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 The Psychology
of Demonization
Promoting Acceptance
and Reducing Conflict

Nahi Alon & Haim Omer

Tel Aviv University

LAWRENCE ERLBAUM ASSOCIATES, PUBLISHERS

2006 Mahwah, New Jersey London
This edition published in the Taylor & Francis e-Library, 2008.
“To purchase your own copy of this or any of Taylor & Francis or Routledge’s
collection of thousands of eBooks please go to www.eBookstore.tandf.co.uk.”

Copyright © 2006 by Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any
form, by photostat, microform, retrieval system, or any other
means, without prior written permission of the publisher.

Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc., Publishers

10 Industrial Avenue
Mahwah, New Jersey 07430
www.erlbaum.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Alon, Nahi
The Psychology of Demonization : promoting acceptance and reduc-
ing conflict / Nahi Alon & Haim Omer.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references (p. ).
ISBN 0-8058-5665-X (cloth : alk. Paper)
ISBN 0-8058-5666-8 (pbk. : alk. paper)
1. Psychotherapy—Case studies. 2. Interpersonal conflict—Case
studies. 3. Demonic possession. I. Omer, Haim. II. Title.

RCA480.5.A46 2005
616.89’14—dc22 2005049829
CIP

ISBN 1-4106-1725-4 Master e-book ISBN

Contents

Foreword by the Dalai Lama vii

Preface ix

1 The Demonic Experience 1

2 The Demonic and the Tragic Views 13

3 The Antidemonic Dialogue in Therapy 45

4 Nondemonic Fighting (with Uri Weinblatt) 81

5 The Tragic Wisdom of Consolation 115

References 139

Author Index 143

Subject Index 147

v
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Foreword

I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. From the moment of birth,
every human being wants happiness and does not want to suffer. There-
fore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of
happiness.
The authors of this book are both psychotherapists, dealing profession-
ally with people seeking help to find mental peace and satisfaction. They are
concerned to make their work more effective. One of the psychotherapeutic
trends they wish to challenge is the tendency toward what they call the
demonization of things or people. Our normal tendency is to try to blame
our problems on others, on external factors. Furthermore, we tend to look
for one single cause, and then try to exonerate ourselves from responsibility.
It seems that whenever intense emotions are involved, there tends to be a
disparity between how things appear to us and how they really are. When we
demonize people, we see them in a very negative light and pretend that they
are somehow completely different from us.
We overlook the fact that all human beings are basically the same, wher-
ever we come from. Physically, there may be a few small differences in the
shape of our noses, the color of our hair and so on, but these are insignifi-
cant. Basically, we are the same. We all have the same potential to undergo
both positive and negative experiences. What’ s more, we also have the same
potential to transform our attitudes. And this is what I think is important; to
recognize that we can each transform ourselves into better, happier people.
Not only that, we should also take strength from the thought that, if we can
do it, our rivals, opponents, and enemies can change too.
vii
viii FOREWORD

From my own limited experience, I have found that the greatest degree of
mental peace comes from the development of love and compassion. The
more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of
well-being becomes. Cultivating a close, warm-hearted feeling for others
automatically puts the mind at ease. This helps remove whatever fears or in-
securities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles
we encounter. This is why I believe it is the ultimate source of success in life.
In Tibet we have a saying: “ Many illnesses can be cured by the one medi-
cine of love and compassion.” These qualities are the ultimate source of hu-
man happiness, and our need for them lies at the very core of our being.
Unfortunately, love and compassion have been omitted from too many
spheres of social interaction for too long. Confined to family and home,
their practice in public life is considered impractical, even naive. This is
tragic. In my view, the practice of compassion is not just a symptom of unre-
alistic idealism, but is the most effective way to pursue the best interests of
others as well as our own.
What we need today, and I believe this book will make a valuable contri-
bution to it, is education among individuals and nations, from small chil-
dren up to political leaders, to inculcate the idea that violence and the
demonization of our opponents are counterproductive, that they are not a
realistic way to solve our problems. Instead of attributing blame to others,
we need to take responsibility ourselves and engage in seeking solutions in a
spirit of compassion and humility. Genuine peace and reconciliation,
whether in relation to ourselves or in relation to others, comes about
through taking an understanding, respectful, and nonviolent approach to
our problems.
THE DALAI LAMA (SIGNED)
February 28, 2005
Preface

Conflicts often escalate from relatively minor and tolerable proportions to

more and more destructive forms. In this negative spiral, the harsher the
conflict, the more we tend to demonize the opponent. We may begin with
mere suspicion, surmising that behind the opponent’s overt acts,
deeper-lying negative intentions lurk. Gradually, inner suspicion turns to
blaming, and blaming swells to an accusing certainty. Sometimes, we reach
a point where we dismiss any neutral or positive acts on the opponent’s part
as manipulative. Since these processes tend strongly to mutuality, each
1
party comes to believe he is able to read into the darkest motives of the other
and into the destructive forces that control his behavior. Our duty is then to
make the opponent own up to his negative intentions, developing the readi-
ness to abjure them. Failing that, we see no alternative but to force him to
comply. At this stage, the opponent has been turned into a clear cut enemy.
The damages and suffering that are inflicted on him are now seen as ines-
capable; actually he has brought them upon himself. Also the readiness to
inflict pain on third parties or even on our own party grows apace, being
viewed as the necessary price in what is increasingly viewed as a battle for
survival. Needless to say, demonization blocks compromise solutions, for
these would only give the presumed enemy a better chance to pursue his
harmful goals. Understanding and countering demonization may thus be
the key factors in the prevention and positive management of conflicts.

1
Masculine and feminine forms are alternated throughout the book.
ix
x PREFACE

At times, people also relate with suspicion and hostility toward some pu-
tative hidden element within themselves. They may come to believe that a
destructive force has become lodged within them, conspiring against their
best interests, making them stumble, and working at cross-purposes with
their own goals, values, and feelings. They search for ways to expose it, and
look for specialists to help in its detection and expulsion. It then seems that
this “enemy within” tenaciously evades discovery or fights back to stay in
place. Expelling the enemy within will supposedly involve suffering. This ef-
fort, however, will be worthwhile, for life will be renewed.
The term demonization seems apt to describe both the interpersonal and
the intrapersonal varieties of this process; the suspicious and fearful attitude
toward the presumed enemy, the attempt to unmask his underlying de-
structive intentions, the feeling he eludes us, and the wish to expel or destroy
him remind us of what fighting with demons is supposed to be like. These
features seem to characterize both personal and intimate conflicts as well as
group, ethnic, and political ones. As in the religious variety of demonology,
the putative fight against demons is conducted both in the most intimate
spheres and in the widest social or even cosmic ones.
The demonic view is both an answer to the riddle of suffering and a way
of coping with overpowering fear. The mental riddle is solved by the con-
tention that suffering comes from evil. The demonic view thus reflects the
refusal to accept that suffering may be the result of chance. Blind accidental
suffering is a “cosmic scandal” that the human mind feels bound to reject.
Suffering that is caused by an evil force is at least understandable; someone
or something has willed it. In addition, such an explanation offers a target.
This offers also a solution to the paralysis of fear; fear is mobilized into anger
and hatred.
In the Western world, the most influential form of the demonic view has
been the belief in Satan. The fight against the satanic powers was viewed as
the believer’s chief obligation. Any show of indifference, wavering, or doubt
was a proof of betrayal. The forces of virtue developed tools that made them
capable of tackling the supernatural evil powers. Chief among these were
the skills of the inquisitor for the unmasking of witches and heretics, of the
exorcist for the expulsion of demons, and of the crusader for the large-scale
suppression of the enemies of the faith. The fight against evil, no matter how
bitter, was fanned by the highest hopes, for victory would bring salvation.
Actually, the harsher the fight, the stronger were the hopes of redemption,
and vice versa. Thus, millenarian movements were usually accompanied by
outbursts of spontaneous and organized violence against the assumed
agents of Satan (Cohn, 1957, 1975; Guinzburg, 1991). The private stage of
the traditional demonic narrative was the individual soul, in which a duel
was continuously waged between the forces of light and darkness. The be-
 PREFACE xi

liever’s chief helper in this fight was not the great inquisitor but the personal
confessor, with whose assistance the individual tried to hunt down the dark
voices within him. Each person’s soul was thus viewed as a microcosm in
which the battle for world redemption was waged.
The religious demonic narrative has had many lay parallels. Thus, the
structure of some extremist right-wing or left-wing political ideologies can
be quite similar to that of traditional demonic views. These ideologies de-
fine a segment of society as the conveyor of social redemption (e.g., the mas-
ter race or the working classes) and another segment as responsible for all
ills (e.g., the Jews or the putative forces of social reaction); they develop a
lore that is given the status of prophetic truth (e.g., a racial theory or a sim-
plified form of Marxist analysis), an apparatus for finding and hunting
down the enemy (e.g., the secret police), and a procedure for cleansing soci-
ety of its influence (e.g., reform, detention, or extermination camps); they
also envisage an apocalyptic war to end all wars and paint an alluring image
of the ensuing millennium. In this book, we are concerned chiefly with the
intimate lay parallel of traditional demonology. We shall be dealing particu-
larly with demonization at the level of the marriage, the family, and other
close personal relationships. We believe, however, that the demonizing pro-
cesses at these personal, intimate levels are very similar to those that charac-
terize sociopolitical conflicts. Chapter 4 is devoted to spelling out these
similarities and their practical consequences for the constructive manage-
ment of any form of conflict.
Besides analyzing the demonic mindset, we present an alternative to it. In
many cultures, an attitude to life, which we shall term the tragic view, has
militated against the demonic one, providing a completely different answer
to the riddle of suffering. The basic assumptions of the tragic view are that
suffering is an essential feature of life, that for many kinds of suffering, no-
body is to blame and that often the best one can do is to strive for partial
amelioration and constructive acceptance. We argue that the tragic view
provides an antidote to the demonic view, and that far from engendering
hopeless indifference, it inspires compassion and a decided readiness to re-
sist the human propagation of suffering.
In chapter 1, we describe the demonic experience, whereby a common
and probably transitory state of suspicion can be aggravated and stabilized
by habits of mind that turn it into an accusing certainty and to a demand for
the elimination of the putative enemy. Chapter 2 presents the demonic and
tragic assumptions in daily life and in psychotherapy: it shows how popular
psychology can perpetuate habits of thought that traditionally involved be-
lief in demons and exorcism, and how the tragic view provides an antidote
to this mindset. Chapter 3 deals with practical tools for conducting an
antidemonic dialogue in psychotherapy and in daily life. Chapter 4 deals
xii PREFACE

with nondemonic fighting both at the personal and the social levels.
Nondemonic fighting should enable effective self-defense against violence
and oppression, while avoiding escalation and mutual destructiveness.
Chapter 5 deals with the neglected role of the tragic virtues of acceptance
and consolation in modern life and in psychotherapy.
We did not invent most of the ideas in this book, but merely “modern-
ized” them somewhat. Our sources of inspiration are many. One of us (N.
Alon) is indebted to Tibetan Buddhism; the other (H. Omer) is indebted to
Gandhi’s nonviolent resistance. We were also influenced by many authors
within the psychotherapeutic tradition who worked antidemonically with-
out explicitly employing this term. We would like to mention a few of these
authors, with the proviso that the list is far from exhaustive. In the narrative
or in the solution-oriented tradition, writers such as, Michael White, David
Epston (1990), and Steve de Shazer (1985) have presented much positive
criticism, as well as creative alternatives, to psychopathological construc-
tions that foster the belief in the hidden “enemy inside.” Writers in the cog-
nitive tradition in psychotherapy, especially Aharon T. Beck (Beck, Rush,
Shaw, & Emery, 1982), have taught much about how to develop a construc-
tive dialogue that may moderate the black-and-white formulations that are
typical of demonic thinking. Systemic thinkers, such as, Gregory Bateson
(1972), have helped to develop an antidote against the essentialist mentality
that depicts behavior as stemming from hidden agents within the mind,
such as demons or pathogens. In the psychoanalytic camp, writers, such as,
Heinz Kohut (1971, 1977), and proponents of the intersubjective approach
(e.g., Stolorow, Atwood & Brandchaft, 1994), have contributed a crucial
corrective to the suspicious attitude of some forms of clinical thinking, al-
lowing for the evolution of an empathetic approach in which even the cli-
ent’s negative characteristics are seen as reflecting legitimate human needs
and goals. Another psychoanalyst, James Mann (1973), based his
time-limited psychotherapy on the tension between the individual’s re-
demptive strivings and the tragic limitations of his condition. In the field of
general psychology, Elizabeth Loftus (Loftus & Ketcham, 1994), Richard
Ofshe (1992) and Nicholas Spanos (1996), have helped to debunk the pre-
sumptions of what we term the “psycho-demonic view”. Stephen Hayes and
his associates (Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson, 1999), whose work we came to
know as we were already quite advanced in our own project, developed a
therapeutic approach that is very close to what we have termed the tragic
view. We hope that none of these authors will take offense at our describing
them as activists in the antidemonic front.
We would also like to stress that our own work as therapists is neither as
successful nor as elegant as most of the examples in this book . In this book,
we did not include downright failures, although we surely have plenty of
 PREFACE xiii

them. We advise the reader to balance the successful examples in the book
by using his better judgment. All of the case examples were camouflaged so
as to protect the identity of clients. A small number of cases are actually
composites of different clients and therapies.2

2
This book is being published simultaneously in English and in Hebrew. Chapters 1 and 3
were translated into English by Shoshana Loudon Sappir. Chapters 2, 4, and 5 were in Eng-
lish in the original.
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 Chapter 1

The Demonic Experience

The demonic view is a way of experiencing, an evolving attitude that begins

with doubt, thrives with suspicion, ends with certainty, and aims at decisive
militant action. When it seeps into a relationship, a highly negative view of
the other evolves, which in turn may lead to symmetrical counter accusa-
tions. Thus a vicious circle arises in which both sides become more and
more entrenched in their negative positions.
A few years ago one of us went on a trek to the Himalayas with two friends.
The trek was long and difficult and we lost our trail. For 3 days we searched for
the trail in vain. One of our friends was injured and we decided to go back. To
ease our burden, we buried a large part of our equipment in a hiding place. On
our way, we met shepherds and they helped us go back to town. After a few
days of recovery, we decided that my friends would stay in town to continue
recuperating while I went back to get the equipment we buried. I invited the
shepherd, Greeboram, who had helped us find our way to be my guide and
porter. I thought that even though he did not speak English, we could com-
municate—after all, we already had; he had rescued us and we were friends.
My Indian friend, Sani, a mountain climber himself, thought I was mak-
ing a big mistake:

You may be doing the right thing and your friend may be a saint. But he
knows a lot of money is hidden on your body, and that your equipment is
valuable. Even a saint can be tempted. A little shove into an abyss and he’ll
have enough money for himself and his family for the rest of his life. And
who could find you in these wild mountains? Who would look for you?
1
2 CHAPTER 1

That thought, which had not entered my mind at all when I agreed with
the shepherd to accompany me on the return journey, shook my confi-
dence. My sleep wandered. I was afraid. I imagined a nightmare scenario:
Greeboram is walking behind me, the path is lost, mud, fog, a little push, a
fall off the cliff. Maybe I was taking a big risk because of naiveté.
I decided to go anyway. Sani did what he could to deter “the potential
murderer”; he spoke to Greeboram and explained to him that if we were not
back in 5 days a search party would be launched.
We went on our way. In the crowded bus, he was the ideal comrade. He
made sure I had a seat. When a woman carrying a child got on, he sat the
child on his lap. When an old man got on he moved everybody over to make
room for the old man. In the break he helped a passenger who threw up.
“False suspicion!” I thought. I was relieved. A potential murderer does not
treat people that way. But on the other hand, a potential murderer has to
make a friendly impression in order to dupe the intended victim.
At night, Greeboram decided we would not sleep in a hostel. He had rela-
tives where we could sleep and that way we would save money. An isolated hut
in the mountains, a few men, food and alcohol. As they drank my hosts got
very loud. They urged me to drink. “Maybe they want to get me drunk so it
will be easier for them to overcome me,” I thought, and politely declined.
Now I felt completely alien, alone in a group. Greeboram started getting
drunk too. “Alcohol might remove his last inhibitions,” I thought, and tried
to prevent him from drinking. He responded angrily. At night he decided I
would sleep in the only bed in the house, while he would sleep on the doorstep
“to guard me.” “There!” I thought. A person who did not have malicious in-
tents would not think you needed to guard someone in the home of relatives. I
could not sleep. Now there was a conspiracy of murderers against me.
The morning was wonderful. Greeboram and his friends were friendly
and breakfast was generous. “What a stupid suspicion,” I thought.
We started walking on a narrow and damp path cut into the cliff’s edge.
Hundreds of meters beneath us the river gushed. Greeboram walked in
front of me. There were shreds of ice on the path. Occasionally I faltered.
Greeboram would turn around, alarmed, and try to grab me. “Let me walk
behind you,” he said with hand gestures. “If you slip I can catch you.”
“Aha!” I thought. “If he walks behind me I will not be able to see when he at-
tacks me.”
For 2 days I went back and forth between the two stories— the murderer
and the friend. Most of the time I was tense and suspicious and kept a suit-
able distance. I had to avoid excessive closeness that would make him think I
was gullible. I could not enjoy the clumsy conversations with him, because
they might have all been deceptive. The hardest thing was that I could not
decide which version was true. “When he offers me an apple, is it a gift of
 THE DEMONIC EXPERIENCE 3

generosity or a way to blunt my alertness?” “When he invites his cousin to go

with us on the last day, is he doing it as part of the murder plan or only to
help the cousin?” The uncertainty was grueling and exhausting.
On the third day, we reached our destination. He carried the heavy
equipment. Only then was I relieved. With a load like that you cannot make
a serious murder attempt. He had not tried to kill me after all, and I was still
there. Greeboram and I parted as friends. Sometimes I wonder whether he
picked up any of the doubt and worry I went through with him.
In the demonic mindset, a person looks for hints and signals and scruti-
nizes the other person for his hidden negative motives. One has to be alert
and beware of calm appearances. There is no detail, however small, that
cannot become a sign. Seeking for the hidden negative essence, one discards
the transient and the innocent as irrelevant. The search for certain truth ob-
viates contradictions and flattens the picture.
The mental attitude that characterizes this process is suspicion, and its
inseparable companions are fear and hatred. Once the fear that another in-
tends to harm us enters our hearts, we can no longer be calm. Thinking is
impoverished and action rigidified, drying up the positive dialogue between
the sides. No stable standing point is left. Many would then prefer the worst
certainty to this torture of doubt.
At the beginning of my acquaintance with Greeboram I was grateful and
trusted him. I thought, “He wants to help me because he is a good person.”
That positive view lost its clear hold on my mind when a competing view ap-
peared: “He wants to come with me to kill me and take my money.” Each of
the two images conformed to the facts; each was in itself reasonable and
consequent, but they were not mutually compatible. The negative image
spurs the collection of negative evidence, growing more negative in the pro-
cess. The very existence of doubt may then deepen the threat. In my view of
Greeboram, this process did not attain demonic proportions: wavering
continued right to the end, and a stable negative view did not prevail. How-
ever, the nagging suspicion and the torture of indecision can be a fruitful
ground for the development of a full-fledged demonic attitude.
The demonic view is not only something a person keeps to himself. Once
doubt and suspicion are cast, trust and openness disappear. Sooner or later
the other feels the relationship has become tainted. This may arouse the
other’s own suspicion, furthering a symmetrical negative process. Things
often worsen when one side demands acknowledgment and confession
from the other. This demand presents the other with a trap: if she owns up
even to a small part of the accusation, she will find out that she has incrimi-
nated herself far more than she intended; if she does not, this is viewed as
proof of her deviousness. A destructive pattern of “inquisitor and accused”
may then come to rule the relationship.