of related interest

How to Be Angry
An Assertive Anger Expression Group Guide for Kids and
Teens
Signe Whitson
Foreword by Dr Nicholas J. Long
ISBN 978 1 84905 867 4
eISBN 978 0 85700 457 4

Little Volcanoes
Helping Young Children and Their Parents to Deal with
Anger
Warwick Pudney and Éliane Whitehouse
ISBN 978 1 84905 217 7
eISBN 978 0 85700 595 3

Anger Management Games for Children

Deborah M. Plummer
Illustrated by Jane Serrurier
ISBN 978 1 84310 628 9
eISBN 978 1 84642 775 6

Working with Anger and Young People

Nick Luxmoore
ISBN 978 1 84310 466 7
eISBN 978 1 84642 538 7
 STARVING
THE
ANGER GREMLIN
A COGNITIVE BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY WORKBOOK
ON ANGER MANAGEMENT FOR YOUNG PEOPLE

Kate Collins-Donnelly

Jessica Kingsley Publishers

London and Philadelphia
This edition published in 2012
First published in 2007 by Trafford Publishing
by Jessica Kingsley Publishers
73 Collier Street
London N1 9BE, UK
and
400 Market Street, Suite 400
Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA

www.jkp.com

Copyright © Kate Collins-Donnelly 2007, 2012

Illustrations copyright © Rosy Salaman 2012

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any

material form (including photocopying or storing it in any medium by
electronic means and whether or not transiently or incidentally to some other
use of this publication) without the written permission of the copyright owner
except in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and Patents
Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing
Agency Ltd, Saffron House, 6–10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Applications
for the copyright owner’s written permission to reproduce any part of this
publication should be addressed to the publisher.

Warning: The doing of an unauthorised act in relation to a copyright work may

result in both a civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

Collins-Donnelly, Kate.

Starving the anger gremlin : a cognitive behavioural therapy workbook on

anger management for young people / Kate Collins-Donnelly.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-1-84905-286-3 (alk. paper)
1. Anger--Juvenile literature. 2. Anger in children--Juvenile literature. 3.
Cognitive therapy for children--Juvenile literature. I. Title.
BF723.A4C65 2012
152.4’7--dc23
2011048662
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 978 1 84905 286 3

eISBN 978 0 85700 621 9
Contents

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

INFORMATION FOR PARENTS AND PROFESSIONALS

Introduction

1. What is Anger?

2. My Anger

3. How Does Anger Occur?

4. Anger Control

5. The Anger Gremlin

6. Starving the Anger Gremlin

7. Anger Dos and Don’ts!

8. Effects of Anger

9. Summing Up!
APPENDIX: QUIZ ANSWERS
Acknowledgements

Thank you to the colleagues that have dedicated their time,

positivity, comments and support to this project. A special thank you
goes to Maria for her advice, knowledge and unwavering support, as
well as her absolute belief in what I was trying to achieve through
this book. And last, but by no means least, I would like to thank all
the young people who I have worked with and learnt from,
especially those who were brave enough to share their stories in
order to help others.
About the Author

Hi! I’m Kate, and I provide support for children and young people
with emotional difficulties through counselling, coaching and training
sessions. I also work with parents and professionals to help them
learn how to teach emotional management skills to young people.
The need for a book on anger management aimed at young
people became evident through this work. This book is about
empowering young people to help themselves by learning about the
basics of anger and how to control it.
Some of the young people that I have worked with have kindly
contributed their stories, thoughts and drawings to this book in order
to help others learn how to control their anger like they have.
In a nutshell, I want to spread the word far and wide on how to
manage your anger, but in a simple, activity-filled, easily readable
and interesting way. I hope my book achieves this. I’ll let you be the
judge.
Happy reading!
Kate
Information for Parents and
Professionals

The purpose of this workbook

Starving the Anger Gremlin provides a cognitive behavioural
approach to anger management for young people. It is designed for
young people to work through on their own or with the support of a
parent or a professional, such as a teacher, mentor, teaching
assistant or youth worker. The self-help materials included in this
workbook are based on the principles of cognitive behavioural
therapy (CBT), but do not constitute a session by session therapeutic
programme. However, the materials contained in this workbook can
be used as a resource for therapists working with young people.

What is cognitive behavioural therapy?

CBT is an evidence-based, skills-based, structured form of
psychotherapy that has emerged from the work of cognitive
therapists such as Aaron Beck and behaviourists such as Pavlov and
Skinner. CBT looks at the relationships between our thoughts
(cognition), our feelings (emotions) and our actions (behaviours). It
is based on the premise that how we interpret experiences and
situations has a profound effect on our behaviours and emotions.
CBT focuses on:

the problems that the client is experiencing in the here and now
why the problems are occurring
what strategies the client can use in order to address the problems.
The therapeutic process achieves this by empowering the client to
identify:

negative, unhealthy and unrealistic patterns of thoughts, perspectives

and beliefs
maladaptive and unhealthy patterns of behaviour
the links between the problems the client is facing and these patterns of
thoughts and behaviours
how to challenge the existing patterns of thoughts and behaviours and
implement alternative thoughts and behaviours that are constructive,
healthy and realistic in order to address problems, manage emotions and
improve wellbeing.

Thus, the underlying ethos of CBT is that by addressing unhelpful

patterns of thoughts and behaviours, a person can change how they
feel, how they view themselves, how they interact with others and
how they approach life in general – thereby moving from an
unhealthy cycle of reactions to a healthy one.
CBT has been found to be effective with a wide range of emotional
wellbeing and mental health issues, and the National Institute for
Clinical Excellence (NICE) recommends the use of CBT for a number
of conditions. Although there have been fewer research studies
conducted on the use of CBT with children and young people than
there have been with adults, evidence for its effectiveness with
children and young people is continuing to mount.
Introduction
If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of the above, this book is here to help
you!

Starving the Anger Gremlin contains information and activities, as

well as comments from other young people, which will help you to
control your anger and express it in more positive ways. It really is
possible once you learn more about why we get angry and what
strategies can help when we do.
The anger management techniques that you will learn as you
progress through this workbook have been adapted from the basic
principles of something called cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).
CBT is where a therapist helps people to deal with a wide range of
emotional problems, including problematic anger, by looking at the
links between how we think (our cognition), how we feel (our
emotions) and how we act (our behaviours).
This workbook will help you to understand the links between how
you think, how you feel and how you act in order to help you
manage your anger and get control back!
But remember…
Starting to explore your anger may well raise some really difficult
issues for you, so it’s important that you can talk to someone you
trust about these issues, such as a parent, relative, friend, teacher
or counsellor. Part of getting control back is being able to share how
you feel with someone else.
 1

What is Anger?
Anger is an important emotion that is normal and natural when used
with control. We all get angry.
Anger helps us to cope with:

threats
hurt (e.g. if our rights are being violated)
frustration (e.g. if we feel our basic needs aren’t being met).

So anger can be positive if expressed in the right way.

However, anger becomes a problem if it is:

displayed too frequently

interfering with aspects of your life (e.g. relationships, school or work)
used as a tool to get what you want (e.g. if a child realises that he gets
attention from his mum when he throws a tantrum)
displayed aggressively (e.g. fighting, shouting or threatening)
 turned against yourself
buried inside and bottled up
taken out on someone else.

Here are some quotes from other young people about their
problematic angry behaviours:

Do any of these sound familiar?

Don’t worry if they do. By understanding more about your anger
and by learning how to manage it and express it constructively, your
experiences of anger can become more positive!
 2

My Anger
Let’s start exploring your anger using the My Anger Questionnaire.

MY ANGER QUESTIONNAIRE

1. How often do you get angry? Circle your answer.

a) Often b) Sometimes c) Rarely d) Never

2. Think about how you tend to feel physically when you get
angry. Circle any of the following feelings that apply to you.
3. Below are different ways that people can react when they
get angry. Tick any behaviours from both groups A and B
that apply to you when you get angry.

Group A behaviours
Threaten
Shout
Slam doors
Criticise myself
Punch
Swear
Make sly digs
Kick
Bully
Start vicious rumours
Get revenge
Hurt myself
Throw a tantrum
Snap at people
Shove
Accuse or blame
Throw things
Verbally abuse
Break things
Cry
Lose control
Get angry with self
Bottle anger up
Use a weapon
Become cold
Behave recklessly
Give silent treatment
Say nasty things
Other........
Group B behaviours
Talk to someone
Calm myself down
Count to ten
Ignore it
Distract myself
Walk away
Write down feelings
Other........

4. Think about your answers to the previous questions and

then rate your anger on the following scale.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Not problematic Quite problematic Problematic

Problematic anger
If you have scored your anger as problematic on the scale in
Question 4 it’s probably because you are getting angry a lot and
experiencing several physical symptoms when you get angry (we will
look at the effects this has on your physical health in Chapter 8). In
addition, most of your angry behaviours probably fall into the group
A behaviours category in Question 3.

Q. Do you see any other patterns in your angry behaviours?

Are you particularly aggressive? For example, are you frequently throwing
things, punching, kicking, verbally abusing or using a weapon?
 Perhaps you turn it inwards (direct it at yourself)? Examples of this
include self-criticism and self-harming.
Or do you tend to try and bottle up your anger? This is known as
suppressing your anger.
Or perhaps you direct it at other people, instead of those who you feel
have triggered your anger? This is known as displaced anger. For
example, you get angry because your mum has told you that you are
grounded, but instead of expressing that anger towards your mum, you
choose to shout at your sister.

You have now completed the first step towards managing your
anger, namely assessing what you anger tends to be like. Now let’s
look at the next step – understanding why your anger occurs.
 3

How Does Anger Occur?

What makes you angry?
List anything that makes you angry in your Anger Box below.

Your list may include:

People (e.g. brother)

Pets
 Places (e.g. school)
Situations/events (e.g. the arguments between your parents)
Someone’s actions (e.g. your mum telling you off)
Someone’s attitude (e.g. a person’s racist attitude)

These are all examples of the things that people list when asked
what makes them angry.
However, these only trigger an angry reaction. They do not cause
it.
Let’s see what we mean by thinking about the following questions.

Q. You get angry when your PE teacher doesn’t pick you for
the school team. Is your teacher controlling your anger?

Yes No

Q. If your answer is ‘Yes’, does that mean she has an anger

remote control that she is pointing at you?

Yes No

Q. Is she pressing a big ANGER button that is causing you to

get angry?

Yes No

The answer to all three questions is actually ‘No’! Your teacher isn’t
pressing an anger button on a remote control to make you angry.
She isn’t controlling your anger at all.

Q. So who is in control of your anger?

 The children who were picked
Yes
for the team

The answer is you! The remote control is in your hands!

It’s your thoughts and beliefs that make you angry. Anger is about
how you react to a situation, not the situation itself.

You’re the one in control of your anger!

Let’s have a look at some examples to see what I mean.

Scenario 1

Your dad is supposed to come to watch you in the school play, but
he doesn’t turn up. You think to yourself:
 ‘He could’ve let me know.’
‘He’s obviously had a better offer.’
‘He’s probably stuck at work again.’
‘I knew he wasn’t really interested.’

Q. Rate how angry you think you’d be on the scale below.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Not very angry Angry Really angry

OK, now imagine that when you get home you find out that your
dad had fallen over, broken his leg and spent the evening at the
hospital.

Q. Now how angry would you be on a scale of 1 to 10?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Not very angry Angry Really angry

Q. Did you rate your anger as higher or lower than before?

Higher Lower
Let’s have a look at another example.

Scenario 2
You work as a shop assistant at weekends and one day the boss
asks you to create a display of tinned foods that are on offer. You’ve
just finished balancing the last can when someone crashes into your
display and sends the cans flying!

Q. How angry would you be on a scale of 1 to 10?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Not very angry Angry Really angry

But let’s say the person that has fallen into your display had tripped
on something that had been spilt on the floor.

Q. How would you rate your anger now?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Not very angry Angry Really angry

Q. Did you rate your anger as higher or lower than before?

Higher Lower
I’m sure that in both examples you were less angry in the second
version of the story than the first.

Q. So what is it that makes you less angry?

The answer is you!
It’s not the situation itself that controls your level of anger. If it was,
we would all react in the same way in the same situation. However,
we don’t. Reactions differ from individual to individual.

Q. So if it’s not the situation itself that determines your level

of anger and type of angry reaction, what is it?
It’s how you think about the situation.
For example, if you instantly think that the person knocked over your
display on purpose, your anger is likely to be greater than if you
initially thought that it must have been an accident.
These examples show that you can control how you react.

You’re the one in control of your anger!

 4

Anger Control
So now we’ve established that you are the one who is in control of
how you act when you get angry. But your ability to control your
anger at any given point in time can also be affected by other
factors. The following task will help you to work out what these
factors are. First, read through the different scenarios below.

Scenario 1

Mary is six. Her dad loses his temper all the time and often punches
the wall and kicks things. Mary has been getting into a lot of trouble
at school recently because when she gets mad or upset over
something she hits someone.

Scenario 2

Sam is 16. Whenever Sam wants something he will shout and

verbally abuse his parents until he gets it.

Scenario 3

Tim is 13. His parents believe that homosexuality is a sin. Tim finds
out that his brother is gay. He loses it and starts a fight with him.

Scenario 4

Sarah is 17. She works three jobs in order to pay her rent and can’t
afford to take time off. One evening she is on her way home from
work and is really tired. Someone bumps into her in the street. She
shouts at them and pushes them back.

Scenario 5

Dave is 18. He’s just found out that his girlfriend cheated on him
with his best mate. That same day Dave is told by his college tutor
that his essay wasn’t good enough. Dave throws the essay at his
tutor, storms out of their office and slams the door.
Now I want you to think about what might be affecting each
person’s anger control in each of the different scenarios.
See if you can match up the scenario number below with the
factor affecting the person’s anger control in that scenario.

MATCH THE SCENARIOS

You will find the answers to this Match the Scenarios task in the
Appendix.
As you can see, a person can develop a habit of reacting in a
certain way when they get angry because of their past experiences.
We learn from what we see and experience. So we learn from how
we see other people acting when they get angry, and from how
other people respond to our own angry outbursts.
How a person tends to react can also change depending upon the
particular individual and external circumstances at that point in time,
such as being ill or tired, or having experienced a relationship break-
up.
But although these things impact on our anger control, they don’t
stop us from being in control of our anger. We cannot use them as
excuses.

We are still in control of how we react.

So even when we have a right to be angry (for example, if we are

being bullied at school) we cannot react in negative ways, such as
taking our anger out on someone else. We need to deal with our
anger constructively.
The next step to achieving this improved anger control is to
understand the interaction between the trigger situation and your
angry reaction in more detail.
 5

The Anger Gremlin

The Anger Gremlin Model

Think of your anger as a hungry Gremlin sat on your shoulder.

TRIGGER
Now think back to Scenario 1 in Chapter 3, when your dad didn’t
turn up to your school play. That’s the trigger situation – the Anger
Gremlin is hungry.

FEEDING
As the model shows, the next stage is ‘feeding’. If you immediately
begin to think negatively or irrationally about this anger trigger, such
as ‘He doesn’t care about me’ or ‘I knew he didn’t want to come
anyway,’ you are feeding the hungry Gremlin.
The more you think negatively, the more you feed your Gremlin!

Full
The bigger and fuller your Anger Gremlin gets, the angrier you get!
The Anger Gremlin Cycle
The interaction between the trigger situation and your angry
reaction is even more complex than this. Let’s look at the complete
Anger Gremlin Cycle now.
This cycle shows the links between our thoughts, feelings and
behaviours, and is based on a cognitive behavioural approach.

TRIGGER
First you have the trigger situation. Let’s use the example of your
mum not letting you go out with your friends.

THOUGHTS
Perhaps you begin to think negatively, such as:
‘What gives her the right?’
‘I deserve to go out!’
 ‘How dare she?’
So you begin to feed the Anger Gremlin.

PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS
Physically you might feel hot and your heart might beat faster as you
begin to get angry.
This feeds the Anger Gremlin even more!

EMOTIONS
As a result of these physical feelings your thoughts can become even
angrier and more negative.
This can then lead you to feel even angrier emotionally.
So a vicious cycle develops in which the Anger Gremlin is getting
bigger and bigger and fuller and fuller!
And you’re getting angrier and angrier!

BEHAVIOURS
And the bigger and fuller your Gremlin gets, the more and more
problematic your angry behaviours become, and you may react by
shouting, swearing or hitting things.

THE CYCLE
The more this vicious cycle develops, the more likely you are to react
in the same way the next time the same trigger comes along.
And the more you react negatively to a specific trigger, the more
likely you are to react negatively when something else triggers your
anger!
So before long you have developed a habit of reacting negatively
whenever you get angry about anything.

The Gremlin
Think about how your Gremlin might look.
 Use the box on the next page or your own piece of paper to draw
your Anger Gremlin. Then give it a name!
 6

Starving the Anger Gremlin

Q. Now you’ve learnt about the Anger Gremlin, how do you
get rid of it?
You starve it!
If you don’t starve your Gremlin, your anger will continue to become
more and more problematic.
You can starve your Gremlin by using different techniques to
control your anger and to express it in the right ways. See how
many different techniques you can come up with.
I hope you’ve come up with a number of different ways. Let’s have a
look at what you might have included. The techniques discussed
here are based on a cognitive behavioural approach.

1. Anger distractions
There are some very basic things that you can do when you feel
yourself beginning to get angry, which will help you to ignore your
anger and starve the Anger Gremlin. You can:

Anger distractions can work well in some situations. For example,

you could come up with a ‘trigger word’ that lets other people know
that you’re angry so they leave you to calm down. Saying the trigger
word out loud will also make you stop and think before you act. For
example, Sally, aged 15, uses ‘banana’ as her trigger word.

2. Think!
Distractions aren’t the only answer. Remember that it’s how you
think about a situation that causes your anger to escalate, not the
situation itself. So when you’re thinking negatively or irrationally
about a situation you’re feeding your Gremlin!
Therefore, another way to control your anger is to think
differently! When you begin to get angry, ask yourself:

Question and challenge yourself in this way, talk to yourself using

more positive thoughts and think before you act!
The more you do this, the more you’ll starve your Gremlin! And
the more you starve it, the less problematic your angry reactions will
be.

3. Challenging your negative thoughts

To learn how we can challenge our negative thoughts, have a look at
the example below.
Scenario 1

Emily sends her best friend Jade a text asking her if she wants to
come over. Jade doesn’t reply.

Q. What negative thoughts might Emily be thinking?

I’ve asked many different young people this question while working
with them and their anger. Here are some of the answers they’ve
given:

Q. What more realistic thoughts could Emily have used

instead?
How about these?
Q. Compare the two different sets of thoughts… Which feed
the Anger Gremlin and which starve it?
The first set of thoughts feed the Anger Gremlin. The second set
starve it.

Q. Why is this?
Think about the scenario rationally and realistically. Emily didn’t get
a reply to one text. One text only! It’s far more likely that Jade didn’t
get the message for some reason than that she no longer wants to
be Emily’s best friend!
Whenever you begin to get angry about something try to think
about the situation rationally and realistically based upon the facts.
Make sure you are not blowing the situation out of proportion in
your thoughts. Asking yourself the questions on the following
worksheet can help you to do this.

ALTERNATIVE THOUGHTS

What situation am I getting angry about?

How am I currently thinking about the situation?

What are the facts about the situation?

Are my current thoughts realistic and rational?

How could I think more realistically and rationally in order

to starve my Gremlin?
4. Constructive reactions
The other thing to think about when you begin to feel yourself
getting angry is, ‘How should I react?’
Ask yourself, ‘If I react in a certain way will I be feeding or
starving my Gremlin?’

There are obviously going to be situations where you feel you have a
right to be angry. In these circumstances it is good to express your
anger and not bottle it up, but you need to express it constructively.
Let’s have a look at a couple of example scenarios to see what I
mean.

Scenario 1

Lauren finds out that her boyfriend has cheated on her with two of
her mates. She is devastated and incredibly angry. She confronts her
boyfriend aggressively, shouting at him and hitting him.

Q. Was Lauren feeding or starving her Gremlin?

 Feedin
Starving
g

The answer is feeding!

Q. How could Lauren have expressed her anger in a more

positive way to starve her Gremlin?
Examples that other young people have given include:
Scenario 2

Chris is late home one evening as the bus had broken down.
However, his mum immediately assumes that he had been up to no
good. Chris gets angry at being misjudged and loses his temper.

Q. Is Chris feeding or starving his Gremlin?

Feedin
Starving
g

The answer is feeding!

Q. What could Chris have done instead to starve his
Gremlin?

Examples that other young people have given include:

Scenario 3

Harry’s dad died two years ago. He’s at school one day and another
boy makes a nasty remark about his dad. Harry gets into a fight with
the boy. It is broken up by a teacher and Harry gets suspended for
starting the fight.

Q. Was Harry feeding or starving his Gremlin?

 Feedin
Starving
g

The answer is feeding!

Q. What could Harry have done instead to starve his

Gremlin?
Examples that other young people have given include:
There are two themes that run through all these answers:
1. Talk!
2. Keep calm!

One of the best things that you can do when you feel angry is talk to
someone about it!
You can talk to the person that you are angry with, telling them
how you feel and discussing how things can be resolved. But you
need to do this calmly! You can use the anger distractions and/or
the thinking techniques we’ve already talked about to help you keep
calm.
 Also remember that your aim is to talk about how you feel and
resolve any issues, not to vent grudges or say upsetting things.
Make sure you listen to the other person and show them respect.
You can also talk to another person that you trust and feel
comfortable off-loading to, such as a friend, parent, relative, teacher,
mentor or counsellor. Tell them as calmly as you can about what has
happened and how you’re feeling. Getting it all off your chest like
this can help to put things into perspective and help you to work out
solutions to any problems that you may have.

Q. But what happens if there’s no one around to talk to?

You can write your thoughts and feelings down. Often when you
look back over it you will see that things weren’t as bad as you first
thought they were. To help you get started with this there is an
Anger Diary on the following page.
After talking or writing about the situation and your feelings, the
next step is to learn from them and to move on!

ANGER DIARY

Date
I got angry today because…

How I reacted

What were the consquences?

Did I…

Feed the
Starve the Anger
Anger Gremlin –
Gremlin – yipee!
boo!

If I fed him, what could I have done differently that would

have starved him?

Would the consequences have been better?

 7

Anger Dos and Don’ts!

Now it’s time for you to think about everything we’ve gone through
so far. Think about all the negative ways and all the constructive
ways of reacting to a trigger situation. From these, I want you to
come up with your own list of Anger Dos and Don’ts. Try and come
up with at least ten of each!
Some people find it helpful to carry this around with them in their
bag or to put it up on their wall at home so that they can look at it
and remind themselves what to do at times when they’re finding it
difficult to control their anger.
 8

Effects of Anger
Now we’ve looked at both the negative and positive ways that you
can react when you get angry, i.e. how you can feed and starve your
Anger Gremlin.

Q. Do you think that feeding your Gremlin and starving your

Gremlin produce different results?

Yes No
Let’s start to think about the answer to this by looking at the effects
that feeding your Anger Gremlin can have on you.

Effects of anger on you

Think about some of the times when you have been angry and fed
your Anger Gremlin. Write down how you think feeding your Gremlin
has affected you in the Anger Box below.
Here are some stories from other young people about how their
anger has affected them:
Effects of anger on others
Continue to think about some of the times when you have been
angry and fed your Anger Gremlin, but this time, write down how
you think feeding your Gremlin may have affected other people
around you.
Here are some stories from other young people about how their
anger has affected other people around them:
As you can see from your own story and those of others, anger can
have an effect on all aspects of our own lives, as well as on the lives
of others.
Here are some of the arexas anger can affect and how.

Physical health
As well as all the physical symptoms that you saw on the diagram in
Chapter 2, anger can also have other physical effects on your body,
such as raising your blood pressure and releasing adrenalin. If you
are having frequent and/or long-lasting feelings of anger or angry
outbursts it can have a harmful effect on your physical health in the
long term. For example, frequent and long-term anger has been
linked to:

headaches
high blood pressure
heart attacks
being run down and susceptible to illnesses
digestive disorders (e.g. ulcers)
and much more.

Your angry behaviours can also impact on the health of others. For
example, if you hit someone, you could cause them physical injury
and pain. Also, if people around you have to deal with your angry
outbursts on a regular basis, the stress of dealing with this can
affect their physical health.

Emotional health
Frequent and long-term anger has also been linked to emotional
issues, such as low self-esteem (how you see yourself and feel about
yourself), stress, feeling sad and low or feeling frustrated.
As we have seen, dealing with your frequent angry outbursts and
their consequences can also cause the people around you emotional
distress, stress, upset, anger and sadness, which can then impact on
all aspects of their lives, such as their relationships, work and
finances.

Relationships and reputations

The way you react when you get angry can impact on your
relationships with many different people, such as your parents,
friends, boyfriend or girlfriend and teachers. If your anger is
frequently displayed in a negative way, it can cause problems and
tensions in these existing relationships, and also hinder the
development of close relationships with new people in the future.
If you frequently react in a negative way when you get angry, it
can also cause you to develop a problematic reputation. As you’ve
seen from the quotes from other young people, this can have an
impact on how much people trust you and believe in you. It can also
result in you getting the blame when trouble occurs, even when it’s
not your fault.

Current and future prospects

Your anger doesn’t just affect you in the here and now. It can also
have long-term effects if you allow a pattern of anger to develop.
Your anger can impact on how you perform at school and on your
ability to achieve what you want to achieve in the future, such as
being given a good reference, which will help you to get into college
or university, getting on a sports team or getting and keeping a job.
Frequently displaying your anger in an aggressive way can also lead
to criminal punishments, such as imprisonment.
Your anger can also affect your prospects on a more day-to-day
level. For example, if you want to go out with your mates for the
day, this is less likely to happen if you have an angry outburst the
night before, as your parents may ground you. The more you
behave negatively, the more likely you are to experience negative
consequences, such as punishments from your parents, carers or
teachers. Such punishments can include detentions, losing your
computer or telephone time, losing your mobile phone credit or
pocket money, or being grounded.

As you can see, your anger can affect every aspect of

your life and also the lives of the people around you.
 Your anger not only affects you in the here
and now but also in the future.

Now go back to your list of Anger Dos and Don’ts.

Look at your list of Don’ts and write down the effects you think
these would have on you and the people around you. Once
completed, do the same for your list of Dos.

In the Anger Box below you will see an example by Mark, aged 13.

ANGER BOX!
 Dos Don’ts
Talk to my mum Shout
Walk away Scream
Count to ten Punch
Go to my room Kick
Write down how I feel Throw things
Take deep breaths Swear
Think of my brother being Break things
covered in paint when he Call people names
knocked it off the ladder! Say hurtful things
Ignore it Slam doors
Ask myself, ‘Is it worth it?’ Fight

Effects Effects
Feel proud of myself Make myself sad
Make my mum and dad Make my mum and dad sad
happy and stressed
Don’t get into trouble Hurt other people
Resolve things more easily Get into trouble
Don’t hurt anyone Get things taken off me
Get a better reputation Get grounded
Make more friends Get detentions
Get treated like an adult Get put on report
Get things I want Lose friends
Be trusted more Cause my mum and dad
Feel better and in control money worries because they
It is healthier for me have to replace everything I
break

Q. Do you see any patterns in your list and in Mark’s list?

The pattern is:
Negative behaviours feed the Gremlin
and lead to negative results!

Positive behaviours starve the Gremlin

and lead to positive results!
 9

Summing Up!
We’ve now gone through all the methods you need to get your
anger under control. It’s now down to you to put them into practice.

Only you can change how you react.

It’s YOU that’s in control of your anger!
You have all the power!

Let’s have a quick recap before we finish.

Write down five things that you have learnt about your anger and
how to control it in the Anger Box below.
 THE ANGER QUIZ
Let’s test what you’ve learnt in the Anger Quiz!
1. Sam is 15. He is late getting to school as his mum’s car
had a flat tyre. His teacher tells him not to be late again.
Sam swears at the teacher and kicks a chair.
Who is in control of Sam’s anger?

a) Sam b) Sam’s teacher c) Sam’s mum

2. Name three physical signs of anger.

1.
2.
3.

3. Name three angry behaviours.

1.
2.
3.

4. Which of the following can affect your anger control?

a) Your past experiences of how other people react when they get
angry
b) Stress
c) Your past experiences of how others have reacted to your anger
d) Tiredness
e) All of the above

5. Jane is 14. Her boyfriend has been cheating on her with

her best friend Sarah. As soon as she finds out, Jane
punches Sarah.
Who is in control of Jane’s anger?

b) Jane’s
a) Jane c) Sarah
boyfriend

6. Jason is 21. He used to get suspended from school a lot

for getting into fights. Now he gets into rows all the time
over silly little things at work.
Name two ways in which Jason’s anger might be affecting
him.

1.
2.

7. Beth is 16 and very angry. Yesterday she got into a fight

and smashed the window on someone’s car. Beth’s mum
had to miss a day of work to collect Beth from the police
station. Beth is being charged with criminal damage. Beth’s
mum isn’t sleeping very well and is snapping at everyone all
the time.
Name two ways in which Beth’s anger has affected her
mum.

1.
2.

8. What do you need to do to the Anger Gremlin?

a) Feed it b) Starve it
9. Name two ways to control your anger.

1.
2.

10. Identify one question you should ask yourself when you
begin to get angry.

11. Name two things that you could do if you want to

express your anger positively.

1.
2.

12. Name two things that you shouldn’t do if you want to

express your anger positively.

1.
2.

13. Who is in control of your anger?

c)
a) Something b) Someone else
You

Turn to the Appendix to see how you’ve got on!

Well done! I’m sure you did fantastically!

Finally, let’s check on what you think your anger is like now. Do
you remember the My Anger Questionnaire? Well now I want you to
complete the questionnaire again to see how your answers may
have changed.

MY ANGER QUESTIONNAIRE

1. How often do you get angry? Circle your answer.

a) c) d)
b)
Ofte Rarel Neve
Sometimes
n y r

2. Think about how you tend to feel physically when you get
angry. Circle any of the following feelings that apply to you.
3. Below are different ways that people can react when they
get angry. Tick any behaviours from both groups A and B
that apply to you when you get angry.

Group A behaviours
Threaten
Shout
Slam doors
Criticise myself
Punch
 Swear
Make sly digs
Kick
Bully
Start vicious rumours
Get revenge
Hurt myself
Throw a tantrum
Snap at people
Shove
Accuse or blame
Throw things
Verbally abuse
Break things
Cry
Lose control
Get angry with self
Bottle anger up
Use a weapon
Become cold
Behave recklessly
Give silent treatment
Say nasty things
Other.................

Group B behaviours
Talk to someone
 Calm myself down
Count to ten
Ignore it
Distract myself
Walk away
Write down feelings
Other.................

4. Think about your answers to the previous questions and

then rate your anger on the following scale.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Not problematic Quite problematic Problematic

Q. Have you seen any changes in your anger since you

completed the My Anger Questionnaire at the start of the
book? If so, what changes have you seen?

I hope you’ve seen that your understanding of your anger has

improved, as well as your understanding of how to control it.
As you continue to put everything you have learnt from this book
into practice, occasionally ask yourself the questions from the My
Anger Questionnaire to monitor how far you’ve progressed and how
well you’re starving your Anger Gremlin!
 That’s it guys. All the tools you need to control your anger and
express it in the right ways are in this book. Now all you need to do
is put them into practice.
And remember:

You have a right to be angry at times

Anger is a normal emotion.
But you’re in control of how you react when you get
angry.
Positive reactions produce positive results!
And negative reactions produce negative results!

You are in control of your anger!

You can control it!
Appendix: Quiz Answers

THE ANGER QUIZ

1. (a) Sam
2. See Chapter 2
3. See Chapter 3
4. (e) All of the above
5. (a) Jane
6. See Chapter 8
7. See Chapter 8
8. (b) Starve it!
9. See Chapter 6
10. See Chapter 6
11. See Chapter 6
12. See Chapter 7
13. (c) You!

Match the Scenarios