INTERPERSONAL ATTRACTION

Interpersonal attraction refers to the evaluations we

make of other people- the positive and negative
attitude we form about them. It is the phenomenon
explaining why we are more attracted to certain
people rather than others.
This includes platonic friendship as well as romantic
love. Attraction is the positive emotion you feel
towards someone, like when you get excited to hang
out with a friend or nervous about going on a first
date.
Positive and negative affect influence attraction both
directly and indirectly. Direct efforts occur when
another person is responsible for arousing positive
emotions or feelings. Indirect effects occur when the
emotion comes from another source, and another
person is simply associated with its presence. The
indirect (associated) effect of emotions are applied by
advertisers and political tacticians who understand that
associating product and candidate with positive
feelings can influence our purchasing and voting
decisions.

Example:An example of interpersonal attraction is

a new student joining your high school. She is in your
grade, and she’s conventionally pretty but nothing
special. However, for some reason, so many people in
your grade want to date her or be friends with her.
Why is that? Simply because she’s new! People who
are new and pretty will be more attractive to others.
Chances are, there are people in your class who are
more appealing than she is but won’t get any attention
because they’re not new. As studies show, after people
get to know this new student, the hype around her will
die down. Since she is physically attractive, she got lots
of attention since people are drawn to those they find
attractive.

Factors affecting
Interpersonal Attraction
Many factors play a role in interpersonal attraction. In
fact, these range from the basic need to affiliate with
others to similarity to them. Moreover, frequent
contact with them and their physical appearance also
plays a huge role.

●The need to Affiliate –

To affiliate means to connect yourself with someone or
something. The tendency to affiliate and associate with
others has a biological basis (Rowe, 1996).In terms of
social psychology, it is as basic to our psychological
well being as hunger and thirst are to our physical well
being. Cooperating with other people almost certainly
increased our ancestors’ success in obtaining food and
surviving danger. As a result, a strong desire to affiliate
with others seems to be a basic characteristic of our
species. Human infants, for instance, are apparently
born with the motivation and ability to seek contact
with their interpersonal world and even newborns
tend to look toward faces in preference to other
stimuli.
Individual differences in the need to affiliate :
People differ greatly in the strength of this
tendency. These differences, whether based on
genetics or experience, constitute a relatively stable
trait (or disposition).Basically, we tend to seek the
amount of social contact that is optimal for us,
preferring to be alone some of the time and in social
situations some of the time (O’Connor & Rosenblood,
1996).
Are there people who don't need other people?
Decades of research by social psychologists indicate
that although the need to affiliate with others is both
strong and general (e.g., Baumeister & Twenge, 2003;
Koole et al., 2006) there are some people who show
what is known as the dismissing avoidant attachment
style—a pattern in which they claim to have little or no
need for emotional attachments to others, and who, in
fact, tend to avoid close relationships (e.g., Collins &
Feeney, 2000).
Situational Influences on the need to affiliate:
While people differ with respect to their need to
affiliate with others, external events can temporarily
boost or reduce this need. When people are reminded
of their own mortality, for example, a common
response is the desire to affiliate with others (Wisman
& Koole, 2003). Similarly,
after highly disturbing events such as natural disasters,
many people experience an increased desire to affiliate
with others—primarily to obtain help and comfort and
reduce negative feelings (Benjamin, 1998; Byrne,
1991).

●Physical attraction –
It is natural to attract to what appeals. Therefore,
appearance and physical characteristics have a major
role in getting attracted to a person. In other words,
beauty (or perceived beauty to be more correct)
attracts. The definition of beauty varies from person to
person. One person may view someone as beautiful
who may not be viewed as beautiful by another
person. However, some characteristics may typically be
viewed as an indicator of beauty. For instance, men
may be attracted to women that have big eyes, fair
complexion, thin eyebrows, prominent cheekbones
and so on. Women may find tall and muscular men
more attractive.
Generally, people have an image of idealized beauty in
their mind which also serves as a basis for the
appearance of their dream person. Whenever they
come across a person which fits into the image of their
idealized beauty (as in their mind), they fall in love with
the person. It is also a psychological tendency that
people generally perceive a beautiful person to be also
a good, loving, and caring person and like a person who
treats others well. This is another reason why people
may get attracted to a person with a good appearance.

● Reciprocity -
The term reciprocity means to respond to others in the
same way they acted towards you. Interpersonal
attraction is also sometimes a product of reciprocity. It
means that when we come to know that someone
loves us, it causes us to love that person too. This
happens because when people come to know that they
are loved by someone, they feel of themselves as
valued and respected by the person which may
naturally trigger their feeling of liking towards that
person. Similarly, when you come to know that
someone loves you, you feel that that person shows
regard to you and your characteristics, you enjoy this
feeling and get attracted to that person to continue
enjoying this feeling.

●Proximity –
Studies have shown that police academy cadets tend
to be friends with those whose last names are
alphabetically close to theirs. Any thoughts on why?
Proximity! One of the most prominent factors of
interpersonal attraction is the proximity you have with
the person. In this case, proximity purely means
physical proximity. The reason why the police officers
are closest with people with similar last names is that
they are organized in groups alphabetically. They sleep
near those people, train with them, and through this
constant proximity, they become friends. Do you have
good friends who just so happen to be your
neighbours? Or maybe if you’ve gone to a summer
camp and you end up being close friends with the
people you lived nearby? While part of that might be
because you and your friends are socially compatible,
another factor is the geographic proximity you share
with them.

●Similarity –
Every person has specific interests, beliefs, and
attitudes. An individual is more likely to be attracted
towards another individual who has similar interests,
beliefs, and attitudes. The similarity in these areas
assures mental compatibility between the two
individuals going into a relationship. For instance, a
person with modern and liberal preferences may find it
a bit difficult to adjust with a person with conservative
and orthodox preferences. On the other hand, if the
individuals have similar interests, beliefs, and attitudes,
it provides validation of their choices and ideas.
Similarity factor also applies to socio- demographic
characteristics (e.g., age, social class, educational
attainment) and cultural characteristics (e.g., cultural
values and beliefs, language). Generally, people get
attracted to others of similar age, social class,
educational attainment. The similarity in cultural
characteristics is sometimes viewed as more important
because the individuals feel secure and not threatened
by those having common cultural beliefs and values.
Similarity factors sometimes also applies to the
appearance of a person. Some people may prefer
others that are roughly equal to them because doing so
may help them not face an inferiority complex. The
similarity is generally viewed as important for a happy
and joyous relationship. If the spouses are different in
many respects, they feel difficult to adjust with each
other and have to compromise on many of their
choices to save the relationship.

●Repeated exposure –
Have you ever looked at an outfit and didn’t like it?
And then looked at it again and still didn’t love it, but
maybe you liked it just a little bit? And by the fifth time
you looked at it, you realize it’s a great outfit? Or
maybe the first time you listened to a song, you hated
it, but the more times it came on the radio, the more
you began to like it? The more familiar we get with
varying things – songs, clothes, school topics – the
more we like them. That goes for people too. It has
been shown that the more exposure you get to
something (anything), the more you like it. A study has
even shown that people like the letter E more than
they do Q because we use the letter E much more. The
reasoning behind this phenomenon is that when we
continually get exposed to a stimulus, we become
more familiar with it. This increasing familiarity leads
us to like it more since we like things we are familiar
with. It can be applied to interpersonal relationships as
well. The reason why you gravitate towards a particular
person could be because you are familiar with them
through seeing them multiple times before. This
familiarity causes you to be comfortable and feels
favourable emotions towards them, leading to a
friendship.

●Complementarity -
The model of complementarity explains whether "birds
of a feather flock together" or "opposites attract".
Studies show that complementary interaction between
two partners increases their attractiveness to each
other. Complementary partners preferred closer
interpersonal relationship.[47] Couples who reported
the highest level of loving and harmonious relationship
were more dissimilar in dominance than couples who
scored lower in relationship quality.[48] Mathes &
Moore (1985) found that people were more attracted
to peers approximating to their ideal self than to those
who did not. Specifically, low self-esteem individuals
appeared more likely to desire a complementary
relationship than high self-esteem people.[49] We are
attracted to people who complement us because this
allows us to maintain our preferred style of behaviour,
[48] and interaction with someone who complements
our own behaviour likely confers a sense of self-
validation and security.
Similarity or complementarity
Principles of similarity and complementarity seem to
be contradictory on the surface. In fact, they agree on
the dimension of warmth. Both principles state that
friendly people would prefer friendly partners. The
importance of similarity and complementarity may
depend on the stage of the relationship. Similarity
seems to carry considerable weight in initial attraction,
while complementarity assumes importance as the
relationship develops over time.[54] Markey (2007)
found that people would be more satisfied with their
relationship if their partners differed from them, at
least in terms of dominance, as two dominant persons
may experience conflicts while two submissive
individuals may have frustration as neither take the
initiative.
 ALTRUISM
Altruism is a personal value that arises from genuine
concern for other people’s well-being.
From everyday gestures, like giving up your seat to give
to someone else, to life changing acts of kindness, like
donating a kidney, life presents many examples of
altruism.
No matter how small or big the effort, altruistic
behaviour typically has many benefits. For one, just
like gratitude and compassion, people who engage in it
say it feels really good.
Altruism is the selfless act of helping others without
expecting anything in return. “It is often considered
one of the defining characteristics of what it means to
be human,” says Dr. Jessica Myszak, a psychologist in
Glenview, Illinois.
If you’ve heard about the Golden Rule, the concept of
karma, or loving thy neighbours, you may already be
familiar with the basics of altruism, a prosocial
behaviour.
“Altruism often arises from a personal sense of
compassion or duty, and it can be a powerful force for
good in the world,” says Myszak. “It can take many
different forms, from volunteering your time to service
organizations to anonymously donating gifts or money
to those in need.”
Empathy seems to be the foundation of altruistic
behaviour, which can be further motivated by positive
moral rewards, a sense of satisfaction and happiness,
and external factors.
Four propositions
The following four propositions bring together
conclusions reached thus far. They cannot be proved,
but can be tested, are consistent with each other, and
can be diversely exemplified. They are (I think) true of
altruism in kin groups as well as in other situations, but
not of "forced altruism" .
(i) Altruism is always actually or potentially reciprocal;
altruists always receive or "expect" (are statistically
likely to receive) direct or indirect returns.
(ii) Altruism is always actually or potentially profitable
to all individuals concerned; all individuals at the
beginning of their existence (when the eggs are
fertilized or even before) "expect" to gain more than
they lose, although the expected profits of different
individuals need not be equal
(iii) Altruists and recipients are always environmentally,
not genetically, differentiated, usually by position in kin
groups or environmental situations.
(iv) In short (in summary) altruism is a net-gain lottery,
in which all individuals pay or risk paying costs, but
receive or "expect" profits that exceed the costs.

NATURE OF ALTRUISM
The altruist is more generous with the motivation they
attribute to such acts.
While much of our behaviour is underpinned by
egoistic motivation, under certain circumstances, help
is given with the sole aim of improving or safeguarding
the wellbeing of others – this is altruism.
If we assist someone in trouble, we are therefore not
motivated by a future, unknowable reward or
recognition. But why would we engage in behaviour
that favours another over ourselves?
– Empathic motivation
Our actions are motivated by our emotional reactions –
including empathy and sympathy – to a situation.
In a literal sense, we experience the pain of our friend’s
grief, so we offer our time and help. Ongoing brain
research has confirmed that mirror neurons help us
represent the actions or emotions of the people
around us (Rizzolatti & Sinigaglia, 2010).
When we see a starving child on a TV commercial, we
feel their distress and that of their family before
donating. Empathic motivation results from a
combination of our feelings – tenderness, compassion,
and sympathy – and the recipient’s sadness, loneliness,
and distress. We perceive the needs of another or
imagine their feelings.
Egoists counter this view by suggesting that we are still
motivated by self-interest; we help another to remove
or reduce our uncomfortable feelings that result from
our empathy.
– Collectivism (or group selection)
The collectivist believes that the ultimate goal behind
the way we act is to benefit the group, rather than
oneself.
Instead of focusing on ourselves or the person we help,
we are motivated to improve the wellbeing of the
group to which we belong.
It is perhaps best summed up by psychologist Robyn
Dawes, it is “not me or thee but we” (Dawes, Kragt, &
Orbell, 1988).
However, when framed by egoists, the motivation to
benefit the group also promotes self-interest.
– Principlism
Logically, behaviour that motivates us to keep the
group safe may indirectly (or even directly) harm those
outside the group. Principlism, however, avoids this
dilemma, suggesting that altruism is motivated by the
goal of upholding a principle and is therefore universal
and impartial.
However, even behaviour motivated by principlism can
be seen as egoism if upholding moral principles is for
personal gain.
While egoism remains a strong challenge to altruism
and is dominant in many social sciences, there are
plenty of human and animal examples that appear to
counter this stance.
Recent research supports the idea of altruism, finding
that people feel happier when they engage in
behaviour motivated by others’ wellbeing (Aknin,
Broesch, Hamlin, & Vondervoort, 2015).