Characters:

Merlin Kalonji
Arthur Kevion
Sir Hector
Court Jesters
Messenger
Musicians (no lines)
French King
French Soldiers 2
French Ladies:
Lady Gigi
Lady Fifi
Lady CeeCee

Knights:
Lord Dance-a Lot
Sir Lee
Sir Indipitous
Sir Tinly
Sir Duke
Sir Face
Sir Prize
Sir Real
Sir Ender
Sir Repetitious
Sir Round
Sir Vival
Sir Rah
Sir Indipitous

Damsels:
Lady Luck
Lady Bird
Lady Bug
Lady Sadie
Lady Singalot
Lady Humalong
Lady Grady
Lady Cute
Lady Clever
Lady Lahdee
Lady Dah
Lady Dee Dee
Lady Tweedle
Lady Twiddle
Lady Lovely
 Scene 1
Musicians sitting and playing softly near Merlin Kalonji

Merlin Kalonji: Once upon a medieval time, in a land far away, unless, of course, you are in England, then it’s not
so far away at all! There lived a mighty King, who had a son by the name of Arthur Kevion. The King needed to
hide and protect his son, so he gave him away to his mystical advisor, Merlin Kalonji. That’s me. And I, in turn, gave
the King’s son to serve the good knight Sir Hector Charles, as his lowly squire. Sir Hector Charles and Arthur
Kevion lived in a place crowded with the most rowdy, bawdy, unruly, untidy, yet… MIGHTY MEDIEVAL MEN!

Song: Mighty Medieval Men (No Solos)

Scene 2
Musicians standing and playing softly near Merlin Kalonji
Merlin Kalonji: Very nice….very nice...ok...ok...we get it! WE GET IT! (music stops)
You all know the King Arthur Kevion legend. If not, let me tell it to you…

Lady Luck Veronica: Oh, Merlin Kalonji, let us tell it. You’ll go on for days!

Merlin Kalonji: Well, I guess that would be all right. But I…

Lady Bird Kailei: It was the day of the big joust. All of the knights were gathered in the roped-off area, with their
armor, horses, weapons

Lady Bug Madison: And attended by their young squires.

Lady Sadie Tessa: Squires are the young men who hope one day to be knights themselves.

Lady Singalot Ashley: The squires do everything for the knights, including getting them ready for the joust.

Merlin Kalonji: Remember, Arthur Kevion was the squire for Sir Hector Charles.

Lady Humalong Htoo Meh: Everyone is gathered for the biggest joust of the year!

Lady Luck Veronica: It’s like the World Series of all Jousts!

Lady Bird Kailei: The Stanley Cup!

Lady Sadie Tessa: The Super Bowl!

Lady Singalot Ashley: The Olympics of the jousting world!

Merlin Kalonji: Enough already! Let’s have a song!

Song 2: Joust

Solo 1: Every lord so brave and strong, they battle all day long. The horses set a mighty pace; we sing a jousting
song!

Solo 2: Every knight will have a chance to fight with sword and lance and when the victory is won, we’ll do a
jousting dance!

Solo 3: (spoken) When he’s old enough to shave!

Scene 3
Musicians circling and playing softly near Merlin Kalonji

Merlin Kalonji: Not you again! Enough already! Stop!

 Now where was I? Oh yes. It was the squire’s job to serve his knight! So what happens when the knight
forgets his most important weapon?

Arthur Kevion: The squire has to get it!

Lady Grady Dar Mo: Sir Hector Charles forgot his sword at home.

Lady Cute Jada: Not good for a knight who is next at the joust.

Merlin Kalonji: Soooooooooooooooo, Arthur Kevion takes off as fast as his squire-y legs will take him.

Lady Clever Zyere: He runs through the streets of town, past the castle moat!

Lady Lahdee Aubrey: Past the church and several fine dining establishments, including the medieval
BOJANGLES!

Lady Lovely Anabella: He runs past the market and the Medieval Walmart.

Lady Dah Nataly: By the time he reaches the town square, he realizes he is only half way home.

Lady Dee Dee Kimberly: he knows he will never make it all the way home, get Sir Hector Charles’s sword and
then get back to the Joust in time for Sir Hector Charles to participate! Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock!

Merlin Kalonji: Let me cast a slow motion spell.

SLOW MOTION

Merlin Kalonji: Now, this is where I have to remind you of the legend of King Arthur Kevion. You will recall from
your lessons that when the King, Arthur Kevion’s father, died, there was no heir to the throne.

Lady Tweedle Jesame: No one knew Arthur Kevion was the prince, not even Arthur Kevion!

Merlin Kalonji: So the royal court had a sword placed in a stone in the town square.

Lady Twiddle Carolyn: The legend says that whomever could pull that sword out of the stone would be the rightful
heir to the throne.

Lady Tweedle Jesame: they would become king!

Lady Twiddle Carolyn: I just said that.

Merlin Kalonji: it is in front of the sword-stabbed stone that Squire Arthur Kevion finds himself, as he’s racing
home to retrieve Sir Hector Charles’s sword.

Lady Luck Veronica: What you probably don’t recall from this famous legend, is that only a few steps away from
THAT stone, was another rock.

Lady Bird Kailei: And sticking out of THAT rock was something even more beautiful and enticing than the former
king’s sword.
Merlin Kalonji: And THAT’S what caught Arthur Kevion’s attention.

End Slow Motion

Arthur Kevion: Hmmm. Two stones. Each with something interesting protruding from it. I only have time to
choose one and get back to the Joust. Hmmm. Well, this one is most certainly a sword and seems the logical
choice. But this one is much more colorful and seems full of many fantastic possibilities. Hmmmm. I’m taking this
one!

FREEZE

Merlin Kalonji: Does this sound at all familiar to you? Well, watch what happens next.

End Freeze *GASP*

Arthur Kevion: My lord, my lord! I have brought you the best instrument that I could find! Isn’t it colorful?!?

Sir Hector Charles: What?!? What is this?

Arthur Kevion: I have no idea, but isn’t it beautiful?

Sir Hector Charles: Beautiful indeed, but what can it do?

Sir Tinly Jessie: it is the strange tube that was sticking out of the stone in the town square. Everyone knows that
whomever pulls it out is the rightful heir to the throne!

Sir Real Jordan: Meaning...they would be king!

Sir Tinly Jessie: Uh, I just said that.

Sir Real Jordan: Wait a minute. I thought that was the sword!

Sir Tinly Jessie: Duh! It works for both!

KING’S MUSIC - Musicians Play

All: All hail the king! All hail King Arthur Kevion!

Arthur Kevion: Wow! Am I really the new King? Can it really be?

Sir Round Rodney: You’re it, your Majesty! Now what will be your first decree?

Arthur Kevion: You mean, anything???

Sir Round Rodney: Sure! You’re the king.

Arthur Kevion: Well, then I decree from now on in this kingdom, there will be no more use for swords or weapons
of any sort, except this marvelous colorful instrument.
All Knights: WHAT?!?! You can’t be serious!

Lady Bug Madison: I think it’s a marvelous idea. (damsels nod)

Lady Sadie Tessa: And until you men get used to the idea, none of us Damsels are going to be friendly to you at
all.

Lady Singalot Ashley: or wash your clothes…

Lady Humalong Htoo Meh: or cook your meals…

Lady Grady Dar Mo: Or cheer your jousting…

Lady Cute Jada: King Arthur Kevion says “no more swords”

All Damsels: And that’s the way it’s going to be!

All Knights: (grumbling) All hail the king.

Song 3: That’s the way it’s going to be

Sir Lee Joseph: But wait a minute, you mean after I come home from a long day of lording over the serfs, you’re not going to have a hot
meal waiting for me?

Lady Clever Zyere: Not if you’re lording with anything but that!

Sir Duke RJ: You mean, I’m going to have to wash my own clothes every year?

Lady Lahdee Aubrey: or wear them dirty!

Sir Ender Creig: You mean, I have to milk my own cow?

Lady Dah Nataly: From now on, unless you pick up that boomwhacker instead of a sword, if you want milk, you get moooooo-ving.

Arthur Kevion: Boomwhacker?!? What a fantastic name!

All Knights: Argh!

Lord Dance-a Lot Daryion: Come on, we’ve got to get this sword out of here. Uuuuuh!

Sir Vival Jadon Olive: here, let me try! Ooooh. I think I pulled something!

Scene 4
Musicians circling QUICKLY and playing LOUDLY near Merlin Kalonji

Merlin Kalonji: (shakes head) Please, please, please go play music for someone else! Can’t a man just speak
without musical underscoring?!?

Sir Indipitous Gary: Now it all seemed fine until, rumor has it, there was an attack coming from France.

Messenger Brianna: (running in) Your Majesty! Rumor has it, there is an attack coming from France.
Sir Indipitous Gary: I just said that.

Arthur Kevion: An attack from France? Oh no!

Sir Rah William: And all we have to fight with are these colorful boomwhackers!

(Knights begin arguing and discussing fearfully)

Arthur Kevion: Stop! Silence! We must keep sound heads or we will surely go down in defeat!

Sir Reptitious: But, Your Majesty, what are we to do?

Arthur Kevion: I think we should sing… a round.

Knights: What?!?

Arthur Kevion: I mean, rounds are good. Here, gather ‘round my round table and I’ll show you what I mean.

Song 4: Round of the Round Table

Solo: We’re the knights of the round table, we are strong and we are able. There’s no foe we cannot vanquish; we
know right makes might!

Arthur Kevion: Sing with me!

All: We’re the knights of the round table, we are strong and we are able. There’s no foe we cannot vanquish; we
know right makes might!

Arthur Kevion: Now are we boys or are we men?

Knights: Men!

Arthur Kevion: Are we men or are we knights?

Knights: Knights!

Arthur Kevion: Are we knights of the round table?

Knights: Yes, Your Majesty!
Arthur Kevion: Then, sing, men, sing! Like the knights you are!

Scene 5
Arthur Kevion: There, wasn’t that nice?

Sir Rah William: Ok, Your Majesty, we’re doing our best, but we still don’t know what to do with these things.
(holds up boomwhacker)

Arthur Kevion: I know! Let’s call in the smartest advisors we know. They’ll know what to do.

FREEZE
Merlin Kalonji: I naturally thought the king was referring to me. But as I stepped forward I heard…

End Freeze

Sir Indipitous Gary: Yes! Call in the court jesters! They always know what to do.

Sir Face Michael: IF you can get past their silly jokes and ridiculous songs!

Sir Duke RJ: Look! I see one now...a fool on the hill!

Sir Vival Jadon Olive: Not just one, but a whole cast of them!

Song 5: Nobody’s Fool

Duet: Be careful who you call a fool, they may be sly like fox. With no exception to the rule, they think outside the box.

Jester 1: If you wonder ‘bout yourself, “what kind of fool am I?”

Jester 2: Or why do fools fall in love; did you ever wonder why?

Jester 3: IF you want to give yourself a silly little thrill,

Jester 4: Do your best with all the rest, play the fool up on the hill!

Kazoos

Solo: (Spoken) No one but a fool is always right!

Scene 6
Jester 1: Your Majesty, we hear you have a problem.

Arthur Kevion: Yes, my friend. I have made the decision that we will be a peace-loving nation; that we will turn our
swords into Boomwhackers and live side by side with our neighbors in friendship.

Lady Dee Dee Kimberly: And we damsels are backing him up by not being nice to the men until they go along with
the king.

All Damsels: And that’s the way it’s going to be.

Jester 2: I think that sounds like a great idea!

Sir Hector Charles: The problem is...we have just been told that the French are on their way to attack us and I
don’t think they are going to be armed with only “Boomwhackers!”

Arthur Kevion: It’s all my fault. I truly believed we wouldn’t need weapons if we always did the right thing, and
worked for a land filled with harmony. And now, I’ve put my entire kingdom at risk.

Song 6: All I Ever Wanted

Solo: All I ever wanted was music, all I ever wanted was song.
All I ever wanted was harmony, and all to get along.
In my mind I hear a sweet symphony. Everybody playing in tune.
In my heart I know between you and me, that we can get there soon.

Scene 7
Merlin Kalonji: The French soldiers landed on the shore of the kingdom.

Messenger Brianna: The French are coming! The French are coming!

Merlin Kalonji: I just said that!

KNIGHTS: *panic* what are we going to do? We’re doomed!

The French Arrive playing Recorders

Arthur Kevion: What? Can this really be? Did you really arrive with only those instruments and no weapons?

French King Cristofer: Oui (We) Miseur. There was one of these sticking out of a rock in the middle of Paris, and
now our ladies have insisted that we turn our swords into these or they will not be nice to us.
Lady Gigi Angel: Or wash your clothes…

Lady Fifi Brianna: Or cook your meals…

Lady CeeCee Valeria: Or cheer your jousting…

French Soldier 1 Creig: I see you have your own problems to worry about (points to boomwhacker)

French Soldier 2 Jordan: They are colorful, though!

Sir Repetitious Edmund: Well, what are we going to do?

Arthur Kevion: Think! I have to think! (He starts tapping his Boomwhacker)

Merlin Kalonji: And then something very special began to happen.

Song 7: We’re Makin’ Music

Arthur Kevion: Yes! Yes! My countrymen! My friends! Lend me your ears! This is what I was talking about!
Music! Harmony! Having might by being right! Being in tune! I knew that if we all just tried a little harder, we could
put away our weapons forever and make beautiful music! Listen! Listen! We are doing it! We are making music
together! And it is beautiful! My people, from this day forward, let us never forget this sound and this moment! The
moment when men and women put down their swords and shields, picked up a somewhat musical instrument,
raised their voices and sang! Sing, people, siiiiiiiiiiing!

Stop Recording

Messenger Brianna: Your Majesty! Your Majesty! I have terrible news! The men of Scotland are invading from the
north and are sure to overrun us all!
All: GASP!
The Scottish play bagpipes off stage
All: Bagpipes? No problem!!!