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the SOU L of a BUT T E R FLY
Refleaions 011 LijeJsJourney
Muhammad Ali
with Hana Yasmeen Ali
Photographs by
Howard Bingham
Introduction xv
Postscript 211
Acknowledgments 220
coauthor's note
a THE
LETTER
to
WORLD
Myths are about gods, legends are about heroes, and fairy tales describe the
endless worlds of magic and dreams. This book is neither myth nor fairy
tale, but the story of a legend with unwavering conviction. In the following
pages you will read about a man who asked his heart what actions to take,
and his heart replied like the beat of a drum that has yet to fade. You will
read about a man who stood up for those who could not stand up for them-
selves. About a man who stared adversity in the face. A man who shared
himself with the world and all who came his way.
You will read about a man who embodies the conflicts, struggles, and
hopes of hundreds of years, a man who mesmerized the world with his
artistry in the boxing ring, and won its respect with his courage outside it.
Yet, his greatest accomplishments-love, kindness, and generosity-all oc-
curred outside the spotlight. Throughout his life, he has moved us to tears,
of both joy and sorrow. He has found a home in the heart of the people of all
nations, and become the epitome of a champion and a hero.
It is said that more has been written about Muhammad Ali than any other
living person. When you have a heart as big as the world, the world wants to
write about it. The difference between this book and all the others about him
is that this book is from his heart.
In the following pages, you will see the world through my father's eyes.
You will learn about his dreams, his obstacles, his heartbreaks, and his vic-
tories from his youth to the present moment. This book is a journey through
the defining moments in my father's life. It is filled with his personal recol-
lections, occasionally sprinkled with my own memories, and laced with the
stories and poems that touched his heart.
I have witnessed the humanity and compassion of this man whose inno-
xi
cence of heart has gone untouched by time, a man with the soul of a butter-
fly. It has been a gift and an honor working with my father to help share his
thoughts, beliefs, and motivations with the world. If we all have parts to play
in life, this is the story of the man who played the part of love.
with love,
hana yasmeen ali
xii
You will never truly know
the depth of my father's soul,
how deep his dignity flows.
To love and give is all he's known, Ali
And his honor is a virtue of its own.
Words are not enough to tell his story.
Colors aren't lovely enough to depict his face.
Legend is not sturdy enough to uphold his name.
His spirit has surpassed our descriptive plane.
A billion stars could never replace,
The space his heart has filled.
A universe of doubt could never erase,
The faith his heart has embraced.
No picture has ever sufficiently captured
The smile in his angelic eyes,
And no book will ever fully explain
the beauty that Ali has defined.
xiii
INTRODUCTION
People were always asking me what! was going to do after I retired from
boxing. My response then was as it is now: During my boxing career, you did
not see the rea! Muhammad Ali. You just saw a little boxing and a little show-
manship. It was after I retired from boxing that my true work began. i had
more time then to develop my spiritual being the way that i once developed
my muscles and agility.
When I look at the world, I see that many people build big beautiful
houses but live in broken homes. We spend more time learning how to make
a living than we do learning to make a life. What I hope to share with you are
the beliefs that I have come to live by: Many of the philosophies, stories, and
ideals that have touched my soul and inspired my heart I learned from my
study of Islam. I have shared this knowledge with my family and friends; now
I offer it to the world.
xv
Over the years my religion has changed and my spirituality has evolved.
Religion and spirituality are very different, but people often confuse the two.
Some things cannot be taught, but they can be awakened in the heart. Spir-
ituality is recognizing the divine light that is within us all. It doesn't belong to
any particular religion; it belongs to everyone.
People have asked me if I still work on my faith. The truth is, I can talk
all day about my faith because more than anything else in my life, I believe
in God. If all of the oceans on Earth were ink, and all of the trees were pens,
they still would not be sufficient to write down the knowledge God has.
Knowing that God has power like that keeps me humble. The more I study
about God and Islam, the more I realize how little I know. So, I am still study-
ing, and I'm still learning because there's nothing as great as working
for God.
Truly great people in history never wanted to be great for themselves. All
they wanted was the chance to do good for others and be close to God. I'm
not perfect. I know that I still have things to work out, and I'm working on
them. There are certain things I have done that I am not proud of, especially
when they caused pain to others. I ask God for forgiveness.
No matter where I go, everybody recognizes my face and knows my
name. People love and admire me; they look up to me. That's a lot of power
and influence for one man to have, so I know I have a responsibility to use
my fame the right way. That's one of the reasons I've always tried to be good
to everyone no matter their color, religion, or position in life. Though some
people may see themselves as better or more important than others, in
God's eyes we are all equal, and it's what is in our hearts that matters.
People say that I gave away too much money during my boxing career.
xvi
They write about how some people took advantage of me, stole from me,
and how I let them get away with it. Even when I knew people were cheating
me, what was important was how I behaved, because I have to answer to
God. I can't be responsible for other people's actions: They will have to
answer to God themselves. Throughout my life, I never sought retribution
against those who hurt me because I believe in forgiveness. I have practiced
forgiving, just as I want to be forgiven. Only God knows what's in a person's
heart, his true intentions. He sees and hears all things.
Many people around me had their hands out, and I tried to help as many
of them as I could. There's nothing wrong with that. I gave to people in need,
even when I could have used the money myself, because God had made me
rich enough. Now, as I look back, it seems that the more I gave in the name
of God, the more he has given back to me. I try not to speak about the char-
ities and people I help, because I believe we can only be truly generous
when we expect nothing in return.
At night when I go to bed, I ask myself, "If I don't wake up tomorrow,
would I be proud of how I lived today." With that question in mind, I have
tried to do as many good deeds as I can, whether it is standing up for my
faith, signing an autograph, or simply shaking a person's hand. I'm just try-
ing to make people happy and get into heaven.
My concept of religion has broadened over the years. My mother was a Bap-
tist, and my father was a Methodist. They both believed that Jesus was the
son of God. I don't believe that, but I believe he was an important ncn,nh,:c:
xvii
like Moses. I believe that on judgment day, my parents will be in heaven, not
because they were without fault, but because they were decent, loving
human beings, and they believed in God. We all have the same God, we just
serve him differently. Rivers, lakes, ponds, streams, oceans, all have differ-
ent names, but they ali contain water. So do religions have different names,
and they ali contain truth, expressed in different ways, forms, and times. It
doesn't matter whether you're a Muslim, a Christian, or a Jew. When you be-
lieve in God, you should believe that ali people are part of one family. If you
love God, you can't love only some of his children.
xviii
quit; I found my way around, under, or over it. I found a way to work with
what God gave me. When I read or hear something that I think is valuable,
something that speaks to me of the world as I feel it, I focus on those parts.
I memorize them. When something seems true to me, it becomes part of
me. That is how I learn.
I felt God was always working through me. He filled me with wisdom,
confidence, self-assurance, and awareness. I studied life and I studied peo-
ple. I may be poor at reading and writing, but when it comes to love, com-
passion, and other feelings of the heart, I am rich. There is an old saying that
I've recited over the years. It goes like this: "Where is man's wealth? His
wealth is in his knowledge. If his wealth is in the bank, he doesn't possess
it." My wealth is in my knowledge of self, love, and spirituality. I've tried to
use my knowledge to be a good representative of my people. I can't be
blind, because if the blind lead the blind they all fall into a ditch.
My soul has grown over the years, and some of my views have changed.
As long as I'm alive, I will continue to try to understand more because the
work of the heart is never done. All through my life I have been tested. My
will has been tested, my courage has been tested, my strength has been
tested. Now my patience and endurance are being tested. Every step of the
way I believe that God has been with me. And, more than ever, I know that
he is with me now. I have learned to live my life one step, one breath, and
one moment at a time, but it was a long road. I set out on a journey of love,
seeking truth, peace, and understanding. I am still learning.
xix
GOD BLESS
the world
xxi
compet i t ion for L0 V E
,f:." Hindu poet said: "The desire to love brought me to earth, and the same
desire to see the beloved I am taking with me to heaven,"
Wouldn't it be a beautiful world if just 10 percent of the people who be-
lieve in the power of love would compete with one another to see who could
do the most good for the most people? So many of us enjoy taking part in
competitions, why not hold a competition of love instead of one that leads to
jealousy and envy? If we continue to think and live as if we belong only to dif-
ferent cultures and different religions, with separate missions and goals, we
will always be in self-defeating competition with each other.
* * *
xxiii
Once we realize we are all members of humanity, we will want to compete in
with one another. We would be trying to gain victory for all humanity. If I am
a faster runner than you, you may feel bad seeing me pass you in the race,
but if you know that we are both racing to make our world better, you will feei
good knowing that we are all racing toward a common goal, a mutua! re-
ward.
In a competition of love we'll all share in the victory, no matter who comes
in first.
A heart enlightened by love is more precious than all of the diamonds and
gold in the world.
xxiv
The outer beauty ofa
penon must merge
with the inner beauty
and become one.
This is the source
of true beauty.
-Sufi Wisdom
xxv
LOVE
THE IDEAL OF BEAUTY
p·eS ! begin the story of my journey, I would like to share a short story that I
learned from the teachings of Sufism. There once was a king who enjoyed
spending his spare time in the company of philosophers and friends, debat-
ing various subjects. One afternoon, the debate concerned where beauty
lies. As they were talking together on the terrace of the palace, the king and
his friends could see their children playing in the courtyard. The king called
to one of his servants. He gave him a jeweled crown and asked him to place
it upon the head of the most beautiful child in the courtyard.
The servant took the crown and walked out to the middle of the court-
yard, where all the children were playing as their parents watched from the
terrace.
First the servant placed the crown on the head of the king's son. He saw
that it suited him well. The boy was a handsome lad but, somehow, the ser-
vant was not satisfied. He tried it on the head of another child, and another,
xxvi
until he came upon his own son, who was sitting in the corner. He placed
the jeweled crown on his son's head and found that it suited him wonder-
fully.
The servant then took his son by the hand and led him to the king. When
he reached the terrace, he bowed his head and spoke. "Sire, I have found
that of all the children, the crown suits this one best. Indeed, if I tell the truth
I must say this. I am ashamed to appear so bold, for the child is the son of
my humble self."
Then the king and those beside him laughed very heartily and thanked
the servant, for they all thought his son to be very ugly indeed. The king
walked over to the servant and said, "You have certainly told me what I wish
to know: It is the heart that perceives beauty."
xxvii
Exploring the Variety of Random
Documents with Different Content
to meet it: and Lady Oswald gave a scream as Parkins had done,
and wanted to know how he had got there.
"I'm sure you are very good, Oswald! It is not often that you
honour me with a visit. When you are staying in the neighbourhood
for days and days, a simple call of ceremony is about all I get."
His lips parted with that peculiar smile which made his face at
these moments so attractive. "When I am in the neighbourhood,
Lady Oswald, business nearly overwhelms me. I have not much time
to call my own."
Lady Oswald untied her bonnet, and threw herself into a chair:
only the drive to Dr. Davenal's and back had tired her. Parkins came
into the room to take her things, but she waved her hand sharply,
impatient at the interruption. "Presently, presently,"--and Parkins left
them alone again.
He spread the paper out before her. He pointed out the very small
portion of the grounds, and in the remotest part of them, not in
sight of the house or the parts ever walked in by herself, that was
proposed to be taken: he assured her that the projected sheds were
but small sheds, for barrows, trucks, and such things to stand under;
that they would, in point of fact, be no annoyance to her, that she
never need see or hear them. All in vain. Lady Oswald had set her
mind bitterly against the innovation; she could neither be persuaded
nor soothed, and she felt vexed with Mr. Oswald Cray that he should
attempt it.
"It is very well for you to praise it," she resentfully said. "Your
interest lies in the line, not in me. Perhaps they have bribed you to
say all this."
For a single moment his face grew dark, and its haughty pride
shone out quite repellently; the next he was smiling his sweet smile.
None knew better than Oswald Cray how rebelliously false the
tongue is apt to be in moments of irritation.
"There's that piece of waste ground midway between this and the
station," she answered. "Why can they not take that?"
In vain Mr. Oswald Cray strove to convince her that on this point
he had no influence whatever. Nay, he confessed to her, in his candid
truth, that as one of the engineers to the line, he could only
acquiesce in the expediency of that part being used for the sheds,
that there was no other spot so available.
"I drew this plan out myself," he said, "partly from our charts of
the line, partly from my personal recollection of your grounds. I
wished to demonstrate to you how very little a portion of them is, in
fact, required. Will you put on your bonnet again, Lady Oswald, and
walk with me to the spot? I will show you the exact measure they
intend to take."
"No, I won't," said Lady Oswald angrily. "And you ought not to
turn against me, Oswald. It is the principle of the thing I go upon;
the resistance that, in my opinion, should be universally made to
these intrusive railways, which are cutting up the country and
ruining it. If they wanted to take but one foot of my ground; if they
only wanted that dry ditch that skirts it, they should never have it by
my consent, and I will hold out against it to the last. Now you
know."
CHAPTER V.
RETROSPECT.
Of some note in the county, though poor for their rank, were the
Oswalds of Thorndyke. Thorndyke, their country seat, was situated
about five miles from Hallingham, and had been generally made the
constant residence of the reigning baronet. It was a fine old place;
the dyke surrounding it, or dike, as you may like to spell it--from
which the place no doubt had partially taken its name--was of
remarkable width. It was filled up in the time of Lady Oswald's
husband, the third baronet of his name; and fine pleasure-grounds
might be seen now where unwholesome water had once stagnated.
Possibly that water had been the remote and unsuspected cause of
the dying off of so many of the house's children--as they had died in
the old days.
Mr. Cray had about eight hundred a-year, derivable from money in
the funds, and he lived in the Abbey at Hallingham. The Oswalds
enjoyed some three or four thousand a-year, landed property, and
they lived at Thorndyke, and were baronets, and very grand. Of
course there was a great difference; but some thought the
difference might have been got over by Sir Oswald. Some went so
far as to say that Mr. Cray, with his fine manly person and good
conduct, was a better man than that shrivelled old lord who was
breaking the heart of his poor wife, the younger daughter. Sir
Oswald and Lady Oswald could not be brought to see it; none of the
Oswalds could see it; and, take them altogether--brothers, cousins,
uncles and nephews--there was a large family of them.
And it was so; and when the boy first entered a noted public
school for gentlemen's sons, far away from Hallingham, and the
boys saw him sign his exercises and copies "O. Oswald Cray," they
asked him what the "O" was for. For his Christian name, he
answered. Was not Oswald his Christian name? they wanted to
know. Yes, his Christian and his surname both, he said--Oswald
Oswald. It was his grandpapa's Christian and surname, Sir Oswald
Oswald. Oh! was he his grandfather asked the boys. Yes; but--
Oswald added in his innate love of truth--he had never been the
better for him, Sir Oswald had never spoken to him in his life; there
was something unpleasant between him and his papa, he did not
know what. No; at that stage of the boy's age he was unconscious
what the breach was, or that his dead mother had made it.
Poor Oswald Cray had not had a very happy childhood's life; he
scarcely knew what was meant by the words, home-ties, home-love.
He had never enjoyed them. There was a second Mrs. Cray, and a
second family, and she did not like the boy Oswald, or care that he
should be at home. He was but four years old when he was
despatched to a far-off preparatory school, where he was to stay the
holidays as well as the half-years. Now and then, about once in two
years or so, he would be had home for a fortnight at Christmas, and
Mr. Cray would make an occasional journey to see him.
It was at ten years old that he was removed to the public school,
where the boys asked him the meaning of the "O." Before that time
came, grief had penetrated to the family of Sir Oswald Oswald. His
only son and heir had died in battle in India; his daughter Frances,
who had never gone back to the old lord, had died at Thorndyke;
and Sir Oswald and his wife were childless. Neither survived the
year, and when Oswald was eleven years old, and getting to hold his
own in the school, the title had devolved on the next brother, Sir
John. Sir John was sixty when he came into it, and had no children.
He had offended the Oswald family in the same way that Mary
Oswald had offended them, by marrying a lady whose family was
not as good as his own.
That lady was the present widow, Lady Oswald, now lamenting
over the threatened innovation of the railway sheds. Sir John Oswald
enjoyed the title for four years only, and then it lapsed to a cousin,
for Sir John had no children. The cousin, Sir Philip, enjoyed it still,
and lived at Thorndyke, and his eldest son would succeed him. They
were proud also, those present Oswalds of Thorndyke, and never
had spoken to Oswald Cray in their lives. The prejudices of old Sir
Oswald had descended upon them, and Sir Philip and Lady Oswald
would pass Oswald Cray, if by chance they met him, with as stony a
stare as had ever greeted his poor mother.
Perhaps the only one of the whole Oswald family upon whom the
prejudices had not descended was the widow of Sir John. Upon the
death of her husband, when she had to leave Thorndyke, she took
on lease the house at Hallingham, and had never removed from it.
Her jointure was not a large one; but Sir John had bequeathed to
her certain moneys absolutely, and these were at her own disposal.
These moneys were also being added to yearly, for she did not
spend all her income; so that it was supposed Lady Oswald would
leave a pretty little sum behind her, by which somebody would
benefit. There was no lack of "somebodies" to look out for it, for
Lady Oswald had two nephews with large families, both of whom
wanted help badly. One of these nephews, the Reverend Mr.
Stephenson, was a poor curate, struggling to bring up his seven
children upon one hundred a year. Lady Oswald sent him a little help
now and then; but she was not fond of giving away her money.
The pride and prejudices of the family had not fallen upon her and
she noticed and welcomed Oswald Cray. He was fifteen when she
settled at Hallingham, and she had him to spend his first holidays
with her afterwards. She had continued to notice him ever since, to
invite him occasionally, and she was in her way fond of him; but it
was not in the nature of Lady Oswald to feel much fondness for any
one.
And yet, though not in her inmost heart cherishing the prejudices
of the Oswalds, she did in a degree adopt them. She could not be
independent and brave them off. Conscious that she was looked
down upon herself by the Oswalds, she could not feel sufficiently
free to take up her own standard of conduct, and fling those
prejudices utterly to the winds. Upon tolerably good terms with
Thorndyke, paying it occasional state visits, and receiving state visits
from it in return, she did not openly defy all Thorndyke's prejudices.
Though she acknowledged Oswald Cray as a relative, received him
as an equal, there it ended, and she never, by so much as a word or
a nod, recognised his father, Mr. Cray. She never had known him,
and she did not enter upon the acquaintance. But in this there was
nothing offensive, nothing that need have hurt the feelings of the
Crays; Lady Oswald and they were strangers, and she was not
bound to make their acquaintance, any more than she was that of
other gentlepeople about Hallingham, moving in a sphere somewhat
inferior to herself.
But it was not a bad sort of pride, after all. It was not the foolish
pride of the Oswalds generally, who deemed everybody beneath
them; it was rather that pride of innate rectitude which keeps its
owner from doing a mean, a wrong, or a disgraceful action. It was
the pride of self-esteem, of self-reliance; that feeling which says: "I
must not do so and so, for I should disgrace myself--those careless-
living men around me may do these things, but I am superior to it"
Other young men might plunge into the world's follies; pride, if no
better motive, kept Oswald Cray from them. He could not for very
shame have borne a tainted conscience; he could not have shown a
clear outside to the world, open and fearless, knowing that his heart
was foul within.
He was not proud of his family descent from the Oswalds. Quite
the contrary. He found no cause to pride himself on either the
Oswalds or the Crays. So far as the Oswalds went, many a hundred
times had he wished they were no connections of his. All his life he
had received from them nothing but slights; and slights to a man of
Oswald Cray's temperament bring the deepest mortification. He
knew now how they had treated his mother; he felt to his very heart
how they despised himself. If he could have changed his dead
grandfather into somebody else, a little less foolish and a great deal
less grand, he had been better pleased.
But this very isolation from his mother's family had tended to
foster his own pride--the mortification which it induced had fostered
it--just as the isolation from his own home, from his father and the
second family, had contributed to render him self-reliant. It is not
your home darling, bred up in fond dependence, sheltered from the
world's storms as a hothouse flower, who becomes the self-reliant
man, but he who is sent out early to rough it, who has nobody to
care for him, or to love him, in all the wide earth.
Not a more self-reliant man lived than Oswald Cray. He was sure,
under God, of himself, of his good conduct; and I think it is about
the best surety that a man or woman can carry with them through
life. In moments of doubt, perplexity, difficulty, whatever might be
its nature, he turned to his own heart and took its counsel--and it
never failed him. It was with himself he deliberated; it was his own
good judgment, his right feeling, that he called to his aid. He had an
honest, upright nature, was strictly honourable; a proud man, if it is
the proper sort of pride, nearly always is so. His ambition was great,
but not extravagant; it did not soar him aloft in flights of fancy, vain,
generally speaking, as they are absurd. He was determined to rise to
the summit of his profession--that of a civil engineer--but he
entertained no foolish dreams beyond it. To attain to that, he would
use every diligence, every effort, consistent with uprightness and
honour; and dishonourable efforts Oswald Cray would have scorned
to use, would have shaken them from him as he shook a summer-
day's dust from his shoes.
Driven forth all his life from his father's home, allowed to enter it
but at rare intervals, and then as a formally-invited guest, it cannot
be supposed that Oswald Cray entertained any strong affection for
his half-brother and sisters. Such a state of things would have been
unnatural, quite in opposition to ordinary probabilities. It would be
wrong to say that they disliked each other; but there was certainly
no love: civil indifference may best express the feeling. Marcus, the
eldest child of the second Mrs. Cray, was from three to four years
younger than Oswald. It had been better that Mrs. Cray had fostered
an affection between these boys, but she did just the reverse. She
resented the contempt cast on her husband by the Oswalds of
Thorndyke; she resented, most unreasonably, the fact that the little
money of the first Mrs. Cray should have descended at once to
Oswald; she even resented the child's having taken the
distinguishing name: he was Oswald Cray, her son, plain Cray. How
worse than foolish this was of her, how wrong, perhaps the woman
might yet learn: but altogether it did excite her against Oswald; and
she had kept him aloof from her own children, and encouraged
those children to be jealous of him. When the boys became men,
they met often, and were cordial enough with each other; but there
was no feeling of brotherhood, there never could be any.
Sara was twelve years old when her cousin Caroline arrived in
England, an orphan; father and mother were both dead. A poor
clergyman in the West Indies, dying young, was not likely to have
amassed money, and the little child, Caroline, had literally nothing.
Her father wrote an appealing letter to his brother Richard, on his
deathbed, and Richard Davenal was not one to reject it.
Upon the death of Dr. Davenal's wife, his sister Bettina came to
reside with him, and to rule his children. He had but three--Richard,
Edward, and Sara. There had been others between Edward and
Sara, but they died young. Fine lads, those of Dr. Davenal, although
they took to plaguing stern Miss Bettina, and aggravatingly called
her "Aunt Bett." Fine young men, too, they grew up--well reared,
liberally educated. Richard embraced his father's profession; for
Edward a commission in the army was purchased, in accordance
with his strong wish, and he was now Captain Davenal.
And Richard Davenal, the eldest son, where was he? Ah! it was a
grievous story to look back upon. It had clouded the life of Dr.
Davenal, and would cloud it to the end. Richard was dead, and Dr.
Davenal blamed himself as the remote cause.
When Richard had completed his studies, and passed the College
of Surgeons, he returned to Hallingham, and joined his father in
practice, as it had been intended that he should. He grew greatly in
favour: he promised to be as clever as his father: and Hallingham
courted him. He was a man of attractive presence, of genial
manners, and he mixed a great deal of pleasure with his life of work.
Dr. Davenal spoke to him seriously and kindly. He said that too much
pleasure did not agree long with work, could not agree with it, and
he begged him to be more steady. Richard laughed, and said he
would. A short while, and startling news reached the ears of Dr.
Davenal--that Richard was thinking of marrying one who was
undesirable. Richard, his fine boy, of whom he was so fond and
proud, marry her! It was not against the young lady herself that so
much could be urged, but against her connections. They were most
objectionable. Dr. Davenal pointed out to Richard that to wed this
girl would be as a blight upon his prospects, a blow to his
reputation. Richard could not be brought to see it. Though not equal
to themselves in position, she was respectable, he said; and her
connections had nothing to do with it--he did not marry them, he
married her. The feud continued: not an open feud, you understand,
but an undercurrent of opposition, of coolness. Richard would not
give up his project, and Dr. Davenal would not view it with anything
but aversion. As to giving his consent, that Dr. Davenal never would;
and Richard, hitherto dutiful, was not one to go the length of
marrying in defiance.
It was at this time, or a little before it, that the dispute had arisen
in Barbadoes touching the money already spoken of. Particulars of it
were written to Dr. Davenal by his brother John, explaining also how
Caroline's interests were involved. He, the Reverend John Davenal,
said in the same letter that he was anxious to send his two little
boys to Europe for their education, and was waiting to find them a
fit escort; he did not care to trust them alone in the ship. As Dr.
Davenal read this letter, a sudden thought darted into his mind like a
flash of lightning. What if he sent out Richard? Richard could sift the
details about this fortune, could, if expedient, urge Caroline's
interests; he could bring back the two little boys, and--and--the chief
thought of all lay behind--it might break off the engagement with
the young girl here, Fanny Parrack! Quite a glow of satisfaction came
over Dr. Davenal's face at the thought.
But that death had changed Dr. Davenal into an old man; in the
two years which had elapsed since, he had aged ten, both in looks
and constitution. No wonder that a spasm of pain came over his face
when Mr. Cray asked him whether he should forbid Caroline to him.
You can understand his answer now: "So long as I live I shall never
'forbid' a marriage to any over whom I hold control:" and you can
understand the anguish of the tone in which it was spoken.
CHAPTER VI.
NEAL'S CURIOSITY.
They sat around the dinner-table; Dr. Davenal, Miss Bettina, Sara,
and Caroline. It was an unusually silent table. Dr. Davenal could not
digest the demand of Mr. Cray for Caroline; Caroline was conscious
and timid; Sara scented something not altogether comfortable in the
air, and did not raise her eyes from her plate; and it was one of the
unusually deaf days of Miss Bettina.
Strange to say, the doctor did not like him. Why it was, or how it
was, he could not tell, but he had never taken heartily to Neal. So
strong was the feeling, that it may almost be said he hated Neal;
and yet the man fulfilled all his duties so well that there was no fault
to be found with him, no excuse invented for discharging him. The
doctor's last indoor man had not been anything like so efficient a
servant as Neal, was not half so fine a gentleman, had ten faults
where Neal did not appear to have one. But the doctor had liked
him, good rough honest old Giles, had kept him for many years, and
only parted with him when he got too old to work. Then Neal
presented himself. Neal had once lived with Lady Oswald; he had
been groom of the chambers at Thorndyke in Sir John's time, and
Lady Oswald kept him for a twelvemonth after Sir John's death, and
nearly cried when she parted with him; but Neal refused point-blank
to go out with the carriage, and Lady Oswald did not wish to keep
on three men-servants. Neal found a place in London, and they lost
sight of him for some years; but he made his appearance at Lady
Oswald's again one day--having come down by the new railroad to
see what change it had made in the old place, and to pay his
respects to my lady. My lady was gratified by the attention, and
inquired what he was doing. He had left his situation, he answered,
and he had some thoughts of trying for one in the country; my lady
was aware, no doubt, how close and smoky London was, and he
found that it had told upon his health; if he could hear of a quiet
place in the country he believed he might be induced to take it,
however disadvantageous it might be to him in a pecuniary point of
view. Did my lady happen to know of one? My lady did happen to
know of one: Dr. Davenal's, who was then parting with old Giles. She
thought it would be the very place for Neal; Neal the very man for
the place; and in the propensity for managing other people's
business, which was as strong upon Lady Oswald as it is upon many
more of us, she ordered her carriage and drove to Dr. Davenal's, and
never left him until he had promised Neal the situation.
In good truth, Dr. Davenal deemed that Neal would suit him very
well, provided he could bring his notions down to the place; and
that, as Lady Oswald said, Neal intended to do. But to be groom of
the chambers to a nobleman who kept his score or so of servants
(for that was understood in the town to have been Neal's situation),
and to be sole indoor manservant to a doctor, keeping three maids
only besides, and the coachman in the stables, would be a wide gulf
of difference. Neal, however, accepted the place, and Dr. Davenal
took him on the recommendation of Lady Oswald, without referring
to the nobleman in town.
Neal cleared the table when the dinner was over, and placed the
dessert upon it. Dr. Davenal did not care for dessert; deemed it
waste of time to sit at it; waste of eating to partake of it: but Miss
Bettina, who favoured most of the customs and fashions of her
girlhood, would as soon have thought of dispensing with her dinner.
Dr. Davenal generally withdrew with the cloth; sometimes, if not
busy, he stayed a few minutes to chat with his daughter and
Caroline; but calls on his time and services were made after dinner
as well as before it.
On this day he did not leave his place. He sat at the foot of the
large table, Miss Davenal opposite him at its head, the young ladies
between them, one on each side. Interrupted by Lady Oswald in the
afternoon, he had not yet spoken to Caroline; and that he was
preparing to do now.
He drew his chair near to her, and began in a low tone. Sara rose
soon, and quitted the room; Miss Davenal was deaf; they were, so
to say, alone.
"My dear, Mr. Cray is not the man I would have preferred to
choose for you. Are you aware how very small is the income he
derives from his partnership with me?"
Her fingers pulled nervously at the fringe, and she did not raise
her eyes. "I hope you will live much longer than that, Uncle
Richard."
"It does not cost much to live," said Caroline. "We need not keep
many servants."
She did not answer. Miss Davenal's sharp eyes caught sight of
Caroline's damaging fingers, and she called out to know what she
was doing with the dessert napkin. Caroline laid it on the table
beside her plate.
"The very utmost that I could afford to give him would be four
hundred per annum," resumed Dr. Davenal "and I believe that I shall
inconvenience myself to do this. But that's not it. There"----
"Oh, Uncle Richard, it is ample. Four hundred a-year! We could
not spend it."
Caroline's eyes filled with tears. She had hard work to keep them
from dropping.
"Dislike him! no, child. Have I not made him my partner? I like
him personally very much. I don't know whether he has much
stability," continued the doctor, in a musing tone, as though he were
debating the question with himself. "But let that pass. My objection
to him for you, Caroline, is chiefly on a pecuniary score."
Caroline lifted her eyes. His voice had turned to a jesting one.
She bent her eyes with a smile and shook her head in answer, and
began twisting the chain that lay upon her fair neck, the bracelets on
her pretty arms. She wore the same rich dress that she had worn in
the afternoon, as did Sara; but the high bodies had been exchanged
for low ones, the custom for dinner at Dr. Davenal's.
"I will not withhold my consent. But," he added, his tone changing
to the utmost seriousness, "I shall recommend you both to wait. To
wait at least a year or two. You are very young, only twenty."
"I am twenty-one, Uncle Richard," she cried out. "It is Sara who is
only twenty."
Miss Bettina did catch the right words this time, but she doubted
it. She had not yet learnt to look upon Caroline as aught but a child.
Could the world have gone round in accordance with the ideas of
Miss Bettina, nobody with any regard to propriety would have
married in it until the age of thirty was past. Her cold grey eyes and
her mouth gradually opened as she looked from her brother to her
niece, from her niece to her brother.
"To be married, Aunt Bett," cried out the doctor. "It's the fashion,
it seems, with the young folks nowadays! You were not in so great a
hurry when you were young?"
"Mark Cray."
"Just what I say," said the doctor. "I tell her they must wait."
"Wait, I said, Aunt Bett! Wa-a-a-it! I tell them they must wait."
Miss Bettina turned her eyes on Caroline. That young lady, left to
herself, had pretty nearly done for the damask napkin. She dreaded
but one person in the world, and that was stern Aunt Bettina. Miss
Bettina rose in her slow stately fashion, and turned Caroline's
drooping face towards her.
"What in the world has put it into your head to think of Mark
Cray?"
"I'll not get along," exclaimed Miss Bettina, her face darkening. "I
attempt to say a little word to you for your good, for your own
interest, and you tell me 'to get along!' How dare you, Caroline
Davenal?"
"I don't know that you would get along if you married Mark Cray. I
don't like Mark Cray. I did not think"----
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