunities for the child to
play favourite games with another child.

Insecure attachment – ambivalent/resistant/anxious

Resistantly attached infants show mixed signals when reunited with their
mothers. On the one hand, they seem to want to be close to her, on the other,
they often show anger when she returns. When such children are picked up by
their mothers, they might, for example, kick them until they are released. Their
behaviour is ambivalent: they are both drawn to the mother but also resist
proximity.
Children showing this pattern of insecure attachment develop an internal
working model where they are unsure of their own worthiness and unsure
about others’ responses. In their anxiety to have relationships with others,
they can sometimes make things backfire by being over-alert to threats, yet
not registering positive signs. They can appear needy and constantly requiring
reassurance.
Ainsworth’s naturalistic observations again showed a lack of attunement
at home between the infants and parents showing the resistant pattern in the
‘strange situation’. In research carried out by Meins and her colleagues (Meins
et al. 2012), resistant attachment at 15 months old was predicted when, at 8
months, the mothers made frequent non-attuned comments about their babies’
presumed feelings, for example, ‘You’d like this’ and introducing another toy
when the baby was fully engaged with the toy he already had or ‘Come on, it’s
fun!’ and continuing to operate a noisy toy near the baby’s head when the baby
was turning away.
Resistant attachment is associated with caregivers who are not consistently
available to children and who are not sensitive to their needs. Towards one end
of the ambivalent continuum, children tend to be hyper-vigilant, watching car-
ers to determine their mood and the ‘least bad’ time to try to secure needed
attention (Figure 3.2). These children may display a great deal of emotional
behaviour and their anxiety and hostility may make it hard for them to get
caught up in activities.
 UNDERSTANDING INSECURE ATTACHMENTS AND WAYS TO HELP 39

Parent's
attunement to baby
is erratic.

Baby's internal
Child is wary and
model: 'There is no
distrustful of others
certainty that my
and lacks
needs will be met. I
confidence in
need to grab
defining and
attention when I
meeting own needs.
can.'

Opportunities for
warm, stress-free Infant expends
interaction are energy in watching
limited. So too are adults and making
opportunities for bids for attention.
exploration.

Figure 3.2 Vicious cycle of ambivalent/resistant attachment

Box 3.2: Theory into practice

Supporting children who appear watchful, hostile and poor at settling

to activities
Consider:

• Emphasising the routines and predictability of the setting.

• Making sure all adults, but particularly the Key Person, are responsive
in a calm and predictable manner.
• Observing the child’s reactions and preferences and using a ‘mind-
minded’ commentary to share tentative conclusions with the child.
• Tactfully sharing with the parents any strategies that appear to be
working.
40 UNDERSTANDING INSECURE ATTACHMENTS AND WAYS TO HELP

Case snippet 3.1: Lilly

Lilly, 2 1⁄2 years old, has been attending the setting for several months but
she and her mother still struggle at separation. Lilly clings to Mum and Mum
exudes anxiety, and some impatience with Lilly. Lilly likes to stay close to Chris,
her Key Person. When she is sitting next to Chris, she will have a go at some
activities but she stops and follows Chris when he moves. When Chris takes a
break, Lilly waits for him by the door where he will come back in, hanging her
head and sucking her thumb. Other practitioners try to draw her into activities
but with little success.
Chris is always warm towards Lilly, never showing any irritation with her
constant presence beside him. On the few occasions when Lilly becomes fully
immersed in an activity, he makes a mental note of what has captivated her
(dressing up, hand painting, puppet play) but makes no comment. He simply
ensures these activities are available to her and shares them with her fre-
quently. When he leaves the room, he starts telling Lilly he is about to go, nam-
ing another member of staff who is available for her and saying he will find Lilly
immediately on his return. At first, Lilly continues to wait by the door and Chris
says, ‘Lilly, remember I’ll come and find you when I get back from my break,
wherever you are.’ Very gradually, Lilly becomes more involved in activities and
will move around during Chris’s absence. He is careful to make finding her his
first priority on his return.
As Chris notes developments in Lilly’s security, he gives Mum factual
accounts of the strategies that seem to be helping: ‘The last few days, Lilly has
been happy to play when I’m on my break. For a while now, I’ve been saying to
Lilly that Anna will look after her while I’m out and that I’ll come and find her as
soon as I’m back and now she seems to trust that I’ll do this.’ He hopes that by
sharing and modelling strategies, Mum will be able to adopt them too.

Insecure attachment – disorganised or disoriented

This is the fourth category of attachment, added by Main (1996). It was used
to describe insecure attachment that did not fit the other categories and which
was bizarre or incorporated features of both avoidant and ambivalent responses.
Some children seem to ‘freeze’ on reunion in the ‘strange situation’, others head
towards their mother but then fall over, yet others lean their head against the
wall (Main 1996). Whereas the other forms of insecure attachment have coher-
ence to them, this is not true of disorganised attachment, which is indicative of
the most severe damage in the attachment relationship.
Children who develop disorganised attachment are thought to have care-
givers who are not only unpredictable but frightening or frightened (Main and
Hesse 1990). Disorganised attachment has been shown in longitudinal studies
to be a predictor of externalising behaviour problems (Lyons-Ruth 1996).
 UNDERSTANDING INSECURE ATTACHMENTS AND WAYS TO HELP 41

Practitioners will notice and be concerned about the behaviour of these children.
They are likely to be angry and aggressive, controlling and unpredictable. Safe-
guarding concerns need to be at the forefront of everyone’s minds.

Box 3.3: Theory into practice

Supporting children who shows extreme, ‘acting out’ behaviours

Aim to build children’s sense of trust and security but in recognition that
this is a particularly long and tough road for these children, consider:

• The possibility of a one-to-one Key Person working with only this child.
• Additional training or reading about disorganised attachment for as
many members of staff as possible.
• A support network for the one-to-one Key Person, possibly daily short
meetings with the manager and room staff to talk though progress, inci-
dents and strategies. Both practical and emotional support will be crucial.

Note that all forms of attachment indicate a bond with the caregiver(s). Evolu-
tion has equipped babies to attach to their caregivers in the way that is likely to
help them to survive longest. Avoidantly attached children try to minimise their
demands on the caregiver whom they sense has limited capacity to help them – it is
a survival strategy. Similarly, ambivalently attached children watch their caregiv-
ers very carefully as they fear that their needs will not be recognised if they do not
remain alert to opportunities to ‘present’ them. Children are presumed to develop
these styles because they are their best chance of having their needs met in the cir-
cumstances in which they find themselves. They are simply trying to protect them-
selves. When they later encounter different, more favourable, contingencies, as in
attending a high quality childcare setting, they may struggle to accommodate. Pat-
terns of behaviour are tied to patterns of physiological responses and can be hard
to alter. Children’s challenging behaviour is often a symptom of their confusion.
The descriptions of the insecure categories have indicated their associations
with behaviour problems. Table 3.1 shows the links between attachment styles
and behaviour.

Preventing or intervening early to help insecure attachment

Estimates of the prevalence of insecure attachment vary but claims are often made
that 40 per cent of children may have insecure attachments (Moullin et al. 2014).
Certain categories of parents and children are at higher risk of insecure attach-
ment. While being aware of these categories can help in the detection and prevention
of, or support for, difficulties, it is crucial not to jump to conclusions without consid-
ering each family in the round, including strengths and buffers as well as risk factors.
Table 3.1 Summary of attachment styles and behaviours
42

Behaviour in the ‘strange situation’

‘Internal working Associated feelings and
In mother’s absence Reunions model’ behaviours in the longer term
Secure I cry and am I’m pleased to see ‘I can rely on I like making friends, I love exploring
attachment distressed. Mummy. I smile Mummy to look and playing and I’m happy to be
at her and we after me. me.
hug and then
I’m fine to play
again.
Insecure You won’t notice I don’t show much Mummy doesn’t It’s safest if I manage by myself as
avoidant anything wrong with reaction. Possibly notice or gets much as possible myself. Mummy
attachment me. I might look for I’ll turn away irritated if I need has so much else to cope with.
Mummy. from Mummy. help. I just need to hold it together.
Sometimes I get angry with other
people.
Insecure I’m very upset when I go to Mummy but I need to be vigilant I need to be constantly on my guard
ambivalent/ Mummy leaves. I’m a bit angry. so that I can work to work out when it might be safe
resistant I’m certainly out the least bad to try to get my needs met. It’s
UNDERSTANDING INSECURE ATTACHMENTS AND WAYS TO HELP

attachment going to stay times to get my exhausting and takes up most of

right by her. needs met. my energy. I’m often anxious and
sometimes angry inside.
Insecure It’s not easy to predict I might freeze or I never quite know I don’t understand myself or other
disorganised what I’ll do. rock. how Mummy will people very well. I try to control
attachment react. Sometimes things because so much in my life
I’m scared of her. is uncontrollable. I’m confused,
angry and aggressive.
 UNDERSTANDING INSECURE ATTACHMENTS AND WAYS TO HELP 43

Factors associated with an increased risk of insecure attachment include:

maternal depression (Martins and Gaffen 2000); other mental health problems in
the family including alcohol or drug dependency; poverty; young age of mother;
parents’ own experience of insecure attachment; and the child experiencing mul-
tiple caregivers and poor quality childcare (van IJzendoorn et al.1999; Thompson
2013). Of course, these factors may overlap, for example, a young mother may
be poor and suffer from depression and may also use a variety of caregivers of
variable quality.
Socio-economic or mental health category is not destiny. For children, the
key factor seems to be whether they receive responsive care. The support par-
ents in difficult circumstances receive is crucial. Remember also that some babies
(those with ‘difficult temperaments’) seem to be more susceptible to adverse out-
comes if care is suboptimal so the parents of ‘irritable’ babies may need particular
support. None of the ‘risk factors’ doom a child to insecure attachment. There are,
for example, depressed parents who ‘defy the statistics’ and are responsive and
promote active problem-solving in their children (Nolen-Hoeksema et al. 1995).
The Introduction to Part 1 made reference to parents’ own attachment status
as judged by the Adult Attachment Interview (AAI) (Main 1996). The ways that
adults are categorised in the AAI have been mapped on to the ‘strange situa-
tion’ classifications at infancy (Main 1996). Main reports that the adult category
matches to the infant (secure versus insecure but not which particular form of
insecure) about 75 per cent of the time.
The AAI encourages interviewees to describe their own attachment expe-
riences and provide examples to illustrate these descriptions. The interview
takes about an hour and categorisation is based on the coherence of the dia-
logue around their personal experiences. Importantly, individuals may have had
quite challenging early attachment experiences but nevertheless might fall in the
healthiest ‘secure autonomous’ category if they have integrated their experience
and believe in and value positive relationships. It is their mental representations
that are significant and some people seem to have altered their representations
in the light of subsequent experience. This is a positive finding and points to
the preventative and remedial work that can help families. People whose AAI
scores suggest they are vulnerable to promoting insecure attachment in their
children could be helped before they become parents, an enticing prospect for
those working with parents ante-natally. Working with existing parents to help
them make sense of their own experience and to promote their children’s security
is, rightly, a current focus in many children’s centres and among professionals
supporting children and families. Interventions that increase parents’ sensitivity
to their children have proved successful (Bakermans-Kranburg et al. 2003).

Childcare settings and insecure attachment

Low quality childcare threatens children’s secure attachment and their well-being.
Babies and children may be outwardly calm in relatively unresponsive settings
44 UNDERSTANDING INSECURE ATTACHMENTS AND WAYS TO HELP

but this may mask underlying problems, for example, Dettling et al. (1999) found
elevated cortisol levels (a sign of stress) in 3- and 4-year-olds in nursery though
their behaviour caused no concern. Rapid turnover of staff, long work shifts and
tokenistic implementation of the Key Person requirement are among the corre-
lations of low quality childcare. Managers should guard against these factors,
including ensuring that work patterns are not so extreme that practitioners tend to
become listless and relatively unresponsive towards the end of long shifts. Chapter
2 looked in depth at ways in which settings can promote secure attachment.
Depression (and other risk factors) may affect not just parents but also prac-
titioners. Managers should be alert to any such factors and discuss and acknowl-
edge the possible effort that affected practitioners may need to exert, and the
support they may require, to deliver suitably responsive care.

Using an ‘attachment lens’: some provisos

Attachment categories are useful for highlighting different possible developmen-
tal pathways but remember that they may imply more clear-cut categories than
are the reality for many children. Each category will cover a continuum of reac-
tions and not all children in the insecure categories will have problems. Children
may have a different style of attachment to each parent. Also, of course, events
such as the birth of a sibling, separation of parents or a family bereavement are
likely to have at least a temporary impact on even a very securely attached child,
as do states such as tiredness and illness. Attachment history but also current
experiences shape the future trajectory of someone’s relationships, well-being
and behaviour (Thompson 2013).
The ‘strange situation’ has been useful for giving an indicator of attachment
style. The ‘strange situation’ is designed for mothers and their 1-year-old babies.
Children’s response to being left in a setting is not the same as a ‘strange situa-
tion’ response. Be aware that children’s age, familiarity with leaving the parent
and a host of other factors will impact on a child’s reaction.
Staff in settings should be informed and vigilant about the risk groups and
possible indicators of insecure attachment yet it is important to avoid hasty
judgements and stereotyping of families. Safeguarding concerns must be acted
on speedily and with regard to the statutory guidance (DfE 2013, 2014b). In the
absence of such concerns, a purely supportive approach is advocated. Practition-
ers should inform themselves of local sources of support for parents and signpost
them accordingly. Non-stigmatising activities that encourage attunement between
parent and child (such as ‘baby massage’ or ‘rhyme time’) can be beneficial.

Key points
• Ainsworth’s ‘strange situation’ led to the identification of patterns of
insecure attachment, each with implications for the internal working
 UNDERSTANDING INSECURE ATTACHMENTS AND WAYS TO HELP 45

model a child forms which then influences subsequent relationships and

behaviour:
• Avoidant attachment where children behave ‘well’ but are wary of relation-
ships, self-sufficient and at risk of not developing sensitivity to others
which could have repercussions for their behaviour as they develop.
• Resistant, ambivalent or anxious attachment where children have had
their needs met only intermittently. They are very vigilant and uncertain
in relationships and not sure of their own worth. They can be regarded as
‘clingy’, ‘attention-seeking’ and ‘needy’.
• Disorganised attachment which does not follow a coherent pattern and is
associated with the most worrying and challenging behaviour. These chil-
dren may have been frightened by their caregivers and are very confused
and needy. Safeguarding must be borne in mind. Individual packages of
care are likely to be necessary.
• Risk factors for the development of insecure attachment are known but
each child and family needs to be considered as an individual system, with
strengths and buffers as well as risk factors.
• Parents can be helped to develop responsiveness to, and understanding of,
their children’s needs and this can impact positively on outcomes.
• Attachment history is important but relationships can improve in quality with
help, new relationships can provide healthier models and positive experiences
can impact on a child’s internal working model. The fact that some adults
scoring in the most favourable category of the Adult Attachment Interview did
so despite poor early attachment experiences shows that positive change is
possible. This is the goal for those trying to help children and families.

Further reading
Bomber, L.M. (2007) Inside I’m Hurting: Practical Strategies for Supporting Children
with Attachment Difficulties in Schools, London: Worth Publishing.
Bomber, L.M. (2011) What about Me? Inclusive Strategies to Support Pupils with Attach-
ment Difficulties Make It through the School Day, London: Worth Publishing.
Geddes, H. (2006) Attachment in the Classroom: The Links between Children’s Early
Experience, Emotional Well-Being and Performance in Schools, London: Worth
Publishing.

Heather Geddes and Louise Bomber are two writers who address the impact of insecure
attachment on behaviour in schools and strategies to help. Their work is focused on
school-aged children but might nevertheless be of interest for they give clear depictions
of the ongoing challenges faced by children with insecure attachment. They explain the
difficulties empathetically and advocate positive practical approaches.
Part 2
Autonomy
‘Being me’

Relatedness Autonomy

Competence

Figure P2.1 The three psychological needs: focus on autonomy

Source: Based on Deci and Ryan (2000).
Introduction to Part 2

Autonomy is to do with being true to oneself. In self-determination theory (Deci

and Ryan 2000, 2002) the need for autonomy is considered to be lifelong. It is also
universal though it may be expressed slightly differently in different cultures
with, broadly speaking, more individualistic expression in Western societies and
more alignment with community activities in collectivist cultures. Skinner and
Edge (2002) argue that autonomy is just as important as relatedness and com-
petence in determining how effectively people cope with adversity but has not
received the same recognition. According to Koestner and Losier’s interpretation
of self-determination theory: ‘the need for autonomy is the most central nutrient
to the person’s growth’ (2002: 106).
Before turning to how babies and young children develop a sense of
autonomy, it can be useful to take a broader look at autonomy, from readers’
perspectives as adults. What does the healthy expression of autonomy look
like? Which factors promote the healthy expression and which factors lead to
a less healthy expression of this need? Consider the bullet points below which
summarise the view of autonomy as portrayed in Deci and Ryan’s (2000) self-
determination theory. Developing a clear view of healthy adult autonomy can
provide a useful context for valuing the development of autonomy in young
children. By taking the longer view, we can see the importance of promoting
autonomy in young children and recognise some behaviours as a necessary
part of its development.

Autonomous individuals
• Know their own minds and feel able to be their genuine selves.
• Make their own choices.
• Act in a manner consonant with their beliefs and values.
• Are open to their emotions but not at their mercy.
• Cherish their relationships and feel any compromises they make for the sake
of relationships are outweighed by their value.
• Can negotiate flexibly, maintaining a focus on priorities and compromising
on other matters.
• Have a sense of vitality and growth.
 INTRODUCTION TO PART 2 49

What autonomy is not

• Being totally independent and self-centred.
• Feeling a need to control everything and everyone.
• Always having to be right and get things right.

Autonomy-supporting environments
• Are respectful of everyone.
• Acknowledge feelings (and help people to recognise their own feelings).
• Allow choice.
• Require tasks for a good reason and make the reason clear.
• Allow people a say (and act upon that say).
• Recognise the contributions people make.
• Model successful conflict resolution and negotiation.
• Allow people to try things and accept that mistakes will happen and can be
learning experiences.
• Allow risk taking.
• Are set up so that people can take some initiative.
• Give appropriate opportunities for responsibility.
• Provide ‘structured freedom’.

Environments that undermine autonomy: harsh

• Are hierarchical and dismissive of those low in the hierarchy.
• Ignore feelings.
• Control by domineering – threats, surveillance, evaluation, deadlines.
• Make seemingly arbitrary demands (‘Because I say so!’)
• Discourage expression of views and become more intransigent in demands
if negative views are expressed.
• Ignore or belittle contributions.
• Model imposition of one’s will.
• Insist on things being done a certain way and punish when things go wrong.
• May at times force people to take risks that scare them.
• Either allow no initiative in tasks or require an unreasonable amount of ini-
tiative (undermining competence).
• Give inappropriate levels of responsibility.
• Compel people to do as directed
50 INTRODUCTION TO PART 2

Environments that undermine autonomy: stifling

• Acknowledge people but with condescension or ‘smothering’.
• Deny negative feelings. (‘Of course you don’t hate her, you’re friends!’)
• Make choices for other people.
• Give reasons for tasks that are to do with (extrinsic) rewards on completion.
• Do not seek opinions or do not take opinions seriously.
• Praise and talk positively all the time and indiscriminately.
• Model a superficial ‘we all have only positive emotions’ way of dealing with
situations.
• Intervene to ensure things are done the ‘best’ way and success is assured.
• Protect from risks.
• Provide support to the extent that initiative is not required.
• Do not offer responsibility.
• Limit freedom, even though there may be a range of stimulating activities.

Reflection P2.1: Feelings of autonomy

Reflect on the definition of autonomy given above. Consider to what degree

you feel autonomous. This may vary in different contexts and your feelings
of autonomy are likely to have varied at different times in your life. To what
extent have you experienced autonomy-supporting or autonomy-undermin-
ing environments? Reflect with regard to the following:

• the home you grew up in;

• your education;
• your current living arrangements;
• your workplace.

Autonomy in the early years

Supporting the development of autonomy is not at all to do with giving children free
rein to do what they want. Rather, it is about helping them to recognise their unique
selves and supporting them in finding ways of participating in their culture while
also meeting their own psychological needs. Autonomous individuals feel they can
be themselves while also being part of groups, be they families, settings or schools.
They feel that they make their own choices about how to behave as opposed to
being constrained to behave in certain ways. Skinner and Edge (2002: 298) define
autonomy as ‘the need to express one’s authentic self and to experience that self
 INTRODUCTION TO PART 2 51

as the source of action’. They see autonomy as the opposite of coercion. Coercion
comes in myriad forms. It is easily recognised in (the fear of) harsh punishment but
it can also be experienced in other ways, including fear of loss of love and pressure
of others’ expectations. Over-protection and intrusive helpfulness (so-called ‘heli-
copter parenting’) can be coercive as they constrain people’s options.
The degree of autonomy experienced by children impacts upon how they
internalise the expectations and demands that are increasingly placed on them
as they grow up. Deci and Ryan argue that socialisation and internalisation
are natural processes. Provided their psychological needs are met, children’s
sense of relatedness will lead them to internalise the ‘demands’ of their culture
(the things that they have to do that are not intrinsically appealing).
Autonomy develops over time as children learn about themselves and about
the society in which they are growing up. Some ‘aggressive’ and ‘defiant’ behav-
iour (terms used in the psychological literature and hence used here) is perhaps
usefully construed as part of the natural development of autonomy. Other, more
persistent and extreme behaviour could be interpreted by the Deci and Ryan
(2000) model as a reaction against an environment that undermines the develop-
ment of autonomy. A child who is very aggressive towards adults and children
may be reacting to a harsh, coercive and punitive environment.
One of the major insights offered by the model is that some children whose
behaviour is not seen as causing concern may be storing up problems for the future
because their sense of autonomy is not being nurtured. People at different ends of
the autonomy continuum might behave equally ‘well’ but the motivations behind
their behaviour might have vastly different consequences for their well-being
and their behaviour in the future. Think of the case where children say ‘sorry’ to
another child after a dispute because the other child’s upset reaction makes them
realise that they acted unfairly and the child’s reaction is legitimate. This is com-
pletely different from a case where a child says ‘sorry’ out of fear or social expecta-
tion yet is really the wronged partner but cannot express this or has no expectation
of being listened to. The former is autonomous behaviour with children choosing
freely to adopt the social custom of apology; the latter behaviour is ‘controlled’,
motivated by others’ expectations but not ‘true’ to the child’s inner self.
There are various different strands of research with a bearing on how chil-
dren develop autonomy. They offer different perspectives though there is some
overlap and certainly some commonality in the lessons offered for effective
autonomy-supporting practice. The structure of Part 2 on autonomy is as follows:

• Chapter 4 – ‘Boundary setting: “I need to explore and find out about the world
and myself within managed boundaries”’. This chapter emphasises the
importance of parents setting boundaries for children. It explores the lit-
erature on parenting styles to help practitioners understand how particular
patterns of child behaviour result from particular styles. Practitioners are
in a strong position to support parents with setting boundaries. The chapter
also suggests ways in which autonomy can be supported within the setting.
52 INTRODUCTION TO PART 2

• Chapter 5 – ‘Emotions: “I need to understand my own feelings and how to use

them constructively”’. This chapter explains why emotions have an impor-
tant role in the development of autonomy. It emphasises that negative emo-
tions should not be denied or ignored. It describes and advocates ‘emotion
coaching’ (Gottman with Declaire 1997) as a constructive approach to fos-
tering emotional awareness and hence autonomy.
• Chapter 6 – ‘Unique but belonging: “I want to be me but I still need to be
loved”’. This chapter investigates the toddler’s journey towards autonomy,
giving guidance on typical development to inform interpretation of behav-
iour. It also presents the research evidence on what adults can do to support
the journey toward autonomy, giving practical examples.

Autonomy and the EYFS

While the term ‘autonomy’ does not appear in the EYFS, ideas related to the con-
cept do feature, as shown in Box P2.1.

Box P2.1: Autonomy and the EYFS

• One of the four overarching principles is that ‘every child is a unique

child, who is constantly learning and can be resilient, capable, confi-
dent and self-assured’. Promoting autonomy is to do with helping chil-
dren appreciate and express their unique qualities while also belonging
to communities.
• The designation of PSE as a prime area of learning and development
emphasises its importance. PSE includes the following aspects, all of
which link to developing autonomy:
• ‘Helping children to develop a positive sense of themselves.’
• Children ‘say why they like some activities more than others.’
• They ‘choose the resources they need for their chosen activities.’
• ‘They say when they do or don’t need help.’
• Learning related to autonomy is likely to be threaded throughout the
curriculum. The EYFS (DfE 2014b) includes relevant material in the
guidance on ‘Understanding the world: people and communities’: chil-
dren ‘know that other children don’t always enjoy the same things, and
are sensitive to this’ (DfE 2014b).
4
Boundary setting
‘I need to explore and find out about the world
and myself within managed boundaries’

Young children require structure if they are to develop autonomy. Reasonable

behavioural boundaries or limits provide structure and support development.
The purpose of boundaries should be to allow safe, harmonious living for all,
without cramping or restraining anyone unduly. Young babies, as we have seen,
benefit from attentive, responsive care but carers need to adapt their support
to the growing capacities of a child. If a mother who immediately fed a hun-
gry baby and who quickly retrieved her young baby’s dropped toy is reacting
the same way two years later, the outcome would most likely be an exhausted
mother and a tyrannical child. The importance of boundaries is emphasised by
recent work which draws on research to identify the strongest predictors of posi-
tive outcomes for children (Roberts and Donkin 2014). Setting and reinforcing
boundaries features among the 21 strongest predictors.
Gralinski and Kopp (1993) carried out a study investigating the ‘everyday
rules for behaviour’ adopted by 71 mothers as their infants grew. The results
suggested that mothers tend to support their children’s socialisation over time
by increasing the number and scope of rules as children develop (Table 4.1). Rep-
etition of rules, and initial adult intervention to enforce the rules were a normal
part of the process before, over time, children generally followed the rules most
of the time without prompting. This study, while not producing surprising results,

Table 4.1 Everyday rules for behaviour

Age of child Rules cover

Under 1 year Safety
13 months As above plus not hurting others, not damaging things,
waiting for attention or food
18 months As above plus manners and mealtime routines

Source: Based on Gralinski and Kopp (1993).

54 BOUNDARY SETTING

captures the way most mothers were, in effect, treating children like young
apprentices to a culture and helping them gradually develop the behaviours to
fit in. Reasonable boundaries and rules provide the ‘structured freedom’ that pro-
motes autonomy. Accepting that children need support and will only gradually
become consistent in adhering to rules is another autonomy-supporting factor.
For children, appropriate, managed boundaries fulfil several important pur-
poses. They supply them with a safe and predictable framework for playing and
living. At the same time they provide areas for children to test out their influ-
ence and power, a natural part of being curious and learning about oneself and
relationships. Boundaries also give children the message that certain types of
behaviour are expected here – it prepares them for restrictions they will come
across in different places and gives them a prototype against which to compare
and contrast other systems they encounter in the future. Managed boundaries
show children that someone is noticing them and, though there will be occasions
when they wish this was not so, the underlying message they absorb is that they
are worth noticing, they matter.

Parenting/child-rearing styles
‘Parenting styles’ capture patterns of parent behaviour. The patterns are made
up of a number of different parental behaviours and the motivations that seem
to underlie them. The styles are composite categories, amalgams of different ele-
ments. They stereotype the different styles to some extent but are useful to set
the scene and give a broad analysis of how different child-rearing approaches
promote or hinder autonomy and positive behaviour in the long term. In this
chapter, the emphasis is placed on boundary setting for children, an issue of
crucial importance in promoting positive behaviour but something that can be
problematical for parents and often plays a part in children’s behavioural dif-
ficulties. Many loving parents fail to put in appropriate boundaries, possibly
construing themselves as kind and tolerant. Boundaries, appropriately set and
managed, play a vital role in helping children feel safe and promoting autonomy.
Children thrive when life is predictable and there is the safety of adults being in
overall control. The discussion on attachment theory stressed that babies who
are soothed and comforted go on to regulate their own emotions. Similarly, chil-
dren brought up with reasonable boundaries learn to impose boundaries on their
own behaviour. They are less likely to mismanage the freedoms of adolescence
than their peers brought up with unduly restrictive boundaries or virtually no
boundaries.
Research on parenting styles is relevant for practitioners. If they understand
the types of behaviour associated with each style, this can provide a basis for
interpreting children’s behaviour and for working with families to promote an
alternative style, when appropriate. Where families have established few bound-
aries, one of the most important contributions practitioners can make is to help
parents understand the value of boundary setting and to support them in the
 BOUNDARY SETTING 55

difficult task of putting in limits when a child has become accustomed to oper-
ating without them. A further reason for practitioners to know about parenting
styles is that the style associated with best outcomes for children is also relevant
for best practice in education and childcare settings.
Landmark work on families and boundaries was carried out by Diana Baum-
rind in 1966 but the basic outline of her findings and insights remains current, with
subsequent research refining rather than radically revising her ideas. Baumrind
(1966) reviewed 12 studies into parent behaviour and its effects on children. She
selected studies where the children had been observed directly and on a number
of occasions. Some had been observed at home or in school, others in laboratory
settings. The parents had been interviewed about their attitudes and behaviour.
Some studies also involved direct observation of the parents’ interaction styles.
From analysing the studies, Baumrind concluded that parenting styles could be
divided into three broad types (though she recognised that a given parent would
probably use different styles at different times): authoritarian; permissive; and
authoritative.

Authoritarian parenting
Authoritarian parents are highly controlling of their children, setting firm bound-
aries to suit their own desires and/or beliefs and not seeing any need to take
the children’s views into account. Boundaries are strictly enforced, sometimes
by threat of, or actual, physical punishment. This is the ‘spare the rod and spoil
the child’ view of parenting where children are believed to have to shape up to
high expectations for their own good. Authoritarian parents prize obedience and
conformity. They (or the higher sources that guide them, for example, religious
ideas) know what is right and children are discouraged from debating, avoiding
or transgressing the rules. The rules are the rules and need no explanation. The
authoritarian style is harshly undermining of autonomy.
Children in authoritarian households are likely to be expected to help sub-
stantially with jobs around the house. Often there is no choice over the types of
jobs carried out or when they are done.
Authoritarian parenting is associated with children who look to adults to
organise their lives. They lack opportunities to develop autonomy. ‘Good’ behav-
iour is enforced and children brought up by authoritarian parents are often com-
pliant. Particularly when harsh physical or psychological punishment has been
involved, children tend to respond in one of two ways. Their response might be
hostile withdrawal (retreating into themselves, not engaging with others or with
activities, being nervous, possibly flinching if someone makes a sudden gesture
in their direction). On the other hand, children treated in this way may ‘act out’
when away from their parents, hitting and trying to control other children, using
some of the tactics they have themselves experienced. There is evidence that
coercive, authoritarian parenting of babies is associated with challenging behav-
iour by the child later on (for example, Tremblay et al. 2004).
56 BOUNDARY SETTING

Permissive parenting
Baumrind’s characterisation of permissive parenting, while based on research, is
influenced by the sociocultural environment in which she was working – 1960s
America, the ‘Swinging Sixties’, a time of experimentation with relationships and
of rapid change in society.
Permissive parents are portrayed as loving and giving, to a fault. They
are accepting of their children and act as though they want to be their friend
rather than their parent. Their underlying view (of which they may not be con-
scious) is of themselves as someone to help their children by granting their
wishes to a large degree. They do not see their key roles as being to provide
a role model for their children or to guide and mould their behaviour. They
make few demands on their children, wanting to provide them with space and
opportunity to be themselves and to grow into their own aspirations. These
parents may intend to afford children autonomy but the evidence of the effect
of this style is otherwise. Permissive parents avoid exerting control but will
try to reason with children. If that fails, they may use what Baumrind terms
‘manipulation’, for example, diversionary tactics. Permissive parents tend not
to set explicit boundaries for children. Children hold a great deal of control in
households where the dominant style is permissive. What they lack is a devel-
opmentally appropriate level of structure to provide the levels of predictability
and security that might enable them to exercise this control in a constructive
and autonomous fashion.
Permissive parents typically expect their children to do few chores in the
household as they grow up.
Permissive parenting is associated with children who find it hard to under-
stand that rules in settings and schools apply to them as well as everyone else.
These children may defy rules, ignore what adults say and argue with those who
try to get them to conform to behavioural expectations. They can be lacking in
initiative and tend to expect adults to solve their problems for them. Practition-
ers and teachers (and, sometimes, parents) may view such children as ‘difficult’
and unruly. The children lack the confidence, the security and the positive, goal-
focused approach that might have been fostered in them. They tend to expend
a great deal of energy trying to sort out the sometimes overpowering extent of
their control. They can be confused by the conflicting expectations placed on
them at home and elsewhere.
Regarding ‘permissive’ approaches, it is important for both parents and prac-
titioners to be aware that when an adult is present but does not intervene to set
appropriate boundaries on behaviour, children seem to assume that what they
are doing is being condoned – the chances of them repeating behaviour with
negative consequences for others are higher than if no adult had been present
(Siegel and Kohn 1959; Singer and de Haan 2007: 44). This emphasises the impor-
tance of adults maintaining appropriate boundaries. Not to do so is a missed
opportunity for promoting positive behaviour but, more than this, it may worsen
behaviour.
 BOUNDARY SETTING 57

Case snippet 4.1: Piotr

Piotr is a lively, watchful boy with a winning smile. His Dad brings him to nurs-
ery each day and is pleasant and friendly with the staff. Piotr’s behaviour often
seems to embarrass Dad. Piotr sometimes pulls Dad away when he is talking to
the Key Person. Dad will say, ‘Just a minute, Piotr’, but Piotr shouts, ‘No! Now!’
and Dad gets pulled away, smiling apologetically. Once Piotr hit Dad when he
arrived to collect him, saying, ‘You put cheese in my sandwich! Naughty Daddy!’
There have been other such instances. At the setting, Piotr is gradually learning
to follow the routines such as joining other children on the carpet and sitting
at the table for a snack. He will sometimes join in tidying up but this has to be
prompted. His relations with other children are uneasy. He seems to want to
play with them and sometimes manages this successfully for a time but often
he bosses them about and seems to struggle to accept other people’s ideas.
The Key Person is thinking about asking to meet Dad without Piotr present to
ask about Piotr’s behaviour at home and to explore the issue of boundaries.

Authoritative parenting
Authoritative parents see their role as guiding children and, over time, they hope
to help their children develop into young people who manage their own behav-
iour, taking into account its effects on others. These parents set boundaries but
not in an arbitrary fashion. They are happy to articulate the reasons for the
boundaries and, as children grow up, they will be open to discussion and flex-
ibility on some boundaries. Crucial boundaries, for example, to do with safety,
might be varied with the age of the child but be otherwise non-negotiable.
Authoritative parents typically expect children to take on some responsibil-
ity for jobs in the home but may offer a degree of choice concerning the jobs and
some flexibility in when they are carried out.
Children of authoritative parents are those that are best equipped to develop
autonomy and flourish in the settings and schools of Western democracies. This
parenting style is associated with responsible children, who conform the majority
of the time but may speak up if they feel something is unfair. They tend to have con-
fidence in the value of their ideas and opinions but listen to, and value, other opin-
ions too. These children usually co-operate with others. They play an active role in
solving any problems they face but they will seek adult support appropriately.
There is some evidence to suggest that authoritative parenting enables
babies with ‘difficult temperaments’ to overcome the association between this
temperament and behaviour difficulties in pre-school (Paulssen-Hoogeboom et
al. 2008). Differences in children’s temperaments exist and babies and young chil-
dren considered to have a ‘difficult temperament’ are those who tend to display
powerful negative emotions such as sadness, frustration and anger. Authoritative
58 BOUNDARY SETTING

parenting helps such children. This links with evidence that responsive caregiv-
ing mitigates against ‘difficult temperament’ resulting in externalising behaviour
difficulties (Kochanska and Sanghag 2013).
Baumrind’s categories of parental attitudes and behaviour and their effects
on children are useful for informing practice and reflection. Two notes of caution
need to be sounded. The first is the likely cultural specificity of the ideas. Our
settings and schools prize certain characteristics and, in our culture, a particu-
lar parenting style (authoritative) promotes children’s likelihood of developing
the required characteristics. In other cultures, the findings are more ambivalent.
The second note of caution is somewhat related to the first but also raises the
issue of ‘values’ versus ‘research evidence’. Some people are shocked to find that
Baumrind is not completely against physical punishment. Whilst abhorring harsh
punishment, she believes there is evidence that mild physical punishment may
have some benefits. Here her views are at odds with prevailing norms in the
world of British education. We perhaps need to acknowledge that there is an
important place for ‘values-led’ approaches as well as for evidence-based ones.
Hopefully the two approaches work in tandem but this is not always the case. (A
strong argument can, however, be made that ‘benefits’ achieved by mild physical
punishment can be better achieved in alternative ways.)
In her discussion of parenting styles and their effects, Baumrind makes
implicit reference to a hostility/warmth continuum. Hostile control by a parent is
the authoritarian style. Firm control by a warm parent is the authoritative style.
The context of particular actions/attitudes – the relationships within which they
occur – are all-important. This is why there is an overlap between relatedness
and autonomy (see Figure P2.1). Just as both parent and baby thrive and benefit
from secure attachment in the baby stage, so too does authoritative parenting
protect both from the long-term damage that can occur if boundaries/behav-
ioural limits are not negotiated in a way that meets both sets of needs. Within the
authoritative relationship, children have a strong sense of security and belonging
in the home and a strong drive to please their parents. Authoritative parents are
attuned to a child’s feelings and developing competencies, while also recognis-
ing their own needs and those of all in the household. Both parent and child
derive pleasure from their relationship. These factors hold fundamentally true
even though children – as a natural part of their curiosity and learning – will test
any boundaries they face.
In later reviews of parenting styles, researchers have identified an over-
protection/coercive control continuum in addition to the hostility/warmth one
(Parker 1983; Chorpita and Barlow 1998). These continua relate well to the ideas
in this book regarding the environments that promote satisfaction of the need
for autonomy. Both ends of the overprotection/control continuum are associated
with limiting autonomy. Over-protective parents limit children’s opportunities to
learn about the consequences of their behaviour and about how to manage the
risks they take. This may be a parental practice that is increasing among recent
generations of parents. Certainly, providers of early years education and care
 BOUNDARY SETTING 59

and local authorities responsible for playgrounds have been influenced by health
and safety concerns and awareness of legal repercussions should anything go
wrong. Reasonable precautions must be taken but, equally, children need devel-
opmentally appropriate opportunities to stretch themselves and exercise their
capabilities to the limit.

Case snippet 4.2: Millie

Millie always arrives at pre-school in a pretty dress and with her hair beautifully
groomed and tied with ribbons to match her dress. She plays very happily in the
role play area and with the small world toys. She sometimes chooses a bike
and she enjoys climbing on the outside apparatus. She gets on well with other
children and practitioners like her and have no concerns about her. Ruth, her
Key Person, notices that Millie steadfastly avoids any messy activities though
sometimes she notices her looking at the water tray, the painting corner and
the mud kitchen as though she might like to take part. Any time Millie is invited
to take part in a messy activity, she shakes her head and moves away. Ruth
wonders if Millie is worried about her dress. She mentions to Mum that children
are supposed to come in old clothes so that getting messy is not a problem.
Millie’s Mum says it’s fine, Millie doesn’t like messy play and prefers to stay
clean and look nice. Not convinced, Ruth offers Millie and some of her friends
the opportunity to change into some old clothes belonging to the nursery. She
tells them they can get as messy as they like and there will be time to wash
them thoroughly and change into their clothes before the parents come. Millie
is a little hesitant and at first goes to play with the small world toys. Later,
however, she chooses to paint. Ruth is pleased and repeats the experiment
once a week. Millie gradually becomes more comfortable with messy play. Ruth
realises she needs to talk to Mum and gently explain how Millie has been influ-
enced by Mum’s preference (neat and tidy, no mess) to the extent of limiting
her exploration, play and learning. Ruth is tempted not to raise this tricky topic
but realises she must try since Mum is probably not deliberately stifling Millie’s
autonomy. If Mum can be convinced that it is in Millie’s long-term interests to let
her try activities that are not Mum’s own preferred ones, then Millie will benefit.

Child-rearing styles that are lacking in warmth (relatively non-responsive to

children’s bids for attention) and at the same time over-protective are thought to
render children susceptible to anxiety disorders (Parker 1983). Parker characterises
this situation as one of ‘affectionless control’. This is a situation that could occur in
childcare settings of low quality, to the great detriment of the children concerned.
The term ‘reasonable’ has been repeatedly used in this chapter with refer-
ence to rules and boundaries. Arbitrary rules militate against autonomy. Of
60 BOUNDARY SETTING

course, rules may seem reasonable to their originator and appear arbitrary to
those expected to follow them! Explaining rules and boundaries to children sup-
ports effective internalisation and autonomy – children can, for example, choose
to be kind to other children, recognising how being unkind to them would make
them feel. This is much more autonomous than acting in ‘a kind way’ to avoid
negative consequences of not doing so. Involving children in deciding the rules
in a setting can be an important part of supporting autonomy.

Box 4.1: Theory into practice

Supporting autonomy through boundaries, rules and routines in early

years settings
The boundaries, rules and routines should be:

• Clear. How do children know about them? Do some children benefit

from visual or ‘social story’ ways of sharing the rules (Gray 2001;
Box 8.1)? How are young children helped to remember the rules? Are
they rehearsed? Is there some form of age-appropriate display? Is the
number of rules tailored to children’s memory capacity?
• Useful and explicable (i.e. not arbitrary). Can you explain the rule in a
way the children can understand the need for it?
• Consistently applied. What happens when rules are infringed? The
Goldilocks principle is apposite – not too little reaction, not too much,
just the right response to be effective in increasing the likelihood a
child will conform to the rule in the future.
• Drawn up with child involvement. Is there age-appropriate discussion about
rules and appropriate incorporation of children’s ideas? Is care taken to
try to ascertain the views and preferences of non-verbal children?

Key points
• Authoritative parenting (and childrearing practice) promote the development
of autonomy.
• ‘Structured freedom’ involves providing reasonable behavioural boundaries
with the reasons explained to the child, as well as opportunities for develop-
mentally appropriate choice and risk-taking.
• Some parents may benefit from advice and support regarding boundary-set-
ting. Acknowledge that putting in boundaries late is hard work and support
parents with this task, stressing the long-term benefits for all the family.
• Harsh, coercive control impedes the development of autonomy but so too
does over-protection.
 BOUNDARY SETTING 61

• Developmentally appropriate choices and responsibility can promote

autonomy.
• Adults need to step in when they observe children behaving inappropriately.
While they should allow time for children to settle their own disputes, ‘turning
a blind eye’ to behaviour that overrides another child’s rights is interpreted
as condoning the behaviour and thus may lead to more such behaviour in the
future.
• ‘Affectionless overprotection’ sows the seeds for future behavioural prob-
lems derived from anxiety. A robotic, soulless implementation of legislative
requirements could result in this style of provision.

Further reading
Early Education supported by the Department for Education (2012) Development Matters
in the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS), London: Early Education.
Practitioners might find it helpful to look at the section in Development Matters on PSE:
Managing Feelings and Behaviour and to find the links with setting boundaries.

Roberts, R. (2006) Self-Esteem and Early Learning: Key People from Birth to School, 3rd
edn, London: Paul Chapman.
Chapter 6 is on the topic of adults setting limits.
5
Emotions
‘I need to understand my own feelings
and how to use them constructively’

An important part of autonomy involves recognising emotions and being able to

use them as a helpful guide to action, thus avoiding the situation where negative
emotions build up and ‘hijack’ a person, whether this comes out as an explosion
of anger or a complete withdrawal from a relationship in hurt and frustration.
Emotions and behaviour have strong links. Supporting autonomy in children
includes helping them to understand their emotions.

Emotions: why have they evolved?

From an evolutionary viewpoint, the wide range of emotions that humans experi-
ence must have given our ancestors a survival advantage. The positive emotions
of happiness, joy and love build attachment and strengthen relationships – in
evolutionary terms, this was necessary to maintain bonds over the time taken
to raise children. Positive emotions also maximise our learning capacities, key
for adapting and surviving. The negative emotions such as fear, anger, jealousy
and anxiety act to register threat. In our evolutionary history it will have been
advantageous to get away from a fear-inducing predator, to fight off anyone or
anything threatening our young, to act against a rival for our mate and to be cau-
tious and protect ourselves, our family and belongings when faced with uncer-
tainty of any sort. Shame and guilt will have promoted behaviour to cement the
social group, limit deviant behaviour and keep everyone safe.
The standard evolutionary argument for the enormous capacity of the
human brain is that it was advantageous (and therefore selected) because it
enhanced survival by making possible technological advances, but an alterna-
tive view (Humphrey 1976) is that the social demands of human life were the
driver for the complexity and capability of the human brain. Living and work-
ing in social groups brings huge benefits but also requires constant balancing of
one’s own and others’ needs in ever shifting and never completely predictable sit-
uations (a balancing act that Deci and Ryan would say requires self-determined
autonomous behaviour). Humphrey’s argument stresses the ‘social function of
 EMOTIONS 63

intellect’ (Humphrey 1976). Emotions, if read correctly, can be invaluable tools

that enable us to navigate our socially complex worlds.

Case snippet 5.1: Ivan

Ivan, 4 years old, has a funny feeling in his tummy and keeps feeling hot and
bothered. Mum asks him what is wrong and he says he doesn’t know. He says his
tummy feels funny and Mum says, ‘You’re starting school tomorrow. You’ll love
it but of course it’s new and so it’s a little bit exciting and a little bit scary, both
together. That’s what those feelings in your tummy are saying. They mean you’re
gearing up for something new and we should help you cope.’ Mum suggests re-
reading the book the school gave them describing what will happen on the first
day to reassure and prepare Ivan. Then the whole family plays Ivan’s favourite
card game until bedtime to help him relax.

Despite the evolutionary argument for the importance of emotion, the Western
philosophical tradition has tended to regard emotions as an inconvenience and
as vastly inferior to reason. Emotions have been viewed as unpredictable and
often damaging – closely allied to sin. The ideal, in this tradition, has been to
keep emotion strictly controlled, and often suppressed, and to concentrate on
developing reasoning abilities. While some recent changes in these attitudes can
be discerned, this is essentially the heritage that has shaped British society (the
tradition of the ‘stiff upper lip’). It is a heritage that leaves its imprint on how
parents bring up their children and on our education system.

Reflection 5.1

• Consider the attitudes to emotion in your own upbringing. Would you

describe your family as emotional? Were emotions discussed? Were
some emotions ‘swept under the carpet’? Were there gender differ-
ences in the messages given to boys and girls regarding the emotions
it was permissible to display?
• Try to think of a specific incident in your childhood that captures key
aspects of your family’s emotional approach.
• What sort of attitudes to emotion are you modelling for children? To
what extent are these attitudes a reflection of your own upbringing? Or
have you consciously chosen to adopt a different attitude to emotions?
• What sort of behaviours do you think indicate emotionality? Is there
always a direct relationship between emotion and behaviour? What do
you feel about the recent trend for more overt embracing and saying
‘Love you’? To what extent do you consider this a good thing? Is it
sometimes superficial and habitual?
64 EMOTIONS

Emotions: a help or hindrance in life today?

Goleman (1996) popularised the term ‘emotional intelligence’ which usefully
focuses attention on the role of emotional and social functioning – not just intel-
lectual functioning – in life satisfaction and success. Emotions provide us with a
way of coping with the infinite amount of perceptual material that bombards us
and they, and their close relation, intuition, prioritise what we notice and remem-
ber. They also direct our actions, our behaviour. They play a role in babies’ lives
from the very beginning (see Box 5.1).

Box 5.1: Emotions and development

Basic emotions
Most textbooks assert that there are six basic emotions and that babies
of any culture will show the facial expressions for these by the time they
are 7 months old. The six basic emotions are considered to be: happi-
ness, sadness, anger, disgust, surprise and fear.
Recent work (Jack et al. 2014) suggests that there may be only four
basic emotions: happiness, sadness, ‘approach and deal with’ (which
within the first year separates into anger and disgust) and ‘avoid’ (which
within the first year separates into surprise and fear).

Later-appearing emotions
These later-appearing emotions evident by 24 months are: shame, guilt,
jealousy, embarrassment and pride.
While the ability to reflect on others’ emotions and consider them
explicitly develops significantly with age, research suggests that babies
are responsive to others’ emotions, and the emotional climate, from
birth. Emotion is communicated in myriad ways, including touch, tone of
voice and facial expression. The baby’s early understanding of emotion is
‘interactive’ rather than ‘abstracted’ (Reddy 2008: 79). In the context of
engaged interaction, a 2-month-old responds to emotional cues.

Positive emotions have the same role now as in our evolutionary history.
They power the virtuous cycle of positive relationships within which people
can flourish. This has been discussed in detail with regard to attachment theory
and its implications, including children’s need to feel special, noticed and val-
ued in settings. Positive interactions and emotions are what makes or breaks
relationships. Seligman (2011: 48), looking at adult relationships, points out
that ‘how you celebrate is more predictive of strong relations than how you
fight’. Having arguments may at times be healthy for relationships but what
 EMOTIONS 65

is absolutely vital is having positive times together. Seligman argues that an

approach to helping people that focuses on minimising problems (for exam-
ple, helping a child to find coping strategies for anger) is limited. For people
to flourish, it is essential also to build strong relationships, feelings of happi-
ness, enjoyment, belonging and achievement. The focus should not just be on
addressing perceived problems but on fostering the positive emotions as well,
working to try to make these predominate in a child’s experience. This must
be borne in mind for children whose behaviour is considered challenging. At
least as much effort should go into building positive relationships and eliciting
positive emotions as goes into addressing the challenging behaviour, not least
because the strategies to address unwanted behaviour will work only if the
child has a relationship and the attendant desire to (re-)establish goodwill with
the adult.
Are the ‘negative’ emotions of value in life today? Now that most of us do not
face life-or-death situations every day, are the negative emotions such as anger
more of a hindrance than a help? It is quick, intuitive, emotion-driven behaviours,
such as angry outbursts of violence, which have resulted in emotion often being
considered dangerous and unfortunate. An example of quick emotion-driven
behaviour is John Prescott’s reaction to having eggs thrown at him on a visit to
Rhyl in 2001. Prescott, then Deputy Prime Minister, lashed out at his assailant.
This was not a statesman-like way to behave (though, interestingly, Prescott’s
image suffered no serious damage as a result). It is open to debate whether this
behaviour was functional (helpful) for Prescott (did it deter others from pelt-
ing him with eggs?). Emotions work functionally for most people, most of the
time and without them we would be unable to function quickly and efficiently.
Reasoning takes time. It is a very useful adjunct to emotion but not a replace-
ment. Emotions lead to primary appraisals – ‘gut instincts’ – that are our inbuilt
reactions to stimuli. The negative emotions indicate that something is wrong and
needs to be addressed if well-being is to be maintained. We are more depend-
ent on our ‘quick and dirty’ emotional reactions than we generally realise. Many
drivers can think of occasions where they have intuitively taken action to avoid
a car accident, and their body is flooded with the fear response, long before their
conscious mind has even registered the danger, let alone worked out what to do
about it. Our emotions and intuitions often work below the level of consciousness
and, generally, are like silent guardian angels, acting to help us thrive. As long
as we develop the executive functions (the subject of Chapter 9) to enable us
to harness our emotions when appropriate, they are some of our best tools for
autonomy and well-being.
Understanding the negative emotions may play a particularly important role
in the development of autonomy (Lagattuta and Wellman 2001; Hughes and Dunn
2002; Ensor and Hughes 2005). Recognising the whispers (first signs) of nega-
tive emotions and acting on them before they have to shout (stage an emotional
hijack) may be key in achieving the healthy autonomy that also preserves rela-
tionships.
66 EMOTIONS

Gottman provides useful guidance on helping children understand the whis-

pers of behaviour (Gottman et al. 1996; Gottman with Declaire 1997). He has
identified an aspect of parenting which he believes to be highly influential for
children’s behaviour and which he describes as being somewhat different from
both the responsive style of parenting associated with secure attachment (Ains-
worth and Bell 1970; Ainsworth and Marvin 1995) and the authoritative parent-
ing style (Baumrind 1966) associated with best outcomes. Gottman et al. (1996)
conducted a study investigating the links between what they termed ‘parental
meta-emotion philosophy’ and their children’s behaviour. The researchers
looked at how parents’ feelings and thoughts about emotion (their ‘meta-emotion
philosophy’) affected how they interacted with their children. Some parents were
dismissive of their own and children’s negative emotions, ignoring or denying
these emotions and seeking to distract children on to something else or telling
them off for negative emotions. It was not that these parents did not love their
children, but they had trouble with negative emotions. The following would be
the sorts of comment such parents might make to their children:

Of course you don’t hate your brother.

Never mind that Layla won’t let you play, you have plenty of other friends.
You are such a lucky boy compared to so many other children. I don’t want
to hear another word about the weather ruining our plans.
Don’t be angry with me. I’ve been really busy at work all day and the comic
shop was closed by the time I got there.
Pets do die, I’m afraid. We’ll choose a new kitten this weekend.
I won’t have jealousy in this house.

This style of interacting with children is common but it undermines autonomy.

Children are effectively being told how they should feel and that it is wrong
to have the emotions they experience. Instead of learning adaptive ways of
acknowledging and reacting to their emotions, they may be learning that they
have to hide parts of themselves to be accepted. Emotions that are driven under-
ground spell trouble for the future. They can interfere with the quality of relation-
ships and cause simmering resentment or frustration. Autonomy is not fostered
when feelings are denied.
Contrasting with this approach, Gottman’s team identified an ‘emotion
coaching’ style of parenting. Parents using this style value negative emotions as
well as positive ones. They encourage children to tune into all their emotions and
help them to label and understand them. These parents do not put limits on emo-
tions but will, if necessary, put boundaries on behaviour. The message they give
their children is ‘It is alright to feel angry/sad/jealous or any emotion at all but
it is not alright to hurt anyone because of these feelings’. The emotion-coaching
parent listens to the child, gives some time for the emotion to hold sway and then,
at an appropriate point, asks questions designed to prompt the child towards
effective problem solving.
 EMOTIONS 67

Gottman et al. (1996) reported on a longitudinal study carried out with 56

families, when their children were 4–5 years old and again when they were 8
years old. A host of measures was taken, including semi-structured interviews
with both parents and children, teacher ratings of aggression towards peers,
naturalistic observations and laboratory observations where parents had to ask
children about a story that had just been told and then to teach the child to play
a game. Physiological measurements of the child’s vagal tone in different cir-
cumstances (thought to relate to the child’s emotional regulation) were taken
and the child’s general health was monitored. From all this data, the researchers
explored a range of models to account for the children’s long-term progress. The
five steps of the Emotion Coaching programme represent the practical applica-
tion of what the research suggested resulted in the best outcomes for the chil-
dren in terms of their physical and mental health, their positive behaviour and
their social popularity and academic achievement. The five steps (Gottman with
Declaire 1997: 75) are:

1 Being aware of the child’s emotion. Children may be unable or unwill-

ing to say what is bothering them and sometimes adults find it hard to
work it out. Remember that we cannot always fully account for our own
feelings. You might want to hazard a guess about a child’s feelings but
do so tentatively and do not bombard the child with your own ideas.
Sometimes you might have to be patient and do some detective work to
formulate a hypothesis about how a child feels. Listening and thinking
are often more valuable than talking.
2 Recognising the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teach-
ing. Remember that spending the time to understand a child and support
them with the whispers of emotions saves the shouts. This is preventa-
tive work. Try not to brush aside issues that seem to you minor in the
scale of things. It is by grasping the autonomy-supporting opportunities
that arise naturally that you best help children.
3 Listening empathetically and validating the child’s feelings. ‘Nice’ peo-
ple want to help. There is a very strong urge for them to jump in and
solve problems for others. Instead, listen carefully and just make inter-
ested or supportive noises. Your role is to help the child understand emo-
tions and then come up with ways forward. You are coaching, not doing
it for the child. Slow down and fight the temptation to take immediate
control and make everything alright.
4 Helping the child verbally label emotions. You have the vocabulary and
the language skills to support the child’s learning. Remember that peo-
ple often have mixed feelings and it is important to acknowledge this.
5 Setting limits while helping the child problem-solve. Limits must be set
on behaviour. This is the ‘it’s fine to experience uncomfortable feelings
but it is definitely not fine to hurt anyone’ part of emotion coaching.
68 EMOTIONS

Sometimes it will also be appropriate to set limits on the rumination over

negative feelings. Airing and acknowledging feelings are healthy, rumi-
nating over them is not. Problem-solving can encompass things children
might do to put a situation right and things to try to avoid a similar
situation in the future. It can also include helpful ways to ‘release’ feel-
ings and limit rumination, such as physical activities, listening to music
or engaging in an enjoyable, engrossing activity. Adults should try to
prompt the child towards solutions to problems, rather than imposing
their own ideas.
Recent work in the UK using emotion coaching in settings and schools is produc-
ing promising results and indicates that children, practitioners and parents find
the approach helpful (Rose et al. 2012).

Case snippet 5.2: Saheed

Saheed is a 6-year-old with a quick temper. He has a twin, Amir, whom he
frequently hits and kicks, both in school and at home. His parents and school
staff tell him off when they see this behaviour. The effect has not been to stop
the behaviour but to drive it underground. Saheed is ever sneakier with his hit-
ting and kicking but Amir’s bruises suggest they are happening just as often.
Finally, the school refers Saheed for work with a teaching assistant who is
trained to support children with social, emotional and behavioural difficulties.
She builds up a relationship with Saheed and the family, chats with him and
observes him in different situations. She realises that Saheed may be jealous
of his twin. Based on this insight, she is able to help Saheed’s family and the
teacher come up with various strategies to help him. In her work with Saheed,
she helps him explore jealousy. Her approach is not to tell Saheed that he
does not feel jealous or that he has no cause for jealousy. Instead, she works
on his reaction to it. She encourages him to take it as signal that he needs
to take action to feel more comfortable within himself and within his family.
She helps him (and his family) look at situations where he does not feel jeal-
ous and to analyse why this is and how such situations might be extended.
They look together at whether there are any particular barriers to Saheed’s
well-being that he could overcome with help. He says he cannot read as well
as Amir and agrees to some reading time being incorporated into his sessions
with the assistant. They also look at activities that he thinks he would enjoy
and it is agreed that Saheed can join a karate class whereas Amir will choose
a different extracurricular activity. The approach that proves successful for
Saheed derives from recognising his biologically programmed jealousy rather
than denying it. It enables him to accept and build an identity that is different
from his twin. Both these factors are important in enabling Saheed to develop
autonomy.
 EMOTIONS 69

Key points
• Emotions are part of what makes us human and from birth babies are sensi-
tive to the emotional tone around them.
• Emotions serve purposes and denying them is unhealthy and impedes
development of autonomy.
• Positive emotions support relationships, learning and creativity. Having fun
with children is one of the most fruitful things parents, practitioners and
teachers can do.
• If children’s behaviour is a cause for concern, try to build up their positive
experiences in addition to tackling the behaviour.
• Promote positive behaviour by helping children to learn to use negative emo-
tions as an early warning system so that their behaviour is not emotionally
hijacked.
• The five steps of ‘emotion coaching’ (Gottman with Declaire 1997) provide a
useful practical framework for supporting children’s emotional understanding.

Further reading
Early Education supported by the Department for Education (2012) Development Matters
in the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS), London: Early Education.
Practitioners might wish to reinforce the messages in this chapter by looking through
the PSE sections of Development Matters and noting the guidance on the development of
emotions.

Faber, A. and Mazlish, E. (1980) How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will
Talk, New York: Avon Books.
Gottman, J. with Declaire, J. (1997) The Heart of Parenting: How to Raise an Emotionally
Intelligent Child, London: Bloomsbury.
Both the books listed above are full of wonderful examples to guide adults with an emotion
coaching approach. These authors were all students of Dr Haim Ginott whose influence
shines through in their work.

Oatley, K., Keltner, D. and Jenkins, J.M. (2006) Understanding Emotions, 2nd edn, Oxford:
Blackwell.
This large textbook provides a wealth of information on all aspects of emotions and emo-
tional development.
6
Unique but belonging
‘I want to be me but I still need to be loved’

Discovering difference
Toddlers are busy little learners. They generally take great delight in their
increasing accomplishments. Walking confidently, running, climbing, reaching
for things, exploring – these can be heady pleasures. Falling and hurting them-
selves, being stopped from doing what they want – these unleash distress and
frustration. Many toddlers live on an emotional rollercoaster, they are particu-
larly passionate little people. In their second year, children usually delight in
doing things on their own, a sign of burgeoning autonomy. Less endearing for
the adults supporting them, but equally a sign of developing autonomy, is tod-
dlers’ tendency to resist being helped. Hair washing, nappy changing and other
necessary tasks which the younger baby co-operated with may now become bat-
tlegrounds (see Box 6.1). Toddlerhood is when children start to realise that their
wants and desires may clash with those of other people. They are at the begin-
ning of a long learning project – how to balance individuality with social accept-
ance, how to do their own thing but retain the benefits of belonging.
Adults can do much to promote positive behaviour if they understand the
range of behaviour typical for this age group and adopt autonomy-supporting
approaches, maintaining warm relationships through the struggles that develop-
ing autonomy may entail (see Box 6.1). Readers can remind themselves of the
principles of autonomy supporting environments by looking back at the intro-
duction to Part 2.

Box 6.1: Autonomy-granting support for necessary tasks

• ‘Let’s get these toys off the floor. Granny could easily trip over them
and fall’ (giving a reason).
• ‘Shall I put the shampoo on your hand to rub in or do you want me
to do it? Shall I hold the flannel over your eyes or will you?’ (offering
limited choice).
 UNIQUE BUT BELONGING 71

• ‘You’re tired and just want to sleep. We need to get you washed and
changed. Let’s do it as quickly as possible. Can you make it easy for
me to help you? Will it help if I sing? (acknowledging feelings).
• ‘The cars are all like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. They can fly into the
cupboard’ (making a game, appealing to the child’s interest).
• ‘Right we need boots, coats and hats on to go to the shop. You decide
the order to put them on’ (choice of sequencing).
• ‘Brushing those teeth up and down, top teeth and bottom teeth. Keep
your smile bright and white, like the dentist said’ (giving reason).
• ‘We’ll all need warm sweaters for later because it’s going to be cold.
Which do you want to pack – your red or the blue?’ (limited choice).
• ‘It stings when I clean your cut? Poor you. I need to do it so it gets
better quickly’ (acknowledging feeling/giving reason).

Clashes are part of typical development

The developmental pattern of ‘tantrums’ in toddlers is both anecdotally well
known and documented in research (see Box 6.2). Dunn (1988) (see Box 6.3)
found that toddlers aged 14–24 months old complied with their mother’s requests
at a consistent rate (on average nine times in each two-hour period of observa-
tion). However, the number of compliances remained the same throughout, what
changed in a later part of this age range was a doubling of the frequency with
which toddlers argued with their mother, ignored her demands or did exactly
what they were told not to do. How might we understand this behaviour in tod-
dlers? As babies, they had enjoyed influencing adults by drawing them into smil-
ing and positive exchanges. Now the toddler and adult are often engaged in a
battle of wills. Toddlers’ strong exploratory drive, coupled with their increasing
physical abilities to get around, result in boundaries being tested. Self-awareness
is developing apace as children differentiate between themselves and others.
They discover that people have different feelings and opinions about the same
things. This is the foundation on which the sense of autonomy will be built.

Box 6.2: The ‘doing it my way’ part of trying to become autonomous

What does research tell us about typical behaviours in the early years?
Aggression
• Only 28 per cent of toddlers show little or no aggression.
• At 17 months, most children display aggression towards adults, sib-
lings and peers.
(Continued)
72 UNIQUE BUT BELONGING

• Most of these show slightly increasing aggression over the period until
they are 31⁄2 years old. Their levels of aggression then drop before
they are 5 years old.
• 14 per cent of children become much more aggressive over the same
period and these are the children at serious risk of long-term problems
and poor outcomes (Tremblay et al. 2004).
• 2- and 3-year-olds used coercive methods in 91 per cent of clashes
in childcare settings, and in 42 per cent of cases this was physical
aggression (Singer and de Haan 2007).

Resisting parents’ demands

• Children’s resistance to their mother’s demands doubled between the
ages of 18 and 24 months. Resistance included ignoring, arguing and
carrying out forbidden behaviours (Dunn 1988).
• Defiance in the second year is not correlated with defiance at age 4.
Defiance usually declines from age 24–30 months onwards (Kuczyn-
ski and Kochanska 1990).
• Defiance towards parents from 30–60 months is correlated with poor
social competence and poor relationship with parents (Kochanska 2002).

The study often cited as illustrative of children’s recognition that people

do not have the same likes and dislikes is the cracker and broccoli experiment
(Gopnik et al. 2001: 36). The vast majority of babies and toddlers prefer crack-
ers to broccoli. In the experiment they see adults, some of whom show a strong
preference for crackers and others for broccoli. The test is whether the children
will offer broccoli to those adults who showed this preference or whether they
will nevertheless offer these adults the crackers which they themselves prefer.
Fourteen-month-olds offer adults the cracker regardless of the preference shown
by the adult whereas 18-month-olds can offer broccoli appropriately. This shows
that 18-month-old children can grasp that people have different desires.
One interpretation of the battles of toddlerhood is that toddlers are fasci-
nated by the discovery of differences in attitudes and feelings and are driven to
work out as much as they can about people’s reactions (Gopnik et al. 2001). The
resultant clashes raise further issues of engrossing interest: the limits of their
power. At the same time, toddlers’ still immature language comprehension means
that often they keep pushing for what they want (e.g. wailing for a biscuit) rather
than being pacified by a verbal promise (‘You’ll get one after I’ve finished the
ironing’). These interpretations encompass some of the behaviour familiar to
parents and practitioners and corroborated by research, such as the tendency of
toddlers to look directly at the adult, sometimes laughing, when continuing to do
something that has been forbidden (it is the adult’s reaction that is of interest and
produces the excitement) (Gopnik et al. 2001). But conflicts are ‘relational work’
 UNIQUE BUT BELONGING 73

(Singer and de Haan 2007) on two fronts. Not only are toddlers very interested
in other people’s reactions but, despite initiating or prolonging conflicts, they
usually want to restore close relations with the important people in their lives.
Relatedness is important and can help both child and adult recover from some
of the ‘fireworks’ of behaviour typical of this period. Toddlers often cry and seek
hugs and reassurance after conflicts that they themselves have escalated. This
is a healthy sign.

Case snippet 6.1: Lola

Lola, 2 years old, loves the range of activities at nursery and particularly enjoys
playing outside. Kate, her Key Person, knows that Lola is aware of the rules
regarding turn-taking because they discussed them in a small group yesterday
and Lola was the one who said, ‘Your turn on the tricycle is over when the red
flag is waved’. This morning Lola was on the tricycle and ignored the red flag.
Kate knows she saw it but even when she went right over to Lola, waving the
flag, Lola turned her head away and cycled off. Kate had to raise her voice to
get Lola to hand the tricycle to Nathan. She calmly reminded Lola of the rule.
Ten minutes later, however, Lola had secured another go and again reacted to
the flag by heading off in the opposite direction. Kate ran after her and told her
very firmly to give up the tricycle. Lola stared at her and for a split second Kate
thought she was going to refuse. Lola jumped off the tricycle, dissolved into
tears, sobbing, ‘Sorry, sorry, sorry.’ Kate knelt down to Lola’s level, hugging
and reassuring her.

Difference as an opportunity to support autonomy

The research data on the occurrence of aggressive and defiant behaviour of
many toddlers (see Box 6.2) supports a view that such behaviour is a typical
developmental pattern in children aged from approximately 1 year old up until
3 1⁄2 years old. Dix et al. (2007), in a study involving parents and children aged
14–27 months, found that some parents who were attuned to their children and
used autonomy-granting controls had children who complied willingly. Others,
with the same parenting approaches, had children who at this stage were defi-
ant and resisted demands. They suggest that some ‘defiance’ at this stage can be
interpreted as children feeling safe enough to try to exert autonomy but doing
so in a clumsy way. Similarly, Maccoby (1980: 149) argues that some aggression
shown by one young child to another can be interpreted as a form of developing
autonomy and as more mature than seeking adult support or ‘giving in’, while
clearly less mature than negotiation and compromise. Maccoby (1980: 126) also
suggests that in the toddler and early pre-school period, the most sociable chil-
dren engage in the greatest amount of both positive and negative behaviours,
74 UNIQUE BUT BELONGING

with positive behaviours coming to the fore by the time of school entry. In the
Dix et al. study (2007), the defiant children in warm relationships with their par-
ents made many positive overtures to their parents quite separate from their defi-
ant behaviour. These findings and ideas suggest that for many children crucial
learning takes place through conflict in the toddler and early pre-school period.
Most of them internalise social demands and can avoid or handle much conflict
without aggression by the time they enter school. The persistence of a high level
of aggressive and defiant behaviour at school entry is less typical and much
more worrying because it is associated with poorer behavioural and other out-
comes over the long term. This developmental pattern is associated with lack of
warmth between parent and child and with lack of engagement with others in
co-operative play.

Box 6.3: Judy Dunn (1939– ): longitudinal, naturalistic studies of children’s

relationships and social and emotional development

Judy Dunn, professor at King’s College, London, is well known for her
naturalistic studies of children and families at home. Just as Mary Ains-
worth carried out naturalistic studies of mothers and babies, throwing
light on attachment, Judy Dunn studied families at home and provided a
wealth of valuable detail about children’s social and emotional develop-
ment. In her seminal Cambridge studies, she and her colleagues tracked
the development of over 50 children and their families by observing and
audiotaping them in their homes for two-hour periods at intervals when
the second-born children were aged 1–3 years old. Observations were
systematic, with a running record made every ten seconds and behaviour
later categorised and coded.
Dunn (1988) tracked how mothers naturally altered their response
to their children as the children’s abilities increased. Maternal responses
to crying reduced after the first year but this was balanced by moth-
ers became increasingly responsive to their children’s attempts to use
language during the second year. She noted that mothers increasingly
mentioned mental states (feelings, beliefs, thoughts, motivations) in their
conversation with their second-born children when these children were
aged 13–18 months. The children began commenting on people’s men-
tal states at about 18 months and at the same period, mothers were
referring to people’s feelings, the consequences of actions and socially
acceptable behaviour in 33 per cent of instances of conflict. As the chil-
dren’s language and understanding developed, their mothers talked about
‘mental states’ and their relation to behaviour even more often – in just
over half of the instances of conflict when the children were 2 years old.
Dunn argues that the mothers were not just responding to children but
 UNIQUE BUT BELONGING 75

also shaping their social understanding, helping them develop autonomy:

‘Conversational analyses reveal that children are growing up in a world
in which rules are clearly and continually articulated for them, at a level
that matches their own changing abilities’ (Dunn 1988: 38).The dialogue
on the clashes of will that toddlers encounter is crucial teaching that in
most cases enables children over time to develop ways of managing their
emotions and accommodating their behaviour to others and to the social
expectations within the family.

What can adults do to promote children’s learning over what can be a period
of conflict? The importance of establishing and maintaining reasonable bounda-
ries was discussed in Chapter 4. The manner in which adults respond to con-
flicts is important. Autonomy-granting approaches need to be employed within
the context of strong relationships and mutual respect. Adults should aim to be
calm but firm and to remember that young children need support, guidance and
repetition to learn. Inductive socialisation practices (see Box 6.4) are believed
to be helpful. This refers to providing behavioural guidance with explanation
and reasoning. There is also a great deal of evidence for the benefits of tuning
children into others’ perspectives and feelings. Adult use of ‘mental state’ talk
(talk about what people feel, think, know, remember and believe) is associated
with children’s development of ‘Theory of Mind’ (understanding of people’s dif-
fering viewpoints) (Dunn et al. 1991; Ensor and Hughes 2005; Harris et al. 2005;
Harris 2006). As children develop this understanding of other people’s emotional
lives, and provided they are in a context of warm relationships, they are likely to
behave in a positive and autonomous fashion (Ensor and Hughes 2005). Induc-
tive approaches foster empathy and are associated with self-determined auton-
omy. Contrasting approaches such as punishment and threat result in children
focusing on external consequences that will affect them. The result is more likely
to be controlled autonomy (Krevans and Gibbs 1996), outward behaviour that
conforms to social expectations but which is not fulfilling the child’s psychologi-
cal needs and so increases the risk of later behaviour or psychological problems.

Box 6.4: Adult reaction to conflict: inductive discipline

It is sensible to accord with children’s language levels when addressing

behaviour.
For the youngest children, keep information simple:

No biting! That hurts.

No hitting! You’ve hurt Ella – she’s crying.
(Continued)
76 UNIQUE BUT BELONGING

With children’s increasing understanding, more information can be given:

You want to play with the ball? But Billy was playing with it – you’ve
interrupted his game and he’s upset. It’s not fair just to grab. Give
Billy the ball back. Now, how could you get to play with the ball?
(prompting solutions encourages a child to rehearse words for asking
to join in or for asking to have the next turn).

Kara was in your way but you can’t just push her out of the way.
Look, she got a shock and she knocked her arm and it’s hurting.
What should you do? (prompts apology). Remember to ask people
nicely if they can move. What could you say? (encourages a child to
rehearse a request to move).

Children who are hurt or have their rights infringed by others should be encour-
aged to voice their feelings to the child concerned. (‘That hurt!’, ‘I was playing
with that. It makes me cross that you grabbed it away. Give it back’, ‘Hey, I was
playing with Luke. It makes me angry that you’re taking him away and not letting
me play too.’)
Helping children to be assertive without retaliating physically is a key skill
for autonomy but one that is likely to need practice.
The level of induction and mental state talk used in sorting out conflicts will
vary according to the age and understanding of the children. Box 6.4 gives an
outline of the approach. Conflicts provide excellent opportunities for training
in negotiation. Adults should model negotiation in adult-to-adult differences of
opinion and in clashes with children. Part of the authoritative style (see Chapter
4) involves some flexibility on less important aspects of what the adult decrees,
whilst remaining firm on the important points. If parents need to hurry out with a
child and tell her to get ready quickly and leave all her toys behind, but she argues
to bring lots of toys with her, they might, for example, agree that she can choose
one toy to bring as long as she is ready soon. Many young children quickly grasp
the idea of negotiating with their parents and become rather inventive and adopt
a ‘bargaining’ approach in their attempts. Adults need to be patient and to avoid
letting a power struggle develop as the conversations can be rich learning experi-
ences for children. Some teachers, however, react badly to children’s attempts to
negotiate with them. Parents of keen little negotiators may need to prepare their
children for the fact that there can be different expectations of compliance in dif-
ferent places, but equally teachers of young children may need to reflect on how
group settings do not always have practices that encourage fledgling autonomy.
Children’s disputes with one another may be hotspots for learning the skills
of negotiation. Adults should avoid intervening too early if no one is in danger
of being physically hurt. Children learn from settling their own disputes. Singer
and de Haan found that 79 per cent of disputes they observed in group settings
 UNIQUE BUT BELONGING 77

were settled without adult involvement. (Some minor disputes were not noticed
by the adults in charge.) There will, however, be times where adult intervention
is necessary and coaching in negotiation is helpful. Box 6.5 outlines the process.

Box 6.5: Helping children in conflict to negotiate

• Calm the children first. They may not be ready to enter into discussion
until intense emotions have subsided.
• Ascertain what happened from each child’s viewpoint – avoid questions
such as ‘Why did you hit him?’ Instead ask more open questions, such
as ‘Alfie, tell me what happened’ (some children will find this too open
and you might need to make guesses – phrase them tentatively so
that children are free to correct your interpretation: ‘Alfie, did you want
a turn on the bike?’).
• Try to limit dispute over the details. Encourage each child to give an
account that reveals what they want now as well as what happened.
Try not to jump to conclusions and assume one child is to blame.
• Give clear messages about the unacceptability of any behaviour that
hurt others or damaged property. ‘Mia, hitting is never the right way
to go about things. You need to say sorry to Alfie for hurting him.’ You
may also need to tackle any behaviour that provoked the unacceptable
behaviour. ‘Alfie, Mia shouldn’t have hit you and she has said sorry
but it wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t stopped her riding the
bike. That’s what made her angry. What do you think you should do?’
(prompt apology and/or offer to let her back on the bike).
• Ask children for solutions: ‘So, is there any way you can both get
what you want? Is there anything you can do to feel happier with each
other?’ Children who are close friends are more likely to find ways to
play together after disputes (Dunn 2004; Singer and de Haan 2007).
It is not necessary that children should always do so.

Licht et al. (2008) report some research based on observing children in day-
care centres in Switzerland when they were 8, 14 and 22 months old. They noted
that the majority of conflicts between young children were driven by one child’s
desire to continue an activity when another child was curious to use the same
equipment or toy. The researchers classified the motivations behind such con-
flicts as ‘interrupted activity’ or ‘exploration’. Children wanted to play with toys
and the other child was an obstacle to this but the focus was on playing with the
toy, not on a ‘mine’ versus ‘yours’ dispute with attendant emotions regarding the
other child. Anger was not seen in incidents classified this way. Only at 22 months
were conflicts observed that were classified as ‘possession’ disputes, with children
more interested in possessing the object, getting or keeping it away from another,
78 UNIQUE BUT BELONGING

than in playing with it. Also at this age, some conflicts classified as motivated by
‘dominance’ began to appear. These too were emotionally intense. The child did not
necessarily want the object but wanted to control what was done by the object – to
make the other child carry out the requisite action. Children exerting their power
over one another in this way is probably more common than practitioners and
teachers realise (Singer and de Haan 2007; Grieshaber and McArdle 2010). Such
disputes are common among siblings too. Even more unfortunately, some adults
enter into power disputes with children (Dreikurs et al. 1971). In addition to dealing
with disputes as they arise, using the approaches already outlined, it may be impor-
tant to check whether more could be done to enable those ‘abusing’ their power
to feel more secure and valued as unique individuals (an important part of auton-
omy). Can anything be done to strengthen their relationships? Have they wide and
appropriately challenging opportunities for competence? Can older and physically
stronger children be given responsibilities in relation to younger and less strong
children (Singer and de Haan 2007)? If a child seems to want to dominate, the adult
might play with the child, giving the child a chance to take the powerful role while
s/he assumes the less powerful role (for example, adult as baby or pupil?) (Singer
and de Haan 2007). Siblings often vie for parents’ attention and interest, and this
can be particularly the case if they are the same gender and close in age (or ‘multi-
ples’ – the same age). There can be a need to help children forge a positive identity,
authentic to themselves and not just formed in reaction to siblings (whether in
imitation or as a complete contrast to a sibling.) ‘Emotion coaching’ (Chapter 5)
is one aspect of support. Part 3 (Competence) provides some additional pointers.

Other ways of developing autonomy-supporting

communication skills
While the clashes of toddlerhood and childhood provide opportunities for children
to understand other perspectives and to learn to negotiate, they are far from the only
ways that children learn these valuable skills. Some children rarely have disputes
with others but acquire excellent understanding of others and advanced negotia-
tion skills. Such children’s behaviour is unlikely to cause concern. It is worth briefly
considering some of the other means by which children learn about themselves and
others as maximising the relevant opportunities could benefit all children.
‘Mental state’ talk in general conversation and in discussion of events and
stories is important. Emotion coaching (Chapter 5) is rich in such talk. Analy-
ses of naturally occurring conversation show that families differ significantly
in the amount of such talk, which achieves the same purpose as inductive disci-
pline, sensitising children to others’ feelings, thought and motivations. Dunn et
al. (1991) found that 3-year-olds who at home experienced more discussion of
emotions and motivations showed a greater understanding of others’ perspectives
when aged 6 than did children exposed to less of this type of conversation. Experi-
ments have shown that exposing children to ‘mental state’ language significantly
improved their ability to understand others’ viewpoints, compared with children
 UNIQUE BUT BELONGING 79

in a control group (Harris et al. 2005). As noted in Chapter 5, discussion of ‘nega-

tive’ emotions (anger, jealousy, and so on) is thought to be particularly important
(Lagattuta and Wellman 2001; Hughes and Dunn 2002; Ensor and Hughes 2005).
Staff in settings can usefully promote these conversations. MacLure et al. (2012)
warn about the importance of maintaining authenticity when doing so. Too for-
mulaic, exaggerated or stereotyped an approach may be unhelpful.

Box 6.6: ‘Mental state’ talk

• ‘Emily’s watching you. She’d like to be your friend. She’ll be happy if

you let her dress up.’
• ‘Daddy will be pleased if you’re in bed, ready for him to read to you.’
• ‘Jamie’s excited, he’s looking forward to the party.’
• ‘Mummy is very tired and a bit sad because her friend is upset. That
was what the long phone call was about.’
• ‘I know you don’t like having your bath but Harry enjoys his. He likes
having bubble bath and giving himself a white beard.’
• ‘Daddy was expecting an important letter today and it hasn’t come,
that’s why he is grumpy’.
• ‘Let’s think. Where do you think my car keys could be? We need to
remember the last time we used the car and what we did when we got in.’
• ‘Jamie’s scared because he got jam on the library book and he thinks
his teacher will be cross.’’
• ‘Granny was worried because we didn’t phone when we got in last
night. People like to be reassured that everything is OK – like when I
come in to see you after Daddy and I go out at night.’
• ‘Hey – here’s a surprise – the postman delivered this parcel for you.’
• ‘It’s disappointing that it’s raining. It means we can’t have the picnic or
if we do, we’ll get very wet!’
• ‘Sam’s frowning because she’s thinking very hard about her homework.
She’s concentrating. She’s not cross.’
• ‘Why are you smiling? It’s not funny! Oh, do you know where the choc-
olate is? Did you play a trick on me?’

Task 6.1

Listen to conversation in your setting/home for a few short periods over

a day. Listen also to the discussion when a book is shared. How much
‘mental state’ talk occurs? (See Box 6.6.) Are there missed opportunities
for ‘mental state’ talk? Is the relevant talk authentic?
80 UNIQUE BUT BELONGING

Children engaging with each other in pretend play provide a tremendously

valuable context in which they hone their understanding of others and their
negotiating skills. Brown et al. (1996) found that 47-month-old children used
much more ‘mental state’ language in pretend play with close friends and with
siblings than they did with their parents. Children also showed their strongest
abilities to reconcile differing points of view and continue playing together in
this context. The significant role of pretend play will be further examined in Part
3. Here we need to note that although adults cannot replicate the experience of
pretend play with children, they do have a role in recognising its importance and
in valuing children’s chosen friendships, providing opportunities and time for
extended role play.

Children at risk of missing out on beginning to develop

self-determined autonomy in the early years
Engaging with passionate little people as they develop their autonomy can be
fascinating and rewarding. Many parents and practitioners enjoy this period of
childhood when character emerges so clearly and can be nurtured and shaped
in a positive fashion. However, autonomy-supporting approaches are not neces-
sarily what parents themselves experienced or something they know about and
whose value they understand. Furthermore, they require considerable emotional
resources on the part of adults.
There is, not surprisingly, considerable consistency between the groups who
are vulnerable to insecure attachment (see Chapter 3) and those vulnerable to
developing controlled as opposed to self-determined autonomy. There are sug-
gestions that children of depressed mothers tend to be passive and non-assertive
as toddlers (Dix et al. 2007) and miss typical opportunities to develop autonomy.
There is, as noted in the discussion of authoritarian parenting (Chapter 4)
an association between harsh, coercive management styles and challenging
behaviour. Earlier in this chapter, the frequency of aggression in many young
children was noted and the argument proposed that, for many, it is a sign of the
beginnings of autonomy. In these children, levels of aggression fall and prosocial
behaviour increases before school age. For a small group (Tremblay et al. 2004),
aggression levels rise steeply through the pre-school years and into school, and
these children are at risk of ongoing serious behaviour difficulties. This long-
term aggression is not self-determined – rather, it is controlled. These children’s
behaviour is controlled by external factors – they do not experience themselves
as the source of their actions, rather they react against demands, constraints
and slights (real or perceived). Skinner and Edge (2002) describe this as ‘oppo-
sitional coping’ and stress how the behaviour is reactive and in effect controlled
by others, though not in the form those others might desire. Oppositional chil-
dren and their parents often get locked into mutual coercion (Kochanska et al.
2009), depicted by Porter (2013: 117) as ‘the ‘dance’ of escalating adult coercion
and child defiance. In settings and schools also there is a real danger that these
 UNIQUE BUT BELONGING 81

children get caught in a vicious cycle of action and reaction that compounds
their initial difficulties. Adults who normally adopt autonomy-supporting meth-
ods can find themselves becoming more authoritarian in the face of the child’s
reaction to them. Aggression, when not leavened by prosocial behaviour at other
times, often results in peer rejection (Volling et al. 1993). These children may
therefore have limited access to join pretend play and other peer activities that
might support the development of self-determination (Figure 6.1).

Child harshly controlled

by others.

Child experiences ever

fewer attempts to
develop autonomy as (1)
adult style is not In safer settings, child
autonomy supporting; may try to control others
(2) opportunities to or resist demands.
develop skills through
interaction with other
children are limited.

Struggling adults adopt a

Other children reluctant
more authoritarian
to play with child as
approach than usual in an
cannot cope with child's
attempt to combat
attempts to control them.
defiance.

Figure 6.1 Vicious circle when autonomy is harshly undermined

A different but equally vicious cycle could work in the case of children who
are rather passive and compliant, whether related to parental depression, over-
protection or other reasons (Figure 6.2). Here a passive child complies easily
and people do not realise that this comes from copying others or just doing what
is expected. Adults do not recognise that the child has not developed a secure
and autonomous sense of self and therefore do not provide support, time and
82 UNIQUE BUT BELONGING

Stifling support of
child.

Child feels and acts

like a 'puppet on a
string' but does not Child fails to
recognise own develop a secure
needs or have the sense of self.
means to get them
recognised.

Child appears
Child is amotivated
passive and
(apathetic, listless)
compliant. Adults
or compliant to
unaware of the
gain approval or
pressure they are
rewards.
exerting.

Figure 6.2 Vicious circle when autonomy is stifled

opportunity for this to form. Such children do not face up to stressful situations
in an active way, thus missing out on the autonomy-building effects of successful
‘coping’ (Skinner and Edge 2002).

Key points
• When children delight in doing things for themselves, this is an early sign of
autonomy.
• Toddlerhood to school age is a crucial time for establishing the likely long-
term pattern of a child’s autonomy, whether this is self-determined (health-
iest) or controlled (less healthy).
• Toddlers start to realise differences between their desires and those of oth-
ers. How adults handle the resultant clashes is important for the form of
autonomy that develops.
 UNIQUE BUT BELONGING 83

• In the home situation, children under about 21⁄2 years old who resist help,
object to normal care routines and defy their parents’ requests may be show-
ing normal early signs of developing autonomy. This is particularly the case
if they want to be cuddled and comforted by parents after major disputes
and if they generally have a warm relationship.
• Physical aggression is common among 1–31⁄2 -year-olds, including aggres-
sion between young children in group settings.
• Using incidents as opportunities to help children understand the perspec-
tives of others is helpful, as is general ‘mental state’ talk in the course of
everyday events and sharing books.
• Autonomy-granting support treats children respectfully, recognising feelings
and offering reasons and limited choices.
• It is helpful to model and support children with acceptable ways of achieving
their ends, such as ways of joining in, ways of negotiating, ways of apologis-
ing or making amends.
• Overprotection and intrusive helpfulness can be coercive and inhibit autonomy.
• Quiet, compliant children who copy others or who always do what is expected
of them merit further consideration. Check that they can express their feel-
ings, preferences and opinions and gradually support them in doing so, if
necessary.
• Value pretend play as a vital context for children to learn about expressing
their own needs while taking others’ perspectives on board.

Further reading
Gopnik, A., Meltzoff, A. and Kuhl, P. (2001) How Babies Think, London: Orion.
Whitebread, D. (2012) Developmental Psychology and Early Childhood Education,
London: Sage.
These two books, though very different, both present recent research findings in a very
readable manner.
Part 3
Competence
‘I can’

Relatedness Autonomy

Competence

Figure P3.1 The three psychological needs: focus on competence

Source: Based on Deci and Ryan (2000).
Introduction to Part 3

Competence is the final of the three universal and lifelong needs to be examined.
We all acknowledge the value of being competent in a range of spheres. We recog-
nise the privileged position of adults who find an occupation that draws on their
strengths and enables them to develop in additional ways. Our education system
aims to promote children’s learning and abilities – to develop their competence.
Unfortunately we also know that many of the children who were eager to
learn as toddlers and young children lose their inquisitiveness and thirst for
knowledge at some stage. Many sadly do not achieve levels of competence com-
mensurate with the long years they spend in the education system. Some find
alternative paths to attaining and feeling competent; others do not.
In self-determination theory (Deci and Ryan 2000, 2002), the interest is in
developing a continuing love of learning and belief in one’s competence. As in
the earlier parts of the book, we will again begin with a list of bullet points which
summarises (adult) competence as portrayed in self-determination theory. This
will provide the context for our consideration of how to foster the natural incli-
nation towards competence in children and how to avoid practices, often well-
intentioned, which undermine competence in the longer term.

Competent individuals
• Feel capable of having an effect on the physical and social environments
and attaining valued outcomes.
• Enjoy engaging in interesting activities and exercising all their capacities.
They grow and develop a bedrock of competence through doing so.
• Respond positively to novelty and also to setbacks and challenges.
• Are motivated to carry out less interesting but important activities and tasks.

Competence is not
• Only doing things where you are confident of quick success.
• Being brilliant at everything you do.

Competence-supporting environments
• Model a learning approach.
• Have structure – are responsive, predictable, contingent and consistent.
 INTRODUCTION TO PART 3 87

• Place value on people following their interests.

• Provide optimal challenge.
• Enable the development of prerequisite skills.
• Enable the development of fluency, so that skills become predispositions.
• Provide informational feedback.
• Are empathetic to feelings at different points of the learning journey, cel-
ebrating effort and strategy as well as achievement.

Environments that undermine competence: harsh

• Model extreme concern with being the best/getting things right.
• May be chaotic and unpredictable.
• Do not value opportunities for people to do activities that interest them.
• Focus exclusively on activities required for external reasons.
• Pose challenges that are well beyond people’s capabilities.
• Do not recognise that prerequisite skills need to be developed.
• Offer no opportunities for developing fluency but increase demands very
quickly.
• Provide negative feedback.
• Make no acknowledgement of people’s feelings.

Environments that undermine competence: smothering

• Model that ‘the competent’ do things for ‘the incompetent’.
• Are over-protective – people are not given the opportunity to experience for
themselves the structure and predictability of the environment.
• Only expose people to activities that are easy for them.
• Provide comments, that although positive, are non-specific and do not pro-
vide useful information.
• May be kindly intentioned but not really open to others’ feelings, e.g. frustration.

Environments that undermine competence: lack of aspiration

• Model a helpless, dependent, listless approach.
• May offer a chaotic, unpredictable environment.
• Provide limited activities to engage in, many of them passive.
• Provide lack of feedback or encouragement. May discourage people from
putting in effort.
88 INTRODUCTION TO PART 3

• Assume others share listlessness, not attuned to possible strivings and

ambitions.

Reflection P3.1: Feelings of competence

Reflect on the definition of competence given above. Consider to what

degree you feel competent. This may vary in different contexts and your
feelings of competence are likely to have varied at different times in
your life. To what extent have you experienced competence-supporting or
competence-undermining environments? Reflect with regard to the following:

• the home you grew up in;

• your education;
• your current living arrangements;
• your workplace.

Competence in the early years

The need to feel competent is one of the three psychological needs. We tend to
think of competence in terms of our performance at certain tasks – I might be
competent at cooking for a large group or at writing reports, for example, but
less competent at doing plumbing or electrical repairs. Competence as defined
in self-determination theory, however, has the broader meaning of feeling that
one can make an impact on situations or events. Competence includes the social
world of interpersonal relationships as well as the physical world. To feel com-
petent, people need not feel skilled at every task or situation that might confront
them. Competence also includes feeling that they could apply themselves and
develop further competencies or that, when appropriate, they could find other
constructive ways of achieving the desired end (such as seeking help from an
adult or recruiting specialised help).
Part 3 outlines how the growing child develops a sense of competence and
the conditions that foster this. Competence is related to predictability and a feel-
ing of control. Anxiety results from a lack of these factors. Long-term exposure in
childhood to conditions that provoke anxiety rather than competence is thought
to create or exacerbate the likelihood of developing ‘internalised’ behaviour
issues which inhibit learning and may show in behaviours such as self-harming
and panic attacks (Chorpita and Barlow 1998).
In a sense, all learning potentially contributes to competence. Everyone has
different strengths and nurturing any sort of strength may contribute to com-
petence. However, particular types of competence (for example, competence in
 INTRODUCTION TO PART 3 89

communication and in literacy and numeracy) are especially prized in our soci-
ety and educational system. Lagging behind in the acquisition of these specific
skills tends to pose a particular threat to perceived competence and there is an
association with behavioural issues.
Actual skill and perceived competence are not the same. People may be very
highly skilled at, for example, a sport but feel incompetent because they are
never ‘the best’ in a cold, highly competitive environment. Someone with objec-
tively lower skill levels might actually feel more competent and autonomous. The
section on competence examines the types of interactions and environments that
foster a realistic yet positive sense of perceived competence. It outlines general
approaches associated with maintaining the willingness to ‘have a go’ and keep
on learning that too many children lose as they grow up.
Competence and relatedness need to work hand in hand to promote posi-
tive behaviour. Children need to have the requisite skills and understanding to
be able to interact positively with others and to behave in a socially acceptable
manner. They also need to have the relationships with others that motivate them
to do so. Dunn’s research has repeatedly demonstrated that children demonstrate
higher levels of prosocial behaviour in warm relationships (Dunn 1988; Cutting
and Dunn 2006). Competence on its own does not necessarily promote posi-
tive behaviour, for example, some bullies are extremely adept at ‘reading’ and
exploiting social situations (Sutton et al. 1999).

The structure of Part 3 is as follows:

• Chapter 7 – ‘How competence develops: “I need to feel that I can make a differ-
ence”’. This chapter explains how competence develops in predictable envi-
ronments where natural contingencies can easily be recognised. Similarities
in the types of environments that promote the three psychological needs –
or, alternatively, that thwart them – will be apparent. The role of intrinsic
motivation in promoting competence is explored, as are ways in which intrin-
sic motivation is sometimes undermined. The value of a ‘growth mindset’ for
positive behaviour (Dweck 2008) is emphasised.
• Chapter 8 – ‘Communication skills and behaviour: “I need to understand and
make myself understood”’. In this chapter, the focus is on an area of com-
petence that is argued to be particularly important in promoting positive
behaviour, namely, communication skills. Often it will be helpful to include
the development of particular communication skills in the plan for an indi-
vidual child whose behaviour is of concern.
• Chapter 9 – ‘Competence and executive functions: “I need the right sort of
opportunities and support to practise skills such as paying attention, wait-
ing and managing impulses”’. The final chapter in Part 3 explains executive
functions and their key role in behaviour. Research suggests that ‘school
readiness’ is better addressed through an ‘executive functions’ lens and
a wide range of activities than by concentrating solely on academic skills.
90 INTRODUCTION TO PART 3

Competence and the EYFS

Developing children’s competence is arguably the main purpose of the EYFS
(DfE 2014b) and competence is threaded right through the framework. Box P3.1
picks out some of the major links between the EYFS and competence as dis-
cussed in this part of the book.

Box P3.1: Competence and the EYFS

• The overarching principle that ‘every child is a unique child, who is

constantly learning and can be resilient, capable, confident and self-
assured’ captures aspects of competence (earlier versions of the EYFS
included the phrase ‘a competent learner’ in this principle).
• Ideas relating to the value of intrinsic motivation (interests), optimum
challenge and play feature in the EYFS:
• ‘learning and development opportunities which are planned around
the needs and interests of each individual child’;
• ‘igniting children’s curiosity and enthusiasm for learning’;
• ‘plan a challenging and enjoyable experience for each child in all
the areas of learning and development’;
• ‘Play is essential for children’s development, building their confi-
dence as they learn to explore, think about problems, and relate to
others. Children learn by leading their own play.’
• The designation of communication and language as a prime area of
learning and development can be read as an acknowledgement of the
crucial role of this particular aspect of competence. Executive func-
tions are implicit within the guidance for this aspect.
• The characteristics of effective teaching and learning link with develop-
ing growth mindsets:
• Children ‘have a go’.
• They ‘keep on trying’ if they encounter difficulties.
• They ‘develop strategies for doing things’.

Source: DfE 20146.

7
How competence develops
‘I need to feel I can make a difference’

A predictable, controllable environment

Human beings thrive on predictability. Our brains are pattern-spotting machines
and we make sense of the world by detecting patterns. Most of us know and
can predict the basic structure of our days. A high degree of predictability frees
our brains to concentrate our attention and energy on the novel. We thrive on a
balance between predictability and novelty, with the balance weighted towards
predictability. Not enough predictability leads to anxiety (Chorpita and Barlow
1998) or rigidity and a feeling of being overwhelmed. Not enough novelty leads
to boredom and attendant behaviours, such as withdrawal or stimulus seeking.
For the newborn child, the world is unknown and potentially confusing. The
baby’s physiological systems are immature and require time to adapt and stabi-
lise. A newborn cannot immediately fit into routines and, as we have seen (Chap-
ter 2), sensitive caregiving involves responding to the baby. If a baby is fortunate
to receive ‘responsive enough’ care, the pattern that the brain slowly recognises
is ‘When I am uncomfortable, someone tries to help me’. This can be the very
beginning of contingency recognition that can develop into competence.
In time, babies benefit from structure and routines which help provide a pre-
dictable pattern to their experience. The most important part of the consistent
and predictable environment concerns interpersonal responses. Children whose
carers reliably pay attention to, and interact, with them and who give largely
consistent messages about boundaries, learn about their own effect on people.
They learn that smiling generally invites very positive reactions. They learn how
to make people laugh. They delight in their growing competence. A notable fea-
ture of developmental psychology research is increasing recognition that even
very young babies initiate interaction and try to have an impact on their envi-
ronment. Young children are very confused if normally interactive carers inhibit
their usual responses. When a parent ceases normal interaction with a baby and
instead keeps a straight, unresponsive face for a couple of minutes, the baby will
try to secure a response from the parent by means such as smiling, pointing and
making noises. If the parent remains unresponsive, the infant turns away and
stops smiling. This ‘still-face effect’ has been repeatedly shown in experiments
92 HOW COMPETENCE DEVELOPS

(Adamson and Frick 2003) and indicates that babies are quickly aware of behav-
iour that contravenes their expectations.
The importance for well-being of having an environment that is predictable
and over which one has some control has been known for some time. Classic
animal experiments highlighting the importance of control were carried out by
Seligman and colleagues in the 1960s (Overmeier and Seligman 1967; Seligman
and Maier 1967). Ethical considerations would prevent such experiments nowa-
days. In brief, the experiments involved comparison of two groups of dogs (A
and B) subjected to electric shocks. Each dog in group A was matched to one
in group B. In part one of the experiment, the shocks occurred randomly but
group A dogs could end the shock by pressing a lever. The matched dog in group
B received shocks at the same time and for the same duration as the group A
dog but it was only the group A dog that had control (by lever pressing) over
the length of shock. In part two, all the dogs were given shocks but it was now
possible for all to escape the shocks by jumping away. Group A jumped to avoid
the shocks but group B did not. Their experience of lack of control in part one
resulted in them failing to exercise control in part two – they had learned to be
helpless (incompetent). Lack of control – rather than just exposure to electric
shock – seemed to be the vital factor associated with animals becoming with-
drawn and unable to cope. Possible parallels with abused children are disturbing.
In babies as young as 12 months, there is some experimental evidence that
control may diminish fear of a potentially frightening object. Gunnar (1978, 1980)
compared 1-year-old babies’ reactions to a walking robot toy that was potentially
frightening. Some children were able to control the toy’s movement and noise by
hitting a panel to activate it; other children could not. The children with control
seemed less frightened by the toy and approached and touched it more often.
In toddlerhood, children begin to learn and understand that people can have
different feelings and responses to the same thing. Securely attached toddlers
have the security to explore how far they can challenge their caregivers’ restric-
tions and the reactions they can evoke. Children from chaotic homes lack the
predictable backdrop to their days and there are fewer patterns for them to
detect, often resulting in less security. If carers are erratic, sometimes bestow-
ing attention and at other times distant and unresponsive (as associated with
ambivalent attachment, see Chapter 3), children’s own actions are less predict-
able in their effects. A smile that may engage attention on some occasions can
meet with disinterest or irritation on others. The link between cause and effect is
unclear and so anxiety rather than competence is engendered.
Just as we discussed ‘good enough’ parenting, so too should we think in
terms of ‘good enough’ predictability of routines and reactions in fostering chil-
dren’s competency. Rigid routines can be controlling and complete standardi-
sation of reactions would be unnatural. Both would be unhelpful for a child’s
development. The brain is a good enough pattern detector to recognise broad
patterns within minor everyday variations. The minor everyday variations may
in fact help foster resilience (Chorpita and Barlow 1998). Children grow into
 HOW COMPETENCE DEVELOPS 93

their culture and much of what many parents and carers instinctively provide
for children is appropriate for developing their competence and promoting posi-
tive behaviour.
There are, however, some children who are much more dependent than most
on fixed routines. Whereas most children thrive on some novelty and variety, a
few children become exceedingly anxious about even very slight changes. Such
children benefit from warnings of the transitions within the usual day (for exam-
ple, a bell five minutes before children have to come in from the garden, a five-
minute sand timer counting down the final five minutes of a favourite activity).
More major changes, such as an outing, need careful preparation. Some practi-
tioners find an ‘Oops card’ on the visual timetable can be useful to alert a child
to last-minute changes, such as a change in the plan to use the outside area if
workmen arrive to fix the fence.

The importance of intrinsic motivation

Reflection 7.1

• What do you enjoy doing? If you were given a day free from duties and
mundane tasks, how would you spend it?
• How often do you get the chance to do activities purely for enjoyment,
activities that are intrinsically motivating for you?

Intrinsically motivating activities are those that people choose to do for their
own pleasure. For adults, these are often hobbies, though fortunate adults find
parts of their paid employment intrinsically motivating. People may put a great
deal of effort into intrinsically motivating activities and can become engrossed,
whether it is researching a family tree, tending an allotment or playing with their
children. Intrinsic motivation is associated with engagement, deep learning,
persistence, creativity and feelings of well-being. Csikszentmihalyi (1975) coined
the term ‘flow’ to capture how outside concerns drop away and involvement in
the activity becomes everything when one is deeply engrossed in intrinsically
rewarding activities. There is an overlap between the ideas of intrinsic motiva-
tion and recreation (literally re-creation, being created again), with the latter
term capturing the replenishing effects of following one’s own interests. Rec-
reation has been crowded out of some adults’ lives, probably with detrimental
effects to their health and well-being.
It is vital for children to have access to the opportunities for competence (and
autonomy and learning) afforded by their intrinsic motivation. Young children do
not have the ‘executive functions’ (Chapter 9) required to fall in with someone
94 HOW COMPETENCE DEVELOPS

else’s agenda. Engaging in intrinsically motivating activities is the most effec-

tive way of developing feelings of competence and positive dispositions towards
learning. It can also give a child a sense of well-being that might promote resil-
ience and provide a buffer against the many challenges and setbacks that form
part of life. Reference has been made earlier to Seligman’s (2011) argument that
well-being is about much more than the absence of negative outcomes; it requires
also the presence of positive factors. Enjoying intrinsically motivating activities
may be an important part of flourishing. When a child’s behaviour is of concern
to adults and there is a prolonged pattern of the child behaving in a way that
suggests the basic psychological needs are not being met, any programme put
in place to help the child should include opportunities for intrinsically rewarding
activities. It is important to build up areas of potential strength and resilience as
well as (or rather as part of) addressing behaviours of concern.

Case snippet 7.1: Jordan

Jordan is a quiet child who rarely says anything and who seems to become anx-
ious when addressed directly. Helen, his Key Person, is increasingly concerned
that he seems not just shy but withdrawn. She finds it difficult to gauge his
language levels because he talks so little, either with adults or other children.
She worries that his lack of verbal interaction is slowing his development. A dif-
ferent side to Jordan is seen when music plays. Jordan loves to dance! He loses
his self-consciousness and moves to the music. Realising this, Helen plays
music more often. She starts to dance too, at first some distance away from
Jordan but, over a series of occasions, getting closer to him and finally catching
his eye and clearly imitating his movements. A connection is made in this way
and Jordan begins to look for Helen when the music comes on and he starts to
dance. The dances become a form of turn-taking and communication. Now Jor-
dan will pick up and copy some of Helen’s moves in addition to smiling when she
copies his. Over time, Jordan is increasingly confident across contexts. Helen’s
sensitivity to his intrinsic enjoyment of dance provided a key to unlocking more
interactive behaviour.

The EYFS (DfE 2014b) acknowledges the importance of recognising and

building on children’s interests. This relates to harnessing intrinsic motivation.
The early years curriculum is not about delivering set content but about fos-
tering the effective characteristics of learning through activities that reflect or
stimulate the children’s interest. There is a developmental pattern to the types
of activity that children tend to find interesting and intrinsically motivating.
The Vygotskian tradition uses the concept of ‘leading activities’ (Bodrova
and Leong 2007). Leading activities are defined as the activities which are most
 HOW COMPETENCE DEVELOPS 95

beneficial for a child at a given stage of development and which have the most
impact on subsequent development. Barring adverse experiences or additional
needs, children tend to be intrinsically motivated by the leading activity for their
developmental stage. Emotional interaction is held to be the leading activity for
babies; exploring and playing with objects is the leading activity for toddlers;
and imaginative play holds this status for pre-schoolers. Not surprisingly from
an evolutionary perspective, there appear to be links between what children are
intrinsically motivated to do, the activities that will help them develop compe-
tence and the activities that are most beneficial for their development (the ‘lead-
ing activities’). By and large, one can work with children’s natural drives rather
than struggling to impose developmentally less appropriate styles of learning.
The depiction of emotional interactions with caregivers as the leading activ-
ity of infancy is consonant with the exploration of attachment theory in Part 1
and with the discussion above about how contingencies in social interaction con-
tribute to feelings of competence.
Toddlers love cause-and-effect toys and benefit from the opportunities to
explore a range of objects. The ‘heuristic play’ approach (Goldschmied and Jack-
son 2004) stresses that everyday objects made from a range of natural materi-
als provide richer learning experiences than do plastic toys. Treasure baskets
(Goldschmied and Jackson 2004) represent one way of ensuring that children
benefit from a variety of textures and other sensory properties in their play.
Exploring how objects work and what they can make objects do, is one of the
ways toddlers develop feelings of competence in the physical world. A parallel
strand of learning about social competence comes from others’ reactions to their
behaviour – what they are allowed to do and what adults prefer them not to do
and how far they can go in ‘testing’ the adult’s prohibition. Children are primed
to learn and to revel in stretching themselves. They need opportunities to be out
and about, exploring the physical world and opportunities for sustained inter-
action with others. Challenge plays a sometimes overlooked role in well-being.
Adults may concentrate so much on trying to change the behaviour of a child
who causes concern that they lose sight of the child’s overall needs. Stimulus,
excitement and challenge should be available to all children.
Imaginary play – the leading activity in the pre-school period – is considered
by many psychologists and educators to be a hugely important vehicle for learn-
ing, developing among other things, symbolic understanding (Leslie 1987), under-
standing of rules (Vygotsky [1930] 1978), perspective taking (Evangelou et al.
2009: 22), flexibility of thought, social skills including co-operation (Goswami
and Bryant 2007: 12), emotional understanding and self-regulation (Galyer and
Evans 2001; Savina 2014). The pre-schooler who engages in intense imagina-
tive play is also laying down sound foundations for the development of literacy
(Bergen and Mauer 2000). Imaginative play is thus a prime context for the devel-
opment of competence in a host of spheres, many of them with links to behaviour.
This will be further explored in Chapter 9. For most children, and this includes
children of school age, play is an intrinsically motivating activity. When trying
96 HOW COMPETENCE DEVELOPS

to give a child the maximal opportunities to engage in activities that are intrinsi-
cally rewarding – part of any behaviour plan for a child causing concern – play
may often be an activity to facilitate.
What about children who show limited intrinsic motivation? Occasionally
children may show little motivation to do anything; they may appear listless and
apathetic. This merits some investigation. It is important to establish the devel-
opmental history of such children, to check that they have not been traumatised
and that they have received sufficient stimulation. Practitioners may have to be
inventive in finding ways of stimulating and extending the child’s interest. It is
likely that other professionals should be involved to make suggestions and moni-
tor the child’s development.
Other children may show strong intrinsic motivation but only for a restricted
range of activities. Here the challenge is to try to interest the child in a wider
range of activities, sometimes by using the preferred activity as a ‘way in’. A child
who loves the train set might be enticed to wider interests if a train is taken with
him to ‘observe’ or if the activity involves making a junk model structure for the
trains. Sometimes a child’s limited and intense interest will be unusual, for exam-
ple, tapping on parts of the wall or removing the top of toilet cisterns to play with
the ballcock. If normal, mild discouragement (with reasons given) to desist from
such an activity is ineffective, it may be wise to consider to what extent arrange-
ments can be made to permit the activity safely. Tapping on the wall may not be
really problematic; playing with ballcocks is much more likely to be. Even in this
case, it may be possible to capture some of the interest through water play involv-
ing a clean ballcock and opportunity to try to make it work as a valve. Children
with restricted interests should be monitored carefully and other professionals
involved if efforts to extend their interests meet with limited success.

Intrinsic motivation: treat with care!

Intrinsic motivation can be accidentally damaged by providing contingent
rewards. We usually think that when we reward someone for something, we are
encouraging them to repeat the behaviour or activity concerned. This is the cen-
tral tenet of behaviourism. The surprising experimental finding that contingent
reward could undermine motivation for intrinsically motivated activities high-
lighted the shortcomings of existing motivation theories and was a significant
stimulus for Deci and Ryan’s (2000) formulation of self-determination theory. In
one study, Lepper et al. (1973) noted children in a pre-school setting who loved
to draw. Later, some of these children (the experimental group) were given a
contingent reward for their drawing (‘If you draw, then you’ll get …’). Other
children (control group 1) were given a non-contingent reward (a reward given
unexpectedly after they had engaged in some drawing) and yet others (control
group 2) received no rewards. Subsequent observations indicated that the chil-
dren who had received contingent rewards chose drawing as a preferred activity
after the experiment less often than they had before, whereas no such decline in
 HOW COMPETENCE DEVELOPS 97

drawing activity was found for the children in the control groups. Contingent
reward for an intrinsically motivated activity reduces the frequency with which
children engage in it.
Deci and Ryan later made sense of this finding in terms of how contingent
rewards affect feelings of autonomy (psychological control) which, as we have
seen, feature centre-stage in self-determination theory. Contingent reward for
an intrinsically rewarding activity can dent that intrinsic motivation by making
people feel more externally controlled.

Box 7.1: Theory into practice

To help promote intrinsic motivation, you should:

• Provide a wide range of stimulating opportunities for children.

• When children are deeply involved in an activity, try not to take them
away from it unnecessarily.
• Notice children’s interests and try to provide some extra challenge.
Put some additional materials nearby. Allow children to bring materials
from other areas of the setting. Ask open-ended questions such as
‘What do you think would happen if ….?’ (but back off if adult interven-
tion seems to detract from their involvement and enjoyment).
• Talk about what they are doing, what they enjoyed, what went well and
what did not, and their ideas about doing it again. Show genuine interest.
• Be careful with your use of praise and rewards. By definition, intrinsi-
cally motivating activities do not require external validation.

A ‘growth mindset’

Reflection 7.2

Think about the last time you received praise. What were you praised for?
When was the last time you praised someone and what did you praise?
How important do you think praise is for yourself and for children?

The use of positive language with children is accepted normal practice in care
and education settings. Practitioners are generally aware that the ‘right’ way to
promote positive behaviour is to reinforce/praise good behaviour in preference to
punishing unwanted behaviour. Practitioners can model and recommend a posi-
tive approach to parents or carers who may seem critical of children, for example,
they ‘catch them being good’. This technique involves withholding attention from
98 HOW COMPETENCE DEVELOPS

minor incidents of unwanted behaviour and switching attention and taking care
to make positive comments when the child behaves well. It is very important
for there to be warmth in the relationships between children and those caring for
them and the balance of positive to negative comments directed at a child can be
one measure of this. Indeed, children from lower socio-economic classes tend, on
average, to receive more parental criticism and less praise than those from higher
socio-economic classes (Hart and Risley 1995) and a common and crucial thread
of programmes aiming to help is to encourage parents and children to enjoy each
other’s company more. Increased use of praise can be both a technique to promote
happier interaction and a sign that it is taking place. So important is this consid-
ered that Leicester runs a ‘five a day’ programme, echoing the well-known public
health campaign to eat five servings of fruit and vegetables a day, encouraging
parents to praise their children at least five times a day (Sutton 2012).
Praise has a role but an increasing body of research encourages us to con-
sider whether we are balanced and discriminating enough in the praise we offer
children. From the 1970s onwards the self-esteem movement was powerful, influ-
encing many parents and practitioners alike (Noble and McGrath 2013). With
its roots in Carl Rogers’ idea (1961: 283) that children need unconditional posi-
tive regard (to be loved irrespective of what they do), the self-esteem movement
banished criticism and ladled praise indiscriminately on children. The view was
that children need high self-esteem in order to thrive. Low self-esteem was seen
as the root of many problems, from fear of ‘having a go’ at new experiences, be
they social encounters or learning challenges, to lacking confidence in one’s own
judgement and being unduly influenced by peers. Low self-esteem was regarded
as a contributory cause of underachievement and behavioural issues. Praise was
thought to foster high self-esteem which in turn would promote achievement on
all fronts. Exceedingly limited evidence has been found for the supposed ben-
efits of high self-esteem (Baumeister et al. 2003) and there have been extensive
critiques of a bland, pervasive praise strategy. This has led to a more nuanced
understanding of praise and its effects.
Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck has been particularly interested in the
mental representations children form of their competency and autonomy and
how these impact over time on their well-being and behaviour. She coined the
term ‘mindset’ to capture differing patterns of beliefs or mental representations
(internalisations) that people form. She argues that people tend to view the
world through either a ‘fixed’ or a ‘growth’ mindset (Dweck 2008) and has devel-
oped questionnaires that can reliably identify the nature of an individual’s mind-
set. Those with a growth mindset feel that what they do makes a difference: it
is worthwhile for them to strive to achieve the behavioural and other standards
they set for themselves; none of their abilities is set, they can all be developed
further with effort (Table 7.1). They are self-motivated, purposeful people who
are not only willing to face challenges but positively embrace them. In a vast
body of experimental work (for example, Diener and Dweck 1978; Mueller and
Dweck 1998), Dweck has demonstrated that failure undermines performance for
 HOW COMPETENCE DEVELOPS 99

people with a fixed mindset but enhances it for those with a growth mindset. She
has also shown how interventions (such as teaching about the brain as a muscle
that can grow with exercise, or telling inspirational stories of the striving behind
individuals’ achievements) can influence people towards a growth mindset. A
growth mindset is a vital component of competence. It also links clearly with the
characteristics of effective learning in the EYFS.

Table 7.1 Beliefs and behaviours associated with fixed and growth mindsets

Fixed mindset Growth mindset

I am at a fixed point on the good/bad, clever/ I can develop (grow) any and all of
not clever and other similar scales. That’s my capacities through effort.
how I am. I can do nothing to move up the
scale.
I must put on as good a ‘front’ as possible. What matters is making progress
My true self is not good enough and I need and enjoying the stimulus of
to hide my shortcomings so that I don’t learning or managing to achieve
lose the love and positive regard people something new. It’s intrinsically
have for me. motivating.
If things go badly, there’s nothing I can do. The more challenging I find
I might as well give up. It’s better not to something, the more effort I
attempt things that might go wrong – that put in and the better it is when I
way I avoid showing myself up. finally get to grips with it.

Source: Based on Dweck (2008).

Much of this book is about approaches that support children’s development in

ways that meet their emotional needs and enable them to delight in their interac-
tions and learning. Many of the approaches already discussed will contribute to
the development of a growth mindset in children. Dweck’s work, however, shines a
spotlight on the use of praise. She argues that ‘person praise’ focusing on a person’s
qualities (‘you’re a good girl’, ‘you’re a clever boy’) or their achievements (‘Wow! You
built that gigantic tower!’) does not boost their competence as intended. Instead,
over time, it has a detrimental effect. Children praised mainly for their cleverness
or conforming behaviour are at risk of developing an internal representation that
sees their worth as dependent on continuing to excel in these spheres. The prospect
of performing less than perfectly becomes scary as it might result in being loved or
liked less. Children start to avoid challenges, through fear of failure, and they try to
cover up achievements or behaviour that might earn condemnation.
There are some indications that girls from at least middle childhood may be
more susceptible than boys to the unintended detrimental effects of ‘person praise’
(Corpus and Lepper 2007). Dweck (2000) argues that bright girls are particularly
vulnerable to the factors that foster fixed mindsets and to internalised behaviour
difficulties in the longer term as a result of not feeling competent or autonomous,
100 HOW COMPETENCE DEVELOPS

despite often behaving ‘well’ and achieving at high levels. The high level of ‘per-
son praise’ they have achieved is regarded as contributing to the problem.
The type of praise or feedback that Dweck advocates is process praise
which comments on effort, perseverance and strategies (see Box 7.2).

Box 7.2: Process praise

• ‘You told Monika that it upsets you when she takes things without
asking – it’s good to tell her that so that she knows.’
• ‘Taking turns – that was a good way for you both to be able to play.’
• ‘You asked Elliot if you could go next – that was a good way to get the
bike.’
• ‘Ah, you’re matching the colours – that should work well.’
• ‘You’re looking carefully at the shapes – good.’
• ‘Pouring the water like that didn’t work? You’re trying another way now.
Good idea!’
• ‘You shared the banana pieces very carefully.’
• ‘You made a really tall tower using the big bricks at the bottom.’

Most of Dweck’s work has consisted of experiments. Only recently have she
and her colleagues published longitudinal naturalistic observational research
which investigates whether naturally occurring praise relates to mindsets in
the way their ideas would predict. Gunderson et al. (2013), under the guise
of studying language development, took videos of parent–child interactions
when children were aged 14, 26 and 38 months. These were analysed for
the amount and nature of spontaneously occurring praise. Later, when they
were 7–8 years old, children’s mindsets were ascertained using questionnaires.
The findings indicated that frequency of process praise correlated with a growth
mindset, suggesting that this type of praise may be particularly influential in
fostering competence. It was noted that while parents did not differ in rates of
praise for sons and daughters, more of that praise tended to be process praise
in the case of sons. This has also been found to be true of teachers (Dweck
et al. 1978).
With the young children in the Gunderson et al. (2013) study, ‘person praise’
did not in fact correlate with fixed mindsets, though the researchers had hypoth-
esised that it might. Parents used significantly less ‘person praise’ with their
38-month-old children than when they were younger. The authors speculate that
phrases they counted as ‘person praise’ (such as ‘good boy’) may be quite differ-
ent in terms on effects on different ages of children. Praise and feedback have to
be appropriate for children’s language comprehension and it may be that ‘good
boy’ and similar short expressions carry just a positive message for very young
children. It is possible that, as children’s language comprehension develops, ‘per-
 HOW COMPETENCE DEVELOPS 101

son praise’ may affect their mental representations towards a fixed mindset over
time. As soon as their language comprehension allows, it may be particularly
important when correcting children’s unacceptable behaviour to give them ‘proc-
ess’ messages about the behaviour required rather than the ‘person message’ that
the child is ‘bad’. Children form ideas of goodness and badness from a very early
age (Dweck 2000: 96) and a fixed view of the self as ‘bad’ could impede the devel-
opment of positive behaviour.

Reflection 7.3

• Do you think you have a fixed or a growth mindset?

• What sort of praise and feedback did you receive when you were grow-
ing up?
• Did you feel you had to get things right first time, or was it more about
doing your best and improving over time?
• Think about the areas of endeavour that were important in your family –
sports activities, music, schoolwork, behaviour.
• If you had siblings of a different gender, think whether your parents
gave different messages to boys and girls.

In addition to process praise and feedback, there are other approaches that
seem likely to foster positive reaction to challenge. The models children observe
are likely to be important, so modelling making mistakes and recovering from them
is likely to be helpful. As noted earlier, Dweck’s experimental interventions suggest
various helpful techniques such as telling stories of people who persisted despite
setbacks and teaching about the brain as a muscle that improves with exercise.

Box 7.3: Theory into practice

Process praise and gender

Consider the following questions to help you translate theory into practice:

• Do you agree that boys tend to receive more process praise than girls?
• Audit the setting where you work for types of praise given to boys and
to girls. Are boys receiving more process praise?
• Can efforts be made to increase the process praise given to all, and
especially to girls?
• Think how the issues concerning praise can be shared with parents. Would
a group discussion on this topic be something they might engage with?
• Could you write a short leaflet summarising key messages?
102 HOW COMPETENCE DEVELOPS

Key points
• Predictable environments foster competence.
• Intrinsic motivation is important for well-being. All children should have ample
opportunities for intrinsically motivating activities and this is particularly true
for children whose behaviour is a cause for concern.
• Promote opportunities for children to find intrinsically motivating activities
by providing a wide range of activities to stimulate and interest them and
allowing extended periods of time on activities that fire their enthusiasm.
• Show a genuine interest in the process of what children do and ask open
questions and make process-related comments on the activities, concentrat-
ing on strategies, effort and persistence.
• Correct behaviour, where necessary, by giving clear process information
regarding the preferred behaviour. If there is criticism, focus on the behav-
iour rather than the child (avoid person criticism).
• Remember that intrinsic motivation can be easily dented. Use praise sparingly
and in a process manner when children are enjoying what they are doing.
• Model making mistakes at times.
• Tell stories, share books and recommend films that show characters suc-
ceeding through perseverance.

Further reading
Dweck, C.S. (2008) Mindset. The New Psychology of Success, New York: Ballantine Books.
This book is written for a popular, and not just an academic, audience and presents Carol
Dweck’s research and ideas in an accessible manner.

Early Education supported by the Department for Education (2012) Development Matters
in the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS), London: Early Education.
Development Matters unpacks the characteristics of effective learning, usefully highlight-
ing what adults can do and provide. Many of these ideas relate very closely to fostering
intrinsic motivation and growth mindsets and practitioners may find it helpful to revisit
the characteristics of effective learning, having read this chapter.
8
Communication skills and behaviour
‘I need to understand and make
myself understood’

Of all the types of competence that might impact on behaviour, communication

skills arguably hold a position of particular importance. Communication is a
vast topic. This chapter will be selective, highlighting some issues relevant to
behaviour but not aiming to provide comprehensive coverage. Sources of fur-
ther information are signposted at the end of the chapter in the further reading
section.

Do communication difficulties impact on behaviour?

Children who, for whatever reason, do not develop abilities to express them-
selves and to understand spoken and other communication at levels typical for
their age are at a significant disadvantage. If children lack communication skills,
they have limited means of securing what they want. They are more likely to
take direct action (for example, by grabbing) if they lack the verbal skills for
negotiating.
Studies indicate a correlation between language skills and behaviour dif-
ficulties (Royer 2013; Tommerdahl 2013). Ripley and Yuill (2005) assessed the
language abilities of 19 boys who had been excluded from school and found
that 13 of them displayed language problems. Schoon et al. (2010) studied
data from the Birth Cohort Study which assessed 6,941 people at age 5
and followed them up 29 years later. Those with poor understanding of lan-
guage at 5 years old were more likely to have experienced behavioural or
mental health difficulties by adulthood. These studies are correlational and,
as discussed in Chapter 1, correlations do not necessarily mean that one of
the correlated factors is the cause of the other. However, as will be discussed
below, some of the adult behaviours that promote healthy internalisation/
socialisation depend heavily on communication and language, and this lends
104 COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND BEHAVIOUR

weight to the argument that developing these skills is likely to help promote
positive behaviour.

Communication is more than verbal language

Communication involves sending and receiving messages. Communication is
so heavily intertwined with most aspects of development and with daily liv-
ing that it can be difficult to tease out its contribution to socialisation and
behaviour. Sociocultural theories essentially acknowledge the importance of
communication in the broadest sense, stressing that children participate in
a culture and that the culture both facilitates and shapes their development.
A culture communicates its values and expectations in myriad ways, both
non-verbally (for example, by facial and other ‘body language’ reactions to
behaviour) and verbally (for example, by praising or condemning certain
acts). While some communication is intentional (such as a parent frowning
explicitly at children to indicate they should take no more biscuits at Grand-
ma’s tea table), other is unintentional (such as the flicker of dismay that might
cross a mother’s face and be spotted by Grandma when she produces another
cake for the children). The intentional and unintentional aspects of communi-
cation are often congruent, but perhaps not as frequently as we may like to
think. People commonly give mixed messages, saying one thing while their
non-verbal communication gives a conflicting message. In the example of the
mother who wants to limit her children’s sugar consumption and who frowned
when her mother-in-law produced a cake, it is possible that the mother would
nevertheless thank her mother-in-law for a delicious cake for the children.
Mixed messages abound. Non-verbal aspects of communication are often
more reliable than verbal aspects. Children are typically astute at gauging the
emotional tone of messages, including unintentional ones. A small number of
children, however, struggle to decipher emotional tone and messages given
through body language and these difficulties impact on their behaviour. So-
called social (pragmatic) communication differences will be discussed
again towards the end of the chapter.

Communication begins at birth (or earlier)

Communication begins at birth and attachment (Part 1) develops largely through
non-verbal communication though, of course, adults speak to babies at the
same time as rocking them, cuddling them and smiling at them, and this is valu-
able long before babies can understand the actual words said. Communication
skills and attachment have the same roots – both develop out of the interaction
between a baby or young child and other people. Communication is about much
more than words – its foundations are turn-taking and reciprocity, and these can
be fostered from birth.
 COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND BEHAVIOUR 105

Reflection 8.1

• How do you help parents to understand the importance of communicat-

ing and interacting with their baby from birth?
• Do you often see adults with young children chatting on their mobile
phones rather than interacting with children?
• What are the advantages and disadvantages of buggies where the
child faces the adult and those where the child faces in the direction of
travel? Are there implications for communication?

‘Motherese’
People tend to speak to babies in a simplified, singsong fashion which is known
as ‘motherese’ or ‘infant-directed speech’. Occasionally people disparage this
but ‘motherese’ occurs across cultures and has been found to promote children’s
verbal development (Parish-Morris et al. 2013). In baby rooms that are promot-
ing communication (and thus contributing to the longer-term likelihood of posi-
tive behaviour), one would expect to see practitioners conversing with babies in
infant-directed speech. They should also imitate babies’ babble as babies will often
respond to this by a turn-taking game in which they increase the babble during
their turns, again practising foundational skills for communication (Reddy 2008).

Supplementing verbal language with visual cues

In any group of young children, verbal comprehension levels will vary. This is true
even when all the children experience English as the language at home and in a
setting. Frequently, a group setting will include children for whom English is an
additional language. Bear in mind also that young children often suffer from ear
infections, colds and other conditions which may intermittently affect their hearing.
Learning language in context, with visual cues to tune the learner into the meaning,
is the natural way to learn. For all these reasons, settings should support children’s
language comprehension and memory with visual cues. These might include:

• Showing children what terminology means – take them to what you are talk-
ing about or, where feasible, bring the relevant objects to the children and
demonstrate any instructions you wish them to follow.
• Providing a simple commentary of the steps a child is following when learn-
ing a new routine or behaviour.
• A visual timetable, using photographs.
• Story sacks and song boxes with props.
• Makaton signing (always to be used with accompanying speech).
106 COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND BEHAVIOUR

Often children may not catch or understand all that the adult says but will do the
expected thing because of visual cues (including copying other children). This is
fine. If, however, you begin to think that a child may understand very little lan-
guage and be relying entirely on other cues, you may want to investigate further.
A hearing test may be useful. You will need to test verbal comprehension by taking
away the visual and other cues (including the subtle cues such as looking at the
toys you mention) and seeing if the child can understand verbal directions. Chil-
dren may easily guess certain actions that you are likely to ask for with given toys
(for example, ‘feed the dolly’ if a doll, plate and fork are present). Ask for some less
predictable actions as well (‘put the fork under the plate’) to be sure you are assess-
ing language comprehension. It may be appropriate for a Speech and Language
therapist to become involved to carry out a detailed and specialist assessment.

Vygotsky and the importance of language for behaviour

In Vygotskian theory (Bodrova and Leong 2007), language is regarded as essential
for children’s intellectual development and as playing a crucial role in their ability to
regulate their behaviour. Particular attention is paid to the phenomenon of children
talking to themselves as they concentrate on working something out (variously
termed ‘private’ or ‘egocentric’ speech). Young children quite commonly talk to
themselves (and older people may too, especially when they think they are alone).
For Vygotskians, the appearance of this type of speech indicates that children are
using language as a tool for thought and are in the process of internalising the mes-
sages received from the cultural environment. The messages referred to are mes-
sages about regulating emotions and behaviour as well as messages about practical
problem-solving. Vygotsky comments: ‘It is decisively important that speech not
only facilitates the child’s effective manipulation of objects but also controls the
child’s own behaviour’ ([1930] 1978: 26, italics in original). Vygotskians thus inter-
pret it as a positive sign when children talk to themselves as it represents children
working with the messages communicated to them and communicating with them-
selves to try to manage their emotions, behave in culturally acceptable ways or
solve problems. ‘Private’ speech indicates developing competence. Adults should
encourage it by preparing the groundwork for it, for example, by engaging in clear
and timely explanation of rules and expectations, including mental state talk. They
should also value ‘private’ speech when it is observed, leaving children free to see
what they can manage on their own and only providing help when it is sought.

‘Elaborative’ talk
While communication always takes place in a variety of forms, spoken language
gains in importance as children develop. Particular types of conversation help
children to internalise cultural messages in a healthy manner. Also, while family
members may be very attuned to each other without depending on words, verbal
 COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND BEHAVIOUR 107

language tends to become increasingly important for communication as children

broaden their social contexts and meet others who are less tuned into the subtle
communicative intentions in their behaviour that may be understood at home.
Evangelou et al. (2009) stress the role of ‘elaborative’ as opposed to descrip-
tive talk in promoting children’s social, emotional and behavioural development.
Elaborative talk helps children make sense of events and emotions, it helps them
evaluate things that have happened and relate them to other experiences. The
following approaches discussed in Part 2 would come under the umbrella term
of elaborative talk:

• emotion coaching;
• mental state talk;
• inductive discipline.

These approaches both develop and rely on linguistic competence. A child who
cannot understand at age-typical levels may miss many of the nuances of the
messages about behaviour being conveyed in the classroom and elsewhere.
Behavioural problems may arise both because the child has not understood the
messages about others’ perspectives and feelings and so is not making the link
between behaviour and its impact on others and also because of frustration with
difficulties in understanding and in expression.

Social (pragmatic) communication

Reflection 8.2

When the volume control is silenced on the television but one continues
to watch, it is usually easy to pick up the emotional tone of what is going
on, whether people are calm or agitated, happy or angry. Try to imagine
what it would be like not to be able to read body language. What problems
would it create?
Many of us can think of a few people we do not quite ‘gel’ with, though
it is hard to say exactly why. Often it will be because we find their body
language hard to read, or ambivalent or just not in synchrony with our own.

For some people, it is the norm rather than the exception to miss or be baffled
by body language. They find the social world an unpredictable, confusing place
where they do not feel competent. Some would prefer to avoid it completely.
In discussing attachment, stress was laid on the importance of the attuned
responsiveness of adults. Babies were portrayed as socially communicative and
quick to establish how they can have an effect on adults’ behaviour through, for
example, crying and smiling (Table 8.1). This is true for the vast majority of babies.
108 COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND BEHAVIOUR

Table 8.1 The socially communicative baby

Age Communication
2–5 days old Already I’m aware of who is paying me the most attention.
I’ll look more at someone who is watching me than at
someone whose focus is elsewhere.
2 months I can tell the difference between when your remarks are
directed to me and when you are talking to someone
else.
2 months Protoconversations. When I smile at you and coo, these
are my first conversations. I’ve yet to say words but
I’m communicating and I’m already grasping important
elements of conversation.
7–15 months I love to interact with you and I’ll smile, make noises and
use all sorts of strategies to engage you and keep your
attention.
9–18 months Joint attention becoming established.
I look where you look or where you point because
I expect to find something interesting. I’ll point things
out to you too because I like to share things that interest
me.
18–24 months Now I can take turns in conversation for an increasingly long
time.

Note: Babies are born with a disposition to look at human faces and to interact. The baby’s
voice aims to capture what experimental psychologists deduce from babies’ behaviour.

There are, of course, individual differences in how long and how intensely
babies like to interact. Some are significantly less drawn to communication or
are less competent at aspects of it than the vast majority. At the extreme, a few
appear to struggle with interaction and taking turns to the extent that attuned,
sensitive adults minimise the interactive demands they make on the baby to avoid
overwhelming a child who seems to find direct interaction aversive. Whereas
most babies are frequently communicating, ‘Notice me, play with me, respond
to me’, a few babies communicate ‘Feed me and meet my physical needs but oth-
erwise leave me be’. In much less extreme instances, there are babies who enjoy
interaction but do not ‘read’ body language or transmit their signals with the ease
of most babies.
Social (pragmatic) communication is a term used to capture the many
aspects required for successful conversation beyond the words involved. Social
(pragmatic) aspects include taking turns, acknowledging the partner’s contribu-
tion, signalling a change of topic and adapting communication to take account
of the partner’s status (for example, talking differently to a teacher and a peer).
 COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND BEHAVIOUR 109

Children whose social (pragmatic) communication skills are not at levels typical
for their age can inadvertently behave in ways that are considered rude or inept
and this can get them into trouble.

Case snippet 8.1: Dominic

Miss Jones, the Reception teacher, is normally calm and approachable but one
afternoon is very abrupt, firing out directions in a serious tone of voice. Most
children pick up immediately that this she ‘means business’ at this moment and
it would be best to fall in with her demands and save any requests or extrane-
ous comments until a better time. Dominic does not read the cues. He is much
slower than the others in coming to the carpet and when he sits down, he looks
up and says, ‘Oh, Miss Jones, are we going to the park for a Teddy Bear’s Picnic
next summer? My brother did when he was in your class’.
Luckily Miss Jones has realised that Dominic does not easily read social
(pragmatic) communication cues and so she simply says: ‘Dominic, you have
to listen now. Mrs Burgess (teaching assistant) will talk to you in a moment.’

Adults need to be alert to the possibility that some children’s ‘poor’ behaviour
may result from difficulties with social (pragmatic) aspects of communication.
Often adults are irritated by behaviour that violates pragmatic rules. Sometimes
matters escalate, the adult becoming increasingly exasperated with a child who
does not modify behaviour in the expected fashion. Many children, when under
stress, find that their body language lets them down. They can grin with the
embarrassment or tension of being under an adult’s scrutiny for wrongdoing, a
reaction that tends to make their situation worse. For children with problems in
social (pragmatic) communication, giving out inappropriate signals is another
manifestation of their (often misunderstood) problem. For children who do not
pick up social communication cues and whose own body language does not ‘help
their cause’, the social world can be an unpredictable and confusing place.
These children benefit from intentions and requirements being made much
more explicit than usual. The adult may need to state, for example, ‘Dominic, I’m
not in the mood for people taking a long time to come to the carpet or asking me
questions about the summer at the moment. I will be short-tempered if you don’t
do what I ask immediately like everyone else’. Adults need to coach children
through situations in a clear, explicit way, for example, ‘When someone is angry
with you, and you are sorry, say “Sorry” and look down, keeping your mouth
straight’. Sometimes it is appropriate to involve peers in coaching – ‘If Ben comes
too close to you when talking, say “Ben, you’re too close. Step back a bit”’. Social
stories (see Box 8.1) may also be helpful.
When children are learning skills from the specific areas of the EYFS, such
as phonics or number bonds, we take it for granted that they need to learn a little
110 COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND BEHAVIOUR

at a time and to practise regularly to properly establish fluency in the skills. In

the areas of social development and communication development, many children
seem to absorb the skills so naturally that it can be overlooked that there are
some children who require carefully structured programmes to build these skills
systematically and to practise them so much that they become dispositions.

Box 8.1: Social stories

Social stories were devised and shared by Carol Gray (2001). They are a
positive, clear way of alerting children to behavioural expectations. They
should be personalised for a child, taking account of that child’s concerns.
Ideally they should be presented in a book and illustrated.
Here is a snippet from a story for a child who tends to shout when
conversing and to stand so close to others that they find it uncomfortable:
Miss Lewis will tell us when we have to be quiet and display the ‘quiet
working’ sign. The rest of the time it is fine to talk to other people.
I like to talk to people. It’s good to share ideas and ask opinions.
When I talk to people, I need to be one big step away from them.
Most people like their ‘personal space’. This is like an invisible bub-
ble around them. If I go closer than one big step, people feel I am in
their personal space and it makes them uncomfortable. I will stand
one big step away from people. They might remind me if I forget and
that is OK, I should just thank them, step back and carry on. I like
talking to people and get excited when talking and want them to hear
me. They can still hear me when I talk quietly. If I talk loudly, it can
hurt their ears. I will talk quietly and it will be comfortable for them.
We will have a good conversation.

Smith (2003) provides useful advice on social stories.

Key points
• Communication influences all aspects of development. Sociocultural theo-
ries encapsulate this.
• Communication in the broadest sense (non-intentional as well as inten-
tional, non-verbal as well as verbal) is at the heart of socialisation and a
vital aspect to consider with respect to behaviour.
• Speech and language skills play an increasing role in socialisation as young
children develop. However, in optimum environments, these skills are being
nurtured from birth.
 COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND BEHAVIOUR 111

• ‘Motherese’ is helpful for babies and to be encouraged.

• An environment that promotes positive behaviour will take steps to commu-
nicate effectively and provide children with meaningful and varied opportuni-
ties to communicate.
• Visual ‘props’ (including visual timetables and gesture systems such as
Makaton) can be useful for promoting understanding and predictability.
• ‘Private’ speech is to be valued and promoted as it can be seen as a step
towards healthy internalisation of behaviour.
• Elaborative styles of adult–child interaction are associated with promoting
positive behaviour.
• When behaviour of particular children is of concern, it is recommended to
look in detail at their communication skills and to consider if support can be
offered to develop them.
• Children with specific speech, language and communication needs are likely
to require carefully structured programmes with frequent opportunities to
practise and fully establish new skills as dispositions.

Further reading
Early Education supported by the Department for Education (2012) Development Matters
in the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS), London: Early Education.
Practitioners might find it useful to look at the section of Development Matters on ‘Per-
sonal, Social and Emotional Development: Making Relationships’. A quick glance at the
behaviours listed for babies highlights how interactive and communicative they tend to be
from the very beginning. The detailed sections in Development Matters on ‘Communica-
tion and Language’ are valuable for reminding practitioners of the range of communica-
tion skills that typically develop and ways to promote them.

Every Child a Talker (ECAT). ECAT was a communication programme promoted by the
government (DCSF 2008). Unfortunately it has now been archived although many practi-
tioners continue to find it useful. Some information can be accessed at: http://webarchive.
nationalarchives.gov.uk/20130401151715/https:/www.education.gov.uk/publications/eOr-
deringDownload/DCSF-00854-2008.pdf (accessed 30 October 2014).

EYFS Inclusion Development Programme, Speech, Language and Communica-

tion Needs. This was also a government-backed initiative, now archived. There is
an e-learning course, open to all. Available at: http://webarchive.nationalarchives.
gov.uk/20110202093118/http://nationalstrategies.standards.dcsf.gov.uk/node/174435
(accessed 30 October 2014).

ICAN, the children’s communication charity, available at: www.ican.org.uk/en.aspx. A use-

ful source of information, ideas and resources for supporting communication develop-
ment.
9
Competence and executive functions
‘I need the right sort of opportunities and
support to practise skills such as paying
attention, waiting and managing impulses’

Introduction
Emotions are our hot responses, valuable in many ways, as outlined in Chap-
ter 5. Having only these ‘hot’ responses would be very limiting (and indeed
‘emotion coaching’, discussed in Chapter 5, takes children beyond the ‘hot’
response). Our ability to function well in the world depends on being able
to moderate our ‘hot’ responses appropriately, being able to manage our
impulses, to wait and reassess, to deliberately attend to certain things by
choice, while blocking out distractions. If our emotions are like a thorough-
bred horse – hot-blooded, sensitive, fast, ‘highly strung’– we need to harness
these qualities by developing the skills of a capable jockey. The horse on its
own can run fast but is likely to veer off track and to be ‘spooked’ by noises
and distractions around it. The jockey takes the reins and together horse and
jockey may achieve great success.
Psychologists refer to the jockey skills as ‘executive functions’. Execu-
tive functions are essential if people are to have some choice and control over
their behaviour, rather than being purely reactive. They are essential for effortful
learning and for goal-directed activity. Hot emotional systems without jockey
skills are bundles of energy, emitting emotions and emotionally driven behaviour
all the time, flitting from one thing to another, grabbing what they want, pushing
others out of the way or possibly attacking them if they put up resistance. (Read-
ers may feel they recognise children in this category.) Jockey skills without a hot
system are (well-programmed) computers, rather than people. They are rational
but not human, lacking the intuition, the individual ‘gut reactions’ and drive that
characterise people.
Executive functions describe an important set of skills that emerge dur-
ing development and which are crucial for purposeful activity. Executive
functions include being able to stop or delay responses; being able to direct
 COMPETENCE AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS 113

attention; being able to formulate and hold in mind a plan; and being able to
try alternative approaches if what you are doing is not working or the require-
ments of a task change. These skills are important for all of us to function
effectively. Children whose executive function skills are poorly developed for
their age will fall below age norms for behaviour and learning. Pre-schoolers
considered as exhibiting problem behaviours show poor executive function-
ing for their age (Hughes and Dunn 2000). Research suggests that executive
functioning plays a significant part in school readiness (Bierman et al. 2008;
Welsh et al. 2010).
The terminology used by different researchers varies but executive func-
tions can be considered in three main groupings (Diamond 2013):

1 Working memory – being able to hold and manipulate ideas in memory,

making connections with previous events and ideas.
2 Inhibition – inhibiting (holding back) impulses, being able to wait.
Keeping unwanted/distracting thoughts at bay.
3 Cognitive flexibility – not being ‘stuck’ on one way of doing or thinking
about things but being able to switch strategies or entertain alternative
interpretations.

Executive functions underpin both socio-emotional and intellectual problem

solving. In this chapter the emphasis is more on the socio-emotional aspect and
its links with behaviour.

Working memory
Working memory refers to the capacity to both hold and manipulate items in
short-term memory. Working memory is not just passive retention of material,
it is active engagement with the material, making connections with previous
experience and knowledge. If someone says the names of three things to you
and asks you to repeat them back, that is a short-term memory task. If, how-
ever, they name three things and you have to say them back in the order ‘most
like to least like’, it becomes a working memory task because you are required
to work out the order. Working memory is an important component of many
aspects of behaviour and learning. Deciding on and executing any sort of plan
requires working memory. Mulling over events or things that have been said
involves working memory if, as is usually the case, you are not just recall-
ing but trying to make sense of what has happened and planning whether and
how to respond. Working memory is involved in relating things that happened
earlier to things that have just happened, noting similarities and puzzling over
differences. It is part of the reflection that informs social understanding and
helps us formulate responses.
114 COMPETENCE AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS

Inhibition

Box 9.1: Walter Mischel (1930– ): the ‘marshmallow experiments’

Walter Mischel is a professor at Columbia University, New York. When he

worked at Stanford University in California in the late 1960s he started
his now famous marshmallow experiments on delayed gratification at the
Bing nursery, the childcare facility provided for those working at the uni-
versity and attended by his young daughters. Mischel perfected the form
of his marshmallow experiment by trying out various forms with his daugh-
ters around their kitchen table.
In the classic form of the experiment, young children who have indi-
cated that they like marshmallows are seated at a table in front of a
marshmallow and offered a choice: have one marshmallow now or wait
until the adult comes back and, if they have not eaten the single marsh-
mallow, they can have two. Children have a bell to summon the adult if
they decide they cannot wait. The experiment is about delayed gratifica-
tion. Can children wait for something they want, if waiting increases the
amount they get? The results were measurements of the number of sec-
onds’ delay the children waited.
What were the important findings?

• Not surprisingly, children’s ability to wait for the two marshmallows (to
delay gratification) improved with age.
• As they grow, children develop their ideas about helpful strategies:
• Children aged 31/2 –4-years-old thought it would help them to look
at the marshmallows.
• 4- and 5-year-olds often realised that covering the marshmal-
lows or looking away from them would make the wait easier.
• Some 4-year-olds and many 5-year-olds spontaneously used
strategies such as repeating the contingencies to themselves
(‘If I wait until she comes back, I’ll get two’) or distracting them-
selves by jiggling their legs or twiddling with their hair.
Mischel and his team carried out some versions where children were
encouraged to think about the marshmallows in particular ways while
waiting:

• Some were encouraged to think about the lovely sweet taste and melting
softness in the mouth they would have when they ate the marshmallow.
• Others were encouraged to think about the marshmallows in terms of
aspects other than their taste and factors associated with eating them.
They might, for example, think of the marshmallows as soft pillows or
beanbag chairs for toy figures or as little clouds.
 COMPETENCE AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS 115

You can probably guess the results!

• Thinking about the taste reduced the ability to delay.

• Thinking about the marshmallows as something other than food
significantly increased ability to delay.

Mischel’s daughters were close in age to the first cohort of young chil-
dren who took part in the marshmallow experiments. Ten years or so later,
when the girls were adolescents and chatting about friends and their varied
escapades, Mischel had a ‘light bulb moment’. He realised that it would
be fascinating to follow up the young children who had taken part in the
marshmallow experiments. He collected data from their high schools and
he and his research team continue to track some of original cohort now,
more than 40 years on. All the data from this longitudinal research show
that differences in delay in gratification at age 4 correlate with significant
outcomes over time. In high school the children who could delay gratifica-
tion as youngsters were socially and emotionally well-adjusted and achieved
well. Children with very short delay times at age 4 had significant problems
with behaviour and were failing academically in adolescence. This pattern
has continued in the subsequent follow-up studies. Ability to delay gratifica-
tion at age 4 seems to have huge implications for a child’s future behaviour,
achievement and overall adjustment (Mischel et al. 1989; Hammond 2011).

One form of inhibition is the delayed gratification called for in the marsh-
mallow experiment (see Box 9.1). Successful inhibition of many sorts is required
if children are to be able to get on with others and to learn effectively. In many
situations it is best to curb (inhibit) an immediate emotional response to a situa-
tion and give ourselves time to consider how to interpret it and how to react. In
order to complete activities efficiently, we need to focus and limit our responses
to distractions, for example, listening to a story requires maintenance of atten-
tion. Children who are learning about how to ask for something nicely rather
than grab may know cognitively what they should do but will only be successful
if they can manage to inhibit the impulse to grab.

Cognitive flexibility
Cognitive flexibility is the third building block of executive functions and the
latest of the three to develop. It refers to the ability to vary your approach to
things and entertain different perspectives. It is necessary when your usual or
previous response becomes ineffective but it is also helpful much more broadly.
It can enable people to find creative and better ways of doing things. In the realm
of behaviour, cognitive flexibility is associated with being open-minded in judge-
ments of people and recognising that situations can be interpreted and reacted
116 COMPETENCE AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS

to in a variety of ways. Inflexibility, on the other hand, is manifest when people

are very rigid in their interpretations and reactions. Children who very quickly
take offence and react aggressively to their peers often show lack of cognitive
flexibility. An incident such as a child knocking against their toys, that looks
accidental and that many children would be likely to ignore or respond to in a
low-key fashion, can elicit a major and negative reaction from a child with very
limited cognitive flexibility.
Mischel et al.’s (1989) findings of the relationship between delayed gratifi-
cation in the early years and later adult adjustment and well-being have been
noted in Box 9.1. There is other evidence about the long-term significance of
executive functions, a particularly noteworthy study being that carried out by
Moffitt and her colleagues in New Zealand (Moffitt et al. 2011). This longitu-
dinal study followed children from birth to age 32 years and found that poor
self-control in childhood predicted criminal offending, substance abuse, poor
physical health, and financial problems. Conversely, the better a child’s self-
control, the better the long-term outcomes were likely to be. These studies
highlight the importance of executive functions. Other sources of evidence indi-
cate that children (and older people) can be helped to improve their executive
functions, making this a fruitful area for building skills to make a difference in
children’s prospects. Adele Diamond is a leading researcher in the area of execu-
tive functions and makes strong arguments that building up children’s execu-
tive functions holds out the potential for reducing the difference in outcomes
between children from advantaged and disadvantaged backgrounds (Diamond
and Lee 2011; Diamond 2013).

The development of executive functions

Executive functions are associated with the pre-frontal cortex, an area of the
brain that shows particularly rapid development between 3 and 6 years of age.
This is a key time for the development of executive functions but they continue
to develop into adulthood. The three categories of executive function show dif-
ferent developmental timelines – working memory develops earliest, inhibition is
the next to begin to appear and cognitive flexibility is the last.

What builds executive functions?

Recent work on executive functions derives from neuropsychology but Vygot-
sky’s sociocultural ideas provide a theoretical framework that continues to be
useful for thinking about the development of these functions and the adult role
in facilitating this.
The crux of the Vygotskian view of development is that children interact
with the people and materials surrounding them and that this interaction is not
only necessary to stimulate development but influences the form of the develop-
ment that takes place. It is a theory that recognises that development is neither
 COMPETENCE AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS 117

‘nature’ or ‘nurture’ alone but an interaction, such that the type of nurture influ-
ences which of the inbuilt potentials flourish and which fade. The executive func-
tions developed by children will depend on their biological make-up but also,
crucially, on the strategies modelled and encouraged by the people with whom
they interact and wider cultural aspects.
Vygotskians refer to the development of mental tools (or tools of the
mind) to describe and explain how children move from immediately reacting
to stimuli to being able to plan, focus and persevere. Mental tools and executive
functions can be seen as largely similar. In Vygotskian theory, the acquisition of
mental tools is crucial for self regulation of both behaviour and learning, and
comes about as a result of social interaction. It is through the process of interac-
tion that children learn, for example, ways of focusing their attention, inhibit-
ing their impulses and directing their behaviour and learning towards goals. The
quality and nature of the social interactions available to children can help or
hinder the acquisition of mental tools/executive functions.
Vygotsky believed that children first learn through active engagement (co-
construction) with others and later internalise the strategies that can support
their learning. In Part 1 there was reference to the idea that securely attached
infants are calmed by their carers and through this learn, over time, to calm
themselves. The idea here is similar. Mutual processes lay the foundations for
independent processes. When adults create the conditions for children to engage
in activities that interest and stimulate them, and when they or other children
support the child in developing strategies for persistence and constructive prob-
lem solving, then the child will, over time, adopt such strategies independently.
The facilitation role is not to do with the transmission of information. It is to
do with providing the degree of challenge and support appropriate to individ-
ual children engaging in activities that are meaningful to them. The Vygotskian
term, ‘zone of proximal development’ (ZPD) is used to capture the area of
learning where facilitation by more knowledgeable others is most effective. The
ZPD is just above where a child can function independently but where success
is still possible with sensitive support. It is through the process of interaction
that children learn, for example, ways of focusing their attention, inhibiting their
impulses and directing their behaviour and learning towards goals.
Vygotsky’s contribution to the fields of psychology and education has been
immense. He died in 1934, aged only 37. His ideas have been developed and
applied by researchers from his native Russia and other countries and it is the
work of these Vygotskians, particularly Bodrova and Leong (2007) that usefully
links to executive functions and behaviour. Bodrova and Leong (2007) devel-
oped an approach known as ‘tools of the mind’ which has been enthusiastically
adopted in many pre-schools in the United States and which has attracted atten-
tion for the high level of children’s executive functioning (Diamond and Lee
2011) and their behaviour (Bronson and Merryman 2010).
The value of language as a mental tool was mentioned in Chapter 8 which
highlighted private speech as a means of the child beginning to internalise
118 COMPETENCE AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS

behaviours. Private speech bridges or mediates between regulation by others

and self-regulation.
Imaginary or make-believe play has particular importance in Vygotskian
theory. In Chapter 7 its designation as the leading activity of pre-schoolers was
noted. Imaginary play is seen as a prime context for the development of execu-
tive functions. Vygotsky stressed that play involves rules – in being a ‘mummy’
or a ‘baby’, children choose to follow what they regard as the rules of mummy
or baby behaviour. The setting aside of children’s own persona and the deliber-
ate adopting of another both require and further develop executive functions. In
imaginary play a prop can stand for something else or children can just pretend
that, for example, they are driving a car. This symbolisation requires overriding
of the here and now, with reference to a plan formed through imagination – again,
features of executive functioning are apparent and become strengthened through
this type of play (Savina 2014). Imaginary plays involves talk in the roles assumed
and also talk outside these roles to negotiate the course of the narrative with
others involved – it thus involves mental flexibility to keep track of the different
rules required in role and as an out-of-role negotiator on behalf of one’s role! The
interaction among children in play is the medium through which they regulate
each other and learn in time to regulate themselves. The richness of children’s
mental state talk in shared imaginary play has already been alluded to (Brown
et al. 1996, Chapter 6). The tools of the mind curriculum emphasises sustained
imaginary play for pre-schoolers. From an early age children are encouraged and
supported to plan and review their play. These processes have been shown to
lead to more mature and sustained play (Bodrova and Leong 2007), while the plan-
ning and reviewing are themselves processes that build executive functioning.

Reflection 9.1

• Which activities do you do with children that support the development

of their executive functions?
• Consider the three main components of executive functioning in turn:
working memory; inhibition; and cognitive flexibility.

Looking through an ‘executive functions lens’, it can be recognised that

many traditional activities carried out with young children are likely to develop
these skills (Tominey 2011). Games such as ‘Simon Says’, ‘Musical Statues’ and
‘Grandma’s Footsteps’ require skills of motor inhibition. The card game of ‘Pairs’
where children have to remember the position of cards previously seen and
turn over the correct one to match a given card, calls on working memory. The
game where children have to identify photographs of objects taken from unu-
sual angles requires one form of cognitive flexibility. Another type of flexibility
is required to cope with changes of rules within games: at first, clap when you
 COMPETENCE AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS 119

hear a word naming a food, then, after a few minutes, stop clapping for food and
clap only for colours. Planning and reviewing by children are, as previously indi-
cated, crucial activities for developing executive function.

Case snippet 9.1: Oliver

James, the Key Person, sits his key group in a quiet corner for a few minutes’
conversation each day. Several of the children are always eager to talk. Oliver
tends to dominate, being an articulate boy with much to say. James feels that
the children would benefit if the conversations were less of a ‘free for all’. He
tells the children that he is going to introduce a thinking pause when he asks
them something he wants them to think carefully about. During the thinking
pause, he and they are going to place their index finger on their closed lips. ‘We
all need a little time to work out our best answer to a question. Oliver, for exam-
ple, you always have answers. Often you give one answer very quickly, then
you think of an even better one and say that too. Now we are all going to pause
and think of our best answer before we tell everyone else.’ James now always
uses the thinking pause at group time and models it at other times when he is
asked questions through the day. The children become used to it. After some
reminders, Oliver develops the habit of using his finger to remind him to pause.
Recently the setting invited a policewoman visitor to talk to the children.
She invited them to ask questions. While one child was talking, James saw that
Oliver was about to butt in. Catching Oliver’s eye, James started to move his
finger towards his mouth. Oliver immediately raised his own finger and success-
fully waited until an appropriate point to ask his question.

Most of us notice how we struggle with demanding tasks when we are tired
or below par. Diamond (2013) notes that executive functions are adversely
impacted by factors such as lack of sleep, stress or insufficient exercise. When
children show delays in executive functioning, she urges an overall view of their
lifestyle before assuming that they have a specific problem with executive func-
tioning. Addressing sleep patterns or exercise patterns might in turn result in
improved executive functioning.
Diamond (2013) also reports the research finding that in many situations a
child’s impulsive response is wrong but, if forced to wait, the same child can often
achieve the correct response. The challenge for adults is to find ways of helping
children slow down their wild horses and exercise their jockey skills!
Diamond and Lee (2011) reviewed the literature concerning interventions
to promote the development of executive functions in children. Interestingly the
effective interventions are quite varied and include the following (not in rank
order for effectiveness):
120 COMPETENCE AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS

• aerobic exercise
• martial arts
• mindfulness
• yoga
• CogMed – particular computer programmes designed to develop working
memory
• bilingualism
• the tools of the mind curriculum (Bodrova and Leong 2007) (see Box 9.2 for
related ideas)
• the Montessori curriculum (see Box 9.3)
• Promoting Alternative Thinking Strategies (PATHS) (Greenberg et al. 1995) –
a curriculum designed to develop children’s emotional and social understand-
ing through age-appropriate, fun activities and links to real-life situations.

Box 9.2: Theory into practice

Developing tools of the mind: some ways adults can support the devel-
opment of executive functions
• Talk through procedures, events and happenings with children as this
helps give a structure to their experience.
• Model ‘private speech’ (Chapter 8) when you demonstrate things for
children and encourage them to use private speech themselves.
• If a young child says, ‘No, no, no’ but then carries out the action that
s/he clearly has some awareness is wrong, interpret this as a sign
that the child is on the journey towards internalising the behavioural
requirements. Be positive, for example, ‘That’s right, Chris. We don’t
want to jump in the deep puddles before putting wellies on. Now you’ll
need to change into dry socks’.
• Encourage children to plan their play. At its simplest this starts with
children making a choice of which activity they want to do. Later this
develops into a drawn or written plan with children indicating what they
want to do, what they will need for it, who else will be involved and how.
To begin with, planning takes place immediately before the play. Later,
planning may stretch ahead.
• Accustom children to reviewing their play and activities before they
move on to something else. Again, gradually increase the challenge of
the ‘review’, working towards a continuous cycle of review informing a
new plan, and so on.
• Give young children roles – being as quiet as a mouse, as still as a
soldier on sentry duty.
 COMPETENCE AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS 121

• Provide visual cues for roles, for example, children hold a picture of an
ear when they are in pairs and it is their turn to listen, they have the
picture of a mouth when it is their turn to talk.
• When learning particular skills, get children to pick out the best exam-
ple of the skill in their own and other people’s work or behaviour.
• Use external mediators to help children regulate their behaviour, for
example, a carpet square to ‘contain’ a restless child for short periods of
sitting on the carpet. Make sure to use external mediators in a manner
where they are a tool to help the child along the way to internal control.

Source: Based on Bodrova and Leong (2007).

It is interesting that some of the interventions which improve executive func-

tions clearly involve the controlled combination of physical and psychological
skills. Conventional martial arts involve controlled and disciplined movement
which both engenders and benefits from a calm and focused mind. Similarly,
mindfulness approaches use controlled breathing to quieten the mind and help
inhibit distracting thoughts and improve focus on the body in the present.
Some of the effective interventions are specific in their effects. Thus, the
computer programs that improve working memory do not improve other aspects
of executive functioning such as flexibility. It is therefore important to priori-
tise use of the broader approaches which foster the gamut of executive skills.
All approaches are effective only when they keep on gradually increasing the
executive function demands on children. Curricular approaches such as tools of
the mind and the Montessori approach (see Box 9.3) embed the development of
executive functions. This is more effective than ‘bolt-on’ approaches that try to
develop the skills in isolation (Diamond and Lee 2011).

Box 9.3: Maria Montessori (1870–1952): medical doctor

and renowned educationalist

One of the first female doctors in Italy, Maria Montessori worked with
children with learning difficulties and developed methods for all children
that continue to be practised in many nurseries.
Montessori believed a major part of the teacher’s role lay in preparing
the environment to allow children to follow their individual interests and
learn from constructive activity. She advocated a peaceful, quiet, unclut-
tered environment. She developed ‘didactic apparatus’, carefully designed
to enable children to spot and correct their own errors and so to maximise
(Continued)
122 COMPETENCE AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS

what they could learn from independent exploration (‘auto education’). Mon-
tessorian activities challenge children as they develop, for example, walking
along a line then doing this while carrying a spoonful of water without spill-
ing (Diamond and Lee 2011). Young children were viewed by Montessori as
powerful, self-motivated learners. A teacher should observe but intervene
only when necessary – ‘she may always be ready to supply the necessary
help, but may never be the obstacle between the child and his experience’
(Montessori [1914] 2005: 87). Montessori fostered purposeful activity,
often involving real-life activities, among children. She believed strongly in
children being given long periods of uninterrupted time to become deeply
involved in their activities. Hers was an individual approach with children
working alone or choosing to work with one or two others. Her approaches
let a child plan and assume control of learning. She promoted development
of children’s language and of their social and emotional understanding,
creating an ethos in which prosocial behaviour was valued.
Diamond and Lee (2011) report research showing that children from
Montessori schools surpassed children from other schools in their devel-
opment of executive functions.

It is interesting to note a contrast between the tools of the mind and the
Montessori approach. The former accords high priority to imaginary play for
pre-schoolers whereas the latter (in the original form) sidelines this form of play
as unhelpful. Nevertheless both approaches impact positively on executive func-
tioning. Executive functions can be developed in many ways, some of which
have not been fully researched yet, though there is growing interest in the pos-
sible role of music and singing (Winsler et al. 2011).

Box 9.4: Theory into practice

Consider the following questions to help you translate theory into practice:

• Using a pause. Is it part of your practice to slow the pace slightly, to

have a ‘thinking pause’?
• Do you help children with strategies for waiting? Do you ask them how
they might cope in a waiting situation and steer them towards help-
ful strategies? They are desperate for turn on the bike. Is it better to
make them stand watching a child who currently has a bike, waiting
for a turn or to have some way of registering a place in a queue (e.g.
putting their photo on a picture of a bike) and to then be called over by
a staff member when it is time for their turn?
 COMPETENCE AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS 123

• Do you encourage children to look at things from a variety of perspec-

tives, both physical and psychological? Do you facilitate discussion of
different viewpoints?
• Do you give an appropriate balance between routine and surprise? Do
you provide some warning of a break from routine for very young chil-
dren or those who struggle with flexibility, e.g. advance verbal warning
supported with visual cues which remain present?
• Do you talk through what is going to happen and what has happened?
• Are children given opportunities to plan and review their activities?
• Are all practitioners aware of children’s level of executive functions
and are they providing practice and challenge for each child at an
appropriate level? Are opportunities for this seized whenever they
arise throughout a session and not confined to a particular part of the
session dedicated to executive functions?

Key points
• Going beyond reacting to immediate stimuli requires executive functions –
the ‘jockey skills’ for successful negotiation of the racecourse of life.
• Self-regulated behaviour and deliberate learning depend on executive
functions. They play an important role in school readiness and in life
trajectories.
• The executive functions fall into three main groups: working memory; inhibi-
tion; and cognitive flexibility. They start to develop in the order listed. Devel-
opment to mature levels takes a considerable time but there is a particularly
rapid period of development from 3–6 years of age.
• Lack of sleep, stress and insufficient exercise impede the development of
executive functions.
• Children’s experiences can promote the development of executive
functions.
• Vygotsky’s theory of sociocultural development of mental tools fits comfort-
ably with recent neuropsychological work on executive functions. The tools
of the mind curriculum translates Vygotskian theory into practice and has
been shown to be effective in helping children develop executive functioning
and self-regulation of behaviour.
• A range of other approaches or experiences, from traditional martial arts, to
mindfulness, to bilingualism, have been found to benefit executive function-
ing and it is likely that further effective approaches will be identified.
124 COMPETENCE AND EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS

Further reading
Bodrova, E. and Leong, D.J. (2007) Tools of the Mind: The Vygotskian Approach to Early
Childhood Education, 2nd edn, Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Merrill/Prentice Hall.
This is an extremely useful book. Chapter 5 on mediators explains their purpose clearly,
with many practical examples.

Bronson, P. and Merryman, A. (2010) Nurture Shock, Reading: Ebury Press.

Chapter 8 is relevant for executive functions. Other chapters of this interesting book are
also relevant to the themes discussed.

Early Education supported by the Department for Education (2012) Development Matters
in the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS), London: Early Education.

Aspects of the development of executive functions occur at various points of Development

Matters. Look for relevant advice in the sections, Characteristics of Effective Learning
and also in Communication and Language and in Physical Development.
Part 4
Collaborating for positive behaviour
‘Together we can’

Introduction to Part 4

The emphasis so far has been on children’s needs for relatedness, autonomy and
competence. In this final part we consider how we can take into account the
same psychological needs of parents and practitioners. This is never more impor-
tant than when trying to devise an effective positive behaviour plan for a child
whose behaviour is causing extreme concern.
Chapter 10 considers parents and Chapter 11 considers practitioners. Both
chapters contain a case study. In real life, ‘case studies’ are dynamic and all
involve children, parents and practitioners. The approach advocated in this book
is one of hypothesis testing and a collaborative process. It can be difficult to
capture within a static description of a case study the interplay of the different
elements and ideas as a situation unfolds and changes over time. In devising a
behaviour programme, practitioners need to liaise with parents and include their
views and ideas within the behaviour plan if it is to have maximum effectiveness.
For this reason it is important to avoid the impression that practitioners simply
inform the parents about the plan. Nevertheless, practitioners who are asking
parents in to discuss a child’s behaviour do need to prepare carefully for the
meeting if the time is to be used to good effect. Box P4.1 shows a possible outline
for such a meeting and Figure P4.1 shows a proforma that practitioners might
use to gather their ideas in advance of the meeting.

Box P4.1: Meeting format

• Thank attendees for coming, particularly parents.

• Introductions.
• Purpose: to share information about (child’s name)’s behaviour with a
view to drawing on everyone’s views to find things we might be able to
do to help.
126 INTRODUCTION TO PART 4

• Pleased to have (child’s name), outline strengths. Put behaviour in context

(e.g. ‘quite rare but still concerning’, ‘a couple of times a week which,
while concerning, means there are more days that are fine than not’).
• Ask parents ‘How are you feeling about (child’s name) at nursery?’
How is (child’s name) at home? (If relevant: And why do you think there
is a difference?’)
• Outline the concerns, giving information from observations.
• Suggest initial hypothesis, appropriately worded.
• Invite comments.
• Revise or refine hypothesis in the light of the discussion.
• Suggest ideas about ways forward:
• at whole group level;
• changes in the physical environment;
• changes in how adults react;
• strategies to support the child (mediators?);
• positive target for child.
• Ask for ways parents can help.
• Ask for additional suggestions or modifications to suggestions.
• Stress that you will be providing positive experiences for the child not
contingent on behaviour (and be prepared to justify).
• Agree review arrangements.

Thank everyone for coming and indicate your availability to parents in the
next few days once they have had a chance to reflect on the meeting.
Would they appreciate a phone call?

Note that the proforma highlights some of the key messages that have been
stressed about behaviour, such as the importance of building relationships and
the value of intrinsically motivating experiences. The case studies in the follow-
ing chapters use this proforma to capture the relevant information. Blank copies
of the meeting format and the proforma are also included as Appendices 1 and 2
to allow ease of photocopying for readers’ own use.
The case study in Chapter 10 involves a parent whose sense of competence
seems to be threatened by hearing about her child’s behaviour, a common sce-
nario. In Chapter 11 a teacher struggles with the feelings engendered by the diffi-
culty of forming a relationship with a child. The case studies try to capture some
of the process of interpreting behaviour through the self-determination model
(Deci and Ryan 2000), applying the model to the various ‘players’ and thinking
about the underlying needs yet translating the insights into constructive action
for those involved. Note when you read the case studies that the targets proposed
for children are not in terms of things they should stop doing (‘stop hitting’,
‘reduce tantrums’). Instead they are positive targets of new skills that should
help the child, such as early skills of negotiation and use of external mediators
to cope with transitions.
 INTRODUCTION TO PART 4 127

Child: Parents:

Teacher/practitioners:

Child’s strengths

Intrinsic motivation/flow
Regardless of behaviour, we will make sure the child . . .

Relationship building
Ways in which we will try to build the relationship, irrespective of behaviour

Information collected about behaviour (observation, etc.)

Initial hypothesis/unmet needs (Relatedness? Autonomy? Competence?)

Ways we might help

Child’s target(s)
Positive, specific and achievable.

Figure P4.1 Proforma for preparing for meeting to discuss a child’s behaviour
10
Planning for positive behaviour
Parents’ viewpoints

Parents are a diverse group and it would be foolhardy to attempt any generalisa-
tions. The importance of keeping an open mind and avoiding hasty judgements
cannot be over-emphasised. Self-fulfilling prophecies, where teachers form a
negative judgement, and children and families ‘live down’ to it, are a real danger
(Rosenthal and Jacobson 1968; Hauser-Cram et al. 2003; Rosenthal 2003). Effective
work with parents involves establishing constructive dialogue (which includes
careful listening) and maintaining a focus on what is helpful for the child. The
Nigerian writer Chimamanda Adichie (online) talks powerfully about ‘the danger
of a single story’ and reminds us about the complexity, richness and strengths
that get lost when we resort to stereotypes. Practitioners need to be aware of the
danger of colluding with stereotypes of ‘uncaring’, ‘inadequate’ or ‘pushy’ parents.
The association between poverty and poor outcomes for children (including
behaviour problems) exists and it is important to acknowledge this when deci-
sions have to be made in targeting scarce resources. However, the demonisation
of sections of society through, for example, the government’s use of the term
‘troubled families’ (DCLG 2012) is not constructive. Poverty certainly makes peo-
ple’s lives harder but it is not invariably associated with children who misbehave
and underachieve. It is more likely that correlates of poverty, such as drug or
alcohol dependence or other mental health problems, account for the link with
poorer outcomes for children. Such problems may be less easily identified than
poverty. Again, even in cases of severe mental illness that might interfere with
bringing up children, families differ in the outcomes achieved as there may be
protective and supportive factors in the wider family. Belsky (1984) promotes a
model of parenting that considers not just the parents’ personalities and psycho-
logical well-being but also the social support they enjoy and the characteristics
of the child. While the research evidence suggests that all children can thrive,
given optimal care, it also acknowledges that some babies’ temperaments call
for greater internal resources from adults. Furthermore, there is likely to be a
question of ‘goodness of fit’ between children and adults, such that some pairings
find it particularly hard to attune. Adults and children in this situation need help
and support.
 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PARENTS’ VIEWPOINTS 129

The focus of this book is on what adults can do to promote positive behav-
iour. Biological influences on behaviour have received less coverage. Increas-
ingly, as indicated in Chapter 1, the complexities of the interaction between
biology and environment are being unravelled but there is still much that is not
fully understood. An informed approach should use research knowledge to for-
mulate hypotheses about what behaviour might signify in terms of unmet needs
and to draw up plans accordingly. The initial hypothesis is a ‘best guess’. It might
not lead to the hoped-for success and another hypothesis might then need to be
considered and addressed. Parents should certainly not be blamed for a child’s
behaviour and the tentative nature of attempts to help should be acknowledged,
with parents treated as partners in trying to formulate a plan of action.
We will now consider each of the psychological needs in turn and how set-
tings might work with parents in ways that take account of the particular need
under consideration. Readers may find it useful to consult the bullet points in the
Introductions to the earlier parts of the book since they summarise the environ-
ments that are supportive or undermining for each of the psychological needs of
relatedness, autonomy and competence.

Relatedness
• Settings need to be open with, and welcoming of, parents from their initial
contact. Parents will come from a whole range of backgrounds and there
may be some with little understanding of early years education and care in
the UK. Some will have their own unfortunate memories of educational estab-
lishments. Many will be unfamiliar with the terminology of the EYFS (DfE
2014b) which practitioners may unwittingly use (e.g. ‘doing his learning jour-
ney’, ‘my key group’). Practitioners should try to be friendly and clear without
being condescending and should encourage parents to ask for clarification.
• Be informed about sources of support for families in the area and display
literature relating to these. Find out as much about them as you can by visit-
ing, talking to the professionals involved and/or to families from your set-
ting who have used the service. If you build relationships with parents and
suggest a particular service to them from a position of knowledge, there is
a greater likelihood that they will access it than if they simply see a poster
advertising the same service.
• Behaviour issues can be embarrassing for parents and other parents can
ostracise a parent whose child is hurting others. Children in the UK are not
legally obliged to attend school until the term following their fifth birthday.
Some parents of children who display challenging behaviour withdraw the
child from early education. This tends to compound any problems because
the child then misses the opportunity to mix with other pre-schoolers and
develop social and behavioural skills before school entry. Take a strong line
in your behaviour policy about every child’s right to a positive approach to
130 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PARENTS’ VIEWPOINTS

any behavioural needs, assuring all parents that informed individual plans
will be drawn up and implemented as necessary and that they should discuss
any concerns with the manager. In some cases, managers have stamped out
unhelpful muttering among parents by calling a meeting to explain that an
action plan is in place and that trust and support from the community are
expected in helping any child with needs (a manager doing this would have
requested permission from the parent of the child whose behaviour is of con-
cern, and observed due confidentiality).
• Aim for balance in the information shared with parents of a child with con-
cerning behaviour. While incidents where others have been hurt must be
shared, ensure you do not give just the ‘bad news’. The child and parent are
to be valued despite certain behaviour being unacceptable. Ways of demon-
strating that value are likely to be individual to the case and it is important
to reflect on this and do it in a meaningful way.
• If a parent seems to be struggling to have a positive view of their child, ask
about exceptions to the negative picture: ‘When is Harry usually at his most
co-operative?’, ‘Are there times when you and Bethany have a lot of fun
together?’

Autonomy
• Consider acknowledging the sensitivity of discussing a child’s behaviour:

‘Behaviour can be such a sensitive topic, can’t it? No parent wants to have
to discuss how their child is hurting others. These things happen some-
times among young children and our interest is just in working with you
to help Madison enjoy pre-school and get on well with the other children.’

• If the parent shares aspects of their experience, acknowledge what is going

on in their lives: ‘You were up most of the night with the baby, you must be
exhausted’, ‘Your mother is still in hospital, what a worry’.
• Ask open-ended, non-judgemental questions to find out about behaviour
issues and parents’ feelings and attitudes: ‘So, these “meltdowns”, tell me
about them. You say she had one yesterday. What provoked it?’
• Share ideas about what may be behind a child’s behaviour in a tentative,
blame-free manner and invite parents’ comments. Remember that parents
may have little to say when an idea is first floated but may go away and
think about it. Try to ‘touch base’ with them again in the near future and
invite any further comments/questions.
• When discussing the approach you are taking or plan to take, explain the
underlying rationale and what you hope to achieve. Ask parents for ways
that they think they can support the approach.
• Respect parents’ choices.
 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PARENTS’ VIEWPOINTS 131

• Sometimes practitioners feel strongly that parents need to seek medical

or other advice about a child’s behaviour. It is vital to advise parents to
do this, when appropriate. Recognise, however, that taking such a step
may feel to some parents like an admission that something is wrong,
which in turn may trigger a grieving process for the loss of the ‘perfect’
child they expected. Most people know not to hurry grief after a death
but may be less aware of the sensitivity sometimes required around sur-
facing developmental issues or possible problems in young children. Par-
ents may need time to accept that their child may have particular needs.
Practitioners often feel frustrated that parents delay giving permission
for, or seeking, specialist advice that might help. Early years practition-
ers can also, sometimes unfairly, be blamed by schools for not having
initiated earlier involvement of other professionals. Parents’ rights must
be respected and it is crucial to maintain relationships and make sugges-
tions using a ‘drip, drip’ rather than a ‘steamroller’ approach.
• The reverse sort of case also occurs where practitioners feel that par-
ents are too rapidly seeking a medical diagnosis for a child’s behaviour
rather than working in partnership to try to bring about positive change.
It is important to listen to the parents’ views and get the whole picture.
People may see a diagnosis of some sort as an end in itself, whereas it
is more of a signpost to approaches that might be helpful. Practitioners
and parents can try relevant approaches with or without a diagnosis.
Practitioners can respect parents’ desire for a medical answer, while
keeping a focus on practical changes that can be made to help the child.

Competency
• Using a ‘story sack’ approach, prepare information and resources that par-
ents can borrow on a range of issues that link to behaviour such as ‘Good
nights – happy bedtime routines’, ‘A new baby’, ‘When someone close dies’.
Each pack should include brief but research-informed information for adults,
age-appropriate books and resources for adults and children to share and a
list of relevant local organisations.
• Raising an issue about a child’s behaviour almost invariably risks threaten-
ing a parent’s sense of competence. When people feel threatened, they tend to
become defensive and this can block open and constructive problem-solving.
Take particular care not to criticise, particularly at the early stages of working
with parents on their child’s behaviour. Effective approaches start with noticing
and commenting on positive aspects of parent–child interaction: ‘It’s lovely how
she’s always so pleased to see you when you collect her.’ ‘It’s great that you are
patient when she takes you round to see all the different things she has done.’
• If you invite parents in for extra meetings to discuss the child’s behaviour,
make sure they know what to expect – alert them if, for example, an Area
132 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PARENTS’ VIEWPOINTS

Special Needs Co-ordinator will be present or if you intend to complete some

formal paperwork with them. Parents should always be welcome to bring a
supporter along, whether a relative, friend or someone else. The main rule is
not to spring surprises on people as this undermines competence in a situa-
tion where it is likely to be somewhat shaky anyway.
• Use every opportunity to model the type of interaction with the child that
you consider most helpful.
• In making suggestions to help parents change their patterns of interaction
with the child, bear in mind that it is important to empower them and not to
overwhelm them. Discuss with them but also use your judgement to suggest
changes that are achievable.

Case study: Angelika, 4 years old

The Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator (SENCo) has been asked to help draw
up a behaviour plan for Angelika, a little girl who is frequently in clashes with
other children and starts shouting and crying when they will not do what she
wants. Angelika also sometimes creates a fuss about wanting to be first in a line.
Although generally friendly with the adults, there are occasions when Angelika
says ‘No!’ to their requests. The SENCo has carried out observations and prepared
for a meeting with the parents and Pauline, the Key Person.

Child: Parents:
Angelika, 4 Angie and Geoff

Teacher/practitioners:
Pauline, Key Person

Child’s strengths
Now settled well. Happy to play in a variety of areas and her achievements
are at the level expected. She is articulate and has a wide vocabulary.
Her physical skills (climbing, etc.) have really come on. She is socially
oriented, lively and wants to play with others.

Intrinsic motivation/flow
Regardless of behaviour, we will make sure the child . . .
Continues to have access to all the play opportunities and everything
available.

Relationship building
Ways in which we will try to build the relationship irrespective of behaviour
Pauline has a good relationship with A and will continue to have some
individual chats with her every day.
 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PARENTS’ VIEWPOINTS 133

Information collected about behaviour (observation, etc.)

Stormy disputes with other children that adults have to defuse. Sometimes
refuses to do what adults ask (e.g. tidy up) and/or makes a huge fuss
about being first in line.
Observation – key findings
• Some children seem to be avoiding playing with A. They move away when
she goes to an area (scared?).
• About 50% joint play episodes pass peacefully and constructively.
• The incidents with adults seem to occur when A has already been upset
by something else.

Initial hypothesis/unmet needs (Relatedness? Autonomy? Competence?)

Autonomy? Accepting boundaries? Relinquishing control at times?
Understanding others’ emotions/perspectives and being able to compromise?

Ways we might help

(Whole group level/Changes in the physical environment/Changes in how
adults react/Strategies to support the child (mediators?)
• Renewed emphasis on emotion coaching and inductive approaches with
whole group.
• Puppet work with the whole group. Modelling listening to each other and
joint problem solving. Being assertive in asking someone to listen. ‘You
want . . . , I want . . . What can we do?’ Joint problem solving.
• Adults to model approach and wording with each other and to coach all
the children in using the approach.
• Put up visual reminders of the wording so adults use the wording
consistently.
• Adult to follow A to area and encourage children to stay and play with A,
monitoring to ensure a positive experience for all.
• If there is a ‘blow up’ with other children:
• build in some positive 1:1 time with Pauline once A is calm.
• avoid confrontation when she may still be vulnerable to upset/
‘controlling’ behaviour, e.g. sidestep the first in line problem by giving
her a special job which she likes.

Child’s target(s) To pause when she is playing and

Positive, specific and achievable. there is a disagreement. Ask
the other child what they want.
State what they each want:
‘You want . . . , I want . . . What
can we do?’
Provide coaching to begin
with. Consider identifying a
mediator.

Figure 10.1 Preparation for meeting to discuss Angelika’s behaviour

(Continued)
134 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PARENTS’ VIEWPOINTS

Through her observations, the SENCo thinks many of the disputes that
Angelika has with adults could be avoided by noting when she clashes with
other children and being aware of her increased susceptibility to enter into
disputes with adults in the period shortly afterwards. The SENCo feels it may
be possible to take preventative steps to minimise the likelihood of this chain
of events. Her initial hypotheses about Angelika’s behaviour with other children
encompass issues to do with autonomy and control and issues related to under-
standing others’ perspectives and finding compromises. The SENCo has gen-
erated some possible approaches that might help Angelika in particular while
being beneficial for all the children.
Pauline has mentioned that Angelika’s mother, Angie, is very uncomfort-
able at hearing about Angelika’s behaviour. When Angelika’s behaviour was first
mentioned, Angie was both surprised and anxious. She commented: ‘She’s not
like that at home’ and ‘I want her to be happy here – maybe it’s not right for
her’. Pauline asked how Angelika is with other children at home. Angie said she
is fine with her friends’ children and her cousin but they are all several years
older. Pauline remembered that Angelika did not start nursery until she was
31⁄2 and that the settling-in period had been hard for both Angie and Angelika –
particularly for Angie, she thought.
The SENCo has thus been alerted to Angie’s sensitivities. She looks forward
to meeting Angelika’s father, as yet unknown to the staff. Both parents come
and the meeting is intense and revealing. Angie’s husband, Geoff, is older and
tells them he was married previously when a very young man and has two sons,
now grown-up. He says he was too young then and did not fully appreciate his
boys or give them enough attention. They both talk with pride of Angelika. She
was a premature baby born after in vitro fertilisation and needing weeks in the
neonatal care unit. Angie becomes very emotional, talking of her ‘miracle baby’.
Geoff says: ‘Angelika is Angie’s world, she’s our world. It looked like she might
not make it through and now she’s so bright – you said yourself how well she
talks. Angie’s done a great job with her.’
When they are asked about Angelika’s experience with other children, Geoff
says, ‘Well, Angie’s friends’ children are all that bit older. That’s what I was
telling you, we had to wait and of course we didn’t know if it would work out
right in the end but it did and we got our little girl’. Pauline asks if Geoff’s boys
played together well as young kids. ‘I think so, no worse than any others. But I
wasn’t there much, I worked long hours. Unfortunately those boys didn’t get the
time and attention Angelika does, that’s my big regret.’
The discussion of the problems around Angelika’s conception and birth
is emotional and takes some time but the parents seem to want to share these
details and the setting staff gain an insight into Angelika’s status as a ‘miracle
baby’ and how this may have affected how much control she experiences at
home. Angelika mixes with older children when with her parents and they are probably
 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PARENTS’ VIEWPOINTS 135

more likely to allow her what she wants than are the peers at nursery. The
SENCo asks Geoff and Angie if they would like to take a break now and whether
they would be able to come back to continue the meeting in a couple of days’
time. This suits everyone and so is agreed.
When the meeting resumes two days’ later, there is a rapport between the
parents and staff because of the emotions shared in the first meeting. The
parents are less emotional now and ready to engage in problem-solving and con-
structive discussion regarding a plan to help Angelika. Geoff says he realised
that Angelika has things her own way a lot but he hadn’t seen that this could
cause her problems. He comments that his boys had to learn to compromise
and ‘rub along’ because they had little choice. Geoff can sees various issues at
home, such as bedtimes, and thinks that change could be in everyone’s inter-
ests. He and Angie talk about how little time they get together in the evenings
because it is so hard to settle Angelika. Angie says she doesn’t like rushing
Angelika or leaving her at night when she wants more stories, a drink or some-
thing else because she wants Angelika to know how loved she is. Angie hadn’t
thought that it might be in Angelika’s interests (as well as easier for them as
parents) to be firmer about bedtime. Angie and Geoff agree some steps they
will take to put in firmer boundaries at home. They are happy for the strategies
that the SENCo suggests to be tried at the setting.
With the setting and parents working together, concerns about Angelika’s
behaviour decrease over time. Angelika, with her good verbal skills and social
orientation, soon becomes adept and creative in proposing compromises! The
first serious consultation with both parents over Angelika’s behaviour took two
relatively long meetings but the SENCo values the relationship formed with
the parents through listening to their story and feels that the time has been
invested well to promote partnership working.
11
Planning for positive behaviour
Practitioners’ viewpoints

Practitioners working with children are in an extremely influential position. It

seems a truism that meeting practitioners’ psychological needs would boost per-
formance in the interests of children. The success or otherwise of a research-
based pedagogical approach is related to the fidelity with which the teacher uses
the approach (Gresham et al. 1993). This in turn seems likely to be linked to
the degree to which the teacher embraces and identifies with the approach, as
opposed to being required to carry it out. In other words, teachers’ perceived
autonomy is important. Effective intervention involves working in partnership
with practitioners (Power et al. 2005) and some of the most successful pro-
grammes, such as the Incredible Years Teacher Classroom Management Training
(Webster-Stratton et al. 2011) take care to work collaboratively and supportively
with teachers, meeting their needs for relatedness, autonomy and competence.
Just as behaviour is a sensitive and tricky issue for parents, the same can be
true for practitioners. Those who work with young children generally enjoy their
company and take pride in the warmth of the relationships they foster. Practi-
tioners can be shocked and uncomfortable if a child’s behaviour evokes strongly
negative feelings. Their competence can be threatened if they feel unable to
‘manage’ a child using their usual strategies. Attitudes such as ‘we shouldn’t have
to deal with this’ can all too quickly prevail and block effective problem-solving.
In this chapter, we consider practitioners’ needs for relatedness, auton-
omy and competence from the viewpoint of a manager or SENCo whose role
is to manage and motivate staff to ensure children and families are appropri-
ately supported. Again, readers may find it useful to consult the bullet points
in the Introductions to the earlier parts of the book since they summarise the
environments that are supportive or undermining for each of the three psy-
chological needs.

Relatedness
• Settings and schools need to create an ethos where there are positive
relationships between staff but where any member, regardless of age or
 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PRACTITIONERS’ VIEWPOINTS 137

amount of experience, can ask questions regarding practice and suggest

changes. This should be part of how a setting operates, reflecting on prac-
tice and experimenting with change. Not all changes will prove beneficial
and again this needs to be acknowledged and accepted, with no repercus-
sions for someone who suggested a change that does not work. Managers
need to be alert to cliques of staff who resist change and try to sabotage it.
Open discussion in individual supervision should be used to guard against
or tackle this.
• Another danger is that staff, mindful of the pressure a colleague is under
because of a particular child’s behaviour, support that colleague by agreeing
that there is nothing more she can do and that the situation is untenable. This
type of support runs the danger of becoming collusive and creating a barrier
to positive change.
• Indicators of a healthy positive ethos in a setting might include:
• Evidence that new approaches are regularly implemented and evaluated.
• A ‘Key Person’ policy which states that there may be an occasional
change in the allocated Key Person, in the interests of the child.
• ‘Debriefing’ sessions offered to any member of staff coping with chal-
lenging behaviour.

Autonomy
• While it is important to avoid colluding with views engendered by the
frustration of a colleague who is struggling, the feelings of such a col-
league should be acknowledged. In Chapter 5 the purpose of emotions,
including ‘negative’ ones, was discussed. Dreikurs (Dreikurs et al. 1971:
39) points out that practitioners’ fleeting gut reactions to a child’s behav-
iour are informative. He uses a different framework from that employed in
this book, but it is possible to translate his ideas into the terminology used
here (Table 11.1).
• A manager or SENCo can use Dreikur’s ideas both to acknowledge a prac-
titioner’s feelings but also to discuss constructive ways forward. Note
that the ‘gut responses’ to the feelings all feed into vicious cycles that
are likely to amplify and perpetuate the unwanted behaviour. The adult’s
executive functions and professionalism are needed to break out of such
cycles and to chart a more positive course, focused on the child’s needs.
‘Reframing’ a situation that causes negative emotion, particularly anger,
is one of the healthiest ways of managing the emotion (Goleman 1996;
Mauss 2005).
• The adults working closely with a child, whether practitioners, teachers
or teaching assistants need to be involved in devising any behaviour plan
for a child. An external expert or a SENCo may usefully suggest certain
138 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PRACTITIONERS’ VIEWPOINTS

approaches but, if a plan is to work, the adults responsible for it must

understand and be in broad agreement with the approach and have some
say in the details of its implementation. It is time-consuming to develop plans
in this way but promoting autonomy in practitioners and parents is an invest-
ment as it increases the chances of effective change.

Table 11.1 Practitioners’ gut reactions as indicators of children’s unmet needs

Practitioner’s ‘gut reaction’ ‘Gut response’ Child’s need

Annoyance/irritation Give ‘negative’ Relatedness
‘It’s non-stop. She never lets attention Secure, responsive,
me get a sentence out or ‘Jordan, stop consistent care
help anyone else without interrupting’ (The child is not secure
demanding attention’ enough)
Angry or threatened Increase Autonomy
‘She just will not do as requested’ demands Opportunities for age-
(the vicious appropriate choice and
cycle of harsh ‘power’ within structured
undermining limits
of autonomy – (The child may be reacting
see Chapter 6) to repeated coercive
experiences or to a scary
lack of boundaries on
behaviour and power)
Hurt Withdraw Relatedness
‘I can’t believe she did that after emotionally Unconditional acceptance
I’ve invested so much in building (The child may distrust
a relationship and things were closeness, feeling
going so much better’ unlovable)
Despair/hopelessness Give up, leave Competence
‘She just will not engage the child alone (The child feels incapable
positively. There’s nothing more and hopeless)
I can do’

Source: Based on Dreikurs (1971).

Competence
• Practitioners need opportunities to continue to learn about children’s needs
and approaches for meeting them. If they are working with a child with a
known or suspected learning difference (for example, an autistic spectrum
difference or an attention and hyperactivity difference), they are likely to
benefit from opportunities to learn more. Training courses, reading and
 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PRACTITIONERS’ VIEWPOINTS 139

visits to settings that have developed expertise in helping children with simi-
lar needs can all be helpful.
• If a member of staff already has experience of the approach under consid-
eration, provide opportunities for that person to work alongside the prac-
titioner with less experience, modelling the approach with the child and
coaching the colleague.
• Managers and SENCos have a useful role to play in helping a practitioner
prioritise how to implement any new ideas, ensuring that changes are man-
ageable and staggered if necessary.

Case study: Ethan, 5 years old

Ethan has just started school, having previously attended a Montessori nursery
where he was settled. The transition to school has been very difficult and he
seems very agitated, anxious and unable to meet the expectations of being
part of a group. The SENCo has become involved and has carried out some
observations. He is still trying to unravel the complexities of Ethan’s needs.
His initial ideas are recorded in his planning for a meeting with parents and
staff.

Child: Parents:
Ethan 51⁄2 Mr and Mrs White

Teacher/practitioners:
Tamsin Green, teacher
Hilary, teaching assistant

Child’s strengths
Wonderful Duplo construction and advanced language for thinking
displayed while working on it.

Intrinsic motivation/flow
Regardless of behaviour, we will make sure the child . . .
Has uninterrupted opportunities each day to carry out an activity of his
choice (likely to be Duplo or other constructional materials).

Relationship building
Ways in which we will try to build the relationship irrespective
of behaviour
See below. Ethan seems to benefit from a low-key, indirect approach. All
staff to try this and Hilary, teaching assistant, to try to continue to give
him some 1:1 time each day.

(Continued)
140 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PRACTITIONERS’ VIEWPOINTS

Information collected about behaviour (observation, etc.)

• Hiding under the table – happening every day – for up to 2 hours at a time.
• Does not seem to see himself as part of a group. Gets agitated when he
is expected to do things with other children or when other children are
very close to him. This often seems to be when he goes under a table.
• He appears to shrink from direct eye contact and being in the spotlight.
The teaching assistant will hunker down behind him sometimes when he is
under the table and say a few things to him calmly and quietly. He seems
to be beginning to trust her but any relationship is developing slowly.

Initial hypothesis/unmet needs (Relatedness? Autonomy? Competence?)

Relatedness? Check parents’ views on his relationships. Has there been
any trauma? How would they describe him as a baby?
Competence and communication, particularly social pragmatic
communication?
Anxiety – could have various roots. Would greater predictability and warning
of transitions and of expectations help?

Ways we might help

(Whole group level /Changes in the physical environment/Changes in how
adults react/Strategies to support the child (mediators?)
• Look at the timetable and try to reduce the demands on E for group
activities in the short term. Make him his own visual timetable and
encourage him to consult it before and after each activity. Build in some
choice in the order of activities.
• Warn him some time before transitions and see if he would find an egg
timer helpful.
• Be sensitive to his need for physical and psychological space and talk to
him without demanding eye contact and in a fairly ‘low-key’ manner.
• Regard going under the table as a retreat to a safe place and do not
immediately challenge this choice. After 5–10 minutes of self-selected
‘time out’, invite him to re-join activities.

Child’s target(s) • Use personal timetable and follow

Positive, specific and achievable. one transition successfully each day.
• Successfully use a 5-minute sand
timer to transition from one activity
to another.

Figure 11.1 Preparation for meeting to discuss Ethan’s behaviour

The SENCo sees this as a complex case where both the parents’ and the
teacher’s feelings could become a barrier to moving the situation forward. He
is interested in the fact that Ethan attended a Montessori nursery and was not
flagged up as presenting any behavioural challenges. He realises he needs
to handle matters sensitively with all concerned to maximise the chances of
 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PRACTITIONERS’ VIEWPOINTS 141

effective joint working. He prepares for the meeting with parents particularly
carefully, almost preparing a script using the meeting format.

SENCo’s notes for meeting about Ethan

• Welcome and introductions
• E’s strengths – I observed him building a wonderful construction from Duplo
and he displayed complex language for thinking when talking about it.
• Sorry that E’s start has not been as smooth as we all would have hoped. Can
you tell us what it has been like from your point of view? (How this behaviour
relates to previous behaviour? What do they make of the problems? What
might help? If they talk about E not displaying behavioural problems at the
Montessori nursery, ask what features of that provision seemed to suit him?)
• Invite Tamsin (teacher) and Hilary (TA) to outline behaviour they have
observed and their attempts to help.
• Relationships. E can talk well about a task he is involved in but he is rela-
tively unresponsive to general conversation and interaction. In fact he seems
to shy away from it. Was he interactive as a baby? What is he like with you?
How is he with family and friends?
• Unless other ideas emerge more strongly, suggest that E needs help to manage
anxiety, understand social expectations and to follow the routines and structure.

Invite suggestions about ways to achieve this involving everyone.

Include the suggestions from the proforma – but only if everyone thinks
they are workable.

• Possible target(s) for E? (as in proforma if they still seem appropriate).

• Check for additional comments/ideas.
• Thank all for coming. Assure parents of availability tomorrow if they
have further ideas on reflection. Would they like a telephone call to touch
base?

A final, but crucial, part of the SENCo’s preparation for chairing the meeting
with parents is to have an informal discussion with the teacher. Tamsin Green
has been teaching for three years and is a warm teacher, popular with children,
parents and her colleagues. She has tried very hard to form a relationship with
Ethan, talking to him and often smiling at him but he turns away and there is no
positive response. The SENCo wonders if Tamsin’s attempts to be friendly might
be having the opposite effect to that she intends, making Ethan more wary of
her. Ethan hides under the table regularly and Tamsin tries to coax him out, to
no effect. She has also tried telling him to come out using a firm voice but Ethan
stays put. The SENCo recognises that the situation with Ethan is the greatest
challenge Tamsin has faced so far in terms of forming a relationship with a child
in her class. The SENCo has noticed that this normally caring and warm teacher
(Continued)
142 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PRACTITIONERS’ VIEWPOINTS

is beginning to talk in terms of ‘something wrong’ with Ethan, rather than ‘ways
to help’ him. He realises he will need to work hard to keep Tamsin on board as
part of the solution to the situation.
The SENCo arranges to see Tamsin and, over tea and biscuits, encourages
the young teacher to talk about the uncomfortable feelings that Ethan is engen-
dering in her. He says to Tamsin that the cocktail of hurt, hopelessness and
anger she is experiencing is a testament to how much she has tried to build a
relationship with Ethan and to encourage him to meet behavioural expectations.
The SENCo says these feelings are what he would expect from a passionate,
caring teacher. The SENCo admits he is still puzzling over what to make of Ethan
but points out that Tamsin’s feelings might be saying something about Ethan’s
needs. Tamsin feels rejected by him and this might mean either that Ethan is
distrustful because of rejection experiences in his past or that he cannot really
understand relationships and is baffled and may be anxious about attempts
to form them. The SENCo comments that a child who hides under tables for
extensive periods is not a happy child and needs support. He says he is not
sure how best to understand Ethan but is struck by his relationship difficulties,
his anxiety and rigidity. They will need to meet his parents and then formulate
a plan. The SENCo says he is sorry that Tamsin is struggling with the situation
and that part of the plan for Ethan will include regular ‘debriefings’ for Tamsin
and her teaching assistant where, among other things, they can express their
feelings in a safe and confidential environment. For the meeting with Ethan’s
parents, though, the SENCo states that he is confident he can rely on Tamsin to
be her usual factual and positive self.
In the meeting, the SENCo uses his prepared notes to lead the meeting but
takes care to draw out the parents’ views and to include everyone in the plan-
ning. He describes his observations. Tamsin pre-empts one of the SENCo’s own
ideas by saying, ‘Ethan might find it easier if I’m less bouncy and “Tiggerish”
when I talk to him’. The SENCo feels that Tamsin is fully on board again and that
the extra meeting with her was worthwhile.
Ethan’s parents describe him as ‘self-contained’ and acknowledge that he
thrives on routine and needs time for individual, uninterrupted activity. At home
he is no problem but he dislikes anything that breaks normal routines. They
feel the individual approach at the Montessori nursery was helpful for him, as
was the generous amount of physical space. They know school is making him
anxious and support the ideas of an individual visual timetable and warning
of transitions. At home they have quite set routines (for example, the same
sequence of meals every week and set times for visiting grandparents) because
this works best for Ethan. One of Ethan’s older cousins has been diagnosed as
having Asperger’s syndrome and they say that they hoped Ethan was fine but
they have used some of the strategies Mrs White’s sister finds good for the
cousin diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome because they found them useful.
The SENCo does not pursue the question of a possible diagnosis for Ethan at
 PLANNING FOR POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR: PRACTITIONERS’ VIEWPOINTS 143

this stage but says that the school will monitor how he reacts to the behaviour
plan they put in place and the dialogue with the family will continue.
After the parents have gone, Tamsin says she knows little about Asperger’s
syndrome but would be interested in learning more. This the SENCo also sees
as a positive indication of Tamsin’s constructive interest in Ethan and he prom-
ises to pass her some relevant literature, thinking that she will feel more com-
petent for informing herself. He stresses that she should avoid diagnosis and
concentrate on understanding which strategies might help and why.
Appendix 1
Format for meeting with parents

Meeting format
• Thank attendees for coming, particularly parents.
• Introductions.
• Purpose: to share information about (child’s name)’s behaviour with a
view to drawing on everyone’s views to find things we might be able to
do to help.
• Pleased to have (child’s name), outline strengths. Put behaviour in context
(e.g. ‘quite rare but still concerning’, a couple of times a week which, while
concerning means there are more days that are fine than not’).
• Ask parents ‘How are you feeling about (child’s name) at nursery?’ How
is (child’s name) at home? If relevant: and why do you think there is a
difference?
• Outline the concerns, giving information from observations.
• Suggest initial hypothesis, appropriately worded.
• Invite comments.
• Revise or refine hypothesis in the light of the discussion.
• Suggest ideas about ways forward:
• whole group level;
• changes in the physical environment;
• changes in how adults react;
• strategies to support the child (mediators?);
• positive target for child.
• Ask for ways parents can help.
• Ask for additional suggestions or modifications to suggestions.
 APPENDIX 1 145

• Stress that you will be providing positive experiences for the child not con-
tingent on behaviour (and be prepared to justify).
• Agree review arrangements.
• Thank everyone for coming. Indicate availability for parents in the coming
days after they have had a chance to reflect on the meeting. Would they
appreciate a phone call?
Appendix 2
Proforma for preparing for meeting
to discuss a child’s behaviour

Child: Parents:

Teacher/practitioners:

Child’s strengths

Intrinsic motivation/flow
Regardless of behaviour, we will make sure the child . . .

Relationship building
Ways in which we will try and build the relationship, irrespective of behaviour

Information collected about behaviour (observation, etc.)

Initial hypothesis/unmet needs (Relatedness? Autonomy? Competence?)

Ways we might help

Child’s target(s)
Positive, specific and achievable.

Figure A2.1 Proforma for preparing for meeting to discuss a child’s behaviour
Glossary

Glossary words are shown in bold on their first occurrence in the text.

Attachment bond – the emotional tie between two people. The first and most
important attachment bonds are between and baby and the main carer(s).
Behavioural learning theory (behaviourism) – a school of psychology which
looks at the external and the measurable, at behaviour rather than cogni-
tions or feelings. The ways stimuli are presented and the effects that fol-
low behaviours (contingencies) influence learning in specifiable ways (for
example, behaviours that are rewarded tend to be repeated).
Contingent reward – a reward of the type ‘do x and you will be rewarded by y’.
The reward is usually presumed to increase the likelihood of someone doing
x. When an activity is intrinsically rewarding, the addition of a contingent
reward can dent motivation in the medium to long term.
Correlation – when there is a demonstrated relationship between two (or more)
factors, they correlate. An example is that responsive, attuned caregiving
correlates with secure attachment. A correlation does not necessarily indi-
cate that one factor causes the other.
Differential susceptibility – this is the idea that individual differences that have
tended to be associated with less good outcomes may not always result in
these. There are some indications that characteristics that in suboptimal envi-
ronments are considered risk factors may actually be positive characteristics
in more favourable environments, resulting in better-than-average outcomes.
Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS) – the statutory standards for the learn-
ing, development and care of children from birth to 5 years old in England. All
schools and Ofsted-registered early years providers must follow the EYFS,
including childminders, pre-schools, nurseries and school reception classes.
Elaborative talk – talk that goes beyond description and explores reasons.
Elaborative talk by an adult helps a child to understand events in context
and to evaluate them. It also supports memory of events.
148 GLOSSARY

Empirical evidence – evidence from experiments.

Executive functions – an umbrella term for a group of skills that require effort
such as paying attention, planning, waiting and managing impulses. Execu-
tive functions are needed for any behaviour that goes beyond reacting to
immediate stimuli.
Experiment – a well-designed experiment controls all variables other than the
one being investigated and thus is the gold standard for establishing cause
and effect. Sometimes questions can be raised about whether effects found
in experiments discover the way things operate in the ‘real world’ where so
many more influences may come into play.
Experimental paradigm – a particular model or way of carrying out an experi-
ment. It is often challenging to design an ethical experiment that can be done
with people and will illuminate what is really of interest. Innovative experi-
mental paradigms often represent a step forward for research.
Externalising behaviour – a term used to refer to problematic ‘acting out’
behaviour directed against other people or against things, such as angry
outbursts and aggression.
Humanist/humanism – humanists stress the value of each individual and their
capacity to find a constructive route in life. Abraham Maslow is a famous
humanist, best known for his hierarchy of needs which emphasises that, in
optimum environments, humans strive for self-actualisation. Carl Rogers is
another famous humanist who argued that children need unconditional love
in order to thrive. The Deci and Ryan (2000) model that provides the frame-
work for this book is in the humanist tradition.
Hypothesis – an informed guess that is then put to the test. An initial hypothesis
will often be revised in the light of the findings from testing it. A process of
hypothesis formulation and testing can be used as a means of helping chil-
dren whose behaviour gives rise for concern.
Inductive socialisation or discipline – a style of interaction that provides rea-
sons and explanations for the behavioural standards expected.
Internal representations – the rules and expectations that we hold inside our-
selves. As children develop, they become less reliant on immediate stimuli or
on support from people either prompting their prosocial behaviour or telling
them what to do. They have built internal representations of how to behave.
Internal working models – mental representations. The term captures the fact
that based on their experience, children will form expectations. Some chil-
dren’s working model will be positive (for example, ‘The world is a friendly
place and people will help me’), others will have much less positive ones (for
example, ‘I need to grab things and look after myself as much as possible, no
one else can be relied on to ensure I get the things I need’).
Internalisation – a natural developmental process whereby children build inter-
nal models of their world and how it works and the demands on them. When
children have internalised the demands on them in a healthy manner, they
agree with the importance and value of the things they have to do and do
 GLOSSARY 149

them willingly most of the time. With ‘controlled’ internalisation, the picture
is less healthy. The child behaves from fear, from duty or a desire to retain
love – though the behaviour may appear ‘good’, the child feels like a puppet
on a string. Controlled internalisation puts children under strain and inter-
feres with the development of autonomy.
Internalised behaviour difficulties – behaviour that is problematic and
directed against the self. In the extreme this includes self-harming behav-
iour or eating disorders. Very high levels of anxiety, social withdrawal and
an extremely poor self-image are other examples.
Intrinsic motivation – motivation that comes from within and is not depend-
ent on external recognition or rewards. Intrinsically motivated activities are
those that someone chooses to do for the pleasure involved in doing them.
Joint attention – when adult and child share attention to an object, for exam-
ple, when a child looks to see what the adult is looking at or when a child
directs the adult’s attention to an object by pointing towards it.
Key Person – it is a statutory requirement in England that a child attending a
childcare and education setting be allocated a Key Person. This is in recogni-
tion of the importance of attachment. The Key Person’s most important role
is to form a close relationship with the child and the family.
Leading activity – a term from Vygotskian psychology, the leading activity
for a developmental level is the one which will have the most impact for
development.
Longitudinal study – in a longitudinal study, researchers follow children over
time and continue to collect data. Some longitudinal studies have followed
children well into adulthood. Studying the same children over time provides
much richer and often more meaningful information than do studies con-
ducted at a single point in time. Longitudinal studies may indicate the long-
term effects of particular strategies or factors.
Mediator – a Vygotskian term for an object that helps a child regulate an aspect
of behaviour.
Mental state talk – talking that refers to what people feel, think, know, remem-
ber and believe.
Mental tools (‘tools of the mind’) – a Vygotskian term to describe the men-
tal processes that children develop which enable them to direct their own
learning and behaviour rather than just being at the mercy of immediate
environmental influences. The tools of the mind are culturally determined.
Language is one of the most powerful tools of the mind.
Meta-emotion philosophy – one’s general belief system about feelings and
emotions and the degree to which they should be accorded importance.
Mind-minded – a term to describe adults whose behaviour indicates that they
take account of children’s minds, for example, they notice and correctly
interpret and comment on a pre-verbal child’s reactions.
Mindset – an internalised set of ideas through which people interpret their expe-
riences. Dweck (2008) contrasts a growth mindset (where effort can always
150 GLOSSARY

take one forward) with a fixed mindset (where a ceiling on achievement is

perceived, despite effort).
Motherese – the way people naturally tend to talk to babies in a singsong voice,
exaggerating certain words and using a high pitch. Motherese helps infants’
language development. It is also referred to as infant-directed speech.
Naturalistic study – in a naturalistic study, the researcher aims to observe
and record what happens in the natural environment, such as among family
members at home or children within a childcare setting. Carefully collected
and analysed data may reveal patterns. This method overcomes the problem
of artificiality that can be levelled at experimental studies but findings are
usually correlational, with assumptions made about causality.
Person praise – praise that is directed towards a person’s (fixed) qualities rather
than the person’s actions, e.g. ‘you’re a good boy’, ‘what a clever girl’.
Primary attachment figure – the most important attachment figure for a baby,
usually the mother.
Private (or egocentric) speech – speech that is communication with oneself
rather than with someone else. Private speech is seen in Vygotskian theory
as a significant step towards self-regulation of behaviour.
Process praise – praise that focuses on the effort a person has put in or the
strategies used.
Prosocial – prosocial behaviour is deliberately aimed at helping others. It
includes behaviours such as sharing, comforting and helping. Its opposite is
anti-social behaviour.
Protoconversations – early interactions between adult and child before the
child has acquired verbal language. Protoconversations have many features
of conversation such as shared interest, eye contact and taking turns.
School readiness – a term that has become controversial because of a perceived
emphasis on academic skills to make children ‘ready for school’. There is a
significant body of informed opinion that the onus should be on schools to
be ready for and welcoming of children.
Secondary attachment figure – in addition to the strong attachment to the pri-
mary attachment figure(s) – usually the parent(s) – a child can form attach-
ments to others, the secondary attachment figure(s). A Key Person with
whom a child forms a warm bond would be a secondary attachment figure.
Secure base – for a child who has formed secure attachments, the attachment
figures provide a secure base from which to explore. The child can wander a
short distance and explore, knowing that the attachment figure will be there
for attention and love when needed.
Self-determination – a healthy form of motivation in which people feel in charge of
their own behaviour and that they have chosen it of their own free will. Deci and
Ryan’s (2000) self-determination theory holds that people feel self-determined
when their needs for relatedness, autonomy and competence are met.
Sensitive period – a period when a particular aspect of development occurs
most easily and naturally, given the right conditions.
 GLOSSARY 151

Social (pragmatic) communication – a successful conversation requires more

than comprehension of, and response to, the words said. The social (prag-
matic) aspects are both non-verbal and verbal. They include cueing the
listener into the topic, taking turns, responding to the topic or signalling a
change of topic. Respecting the conversational partner’s personal space and
taking account of the status of the partner (addressing a head teacher differ-
ently from a peer) are further examples.
Social referencing – when children look to their attachment figures for cues
which then inform their action, this is known as social referencing. A child
interested in venturing a bit further away from the picnic group might look
towards her mother, and remain where she is if her mother looks anxious but
explore further if her mother smiles reassuringly.
Socialisation – the processes by which children absorb and learn about the
typical patterns of social behaviour in the communities of which they are
a part. Parents and practitioners are ‘socialising agents’ whose role can be
construed as providing environments to facilitate children’s motivation and
responsibility.
Sociocultural theories – theorists in the sociocultural tradition stress the influ-
ence of society and culture on an individual’s development. Society and
culture includes any grouping that impacts on a child, for example, family,
school, faith group, sports or other activity groups and the wider culture.
Vygotsky is the ‘father’ of sociocultural theories. Bronfenbrenner’s ecologi-
cal systems theory can also be seen to fit within this tradition.
‘Strange situation’ – an experimental set-up designed by Mary Ainsworth
to gauge an infant’s attachment style by seeing a child’s behaviour with a
stranger during brief absences of the mother and how the child responds
when the mother returns.
Systems approach – an approach that does not consider individuals in isola-
tion but within the various systems they are part of, such as family systems,
wider social systems and school systems.
Theory – a coherent set of ideas formulated to provide an underlying explana-
tion of phenomena and to predict further phenomena.
Theory of Mind – the understanding that people inhabit mental worlds and that
different people can have different beliefs, intentions and desires.
Unconditional positive regard – considering someone as of worth whatever
they do. A person’s behaviour need not be approved but the person can still
be highly valued.
Zone of proximal development – the area of learning just beyond what the
child can currently achieve independently but where support from a more
knowledgeable other will enable him or her to achieve more.
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Index

AAI see Adult Attachment Inventory attunement 26, 36–8, 44–5, 128
ability see competence authenticity 79
abuse 4, 78 authoritarian parenting 55
‘acting out’ behaviours 41, 55 authoritative parenting 57–60
active engagement 117 autism 6, 138
adaptation to environment 32–3 auto education 122
Adichie, Chimamanda 128 autonomy 9–10, 47–84, 130–31, 137–8
Adult Attachment Inventory 18, 43, 45 being true to yourself 48–52
adversity 48 boundary setting 53–61
affection 18–19 emotions 62–9
affectionless control 59, 61 parents’ viewpoints on 130–31
aggression 41, 51, 57–8, 67, 71–3, 80–81, 83 practitioners’ viewpoints 137–8
Ainsworth, Mary 24–6, 30, 35–8, 44–5, 74 uniqueness 70–83
alcohol dependency 43, 128 autonomy-supporting environments 49,
ambivalent attachment 38–40, 45 70–71
anger 57–8, 65, 77–9 avoidant attachment 36–8, 45
anti-social behaviour 2 awareness of emotion 67
see also externalising behaviour
anxiety disorders 59, 61 baby massage 30, 44
anxious attachment 38–40, 45 bargaining 76
appropriate balance of behaviours 24 basic emotions 64–8
appropriate boundaries 56 basic needs 9–10
arbitrary rules 49, 57, 59–60 Baumrind, Diana 55–8
Asperger’s syndrome 142–3 behaviour patterns 41–2
aspirations 9 behavioural learning theory 24
assertion 76 being yourself see autonomy
‘attachment lens’ 36, 44–5 belonging see relatedness; uniqueness
‘attachment style’ 12 Belsky, J. 128
attachment theory 20–30 Bodrova, E. 117
key concepts of 22–30 body language 104, 107–9
attention-seeking 45 boredom 91
162 INDEX

boundary setting 53–61 compliance 2, 55, 71, 76, 81–3

authoritarian parenting 55 condescension 50, 82
authoritative parenting 57–60 conflict resolution 18, 48–9, 77
parenting styles 54–5 conformity 99–100
permissive parenting 56 constructive dialogue 128
Bowlby, John 21–4, 27, 30–33 contingent rewards 96–7
Bowlby, Richard 27 controllable environments 91–3
brain maturation 5 controlled autonomy 75
Brown, J.R. 80 coping strategies 65, 82
‘buddy’ system 29 correlations 7–8
building executive functions 116–23 cracker and broccoli experiment 72
criminal offending 116
challenging behaviour 1–2, 80 crying 20, 22, 24, 26, 32, 107
child development 1–13, 24–7, 56, 71–4, Csikszentmihalyi, M. 93
90–100, 104–110, 116–23 cues 20–22, 26–7, 36, 64, 105–6, 109, 121–3
child-rearing styles 54–5 see also signals
childcare settings 43–4 cultural specificity 58
and insecure attachment 43–4
chocolate consumption 7–8 ‘dampening down’ 36
clashes see tantrums de Haan, D. 18, 27, 76–7
clinging 21–2, 39–40, 45 Deci, Edward 9–13, 15–16, 47–8, 51, 85,
co-construction 117 96–7
co-operation 16–17, 70, 95, 130 deference 6
coercion 51, 58, 60, 72, 80 defiance 72–4, 80, 83
cognitive flexibility 113, 115–16, 118–19, 123 defining positive behaviour 2–3
coldness 17 dependence 16
collaboration 16–17, 125–43 depression 4, 43–4, 80–81
carers’ needs 125–7 Dettling, A. 44
parents’ viewpoints 128–35 development of executive functions
practitioners’ viewpoints 136–43 116–23
communication skills 78–80, 103–111 interaction with others 116–23
beginning at birth 104–5 Development Matters 7
‘elaborative talk’ 106–7 developmental needs 11–12
impact on behaviour 103–4 Diamond, Adele 116, 119–20, 122
‘motherese’ 105 didactic apparatus 121–2
pragmatic communication 107–111 difference as opportunity 73–8
to support autonomy 78–80 differential susceptibility 5
verbal language 104 difficult temperament 43, 57–8
visual cues 105–6 difficulties in communication 103–4
Vygotsky 106 disadvantaged children 7–8
competence 9–10, 38–9, 85–124, 131–2, discovering difference 70–71
138–9 discussing child’s behaviour 146
communication skills 103–111 disorganised attachment 40–41, 45
drawing on strengths 86–90 disoriented attachment 40–41
and executive functions 112–24 disrupted mothering 22
making a difference 91–102 distress 36
parents’ viewpoints 131–2 diversionary tactics 56
practitioners’ viewpoints 138–9 Dix, T. 73–4
 INDEX 163

dominance 78 exercising power 78

Down syndrome 7–8 experimental work 7, 11
downtime 30 ‘exploration’ 77–8, 122
Dreikurs, R. 137–8 externalising behaviour 2, 40–41
Dunn, Judy 71, 74–5, 78–9, 89 EYFS see Early Years Foundation Stage
Dweck, Carol 98–100
facial language 104
early years autonomy 50–52 ‘father’ research 28
early years competence 88–9 fear response 65
Early Years Foundation Stage 1–2, 7, 19, ‘feel good’ chemicals 32
52, 90, 94, 109–110 feeling special see secure attachment
and autonomy 52 bonds
and competence 90 fidgeting 4
and relatedness 19 fireworks of behaviour 73
early years relatedness 18–19 ‘five a day’ programme 98
Edge, K. 48, 50–51, 80 fixed mindset 98–101
egocentric speech 106 fixed-term exclusion 1
elaborative talk 106–7 flinching 55
emotion coaching 66–9, 78, 107 flow 93
emotional distress 30 fluency in communication 109–110
emotional hijack 62 format of meetings 144–5
emotional intelligence 64–8 freezing 40
emotional interaction 95 Freud, Sigmund 22
emotional literacy 38, 95–6 frowning 104
emotions 62–9
evolution of 62–3 gender roles 27–8
help or hindrance? 64–8 Gerhardt, Sue 30–32
empathy 8, 17, 67, 75, 87 Goldilocks principle 60
empirical evidence 11 Goleman, D. 64
environments that support relatedness ‘good’ behaviour 2–3, 36–7, 55, 101
17 see also positive behaviour
environments that undermine autonomy ‘good enough’ parenting 26, 92
49–50 ‘goodness of fit’ 128
esteem 9 Gopnik, A. 5
ethics 8, 92 Gottman, J.M. 66–7
ethnic minorities 6 grabbing 103
ethology 22 Gralinski, J.H. 53
Evangelou, M. 107 gratification delay 114–15
‘everyday rules for behaviour’ 53–4, 57 Gray, Carol 110
evolution of emotions 62–3 grieving process 131
evolutionary psychology 5 growth mindset 89–90, 97–101
exclusion 1 guilt 62
executive functions 65, 89, 93–4, 112–24 Gunderson, E.A. 100
beyond hot responses 112–13 Gunnar, M.R. 32, 92
cognitive flexibility 115–16 gut instinct 65, 137–8
development of 116–23
inhibition 114–15 happiness 62
working memory 113 hardwiring 31
164 INDEX

harshness 49, 81, 87 interrupted activity 77–8

having a go 40, 89–90, 98 interventions to prevent insecure
healthy internalisation 3–9 attachment 41–3
healthy relatedness 16 intimacy 67
helicopter parenting 51, 53 intrinsic motivation 93–7
helping insecure attachments 35–45 accidental damage 96–7
heuristic play approach 95 intuition 65
hierarchy of needs 9–10 irritability 43
hijacking 62
Hooper, J. 9 jockey skills 112–13, 119, 123
hostility 38, 58 see also executive functions
hot responses see emotions Jogulekar, A. 7
how competence develops 91–102
humanist perspectives 6–7 key concepts of attachment theory 22–30
Humphrey, N. 62–3 Key Person 19–23, 29–30, 37–41, 44, 57
hyperactivity 138 Koestner, R. 48
hypervigilance 38 Kopp, C.B. 53

ignoring 72 labelling emotions 67

imaginary play 18–19, 95–6, 118, 122 lack of aspiration 87–8
see also pretend play lack of control 92
imitation 26, 33–4 lack of privacy 17–18
importance of intrinsic motivation 93–6 language skills see communication skills
importance of language 106 language therapy 106
imprinting 22 later-appearing emotions 64–8
incompetence 92 leading activities 94–5
Incredible Years Teacher Classroom learning difference 121, 138
Management Training 136 Lee, K. 119–20, 122
inductive discipline 75–6, 107 Leong, D.J. 117
inductive socialisation 75 Lepper, M. 96
infant-directed speech see ‘motherese’ Licht, B. 77–8
inflexibility 115–16 life events 23
informational feedback 87 lifespan model 11–12
inhibition 32, 113–15, 118–19, 123 listening empathically 67
insecure attachment 35–45 longitudinal studies of attachment 7–8, 30
avoidant attachment 36–8 Lorenz, Konrad 22, 32–3
in childcare settings 43–4 Losier, G.F. 48
disoriented attachment 40–41
intervention 41–3 Maccoby, E.M. 73–4
resistant attachment 38–40 MacLure, M. 79
‘strange situation’ 35–6 Main, Mary 36, 40
using ‘attachment lens’ 44–5 maintaining appropriate boundaries 56
intentional communication 110–111 Makaton signing 105, 111
interaction with others 116–23 making a difference 91–102
internal representations 3–4, 98 contingent rewards 96–7
internalising behaviour 2–3, 51, 88, 103–4 controllable environment 91–3
interpersonal experience 31 growth mindset 97–101
interpreting signals 33–4 intrinsic motivation 93–6
 INDEX 165

managed boundaries 54 panic attacks 88

managing impulses see executive parental meta-emotion philosophy 66
functions parenting styles 12, 54–5
manipulation 56 parents’ viewpoints 128–35
‘marshmallow experiments’ 114–15 autonomy 130–31
martial arts 120–21, 123 competency 131–2
Maselko, J. 30 relatedness 129–30
Maslow, A.H. 9 Parker, G. 59
mediation 121, 126, 144 PATHS see Promoting Alternative
meeting with parents 144–5 Thinking Strategies
Meins, E. 25, 38 paying attention see executive functions
mental representation 98, 107 peer rejection 81
‘mental state’ talk 74–5, 78–80, 83 permissive parenting 56–7
mental tools 117–18 person praise 99–101
meta-emotion philosophy 66 personal, social, emotional development
‘mind-mindedness’ 25–6, 29–34, 38–9 19–20
mindfulness 120, 123 physical retaliation 76
Mischel, Walter 114–16 poor social competence 72
misreading 26 Porter, L. 80
see also reading the child positive approach to understanding
mixed messages 104 behaviour 2–4
Moffitt, T. 116 positive emotions 64–8
Montessori, Maria 120–21, 140, 142 positive psychology 4
‘motherese’ 105, 111 poverty 8–9, 43, 128
motivation 9–10 practitioners’ viewpoints 136–43
mutual coercion 80 autonomy 137–8
competency 138–9
naturalistic studies 8 relatedness 136–7
nature vs. nurture 5–6, 51, 116–17 pragmatic communication 104, 107–110
need to understand/be understood see praise 97–9
communication skills predictability 91, 111
neediness 38, 45 predictable environments 91–3
needs-based approach 9–10 predispositions 5
negative emotions 5, 64–8, 79 Prescott, John 65
negative psychological states 4 pretend play 80–81, 83, 118
negotiating skills 80, 103 preventing insecure attachment 41–3
negotiation in times of conflict 18, 48, 76–7 primary attachment figure 22, 24, 33–4
neurochemistry 30 private speech 106, 111, 117–18, 120
neurodevelopment 30–32 problem-solving 66–7
Nobel Prizes 7–8 process praise 100–101
non-attunement 38 Promoting Alternative Thinking Strategies
non-intentional communication 110–111 120
non-stigmatising activities 30, 44 promoting healthy internalisation 3–9
non-verbal communication 29, 104–5 prosocial behaviours 4, 80–81
proximity 26, 36–8
‘Oops card’ 93 PSE see personal, social, emotional
optimal challenges 87, 90 development
over-protection 51, 58–61, 81, 83, 87 psychological health 21
166 INDEX

psychological punishment 55 self-actualisation 9

psychosexual theory 22 self-awareness 71
self-determination theory 9–16, 48, 75,
quality of relationships 18–19 85–6, 97, 126
self-determined autonomy 75, 80–82
reading the child 25 self-esteem 98
reasoning 65 self-exploration see boundary setting
reassurance 27, 38 self-expression 103–4
reciprocity 104 self-fulfilling prophecies 128
recognising emotion 67 self-harm 88
Reddy, V. 26 self-motivation 122
reframing situations 137 self-protection see insecure attachments
regulating emotions 20, 32 self-regulation 95, 118
relatedness 9–10, 15–46, 129–30, 136–7 self-sufficiency 36, 45
insecure attachments 35–45 Seligman, M.E.P. 4, 64–5, 92, 94
parents’ viewpoints on 129–30 sensitivity 25–6
practitioners’ viewpoints 136–7 shame 62
secure attachment bond 20–34 shaping social understanding 74–5
as universal need 16–19 Siegel, Daniel 30–31
relational work 72–3 signals 5, 25–6, 33–5, 38, 68, 108–9
resilience 92–4 see also cues
resistant attachment 38–40, 45 sin 63
responsive caregiving 20 Singer, E. 18, 27, 76–7
responsive enough care 91 Skinner, E. 48, 50–51, 80
rhyme time 30, 44 sleep patterns 119, 123
risk factors 42–3, 45 Smith, C. 110
risk of missing out on self-determined smothering 50, 82, 87
autonomy 80–82 social communication 104, 107–110
risk taking 28, 60 social function of intellect 62–3
rocking 23 social referencing 26–7
Rogers, Carl 98 socialisation 3, 51–2, 75, 103–4
rules, routines 60, 120–21 societal demands 11–12
see also boundary setting sociocultural perspectives 6
Ryan, Richard 9–13, 15–16, 47–8, 51, 85, Sorce, J.F. 26–7
96–7 speech therapy 106
spoiling 24, 33–4
school readiness 89, 113, 133 stabilising emotions 20
Schore, Allan 30–31 ‘stiff upper lip’ 63
secondary attachment figure 22, 33–4 still-face effect 91–2
secure attachment 18–34, 36 story sacks 105, 131
adaptation to environment 32–3 ‘strange situation’ 25, 35–6, 38, 40–45
attachment theory 22–30 stress 119, 123
longitudinal studies of attachment 30 structure 86–7
picking up cues 36 structured freedom 49, 52, 60
understanding neurodevelopment 30–32 supporting autonomy 60, 73–80
secure autonomy 43 difference as opportunity 73–8
secure base 26 through boundaries 60
security theory 24–5 through communication skills 78–80
 INDEX 167

susceptibility to abuse 4 understanding neurodevelopment 30–32

‘Swinging Sixties’ 56 ‘unfinished baby’ 33
symbolic understanding 95, 118 uniqueness 70–83
systems approach 28 developing communication skills
78–80
tantrums 12, 71–3, 78, 126 difference to support autonomy 73–8
Tavistock Clinic 21 discovering difference 70–71
theory of human motivation 9–10 self-determined autonomy 80–82
theory of mind 75 typical development 71–3
theory-informed approach 6–9 United Nations Convention on the Rights
thinking pauses 122 of the Child 4
tools of the mind 117–18 unmet needs 11–12
transitional objects 29 unreliability 36
trauma 23 use of feelings see emotions
Tronick, E. 26 using ‘attachment lens’ 44–5
‘troubled families’ 128
trust 26, 30, 37–8, 41 value of secure attachment bond 20–34
typical behaviour 3 valuing children’s rights 4
typical development 71–3 verbal language 104, 123
visual cliff 26–7
UN Convention on the Rights of the Child visual cues 105–6, 111, 121, 123
4 Vygotsky, Lev 6, 94–5, 106, 116–18,
unconditional love 16 123
unconditional positive regard 98
undermining relatedness 17–18 waiting see executive functions
understanding behavioural issues 1–13 wanting to be self see uniqueness
lifespan model 11–12 watchfulness 33–4
nature vs. nurture 5 whispers of negative emotion 65
needs-based approach 9–10 Winnicott, D.W. 26
positive approach to 2–4 wiring 31
self-determination theory 10–11 working memory 19, 113, 118, 123
theory-informed approach 6–9 working together see collaboration
valuing children’s rights 4
understanding insecure attachments zone of proximal development 117
35–45 ZPD see zone of proximal development
 EXPLORING WELLBEING IN THE EARLY
YEARS

Julia Manning-Morton

9780335246847 (Paperback)
October 2013

eBook also available

Children’s experiences and well-being in their earliest years underpin and

highly influence their future development and learning. Drawing on research
with parents, children and a range of professionals in the early childhood
field, this book considers how well-being is interpreted in the early
childhood field. It includes snapshots of what our youngest children think
about their well-being, and examines external environmental contexts that
impact on well-being.

Key features:

• Focuses on appropriate pedagogical approaches and aspects of

practice that support children’s well-being
• Highlights the inseparability of adults’ and children’s well-being
• Prioritises children and families’ socio-cultural contexts

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PROMOTING POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR
IN THE EARLY YEARS
“Karen is a highly respected professional who draws on a wealth of
experience working with young children to produce an accessible and
PROMOTING
POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR
practical book.”

PROMOTING POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR IN THE EARLY YEARS

Dr Julia Katherine, Inclusion Commissioning Manager, Portsmouth City Council

“Constructive and helpful strategies give practical ideas to support

IN THE EARLY YEARS

the development of positive behaviour in young children that
can have a lifelong impact. The book is positive, challenging and
inspirational.“
Professor Pat Preedy, Curtin University (W. Australia)

“This is a book full of wisdom and practicality. Drawing from both

self-determination theory and other state-of-the-art perspectives
on motivation and child development, this work will help parents,
teachers and anyone caring for children to better help them find
the pathways not only to positive adjustment, but to thriving and
wellness.“
Richard M. Ryan, Professor at Institute for Positive Psychology and Education,
Faculty of Health Sciences, Australian Catholic University

Behaviour remains a key concern for many working or aspiring to work with
children and families. Written in a clear and readable style, this book considers
theory and recent research on children’s social and emotional development,
KAREN MORRIS
highlighting the implications for effective practice in promoting positive behaviour.
The book encourages you to gain a broad picture of factors underpinning more
challenging behaviour and to work positively and sensitively with children and
families. By carefully considering the factors which support or undermine the
fulfilment of children’s basic psychological needs, fresh light is shed on some
children’s behaviour. The approach also generates constructive ways of addressing
unmet needs and considers the child’s voice throughout.
With an emphasis firmly on finding ways to promote positive behaviour
and to equip you with effective strategies to help the child, the book
includes:
> A strong evidence base
> A rich range of helpful strategies
> Consideration of a range of viewpoints, including those of parents and
practitioners
> Links with the Early Years Foundation Stage
Morris

If you are working or training to work with young children this book has a highly
practical emphasis that will help you use theory to devise effective strategies to
support children.
Karen Morris is Senior Lecturer and Programme
Leader for the foundation degree and
undergraduate degree in Childhood Studies at
the University of Winchester, UK.