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The Heart of a Leader
52 Emotional Intelligence Insights
to Advance Your Career
Kristin Harper
ROWMAN & LI T T LEFI ELD
Lanham • Boulder • New York • London
Published by Rowman & Littlefield
An imprint of The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.
4501 Forbes Boulevard, Suite 200, Lanham, Maryland 20706
www.rowman.com
6 Tinworth Street, London SE11 5AL, United Kingdom
Copyright © 2020 by The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by
any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval
systems, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who
may quote passages in a review.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Information Available
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Harper, Kristin, author.
Title: The heart of a leader : 52 emotional intelligence insights to advance your career /
Kristin Harper.
Description: Lanham : Rowman & Littlefield, 2020. | Includes bibliographical
references and index. | Summary: “Most employees are taught to work hard then wait
to be recognized and rewarded. This has left millions of employees disappointed,
dissatisfied, and stuck. Advancing your career requires not only technical competence
(the “what”) but also careful skills (the “how”). While some employees are lucky
enough to have mentors to guide them along their career journey, even fewer have
sponsors. This leaves a huge gap for millions of employees who aspire for more in
their careers but lack a personal guide to help them navigate an uncertain and often
treacherous job terrain. The Heart of a Leader: 52 Emotional Intelligence Insights to
Advance Your Career uncovers insider secrets on leadership for go-getters who aren’t
satisfied with status quo careers. Authored by Kristin Harper, the book is based on
over 20 years of firsthand experience climbing the proverbial corporate ladder. When
Harper graduated from business school, she had the technical skills to succeed, but
she wasn’t equipped to navigate the politics, personalities, and changing priorities
that accompany the work environment. Through a combination of hard work,
sound guidance from mentors, and a commitment to continuous improvement, she
was named vice president of a Fortune 15 company in her 30s. Strengthening her
emotional intelligence (EI) was a critical enabler of her success. Now, she’s sharing
these insights with you”—Provided by publisher.
Identifiers: LCCN 2019057237 (print) | LCCN 2019057238 (ebook) | ISBN
9781538132623 (cloth) | ISBN 9781538132630 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Leadership—Psychological aspects. | Emotional intelligence. |
Career development.
Classification: LCC BF637.L4 H367 2020 (print) | LCC BF637.L4 (ebook) |
DDC 658.4/092—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019057237
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019057238
The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American
National Standard for Information Sciences—Permanence of Paper for Printed Library
Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992.
To those who are committed to creating
better outcomes for their organizations
and experiencing a more satisfying career
that unleashes their potential
Contents
52 Emotional Intelligence Insights to Advance Your Career ix
Foreword xi
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction 1
1 Why Great Performance Isn’t Enough 5
2 Your Boss Isn’t the Enemy 33
3 What You Need to Lead but Won’t Learn in
Business School 47
4 Using Emotional Intelligence to Influence People
and Organizations 75
5 Politics: Play or Get Played 99
6 Dealing with Disappointment 117
7 Mastering Emotional Self-Management 139
Quick Reference Guide: 52 Insights across Twelve
Emotional Intelligence Competencies 157
Notes 163
Bibliography 173
Index 181
About the Author 185
ix
52 Emotional Intelligence Insights
to Advance Your Career
1. Know thyself.
2. Bring your whole self to work, but be selective with what you
share.
3. Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.
4. Instability reflects poorly on your capabilities.
5. Perception is reality.
6. Feedback is a gift that others don’t have to give.
7. The common denominator might be you.
8. Quantify your impact, not your activities.
9. Say yes to the invite.
10. I’m ready for the next level. Now what?
11. Understand their mindset, motivations, and fears.
12. Strive to make your manager look good.
13. Some situations are above your paygrade.
14. Extend grace.
15. Forgive frequently.
16. Leadership is about learning as well as unlearning.
17. Call people by name.
18. Culture reigns supreme.
19. Clarity and accountability drive results.
20. Consider the trade-offs.
21. Be patient for growth.
22. Hire for character, not just competence.
23. Give your employees plenty of airtime.
24. Slow to hire, swift to fire.
25. Facts tell, but stories sell.
xi
xii 52 Emotional Intelligence Insights
26. Selling ideas without sharing potential downsides diminishes
your credibility.
27. It’s natural to be passionate about your idea, but often passion
is not enough.
28. Incentives drive behavior.
29. Why meet before the meeting?
30. Control the “controllables.”
31. Every organization has its own DNA.
32. Diversify your network.
33. Be consistent.
34. People first, titles second.
35. Maximize informal communication.
36. Share your weekend highlight reel.
37. If it doesn’t fit, don’t force it.
38. You don’t have all the answers.
39. Peers aren’t your competition.
40. Who you marry . . . matters.
41. Leaders are deeply human and, therefore, deeply imperfect.
42. Agility is about making tweaks without sacrificing authenticity.
43. Leadership can be lonely.
44. Friends and “work friends” are not synonymous.
45. Self-worth is not defined by your job or your boss.
46. The fit isn’t always mutual.
47. Conquer clear, confident communication.
48. Experience is the best teacher.
49. Leave room in your schedule.
50. Only handle it once.
51. Act confident until you feel confident.
52. Prosper where you’re planted.
Foreword
I had the great pleasure to meet Kristin Harper several years ago at a
Fortune 100 company where I served as an executive leadership coach.
My coaching practice focuses on helping high-performing executives
leverage emotional intelligence (EI) in order to develop their authentic
personal brands, executive presence, and communication skills.
Like many high-achieving performers, Kristin had amassed an
impressive track record of accomplishments throughout her career;
however, she knew that drive alone was not a long-term strategy for
sustainable success. She was ready to shift from “head to heart” in her
practice of EI, recognizing it as an essential key to successfully and
continuously rising to the next level.
Having coached or trained more than a thousand on-the-rise
executives at some of the world’s biggest companies, I know one thing
holds true for all: at the next level of leadership they need an increased
ability to influence and drive results through others. As they ascend in
their organizations, they need more sophisticated and effective influ-
encing and people skills.
Emotional intelligence is fundamental to developing the people
skills needed to engage and influence others. It lies at the core of execu-
tive presence. Leaders who can identify and manage their own emotions
and nimbly navigate the emotions of others tend to have stronger inter-
personal relationships, greater executive presence, and more influence.
The challenge for most rising leaders is that EI can be an abstract
concept. Emotions are complex and unwieldy and can seem out of place
as an area of focus in a professional work setting. Practicing EI seems
xiii
xiv Foreword
like it could take up a lot of valuable time that would be better spent just
getting everyone to do their job.
The truth is, practicing EI is easy to do when it is translated into
digestible, practical action steps. That is exactly what Kristin has done
in The Heart of a Leader: 52 Emotional Intelligence Insights to Advance
Your Career. She’s adroitly put EI into a practical context by providing
tips and practices aligned to workday situations that every leader faces
at some point in their career.
Whether you are experiencing a bumpy relationship with your
boss, needing to up-level your influencing skills, or having trouble
navigating office politics, The Heart of a Leader provides you with bite-
sized, easy-to-execute action steps. Some of the insights are intuitive,
good old-fashioned common sense for professionals. Others are a fresh
take on age-old career challenges. All of it is easy to access. Just grab,
read, and go!
Wherever you are in your career, I highly recommend you add
this book to your leadership toolbox. As Marshall Goldsmith famously
wrote, “What got you here won’t get you there.” With The Heart of a
Leader, Kristin has delivered a savvy playbook to get you there.
Rasheryl McCreary, PCC
CEO, TAO Leadership Development, Inc.
Acknowledgments
First and foremost, I thank God, who has given me the talent, passion,
and will to realize my calling and purpose. Thank you for giving me the
vision to write this book and to contribute to the world in a new, mean-
ingful way. To Andre, my faithful husband, thank you for your enduring
love, support, and wisdom. You’ve made so many sacrifices in support
of my career growth and have been a steady hand through life’s highs
and lows. To our children, Celeste, Montgomery, and Prescott, thanks
for being patient with Mommy when work obligations and travel took
me away from you. Thank you to my mom and dad, Joan and Richard
Tucker, for supporting every creative endeavor from baking cookies to
writing books. Mom, the experiences you afforded me leading “Princess
House crystal parties” at such a young age made me a confident com-
municator. This has been an invaluable asset in my life and career.
I owe who I am as a leader to some of my most influential role
models in organizational leadership: Dr. Charles E. Booth, Dr. Freder-
ick Humphries, Dr. Sybil Mobley, Pastor Damon Lynch, Jr., Matt Bar-
resi, Diane Dietz, Alfredo Marrero, Jim Taylor, Roslyn Bolden, Diane
Lorello, Rafa Garibay, Don Casey, Mike Kaufmann, George Barrett,
Mike Duffy, Mike Buck, Valerie Pitteroff, Ramon Gregory, Kathryne
Reeves, Nadine Thompson, Cynthia Butler-McIntyre, Pastor Jerry
Revish, and Lady Danielle Revish. There are many other leaders who
showed me how I did not wish to be. While they will remain nameless,
their contributions have been just as valuable.
Thanks to my executive coach, Rasheryl McCreary, for helping to
smooth out the rough edges and leading me on an amazing journey of
self-discovery and refinement. You have been a blessing in my life, and
xv
xvi Acknowledgments
I am grateful to you for writing the foreword. Leonora, thank you for
encouraging me to consider traditional publishing to share this mes-
sage on a broader platform. Your mentorship, friendship, and generos-
ity mean the world to me. To my friends and cheerleaders along this
journey—Ariana and Kevin Martin, Beverlyn and Orvell Johns, Julius
and Trishawnda Cabbagestalk, Sherry and Kevin Lloyd, Tramayne
Whitney, James Booth, Nehal Patel, April Mills, Veronica Farris,
Terrie Ragland, LaKesha Woodard, Natasha Austin, and so many oth-
ers—thank you! Tashawna Otabil and Lawrence Brown, thank you for
giving me the first opportunities to be a keynote speaker at your respec-
tive organizations.
Finally, to Leticia Gomez, my amazing literary agent, and my
editor, Suzanne Staszak-Silva with Rowman & Littlefield Publishing,
thanks for believing in me and this work. To Laraleigh Moffitt, thank
you for editing my manuscript. You were invaluable. My sincere hope
is that this book will transform the minds and heart of people around
the world, both personally and professionally.
Introduction
Several years into my career, I had the great fortune of attending
a week-long High Potential Leaders Program at Harvard Business
School. In preparation for our daily classes, we read over a dozen case
studies on actual businesses. In a matter of about twenty pages per
case, we learned about the people involved, their titles, and their back-
grounds. Cases included the business situation, the conflict, and the job
to be done. There were accompanying graphs, charts, and visual aids to
enhance the story. Yes, the story.
In class, the first series of discussions the professor initiated was
not about the facts of the business; instead, it was about the characters.
Who were they? What was the tension that needed to be resolved? How
were they feeling?
“Feelings? What do feelings have to do with business?” I wondered.
The answer is: everything.
While I pride myself on being a logical leader who has consis-
tently used analytics and insights to drive decisions, I had a light-bulb
moment. Logic is not the only driver of people’s words, actions, and
behaviors; emotions matter too.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Intelligence and technical competence are important building blocks
of performance. However, effective leadership requires both head and
heart. The higher you go in your career, the more important personal
and social competence becomes.
1
