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THE JAGUAR IN THE MIRROR
ROSSANA CORNIEL
 CONTENTS

1. Black Monster Cloud

2. Six Years Later
3. January 1997
4. Chapter 4
5. March 1998
6. All or Nothing
7. June 1998
8. November 1998
9. February 1999
10. April 1999
11. July 1999
12. Hide and Seek
13. October 1999
14. Chapter 14
15. In Plain Sight
16. Devoured by Darkness
17. Chapter 17
18. Universal Rules
19. “Kick him in the balls”
20. Chapter 20
21. Fangs Out

Thank You For Reading My Book!

Acknowledgments
About the Author
Keep in Touch
Copyright © 2021 by Rossana Corniel

The Jaguar in the Mirror

All rights reserved. This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters, and
incidents are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely
coincidental. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or
transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or
other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the
publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and
certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Adherence to all applicable laws and regulations, including international, federal,

state and local governing professional licensing, business practices, advertising,
and all other aspects of doing business in the US, Canada, or any other jurisdiction
is the sole responsibility of the reader and consumer.

Neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility or liability
whatsoever on behalf of the consumer or reader of this material. Any perceived
slight of any individual or organization is purely unintentional.

ISBN: 97817374109-0-4
Created with Vellum
 This book is dedicated to my husband, Manuel, and our three
daughters, Kiara, Alexys, and Andrea for being the wings of my
dreams.
Many of the faults you see in others, dear reader, are your own
nature reflected in them.

― Rumi
 1

BLACK MONSTER CLOUD

“And what about this, what are these colors here?” my Tia Lily said,
then pointed to the yellow-orange glow around her.
“That’s your light, Tia. It’s my favorite color of all, and your light
shines brighter than any I’ve ever seen,” I said. We were sitting on
the couch in her living room. My family was visiting her farm in
Puerto Rico for the summer, and Tia was asking me about all the
drawings I kept in my sketchbook. As soon as I told her about her
special light, she wrapped both arms around me and gave me a
huge hug. I loved my Tia Lily so much.
“Can I have this drawing? I want to frame it and put it on the wall
so I can look at it every day,” she said. My chest puffed up with pride
when she said this. “Of course, Titi, I would love that.”
That night, as the coquis sang in the tropical canopy that
surrounded us, I overheard my mother and Tia Lily talking about my
drawings. They were sitting outside on the porch, taking in the cool
Caribbean breeze that floated up from the lake that was nestled in
the valley below the house. Tia Lily was my mother’s sister.
“Don’t indulge her, Lily. She’s ten years old now, and she needs
to stop acting like she’s six. Last year, I had five different meetings
with her teachers about how she was always distracted by imaginary
friends and these lights she said she kept seeing. I even had her
eyes checked,” my mother said, shaking her head and taking a sip of
wine from her glass. “The worst was when she drew what she calls
the ‘black monster’ on some boy in her class and the kids started
making fun of her. They call her names, and she comes home
crying. It has to stop.”
She was right. The kids in my class called me weird after I drew
that. But my mom forgot to mention that the same boy that called me
weird smashed in the heads of iguanas and pushed around my best
friend, Santi.
I couldn’t just stop seeing the lights, and I couldn’t just make my
dreams about the lights go away. When I was six, everyone called
me la creativa—that means the creative one—because I drew
people surrounded by balls of bright colors. Like Mami, who was
always red; Papi, who was a dull bluish grey; and my brother, who
was always green with a hint of red. But at ten years old, what was
once cute and creative had become a problem.
At the end of the summer, when we got back to Miami, I tried to
stop. I began to draw unicorns and Care Bears, just like my friends
at school. One day, I brought a family picture home to show Mami,
with no balls of light, and she said, “That’s beautiful, my love,” with a
huge smile.
A few more months passed and my Tia Lily and Tio William came
from Puerto Rico to visit us. While she was here visiting, she took
me shopping and bought me a yellow flower dress. Then she took
me for ice cream. When we were sitting at the table enjoying our
favorite kind, chocolate with sprinkles, she asked me, “Mija, do you
still see those lights everywhere,” with a smile. Her hair was a wavy
golden brown and she had the prettiest almond-shaped eyes that
always filled me with love when I looked into them.
 “Not as much as I used to, Tia. Only sometimes now, like when I
am with you,” I said. She wrapped her warm arm around me and
squeezed tight. I loved it when she did that.
But that night I had the worst dream ever . . .
I was watching the TV in my living room, and I saw an airplane
flying over the ocean. My heart started beating fast when I saw
lightning strike the wing of the plane and black smoke came from the
engine. My eyes opened wide as I walked closer to the TV and
placed my hands on the thick glass screen. This was Tia and Tio’s
airplane! It was surrounded by a black monster cloud.
I could now see inside the plane, and when I did, I saw Tia and
Tio as they sat in their seats with panicked looks on their faces. Tia
looked around anxiously as she heard the screams of all the people
in her plane. She reached for Tio’s hand and held on to it tight. I felt
the plane shaking as it shot straight down out of the air and heard
loud bangs that sounded like they were coming from the outside.
I watched as purses, bags, magazines, and cups shot up and
around them. She seemed so scared. As the plane came even
closer to pounding against the ocean, Tia looked over into Tio’s
eyes. I saw her mouth move and even though I couldn’t hear what
she said to him, I didn’t see any more fear in her eyes as she spoke.
Instead, she looked peaceful.
That night I woke up with hot tears spilling down my cheeks. I ran
to my mother’s room and begged her not to let Tia get on the plane
the next day. All she said was, “Go back to bed, Sasha. Everything
will be fine.” I went back to my room and sat at my desk. I knew my
mother didn’t want to see any more drawings but right now, I didn’t
care. I grabbed a blank piece of paper and moved aside my Barbie
dolls and miniature Care Bears to make room to draw something that
would make her pay attention. I drew an airplane facing down into
the ocean, with black and grey lines swirling around it.
That morning, I showed my drawing to Tia while she was eating
breakfast. Tia’s face became serious as soon as she saw the
drawing.
“It’s okay, nothing will happen,” she said in a calm, soothing
voice.
My mother was sitting next to my Tia at the table, and she quickly
snatched up the drawing and crumpled it into a ball. “I told you not to
draw these anymore. You are scaring everyone with this craziness. It
stops now,” she said. She had no trust in me at all. What did I do to
her? Why wouldn’t she listen?
“But she can’t get on that plane, Mami! She will die!,” I yelled. I
had never, ever yelled at Mami before.
“Sasha, that is enough. Now apologize to your Tia,” she said,
standing up from her chair as her eyes shot stones at me.
I looked at Tia Lily, and I could tell from her eyes that she wasn’t
mad at me.
“I’m sorry, Tia,” I said. Lily gave me a quick wink while my mother
was still looking at me, and as my mother turned away, I hid a smile.
I knew my Tia would listen. I thought, she wouldn’t get on that plane,
not after what I’d shown her.
But I was wrong. They left for the airport while I was at school the
next day. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. My mother was
in the kitchen as I ran around the house looking for Tia and Tio.
“Where are they? Please tell me they didn’t leave,” I said when I
walked back in the kitchen.
“I told you to stop it, Sasha. You are way too old for this
childishness. It’s embarrassing,” she said. I stomped off. When I
arrived in my room, I threw my backpack on the floor and kicked my
toys around.
Later, the phone rang as we were having dinner. I jumped in my
chair. I had been nervous all evening, wondering what would happen
to my Tia. My mother answered the phone.
“Hello,” she said. I locked my gaze on her holding the yellow
kitchen phone against her ear. She took the cord in her hand and
twirled it around her finger.
“Yes, I am Lola Rivera,” she said, and a moment later she stood
completely still. I watched as all the color drained from her face. She
turned to look at me and her eyes narrowed into a look that was a
mixture of disbelief and disgust. Then she turned her back to me and
leaned her shoulder against the wall. All her weight seemed to be
too heavy for her legs as she slumped all the way to the ground with
a heavy thud. My father got up from the table and walked over to her.
He put his arm around her back, and when she looked up at him,
she grasped at the collar around his neck and all I heard was the
sound of her gulping for air in between tears.
“¿Qué pasó?” my father demanded as he held her close.
“It’s Tia Lily and Tio William . . . Their plane went down in the
Atlantic,” she said to him in a whisper.
Even though I knew this would happen, I hoped I was wrong. But
more than that, I’d prayed to God I was wrong. Now, Tia Lily and Tio
William were dead because nobody listens to a ten-year-old.
Especially a ten-year-old that dreams of things before they happen
and sees all kinds of strange lights surrounding other people. Now
that Tia Lily was dead, I hated my drawings. I hated my dreams. And
I just wanted to be like everyone else.
 2

SIX YEARS LATER

One night after an average day of school and work, I closed my eyes
and off I went. I floated, lifted away into a dream. I wrote the dream
down in my journal as soon as I woke up the next morning, and it
was the start of all the many dreams that came after.
My feet felt heavy, like weights were tied to the soles of my
shoes. Confused, I looked down and all I saw were my sneakers, no
weights. So why wouldn’t they get off the ground? They kept me
planted on earth even though I wanted to fly.
Standing in my front yard, I knew I could get somewhere now. A
little bit off the ground was all I needed, and I would take it from
there. Yes! Yes! My feet were still heavy, but my will was greater. Up
I lifted off the ground, floating. Six inches, then twelve, then two feet
up in the air. I floated and willed myself higher and higher until I saw
my house underneath me, small and getting smaller.
When I looked down again, I saw an open field with my high
school sitting in the center. I soared higher and the building
appeared as tiny as a discarded toy. Whoa, I thought, as I looked at
the clouds still way above me. I could really fly, and it felt like
freedom. Do not look down, I told myself. There is only darkness
down there.
 The next day, as the sun glared down from a cloudless sky, I
found myself at the back of the football bleachers, smoking a blunt
with friends. They were all talking about how they hated school and
couldn’t wait for it to be over. Their grades were so bad they were
sure they would have to drop out by next year. My grades were bad
too. Sophomore year was a complete blur. Now, as a junior, the
dismal monotony of the narrations of history and science, math and
literature, recited among innumerable chairs and desks, seemed
irrelevant and generic.
Thoughts of any future impact, the need to charge through and
do well as the means to an end, were absent from my reasoning.
The buzz and bustle of football players and cheerleaders, track and
soccer teams, cooking and photography clubs only served to remind
me of what I should but could not or would not do. The kids that
participated in all those activities had the promise of stability, and I
had the promise of just getting through the next few years before I
could be done with it.
Nikki chimed in, “Look guys, don’t worry, the universe will
provide. We have fresh air to breathe, blunts to smoke, and just
about everything we need already. What do I need to go to school
for, really? Anyways, I could get a job doing just about anything.”
She coughed a bit after saying this, the weed starting to hit her.
Nikki was my Cuban-American personal bipolar Buddha,
occasionally spitting transcendental words of wisdom, then laughing
and doing the exact opposite of what she advised. She played with
the ideas of greater purpose and deeper meaning, while finding
amusement in the confusion that seemed like black smoke clouding
our adolescent brains from reason and logic. But with her cute smile
and extra-large bra size, she got away with everything.
 Oh my god, I thought, she does not know what she’s talking
about.
Just then, a deep sinking feeling filled my stomach. Now
completely nauseous, I shivered as chills ran through my body. My
grades were awfully bad; I knew that. Had I fallen that far—had I
failed already—or was there a chance still?
“Yo, what’s the matter with you? Why are you so quiet? Dang girl,
you look sick,” Nikki said.
“Nothing. I’m fine. I have to go,” I told her.
My mind thought only in expletives as I walked through the gym
door. I kept repeating these expletives to myself as I marched down
the long hallway to the main office. Once again, a strong curse word
repeated inside, and one more time as my hands grabbed the door
to the office and pulled it open. Right then I knew graduating was my
only option. I admit that my timing was bad because I was high. And
maybe they would be able to tell as much from the sight of my red
eyes and aromatic clothes, but I didn’t care. I marched right into the
counselor’s office.
She greeted me with a short “Hello, what is it you need?”
According to the nameplate on her desk, she was Mrs. Jones, and
from her greeting I took it that her patience was thin.
“Hello. I need to graduate next year. What can I do to make sure
it happens?” I said quickly, getting straight to the point.
Mrs. Jones was an attractive Black woman with short hair,
glasses, and—judging from the donut on her desk—a sweet tooth.
As she took me in, I shifted my stance and pulled my hair behind my
ears. Feeling self-conscious, I wished that I had stopped in the
bathroom on the way here to check my appearance and wash my
hands.
 “Look, I have a lot of work to do. There are 1,200 students in this
school and a lot of them want to graduate and have been working
hard to do it. You need to come back later when I have time.” She
shook her head sternly as she said this and began to turn back to
her computer, but I wouldn’t be put off. I was desperate, and despite
my impulses, I could not force her to pay attention to me. I lowered
my head for a second to search for the right words, the best way to
get her to sympathize, to believe in me. I looked back up.
“I’m afraid.” I sighed in genuine desperation. “I’m very afraid that
with my grades now, I won’t be able to graduate. I know I messed
up, okay? I really want to make this right. I can take night classes,
come to summer school. Whatever I need to do, I will do it.”
Mrs. Jones turned back toward me now and stared. She tapped
her pencil on the desk. She shuffled and stacked papers. She made
me stand there without saying anything. Finally, when she looked
directly at me, I could tell she was listening.
“Okay,” she said.
She softened a bit and turned toward the computer. Hastily she
asked for my information and looked up my profile.
“Just give me a few minutes,” she said, as she typed and read
and typed and read some more. I placed my things on the floor and
sat straight-backed in the chair in front of her desk. I watched as she
removed a form from a folder and began to fill it out. When she was
done, she said to me, “You are going to have to take a night class in
English Literature. You’re lucky, because a class starts next week,
and I can put you in,” Mrs. Jones looked—I don’t know—hopeful?
This made me hopeful. What she was telling me, in other words, was
that I had a chance.
“Also,” Mrs. Jones continued, “this summer, you’ll have to take
classes in Algebra and Physics, and get passing grades in every
subject you take starting right now to the end of this year and all of
next.”
“Thank you so much,” I told her excitedly. “Sign me up for
everything. The summer school classes too. Don’t worry; I will pass
them all.” Ms. Jones gave me a skeptical, sideways stare.
“Good luck with that,” she said, as her demeanor shifted back to
blatantly impatient, as if she already regretted helping me. She
handed me a printout with the schedule and went right back to the
huge stack of papers on her desk without giving me a second look.
Unshaken by Ms. Jones’s lack of faith, I was determined. There was
a lot of work ahead of me, and it was all or nothing.
 JANUARY 1997

The meaning of my dreams continued to perplex me. I flew higher

and got farther away in each dream, looking down at a growing
darkness that I did not understand. One day, when Nikki and I were
walking around in the mall, we strolled into a small fashion boutique.
After scanning for store clerks and mall security, who occasionally
dressed as civilians to throw us off, I slipped a silver ring with a
turquoise stone into my pocket and watched as Nikki stuffed a nude
lip gloss in her sleeve. Our next stop was a jewelry counter with a
glass case full of gold and silver chains that I could not afford, which
made them even more desirable. The kiosk also did piercings.
“Maybe you should get your nose pierced,” Nikki said. My eyes
opened wide, and I felt a shiver shoot straight down my back as she
said this, because I knew exactly what was going to happen next.
“What, Sasha? What’s that look? It’s not a big deal. Anyway, I’m
going to do it,” said Nikki. I shook my head as the words I wanted to
say stayed stuck in my throat like a mothball. Nikki took a sideways
look at me, shook her head, and rolled her eyes as she put her hand
on her hip and moved toward the counter.
“Excuse me, can I get some help here?” she said to the attendant
at the kiosk. She didn’t bother to check with me again for any signs
of approval; she just went for it. I, however, was frozen in place, and
when the attendant presented her with the different stud options that
she had in stock, I stole a glance of myself in the mirror. Black, shiny
waves of hair framed deep olive-colored skin. Emerald-green eyes,
normally bright and carefree, stared back at me, confused.
A few short minutes later Nikki, twirling a light brown curl around
her finger, sashayed over to me with a fresh gold stud piercing on
display on the top of her right nostril. “Fresh, isn’t it,” she said with a
sly smile.
“Um . . . yeah. Most def,” I said, without sharing in her
excitement.
“Seriously, what is your deal? I mean, it’s not your face. Why do
you look so . . . shocked?” she asked.
I wasn’t sure how to tell her what I was thinking and the immense
sense of déjà vu that I experienced in that very moment. This feeling
of déjà vu was also ominously familiar in such a way that my lip
quivered and my hands balled into fists. I felt the urge to both fight
and run at the same time. I shook it off, buying myself some time to
figure out how I could tell her this.
“I think I’m just hungry, and watching your nose get drilled into
made me kind of nauseous on an empty stomach,” I put my hand on
my stomach as I said this. “Can we go get something to eat?” I
hoped she was hungry too.
“Yes! Definitely. I think Carlos is working at Chick-fil-A. Let’s go
see if he will hook us up,” she said with a smile.
When we were sitting in the food court sharing the meal that
Carlos slipped us when his manager wasn’t looking, I began to tell
her about my dream from last night. It was one of the many dreams I
had been having lately about flying, but this time, instead of lifting off
the ground right away, I got curious about some shapes I saw faded
in the background. When the shapes came into focus, I saw Nikki
look at herself in a mirror, just as she did at the kiosk with the new
piercing. In the dream, she also looked directly at me and said,
“Fresh, isn’t it?”
“Yo! You’re a psychic,” she blurted out, laughing.
I didn’t find anything about this funny. “Yeah, right. It’s crazy,
though. I saw it in the dream as clear as I saw it just now,” I said,
shaking my head.
“You know, my mom interprets dreams. She can help you figure
out what they are trying to tell you,” she said, serious now. I could tell
she wasn’t being facetious. Ms. Gabriel was something of a spiritual
guide. She sold insurance during the day and read tarot cards and
dabbled in astrology at night. As Nikki told me this, I wondered if I
should talk to her about the dreams, since at this point they had not
stopped; I was now having them every night.
“Yeah, next time I’m at your house, I will talk to her,” I said as I
stuffed a french fry in my mouth. Whatever this was, it didn’t feel
right. Maybe it would be good to talk to someone about it. Someone
that could help.
SIBLING RIVALRY

A few days had passed since Nikki pierced her nose, and I kept
having the flying dreams. I was deep in thought about the previous
night’s dream when I looked around campus and noticed all the
other kids had been picked up and were on their way home. I
seethed at the thought of my brother. The nerve. The absolute nerve.
Where was Alejandro? His 1985 Mustang sat idle in the parking lot,
so I knew he was somewhere on campus, but I had no idea where.
Tattered leaves and discarded candy wrappers blew in the wind as I
sat and waited all alone.
This was not right. My handsome brother, Mami’s favorite, the
golden child with light brown wistful curls and hazel eyes that could
do no wrong, was doing me wrong right then. I knew she would not
care. She would probably get upset at me for even telling her. What
would his excuse be this time? Football practice? Studying? I
expected that he may not even bother coming up with an excuse.
I hauled myself up from the solitary bench and began the two-
mile trek home.
Resentment filled my inner narrative, bubbling up like lava. Those
cheats. My mother kept a close eye on my bank account, and not in
that honest-to-goodness wanting-to-help way. In her infatuation with
my brother, Mami convinced me to give him the one thousand dollars
I earned flipping burgers at Burger Shack, working for a pervert of a
manager, so he could buy a dingy car that he was supposed to use
to take us both to and from school and work. It took me months to
save that much, and even though I paid for his car, he never took me
anywhere. El dichoso even left me in the morning before school
unless I was unavoidably waiting by the door when he headed out.
 As I began my walk, I noticed the wind that blew the leaves at
school had also deserted me. The breeze withheld, the beaming
sun’s generosity was unwelcome. Distant rallying cries pierced the
silence as the girls’ soccer team blasted shots to the goal during
practice. They were running drills. Feeling a pang of regret for never
even trying out, I kept walking and heard the band practicing for
homecoming, another place I did not belong. With my head dropped
even lower, I walked faster and hoped that all the commotion would
soon cease. It was then, in my brooding, that I heard someone yell,
“Yo, B-girl!”
At the sound of her voice, a spark of happiness shot through me
like a current. There was my girl, Nikki. Seeing her was just what I
needed. “What are you up to?” she said, oblivious that she had just
saved me from my endless internal banter. As I told her what my
selfish brother did, I was instantly relieved.
“That sucks! Don’t worry, I can take you home from now on,
okay? I’m glad I ran into you; I was just getting out of detention,” she
said.
“What were you in detention for?” I asked, no longer entrenched
in hostility.
“Right before class started, I went up to Valerie because she tried
to push up on my man. I told her I knew and that she better back off,
and she denied it. Can you believe it? So I got up in her face and
told her she better not get with him again or I was coming for her.
She started crying and the teacher overheard the last part, so she
stuck me in detention today.”
“That’s right.” I shook her hand, high-fived, and dapped her. “You
gots to represent.”
“Okay, so you want to hang out tonight?” she asked, since it was
Friday, after all.
 “Well, I have to work. I kind of feel like just going home after,” I
said.
“No, you are not going home, you’re coming out with me!”
Stuck in my head with all the frustration from earlier, I didn’t really
feel like going out. But Nikki was just not the kind of person you
could say no to. She did not hear no; she just kept asking. That day I
wanted to avoid the discourse. Anyway, I figured I needed to go out
and let off some steam.
“Okay, sure, sounds fun,” I answered with hesitation.

At nine p.m. sharp, Nikki walked up to my store just as I was closing

the shop. “Hey girl,” she said, and we kissed each other on the
cheek.
“Dang, you look good! I love your skirt and that top. What is that,
satin? It’s just so shiny,” I told her, admiring her ensemble. Nikki was
stunning, with a slim figure, wide hips, and light olive skin. Her dark
brown eyes and curly hair radiated as a beam of light through
tempered glass. What she lacked in purity and innocence, she made
up for in grit. I think that was what attracted me most to her. She was
like me, on the fringes of the social circles at school, only she wore it
like a badge of honor, while I was still figuring it out.
“Oh, I so need to dance tonight,’” I told her, as I picked up my
backpack from the floor and we strutted to the mall restrooms
nearby.
“Me too. I’m taking you to that new club in Ft. Lauderdale
everyone is talking about.”
“Sounds dope. I’ve got the perfect outfit!”
I quickly changed into a tight strappy black dress, big gold hoop
earrings and gold bracelet, red lipstick, and red heels. “Girl, you look
fly!” Nikki told me, smiling.
“Yes, I know. I lifted this dress yesterday from Maxx Rack and
they almost busted me.” Nikki started laughing. Sometimes I wasn’t
sure who was the bad influence in our relationship—me or her.
“Roll this up before we go, so we can light up in the car,” she
said, handing me a quarter bag of some fine-smelling Cannabis
sativa.
“Oh, heck yes, score!” I had to give her props for this one.
We arrived at the club and sashayed our way past the long line
outside the main entrance. The tropical humidity was palpable, filled
with an electric energy that charged the air and gave us both the
desire to move, to dance, to enjoy every sound and sensation. High
off the weed and the night, we could hear the thumping Caribbean
beats from the outside. We approached the front of the line that
wrapped around the block with beautiful young men and women
anxious to get inside.
After measuring up the situation, we turned to each other and
smiled because we both knew what we would do. Waiting in line was
not our thing. Just as we had always done, we strutted right up to the
bouncer like we knew someone important, or we were someone
important. As Nikki had told me when we first started doing this, “You
are what you believe yourself to be,” and right now, we believed we
were VIP.
We eyed one of the bouncers like he was the sexiest man alive,
and he didn’t even look in our direction. He was there, chatting with
the other two bouncers, doing his part to look arrogant and
unapproachable. I never understood why they made everyone wait
so much outside. Did it make the place so much more desirable to
have a long line? Were people that gullible?
 The bouncer would not look over at us. I felt awkward, and we
both grew impatient. After about a minute Nikki called out to him in
her most alluring voice, “Hey boo, why don’t you come over here and
talk to me for a second?” He just ignored her.
As she said this, my cousin Angel appeared from behind the
bouncer, dressed sharp in dark pants and a tucked-in button-down
shirt that highlighted his handsome masculine upholstery. Standing
just as tall as the bouncers, only leaner and more refined, Angel
loved being in the spotlight. He was once a teenage model for
Macy’s, and it was easy to see why, with my aunt’s straight black
hair, complemented by a square jawline and soothing brown eyes
that instantly drew you in. Angel was about five years older than I
was and always hustling.
He saw me right away and came over to give me a big hug.
“Sashita??? Is that you?” He looked surprised.
“Hi, Angel.”
“Hola cariño, que gusto verte! Te ves belllaaaa . . . Wow, you are
all grown up now!” He eyed me up and down as he said this; it made
me feel a little like I had it going on, and a lot like I was a prized
horse. We hadn’t seen each other in a few years.
“Hola primo, tanto tiempo!” I said in a tone that was as buoyant
and bouncy as a bubble. Where did that come from? Keep it cool,
Sasha, keep it cool, I told myself.
Like a good showman, Angel lifted my right hand and twirled me
around in the front of the line. Even though I half expected he would
put on a show, the whole thing made me feel like a young schoolgirl
at her first dance recital. Heat shifted up into my cheeks, and silently
I prayed my feet would be steady so I would twirl gracefully and not
stumble.
 “Check it out—everyone is looking at us,” he whispered in my
ear. “Watch this now.” As he finished twirling me, he took it one step
further, grabbing Nikki’s hand and twirling her around too. Great, now
we were both show ponies at the rodeo. My smile was forced, but
Nikki’s looked genuine.
Angel was older, and for as long as I could remember, he was
always busy, running around town, driving nice cars, and flying to
extravagant places. Apparently, he had a ton of connections and
worked different nightclubs around town.
“I work for the nightclub management company; I’m the
promotions manager here,” he said without being asked. “You came
to the right place. Come on, I’ll get you in.”
When she heard that, Nikki gave a cool, confident smile, but I
knew she was holding back an even bigger one. I couldn’t blame
her; I was thrilled that I was the reason we got inside of this place.
Who knew what other good things this night could bring? Angel
turned to the bouncers and said in his thick accent, “Come on,
vamos, let these girls in. They are my guests.” Angel looked serious
for a moment, and stopped us before we continued in, “Am I going to
get in trouble with my tia for letting you in here?” he asked.
I had to sound very convincing now. “No, no. Lola knows I’m here
and she’s totally cool about it. Don’t worry.”
“Okay, but I’ll be watching you.” He smiled and gave a million-
dollar wink.
“Damn girl, if only your cousin wasn’t gay! I’d be all over that,”
Nikki said to me, as he herded us in past the line at the ID check and
cashier.
“Follow me,” he said, grabbing my hand and guiding me past the
crowds to a table near the bar that read Reserved. “You ladies hang
out here; I’ll be back in a bit. Pero cuidate, okay?” He looked at me
sincerely as he said this.
“Claro!” I replied.
I took a second to soak it all in. We were in an expansive
Caribbean-style room with vaulted and exposed white wooden
trusses, white columns, and tropical plants lining the background.
The club wasn’t packed yet, but I could tell from the vibe that a truly
lively party was about to go down. As we stood by our VIP table,
three different guys tried to hit on us and got quickly dismissed, as
many others followed our every movement with their eyes.
Angel returned just a few minutes later with two Sex on the
Beach cocktails. “Here you go, ladies. It’s good to know people,
right?” He said this right before a gorgeous blonde came and told
him something we could not interpret, and then he was off again.
“Cheers,” we both said at the same time.
Feeling the positive vibes, we danced to the pulsing dance hall
sounds of Buju Banton and Bounty Killer. We whined to “Murder She
Wrote” by Chakadimus and Pliers. We drank and laughed and flirted
until Nikki nudged me with her elbow.
“Hey girl, look over there, at the DJ booth. One for you, one for
me,” she said.
“Oh no, Nikki. Listen, I’m not trying to hook up with anyone,
okay? I have got to focus on graduating. That is all I’m about right
now.” I rolled my eyes. She grabbed my arm and began to pull me to
the DJ booth. She found a space for us to dance with a direct line of
sight to the two DJs. She started staring and smiling at one of them,
and he waved her over. I stayed just where I was as she went.
A few minutes later she returned, grabbed my arm, and said,
“Okay, so they are asking us to come join them at their booth. Just
come along, okay? They won’t bite.” She had to tug at my arm to get
me to move, and I hesitantly walked up the steps.
“Hey, I’m Shawn, and that’s my boy Omar.” Shawn pointed to the
other DJ as he was working the turntables. Apparently, Nikki had
quickly gotten acquainted with Shawn, because when he sat on the
couch, she went and sat right on his lap. I rolled my eyes again.
There was a bottle on the table and a waitress came over and
served us each a drink. I drank it down in one shot. My feet felt
restless sitting there doing nothing, so I got up and started dancing.
I guess I had a little too much, because I didn’t realize it when
Shawn went back to the booth and Omar stood behind me, moving
to the merengue beat. He was exactly the kind of boy I needed to
stay away from, but a little merengue wouldn’t hurt.
Twenty minutes later, we were still at it, and I had worked up a
sweat.
“Thanks for the dance. You’re good,” I said, as I tried to find a
way to not get drawn into his orbit.
“You are too,” he said with a coy smile.
“Okay, well, I am going to get going now. Nice to meet you,” I
said, looking around for Nikki. Omar looked like a Latino version of
Will Smith and was clearly a distraction. That smile was way too
inviting, and all it said to me was trouble. Nikki was standing by a
group of people chatting it up. I went over and spoke loud enough for
her to hear me over the music.
“Let’s go, please Nikki. Now,” I said.
“Oh bummer, no, I don’t want to,” she said. “Just wait for Shawn
to get off shift and we’ll all go get something to eat.”
“No, we won’t, Nikki. I need to go. Please,” I said, with my
eyebrows furrowed and my teeth clenched. She shot me a deadly
evil eye and snatched her purse up from the couch. Like a child, she
stomped out of the club. She barely said a word to me the whole
drive home. When she dropped me off, she said, “Thanks for killing
my buzz.”
4
 CHAPTER 4

Omar called me at one p.m. the very next day.

“Hola, con Sasha, por favor,” he said.
“Who is this?” I asked.
“Omar. We met last night,” he said.
“Oh, hi,” I said, as I melted into a blob from his accent. He had
told me the night before that he was Colombian. Shawn was
Jamaican. They grew up together and recently moved here on their
own from New York.
“Yo, so you are a really good dancer, you know that? I was
wondering, with all those moves from last night, you must be tired
today?” he asked.
“I’m good—a little hung over, but I’m okay.” I tried to perk up my
voice, excited to hear from him and feeling flattered he went through
some effort to get my phone number.
“Let me and Shawn pick you up and take you to the beach
today,” he said.
I wanted to say “Of course, come get me!” But I thought better of
it.
“The beach sounds fun, but I just woke up. What about Nikki?” I
said, not sure why.
He said, “Shawn has her address. We’ll get her, then swing by
your house after.”
I wanted to scream no. Tell him I was not interested in dating or
hanging out with guys. That school was my priority. But I did none of
that, and then the line was dead.
 They pulled up into my driveway in a brand-new Mercedes Benz
C-Class sedan. I had never seen a car so expensive. When I got in,
Nikki acted like she wasn’t totally rude to me the night before and
said, “Oh heyyyy.”
“Hey,” I replied.
As we were driving, I whispered in Nikki’s ear, “How could two
twenty-something DJs afford such a damn expensive car?”
“I don’t know, girl, and I don’t care. Stop being a downer,” Nikki
replied.
Before heading to the beach, we stopped by Houston’s on the
Intracoastal for lunch. Clear glass walls and a black oak floor
highlighted the spectacular views of the bay. The young men were
about to treat us to a meal worth more than I made in a month.
Laughing, Omar asked me, “Why do you look so confused?
You’re reading that menu like you’re studying for an exam.” I looked
around the table, and now they were all laughing.
As my cheeks began to flush, I said, “I just don’t know what I’m in
the mood for.”
“What about this?” said Omar, pointing to Steak and Fries.
“Perfect! I’ll get that.” Excited and relieved, I put down the menu.
They were all talking, drinking, and eating comfortably, but I had
to force myself to be at ease. This new dining experience dawned on
me all at once, and while I wanted to enjoy it, I just felt awkward.
Luxury, comfort, and excess filled my senses through just one meal.
The distant reality of MTV Cribs and Lifestyles of the Rich and
Famous was now brought within my reach as a close spectator and
not just some fantasy on the television.
“People live like this?” I said aloud without realizing it.
“Yes, they really do,” answered Omar, who was now alert to my
awe.
 We didn’t even make it to the beach. Just after lunch, Omar got a
page on his beeper and looked at me as though he was about to
give me terrible news. “Love, I have to go. Something just came up
for work.”
He had just spent all that money on an extravagant lunch and
never even made a move on me. I was sure he would. Pero el
hombre no hico nada.
“Okay, I get it, let’s go,” I said, at ease now that I did not have to
pretend I belonged there any longer.

On Saturday a week later, Omar invited me to his place, and of

course, I asked Nikki to drive me. We had a pact—we never went
anywhere alone. Following his directions, we arrived at a beautifully
decorated townhome bachelor pad in a nicer neighborhood than I
was used to. Well-groomed lawns greeted us throughout the drive,
along with solid cedar doors with clean windows and walls. I
wondered what it took to get to live like them.
“Hello, love,” he said, as he opened his unscathed dark wooden
door to greet me with those compelling eyes and slight dimple in only
his right cheek. I peered inside, noticing that all the furniture was
new, modern, chic. Feeling oddly conscious of my tight-fitting skirt
and top, I smiled politely and slowly stepped inside. Nikki, on the
other hand, pranced right by as if she had visited a thousand times.
“Yo, I love your house. Dope,” she said, nodding.
“Here, come in, sit,” he said. “Want something to drink?”
“Thank you,” were the first words out of my mouth since I got
there.
“Did you find the house okay?”
 “Yes, your directions were perfect,” I said, eyeing the artistic
metal dome of a chandelier over his dining table.
“Good,” he replied.
“Do you live here by yourself?” I had to ask.
“No, Shawn and I share the crib,” he said with his head slightly
tilted.
Damn, I didn’t expect that answer. This home had more to tell,
and I was not inclined to ask. What would the wall tell me if it could
speak? That smooth, mysterious pale beige surface held the
answers to my questions. What about the inverse—would the wall
betray me to him, tell him that I do not belong here? That I am
different and not worthy of him. Not enough as I am, from my littered
and humble neighborhood. Now standing there, surrounded by his
lofty, inaccessible privilege, would he think less of me? Would he
believe I wasn’t at his level? My insecurity ensued and my discomfort
was once again notable.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asked, and didn’t wait for an
answer; he just went on to say, “I know, you need to smoke some
weed.”
After a few deep inhales, my guard went down, and I relaxed my
face and shoulders. When I was no longer worried about who I was
or was not, he slid his arm around me, triggering unruly goose
bumps to swarm up and down my body as we strolled out to the
patio.
“I like this silver necklace. It looks nice on you,” he said, holding
the delicate diamond charm in his hands. When I looked down at it,
he moved in a bit closer, and just as I looked up to tell him what I
liked so much about my necklace, he went in for a kiss. It was then
that I became distinctly aware of my convulsing knees. He had to
hold me in place, or I would have fallen. A bit dizzy and rushed with
excitement, I felt a warmth coming from inside as every hair on my
body stood up. He moved his hand to caress my face. Just then,
Shawn walked in the front door, and we stopped to look at him.
Shawn quickly got the idea about what he’d just walked in on.
“My bad,” he mumbled, then quickly returned out the door. “I forgot
something.”
My eyes met Omar’s again, my lips smiling without my help. He
moved back in to kiss me and I felt the heat return, rising from my
legs and up through my chest. He took his time, stopped, looked at
me, and said, “You’re real cute. I can’t stop looking at your eyes.”
I smiled back at him. “Thank you, so are you. I can’t stop looking
at your dimple.”
Taking me by the hand, he walked me over to his room. “Here we
can get some privacy,” he said as he looked at me intently. I
wondered if Nikki was nearby and if she was okay. He sat on the
bed, and to my discreet delight, he pulled me toward him and sat me
on his lap. Instead of kissing me, he picked up my necklace again,
then used it to pull me forward. Drawn to him, I opened my mouth to
kiss him. He did not return the kiss but left my mouth open, wanting
more. We continued like this, intertwined.
As we lay in bed afterward, without wanting to, somehow my
mouth spoke the words, “I’ve got a chemistry report due for school
tomorrow. I better go.” Determined to finish high school, I was
constantly in fear of failing a test. There was just so much extra work
needed to make up for the credits I’d missed. Another heated
exchange of intimacy with this delicious man could take me away
from the bigger, more important goal.
Omar nodded. Could it be that it turned him off, either because I
gave it up too fast or because I left too early? I wished I could read
his mind as I stood by the door ready to walk out, watching as he
came to me once more. His lips, then his chest and torso attended
mine, so I could feel the connection, the slight pressure. Without
uttering a word, I was reassured in knowing that he still wanted me.
With tempered excitement, I reminded myself that if I stayed, I would
have one drink, then another, then smoke, then drink another until I
was radically spiraling in a substance-nurtured plunge of excess.
Once I started, I could not stop.
Well, I did know this about myself—I was relentlessly inclined to
partake of elements that altered my perception of reality, those that
allowed me to experience what felt like electromagnetic charges.It
was like a kind of energy, surrounding me with new senses, giving
me permission to explore my existence more naturally, without the
confines of the rules that restrained me while at the same time
protecting me. This excited me profoundly. It felt freeing, somehow.
Like I was connected to something outside of myself, something that
I could not put into words.
Yet, indulging even a little more with Omar would lead me into a
deep plunge where I could deviate from the plan. No, jeopardizing
the test was nonnegotiable. My thoughts turned to Ms. Jones, my
school counselor. I could not let her down. As tempting as he was, I
stood firm and focused on the goal.
“Nikki,” I shouted. “Let’s go!”

My father, the Vietnam veteran, struggled daily with what he saw in

the war. If he would clean himself, brush his dirty-blond hair, and
shave, he could be a handsome man of six feet two and strong build.
The man that gave me my beloved green eyes fancied tattoos on his
arm and bore a disheveled look about him. The unclaimed war
brought him into dark, narrow places, and alcohol was his coveted
remedy.
After his almost-daily visit to the liquor store, he returned with a
bottle wrapped in crisp brown paper, the magic potion—rather,
poison—that bestowed upon him the gift of numbing the pain of his
past and burdens of the future. Those empty, dreadful images
slipped into the deep recesses of his mind. Quite simply, this meant
that regularly, when he spoke to his kids, he made no sense. Any
feeble attempts at connection led to my constant disappointment,
and after so many years, I no longer tried. Where there was once
affection, our relationship dissipated into tolerance, and then
resentment.
While my attempts ceased, Lola still held on. She was dependent
upon his approval; he was the man she would never give up on and
give everything up for. It was a slippery slope to invest in someone
that did not have anything to give. The cycle never ceased, and had I
not been so stubborn, I would have fallen into the same pattern. No,
I vowed not to depend on a man to give me value because
unwittingly, Lola did resent him. Her attempts at covering up
resentment were weak at best.
That day, after I arrived home from Omar’s, I went to the kitchen
to prepare a snack, and afterward, I planned to get to my
schoolwork. It was dim in the cluttered kitchen. There were dishes
with old food piled around the sink and not much to eat in the
refrigerator. Unlike Omar’s house, our house was in disrepair, with
water stains on the ceiling and cabinet doors that fell off the hinges.
The house was not necessarily messy, but it was unloved. The night
brought the constant ringing of police cars, typical of our
neighborhood, with neighbors either partying or yelling at each other
and the occasional gunshot ringing out.
 I settled on eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. As I laid
out the bread and began to smear the creamy peanut butter on a
fluffy white slice, Dante strolled into the kitchen. Reeking of rum and
Coke, he sported a white wifebeater with blue jeans. Such the
stereotype. Following his Italian lineage from Puerto Rico back to
Sicily, Dante came from a long line of blue-collar breadwinners. He
worked a long day, from five in the morning until early afternoon, at
the county electrical plant. He managed to function just enough to
keep us surviving. After all, a job was a job.
His dull, glossy eyes caught mine, and I soon sensed an ill-
directed hostility. The tattoos that lined a muscular chest and
forearms—thanks to regular bench presses with the weight set he
kept in the backyard—looked particularly foreboding. Dante carefully
filled his cup with ice, then approached the bottle of dark rum on the
counter, pouring it gently over the ice. Delicately, he replaced the cap
and set the bottle back down. With his glass now poured, he turned
to me and slurred, “Who just dropped you off and where were you
this afternoon?” He never asked me anything. Not about school, not
about work, and not about my favorite flavor of ice cream.
“What do you care?” I responded, instantly regretting the short
temperament that framed my answer. His forehead wrinkled as he
looked down at his hand and we both watched as he slowly curled
each finger, one by one, and the hand turned into a fist. Clenched
tight, the first started to move into a fully packed right hook that
landed with precision on my left cheekbone. Dear father, no longer
boxing in the ring, slammed into me so hard I flew across the room.
Thrust backward, I banged my back on the kitchen counter and
bounced right off, falling to the floor. This wasn’t the first time he hit
me, but nonetheless, every time it was a surprise. I curled into a ball
on the dirty tiles, where I sobbed quietly with not so much as a
glance in his direction, so he wouldn’t call me weak. Dante paused
for a second to contemplate me like a hunter would contemplate an
injured deer. He then grabbed his cup with ice and rum and calmly
walked away. Not sure where in the house he went afterwards, I was
very sure I did not care.
We went without speaking for what felt like weeks after that. He
never apologized, but Lola told me I had to. In the weeks that
followed, I thought a lot about the people in my life, the things that
had happened. I concluded that the way TV portrayed a father in
Growing Pains and Beverly Hills 90210 was not reality, boyfriends
are a huge distraction, brothers will take your money, and mothers
are victims to everyone around them.
I would be different, I told myself. I would learn how to defend
myself physically, and if I simply could not physically, at least I would
emotionally. I would not build the proverbial emotional wall. Those
were penetrable; walls could be demolished. Instead, I would fly.

Again that night, I dreamt of flying. My feet were already off the
ground, and my hands were in front of me, where I could see them. I
was soaring. My home was just underneath me and got smaller as I
soared higher and higher. I did not know where to go, I thought. I
wanted to relax, to feel safe, but there was no safe place. I decided I
would just keep flying until I saw something that felt right.
I began to leave the city. Rooftops became scarce and I saw the
woods farther out behind my house. My body was being pulled
down. I began descending but did not want to . . . What was
happening? There was a patch of land; I could see the ground now.
My feet touched the ground, and I heard the crunch of leaves and
twigs underneath my sneakers. Trees surrounded me, with vines and
bushes that blocked my ability to see far. Yet there was a formless
movement about fifty feet away.
I shuddered when I saw the undefined and quivering Shadow that
was fast approaching and inexplicably familiar. The Shadow moved
as smoke or haze, and I could not look upon it, because my building
fear was too great. Closer now, I demanded, “Who are you? What do
you want?”
The Shadow answered with the calm of a thousand whispering
voices and an ominous tone. “I am YOUR shadow. You can try to fly,
but I will always catch you.” The Shadow said this through a vibration
that brushed against my very flesh, as if the sound itself was
composed of physical matter, of souls and spirits that spanned
centuries of time.
My heart pounded as the Shadow hovered and started to envelop
me. Wait, I can fly! I thought and lifted off the ground with the
Shadow following me from underneath. It stayed beneath me until I
reached my home once again. I entered my room, and chills riddled
my body to wake.
 5

MARCH 1998

It was late when I dwelled upon the darkness that spanned out over
the tall and short city buildings, streetlights, and electrical poles as I
waited for my mother to pick me up outside of the mall after work.
Am I alone? I wondered. I sensed the presence of someone else and
eerily recalled a vivid dark nightmare from the night before.
A homeless man sifted through a garbage can about fifty feet
away. A drop-top lowrider drove by in the otherwise empty parking
lot, blasting the song “Me So Horny” by 2 Live Crew while a dark-
skinned Latino popped his head out of the window and yelled out,
“Que buennna . . .” as they passed. Out of the corner of my eye, I
took note of movement in the background. What was that by the bay
door? A chill prickled at the back of my neck as I peered cautiously
around the corner with wide-open eyes. Oh, how I wished my mother
would just hurry up and get here. Where was she?
Arriving almost an hour after I was off my shift, Lola pulled up and
greeted me with an unapologetic “Hola, cariño.”
“Hi,” I replied, with relief that quickly turned to frustration because
of her presence.
“How was your day?” she asked, when I settled in my seat and
we pulled out of the mall parking lot. I took her in just then—dark
brown locks freshly blown out, her outfit complete with a plunging
neckline and a soft hue of shimmery rose that accented her eyelids,
topped off with cobalt blue mascara. So, this is what took her so
long; she was getting dressed up for something or someone.
“Mami, you were late. Don’t you realize that? I was starting to get
worried,” I said shortly.
Lola replied, “Mija, I’m sorry, okay? I was getting my hair done y
se me fue el tiempo.” She rubbed my shoulder sweetly and said,
“You going to tell me how your day was now?”
Reluctantly, I gave in to her charms and answered, “It was fine.
Not a lot of customers.” I paused and added, “But the new assistant
manager is annoying.”
“Pero . . . He might be annoying, but he’s very cute.”
“Seriously? Steve? I suppose he is cute.” I shrugged. “He’s not
that much older than me. I think he graduated about two years ago.”
I had not given him much thought.
“If I were you, I’d be flirting with him. Why not?” I saw what she
was getting at, and I wanted to avoid that conversation completely. I
found it weird to hear her talk about flirting, even hypothetically.
Besides, he was not my type—at all. My type listened to hip hop,
smoked weed, and did not play by the mainstream rules, just like
me. This kid was too straight and narrow.
“So, Mom, how was your day?” I said, trying to change the
subject.
“Bien, mija, ya tu sabe. All the girls at work were loving me in this
dress. What do you think? I’m wearing it out tonight,” Lola continued.
She had been going out a lot lately. I guess it made her feel good,
since my father never paid much attention to her. Maybe she did it to
make him jealous. Compulsively, I started changing the stations on
the radio until I found the song “Together Forever” by Lisette Mendez
and turned it up.
“Don’t you want to know why I’m dressed up or where I’m going?”
Lola said over the music that I was enjoying.
Not really. The last thing I wanted to know about was her need to
act like a teenager instead of a middle-aged married woman, but
instead I decided to humor her. “Sure, where?”
“We’re going to Monty’s with Mari and Janet. It is girls’ night, after
all. You are doing grown-up things now, going out and stuff. Why
don’t you come?” she asked sweetly. Was she serious? I was not
hanging out with my mom. She stopped talking at that point and I got
to enjoy my music.
Once at home, I headed to my room and started to study for one
of my tests the next day. I was on my bed, lying on my stomach,
about to open the textbook and notebook laid out in front of me. The
phone rang and I propped myself up on my elbows, then reached
over to pick it up.
“Hello?” I answered, and shifted into a comfortable position on
the bed.
“Hey girl, what are you up to?” said Nikki.
“I’m about to start studying for a test.”
“Damn, why are you always studying—especially now. It’s
summer!”
“I told you, I’m in summer school,” I said. Somehow, I managed to
pass all my junior-year classes. The closer I got to graduation, the
more motivated I was to do it.
“I was going to ask you to come over. My mom scored a stash.
But I see you are too busy.” I could picture her rolling her eyes right
after she said that.
 “Listen, Nikki. I do love smoking with you, but I am too busy. I’m
the only person that can get me that diploma, and I mean to do it.”
Just a few months since my conversation with the counselor, I had
elevated myself from someone with little hope of getting my diploma
to now being in summer school, doing well, and tracking to graduate.
“Yeah, I hear you. Not me. I’m dropping out and getting my GED.
I think the rest of the crew is too. You are going to be alone as a
senior. It’s easier just to get the GED. That’s what everyone else is
doing.”
“Well, I’m afraid if I drop out, I might not even go for the GED.” I
knew I could not follow their way of doing things. “Listen, I’m getting
a call on the other line. I’ll call you back.”
“Okay,” Nikki replied.
“May I speak to Sasha?” I recognized his voice right away—
Omar. A surge of energy pulsed through me.
“Hey,” I responded, surprised to be hearing from him.
“What are you doin’?” he said in his most polite voice.
“Studying. I have a test tomorrow,” I said, even though I had not
studied at all.
“All right,” he said.
“Okay, so that’s it?” I asked, without intending to sound so abrupt.
“What do you mean, that’s it?” he replied.
Right then, I wanted to ask him why he had not called. Why did
Nikki tell me she saw him making out with some girl at the club last
week? I wanted to tell him not to call me again because I was
focused on studying and he was obviously not really trying to have a
relationship with me. So, I was curious, what did he want?
But my problem, once again, was that I did not say any of this. I
remembered his combination of honey-colored skin, tall muscular
physique, and sharp jaw line that made him just so fine. On top of
that, he made good money, and if he was calling, it was because he
was still interested. For whatever reason, all these thoughts kept me
from saying what I wanted to say. Get yourself out of this, Sasha, I
told myself.
“I mean, is there something on your mind? Something you want
to talk about?” I said quickly, hoping to cover up any perceived
frustration.
“Just wanted to see if we could hang out. My friend is having a
party Saturday. You could come.”
“That sounds fun,” I said, as I sat up tall on my bed and twirled
the telephone cord around my finger. “Can you pick me up after
work? I’m done at nine.”
“Yeah, bet.”
After he hung up, a delightful buzz of excitement had me feeling
like I’d just inhaled air from a helium balloon. Every one of my
senses was lit up like a Christmas tree. His phone call meant that I
was on his mind and he wanted to see me again! I threw myself back
on my bed and looked up at the ceiling with wide-open arms. I
closed my eyes and pictured him.
It was in this stillness that I saw a little Shadow, like a black cat
scurrying by, and I considered the possibility that he was playing
games. We slept together and he didn’t call until two months later.
Two whole months. As the weeks went by, I had regretted going to
his house more and more. He was a distraction.
I opened my eyes and looked at my white popcorn ceiling. What
if instead, this was a chance for us to start something real?
Excitement returned and I began thinking of the important things—
starting with considering exactly what to wear that night.
On Saturday, Nikki met me at the mall. She hung out at the store
while waiting for me to be off, so Omar could pick us up and bring us
both to the party. She was talking to Steve, who always asked a few
too many questions. “So where are you ladies going?” He glanced at
me.
“To a party,” I said shortly. I did not want to go into details.
“Yeah, a super dope party. Why don’t you come?” Nikki said. I
shot her the deadliest of all looks. What was she even thinking? I did
not want to hang with that douche. His energy shifted; his face
seemed to be more expressive. I blinked a few times, because I
thought I saw a flash of green light come from behind him.
Then I realized I recognized that expression—Mrs. Jones gave
me a hint of it when I asked her about graduating. It was . . . I don’t
know, hopeful? He started staring at me strangely. I stared back
because I saw green again, surrounding him. A blank, expectant
look came across his face, waiting for me to say something.
I realized I was staring. “Yo, what are you looking at?” I said to
him defensively. “I didn’t ask you to come. Nikki did. And she should
not have, because this party is by invitation only, so consider the
invitation revoked,” I said with all kinds of attitude. His face became
serious and, a split second later, casual again, as if what I just said
did not bother him at all.
“You guys are too funny. I wouldn’t go to a kids’ party,” he
responded, and laughed as he looked away.
“Yeah, whatever. I think we are the youngest people invited.
These guys are ballers, okay? They have a nice crib, they are both
super famous DJs . . . yeah, you know what, it’s going to be lame.
You’re not missing anything,” I told him with my special combination
of sass and sarcasm.
“Well then, have fun at your lame DJ party,” he returned my
sarcasm, and for once, I found him slightly less annoying. He had
just earned himself a genuine smile. He returned the smile. Looking
around, he said, “Go ahead and cut out early, Sasha; there aren’t
any customers. I’ll cover for you.” I looked at the clock and noticed
he was letting me off fifteen minutes early.
With a bounce, I picked up my things from the locker in the back
and we rushed to the ladies’ room to change. I tugged over my head
a tight-fitting white tube top, then pulled up baggy hunter-green
jeans, complete with a cheetah-print belt and laced-up burgundy Dr.
Martens. Nikki was wearing a tank top and overall shorts with one of
the clasps hanging loose.
While we put on makeup and finished our hair, Nikki said, “Yo,
about Steve. I meant to tell you before. You know Anthony that
works at Monty’s? He saw Steve there, hanging out with your mom
and her friends. He said they were grinding each other on the dance
floor.”
“Here, try this gloss over that color. It will work great with your
skin,” I told her enthusiastically.
She took the gloss from my hand and tried it out. “You’re right, it
looks nice.”
“It looks perfect! You can have it. Oh, check it. Omar just paged
me that he’s outside. Let’s go. I’m so excited.” I put everything away,
slipped my purse over my shoulder, and stood by the door.
“What about your mom?” she asked.
“What about her? She’s fine. No big deal, she told me all about
her girls’ night out, okay? Tony is just trying to stir things up—you
know how he is.”
When we were satisfied with our hair and makeup, we rushed out
and found Omar sitting in his car already waiting for us outside. As I
entered the front passenger seat, his cologne took over my senses
and sparked an instant attraction. He looked over at me, gave that
big, sexy smile and said, “You look good, pretty girl.”
 His attention heightened my senses and brought a flushed feeling
to my cheeks. Was my face turning red? I hoped not. All this time
apart, and the allure of our last encounter lingered on within me, with
every aspect of our heated exchange returning to my memory as
soon as I saw him.
“What’s up? Good to see you,” I said, smiling coyly as I leaned in
to give him a kiss on the cheek. He turned his face precisely at the
right moment to land a quick kiss on my lips. It caught me off guard,
but not wanting to overthink it, I opted for indifference.
“Aw, so cute, now where’s my kiss?” Nikki said, and when she
leaned in to him, she was careful to kiss his cheek. Smart girl.
“So, Omar, I haven’t heard from Shawn. Will he be at the party?”
Nikki asked.
“Yeah, mon. He was asking about you. He’ll be there too,” he
said.
Nikki had about three guys checking her right then, so it surprised
me that she would even ask about Shawn. “Absence makes the
heart grow fonder. I bet he missed me,” she said lightly.
Laughing, Omar answered, “I’m sure he did.”
We pulled up to a middle-class home in a more-than-decent
neighborhood in Ft. Lauderdale. There were already several cars in
the driveway, and dancehall music spilled out onto the street. My
knees melted slightly as Omar placed his arm comfortably around
my shoulder and we walked into the house together.
Upon entering the surprisingly typical suburban home, I saw
several people milling about, but the place was far from packed. On
the plush grey couch sat some teenagers, with a few young adult
men chatting loudly in the kitchen. Caribbean music was playing in
the background, and I was still enjoying Omar’s arm around my
shoulder, because it made me feel like he was still interested. My
enjoyment was short-lived, though, as one of the guys got his
attention and Omar slipped away without a word.
I turned toward Nikki. “Hey girl, I think I smell some weed coming
from outside. Let’s go check it out.”
Nikki smiled. “Most def.”
We found a place to sit under the fan on the patio, then we easily
integrated into the smoke circle with a few other people we’d just
met. Not too much time had passed when Omar appeared with his
arm around a gorgeous Asian-Jamaican girl. My heart sank as
though it was tied to a ten-ton anchor, and it dropped to my feet with
a thick thud. I tried not to show the shock and disgust on my face,
but it must have been obvious, because then Nikki nudged me.
Nikki, knowing my temper, whispered, “Stay cool, Sasha.” Omar
laughed casually as he focused his attention on that girl. He seemed
unfazed by my reaction. She was probably a good friend, I told
myself; it was no big deal. He was just flirting.
After whispering in the diva’s ear, Omar looked over at me and
stepped away from the beauty. He came to us and shooed away the
Rasta teenager sitting next to me, then made himself comfortable.
As he did, he put his hand on my leg as if he had every right, and
this began to irritate me. I looked at his hand, then his face.
I had to satisfy my curiosity. “Who’s she?” I asked somewhat
intensely.
“Who? That girl over there? Just a friend. A business partner.
Come to think of it, you would like her. She’s got a sharp tongue just
like you,” he replied, with a nudge and chuckle.
“What kind of business partner?” I said.
“The kind that makes lots of money for both of us. Now, let me hit
that spliff,” he said, brushing me off. As he turned to talk to the Rasta
sitting on the other side of him, Nikki looked at me with both
eyebrows raised.
“Did you hear that? He said, ‘The kind that makes lots of money.’
I wonder what she does,” she whispered to me.
“Yes girl, I heard. There’s more to that story, and inquiring minds
want to know,” I answered giddily. That spliff was starting to get to
my head, after all, and Omar needed to know his little show with the
new girl was not enough to faze me.
A few hours passed, Nikki had disappeared, and I was talking
about Buju Banton’s latest album with some of the people I’d just
met. “Every song is just off the chain. Every single song,” I was
saying, when Nikki came up and interrupted me.
“Yo, come over here,” she said.
“Where’ve you been?” I said lightly, and put my arm around her
waist. She pushed it aside and looked at me seriously.
“Yo, you know how we are always complaining about money. I’m
so over it,” she said. It was true; we were always running some scam
to get cash. Just yesterday we were at a gas station telling a story to
a nice old man about how we needed gas money to get home, when
all we really wanted it for was to buy weed. He went to pay the
attendant for the gas instead of giving us the twenty dollars, and as
soon as he began to pump, the tank overflowed.
“Yeah, of course I know. Why are you bringing this up now?” I
asked.
“I found out what Omar’s business partner does, and we can do it
too,” she said, smiling from ear to ear.
“Okay, so tell me. I’m listening.”
“Well, she works for this guy named Razor. She goes to Jamaica
once a month, picks something up, and drops it off here in Miami.
Easy.”
Another Random Scribd Document
with Unrelated Content
 a. prothorax.

. Clypeiform (Clypeiformis). When the prothorax by its magnitude and

distinct separation forms one of the most conspicuous pieces of the
upper side of the trunk, so as nearly to represent the whole thorax;
the mesothorax and metathorax being mostly hidden by the elytra
and other organs for flight.—Ex. Coleoptera, Orthoptera, &c. Plate
VIII. Fig. 1, 10.
. Colliform (Colliformis). When the prothorax is short and narrow, and
not so conspicuous as the other pieces of the trunk.—Ex. Libellulina.
Plate IX. Fig. 6.
. Cerviculate (Cerviculatus). When the prothorax is elongate, attenuate,
and distinguished from the Antepectus by no suture; so as to form a
distinct and usually long neck. Plate III. Fig. 6.
. Evanescent (Evanescens). When no distinct prothorax is discoverable or
it is only represented by membrane.—Ex. Most Hymenoptera,
Diptera, &c.
. Marginate (Marginatus). When an impressed line or channel separates
the edge of the prothorax from the rest of its surface, and so forms
a margin.—Ex. Harpalus, &c.
. Immarginate (Immarginatus). When it has no such margin.—Ex. The
Rhyncophorous beetles.
. Explanate (Explanatus). When its sides are so depressed and dilated as
to form a broad margin.—Ex. Necrophorus, Silpha.
. Emarginate (Emarginatus). When a segment of a circle is taken out of
its anterior part for the reception of the head.
. Ambient (Ambiens). When this sinus is so large as to receive the whole
head.—Ex. Chilocorus.
0. Circumambient (Circumambiens). When its sides are elongated
anteriorly and curve inwards, their ends lapping over each other
and the head, so as to form a circle round the posterior part of the
 latter, and leave a space open for the eyes to see objects above
them.—Ex. Heleus.
1. Clypeate (Clypeatus). When it quite covers and overshadows the
head.—Ex. Lampyris, Cassida, Cossyphus.
2. Cucullate (Cucullatus). When it is elevated into a kind of ventricose
cowl or hood which receives the head.—Ex. Dictyonota crassicornis.
Plate XIII. Fig. 18. a[1100].
3. Alate (Alatus). When its sides are expanded into a kind of wing.—Ex.
Dictyonota crassicornis.
4. Auriculate (Auriculatus). When it expands on each side into two
processes resembling ears.—Ex. Ledra aurita.
5. Angulate (Angulatus). When its sides or base jut out into one or more
angles.—Ex. Copris.
6. Cruciate (Cruciatus). When it has two elevated longitudinal
obtusangular lines, the angles of which approach each other in its
middle, so as nearly to form a St. Andrew's cross.—Ex. Locusta.
Plate XIII. Fig. 17.
7. Obvolving (Obvolvens). When there are neither ora nor suture to
separate it from the antepectus.—Ex. Stenus, Curculio L.
8. Pulvinate (Pulvinatus). When in consequence of being depressed in
one place, it seems to puff out in another.—Ex. Aleochara
canaliculata, picea, &c.
9. Producted (Productus). When behind it terminates in a long
scutelliform process which covers the Mesothorax, Metathorax, and
great part of the Abdomen.—Ex. Acrydium, Centrotus.

b. antepectus.

. Trachelate (Trachelatum). When of itself it forms a neck, the prothorax

being represented only by membrane.—Ex. Xiphydria.
. Unarmed (Inerme). When it has no prosternum.—Ex. The
Rhyncophorous beetles. 3. Armed (Armatum). When it has a
prosternum. N.B. These two last terms may be extended also to the
Medipectus and Postpectus. And also to the whole together. Thus, if
there was no Sternum at all, it should be called Pectus inerme; and
if one existed in all these divisions of the breast, it would be Pectus
armatum.

c. arm (Brachium).
α. cubit (Cubitus).

. Clypeate (Clypeatus). When a concavo-convex plate is affixed to the

outside of the cubit.—Ex. Crabro clypeatus, scutatus, &c. ♂ . Plate
XV. Fig. 3. a.
. Palmate (Palmatus). When towards the apex the cubit is armed
laterally with several divaricate spiniform teeth.—Ex. Scarites,
Clivina. Plate XV. Fig. 5.
. Digitate (Digitatus). When the apex of the cubit is divided into several
long teeth or fingers.—Ex. Gryllotalpa. Plate XV. Fig. 6.
. Dolabrate (Dolabratus). When the apex of the cubit is dilated and
shaped something like the head of a hatchet. Plate XV. Fig. 4.

β. hand (Manus).

. Patellate (Patellata). When several joints of the hand are dilated so as

to form an orbicular patella furnished underneath either with
suckers, or a dense brush of hairs.—Ex. Dytiscus ♂ , Staphylinus.
Plate XV. Fig. 9.
. Scutate (Scutata). When a single joint of the hand is dilated into a
broad scutiform plate.—Ex. Hydrophilus piceus ♂. Plate XV. Fig. 8.
. Strigilate (Strigilata). When on the inner side of the first joint of the
hand or palm the segment of a circle is taken out at the base
opposite to the spur, the sinus being often pectinated with spines.—
Ex. Apis[1101]. Plate XXVII. Fig. 36. a.
. Auriculate (Auriculata). When any of the joints are externally dilated
into an auriform process.—Ex. Gryllotalpa. Plate XV. Fig. 6. t´´.

ii. ALITRUNK (alitruncus).

. Buried (Sepultus). When its upper surface is wholly or nearly covered

and hidden by the thorax, elytra or other organs of flight[1102].—Ex.
Coleoptera, Orthoptera.
. Revealed (Revelatus). When it is not so covered, but is equally
conspicuous with the Prothorax, or even more so.—Ex. Neuroptera,
Hymenoptera, Diptera. Atractocerus in Coleoptera.
. Coalite (Coalitus). When it is not separable into two segments, the
Medipectus and the Postpectus forming one piece.—Ex. Cimex L.
. Bisected (Bisectus). When it is separable into two segments.—Ex.
Lamellicorn beetles.

a. mesothorax.

α. collar (Collare).

. Uncovered (Apertum). When it is not concealed by the shield of the

prothorax.—Ex. Hymenoptera.
. Covered (Tectum). When it is quite concealed by the prothorax.
. Areate (Areatum). When it is larger than the prothorax, and
terminates towards the wings in two oblique areas, inclosed by a
ridge often crowned anteriorly with little teeth.—Ex. Libellulina. Plate
IX. Fig. 7. g., a. N.B. The space between these areas is fitted with a
membrane capable of tension and relaxation, which in flight causes
them to approach to and recede from each other.
. Amplectent (Amplectens). When posteriorly it is so curved as to form a
large sinus which embraces the dorsolum.—Ex. Vespa L. Plate IX.
Fig. 11. g..
. Phonetic (Phoneticum). When its posterior angles, approaching the
wings, cover the vocal spiracles[1103].—Ex. Hymenoptera.
 β. dorsolum.

. Thoraciform (Thoraciforme). When it forms the principal part of the

upper surface of the trunk.—Ex. Bombus, Apis, Vespa &c. Plate IX.
Fig. 11. i..

γ. scutellum.

. Distinct (Distinctum). When it is separated from the dorsolum by a

suture.—Ex. Hymenoptera, Diptera. Plate IX. Fig. 11, 19, &c. k´.
. Coalite (Coalitum). When it is not separated from the dorsolum by a
suture.—Ex. Coleoptera, &c. Plate VIII. Fig. 3. k´.
. Scutellate (Insectum scutellatum). An insect having a visible
scutellum.—Ex. Melolontha.
. Rejected (Rejectum). When, though visible, it does not intervene
between the elytra at their base.—Ex. Passalus.
. Received (Receptum). When it intervenes between the elytra at their
base.—Ex. Most scutellate Coleoptera.
. Exscutellate (Insectum exscutellatum). When an insect has no visible
scutellum, it being wholly covered by the Prothorax.—Ex. Copris.
. Ascending (Ascendens). When it curves upwards from the dorsolum.—
Ex. Sagra.
. Tabular (Tabulare). When it is elevated on a footstalk above the
dorsolum, and forms a tabular or flat surface.—Ex. Elater.
. Obumbrant (Obumbrans). When it overhangs the metathorax.—Ex.
Musca. Plate IX. Fig. 19. k´.

δ. base-covers (Tegulæ).

. Conchiform (Conchiformes). When they are a semicircular concavo-

convex scale something resembling the valve of a bivalve shell.—Ex.
Hymenoptera. Plate IX. Fig. 11, 12. g´´.
. Laciniform (Laciniformes). When they are long, of an irregular shape,
and appear like lappets on each side of the trunk.—Ex. Lithosia, &c.
Plate IX. Fig. 5.[1104]

ε. elytra.

. Base (Basis). The part next the Prothorax.

. Apex (Apex). The part next the Anus.
. Humeral Angle (Angulus Humeralis). The exterior basal angle.
. Scutellar Angle (Angulus Scutellaris). The interior basal angle.
. Coleoptra (Coleoptra). The two elytra spoken of together.
. Spinigerous (Spinigera). When the Coleoptra have a spine common to
them both.—Ex. Cassida bidens.
. Auriculate (Auriculata). When the Elytra have an elongate process at
the shoulders.—Ex. Cassida bicornis, Taurus, &c.
. Intire (Integra). When they have neither abbreviations nor incisions.
. Fastigiate (Fastigiata). When of equal or greater length than the
abdomen, and transverse at the end.
0. Truncate (Truncata). When they are shorter than the abdomen, and
transverse at the end.
1. Abbreviate (Abbreviata). When they are shorter than the abdomen,
but cover more than half its length. Plate I. Fig. 4.
2. Dimidiate (Dimidiata). When they are about half the length of the
abdomen. Plate I. Fig. 5.
3. Very Short (Brevissima). When they are not half the length of the
abdomen. Plate I. Fig. 2, 3, 7.
4. Mutilate (Mutilata). When they appear unnaturally short or curtailed
as if mutilated.—Ex. Acrydium.
5. Subulate (Subulata). When they are attenuated towards the end.—Ex.
Sitaris humeralis.
6. Elongate (Elongata). When they extend beyond the anus.—Ex. Trox.
7. Obvolving (Obvolventia). When their Epipleuræ cover a considerable
portion of the sides of the alitrunk. Plate XXVIII. Fig. 7.
8. Complicant (Complicantia). When they lie a little over each other.—Ex.
Meloe. Plate I. Fig. 6.
9. Dehiscent (Dehiscentia). When they diverge a little at the apex.—Ex.
Pyrochroa.
0. Ampliate (Ampliata). When they are disproportionably wide at the
end.—Ex. Lycus fasciatus. Plate XIII. Fig. 20.
1. Plicate (Plicata). When they have two or three contiguous
abbreviated furrows which exhibit the appearance of folds.—Ex.
Pselaphidæ.
2. Perforate (Perforata). When a little hole appears drilled through
them.—Ex. Cassida perforata.

N.B. Many of the above terms will apply to Tegmina, Hemelytra,

Wings, &c.
A. Side-covers (Epipleuræ).

. Marginal (Marginales). When they are only an inflexed continuation of

the margin.—Ex. Buprestis.
. Discoidal (Discoidales). When they are a process from the disk of the
under surface of the elytra.—Ex. Lampyris, Cossyphus, Cassida,
Notoclea[1105].

ζ. tegmina.

. Fenestrella (Fenestrella). A transparent eye-like spot in the Anal Area

of the Tegmina of Acrida ♂[1106].
. Convolvent (Convolventia). When the Anal Area is horizontal,
incumbent on the back of the insect, and forms a right angle with
the rest of the tegmen, which is vertical and covers the sides.—Ex.
Locusta. N.B. In this case the Anal Area of one Tegmen covers that
of the other.
. Aliform (Aliformia). When their substance approaches to membrane,
and they nearly resemble Wings.—Ex. Most Homopterous
Hemiptera.

η. hemelytra.

. Obtected (Obtecta). When the Hemelytra are covered by a scutelliform

mesothorax.—Ex. Scutellera.
. Detected (Detecta). When they are not so covered.—Ex. Most
Heteropterous Hemiptera.

θ. wings (Alæ).
A. Denomination.

. Anterior (Anticæ). The fore or upper wings.

. Superior (Superiores). The anterior wings are so denominated if when
at rest they are placed upon the posterior wings.—Ex.
Hymenoptera.
. Primary (Primores). The anterior wings are so denominated if when at
rest they are not placed upon the posterior.—Ex. Lepidoptera
diurna, Libellulina.
. Posterior (Posticæ). The hind or lower wings.
. Inferior (Inferiores). The posterior wings are so denominated if the
anterior wings, when at rest, are placed upon them.
. Secondary (Secundariæ). The posterior wings are so denominated if
the superior wings, when at rest, are not placed upon them.—Ex.
Lepidoptera diurna, Libellulina.
 B. Magnitude.

. Equal (Æquales). When the four wings are of equal length.—Ex.

Libellulina.
. Unequal (Inæquales). When they are not of equal length.—Ex.
Hymenoptera.

C. Complication.

. Plane (Planæ). Flat wings that are neither plicatile nor tumid.—Ex.
Apis.
. Tumid (Tumidæ). When the membrane between the nervures that
form an areolet is bigger than the areolet, which gives it convexity.
—Ex. The Serrifera or saw-flies. N.B. The object of this structure is
to expose a larger surface to the action of the air.
. Plicatile (Plicatiles). When the wings at rest are folded in one or more
longitudinal plaits.—Ex. Vespa L.
. Duplicatile (Duplicatæ). When they are folded transversely.—Ex.
Coleoptera.
. Convolute (Convolutæ). When the wings so envelope the body as to
give it a cylindrical form.—Ex. Crambus.
0. Incumbent (Incumbentes). Wings which when at rest cover the back
of the insect.—Ex. The Noctuidæ, Geometra.
1. Cruciato-complicate (Cruciato-complicatæ). Wings crossed and folded.
—Ex. Pentatoma, &c.
2. Cruciato-incumbent (Cruciato-incumbentes). Wings crossed but not
folded, and covering the back.—Ex. Apis.
3. Extended (Extensæ). Wings that when at rest do not lie upon the
body.—Ex. Libellula, Æshna, &c.
. Expanded (Patentes). Wings that when at rest are horizontally
extended and do not cover each other.—Ex. Libellula, &c.
. Horizontal (Horizontales). Very narrow wings which when at rest are
extended horizontally forming a right angle with the body, and
covering the posterior wings.—Ex. Pterophorus[1107].
Erect (Erectæ). Wings which when at rest are extended vertically.—Ex.
Vanessa, Agrion.
. Erecto-patent (Erecto-patentes). When the primary wings at rest are
erect and the secondary horizontal.—Ex. Hesperia.
. Connivent (Conniventes). When erect wings are so closely applied to
each other that the corresponding margins touch.—Ex. Vanessa.
Divaricate (Divaricatæ). When wings at rest are somewhat erect but
diverge from each other.
4. Patulous (Patulæ). When wings at rest partly cover each other.
5. Applicant (Applicantes). When wings at rest are parallel with the
abdomen.—Ex. Tipula.
6. Divergent (Divergentes). When wings at rest recede from the
abdomen.
7. Deflexed (Deflexæ). When wings at rest covering each other are so
bent downwards as to imitate a roof, of which their interior margin
forms the ridge.—Ex. Homopterous Hemiptera.
8. Reversed (Reversæ). When wings at rest are deflexed, but so that the
anterior margin of the inferior projects beyond the anterior margin
of the superior.—Ex. Gatropacha quercifolia. Plate XIV. Fig. 2.
9. Broad (Latæ). When the interior margin is shorter than the posterior.
—Ex. Papilio.
0. Narrow (Angustæ). When the posterior margin is shorter than the
interior.—Ex. Heliconius.

D. Shape.

. Falcate (Falcatæ). Wings having their posterior margin concave, and

the posterior angle acute and curved.—Ex. Attacus Atlas. Plate XIV.
 Fig. 4.
. Digitate (Digitatæ). Wings cleft to the base into several subdivisions.—
Ex. Pterophorus. Plate XIV. Fig. 3.
. Radius (Radius). A single subdivision of a digitate wing.
. Caudate (Caudatæ). When wings terminate in a tail-like process.—Ex.
Papilio Machaon. Plate XIV. Fig. 1. s.
. Bicaudate (Bicaudatæ). Having two such tails. Tricaudatæ having
three, &c.

E. Surface.

. Squamate (Squamatæ). Wings covered with minute scales.—Ex.

Lepidoptera. Plate XXII. Fig. 16. a, b, c, d, &c.
. Denudate (Denudatæ). When the wings of Lepidoptera appear more or
less as if the scales had been rubbed off, either partially or
generally.—Ex. Heliconius, Sesia, Zygæna, Nudaria.
. Fenestrate (Fenestratæ). When one or two definite spaces in a
Lepidopterous wing are denuded of scales.—Ex. Attacus Atlas, &c.
. Bare (Nudæ). When wings have neither perceptible hairs nor scales.—
Ex. Coleoptera.

F. Margin.

. Anterior or Exterior (Anterior or Exterior). The outer margin of the

wing, or that from the body. Plate XIV. Fig. 1. a.
. Interior (Interior). The inner margin of the wing, or that next the
body. Plate XIV. Fig. 1. b.
. Posterior (Posterior). The terminal margin of the wing, or apex. Plate
XIV. Fig. 1. c.
. Plectrum (Plectrum). A marginal bristle stronger than the rest,
observable about the middle of the costa and standing out from it.—
Ex. Many Muscidæ.
 G. Angles.

. Humeral (Humeralis). Basal angle next the head. Plate XIV. Fig. 1. d.
. Scutellar (Scutellaris). Basal angle next the scutellum or its region.
Plate XIV. Fig. 1. e.
. Posterior (Posterior). Outer apical angle. Plate XIV. Fig. 1. f.
. Anal (Analis). Inner apical angle. Plate XIV. Fig. 1. g.

H. Nervures.

. Nervulet (Nervulus). A little nervure diverging obliquely from the

costal into the disk of the wing towards the apex.
. Simple (Simplex). When the nervulet does not terminate in a round
punctum.—Ex. Eulophus.
. Coronate (Coronatum). When it terminates in a round punctum.—Ex.
Ichneumon penetrans[1108].
. Neurose (Neurosæ). Wings that have nervures besides the marginal
ones.
. Aneurose (Aneurosæ). Wings that have no nervures besides the
marginal ones.—Ex. Psilus.
. Circumsepted (Circumseptæ). Wings whose margin is every where
strengthened by a nervure.—Ex. Tabanus.
. Varicose (Varicosæ). When the nervures are disproportionably swelled
in any part.—Ex. Forficula auricularia. Plate X. Fig. 5.
. Serpentine (Serpentinæ). Nervures that run in a serpentine direction.—
Ex. Strategus Aloeus K. M.S[1109]. Plate X. Fig. 4.
. Insulate (Insulatæ). Discoidal nervures that are entirely unconnected
with any others, or with the base of the wing.—Ex. Strategus
Aloeus. Plate X. Fig. 4. a, b.
. Uncinate (Unicinatæ). Nervures, that after running from the base
towards the apex, turn back, and running a little towards the base,
form a hook.—Ex. Strategus Aloeus. Plate X. Fig. 4. i..
. Recurrent (Recurrentes). When a nervure, or a branch of it, after
running towards the apex of the wing, turns back and runs towards
the base.—Ex. Strategus Aloeus, &c. Plate X. Fig 4. l..
0. Connecting (Connectentes). Nervures that running transversely or
obliquely connect the longitudinal ones, and so form the areolets.

I. Areolets.

. Radiated (Radiatæ). When the areolets are chiefly formed by radiating

longitudinal nervures.—Ex. Forficula, Psychoda. Plate X. Fig. 5, 13.
. Areate (Areatæ). Radiated with a large basal area.—Ex. Papilio and
many other Lepidoptera[1110]. Plate X. Fig. 6.
. Areolate (Areolatæ). When the surface of the wing is divided into
various areolets.—Ex. Diptera, Hymenoptera, and most Neuroptera.
Plate X. Fig. 7-14.
. Reticulate (Reticulatæ). When the areolets are extremely small and
infinitely numerous.—Ex. Libellulina. Plate III. Fig. 5.
. Open (Apertæ). Areolets that terminate in the margin of the wing, or
that are not surrounded on all sides by nervures.
. Marginal (Marginales). Open areolets that terminate in the margin.—
Ex. Tenthredo. Plate X. Fig. 8.
. Incomplete (Incompletæ). Open areolets that terminate short of the
margin.—Ex. Apis.
. Radiant (Radiantes). When a small roundish areolet is a centre from
which several long ones diverge.—Ex. Stratyomis. Plate X. Fig. 15.
. Petiolate (Petiolatæ). When an areolet is connected with another by a
stem like a footstalk[1111]. Plate X. Fig. 8.
. Ramulose (Ramulosæ). When an areolet sends forth a little
unconnected branch.—Ex. Pompilus, Sphex, &c.[1112]
. Angular (Angulatæ). When an areolet juts out on one side into an
angle from which no nervure proceeds, to form another areolet.—
Ex. Eristalis, Cerceris.[1113] Plate X. Fig. 14.
0. Didymous (Didymæ). When areolets are nearly divided into two by a
nervure.—Ex. Gyrostoma.
1. Sesquialterous (Sesquialteræ). When a minute areolet is appended to
a large one.—Ex. Postcostal areolet of Hylotoma[1114].

* Areolets of the Costal Area.

. Costal (Costales). Areolets, one or more, below the stigma. Plate X.

Fig. 14. 15. a, b.
. Postcostal (Postcostales). Areolets, one or more, above the stigma.
Plate X. Fig. 8, 9. a, b.

* * Areolets of the Intermediate Area.

. Protomesal (Protomesæ). First series of the middle areolets (Areolæ

mediæ), often consisting of three, and then divided into upper,
middle, and lower, areolets. Plate X. Fig. 8, 9. a.
. Deuteromesal (Deuteromesæ). Second series of the same, often
consisting of two, and then divided into upper and lower. Ibid. b.
. Tritomesal (Tritomesæ). Third series of the same. Ibid. c.

K. Stigma.

. Blind (Cœcum). When the stigma is wholly opaque, and neither

begins nor terminates in a minute areolet.—Ex. Most Hymenoptera.
. Fenestrate (Fenestratum). When the stigma begins or terminates in a
minute areolet. Plate X. Fig. 11. m´´´.

L. Number.
. Apterous (Aptera). Having no wings.
. Dipterous (Diptera). Having two wings.
. Tetrapterous (Tetraptera). Having four wings.

ι. legs (Pedes).
A. Number.

. Tetrapod (Tetrapus). An insect having only four perfect legs.—Ex.

Vanessa.
. Hexapod (Hexapus). An insect having six legs.—Ex. Insects Proper in
general.
. Octopod (Octopus). Having eight legs.—Ex. Araneidea.
. Polypod (Polypus). Having more than eight legs but under fifty.—Ex.
Glomeris, Cermatia.
. Centipede (Centipes). Having more than fifty legs but under two
hundred.—Ex. Scolopendra.
. Myriapod (Myriapus). Having two hundred legs or more.—Ex. Iulus.

B. Situation.

. Antepectoral (Antepectorales). The fore-legs or arms, affixed to the

Antepectus.
. Medipectoral (Medipectorales). The mid-legs, affixed to the
Medipectus.
. Postpectoral (Postpectorales). The hind-legs, affixed to the Postpectus.
. Distant (Distantes). When the pairs of legs are remote from each
other at their base.—Ex. Intermediate legs of Copris.
. Approximate (Approximati). When they are near each other at the base.
—Ex. Posterior legs of Copris.
. Equidistant (Æquidistantes). When all the three pair are equally distant
at the base.—Ex. Cassida.

C. Duration.

. Persistent (Persistentes). Legs which the insect has in all its states.—
Ex. The legs attached to the trunk. N.B. These are called Legs
(Pedes). Plate XVIII. Fig. 11. a.
. Deciduous (Decidui). Legs which the insect has not in all its states.—
Ex. Membranous legs of Caterpillars. Plate XVIII. Fig. 11. b. N.B.
These are called Prolegs (Propedes).
. Acquired (Acquisiti). Legs which the insect has not in its first state, but
which it acquires subsequently.—Ex. Abdominal legs in Scolopendra,
Iulus, &c.

D. Denomination.

. Fore-Legs (Antici). The first pair. Taken by themselves called Arms

(Brachia).
. Anterior (Anteriores). The two first pair of legs.
. Mid-legs (Intermedii). The middle pair of legs.
. Hind-legs (Postici). The last pair of legs.
. Posterior (Posteriores). The two last pair of legs.
. Abbreviate (Abbreviati). Legs with an imperfect tarsus.—Ex. Vanessa.
. Ambulatory (Ambulatorii). When the tarsi have a spongy sole.—Ex.
Chrysomela.
. Cursorious (Cursorii). When, the fore tarsi of some males excepted,
they have not a spongy sole.—Ex. Carabus, Cicindela. Plate XIV. Fig.
7.
. Saltatorious (Saltatorii). When the hind-legs have strong incrassated
thighs formed for leaping.—Ex. Haltica, Orchestes, the Locustina.
Plate XIV. Fig. 5.
0. Natatorious (Natatorii). When the legs are compressed or ciliated,
and formed for swimming.—Ex. Dytiscus, Gyrinus, Notonecta. Plate
XIV. Fig. 6.
1. Motatorious (Motatorii). Legs, which when the insect is at rest, are in
a perpetual vibratory motion.—Ex. Tipula.
2. Fossorious (Fossorii). Leg with either palmate or digitate tibiæ.—Ex.
Scarites, Clivinia, Gryllotalpa. Plate XV. Fig. 5, 6.
3. Raptorious (Raptorii). When the strong porrected thighs, usually of
the fore-leg, have a channel for the reception of the tibiæ, which
are inflexed, and both armed with a double series of spurs.—Ex.
Mantis, Nepa.
4. Prehensorious (Prehensorii). When the thighs of the hind-legs
converge and the tibiæ diverge so as to form an angle which is
armed with spines.—Ex. Gonyleptes. Plate XIV. Fig 8[1115].

E. Hip (Coxa).

. Fixed (Fixæ). When they are not moveable.—Ex. Dytiscus, Gonyleptes.

. Free (Liberæ). When they are moveable.—Ex. Hymenoptera, most
Coleoptera.
. Laminate (Laminatæ). When the posterior coxæ form a broad thin
plate which covers the trochanter and the base of the thighs.—Ex.
Haliplus. Plate XV. Fig. 1. p´´.
. Flocculate (Flocculatæ). When the posterior coxæ are distinguished by
a curling lock of hair (Flocculus).—Ex. Andrena[1116].

F. Trochanter (Trochanter).

. Fulcrant (Fulcrans). When the trochanter merely props the thigh

below at the base, but does not at all intervene between it and the
coxa.—Ex. Carabus.
. Intercepting (Intercipiens). When the trochanter intervenes between
the thigh and the coxa, so as intirely to separate them.—Ex. The
 Petalocerous beetles, Hymenoptera, &c.
. Monomerous (Monomerus). When it consists of only one joint.—Ex.
Coleoptera, &c.
. Dimerous (Dimerus). When it consists of two joints.—Ex. Ichneumon.

G. Thigh (Femur).

. Simple (Simplex). When it is no where particularly thick.

. Incrassate (Incrassatum). When it is very thick, either partially or
generally, and formed for leaping.—Ex. Haltica, &c.
. Loricate (Loricatum). When the disk of the thigh appears covered with
a double series of oblique scales like a coat of mail.—Ex. Locusta.
Plate XIV. Fig. 5.

H. Shank (Tibia).

. Alate (Alata). When the posterior tibia on each side is furnished with a
dilated process which probably assists it in flight.—Ex. Petalopus
phyllopus, &c. Plate XV. Fig. 2. a.
. Foliaceous (Foliacea). When the tibia is laterally dilated into a thin
plate for carrying pollen.—Ex. Euglossa cordata, &c.
. Corbiculate (Corbiculata). When it is fringed with incurved hairs
calculated for carrying kneaded pollen.—Ex. Apis, Bombus[1117].
. Scopate (Scopata). When it is quite covered with a brush of hairs with
which it brushes off the gross pollen, and in which it carries it.—Ex.
Andrena[1118].
. Calcarate (Calcarata). When it is armed with one or more spurs
(Calcaria).—Ex. The majority of insects.
. Excalcarate (Excalcarata). When it has no such spurs.—Ex. Apion.

I. Foot (Tarsus).
. Scopulate (Scopulatus). When the first joint on the under side is
covered with a dense brush of rigid hairs.—Ex. Apis, Andrena, &c.
[1119]

b. metathorax.

. Simulant (Simulans). When the mesothorax is covered by the

prothorax, and the Metathorax only is visible, under the form of an
elongated or enlarged scutellum.—Ex. The Geocorisæ. Plate XXVIII.
Fig. 12.

α. postdorsolum.

. Latent (Latens). When it is covered by the mesothorax; it is then

usually a mere membrane.—Ex. Most Coleoptera.
. Exposed (Apertus). When it is not so covered.—Ex. Atractocerus,
Hymenoptera, &c.

β. postscutellum.

. Distinct (Distinctum). When the postscutellum is distinct from the

postdorsolum.—Ex. Locusta. Plate VIII. Fig. 12 u´.
. Coalite (Coalitum). When it is not distinct.—Ex. Blatta.
. Scutelliform (Scutelliforme). When it is a triangular elevated
prominence resembling a scutellum.—Ex. Locusta.
. Canaliform (Canaliforme). When it is a deepish elongate channel
running from the postdorsolum to the abdomen.—Ex. Coleoptera.
Plate VIII. Fig. 3. u´. XXVIII. Fig. 10. u´.
. Obliterate (Obliteratum). When this channel is nearly or altogether
obliterated.—Ex. Hymenoptera.

γ. postfrænum.

. Tabulate (Tabulatum). When it forms a broad pannel or table on each

side the postscutellum.—Ex. Most Coleoptera.
. Funiculate (Funiculatum). When it forms a narrow ridge.—Ex.
Pentatoma, Fulgora, Libellulina. Plate XXVIII. Fig. 11, 12. v´.
. Cruciate (Cruciatum). When there are two funicular ridges diverging
on each side, which inclosing a pannel form together a St. Andrew's
cross, and are connected with the base of the wings.—Ex.
Libellulina[1120]. Plate IX. Fig. 7. v´.
. Adnate (Adnatum). When a funicular Postfrænum is closely adjacent to
the sides of the metathorax till it nearly reaches the wings.—Ex.
Pentatoma.
. Transcurrent (Transcurrens). When a postfrænum is at first adnate to
the sides of the postscutellum, and then diverges across the pannel
to the base of the wings.—Ex. Belostoma grandis.

IV. ABDOMEN.

. Coalite (Coalitum). When the abdomen is not divided into segments.—

Ex. Araneidea, Chelonus.
. Plicate (Plicatum). When it consists of transverse folds.—Ex.
Gonyleptes, Carkinodes[1121]. Plate XV. Fig. 11.
. Tense (Tensum). When it is not folded.—Ex. Most Araneidea.
. Insected (Sectum). When it is divided into segments.—Ex. Most
insects.
. Sessile (Sessile). When it has no footstalk, but is closely united to the
trunk.—Ex. Coleoptera.
. Petiolate (Petiolatum). When the first segment, or more, is longer and
much narrower than the subsequent ones, so as to form a footstalk.
—Ex. The Sphecidæ, Ichneumon.
. Adjoined (Adjunctum). When it is connected with the trunk by a very
short petiole.—Ex. Vespa, Apis.
. Superimposited (Superimpositum). When the footstalk of the abdomen
is inserted in the upper part of the postscutellum, so as to leave a
 considerable space between it and the postpectus.—Ex. Evania.
Plate IV. Fig. 2.
. Retracted (Retractum). When it is nearly withdrawn within the trunk.—
Ex. Gonyleptes. Plate XV. Fig. 11. 8. Obumbrate (Obumbratum). When
it is overshadowed by the trunk and concealed under it.—Ex.
Carkinodes. Plate XV. Fig. 10.
. Saltatorious (Saltatorium). When the ventral segments or the anus are
furnished with elastic processes which enable the animal to leap.—
Ex. Machilis, Podura. Plate XV. Fig. 14.
0. Natatorious (Natatorium). When the abdomen is terminated by flat
foliaceous appendages, or the tail is ciliated on each side with dense
parallel hairs, which assist the insect in swimming.—Ex. Larva of
Agrion, and Dytiscus.

i. CAUDA.

. Uncinate (Uncinata). When the tail is inflected so as to form a kind of

hook.—Ex. Dolichopus ♂.
. Aduncous (Adunca). When it is crooked.—Ex. Chelostoma maxillosa ♂.
(Apis ** c. 2. γ. K.)
. Distinct (Distincta). When it is distinct from the abdomen.—Ex.
Scorpio.
. Cheliferous (Chelifera). When it is terminated by a very thick forceps
somewhat resembling a lobster's claw.—Ex. Panorpa ♂ . Plate XV.
Fig. 12.
. Papilliferous (Papillifera). When at the last segment but one the tail
exerts two soft fleshy organs, which secrete a milky fluid and yield a
powerful scent.—Ex. Staphylinus.

ii. OVIPOSITOR.

. Ensate (Ensatus). When it is long, compressed, and shaped like a

sword.—Ex. Acrida.
. Navicular (Navicularis). When it is shaped like a boat.—Ex. Cicada,
Scaphura.
. Telescopiform (Telescopiformis). When it consists of several tubes
retractile within each other like the pieces of a telescope. Plate XVI.
Fig. 2, 3.
. Aculeiform (Aculeiformis). The ovipositors of Hymenopterous insects,
which consist of the same parts, with the exception of the poison-
bag (Ioterium), whether used as weapons or merely in oviposition.
. Exerted (Exertus). When the vagina unemployed is partly out of the
body.—Ex. Cleptes.
. Extricated (Extricatus). When the valves and vagina unemployed are
wholly out of the body.—Ex. Pimpla. Plate XVI. Fig. 1.
Reflexed (Reflexus). When the ovipositor is turned up and lies upon
the back of the abdomen.—Ex. Leucospis.

APPENDIX.
Terms particularly applicable to Larvæ and Pupæ.
LARVÆ.

. Spinneret (Fusulus). The organ which spins the silk. Plate XXI. Fig. 9.
. Forcipate Lip (Labium Forcipatum). Mask of larvæ and pupæ of
Libellulina[1122]. Plate XVI. Fig. 5. a. 3. Unguiform Mandibles
(Mandibulæ unguiformes). The parallel claw-shaped mandibles of
many Diptera. Plate XX. Fig. 1, 2. c´.
. Prop (Ereisma). A bipartite retractile glutinous organ exerted from
between the legs of the genus Sminthurus, and employed by the
animal to support itself when its legs fail it[1123].
. Fecifork (Fæcifurca). The anal fork on which the larva of Cassidæ, &c.
carry their feces. Plate XVIII. Fig. 2. a.
. Mastigia (Mastigia). Two anal organs in the larvæ of Cerura Vinula,
exerting from their apex a retractile flexible thread, with which they
 endeavour, by lashing their sides, to drive away the Ichneumons.
Plate XIX. Fig. 2. a.
. Syringes (Syringia). Organs situated in various parts of larvæ, from
which they ejaculate a watery fluid to annoy or drive away their
enemies[1124].
. Rumules (Rumulæ). Teat-like fleshy protuberances observable on the
bodies of various larvæ[1125].
. Aeriducts (Aëriductus). Respiratory organs often foliaceous, with which
the sides of the abdomen, the tail, and sometimes the trunk of
aquatic larvæ and pupæ are often furnished. Plate XXIX. Fig. 3-7.
0. Prolegs (Propedes). Fleshy exarticulate pediform often retractile
organs, which assist various larvæ in walking and other motions,
but which disappear in the perfect insect. Plate XVIII. Fig. 11, 12. b.
. Coronate Prolegs (Propedes coronati). Prolegs that have an intire
coronet of crotchets. Plate XXIII. Fig. 1.
. Semicoronate Prolegs (Propedes semicoronati). Prolegs that have a
semicoronet of crotchets.
. Unarmed (Inermes). Prolegs that have no crotchets.
. Stilt Prolegs (Propedes grabati). Prolegs that are unnaturally long,
and elevate the animal. Plate XXIII. Fig. 7. a.
. Coalite Stilt Prolegs (Propedes grabati coaliti). When stilt prolegs unite
so as to form only one leg bifid at its apex. Plate XXIII. Fig. 7. b.

PUPÆ.

. Adminicula (Adminicula). Semicoronets of minute teeth which arm the

back of the abdomen of subterraneous pupæ, by which they are
enabled to emerge from under the earth. Plate XVI. Fig. 13. e.
. Cremastræ (Cremastræ). The anal hooks by which many pupæ
suspend themselves. Plate XXIII. Fig. 8. a.
. Cocoon (Folliculus). The silken case in which the pupæ of many
insects are inclosed. Plate XVII. Fig. 5-8.

N.B. Other terms for Pupæ are explained Vol. III. p. 249.
 LETTER XLVII.
SYSTEM OF INSECTS.
Having considered insects as to their History, Anatomy and Physiology,
we must next enter a new and ample field, in which, like most of our
predecessors, we shall often be perplexed and bewildered by the infinite
variety of devious paths which traverse it, and by the mazy labyrinths in
which the more we wander the less ground we seem to gain.—You will
easily perceive I am speaking of the System of Insects. System is a
subject which has engaged the attention of Naturalists from the time of
Aristotle to the present day; and even now that it has been so much and
so ably discussed, they are far from being agreed concerning it. In our
own country a clue has, however, of late been furnished, which upon the
whole seems better calculated to enable us to thread the intricate
labyrinth of nature, than any thing previously excogitated.
There are two words relating to this subject concerning which
Naturalists seem not to have very precise ideas—Method and System.
They have often been confounded and used indifferently to signify the
same thing. Thus we hear of a Natural Method and a Natural System.
Linné seems to have regarded the former of these terms as representing
the actual disposition of objects in nature[1126], while by System he
understands their classification and arrangement by Naturalists[1127].
But if we consider their real meaning,—a Method should signify an
Artificial, and a System a Natural arrangement of objects[1128]. As many
systematists, however, have aimed at giving a natural arrangement,
though with various success,—some, as the French school, (to which we
are principally indebted for the progress already made,) approximating
nearer to the true idea than others,—and none having a perfect
conception of it, of which probably in our present state, our minds, from
its intricacy, are incapable,—it might perhaps be as well to call every
arrangement whose object is confessedly artificial, a Method; and that
which aims at the plan of nature, a System. Under this view system-
makers would be divided into two classes,—the Methodists and
Systematists.
The system of nature, which we are now to consider, may be viewed
under a double aspect; for with regard to all created objects there is a
System of Distribution, and a System of Correlation, which appear to be
quite independent of each other. The former will best fall under our
notice when we are treating of the Geography of insects: I shall
therefore now confine myself to the latter.
When the Almighty Creator willed to bring into existence this mundane
system, he formed it according to a preconcerted plan, with all its parts
beautifully linked together and mutually corresponding. All things were
ordered in measure, and number, and weight[1129]. There was nothing
deficient, nothing superfluous; but the whole in the strictest sense "was
very good[1130]," and calculated in the highest degree to answer the
purpose of its Great Author. I call it a system of Correlation, because
there is discernible in it, in the first place, a concatenation of its parts,
by which, as to their forms and uses, objects are linked together in
groups by a chain of affinities; so that we pass from one to the other by
gentle gradations, without having to overleap any wide interval. We see
also a gradual ascent from low to high, from less to more excellent. And
this leads us to another kind of relationship between natural objects, by
which, though placed in distinct groups or in a different series, they in
some sort represent and symbolize each other. Examples of this
relationship by analogy are to be found in every kingdom of nature, and
often form an ascending series from the lowest to the highest; for, as we
shall see hereafter, these resemblances appear to maintain a certain
correspondence with each other as to their relative situations; so that,
for instance, in the animal kingdom they ascend step by step, without
being linked by affinity or having any real juxtaposition, from the lowest
groups, towards man, who stands alone at the head, or in the centre of
all.—I shall say something on each of these kinds of relationship.
I. The relation of affinity may be considered as to its series and groups.
A series, of course, consists of parts either concatenated like a chain, or
placed separately at small intervals from each other. It may run either in
a right line, or deviate from it in various ways. It appears to be the
opinion of most modern Physiologists, that the series of affinities in
nature is a concatenated or continuous series; and that though an hiatus
is here and there observable, this has been caused either by the
annihilation of some original group or species in consequence of some
great convulsion of nature, or that the objects required to fill it up are
still in existence but have not yet been discovered[1131]: and this opinion
is founded on a dictum of Linné, Natura ... saltus non facit[1132]. If this
dictum be liberally interpreted, according to the evident meaning of the
word saltus, few will be disposed to object to it; since both observation
and analogy combine to prove that there must be a regular
approximation of things to each other in the works of God; and that
could we see the whole according to his original plan, we should find no
violent interval to break up that approximation: but if it be contended,
that in this plan there is no difference in the juxtaposition of the nearest
groups or individuals, and never any interval between them, I think we
are going further than either observation or analogy will warrant. Were
this really and strictly the case, it seems to follow that every group or
individual species must on one side borrow half its characters from the
preceding group or species, and on the other impart half to the
succeeding[1133]. But one of the most evident laws of creation is variety;
and if we survey all the works of the Most High, we shall no where
discover that kind of order and symmetry that this strict interpretation
implies. The general march of nature therefore seems to say, that there
must be varying though not violent intervals in the series of beings: or in
other words, some conterminous species or groups have more
characters in common than others.
It was the opinion of Bonnet (in this field himself a host) and many
other Naturalists, that the series of beings was not only continuous, but
undeviating, ascending in a direct line from the lowest to the
highest[1134]. Others, finding that this theory could not be made to
accord with the actual state of things in nature, thought that a scale of
the kingdoms of nature must represent a map or net[1135]; thus
abandoning a continuous series: and Lamarck, as was before
observed[1136], for the solution of the difficulty, arranged Invertebrate
animals in a double subramose one. Mr. W. S. MacLeay and (without
consultation nearly at the same time) Professor Agardh, Mr. Fries, &c.
have given to the learned world an opinion which approximates more
nearly to what we see in nature: viz. That the arrangement of objects is
indeed in a continuous series, but which in its progress forms various
convolutions, each of which may be represented by a circle, or a series
that returns into itself[1137]. According to this opinion,—which seems the
most consistent of any yet advanced, and which reconciles facts which
upon no other plan can be reconciled,—the series of beings is involved
in the highest degree, rolling wheel within wheel ad infinitum, and
revolving, if I may so speak, round its centre and summit—man[1138]:
who, though not including in himself all that distinguishes them, is still
the great Archetype in which they terminate, and from which they
degrade on all sides.
It is by this convolving series that the various groups into which the
kingdoms of nature seem resolvable are formed. We are instructed by
the highest authority that every thing was created "after its kind;" and
the common sense of mankind in all ages has imposed classic, generic,
and other names implying sections, as well as specific ones, upon
natural objects: and though many modern Physiologists have asserted
that species form the only absolute division in nature; yet as all seem to
allow that there are groups, and many that these are represented by a
circle or group returning into itself[1139], the most absolute division in
nature, we will not contend for a term[1140]. We now come to consider
these groups themselves, and may notice them under various
denominations.
It is customary to consider all the substances of which our globe
consists as divided into three kingdoms,—the Mineral, Vegetable, and
Animal; but strictly speaking the primary division is into organized and
inorganized matter; the former resolving itself into the two kingdoms
last mentioned. These, like England and Scotland of old, have their
"Land Debateable;" occupied by those Productions moyennes, (to use a
term of Bonnet's[1141],) which are as it were partly animal and partly
vegetable. From this territory common to both, the two kingdoms are
extended in a nearly parallel direction till they reach their extreme limits,
without any incursion from either side upon their mutual boundaries, but
each showing its kindred with the other by certain resemblances
observable between opposite points; so that valley corresponds with
valley, mountain with mountain, river with river, sea with sea[1142]; not,
however, so as to form an exact counterpart, but only in some general
features. But to leave metaphor;—as the vegetable kingdom is
distinguished from the mineral by its organization and life, by its
circulation of sap, and by its powers of reproduction by seed or
otherwise; so is the animal from the vegetable by its powers of volition
and locomotion[1143], by its nervous systems and organs of sensation,
and the senses to which they minister, by its muscular irritability, and by
its instinctive endowments.
Having made these observations with regard to the primary division of
natural objects in general,—what I have further to say will be confined
to the animal kingdom, and ultimately to the branch of which we are
treating.
i. Lamarck divided the animal kingdom into two provinces, or
subkingdoms as they are now called; the one consisting of all those
animals whose skeleton is internal and built upon a vertebral column,
which are denominated Vertebrates; and the second, of those whose
skeleton or its representative is for the most part external, including the
muscles,—these are called Invertebrates[1144]. Though this distinction is
so marked as in general to form a most striking characteristic, yet when
these two provinces approach each other, it begins to disappear. Thus
the vertebral column, forming one piece with the shell[1145], becomes
almost external in the Chelonian reptiles, or tortoises and turtles, and
almost disappears in the cyclostomous fishes; and there is the beginning
of an internal one in the Cephalopoda, or cuttle-fish belonging to the
Invertebrates. Dr. Virey, assuming the nervous system as his basis, long
since divided the animal kingdom, without assigning names to them,
into three subkingdoms[1146]; M. Cuvier has four—Vertebrata; Mollusca;
Articulata; Radiata[1147]: and Mr. MacLeay, finding five variations of that
system, divides animals into five provinces or subkingdoms, of which I
formerly gave you some account[1148];—viz. Vertebrata, in which the
nervous system has only one principal centre; Annulosa, in which it is
ganglionic, with the ganglions arranged in a series, with a double spinal
chord; Mollusca, in which it is ganglionic, with the ganglions dispersed
irregularly but connected by nervous threads; Radiata, in which it is
filamentous, with the nervous threads radiating from the mouth; and
Acrita, in which this system is molecular[1149]. And to this division of the
kingdom, as founded on a satisfactory basis, I should recommend you to
adhere: still however we may speak of vertebrate and invertebrate
animals, as forming the primary subdivision of them, taken from a
striking character and obvious to every one who sees them.
If you inquire into the rank of each of these subkingdoms, of course you
will assign the principal station to the Vertebrates, which are the most
perfectly organized, to which man belongs, and over which he
immediately presides. If we form the scale according to the nervous
system of each province, that in which the organ of sensation and
intellect is most concentrated will stand first; and in proportion as this
organ is multiplied and dispersed will be the station of the rest, which
will place them in the order in which I have mentioned them; and the
Annulosa, to which insects belong, will precede the Mollusca, which
Cuvier and Lamarck had placed before them on account of their system
of circulation. But when we reflect that a heart and circulation occur in
some of the conglomerate Polypi[1150], animals that approach the
vegetable kingdom; that some of the acephalous Mollusca have no
visible organs of sense, except that of taste, whose substance is little
better than a homogeneous gelatinous pulp, and who seem from their
inert nature to have very slight powers of voluntary motion[1151], we
shall be convinced that a heart and circulation alone, unaccompanied by
a more concentrated nervous system and more perfect structure, cannot
place an animal above those which in every other respect so obviously
excel them. With regard to insects particularly, we may further ask—Who
that considers how man employs his powers and organs even in his
most degraded state, or that contemplates the wonderful works that he
is enabled to accomplish when his faculties receive their due cultivation
and direction, can avoid regarding him as superior to the rest of the
animal creation? And what unsophisticated mind, not entangled in the
trammels of system, when it surveys the industry, the various
proceedings, and almost miraculous works that have been laid before
you, the waxen palaces of the bee,—the paper cottages of the wasp and
hornet,—the crowded metropolis of the white ants,—the arts, the
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