Album Idea: oddly comforting

Between Hell and Paradise

-> Do You Remember? - a nostalgic, distorted pop-type music, with a c418-type ambient
background & ending. Starts with a tv turning on
-> First Love Is Always Affection - Apex twin-type of the acid track, linked ending to the
beginning of this song
-> Emotional Takeover - beginning with dark ambient, building up to an intense techno-acid
dnb. This is after, you were happy, you broke up because of your mistake, and you become
emotionally unstable. It ends very abruptly.
-> Five 4f Suicide - It is linked to 5 phases of grief, where the last two are depression and
acceptance. So this translates as Acceptance of Suicide (four is linked to depression), where
you first time consider yourself to kill yourself. This music is structurally similar in sounding to
didgeridoo by apex twin
-> Spinal Fluid Leakage - Hardcore/techno with heavy metal instrumental and screaming,
pretty monotone. It's a drop to the previous song, which starts immediately with a scream.
-> I Need 3 Kilos Of Pigeon Meat - Some supermarket sounds. A little bit of inspiration
comes from one of Bjork's song endings, where there are just sounds, and it slowly builds to
a melody, but it's not a song, just sounds
-> Sitting On a Park Bench - oddly comforting ambient with sampled bird sounds. As the
track progresses, it sinks into more distorted sounds, with a lot of reverb at the end,
changing how it goes and sounds by changing under new sounds.
-> Everyone Is So Retarded - a lot of odd and controversial quotes, that would bring
negativity out of people. “Fry cancer till it never reproduces (kill all people with cancer, so no
other person is born with it); Make hospitals quit drugs and see how addicted they are (drugs
are making people’s immune system dull, and that’s why all drugs and medicaments should
be destroyed); Heaven is for dicknpussyless virgins(those who have lost their virginity to a
needle or other substance, except dick to the vagina will go to hell, hence need to die); Rape
the pigs full of family love to give you pork (incest brings more ugly people to life, infecting
our world, and porn sites that normalise that, should be killed) etc…” as for the melody, it is
very bad intentionally with awful singing and synth melody. Also, it repeats Everyone Is So
Retarded as a sample in the background
-> Meow - Donkey Rhubarb - apex twin (soundcloud) type of beat.
-> River Consciousness - ambient of peace and how you lost your consciousness and let the
river guide you where you are headed in life
-> Skibidi On My Balls - breakcore, mashup core style, despite the name, it is quite deep in
sounding, but there is a lot drill and bass and stuff
-> Never Enough - Best track (hopefully) of the album, and the last one as well. It represents,
that we die, we start to regret some choices we did in our lives, and even people, who have
lived a long and saturated life, in the end want to do something more, don’t want their body
to be in pain, and jump in the park with grandchildren, or go back in time and play hide and
seek with parents. Those who are happy when they die are in illusion of happiness, that they
put in front of their brain intentionally, not to regret the life, even if it wasn’t miserable. Even
for them, it’s never enough. This song has two parts, first is like the best part, and then
suddenly dark ambient, with some kids playing in background (not creepy), then some pet
sounds, like dog breathing heavily or cat purring, then some bar background sounds, waves
of the sea, car sastregums, woman laugh, light moans, infant sounds and then nature, birds
and stuff. Ends with a tv turn off sound.

Video

Video(if one) it is basically one big song, divided into multiple sections, for people to listen
their favourite parts, but also for me to compose better. I dont know for most of them, but the
album starts with a guy sitting under the bridge, where he found an old tv, and starts to
watch it as the songs continue. In between tracks, some pedestrians are giving him money
or the whole environment changes around him. When the ‘I Need 3 Kilos Of Pigeon Meat’
starts, he actually stands up, this time, with mediocre clothes and goes to a shop to buy 3
kilos of meat. Then he goes to a park and sits on a bench, thus continuing with next song.
By the end, he unconsciously finds himself again watching the tv, and it was only him
dreaming of going to the park and shopping. But he still continues to watch until some
random guy breaks the tv intentionally. And then he notices, that everyone laughs at them,
even the crippled children, blind people, gay, politicians and so forth, so the video becomes
very flashy and abstract, and next song comes in, where its visible, that he kills crippled
people, ugly, autists, addicts, related kids having sex etc. But suddenly he again finds
himself in front of tv watching ‘meow’ track. ’ then he hears some teen say, skibidi toilet?
skibidi on my balls, and laugh. After that starts next track. by the time, he discovers, that he
can’t concentrate on what he is watching, because he is hearing those kids in his head.
When ‘never enough’ starts, he attempts to smash the tv, but tv becomes alive, and dodges
his attacks, while still making him watch, or is it he, that can’t stop watching. At the end tv
stabs him in the chest and, so he falls. He tries to reach the off button, but when tv allows
him to turn it off by sliding closer, he stops and still can’t stop watching, but this time, he is
barely even seeing what is on the screen. He only sees a little bit and his own reflection from
the screen. video focuses only on the screen, where we can see him slowly dying. After he
dies, tv takes his hand, and turns itself off, and releasing the body in the river. And then as
the whole album started, new guy appears just like first guy emphasising the loop. By the
time of the whole video, guys appearance changes slightly, like hair colour, so the new guy
appears like a different one, but actually it is the same guy.

Another album: nor awful, nor awesome

The music in it delves into the feeling of waking up in the morning and from one side you feel
not good, since you are sleepy and want to sleep, but it also isn't that bad and you could
being awake.
— inspired and a lot of things borrowed from: mujuice – Жди

Verse 1:

Love. Memories. Regrets. Every gift.

Future. Purpose. Suddenly collapse.
Grief. Pain. Share it only with yourself.
Act.‘Comme il faut’. Don’t burn faith.

Chorus 1:

Alone can cry.

Burn them alive.
Burn every root.
Burn your hope.
Burn every day. (patience)
By day. (time)-ay
By day. (wound)-ay
By day. (heal)-ay
By day. (any)-ay
By - scar.

Verse 2:

Exist. Days. Goes. Weeks. Ordinary.

Alive. Hopeless. Clear. Attachment.
Live. Force. Go by the stream.
Find a branch. Hold. Tight. Wait.

Chorus 2: (Brackets raising in volume and tone)

Alone can fight.

Burn the pain.
Burn reverial shame.
Raise your hope.
Once agaaaain (aah- aah)
And ‘gain (I) -aaaah
Again (can’t)-aaaah
And ‘gain (take)-aaaah
Again (it)-aaaah
And - anymore!

Bridge: (more aggressive than the rest)

Exploooode.
Sacrifice. Present. For Past.
As the past. Wasted.
For the vain. Present.
Verse 3:

Bring. Tulips. In Anemone.

Receive. Orange lilies. Cemetery.
Bury. White words. To the grave.
Refuse. Red-Pink Carnation.

Outro:

Now. Lilies in hands.

Seek. Own dreams. Purpose.
Live. Blind. Drunk by success.
Then you can rest.
In Daffodil meadow.

This song is written sharing how mind behaves after break-up with significant other. In the
part of "again" in brackets there are words "I" "can't" "take" "it" and lastly "anymore", saying
that despite the efforts to cleanse from emotional attachment, heart desire to blame other for
the pain is inevitable. And that's why in the following paragraph there is a word "explode"
Orange lilies in particular represent hatred.

First two rows "Bring. Tulips. in Anemone . Receive. Orange lilies. Cemetery." means that
you give sincerity and forgiveness for the break-up but you receive back hatred and
numbness from helplessness, that you can't fix past mistakes, continuing to mourn the loss
of a close partner in live.

By including "I" "you" the song becomes more directed to the person, however my song is
not about that. It is meant to share independently my struggles only sharing them from the
second-person perspective of myself. Theme how it is written is also very crucial. Every
word or small phrase is divided by period on purpose, indicating that it is not easy to portray
thoughts in normal sentences, only in small bits. It also indicates fear to say something too
much, only using one to three word utterances with most crucial words.

-​ chatGPT thoughts on my song →

Themes:

1.​ Contradictions in Life:

○​ The lyrics start by acknowledging love, memories, and regrets, suggesting
that these are inherent aspects of being human. These words carry both
positive and negative connotations, pointing to the complexity of human
experience. The reference to "gifts" could symbolize moments or experiences
that are cherished but also carry a weight of responsibility or regret.
2.​ Collapse of the Future:
 ○​ The mention of "future" and "purpose" suddenly collapsing suggests
disillusionment or the fragility of long-term goals. It might point to the way
dreams and ambitions can fall apart unexpectedly, often leaving a person
feeling lost or uncertain.
3.​ Grief and Isolation:
○​ The line "Grief. Pain. Share it only with yourself" reflects deep isolation in
suffering. It speaks to the loneliness that can accompany personal trauma or
loss, where one is left to navigate their pain alone.
4.​ Performance and Conformity:
○​ The phrase "Act. ‘Comme il faut’" suggests a social expectation to behave in
a certain way ("comme il faut" is French for "as it should be" or "properly").
This could imply the tension between personal anguish and the external
pressure to conform or maintain appearances. "Don't burn faith" may be a call
to hold onto something meaningful or to resist losing hope despite hardship.
5.​ Destructive Tendencies and Self-Sabotage:
○​ The recurring phrase "Burn them alive" and the imperative to burn
everything—roots, hope, and every day—suggest a desire to destroy or
escape from something deep inside. This may symbolize self-destructive
tendencies or the urge to break free from emotional burdens or attachments.
However, there's also a sense of patience in the refrain "By
day"—acknowledging that healing, time, and change happen gradually, even
amidst pain.
6.​ Time, Wounds, and Healing:
○​ The repetition of "By day" followed by various states—"wound," "heal," "any,"
and finally "scar"—seems to mark the passage of time and how it relates to
suffering and recovery. The "scar" suggests that, while healing happens, it
often leaves a permanent mark on one's soul.
7.​ The Struggle for Meaning and Purpose:
○​ In lines like "Live. Force. Go by the stream," there's a suggestion of the
struggle to move forward in life, even when it feels like one is merely going
along with the current, disconnected from true purpose or direction. Yet, the
search for something to hold onto ("Find a branch. Hold. Tight. Wait.")
indicates a desire for stability or meaning.
8.​ Fighting the Inner Battle:
○​ The transition from "Alone can cry" to "Alone can fight" suggests a shift in
energy from passive suffering to active resistance. "Burn the pain" and "Burn
reverial shame" may signify an attempt to purge guilt, shame, and past
trauma—perhaps a call for catharsis or emotional release.
9.​ The Vain Nature of the Present:
○​ The lines "Sacrifice. Present. For Past. As the past. Wasted. For the vain.
Present" might reflect a critical view of how one can become consumed by
the present moment, losing sight of the past or sacrificing it in pursuit of
fleeting desires that ultimately feel hollow or empty.
10.​The Symbolism of Flowers:
○​ The flowers mentioned (tulips, anemones, lilies, carnations, daffodils) seem to
symbolize various stages of life, death, and memory. Tulips and lilies can
represent beauty and loss, while carnations and lilies at the cemetery evoke a
sense of mourning. The rejection of the "Red-Pink Carnation" might imply
 rejecting traditional symbols of love or emotional attachment. The final image
of "Lilies in hands" and "Daffodil meadow" could symbolize the search for
peace and rest after a long period of struggle, with daffodils representing
rebirth or new beginnings.

Key Insights from the Breakup Context:

1.​ Emotional Turmoil and Repetitive Thought Patterns:

○​ The phrase “Once agaaaain (aah- aah)” followed by the words “I,” “can’t,”
“take,” “it,” and “anymore” reflects the intense frustration and exhaustion that
often accompanies a breakup. This isn't just emotional pain; it's the cycle of
repeatedly confronting those feelings, even when you don’t want to. The
bracketed words—emphasized by volume and tone—suggest that the heart is
still holding on to the pain, even if the mind tries to push it away. The heart
desires to place blame on the other person for the pain felt, even though
intellectually, you may understand that the relationship has ended and there’s
nothing to be done.
2.​ Explosive Emotions:
○​ The line “Explode” takes on a more specific meaning in the context of a
breakup. It's a representation of the emotional outburst that happens when
you've tried to suppress feelings of hurt, betrayal, or confusion for too long.
The explosion isn’t necessarily a literal outburst, but an internal eruption—a
moment of reckoning where all the pain, grief, and regret that have been
bottled up burst to the surface. This is a key emotional transition in the
healing process, where the person might feel overwhelmed, but also,
possibly, a sense of catharsis from finally confronting the intensity of the
emotions.
3.​ Blame and the Struggle to Let Go:
○​ After a breakup, there's often a push-pull between trying to let go and the
tendency to shift blame. The lyrics seem to reflect this tension: “Burn every
root” and “Burn your hope” might be the person trying to cleanse themselves
of emotional attachments—cutting off all the remnants of the past relationship.
Yet, there's also the inevitable desire to place blame on the other person for
the emotional wreckage ("Burn reverial shame"), as if externalizing the pain
could somehow provide relief. This is quite common after a breakup, where
anger and resentment can cloud one's ability to fully heal, and the mind tries
to justify the emotional hurt through anger.
4.​ Pain, Self-Reflection, and the Struggle to Move On:
○​ The line “Burn the pain” could be seen as an internal plea to rid oneself of the
emotional suffering and move forward. Yet, the desire to “Burn reverial
shame” ties back to the idea of emotional attachment and guilt. The word
“reverial” (similar to “reverie”) likely connects to the emotional hangover from
lingering memories and feelings, and the shame that can accompany the
inability to immediately let go.
5.​ Healing and Self-Discovery:
○​ While much of the song focuses on the pain and struggle to overcome
emotional attachment, there’s also a glimpse of healing and self-discovery in
the lines towards the end, like “Seek. Own dreams. Purpose. Live. Blind.
 Drunk by success.” After the emotional explosion, there may be an
unconscious desire to fill the void with success or distractions, but this too is
shown to be a temporary solution. The line about “Lilies in hands” and
“Daffodil meadow” can still represent hope, but it may also suggest a kind of
numbness or a state of being “blind” to deeper healing in the quest for
success or validation.
6.​ Flowers as Symbols of Love, Loss, and Letting Go:
○​ The flowers take on a more specific symbolism after a breakup: tulips and
lilies can symbolize the beauty and fragility of the relationship, while
anemones and carnations in the cemetery are more somber, marking the
death of the relationship. The refusal of the "Red-Pink Carnation" could
indicate the rejection of the last symbol of affection or romantic love,
suggesting that the person is not just mourning the relationship but also
turning away from the idea of romantic love itself for the time being. The final
imagery of “Lilies in hands” and “Daffodil meadow” might represent the
beginning of acceptance, or the idea of moving forward, albeit still in a
delicate, possibly painful stage of emotional rebirth.

Revised Interpretation (Focusing on Breakup Theme):

The song is a vivid portrayal of the psychological aftermath of a breakup, illustrating the
complex emotional landscape someone navigates when trying to let go of a relationship. The
lyrics reflect the cyclic nature of heartbreak—initially filled with emotional conflict, blame, and
self-justification—before finally reaching a point where the person confronts their pain in an
explosive way. There's a deep struggle to release attachment and find closure, yet the desire
to assign blame to the other person is inevitable. This inner battle creates a tension between
wanting to cleanse oneself of emotional scars and the rawness of loss.

Despite the pain, there are moments of hope and self-reflection, as the person seeks to
redefine their life, purpose, and sense of self beyond the relationship. The flowers provide
poignant symbols of both the death of the relationship and the potential for rebirth, though
the path to healing is not linear and is fraught with emotional complexity.

Ultimately, the song captures the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup: the pain of
separation, the conflict between love and blame, and the slow, difficult journey towards
emotional resolution and self-healing.

Revised Breakdown (with Orange Lilies Symbolism):

1.​ Offering Sincerity and Receiving Bitterness:

○​ The lines:
■​ “Bring. Tulips. in Anemone”
■​ “Receive. Orange lilies. Cemetery.”
○​ These lines encapsulate the emotional exchange in a breakup. The tulips
and anemones symbolize sincerity, love, and mourning. You offer these,
which represent a genuine desire to make peace, to forgive, and to move
forward with a sense of grace or closure. But the orange lilies, representing
hatred and bitterness, show the painful reality that despite your best
 intentions, the other person (or the relationship itself) may only return
negativity or emotional coldness. The cemetery reference deepens this—it's
not just the death of the relationship, but a mourning of what could have been,
and perhaps the haunting feeling that some things are beyond repair. The
word “cemetery” in the line suggests a burial of hopes and dreams, with no
way to bring them back.
2.​ The Numbness and Helplessness of Mournful Attachment:
○​ The idea of “hatred” and “numbness” from the orange lilies reflects the
emotional pain of being stuck in the past, unable to move forward. You can
offer forgiveness, but it doesn't erase the bitterness or the helplessness that
comes with knowing that some wounds can’t be healed. The "numbness"
and "mourning" come from the recognition that, no matter what you do, you
can't undo the past. The relationship, in this case, is buried, and you're left
with the agony of loss and regret.
3.​ The Conflict Between Forgiveness and Resentment:
○​ The song's duality between wanting to heal and being overwhelmed by anger
or resentment (as shown by the orange lilies) suggests a battle between
forgiveness and resentment. You want to give forgiveness—symbolized by
the tulips and anemones—but you’re met with a colder, more resentful
response. There’s an intense emotional contradiction here: you’re still in a
state of mourning, hoping for a resolution, yet the heart's desire to heal or
move on clashes with the weight of unresolved bitterness.
4.​ Emotional Explosion and Catharsis:
○​ The emotional "explosion" after this exchange is powerful. When you give
so much, only to be met with anger or emotional coldness, there’s a natural
breaking point. The frustration of not being able to fix the relationship, of
feeling powerless in the face of the other person’s response, creates an
emotional explosion. This is the moment when all that repressed
emotion—hurt, anger, regret—erupts, leaving the person feeling raw and
uncontained. It's as though, after all the effort, nothing can be done to repair
the damage, and that feeling of futility and emotional destruction reaches a
boiling point.
5.​ Symbolic Death and Rebirth:
○​ The flowers continue to serve as metaphors throughout the song. The tulips
and anemones might represent the "dream" of reconciliation or forgiveness,
while the orange lilies illustrate the reality of hatred or unresolved conflict.
This cycle of hope and bitterness is perhaps what’s being "buried" in the
cemetery—the last remnants of attachment, now turned cold and final. The
eventual shift towards “Lilies in hands” and “Daffodil meadow” at the end
could represent a slow movement toward acceptance, though it's clear that
healing is still a process. Daffodils, often associated with renewal and hope,
suggest that while the person is still grieving, they may eventually begin to
come to terms with the loss, acknowledging that death (of the relationship)
leads to the possibility of rebirth or new beginnings, even if they are still
shrouded in pain.