Principles of Effective Parenting How Socialization Works Full MOBI eBook
Principles of Effective Parenting How Socialization Works Full MOBI eBook
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other sources.
T here is no more important job in the world than raising the next
generation. Children come into the world ready and eager to
become part of a social group, but they need guidance and help to
learn what the requirements are to be happy and responsible mem-
bers of that group. They need to learn values and associated behaviors
that will assist them in this undertaking. Unfortunately, there seems to
be considerable confusion about the best procedures for achieving this
learning. Whereas it is relatively easy to follow instructions for baking
a cake, driving a car, or building a house, it is not so easy to follow
instructions for raising a child. It’s not that such instructions do not
exist. When I most recently Googled “parenting,” I got 286,000,000
hits. “Child rearing” and “childrearing” yielded a total of 6,950,000
hits. The problem is that the rules are often contradictory, even when
they are based on research findings. Go along with your children’s
wishes, but be strict. Respond to your child’s crying, but don’t, because
it will reinforce the undesirable behavior of crying. Spanking in mod-
eration is a useful tool, but it leads to antisocial behavior. Researchers
aren’t always sure what to conclude from various theories and find-
ings; parents despair of so-called “expert” advice, but they continue to
worry about whether they are doing the best job possible.
This book is about the socialization of children—the process by
which they learn values and behaviors associated with those values.
It focuses primarily on the role parents play in the process. Other
v
vi Preface
(2000). The argument was that, rather than being prepared to engage
in stable response patterns across different social contexts, children
require responses that are conditional on particular situations in which
they are currently functioning. Accordingly, children and parents use
different rules to manage the distinctive problems associated with basic
domains of social life. Further elaboration of this position came in
Bugental and Grusec (2006) and Grusec and Davidov (2007, 2010).
ORGANIZATION
This book consists of eight chapters. The first chapter provides an over-
view of general issues related to socialization. The second is focused
on how researchers have addressed the problem of moral development.
The chapter deals with only one value (caring for others), albeit a sin-
gularly important one and, accordingly, one that has received con-
siderable research attention. Most of that research deals with issues
that are not directly focused on socialization. It is useful, however,
to see how it relates to and informs an understanding of socializa-
tion. The last chapter offers a set of conclusions about the domains-of-
socialization approach. Each of the intervening chapters reviews the
research on a particular domain in the socialization literature and is a
potentially stand-a lone presentation of the five different areas of inves-
tigation. Chapters 2–7 each also include a discussion of how, histori-
cally, researchers have studied the particular topic being addressed in
that chapter. It is, at the very least, an informative exercise to see how
thinking has changed over time and what forces have been operating to
promote those changes in thinking. Setting theoretical disagreements
in this historical context helps us to understand how those disagree-
ments came to be and how they might be resolved.
Throughout the book, use is made of narratives collected dur-
ing my own research. These narratives come from young adults from
a wide variety of cultural groups who were asked to describe a time
when they had learned an important value or lesson. Analyses of the
narratives provide insights into the mechanisms of learning occurring
in each domain. Chapters 3–7 also conclude with examples of chil-
dren’s behavior in the different domains; in each chapter, readers are
asked to select which of several possible parenting actions, based on
research findings reviewed in that chapter, might be most effective for
socialization.
Preface ix
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
xi
xii Contents
References 169
Index 197
There are many books, articles, and websites about parenting in general,
and specifically about how children and adolescents can be encouraged
to become productive contributors to, and happy members of, society.
They are of two sorts: those intended for an academic and professional
audience, and those intended to offer helpful suggestions to parents
on how to raise their children. In both cases, however, there can be a
problem when findings from the research are mixed, or when the con-
tent of the advice is contradictory. Thus one approach may emphasize
sensitive parenting that is responsive to the needs and wishes of the
child. Another underlines the importance of setting limits and the uti-
lization of rewards and punishments in promoting acceptable behavior.
In the middle is an approach that encourages the setting of limits and
the utilization of consequences, but that also encourages responsive-
ness to the child’s wishes. Some writers approve of occasional spank-
ing under specified conditions, and others see spanking as absolutely
harmful under all conditions. Parents are advised to use positive rein-
forcement, but they are also told that positive reinforcement can be
counterproductive. Time out is alleged to be an excellent form of disci-
pline, but only if administered properly. Children should be cocooned
or protected from unpleasant experiences, or they should be exposed
to them and taught how to cope. It is not surprising, then, that people
sometimes despair at the confusion surrounding how to carry out the
most important job in the world. Nor is it surprising that an exasper-
ated mother wrote the following about “expert parenting advice”:
Janice (12 years old) comes home from school looking very sad and
immediately goes to her room. Her mother asks if anything is wrong.
Janice says that she has just had a fight with her best friend and is
afraid they will never be friends again. Her mother expresses con-
cern.
Alan (5 years old) and his mother are waiting in the airport terminal
for their boarding call. Mother is texting, and Alan is bored. He asks
his mother if they can go and watch some planes taking off. Mother
agrees to do so, if they don’t go too far. (Later, on the plane, Alan’s
mother asks him to stop kicking the seat in front of him, and Alan
does so immediately.)
Stella (8 years old) asks her father, who is watching the news, to play
a card game with her. Dad finds this particular card game espe-
cially boring. However, he complies. (Later, Dad asks Stella to bring
him the newspaper. Stella does so immediately.)
Tara (8 years old) and her father walk by a homeless man lying in a
doorway. Tara asks her father why he is lying there. Her father begins
a discussion about people who are homeless and in need.
Jimmy (5 years old) likes to have his father read him stories at bed-
time. His father especially likes to select stories that involve being
kind to other people or to animals.
Terry (12 years old) is not as kind and considerate as his parents would
like him to be. They try to provide examples of kind behavior that will
help him to change. For example, Terry and his parents routinely visit
an animal shelter where they spend time walking the dogs.
Grace (8 years old) wants to watch TV with her mother. Her mother
suggests they watch a well-reviewed movie about a young woman
with a disability who trains hard and wins a medal at the Paralym-
pics.
what the child might do in the future (and either encouraging or dis-
couraging such future action, depending on its acceptability). Specifi-
cally, the protection, reciprocity, and control domains all involve an
initial action on the child’s part—d istress, a request, or behavior of
either a positive or negative nature. The guided learning and group
participation domains involve parents taking the initiative and engag-
ing in teaching or providing models of positive social behavior, as well
as providing opportunities for engaging in such behavior.
This book includes five chapters (Chapters 3–7) that are devoted
to each of the domains, with the intention that the categorization into
domains will help to highlight central features of socialization and to
show how effective parenting can be achieved in each domain. Each
of these five chapters begins with a brief historical overview of how
research in that particular domain came to be conducted, including its
theoretical underpinnings and the way in which conceptualizations of
that domain have changed over time. In real life, of course, domains
do not operate in isolation, and parent and child often find themselves
in more than one domain or moving from one domain into another. I
defer a discussion of this to Chapter 8, after each domain has been fully
described on its own.
Before I move to a discussion of domains, however, there are issues
having to do with socialization in general that need to be addressed.